1 00:00:01,971 --> 00:00:05,310 (birds chirping) 2 00:00:13,293 --> 00:00:14,262 Popcorn. 3 00:00:14,328 --> 00:00:15,899 'Cause it's Crappy Movie Night, y'all. 4 00:00:15,965 --> 00:00:17,101 Oh. 5 00:00:17,134 --> 00:00:18,403 Shrub and I have been doing this 6 00:00:18,436 --> 00:00:20,007 every Friday night since we were in high school. 7 00:00:20,073 --> 00:00:22,211 We get a ton of snacks, and we watch a stupid movie. 8 00:00:22,278 --> 00:00:24,215 Yeah, like, last week, we watched this really old one 9 00:00:24,282 --> 00:00:25,652 called Citizen Kane. 10 00:00:25,718 --> 00:00:26,754 Guess what. 11 00:00:26,820 --> 00:00:28,323 No Kane and no Batman. 12 00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:30,494 And no color. How dumb is that? 13 00:00:30,562 --> 00:00:32,164 But we've got a really good one for tonight. 14 00:00:32,231 --> 00:00:33,534 Yeah, it's called The Notebook. 15 00:00:33,568 --> 00:00:35,972 (chuckles) A movie about a pad of paper. 16 00:00:36,005 --> 00:00:37,542 Probably some stupid Pixar thing. 17 00:00:37,576 --> 00:00:40,347 - Like, how lame is that? - It's gonna be hilarious. 18 00:00:40,414 --> 00:00:42,886 (soft music playing on TV) 19 00:00:42,919 --> 00:00:44,623 (cries) 20 00:00:44,656 --> 00:00:46,627 This movie's so stupid. 21 00:00:46,694 --> 00:00:49,265 (sniffles) Shut up, would you? 22 00:00:49,332 --> 00:00:53,139 ♪ ♪ 23 00:00:53,173 --> 00:00:55,645 Um, so, big news. 24 00:00:55,712 --> 00:00:58,016 Beth has a date with someone on Friday. 25 00:00:58,049 --> 00:00:59,620 - Guess who. - Death. 26 00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:03,326 Me. Um, I broke into my sandwich-press fund, 27 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,730 and it turns out, I have enough money 28 00:01:04,763 --> 00:01:06,734 to take her to Flatch's hottest date place. 29 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,069 You're taking her to China Wok? 30 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,171 - Yep. - She doesn't deserve 31 00:01:09,238 --> 00:01:11,242 a feast like that! 32 00:01:11,309 --> 00:01:13,113 Okay. Someone's jealous. 33 00:01:13,179 --> 00:01:14,315 No, I'm not, okay? 34 00:01:14,382 --> 00:01:16,052 I just can't believe you're abandoning me 35 00:01:16,085 --> 00:01:17,087 on Crappy Movie Night to hang out 36 00:01:17,154 --> 00:01:18,256 with the human yawn. 37 00:01:18,323 --> 00:01:19,593 It's like saying you can't go to Disneyland 38 00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:21,062 'cause you'd rather go hang out in a shed. 39 00:01:21,095 --> 00:01:24,001 - "Oh, it could be fun." - It's a date, dude. 40 00:01:24,068 --> 00:01:25,203 What is this? 41 00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:27,909 - A new store. - (bell chimes) 42 00:01:27,943 --> 00:01:30,080 A vaping and magic shop? 43 00:01:30,113 --> 00:01:32,284 Yeah, that's not completely weird. 44 00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:34,823 - (door closes) - Lame. 45 00:01:34,856 --> 00:01:36,025 MICKEY: Hey, bros. 46 00:01:36,092 --> 00:01:37,227 Can you believe it? 47 00:01:37,294 --> 00:01:38,564 Three of my favorite things in one place-- 48 00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:41,904 the magical arts and my two magical friends! 49 00:01:41,937 --> 00:01:43,206 (chuckles) 50 00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:45,444 Can you believe how cool this is? 51 00:01:46,914 --> 00:01:48,483 It's so totally awesome! 52 00:01:48,517 --> 00:01:50,253 So, Dylan used to be a magician 53 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,024 when we were friends in grade school. 54 00:01:52,091 --> 00:01:53,761 He performed at my grandma's nursing home 55 00:01:53,828 --> 00:01:55,063 when she was still alive. 56 00:01:55,130 --> 00:01:57,502 His tricks were all so small, and their eyes were so bad, 57 00:01:57,535 --> 00:01:59,205 so no one could see what he was doing. 58 00:01:59,238 --> 00:02:00,374 - Ta-da! - (applause) 59 00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:02,646 - But he was super cute. - Whoop, whoop! 60 00:02:02,679 --> 00:02:04,348 So they would just come and stare at him 61 00:02:04,382 --> 00:02:05,852 to forget they were old. 62 00:02:05,885 --> 00:02:06,787 I love magic. 63 00:02:06,854 --> 00:02:08,858 I even won the talent show in high school. 64 00:02:08,924 --> 00:02:12,565 But then everyone started calling me "Abraca-Dork." 65 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,870 Then Nadine suggested that I stop doing magic, 66 00:02:14,936 --> 00:02:16,439 and so I did. 67 00:02:16,507 --> 00:02:18,911 'Cause she's the boss. (chuckles) 68 00:02:18,978 --> 00:02:19,780 - (cell phone vibrating) - Oh, got to run. 69 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,583 Can't be late to Grandma's bridge club. 70 00:02:21,650 --> 00:02:23,119 - (chuckles) - (chuckles mockingly) 71 00:02:23,153 --> 00:02:24,556 (dramatic music playing) 72 00:02:24,623 --> 00:02:25,958 MURRAY: Ladies and gentlemen, 73 00:02:25,992 --> 00:02:28,597 Smokus Pocus is proud to present... 74 00:02:28,664 --> 00:02:31,804 Murray Hillman! 