Previously on "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City"...
* Hit it, Rico, hit it, Rico *
* Hey, hey *
Angie and Shawn, thank you for opening up your home
and celebrating with us.
With the Lisa stuff, her tweet--I challenged Heather.
I said, "Well, have you even considered Lisa's side of this?"
And she physically, like, grabbed me,
turns me around, and pushes me to her front door.
Do you want to just start ground zero moving forward?
-I want to be your friend. -But you lied.
I'm calling to invite you to...
BOTH: [singsongy] San Diego!
And, Danna, I would invite you except I heard
you were talking sh--.
Well, don't call me a bully,
because that is not what the [bleep] what--what happened.
***
JEN: I'm fighting for my life, not your approval.
***
WHITNEY: I am more of a free spirit
without the Holy Spirit.
***
LISA: I'll always have your back
if you stop stabbing me in mine.
MEREDITH: When I take a shot, I always hit my mark.
***
HEATHER: I may be a bad Mormon,
but I'll always be a good time.
***
[siren blaring]
[whirring]
My whole life, I have dealt with depression,
and after my father passed away,
I...started taking antidepressants
to help me get through that period of my life.
***
And I felt like I got to a good place
until I got indicted and over the last year and a half
have gone through a living hell.
I'm just tired of people questioning my innocence.
-I understand, baby. -I wanna go to the trial.
Please, let's get this over with.
I'm just taking each day as it comes.
***
-Hi, my dear. -Hi.
-Spring has not sprung. -I know. It left us.
You look cute, though. I love the--
Yeah, but you have matching boots on.
How are you?
Yeah, I got you what you wanted.
Did you get iced or a hot chai?
-I did iced chai.. -And then...
-...and a hot tea, yeah. -Yeah, okay. Perfect.
-Yeah, that's my combo. -Hi, Miss Danna.
-Hi. How are you? -Good. How are you?
-Good. Good to see you? -How are you?
-Hi. -You look beautiful.
-Oh, look at your Louis. -Thank you.
-That's the new one. -Ooh, that's gorgeous.
-That's cute. -Yours--that looks amazing.
I know. Well, I had a bite before you guys came.
-I couldn't wait. I'm sorry. -You picked my favorite bakery,
so, like, I was thrilled to meet up
so we could just, like... talk, you know?
I know.
So Jen and I, um, are probably not on the best terms right now.
-So-- -What does that mean?
So she called Meredith when I was at Meredith's home
and invited Meredith to go to San Diego on a trip.
I literally got a text from Jen on my way here.
-Oh, so she just invited you? -Barely.
Can you guys tell me about this trip
that I'm clearly not in the know of?
It's like a girls trip.
So Jen and I kinda went at it. And I was like,
"You were talking sh-- and calling me a bully,"
and I was like, "Yes, I did call you a bully.
I don't like the way that you talk to people.
You're very disrespectful. You're very rude."
-And how did she take it? -Oh, she started yelling,
and she hung up the phone.
What did Meredith do in that moment?
She wants us to figure it out on the trip.
And so Meredith invited you, not Jen?
-So you're a guest of a guest? -Yeah, guest of a guest.
I'm gonna have the best time. I'm--No.
Danna, you left your street smarts at the door.
[laughter]
***
[doorbell rings]
***
-Hello. -Hi.
-I've come to solicit you. -Come in.
[laughter]
-How are you? -I'm good. How are you?
You look bright and sunny on this snowy day.
I--Well, we needed a little thing to cheer us up.
Here, I'm gonna take your coat.
I'm making some tea. Do you want some?
I would love some. Thank you. Thank you.
You have to tell me if you like this tea. It's--
-What is it? -So it's from, um...
It's a Middle Eastern tea, 'cause it's Ramadan right now.
But I'm not fasting today because
Sharrieff called this morning and was like,
"Do not fast because, like, it's gonna make you sick," so...
One of the things that's helped me get through
this, you know, last year and a half
and everything I'm dealing with is my relationship with Allah.
Ramadan in itself, because it's a time
of reflection and fasting and prayer,
you ask for forgiveness, you are forgiven for your sins,
and it's going to... help me...
find the strength to deal
with everything that I'm dealing with.
It's going--It's going good. It's, um, it's like
the month where I have to be calm...
-[laughs] -...stay calm,
because things can break your Ramadan.
What do you mean?
Fighting with people.
So we get Zen Jen.
My--It--It's my intention.
