1 00:00:05,430 --> 00:00:07,290 SAMANTHA: Hi, come on in. 2 00:00:07,490 --> 00:00:09,660 Hi. I'm checking in. 3 00:00:09,860 --> 00:00:10,660 Alicia Walker. 4 00:00:10,860 --> 00:00:11,720 Yes, welcome. 5 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:13,490 Let me just find your reservation. 6 00:00:13,690 --> 00:00:15,060 And now she's going to do that thing where 7 00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:16,800 she pretends that there's multiple reservations 8 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,200 to make it seem as if this business is doing well. 9 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,500 Uh-huh, here it is. (chuckles) 10 00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:23,300 The Maple Suite for one night. 11 00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:26,110 So, Alicia, what brings you to Ulster County? 12 00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:29,080 Actually, sort of you do. 13 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,680 You're Samantha, right? 14 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,850 From the Alberta Haynes murder podcast? 15 00:00:33,050 --> 00:00:34,780 Oh, we got a fan. 16 00:00:34,980 --> 00:00:36,280 Yeah, that's me. 17 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,520 I just had to come see the place where Alberta died. 18 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,820 She's sort of a personal hero. Oh, Sam, 19 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:42,720 you got to upgrade this girl. She is 20 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,520 too good for Maple. Put her in Pine. 21 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,820 And bust out the free Toblerone. 22 00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:48,690 Actually, Alberta and I are related. 23 00:00:48,890 --> 00:00:49,860 ALBERTA: What? 24 00:00:50,060 --> 00:00:51,230 She's my great-grandmother's sister. 25 00:00:51,430 --> 00:00:53,800 Oh, my God. 26 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,400 This is my baby sister Reese's kin. 27 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,740 Wow. That's so cool. A relative of Alberta's? 28 00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:02,010 Sam, ask her how many other kids Reese had. 29 00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:03,540 Can I ask you... And, uh, 30 00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:06,250 what their names were and how many kids they had! 31 00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:07,850 Aah! I have so many questions. 32 00:01:08,050 --> 00:01:10,650 I should probably whittle it down to just one to start. 33 00:01:10,850 --> 00:01:12,320 ALBERTA: I haven't spoken to a family member 34 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,450 in 100 years. 35 00:01:14,650 --> 00:01:16,460 What happened to Uncle Al? 36 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,520 Did he ever kick that gambling addiction? 37 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,040 Oh, and what about... 38 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,460 Are you still thinking of the question? 39 00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:26,800 Yeah, it'll be a minute. 40 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,980 * * 41 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:35,570 What's going on? 42 00:01:35,770 --> 00:01:37,410 We're watching this sauce simmer. 43 00:01:37,610 --> 00:01:39,580 Jay's making his secret ragù recipe. 44 00:01:39,780 --> 00:01:42,380 Interesting. I guess you could say 45 00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,250 this is a house of secrets. 46 00:01:45,450 --> 00:01:47,420 Right, Hetty and Trevor? 47 00:01:47,620 --> 00:01:49,160 What does that mean? 48 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,390 Uh, he's clearly referring to 49 00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:53,160 the secret stash 50 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,760 of chocolates that Jay keeps hidden in his sock drawer. 51 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,330 Yes. 52 00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:59,730 That's what I was talking about. 53 00:01:59,930 --> 00:02:01,270 (scoffs) 54 00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:05,170 Okay. Well, this needs another 45 minutes. 55 00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:07,070 I'm gonna go watch the bird bath. 56 00:02:07,270 --> 00:02:09,240 I hate my life. 57 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,610 Can you believe that? 58 00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:14,150 Yeah, you want to get in on that bird bath action? 59 00:02:14,350 --> 00:02:16,080 I'm talking about Nigel. 60 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,720 He walked in on us in the throes of... 61 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,620 you know, and now he's taunting us 62 00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:21,920 with his knowledge of our affair. 63 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,320 Yeah, whatever. 64 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,360 I'm not losing sleep over that British twerp. 65 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:26,690 It's intolerable. 66 00:02:26,890 --> 00:02:28,630 I do not like being in this position. 67 00:02:28,830 --> 00:02:31,230 Well, I know a position that you do like being in. 68 00:02:31,430 --> 00:02:33,330 How dare you? 69 00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:36,500 Oh, meet me downstairs in five minutes. 70 00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:38,240 ALBERTA: So, what does she do? 71 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:39,740 (gasps) Oh, is she married? 72 00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:42,070 Uh, so, uh, what do you do, Alicia? 73 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,310 I'm a lawyer. 74 00:02:43,510 --> 00:02:44,780 Oh, that means she's smart. 75 00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:47,280 Y'all know how hard it is to get into law school? 76 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,280 I went to law school. Shut up, Flower. 77 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,420 So, is she seeing anyone? 