75 00:02:31,870 --> 00:02:33,173 Guess what. That's me. 76 00:02:33,239 --> 00:02:35,143 Hey, hold your applause till now. 77 00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,312 Thank you. 78 00:02:36,379 --> 00:02:39,018 Look at this, kids, the crystal tube. 79 00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:41,523 - Behold, $5.99-- - Crystal tube, classic. 80 00:02:41,590 --> 00:02:42,659 Totally classic. 81 00:02:42,692 --> 00:02:44,696 All right, and you stick your fingers in here. 82 00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:47,167 Not two fingers, kids. You got to be careful. 83 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,403 Why don't you do magic anymore? 84 00:02:48,470 --> 00:02:50,340 You used to be so good at it. 85 00:02:50,407 --> 00:02:52,111 Nadine thinks it's dumb. 86 00:02:52,144 --> 00:02:53,179 She's probably right. 87 00:02:53,246 --> 00:02:54,683 Not if you love it, she's not. 88 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,754 Yeah, I do kind of miss it. (chuckles) 89 00:02:56,787 --> 00:02:58,123 Then you should do it again. 90 00:02:58,156 --> 00:02:59,392 I could be your assistant. 91 00:02:59,425 --> 00:03:01,029 We could do it at the retirement home 92 00:03:01,062 --> 00:03:02,231 like you used to do. 93 00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,168 No, no. Nadine would kill me. 94 00:03:04,235 --> 00:03:06,205 Whoo! Hey, hey, there we go. 95 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:08,009 Although she is out of town this week. 96 00:03:08,043 --> 00:03:09,646 Oh, yeah. 97 00:03:09,713 --> 00:03:11,416 My sorority sisters and I put together 98 00:03:11,449 --> 00:03:13,921 this Babes and Babies glamping trip. 99 00:03:13,954 --> 00:03:14,890 It's pretty cute. 100 00:03:15,023 --> 00:03:17,061 It's really fun--we just get out here in nature, 101 00:03:17,127 --> 00:03:19,666 let our hair down, bring our babies. 102 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,503 It's so fun. 103 00:03:22,906 --> 00:03:24,175 I still got a hotel room, though, 104 00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:27,047 'cause, you know, bugs. 105 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:28,684 - (thunk) - Whoa! 106 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:29,853 Look at that, huh? 107 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,924 I bet all the old people you used to entertain back then 108 00:03:31,957 --> 00:03:32,792 really miss you. 109 00:03:32,892 --> 00:03:34,663 Well, I bet they're probably all dead by now. 110 00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:36,332 - (scoffs) Dark. - Okay, well, then 111 00:03:36,399 --> 00:03:37,869 there's a whole bunch of new old people 112 00:03:37,936 --> 00:03:39,305 who are forgotten and lonely. 113 00:03:39,338 --> 00:03:42,946 Think about how happy you'd make them. 114 00:03:43,012 --> 00:03:44,115 You know what? 115 00:03:44,181 --> 00:03:45,551 You're right. 116 00:03:45,585 --> 00:03:47,121 Let's do it! 117 00:03:47,187 --> 00:03:49,225 I think it's a wonderful idea, you two. 118 00:03:49,258 --> 00:03:50,762 A very selfless act. 119 00:03:50,828 --> 00:03:51,964 I'm proud of you both. 120 00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:52,899 Father Joseph, 121 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,337 do you know that there is a shop in our town 122 00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:58,544 that specializes in black magic? 123 00:03:58,611 --> 00:04:00,080 Smokus Pocus? 124 00:04:00,147 --> 00:04:01,717 Ah, no, they're fine. 125 00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:03,654 I mean, I don't really approve of their smoking devices, 126 00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:06,492 but the magic tricks they sell are a lot of fun. 127 00:04:06,527 --> 00:04:08,229 Father Joe, as a man of the cloth, 128 00:04:08,263 --> 00:04:09,900 I demand that you drive that shop 129 00:04:09,966 --> 00:04:15,243 and the Satan worshipper who runs it out of town! 130 00:04:15,277 --> 00:04:17,047 (whispering) June's mad. 131 00:04:17,114 --> 00:04:19,185 (grunts) 132 00:04:19,251 --> 00:04:20,655 Check it. 133 00:04:20,721 --> 00:04:22,391 Superhero tie. 134 00:04:22,424 --> 00:04:24,094 Saw one of these bad boys online, 135 00:04:24,128 --> 00:04:26,466 but it cost too much money, so... 136 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,671 I took matters into my own hands. 137 00:04:28,737 --> 00:04:31,844 Repurposed some old bedsheets from when I was a kid. 138 00:04:31,910 --> 00:04:34,415 Beth is gonna see me wearing this in my suit? 139 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,018 Oh, she's about to fall harder 140 00:04:36,085 --> 00:04:38,657 than Nick does for Allie in Notebook. 141 00:04:38,724 --> 00:04:40,127 Why is there a ballerina on it? 142 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,264 It--it's not a ballerina. 143 00:04:42,297 --> 00:04:43,501 That--it's Mystery Man. 144 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,403 You know we couldn't afford Batman! 145 00:04:45,470 --> 00:04:46,840 (match scratches) 146 00:04:46,907 --> 00:04:50,915 DYLAN: All it takes is a little magic. 147 00:04:50,982 --> 00:04:52,117 KELLY: Oh, my God! 148 00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:53,921 DYLAN: It's been really fun reconnecting with Kelly. 