So this is a great month if anybody would like to, you know,
talk to me about anything.
Well, that's good, because I was hoping to talk to you. [laughs]
Oh, okay, okay.
I felt horrible that things escalated that way
with, like, you and Danna on that FaceTime and--
Yeah, I wasn't expecting that. It was a shock to me.
I think her intention is good.
I think it was just really bad communication
all the way around.
I'm not usually in the habit of inviting people
on a trip that I'm not hosting, but it was really uncomfortable
when Jen was calling to invite me on the trip
with Danna standing there and not inviting her.
I know how Jen cools down and is usually pretty reasonable
when you sit down and chat with her.
So I'm crossing my fingers on this one that I'll get it done.
***
Jen is very aggressive, very loud.
I don't--I don't know if you guys just, like,
don't see it, don't recognize it,
kinda just put up with it. I do not like it.
She's been doing that since I've known her.
I am over it. I mean, I keep considering
my friendship with her when talking to everyone,
but she does not consider my friendships
with anyone she's dealing with, you know?
It's just like she gets to just machine gun everybody.
-And how do you feel about that? -I feel devastated.
Jen follows a different set of friendship rules,
and it's either ride-or-die loyalty
or "I will burn you alive."
I, of course, feel as big and as horrible feelings as she does,
but I have learned to push it down and keep it cool.
You need to stop suppressing them, okay? Let it out?
No, why? Because I wanna be like Jen?
Listen, I like suppressing things into a box
into a tiny corner of your brain.
No, but you put it in different compartments--
And if you forget about it, it goes away.
No, you put 'em in different compartments.
Put 'em in a drawer.
Shut the drawer. You never see 'em again.
***
How are you doing just in general?
I know that you've had a lot.
It's like up and down.
The trial got pushed to July as you know.
And because I'm going in
for the fight of my life in three months,
you just--it's like this daily roller coaster.
Trial was supposed to happen this week.
I see the email that, you know,
you have to send another $200,000 in for a payment,
another payment because we still have
to keep these attorneys working,
and that's the stuff that makes me so angry.
-Yeah. -Especially with Rieffy
going to medical school, this could be money
to go set up stuff for him.
[sighs heavily] It's a lot.
So that's why I was like, let me plan a girls trip. [laughs]
-And you know... -Yeah, no, I think it's good
for you to stay busy right now. -Yeah, um...
It's a lot on your mind otherwise.
So are you ready for the-- our fun in the sun?
-Um...beyond. -I'm in charge of the event.
You are now being given the title of the CEO of Fun.
-Usually that's me. -Oh, yes!
This is a résumé builder for you, by the way, okay?
[laughter]
So...what do you think about maybe including Danna?
Including her where? In the trip?
Uh-huh.
[sighs] Let me drink some tea.
[sips loudly]
I mean, I am telling you, look, I could be wrong,
but from every conversation I had with her--
Did you plan this--Did you plan this because it's Ramadan?
-[laughs] -Did you?
Well, when you--when you open the door with that,
it kind of was like, oh, well, this--
my day just got a lot easier. [laughs]
***
I just, like, have anxiety now. I can't even eat.
Why? About the trip?
Yes, all of this bullsh--.
I know a lot of people are coming at you right now,
and I don't think it's fair.
[voice breaking] I don't know if I even wanna go at all.
Aw, Heather.
This trip, I feel like nobody actually wants me there.
I am done. I've done my job today.
I'm trying to navigate the situation.
And, like, thanks to everyone for being here. Goodbye.
[door slams]
You said you were my friend, you cared about me,
and then you went on social media
and you showed exactly the opposite, so you were fake.
I told the truth. If you don't like the truth,
don't ask for it!
What hurt me the most, why I was back there crying,
Heather, is you.
I'm barely hanging on to this trip
like, with a white-knuckled, "include me, please" grip.
-I have hit a breaking point. -ANGIE: I'm sorry.
I really do believe that it is just a miscommunication,
and you guys will, like, work through this pretty easily.
***
You know what? I trust you, so if you think you've...
it's a miscommunication and we can, like, talk through it,
then fine.
-So we'll do it. -So you'll be--
You'll communicate with her and invite her.
-Sure. -Okay.
Coming up...
I've been super ----ing organized with this.
-Yes. Listen, I-- -And with Sharrieff's party.
And I paid for that entire party.
-No, you did not. -What did you pay for?
***
-I'm packing for San Diego. -How many suitcases do you need?
