1 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:10,178 What the hell was that? 2 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,180 (water running) 3 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,814 (bells jingling) 4 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:15,983 -(creaking) -Hello? 5 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,985 Jay? 6 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,754 (footsteps approaching) 7 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,791 Surprise. 8 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,093 Carol? 9 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,295 What are you doing here? You got sucked off. 10 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:28,496 You're right, 11 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,398 and I've been having a blast up there. 12 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:31,999 I can't say too much, 13 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,135 but they have pickleball. 14 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,803 That's it. That's all I'll say. 15 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:36,937 Carol, what is happening? 16 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,706 I'm your little Christmas Carol. 17 00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,308 You see, around Christmas, 18 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,510 we Carols are given special powers, 19 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,812 including the ability to grant wishes. 20 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,780 Oh, also, 21 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,118 we can give out candy canes. 22 00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:53,421 I-I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding. 23 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,123 I didn't make a wish. 24 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:56,590 Oh, yes, you did. 25 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,058 You said, and I quote, 26 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:01,762 "I wish I had never been able to see ghosts." 27 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:03,597 Okay. 28 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,766 So why are you here? 29 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,436 I'm here to show you what your life would be like 30 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,104 if you'd never tripped on that vase, 31 00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,340 if you had never fallen down the stairs, 32 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,344 if you had never gained the ability to see ghosts. 33 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,578 Whoa. 34 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:18,812 So let's get this started. 35 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,282 Sam, you're coming with me. 36 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,119 Well, that was supposed to whoosh us away, 37 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,087 but it's my first time. 38 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:30,424 Hey, I need to get some steps in anyway. Let's go. 39 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,693 * * 40 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,497 You know, Carol, I'm actually feeling a little silly 41 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,201 about this whole wishing not to see ghosts thing. 42 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:44,104 Holy crap, am I day-drinking with Sasha and Libby? 43 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:45,773 Sam, this eggnog is delicious. 44 00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:47,908 LIBBY: And these gingerbread men you made? 45 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,577 So cute. Not to brag, 46 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,612 but I think this one is flirting with me. 47 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,214 -(laughs) -CAROL: Look at you, 48 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,916 just enjoying a little Christmas Eve tipple with two 49 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,351 of your closest gal pals. 50 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,353 B-But I don't get it, Sasha thinks I'm crazy. 51 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,389 No, Sasha thought you were crazy 52 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,457 because she caught you performing a séance 53 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,194 for the ghosts, and she thought you and Jay were murderers. 54 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,561 But that was because of the ghosts. 55 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:10,464 In this world, none of that happened. 56 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,466 So she thinks I'm sane? 57 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,269 Yep. And not just sane. 58 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,470 Funny. 59 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,472 Short, bald and covered in crumbs? 60 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,174 I'm sorry, is this a gingerbread man 61 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,909 or the guy I dated before Jay? 62 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,644 (both laugh) 63 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,179 Sam, you are hilarious. 64 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,648 Without the ghosts interrupting you all the time, 65 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,983 you're actually a much better conversationalist. 66 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,285 TREVOR: Man, 67 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,120 I'd love to see these ladies in bikinis. 68 00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:34,755 How does this place not have a hot tub? 69 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:35,756 (Samantha groans) 70 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,491 -Disgusting. -Right? 71 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,793 But you can't hear him, so you don't care. 72 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,529 I hate to say it, but we've got to run. 73 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:42,863 Next time at my place? 74 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,765 Uh, do you have wine? 75 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,999 Of course. 76 00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:47,000 Then, yeah, I think I'll be there. 77 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,202 (both chuckle) 78 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,138 (sighs) 79 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,641 So, what am I doing now? 80 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,276 CAROL: Oh, just sitting there. 81 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,345 Since you're not always taking care of the ghosts, 82 00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,613 you actually have time to yourself. 