So I went to the beach the other day,
and I was, like, counting all the sand
because someone told me that there's more stars in the universe
than there is grains of sand on all the beaches.
And I was like, that can't be true.
Right?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Mom. - Hello
- What's happening? - So I just went outside...
- Yeah. - And there's, like,
four huge scratches in my driveway.
I have a strict don't park your car on my driveway rule,
and guess what?
Somebody parked on my driveway.
It wasn't a car.
It was a sexy statue of herself.
Obviously, I can't give this to my mom for her birthday.
I think we can get it to my bedroom.
I can't--
- You good? - Yeah, bro.
So I gotta figure something else out.
Huh.
So I didn't wanna have to run your own gift ideas by you
'cause, like, that ruins the surprise or whatever.
But, like, what if I got you a vacuum?
No. What about, like, a fishing pole?
Or how about me and you, like, road trip to Miami.
Miami?
Yeah, you're right. That's too far.
There's a company that makes real life dolls.
- Okay. - They're so real
that people have sex with them.
- Ugh. - We should go to the factory
and check 'em out, because we can order--
Mom, I'm not getting you a sex doll.
You already have Kourtney.
Oh.
This pigeon is freaking me out. Where did it go?
That scared the--out of me.
This pigeon has been victimizing my mom since I was a little kid.
There is a bird in the window.
Bird!
Don't fall, 'cause if you fall, you're gonna fall on me.
It's, like all the way up there. I can't do it.
Ah.
It's in your hand!
I got it!
Oh, my gosh. How did I not think of this before?
For Mom's birthday, I'm gonna get rid of this bird.
- Hello. Welcome. - Hi. How's it going?
- I'm good. How are you? - Today, I decided
to hit up a bird store with my good friend
and bird expert, Tom Green.
We're just gonna take a look around.
Take your time.
Tom's had a lot of bird issues in the past,
so I thought he'd be the perfect guy to help me with my problem.
- Wow. - And this is the Fruit Loops bird, right,
- from the cereal? - Yes.
- Whoa. - Can I grab it?
That got a strong beak?
Whoa!
See? They attack.
Tom knows so much about birds. It's incredible.
Birdie num num. Birdie num num.
Unfortunately, he only has one idea for my pigeon problem.
Shoot it.
He hates pigeons.
I don't wanna kill it, no.
I've heard with pigeons, they don't like cinnamon, pepper or chili.
- Okay. - Really?
I knew that coming to this bird store was a great idea.
I would love to just shoo it away.
- Did you try an airhorn? - Loud noises?
You could always try balloons.
- Birds hate balloons? - Mm-hmm.
I'm so glad I came here.
- Thank you, Dawn. - You're very welcome.
- All right, bye. - Bye-bye.
- Hi. - Hey.
How was party planning?
- Oh, I crushed it. - Yeah.
So Mom got, like, super scared this morning.
- That bird came back. - Yeah.
Can you get her out of the house for a little bit?
Um, okay.
That would be super, super chill.
Anything I can do to help, I'll do it.
Now that Kourtney's gotten Mom out of the house,
I can take what I learned at the bird store...
Bird.
And find this pigeon.
He's a sneaky, little bitch.
Bird?
Hello? Pigeon? I have balloons.
That didn't do anything.
Look at the llamas. They spit at you, don't they?
Kourtney's so good at helping.
She's taking Mom to pet a bunch of giraffes
and take her mind off the bird.
Look at the giraffe.
She has her smile back, and she's slowly getting back into the groove.
She's coming back, everybody.
God, you're letting loose.
Hey, buddy. My name's Kirby.
Your name's Bird, I assume.
It's okay. I'm just coming to get you. I'm just coming to get you. I got you.
This little terrorist is gone.
I did my job.
Get out of here. Shoo.
And it just goes to show, when you put your mind to something,
anything is possible.
God damn it.
Hey.
- Hey. What's up? - I didn't know you were here.
I just spent the last six hours in Mom's backyard
trying to get rid of this stupid pigeon.
How'd you get back here, buddy?
Are you back again?
This bird just won't leave.
Why--can you just, like, give this job to someone that can handle it?
Like me, I'm happy to take it on.
No, I get it, Khloe, you've gotten rid of, like, a ton of birds.
But this is, like, my responsibility. It's my gift for mom.
I kinda wanna do this myself.
I'm at my last straw with this bird,
and things just seem to be getting worse and worse.
Like, when Mom came back from petting a bunch of giraffes,
her bird phobia got worse.
She locked herself in her bedroom and started imagining birds.
I'm really worried about her.
But Khloe always has great insight for me.
She started reading from this book called the "Art of War."
"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night,
and when you move, fall, like a thunderbolt."
You know, Khloe and Tom Green are right.
I'm gonna have to get really aggressive.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna murder a bird.