1 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,178 BOTH: Welcome to Woodstone B and B. 2 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:12,180 (floor creaking) 3 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:13,281 Babe? 4 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,116 (yelling) 5 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:20,288 Jay? Jay? 6 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,990 That not good. 7 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:26,527 SAMANTHA: Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling? 8 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,928 I'm okay, it's just that I really 9 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,464 hit my head hard, though. Ouch. 10 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,266 Do you think I can see 'em? 11 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,867 See who? The ghosts. 12 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,369 I mean, when you hit your head, you could see ghosts. 13 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:38,372 Are there any ghosts in here right now? No. 14 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,474 Okay, well, that's probably why I'm not seeing any. 15 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:41,842 So far, so good. 16 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,577 The dream is still alive. 17 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:44,912 I'm gonna go check downstairs. 18 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,448 You should just stay here, get some rest. 19 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,749 Yeah, you're right. (doorbell rings) 20 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,418 Thanks, babe. Love you. 21 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,019 Love you. 22 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,889 (door opens, shuts) 23 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,630 Flower? 24 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,533 Hey, Thor? 25 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:09,303 Isaac? No Pants? 26 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,640 Oh, my God. 27 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,942 Pete. 28 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,745 Jay. You can see me?! 29 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:21,149 Gadzooks! Jay can see us! 30 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,317 I don't believe it. (stammers) 31 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,954 Bring it in, big fella. 32 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,589 No, no, no. (groans) 33 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,324 (laughs) 34 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,293 What is happening? 35 00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:35,263 Hey, where's your arrow? 36 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,665 Jay, why are you hugging the delivery guy? 37 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,600 Huh? 38 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,403 Damn it. 39 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,838 * 40 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,779 (indistinct chatter) (Samantha clears throat) 41 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,415 As you all know, our first guests-- 42 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,983 not including the ones that left 43 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,419 after the floor collapsed-- will be arriving at any moment. 44 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,920 Please be young and hot. 45 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,022 And we really need this visit to go well. 46 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,692 After the floor thing, the last people gave us a scathing 47 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,360 one-star review on Yelp. 48 00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:09,563 Which is a website where customers can rate and review 49 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:12,400 businesses like our B and B. 50 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,568 The fates of industry should not be decided 51 00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,703 by commoners. 52 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,004 Sometimes you bite into a sausage 53 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:18,739 and you get a worker's thumb. 54 00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,409 Get on with your miserable day and let the factory owners be. 55 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,278 The point is, we need everyone on their best behavior. 56 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,181 Yeah, and that means no ghost powers. Okay? 57 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:29,383 Thorfinn, no futzing with the electricity. 58 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:30,751 (grunts) And, guys, 59 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,019 let's just stay out of their room. Okay? 60 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,287 It's not a peep show. 61 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,588 Yeah, 62 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,590 I'm looking at you, No Pants. 63 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,726 No, you're not, sweetie. Damn it. 64 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,027 It's cute how bad he wants it. 65 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,429 (chuckles) Oh, come on. 66 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:42,663 Why do you care if we go in the guests' rooms? 67 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:43,797 They won't know. 68 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,333 Yeah, we've been spying on Livings 69 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,700 for hundreds of years. 70 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,836 Until TV it was our only form of entertainment. 71 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,371 FLOWER: Yeah, honestly, Sam, 72 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:54,041 if we can't spy, why are we even opening this B and B? 73 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:57,211 Uh, to earn money so we can eat. 74 00:02:57,245 --> 00:03:00,981 Oh, someone can consume food. Must be nice. 75 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:06,554 And I'm like, that ain't a ruler, it's a bracelet, bro. 76 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,722 (laughs) Yes. 77 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,791 Oh, hey, Nigel. What are y'all watching? 78 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:15,729 A historical program entitled How About Those '90s. 79 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,931 (laughs) Show's so fun, 80 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,067 doesn't even feel like learning. 81 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,869 MAN (on TV): How do I get myself an intern? 