83 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,915 Whoa. I can't remember the last time 84 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,517 I just sat and read a book. 85 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,885 And look at me, I don't even mind 86 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,954 that Trevor's reading over my shoulder. 87 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,022 I'm pretty sure he's trying to look down your dress, 88 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,525 but, hey, you don't know, so who cares? 89 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,695 Stupid camisole. I'm getting nothing. 90 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,331 So, if I have all this free time, 91 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,000 I guess that means the B and B still isn't doing very well. 92 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,369 Are you kidding? 93 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,003 Without the ghosts to worry about, 94 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,872 you've really been able to throw yourself 95 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,174 into making this place a success. 96 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,643 The B and B is thriving. 97 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,745 -(phone ringing) -Oh, come. 98 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,583 Woodstone B and B, how may I help you? 99 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,252 Freddie. He used to work here. 100 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,488 He was incredible. But he quit. 101 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,954 He quit because of the ghosts. 102 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,292 But now he's all in on Woodstone. 103 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,226 I'm so sorry, we don't have any availability 104 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,362 -until January 17th. -Hold on, 105 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:49,897 the B and B is sold out? 106 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,300 -FREDDIE: Great. We'll see you then. -(hangs up phone) 107 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,769 Who keeps searching "Girls Gone Wild" on this thing? 108 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,838 I should have gone to Arizona State. 109 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,673 I'm home. 110 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,575 Hey, Freddie. 111 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,944 -Jay, I missed you. -I missed you, too. 112 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,579 (Jay and Samantha chuckling) 113 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,881 Uh-oh. Mistletoe. 114 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,350 Oh. 115 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,318 Mmm. 116 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,420 She could do so much better. 117 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,588 I gotta admit, this life looks pretty great. 118 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,789 And Trevor seems 119 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,224 pretty much the same. 120 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,625 How are the other ghosts doing? 121 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,327 Well, why don't we find out? 122 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,930 Huh, still not working. 123 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,632 Looks like we're hoofing it again. 124 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,134 PETE: And that concludes my lecture 125 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,602 on different kinds of knots. 126 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,771 Tomorrow Thorfinn will be giving a talk on trout. 127 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,773 Will be similar to herring lecture 128 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,308 but more trout-focused. 129 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,109 -I'm in hell. -SAMANTHA: Okay, 130 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,811 so this all seems pretty standard. 131 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,647 I guess the ghosts are just doing the same kind of stuff 132 00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:41,114 they did before I met them. 133 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:44,752 So, Alberta, you excited for upcoming wedding? 134 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,654 Aw, Alberta and Pete are getting married? 135 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,422 -That's sweet. -ALBERTA: Yeah. I mean, I get 136 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,691 to sing, which will be a nice little treat for everybody. 137 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,593 Although I'm maybe a little surprised 138 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,194 they're finally going through with it. 139 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,228 SAMANTHA: Oh. 140 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,130 So it's not Pete and Alberta? 141 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,999 You know what, if they're happy, I'm happy. 142 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,968 Well, one of them is definitely happy. 143 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,103 Carol, who are they talking about? 144 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,506 Hello, all. 145 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,140 Ah, we look forward to seeing you 146 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,276 at our nuptials this afternoon. 147 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,311 Hmm? Huzzah. 148 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,413 SAMANTHA: Isaac and Hetty? 149 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,781 But that is impossible. 150 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,849 And yet, in this world, it's happening. 151 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,651 -Hmm, your wish. -HETTY: We just wanted 152 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:20,854 to remind you that the ceremony is to begin promptly at 2:00. 153 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,189 ISAAC: Weather permitting, 154 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,123 of course. 155 00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,792 The wedding is indoors, my love. 156 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,694 Right, right, right. 157 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:27,861 Could be a tornado. 158 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,196 No, no. (chuckles) 159 00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,098 The only tornado shall be tonight 160 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,133 in our marriage bed. 161 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,635 Oh. 162 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,371 Mmm... 163 00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,344 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, Carol. What is going on? 164 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,179 Isaac can't marry Hetty. He's... 165 00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,815 (whispering): gay. 166 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,417 Why did you whisper that? 167 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,819 I don't know, it seemed like a weird thing to shout. 