1 00:00:02,561 --> 00:00:07,089 (birds chirping) 2 00:00:21,764 --> 00:00:24,639 Watch this. 3 00:00:24,641 --> 00:00:25,691 You wanna maybe go...? 4 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,860 Oh, wait, let me think. Uh, how about-- 5 00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,010 no thanks, Fargas. 6 00:00:29,012 --> 00:00:31,196 (laughter) 7 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,257 Falls for it every time. 8 00:00:33,259 --> 00:00:35,926 MICKEY: Hey, Shrub and Kelly. (chuckles) 9 00:00:35,928 --> 00:00:37,519 Beth. 10 00:00:37,521 --> 00:00:40,205 Wow, look at you two together. 11 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,523 We're buying decorations for Beth's birthday party 12 00:00:41,525 --> 00:00:43,858 tomorrow. It's a royal family theme. 13 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:44,877 Pip-pip. 14 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,603 Oh. 15 00:00:46,605 --> 00:00:48,863 Happy birthday. 16 00:00:48,865 --> 00:00:50,883 It's not today. 17 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,776 I don't think. 18 00:00:52,778 --> 00:00:54,294 Beth's parents full-on think the government's out 19 00:00:54,296 --> 00:00:55,629 to get them, okay? So they, like, 20 00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:57,872 don't pay their taxes and they hoard soup 21 00:00:57,874 --> 00:00:59,966 and all their kids were, like, born in their barn 22 00:00:59,968 --> 00:01:01,952 with no birth certificate. 23 00:01:01,954 --> 00:01:03,562 Also, she was, like, homeschooled, 24 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,456 so she, like, knows things like how to use a crossbow 25 00:01:06,458 --> 00:01:08,625 and the history of the royal family. 26 00:01:08,627 --> 00:01:11,461 And, like, didn't know who Oprah was until two years ago. 27 00:01:11,463 --> 00:01:15,223 Well, like, ha--happy birthday whenever it is. 28 00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:19,078 Invite Shrub to your party, Beth, this is pathetic. 29 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,470 BETH: Oh, I didn't think you'd wanna come. 30 00:01:20,472 --> 00:01:22,581 It's mostly just girls and Mickey. 31 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,158 I really actually don't even know if I'm free, so... 32 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,752 -He's free. -Shut up. 33 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,736 Well, it's from 2:00 to 4:00 34 00:01:28,738 --> 00:01:30,405 and everyone's gonna wear a hat 35 00:01:30,407 --> 00:01:33,408 because royals always wear hats at parties. 36 00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:36,428 You're gonna take turns reading from "Harry Potter"? 37 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,181 Who's Harry Potter? 38 00:01:43,846 --> 00:01:44,937 Okay? 39 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,179 No, no way. 40 00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:47,755 Why? It's a party and a hat in one. 41 00:01:47,757 --> 00:01:49,349 You can put a bunch of ginger ale right here, 42 00:01:49,351 --> 00:01:52,519 bag of pop rocks here. Boom, party of one, mind blown. 43 00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:54,429 No, I need like a crown or something. 44 00:01:54,431 --> 00:01:56,356 Like something better than whatever freaking sad hat 45 00:01:56,358 --> 00:01:58,175 Mickey's gonna wear to this party. 46 00:01:58,177 --> 00:02:00,268 Also, I need to get Beth a super dope gift. 47 00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:01,528 Well, you can't get her a decent education, 48 00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:03,347 'cause, yeah, that ship has sailed. 49 00:02:03,349 --> 00:02:04,456 Oh, there's a craft store in Dayton. 50 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,440 I have to go there. 51 00:02:05,442 --> 00:02:06,941 What's the name of that taxi guy? 52 00:02:06,943 --> 00:02:08,185 -Dick? -Yes. 53 00:02:08,187 --> 00:02:09,611 He shut down. He had a suspended license 54 00:02:09,613 --> 00:02:10,871 and a stolen car. 55 00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,373 -Why don't you have a car? -Why don't you have a car? 56 00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:15,375 So Shrub doesn't even have his license. 57 00:02:15,377 --> 00:02:16,802 He's failed the test like three times. 58 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,196 The last time he took the test, 59 00:02:19,198 --> 00:02:21,456 uh, he ran over this huge squirrel 60 00:02:21,458 --> 00:02:23,809 and it, like, totally scarred him. 61 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:26,720 And the testing guy. 62 00:02:26,722 --> 00:02:28,147 Oh, my God. 63 00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:29,731 -That's brilliant. -Ow! 64 00:02:35,898 --> 00:02:38,157 So you'd like to start a taxi service? 65 00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:40,325 High end rideshare company. 