1
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<font color="#ffff00">Provided by explosiveskull</font>
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
M_I_SForEver

2
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Oh, Jared.

3
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:58,660
It's so beautiful.

4
00:00:58,693 --> 00:01:01,228
No, you're so beautiful.

5
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,564
There's no one else
I'd rather spend

6
00:01:02,597 --> 00:01:04,164
the rest of my life with.

7
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:09,336
My love, will you...

8
00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:10,972
She's not for you.

9
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,440
What the hell?

10
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:14,742
Pow!

11
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,345
- Hey!
- Oh.

12
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,747
That ring costs me 10 grand.

13
00:01:19,781 --> 00:01:20,748
You were robbed.

14
00:01:20,782 --> 00:01:21,783
And besides,
I've saved you

15
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:24,117
a lot more than that.

16
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:28,690
And as for you, honey,
you can do far better than him.

17
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:48,543
Ah.

18
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:49,510
Ha-ha!

19
00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:50,578
Still alive?

20
00:01:50,612 --> 00:01:51,445
Hey!

21
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:54,716
Hey!

22
00:01:54,749 --> 00:01:57,518
Rise and shine!

23
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,484
Wow!

24
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,185
What a dinner.

25
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,055
That's got to be
the best Italian in the city.

26
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:36,024
I uh, kind of wanted
sushi tonight but...

27
00:02:36,057 --> 00:02:38,458
Oh, how good was the pasta,
huh, babe?

28
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,393
I think the chef's from Sicily.

29
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:40,494
Tuscany.

30
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,663
And it's just so simple,
you know,

31
00:02:41,696 --> 00:02:44,932
just chicken and mushrooms,
and spinach.

32
00:02:44,966 --> 00:02:46,768
I think the recipe
was a lot more complicated

33
00:02:46,801 --> 00:02:48,002
than that but...

34
00:02:48,036 --> 00:02:49,436
Makes you wonder
why you'd ever want to eat

35
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:50,905
anywhere else.

36
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,472
We should take your parents
there next week.

37
00:02:52,507 --> 00:02:54,509
We really shouldn't.

38
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,777
Spare some change.

39
00:03:00,815 --> 00:03:02,717
Very generous.

40
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,620
Here, take this, too.

41
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,821
The chef's from Sicily.

42
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:07,922
Tuscany.

43
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:10,058
Enjoy.

44
00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:14,128
Uh, could use something
to wash it down with.

45
00:03:14,162 --> 00:03:15,163
Here.

46
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,765
Take this.

47
00:03:17,799 --> 00:03:19,567
My man.

48
00:03:20,902 --> 00:03:22,469
I thought he might be hungry.

49
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,072
That was sweet, Dave.

50
00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:27,709
You know, uh,
we should try to make

51
00:03:27,742 --> 00:03:29,811
some of that pasta.

52
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,680
Shut up about the pasta.

53
00:03:32,714 --> 00:03:35,016
It wasn't that fucking good.

54
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:37,284
- It wasn't?
- No.

55
00:03:39,721 --> 00:03:40,555
Yes.

56
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,458
I mean, like it was
and then it wasn't,

57
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,194
you know what I mean?

58
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,227
Not really.

59
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,934
Um, I'm sorry
I can't do this anymore.

60
00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:58,072
Do what anymore?

61
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,843
Denise, do what anymore?

62
00:04:01,876 --> 00:04:03,343
The... this.

63
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:04,746
You.
Us.

64
00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:05,880
Like...

65
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,014
Denise, what are you saying?

66
00:04:07,048 --> 00:04:10,017
I... I'm saying goodbye.

67
00:04:10,051 --> 00:04:11,519
I'm breaking up with you.

68
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:12,385
What?
What?

69
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,422
- Why?
- Because I don't love you.

70
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Yes, you do.

71
00:04:16,157 --> 00:04:16,924
You've told me tons of times.

72
00:04:16,958 --> 00:04:18,626
Well, I... I was wrong.

73
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,327
But what about us
getting married

74
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,029
after I graduate law school
like we talked about?

75
00:04:22,063 --> 00:04:24,532
I'm sorry, Dave,
I'm just not feeling it.

76
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,234
Feeling what?

77
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,635
That spark.

78
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,270
You know, that magical moment
a girl's supposed to feel.

79
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,405
Like, it wasn't there
from the start.

80
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,207
Sure, it was.

81
00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:34,441
It was very magical
when we met.

82
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:36,544
We met at the DMV.

83
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:37,612
I let you cut in front of me.

84
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:38,880
Uh.

85
00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:41,182
- Nobody does that at the DMV.
- Okay.

86
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:43,017
Just... just try to understand,
okay?

87
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,852
So when I was a little girl,
I grew up watching

88
00:04:44,886 --> 00:04:47,622
all these movies
and there was always

89
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:48,823
this magic moment.

90
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:51,859
<i>Belle</i> and <i>Beauty and the Beast</i>
had it and...

91
00:04:51,893 --> 00:04:54,461
Oh, oh,
and Demi Moore in <i>Ghost.</i>

92
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,998
God, even Sarah Connor
in the <i>Terminator</i> had it.

93
00:04:57,031 --> 00:05:01,368
I...
I just don't feel that with you.

94
00:05:04,105 --> 00:05:06,406
Oh, come on, say something.

95
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,910
So you can't be in love
with someone

96
00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:11,311
unless they're a ghost,
a monster or someone

97
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,915
sent back in time to protect you
from a cyborg assassin.

98
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:15,049
Exactly.

99
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,450
- Oh, you got it.
- No!

100
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,220
I don't got it at all.

101
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:21,222
Life's not like the movies
where there's this big

102
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,390
dramatic moment
with all the bells and whistles

103
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,861
or getting hit by cupid's arrow
when you meet someone.

104
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,563
Okay, I want there to be.

105
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,097
Oh, Denise.

106
00:05:30,131 --> 00:05:31,331
Be reasonable.

107
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:34,035
Love isn't supposed
to be reasonable.

108
00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,002
But I'd do anything for you.

109
00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:35,837
Would you though?

110
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:37,104
Like would you really?

111
00:05:37,138 --> 00:05:40,241
Of course, I would.

112
00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:42,243
Uh, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.

113
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,715
Goodbye, Dave.

114
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:03,231
She got one thing right,
pasta was good,

115
00:06:03,264 --> 00:06:05,700
but it wasn't that fucking good.

116
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,662
Aww.

117
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:35,696
<i>Hey! Why isn't the game on?</i>

118
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:36,631
Huh?

119
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:40,034
I just called in
two large with my bookie.

120
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,371
Okay.

121
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,639
Yeah, bitch!
Come on!

122
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:45,506
Run!

123
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,675
Ooh, run!

124
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,112
Touchdown!

125
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,147
Cover the spread, baby.

126
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,481
That's another big win for me.

127
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:58,252
And when I, Cousin Marissa,
a.k.a. Morris the Magnificent

128
00:06:58,286 --> 00:07:01,188
the Mo Money,
the Big Mo Pho-Wins,

129
00:07:01,222 --> 00:07:02,390
say it with me, cuz.

130
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,891
- I don't care!
- We all win.

131
00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:05,092
You don't care.

132
00:07:05,126 --> 00:07:06,027
What the fuck?

133
00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,194
What do you mean
you don't care?

134
00:07:07,228 --> 00:07:08,396
What are you looking at?

135
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,496
My calendar.

136
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,934
It's been exactly a year
since Denise and I broke up.

137
00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:14,035
Uh, you didn't break up.

138
00:07:14,068 --> 00:07:15,703
She dumped you
in front of a homeless man.

139
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,837
What?

140
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,205
You have the date circled
with a little heart drawn

141
00:07:18,239 --> 00:07:19,439
- cracked in half?
- No!

142
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:20,341
I just...

143
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,876
It was a rhetorical
fucking question.

144
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,678
My God!

145
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:24,779
All right!

146
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,248
Oh, if I had known
this was gonna be a pity party,

147
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,684
I would have brought over
a couple of bottles of wine,

148
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,419
some razors and we could
have gotten drunk

149
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:33,587
and shaved our vaginas together.

150
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:34,789
I thought we're gonna
watch football.

151
00:07:36,357 --> 00:07:37,959
You do know what you're doing,
don't you?

152
00:07:37,992 --> 00:07:39,360
Yes! I do, Morris!

153
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:40,594
I'm missing the girl I love.

154
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,063
Not missing, clinging.

155
00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:44,332
And as far as I am concerned,
that is the kind

156
00:07:44,365 --> 00:07:46,367
of emotional behavior
that makes me wanna disown you

157
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,002
from the family
or at the very least

158
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,170
punch you in the face.

159
00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:51,339
I can't help it
if I'm not over our breakup.

160
00:07:51,372 --> 00:07:53,774
Again, not break up
because she dumped you.

161
00:07:53,808 --> 00:07:54,942
What difference does it make?

162
00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:56,777
You're idealizing
the relationship

163
00:07:56,811 --> 00:07:58,846
and you are idolizing her.

164
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,481
Do you think that she decided
that night to end things?

165
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:03,217
Anytime a woman
breaks up with you,

166
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,986
that is months in the making.

167
00:08:05,019 --> 00:08:06,253
Years, even.

168
00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:08,789
I mean, men are just too stupid
to see it coming.

169
00:08:08,823 --> 00:08:09,757
And what do you know about it?

170
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,993
I mean, your longest
relationship has lasted

171
00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:13,060
no longer than a night.

172
00:08:13,094 --> 00:08:16,030
Okay, you're exaggerating
a little bit.

173
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:19,000
I mean, like three,
four hours tops.

174
00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:21,068
Pretty much midway through
the third orgasm

175
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:22,069
I am calling an Uber.

176
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:25,239
Davey, look.

177
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,109
You had her, you lost her,
and now she's gone.

178
00:08:28,142 --> 00:08:29,310
Yeah?

179
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,912
Besides, if you really
wanna pay Denise back,

180
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:35,483
best and most effective way
to do that is to live

181
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,585
a happily ever after
without her.

182
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:40,021
It's not about paying her back.

183
00:08:40,054 --> 00:08:42,523
I just want her back.

184
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,060
I'm never gonna find someone
as good as her again.

185
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,595
Bullshit!

186
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,163
The world is filled
with beautiful women.

187
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:49,997
I should know.

188
00:08:50,031 --> 00:08:51,065
I have dated half of them.

189
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,168
Do you mean to tell
me that your tiny corner

190
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,170
of Buffalo, New York
turned out the best

191
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,638
possible girl for you?

192
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:58,472
Your soul mate?

193
00:08:58,507 --> 00:08:59,840
I don't think it, I know it.

194
00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:03,177
All right, well, all I know
is that this is not the Dave

195
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,645
that I know.

196
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,580
This is not the kid
whose butt I wiped,

197
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,282
coddled, and kicked
while growing up

198
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,451
and molded into a guy
that was cool enough

199
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,720
to hang out with me,
you know what I mean?

200
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,955
My Dave would never have fallen
so hard

201
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,791
that he couldn't get back up
again.

202
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:17,691
What can I say?

203
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,460
She's the one.

204
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,028
Well, so what are you
gonna do about it?

205
00:09:21,062 --> 00:09:22,163
Hmm?

206
00:09:22,196 --> 00:09:23,030
Gonna be miserable
the rest of your life?

207
00:09:23,064 --> 00:09:26,000
I don't know.

208
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,103
Give me your cell phone.

209
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,171
- What?
- What?

210
00:09:30,204 --> 00:09:31,072
- What?
- Phone.

211
00:09:31,105 --> 00:09:32,541
No!
Why?

212
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:33,974
Give it to me!
Give it to me!

213
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:34,942
Oh my God!

214
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,011
You still have this picture
on your phone?

215
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,212
Wow!

216
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,514
When a selfie can capture
true love like this,

217
00:09:39,548 --> 00:09:40,981
you have got to take pause.

218
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,116
How many likes
did this get again?

219
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,150
Can I have my phone back,
please?

220
00:09:43,184 --> 00:09:44,785
Dave, this is for your own good.

221
00:09:44,819 --> 00:09:45,586
Please!

222
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,254
I'm begging you,
move the fuck on!

223
00:09:47,288 --> 00:09:48,389
I can't!
Okay?

224
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,958
I'm in too much pain.

225
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,094
No!

226
00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,328
That is pain.

227
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,729
Do not confuse it with misery.

228
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:56,597
That hurt!

229
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,699
Just illustrating
a crucial point.

230
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,201
Pain is transitory.

231
00:10:00,234 --> 00:10:01,635
In a few minutes
you are gonna feel much better,

232
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,138
but you're still
going to be miserable.

233
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,408
I bet you have like
a thousand photos of Denise

234
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,409
- on this phone.
- Morris!

235
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,110
- Morris! No!
- Yup!

236
00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:10,811
Hey! Hey, hey!

237
00:10:13,314 --> 00:10:15,749
Morris!

238
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,085
Let's just give it a second
to get a nice sear.

239
00:10:18,119 --> 00:10:20,020
Damn it, Morris!

240
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,922
Ah, yes!

241
00:10:21,956 --> 00:10:24,725
Yeah, smells done to me.

242
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:25,793
Oh.

243
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,768
Medium rare.

244
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:35,669
Aah.

245
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,138
It's all backed up on the Cloud,
anyway.

246
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:38,239
Oh, the Cloud.

247
00:10:38,272 --> 00:10:39,740
Well, Dave,
that is beyond my reach.

248
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,342
It is up to the gods now
to figure out

249
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,344
what to do with you.

250
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:45,012
Whoop!
Brrr, it's cold!

251
00:10:48,282 --> 00:10:49,450
Fuck!

252
00:10:51,185 --> 00:10:52,286
Maybe give me a break, okay?

253
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,556
You know, show like
a little bit of sympathy.

254
00:10:54,589 --> 00:10:56,123
David,
you are like a brother to me

255
00:10:56,157 --> 00:10:57,458
and I would take
a bullet for you,

256
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,628
but I will give you nothing
that I haven't given you before,

257
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,862
which is the hard truth
and tough love.

258
00:11:01,896 --> 00:11:04,265
So what if I have hope
and I'm still holding on to it?

259
00:11:04,298 --> 00:11:05,600
You're a gambler,
you have hunches you stick with,

260
00:11:05,634 --> 00:11:06,667
kind of the same thing, right?

261
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,537
No, no, no, no.
I am a winning gambler.

262
00:11:08,570 --> 00:11:10,505
I don't play hunches,
I play the odds.

263
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,473
I play with
statistical probability

264
00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:13,741
and scientific facts.

265
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,410
Where is the evidence
that Denise wants you back, huh?

266
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:17,678
Just because
you want her back, too?

267
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,080
No. There just still has to be
a chance.

268
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,616
Sure there is.

269
00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:23,784
Why don't you give her a call?

270
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:24,952
Later.

271
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,308
The least you can do
is say sorry.

272
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,820
You're a real asshole, you know.

273
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,725
You should clean that up.

274
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,561
You hipsters have
already done enough

275
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,697
to ruin the neighborhood.

276
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,303
Good morning, Mrs. Fishbaum.

277
00:12:16,337 --> 00:12:17,438
Perfect timing.

278
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:20,341
Onion bagels
just came out of the oven.

279
00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:24,011
Do you know that poppy seed
shows up as heroin

280
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,479
in your blood?

281
00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:26,914
My son's a doctor.

282
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,115
He tells me these things.

283
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,383
That's very interesting.

284
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,654
I wouldn't want you
to fail a drug test, David,

285
00:12:32,687 --> 00:12:35,022
because you ate
a poppy seed bagel before.

286
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,491
I appreciate the tip,
I will try to keep that in mind.

287
00:12:37,525 --> 00:12:41,228
A young man like you
must do a lot of drugs

288
00:12:41,262 --> 00:12:43,698
to still work as a bagel boy.

289
00:12:43,732 --> 00:12:45,232
As I mentioned before,
this is just

290
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:46,568
a temporary situation
while I'm still

291
00:12:46,601 --> 00:12:47,935
in law school, Mrs. F.

292
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,538
Do you know
that this coffee shop

293
00:12:50,572 --> 00:12:52,674
used to be a part
of the old neighborhood

294
00:12:52,707 --> 00:12:54,074
Jewish Community Center?

295
00:12:56,844 --> 00:13:02,116
I met my husband
right at that table.

296
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,622
Do you know
what I hope for, David?

297
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:13,460
I hope I'll see him
sitting there again.

298
00:13:16,564 --> 00:13:18,499
What would you say to him?

299
00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:22,537
Oh, I love you.

300
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,238
I hate you.

301
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,909
Oh, I miss you.

