1 00:00:00,909 --> 00:00:02,041 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:02,110 --> 00:00:04,613 [bright tone] 4 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:09,382 [slow percussive music] 5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 6 00:00:09,451 --> 00:00:13,289 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:25,801 --> 00:00:27,534 - I made my famous lemon squares. 8 00:00:27,603 --> 00:00:28,802 - You did? 9 00:00:28,871 --> 00:00:30,136 Oh, my goodness. - Oh, my gosh. What? 10 00:00:30,205 --> 00:00:31,337 - And he bakes? - Oh, my God. 11 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,773 - Mmm, damn, these are so good. 12 00:00:33,842 --> 00:00:36,008 - These are amazing. - Mmm, mmm. 13 00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:38,345 What is the secret ingredient? - Lemon. 14 00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:39,913 - [laughs] 15 00:00:39,982 --> 00:00:41,481 - Let's go kill it out there, right? 16 00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:42,510 - Mmm. - Yeah. 17 00:00:42,579 --> 00:00:46,720 [cheers and applause] 18 00:00:46,789 --> 00:00:49,689 [mellow music] 19 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:56,732 ♪ ♪ 20 00:00:59,467 --> 00:01:02,535 - Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage 21 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:09,041 John Early! 22 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:12,181 [cheers and applause] 23 00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:21,420 - ♪ Tell you what I did last night ♪ 24 00:01:21,489 --> 00:01:25,124 ♪ I came home, say, around a quarter to 3:00 ♪ 25 00:01:25,192 --> 00:01:29,295 ♪ Still so high, hypnotized ♪ 26 00:01:29,364 --> 00:01:31,898 ♪ In a trance from this body ♪ 27 00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:36,369 ♪ So buttery brown and tantalizing ♪ 28 00:01:36,438 --> 00:01:38,271 ♪ You would have thought I needed help ♪ 29 00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:40,373 ♪ From this feeling that I felt ♪ 30 00:01:40,442 --> 00:01:43,575 ♪ So shook, I had to catch my breath ♪ 31 00:01:43,644 --> 00:01:48,047 ♪ Ooh, there goes my shirt up over my head ♪ 32 00:01:48,116 --> 00:01:49,881 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 33 00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:54,588 ♪ Ooh, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet ♪ 34 00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:56,388 ♪ Oh, my, oh, my ♪ 35 00:01:56,457 --> 00:02:00,893 ♪ Ooh, some kind of touch caressin' my legs ♪ 36 00:02:00,962 --> 00:02:02,695 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 37 00:02:02,764 --> 00:02:08,567 ♪ Ooh, I'm turnin' red, who could this be? ♪ 38 00:02:08,636 --> 00:02:11,637 ♪ I looked over to the left, mm ♪ 39 00:02:11,706 --> 00:02:15,140 ♪ I was lookin' so good, I couldn't reject myself ♪ 40 00:02:15,209 --> 00:02:18,105 ♪ I looked over to the left, mm ♪ 41 00:02:18,174 --> 00:02:21,446 ♪ I was feeling so good, I had to touch myself ♪ 42 00:02:21,515 --> 00:02:25,079 ♪ I looked over to the left, oh ♪ 43 00:02:25,148 --> 00:02:28,120 ♪ I was eyein' my thighs, butter-pecan brown ♪ 44 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:31,357 ♪ I looked over to the left, ow ♪ 45 00:02:31,426 --> 00:02:35,055 ♪ Comin' out of my shirt, and then my skirt came down ♪ 46 00:02:35,124 --> 00:02:39,565 ♪ Ooh, there goes my shirt up over my head ♪ 47 00:02:39,634 --> 00:02:41,333 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 48 00:02:41,402 --> 00:02:45,738 ♪ Ooh, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet ♪ 49 00:02:45,807 --> 00:02:47,472 ♪ Oh, my, unh ♪ 50 00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:52,245 ♪ Ooh, some kind of touch caressin' my legs ♪ 51 00:02:52,314 --> 00:02:53,880 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 52 00:02:53,949 --> 00:02:59,488 ♪ Ooh, I'm turnin' red, who could this be? ♪ 53 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:01,855 ♪ Ooh ♪ 54 00:03:01,924 --> 00:03:03,756 Hello, Brooklyn. 