149 00:04:53,954 --> 00:04:56,693 She and I used to have fun all the time when we were kids. 150 00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:59,900 I don't feel like I have that much fun anymore. 151 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:00,968 Not that Nadine isn't fun. 152 00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:03,006 It's just, uh-- it's a different kind of fun. 153 00:05:03,072 --> 00:05:06,145 What's my definition of fun? Oh, cleaning out the attic. 154 00:05:06,179 --> 00:05:08,183 (laughs) I don't even bring a vacuum up. 155 00:05:08,249 --> 00:05:09,485 I just do it all with my hands. 156 00:05:09,553 --> 00:05:11,155 Whoo-whoo! (laughs) 157 00:05:11,189 --> 00:05:12,926 Are you jealous? 158 00:05:12,992 --> 00:05:14,094 - Dylan! - (Dylan laughs) 159 00:05:14,128 --> 00:05:16,098 You're so much better than you were in high school! 160 00:05:16,165 --> 00:05:19,639 Man, I-- I really miss doing this stuff. 161 00:05:19,706 --> 00:05:21,409 Thanks for talking me into it, Kelly. 162 00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:22,712 So what does your assistant do? 163 00:05:22,745 --> 00:05:24,181 You just bring each trick out, 164 00:05:24,248 --> 00:05:26,285 and then you take each one back when I finish. 165 00:05:26,319 --> 00:05:27,922 With a little style? 166 00:05:27,956 --> 00:05:28,657 Yeah. 167 00:05:28,724 --> 00:05:30,928 Yeah, that's it! That's perfect. 168 00:05:30,995 --> 00:05:32,464 (laughs) Yeah, yeah, yeah. 169 00:05:32,497 --> 00:05:33,968 Then you bring it to me. 170 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,136 - Thank you. - Sir. 171 00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:36,405 And we're there. 172 00:05:36,439 --> 00:05:38,577 (both laughing) 173 00:05:38,611 --> 00:05:41,449 Ooh, this is gonna be so good! 174 00:05:41,517 --> 00:05:43,253 I miss hanging out with you, Kelly. 175 00:05:43,319 --> 00:05:44,523 My God. 176 00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:45,992 - Me more. - (cell phone rings) 177 00:05:46,025 --> 00:05:47,662 NADINE: (through ringtone) Dylan, pick up your phone. 178 00:05:47,729 --> 00:05:49,298 Dylan, pick up your phone. 179 00:05:49,331 --> 00:05:50,868 Nadine, hey. 180 00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:52,471 I'm working on something in the garage. 181 00:05:52,505 --> 00:05:53,908 How's the glamping going, babe? 182 00:05:57,381 --> 00:05:58,851 I heard Dylan is doing a magic show 183 00:05:58,918 --> 00:05:59,953 at the home this Friday. 184 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,725 I want to entertain those old people, too. 185 00:06:02,759 --> 00:06:05,865 Um, hello, Mandy. Uh, that's great. 186 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,835 What, uh, what do you do? 187 00:06:07,902 --> 00:06:10,473 I'm an insult comedian. 188 00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:12,344 - Insult comedian? - Yeah, like, 189 00:06:12,377 --> 00:06:14,983 "Your face looks like a cow's ass." 190 00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:16,185 (laughing) 191 00:06:16,219 --> 00:06:18,089 (chuckles nervously) 192 00:06:18,156 --> 00:06:19,258 It's clever. 193 00:06:19,325 --> 00:06:20,628 But, uh, it might not be right 194 00:06:20,661 --> 00:06:22,197 for the retirement crowd. 195 00:06:22,231 --> 00:06:24,201 Yeah, I figured you'd say that. 196 00:06:24,235 --> 00:06:25,237 I can sing, too. 197 00:06:25,303 --> 00:06:27,709 Really? What kind of songs? 198 00:06:27,742 --> 00:06:28,711 All kinds. 199 00:06:28,777 --> 00:06:30,648 Can you sing a nice, uplifting hymn? 200 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:33,386 Yeah, I can definitely do that. 201 00:06:33,453 --> 00:06:34,556 Excellent. 202 00:06:34,623 --> 00:06:36,025 Let's do that instead. 203 00:06:36,092 --> 00:06:37,361 Okay. 204 00:06:37,394 --> 00:06:40,333 Repent! Repent! 205 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,603 (door opens, bell chimes) 206 00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:43,741 - Repent! - Oh, crazy old broad. 207 00:06:43,774 --> 00:06:45,845 - (door closes) - Hey, what can I get you? 208 00:06:45,912 --> 00:06:48,651 Bubblegum vape juice, half off today only. 209 00:06:48,717 --> 00:06:50,821 I actually need some flash paper for my dove pan. 210 00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,124 What do you need the flash paper for? 211 00:06:52,190 --> 00:06:53,393 You doing a kids' party or what? 212 00:06:53,459 --> 00:06:54,529 Retirement home. 213 00:06:54,562 --> 00:06:56,165 Uh, the dove pan is my big finish. 214 00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:57,067 No, kid, come on. 215 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,537 They're gonna laugh you right out of there 216 00:06:58,570 --> 00:06:59,873 if you end with the pan. 217 00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:01,810 Listen, you want to send them back to their rooms 218 00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:05,250 with a showbiz bang. 219 00:07:05,283 --> 00:07:06,553 The Zig Zag Lady! 220 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:08,557 The best finale in the business! 221 00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:09,592 You got an assistant? 