82 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,772 Well, it's getting late. 83 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,039 What? Oh, no, but we're still 84 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,775 at nineteen hundred and ninety-four. 85 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,009 We don't even know if that O.J. fellow 86 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,878 tracks down the real killers. 87 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,681 Isaac, feel free to call on me at the shed. Adieu. 88 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,317 How about those '90s, huh? (laughs) 89 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,486 Is it just me, or does he seem rather uncomfortable 90 00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,721 hanging out here at the mansion? I must say, 91 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,956 he did seem in quite a hurry to leave. 92 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,725 Yes, I wonder if something's wrong. 93 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,427 Well, have you talked to him about it? 94 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,195 (scoffs) No. 95 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,598 (chuckles) That sounds like an unpleasant conversation. 96 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,901 Indeed. Avoid relationship conflict at all costs. 97 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,035 Yes. Bottle it up. 98 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,170 Allow the resentment to fester 99 00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,307 until the hatred becomes so ever-present 100 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,074 you must turn to the sweet, sweet milk 101 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,043 of mother morphine to numb the pain. 102 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:07,247 Yeah, a short conversation couldn't hurt. 103 00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:10,050 TREVOR: Damn, did you get a new perfume, Sam? 104 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,819 It is working, girl. 105 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:12,953 It was my late mother's. 106 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,855 I only have a little bit left, 107 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,256 so I use it sparingly 108 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,058 whenever I want to feel her watch over me. 109 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,960 Thank you for the verbal cold shower. 110 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,462 Sam, they're here. 111 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,863 They're here! Okay. 112 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,998 (doorbell rings) Welcome. Welcome. 113 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:28,001 Welcome to the Woodstone B and B. 114 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,703 Oh, hi there. 115 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,104 Gosh, this is beautiful. 116 00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,773 It's like I've died and gone to heaven. 117 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,342 Oh, if only it were that simple. 118 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,345 I'm Debbie, and this is my husband Tom. 119 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:39,813 Short for Thomas, like the English muffins. 120 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,349 No relation. (both laugh) 121 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:42,616 These two are brutal. 122 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,017 (laughing): English muffins. 123 00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:47,321 Well, I'm Sam, and this is my husband Jay. 124 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:51,058 And these are your signature welcome cocktails. 125 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,026 TOM: Thank you very much. Mm-hmm. 126 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,695 Wow, that hits the spot. 127 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:55,829 Very nice. Mmm. Yummy. 128 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:56,764 (laughs) Bingo. Mm-hmm. 129 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:57,765 Well, I think you'll find 130 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,999 that is just one of the many 131 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,701 special touches that sets Woodstone apart 132 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,102 from the B and B herd. 133 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,505 Oof. Yeah, that was hard to watch. 134 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,440 I'll just, uh, show you to your rooms. Okay. Thank you. 135 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,241 Okay. Yep. Enjoy your stay. 136 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,143 Thanks a lot. Right this way. 137 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,879 DEBBIE: Okay, right behind you. 138 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,948 Well, they seem happy. Lame but happy. 139 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,750 (chuckles) Yeah, I think that went really well. 140 00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,185 I'm not so sure, Sam. 141 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,953 Let me tell you something about your polite 142 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,188 Midwesterners there. 143 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,823 They can be very tricky. 144 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,225 And this is 18 years in the travel agency game talking. 145 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,259 What are you talking about? 146 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,495 They loved the house. 147 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,996 They loved the cocktails. But did they? 148 00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,966 They left them barely touched right there. 149 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,135 That's true. Not even a second sip. 150 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,438 This type of customer, they're all smiles, 151 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,239 but you never know what they're really thinking. 152 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,074 So you're saying they kvell to your face 153 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,676 but kvetch behind your back? 154 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:45,679 Possibly. Based on context clues, I think so. 155 00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:48,315 And I know, 'cause I was the one they would complain to. 156 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,118 I mean, you should have seen the angry faxes I would get. 157 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,854 "Hecks" and "darns" flying all over the place. 