55 00:03:03,825 --> 00:03:08,027 [cheers and applause] 56 00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:10,329 It's so nice to be back in the borough 57 00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:14,233 of my wasted sexual prime. 58 00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:16,335 Check, check. Check, check, one, two. 59 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,971 You guys can hear me, right? 60 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,472 Check, check. 61 00:03:19,541 --> 00:03:22,979 I just want to make sure this is amplifying queer voices. 62 00:03:26,314 --> 00:03:29,215 My name is John Early, and I solemnly swear 63 00:03:29,284 --> 00:03:31,384 to make you feel so good tonight. 64 00:03:31,453 --> 00:03:35,689 [cheers and applause] 65 00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:38,023 I will drain you... 66 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,360 like a public pool 67 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:45,297 after a kid's taken a shit in it. 68 00:03:45,366 --> 00:03:50,002 ♪ Ooh, there goes my shirt up over my head ♪ 69 00:03:50,071 --> 00:03:52,266 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 70 00:03:52,335 --> 00:03:56,175 ♪ Ooh, there goes my skirt droppin' to my knees ♪ 71 00:03:56,244 --> 00:03:58,277 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 72 00:03:58,346 --> 00:04:02,815 ♪ Ooh, some kind of touch caressin' my legs ♪ 73 00:04:02,884 --> 00:04:04,417 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 74 00:04:04,486 --> 00:04:10,026 ♪ Ooh, I'm turnin' red, who could this be? ♪ 75 00:04:11,192 --> 00:04:14,861 [imitates explosion] 76 00:04:14,930 --> 00:04:17,833 [cheers and applause] 77 00:04:33,514 --> 00:04:37,249 Make some noise for John Early and The Lemon Squares! 78 00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:41,653 [cheers and applause] 79 00:04:41,722 --> 00:04:45,061 You're damn right we got the drumhead. 80 00:04:46,395 --> 00:04:48,027 It's official. 81 00:04:48,096 --> 00:04:50,196 Can you believe this band? 82 00:04:50,265 --> 00:04:53,167 [mellow music] 83 00:04:53,236 --> 00:05:00,376 ♪ ♪ 84 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,584 [indistinct chatter] 85 00:05:10,653 --> 00:05:17,023 ♪ ♪ 86 00:05:17,092 --> 00:05:19,428 - All right, guys, let's circle up for a prayer. 87 00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,631 Will. 88 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,468 - Sorry, John. 89 00:05:27,770 --> 00:05:29,301 - Dear God, 90 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:32,171 you know, it's easy to dismiss comedy 91 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:36,142 as purely silly or as just escapism. 92 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,177 But what we do up there tonight 93 00:05:38,246 --> 00:05:41,080 has the power to change lives. 94 00:05:41,149 --> 00:05:45,145 Just today, a little girl came up to me on the street, 95 00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:48,354 and she told me that my videos and stuff 96 00:05:48,423 --> 00:05:50,523 had given her the courage to come out 97 00:05:50,592 --> 00:05:53,593 to her entire family. 98 00:05:53,662 --> 00:05:55,995 And... 99 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,967 that little girl was me. 100 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,139 That little girl was me. 101 00:06:04,506 --> 00:06:06,142 - Wait, what? 102 00:06:07,275 --> 00:06:09,008 - Yeah, I'm actually confused, too. 103 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,476 One more thing. 104 00:06:10,545 --> 00:06:12,711 I promise, one more thing, and we're gonna get started. 105 00:06:12,780 --> 00:06:15,581 And they're gonna hate me for saying anything at all 106 00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:17,083 because they're very shy, 107 00:06:17,152 --> 00:06:20,352 but my parents are here tonight. 