78 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:51,950 I don't see a ring. Sam, find out 79 00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:53,020 the scuttlebutt. 80 00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:55,220 Are you married or dating anyone? 81 00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:57,890 Oh. Okay. Uh, I've been dating, 82 00:02:58,090 --> 00:03:00,460 but, you know, uh, i-it's tough out there. 83 00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:01,830 The apps are a nightmare. 84 00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:04,000 She hates apps? Has she tried jalapeño poppers? 85 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:05,730 (chuckles) The only nightmare is when you're done. 86 00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:08,030 I used to crush it on the dating apps, okay? 87 00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,400 Do you have a picture with a dog 88 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:10,800 or a tiger? Ooh, 89 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,140 have you learned the trick where you photoshop 90 00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:14,010 yourself in front of Machu Picchu? Jay. 91 00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:15,610 Sam, we got to get this thing back on track. 92 00:03:15,810 --> 00:03:18,140 You know who did have an interesting dating life 93 00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:19,210 is Alberta. 94 00:03:19,410 --> 00:03:20,850 Ooh-hoo! Oh, yeah. 95 00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:23,150 All those bootleggers and gangsters. 96 00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:25,750 Oh, yeah, I did have a type, but what you gonna do? 97 00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:27,690 The bad boys are much more fun. 98 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:29,490 Oof, sorry, Pete. 99 00:03:29,690 --> 00:03:30,920 Yeah, that felt pointed. 100 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,390 You know, she just had such a colorful life. 101 00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:36,860 Ooh, ooh. Did you ever hear the story about her performing 102 00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:38,930 and there was a fight that broke out in the front row? 103 00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:41,070 (laughs) Alberta straight-up 104 00:03:41,270 --> 00:03:43,240 knocked out one of the guys with her mic stand 105 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,770 and just keeps on singing. 106 00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:46,940 Hit him right on the downbeat. No one even noticed. 107 00:03:47,140 --> 00:03:48,210 You know what, babe? 108 00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:50,480 You should have Alicia on the podcast. 109 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,680 Oh, wow, I'd love to be on the pod. 110 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,350 Great idea. I will reach out to my co-host Todd 111 00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:56,350 and see if he's available. 112 00:03:56,550 --> 00:03:57,980 (all groaning) 113 00:03:58,180 --> 00:03:59,620 Can't you just interview someone yourself? 114 00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,490 We don't need to drag creepy Todd into this. 115 00:04:01,690 --> 00:04:03,790 I'd love to meet Todd. ALBERTA: She doesn't 116 00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:05,720 understand what she's saying. She's never met Todd. 117 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,590 And of course Todd would be extremely hurt 118 00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:09,530 if I recorded an episode without him. 119 00:04:09,730 --> 00:04:12,430 Uh, yeah, I already agreed. 120 00:04:12,630 --> 00:04:14,100 That's fine with me. 121 00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:17,520 Ugh, fine. Let's get that weird little man back here. 122 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,640 (clears throat) All right, 123 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,610 you filthy little teapot, you have us 124 00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:24,310 over the proverbial barrel. 125 00:04:24,510 --> 00:04:25,740 What will it take to buy your silence? 126 00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:28,680 You know, I haven't really given it much thought. 127 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,520 (quietly exclaims) Though, I suppose if pressed, 128 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,090 I would like to reside in the room with the TV. 129 00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:35,450 Dude, that's my room. 130 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,590 Oh, I guess it is. 131 00:04:37,790 --> 00:04:39,120 Well, this will be easy. 132 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,390 We switch rooms, and no one will ever be the wiser 133 00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:43,200 about your dirty little liaison. 134 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,060 Done. 135 00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:46,470 Lovely. 136 00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:48,530 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I love my room, 137 00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:50,200 and I don't want to live in a library. 138 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,740 When I was alive, I didn't even like going in the library. 139 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:54,970 You know what, we don't even care if people find out. 140 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:58,810 (laughs) Mm. You're serious. Nigel, 141 00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:02,550 Trevor and I need some time to discuss. 142 00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:05,280 Of course. I will stay tuned. 143 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,150 That's a little television joke 144 00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,170 in honor of where I'm about to move. 145 00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:13,860 I hate British humor. 