158 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,489 JAY: Babe, great news. 159 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,757 They love the room. 160 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,427 But do they, Sam? 161 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,961 Do they? 162 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,432 ISAAC: What do you say we head up to the mansion? 163 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,166 There's just not much to do here. 164 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,235 Not much to do? Hello? 165 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,772 Have you not experienced the drama of the ants? 166 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,774 Now, those boys have pep. 167 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,643 Yep, certainly can't deny the pep. 168 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:19,112 And yet, at the mansion, we have the added benefit 169 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,414 of watching television 170 00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:22,816 and not being watched by your former lover. 171 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,118 Just pretend I'm not even here. 172 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:28,556 Okay, it's just-- 173 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:31,425 Nigel, do you have a problem with where I live? 174 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:34,862 What? No. I love the mansion. 175 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,898 If I were forced to pick nits, 176 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,801 your friend Thorfinn can be a bit much. 177 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:44,037 Oh. Oh, this is about Thorfinn. 178 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,474 It's just, the yelling and the jocularity. 179 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:49,943 And he murder stories and the endless cod anecdotes. 180 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,980 Yes, no, I get it. I get it, trust me. (laughs) 181 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,548 You know what I'll do? I'll just ask him, um, 182 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,984 to rein in his energy a bit. I'm sure he'll understand. 183 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,285 (sighs) 184 00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,789 Oh, God, I was so nervous to bring this up, 185 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,356 but I'm so glad that I did. 186 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,792 As am I. 187 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,495 You know, I think we work very well together. 188 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,863 (scoffs) Heard that before. 189 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,799 Thank you. 190 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,267 SAMANTHA: I found Tom and Debbie's Yelp profile. 191 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:18,138 Geez, look at these reviews. These people are vicious. 192 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,173 "The only thing worse than the day-old bread 193 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,375 "at Linda's Shrimp Shack was the foul smell 194 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,012 coming from the kitchen. Steer clear. One star." 195 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,580 It's weird. They seem so nice. 196 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,549 Pete says it's common. He dealt with this 197 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,783 all the time back when travel agents 198 00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,485 were still a thing. Hurtful. 199 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,954 Okay, well, there's a couple good ones in here. 200 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,489 So I guess we just got to do our best 201 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,758 and then we try to get one of those. 202 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,561 There is one other possibility. 203 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,629 We spy on them. 204 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:42,663 Not for our entertainment 205 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,131 but to help you guys. 206 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,099 See what they're really saying behind closed doors. 207 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,435 And doing behind closed doors. 208 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,271 They're like 60. I'm very bored. 209 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,473 SAMANTHA: I know we were against it before, 210 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,408 but it's not the worst idea. What's happening? 211 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:58,111 The ghosts are saying they could spy on the guests. 212 00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,547 JAY: No. 213 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,148 But if Tom and Debbie have complaints, 214 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,216 then we can find out and course-correct 215 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,552 while they're still here. 216 00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:05,719 It's so creepy, 217 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:09,990 not to mention totally unethical. 218 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,359 two-faced Duluthers, you do what you gotta. 219 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,393 Jay, think about it. 220 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,461 People could think that 221 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,729 our one bad review was a fluke, 222 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:18,498 but two bad reviews? Our only reviews? 223 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:19,867 Would you stay at that B and B? 224 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,769 We're not gonna have two bad reviews. 225 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,704 We're gonna crush this, 226 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,673 without creepy ghost spying. 227 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:26,974 No offense. Okay? 228 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,642 Okay, you're right. 229 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,578 Thank you. 230 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,615 So you want to go with our thing? 231 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,883 Oh, hell yes. 232 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,885 Yes! (laughter) 233 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,425 Thor? Thor, remember when Nigel was over 234 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,928 and we were watching that television show earlier, 235 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,229 How About Those '90s? 236 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,298 (laughs) Yes! Most interesting decade. 