108 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:24,557 [cheers and applause] 109 00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:26,225 And it's really sweet. 110 00:06:26,294 --> 00:06:28,394 And I just-- it's so sweet to me, 111 00:06:28,463 --> 00:06:30,129 and I just want to acknowledge it. 112 00:06:30,198 --> 00:06:32,198 And I promise not to call any more attention to them, 113 00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,700 because they're very, 114 00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:37,036 you know, modest and Presbyterian. 115 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,707 But, yeah. But... 116 00:06:40,341 --> 00:06:43,275 [imitates explosion] 117 00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:46,449 [cheers and applause] 118 00:06:56,158 --> 00:06:58,490 Everybody get a real good look 119 00:06:58,559 --> 00:07:01,730 at my stupid fucking parents. 120 00:07:05,067 --> 00:07:09,205 What's it like being under the spotlight for once? 121 00:07:10,404 --> 00:07:12,505 It feels nice, right? 122 00:07:12,574 --> 00:07:14,941 Well, it's hell for me. 123 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:18,144 I have to live with that every day. 124 00:07:18,213 --> 00:07:22,348 And, guys, it can all go away in a heartbeat. 125 00:07:22,417 --> 00:07:25,585 Release. 126 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:28,157 [cheers and applause] 127 00:07:30,191 --> 00:07:32,061 Fuck you. 128 00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:41,604 I hated growing up. 129 00:07:48,811 --> 00:07:49,913 Okay. 130 00:07:52,308 --> 00:07:54,914 We're gonna start the show. Okay. 131 00:07:54,983 --> 00:07:55,919 All right. 132 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,786 If we look back... 133 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,258 at the "Access Hollywood" tapes... 134 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:07,293 Not so bad. 135 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,829 If we look back soberly, 136 00:08:09,898 --> 00:08:11,730 after stuff has died down just a little bit, 137 00:08:11,799 --> 00:08:14,834 you know, he sounds less predatory in retrospect 138 00:08:14,903 --> 00:08:18,503 and maybe a little more just like someone... 139 00:08:18,572 --> 00:08:21,635 who's terrified of sex, you know? 140 00:08:21,704 --> 00:08:24,911 Like, I think if we're really being honest with ourselves, 141 00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:29,781 like, Trump is just not a sensual person. 142 00:08:29,850 --> 00:08:33,487 Like, I guess it sounded like "locker room talk," 143 00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,521 in that it sounded like me 144 00:08:35,590 --> 00:08:39,058 at age 12 in the locker room... 145 00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,327 trying to convince a group of straight guys 146 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,132 that I "like Lizzie." 147 00:08:44,994 --> 00:08:46,669 You know, like... 148 00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:56,145 You just grab 'em by the pussy. 149 00:09:01,517 --> 00:09:03,149 Right? 150 00:09:03,218 --> 00:09:04,653 Right? 151 00:09:12,727 --> 00:09:14,998 I moved on her like a bitch. 152 00:09:28,209 --> 00:09:30,176 These are direct quotes. 153 00:09:30,245 --> 00:09:32,512 And my favorite of all time-- my favorite of all time is... 154 00:09:32,581 --> 00:09:34,146 [clears throats] 155 00:09:34,215 --> 00:09:38,187 I better get some Tic Tacs in case I start kissing her. 156 00:09:49,197 --> 00:09:52,532 One of my least favorite pieces of advice 157 00:09:52,601 --> 00:09:55,535 is "be yourself." 158 00:09:55,604 --> 00:09:57,736 And here's why. 159 00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:02,208 If there are eight billion people on this planet, okay-- 160 00:10:02,277 --> 00:10:06,312 eight billion apparently unique individuals 161 00:10:06,381 --> 00:10:10,182 with some sort of authentic self lurking within-- 162 00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:12,651 then being yourself should technically look 163 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,155 about 8 billion different ways, right? 