You know, I'm probably gonna need three,
so I'll fill up this, and then I'm just gonna pack one bag
with all my shoes.
How many days you going?
Three.
-Three? -Yeah.
Let's run down to the Louis Vuitton store
'cause I have to grab a few things.
***
Wow.
Hi, honey.
Are you getting ready for your trip?
-Look what I found. -Oh, my gosh.
So Lisa Barlow's no longer the richest one.
Guess what? I'm ----ing richer than all of you.
I don't need to ----ing be here.
You should give that to her, make her richer.
[laughs]
***
Here's my thoughts. It's kind of a collaboration
of our two cultures.
It's like a Greek and Tongan-hosted party.
I've gotta find a Greek food caterer.
Tell me about the luau, because I haven't been to a luau
in 20 years, and especially a Jen Shah luau.
-We're gonna have fire dancers. -Fire dancers.
Food. I'm gonna take you on a trip to Polynesia.
Then I'll cheers to, uh, Shah-neva's Extra-vaganza.
-Shah-neva's Extra-vaganza. -We are set.
***
Does this reek girls trip San Diego vibe?
Does everybody you've put in that suitcase
have a tag on it?
-[tag rips] -No.
[laughs] Yes, it does.
Until last month, shopping was my therapy.
***
The trip is feeling a little awkward.
Obviously, things are weird with Heather and I right now.
There's just that, like, awkward space.
-Yeah. -I think Heather and I
are gonna be the same way we always are.
Oh, my gosh! I wasn't sure you were coming, Whitney!
Whoo!
I think that she's gonna always, like,
lead with jokes and fun and laughter
and act like nothing ever happened,
and I'm gonna smile and be nice.
-We always show up... -You do.
...matching.
And then something's gonna trigger,
and I'm gonna lose my sh--.
So what do you think you're gonna get out of this trip?
A migraine.
***
Good morning.
[laughs]
[laughter]
How are you? What's up, Angie? How are you?
-You look beautiful. -Good to see you.
-Hey, good morning. -How are you?
[gasps] Good morning.
Hey. Oh, my gosh.
You look fab. You ready?
We're going to the sun, and you're dressed
for Salt Lake City. I love it. -It's freezing.
I know, but you need it right here.
[laughs]
Danna Banana who looks like you are no-fun fanana,
how are you not gonna acknowledge the person
who invited you?
Well, I didn't invite her. Meredith did.
But, like, really, bitch?
I'm a guest of a guest. It is so awkward.
I don't know where Meredith is.
I don't know where Heather is. Like, somebody come help me.
I'm here by myself.
Well, you're off to a good start.
We are going to San Diego.
***
I love these girls as much as I hate them.
I'm always hopeful that we're gonna be able
to get over our issues and have a great trip,
but this trip feels different.
***
There but for the grace of God go I.
Take me with you, suitcases.
Your fate is better than what I'm facing.
-[beep] -Thank you.
-Whoo! -Hello, gorgeous.
Yay! Another domestic trip because of someone's
court-ordered travel restrictions.
San Diego, here we come.
[amplified voice] Hello, passengers.
This is the Queen Bee and MVP of Salt Lake City.
Thank you so much, and we'll see you in sunny San Diego.
[cheering]
***
Oh, my God. Wait. Don't turn me.
Hi!
***
-Mrs. Shah, Mrs. Marks... -'Cause I do it all the time.
-Shah-Shah! -Whoo!
-"Shah-Shah"? -Yes. Let's all go around
and toast to our new, beautiful place of business
for the next few days.
It's a friend of mine's, and there's six rooms.
-Seven beds. -And it is this dope house.
To Angie's hookup in San Diego!
Okay, guys, there are some rules.
There are no locked doors on this trip.
-I need a door that locks. -Well, guess what?
-How am I gonna masturbate? -[laughter]
This is my first girls' trip ever.
-Ooh! -What?!
-I've never been on one. -Oh, my God!
-Oh, she one-upped ya. -She's, like, diving right in.
-Yeah. -So I am the official
CEO of Fun on this trip!
[cheering]
So...I'm enforcing the Fun rules.
Number one--have fun.
Number two--have fun.
Number three--don't be a bitch unless you're a fun bitch.
A fun bitch is you say, "[bleep] you"
with your titties out. That's a fun bitch.
If I don't like the direction things are going in,
I can call the Fun Police.
-Meredith... -Cheers.
-Cheers to calling the cops. -Cheers.