302
00:13:32,146 --> 00:13:33,782
- I'm horny.
- Okay.

303
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,693
All right.

304
00:13:51,465 --> 00:13:54,703
Yeah, send an ambulance
to the corner of Grant

305
00:13:54,736 --> 00:13:58,740
and Elmwood,
there's been an accident.

306
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,944
David,
have you ever met my granddaughter?

307
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,717
Too bad for you, David,
she's gay.

308
00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:10,851
Based on her past
relationships,

309
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,655
she has very low standards.

310
00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:15,790
In fact, she would have gone out
with you even though

311
00:14:15,824 --> 00:14:17,692
you just make bagels for living.

312
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,960
Just a temporary situation,
Mrs. F.

313
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:24,131
I don't do as many drugs as you,
but I do smoke marijuana

314
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,736
for my arthritis, my glaucoma.

315
00:14:27,769 --> 00:14:30,037
Maybe we could get
high together sometime.

316
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,071
Hmm?

317
00:14:31,105 --> 00:14:34,509
On second thought,
you probably couldn't handle

318
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:36,611
the shit I smoke.

319
00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:38,045
Mrs. Fishbaum,
I bet Snoop Dogg

320
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,848
couldn't handle
the shit you smoke.

321
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:57,931
Let's get this show on the road.

322
00:15:00,835 --> 00:15:02,637
Love!

323
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:05,540
Fuck!

324
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:13,447
Oh my God, I am so sorry.

325
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,482
Are you all right?

326
00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:16,917
I am now.

327
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,586
Hello.

328
00:15:51,619 --> 00:15:53,855
If you came here to give me
more grief, go home.

329
00:15:53,888 --> 00:15:56,190
- I don't need it.
- No.

330
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,726
I came here to apologize.

331
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,695
I was really rough on you
and I am sorry.

332
00:16:00,728 --> 00:16:02,797
You cremated my damn cell phone.

333
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:04,097
Let me make amends.

334
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,600
Fly to Vegas with me.

335
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,335
Dude, I will take care
of everything.

336
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:09,504
We can leave tonight.

337
00:16:09,537 --> 00:16:11,371
I can't just fly to Vegas, okay?

338
00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:13,006
Unlike you,
I have responsibilities.

339
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,643
Oh, come on,
I'm trying to make nice here.

340
00:16:15,677 --> 00:16:17,712
Vegas will make you forget
all about the fact

341
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:19,814
that you don't have Denise
to fuck anymore.

342
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,148
Huh?

343
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,984
Oh, he is a very smooth lover.

344
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:24,985
Yeah.

345
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,788
I'm... I'm his cousin,
so I wouldn't know but...

346
00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:28,989
enjoy your latte.

347
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:32,192
Why must you reduce everything
to its basis element?

348
00:16:32,226 --> 00:16:33,828
Mm, at its basis,

349
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:36,497
not having sex with Denise
is what you miss the most.

350
00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:37,297
Well, it's not.

351
00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:38,298
It's much more than that.

352
00:16:38,332 --> 00:16:39,366
All right, it's her.

353
00:16:41,235 --> 00:16:44,438
Okay, you're telling me,
Denise comes walking

354
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,107
through that door right now,
she says, "Dave, I'm back,

355
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,577
but you can never
sleep with me again."

356
00:16:49,611 --> 00:16:50,845
You're honestly
gonna accept that?

357
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:53,113
You cannot be that far gone?

358
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,716
Can you?

359
00:16:54,749 --> 00:16:57,919
No, I'm not,
but that's not the point.

360
00:16:57,952 --> 00:17:00,153
It is the only point
that matter.

361
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,590
Stay!

362
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,329
David!

363
00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:12,432
If you don't believe me,
maybe you will believe

364
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,268
the magic bagel.

365
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,303
Whoomp!

366
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,672
Whoomp!

367
00:17:17,705 --> 00:17:21,375
The magic bagel
sees all and tells all,

368
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:22,510
"Come boy.

369
00:17:22,544 --> 00:17:23,645
Come, come, come.

370
00:17:23,678 --> 00:17:26,814
The magic bagel
will not be denied."

371
00:17:26,848 --> 00:17:28,048
You are certifiable.

372
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,951
- Okay, you looking?
- Yes, I'm looking.

373
00:17:29,984 --> 00:17:33,420
Well, now, magic bagel predicts
that you will have

374
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,989
an amazing time in Vegas.

375
00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:37,190
And in fact, if you don't,
a curse will befall you

376
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:41,228
and you might end up dead
or worse have no fun.

377
00:17:44,699 --> 00:17:46,233
Wow.

378
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,770
Magic bagel doesn't lie.

379
00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:52,339
Life is short, Dave,
and you only get one.

380
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,442
Get on with the good times, huh?

381
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,144
Ew, gross.

382
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,025
Never again.

383
00:18:11,059 --> 00:18:12,760
Well, never again.

384
00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:19,299
You know, it's been a year
since Dave and I broke up.

385
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,435
You mean it's been a year
since you dumped him

386
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,571
in front of a homeless man?

387
00:18:23,605 --> 00:18:24,973
He was a great guy,
though.

388
00:18:25,006 --> 00:18:26,874
Yeah, a great guy
who you may think

389
00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:28,943
you would marry
and then kicked in the gut

390
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:30,143
and ripped his heart out.

391
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,714
Well, I don't understand
why he never tried

392
00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:35,115
to see me again.

393
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,651
I'm just saying.

394
00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:38,352
What if I made
the wrong decision?

395
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:41,623
What if there's something left
unfinished between me and Dave?

396
00:18:41,656 --> 00:18:42,590
Denise!

397
00:18:42,624 --> 00:18:44,659
Girl, I'm your best friend.

398
00:18:44,692 --> 00:18:47,160
I support you
a thousand percent.

399
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:49,363
I know it's an emotional time
for you right now

400
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,666
and your heart
can play tricks on you.

401
00:18:51,699 --> 00:18:55,369
But if you think
your subconscious is really

402
00:18:55,402 --> 00:19:00,541
telling you something,
maybe you should listen.

403
00:19:35,677 --> 00:19:36,911
Now pay attention.

404
00:19:36,944 --> 00:19:38,478
There are a lot of hotties here.

405
00:19:38,513 --> 00:19:41,082
Ooh, anxious to help you
mend your broken heart

406
00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:43,417
just so they can experience
the sheer joy of smashing it

407
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:44,552
into pieces again.

408
00:19:44,585 --> 00:19:46,087
Perfect.

409
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,355
Can you just try to forget
about your depressing obsession

410
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:51,291
with Denise for a little while
and have some fun?

411
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,260
Fun, fun, fun!

412
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,295
Remind me what's so fun
about approaching one girl

413
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,364
after another,
yelling some bogus rap

414
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,466
over loud music in the hopes
that she'll give me the honor

415
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,736
of buying her a drink,
which she'll likely refuse,

416
00:20:01,769 --> 00:20:02,770
anyway.

417
00:20:02,804 --> 00:20:04,138
I guarantee you,
every girl in there

418
00:20:04,172 --> 00:20:05,439
will let you buy her a drink.

419
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,041
Yeah?
And why is that?

420
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:09,443
Hmm, 30 bucks each,
they will let you buy them two.

421
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:10,945
Yeah?
Why not?

422
00:20:10,978 --> 00:20:13,081
Broke, heartbroken,
and I got to wait in line

423
00:20:13,114 --> 00:20:15,750
an hour for some place
that I don't wanna be in?

424
00:20:15,783 --> 00:20:16,784
You know what?

425
00:20:16,818 --> 00:20:17,985
You're right,
this line does suck.

426
00:20:18,019 --> 00:20:21,656
And I am far from wasted enough
not to care.

427
00:20:21,689 --> 00:20:23,791
Yeah. All right,
I'm gonna take a walk,

428
00:20:23,825 --> 00:20:25,126
smoke some,
play a little blackjack

429
00:20:25,159 --> 00:20:27,795
while you hold
our place in line.

430
00:20:27,829 --> 00:20:29,130
Dude, if you want,
you can come with,

431
00:20:29,163 --> 00:20:30,531
we can get back
and do this later.

432
00:20:30,565 --> 00:20:31,966
Just go.

433
00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:33,266
I don't wanna prolong
this torture any longer

434
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:33,968
than I have to.

435
00:20:34,902 --> 00:20:36,470
How are you related to me?

436
00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:37,872
Oh my God.

437
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,343
You know, if it were me
trying to get over somebody,

438
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,947
getting high sounds like
a pretty good start.

439
00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:48,549
I can hold your place in line.

440
00:20:48,583 --> 00:20:51,119
Thanks. Uh, I think
I'll wait it out here.

441
00:20:51,152 --> 00:20:52,086
You know, long lines
are actually why

442
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,655
I sometimes go clubbing.

443
00:20:54,689 --> 00:20:56,624
- Seriously?
- Sure.

444
00:20:56,657 --> 00:20:58,358
Best place to meet somebody
isn't inside where it's nothing

445
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,828
but bullshit pickup lines
from conceited jerks

446
00:21:00,862 --> 00:21:02,630
trying to act cool.

447
00:21:02,663 --> 00:21:04,031
It's out here.

448
00:21:04,065 --> 00:21:07,168
Before everyone has a chance
to put their club faces on.

449
00:21:07,201 --> 00:21:08,703
So if we were in there,
you'd think I was a jerk

450
00:21:08,736 --> 00:21:11,706
but out here,
I'm still a contender?

451
00:21:11,739 --> 00:21:13,040
I don't know yet.

452
00:21:13,074 --> 00:21:14,509
How convincing
is your club face?

453
00:21:20,081 --> 00:21:21,916
Hey, baby.

454
00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:23,551
How would you like
to have a drink with the king?

455
00:21:23,584 --> 00:21:25,318
Elvis, really?

456
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,054
Are you trying to pick up
my grandmother?

457
00:21:27,088 --> 00:21:28,723
You can't say no
to Elvis in Vegas.

458
00:21:30,525 --> 00:21:31,491
Okay.

459
00:21:31,526 --> 00:21:32,459
All right.

460
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:36,429
Okay.

461
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:37,932
How's this?

462
00:21:41,969 --> 00:21:43,037
I couldn't help but notice you
from the moment

463
00:21:43,070 --> 00:21:45,640
I saw you outside in line.

464
00:21:45,673 --> 00:21:48,609
I think it's your smile
or maybe your eyes.

465
00:21:48,643 --> 00:21:51,913
But whatever it is,

466
00:21:51,946 --> 00:21:56,117
I'd really like
to buy you a drink.

467
00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:59,452
And who's that supposed to be?

468
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,923
Just me.

469
00:22:01,956 --> 00:22:03,390
Not bad, just you.

470
00:22:04,659 --> 00:22:06,194
I'm still not letting you
buy me a drink though.

471
00:22:07,562 --> 00:22:10,598
No, again?

472
00:22:10,631 --> 00:22:11,566
That was my best shot.

473
00:22:11,599 --> 00:22:14,502
Like I said,
clubs aren't really my thing.

474
00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:21,709
I will let you buy me
a big piece of chocolate cake.

475
00:22:23,144 --> 00:22:24,212
That sounds delicious,

476
00:22:24,245 --> 00:22:27,148
but I don't think
that they serve that here.

477
00:22:27,181 --> 00:22:29,482
- They don't.
- Hmm.

478
00:22:29,517 --> 00:22:31,652
You can order it
from room service.

479
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:35,723
Second thoughts?

480
00:22:35,756 --> 00:22:37,024
Sounds tempting.

481
00:22:37,058 --> 00:22:39,093
I mean, you're...
you're gorgeous

482
00:22:39,126 --> 00:22:43,396
but it doesn't really jibe
with my long-term plans.

483
00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:44,765
I see.

484
00:22:44,799 --> 00:22:46,433
We really can just eat cake.

485
00:22:48,336 --> 00:22:49,704
That would be okay with you?

486
00:22:49,737 --> 00:22:51,138
Definitely.

487
00:22:51,172 --> 00:22:52,240
What about your friend?

488
00:22:52,273 --> 00:22:53,674
Cousin. Morris.
Don't worry.

489
00:22:53,708 --> 00:22:56,043
She always finds something
to keep herself entertained.

490
00:22:56,077 --> 00:22:57,245
Besides,
when she sees I'm gone,

491
00:22:57,278 --> 00:22:59,479
she'll just assume I went
to the hotel to be alone.

492
00:22:59,513 --> 00:23:03,885
Well, she'll only be half
right then.

493
00:23:12,126 --> 00:23:13,661
Still can't believe
you're from Buffalo.

494
00:23:15,830 --> 00:23:18,032
Believe it or not,
it's on my birth certificate.

495
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:24,205
You really were okay
with just eating cake, huh?

496
00:23:24,238 --> 00:23:25,773
Chocolate cake has brought me
far more pleasure

497
00:23:25,806 --> 00:23:27,407
than most men ever have.

498
00:23:35,249 --> 00:23:36,918
Maybe you're dating
the wrong men.

499
00:24:40,414 --> 00:24:41,382
Hello?

500
00:24:41,415 --> 00:24:43,351
What the hell happened
to you last night?

501
00:24:43,384 --> 00:24:45,386
I waited in that line
for like ever

502
00:24:45,419 --> 00:24:47,855
only to not find you
when I got inside.

503
00:24:47,888 --> 00:24:48,956
I never went in.

504
00:24:48,990 --> 00:24:50,091
I knew it!

505
00:24:50,124 --> 00:24:52,293
You went running to hide
in your hotel room.

506
00:24:52,326 --> 00:24:55,863
Well, serves you right
because we had a crazy time.

507
00:24:55,896 --> 00:24:57,264
Ooh!

508
00:24:57,298 --> 00:24:59,700
Those Cirque du Soleil people
really know how to party.

509
00:25:00,835 --> 00:25:02,737
Ow!
Hey, hold up, Dave.

510
00:25:04,472 --> 00:25:06,440
<i>Au revoir, mademoiselle.</i>

511
00:25:07,808 --> 00:25:08,976
Your Uber is on the way.

512
00:25:09,010 --> 00:25:11,946
<i>Oh, merci mon cheri, Morris.</i>

513
00:25:11,979 --> 00:25:13,647
I will see you later, no?

514
00:25:13,681 --> 00:25:15,082
Oh, ew, yeah.

515
00:25:15,116 --> 00:25:17,084
Oui, oui, why not?

516
00:25:17,118 --> 00:25:18,652
Hey, that Celine Dion
roleplaying thing

517
00:25:18,686 --> 00:25:19,820
we did last night, yo...

518
00:25:19,854 --> 00:25:20,755
,

519
00:25:20,788 --> 00:25:22,256
mind blowing.

520
00:25:24,859 --> 00:25:28,129
<i>I have a newfound appreciation
for the French-Canadian culture.</i>

521
00:25:29,430 --> 00:25:30,798
Do you wanna go
to a Celine Dion concert

522
00:25:30,831 --> 00:25:31,699
with me tonight?

523
00:25:31,732 --> 00:25:32,833
Are you still high?

524
00:25:32,867 --> 00:25:35,436
No, I don't wanna go anywhere.

525
00:25:35,469 --> 00:25:37,506
David, I didn't fly you
to Vegas so you could hide

526
00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:38,939
in your hotel room
and whack off

527
00:25:38,973 --> 00:25:40,474
to memories of Denise.

528
00:25:42,511 --> 00:25:43,911
<i>Not that it
matters but I wasn't by myself</i>

529
00:25:43,944 --> 00:25:45,546
<i>last night, okay?</i>

530
00:25:45,579 --> 00:25:47,381
Came back here with a girl
I met in line.

531
00:25:47,415 --> 00:25:48,916
Oh.
Wait, wait, wait.

532
00:25:48,949 --> 00:25:50,151
Wait. Wait, what?

533
00:25:50,184 --> 00:25:51,085
What?

534
00:25:51,118 --> 00:25:52,753
You picked up a chick in line?

535
00:25:52,787 --> 00:25:53,821
Oh my God.

536
00:25:53,854 --> 00:25:54,955
Hallelujah!

537
00:25:54,989 --> 00:25:57,058
<i>David has risen from the dead</i>

538
00:25:57,091 --> 00:25:58,325
<i>and he's back in the game,
folks!</i>

539
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,228
It's an erection,
a resurrection!

540
00:26:01,262 --> 00:26:02,763
- Morris?
- <i>Oh my God.</i>

541
00:26:02,797 --> 00:26:03,497
<i>Which one was it?</i>

542
00:26:03,532 --> 00:26:04,899
<i>I wanna guess, don't tell me.</i>

543
00:26:04,932 --> 00:26:06,033
Hmm.

