[Jane] I've been preparing our next attempt.
-Transgressor animalus. -No!
[Petunia] You are being poisoned.
-[Edward] How bad is it? -[Jane] Catastrophic.
[Mary] We must move you to the North Turret.
[Seymour] He must have fallen trying to escape.
[Mary] Why do we need a body? You have the Will?
-Of course I have the Will. -It names me?
[Seymour] Find Lady Jane Grey
and her drunken spouse. Kill them.
Do you know the punishment for Ethian-Verity intermarriage?
If I tell anyone, we're all dead.
-[screaming] -[Phillips] Now, nice and steady.
You'll make a cracking Kingsland Guard, Hodgkins.
-Like this, Mr. Phillips. -[screaming]
-[sword swishes] -[screaming stops]
[passionate gasping]
I want a divorce.
I must confess something dreadful. Edward is already dead.
[Bess] That makes you Queen.
Yes, I shall be.
Those men we bested were Kingsland Guards.
[all shout]
They were looking for us. Why would they want to kill us?
[Mary] Lord Seymour, the King's Will.
-I have King Edward's Will. -[onlookers gasp]
His Majesty named you heir to the crown.
Long live Queen Jane.
[♪ Lez Zeppelin: "Kashmir"]
[horse whinnies]
[driver shouts]
♪ Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face ♪
♪ With stars to fill my dreams ♪
♪ I am a traveler of both time and space ♪
♪ To be where I have been...
[Author] Behold, England's new monarch,
Queen Jane Grey...
...and her consort Guildford Dudley.
Is this a dream come true for our reluctant couple?
Or a nightmare incarnate?
I'm sure everything will work out...
just fine.
[exciting music playing]
[all] Your Majesty.
-Your Majesty. -[others] Your Majesty.
-Your Majesty. -Your Majesty.
[rippling through crowd] Your Majesty.
-Your Majesty. -Your Majesty.
Your Majesty.
-Your Majesty. -[others] Your Majesty.
-Your Majesty. -Your Majesty.
Your Majesty.
-Your Majesty. -Your Majesty.
[salutations continue]
-Your Majesty. -Your Majesty.
Must I call you Your Majesty?
No. You call me Jane.
Nothing's changed.
Everything's changed.
From now on, we address her as Your Royal Majesty...
Queen of England.
Your Royal Majesty.
[Author] Jane has been in shock for hours.
But her mother showing this level of respect and deference is, frankly...
-fucking bonkers. -[Jane gasps]
[crowd gasps]
[Mary] How could you give her the crown?
You said you had the Will. You said it named me.
I said I had a Will.
Look, I will look into this.
Oh.
Daddy's robe looks breathtaking.
I was Daddy's firstborn.
It should have been me before Edward.
And now a girl is finally on the Throne...
...and it's Jane sodding Grey.
Even her name is boring.
Mm.
I'll simply have to kill her myself.
Really?
How?
-Care to share? -No.
-No. You'll just cock it all up again. -Oh, please.
-Please, Mary, don't shut me out. -[sighs]
Oh. I shall spy on them.
Everyone has secrets. Then we'll turn the country against them.
-Oh, my love. -Oh.
Soon, I shall take my rightful place on the Throne
with you as my King.
And our purebred Verity children will rule for a thousand years.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
[both sigh]
[gasps] Mm!
-Give me the key to your zoo. -What?
Key! Zoo!
Now!
[Seymour grunts]
[Charles] Her Majesty awakens.
Am I...?
Is this Edward's bed?
And his robe?
It's yours now,
Your Majesty.
Hmm.
I think I might be sick.
Everybody out! Out! Go!
[heavy door closes]
[Author] Grief doesn't hit you all at once.
It comes in waves.
Like the world's most lugubrious hangover.
[plaintive music playing]
How could he do this to me?
Without even warning me? It's so typical.
Why would Edward name me?
If I may say...
His Majesty always held you in the highest esteem.
I loved him, too.
I only wish I had been with him at the end... to offer comfort.
Th-The messenger told me that he threw himself out of a window.
Is that true?