[cheering]
***
Okay, fun buns, thank you so much.
Thank you.
Okay, girl, welcome to the Love Boat.
I don't remember that show.
***
LISA: Oh, my gosh. It's beautiful.
-WHITNEY: Oh, my God. -Isn't this amazing?
-WHITNEY: Wow. -MEREDITH: Oh, this is pretty.
Wow, this place is good.
[bottle cork pops]
So will this do, ladies? Cheers.
I'm, like, totally shocked. It's like a little Santorini.
Everything's white. It's an open-air concept.
Okay, let's go see the pool, ladies!
And give us the tour.
I'm just waiting for some little Grecian goddesses
to come out and feed me grapes. -[bell dings]
How about this little humble abode?
-What do you say? -Okay, I'm very happy right now.
Are you happy? Did we make you happy?
Oh, come here. Wait. Come and see the whole property.
Oh, we're on a tour, Lisa. We're on a tour.
I thought this was Jen's trip?
You're welcome, ladies. You're welcome.
I really am so confused on who's hosting this trip.
Our humble abode for the weekend. What do you think?
And now we'll find our bedrooms.
-Ooh! -Welcome.
-This is a casita. -It's like a little apartment.
ANGIE: Okay, follow me.
We're gonna go on a little tour of the rest of the house
and we can pick our rooms.
This one's right off the living room.
MEREDITH: Oh, wow, this is nice.
-You want this room? -No, I do not want this room.
Let's go see the next room. This is room number five.
-Isn't this beautiful? -Yeah, I like room number five.
Views of the pool. This is room number one.
Hold up. Four.
-Angie's ----ing up. -Oh, my God.
-I'm not, though. -Ma'am, you're supposed to know
this house like the back of your hand.
The fact that you two
don't break out in a fight every second--it blows my mind.
-[laughs] -I just--I just blow her off.
Do you like that?
All I care about is-- is a closet and a bathtub.
All right, ladies, welcome to my room.
You guys can come cuddle.
-Oh. -Do you like it?
This is mine. Welcome to my room.
-Oh, wow, okay. -I'm sorry. Who?
Are you in charge? Who's in charge?
-Looks like a sh--ty room to me. -Here's the tub.
Historically, Jen has always gotten the best room.
-It's massive. -Okay. This is my room.
We decided to give you the master.
Oh, my God. [squeals]
I'm kinda feeling like maybe we should give Jen the master
because there is a big possibility
that she might be spending the next couple years
in a 6x9-foot jail cell.
-You can come cuddle. -I don't wanna cuddle.
-[indistinct conversations] -Come on.
-I'm done. I'm done. -Whoo!
I ----ing plan this sh--, and you get the best room?
-Um...I know Jack. -It's fine.
Is it fine? 'Cause it doesn't sound fine.
Earth to Angie, the person that plans the entire girls trip
gets the master bedroom, not you, side piece.
-I get room number two or three. -Room number two.
-I wouldn't mind taking four. -Okay, you're two. You're four.
Meredith, we know you want the tub.
I want the tub. All I care about is the tub.
-Okay. Heather? -I-I like the isolated casita
if it's available, but I don't wanna take it--
You don't like it? But you can do my glam--
-I just need glam there. -Yeah, you can do glam there.
-Sure. -I'm in two.
-Two. -I'm in three.
-She's two, three. -I'm confused.
I just need to know where I'm going.
-You're right next to me. -Even though I'm planning this,
I don't know where I'm going. -Well, you're right next to me.
-Okay, you're not isolating. -Yeah.
-[laughs] -Okay.
Okay, you guys, so, listen, we have this whole--
Why don't you ----ing say it, then?
'Cause you really ----ed up the room situation.
We wear sexy bikinis on the yacht
and change for dinner later. -Um, 'cause I am a ----ing pro.
Yes.
Take it to the top since we're all paying attention.
***
-Let's do this. -[gasps]
-Ohh! -Are you serious, Jen?
Yeah, I'm serious.
***
Take it to the top since we're all paying attention.
So anyway...
-Let's--Let's do this. -[gasps]
-Ohh! -Are you serious, Jen?
I'm serious.
***
[slow motion voice] Are you serious?
Oh, my God. Jen is so demeaning.
Angie is standing there like Sissy Spacek in "Carrie"
with a bucket of pig blood, just like...
[demonic cackling]
I would classify this
as a rule number three Fun Bitch move.
That is just a bitch move.
-That's not even funny. -It isfunny.
