1 00:00:08,250 --> 00:00:11,176 So there's not a lot to do in Flatch, 2 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,994 like, entertainment wise, 3 00:00:12,996 --> 00:00:15,330 so we make videos. 4 00:00:15,332 --> 00:00:17,165 Almost. 5 00:00:17,167 --> 00:00:19,184 Oh! Oh, oh, oh! 6 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,145 Go! 7 00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:22,596 Wow! 8 00:00:22,598 --> 00:00:23,856 Wait, wait. This is our best one. 9 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,098 Look. 10 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,583 Hey, followers. 11 00:00:26,585 --> 00:00:29,528 Today we're about to bear mace Shrub in the face. 12 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,156 Three, two, one! 13 00:00:34,927 --> 00:00:36,276 [bleep]! 14 00:00:36,278 --> 00:00:37,519 Oh, God! 15 00:00:37,521 --> 00:00:38,595 Does it hurt? 16 00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:39,705 Oh, it burns, it burns. 17 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,099 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 18 00:00:42,101 --> 00:00:44,284 Ow! [bleep] 19 00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:46,436 If you're old, you might not know this, 20 00:00:46,438 --> 00:00:48,530 but reunion videos are very popular online. 21 00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:49,773 Yes, yes. 22 00:00:49,775 --> 00:00:51,124 So we landed a whale. 23 00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:53,794 Okay, Julius from Father Joe's old religious boy band, 24 00:00:53,796 --> 00:00:55,036 A-Men, is in town. 25 00:00:55,038 --> 00:00:56,113 He's playing a show in Pockton. 26 00:00:56,115 --> 00:00:57,389 Yeah, and we're gonna get him here, 27 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,950 and we're gonna film that reunion with Father Joe. 28 00:00:59,952 --> 00:01:02,877 I'm an influencer. That's a fact, okay? 29 00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:05,230 But in terms of, you know, numbers, 30 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:09,293 we've technically never gotten over 25 views on a video, 31 00:01:09,295 --> 00:01:11,628 but if we get our numbers up, 32 00:01:11,630 --> 00:01:13,772 we could become, like, legit mega influencers, 33 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,890 AKA, loads of free stuff. 34 00:01:15,892 --> 00:01:17,467 Like, I follow this one girl, 35 00:01:17,469 --> 00:01:20,579 and sometimes cases of chips will just show up at her house. 36 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,897 You know, like flavors that aren't even out yet, 37 00:01:22,899 --> 00:01:25,233 like "hot vanilla crunch." 38 00:01:25,235 --> 00:01:27,477 I like to start my mornings off with a run. 39 00:01:27,479 --> 00:01:29,663 You know? It's a great way to enjoy 40 00:01:29,665 --> 00:01:32,332 -some peace and quiet. -(dog barking loudly) 41 00:01:32,334 --> 00:01:34,075 Most of the rest of my days 42 00:01:34,077 --> 00:01:36,670 are spent listening to people complain. 43 00:01:36,672 --> 00:01:37,838 Not that I'm complaining. 44 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,506 Yeah, that's my job. 45 00:01:39,508 --> 00:01:41,825 Heavy is the neck that 46 00:01:41,827 --> 00:01:44,103 wears the minister's collar. 47 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:50,592 Do you think you own the sidewalk? 48 00:01:50,594 --> 00:01:53,353 Sometimes the complaints bleed into the run. 49 00:01:53,355 --> 00:01:55,021 Dude, I cannot believe you actually got 50 00:01:55,023 --> 00:01:56,264 Julius to come here. 51 00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:57,599 Like, what did you even say? 52 00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:58,784 Nothing. 53 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,011 Persuasion is one of my skills. 54 00:02:01,013 --> 00:02:02,770 I can also suck my stomach in weird 55 00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:05,457 so it looks like E.T.'s face. 56 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,458 What? 57 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,018 This only has, like, three greens. 58 00:02:08,020 --> 00:02:09,611 What a rip-off. 59 00:02:09,613 --> 00:02:11,154 So I'm actually pretty much an expert 60 00:02:11,156 --> 00:02:13,114 on what musicians like when they're on tour. 61 00:02:13,116 --> 00:02:15,208 I read most of an article about it. 62 00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:18,119 All green M&M's is a big one. 63 00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:21,122 Probably where the term green room comes from. 64 00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:22,366 This is serious. 65 00:02:22,368 --> 00:02:23,425 We have a celebrity coming, okay? 66 00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:25,702 My job is to keep him happy. 67 00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:28,630 Happy Julius equals happy reunion video 68 00:02:28,632 --> 00:02:31,132 equals hot vanilla crunch Doritos. 