146 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:16,160 Landship just pull up. 147 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,460 Alberta's voice blaring from stereo. 148 00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:20,830 Okay, you know "stereo" but not "car"? 149 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,540 I think you're doing this on purpose. 150 00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:24,040 Ugh, that must be Todd. 151 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,470 The things we do for family. (door opens, closes) 152 00:05:26,670 --> 00:05:28,810 Hello, Woodstone! 153 00:05:29,010 --> 00:05:29,710 (sighs) 154 00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:32,010 Oh... he's back. 155 00:05:32,210 --> 00:05:34,250 To clarify, I said "he's back" not "his back," 156 00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:36,150 which is the thing that has your face on it. 157 00:05:36,350 --> 00:05:38,720 Hey, uh, Todd. This is Alicia. 158 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,790 Alicia, this is my co-host, Todd. 159 00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:42,490 It's exciting to meet a descendant 160 00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,520 of the great Alberta Haynes. 161 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,030 Oh, wow, it is so nice 162 00:05:47,230 --> 00:05:49,090 to meet you. I'm a huge fan. 163 00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:51,400 You know, I actually read your book. 164 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,630 Oh, you're the one. 165 00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:55,030 (laughs) You're funny. 166 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,270 Fairly confident that was not a joke. 167 00:05:57,470 --> 00:05:59,100 But thank you, that means a lot. 168 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,870 The life of a historian is a lonely one. 169 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,080 We don't do it for the glory or the fame. 170 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,850 Or the ability to move out of your mother's house. 171 00:06:07,050 --> 00:06:09,350 Vox clamantis in deserto. 172 00:06:09,550 --> 00:06:10,820 Excuse me? 173 00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:12,220 "A voice cries out in the wilderness." 174 00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:13,920 Yes, yes, that's exactly how I feel sometimes. 175 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,690 Were you a classics major, too? Minor. 176 00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:18,190 I majored in dance. 177 00:06:18,390 --> 00:06:20,330 But it's great to meet a fellow scholar. 178 00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:22,400 ALBERTA: Okay, what the hell is going on here? 179 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,360 I'm no expert, but it seems like they're hitting it off. (gasps) 180 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,170 I'm gonna, uh, go freshen up, 181 00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:30,570 but, Alicia, I can't wait to talk 182 00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:32,340 all things Alberta with you later. 183 00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:33,610 Can't wait. 184 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,610 (chuckles softly) 185 00:06:35,810 --> 00:06:37,680 Is he single? (gasps) 186 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,610 I've never asked, but I'm going to assume yes. 187 00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:43,120 I can't believe it. 188 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,400 My descendant is hot for Todd. 189 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,230 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Alberta's descendant was into Todd? 190 00:06:54,430 --> 00:06:55,560 She found him charming and funny. 191 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:56,760 She asked if he was single. 192 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,330 Todd? The guy who has 193 00:06:58,530 --> 00:07:00,100 Alberta's toenail in a jar? 194 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:01,630 And has a computer printout 195 00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,070 of what his and Alberta's baby would look like? That Todd? 196 00:07:04,270 --> 00:07:05,070 Yeah. THORFINN: To be fair, 197 00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:07,210 baby did look pretty cute. 198 00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:09,010 Sam! Help! Oh! 199 00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:11,240 I just eavesdropped on their romantic stroll. 200 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,550 They're making plans to have dinner together here tonight. 201 00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:16,110 Golly, dinner? That's the most romantic meal. 202 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,850 It's the one that's usually inside you 203 00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:18,920 when things get frisky. 204 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:19,990 Thank you, Pete. 205 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,290 How is this happening? Todd? 206 00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:22,920 It is puzzling. 207 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,590 That said, Benjamin Franklin was a celebrated womanizer, 208 00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:27,090 and he looked like a walrus. 209 00:07:27,290 --> 00:07:29,090 Ha! Sam, if you think about it, 210 00:07:29,290 --> 00:07:30,700 this is kind of your fault. 211 00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:32,770 My fault? How is it my fault? 212 00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:34,470 Well, you always edit out all the weird stuff 213 00:07:34,670 --> 00:07:35,770 he says on the podcast. 214 00:07:35,970 --> 00:07:37,240 Yeah, 'cause I want to make him seem 215 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,510 credible and professional... 216 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,070 Oh, my God. I've normalized Todd. 217 00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:43,340 You have to fix this, Sam. 218 00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:44,980 How can I possibly fix this? 219 00:07:45,180 --> 00:07:46,650 They are two consenting adults. 