66 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,660 Father, what you don't understand about me 67 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,571 is that I come from a long line of business tycoons. 68 00:02:44,573 --> 00:02:46,665 My dad has his Christmas tree farm, 69 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,483 his corn maze, and his mom 70 00:02:48,485 --> 00:02:50,318 ran a super successful black market 71 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,670 cigarette ring in prison. 72 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,397 It's in my blood. 73 00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:56,583 I'm like an idiot savant, but with business ideas. 74 00:02:56,585 --> 00:02:59,160 Like, here, give me an item in this room. 75 00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,254 Um, this stapler. 76 00:03:01,256 --> 00:03:02,848 Mm... 77 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:03,998 Pass. Give me another. 78 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,425 This paperweight. 79 00:03:05,427 --> 00:03:06,910 -Pass, another one. -Why don't you just... 80 00:03:06,912 --> 00:03:08,002 tell me about your idea? 81 00:03:08,004 --> 00:03:10,597 Okay, thank you. So, Flatch's lack 82 00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:12,265 of transportation options 83 00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:15,343 is a need that is waiting to be exploited, by me. 84 00:03:15,345 --> 00:03:17,529 All that's missing is a vehicle to exploit with. 85 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,514 And you know no one else with a car? 86 00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:23,109 Shrub's nan has a car, but a stray cat gave birth in it 87 00:03:23,111 --> 00:03:25,929 last week, and so it's out of commish 88 00:03:25,931 --> 00:03:27,039 until we get a wet vac. 89 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,949 I'm just--I'm not sure I'm comfortable 90 00:03:28,951 --> 00:03:30,375 lending you my car, Kelly. 91 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,118 All right, I guess I have to go back to selling my body 92 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,104 -once again. -You were a prostitute? 93 00:03:34,106 --> 00:03:35,605 Negatory. 94 00:03:35,607 --> 00:03:39,276 Medical center paid me to try out their blood pressure cuffs. 95 00:03:39,278 --> 00:03:41,536 Okay, fine, you can use my car for two hours a day, 96 00:03:41,538 --> 00:03:44,372 but no food inside, no going over 40, 97 00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:46,225 and if I need it, you have to bring it right back. 98 00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,726 And you'll pay me for that? 99 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,436 I will not. 100 00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:54,474 Hey, Nadine, do you know if the copier's broken? 101 00:03:54,476 --> 00:03:56,810 Um, do I look like a copier technician? 102 00:03:56,812 --> 00:03:58,979 Oh, I don't know what one looks like. 103 00:03:58,981 --> 00:04:00,555 Okay, well, it's not me, Cheryl. 104 00:04:00,557 --> 00:04:02,557 Oh, gosh, with the lack of stories to report on 105 00:04:02,559 --> 00:04:04,076 in Flatch, I guess this broken copier 106 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:05,969 is just gonna be my lead, huh? 107 00:04:05,971 --> 00:04:07,061 Okay, well, I'm sorry. 108 00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:09,414 I'm in a historical society crisis right now. 109 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,084 (sighs) Someone stole the "Welcome to Flatch" sign. 110 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,570 Oh, well, do tell. 111 00:04:15,572 --> 00:04:17,497 Okay, well, it happens every year 112 00:04:17,499 --> 00:04:18,906 during "Pockton days." 113 00:04:18,908 --> 00:04:20,408 Someone from Pockton comes over, 114 00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:22,210 they steal the town's sign, 115 00:04:22,212 --> 00:04:24,321 and I bet they think they're so funny, 116 00:04:24,323 --> 00:04:25,580 but you know what's not funny? 117 00:04:25,582 --> 00:04:26,748 No. 118 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:31,728 Going to prison for stealing federal property. 119 00:04:33,665 --> 00:04:37,000 I think we have a crime. 120 00:04:37,002 --> 00:04:38,502 The Pockton rivalry, it's been going on 121 00:04:38,504 --> 00:04:40,928 for centuries, ever since Colonel Robert Flatch 122 00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:45,175 fought in the area in the 1800s and then sold Pockton 123 00:04:45,177 --> 00:04:47,602 for a few apple seeds and an orphan. 124 00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:51,348 Then he settled in Flatch. 125 00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:54,042 They're just very jealous. 