164 00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:18,190 But when someone tells you to be yourself, 165 00:10:18,259 --> 00:10:20,727 they want one thing, and they want one thing only, 166 00:10:20,796 --> 00:10:22,398 and it's this. 167 00:10:30,939 --> 00:10:33,606 There's a monopoly on the tone 168 00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:34,940 of being yourself, right? 169 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,443 Like, everyone always wants this. 170 00:10:36,512 --> 00:10:37,713 They want this. 171 00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:50,960 So corny. 172 00:10:52,994 --> 00:10:54,960 Another piece of advice that I hate 173 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,529 is "a watched pot never boils"... 174 00:10:57,598 --> 00:10:59,832 but specifically in the romantic sense, 175 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,700 you know, when people are like, 176 00:11:01,769 --> 00:11:05,871 "The second you stop looking, he'll come." 177 00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:08,111 "Don't look, then he'll come," you know? 178 00:11:09,977 --> 00:11:13,745 Because if the end goal of not looking, stopping looking 179 00:11:13,814 --> 00:11:17,616 is still just to find someone, that he'll come, 180 00:11:17,685 --> 00:11:19,685 then doesn't that make the not looking 181 00:11:19,754 --> 00:11:22,456 just another form of looking? 182 00:11:22,525 --> 00:11:24,590 How do you not look? 183 00:11:24,659 --> 00:11:27,560 How do you not-- how do you not look? 184 00:11:27,629 --> 00:11:28,695 What? 185 00:11:28,764 --> 00:11:32,465 Like, this is me looking for love. 186 00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:34,995 Ready? This is me looking for love. 187 00:11:35,064 --> 00:11:36,305 That was it. 188 00:11:37,973 --> 00:11:41,207 Because we're all constantly looking for love. 189 00:11:41,275 --> 00:11:42,975 Now this is me-- 190 00:11:43,044 --> 00:11:45,011 this is me not looking for love, okay? 191 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,216 This is me not looking for love. 192 00:11:51,986 --> 00:11:55,021 It's impossible is what I'm trying to say. 193 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:56,689 You know, what am I supposed to do 194 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:57,924 on the way to get coffee? 195 00:11:57,993 --> 00:12:01,794 I'm supposed to, like, rock a messy bun 196 00:12:01,863 --> 00:12:03,896 and wear a shapeless baggy T 197 00:12:03,965 --> 00:12:08,067 that's like, "zero fucks given." 198 00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:11,137 [nasal voice] I'm not looking. I'm not looking. 199 00:12:11,206 --> 00:12:12,438 I'm not looking! 200 00:12:12,507 --> 00:12:15,507 [normal voice] And then, boom, it's the barista. 201 00:12:15,576 --> 00:12:17,744 But I hate when people are like, 202 00:12:17,813 --> 00:12:19,478 "Just pour yourself into your work. 203 00:12:19,547 --> 00:12:21,915 Just throw yourself into your work, and then it'll come." 204 00:12:21,984 --> 00:12:24,117 You know, it's like, I'm an actor. 205 00:12:24,186 --> 00:12:27,354 Like, the more I'm working, the more I'm looking for love. 206 00:12:27,423 --> 00:12:28,921 You know? 207 00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:31,524 Like, what am I supposed to do, turn to ceramics? 208 00:12:31,593 --> 00:12:35,761 I become obsessed with, like, working with my hands. 209 00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:39,265 I start making, like, folk art. 210 00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:42,068 I'm like, can someone help me move my sculpture? 211 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,704 It's of a man, but he's made of different guitar parts. 