237 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:56,203 Probably best '90s since 1190s, though 1490s were pretty wild. 238 00:08:56,236 --> 00:09:00,473 Yes. Anyway, um, you were kind of, like, doing this thing 239 00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:04,011 where you were talking over people and hitting people 240 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,779 and just being very boisterous. 241 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:08,015 And it was just a little bit much. 242 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,450 And, um, I was just wondering if maybe you could 243 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,019 tone it down a little? 244 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,254 Where is all this coming from? 245 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,890 Isaac and Thor always watch TV together. 246 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,425 Never complain before. 247 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:21,528 W-Well, if you must know, it's coming from Nigel. 248 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,664 And I would push back, it's just that it's 249 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,966 so new, and I do enjoy his company. 250 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:30,938 I see. So... Isaac embarrassed of Thor. 251 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,540 No, I'm just simply saying that when Nigel's around, 252 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,143 maybe you're around less. 253 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,712 So mere presence of Thor is problem. 254 00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:40,781 Yes. Well put. 255 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,216 Fine! Thor won't be around. 256 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,219 Thor go where he won't be problem for you anymore. 257 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,389 Where he won't be problem for anyone! 258 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,459 Okay, well, thank you for hearing me. 259 00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,294 They call these sheets. 260 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,830 They are as thin as that toilet paper. 261 00:09:56,864 --> 00:10:00,033 Man, Debbie is really chafed about that toilet paper. 262 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,635 Literally. (laughs) 263 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,637 Knock, knock. Room service. 264 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:04,638 Hey. 265 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,139 Jay's homemade cookies. 266 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,607 So, how are you settling in? 267 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:08,709 Everything okay with the room? 268 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,077 Oh, everything's perfect. 269 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,611 Could not be better. Yes. 270 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,913 Lies. 271 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,115 Thin sheets, hard towels, cheap TP. 272 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,350 Debbie's really chafed about it. (laughs) 273 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:18,752 Sam hadn't heard it yet. 274 00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,721 You know, are those our summer sheets? 275 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,189 Would you mind if I changed them 276 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,623 for something a little more plush? 277 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,825 Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no. 278 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:25,826 These are fine. 279 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:26,860 He said he'd rather sleep 280 00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:28,128 on his boat tarp, Sam. 281 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,163 No, I insist. Let me change them. 282 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,065 I slept on a boat tarp once 283 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,367 with several members of Fleetwood Mac. 284 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:37,437 Little uncomfortable but super easy cleanup. 285 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,841 NANCY: Hey, guys. 286 00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:44,144 Oh, it's upstairs. How lovely. 287 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:47,314 Listen, you guys got to do something about your boy Thor. 288 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:50,784 He's totally depressed and he's bumming out the whole basement. 289 00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:52,920 And we like to keep it light down there. 290 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,388 Wait, what's Thor doing in the basement? 291 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,257 He moved down there, after Pantaloons here 292 00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,726 told him to get lost 293 00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:01,729 because his British boy toy doesn't want Thor around. 294 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,765 Isaac, is that so? Is it telling the truth? 295 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,768 No, I-I merely suggested he tone down his energy a bit. 296 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,369 I suppose, upon exit, 297 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,338 he did cryptically promise he'd not be around anymore, 298 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,441 but I just thought that was his Viking temper. 299 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,243 Isaac, go apologize to Thor. 300 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,279 No. 301 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:20,781 No. 302 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:24,051 I don't even know what this thing is with Nigel yet, 303 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,453 but whatever it is, I don't want to ruin it before it starts. 304 00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,521 So I'm sorry that Thor is unhappy, 305 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:31,358 but when is it my chance to be happy? Hmm? 306 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,861 When is it old Higgintoot's turn? 307 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,497 Oh, God. 308 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,832 (exhales) 309 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,700 Thank you for coming. 310 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,302 You're welcome. 311 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,303 Leave. 312 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:44,905 Okay. Oh. 313 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,840 JAY: What'd they think of the cookies, huh? 314 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,108 They said they loved them. 315 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:51,144 Yes. Mwah. See? I told you we'd crush it. 316 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,780 Bad news, Sam. They hated the cookies. 