220 00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:49,280 If the problem is Alicia is unaware of Todd's 221 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,550 weirdness, you must simply illuminate her, 222 00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:52,890 like we did with the colonists 223 00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:54,720 when it came to the evils of King George. 224 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,050 Oh, get over it. 225 00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:57,460 (scoffs) Truth hurts, sweetie. 226 00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:58,720 (chuckles) You two. 227 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,890 Isaac's right. You just need to tell Alicia 228 00:08:01,090 --> 00:08:02,760 all the weird stuff that we know about Todd. 229 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,800 Yes, codblock him. 230 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,060 Is term I learned 231 00:08:06,260 --> 00:08:07,500 from watching reality dating show. 232 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,700 Best way to stop guy from getting girl, 233 00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:10,900 codblock him. 234 00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:12,940 It's not "codblock." It... 235 00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:16,210 It doesn't matter. Either way, it feels wrong. Sam, 236 00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:18,640 you have to do this, for me. 237 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,450 As you know, I died young. 238 00:08:21,650 --> 00:08:23,080 Young-ish. Whoa. 239 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,450 THORFINN: (clears throat) Sorry. 240 00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:27,050 (chuckles) Reality TV making Thor catty. 241 00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:29,690 And one of the worst things my murder took away from me 242 00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:31,690 was my chance to have kids, 243 00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:35,460 to be a parent and help guide someone through life. 244 00:08:35,660 --> 00:08:37,330 And now that Alicia's here, 245 00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:40,700 this could be my one chance to help my family. 246 00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:41,800 Please. 247 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,940 You're right. 248 00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,740 Let's codblock Todd. 249 00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:46,710 Oh, yes! 250 00:08:46,910 --> 00:08:48,610 Yes! Codblock! (cheering) 251 00:08:48,810 --> 00:08:51,410 What are we celebrating here? PETE: We're denying 252 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:53,900 two lonely people a chance at love. 253 00:08:54,730 --> 00:08:56,110 Not sound great when you put it that way, 254 00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:57,820 but will be fun to watch. Yes. 255 00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,490 Okay, so, what's the play here, huh? 256 00:09:00,690 --> 00:09:02,120 We're gonna dig up dirt on Nigel? 257 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,960 The play is that 258 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,990 we're going to do exactly what he wants. 259 00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:08,360 You're giving him your room. 260 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:09,630 But I don't want to do that. 261 00:09:09,830 --> 00:09:12,360 And who cares if he tells people? 262 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,500 Isn't it more exciting when it's hidden? 263 00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:16,970 I mean, sure, 264 00:09:17,170 --> 00:09:19,810 but we can figure something out. We can role-play. 265 00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:21,840 Maybe you're a mermaid and I'm the co-owner 266 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,340 of a wholesale fruit and vegetable business. 267 00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:26,280 We're not doing Splash. Stop asking. 268 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,650 Now, let's just go talk 269 00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:29,550 to Nigel and get this whole thing over with. 270 00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:31,850 Wait, I thought this was all 271 00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:33,490 just a bit that you did. 272 00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:35,950 That you're embarrassed of being with me. 273 00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:37,690 (laughs) I just thought it was playful-- 274 00:09:37,890 --> 00:09:41,890 if a little mean-- banter, but it's real? 275 00:09:42,090 --> 00:09:43,160 You're that ashamed? 276 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,200 Oh, how do I put this? 277 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,470 I was a woman 278 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,000 of extremely high status, 279 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,300 and you 280 00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,370 got bombed at Mardi Gras 281 00:09:52,570 --> 00:09:54,610 with your Lehman Bros. Yeah, we did. 282 00:09:54,810 --> 00:09:56,740 Also, the pants thing. 283 00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:58,310 The pants thing is hard to get past. 284 00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:02,080 So, I'm not good enough for you? 285 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,750 Well, I mean, that's more harsh 286 00:10:03,950 --> 00:10:06,020 than I would have liked to have put it, but... 287 00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:07,650 Well, you don't have to be embarrassed anymore. 288 00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:09,760 Because this is over. What? 289 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,460 No more hooking up, no more whatever this is. 290 00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:16,190 Oh, God, don't be so dramatic. 