This is the fun trip.
Would you like me to pour this...
-Go ahead. -...on your freshly blown hair?
-Go right ahead. -Really? No. I wouldn't
----ing do that. No. -Here, I'll do it.
JEN: Oh, my gosh! This is supposed to be fun.
You just soaked my hair,
and I blew it out to go out tonight.
Oh, my gosh. We have three hours to get ready.
Okay, it's fine. Moving on. Tell everyone about the trip.
I'm sorry. I thought I could joke around with you, but...
-Okay. I'm good. -Okay, good.
-This is called fun trip. -Okay, that was so fun.
Everyone has different levels of what they find to be fun,
and apparently, Angie doesn't like
having anything poured on her, so...noted.
Listen, you guys, so we're going on a--on a yacht.
-So I need you all to bring it. -I'm good.
-Okay, good. All right. -Okay, let's go get ready.
***
Uh...
***
What was that about?
Well, this is why I love the casita.
-Sorry you got dumped on. -Oh, girl, it's good. Uh--
-Still look gorgeous. -Thank you. You're so sweet.
I can just re-blow-dry this. No, I don't know.
Jen's on edge, obviously.
I think she feels like I'm taking over.
All I'm trying to do is help. I got the house.
I know the space, and I just wanted to help everyone
find somewhere to sleep.
I'm trying to have fun.
That is not a fun, hey, champagne up your skirt
'cause we're partying and having fun.
[cheering]
That is a, "No, listen to me, bitch."
It's kinda like when my dogs mark their territory,
like she's lifting her leg and peeing on Angie's head,
but with a bottle of Veuve.
Bitch, if you're gonna get mad because I pour a drink
when you're gonna go get ready, I poured it on myself, too.
I'm trying to lighten the mood and be like, "Hey, let's go."
Well, she's--she's your friend. Go just apologize
for pouring the drink and say, "But this is my trip.
I'm taking back control 'cause this is chaos."
I'm supposed to be her best friend,
and she just poured a drink on my head.
You act like you're her best friend.
To me, it looked like, she was like,
"Wait. How come I'm not getting the best room?"
-That's how I felt. -Even--but I mean,
we give her the best room every time
we're on a trip together, like, let's make Jen happy.
-There's six other girls, yeah. -Can you make her happy, though?
I feel like I should have said something in the moment,
but I'm like, I don't wanna pour gas on a fire.
I'm so mad at myself right now
that I didn't confront Jen in front of everyone.
Watching my friend get a drink poured on her head
by my other friend is, like, insane.
To have your friend do that to you
in front of a whole group of people is so awful.
I feel like I've been conditioned as Jen's friend
to not call her out on her bad behavior,
and if you do, you're a bad friend to her,
where, no, it's, like, actually being a good friend,
saying, "Hey, guess what? You just ----ed up.
What you just did is wrong."
I understand, like, your humor with it
in trying to lighten it up, but that pissed her off, yeah.
But she's been my friend since college,
then what is the problem?
It's not like I threw her in the pool
or ripped her weave out or sent you home
at the curbside at the airport.
And I know what kind of friend I am. I'm loyal. I'm committed.
I will do anything for my friends or family.
-You're a great friend to Jen. -Thank you.
After everything I'm--I've done, she still does that?
You know, Lisa, I took care--
I not only planned Sharrieff's birthday party,
all of it, I paid for the entire party.
-Wow. -I was not supposed to do that.
I was supposed to open my home up,
and she was gonna plan it all.
I ended up planning it, and I ended up paying for it.
I spent $15,000 on Coach's birthday.
[swing jazz playing]
$3,000--flowers.
-$4,000--bar. -[cash register bell dings]
$600--cake. $3,000--dance floor and tables.
Piano--$750. Clean-up--$500.
Dancers--$900. $3,000--casino tables.
$4,000--appetizers.
And how much money did I get from Jen Shah? Zero.
I could've bought my daughter a horse with the amount...
-Yeah. -...of money that I spent,
and I did do that. -[camera shutter clicks]
[harp plays glissando, bell dings]
But I'm just saying, after what just happened,
she'll be getting a bill from me when we get home.
My time and energy towards it was enough,
but I will no longer pay for that party.
***
Okay, I'm-a--I'm gonna keep my mouth shut.
Yeah, no, that's--I don't-- I honestly don't even think
she's really angry. -Yeah, I think that we--
-[crying] I'm so mad right now. -I know! I could see that.