They say he was in the final throes
of a poison-induced delirium.
Apparently, Lord Dudley had been slowly poisoning him for some time.
Do you jest?
Rarely.
Lord Dudley has been imprisoned for the King's murder.
Uh, you...
said that you were not there...
...at the end. Why is that?
He wished to be alone in the North Turret.
Wh... Edward chose to subject himself
to the freezing damp of the North Turret?
No, I don't believe it.
[up-tempo music playing]
Neither do I.
[thunder rumbling]
[Author] Can the murderer truly be her father-in-law?
The idea is flabbergasting.
But if not him, then who?
I mean, whom?
I mean... who?
[suspenseful music playing]
-[thunder crashes] -[Edward gasps]
-[rattling] -[sharp gasp]
[louder rattling]
[whispering] Guildford.
[whispering] Are you all right?
Eh, you know.
You?
Oh...
you know.
[Author] This is as close as the English ever get
to admitting emotional turmoil.
Sorry, I was delayed. I--
You went to see your father.
He swears he's innocent.
Do you think he's innocent?
My dad once banished the Duke of Coventry to Ireland
in order to steal his lace-maker.
He's a conniving bastard, but he's not a murderer.
Jane, I promise you.
Well, someone is.
Whoever killed Edward tried to kill us, too.
I must find who did this. I owe him that.
We will.
It's almost dawn.
I wish you could stay.
Vulnerability...
...from the indomitable Jane Grey?
Sensitivity from the unconscionable Guildford Dudley?
[romantic music playing]
[sighs] We can't do this.
I know.
We must both be very careful, Jane.
This place isn't safe.
[bell tolls in distance]
-[Frances] Wake up! -[clapping]
-Rise and shine! -[Jane gasps]
First day as Queen!
Come on, your Kingdom awaits!
Good morning, Mother.
Charles.
[lively percussive music playing]
Whoa!
Jane is so lucky.
Mother, is this really important?
I'm fine in my old clothes.
No, you are not, you are Queen.
If you don't act like a monarch, the people won't accept you as one.
King Henry was so resplendent with jewels
that he actually glowed.
Don't you want to glow?
Fine.
The green one, please.
Boop.
We're about to embark on a coronation extravaganza.
Banquets, pageants, tournaments...
I'm ordering new anointment oil
and having the rod and scepter polished.
Not too much, not till they're slippery.
But they'll jolly well sparkle.
Wonderful.
This is divine.
Why are you wearing a wedding ring?
Mommy made her marry Leicester.
What?!
You are unbelievable.
-He died. I'm fine. -He died. She's fine!
And before you embark on a predictably indignant speech,
consider this.
Thanks to me, we are rich, safe, and happy, so...
Will this take very much longer?
I must speak to the Privy Council.
About Lord Dudley?
Guildford thinks his father is innocent.
The Dudleys always think their fathers are innocent.
They never are, and they're always executed.
Edward wouldn't want an innocent man executed on his behalf.
I have to get ready.
-Jane, can I give you some advice? -No.
From now on you must be calm, in control, and, above all, regal.
Margaret of Anjou had a saying, "Live in the now."
Her husband suffered bouts of insanity, and I can't see how it served her,
but somehow it did.
Point is, you are Queen.
Act like it.
-I intend to. -[Margaret giggling]
Uh-uh, Katherine, that's not for you, no.
I want a bowl of Codling apples,
fresh every day, and no brown spots ever.
I want the best Spanish claret for breakfast
and the most excellent Rhenish for lunch.
Ah, here we are!
The door won't open itself.
[♪ Sleigh Bells: "Rill Rill"]
[laughing]
Yes.
Yes, I can tolerate this.
Now, go on, get out, get out, get out.
[laughing]
Made it.
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah...
[Author] Jane wants to appear regal.
But come on.
Look at these tools.
Innocent, I am.
On bended knee, imploring Your Majesty
-in agony. -That syntax is agony.
Don't scowl at me, you sniveling muck-spout.
-From this angle, I can see up your nose. -Dudley.
The Tofana was in your pocket.
-[crowd muttering] -Explain it to me.