291 00:10:16,390 --> 00:10:17,360 I'm not kidding. 292 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:18,860 I was fine keeping it a secret 293 00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:21,530 when it was just 'cause it was hot, but this... 294 00:10:21,730 --> 00:10:23,690 this doesn't feel good. 295 00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:27,070 And the pants thing was because of a hero move. 296 00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:29,210 Why does no one remember that? 297 00:10:29,410 --> 00:10:31,980 (sighs) 298 00:10:32,180 --> 00:10:33,410 ALICIA: So, 299 00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:35,450 did you always know you wanted to be a historian? 300 00:10:35,650 --> 00:10:37,650 And follow-up, is one a historian 301 00:10:37,850 --> 00:10:41,250 if they also wait tables at something called Bennigan's? 302 00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:44,220 All of my life. And I truly love it, you know? 303 00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:45,520 I love my subject. 304 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,430 It is not mutual. What about you-- 305 00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:48,930 do you like being a lawyer? 306 00:10:49,130 --> 00:10:51,330 Honestly, it's fine. 307 00:10:51,530 --> 00:10:52,770 But, I don't know, 308 00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:54,800 sometimes I feel like I took the safe path. 309 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,770 What's wrong with safe? Girl, you killing it. 310 00:10:56,970 --> 00:11:00,040 Yeah, she drive landship with seats made of cow. 311 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,070 Okay, I've heard you say "leather" before. 312 00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:03,340 Are you messing with us? 313 00:11:03,540 --> 00:11:05,680 I guess if I had to do it over again, 314 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,350 I've always thought I could be a singer, like Alberta. 315 00:11:09,550 --> 00:11:11,150 You should absolutely do that. 316 00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:13,590 He's trying to turn her into me, the creepy bastard. 317 00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:14,790 Do you really think so? 318 00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:16,420 Yes, solicit career advice from the guy 319 00:11:16,620 --> 00:11:17,860 who lives with his mother, that's a good move. 320 00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:20,690 Hey, we wouldn't be here today if Alberta Haynes 321 00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:23,300 hadn't had the guts to go after her dream. 322 00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:25,050 That's very true, Todd. 323 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,330 Thanks. 324 00:11:27,530 --> 00:11:28,570 (gasps) 325 00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:29,970 (gasps) Oh, hand-on-hand action. 326 00:11:30,170 --> 00:11:31,770 Looks like Todd just got to first base. 327 00:11:31,970 --> 00:11:33,340 Oh, Sam, get in here. 328 00:11:33,540 --> 00:11:34,910 Cod need blocking now! 329 00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:37,240 Hey, uh, so how's it going in here? 330 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,410 Very well. 331 00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:39,680 Let me put it like this: 332 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:40,910 if either of these two have a van, 333 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:42,210 they're both gonna be in it soon. 334 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,280 Hey, Todd, I almost forgot, 335 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,520 uh, how's your mom doing? 336 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,520 Uh, she's good. Thanks, Sam. 337 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,150 SAMANTHA: Yeah? Cool. 338 00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:50,290 He lives with his mom. 339 00:11:50,490 --> 00:11:52,390 So, uh, mind if I join you guys? 340 00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:54,160 Nice codblock, Sam. 341 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,330 So, you live with your mom? 342 00:11:56,530 --> 00:11:58,760 Just while I look for my own place. 343 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,530 Oh, it's pretty convenient for work, though, right? 344 00:12:00,730 --> 00:12:02,700 Because the museum is in her garage. 345 00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:04,240 Is it? TODD: For now, 346 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,210 but interest in Alberta is really picking up. 347 00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:08,510 Speaking of-- why don't you 348 00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:10,680 show Alicia the tattoo of Alberta's face 349 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:11,910 that you have? I-It covers, 350 00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:13,610 like, the majority of his back. 351 00:12:13,810 --> 00:12:15,150 She went there. Wow. It's so gross. 352 00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:16,850 Well, we're at the dinner table. ALBERTA: Don't let up. 353 00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:18,580 Hit her with the toenail. 354 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,490 By the way, uh, do you still have Alberta's toenail 355 00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:21,650 on display at the museum? 356 00:12:21,850 --> 00:12:22,690 ALICIA: Her toenail? 357 00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:24,260 Why do you have her toenail? 358 00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:26,060 I bought it online. 359 00:12:26,260 --> 00:12:27,560 So, enough about me. 360 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,060 Where did you go to college? 361 00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:31,030 He wants to clone Alberta. (chuckles) It's very exciting. 362 00:12:31,230 --> 00:12:33,770 I should let Todd speak about it. 363 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:34,730 Cloning? 