168 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:52,786 Here's the thing. 169 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,187 Isaac only came out 170 00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:55,889 because you were there to support him. 171 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:59,627 Without you, he still hasn't figured out who he truly is. 172 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,028 Huh. 173 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,330 I guess I did have kind of a big effect on him. 174 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,165 You've had a big effect on all of them. 175 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,301 Without you, Alberta never found out who killed her, 176 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:10,103 Thor's still having his night terrors, 177 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,506 and Pete never learned he could leave the property. 178 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,174 He never even tried? 179 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,677 He was told he couldn't, and the man loves rules. 180 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,178 He won a goldfish 181 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,881 at the state fair once and reported it on our taxes. 182 00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,451 (chuckles) Let me guess, he also tried 183 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:26,687 to report a free sample from the grocery store? 184 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,789 It's actually the other Sam that's funny. 185 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,357 Come on, I have a lot to show you. 186 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,392 PETE: Christmas is always 187 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,528 one of the toughest times to be dead, 188 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,329 wondering about my family. 189 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,966 Are they doing okay? Do they even think about me? 190 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,901 They do. Your daughter 191 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,970 Laura named her son after you. 192 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,505 Pete doesn't know that. 193 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,073 In this world, you never invited me here 194 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,975 to dedicate that weird bench. 195 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,710 Pete never watched Laura get married. 196 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,145 He doesn't even know Little Pete. 197 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,181 Thor also miss his family. 198 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,984 Leave behind young son. 199 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,653 Will never get to know what he like as man. 200 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,890 No, Thor, your son is like a hundred yards away. 201 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,091 Tragic. 202 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,594 I hope he grow up to be great warrior 203 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,395 who kill many Danes 204 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,798 and never eat best friend. 205 00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:12,165 -What? -Nothing. 206 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,668 Random example not taken from Thor's life. 207 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,069 TREVOR: The nice thing about the holidays 208 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,238 is that the girls on the dating apps 209 00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:20,240 are lonely as hell. 210 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,276 I'm talking to like six separate Livings right now. 211 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,178 One may fly in from Miami to meet up. 212 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,247 And what do you hope happens when she gets here? 213 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,550 I don't know, maybe she'll choke on something and die. 214 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,752 -It happens. -SASAPPIS: Yeah, I get it. 215 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,887 Sex with women, you know, nothing like it. 216 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,189 Which I know 'cause of the... 43 times. 217 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,725 SAMANTHA: Oh, that's right. 218 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,060 Sass is still hiding the fact that he's a virgin. 219 00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,729 This is painful. 220 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,064 Has anyone found love? What about Thor and Flower? 221 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,066 Not even close. 222 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,468 Flower fell into the well two years ago. 223 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,970 Flower's in the well? 224 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,972 Well, she was, till you filled it with cement. 225 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,141 So now she's lost in the dirt, 226 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:57,409 a fact she keeps forgetting and then quickly rediscovers 227 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,412 in an endless cycle of horror. 228 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:00,714 Okay, so is that it, 229 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,050 or do you have more bad news to show me? 230 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,451 More bad news. 231 00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,954 The basement ghosts are really upset 232 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,957 about your shiny new water heater. 233 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,260 Wait. Everyone shut up. 234 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,995 I think I heard a gurgle. 235 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,329 (gurgling) 236 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:18,298 Oh, there it is again. 237 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:19,967 Sorry, that was my tummy. 238 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,501 Oh, damn it, Stuart. 239 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:25,038 You got our hopes up for nothing, you toad's ass. 240 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,707 This newfangled water heater hasn't made a peep 241 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,909 since that blonde witch put it in. 242 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,811 God, I hate her. 243 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,245 She's very rude. 244 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,280 NANCY: Last week I saw her drop a piece of pizza 245 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,683 on the ground and pick it up and eat it, 246 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:39,385 and it fell cheese-side down. 247 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,690 I think we can move on. 248 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,458 What's going on here? 249 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,027 Hetty, I need to talk to you about the wedding. 