126 00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:01,466 Huh, so you're starting a cab company, huh? 127 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,469 It's not a cab. A rideshare experience. 128 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,547 Oh, don't those usually use apps? 129 00:05:07,549 --> 00:05:09,474 Like I know anyone who could make an app. 130 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,293 I could, but no biggie. Next time. 131 00:05:12,295 --> 00:05:14,295 Ooh, I got to get to the Post Office 132 00:05:14,297 --> 00:05:15,981 to pick up my custom hat that just arrived from Etsy. 133 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,298 Seriously? 134 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,059 (sighs) Why does everyone care about a party 135 00:05:19,061 --> 00:05:21,561 for the most boring girl in the world? 136 00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:25,231 Beth is a complicated and fascinating creature. 137 00:05:25,233 --> 00:05:27,326 I knew it. You are into her. 138 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:30,387 No need for worry, my bro. We're just friends. 139 00:05:30,389 --> 00:05:33,073 Did I let her give me a gel pedicure? 140 00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:35,876 Yes, I did. 141 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:39,004 I am utterly smitten with Beth. 142 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:44,659 It was Mickey's idea to do the hats and the pedicure. 143 00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:47,512 I always wanted a gay best friend. 144 00:05:51,093 --> 00:05:53,501 Very exciting day. First day of Kuber. 145 00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:56,246 Okay, remember, Beth's party starts at 2:00 146 00:05:56,248 --> 00:05:58,172 and I need a present and my art supplies 147 00:05:58,174 --> 00:06:00,266 so I can make this sick hat. 148 00:06:00,268 --> 00:06:02,102 I call it King Trucker. 149 00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:05,030 Relax, I'll get you to Dayton. 150 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,423 Man, it almost feels like you like Beth 151 00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:09,851 more than your own cousin. 152 00:06:09,853 --> 00:06:12,204 (phone dings) 153 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,431 First official ride call. 154 00:06:14,433 --> 00:06:16,691 Less drawing, more customer service, okay? 155 00:06:16,693 --> 00:06:19,127 I need you on the switchboard. 156 00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:23,531 -Welcome to Kuber. -Welcome to Kuber. 157 00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:24,549 Hi. 158 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:28,128 Oh, I am so glad that you guys are here. 159 00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:29,946 Where to, miss? 160 00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:31,631 Pockton, please. 161 00:06:31,633 --> 00:06:33,800 Why the hell would you ever wanna go to that hell hole? 162 00:06:33,802 --> 00:06:35,285 They're our sworn mortal enemies. 163 00:06:35,287 --> 00:06:36,895 -Yeah. -Oh, come on. 164 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,805 -This is so silly. -Yeah? 165 00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:41,382 How about tell that to our uncle Nugget, okay? 166 00:06:41,384 --> 00:06:44,294 Last time he crossed town lines just to borrow a lawnmower 167 00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:45,812 he came back missing two fingers. 168 00:06:45,814 --> 00:06:47,406 Yeah, and his pants. 169 00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,891 To be fair, he didn't have pants on when he left, 170 00:06:49,893 --> 00:06:51,559 but that's not the point. 171 00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:55,989 Oh, you want gum? Cheese cube? Water? 172 00:06:55,991 --> 00:06:57,657 Oh, no thanks. 173 00:06:57,659 --> 00:06:58,750 You sure? 174 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,234 I--I can waterfall you from here. 175 00:07:00,236 --> 00:07:03,088 I got perfect aim. Check it. 176 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:06,925 I haven't been in this car in a long time. 177 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,818 Oh, yeah, bet you and Father Joe 178 00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:11,337 had a lot of, uh, adventures in that backseat, huh? 179 00:07:11,339 --> 00:07:13,247 Stop, that's offensive. 180 00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:15,976 Please do not let that affect your Yelp review. 181 00:07:18,254 --> 00:07:20,105 Okay, here we are. 182 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,756 What? Where's the town? 183 00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:24,000 It's like a half a mile that way. 184 00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:25,351 This is as far as I'll go. 185 00:07:25,353 --> 00:07:27,854 Too many enemies across the line, okay? 186 00:07:27,856 --> 00:07:29,430 Oh, for heaven's sake. 187 00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:33,026 That'll be $20, minus your $1 first rider discount. 