544
00:26:06,067 --> 00:26:08,369
Tall brunette, tight jeans,
red top.

545
00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:09,504
Standing right in front of us?

546
00:26:10,571 --> 00:26:12,106
<i>Yes?</i>

547
00:26:12,139 --> 00:26:14,642
Dude, I approve!

548
00:26:14,675 --> 00:26:16,477
And would totally take
that action.

549
00:26:16,511 --> 00:26:17,478
Her name is Stella.

550
00:26:17,512 --> 00:26:19,113
Believe it or not,
she's from Buffalo.

551
00:26:19,146 --> 00:26:22,316
And there wasn't supposed to be
any action, we just came back

552
00:26:22,349 --> 00:26:26,120
to the room to hang and talk,
but she was really nice

553
00:26:26,153 --> 00:26:28,122
and one thing led to another...

554
00:26:28,155 --> 00:26:29,890
And yeah, yeah, yeah?

555
00:26:29,924 --> 00:26:34,628
Now, I'm so riddled with guilt,
I feel sick.

556
00:26:34,662 --> 00:26:37,264
If Denise was to ever
find out about the...

557
00:26:37,298 --> 00:26:40,267
it'd blow our shot
of getting back together.

558
00:26:40,301 --> 00:26:41,368
Hm-hmm.

559
00:26:41,402 --> 00:26:42,603
Okay, wait, wait, wait.

560
00:26:42,636 --> 00:26:45,540
Now, you are telling me
that you feel guilty,

561
00:26:45,574 --> 00:26:48,042
because you think
you betrayed Denise by being

562
00:26:48,075 --> 00:26:49,578
with someone else last night.

563
00:26:49,610 --> 00:26:50,878
Yes.

564
00:26:50,911 --> 00:26:52,780
Ohh, okay.

565
00:26:52,813 --> 00:26:54,549
You know what?
See somebody, Dave.

566
00:26:54,583 --> 00:26:56,750
<i>See someone immediately
with a lot of fancy diplomas</i>

567
00:26:56,784 --> 00:26:58,819
<i>on the wall
and a very liberal approach</i>

568
00:26:58,853 --> 00:27:00,187
to shock therapy.

569
00:27:00,221 --> 00:27:02,022
Dude, she's your ex.

570
00:27:02,056 --> 00:27:03,624
Man, your ex-girlfriend.

571
00:27:03,657 --> 00:27:05,793
Like in order
for it to be cheating,

572
00:27:05,826 --> 00:27:07,428
you have to actually be
in a relationship

573
00:27:07,461 --> 00:27:08,597
with that person.

574
00:27:08,629 --> 00:27:11,198
Like how is this concept
entirely lost on you?

575
00:27:11,232 --> 00:27:12,567
I don't expect you
to understand.

576
00:27:12,601 --> 00:27:15,035
<i>Guilt isn't something
you're exactly familiar with.</i>

577
00:27:15,069 --> 00:27:16,337
Hmm, all right.

578
00:27:16,370 --> 00:27:18,906
I feel guilty about
not feeling guilty,

579
00:27:18,939 --> 00:27:21,775
so, I mean, that should count
for something, right?

580
00:27:21,809 --> 00:27:24,111
Has it ever occurred to you
that while you are feeling

581
00:27:24,145 --> 00:27:27,348
so sick over betraying Denise
that she is out there

582
00:27:27,381 --> 00:27:28,749
screwing someone else?

583
00:27:28,782 --> 00:27:32,720
I don't
even want to think about that.

584
00:27:32,753 --> 00:27:34,589
Maybe you should.

585
00:27:34,623 --> 00:27:36,056
Maybe you should, Dave!

586
00:27:36,090 --> 00:27:37,458
You know.

587
00:27:37,491 --> 00:27:40,629
You think Denise took a vow
of celibacy when she left you?

588
00:27:40,661 --> 00:27:41,896
Ha-ha, no!

589
00:27:41,929 --> 00:27:44,265
<i>Denise is right in the middle
of her,</i>

590
00:27:44,298 --> 00:27:47,434
"I am free to fuck
whoever I want" world tour.

591
00:27:47,468 --> 00:27:48,537
I mean, you should check
her Instagram,

592
00:27:48,570 --> 00:27:50,137
because she's probably
selling T-shirts.

593
00:27:56,677 --> 00:27:59,780
I refuse to accept
that it's over for us.

594
00:28:01,715 --> 00:28:02,850
Come back later.

595
00:28:05,019 --> 00:28:06,220
I said come back later!

596
00:28:08,189 --> 00:28:09,591
I'm getting her back, Morris.

597
00:28:09,624 --> 00:28:12,126
I'm getting Denise back.

598
00:28:12,159 --> 00:28:14,161
I give up, little cousin.

599
00:28:14,195 --> 00:28:15,963
You are living on hope
and I'm afraid

600
00:28:15,996 --> 00:28:19,133
you're gonna starve to death.

601
00:28:19,166 --> 00:28:21,235
You can't make her love you,
Dave.

602
00:28:21,268 --> 00:28:22,671
No one can.

603
00:28:26,273 --> 00:28:27,676
This is a really good cake.

604
00:28:51,098 --> 00:28:52,567
Aah.

605
00:28:55,002 --> 00:28:56,203
Yo!

606
00:28:56,237 --> 00:28:57,204
Hmmm...

607
00:28:57,238 --> 00:28:59,840
You keep crawling out
of the hole.

608
00:28:59,873 --> 00:29:00,508
- Oh, okay.
- Whoop!

609
00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:02,176
- Whoop!
- Bam!

610
00:29:03,578 --> 00:29:05,246
You have been hibernating
since we came back from Vegas.

611
00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:06,380
I feel much better.

612
00:29:06,413 --> 00:29:08,115
I got a new perspective
on the situation.

613
00:29:08,148 --> 00:29:09,817
- Yeah?
- Hmmm.

614
00:29:09,850 --> 00:29:11,051
Okay, now.

615
00:29:11,085 --> 00:29:12,219
This...

616
00:29:12,253 --> 00:29:13,854
This is what I like to hear,
man.

617
00:29:13,887 --> 00:29:14,788
Okay.

618
00:29:14,822 --> 00:29:16,123
Listen, if it was something
that I said.

619
00:29:16,156 --> 00:29:17,258
- Mm-mm.
- You're welcome.

620
00:29:17,291 --> 00:29:20,294
But if not, I don't even care
because you are back.

621
00:29:20,327 --> 00:29:22,029
We got to celebrate.

622
00:29:22,062 --> 00:29:23,230
Two shots of bourbon, please.

623
00:29:23,264 --> 00:29:25,099
And thank you.

624
00:29:25,132 --> 00:29:26,934
- That a new haircut?
- No.

625
00:29:26,967 --> 00:29:29,403
Dude, isn't he cute?

626
00:29:29,436 --> 00:29:32,172
To my Cousin Dave.

627
00:29:32,206 --> 00:29:33,340
Welcome back.

628
00:29:33,374 --> 00:29:35,175
- You were sorely missed.
- Mhmm.

629
00:29:35,209 --> 00:29:36,110
- One more toast.
- Mhmm.

630
00:29:36,143 --> 00:29:37,211
To Denise.

631
00:29:37,244 --> 00:29:41,248
Who at this very moment
is right across the street.

632
00:29:41,282 --> 00:29:42,783
- Across the street?
- Yup.

633
00:29:42,816 --> 00:29:44,619
That's your new perspective?

634
00:29:44,653 --> 00:29:46,453
You just decided to stalk her?

635
00:29:46,487 --> 00:29:50,057
No, I simply am not waiting
for her to come back.

636
00:29:50,090 --> 00:29:51,091
No more waiting.

637
00:29:51,125 --> 00:29:52,226
I'm going to her.

638
00:29:52,259 --> 00:29:53,827
I called in at the florist
that she works at and said

639
00:29:53,861 --> 00:29:56,230
that she quit to go work
at Clara's Catering.

640
00:29:56,263 --> 00:29:57,565
I went over there.

641
00:29:57,599 --> 00:29:59,433
They said they're all working
at church function today.

642
00:29:59,466 --> 00:30:01,603
That church.

643
00:30:01,636 --> 00:30:04,673
So now you're gonna go
over there and just talk to her.

644
00:30:04,706 --> 00:30:06,608
- Yeah, I have to.
- Okay.

645
00:30:06,641 --> 00:30:09,243
David, there are only
a certain few things

646
00:30:09,276 --> 00:30:13,847
that people have to do in life;
shit, breathe, eat, and sleep.

647
00:30:13,881 --> 00:30:18,419
Emasculation, degradation,
uh-uh-uh-uh, humiliation,

648
00:30:18,452 --> 00:30:19,788
these are all totally voluntary.

649
00:30:19,820 --> 00:30:21,922
There's no talking me
out of this, okay?

650
00:30:21,955 --> 00:30:22,791
I have to go to her.

651
00:30:22,823 --> 00:30:24,224
I have to tell her
that I love her.

652
00:30:24,258 --> 00:30:25,326
That I would do
anything for her.

653
00:30:25,359 --> 00:30:26,695
That our love is magical.

654
00:30:26,728 --> 00:30:28,028
Magical.

655
00:30:28,062 --> 00:30:29,096
Oh, yeah.

656
00:30:29,129 --> 00:30:30,632
Can you just get some more?

657
00:30:30,665 --> 00:30:35,670
David, where did you get
this profoundly unrealistic

658
00:30:35,704 --> 00:30:38,372
vision of love, man?

659
00:30:38,405 --> 00:30:39,306
You know, a year ago,

660
00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:40,441
I would have said
the same thing.

661
00:30:40,474 --> 00:30:41,609
I expressed the same thing
to Denise the night

662
00:30:41,643 --> 00:30:42,811
that she left me.

663
00:30:42,843 --> 00:30:45,714
But she was right
and I was wrong.

664
00:30:45,747 --> 00:30:47,281
She needs that movie moment
from me.

665
00:30:47,314 --> 00:30:48,482
Mhmm.

666
00:30:48,516 --> 00:30:50,084
So, now you're gonna go
over there and see her.

667
00:30:50,117 --> 00:30:51,051
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

668
00:30:51,085 --> 00:30:52,286
Yeah!

669
00:30:52,319 --> 00:30:54,321
This grand gesture
of love that Denise cannot

670
00:30:54,355 --> 00:30:56,090
- possibly refuse.
- Yeah!

671
00:30:56,123 --> 00:30:56,890
- Yeah?
- Yeah!

672
00:30:56,924 --> 00:30:57,759
Yeah.

673
00:30:57,792 --> 00:31:00,027
Okay,
I've got news for you, Davie.

674
00:31:00,060 --> 00:31:02,262
Cupid does not exist.

675
00:31:02,296 --> 00:31:03,698
He doesn't, I'm sorry.

676
00:31:03,732 --> 00:31:05,466
And if he did,
he certainly wouldn't be

677
00:31:05,499 --> 00:31:08,603
some freak pudgy guy
in a diaper running around

678
00:31:08,636 --> 00:31:10,638
bringing people together
who are destined to spend

679
00:31:10,672 --> 00:31:12,306
eternity with one another.

680
00:31:12,339 --> 00:31:13,541
I mean, think about it.

681
00:31:13,575 --> 00:31:15,610
With divorce, adultery?

682
00:31:15,643 --> 00:31:18,412
As far as I am concerned,
he is a sick sadistic loser

683
00:31:18,445 --> 00:31:19,413
with a short guy complex.

684
00:31:19,446 --> 00:31:21,281
Hmmm.

685
00:31:21,315 --> 00:31:23,083
Okay.

686
00:31:23,117 --> 00:31:23,917
Look.

687
00:31:23,951 --> 00:31:26,420
If you're really set
on doing this,

688
00:31:26,453 --> 00:31:28,322
then just do it right.

689
00:31:28,355 --> 00:31:30,357
Talk to her,
lay it all on the line,

690
00:31:30,391 --> 00:31:35,663
but whatever happens,
you got to live with it, yeah?

691
00:31:35,697 --> 00:31:36,897
Jesus Christ.

692
00:31:36,930 --> 00:31:38,098
Okay.

693
00:31:38,132 --> 00:31:43,103
Darling, will you please,
please keep the drinks coming.

694
00:31:43,137 --> 00:31:45,272
Thank you.

695
00:31:46,306 --> 00:31:48,576
Well, if the booze
doesn't give you

696
00:31:48,610 --> 00:31:50,911
a little liquid courage,
then maybe you'll get lucky

697
00:31:50,944 --> 00:31:53,046
and pass out drunk
before you make it to the door.

698
00:32:03,457 --> 00:32:04,859
Here's to happy endings!

699
00:32:08,095 --> 00:32:09,163
So you live around here?

700
00:32:16,403 --> 00:32:18,873
Are you trying to pick me up?

701
00:32:18,907 --> 00:32:20,207
What?

702
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:21,341
No, no.

703
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:22,777
Of course not.

704
00:32:22,811 --> 00:32:25,045
Why do you wanna know
where I live?

705
00:32:25,078 --> 00:32:26,848
You wanna come around
and have a barbeque

706
00:32:26,881 --> 00:32:28,616
- or something?
- Trying to make conversation.

707
00:32:28,650 --> 00:32:29,818
Try harder.

708
00:32:29,851 --> 00:32:31,318
Sorry?

709
00:32:31,351 --> 00:32:32,821
Why are you sorry?

710
00:32:32,854 --> 00:32:36,056
Sorry about my attempt
to make conversation?

711
00:32:36,089 --> 00:32:39,661
Why should you be concerned
whether I find your conversation

712
00:32:39,694 --> 00:32:40,829
interesting or not?

713
00:32:40,862 --> 00:32:41,763
I'm not.

714
00:32:43,363 --> 00:32:44,231
Do I know you?

715
00:32:44,264 --> 00:32:46,033
Do you think you know me?

716
00:32:46,066 --> 00:32:47,201
No, but...

717
00:32:47,234 --> 00:32:48,969
Then you probably don't.

718
00:32:55,242 --> 00:32:57,377
Don't you have to do
something somewhere?

719
00:32:57,411 --> 00:32:59,046
Ah...

720
00:32:59,079 --> 00:33:00,147
Oh!

721
00:33:00,180 --> 00:33:01,048
Yeah.

722
00:33:01,081 --> 00:33:03,551
Then go do it.

723
00:33:03,585 --> 00:33:05,085
Yeah.

724
00:33:46,528 --> 00:33:47,629
Excuse me.

725
00:33:47,662 --> 00:33:49,797
I'm looking for Denise,
Denise Rubino?

726
00:33:49,831 --> 00:33:51,533
Someone said
she was working here today?

727
00:33:51,566 --> 00:33:53,033
Not today she isn't.

728
00:33:55,068 --> 00:33:57,304
Hey, I just said
she wasn't working today.

729
00:33:57,337 --> 00:33:59,507
I didn't say she wasn't here.

730
00:33:59,541 --> 00:34:02,476
Be careful,
this place is a maze.

731
00:34:02,510 --> 00:34:04,378
You may not find your way back.

732
00:34:15,122 --> 00:34:16,791
Well, was I right?

733
00:34:16,824 --> 00:34:18,726
She looks like a fairy tale.

734
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:19,561
Aw.

735
00:34:24,331 --> 00:34:27,434
Oh shit!

736
00:34:27,467 --> 00:34:28,703
What was that?

737
00:34:34,542 --> 00:34:36,209
David?

738
00:34:36,243 --> 00:34:37,745
David Steinbeck.

739
00:34:37,779 --> 00:34:39,013
Oh God.

740
00:34:39,047 --> 00:34:40,213
Oh, boy.

741
00:34:40,247 --> 00:34:41,049
Dave?

742
00:34:42,717 --> 00:34:43,651
Excuse me.

743
00:34:43,685 --> 00:34:44,752
How long has he been like this?

744
00:34:44,786 --> 00:34:48,121
About half hour, 45 minutes?

745
00:34:48,155 --> 00:34:50,625
Maybe he's autistic
or something.

746
00:34:50,658 --> 00:34:52,259
PTSD.

747
00:34:52,292 --> 00:34:54,729
My uncle looked just like that
when he came back from Nam.

748
00:34:54,762 --> 00:34:56,463
When you're finished
diagnosing the patient,

749
00:34:56,496 --> 00:34:57,899
can I have another one?

750
00:34:57,932 --> 00:34:59,466
- Hmm.
- Hey.

751
00:34:59,499 --> 00:35:00,467
Hi, it's me Morris.

752
00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:02,436
Try to remember why you left me
the voicemail?

753
00:35:02,469 --> 00:35:04,939
All I could make out
was some grunting and something

754
00:35:04,973 --> 00:35:06,440
about fucking Faye Dunaway.