364 00:12:34,930 --> 00:12:36,600 Uh, yeah, it's pretty normal 365 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:37,970 historian stuff. 366 00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:40,470 Hey, would you rather go out for dinner? 367 00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:42,270 Just the two of us? 368 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,940 I have a discount at Bennigan's 369 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,410 if there's one around here. 370 00:12:46,610 --> 00:12:48,050 You know what, Todd? 371 00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:49,780 I think we should just forget dinner. 372 00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:53,620 Yes! Cod got blocked, you creepy bastard. 373 00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:55,350 Was it the toenail thing? 374 00:12:55,550 --> 00:12:57,220 It didn't help. 375 00:12:57,420 --> 00:12:58,960 Well... (groans) 376 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,830 I'm sorry it didn't work out for the two of us, 377 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,830 but that's the longest relationship 378 00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:04,560 I've had in several years. 379 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,460 Thank you. 380 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,730 Ooh! Bullet dodged. 381 00:13:08,930 --> 00:13:10,970 Victory on my first day as a parent. 382 00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:12,170 Thank you, Sam. 383 00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:14,640 He seems so normal on the podcast. 384 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,540 Oh, he is a little eccentric. (chuckles) 385 00:13:16,740 --> 00:13:17,780 Well, it's all good now. 386 00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:19,080 Your auntie's watching over you, 387 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,310 making sure you don't trip up. 388 00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,150 He's definitely weird, 389 00:13:23,350 --> 00:13:25,680 but he did have one interesting thought. 390 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,620 Oh, what was that? He said I should 391 00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:29,590 quit being a lawyer to pursue my dream 392 00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:31,690 of a singing career. 393 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:34,530 And he was right. I'm gonna do it. 394 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,800 Wha... Uh-uh, no! I just fixed you. 395 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,560 Why are you doing something dumb again? 396 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,030 That's the thing about parenting. 397 00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:42,630 The victories are very short-lived. 398 00:13:42,830 --> 00:13:44,200 Welcome to club. 399 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,700 I'm going after my dream. 400 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,360 (groans) Damn it, Todd. 401 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,350 Trevor, what are you doing in here? 402 00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:57,380 Just hanging out in my new room. 403 00:13:57,580 --> 00:13:59,120 This is the most time I've spent in a library 404 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,850 since I found out that Penn had Playboy on microfiche. 405 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:05,160 Well, but... You switched with Nigel? Well, 406 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:06,690 he said that he was still gonna tell everyone 407 00:14:06,890 --> 00:14:08,630 about you and I if I didn't give up my room. 408 00:14:08,830 --> 00:14:09,590 (groans) 409 00:14:09,790 --> 00:14:11,130 And while I don't give a crap... 410 00:14:11,330 --> 00:14:13,530 (sighs) I know you do. 411 00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:16,730 But... you broke things off. 412 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:19,640 Why, then, still do something selfless for me? 413 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,840 Because, Hetty, that's the kind of guy I am. 414 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,580 Kind of guy you could've had if I wasn't such an embarrassment. 415 00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:28,410 Now, please leave. 416 00:14:28,610 --> 00:14:30,050 My shirt's not long enough to cover my butt, 417 00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:31,730 and I want to roll over. 418 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,720 ALBERTA: This is a nightmare! 419 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,420 Now Todd's convinced my descendant 420 00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:37,860 she should throw away her career 421 00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,090 to pursue singing? 422 00:14:39,290 --> 00:14:41,160 Shouldn't you be happy about this? 423 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,790 She wants to follow in your footsteps. 424 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,760 My footsteps were hard. It was cutthroat, 425 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,400 full of shady characters and backstabbers. 426 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,440 I know, 'cause I did a lot of backstabbing. 427 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,400 I get it. Kids can be a nightmare. 428 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,210 One time, my daughter Laura lost her headgear 429 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:55,810 in the garbage disposal. 430 00:14:56,010 --> 00:14:57,980 (chuckles) I don't have a more relevant adult example 431 00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:00,710 because... (grunts, chuckles) But I feel your frustration. 432 00:15:00,910 --> 00:15:02,350 (sighs) THORFINN: I also am expert 433 00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:06,320 at parenting, as father to adult male baby ghost, 434 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,320 so feel free to lean on me. 435 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:09,850 Okay, Thor, what should I do? 436 00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:12,590 You should be okay with Alicia marrying Dane 437 00:15:12,790 --> 00:15:14,290 because she does not know better. 