That's an order.
Do you honestly think...
that I... would ruin...
a Venetian velvet cloak
by stretching out the pocket
with a leaden poisoner's box?
I mean...
Then how did it get there? Tell me.
Your Majesty, please focus on the facts.
You were clearly oblivious to his plotting,
but as a direct result of the King's death,
Lord Dudley's progeny will take the Throne.
Ipso facto.
He had the means,
the motive,
and as Royal Counselor, the opportunity.
And I have a witness.
-[crowd gasps] -What witness?
What witness?
Why, a cook.
[Jane] A cook?
Who saw Lord Dudley administer said poison.
Lies. Lies. Lies!
Aah!
You fool!
[Author] Like many leaders before and since,
Jane is realizing...
...she has inherited a troubled administration...
Charles.
...in a divided Kingdom.
-Otherwise known as... -Charles.
...a shitshow.
Find me that cook.
And you're quite sure it was the day before the Feast of All Saints?
Course.
I'd had a long day on my feet in the kitchens,
and I got a nosebleed that night,
so I went down to get a pinch of bread
to plug up the blood.
You know, works a treat.
Then I saw that scoundrel.
Lord Dudley.
That's right. Him.
Sprinkling a powder on His Majesty's pottage...
[whispers] Bring me the Palace ledger.
How did you know that it was poison?
Did you see it?
Uh, yes. I...
He had it in a bowl.
What kind of bowl?
A golden one?
Yeah! Shiny.
A golden bowl. Not a box?
Yes. Yes!
Just...
from the East.
Oh, the East?
Cathay?
[stammering] Well, East... Norwich.
Lovely there this time of y--
Have all Your Majesty's questions been satisfied?
-[Seymour clears throat] -Hmm.
-Thank you for your time. -Uh, of course, Your Majesty.
Just one more thing.
This Palace ledger says you weren't working that day at all.
Uh...
I... uh, well...
[stammering] The... the scoundrel...
and the... the...
-the powder! -You're lying.
And you aren't even good at it.
Release Lord Dudley immediately.
Why did you do this?
Were you forced or bribed?
Answer me!
And I will remind you that the punishment for bearing false witness
is the removal of one's eyeballs.
-With a spoon. -I...
Forced or bribed?
Tell me now.
-[guard 1] After her! -[guard 2] Oi!
-[cook screaming] -[soft whoosh]
-[guards shouting] -[animal squeals]
[Jane] Oh, gods.
[guards celebrating]
Beast!
The cook was Ethian?
Yeah, so I skewered her.
You're welcome, Your Majesty.
Seymour.
You cannot just kill people.
-That woman-- -Not a woman. A beast.
So! Dudley was indeed innocent.
And the cook was the poisoner and made the whole thing up.
Well done, you.
[gentle applause]
[guards speaking indistinctly]
[laughter]
[animals howling and squealing]
Ugh. Gods, the stench.
[muttering]
Nasty, nasty beasts.
[suspenseful music playing]
-It's that one. -[guard] Your Highness.
I am offering you freedom and riches
in return for a tiny favor.
If that interests you,
get in the box.
Or stay here
and wait until Lord Seymour returns
to plan his next experiment.
Your choice.
Relax.
It's almost sunset.
You're safe in here.
New stables, bigger than your old digs.
But I've done my best to make 'em comfy, my Lord.
Oi. Did you just call that horse "my Lord"?
[horse whinnies]
Lord Seymour. I, uh...
I said Milo.
His name is Milo.
[whispers] Run.
Don't just let your steed wander around.
Good gods, man. I'll tie him up.
I heard that bastard Dudley
dismissed the royal grooms from these stables.
Why is that?
Uh, the Dudley family have their own grooms.
And it was the Queen's orders, my Lord.
Whose is this bed?
And whose garments are these?
-Mine, my Lord. -Hardly.
This is velvet.
Must be your master's.
No.
There's only one explanation for this.
Her Majesty...
...has kicked Guildford Dudley out of her bed already.
-[chuckles] -Uh...
Indeed, my Lord.