69 00:02:31,134 --> 00:02:33,026 Simple math. 70 00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,897 I did see that Julius is playing Pockton, 71 00:02:36,899 --> 00:02:38,882 and in fact, I'm going to interview him 72 00:02:38,884 --> 00:02:40,659 for my book about A-Men. 73 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,143 I started it a long time ago, 74 00:02:42,145 --> 00:02:44,145 but I put it aside to get my life together, 75 00:02:44,147 --> 00:02:46,165 and now that that's done, 76 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,742 time to do the darn thing. 77 00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:52,504 My working title is The A-Men Bible . 78 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,580 Who am I kidding? 79 00:02:53,582 --> 00:02:55,081 That's the title. 80 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:56,566 Hey, Nadine. 81 00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:57,676 Oh, hi, Cheryl. 82 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,178 You're standing between me and my seaweed chips. 83 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:01,829 -Oh, sorry. -Thanks. 84 00:03:01,831 --> 00:03:03,348 -Bye, lovebug. -Bye. 85 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,666 I got a good feeling about this. 86 00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:06,576 Don't, don't jinx it, Dylan. 87 00:03:06,578 --> 00:03:08,687 -God... -Sorry. Scoot past you. 88 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,930 What was that about? 89 00:03:09,932 --> 00:03:11,415 Dylan and I have a really small window 90 00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:12,632 to make baby number two if we want to be 91 00:03:12,634 --> 00:03:16,361 on track for three kids by the time I turn 26. 92 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,605 Wait. 93 00:03:18,607 --> 00:03:21,258 Did you just have sex in the historical society? 94 00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:23,202 Cheryl, I really prefer to say "making love." 95 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,111 Okay? Now excuse me. 96 00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:27,080 Gotta go lay in a weird position. 97 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,084 There he is! 98 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,457 Hello, Julius. 99 00:03:37,459 --> 00:03:39,092 Sick bike. 100 00:03:42,114 --> 00:03:44,389 Okay. Where's the dying kid? 101 00:03:48,044 --> 00:03:49,786 (whispering) You told him I was dying? 102 00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:50,729 What the hell, dude? 103 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,122 It was the only way to get him here 104 00:03:52,124 --> 00:03:54,549 without ruining the surprise reunion. 105 00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,626 Just play along until we get the video. 106 00:03:56,628 --> 00:03:57,794 Let's get to it! 107 00:03:57,796 --> 00:03:59,905 Okay, Julius. 108 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,407 Please help yourself to anything here. 109 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,725 We have M&M's. 110 00:04:03,727 --> 00:04:05,318 All green, obviously. 111 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,228 Not an idiot. Pineapple soda. 112 00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:09,915 Oh, and this is a special edition 113 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,734 Minions 2 Jell-O pudding. 114 00:04:12,736 --> 00:04:14,144 Can I just get a water? 115 00:04:14,146 --> 00:04:15,829 Of course. 116 00:04:15,831 --> 00:04:17,256 Sparkling or tap? 117 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,424 Definitely sparkling. 118 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,426 Is tap okay? 119 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,671 Yeah, not a great start. 120 00:04:24,673 --> 00:04:27,099 (whispering) I mean, we don't even drink the water. 121 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,675 I know you got a million questions for me, 122 00:04:28,677 --> 00:04:29,768 so hit me. 123 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,161 What do you want to know? 124 00:04:31,163 --> 00:04:32,688 This is your moment. 125 00:04:35,091 --> 00:04:36,166 KELLY: He just-- 126 00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:37,776 he must be so nervous. 127 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,611 He's definitely not so dumb 128 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,762 that he can't think of a single question. 129 00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:41,855 Yeah, how about this? 130 00:04:41,857 --> 00:04:43,615 What's your favorite song of mine? 131 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,692 Um, song? 132 00:04:45,694 --> 00:04:47,694 Oh, that's a toughy. 