222 00:07:09,659 --> 00:07:10,962 That's me. I'm the assistant. 223 00:07:11,028 --> 00:07:13,166 Oh, excellent. Hop on in here, toots. 224 00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:15,170 KELLY: I can see a world where Dylan and I get famous 225 00:07:15,236 --> 00:07:16,405 for doing our act. 226 00:07:18,510 --> 00:07:19,846 He needs that. 227 00:07:19,913 --> 00:07:22,752 Can you imagine being married to Nadine? 228 00:07:22,819 --> 00:07:24,355 She'd inspire me to live in the crawl space 229 00:07:24,421 --> 00:07:25,691 under their house. 230 00:07:25,758 --> 00:07:27,662 And there are, like, a lot of possums under there. 231 00:07:27,695 --> 00:07:28,764 - Oh! - Oh, oh, my God. 232 00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:30,200 - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - Whoo-hoo! 233 00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:31,536 - Pow, pow! - Can I get--can I see? 234 00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:32,538 I thought it was a mirror. 235 00:07:32,572 --> 00:07:34,676 Poor Dylan. 236 00:07:34,709 --> 00:07:37,147 I think, like, I make him better. 237 00:07:38,851 --> 00:07:40,186 Showbiz, bitches! 238 00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:40,988 (laughs) 239 00:07:41,055 --> 00:07:42,925 Hey, I like this girl. She's a pip! 240 00:07:42,992 --> 00:07:45,965 This would be amazing to end the show with, but, uh... 241 00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:48,336 - it's got to cost a fortune. - Oh, kid, come on. 242 00:07:48,403 --> 00:07:49,371 Don't worry about it. 243 00:07:49,438 --> 00:07:50,808 I like to inspire new talent, 244 00:07:50,841 --> 00:07:53,714 and, clearly, I need all the advertising help I can get. 245 00:07:53,747 --> 00:07:55,250 Look, I'll make a deal with you, all right? 246 00:07:55,283 --> 00:07:58,857 You kids tell all your friends about Smokus Pocus, 247 00:07:58,924 --> 00:08:01,763 and I'll loan you this for the night, huh? 248 00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:02,965 - Deal. - Deal, all right! 249 00:08:03,032 --> 00:08:03,867 - Deal. - Okay. 250 00:08:03,934 --> 00:08:06,238 - Deal! - All right, great, great. 251 00:08:06,305 --> 00:08:07,775 The key to dressing up 252 00:08:07,842 --> 00:08:11,449 is to always leave something a little messy. 253 00:08:11,482 --> 00:08:13,252 It's what the Italians call sprezzatura, 254 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:15,490 which I read all about in a magazine 255 00:08:15,558 --> 00:08:17,662 I found on the street. 256 00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:19,465 Okay, so you know how you see my tie knot 257 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:21,469 is just a little off? 258 00:08:21,503 --> 00:08:23,306 Sprezzatura. 259 00:08:23,339 --> 00:08:24,876 Oh, also, 260 00:08:24,909 --> 00:08:27,014 picked up this bad boy at Smokus Pocus today. 261 00:08:27,047 --> 00:08:28,884 Basically, you put a dollar in it, 262 00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:31,022 you close it, you pull it back out, it's gone. 263 00:08:31,055 --> 00:08:34,495 Close it again, pull it back out, the dollar is there. 264 00:08:34,562 --> 00:08:36,733 Beth is gonna fall hard, 265 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:39,371 because Murray told me that girls go crazy 266 00:08:39,405 --> 00:08:40,775 for little magic tricks. 267 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:42,812 Hey, I got to pay my rent, don't I? 268 00:08:42,879 --> 00:08:45,116 Nobody vapes in this fakakta town. 269 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,787 So where are we going? 270 00:08:46,820 --> 00:08:49,391 I hope you like international cuisine. 271 00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:51,395 - Oh, I do! - Mm. 272 00:08:51,462 --> 00:08:53,166 Do we have to cross an ocean to get there? 273 00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,604 Nope, it's right here in Flatch. 274 00:08:55,638 --> 00:08:57,742 - I thought you hated Flatch. - I do. 275 00:08:57,775 --> 00:08:59,078 But I'm man enough to admit 276 00:08:59,144 --> 00:09:02,184 that you have the best and only Chinese food 277 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,687 in the area, so... 278 00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:05,858 feel free to show me off to whoever you want 279 00:09:05,925 --> 00:09:08,864 as payback for our town stealing your sign. 280 00:09:08,897 --> 00:09:10,801 I can take it. 281 00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,005 JOE: Look, Murray, I just want everyone to get along, okay? 282 00:09:13,072 --> 00:09:14,809 So can you just go out there and tell her 283 00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:16,011 that you're not a devil worshipper? 284 00:09:16,078 --> 00:09:17,982 - How do you know I'm not? - Are you? 285 00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:19,485 Oh, you got something on your shirt. 286 00:09:19,552 --> 00:09:20,821 (laughs) Showbiz! 287 00:09:20,855 --> 00:09:23,627 Of course I'm not, padre. Come on! 288 00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:25,430 Let me go talk to the old tomato, all right? 289 00:09:25,463 --> 00:09:26,600 All right. 