755
00:35:06,473 --> 00:35:07,909
Denise's fucking wedding day.

756
00:35:07,942 --> 00:35:08,843
What?
Come again?

757
00:35:08,876 --> 00:35:12,412
Denise's fucking wedding day!

758
00:35:12,446 --> 00:35:14,882
Oh.

759
00:35:14,916 --> 00:35:16,884
I mean, that does sound
like fucking Faye Dunaway.

760
00:35:18,285 --> 00:35:19,453
She's getting married.

761
00:35:19,486 --> 00:35:22,724
Morris, she's getting married
in just a couple of hours.

762
00:35:22,757 --> 00:35:24,792
What did she
say when she saw you?

763
00:35:24,826 --> 00:35:26,861
She didn't see me, I ran away.

764
00:35:26,894 --> 00:35:28,763
Yeah, play hard to get, that's...

765
00:35:28,796 --> 00:35:31,298
Well, listen, Dave.

766
00:35:31,331 --> 00:35:32,800
I know this won't
make sense right now

767
00:35:32,834 --> 00:35:34,836
and it might not make sense
for a very long time

768
00:35:34,869 --> 00:35:36,704
but I promise,
this is the best thing

769
00:35:36,738 --> 00:35:39,139
that could ever happened to you.

770
00:35:39,172 --> 00:35:41,241
My soul mate is getting married
and you think

771
00:35:41,274 --> 00:35:43,544
that this the best thing
that could ever happen to me?

772
00:35:43,578 --> 00:35:44,712
Yeah, I absolutely do.

773
00:35:44,746 --> 00:35:46,446
- And you wanna know why?
- No!

774
00:35:48,783 --> 00:35:51,886
Why is she marrying
someone else?

775
00:35:51,919 --> 00:35:54,889
This is just a stab
in the dark, but,

776
00:35:54,922 --> 00:35:56,824
I mean, maybe she is in love
with the guy.

777
00:35:56,858 --> 00:35:59,493
Oh, no, no.

778
00:36:01,896 --> 00:36:03,163
All right, you know what?
Let's go.

779
00:36:03,196 --> 00:36:04,799
We got to get you
at least a 100 feet away

780
00:36:04,832 --> 00:36:06,134
from wherever Denise
is getting married.

781
00:36:06,166 --> 00:36:07,434
- All right.
- Come on.

782
00:36:07,467 --> 00:36:08,603
You have to help me
to the men's room first.

783
00:36:08,636 --> 00:36:09,704
I'mma throw up.

784
00:36:09,737 --> 00:36:10,938
Okay, we can do that.

785
00:36:10,972 --> 00:36:12,573
We can do that.

786
00:36:12,607 --> 00:36:14,042
Here we go.
Come on.

787
00:36:14,075 --> 00:36:14,809
Oh, boy.

788
00:36:14,842 --> 00:36:16,544
Come on.

789
00:36:16,577 --> 00:36:17,845
Okay.

790
00:36:17,879 --> 00:36:18,846
There we go.

791
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,014
There we go.

792
00:36:25,252 --> 00:36:28,221
Well, ain't it just
nice to have someone to lean on

793
00:36:28,255 --> 00:36:29,857
in time of need.

794
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,629
Weren't you just sitting down
at the bar?

795
00:36:34,662 --> 00:36:36,030
You're the piss monitor?

796
00:36:36,064 --> 00:36:37,031
No.

797
00:36:37,065 --> 00:36:40,034
I just... I didn't see you
get up or walk by.

798
00:36:40,068 --> 00:36:41,903
I'm the fucking invisible man.

799
00:36:41,936 --> 00:36:43,538
Now, can I get past you
to my drink, please

800
00:36:43,571 --> 00:36:46,941
or do I have to wait
until he pukes on my kicks?

801
00:36:50,545 --> 00:36:53,313
- Excuse me.
- Okay.

802
00:36:53,346 --> 00:36:54,448
Okay.

803
00:36:54,481 --> 00:36:55,616
There you go.

804
00:36:55,650 --> 00:36:57,118
Oh.
Oh, boy.

805
00:36:59,020 --> 00:37:00,588
Hold your ponytail.

806
00:37:03,457 --> 00:37:04,324
Yup.

807
00:37:04,357 --> 00:37:06,961
Try not to fall in
when you bend over.

808
00:37:11,099 --> 00:37:13,034
Somebody forget to flush.

809
00:37:13,067 --> 00:37:14,068
Let's get out of here.

810
00:37:14,102 --> 00:37:15,335
I thought you want to throw up.

811
00:37:15,368 --> 00:37:17,672
I'm fine.
Let's get out of here.

812
00:37:17,705 --> 00:37:18,573
I thought you had to throw up.

813
00:37:18,606 --> 00:37:19,707
I'm fine.
Let's go, now!

814
00:37:19,741 --> 00:37:20,942
Whoa, whoa.
What did you see?

815
00:37:20,975 --> 00:37:22,375
What's in the stall, man?

816
00:37:28,750 --> 00:37:29,650
Oh, God!

817
00:37:29,684 --> 00:37:32,854
Who the hell is that?

818
00:37:32,887 --> 00:37:33,888
Why is he wearing a tuxedo?

819
00:37:33,921 --> 00:37:35,156
I... I don't know!
Okay?

820
00:37:35,189 --> 00:37:36,624
Let's just go before the same
thing happens to us!

821
00:37:36,657 --> 00:37:37,859
Who would do that to us?

822
00:37:37,892 --> 00:37:39,392
Jesus, who would do that to him?

823
00:37:39,426 --> 00:37:40,862
You're the gambler but my money
is on the crazy

824
00:37:40,895 --> 00:37:42,329
English fucker at the bar!

825
00:37:42,362 --> 00:37:43,698
The guy who came out
as we were coming in.

826
00:37:43,731 --> 00:37:44,832
No way.

827
00:37:44,866 --> 00:37:48,569
But I bet you're right.

828
00:37:48,603 --> 00:37:49,436
What?

829
00:37:51,005 --> 00:37:52,206
Would you come?

830
00:37:57,344 --> 00:37:58,579
Okay, but why would
he still be sitting out there

831
00:37:58,613 --> 00:38:00,081
if nothing happened?

832
00:38:00,114 --> 00:38:01,314
Wait, what if we're wrong?

833
00:38:01,348 --> 00:38:03,217
What if he just had
to go to bathroom

834
00:38:03,251 --> 00:38:05,153
and doesn't even know anything
about the other guy in here.

835
00:38:05,186 --> 00:38:06,419
Do you really wanna stay
and find out?

836
00:38:06,453 --> 00:38:09,824
What? We can't just walk
right out past him now.

837
00:38:09,857 --> 00:38:11,058
If he did do it,
then he will assume

838
00:38:11,092 --> 00:38:11,993
that we saw something.

839
00:38:12,026 --> 00:38:13,528
Shit, he's coming.

840
00:38:13,561 --> 00:38:14,494
Go, go!

841
00:38:14,529 --> 00:38:15,630
He's coming.

842
00:38:16,864 --> 00:38:17,965
Oh, okay.

843
00:38:17,999 --> 00:38:18,866
Let's find...

844
00:38:18,900 --> 00:38:20,433
Window!
Window now!

845
00:38:20,467 --> 00:38:21,769
Houdini couldn't escape
through that.

846
00:38:21,803 --> 00:38:23,504
Okay. But maybe if we're lucky,
he will think that we did.

847
00:38:23,538 --> 00:38:24,906
Goddamnit!

848
00:38:24,939 --> 00:38:26,373
Hide in there.

849
00:38:26,406 --> 00:38:28,075
Whoo!
Okay.

850
00:38:28,109 --> 00:38:28,943
We need weapons.

851
00:38:28,976 --> 00:38:30,477
Yeah.

852
00:38:30,511 --> 00:38:31,746
Ha-ha!

853
00:38:31,779 --> 00:38:32,947
Why do you get the plunger?
What the hell am I gonna use?

854
00:38:32,980 --> 00:38:34,081
The power of your love
for Denise.

855
00:38:34,115 --> 00:38:35,016
I don't give a shit.

856
00:38:35,049 --> 00:38:36,483
Oh, shit,
he's gonna see our feet.

857
00:38:36,517 --> 00:38:37,885
Get up!
Get up.

858
00:38:37,919 --> 00:38:38,953
Oh, shit.

859
00:38:38,986 --> 00:38:40,521
I don't wanna die like this,
stuck in a...

860
00:38:40,555 --> 00:38:42,824
a dirty bathroom stall
of a dive bar with you.

861
00:38:42,857 --> 00:38:45,092
Shhh.
Shut, shh.

862
00:38:58,806 --> 00:39:00,808
Oh, my.

863
00:39:00,842 --> 00:39:05,279
Those two must have escaped out
of this narrow little window.

864
00:39:05,313 --> 00:39:07,480
I guess I better leave now.

865
00:39:07,515 --> 00:39:11,484
But first,
I'll use the bathroom.

866
00:39:11,519 --> 00:39:12,520
This stall is taken.

867
00:39:14,622 --> 00:39:15,957
Yah!

868
00:39:37,912 --> 00:39:40,114
De toilet.

869
00:39:40,147 --> 00:39:41,349
The toilet!

870
00:39:41,381 --> 00:39:42,783
- What does it mean?
- It just seemed...

871
00:39:42,817 --> 00:39:45,186
Get the fuck out of that toilet!

872
00:39:48,556 --> 00:39:50,324
Please, don't kill us.

873
00:39:50,358 --> 00:39:51,659
Why would I want to kill you?

874
00:39:51,692 --> 00:39:52,994
Ah, well, I've...

875
00:39:53,027 --> 00:39:54,362
All right, listen, mister.

876
00:39:54,394 --> 00:39:55,495
Mister?

877
00:39:55,529 --> 00:39:57,164
- Archie.
- Okay.

878
00:39:57,198 --> 00:39:58,933
- Archie.
- Okay, Archie.

879
00:39:58,966 --> 00:40:00,368
- Archie.
- Archie.

880
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:04,639
The guy in the stall,
you didn't, did you?

881
00:40:04,672 --> 00:40:06,807
Yes, I did.

882
00:40:06,841 --> 00:40:08,142
- Why?
- For you, Dave.

883
00:40:08,175 --> 00:40:09,409
For me?
What are you talking about?

884
00:40:09,442 --> 00:40:10,711
I don't even know who that is.

885
00:40:10,745 --> 00:40:12,246
You don't know who that is?

886
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,082
He is absolutely pivotal
to your future happiness

887
00:40:15,116 --> 00:40:16,784
and you don't know who he is.

888
00:40:19,220 --> 00:40:20,788
I'm terribly sorry, sir.

889
00:40:20,821 --> 00:40:21,789
Sir, we're cleaning here.

890
00:40:21,822 --> 00:40:22,990
I got to go!

891
00:40:23,024 --> 00:40:24,959
We've all got to go
sometimes, sir.

892
00:40:24,992 --> 00:40:27,094
You probably sooner than most.

893
00:40:29,764 --> 00:40:31,198
Right.

894
00:40:31,232 --> 00:40:32,199
Now, where was I?

895
00:40:32,233 --> 00:40:33,200
The... the...
the guy in the stall.

896
00:40:33,234 --> 00:40:34,335
Ah, yes, yes, yes!

897
00:40:34,368 --> 00:40:36,337
The guy in the stall.

898
00:40:36,370 --> 00:40:37,838
Right.

899
00:40:37,872 --> 00:40:40,041
Meet Henry.

900
00:40:40,074 --> 00:40:42,143
- Henry Cherkis.
- Henry Cherkis?

901
00:40:42,176 --> 00:40:43,443
Who the hell is Henry Cherkis?

902
00:40:43,476 --> 00:40:46,580
Henry Cherkis as in
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Cherkis

903
00:40:46,614 --> 00:40:48,215
or more specifically,

904
00:40:48,249 --> 00:40:52,920
Mr. and Mrs. Henry
and Denise Cherkis.

905
00:40:52,954 --> 00:40:54,121
Holy shit!

906
00:40:54,155 --> 00:40:56,557
Holy shit!

907
00:40:56,590 --> 00:40:58,225
Uh...

908
00:40:58,259 --> 00:41:00,027
This is the guy
that Denise is marrying?

909
00:41:00,061 --> 00:41:01,762
Yep, in about three hours' time.

910
00:41:01,796 --> 00:41:02,730
Mind you,
I think you're a lot

911
00:41:02,763 --> 00:41:03,831
cuter than him.

912
00:41:03,864 --> 00:41:06,067
Okay, that explains the tux.

913
00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:07,435
It doesn't explain
why you beat him,

914
00:41:07,467 --> 00:41:09,370
tied him up,
and brought him here.

915
00:41:09,403 --> 00:41:12,373
Well, of course, it does,
so that she wouldn't marry him.

916
00:41:12,406 --> 00:41:13,741
I mean, how are you going
to get her back

917
00:41:13,774 --> 00:41:15,609
if she gets married?

918
00:41:15,643 --> 00:41:17,912
- I still don't understand.
- What?

919
00:41:17,945 --> 00:41:19,814
This isn't brain surgery.

920
00:41:19,847 --> 00:41:23,684
Look, you cannot have
a marriage if the groom

921
00:41:23,718 --> 00:41:25,052
is not there.

922
00:41:25,086 --> 00:41:26,387
- Am I right?
- Yeah, uh, yeah.

923
00:41:26,420 --> 00:41:29,223
I think I see
what you're trying to do here.

924
00:41:29,256 --> 00:41:32,360
So you see, Dave,
this is your great opportunity.

925
00:41:32,393 --> 00:41:34,895
You are going to have a chance
to do something

926
00:41:34,929 --> 00:41:38,532
that very few men in life
ever get the chance to do.

927
00:41:38,566 --> 00:41:41,869
You have a chance
of bringing back the one

928
00:41:41,902 --> 00:41:45,172
that got away and taking her
on the very day that she's due

929
00:41:45,206 --> 00:41:48,309
to get married to somebody else.

930
00:41:48,342 --> 00:41:50,444
Wow!
Isn't that exciting?

931
00:41:50,478 --> 00:41:52,780
Hey!
I think it's exciting!

932
00:41:52,813 --> 00:41:54,548
Wow.
Right?

933
00:41:54,582 --> 00:41:55,316
Oh.

934
00:41:55,349 --> 00:41:57,885
Excuse me, one moment.

935
00:41:57,918 --> 00:41:58,919
Ooh.

936
00:41:58,953 --> 00:42:00,488
Okay, I...
I still don't understand

937
00:42:00,521 --> 00:42:02,123
how you know about me
and Denise.

938
00:42:02,156 --> 00:42:03,357
Come on, Dave.

939
00:42:03,391 --> 00:42:06,060
For God's sake, man.

940
00:42:06,093 --> 00:42:07,328
Look!

941
00:42:07,361 --> 00:42:11,665
Why does it matter
if how I know what I know, hey?

942
00:42:11,699 --> 00:42:12,666
Of course, it matters.

943
00:42:12,700 --> 00:42:14,435
You nearly beat someone
to death on my behalf

944
00:42:14,468 --> 00:42:16,404
and I don't even know
who you are or why you did it.

945
00:42:16,437 --> 00:42:19,940
On the first point,
I did not beat him to death,

946
00:42:19,974 --> 00:42:21,510
I merely rendered
him unconscious.

947
00:42:21,542 --> 00:42:23,577
Secondly, you know my name!

948
00:42:23,611 --> 00:42:25,312
And thirdly,
you know what I want to do.

949
00:42:25,346 --> 00:42:28,149
Now, any more information
is totally superfluous.

950
00:42:28,182 --> 00:42:29,850
Look, I don't want
any part of this, okay?

951
00:42:29,884 --> 00:42:34,655
So just let us go
and get that guy in there.

952
00:42:34,688 --> 00:42:35,322
Henry, Henry.

953
00:42:35,356 --> 00:42:36,490
- Henry.
- Yeah.

954
00:42:36,525 --> 00:42:39,827
Some help and I...
we'll uh, just uh, you know,

955
00:42:39,860 --> 00:42:40,728
forget we ever saw this.

956
00:42:40,761 --> 00:42:45,132
Oh, I... unfortunately,
I don't think

957
00:42:45,166 --> 00:42:47,234
we're ever gonna forget this.

958
00:42:47,268 --> 00:42:50,404
You know,
you're really worrying me

959
00:42:50,438 --> 00:42:53,307
because right at the moment,
I... I... I'm...

960
00:42:53,340 --> 00:42:55,776
I confess I'm surprised
by your response.