250 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,529 Are you still waffling on a best man? 251 00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,699 I do agree it's slim pickings, 252 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:55,535 but Sasappis probably presents the most handsome stage picture. 253 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,872 No, it's... it's more than that. 254 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,708 Oh, my gosh, is he gonna tell her? 255 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,375 Could you just watch? 256 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,978 You'd be a very annoying person to go see a movie with. 257 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,046 Maybe we push it? 258 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,181 -What? -Why rush a wedding 259 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,017 in the dead of winter when spring 260 00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,351 is just around the corner? 261 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,520 We-we were supposed to get married in spring. 262 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,222 Last spring. And you wanted 263 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,858 to push till summer, citing the April racket of the birds. 264 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,593 But then summer was too hot, 265 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,762 and then fall came around and you started whining about 266 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,064 how it's the season when you're most sleepy. 267 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,332 I've always been very sleepy in the fall. 268 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,566 Everyone knows that. 269 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,635 Isaac, what's wrong? 270 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,369 If there is something else 271 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:32,372 going on, just tell me. 272 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:35,676 Well... actually... 273 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,445 Come on, Isaac, tell her. 274 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:41,448 She's your dearest friend. You can trust her. 275 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,552 Wedding prank. 276 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,887 I'm sorry, what? 277 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,657 You've been wedding-pranked. 278 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,424 (laughing): Huzzah! 279 00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:52,893 Oof. 280 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,327 Score one for Higgintoot. 281 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:55,362 You should have seen the look on your face. 282 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,764 You were freaking out. 283 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,866 Indeed. (laughs) 284 00:09:58,932 --> 00:09:59,933 Ah, it's fun. 285 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,368 JAY: Sam, I don't want to have 286 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,736 this talk again. 287 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,437 Oh, sounds like the show's about to start. Come on. 288 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,873 It's Christmas Eve. You can't go back 289 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,540 into the city already. You just got home. 290 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,076 I don't know what you want me to tell you. 291 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,477 I have to work. 292 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,245 Oh, these two, back at it. 293 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,047 Classic Sam and Jay fight. 294 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,416 Is like tiffs between Whoopi and Meghan, 295 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,418 but they can't cut to commercial. 296 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,587 We get to see everything. 297 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,189 Wait, why is Jay working in the city? 298 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,457 Jay never wanted to move out here, remember? 299 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,694 He only stayed because of your accident. 300 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,128 But in this world, 301 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,463 you were just pulling him away from his cooking 302 00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,432 and his friends and his career. 303 00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:35,002 Didn't he open his own restaurant at the B and B? 304 00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:38,271 Without the ghosts, the idea for Mahesh never came up. 305 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,707 So Jay's resentment built 306 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,642 until he finally took a job back in the city. 307 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:45,112 Ooh, Sam's mad. There goes the vein. 308 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,646 Can't you just call in sick or something? 309 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:47,915 I don't want to call in sick. 310 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,382 I love my job. 311 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,218 Yeah, but you're never here. 312 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,986 I never wanted to be here. 313 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,488 You dragged me here. 314 00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,959 Not nice to drag people places. 315 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,795 Skin on back of head wear away quicker than you think. 316 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,831 (chuckles) This one time... 317 00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,132 I don't want to hear it, Thor. 318 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,433 (groans) 319 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,268 We seemed so happy together this morning. 320 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,804 A performance for your assistant Freddie. 321 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,405 He's seen so many of your fights, 322 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,475 so now you guys overcompensate in front of him. 323 00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:18,478 Okay, let's give this one more shot. 324 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:22,349 Isaac Higgintoot and Henrietta Woodstone... 325 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,417 Holy crap, it worked. 