133 00:04:47,696 --> 00:04:50,831 Probably all of them? 134 00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:53,199 -You want to sing one? -No, that-- 135 00:04:53,201 --> 00:04:55,109 Come on, get up, get up. 136 00:04:55,111 --> 00:04:57,629 (beat boxing) 137 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,281 ♪ 138 00:05:00,283 --> 00:05:01,133 Boom. 139 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,719 Gotta do the move. 140 00:05:07,699 --> 00:05:09,641 Boom, boom, boom, boom. 141 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,868 ♪ Yahweh 142 00:05:11,870 --> 00:05:13,294 KELLY: ♪ Yahweh 143 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,221 ♪ Or the highway 144 00:05:15,223 --> 00:05:16,706 Do the move. Do the move. 145 00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:17,649 Yeah. 146 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,060 BOTH: ♪ Yahweh 147 00:05:20,062 --> 00:05:23,563 -♪ Yahweh -♪ Yahweh 148 00:05:23,565 --> 00:05:25,215 ♪ Or the highway 149 00:05:25,217 --> 00:05:26,658 Do the choreography. 150 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,051 ALL: ♪ Highway 151 00:05:28,053 --> 00:05:29,553 ♪ Yahweh 152 00:05:29,555 --> 00:05:31,221 I'm gonna kill her. 153 00:05:31,223 --> 00:05:32,572 ALL: ♪ Yahweh 154 00:05:32,574 --> 00:05:34,558 Okay, you guys, I'm sorry to interrupt, 155 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,077 but we actually have to head over to the church 156 00:05:37,079 --> 00:05:38,486 for another big surprise. 157 00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:40,339 Look, this better not be another dying kid, 158 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:41,731 'cause I only agreed to one. 159 00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:42,824 No, sir. 160 00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,401 You were very clear in your email. 161 00:05:44,403 --> 00:05:45,159 Great. 162 00:05:45,161 --> 00:05:47,262 Who's driving? 163 00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:56,188 FATHER JOE: The gardening club's 164 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,931 big meatloaf dinner fundraiser 165 00:05:57,933 --> 00:05:58,840 is tonight. 166 00:05:58,842 --> 00:06:00,359 The ladies are... 167 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,277 very particular. 168 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,679 Father Joe. 169 00:06:04,681 --> 00:06:07,032 Did you remember to change out those buffet warmers 170 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,367 for electric? 171 00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,609 I did, June. 172 00:06:09,611 --> 00:06:11,444 Oh. Okay. 173 00:06:11,446 --> 00:06:12,946 KELLY: Okay, now. 174 00:06:12,948 --> 00:06:14,856 JULIUS: Joe? 175 00:06:14,858 --> 00:06:16,875 What are you doing here? 176 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,336 You guys should, like, hug and reunite. 177 00:06:23,775 --> 00:06:26,968 Excuse me, I just have to... 178 00:06:28,296 --> 00:06:30,113 KELLY: Probably just shock. 179 00:06:30,115 --> 00:06:31,297 He's so happy. 180 00:06:31,299 --> 00:06:32,891 SHRUB: Uh-oh, oh, oh, we got a runner. 181 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,726 We got a runner. 182 00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:42,901 Hey, buddy. 183 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,644 We kind of lost you back there. 184 00:06:44,646 --> 00:06:45,887 How're you doing? 185 00:06:45,889 --> 00:06:47,981 Kelly, you just can't spring something like that 186 00:06:47,983 --> 00:06:49,983 on me. 187 00:06:49,985 --> 00:06:53,394 My relationship with A-Men is complicated. 188 00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:55,563 I had a pretty big ego back then, 189 00:06:55,565 --> 00:06:56,898 and it didn't end great. 190 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,232 CHERYL: It was bad. 191 00:06:58,234 --> 00:07:01,311 It was at the religious music awards, the Goddys, 192 00:07:01,313 --> 00:07:03,070 and, for some reason, that was the night 193 00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:04,330 that Joe decided to tell the band 194 00:07:04,332 --> 00:07:06,816 that he was going solo. 195 00:07:06,818 --> 00:07:08,652 I thought they'd be happy for me. 196 00:07:08,654 --> 00:07:09,594 Solo Joe. 197 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,430 I wasn't thinking straight. 198 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,432 It's hard to keep your ego in check 199 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,493 when your face is on posters next to Jesus. 200 00:07:16,495 --> 00:07:17,510 Right. 201 00:07:17,512 --> 00:07:18,678 When we won our Goddy, 202 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,346 things only got worse. 203 00:07:20,348 --> 00:07:22,515 Joe hogged the mic for the entire speech. 204 00:07:22,517 --> 00:07:25,426 and you could just see Julius fuming. 205 00:07:25,428 --> 00:07:27,446 Finally, he lunges at the mic, 206 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,948 and they start wrestling, and Joe rips off 207 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,599 one of Julius' shirt sleeves. 208 00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:33,785 Joe's shirt was already sleeveless. 209 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,695 By the end, they were just rolling around on the ground. 210 00:07:35,697 --> 00:07:37,104 I mean, it was crazy. 211 00:07:37,106 --> 00:07:39,106 I was there. 