317 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:56,383 Oh, although I tried one myself 318 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,484 and I had some thoughts. 319 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,952 Tom didn't like the salt on top. 320 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,720 I wasn't sure about the salt on top. 321 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:04,691 But other than that, seriously, babe, the cookies were perfect. 322 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,459 Debbie's saying there's too many chocolate chips. 323 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,863 Although maybe there were too many chocolate chips, 324 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,664 now that I reflect upon it further. 325 00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:12,966 (chuckles) What's going on? 326 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,135 You always loved my chocolate chip cookies. 327 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,504 Okay, I hadn't wanted to hurt your feelings, 328 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:21,775 but Tom and Debbie actually did say something to me. 329 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,143 What? Really? 330 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,511 It was very out of character, 331 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,279 but it's growth for them, which is good. 332 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,315 Okay, well, I'm just gonna talk to them. 333 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,117 Wait, what? No-no. Why? 334 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,852 What is going on? 335 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,653 Hmm? First they love the cookies, 336 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:37,257 now they don't, and now you don't want me to talk to them? 337 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,292 Oh, boy. He's putting it together. 338 00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:41,829 Oh, my God, you did have the ghosts spy. 339 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,797 Busted. Just a little bit. 340 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:44,998 Unbelievable. 341 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,466 Not a great turn of events for Sam, 342 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:49,402 but Jay's one hell of a gumshoe. 343 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,838 Okay, yes, I should have told you. 344 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,305 But honestly, it's working. 345 00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:55,342 I am able to respond in real time to their every need. 346 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,210 What did I miss? Jay figured it out. 347 00:12:57,244 --> 00:13:00,147 Ooh, exciting. Which one's Jay? SAMANTHA: I get it. 348 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,049 It's hard to hear criticism. 349 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,151 But honestly, if Tom and Debbie thought that I was 350 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:07,888 doing something wrong, I would love to know about it. 351 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,722 Trevor, shh! Wait, what? 352 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,158 We didn't want to say anything. 353 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,426 We know you're not the best at taking criticism. 354 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,162 I can handle it. JAY: Oh. 355 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,364 Do the ghosts have some opportunities 356 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,665 for you to improve? 357 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,300 Debbie thinks you're too chatty. 358 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,869 Too chatty? That is... 359 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,905 ...very useful criticism. 360 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,806 Thank you for letting me know. 361 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,642 I will strive to improve that area of my personality 362 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,678 during the remainder of their visit. 363 00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:35,082 Seems like she could've said that in a lot less words. 364 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,590 Well, I am ready to strap on the old feedbag. 365 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,692 (laughs) Something smells delicious. 366 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,527 Oh, I believe that is Jay's famous duck. 367 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:48,828 But before the main event, 368 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,697 your farm-to-table dinner starts with 369 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,232 a wide assortment of taste delights 370 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,634 from across the Hudson. Keep it brief, motormouth. 371 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,236 I'll get your salads. TOM: Oh. 372 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,404 (small chuckle) 373 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,739 Odd woman. Agreed. 374 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,609 TV ANNOUNCER: The year was 1996, 375 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,912 and the Spice Girls were everywhere. 376 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,314 This new fab five burst onto the scene 377 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,616 with their message of female empowerment 378 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,851 and, above all, loyalty to your friends. 379 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,453 Hmm. * If you wanna be my lover... 380 00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,022 Loyalty to friends. 381 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,624 I guess the '90s were a different time. 382 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,427 * Friendship never ends... 383 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,930 Damn these English bards. 384 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,331 Catchy. 385 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,067 * Taking is too easy, but that's the... * 386 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,969 Okay, so apparently they're loving your bread rolls, 387 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,304 but they think that I slouch and do other stuff wrong. 388 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,240 Hi, couple more action items. 389 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:34,841 Uh, they do not like the playlist, they think you hover, 390 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,077 your voice is too high, and the pattern 391 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,878 in your grandmother's butter dish is satanic. 