And I felt so bad for you. I do feel so bad for you, Angie.
-I'm so ----ing pissed. -No, you know what it is?
It's like, you've taken enough over the last year.
-Can you grab me a tissue? -Yeah. Ange, as your friend,
I'm telling you, you've taken enough.
-I feel it's hurtful. -Yeah, it's very hurtful.
She needs to just grow the [bleep] up.
She's gonna go and fight for her life.
She's in this battle right now, and she continues to want
people to support her, but yet she continues to dig herself
into a deeper and deeper hole.
She continues to show people this immature behavior,
and I'm done doing those kind of favors for her.
***
Coming up...
[crying] No, I'm not okay, but...that's fine.
This has not been fun, and I'm the CEO of Fun.
You know what? [bleep] you.
***
Hi, girlfriend. What are you gonna wear?
I'm gonna see what you're wearing,
and then I'm gonna wear something equal
or similar to. Stand up.
How are you doing? You seem a little nervous energy.
How would you feel if someone did that to you?
-Well, I mean, I'd be pissed. -Be pissed,
but you should tell your friend, like...
What am I supposed to do,
swat the champagne flute out of her hand?
I kind of agreed with her that she wanted Angie to be quiet,
and she wanted to, like, get us, you know, to talk a little bit.
But there's a different way to handle things like that,
and that's your--supposed to be your best friend.
I'm, like, secretly thrilled because I felt like
daggers were coming at me,
and now with the fortuitous swish
of a tablespoon of champagne,
the tide has turned.
Maybe now this trip won't be
about how sh--ty of a friend I am,
and instead it'll be about someone else.
Can I use your, um, room for glam?
100 ----ing percent. It's yours.
-I need to talk to you, too. -Okay.
Because I don't like the whole, like,
awkwardness and bullsh--.
I planned this because I want it to be fun,
and you can't say you know me for 20 years
and then get mad because I'm doing it to lighten it up
because, girl, you just confused the [bleep] out of everybody
with the rooms.
You can use my room, obviously, and I'm gonna go up there,
and I'm gonna change 'cause you're half ready
and looking great.
-Yeah. -Listen, I know
that you wanna stand up for truth and righteousness.
I get it. Listen, you're a guest of a guest.
Do not take up with the hostess.
***
The loyalty runs pretty deep with Jen and these ladies.
Like, does Jen have something over them?
Like, does she have their blood samples,
their Social Security Number, their DNA?
[laughs] Like, what is this?
Just pick your battles wisely.
That's my advice.
***
[cellphone rings]
[singsongy] Hi.
What are you doing?
Well, we're about to go on a boat for a bit.
You look too good to be in water right now.
Thank you, thank you.
***
[line rings]
-Hi. -Hello?
Hey, I'm on with my 401(k) guy. We're getting--
Yeah, get that 4-0-way--401 figured out. Call me back.
-All right. -Cheers.
-Bye. -Love. Bye.
***
-Hello, gorgeous. -Hi. You look beautiful.
Thank you. You do, too. [kisses]
-What's going on? -The angel and the devil
in black and white, huh? -Exactly.
***
Hello, ladies.
-Oh, mamacita. -Well, hello. Look at you.
Hello.
***
-Did you talk to Shawn? -I did. I called him.
-What did he say? -Well, he actually called.
Well, he felt really bad.
The very thing that she is,
you know, being accused of right now
is conning people out of money. -Right.
And somehow I just feel like I just got conned
out of thousands of dollars
throwing that party for her husband.
[crying] This wasn't even worth it.
It'd be one thing if she appreciated it,
but she doesn't.
It's just like a bad joke that didn't land.
It was a mean girl thing, right?
I feel like Angie K. should have come and talked to me,
but instead, her and Lisa are over there,
like, buddy-buddy chitchatting.
I invited the wrong Angie.
Can we get on the phone with Angie H.?
I'm good. I just kind of needed to process for a minute.
The tension is real. Like, it is...
Like, if I had a zit on my forehead,
it'd pop itself. Like, it is, like...
Are we ready to go on the yacht? Let's go on the yacht.
***
Coming up...
Today was a tipping point for me
with you dumping a ----ing drink on my head
in front of our friends. I'm a ----ing respected woman!
-So am I. -Oh, yeah?
-Yes, I have no doubt. -How come you can't keep
a ----ing friendship, then, with anybody?
***
Hi. You still look fresh as a daisy.
Thank you.