212 00:07:39,108 --> 00:07:41,442 After that, we went our separate ways. 213 00:07:41,444 --> 00:07:43,536 But... 214 00:07:43,538 --> 00:07:45,705 Julius, 215 00:07:45,707 --> 00:07:48,858 he loved the band. 216 00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:51,636 I took away the one good thing he had. 217 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,530 Look at it this way, you know? 218 00:07:53,532 --> 00:07:55,532 This could be your chance to clear the air. 219 00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:56,683 You know? 220 00:07:59,462 --> 00:08:02,222 That's actually a very good point, Kelly. 221 00:08:02,224 --> 00:08:03,631 Thank you for listening. 222 00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:06,133 No problem, of course. 223 00:08:06,135 --> 00:08:08,302 You know, and when you do talk to him, 224 00:08:08,304 --> 00:08:11,156 definitely don't be scared to, you know, shed a few tears. 225 00:08:13,568 --> 00:08:14,976 Let's get you up. 226 00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:16,703 Oh, okay. 227 00:08:23,245 --> 00:08:25,245 -Meatloaf dinner, huh? -Mm-hmm. 228 00:08:25,247 --> 00:08:26,913 That's pretty cool. 229 00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:28,732 But you know what's really cool? 230 00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:30,734 Spaghetti dinner. 231 00:08:30,736 --> 00:08:33,637 If you have the right sauce. 232 00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:40,927 Tomato Julius. 233 00:08:40,929 --> 00:08:43,838 Certified organic farm-to-jar perfection. 234 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,081 Music? Sure, I love it. 235 00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:46,099 But sauce? 236 00:08:46,101 --> 00:08:47,359 That's my jam. 237 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,105 Oh, what the hey! 238 00:08:52,107 --> 00:08:54,758 Meatballs are just tiny meatloaves anyway. 239 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:55,867 Spaghetti dinner it is. 240 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,927 Now that's a smart tomato. 241 00:08:57,929 --> 00:08:59,612 It's so lovely of you to come visit 242 00:08:59,614 --> 00:09:02,265 your old friend, Joe. 243 00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:04,358 I'm not here for Joe. 244 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,693 I'm here 'cause that kid's dying. 245 00:09:05,695 --> 00:09:08,029 (grunts frustratedly) 246 00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:10,048 Great, now June thinks I'm dying, 247 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,109 which means the whole town is gonna think I'm dying 248 00:09:13,111 --> 00:09:15,202 in about 10 minutes. 249 00:09:15,204 --> 00:09:17,305 Word travels fast in Flatch. 250 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,950 -Oh! Oh... -DYLAN: Sorry. 251 00:09:20,952 --> 00:09:21,876 NADINE: Hey, hey, hey. 252 00:09:21,878 --> 00:09:23,395 Remember to do push-ups later, okay? 253 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,788 'cause we want to keep the blood flowing. 254 00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:26,213 And be home by five, sharp. 255 00:09:26,215 --> 00:09:27,457 Five sharp. Got it. 256 00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:29,459 Bye, okay, thanks, champ. Bye. 257 00:09:29,461 --> 00:09:32,553 Could you maybe not use the communal restroom 258 00:09:32,555 --> 00:09:34,297 to make love? 259 00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:35,799 I mean, I could go to Dylan, 260 00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:37,725 but I maintain a career here. 261 00:09:37,727 --> 00:09:39,226 It's called having it all. 262 00:09:39,228 --> 00:09:42,414 Okay, maybe just hide it better? 263 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,640 Well, I'm sorry that I don't want to end up 264 00:09:43,642 --> 00:09:45,491 with only two kids, a husband who loves me, 265 00:09:45,493 --> 00:09:47,493 an amazing career, and a geriatric uterus. 266 00:09:47,495 --> 00:09:50,255 Think about it. I would rather be dead. 267 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,481 Honestly. 268 00:09:51,483 --> 00:09:54,150 No offence. 269 00:09:54,152 --> 00:09:56,669 FATHER JOE: I just wanted to apologize 270 00:09:56,671 --> 00:09:59,672 for letting my head get too big 271 00:09:59,674 --> 00:10:01,415 and for the fight. 272 00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:02,826 And the shirt? 273 00:10:02,828 --> 00:10:05,161 You ruined my best shirt. 274 00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:07,163 Yes, and the shirt. 275 00:10:07,165 --> 00:10:08,832 But really for leaving the band like that. 276 00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,775 I just--I feel so guilty. 277 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,652 I robbed you of so much. 278 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,688 (laughs) 279 00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:17,690 Joe, come on, man. Robbed me? 280 00:10:17,692 --> 00:10:19,509 My life's great. 281 00:10:19,511 --> 00:10:21,027 I mean, sure, I hated you at the time, 282 00:10:21,029 --> 00:10:23,179 but I have zero regrets. 283 00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,606 I got my solo career, kids, 284 00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:27,459 gorgeous wife, I mean, you should see her. 285 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:31,020 Even more gorgeous tomato farm. Okay? 286 00:10:31,022 --> 00:10:33,690 I should be thanking you. I have two boats! 