188 00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:35,370 Also, I have no change. 189 00:07:45,373 --> 00:07:47,281 Already headed to our second call. 190 00:07:47,283 --> 00:07:49,450 Minus snacks, we're up 10 bucks. 191 00:07:49,452 --> 00:07:51,118 That's what you call a success. 192 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,955 Okay, reminder, the party starts in two hours. 193 00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:57,124 I'm sorry, are you not enjoying that blueberry frozen drink 194 00:07:57,126 --> 00:07:59,961 purchased with my earnings? Perhaps you wanna speak to HR? 195 00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:01,963 Shut up, you are not the boss of me. 196 00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:03,482 (inaudible) 197 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,229 So, Big Mandy, how's your day been going? 198 00:08:09,231 --> 00:08:11,397 I prefer not to talk to drivers. 199 00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:14,493 Understood. Customer's always right. 200 00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:19,039 Here. Put this in. 201 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:23,243 ("Man! I Feel Like a Woman!" by Shania Twain) 202 00:08:23,245 --> 00:08:25,152 -BOTH: Let's go, girls. -(laughs) 203 00:08:25,154 --> 00:08:27,839 Yeah, turn this up! 204 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,657 ♪ I'm going out tonight 205 00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:31,492 ♪ I'm feeling all right 206 00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:35,329 ♪ I'm gonna let it all hang out ♪ 207 00:08:35,331 --> 00:08:37,331 MANDY: People know I'm a winner. 208 00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:40,501 Arm wrestling, karaoke contests, 209 00:08:40,503 --> 00:08:43,096 making fruit preserves at the competitive level. 210 00:08:43,098 --> 00:08:44,839 I know I'm [bleep]. 211 00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:46,024 They know I'm [bleep]. 212 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,676 I know they know I'm [bleep]. 213 00:08:48,678 --> 00:08:50,587 And that can be intimidating. 214 00:08:50,589 --> 00:08:52,438 But, see, they don't know everything about me. 215 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,016 They don't know how I bawl at baby panda videos, 216 00:08:55,018 --> 00:08:59,429 or how I read to the old folks at the library on Tuesdays. 217 00:08:59,431 --> 00:09:02,115 But just the romantic [bleep], 'cause that's my jam. 218 00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:04,358 I'm super emotional. 219 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,953 Especially when you cross me. 220 00:09:06,955 --> 00:09:11,091 And then I get super emotional all over your sorry ass. 221 00:09:26,808 --> 00:09:29,901 Why, hello there. 222 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,477 What can I do you for? 223 00:09:31,479 --> 00:09:33,463 I am doing an investigative piece 224 00:09:33,465 --> 00:09:35,890 about the missing Flatch sign. 225 00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:37,634 Oh, hold up, you're, um-- 226 00:09:37,636 --> 00:09:41,154 you're the new editor of The Flatch Patriot, right? 227 00:09:41,156 --> 00:09:43,564 I am. Um, Cheryl Peterson. 228 00:09:43,566 --> 00:09:46,492 Jimmy Jameson. Publisher, Pockton Gazette. 229 00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:49,479 Oh, well, so nice to meet a fellow news hound. 230 00:09:49,481 --> 00:09:52,090 Mm-hmm, so you're saying your sign, it went missing? 231 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,259 Oh, I know, it sounds so silly. 232 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:58,096 I mean, a rivalry between two small towns? Why? 233 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,414 (chuckles) Right? Well, I doubt it was stolen. 234 00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:03,584 It's probably just some Flatch kids getting into trouble, 235 00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:04,844 per usual. 236 00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:08,848 Actually, my sources say that it happens every single year, 237 00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:10,275 and it is someone in Pockton. 238 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:14,446 If someone from Pockton, theoretically, stole your sign, 239 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:18,858 I'd say you need to look far and wide... 240 00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:20,267 mm-hmm... 241 00:10:20,269 --> 00:10:26,041 in, but outside, to find it. 242 00:10:30,446 --> 00:10:32,631 Is that a riddle? 