* I'm gonna get lipstick on Lisa's white linen pants *
Um, you're staying away from me.
[laughs] * I'm gonna accidently get *
* My arm get some spray tan on your pants *
I mean, I don't think your arm spray tan is just
gonna rub off on her pants. -It's like pure for you.
Like, you two stay close.
I gotta lean this way, away from the spray tan.
***
LISA: Whitney, can you grab me a water?
-Bottle service. -I believe in Whitney.
-Hell, yeah. -I'll steady it against
the rim with you. I know how to steady against the rim.
***
People get mad 'cause I know just speak the truth,
and then it's an issue.
You know?
Let's not make it more uncomfortable anymore.
Yeah, I am talking to you.
***
Well, maybe you should apologize then.
I'm not apologizing. Maybe you should apologize.
Apologize to you for what? For getting you wet?
I'm sorry. I thought you were my friend for 20 years,
and it was a joke. It's not that big of a deal.
Like, I did not pour it over your head,
over the middle of your head so it dripped down your face.
-I'm so sorry. I-I was trying-- -It was to the side,
so that doesn't count.
I poured the drink on myself, too. I didn't mean--
I didn't mean it in that type of way.
Should we do a "raise your hand" moment?
Raise your hand. Who thought it was funny?
Did anyone here think it was funny?
I don't see any hands going up.
Are you serious?
I wasn't trying to come after you.
It was because everyone was confused about, like,
the bedrooms and everything.
So you pour a drink on my head?
I'm saying when I have--
I've been super ----ing organized with this.
-I say--I-- -And with Sharrieff's party.
I had to plan the whole ----ing party,
and I paid for that entire party.
-No, you did not. -What did you pay for?
I came for the walkthrough when Angie offered her home.
I'm so excited you're doing this.
Oh, I'm so excited, too.
I didn't have a housewarming party yet,
so this is sort of-- -Oh, this'll be it.
-This is gonna be it. -We can, like, turn up
and, like--Yeah. -Turn it up. We can have fun.
To unload it like that in front of all of us
feels like a sucker punch.
It feels mean, and it feels ugly.
-Are you ----ing kidding me? -Have you even offered
to reimburse one-- -Yes, I have!
-Really? -Are you ----ing kidding me
right now? -Girl, it was three months ago.
Oh, my gosh.
I was going to host Coach Shah's party
at a completely different location,
but Angie K. called me and told me,
"We're done building our house. We haven't had
a housewarming party or anything yet.
I would love to host his party here."
In fact, she hosted a tasting at her house.
That's the best octopus I've ever had.
I'm allergic to shellfish, so I can't...
I'll eat it for you.
And also, Coach Shah doesn't drink.
If this is your favorite, we should probably call it
the Angie. -Cheers.
Okay, can this be my drink?
She's a goddamn liar.
I have been a very good friend to you,
and today was a tipping point for me,
with you dumping a ----ing drink on my head
in front of our friends. It was embarrassing for you
and ----ing humiliating for me, and it made--
It wasn't embarrassing. We're all friends.
It's embarrassing for you. I'm a ----ing respected woman!
-So am I. -Oh, yeah?
-Yes, I am, no doubt. -How come you can't keep
a ----ing friendship, then, with anybody?
I've been there for you. I've gone to bat for you.
Went all out for your husband's birthday,
which is only supposed to be atmy house.
I was supposed to open up my house, not open up my wallet,
and you haven't said a ----ing word,
not even a "thank you" card. -That's not true.
You didn't come to clean up. You didn't come--
I gave you a ----ing $5,000 necklace.
Don't--Don't lie, Angie.
-Okay, this is beautiful. -I brought this over
because I couldn't put it on with my nails.
-I love it. -There you go.
-Are you serious? -Mm-hmm.
-This is for me? -Yep.
You're always too busy doing everything else.
Look, you're deflecting. You're ----ing lying.
You gave me a necklace you were wearing already.
I didn't ask to throw a party in return for a necklace.
The last thing I wanna do is keep this necklace
and be out in public and have
the Southern District of New York find me
and take the necklace off my neck.
How about, "Thanks for throwing the party?"
I mean, I'm still waiting for that.
No. Yeah, I shouldn't have to ask.
I didn't hear from you for three days,
as I was on my knees, cleaning my floors.
My house was ----ing trashed.
I was willing to help you and sweep it under the rug.
No more sweeping under the rug. Try and talk about it.
No, that's why it's coming out.
Right?