Uh, may I show you out?
Did you hear about the cook?
[thunder rumbling]
I'll wager there are more beasts hiding all around this Palace.
Perhaps you might tell me more as we walk.
Ah! My sword. [chuckles]
I'd lose my head if it wasn't screwed on, honestly.
[horse whinnying]
Horses.
Rats with hooves, really.
[chuckles]
[thunder rumbling]
[panting]
[whispers] I need a drink.
[thunder rumbling]
[Bess] Petunia?
-Petunia? -[door bangs]
Petunia, where are you?
[gasps]
You took something that didn't belong to you, sister.
Please don't hurt her.
Do you think Seymour and I are fools?
[Petunia whining]
Edward's Will.
You stole it.
Edward had a right to choose his heir.
You sneaky little wench.
Please. Let her go.
You care more about this mongrel than you do your own sister.
No! Mary.
Please.
Forgive me. I'm-I'm sorry.
You must make it up to me.
I-I-I will.
I promise.
-See that box? -[Petunia whining]
[Bess] What's inside?
Never you mind about that.
Place it next to Queen Jane.
Tonight.
Do not look inside.
Do not tell a soul.
[Petunia whining]
[♪ "Wild Thing"]
Ah, ha!
Surprise, surprise. Baroness Monteagle,
or as I like to call her, mount-everything,
has put herself forward to be a lady-in-waiting.
Oh, can you please stop that infernal racket?
Oh, Lady Somerset.
[Author] If only Jane could enjoy sycophantic communiqués
as much as Frances.
-What time is it? -"Felicitations!"
Well, that's quite a long word for her.
You know what she called me when I married your father?
"A relentless and permanently dissatisfied schemer."
Who's the schemer now, wench?
Katherine and Margaret will be my ladies-in-waiting.
Yes! Oh, please, can I?
-Yes, that's fine. -And me?
Mmm, no. I have bigger plans for you.
[knock at door]
Your Majesty.
Bess.
I thought you might enjoy these.
Books always make me feel at home.
-Thank you, Bess. -You're welcome.
Actually, wait.
Please stay.
Have a drink with me.
We can toast to Edward and talk about life at Court.
I'd be delighted, Your Majesty.
My brother was a shocking cheat at cards.
Yes! And every time we caught him,
he would just laugh and ask us to play again.
It's hard to say no to family.
Tell me, Bess, were Lord Seymour and Edward very close?
I suppose one problem with being monarch,
apart from the questionable notion
of divine right and inherited absolute power,
is that loyalty cannot be taken for granted,
even from Royal Counselors.
[suspenseful music playing]
Bess, is...
talking about Edward making you upset?
[snake hissing]
I just miss him.
I miss him, too.
I'm glad you're here.
And that he chose you.
As to the subject of power,
I always found Isidore of Seville's thoughts on the matter most enlightening.
Oh.
I must be off.
Princess Bess.
-Guildford. -Jane.
Shall we?
-Seymour's behind everything. -What?
He poisoned Edward. I'm sure he sent those men to kill us in the woods.
Do you have proof?
Not yet.
When I was questioning the witness, who's a Palace cook,
she was looking at Seymour like she was terrified of him.
And then she ran away and...
...she turned into an Ethian.
And then they killed her.
Just like that.
Like she was nothing.
[door opens]
Jane, we need to talk.
This is untenable.
We need to discuss how our recent change in circumstance
affects our arrangement.
I still need a cure, and I presume you still want a divorce, so...
it all comes down to this.
Does our deal stand?
It does.
But right now we have bigger problems.
Jane.
Every second I remain here,
I'm a liability to you, to my father, and to myself.
-Why can't you understand that? -I do understand.
-Then why don't you try? -I've been a little busy!
Nothing's worked.
You were supposed to be this scientist.
You were supposed to have a legendarily curious mind.
I am. And I do.
Well, it sounds to me like you're giving up.
Oh, I've never given up on anything in my entire life.
-Is that so? -It is so.
-Really? -Really.
Then prove it.
[♪ Deap Vally: "Supernatural"]
[Jane gasps]
-[music stops abruptly] -I'm sorry.