287 00:10:33,692 --> 00:10:35,282 Really? Two boats? 288 00:10:35,284 --> 00:10:36,801 Yeah, you gotta have two 289 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,120 in case one breaks, right? 290 00:10:39,122 --> 00:10:41,047 It's kinda hard to hear what you guys are saying. 291 00:10:41,049 --> 00:10:43,032 Could you speak up? 292 00:10:43,034 --> 00:10:45,535 Kelly, can you just give us a moment? 293 00:10:45,537 --> 00:10:47,145 Okay. 294 00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:50,890 JULIUS: So what about you? 295 00:10:50,892 --> 00:10:52,984 You gotta be still performing, right? 296 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,486 No, no. 297 00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,654 Fans? 298 00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,490 Yeah, I'm actually the minister of this church. 299 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,641 Oh, you know what? I did hear that. 300 00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:03,219 You know, you must really love this place. 301 00:11:03,221 --> 00:11:04,663 I took a peek at your office, 302 00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,573 and that thing is smaller than some of my closets. 303 00:11:07,575 --> 00:11:09,058 Yeah. 304 00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:11,411 You married? 305 00:11:11,413 --> 00:11:12,486 No. 306 00:11:12,488 --> 00:11:13,988 Girlfriend, right? 307 00:11:13,990 --> 00:11:15,899 Fiancée? 308 00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:16,900 Nope. 309 00:11:16,902 --> 00:11:18,343 You got, like, a dog or anything? 310 00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,667 Well, he seems to be doing well. 311 00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,186 Very well. 312 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:32,006 Way better than I am, actually. 313 00:11:32,008 --> 00:11:33,266 That's a load off. 314 00:11:33,268 --> 00:11:36,069 Phew. 315 00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:42,425 Okay, Shrub. 316 00:11:42,427 --> 00:11:44,260 -You can let go now. -Sorry. 317 00:11:44,262 --> 00:11:45,853 So what do you want to do next? 318 00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:46,930 You wanna learn some choreography? 319 00:11:46,932 --> 00:11:50,208 Um, no, I'm pretty wiped. 320 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,210 A side effect of dying, I guess. 321 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,527 Right. 322 00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:55,605 Hey listen, if this kid's spent, that's fine. 323 00:11:55,607 --> 00:11:57,106 I mean, I'm pretty exhausted too, 324 00:11:57,108 --> 00:11:58,383 so you got a place I can take a nap? 325 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,129 (sighs) Okay. 326 00:12:03,131 --> 00:12:04,597 -You stuck? -Help me. 327 00:12:08,453 --> 00:12:10,395 It's like no one cares that I'm dying. 328 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,897 Everyone's just going about their business. 329 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,899 The mailman saw me staring right at him. 330 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,717 Nothing. 331 00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:18,144 I mean, it's been hours. 332 00:12:18,146 --> 00:12:20,129 Everyone knows by now. 333 00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:22,574 I have not gotten a single call or text. 334 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,816 Nothing. 335 00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:25,485 Not even stupid Mickey. 336 00:12:25,487 --> 00:12:27,470 Hey, when Julius wakes up and comes downstairs, 337 00:12:27,472 --> 00:12:28,821 I'm gonna need you to hit him with the bear mace. 338 00:12:28,823 --> 00:12:29,748 Cool? 339 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,399 Kelly, I think I know 340 00:12:32,401 --> 00:12:33,659 why no one cares that I'm dying. 341 00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:35,495 Because you're not dying? 342 00:12:35,497 --> 00:12:36,996 Yeah, but they don't know that, Kelly. 343 00:12:36,998 --> 00:12:39,482 So everyone technically should be freaking out, 344 00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:40,925 and they're not, and you know why? 345 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,077 Because I totally wasted my life. 346 00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:44,578 -That's ridiculous. -No, I have. 347 00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:45,597 I have completely wasted it. 348 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:47,581 I should have tried to meet my father. 349 00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:49,342 I should told my nana I loved her more. 350 00:12:49,344 --> 00:12:50,751 I should have made things work with Beth, 351 00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:51,919 my one true love. 352 00:12:51,921 --> 00:12:55,665 Obviously my biggest regret... 