212 00:12:44,773 --> 00:12:46,910 I'm John. 213 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:57,917 Hi. [chuckles] 214 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,089 This is crazy. [chuckles] 215 00:13:02,591 --> 00:13:04,591 [soft ethereal music] 216 00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:06,560 [indistinct chatter] 217 00:13:06,629 --> 00:13:13,569 ♪ ♪ 218 00:13:15,136 --> 00:13:17,637 both: ♪ Ah, ooh ♪ - Hey, Dom, Princess. 219 00:13:17,706 --> 00:13:18,804 - Yeah? - Hey. 220 00:13:18,873 --> 00:13:20,240 - Do you mind scooting back for me a little bit? 221 00:13:20,309 --> 00:13:21,140 - Oh, sure. 222 00:13:21,209 --> 00:13:22,675 - Of course. How's this? 223 00:13:22,744 --> 00:13:23,843 - Keep going back, actually. 224 00:13:23,912 --> 00:13:25,911 - Oh, okay. - Keep going. 225 00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:26,980 Yeah, don't stop till you feel 226 00:13:27,049 --> 00:13:28,448 that curtain in front of you, okay? 227 00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:29,581 - Oh. 228 00:13:29,650 --> 00:13:30,950 - Keep scooching. Keep scooching. 229 00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,352 - Okay. - Keep scooching. 230 00:13:32,421 --> 00:13:33,653 - Uh... 231 00:13:33,722 --> 00:13:35,521 - Yeah. - Right? 232 00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:37,223 - That's pretty good. - Yeah. 233 00:13:37,292 --> 00:13:39,759 So, Yazan, if you can scooch stage right for me. 234 00:13:39,828 --> 00:13:42,995 And, Drew, can you scooch stage left? 235 00:13:43,064 --> 00:13:45,625 Oh, Yazan, stage right is your right. 236 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:47,833 That's okay, sweetie. Keep scooching. 237 00:13:47,902 --> 00:13:49,969 Keep scooching. Keep scooching, both y'all. 238 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,904 Keep scooching. Keep scooching. 239 00:13:51,973 --> 00:13:53,606 Keep scooching. 240 00:13:53,675 --> 00:13:54,874 Yeah, keep scooching. 241 00:13:54,943 --> 00:13:56,142 - I'm at the top of the steps. 242 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:59,144 - Well, then scooch on down those steps. 243 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,213 Keep scooching. Keep scooching. 244 00:14:01,282 --> 00:14:03,549 Keep scooching. Keep scooching. 245 00:14:03,618 --> 00:14:05,251 Oh, okay, see how Drew is in that, 246 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,654 like, moody kind of shadowy light? 247 00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:09,054 Let's lock that in. 248 00:14:09,123 --> 00:14:10,459 Evan, let's lock that in. 249 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,827 Okay, so, Hess and Will, 250 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:17,730 can y'all hunch for me? 251 00:14:17,799 --> 00:14:18,832 Hunch. 252 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,700 Yeah, yeah, keep hunching. 253 00:14:20,769 --> 00:14:22,536 Keep hunching. Keep hunching. 254 00:14:22,605 --> 00:14:24,564 Keep hunching. Keep hunching. 255 00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:27,740 Keep hunching. Keep-- Okay, yeah. 256 00:14:27,809 --> 00:14:31,010 See, so this feels dynamic to me. 257 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,479 Right? - I--yeah. 258 00:14:33,548 --> 00:14:34,847 I agree. 259 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,484 [mellow music playing] 260 00:14:37,553 --> 00:14:39,188 - Um... 261 00:14:40,822 --> 00:14:43,492 Sometimes anal is so good. 262 00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:50,366 [imitates explosion] 263 00:14:55,070 --> 00:14:58,041 Buckle up, guys. This is a long joke. 264 00:14:59,641 --> 00:15:00,940 And yeah, 265 00:15:01,009 --> 00:15:04,213 unfortunately for you, I'm a sexual being. 266 00:15:05,648 --> 00:15:07,550 Release. 