961
00:42:55,810 --> 00:42:57,044
Surprised?

962
00:42:57,078 --> 00:42:59,046
You expect me to bring
the gasoline to torch his body?

963
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,448
Whoa, whoa, okay.

964
00:43:00,481 --> 00:43:03,150
Archie,
not that Dave is not grateful

965
00:43:03,184 --> 00:43:05,486
and this isn't a tremendous
gesture of...

966
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:06,887
of support on your part,

967
00:43:06,921 --> 00:43:08,189
but what I think
Dave is saying...

968
00:43:08,222 --> 00:43:10,825
I don't give a fuck
what Dave thinks

969
00:43:10,858 --> 00:43:13,661
he's trying to say.

970
00:43:13,694 --> 00:43:16,097
Nor do I appreciate
any assistance from somebody

971
00:43:16,130 --> 00:43:17,898
who has to rely
on a complete stranger

972
00:43:17,932 --> 00:43:20,968
to do the job that she should
have done herself

973
00:43:21,001 --> 00:43:22,703
for her best friend.

974
00:43:22,736 --> 00:43:26,607
You expected me
to kidnap the groom?

975
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,142
Oh.
Was I supposed to do that?

976
00:43:28,175 --> 00:43:29,310
No!
No!

977
00:43:29,343 --> 00:43:30,377
Of course, not!
This guy is insane.

978
00:43:30,411 --> 00:43:31,045
I would do...
I would do anything for you!

979
00:43:31,078 --> 00:43:32,179
Stop! Stop! Stop!

980
00:43:32,213 --> 00:43:33,114
All right, all right, all right.

981
00:43:34,115 --> 00:43:35,584
Let's just...

982
00:43:35,616 --> 00:43:36,817
I don't want any part of this.

983
00:43:36,851 --> 00:43:37,685
Part of this?

984
00:43:37,718 --> 00:43:40,921
Oh, Dave,
you're the whole of this.

985
00:43:40,955 --> 00:43:41,922
Bullshit!

986
00:43:43,724 --> 00:43:46,827
Okay. I didn't do this,
you did.

987
00:43:46,861 --> 00:43:48,563
Let's get out of here.
I'm calling the cops.

988
00:43:48,597 --> 00:43:49,897
Okay.

989
00:43:49,930 --> 00:43:50,931
You go call the cops.

990
00:43:50,965 --> 00:43:54,168
And in the meantime,
I'm gonna drown Henry here

991
00:43:54,201 --> 00:43:55,504
in the toilet.

992
00:43:56,871 --> 00:44:01,675
By the time the cops get here,
poor Henry is going to be dead.

993
00:44:02,710 --> 00:44:04,812
And then you're gonna have
a little dilemma,

994
00:44:04,845 --> 00:44:08,315
aren't you,
because I'm going to tell them

995
00:44:08,349 --> 00:44:11,752
that I saw you dragging him
into the toilet.

996
00:44:11,785 --> 00:44:16,558
And you,
the demented, obsessive,

997
00:44:16,591 --> 00:44:22,096
possessive ex-boyfriend
of the divine and lovely Denise

998
00:44:22,129 --> 00:44:27,768
is going to have to explain
how her husband-to-be

999
00:44:27,801 --> 00:44:32,873
ended up dead meeting you
on the very morning

1000
00:44:32,907 --> 00:44:35,242
of their marriage.

1001
00:44:35,276 --> 00:44:37,077
- We are fucked.
- How can we be fucked, okay?

1002
00:44:38,078 --> 00:44:39,180
This is all his doing.

1003
00:44:39,213 --> 00:44:40,214
We didn't do any of this.

1004
00:44:40,247 --> 00:44:41,415
I know that and you know that,

1005
00:44:41,448 --> 00:44:46,253
but even I would believe
his story over ours.

1006
00:44:46,287 --> 00:44:47,589
Why are you doing this to me?

1007
00:44:47,622 --> 00:44:50,991
All's fair in love and war.

1008
00:44:51,025 --> 00:44:53,227
And you want to know why?

1009
00:44:53,260 --> 00:44:54,862
There's not much difference
between the two.

1010
00:44:54,895 --> 00:44:56,397
What the hell
does that even mean?

1011
00:44:56,430 --> 00:45:00,000
What it means is this,
you do whatever you can,

1012
00:45:00,034 --> 00:45:06,106
whenever you can,
however you can in order to win.

1013
00:45:06,140 --> 00:45:08,309
True that.

1014
00:45:08,342 --> 00:45:10,612
Every gambler is looking
for a competitive edge.

1015
00:45:10,645 --> 00:45:11,546
And what's your edge?

1016
00:45:11,580 --> 00:45:13,280
Let me show you your edge.

1017
00:45:13,314 --> 00:45:14,616
This is Henry here.

1018
00:45:14,649 --> 00:45:18,252
Henry here is your main rival
for Denise's affections.

1019
00:45:18,285 --> 00:45:19,887
And as we can see...

1020
00:45:21,822 --> 00:45:25,059
Henry here is in no position
to fight you over her.

1021
00:45:25,092 --> 00:45:26,060
Am I right, Henry?

1022
00:45:26,093 --> 00:45:27,728
Am I right?

1023
00:45:27,761 --> 00:45:28,996
Okay.

1024
00:45:29,029 --> 00:45:30,064
Good boy.

1025
00:45:30,097 --> 00:45:31,198
Nice job.

1026
00:45:31,232 --> 00:45:32,534
Nice job.

1027
00:45:32,567 --> 00:45:37,871
So instead of hanging around
and bitching and moaning,

1028
00:45:37,905 --> 00:45:39,873
why don't you take
this opportunity

1029
00:45:39,907 --> 00:45:42,644
that presents itself
and get back the girl

1030
00:45:42,677 --> 00:45:44,579
you claimed
that you are in love with?

1031
00:45:44,613 --> 00:45:45,779
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1032
00:45:45,813 --> 00:45:47,381
I'm sure the kidnapping
and beating of her fiancé

1033
00:45:47,414 --> 00:45:49,183
is exactly the thing
that's gonna convince her

1034
00:45:49,216 --> 00:45:52,152
that she should be with me.

1035
00:45:52,186 --> 00:45:56,290
It is a little romantic.

1036
00:45:56,323 --> 00:45:57,559
What?

1037
00:45:57,592 --> 00:45:59,393
Shakespearean, really,
even if you think about it.

1038
00:45:59,426 --> 00:46:00,562
Stop talking, Morris.

1039
00:46:00,595 --> 00:46:03,998
A guy willing to go
to this extreme to win back

1040
00:46:04,031 --> 00:46:04,765
the woman that he loves.

1041
00:46:04,798 --> 00:46:07,901
Oh, fantastic attitude, Morris!

1042
00:46:07,935 --> 00:46:08,902
Huh, thank you!

1043
00:46:08,936 --> 00:46:09,738
Whoa!

1044
00:46:09,770 --> 00:46:10,572
Archie.

1045
00:46:10,605 --> 00:46:12,139
Yeah.

1046
00:46:12,172 --> 00:46:13,974
Come on.

1047
00:46:14,008 --> 00:46:15,776
We're talking about assault
and kidnapping here.

1048
00:46:15,809 --> 00:46:18,580
Are you saying that you do not
want Denise back?

1049
00:46:18,613 --> 00:46:19,581
Of cour... I do... I...

1050
00:46:19,614 --> 00:46:20,781
Because you said
you'd do anything

1051
00:46:20,814 --> 00:46:22,517
- to get her back.
- I would, I...

1052
00:46:22,550 --> 00:46:23,951
Ah, but you didn't
actually mean that.

1053
00:46:23,984 --> 00:46:25,553
- I did.
- No, no, no, no, no.

1054
00:46:25,587 --> 00:46:27,689
What you meant was
you would do anything

1055
00:46:27,722 --> 00:46:33,060
as long as it was simple,
neat, and nobody got hurt.

1056
00:46:33,093 --> 00:46:34,562
Yeah.
Is there something wrong with that?

1057
00:46:34,596 --> 00:46:35,996
Oh, there's nothing wrong
with that at all.

1058
00:46:36,030 --> 00:46:39,199
Except for the fact
that the bloody world

1059
00:46:39,233 --> 00:46:40,669
doesn't work that way!

1060
00:46:40,702 --> 00:46:44,405
This is the way the world
fucking works!

1061
00:46:46,473 --> 00:46:50,344
You pollyannish shithead!

1062
00:46:59,953 --> 00:47:01,790
Nobody curious?

1063
00:47:15,537 --> 00:47:16,403
It's from Denise.

1064
00:47:16,437 --> 00:47:18,405
Oh, no!

1065
00:47:18,439 --> 00:47:20,107
Ooh!

1066
00:47:20,140 --> 00:47:24,044
"Know I made you promise
not to see me before wedding

1067
00:47:24,078 --> 00:47:25,846
but where are you?

1068
00:47:25,879 --> 00:47:28,349
You should
have been here by now.

1069
00:47:28,382 --> 00:47:29,751
#coldfeet?

1070
00:47:29,784 --> 00:47:30,819
LOL."

1071
00:47:30,851 --> 00:47:32,252
Oh, L-O-L.

1072
00:47:32,286 --> 00:47:32,953
I love that.

1073
00:47:32,986 --> 00:47:33,987
Oh!

1074
00:47:34,021 --> 00:47:35,590
Oh, wow!

1075
00:47:35,623 --> 00:47:40,194
And she's given him
an emoji kissy face.

1076
00:47:41,395 --> 00:47:42,831
Oh, I fucking love those.

1077
00:47:42,863 --> 00:47:44,064
Do you get a lot of those?

1078
00:47:46,668 --> 00:47:48,469
Oh, I love it.

1079
00:47:48,502 --> 00:47:50,137
Does she ever do that with you?

1080
00:47:50,170 --> 00:47:51,438
Hey, Dave!

1081
00:47:51,472 --> 00:47:55,142
How about we send Denise
a nice message?

1082
00:47:55,175 --> 00:47:57,812
L-O-L.

1083
00:47:58,546 --> 00:47:59,380
Stop, stop, stop!

1084
00:48:00,381 --> 00:48:01,516
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

1085
00:48:01,549 --> 00:48:02,650
Look.
Okay.

1086
00:48:02,684 --> 00:48:05,553
Look, I appreciate
what you're doing,

1087
00:48:05,587 --> 00:48:06,688
I really do.
Thank you.

1088
00:48:06,721 --> 00:48:10,525
You're... you're very terrific,
obviously insane,

1089
00:48:10,558 --> 00:48:12,727
but caring guy to take the time
to help me out,

1090
00:48:12,761 --> 00:48:15,764
but I've changed my mind.

1091
00:48:15,797 --> 00:48:17,998
I'm over Denise,
I don't want her anymore,

1092
00:48:18,031 --> 00:48:20,869
so just let him go.

1093
00:48:20,901 --> 00:48:22,570
We'll all go on our merry way.

1094
00:48:22,604 --> 00:48:24,238
Nobody's going
on their merry way.

1095
00:48:24,271 --> 00:48:25,507
No.

1096
00:48:25,540 --> 00:48:27,542
Oh, come on, Dave,
live in the real world.

1097
00:48:27,575 --> 00:48:28,942
Do you think Henry here
is gonna forget

1098
00:48:28,976 --> 00:48:31,546
all about this
if we close shop and run?

1099
00:48:31,579 --> 00:48:32,413
Yeah, he will.

1100
00:48:32,446 --> 00:48:34,348
You will, won't you?

1101
00:48:34,381 --> 00:48:35,449
See?

1102
00:48:35,482 --> 00:48:36,851
- You trust him?
- Yeah, sure.

1103
00:48:36,885 --> 00:48:38,485
Well, shouldn't you
get to know him a bit more

1104
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:39,554
before you trust him?

1105
00:48:39,587 --> 00:48:41,355
I... I don't think that
that's necessary.

1106
00:48:41,388 --> 00:48:42,757
Well, I do think it's necessary.

1107
00:48:42,791 --> 00:48:43,991
All right,
let's find a few

1108
00:48:44,024 --> 00:48:46,093
trust-making questions,
shall we?

1109
00:48:46,126 --> 00:48:48,696
Oh, one immediately
comes to mind.

1110
00:48:48,730 --> 00:48:52,433
Why don't you ask him
when did you start

1111
00:48:52,466 --> 00:48:54,168
fucking Denise?

1112
00:48:56,303 --> 00:48:57,204
What?

1113
00:48:57,237 --> 00:49:01,175
When did you start
sleeping with Denise?

1114
00:49:01,208 --> 00:49:02,510
I'm not asking him that.

1115
00:49:02,544 --> 00:49:05,045
Okay, okay,
let's try it a different way.

1116
00:49:05,078 --> 00:49:07,649
When did you
and Denise break up?

1117
00:49:07,682 --> 00:49:08,650
I don't remember.

1118
00:49:08,683 --> 00:49:09,349
Come on.

1119
00:49:11,251 --> 00:49:14,756
You obsess over this girl 24/7
and you can't remember

1120
00:49:14,789 --> 00:49:17,892
when you broke up?

1121
00:49:17,926 --> 00:49:20,194
Well, let's pull it up
the ether, shall we?

1122
00:49:20,227 --> 00:49:21,796
So say about 12 months ago.

1123
00:49:21,830 --> 00:49:22,630
How did you know that?

1124
00:49:22,664 --> 00:49:25,432
One question at a time, Dave.

1125
00:49:25,466 --> 00:49:27,501
And right now...

1126
00:49:33,808 --> 00:49:37,946
Now, the pertinent question is

1127
00:49:37,978 --> 00:49:41,850
when did you first
start fucking Denise?

1128
00:49:43,450 --> 00:49:45,887
Henry, focus, focus,

1129
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,121
because I'm only gonna ask you
nicely once.

1130
00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:50,658
It's two years.

1131
00:49:50,692 --> 00:49:51,926
Two years ago.

1132
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:54,127
Two years ago?

1133
00:49:54,161 --> 00:49:56,096
Wait a minute, my maths.

1134
00:49:56,129 --> 00:49:58,967
Let's see,
that means you were fucking her

1135
00:49:58,999 --> 00:50:01,368
one year before she dumped you.

1136
00:50:01,401 --> 00:50:02,402
He's lying.

1137
00:50:02,436 --> 00:50:05,773
Oh, he can't be
lying, you trust him.

1138
00:50:05,807 --> 00:50:07,441
Say you're lying,
you son of a bitch.

1139
00:50:07,474 --> 00:50:08,810
Admit that you're lying.

1140
00:50:08,843 --> 00:50:10,512
Maybe we can ask him
a few more interesting...

1141
00:50:10,545 --> 00:50:11,813
- Say that you're lying!
- Hey! Hey!

1142
00:50:11,846 --> 00:50:12,780
All right, you can stop.

1143
00:50:12,814 --> 00:50:13,848
You made your point,
you can stop.

1144
00:50:13,882 --> 00:50:15,182
Oh, oh.

1145
00:50:15,215 --> 00:50:16,149
Okay.
All right.

1146
00:50:16,183 --> 00:50:17,619
No more questions.

1147
00:50:17,652 --> 00:50:19,253
Sorry, Henry,
that means we don't need

1148
00:50:19,286 --> 00:50:20,522
any more answers.

1149
00:50:20,555 --> 00:50:22,857
So thank you, Henry,
you did well.

1150
00:50:22,891 --> 00:50:24,692
You did very well.

1151
00:50:27,962 --> 00:50:28,997
Who are you, for real?

1152
00:50:29,029 --> 00:50:30,932
I wanna know exactly
who you are.

1153
00:50:30,965 --> 00:50:31,966
Sincerely,
I don't think it's a good idea

1154
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,935
to mess with this guy, okay?

1155
00:50:33,968 --> 00:50:37,539
Is it okay to come in?

1156
00:50:37,572 --> 00:50:38,973
Just one more minute, sir.

1157
00:50:39,007 --> 00:50:40,073
Thank you.

1158
00:50:44,378 --> 00:50:46,413
Right, thank you.

1159
00:50:46,446 --> 00:50:47,749
I...

1160
00:50:53,287 --> 00:50:55,023
Good, good.

1161
00:50:59,326 --> 00:51:03,297
Okay, you can do this.

1162
00:51:03,330 --> 00:51:04,464
Good.

1163
00:51:04,498 --> 00:51:05,432
Good.

1164
00:51:08,036 --> 00:51:10,337
You can come in now, sir.

1165
00:51:10,370 --> 00:51:11,104
Come in, sir.

1166
00:51:11,138 --> 00:51:12,172
Come in.

1167
00:51:15,009 --> 00:51:17,444
Oh, pay no attention
to the girl.