I know you don't want this.
I should go.
That's a good idea.
[door opens]
[door closes]
[dramatic music playing]
Guildford.
Dad!
-Welcome back. -Going somewhere?
Married life confounded you already?
This was a mistake.
She won't help me like you promised.
I may as well have a target on my back.
I'm going to Florence.
There's a library there with a letter in it
from St. Francis of Assisi which might help.
[Dudley] [scoffs] That dingbat. He won't have any good ideas.
I can't stay here. It's impossible.
[sighs] Now, what have I told you? Nothing is impossible.
Look at me. I was condemned to death. Here I am alive.
And it's thanks to your wife.
Oh, my boy.
It's time to talk about your future.
Come on, pop yourself down.
[Guildford sighs]
Jane must name you King.
You can't be serious.
As consort, you're nothing.
I mean, you're, at best, a pretty toy.
But as King,
you have power.
Yes. To protect yourself
and to search for a cure.
You can devote every moment, every resource to finding it.
And until that happy day,
you're safe.
In the crown, on the Throne. [chuckles]
What?
Marrying Jane was never about my cure.
It was about the Kingdom.
-It was about you. -All right.
I'm a horrible monster for wanting my son to be King of England, yes?
For wanting to finally, at long last,
redeem the family name.
Look, the truth is, Guildford,
I have spent a great deal of energy and expense
breaking the law, putting us all in danger,
hiding your secrets just to keep you alive.
All I ask in return...
is this.
Now...
...don't let your one flaw
hold you back from greatness.
[dramatic music playing]
[Petunia whining]
Careful, Pet.
A black adder's bite is deadly.
[Petunia barks]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Petunia whining]
-Cheers! -[Petunia barking]
Ethian!
[gasps] Petunia!
Don't be frightened.
Thank you for saving my life earlier, with Mary.
I...
I'm just so sorry that I couldn't protect your brother.
You tried to save Edward?
Yes, but I failed.
Tell me everything.
[bell tolling in distance]
[ominous music playing]
[Jane panting]
[heart beating]
[panting]
[Hodgkins] Now, Phillips?
-[Jane gasps] -[sword unsheathes]
Go on, then, Hodgkins.
-[muffled screaming] -Have at it.
[sharp gasp]
[bell tolling in distance]
[coin clatters]
[Author] Dreams.
Mysterious yet clarifying.
Kingsland Guards are controlled by one man.
Lord Seymour?
[up-tempo music playing]
[urgent percussive music playing]
[Seymour clears throat]
I win.
[Jane clears throat]
Your Majesty.
Lord Seymour.
I need a list of Kingsland Guards.
By name if you have it.
Of course.
Why?
Are you thinking of expanding their numbers?
Why would I do that?
My Kingsland Guards uphold Division Laws...
...without which we would be living cheek-by-jowl
with the beasts.
Every guard by name, as requested,
Your Esteemed Majesty.
Here we are.
Oh!
[Author] Oh, you little shit.
Oops.
How clumsy.
[Author] So much for that idea.
Lord Seymour.
I'm having a little supper party tonight.
Oh, really?
[clears throat] Oh, really?
Looking forward to seeing you there.
-Hmm. -Hmm.
Supper party.
Ugh. Really?
Jane's throwing a supper party?
That's what I thought.
[loud banging on door]
-[Mary] Bess! What happened with the box? -Oh, gods, it's her.
The next time I see you, I'm gonna wear that puppy as a hat!
Bess...
I won't let her hurt you. I promise. Go.
[banging continues]
Sister.
-Lord Seymour. -Sister.
Tell me what happened.
The snake was dead.
Dead?
Yes. I-I suppose there wasn't enough air in the box for it to breathe.
But in any case,
dead.
Alas.
Such a sweet gift
to offer Jane.
She does love the natural sciences.
Squidgy.
You should have let me choose the beast.
Snakes are notoriously feeble.
No. I know my sister.
She's lying.
Bess doesn't have the guts for the delicate requirements of Court life.
You mean murder?