243 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:33,873 Is it? 244 00:10:33,875 --> 00:10:35,300 Okay. (giggles) 245 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,802 Yeah, I see what you're doing. (laughs) 246 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:38,970 -Yeah. -You are playing 247 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,697 right into this rivalry, huh? 248 00:10:40,699 --> 00:10:42,957 Why would I bother competing against a sad rag 249 00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:45,201 with a circulation of 508 250 00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:47,646 when I've won Best Regional Weekly... 251 00:10:50,041 --> 00:10:51,483 four years in a row now? 252 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:54,152 Okey dokey, thank you so much for your help. 253 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:58,064 Mm-hmm, any time, Cheryl. 254 00:10:58,066 --> 00:11:00,307 I'm actually at 534 now. 255 00:11:00,309 --> 00:11:02,143 You got to get your facts straight. 256 00:11:02,145 --> 00:11:05,330 It's a newspaper. 257 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:09,167 All righty, ma'am. That will be $15. 258 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:12,319 I'm gonna do you a solid and pay you in a tattoo. 259 00:11:12,321 --> 00:11:14,731 I'm doing an intro pricing at $50 a pop. 260 00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:17,158 -Ah, I prefer cash. -Yeah. 261 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,584 I'm running a small business here. 262 00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:21,996 Yeah, same here. I just paid my tattoo kit off in full. 263 00:11:21,998 --> 00:11:23,573 Come on in, pick a design. 264 00:11:23,575 --> 00:11:25,666 -Yeah, no thanks. -Yeah, we're, um, 265 00:11:25,668 --> 00:11:27,260 on a schedule right now, so... 266 00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:28,687 Yeah, well, some-- let's do it another time? 267 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:29,837 Yeah. 268 00:11:29,839 --> 00:11:31,189 You don't think I'd be any good at it? 269 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,673 -I don't--are you se--? -No. 270 00:11:32,675 --> 00:11:35,101 -I bet you're so good at it. -I bet you're really good. 271 00:11:35,103 --> 00:11:37,570 All right, come on, let's go. 272 00:11:44,262 --> 00:11:46,596 Mm. 273 00:11:46,598 --> 00:11:48,373 These are really unique. 274 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,709 I know, right? 275 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,193 (clears throat, stammers) Why don't you just, uh, 276 00:11:52,195 --> 00:11:53,953 pick that rose? 277 00:11:53,955 --> 00:11:55,380 Hmm? 278 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,031 No, that's, uh... 279 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,008 that's Zayn Malik from One Direction. 280 00:12:00,128 --> 00:12:02,554 My tattoo art is heavily influenced 281 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:06,799 by Keith Haring, Basquiat, 282 00:12:06,801 --> 00:12:11,045 and that little elephant they taught to paint. 283 00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:13,047 With a little brush. 284 00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:15,382 -You like The Rock? -Yeah. 285 00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:19,128 I got a design of him riding Jimmy Fallon like a bull. 286 00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:20,387 We can do that. 287 00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:22,273 Yeah, sure, that one would definitely take 288 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:23,742 like a really long time, though, 289 00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:25,226 -so maybe something smaller? -Yeah, we don't really have-- 290 00:12:25,228 --> 00:12:30,397 -Yeah. -No, no, no, ten minutes, tops. 291 00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:32,233 As a female running a small business, 292 00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:34,477 I've, like, an obligation to support 293 00:12:34,479 --> 00:12:37,630 other female-run small businesses. 294 00:12:39,909 --> 00:12:43,836 And when a female-run tattoo removal shop opens, 295 00:12:43,838 --> 00:12:45,930 I'm gonna support them too. 296 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,265 Just drop me off here. 297 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,492 I'll--I'll take the bus to Dayton. 298 00:12:49,494 --> 00:12:51,844 I'm gonna remember you abandoning the business 299 00:12:51,846 --> 00:12:53,104 just as it was taking off, okay? 300 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,664 -Oh. -No stock options for you. 301 00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:56,757 -Aw. -You just lost out on billions, 302 00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:58,259 bro. Billions. 