290 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,269 (bell chimes) 291 00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:29,438 June? 292 00:09:29,506 --> 00:09:30,908 Murray wants you to know 293 00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:32,979 that he has only the best intentions for Flatch. 294 00:09:33,012 --> 00:09:34,716 No, he doesn't. 295 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,220 We don't need his black magic in our town. 296 00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:39,425 Maybe not, but you look like you could use 297 00:09:39,458 --> 00:09:40,561 - a red rose. - (gasps) 298 00:09:40,594 --> 00:09:41,696 - JOE: Wow! - Oh, my. 299 00:09:41,763 --> 00:09:43,700 June, that was amazing, wasn't it? 300 00:09:43,734 --> 00:09:45,704 Oh, no, I'm not falling for that. 301 00:09:45,738 --> 00:09:47,809 Get thee behind me, Satan! 302 00:09:47,842 --> 00:09:49,546 Well, I'd try, but there's something 303 00:09:49,579 --> 00:09:50,815 - already there. - (gasps) 304 00:09:50,848 --> 00:09:52,451 - JOE: Oh-ho! - (chuckles) 305 00:09:52,484 --> 00:09:54,021 Oh, now, you stop that! 306 00:09:54,087 --> 00:09:55,925 Only if you stop being so beautiful. 307 00:09:55,991 --> 00:09:57,227 Oh. (chuckles) 308 00:09:57,294 --> 00:09:58,597 - Jackpot! - (both laugh) 309 00:09:58,664 --> 00:09:59,866 JOE: Wow! 310 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,536 Hey! Do me, do me, do me! 311 00:10:01,603 --> 00:10:02,772 Father, I'm not gonna do you. 312 00:10:02,839 --> 00:10:04,943 See, June? Murray's a good guy. 313 00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:05,811 I'm good. 314 00:10:05,845 --> 00:10:08,449 Well, that was rather charming. 315 00:10:08,517 --> 00:10:09,953 Now, my dear, 316 00:10:09,986 --> 00:10:14,461 are you familiar with the concept of vaping? 317 00:10:14,529 --> 00:10:16,533 What kind of food is this? 318 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,302 It's Chinese. 319 00:10:18,336 --> 00:10:19,873 So good. 320 00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:22,712 Everything on this menu sounds weird. 321 00:10:22,745 --> 00:10:24,649 Oh, uh, do you like magic? 322 00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:25,784 Hey, bros! 323 00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:28,590 - This is crazy! (chuckles) - Oh, God. 324 00:10:28,624 --> 00:10:30,226 Fancy meeting you two here. 325 00:10:30,293 --> 00:10:31,796 Yeah, it's a real surprise. 326 00:10:31,863 --> 00:10:33,867 I hope you both have a great dinner. 327 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,604 Hey, do you mind if we join you? 328 00:10:35,671 --> 00:10:36,807 No, come on in. 329 00:10:36,873 --> 00:10:39,344 Capital! (chuckles) 330 00:10:39,378 --> 00:10:40,514 And I was worried 331 00:10:40,581 --> 00:10:42,718 I'd have to talk to this character all night. 332 00:10:42,752 --> 00:10:44,354 - (chuckles) - Snore! 333 00:10:44,421 --> 00:10:46,660 (both laughing) 334 00:10:46,726 --> 00:10:48,362 Ah, got ya! 335 00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:53,507 The next number is the one that we all 336 00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:55,243 - love to hear our doctor say. - ALL: B-9! 337 00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:57,447 That's right. B-9. 338 00:10:57,515 --> 00:10:58,182 PERSON: Bingo! 339 00:10:58,249 --> 00:10:59,886 You going out in a bathrobe? 340 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:01,188 No, I just don't want to give 341 00:11:01,255 --> 00:11:03,961 away my look to the audience before I go on. 342 00:11:04,027 --> 00:11:06,131 - It's a showbiz thing. - All right, everyone. 343 00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:08,837 We have a special treat tonight for our break. 344 00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:11,643 Mandy Matthews is gonna uplift us with a hymn. 345 00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:14,381 - Mandy? - (applause) 346 00:11:14,448 --> 00:11:15,918 Thanks, everybody. 347 00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:17,755 This hymn is very special to me 348 00:11:17,788 --> 00:11:19,258 because it's an original that I wrote 349 00:11:19,324 --> 00:11:22,030 earlier this afternoon. 350 00:11:22,063 --> 00:11:27,675 ♪ Make your life righteous ♪ 351 00:11:27,708 --> 00:11:31,315 ♪ Keep your faith strong ♪ 352 00:11:31,382 --> 00:11:36,693 ♪ Cast off your sorrows ♪ 353 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,768 ♪ Sing praise with your song ♪ 354 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:44,441 ♪ Always do good deeds ♪ 355 00:11:44,509 --> 00:11:47,949 ♪ Show love to the sick ♪ 356 00:11:47,982 --> 00:11:51,756 ♪ Or you won't get into Heaven ♪ 357 00:11:51,823 --> 00:11:56,065 ♪ You dumb [bleep] ♪ 358 00:11:57,702 --> 00:12:01,141 (cheers and applause) 359 00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:03,647 MICKEY: So the professor says, "It was Kierkegaard," 360 00:12:03,714 --> 00:12:06,553 to which I reply, "Well, at least he didn't let 361 00:12:06,586 --> 00:12:08,991 his Kierkegaard down." 362 00:12:09,057 --> 00:12:10,260 (laughter) 363 00:12:10,293 --> 00:12:13,132 Um, I-I dropped a cherry bomb down the toilet 364 00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:15,003 in seventh grade, and it made water 365 00:12:15,036 --> 00:12:16,806 shoot out of the sink in the girls' bathroom. 