326 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,654 Oh, it's the wedding. Fun. 327 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,089 PETE: My sincere hope 328 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,891 is that the two of you enjoy a marriage 329 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:34,161 as loving and as loyal as what I had with Carol. 330 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,796 Whoopsie. 331 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,597 Now, if anyone here sees any reason why these two 332 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:41,168 should not wed, now would be a great time to pipe up. 333 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,570 ISAAC: Nothing? 334 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:44,838 -Really? -(whoosh) 335 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:46,139 (Hetty and Isaac laugh) 336 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,674 Captain Higgintoot. 337 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,210 Lieutenant Colonel Chessum, you've come. 338 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,446 Yes, I know we've had our differences, 339 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:57,050 but I couldn't let you get married without saying... 340 00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,120 Come on, Nigel, you got this. 341 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:01,688 ...congratulations. 342 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:02,790 -(sighs) -(Nigel chuckles) 343 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,591 Okay. 344 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,094 Well, I guess there's nothing left to do... 345 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:09,362 (laughs) ...except continue. 346 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:12,532 Uh, unless? Going once... 347 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,967 Anyone? 348 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,202 Look at me. 349 00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,904 I'm 15 feet away from this train wreck, 350 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,371 and there's nothing I can do. 351 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,639 (laughs) 352 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,308 Why do I look so happy? 353 00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,709 Jay and I just had a huge fight. 354 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,878 Well, you're not gonna want to hear this one, 355 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,713 but with you and Jay growing apart, 356 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,581 you've started an emotional affair 357 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,483 with someone you met online. 358 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,585 What? Who? 359 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,856 No. 360 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,025 No, no, no. 361 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,759 (straining) 362 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,329 (phone chimes) 363 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,797 -(laughs) -No! 364 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,266 Okay, I'll call you when I get to the city. 365 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,567 No, Jay, don't go. 366 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,804 Okay. Hetty, do you take this man 367 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,873 to be your lawfully wedded husband? 368 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,174 I do. 369 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,109 You've got to stop this. None of this is right. 370 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,245 I'm sorry, Sam, it's too late. 371 00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,813 -What do you mean? -PETE: Isaac, 372 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,982 do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? 373 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,717 Well, you made a wish, and I was sent here to grant it. 374 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,319 I do. 375 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:07,888 But this isn't what I want. 376 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,957 -(camera shutter clicking) -PETE: Hetty and Isaac, 377 00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:11,291 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 378 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,026 Isaac, you may kiss the bride. 379 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,494 (sighs) 380 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,464 (chimes) 381 00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:18,866 (grunts triumphantly) 382 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,333 That's it. The tour's over. 383 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:23,536 This is now your life. Merry Christmas, Sam. 384 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,772 (clicks tongue) 385 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,308 (gasps) 386 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,777 No! 387 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:34,214 Oh, great, now someone objects. 388 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,648 I mean... 389 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:36,917 I love ya. 390 00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,451 Oh! 391 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,558 Carol? Carol, come back! 392 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:46,960 What's wrong with Sam? 393 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,628 I want things to go back to the way they were. 394 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,197 I want Pete 395 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,631 and Alberta to be dating again. 396 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:52,599 Me and Pete? 397 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,501 How does she know our names? 398 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,636 Sass shouldn't be hiding the fact that he's a virgin. 399 00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,138 (scoffs) Virgin? 400 00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,373 Okay, yeah, tell that to all my satisfied customers. 401 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,510 And I want to live in a world where Isaac is proud to be gay. 402 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:04,511 Gay? 403 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,845 A red-blooded 404 00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:09,182 billy goat like me? (scoffs) You jest. 405 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,183 SAMANTHA: Most of all, 406 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,819 I... I want Jay back. 407 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,922 I don't care if things aren't perfect 408 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,724 or if our life is complicated sometimes. 409 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,893 I just want to face it all with him. 410 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,062 I wish 411 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,431 things could go back to how they were. 412 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:27,867 I wish I could see ghosts again. 