303 00:12:58,261 --> 00:13:00,278 Billions. Yeah, well, guess what. 304 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,339 I'm done with you, Jackie Chan. 305 00:13:03,341 --> 00:13:07,935 It's Jackie Chain from Dragon Lord. 306 00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:09,846 That--those are teeny little feet, 307 00:13:09,848 --> 00:13:12,373 doing a backflip. 308 00:13:16,445 --> 00:13:20,540 Come on, come on, come on, come on. 309 00:13:20,542 --> 00:13:21,874 Fargas? 310 00:13:21,876 --> 00:13:23,526 No, Far--Far--Fargas. 311 00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:24,803 Fargas, no! 312 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:28,097 No! Fargas! No! 313 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,016 Damn it! 314 00:13:40,469 --> 00:13:42,270 You understand you're gonna have to start back 315 00:13:42,272 --> 00:13:43,804 in the training program now. 316 00:13:43,806 --> 00:13:46,507 Shut up. 317 00:13:46,509 --> 00:13:47,900 Oh, my God, Kelly. 318 00:13:47,902 --> 00:13:51,162 Look at this cringey music Father Joe jams to. 319 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,056 -A-Men? -(chuckles) 320 00:13:53,058 --> 00:13:55,316 It's like some cheesy church [bleep]. 321 00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:57,001 That's him, with the Bieber hair. 322 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,169 -That's Father Joe! -Oh, my God. 323 00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,838 -Put it in! Put it in! -Shut up! 324 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,131 Oh, my God, what? 325 00:14:03,568 --> 00:14:05,492 (upbeat music) 326 00:14:05,494 --> 00:14:08,329 (subdued laughter) 327 00:14:08,331 --> 00:14:10,573 Yes, it's true, I was in a very successful 328 00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:12,833 spiritual boy band in the late '90s. 329 00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:15,669 We were huge in Germany. 330 00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:17,355 Yeah, that's me. ♪ Got you in my car 331 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,524 Right there. ♪ Riding in the hood 332 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,418 Lead singer, and I also did all the choreography. 333 00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:23,695 But of course, it was the Big Guy 334 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,513 who was the lead, but you know what I mean? 335 00:14:26,515 --> 00:14:29,592 Yeah, we, uh--we did a mega church tour. 336 00:14:29,594 --> 00:14:33,371 We were very popular on the sweet 16 party circuit. 337 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:36,023 Then I decided to go on my own. 338 00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:37,858 Tiger Beat said that I was gonna be as big 339 00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:39,435 as Cosmopolitan Yogurt. 340 00:14:39,437 --> 00:14:43,439 It was a yogurt created by the magazine Cosmopolitan. 341 00:14:43,441 --> 00:14:44,865 (sighs) 342 00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,718 Yeah. 343 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:47,886 Bad miscalculation. 344 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,888 ♪ Heaven's our destination 345 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,964 ♪ D-W-I, yeah, up there ♪ 346 00:14:51,966 --> 00:14:53,725 Whoo! 347 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:02,066 Get out. Farr and Wyde? 348 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,127 "In, but outside." 349 00:15:04,129 --> 00:15:06,529 In, but outside. 350 00:15:09,817 --> 00:15:11,743 Inn. 351 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:14,395 Come on. Oh. 352 00:15:14,397 --> 00:15:19,542 Farr and Wyde, Inn, but outside. 353 00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:25,665 Yes! 354 00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:26,983 Okay. 355 00:15:26,985 --> 00:15:28,242 (grunts) 356 00:15:28,244 --> 00:15:30,153 (breathing heavily) 357 00:15:30,155 --> 00:15:32,655 Excuse me. Oh, watch your head. 358 00:15:32,657 --> 00:15:34,157 (giggles) 359 00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:36,559 (breathing heavily) 360 00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:40,329 Dude, just... keep her from opening presents 361 00:15:40,331 --> 00:15:42,331 -until I get there, okay? -Get off the phone! 362 00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:43,757 (groans) 363 00:15:43,759 --> 00:15:45,835 Ugh, Mickey said they're eating Yorkshire pudding 364 00:15:45,837 --> 00:15:47,428 and I don't even know what that is, but the pudding part 365 00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:49,021 means that they're already at dessert, so thank you. 366 00:15:49,023 --> 00:15:50,931 (gasps) There's my dad. 367 00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:52,525 No, no, I beg you, please. 