438 00:15:14,490 --> 00:15:15,890 Child, what? SASAPPIS: Yeah, that's 439 00:15:16,090 --> 00:15:17,330 wildly unhelpful here, big guy. 440 00:15:17,530 --> 00:15:19,930 Still, if ever come up, very good advice. 441 00:15:20,130 --> 00:15:21,130 Okay. 442 00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:22,600 HETTY: First, I would like 443 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,640 to thank you all for gathering. 444 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,240 I have an announcement to make. (chuckles) 445 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,480 This news will be shocking, 446 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,790 so if any of you need to sit, please do so now. 447 00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:36,920 Wait, are you saying what I think you're saying? 448 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,180 Are you sure about this? 449 00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,950 As sure as I'll ever be. 450 00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:43,820 For the past three months, 451 00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:45,490 Trevor Lefkowitz and I 452 00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:49,090 have been engaged in amorous congress. 453 00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:51,430 Hetty's in Congress? 454 00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:53,230 No, we've been scrumping. 455 00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:55,030 (whispers): Is that a dance? 456 00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:57,100 Playing a game of nug-a-nug? 457 00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:59,040 Must I be vulgar? 458 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,540 Fadoodling! 459 00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:02,840 Oh, for God's sakes, people. 460 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,280 We've been doing it. 461 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,190 (all gasp) Oh... 462 00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:08,780 I-I can't wait to find out who their third is. 463 00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:10,220 This is the stuff I should've known about. 464 00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:11,650 You're slipping, Sass. 465 00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:13,890 ISAAC: You finally found your stable boy. 466 00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:16,400 Happy for you, Henrietta. 467 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,690 Enjoy the library, Nigel. 468 00:16:20,890 --> 00:16:23,710 There's a chessboard down there. You may want to study it. 469 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,700 Because I just checkmated you. 470 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,630 Yes, I understood. Thank you. 471 00:16:28,830 --> 00:16:31,040 Good. (chuckles softly) 472 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,270 SASAPPIS: Okay, 473 00:16:32,470 --> 00:16:33,710 we got to hear how this happened. 474 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:37,710 Well, it all started on a very horny Hanukkah. 475 00:16:37,910 --> 00:16:38,710 Oh, God. 476 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,610 ALICIA: Hi, Todd. 477 00:16:40,810 --> 00:16:43,050 How you doing? Honestly? Still a little 478 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:44,580 reeling from our breakup. 479 00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:46,520 You literally dated her for a quarter of an hour. 480 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,220 But I'm a professional, and I'll push forward. 481 00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:52,120 That's very admirable, Todd. 482 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,060 And thanks again for the pep talk 483 00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:55,330 about my singing career. 484 00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:56,730 Oh, you're actually considering that. 485 00:16:56,930 --> 00:17:00,870 I slept on it and prayed on it, and yeah, 486 00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:02,400 I might be crazy, but 487 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,540 I don't want to have regrets. 488 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:06,800 And I know Alberta would say the same thing. 489 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,470 No, she would not. 490 00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:10,140 Sam, tell her she's being a fool. 491 00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:13,050 You don't quit a job like hers to pursue some crazy fantasy. 492 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,050 I mean, we don't even know if the girl can sing. 493 00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:17,750 Have you ever actually done any professional singing? 494 00:17:17,950 --> 00:17:19,020 A little. 495 00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:20,650 I sing with a wedding band on the weekends. 496 00:17:20,850 --> 00:17:21,720 Baby girl, that's not the same thing 497 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,360 as making a career out of it. 498 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,090 Right, but it is a pretty big career change. (chuckles) 499 00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:29,530 Didn't you and your husband quit your jobs to start this B and B? 500 00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:31,460 That's a pretty fair point. ALBERTA: Yeah, she makes 501 00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:33,970 good points, Pete, which is why she's a good lawyer, 502 00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:36,200 which is why she should stick to that. 503 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,340 Hey, I was thinking, 504 00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:39,800 since you have a big audience, 505 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,540 maybe I could sing on the pod. 506 00:17:41,740 --> 00:17:43,040 Get some exposure. 