366 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,444 Someone could've gotten really hurt. 367 00:12:19,478 --> 00:12:20,848 Uh... 368 00:12:20,915 --> 00:12:22,985 (whispering) Shrub, your tie's crooked. 369 00:12:23,052 --> 00:12:24,722 Yeah, it's sprezzatura, Mickey. 370 00:12:24,756 --> 00:12:26,325 Everybody ready to order? 371 00:12:26,392 --> 00:12:30,868 Yes, um, I will be ordering for the lady and me. 372 00:12:30,935 --> 00:12:34,609 Um, we are gonna have the Kung Pao shrimp, 373 00:12:34,676 --> 00:12:36,011 sweet and sour pork, 374 00:12:36,045 --> 00:12:39,619 an order of spring rolls, and some fried rice, please. 375 00:12:39,686 --> 00:12:41,523 I don't eat any of that. 376 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:45,029 Oh, um... 377 00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:47,868 did you maybe see something you did want or...? 378 00:12:47,902 --> 00:12:49,505 - No. - Maybe we can make you 379 00:12:49,572 --> 00:12:50,273 something special. 380 00:12:50,306 --> 00:12:53,012 Can I have some steamed chicken? 381 00:12:53,079 --> 00:12:54,582 No sauce... 382 00:12:54,616 --> 00:12:56,185 or rice... 383 00:12:56,218 --> 00:12:58,022 or vegetables... 384 00:12:58,089 --> 00:12:59,491 or salt... 385 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:01,395 or anything. 386 00:13:03,432 --> 00:13:05,504 Beth's food issues are so cute. 387 00:13:05,571 --> 00:13:07,040 Um, like, 388 00:13:07,073 --> 00:13:09,912 I don't think I'd ever, ever get tired of this. 389 00:13:09,979 --> 00:13:12,417 So what's the deal with all the riddles, anyway? 390 00:13:12,484 --> 00:13:13,820 Mm, mm. 391 00:13:13,887 --> 00:13:16,225 Even though I love destinations, 392 00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:19,999 my favorite part is the journey to get there. 393 00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:23,439 And so the more fun and winding I can make the trip 394 00:13:23,507 --> 00:13:26,211 to things that I've truly been looking forward to, 395 00:13:26,278 --> 00:13:29,886 the more appreciative I am once I've arrived. 396 00:13:31,756 --> 00:13:34,461 Like tonight. 397 00:13:36,231 --> 00:13:39,004 (speaking Chinese) 398 00:13:39,071 --> 00:13:41,543 - Oh, my God. - BETH: Wow! 399 00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:43,179 (speaking Chinese) 400 00:13:43,245 --> 00:13:44,515 Oh, uh, Beth. 401 00:13:44,549 --> 00:13:45,918 Uh, do you want to see a trick? 402 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,356 - Okay. - You're gonna love it. 403 00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,896 Just one sec. 404 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:56,205 Oh, uh, does anyone have a dollar I can borrow? 405 00:13:56,271 --> 00:13:58,342 - Mm-mm. - I don't have any money. 406 00:13:58,376 --> 00:14:01,215 I only use plastic, my bro. Paper money is filthy. 407 00:14:01,248 --> 00:14:04,421 Thank you for nothing, Mickey. I will use my 20. 408 00:14:05,958 --> 00:14:08,429 Now you see it... 409 00:14:10,768 --> 00:14:12,237 - Now you don't. - (gasps) 410 00:14:12,303 --> 00:14:13,139 - Ah! - Ha. 411 00:14:13,205 --> 00:14:14,876 - Pretty cool, huh? - Wow. 412 00:14:14,942 --> 00:14:16,646 - SHRUB: Yeah. - That's amazing! 413 00:14:16,713 --> 00:14:17,882 Yeah. 414 00:14:17,948 --> 00:14:19,519 Make it reappear. 415 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,900 One sec. 416 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,706 Well, hey, I say good riddance 417 00:14:29,739 --> 00:14:31,710 to that germ-covered Jackson, right? 418 00:14:31,743 --> 00:14:33,914 Remember when you taught me how to make 419 00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,251 animals out of napkins? 420 00:14:37,253 --> 00:14:38,523 Wha-- 421 00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:41,996 Yeah, um, Mickey's always try-- asking me to teach him things. 422 00:14:42,063 --> 00:14:44,736 Like when you taught me how to make a dog. 423 00:14:44,769 --> 00:14:46,238 (chuckles) 424 00:14:49,244 --> 00:14:50,914 - And there we go. - (laughter) 425 00:14:50,981 --> 00:14:53,854 - Ruff, ruff, ruff! - That's so cute. 426 00:14:53,887 --> 00:14:55,758 I taught him that. 427 00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:57,026 Oh, now you do one, Shrub. 428 00:14:57,093 --> 00:14:58,697 - What? - Remember when you taught me 429 00:14:58,764 --> 00:14:59,799 how to make a rabbit? 430 00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:02,237 That was fifth grade, dude. 431 00:15:03,673 --> 00:15:05,343 Sure. 432 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,453 That doesn't look like a rabbit. 433 00:15:10,521 --> 00:15:13,760 Yeah, I told Mickey that back then, too. 434 00:15:13,827 --> 00:15:15,363 Uh, but, Shrub, 435 00:15:15,430 --> 00:15:18,269 do you remember when you taught me how to make a monkey? 436 00:15:18,302 --> 00:15:20,006 Flip that around, cut it in half, 437 00:15:20,039 --> 00:15:21,108 and then you come over here, 438 00:15:21,175 --> 00:15:22,812 and then here you go. 439 00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,448 There we go, huh? Right? 