413 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,869 (bells jingle) 414 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,638 That's my girl. 415 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,406 Welcome back, Sam. 416 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,281 I can see you. 417 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,349 Hetty, can you hear me? 418 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,684 Alberta, can you see me? 419 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:45,885 TREVOR: What's with Sam? 420 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,454 She sounds like Yentl. 421 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,689 Oh, thank God. I made a terrible wish 422 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:52,425 that I couldn't see ghosts and then Carol granted it. 423 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,626 My Carol? 424 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,462 Yes, but she was Christmas Carol, 425 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,364 and everything was messed up. 426 00:14:57,464 --> 00:15:00,600 You were there, Isaac, but you were marrying Hetty. 427 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:01,969 And you were there, Thor, 428 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,037 but you didn't know your son. 429 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:04,972 Was I there? 430 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,639 I don't really remember. 431 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,842 The point is, I regret what I said. I'm sorry. 432 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,079 I'm so happy I can see you guys. 433 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,646 I was just upset. 434 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,482 Hey, uh, I was just talking 435 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,985 to that guy, babe, and I... 436 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,453 Whoa. (chuckles) 437 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:21,554 What was that for? 438 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,324 For everything. I love you, Jay. 439 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:27,027 (grunts) 440 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:30,297 Whoa, I think I fell asleep for a few minutes, 441 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,332 but then the smooching woke me up. 442 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,767 Hey, man, it's Flower. 443 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,536 What? What's happening? 444 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,305 (grunts) 445 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:42,009 Jay, it's me. Flower possessed me. 446 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,077 Thor did it as a gift to her. 447 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,579 Next year, will only give sex coupon. 448 00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:47,814 It enough. 449 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,182 What? O-Okay. Well, we got to get 450 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,683 Flower out of you before this interview. 451 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,153 What interview? I thought I blew the interview. 452 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,654 What are you talking about? 453 00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:55,989 The interview hasn't happened yet. 454 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,991 You were just getting your makeup done. 455 00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,126 WALTER: There she is. 456 00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:01,461 It's showtime. 457 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:02,629 (grunts) 458 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,165 Hey, man. Aren't you that guy from TV? 459 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,466 You know, I was 460 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,036 on TV once. I flashed the second baseman 461 00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,271 at a San Francisco Giants game. 462 00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:12,772 Cool. 463 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,342 Maybe we don't mention stuff like that on the air, huh? 464 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,809 This way, please. 465 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:19,012 Flower? Sam? Flower-Sam? 466 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,880 Okay, you can sit right over here. 467 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,483 -Cool. -Oh, guys, you know what? 468 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,685 Um, actually, I-I-I think 469 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,887 Sam needs to go outside for just a minute. 470 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,289 Sorry, we're about to go live. 471 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,658 We need to buy Sam some time to regain control 472 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:32,892 and get to the boundary. 473 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,994 I got this. 474 00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:38,131 (humming) 475 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,466 (faint humming) 476 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:40,767 Uh, Walter, just a minute. 477 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,235 I'm-I'm picking up a weird room tone. 478 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,071 Guys, can we fix this? Now? 479 00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:48,741 Tiny camera, feel Odin's wrath! 480 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,677 GARY: Ugh, we lost picture. 481 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,179 Unbelievable. 482 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,913 All right, we need a battery change on camera one. 483 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,715 This is incredible teamwork. 484 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,250 And if it were St. Patrick's Day, 485 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,286 I'd be jumping in with a contribution of my own. 486 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,422 (strains) 487 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,656 Whoa. What the...? 488 00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,925 Hey, hold the roll. Let's get this cleaned up. 489 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,494 All right, we're taking a tight two, 490 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,829 then we're going live. 491 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,698 Take control, Sam. This is your moment. 492 00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,500 (grunts) 493 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:14,501 I'm back. 494 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,603 Now go! Get to the boundary. 