Yeah. Fetch some Tofana for this blasted supper party.
Jane Grey dies tonight.
[♪ Cherry Glazerr: "Moon Dust"]
Bygones?
Chums again?
Bygones. Chums again.
[Frances] Friends...
-Hello, darling. -Not now.
Friends,
my daughter, the Queen,
welcomes you to her humble soirée.
Thank you for coming.
My beloved Queen.
How can I ever repay your intellectual fortitude,
your filial loyalty?
All that I have is yours.
Right. Drinky-poo.
-Jane. -Guildford.
I don't like it when we're fighting.
-But you're so good at it. -Thank you. So are you.
-I just need you to give me your word. -I will.
I will dedicate every resource to it
once Edward's killer is caught and punished.
Thank you.
How's that coming along, by the way?
I'm outfoxing him as we speak.
I'm intrigued.
[urgent music playing]
Leather satchel. Red ribbon. In here.
And Jane said there would be a key in the box with the rose.
[whispers] Here.
There's-there's nothing.
Where is it? Bollocks!
[elegant music playing]
I am honored to be your Queen...
and I know that you shall all protect me
as you so dutifully protected my beloved cousin.
[Mary] Your Majesty, I have been waiting for this.
The chance to offer my most heartfelt
congrats.
Thank you, Princess Mary.
Pickled chestnuts up the botty.
Fascinating.
Pickled chestnuts up the botty?
It's actually how I survived smallpox.
[Dudley] I mean, if it's smallpox you're talking about,
you must think of cousin Simon of Swanage.
-[chuckling] -[Seymour clears throat]
Guildford, you must come with me on the hunt tomorrow.
The elk is best at dawn.
Alas,
the only thing I'll be hunting tomorrow morning is my pillow.
Of course. You have a shit-faced, ale-soaked reputation to uphold.
He-He's a reprobate, and three cheers for that.
[both laugh]
A reputation that is greatly exaggerated.
Yes.
I've been thinking, what exactly do you do during the day?
We're intrigued to know.
-[stammering] Well, I... -[Jane] And, Seymour, I am intrigued
to know more about that cook.
I mean, doesn't it seem odd to you that she would poison the King?
What could her motives have possibly been?
Well, beasts hate Verities, of course.
[chuckles] What a silly question.
I think it's time for a toast.
[Mary] Yes! A toast.
That sounds lovely. Thank you, Lord Seymour.
As I was saying,
to our clever Queen...
...for sniffing out the Ethian in our midst.
There's always been rumor of an Ethian in our Court,
so I, for one, am truly grateful.
[suspenseful music building]
Oh! Wait, wait, wait. I just, uh...
[chuckles]
I just want to say a few words about
how proud I am...
...of myself.
Don't worry, I've got this.
[mischievous music playing]
-Where did you learn to do that? -Shut up, I'm concentrating.
You see, raising three children as a single mother
was a challenge that I accepted...
...and conquered.
Mm. Mm.
-And now my eldest is Queen-- -Mother.
Just like my own dear maman, who was Queen of France.
[whispers] For seven weeks.
[Frances] To mothers! [chuckles]
Oh! Silly me.
[laughing]
I'm actually the only mother here.
[laughing] Whoops!
Drink up!
No, no, no, no, no. I need you performance-ready.
To me! Ha!
Oh, I'm sorry!
Sorry!
Never mind, you idiot.
You ruin everything.
[guests chattering]
[Guildford] You didn't have to defend me at dinner, by the way.
I've been doing this a long time.
How can you stand it?
I don't care what they say.
People that matter to me know exactly who I am.
Right. [clears throat] What have we got?
They look like letters, but I can't read them. They're in code.
And if that's not an indication of guilt, I don't know what is.
It's not Atbash.
It's not a substitution cipher.
-It's the Alberti Cipher. -The what?
I might not speak Aramaic, but I'm not a complete cretin.
Come with me.
Right.
There it is.
It's a cipher wheel.
Why do you have this?
Old King Henry used the Alberti Cipher to communicate with the Holy Roman Emperor
when he was trying to get his divorce.