1168
00:51:17,477 --> 00:51:19,313
This is a unisex bathroom.

1169
00:51:21,616 --> 00:51:23,183
Okay.

1170
00:51:23,216 --> 00:51:26,888
Feel free to launch
when necessary.

1171
00:51:29,824 --> 00:51:30,858
Oh, I know that feeling.

1172
00:51:30,892 --> 00:51:32,860
- Oh.
- Oh, yes.

1173
00:51:32,894 --> 00:51:35,597
Ah, don't worry about this
new crew in training.

1174
00:51:35,630 --> 00:51:37,599
Ah.

1175
00:51:37,632 --> 00:51:38,600
Going well, hey?

1176
00:51:40,768 --> 00:51:43,671
Okay.

1177
00:51:43,705 --> 00:51:46,074
Are you still choking
that python, sir?

1178
00:51:47,675 --> 00:51:49,811
Yes, sir,
you take your time.

1179
00:51:49,844 --> 00:51:52,412
Oh, I'm good.

1180
00:51:52,446 --> 00:51:53,280
- Good?
- Yeah.

1181
00:51:53,313 --> 00:51:54,147
Yeah.

1182
00:51:54,181 --> 00:51:56,350
Yes!

1183
00:51:56,383 --> 00:51:57,518
Oh.

1184
00:51:57,552 --> 00:51:58,920
Boy, you needed that.

1185
00:51:58,953 --> 00:52:01,154
- Whoo.
- Oh-ho.

1186
00:52:01,188 --> 00:52:02,489
Wash the hands.

1187
00:52:02,523 --> 00:52:04,291
Good, man.

1188
00:52:07,795 --> 00:52:10,230
For you, sir.

1189
00:52:10,263 --> 00:52:11,733
What the fuck is going on?

1190
00:52:11,766 --> 00:52:13,001
Allow me.

1191
00:52:23,011 --> 00:52:24,812
Why, thank you, sir.

1192
00:52:24,846 --> 00:52:26,179
Thank you.
Thank you.

1193
00:52:26,213 --> 00:52:30,150
And in return,
let me give you this.

1194
00:52:34,421 --> 00:52:36,189
It will bring you good luck.

1195
00:52:45,099 --> 00:52:47,234
You come back
in a few beers now.

1196
00:52:48,435 --> 00:52:49,504
Oh, Jesus.

1197
00:52:49,537 --> 00:52:51,939
Right.

1198
00:52:51,973 --> 00:52:54,075
Now, very soon
we will have an avalanche

1199
00:52:54,108 --> 00:52:57,745
of happy-hour misfits
descending on the place.

1200
00:52:57,779 --> 00:53:02,684
So I think we should split
and then reconvene

1201
00:53:02,717 --> 00:53:05,553
somewhere else to consider
our next move.

1202
00:53:05,586 --> 00:53:06,521
Next move?

1203
00:53:06,554 --> 00:53:07,354
What next move?

1204
00:53:07,387 --> 00:53:09,222
Now, I think we'll use
your place.

1205
00:53:09,256 --> 00:53:10,892
We are not reconvening
at my place.

1206
00:53:10,925 --> 00:53:13,561
Yes. Now, my car is only
a little coupe,

1207
00:53:13,594 --> 00:53:14,829
won't take four.

1208
00:53:14,862 --> 00:53:15,963
The other one's had
a fender bender,

1209
00:53:15,997 --> 00:53:17,865
so we'll be using
your car as well.

1210
00:53:17,899 --> 00:53:20,200
Oh, and one more thing,
just in case you two

1211
00:53:20,233 --> 00:53:22,302
were thinking of doing
something stupid,

1212
00:53:22,335 --> 00:53:24,337
but you were hesitating
because you thought

1213
00:53:24,371 --> 00:53:25,606
that I might be armed.

1214
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:29,644
And yes, I am armed.

1215
00:53:29,677 --> 00:53:32,680
And this is not a toilet roll.

1216
00:53:32,714 --> 00:53:33,614
All right.

1217
00:53:33,648 --> 00:53:35,016
All right,
why don't we all go back

1218
00:53:35,049 --> 00:53:38,553
to your place and we will deal
with everything from there.

1219
00:53:38,586 --> 00:53:40,454
- Are we agreed on that?
- Yeah.

1220
00:53:40,487 --> 00:53:41,354
- Good.
- Agreed?

1221
00:53:41,388 --> 00:53:42,123
Ah-uh-uh...

1222
00:53:42,156 --> 00:53:43,256
What are we gonna do
with him?

1223
00:53:43,290 --> 00:53:45,093
Henry? Oh, we got to take Henry
with us.

1224
00:53:45,126 --> 00:53:46,561
I'm not bringing him back
to my apartment.

1225
00:53:46,594 --> 00:53:50,031
I promise you he will not bleed
on your upholstery,

1226
00:53:50,064 --> 00:53:51,498
will you, Henry?

1227
00:53:51,532 --> 00:53:53,366
See? Right.

1228
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:55,335
Okay.

1229
00:53:55,368 --> 00:53:57,337
Untie him now.

1230
00:53:57,370 --> 00:53:58,005
Come on!
Untie him!

1231
00:53:58,039 --> 00:53:59,140
Oh, Jesus.

1232
00:53:59,173 --> 00:54:00,775
Well, how are we gonna
get him out of here

1233
00:54:00,808 --> 00:54:01,876
without attracting attention?

1234
00:54:01,909 --> 00:54:04,244
You think anyone would notice
in this place?

1235
00:54:04,277 --> 00:54:06,246
However,
this is what we're going to do.

1236
00:54:06,279 --> 00:54:09,817
Henry and I are going
to very calmly walk out of here.

1237
00:54:09,851 --> 00:54:12,186
Of course,
my gun is gonna be

1238
00:54:12,220 --> 00:54:14,254
in the base of his spine.

1239
00:54:14,287 --> 00:54:15,790
Right, Henry?

1240
00:54:15,823 --> 00:54:18,025
Okay.

1241
00:54:18,059 --> 00:54:20,260
You're not gonna scream
or shout or anything like that,

1242
00:54:20,293 --> 00:54:20,928
are you?

1243
00:54:20,962 --> 00:54:22,964
Good boy.

1244
00:54:22,997 --> 00:54:23,798
Thank you, Henry.

1245
00:54:23,831 --> 00:54:25,900
You don't need that anymore.

1246
00:54:25,933 --> 00:54:26,801
Okay?

1247
00:54:26,834 --> 00:54:29,302
Now, Henry, stand up.

1248
00:54:29,336 --> 00:54:30,337
Straight.

1249
00:54:30,370 --> 00:54:31,038
Very good.

1250
00:54:31,072 --> 00:54:32,907
Extend that arm.

1251
00:54:32,940 --> 00:54:33,875
All right.

1252
00:54:33,908 --> 00:54:35,042
Very good.

1253
00:54:35,076 --> 00:54:39,046
Now, then, very slowly,
like old friend.

1254
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:40,248
- You're feeling good, Henry?
- Yeah.

1255
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:41,082
- Sure?
- Mmm.

1256
00:54:41,115 --> 00:54:42,583
Good man.

1257
00:54:42,617 --> 00:54:45,153
1, 2...

1258
00:54:45,186 --> 00:54:49,924
Oh, uh now,
you two will count to 10

1259
00:54:49,957 --> 00:54:52,860
and follow calmly
walking through the front door,

1260
00:54:52,894 --> 00:54:53,828
okay?

1261
00:54:53,861 --> 00:54:56,329
Because I will be
counting as well

1262
00:54:56,363 --> 00:54:59,767
and you don't want me
to get to 11, right?

1263
00:54:59,801 --> 00:55:00,902
Right, Henry?

1264
00:55:00,935 --> 00:55:02,804
Right.

1265
00:55:02,837 --> 00:55:04,539
Good.

1266
00:55:04,572 --> 00:55:06,641
Come on, Henry.

1267
00:55:06,674 --> 00:55:09,409
Oh, Henry, a favor please?

1268
00:55:09,442 --> 00:55:11,045
Could you shut
this door behind you?

1269
00:55:11,078 --> 00:55:11,979
Yeah.

1270
00:55:12,013 --> 00:55:13,548
Thank you.

1271
00:55:13,581 --> 00:55:16,818
Manners maketh man.

1272
00:55:16,851 --> 00:55:17,685
And you...

1273
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:21,689
Poof.

1274
00:55:24,959 --> 00:55:27,195
7, 8, 9...

1275
00:55:58,292 --> 00:55:59,994
Great automobile
you've got here, Dave.

1276
00:56:00,027 --> 00:56:06,033
Myself, I've got a classic 1940
Ford Coupe, superb condition.

1277
00:56:06,067 --> 00:56:08,135
Could use a bigger trunk though.

1278
00:56:08,169 --> 00:56:11,371
What do you say, Henry?

1279
00:56:11,404 --> 00:56:12,874
You know,
it's been some years

1280
00:56:12,907 --> 00:56:17,345
since I've been
in the car-buying market,

1281
00:56:17,377 --> 00:56:19,947
but I would like your opinion,
David.

1282
00:56:19,981 --> 00:56:21,849
How do you stand
on the question,

1283
00:56:21,883 --> 00:56:23,618
lease or buy?

1284
00:56:23,651 --> 00:56:25,485
Hmm?

1285
00:56:25,519 --> 00:56:26,754
We're in the middle
of a kidnapping

1286
00:56:26,787 --> 00:56:29,290
and you wanna know my opinion
on whether to buy or lease?

1287
00:56:29,323 --> 00:56:31,759
I think if I were shopping,
I would definitely be

1288
00:56:31,792 --> 00:56:33,194
a lease man.

1289
00:56:33,227 --> 00:56:35,596
You know, new and shiny
is wonderful but it wears off

1290
00:56:35,630 --> 00:56:38,266
and then you've got all
those maintenance costs.

1291
00:56:38,299 --> 00:56:40,067
Frankly, I think you
just better walk away

1292
00:56:40,101 --> 00:56:42,136
and leave all that bullshit.

1293
00:56:42,169 --> 00:56:43,504
- Lease man? Really?
- Hmm.

1294
00:56:43,537 --> 00:56:45,773
Personally,
I think you're a crazy man.

1295
00:56:45,806 --> 00:56:46,874
Dave.

1296
00:56:46,908 --> 00:56:47,909
Dave, do be civil.

1297
00:56:47,942 --> 00:56:49,310
Come on now.

1298
00:56:49,343 --> 00:56:51,846
I'm just... I'm just trying
to conduct a nice conversation.

1299
00:56:51,879 --> 00:56:53,413
You wanna make conversation?

1300
00:56:53,446 --> 00:56:54,982
Isn't it about time you tell us
who you are?

1301
00:56:55,016 --> 00:56:56,416
I mean is this what you do
for a living?

1302
00:56:57,652 --> 00:56:58,753
Living?

1303
00:56:58,786 --> 00:57:01,488
When you file a tax return
where it says profession,

1304
00:57:01,522 --> 00:57:04,491
do you put deranged violent
kidnapper in the name of love

1305
00:57:04,525 --> 00:57:07,361
or is torturing people
you don't know just a hobby?

1306
00:57:08,495 --> 00:57:11,431
Do I look like someone
who files a tax return?

1307
00:57:14,602 --> 00:57:16,070
Ah, relax, kids.

1308
00:57:16,103 --> 00:57:19,073
You're not in the hands
of an amateur.

1309
00:57:19,106 --> 00:57:23,344
I have done this many times.

1310
00:57:23,377 --> 00:57:26,714
Many, many, many times.

1311
00:57:26,747 --> 00:57:30,685
In fact, sometimes I think
I've been doing it forever.

1312
00:57:30,718 --> 00:57:33,387
So as I get older,
if you think I'm getting

1313
00:57:33,421 --> 00:57:36,489
a little more rough,
if I'm not quite exuding

1314
00:57:36,524 --> 00:57:39,694
that enthusiasm
that once I exuded,

1315
00:57:39,727 --> 00:57:43,364
if I'm not doing everything
with a sweet smile anymore,

1316
00:57:43,397 --> 00:57:46,634
it's because I'm so
fucking tired of dealing

1317
00:57:46,667 --> 00:57:49,704
with you fucking morons!

1318
00:57:51,172 --> 00:57:52,139
Yeah, forget it.

1319
00:57:52,173 --> 00:57:53,240
Forget, forget what I said.

1320
00:57:53,274 --> 00:57:55,509
Forget what I said.

1321
00:57:55,543 --> 00:57:58,746
Put some music on,
maybe it'll soothe

1322
00:57:58,779 --> 00:58:00,014
the savage beast.

1323
00:58:00,047 --> 00:58:02,316
Amen to that.

1324
00:58:02,350 --> 00:58:04,986
If music be the food of love,
play on.

1325
00:58:05,019 --> 00:58:07,922
Give me a playlist.

1326
00:58:07,955 --> 00:58:13,260
Give me excess of it,
that surfeiting the appetite

1327
00:58:13,294 --> 00:58:16,564
may sicken and so die.

1328
00:58:21,802 --> 00:58:23,771
<i>Coldplay?</i>

1329
00:58:23,804 --> 00:58:26,007
<i>The Scientists?</i>

1330
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,108
Huh, sad.

1331
00:58:28,376 --> 00:58:30,144
<i>The Cure?</i>

1332
00:58:30,177 --> 00:58:32,279
<i>Pictures of You?</i>

1333
00:58:32,313 --> 00:58:36,017
Oh, depressing.

1334
00:58:36,050 --> 00:58:37,218
<i>Pinocchio?</i>

1335
00:58:37,251 --> 00:58:39,086
<i>Wish Upon a Star.</i>

1336
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:40,521
<i>Pinocchio?</i>

1337
00:58:40,554 --> 00:58:43,924
Is this your pending
suicide playlist?

1338
00:58:43,958 --> 00:58:45,292
Right?

1339
00:58:45,326 --> 00:58:48,763
Count 12 months of this,
it is a cry for help, isn't it?

1340
00:58:48,796 --> 00:58:49,597
A cry for help?

1341
00:58:49,630 --> 00:58:51,032
This isn't
a fucking cry for help,

1342
00:58:51,065 --> 00:58:52,933
this is a scream valve.

1343
00:58:52,967 --> 00:58:54,435
Here, take the gun.
Do it.

1344
00:58:54,468 --> 00:58:55,536
Blow your brains out now.

1345
00:58:55,569 --> 00:58:56,937
Come on.
Let's save us all.

1346
00:58:56,971 --> 00:58:57,705
- Come on!
- Hey!

1347
00:58:57,738 --> 00:58:58,672
Come on!
Let's do it.

1348
00:58:58,706 --> 00:59:00,641
Even before the breakup,
his choice in music

1349
00:59:00,674 --> 00:59:01,942
was very depressing.

1350
00:59:01,976 --> 00:59:03,010
Oh.

1351
00:59:03,044 --> 00:59:05,212
- Hey, Denise loved my music.
- Okay.

1352
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:09,216
What are you laughing at?

1353
00:59:12,787 --> 00:59:15,856
Wait a minute,
we have another music critic

1354
00:59:15,890 --> 00:59:18,359
in the car with us as well.

1355
00:59:18,392 --> 00:59:24,098
Henry, I bet you and Denise
have a very special song,

1356
00:59:24,131 --> 00:59:25,266
don't you?

1357
00:59:25,299 --> 00:59:27,902
Henry, what is it?

1358
00:59:27,935 --> 00:59:28,836
Henry!

1359
00:59:28,869 --> 00:59:31,739
I did promise Dave
that there wouldn't be

1360
00:59:31,772 --> 00:59:34,775
any blood on the upholstery
but that doesn't exclude

1361
00:59:34,809 --> 00:59:36,911
internal bleeding.

1362
00:59:36,944 --> 00:59:38,712
What's the song?

1363
00:59:41,849 --> 00:59:44,051
- Marvin Gaye, <i>Sexual Healing.</i>
- No!

1364
00:59:45,554 --> 00:59:46,687
- No!
- Oh, take it easy.

1365
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:47,655
Hey!

1366
00:59:52,259 --> 00:59:53,861
Oh, I love it!

1367
01:00:05,172 --> 01:00:06,474
Man, you must really love her.

1368
01:00:06,508 --> 01:00:07,942
Not that it's any
of your fucking business

1369
01:00:07,975 --> 01:00:10,111
but yes, I do.

1370
01:00:10,144 --> 01:00:11,546
I love her.

1371
01:00:11,580 --> 01:00:12,680
Don't you?

1372
01:00:12,713 --> 01:00:15,216
I mean,
you're the guy in the tux.