353 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,984 I never went down the Devil's Backbone. 354 00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,594 The Devil's Backbone is this, like, 355 00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:02,688 super scary drop-off that kids would go down 356 00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:05,784 on their scooters back when scooters were a thing, 357 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,360 and, like, if you did it, like, 358 00:13:07,362 --> 00:13:10,363 you were an instant legend, 359 00:13:10,365 --> 00:13:12,773 but... 360 00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,608 every time I went up, I just chickened out, 361 00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:17,128 so now that is my legacy. 362 00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,350 There's only one answer to a meaningless life. 363 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:35,204 Devil's Backbone. 364 00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:36,630 You dropping in? 365 00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:38,650 Yeah. 366 00:13:48,811 --> 00:13:50,553 You can go ahead of me. 367 00:13:50,555 --> 00:13:52,413 Okay. 368 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,966 Go ahead. It's easy. 369 00:14:05,904 --> 00:14:08,237 Bro, you're laming up The Backbone. 370 00:14:08,239 --> 00:14:09,496 Just go, you baby. 371 00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:11,240 Shut up, Levi. Nobody cares. 372 00:14:11,242 --> 00:14:12,517 Shut up. I have a process. 373 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,744 Hey, Shrub, you okay? 374 00:14:14,746 --> 00:14:16,354 Yeah, I'm fine. 375 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,097 I'm just a man who's completely 376 00:14:18,099 --> 00:14:19,415 done nothing with his life. 377 00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:20,358 -Yeah, I'm great. -Okay. 378 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,026 SHRUB: I can see my tombstone now. 379 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,011 Here lies Shrub Mallet. 380 00:14:24,013 --> 00:14:25,313 Big-ass failure. 381 00:14:25,315 --> 00:14:27,181 And, like, a super cool skull 382 00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:29,033 with flames coming out of the eyes, I don't know. 383 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,852 Is it expensive to get pictures on there? 384 00:14:31,854 --> 00:14:33,596 So I'm in the middle of a run, 385 00:14:33,598 --> 00:14:35,540 and I got that spaghetti dinner in an hour, 386 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,949 so if you're okay, I can, you know... 387 00:14:36,951 --> 00:14:39,526 Wow, wow. 388 00:14:39,528 --> 00:14:40,770 This is bad. 389 00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:42,863 You're literally paid to care about people, 390 00:14:42,865 --> 00:14:44,531 and even you don't even care that I'm dying. 391 00:14:44,533 --> 00:14:46,459 Dying? 392 00:14:46,461 --> 00:14:47,868 Nobody told me you're dying. 393 00:14:47,870 --> 00:14:50,613 Exactly! 394 00:14:50,615 --> 00:14:52,265 I'm not actually dying, I'm just... 395 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,135 Do you ever just, like, feel like you missed 396 00:14:56,137 --> 00:14:58,712 your chance to matter? 397 00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:00,473 Not you, obviously, 'cause you're just, like, 398 00:15:00,475 --> 00:15:03,142 God's soldier or whatever, but... 399 00:15:03,144 --> 00:15:06,195 No, actually, I know what you mean. 400 00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:09,556 If I would have stuck with A-Men, 401 00:15:09,558 --> 00:15:12,485 maybe things would have been different for me. 402 00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:15,562 I could have had a house, you know? 403 00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:17,731 A wife. 404 00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:20,567 She would have worked at the newspaper. 405 00:15:20,569 --> 00:15:21,711 We could have kids. 406 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,424 I would have had a recording studio in the basement. 407 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:30,169 Dave Matthews would have stopped by just to jam. 408 00:15:30,171 --> 00:15:32,246 At least one boat. 409 00:15:32,248 --> 00:15:34,157 A French Bulldog named Sausage. 410 00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:36,976 Or Bacon, as long as it's a breakfast meat. 411 00:15:37,679 --> 00:15:39,145 You make your choices. 412 00:15:41,590 --> 00:15:42,649 Now I'm here. 413 00:15:44,002 --> 00:15:46,093 Yeah. 414 00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:48,112 You totally blew it. 415 00:15:49,265 --> 00:15:50,431 Oh, huh, 416 00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:51,357 oh, my God. 417 00:15:51,359 --> 00:15:53,025 -Oh, I'm so sorry. -Oh, my God. 418 00:15:53,027 --> 00:15:55,194 Did you just see that? 419 00:15:55,196 --> 00:15:57,104 I did. Whoa. 420 00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,456 Did I do a backflip? 