368 00:15:52,527 --> 00:15:54,694 -No. God! -Hi, Dad! 369 00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:55,787 You need a lift? 370 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,197 I'm running a rideshare company now. 371 00:15:58,199 --> 00:16:00,199 You mean like a taxi? 372 00:16:00,201 --> 00:16:03,127 Uh, upscale chauffeured experience. 373 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,854 Dads ride for free. 374 00:16:04,856 --> 00:16:07,298 Nah, I'm good. 375 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,117 -I got a tattoo. -What'd you get? 376 00:16:10,119 --> 00:16:12,119 -Jackie Chan. -Yeah? 377 00:16:12,121 --> 00:16:13,863 From Armor of God ? 378 00:16:13,865 --> 00:16:14,973 Dragon Lord. 379 00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:17,308 (cell phone rings) Oh, Kell. 380 00:16:18,369 --> 00:16:20,219 Ah, that's an actual person, wants an actual ride. 381 00:16:20,221 --> 00:16:22,463 Wish I could stay. 382 00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:23,964 You know how it is running a business. 383 00:16:23,966 --> 00:16:26,375 Um, where are you? 384 00:16:26,377 --> 00:16:28,027 Be safe. 385 00:16:29,564 --> 00:16:32,231 (giggling) 386 00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:34,975 Dude, I cannot believe you got our sign back. 387 00:16:34,977 --> 00:16:36,327 (laughing) I know! 388 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,388 I have so much adrenaline coursing through my body. 389 00:16:39,390 --> 00:16:42,074 -Oh, my. -I could--I could knit a coat. 390 00:16:42,076 --> 00:16:44,168 -Pockton's gonna be so pissed. -Oh, my God. 391 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,005 Like, this took the rivalry to a whole new level. 392 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,989 They could come after us. 393 00:16:48,991 --> 00:16:50,583 That would be awesome. Group fight! 394 00:16:50,585 --> 00:16:52,159 Um, I don't know about you, 395 00:16:52,161 --> 00:16:55,496 but I think it's time for some celebratory tunes. 396 00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:58,599 (A-Men playing on CD player) 397 00:17:00,836 --> 00:17:02,854 Is this A-Men? 398 00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,914 I was the, uh, president, 399 00:17:04,916 --> 00:17:07,841 uh, of the first and... 400 00:17:07,843 --> 00:17:09,843 well, the only A-Men Fan Club. 401 00:17:09,845 --> 00:17:11,420 That's how Joe and I met. 402 00:17:11,422 --> 00:17:14,198 Oh, but, um, I wanna be clear. Uh, we didn't date back then. 403 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,183 That would've been a huge conflict of interest. 404 00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:19,704 No, we--we ran into each other five years later at a car wash. 405 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,098 He did that little thing that he does with his hip, 406 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,690 you know. 407 00:17:23,692 --> 00:17:26,193 He ran his hands through his hair and I just... 408 00:17:26,195 --> 00:17:29,714 (sighs) Goner. 409 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,507 (sighs) 410 00:17:32,627 --> 00:17:35,386 Cheryl. Are you, uh... 411 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,097 Are you okay? 412 00:17:39,842 --> 00:17:42,468 Yeah, I'm gonna get the... 413 00:17:42,470 --> 00:17:45,521 Do you, uh... Do you need help? 414 00:17:48,017 --> 00:17:49,959 (grunts) Uh-uh, uh-uh. 415 00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:51,235 No, I got it! I got it. 416 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,886 (whispering) Sorry. 417 00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:54,146 Ooh! 418 00:17:54,148 --> 00:17:56,199 (sign scraping loudly) 419 00:17:58,227 --> 00:18:00,078 Hi, I need my car. 420 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,996 (screaming) No! No! 421 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:06,584 Father, just so you know, your selfish need 422 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,402 to visit a parishioner has kept me from the woman 423 00:18:08,404 --> 00:18:09,478 that I love. 424 00:18:09,497 --> 00:18:11,422 Oh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend. 425 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,499 -Yeah, well, I do. -He doesn't, okay? 426 00:18:13,501 --> 00:18:16,152 He lusts after Beth and she doesn't know he exists. 427 00:18:16,154 --> 00:18:17,244 -Shut up. -Well, then you need 428 00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:18,596 to show her that you exist, 429 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,173 take your light from underneath your bushel. 430 00:18:21,175 --> 00:18:23,101 Yeah. Wait, is that your-- 431 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,918 He doesn't mean your wenis, doofus. 