1373
01:00:15,249 --> 01:00:16,518
Yeah, I mean...
I mean I love her

1374
01:00:16,551 --> 01:00:18,953
but I'm not sure I love her
as much as that guy.

1375
01:00:18,986 --> 01:00:20,421
Hey.

1376
01:00:20,454 --> 01:00:23,090
Well, you better be sure,
because if you think

1377
01:00:23,124 --> 01:00:25,226
you're a prisoner now,
just wait till you're married,

1378
01:00:25,259 --> 01:00:29,697
you... you could be looking back
on being stuffed down a toilet

1379
01:00:29,730 --> 01:00:32,800
and beaten up as the best part
of your life.

1380
01:00:32,833 --> 01:00:33,901
If you're not sure you love her
that much,

1381
01:00:33,934 --> 01:00:36,003
then why are you marrying her?

1382
01:00:36,036 --> 01:00:38,372
You know how it is.

1383
01:00:38,405 --> 01:00:45,212
She's...
truth is we don't really

1384
01:00:45,246 --> 01:00:50,251
have that much in common
except for... you know.

1385
01:00:51,785 --> 01:00:53,254
Marvin.

1386
01:00:59,960 --> 01:01:03,397
Ah, well, it sounds to me
as if the groom here

1387
01:01:03,430 --> 01:01:07,569
is having second thoughts.

1388
01:01:07,602 --> 01:01:09,670
It would be amazing, ey,
if this kidnapping

1389
01:01:09,703 --> 01:01:12,139
turned out to be
a rescue mission.

1390
01:01:21,715 --> 01:01:24,852
Okay, Henry,
you sit down there.

1391
01:01:24,885 --> 01:01:27,522
And if you promise
that you will not move

1392
01:01:27,556 --> 01:01:31,492
until I tell you,
I will not tie you up again.

1393
01:01:31,526 --> 01:01:32,993
Anyone want something to drink?

1394
01:01:33,027 --> 01:01:34,295
I'm not hosting a party, okay?

1395
01:01:34,328 --> 01:01:35,930
I wanna get this over with
as soon as possible.

1396
01:01:35,963 --> 01:01:37,898
I'll take a beer.

1397
01:01:37,932 --> 01:01:38,899
And I'm famished.

1398
01:01:38,933 --> 01:01:41,101
Is there anywhere around here
we can order in?

1399
01:01:41,135 --> 01:01:43,938
Yes. There is a great deli
just right up the street.

1400
01:01:43,971 --> 01:01:45,105
- I mean...
- Hmm.

1401
01:01:45,139 --> 01:01:46,307
But are they quick?

1402
01:01:46,340 --> 01:01:47,741
'Cause we haven't got
much time, yeah?

1403
01:01:47,775 --> 01:01:50,177
We got to get Dave
back to the church.

1404
01:01:50,211 --> 01:01:51,613
What?

1405
01:01:51,646 --> 01:01:53,280
I thought we were coming here
to discuss what to do next.

1406
01:01:53,314 --> 01:01:54,583
Dave?

1407
01:01:54,616 --> 01:01:56,183
Well, we have discussed
the next move

1408
01:01:56,217 --> 01:02:00,721
and the next move is this,
you are going to see Denise.

1409
01:02:00,754 --> 01:02:05,292
You understand that nothing
can happen until you do

1410
01:02:05,326 --> 01:02:07,795
what you need to do.

1411
01:02:07,828 --> 01:02:08,929
But you knew that?

1412
01:02:11,966 --> 01:02:13,901
Archie, what kind of sandwich
do you want?

1413
01:02:13,934 --> 01:02:16,270
What's their pastrami like?

1414
01:02:16,303 --> 01:02:18,172
She's not gonna take me back.

1415
01:02:18,205 --> 01:02:19,740
You know, I don't know.

1416
01:02:19,773 --> 01:02:21,108
I only get the corned beef.

1417
01:02:21,141 --> 01:02:22,309
Ah, what the heck.

1418
01:02:22,343 --> 01:02:23,811
I'm gonna live dangerous today.

1419
01:02:23,844 --> 01:02:26,180
I'll take the pastrami,
extra lean

1420
01:02:26,213 --> 01:02:27,481
or I'd come down there.

1421
01:02:27,515 --> 01:02:29,149
I mean what am I
gonna even say to her?

1422
01:02:29,183 --> 01:02:30,451
That is extra lean, please.

1423
01:02:30,484 --> 01:02:31,952
Uh, trust me,
you do not want this guy

1424
01:02:31,986 --> 01:02:32,920
coming down there.

1425
01:02:32,953 --> 01:02:34,288
And roast beef for Henry.

1426
01:02:34,321 --> 01:02:35,557
I don't like roast beef.

1427
01:02:35,590 --> 01:02:39,159
Who cares what you like!

1428
01:02:39,193 --> 01:02:41,630
You wanna try the pastrami?

1429
01:02:41,663 --> 01:02:44,198
Ham and cheese on a Kaiser roll.

1430
01:02:44,231 --> 01:02:45,600
What the hell is going on here?

1431
01:02:45,634 --> 01:02:49,571
And ham and cheese
on a Kaiser for Henry.

1432
01:02:49,604 --> 01:02:52,707
Archie, how can I go
to Denise now?

1433
01:02:52,741 --> 01:02:55,476
How would I even begin
to explain any of this?

1434
01:02:55,510 --> 01:02:58,112
Oh, does anybody wanna know
what the soup of the day?

1435
01:02:58,145 --> 01:02:59,179
Seriously?

1436
01:02:59,213 --> 01:03:01,181
Archie?

1437
01:03:01,215 --> 01:03:04,151
Well, it would help
if you tell us what the fuck

1438
01:03:04,184 --> 01:03:05,553
sort of soup it is.

1439
01:03:05,587 --> 01:03:06,453
Clam chowder.

1440
01:03:06,487 --> 01:03:08,155
New England clam chowder?

1441
01:03:08,188 --> 01:03:09,390
New England?

1442
01:03:09,423 --> 01:03:10,224
Manhattan.

1443
01:03:10,257 --> 01:03:11,726
Ugh.

1444
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:14,028
That is a hard no on the soup.

1445
01:03:14,061 --> 01:03:14,862
Thank you very much.

1446
01:03:14,895 --> 01:03:16,797
Well, there you have it,
young Dave.

1447
01:03:16,830 --> 01:03:20,568
You can either have
a New England clam chowder

1448
01:03:20,602 --> 01:03:24,471
sort of life,
which is rich and romantic

1449
01:03:24,506 --> 01:03:28,409
like a deep French kiss
on a warm summer day

1450
01:03:28,442 --> 01:03:35,249
or you can have
a Manhattan clam chowder

1451
01:03:35,282 --> 01:03:39,119
sort of life,
which is a brown

1452
01:03:39,153 --> 01:03:43,725
dreary vegetable soup
that smells like fish.

1453
01:03:45,259 --> 01:03:47,828
I want her back.

1454
01:03:47,861 --> 01:03:50,364
I do.

1455
01:03:50,397 --> 01:03:51,766
It's not gonna happen.

1456
01:03:51,800 --> 01:03:54,636
Man, you are unbelievable.

1457
01:03:54,669 --> 01:03:55,770
Did you say something?

1458
01:03:57,706 --> 01:04:00,341
I said you're unbelievable.

1459
01:04:00,374 --> 01:04:01,609
No wonder Denise
never even mentioned

1460
01:04:01,643 --> 01:04:03,010
your name to me.

1461
01:04:04,945 --> 01:04:07,549
I mean, if you don't think
she could want you back now,

1462
01:04:07,582 --> 01:04:09,016
then why would you think
she ever wanted you

1463
01:04:09,049 --> 01:04:11,118
in the first place?

1464
01:04:11,151 --> 01:04:12,587
Don't you get it?

1465
01:04:12,620 --> 01:04:14,723
Either give her credit
for falling in love with you

1466
01:04:14,756 --> 01:04:16,725
or pay her due respect
for breaking up with you,

1467
01:04:16,758 --> 01:04:18,793
but don't underestimate her.

1468
01:04:18,827 --> 01:04:21,362
Oh, I must have knocked
some sense in your head

1469
01:04:21,395 --> 01:04:22,697
after all.

1470
01:04:22,731 --> 01:04:24,766
Maybe I am underestimating her.

1471
01:04:29,738 --> 01:04:31,840
I don't wanna marry
Denise anymore.

1472
01:04:35,442 --> 01:04:39,213
I want New England clam chowder.

1473
01:04:39,246 --> 01:04:41,783
She's all yours.

1474
01:04:41,816 --> 01:04:43,484
What?

1475
01:04:43,518 --> 01:04:46,353
This just keeps getting
weirder and weirder.

1476
01:04:46,387 --> 01:04:49,123
Are you just saying that
because of him?

1477
01:04:49,156 --> 01:04:49,824
Yeah.

1478
01:04:49,858 --> 01:04:50,859
No.

1479
01:04:50,891 --> 01:04:51,925
No.

1480
01:04:51,959 --> 01:04:54,294
I mean granted I don't have
a lot of choice

1481
01:04:54,328 --> 01:04:56,531
in the matter, but no.

1482
01:04:56,564 --> 01:04:59,066
Now that I think about it,
I don't wanna marry her.

1483
01:04:59,099 --> 01:05:00,234
But this is Denise.

1484
01:05:00,267 --> 01:05:02,069
I know, man.
But look at you.

1485
01:05:02,102 --> 01:05:03,904
Huh, I mean, I barely know you
and I can tell

1486
01:05:03,937 --> 01:05:05,973
that she turned you inside out
and back again.

1487
01:05:06,006 --> 01:05:09,544
I am not ready to give myself,
heart and soul,

1488
01:05:09,577 --> 01:05:11,746
to someone who could
do that to me.

1489
01:05:11,780 --> 01:05:14,381
- Yes, man.
- Hmm.

1490
01:05:14,415 --> 01:05:16,584
What did I say in the car?

1491
01:05:16,618 --> 01:05:20,154
This is a rescue mission.

1492
01:05:22,557 --> 01:05:25,660
At last,
we're all on the same page.

1493
01:05:25,693 --> 01:05:26,594
- Let's go.
- Come on.

1494
01:05:26,628 --> 01:05:27,762
There's no way.

1495
01:05:27,796 --> 01:05:30,030
I mean... I mean,
just because he isn't in love

1496
01:05:30,063 --> 01:05:32,801
with her doesn't mean
that she isn't in love with him.

1497
01:05:32,834 --> 01:05:35,002
And even if she isn't,
doesn't mean that she's in love

1498
01:05:35,035 --> 01:05:36,036
with me anymore.

1499
01:05:36,069 --> 01:05:37,204
David.
Dave.

1500
01:05:37,237 --> 01:05:39,339
Before you knew that Denise
was getting married,

1501
01:05:39,373 --> 01:05:41,709
you were gonna go down there,
talk to her and tell her

1502
01:05:41,743 --> 01:05:44,178
how you felt to see
if that meant anything

1503
01:05:44,211 --> 01:05:46,380
to her still, right?

1504
01:05:46,413 --> 01:05:50,384
Okay? So as it turns out
she is not getting married,

1505
01:05:50,417 --> 01:05:52,085
so nothing has changed.

1506
01:06:09,303 --> 01:06:12,973
Maybe this can happen,
I mean really happen.

1507
01:06:13,006 --> 01:06:16,009
I knew I could make
a true believer of you.

1508
01:06:16,043 --> 01:06:17,812
Right, come on!

1509
01:06:17,846 --> 01:06:21,348
Okay, let's go and pick up
that food and get to the church.

1510
01:06:30,859 --> 01:06:33,227
This pastrami isn't lean.

1511
01:06:33,260 --> 01:06:34,161
It's not lean.

1512
01:06:34,194 --> 01:06:35,530
Call this lean?

1513
01:06:35,563 --> 01:06:36,831
I said lean.

1514
01:06:36,865 --> 01:06:38,065
And where's the mustard?

1515
01:06:40,568 --> 01:06:42,537
There is no mustard!

1516
01:06:42,570 --> 01:06:44,304
There's no mustard here!

1517
01:06:44,338 --> 01:06:46,841
Who's got the mustard?

1518
01:06:46,875 --> 01:06:49,109
You.

1519
01:06:49,142 --> 01:06:51,980
You. I knew I should have kept
that gag on you.

1520
01:06:52,012 --> 01:06:54,114
I want half of that
ham and cheese.

1521
01:06:54,147 --> 01:06:54,983
Why?

1522
01:06:55,015 --> 01:06:56,250
Why?

1523
01:06:56,283 --> 01:07:00,622
Because my pastrami is fatty,
because there is no mustard,

1524
01:07:00,655 --> 01:07:02,256
and because you're
my fucking prisoner,

1525
01:07:02,289 --> 01:07:04,626
give me the sandwich!

1526
01:07:04,659 --> 01:07:06,995
This is gonna make a
great story for the grandkids

1527
01:07:07,027 --> 01:07:07,762
someday.

1528
01:07:07,795 --> 01:07:08,997
Yours or mine?

1529
01:07:09,029 --> 01:07:10,464
Yours.

1530
01:07:10,497 --> 01:07:13,367
I am never getting married
and I'm never having kids.

1531
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:14,636
Hmm.

1532
01:07:14,669 --> 01:07:17,605
And what are you gonna do
when you fall in love?

1533
01:07:17,639 --> 01:07:19,774
Ugh, won't happen.

1534
01:07:19,807 --> 01:07:22,276
As Dave can attest to,
I only gamble on things

1535
01:07:22,309 --> 01:07:23,645
that I can count on.

1536
01:07:23,678 --> 01:07:25,412
She never lets anyone
get that close to her.

1537
01:07:25,445 --> 01:07:28,115
Is that right?
Hmm.

1538
01:07:28,148 --> 01:07:30,518
Simple but ingenious plan
to avoid all of this

1539
01:07:30,552 --> 01:07:32,854
emotional chaos and baggage.

1540
01:07:32,887 --> 01:07:34,556
Well, you seem to have
got it all sorted out,

1541
01:07:34,589 --> 01:07:35,523
haven't you?

1542
01:07:35,557 --> 01:07:36,858
Right, Morris?

1543
01:07:36,891 --> 01:07:38,593
But I have to tell you,
you're full of crap.

1544
01:07:40,260 --> 01:07:44,999
You may be a girl, Morris,
but your balls

1545
01:07:45,033 --> 01:07:49,637
are on the same pendulum
as everyone else on the planet,

1546
01:07:49,671 --> 01:07:52,540
they're just going
to get clapped,

1547
01:07:52,574 --> 01:07:54,441
it's just a matter of time.

1548
01:07:55,843 --> 01:07:57,779
Hey, we're almost at the church.

1549
01:07:57,812 --> 01:07:59,146
We're almost at the church.

1550
01:07:59,179 --> 01:08:01,616
Well, you don't expect
our friend here to pinch hit

1551
01:08:01,649 --> 01:08:03,216
for you wearing that costume.

1552
01:08:03,250 --> 01:08:04,384
I'll be happy
if I can just get her

1553
01:08:04,418 --> 01:08:05,218
to start dating me again.

1554
01:08:05,252 --> 01:08:07,154
I don't need
to get married today.

1555
01:08:07,187 --> 01:08:10,825
Dave, this is your chance
to hit for the fences.

1556
01:08:10,858 --> 01:08:13,293
Now, shut up and tell me
your suit size.

1557
01:08:13,327 --> 01:08:14,227
42 regular.

1558
01:08:14,261 --> 01:08:15,162
Henry?

1559
01:08:15,195 --> 01:08:16,096
46 long.

1560
01:08:16,129 --> 01:08:17,899
Close enough.
Swap over now.

1561
01:08:20,935 --> 01:08:21,803
We're doing it.

1562
01:08:21,836 --> 01:08:22,637
Come on, come on,
help each other.

1563
01:08:22,670 --> 01:08:24,104
Help each other here.

1564
01:08:24,137 --> 01:08:26,074
Yup, good, good,
get him on first here.

1565
01:08:26,106 --> 01:08:26,841
- Quick, quick, quick, quick.
- Be careful, it's Italian.

1566
01:08:26,874 --> 01:08:27,675
- Yeah.
- Oh, oh, okay.

1567
01:08:27,709 --> 01:08:29,510
- What?
- Italian?

1568
01:08:29,544 --> 01:08:30,477
Nice quality, too.

1569
01:08:30,511 --> 01:08:31,746
Here.
Okay.

1570
01:08:31,779 --> 01:08:33,014
Keep going, keep going,
keep... good.

1571
01:08:33,047 --> 01:08:34,147
Oh, shit, man.