495 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,973 Run! Like there's a sale at Old Navy! 496 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,850 (panting) 497 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,919 -Man, Pringles were good. -(car door opens) 498 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,156 Sorry about all that possession stuff, Sam. 499 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,190 All good. 500 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,259 -She's back. -(ghosts gasp) 501 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,262 All right, I think we're good to go. Cameras ready? 502 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,631 You good, babe? 503 00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,800 GARY: We're live in three... 504 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,638 That's right, Jill, I'm here in New York's Hudson Valley 505 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:55,208 with the author of Isaac Higgintooth: Colonial Vampire. 506 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,976 Hey, Sam, thanks for being here. 507 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,312 Thank you so much for having me. 508 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,548 (on TV): And so this is a book where you can have a laugh, 509 00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,250 maybe a cry, 510 00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:06,286 and hopefully learn something about the origins of our nation. 511 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,854 WALTER: Well, I certainly enjoyed 512 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:10,290 when George Washington turned into a bat. 513 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,624 Did that really happen? 514 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,493 (laughs) I'm kidding, of course. 515 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,929 Well, anyhow, thanks, Sam. Jill, back to you. 516 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,065 Oh, you crushed it, Sam. 517 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,734 And if I had money and the ability to turn pages, 518 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,336 I-I would buy your book for sure. 519 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,405 -Aw. -Babe, you were amazing. 520 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:26,673 Thanks, Jay. 521 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,008 I couldn't have done it without you. 522 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,243 Without any of you. 523 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,413 I just feel so lucky to have all of you in my life. 524 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,681 Even Thor? 525 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,449 Yes, Thor. Even you. 526 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,984 And not to relitigate, 527 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:41,188 but you did sort of say to surprise you. 528 00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:43,390 We leave at that. 529 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,525 I know the possession wasn't ideal, 530 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,994 but it was a really groovy gift. 531 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,095 I mean, I got to take drugs 532 00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:51,097 for the first time in 60 years. 533 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,032 I'm sorry. What do you mean, you took drugs? 534 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,168 The mistletoe. The drug I got from Gabe. 535 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,903 I took it-- well, we took it-- 536 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,705 on my way back from the restaurant. 537 00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,773 HETTY: Well, look at that. 538 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,675 You were high as a kite. 539 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,377 I suppose that explains this whole 540 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,812 "visit from Carol" nonsense. 541 00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:08,047 (laughs softly) I guess it does. 542 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,048 JAY: Okay, I can't help it. 543 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,817 I got to watch it again. 544 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,084 So proud of you, babe. 545 00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:13,353 (clicks) 546 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,756 (bells jingling) 547 00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:24,664 SASAPPIS: Hey, Trevor, help me out with this 548 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:25,632 scratch and sniff Sam got me for Christmas. 549 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:26,766 (sniffs) 550 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:27,867 (Trevor straining) 551 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,636 Come on, come on, come on. 552 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,971 (Trevor shouts) 553 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,740 (both sniff) 554 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,875 Wow. 555 00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,477 For a piece of paper with cartoon eyes 556 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:40,179 and a pepperoni bow tie, that's pretty good. 557 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:41,314 -Greetings. -(gasps) 558 00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:42,649 Every time. 559 00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,317 Patience... 560 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,252 what's up? 561 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,654 I come with good news. 562 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,623 Your disappointment at our parting gave me pause. 563 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,091 What? What are you saying? 564 00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,493 I am saying that 565 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,629 I now believe that we shouldst be together. 566 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,667 Yeah, but... 567 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:01,901 different worlds. 568 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:04,003 -Oh. -Sometimes that first thought 569 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,372 is the best thought. 570 00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,740 Oh, but that can be remedied. I have met 571 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,243 your friends, and you can meet my people. 572 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,578 Where is this going? 573 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:14,180 Trevor Lefkowitz, dweller of the overground, 574 00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:16,383 son of Abraham, holder of my heart, 575 00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:17,584 allow me 576 00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,986 to introduce you to... the Others. 577 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:27,427 Oh, holy night. 578 00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:36,336 Captioning sponsored by CBS 579 00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,071 and TOYOTA. 580 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:42,575 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org