421 00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,606 I can't even-- 422 00:15:59,608 --> 00:16:01,250 I blacked out. I don't even remember. 423 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,452 JUNE: There he is. 424 00:16:11,454 --> 00:16:12,804 Surprise, Shrub. 425 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,473 -ATTENDEE: Yeah, Shrub! -(applause) 426 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,566 KELLY: If you're sick, everyone loves you. 427 00:16:17,568 --> 00:16:19,051 JUNE: This is no longer a fundraiser 428 00:16:19,053 --> 00:16:20,369 for the garden club. 429 00:16:20,371 --> 00:16:23,055 We used a melon baller on all the meatloaf 430 00:16:23,057 --> 00:16:25,891 and made it into a spaghetti fundraiser for you 431 00:16:25,893 --> 00:16:28,211 Wow. 432 00:16:28,213 --> 00:16:29,378 Wait, really? 433 00:16:29,380 --> 00:16:31,380 -Yeah, really? -Yep, mm-hmm, yeah. 434 00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:33,232 Wait, so, like, everyone does care? 435 00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:35,493 JUNE: Of course we care. 436 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,995 We won't have any zinnias next year, 437 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:39,580 but hopefully we'll still have a Shrub. 438 00:16:41,484 --> 00:16:45,003 (clears throat) 439 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,491 Um, okay, um... 440 00:16:50,493 --> 00:16:54,095 so quick announcement, um... 441 00:16:54,756 --> 00:16:56,347 Actually, hold on. 442 00:17:00,928 --> 00:17:04,080 Wow, um, 443 00:17:04,082 --> 00:17:06,173 these past 24 hours 444 00:17:06,175 --> 00:17:08,526 have taught me 445 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,529 just a lot about 446 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,865 just about my legacy here 447 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,182 on planet Earth. 448 00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:17,777 Today I went down the Devil's Backbone. 449 00:17:17,779 --> 00:17:19,520 -KELLY: Whoo! -SHRUB: Yes. 450 00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:20,872 That's right! 451 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,782 Yeah, you've got to face your fears, people. 452 00:17:22,784 --> 00:17:25,268 So, like, now, I'm a legend. 453 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:28,104 I guess I just-- I had never realized 454 00:17:28,106 --> 00:17:30,531 how quickly you can go 455 00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:34,535 from being no one to, like, definitely someone. 456 00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:37,296 And it's never too late. 457 00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:39,873 And the best part of this whole thing: 458 00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:41,542 I learned all of that, 459 00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:44,804 and I'm not even dying, you guys. 460 00:17:44,806 --> 00:17:46,230 -What? -SHRUB: Like, at all. 461 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,991 Big misunderstanding. 462 00:17:48,993 --> 00:17:50,735 Yes, yeah. 463 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,737 Yeah, it's a win-win. 464 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,130 That's awesome, guys. 465 00:17:54,132 --> 00:17:57,057 Thank you so much for this. Let's eat. 466 00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:58,892 Well, I'm happy he's going to live, 467 00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:01,487 but truthfully, I'm happier I'm getting my zinnias. 468 00:18:01,489 --> 00:18:02,580 JULIUS: Hey, hey. 469 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,657 You didn't think I'd miss a spaghetti party 470 00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:05,825 with my own sauce, did you? 471 00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:07,493 FATHER JOE: Hey, I'm still so sorry-- 472 00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:08,494 (speaks indistinctly) 473 00:18:08,496 --> 00:18:09,629 (laughs softly) 474 00:18:11,332 --> 00:18:13,591 Reunion! 475 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,576 Sing a song! 476 00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:17,595 ALL: Sing a song! 477 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,598 Sing a song! Sing a song! 478 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,491 Sing a song! 479 00:18:22,493 --> 00:18:24,084 Okay, okay, I get it, I get it, stop. 480 00:18:24,086 --> 00:18:26,938 Come on, Joe, let's sing for them, man. 481 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,089 Oh, I would, but I don't have any instruments. 482 00:18:29,091 --> 00:18:30,608 No, I got the backing tracks right here. 483 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,017 I keep them in the cloud 484 00:18:32,019 --> 00:18:33,760 so I can do karaoke in all my mansions. 