1572
01:08:34,181 --> 01:08:35,683
There's blood stains
all over it.

1573
01:08:35,717 --> 01:08:37,250
Ah, no one's gonna notice.

1574
01:08:37,284 --> 01:08:38,686
You expect me
to get my ex-girlfriend back

1575
01:08:38,720 --> 01:08:40,755
wearing her fiancé's
blood-stained tuxedo?

1576
01:08:41,723 --> 01:08:44,157
There speaks the nervous groom.

1577
01:08:44,191 --> 01:08:45,158
Where's the vest?

1578
01:08:45,192 --> 01:08:46,694
No vest, it was a cummerbund.

1579
01:08:46,728 --> 01:08:47,528
I'm fine, the cummerbund.

1580
01:08:47,562 --> 01:08:48,529
Where is it?

1581
01:08:48,563 --> 01:08:49,797
- I don't know.
- Shit.

1582
01:08:49,831 --> 01:08:53,034
I used it to choke Henry here
in the car park of the church.

1583
01:08:53,067 --> 01:08:54,134
Well, what did you do
with it after?

1584
01:08:54,167 --> 01:08:55,937
I stuck it down the sewer
at the bar.

1585
01:08:55,970 --> 01:08:57,538
Like that's the first thing
Denise is going to notice

1586
01:08:57,572 --> 01:08:58,940
when she sees you
instead of Henry.

1587
01:08:58,973 --> 01:08:59,874
You had to use the cummerbund.

1588
01:08:59,907 --> 01:09:01,208
You couldn't use
your hands or something?

1589
01:09:01,241 --> 01:09:03,811
Look, will you stop criticizing
the way I work?

1590
01:09:03,845 --> 01:09:04,846
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, good.

1591
01:09:04,879 --> 01:09:06,547
I'm sorry.
I am nervous.

1592
01:09:07,447 --> 01:09:08,348
Oh, gosh, you're nervous.

1593
01:09:08,382 --> 01:09:09,751
I wasn't expecting
to get married today.

1594
01:09:09,784 --> 01:09:11,251
It's okay.
You're going to get married!

1595
01:09:12,053 --> 01:09:14,088
He is gonna get married!

1596
01:09:14,122 --> 01:09:15,355
Hey!

1597
01:09:18,291 --> 01:09:19,827
Should I even ask
what I'm supposed to do

1598
01:09:19,861 --> 01:09:21,029
about a ring?

1599
01:09:21,062 --> 01:09:22,496
Funny you should ask,
because I picked one up

1600
01:09:22,530 --> 01:09:23,665
this very morning.

1601
01:09:23,698 --> 01:09:25,833
From where?

1602
01:09:25,867 --> 01:09:28,636
I went to Jared.

1603
01:09:53,260 --> 01:09:55,163
I'm sure glad things
worked out this way.

1604
01:09:55,195 --> 01:09:55,997
Yeah.

1605
01:09:56,030 --> 01:09:57,297
And when that swelling
goes down,

1606
01:09:57,330 --> 01:09:59,232
you're gonna be
like a new man.

1607
01:09:59,266 --> 01:10:01,769
Now, do you require me
to beat some sense

1608
01:10:01,803 --> 01:10:03,938
into your head
or are you prepared to walk

1609
01:10:03,971 --> 01:10:06,107
the line for love?

1610
01:10:06,140 --> 01:10:07,642
- I'm ready.
- Good.

1611
01:10:07,675 --> 01:10:09,242
I'm so sorry
about the mustard stain

1612
01:10:09,276 --> 01:10:10,178
on the bow tie.

1613
01:10:10,210 --> 01:10:12,580
Diverts the attention away
from the blood.

1614
01:10:12,613 --> 01:10:13,480
What am I supposed
to tell Denise

1615
01:10:13,514 --> 01:10:14,515
when she asks where Henry is?

1616
01:10:14,549 --> 01:10:15,983
Tell her the truth.

1617
01:10:16,017 --> 01:10:17,185
I don't even know
what the truth is.

1618
01:10:17,217 --> 01:10:18,351
Oh, come on.

1619
01:10:18,385 --> 01:10:21,122
The truth is what is always
has been, always will be.

1620
01:10:21,155 --> 01:10:24,324
It doesn't matter where Henry is
because you're the one

1621
01:10:24,357 --> 01:10:27,061
she's going to marry,
because you're the one

1622
01:10:27,095 --> 01:10:29,564
who's destined for her.

1623
01:10:29,597 --> 01:10:30,998
Oh, and if you see my mother,

1624
01:10:31,032 --> 01:10:35,603
would you tell her I'm sorry
and I will call her later.

1625
01:10:35,636 --> 01:10:36,637
Am I free to go now?

1626
01:10:36,671 --> 01:10:40,108
Did I say you are
free to go now?

1627
01:10:40,141 --> 01:10:40,808
Right.

1628
01:10:40,842 --> 01:10:42,910
Well, come on, come on.

1629
01:10:42,944 --> 01:10:44,912
You don't want Denise
to think she's been stood up

1630
01:10:44,946 --> 01:10:45,980
at the altar.

1631
01:10:46,013 --> 01:10:47,048
Hey, hey, hey,
you sure you don't want

1632
01:10:47,081 --> 01:10:48,950
a quick bachelor party
because the strip club

1633
01:10:48,983 --> 01:10:50,450
is just down the block.

1634
01:10:50,484 --> 01:10:52,520
Yeah, I'm sure.

1635
01:10:52,553 --> 01:10:53,988
But I do expect you
to get me a honeymoon suite

1636
01:10:54,021 --> 01:10:54,689
in Vegas.

1637
01:10:54,722 --> 01:10:55,923
Comp'd.

1638
01:10:55,957 --> 01:10:58,391
You got it, cuz.

1639
01:10:58,425 --> 01:11:01,562
Oh God, he wants to start
another conversation.

1640
01:11:01,596 --> 01:11:02,830
I don't know what to say.

1641
01:11:02,864 --> 01:11:04,132
- Good.
- Thank you.

1642
01:11:04,165 --> 01:11:05,499
You're welcome!

1643
01:11:05,533 --> 01:11:06,901
- Go!
- Go!

1644
01:11:06,934 --> 01:11:09,837
Davey, Davey!

1645
01:11:09,871 --> 01:11:11,005
Whoo!

1646
01:11:12,907 --> 01:11:14,474
You think he's really
got a chance?

1647
01:11:14,509 --> 01:11:16,010
I have no idea.

1648
01:11:24,118 --> 01:11:25,853
Oh, what the hell?

1649
01:11:25,887 --> 01:11:26,654
This can't be.

1650
01:11:26,687 --> 01:11:29,824
Uh, who is that guy?

1651
01:11:29,857 --> 01:11:30,958
Who's that guy?

1652
01:11:30,992 --> 01:11:31,859
Who's that girl?

1653
01:11:31,893 --> 01:11:33,694
She is smoking hot.

1654
01:11:33,728 --> 01:11:35,563
What do you mean
who's that girl?

1655
01:11:35,596 --> 01:11:36,931
That is Denise.

1656
01:11:36,964 --> 01:11:38,800
No, that's not Denise.

1657
01:11:38,833 --> 01:11:39,834
What the fuck
are you talking about?

1658
01:11:39,867 --> 01:11:41,736
Of course, that's Denise, man.

1659
01:11:41,769 --> 01:11:43,671
No. No, that's not Denise.

1660
01:11:43,704 --> 01:11:45,506
I mean, maybe that's your Denise
but that's not the Denise

1661
01:11:45,540 --> 01:11:46,707
I was gonna marry.

1662
01:11:47,775 --> 01:11:50,111
Archie?

1663
01:11:50,144 --> 01:11:51,311
What the hell is going on?

1664
01:11:51,344 --> 01:11:52,947
"Congratulations,

1665
01:11:52,980 --> 01:11:58,252
Denise and Henry
and Denise and Joe."

1666
01:11:58,286 --> 01:11:59,787
Oh, fuck.

1667
01:12:02,290 --> 01:12:05,660
I kidnapped
the wrong bridegroom.

1668
01:12:08,495 --> 01:12:09,864
Oh, well.

1669
01:12:09,897 --> 01:12:11,833
I'm sorry?
"Oh, well?"

1670
01:12:11,866 --> 01:12:14,401
You kidnapped the wrong groom
and all you have to say

1671
01:12:14,434 --> 01:12:15,603
is "oh, well"?

1672
01:12:15,636 --> 01:12:18,405
That's so crazy.

1673
01:12:18,438 --> 01:12:21,108
Two Denises getting married
at the same place

1674
01:12:21,142 --> 01:12:24,145
on the same day.

1675
01:12:24,178 --> 01:12:25,546
Some coincidence, huh?

1676
01:12:27,380 --> 01:12:32,452
Henry,
you are officially released.

1677
01:12:34,454 --> 01:12:36,456
Oh, unless...

1678
01:12:36,489 --> 01:12:38,559
Unless you wanna marry
your Denise.

1679
01:12:38,593 --> 01:12:39,694
No, no.

1680
01:12:39,727 --> 01:12:42,096
I knew which Denise
I was marrying the whole time.

1681
01:12:43,831 --> 01:12:45,032
See ya.

1682
01:12:47,535 --> 01:12:48,870
Denise, please wait!

1683
01:12:48,903 --> 01:12:49,937
Dave!

1684
01:12:49,971 --> 01:12:51,772
Hey, forget about it, man!

1685
01:12:51,806 --> 01:12:53,307
You're too late.

1686
01:12:53,341 --> 01:12:56,277
Jesus, would you look at him?

1687
01:12:56,310 --> 01:12:58,079
You gotta do something.

1688
01:12:58,112 --> 01:13:00,615
Like what?
Gun him down in the street?

1689
01:13:00,648 --> 01:13:02,016
I don't know.
Something.

1690
01:13:02,049 --> 01:13:03,651
Anything.

1691
01:13:03,684 --> 01:13:04,719
Oh, God.

1692
01:13:04,752 --> 01:13:06,187
I gotta get out of this racket.

1693
01:13:06,220 --> 01:13:07,889
This is your fault.

1694
01:13:07,922 --> 01:13:11,325
Even dogs deserve to die
with some dignity.

1695
01:13:15,796 --> 01:13:16,998
Right.

1696
01:13:22,103 --> 01:13:24,171
Ah!

1697
01:13:26,007 --> 01:13:27,141
Mmm.

1698
01:13:36,918 --> 01:13:39,253
Sorry, Dave!

1699
01:13:39,287 --> 01:13:42,623
Some things are just
not meant to be.

1700
01:13:42,657 --> 01:13:44,525
Denise!

1701
01:13:44,558 --> 01:13:45,326
Da... Dave?

1702
01:13:45,359 --> 01:13:46,894
Oh my God,
what are you doing here?

1703
01:13:46,928 --> 01:13:48,095
I've come to...

1704
01:13:50,798 --> 01:13:51,799
Bull's-eye.

1705
01:13:55,468 --> 01:13:56,270
Good shot.

1706
01:13:56,304 --> 01:13:59,840
Yes, I can still do it!

1707
01:13:59,874 --> 01:14:01,809
My work here is done.

1708
01:14:01,842 --> 01:14:02,977
Are you sure?

1709
01:14:03,010 --> 01:14:04,712
I mean, he's still breathing.

1710
01:14:06,147 --> 01:14:07,782
You can't be married!

1711
01:14:08,749 --> 01:14:09,917
He's not Henry.

1712
01:14:09,951 --> 01:14:10,885
What?

1713
01:14:10,918 --> 01:14:12,954
He's... that's Henry.

1714
01:14:12,987 --> 01:14:14,487
Who... who's Henry?

1715
01:14:14,522 --> 01:14:17,858
All I see is your stupid cousin
and some old man

1716
01:14:17,892 --> 01:14:19,093
wearing red sneakers?

1717
01:14:19,126 --> 01:14:20,460
Henry's your fiancé.

1718
01:14:20,493 --> 01:14:21,295
What?

1719
01:14:21,329 --> 01:14:24,098
I don't know Henry,
I married Joe.

1720
01:14:24,131 --> 01:14:26,133
Dave, you need to get
some help.

1721
01:14:26,167 --> 01:14:28,302
I did get help, I got Archie.

1722
01:14:28,336 --> 01:14:30,738
And he kidnapped Henry
and shoved him

1723
01:14:30,771 --> 01:14:31,706
in the bathroom stall,

1724
01:14:31,739 --> 01:14:33,473
and then...
and then threatened to kill me,

1725
01:14:33,507 --> 01:14:36,310
then we had deli
at my apartment, and all

1726
01:14:36,344 --> 01:14:38,279
so you and I could be
together now.

1727
01:14:38,312 --> 01:14:41,248
Well, Dave, I...

1728
01:14:41,282 --> 01:14:43,417
I don't even know
what to say to you, okay?

1729
01:14:43,451 --> 01:14:45,786
You need to move the fuck on!

1730
01:14:45,820 --> 01:14:49,657
But you've always wanted
this big movie moment.

1731
01:14:49,690 --> 01:14:53,094
Here it is,
New England clam chowder.

1732
01:14:54,028 --> 01:14:55,730
New... New England?

1733
01:14:58,265 --> 01:15:02,203
But you know,
there was a moment a while back

1734
01:15:02,236 --> 01:15:04,872
that I thought maybe
it was you and not Joe.

1735
01:15:04,905 --> 01:15:07,641
And?

1736
01:15:07,675 --> 01:15:11,112
And here I am, you know.

1737
01:15:11,145 --> 01:15:13,748
Sure, I never got
that big movie moment,

1738
01:15:13,781 --> 01:15:16,951
but who cares
when you're really in love?

1739
01:15:16,984 --> 01:15:20,121
Like who cares
how love happens.

1740
01:15:20,154 --> 01:15:21,389
Are you ready, my princess?

1741
01:15:24,058 --> 01:15:25,326
Oh, Denise, no.

1742
01:15:25,359 --> 01:15:27,161
Oh, Denise, please.

1743
01:15:27,194 --> 01:15:29,663
No, no.
Denise.

1744
01:15:29,697 --> 01:15:31,132
Come back.

1745
01:15:31,165 --> 01:15:34,001
Come back!

1746
01:15:38,005 --> 01:15:39,740
You know what, Archie,
your tactics

1747
01:15:39,774 --> 01:15:43,644
were a little unorthodox,
but for a while there

1748
01:15:43,677 --> 01:15:46,113
I really thought
you had your shit together.

1749
01:15:46,147 --> 01:15:47,348
Yeah, well, that's the problem,
you see.

1750
01:15:47,381 --> 01:15:51,052
Everyone loves a winner,
but love is not a winning game.

1751
01:15:52,253 --> 01:15:53,954
That is why I never play.

1752
01:15:53,988 --> 01:15:55,524
- Never play?
- Hmm.

1753
01:15:55,556 --> 01:15:56,991
You will.

1754
01:15:57,024 --> 01:15:58,225
One day.

1755
01:15:58,259 --> 01:16:00,227
Sooner than you think.

1756
01:16:15,009 --> 01:16:17,945
Stella?

1757
01:16:17,978 --> 01:16:19,113
Stella, is that you?

1758
01:16:19,146 --> 01:16:20,014
Dave.

1759
01:16:22,316 --> 01:16:24,151
You have an arrow in your ass.

1760
01:16:24,185 --> 01:16:26,387
I know.

1761
01:16:26,420 --> 01:16:28,322
Denise is married.

1762
01:16:28,355 --> 01:16:29,757
Is that so?

1763
01:16:31,592 --> 01:16:34,995
Come with me.
I'll get you healed right up.

1764
01:16:39,066 --> 01:16:41,702
Can we have chocolate cake?

1765
01:16:41,735 --> 01:16:42,870
Of course.

1766
01:16:45,906 --> 01:16:48,543
But Dave here, at least,
has learned a lesson today.

1767
01:16:48,577 --> 01:16:50,444
Really?
What lesson is that?

1768
01:16:50,478 --> 01:16:52,880
Never talk to a stranger
in a bar.

1769
01:16:52,913 --> 01:16:55,249
Talking of which, I'm thirsty.

1770
01:16:55,282 --> 01:16:56,784
Come and join me.

1771
01:16:58,652 --> 01:17:00,254
Oh, fuck!

1772
01:17:00,287 --> 01:17:02,356
Isn't that the girl
that Dave met at Vegas?

1773
01:17:09,063 --> 01:17:10,464
Damn!

1774
01:17:13,734 --> 01:17:17,004
Anyone ever told you,
you can be a real prick?

1775
01:17:17,037 --> 01:17:18,906
Not in the last two minutes.

1776
01:21:10,726 --> 01:21:15,726
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