392 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,814 And now they hate my playlist, they think that I tend to hover, 393 00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,951 that my voice is too high, and apparently that the pattern 394 00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:46,419 on my grandmother's butter dish is satanic. 395 00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:47,820 JAY: I hate these people. 396 00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,723 Ugh... I better get back out there. 397 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,160 Oh, I don't like the look of this fork. 398 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,128 It's dingy, like the house. Yeah, look at this. 399 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,096 Here are your salads. 400 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,764 Oh, thank you. Thank you. 401 00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,332 Yummy. I'm gonna switch out the butter dish, 402 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,601 'cause why not, right? (laughs) Okay. 403 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,902 Is it too bright in here? 404 00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,805 No, not at all-- Thank you. Thank you. 405 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,807 Hmm. That's better. 406 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,009 You're hovering, and somehow 407 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,510 your voice has gotten even higher. 408 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,879 (deep voice): I'll let you enjoy your salads. 409 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,681 Thank you. Thank you. 410 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,318 (snoring) 411 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,122 Is he... 412 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,856 Asleep? Yeah. 413 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,226 The floor's pretty uneven, so we tend to sleep standing up. 414 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,896 Like livestock. You'll get used to it after a few decades. 415 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,131 NIGEL: Why on earth have you 416 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,633 dragged us down to this miserable pit? 417 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,002 Because I have something to say to Thor, 418 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,204 and I need you to hear it. Thor? 419 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,538 Isaac. 420 00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:41,241 I'm sorry. 421 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:44,311 You are a good friend, and I have treated you poorly, 422 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:48,581 and I would like you to come back upstairs. 423 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,884 You... truly mean this? 424 00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:54,387 Thor not annoying? 425 00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:57,757 Well, those are two different questions, but yes. 426 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,958 No, I mean it. 427 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,328 And, Nigel, I care about you. 428 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,563 But something I learned today is that if you want to be 429 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,799 my special companion, you got to get with my Viking friend. 430 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,169 Oh. NIGEL: I see. 431 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,504 I didn't realize how much he meant to you. 432 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,341 Yes. Neither did I. 433 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,812 Thorfinn, forgive me. 434 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,714 Perhaps I judged you too hastily. 435 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:24,551 Is okay. Thorfinn acquired taste, 436 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,653 like sour ram's testicle. 437 00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:31,091 God knows I'm not everyone's cup of tea. 438 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,660 I like sitting in a dirty shed watching ants all day. 439 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,694 THORFINN: Wait. 440 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:35,962 You like watching ants? 441 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,465 Thor loves watching ants, too! 442 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,267 Basement ants best ants. 443 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,568 Come. Yes. 444 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:44,771 Oh! Now, these boys have gumption. 445 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,374 (laughs) Thor and Nigel bonding. 446 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:50,610 NIGEL: You and Isaac should come to the shed to watch our ants. 447 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,080 ISAAC: Oh, good, back to the shed. 448 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,649 Jay, how are we coming with that duck? 449 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,017 Did you change your sweater? 450 00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,686 Oh, yeah, apparently Debbie thought I was looking 451 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,522 a little washed out. (chuckles) Okay, here's a thought. 452 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,824 Tom and Debbie suck. 453 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,526 I agree with that. Jay. 454 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:07,794 I am sick of sitting here 455 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,096 and listening to them criticize 456 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,264 the best person that I know. Aw. 457 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:14,101 Sam, I think they're crazy with this one, 458 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:17,070 but they hate your perfume. JAY: What's wrong? 459 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,172 They don't like my perfume. 460 00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,873 The perfume your mom gave you? 461 00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:22,842 Yeah, it's okay. It's a little old-fashioned. 462 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,412 Nope. Uh-uh. 463 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,648 Uh, Jay? 464 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:29,716 Ooh, it's on. 465 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,151 DEBBIE: Oh, a visit from the chef. 466 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,952 TOM: Ah, is it time for our duck? 467 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,388 Oh, if you think you're getting even a nibble of my duck, 468 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,989 you are sorely mistaken. 