Anyway, he taught it to his inner circle,
and then my father taught it to me.
So Seymour knows it, too.
Gods, you are clever.
Of course I fucking am.
[♪ "Nights in White Satin"]
[Stan] ♪ Nights in white satin ♪
♪ Never reaching the end ♪
♪ Letters I've written ♪
♪ Never meaning to send ♪
♪ Beauty I've always missed ♪
♪ With these eyes before ♪
♪ Just what the truth is ♪
♪ I can't tell anymore ♪
♪'Cause I love you ♪
♪ Yes, I love you ♪
♪ Oh, how I love you ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪
[quietly] I told you to meet me at my door.
A grand gesture of chivalry.
I hate gestures and I hate chivalry.
Frances. Shh.
My dulcet love.
Every night I slumber soundly
with wine-fueled dreams of us entwined together...
in the nuddy.
[mutters] Oh my gods.
Will you do me the honor of being...
my wife eternal?
[laughs]
No.
But I love you!
Oh, please. You do not love me.
And even if I needed a husband, which I don't,
I would not choose you.
Why?
Stan.
You're just not husband material.
I am so.
I am the model of uxoriousness.
Well, if you were,
your father and I would have chosen you to marry Jane,
and not Guildford.
Yeah, well, that was pretty stupid,
considering Guildford is an E...
Ee...
Considering Guildford is what?
Nothing.
-What is he? -He is... suffering...
-from the clap. -If you ever want to see me again,
you need to tell me everything now.
Why did you stop Frances drinking the poison?
Do you fancy her? Huh?
[Mary grunting]
'Cause every murder needs a purpose.
Ah! Yeah! Yeah! Ah!
[both moaning]
[panting]
Ooh!
Those little freaks.
What do you suppose Jane does with him all day?
-Some horrible... some lovers' game. -[grunts]
I don't suppose you could perhaps untie me, Squidgy?
Something's going on.
You know what else is odd?
The grooms from the West Stables have been dismissed.
Jane's orders.
Jane's orders?
What does she want with the West Stables?
I have an itchy ear.
Something jolly odd is going on...
and I'm gonna find out what it is.
[groans]
[door opens]
-Aah! -[door closes]
[Author] As dawn approaches,
our intrepid code breakers haven't found any evidence implicating Seymour.
But they have found...
"My quim quivers in moist anticipation
of once again flogging your terrified buttocks.
Cheers! Mary."
[laughing] She wrote these for Seymour.
These are filthy.
Listen to this one.
"Unlike most citizens of Firenze,
your Widowmaker is doing its job admirably."
Do you think he means his willy?
[chuckles]
Wait.
It's not his willy. It's poison.
The Florentine Widowmaker. It's Tofana.
That's the poison that killed Edward.
They killed him together.
I thought Mary loved her brother.
[sighs]
Gods, I am so naive.
People are selfish
and disappointing.
I must call a Council meeting first thing.
We'll go see your father.
It's nearly dawn.
[suspenseful music playing]
Be careful.
Mary?
Queen Jane.
Coming from the West Stables, I'll wager. I'm heading there myself.
No! Wait! Mary, I... You can't.
Really?
Can't I?
And why not?
Because...
[Author] There comes a time in every woman's life
when she panics and makes a rash decision
that she will regret much sooner than she thinks.
For Jane, well,
that moment is now.
You killed Edward.
I have proof.
[ominous music playing]
Aah!
[both grunting]
-Aah! -Give me the fucking letter!
[Jane panting and struggling]
-[Mary grunts] -[Jane gasps]
You...
are not the Queen.
Abdicate or die, Jane.
Abdicate or die!
[tense music playing]
[ominous music playing]
[haunting music playing]
[sighs deeply]
[soft whoosh]
[horse whinnying]
[Author] So, Frances knows Guildford's secret.
Mary knows Jane knows Mary's secret.
And I have a secret, too...
an intentional obfuscation for the purposes of elevated intrigue,
or, in layman's terms,
a twist.
Because Edward...
is alive!
[soft gasp]
Alive!
[dramatic music playing]
♪ ♪