440 00:15:24,515 --> 00:15:28,389 - (imitates monkey chattering) - (laughter) 441 00:15:30,092 --> 00:15:32,397 I was trying to help Shrub look good in front of Beth, 442 00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:34,100 because bro code, 443 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,904 but I just can't help being impressive. 444 00:15:35,971 --> 00:15:38,242 Even when I try to underachieve, 445 00:15:38,309 --> 00:15:39,579 I overachieve. 446 00:15:39,645 --> 00:15:42,283 Hey, Mandy, you should really double-knot those laces 447 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,020 so they don't come untied again. 448 00:15:44,054 --> 00:15:48,129 I know how to tie my damn shoes, Mickey. 449 00:15:48,195 --> 00:15:49,699 (whispering) She doesn't. 450 00:15:53,205 --> 00:15:54,542 Okay, and now before our jackpot game, 451 00:15:54,609 --> 00:15:56,546 we have a second treat. 452 00:15:56,579 --> 00:15:58,182 Please welcome to the stage 453 00:15:58,215 --> 00:16:01,355 the Amazing Dylan and his assistant, Kelly. 454 00:16:01,421 --> 00:16:02,992 (applause) 455 00:16:03,058 --> 00:16:05,831 (fanfare playing) 456 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,402 KELLY: I was a bridesmaid at my Aunt Lola's wedding. 457 00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:09,806 She bought me this fancy dress, 458 00:16:09,839 --> 00:16:11,275 but I only wore it once. 459 00:16:11,341 --> 00:16:13,914 But I need to glam up Dylan's act, 460 00:16:13,947 --> 00:16:16,285 and I know I look hot in it. 461 00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:20,661 Wow, you look really great, Kelly! 462 00:16:22,397 --> 00:16:26,573 - Presenting the Pan of Mystery. - Hmm, what are these? 463 00:16:26,639 --> 00:16:27,741 Hmm? 464 00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:29,377 ♪ ♪ 465 00:16:29,444 --> 00:16:30,848 Thank you. 466 00:16:30,914 --> 00:16:32,350 Let's see what's cooking. 467 00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:34,421 ♪ ♪ 468 00:16:34,454 --> 00:16:37,561 (all gasp) 469 00:16:37,628 --> 00:16:41,736 Oh, I think this rabbit stew is a bit undercooked. 470 00:16:41,803 --> 00:16:43,172 (applause) 471 00:16:43,239 --> 00:16:45,343 Thank you, thank you. 472 00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:47,380 (wild laughter) 473 00:16:47,413 --> 00:16:50,219 I'd say this bears investigation. 474 00:16:50,253 --> 00:16:51,856 You never know, might be a story in it. 475 00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:53,492 Okay, let's go. 476 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,229 Hey! Me, who am I? 477 00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:56,799 Swear to God, Mickey. Swear to God. 478 00:16:56,833 --> 00:16:59,237 Anyone care to guess what this majestic creature is? 479 00:16:59,271 --> 00:17:00,908 Yeah, a [bleep] napkin, Mickey, 480 00:17:00,974 --> 00:17:02,645 that normal people use to wipe their mouths 481 00:17:02,711 --> 00:17:04,515 when they're out on a date, 482 00:17:04,549 --> 00:17:06,184 with only two people, because that's how many people 483 00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:08,289 are supposed to be on a date! 484 00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:10,126 God! 485 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,234 A flamingo. 486 00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,271 Correct, sir. Hold on. 487 00:17:16,338 --> 00:17:18,342 Aren't you the editor of the Pockton Gazette? 488 00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:21,950 (crowd murmuring 489 00:17:22,016 --> 00:17:23,118 Uh, yep, yep. 490 00:17:23,152 --> 00:17:25,624 But not here on Pockton business. 491 00:17:25,691 --> 00:17:28,295 Just having a-a night out 492 00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:31,502 with my, uh--my good friend and colleague. 493 00:17:31,569 --> 00:17:33,807 (crowd murmuring) 494 00:17:33,873 --> 00:17:36,278 And abracadabra! 495 00:17:36,345 --> 00:17:37,781 (thunk) 496 00:17:37,815 --> 00:17:39,317 (applause) 497 00:17:39,384 --> 00:17:42,023 Thank you. Thank you. 498 00:17:42,056 --> 00:17:43,325 And for my final trick, 499 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:45,296 I shall enthrall and amaze you 500 00:17:45,329 --> 00:17:47,801 with the Zig Zag Lady! 501 00:17:47,835 --> 00:17:50,507 Ooh! 502 00:17:50,574 --> 00:17:53,780 (Toto's "Hold the Line" playing) 503 00:17:53,847 --> 00:18:00,426 ♪ ♪ 504 00:18:07,942 --> 00:18:08,944 (fabric rips) 505 00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:10,212 Uh, wait, uh... 506 00:18:10,246 --> 00:18:11,348 it's caught. The blade is caught 507 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:12,618 on my dress a little bit. 508 00:18:12,651 --> 00:18:15,222 Now you know why I don't wear dresses. 509 00:18:15,256 --> 00:18:17,160 (fabric ripping) 510 00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,297 - (straining) - Ow! 511 00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:22,236 I'm totally cut in half! Uh-oh! 512 00:18:22,303 --> 00:18:23,339 - (fabric rips) - Wait. I'm sorry. 513 00:18:23,405 --> 00:18:24,675 It's the dress, it's the dress. 