432 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,088 Shut up, I knew that. 433 00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:30,349 JUNE: So I told Luanne 434 00:18:30,351 --> 00:18:33,018 if she insisted on growing her ferns 435 00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:34,946 so close to my property line, 436 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,615 it would be her job to trim them. 437 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,450 -I see. -And she hasn't. 438 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,102 And don't get me started on her invasive sumac. 439 00:18:42,104 --> 00:18:44,180 Oh, we won't. 440 00:18:44,182 --> 00:18:46,198 It's like living in The Jungle Book. 441 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,533 June, I thought you said this was an emergency. 442 00:18:47,535 --> 00:18:50,536 I wrote her a note and left it on her door, 443 00:18:50,538 --> 00:18:52,355 and she won't respond. 444 00:18:52,357 --> 00:18:54,857 Let me take care of this. I'm gonna talk to Luanne. 445 00:18:54,859 --> 00:18:56,542 Thank you, Father. 446 00:18:56,544 --> 00:18:58,285 More ginger snaps? 447 00:18:58,287 --> 00:19:00,287 I got the recipe from Brenda Haskell. 448 00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,122 Guess what the secret ingredient is. 449 00:19:02,124 --> 00:19:05,309 -Old man thumb. -Oh, my God, nobody cares 450 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,869 about your ferns or your cookies 451 00:19:06,871 --> 00:19:07,961 or your gimpy leg 452 00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,480 that swells when it rains, June. 453 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,041 Well, you would if it were your leg. 454 00:19:12,043 --> 00:19:14,710 Also this is mine now. 455 00:19:14,712 --> 00:19:16,320 I--I can't let him go alone. 456 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,564 Yeah, I'm gonna come with you. Please, please, please. 457 00:19:18,566 --> 00:19:21,400 But, Father, you haven't guessed the ingredient yet. 458 00:19:21,402 --> 00:19:23,661 (exhales deeply) 459 00:19:27,983 --> 00:19:29,625 Okay, five minutes to spare. 460 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:40,327 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 461 00:19:40,329 --> 00:19:42,180 My bro. 462 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:44,089 You missed the soiree of the century. 463 00:19:44,091 --> 00:19:45,832 -MICKEY: (chuckles) -MANDY: Hey! 464 00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,092 Jackie Chan! 465 00:19:47,094 --> 00:19:49,020 I need another ride. 466 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,930 I can't hear you. No one's in the car. 467 00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:53,916 I need another ride. 468 00:19:53,918 --> 00:19:54,917 -What's wrong? -Hey! 469 00:19:55,086 --> 00:19:56,435 Kelly's gonna get another crappy tattoo. 470 00:19:56,437 --> 00:19:59,422 You got to be kidding me. Are you serious? 471 00:19:59,424 --> 00:20:01,757 (engine starts, tires squeal) 472 00:20:01,759 --> 00:20:02,867 Squirrel! 473 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,994 (tires squeal) 474 00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:13,085 What is that? 475 00:20:14,439 --> 00:20:17,215 So Kelly had to buy Beth's dad a new mailbox 476 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:21,368 and also replace the bumper on Father Joe's car. 477 00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:24,630 She's working that part off by mowing the church lawn. 478 00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:27,725 Levi, does that look like a straight line to you? 479 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:32,379 Are we gonna need some more performance reviews, people? 480 00:20:32,381 --> 00:20:33,547 KELLY: What do people have? Grass. 481 00:20:33,549 --> 00:20:35,215 What do they need? 482 00:20:35,217 --> 00:20:36,809 Someone to cut it. What do I have? 483 00:20:36,811 --> 00:20:38,236 Business sense. 484 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:41,464 Welcome to Mallet's Mowers, yard and field maintenance. 485 00:20:41,466 --> 00:20:43,482 But we're only open from 4:00 to 5:00 p.m. 486 00:20:43,484 --> 00:20:44,742 after school. 487 00:20:44,986 --> 00:20:47,411 We don't provide the lawnmower. That's on the customer. 488 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,730 Also, we shut down in the summer. 489 00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:50,564 Too hot. 490 00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:51,749 SHRUB: Check it out. 491 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,143 I stole June's cookies and her napkin 492 00:20:54,145 --> 00:20:56,671 and made this. 493 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,095 (grunts) 494 00:21:07,675 --> 00:21:09,558 No! 495 00:21:11,345 --> 00:21:13,771 No. 496 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,774 Those aren't yours. 497 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:20,027 (panting) 498 00:21:23,691 --> 00:21:25,783 No! 499 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,661 God.