485 00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:34,761 You don't know nothing about that. 486 00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:35,929 -No. -Come on. 487 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,523 Make some noise for A-Men. 488 00:18:37,525 --> 00:18:39,242 (cheers and applause) 489 00:18:42,438 --> 00:18:46,198 Father Joe, y'all, it's Father Joe. 490 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,668 (crowd chanting A-Men) 491 00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:00,287 (energetic pop beat) 492 00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,289 ♪ 493 00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:05,125 JULIUS: A-Men. A-Men! 494 00:19:05,127 --> 00:19:06,627 BOTH: D-W-I! 495 00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:08,053 JULIUS (on recording): Come on, girl. 496 00:19:08,055 --> 00:19:10,631 FATHER JOE: ♪ Got you in my car 497 00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:13,508 ♪ Riding in the hood 498 00:19:13,510 --> 00:19:15,711 ♪ Don't know where we are going ♪ 499 00:19:15,713 --> 00:19:18,381 ♪ But it's somewhere pretty good ♪ 500 00:19:18,383 --> 00:19:20,900 ♪ The big man's got a plan 501 00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:23,161 ♪ We just going for the ride 502 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:26,480 ♪ So hang on to me baby 503 00:19:26,482 --> 00:19:28,833 ♪ And let him slip inside 504 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,227 ♪ Baby, I know you love me 505 00:19:31,229 --> 00:19:33,729 ♪ And I love you too 506 00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:35,006 Better love me! 507 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,566 ♪ So go ahead and let him touch you ♪ 508 00:19:37,568 --> 00:19:38,509 ♪ It's all good 509 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,069 JULIUS: All good. Let him touch you! 510 00:19:40,071 --> 00:19:42,922 TRACK: (imitates horn honking) Honk the horn on them! 511 00:19:42,924 --> 00:19:43,923 Uh-uh. 512 00:19:43,925 --> 00:19:45,499 TRACK: Start the engine on them. 513 00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:48,001 Whoo. Yeah. 514 00:19:48,003 --> 00:19:50,079 A-Men. 515 00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:51,338 Come on! 516 00:19:51,340 --> 00:19:52,915 Get the holy way. 517 00:19:52,917 --> 00:19:55,434 In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 518 00:19:55,436 --> 00:19:58,679 (all cheering) 519 00:19:58,681 --> 00:20:01,348 CROWD: DWI! 520 00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:03,868 TRACK: ♪ Heaven's our destination 521 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,519 ALL: DWI! 522 00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:07,354 Yeah! Up there. 523 00:20:07,356 --> 00:20:10,291 (cheers and applause) 524 00:20:12,453 --> 00:20:15,046 So I decided not to video the performance. 525 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,605 It would have gotten a ton of views, 526 00:20:16,607 --> 00:20:18,198 but I learned something this week. 527 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,276 You know, sometimes you just gotta be present, 528 00:20:20,278 --> 00:20:21,719 or else you end up experiencing your whole life 529 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,704 just through your phone. 530 00:20:23,706 --> 00:20:25,798 Also, my battery died. 531 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,800 Thank you, Flatch! We love you! 532 00:20:27,802 --> 00:20:30,728 (cheers and applause) 533 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:36,067 It was awesome to perform again. 534 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,568 But you know what? 535 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,144 I don't want Julius's life. 536 00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:41,221 I like this one. 537 00:20:41,223 --> 00:20:44,224 I like being in a town that cares about zinnias 538 00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:46,059 and fake dying kids. 539 00:20:46,061 --> 00:20:48,579 Also, Cheryl did some digging, and it turns out 540 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,732 that Julius' two boats are kayaks. 541 00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:55,419 That's, like, half a boat at best. 542 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,256 I'm not saying that makes me feel any better, 543 00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:00,091 but it doesn't make me feel any worse. 544 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,428 Hey, we're going live! 545 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,764 No, no, no, hold on, hold on, hold on. 546 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,008 Not only is this video gonna blow up, 547 00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:10,584 but Julius just gave us 20 bucks 548 00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:12,344 just so Shrub would wear a Tomato Julius shirt. 549 00:21:12,346 --> 00:21:14,355 Plus we get to keep the shirt. 550 00:21:20,521 --> 00:21:21,928 Whoo! 551 00:21:21,930 --> 00:21:22,929 Oh! 552 00:21:22,931 --> 00:21:25,449 (laughs) Oh, my God, wait. 553 00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:28,119 We have 52 views and counting, dude. 554 00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,954 Wait, that's our best one yet. 555 00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:32,606 Awesome. [bleep], [bleep]. I'm good. 556 00:21:32,608 --> 00:21:35,251 Agh. Agh.