514 00:18:24,742 --> 00:18:26,178 Okay, it's okay. It's okay. 515 00:18:26,211 --> 00:18:27,480 I'm good with it. Oh. 516 00:18:27,548 --> 00:18:29,184 I'm just gonna--I'm gonna put this through again. 517 00:18:29,217 --> 00:18:31,355 (fabric ripping) 518 00:18:31,388 --> 00:18:34,829 Ah! I'm cut in half again! 519 00:18:34,895 --> 00:18:36,966 ♪ ♪ 520 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,705 (fabric ripping) 521 00:18:41,909 --> 00:18:43,045 Ta-da! 522 00:18:43,212 --> 00:18:46,986 Also, my Aunt Lola's marriage only lasted, like, four months, 523 00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:49,525 so pretty sure the dress is bad luck. 524 00:18:49,558 --> 00:18:52,263 (sighs) Miscalculation on my part. 525 00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:54,167 I got ya. Let me help, let me help. 526 00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:56,238 - Three, two, one. - (both straining) 527 00:18:56,271 --> 00:18:57,440 You guys and your soft hands haven't done 528 00:18:57,508 --> 00:18:59,311 an honest day's work in your life. 529 00:18:59,377 --> 00:19:01,281 - Out of my way! - (creaking) 530 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:02,718 Oh, my God, they're gonna break it. 531 00:19:02,785 --> 00:19:06,124 - Oh, my God! - (all gasping) 532 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:10,534 Showbiz! 533 00:19:11,869 --> 00:19:13,305 Oh, jeez. 534 00:19:13,372 --> 00:19:15,276 It was great spending all that time with Dylan. 535 00:19:15,309 --> 00:19:16,679 But I think being the magician 536 00:19:16,713 --> 00:19:19,384 is more fun than the assistant, so... 537 00:19:19,417 --> 00:19:21,656 I don't think I'll do it again, 538 00:19:21,689 --> 00:19:25,964 mostly because I'm pretty sure Nadine won't let me. 539 00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:29,605 No, I probably wouldn't use Kelly as my assistant again. 540 00:19:29,672 --> 00:19:32,678 Nadine would be way better at it anyway. 541 00:19:32,745 --> 00:19:34,414 But can't do it together, 542 00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:36,218 because we got rid of all his magic stuff. 543 00:19:36,284 --> 00:19:38,288 Not gonna need it. 544 00:19:41,529 --> 00:19:42,965 Well... 545 00:19:43,032 --> 00:19:45,036 I'm sorry about the crappy evening. 546 00:19:45,069 --> 00:19:47,206 I had a really nice time. 547 00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:48,610 And it was nice of you 548 00:19:48,676 --> 00:19:50,514 to let Mickey and his grandma sit with us. 549 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,785 But you were right, it should have just been 550 00:19:52,851 --> 00:19:54,822 you and me. 551 00:19:56,926 --> 00:19:59,064 Can I give that food to my sisters? 552 00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:00,399 Oh, would they eat it? 553 00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,270 Yeah, they'll eat anything. 554 00:20:04,909 --> 00:20:06,646 Well, thanks. 555 00:20:06,713 --> 00:20:07,981 (clears throat) 556 00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:10,520 Bye. 557 00:20:10,587 --> 00:20:13,660 (door closes) 558 00:20:13,727 --> 00:20:16,064 You don't think anyone's gonna give me a hard time 559 00:20:16,098 --> 00:20:18,435 about being seen with you, do you? 560 00:20:18,469 --> 00:20:20,439 Hey, as long as you get more eyes on your paper, 561 00:20:20,507 --> 00:20:22,143 who cares? 562 00:20:22,210 --> 00:20:24,447 Oh, here I am. 563 00:20:24,481 --> 00:20:27,220 (chuckles) So... 564 00:20:27,253 --> 00:20:30,326 what's red and drawing 565 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,798 all of my attention to your face? 566 00:20:34,502 --> 00:20:35,971 My lips? 567 00:20:42,216 --> 00:20:44,220 - Duck sauce. - Oh. 568 00:20:44,254 --> 00:20:46,324 (chuckles) That's-- 569 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,197 Oh. 570 00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:50,967 And your lips. 571 00:20:51,034 --> 00:20:54,140 (giggles) Well, worked for both, yeah. 572 00:20:54,207 --> 00:20:55,376 (chuckles) 573 00:20:55,409 --> 00:20:57,981 - Good night. - Good night. 574 00:21:04,194 --> 00:21:06,264 So, yeah, we had to pay Murray back 575 00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,402 for breaking his Zig Zag box, 576 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,705 so I got people to come to his show 577 00:21:09,738 --> 00:21:10,640 for ten bucks a pop. 578 00:21:10,707 --> 00:21:12,744 And now with the help of my assistant, 579 00:21:12,778 --> 00:21:16,151 I shall mystify you with the Genii Box! 580 00:21:16,218 --> 00:21:17,521 (applause) 581 00:21:17,554 --> 00:21:18,890 KELLY: Gonna have to do 582 00:21:18,923 --> 00:21:20,527 more shows, though, 'cause that stupid thing's 583 00:21:20,594 --> 00:21:22,096 - so expensive. - Whoo! 584 00:21:22,163 --> 00:21:24,467 Super interesting, 'cause no one's paying for my bruises 585 00:21:24,535 --> 00:21:25,637 from falling out of the box, 586 00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:28,142 and my legs are frickin' purple. 587 00:21:28,208 --> 00:21:29,377 Half off, today only! 588 00:21:29,410 --> 00:21:30,881 Watch this, kid. 589 00:21:30,947 --> 00:21:32,784 Oh! Oh! Oh! 590 00:21:32,851 --> 00:21:35,422 (laughs) Showbiz!