469 00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:39,426 Look, it's one thing to complain about cookies and candles, 470 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,728 but the fact that you could find anything bad to say 471 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,364 about my wonderful wife 472 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,299 is bonkers. 473 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,034 Yeah, she's a little talkative, 474 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,802 but I love every word. 475 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,139 She's kind and she's smart. 476 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,141 And her voice is mellifluous. 477 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,276 And she's got a great ass. 478 00:17:56,309 --> 00:18:00,313 And I know no one's debating that, but I'm on a roll. 479 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:01,814 And you know what else? 480 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,583 Jay's cookies aren't too salty, they're amazing. 481 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,152 And he's got a great ass. 482 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,419 And you might not be able to see it in these pants, 483 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,121 but if you put him in, like, a soft jean 484 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,757 or maybe a chino, your jaw would drop. Thank you. 485 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,525 Well, this is not gonna make for a good Yelp review, 486 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,094 but God bless these crazy kids. TOM: Wait. 487 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,796 How do you know we said any of that? 488 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:20,333 Um, thin walls. 489 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,734 Very thin. 490 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,971 What-- You've been eavesdropping on us. Why? 491 00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:28,841 Because we're trying to start a business 492 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,477 and we read all your vicious Yelp reviews, 493 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,079 and we were just trying to do something to make you happy. 494 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,382 What do you mean you read our Yelp reviews? (chuckles) 495 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,250 Those reviews are anonymous. That's right. 496 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:40,487 No, we can see your names and pictures. 497 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,355 Uh, no. No, no, no, no. 498 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:46,293 No, that is what we see on our computer. Right. 499 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,860 No, I can show you. 500 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:52,332 Okay. Yeah. Well, we'll look. 501 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,901 (gasps) This is not good. 502 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:57,837 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We went after everyone. 503 00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,407 They're all there. Oh, no, we tore apart your sister's Shrimp Shack. 504 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,075 DEBBIE: This is a nightmare. We have to move. TOM: Oh. Oh, no. 505 00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,345 Wh-Where are you going, Tom? 506 00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,846 To unplug my laptop, Debbie. 507 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,381 We got to get those reviews off-line. 508 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:12,519 Well, I don't think that's how it works, Tom. Tom! 509 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:15,822 PETE: Yelp reviews may not be anonymous, but you know what is? 510 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,090 Conversations with your trusted travel agent. 511 00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:21,394 Unless you tell me you murdered someone. Or stole a robe. 512 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,500 JAY: Oh, babe. 513 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,135 Tom and Debbie left us a Yelp review. 514 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,803 Oh, I'm so nervous. 515 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,373 "There may be nicer places to stay 516 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,675 and softer sheets to lay upon..." 517 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:36,676 Let it go, Debbie. 518 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:37,877 "... but the proprietors 519 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,111 "of the charming Woodstone B and B 520 00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,913 really care about their guests." 521 00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:44,016 Oh. "Sam and Jay not only anticipated our every need 522 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,653 "but alerted us to the tragic hacking of our Yelp account, 523 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,020 "which led to the besmirching of some of our 524 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:50,657 "favorite institutions, including the delicious 525 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,625 and normal-smelling Linda's Shrimp Shack." 526 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:53,893 What is hacking? 527 00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,894 It means someone broke into their account, 528 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,162 but Tom and Debbie are lying. 529 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,964 They're just doing damage control. 530 00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:01,634 Babe, they left us five stars! 531 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,202 (cheering) 532 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,071 "And this is our vow to you, people of Yelp, 533 00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,407 we will not rest until we find the real hackers." 534 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,976 Oh, like O.J. with the real killers. (laughs) 535 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,177 I bet he found them. 536 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,845 That fellow seemed very determined. 537 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,348 Well, seems like it all worked out. 538 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,250 Yeah, but I don't want this to be an endorsement 539 00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,351 for you to keep using 540 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,219 these ghosts behind my back. 541 00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:22,589 It is the last time I do that, I promise. 542 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:23,590 Good. 543 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:24,724 Unless, like, 544 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,158 it's something really important, right? 545 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,195 Mm-hmm. What's that?