507 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,380 There was a song 508 00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:46,010 Alberta used to perform back in the '20s, 509 00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:48,710 the night that she hit that guy with the mic stand. 510 00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:51,550 Now, I'm not warmed up, but it'll go 511 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:54,350 a little something like this. 512 00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:57,560 * There's a somebody * 513 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:01,490 * I'm longing to see * 514 00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:04,430 * I hope that he * 515 00:18:04,630 --> 00:18:07,730 * Turns out to be * 516 00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:11,670 * Someone who'll watch * 517 00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:14,710 * Over me... * 518 00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:18,280 Oh, my God, she's incredible. 519 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,280 * I'm a little lamb * 520 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,420 * Who's lost in the wood * 521 00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:27,650 * I know I could * 522 00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:31,320 * Always be good * 523 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:35,030 * To one who'll watch * 524 00:18:35,230 --> 00:18:39,560 * Over me. * 525 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,400 (all cheering) 526 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:43,700 I know, it was amazing. 527 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:46,470 (chuckles) Yeah. I think that's good. 528 00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:49,640 Screw it. Sam, you tell her to go for it. 529 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:50,940 She better than Alberta. 530 00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:52,560 All right, everybody calm down. 531 00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:00,150 Welcome to the Alberta Haynes murder pod, 532 00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:02,520 recorded here at Woodstone Mansion. 533 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,190 Located a convenient distance from the city, 534 00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:05,590 Woodstone B and B features 535 00:19:05,790 --> 00:19:06,960 the world-renowned cooking 536 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,630 of chef Jay Arondekar, 537 00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:10,330 whose tandoori lamb chops 538 00:19:10,530 --> 00:19:13,600 the Menu Hunter recently called "orgasmic." 539 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,600 She made love to those chops the way I made love 540 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,040 to the rhythm section of Country Joe and the Fish. 541 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,640 And now, back to the Alberta Haynes murder pod. 542 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,580 We're speaking with Alberta's descendant Alicia Walker... 543 00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:27,410 You sure you're okay with Alicia going after 544 00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:30,050 her singing dreams? Mm. She's got the gift. 545 00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:31,850 I don't know if she gonna make it, but 546 00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:33,620 she won't if she doesn't try. 547 00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:35,750 And if, at some point, while out there on the road, 548 00:19:35,950 --> 00:19:39,820 she meets and falls in love with Dane... (chuckles) 549 00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:41,260 now you know what to do. 550 00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:42,730 Yes, thank you, Thor. 551 00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:44,230 And as we've discussed, 552 00:19:44,430 --> 00:19:46,330 Alberta was dating Earl Boudreaux 553 00:19:46,530 --> 00:19:47,800 when she died, and... 554 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,100 JAY: And in a note found here 555 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,240 at the mansion, we learned that Earl 556 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,170 and a woman named "T" wanted 557 00:19:53,370 --> 00:19:55,940 to "get Alberta out of the way." 558 00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:58,210 Sweetie, I thought you were just doing commercials. 559 00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:01,180 Nope. Your mistake was giving me a microphone. 560 00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:03,080 This is so fun. So, 561 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,780 Alicia, any idea who this T was? 562 00:20:05,980 --> 00:20:07,350 I don't know T, 563 00:20:07,550 --> 00:20:09,090 but my great- grandmother Reese 564 00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:10,890 dated Earl after Alberta's death. 565 00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:13,230 Theresa got with Earl? My Earl? 566 00:20:13,430 --> 00:20:15,290 Oh, my God, I just had a thought-- 567 00:20:15,490 --> 00:20:17,730 could "Reese" be short for "Theresa"? 568 00:20:17,930 --> 00:20:19,130 Holy cow. 569 00:20:19,330 --> 00:20:20,800 Yes, and-and according to the family tree, 570 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,870 her sister's name was Theresa. 571 00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:26,270 So, could she be T? 572 00:20:26,470 --> 00:20:28,370 Did my own sister murder me? 573 00:20:28,570 --> 00:20:31,040 Did Alberta's own sister murder her? 574 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,410 (gasps) Did my own sister murder me? 575 00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:36,450 Flower, it was a bear. Oh, right. 576 00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:39,870 Oh, my God, that would be crazy. 577 00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:49,790 Captioning sponsored by CBS 578 00:20:49,990 --> 00:20:52,600 and TOYOTA. 579 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,180 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org