Did everyone not see how lovely that event was?
I didn't even wanna do it in your house!
You did!
Those are the rules? When you host a party,
you bill the other person?
You're being a bitch.
Yeah, I am right now.
Damn. I wish I got that memo three years ago,
because I could have sent Meredith Marks and her family
an invoice for $80,000.
[cheering, drums beating rhythmically]
Whoo!
But that's not what you do
when you actually host a ----ing party.
***
I think once we get on the boat,
let's take, like, five shots each.
-WHITNEY: Yes. -MEREDITH: Yeah.
Guys, we have to turn the perspective
on the Sprinter van rides for us, okay?
Coming from the woman who's only ridden in one!
[laughs]
Coming up...
What the [bleep] have you done for me?!
I don't need sh-- from you!
You are coming at me at my most vulnerable time.
[bleep] you, Angie. She's fake as [bleep].
Jump out of the mother----ing boat
[seabirds calling]
***
Thank you so much.
-And I-- -[singsongy] Let's do it.
WHITNEY: Let's go get on a yacht.
***
I'm gonna [bleep] some people up.
I'm not feeling great about getting on a boat
with these women.
We historically do not do well in confined spaces.
You're not okay.
[crying] No, I'm not okay, because...it's fine.
And a yacht, in my opinion,
is just a Sprinter van on open water.
[crying] Are you serious?
And now I'm not sure how I'm gonna survive.
Yeah, and, Lisa, keep that same energy, bitch.
I will ----ing crucify your mother----ing ass, bitch.
ANGIE: It probably wasn't the right time,
but when is the right time?
The reality is you wanna have fun right now.
Let's not incite the situation. Let's try to make it fun.
-Thank you. -And we'll deal with it after.
This is why we have our counselor here. Thank you.
CEO of Fun.
This has not been fun, and I'm the CEO of Fun,
and I'm failing at my job miserably.
Look at the name of our yacht-- Champagne.
-That's perfect. -Wow, cheers.
***
* Let it, let it, let it rain champagne *
[cheering]
Hey!
* Let it, let it, let it rain champagne *
-I'm Danna. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
***
-Hi, Captain Drew. -Nice to meet you.
How's it going, ladies? I'm Drew.
-Are you the captain? -Yes, ma'am.
-Wow. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
O Captain! My Captain!
I mean, I'm ready to drive this ship into an iceberg
if it means I'm gonna be
hanging on a door with Captain Drew.
-Oh, my gosh. -Gotta get some
of that vitamin D. -Gotta get it.
What can I start you ladies with?
You guys want a cocktail, champagne,
or some tequila shots?
I want a drink that tastes as good as your boobs look.
-[laughter] -[boat horn blows]
We are moving! We are moving!
I'm gonna go find Meredith and Jen.
See, I'm really surprised what Angie said.
I'm not sure what her angle is right now.
Why would I ever, ever ask just host a party at someone's house?
She kept saying, "I've done so much for you."
What the [bleep] have you done for me?
I don't need sh-- from you.
You are coming at me at my most vulnerable time.
[bleep] you, Angie. She's fake as [bleep].
Jump out of the mother----ing boat
and swim back to shore, bitch.
I'm concerned for Jen.
You know how many connections we have?
We can host his ----ing party up at Rice-Eccles Stadium.
-Jen. -What are you talking about?
I know that she is not in a very great mental state,
and having it be exacerbated
by friends who are not very supportive,
you know, she's trying to numb herself.
I feel like she is hitting a breaking point.
Really very, very, like, unsettling. It's frightening.
You are coming at me at my most vulnerable time.
You know this. You know what? [bleep] you.
Next time on "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City"...
-Those shoes are not mine. -Are they yours?
-They're not mine. -Great!
Nobody knew whose shoes those were.
***
Don't you ever ----ing expect me
to have your ----ing back. -I didn't do anything.
Everybody here loves everything and ----ing lies.
You're coming at me today? I don't ----ing deserve that.
-I'm your friend. I'm still-- -When did I come at you today?
Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?!
[crying] You're supposed to be my ride or die, and guess what?
-That's not ride or die! -What do you want me to do?
Not be friends with Angie Harrington.
Okay, I'm not gonna do that.
I just need to know what category to put you in.
Put me in the category that I am back with her.
So when people are like, "Are you a Heather Gay
or a Lisa Barlow?" Don't ----ing do that sh--.
Guess what. Go find yourself another Heather Gay. I'm out.
***