267 00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:17,691 I'm so sorry about them, you guys. 268 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,225 I literally didn't want them here. 269 00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:21,926 Like, I wanted it to be just us. 270 00:15:37,112 --> 00:15:40,747 Sometimes anal is so good. 271 00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:43,482 It's so good that it makes me wonder-- 272 00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:48,220 it makes me think, like, it's not just some hack. 273 00:15:48,289 --> 00:15:51,023 [laughs] Like, sometimes it's so good, 274 00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:54,661 I'm like, oh, it wasn't just some, like, "sex hack" 275 00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:58,464 invented by homosexuals, like... 276 00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:02,167 300 million years ago or whatever. 277 00:16:02,236 --> 00:16:04,003 Sometimes it's so good that I start to wonder 278 00:16:04,072 --> 00:16:07,106 if, like, the original purpose of the anus 279 00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,709 was to be a sex organ, 280 00:16:09,778 --> 00:16:13,680 and that the... shitting--sorry-- 281 00:16:13,749 --> 00:16:16,285 is just some weird error... 282 00:16:17,886 --> 00:16:21,854 That we have yet to phase out... 283 00:16:21,923 --> 00:16:24,293 like the appendix, you know? 284 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,161 I think what I'm trying to say, like, on a science level-- 285 00:16:29,230 --> 00:16:31,998 because in this house, 286 00:16:32,067 --> 00:16:34,770 oh, we believe in science-- 287 00:16:38,568 --> 00:16:40,840 If the anus is, in fact, 288 00:16:40,909 --> 00:16:42,903 a highly functioning sex organ, 289 00:16:42,972 --> 00:16:45,244 like any highly functioning part of the body, 290 00:16:45,313 --> 00:16:48,515 it got that way because of the long, intricate process 291 00:16:48,584 --> 00:16:50,215 of evolution. 292 00:16:50,284 --> 00:16:52,952 So I think what I'm trying to say is-- 293 00:16:53,021 --> 00:16:54,520 I think-- 294 00:16:54,589 --> 00:16:58,958 the people who weren't having anal 295 00:16:59,027 --> 00:17:00,629 died off. 296 00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,731 One of my favorite parts about being gay 297 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,269 is when I'm no more than three words into a story 298 00:17:10,338 --> 00:17:13,742 and the person across from me is like, "I can't." 299 00:17:24,786 --> 00:17:27,690 [cheers and applause] 300 00:17:31,154 --> 00:17:32,859 It's like, "How are you, John?" "I'm pretty good." 301 00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:34,363 "I can't with you." 302 00:17:42,904 --> 00:17:45,505 Where'd she go? 303 00:17:45,574 --> 00:17:47,173 "You're insane." 304 00:17:47,242 --> 00:17:48,344 "What?" [chuckles] 305 00:17:50,711 --> 00:17:54,108 Something I love to do, and you guys can do this, too, 306 00:17:54,177 --> 00:17:58,387 is when someone describes their apartment as prewar... 307 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,421 I'll go, "Name that war. 308 00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:04,456 "Five, four, three, two, one. 309 00:18:04,525 --> 00:18:07,359 "I'll circle back to ten, nine, eight, seven, six. 310 00:18:07,428 --> 00:18:09,128 "Name that war in five, in four, 311 00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:10,930 "and name that war in three, in two, 312 00:18:10,999 --> 00:18:12,401 and name that war in one." 313 00:18:17,867 --> 00:18:20,639 And they can never name the war. 314 00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:23,879 They do not know the war of which they speak. 315 00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:28,613 But neither would any of us, you know? 316 00:18:28,682 --> 00:18:31,383 I mean, really, like, none of us here 317 00:18:31,452 --> 00:18:34,257 know anything of war, right? 318 00:18:35,757 --> 00:18:40,226 I guess the only war any of us can really speak to... 319 00:18:40,295 --> 00:18:41,897 the streaming wars. 320 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,735 Which side are you on? 321 00:18:48,804 --> 00:18:52,475 I enlisted at HBO Max. 322 00:18:54,776 --> 00:18:57,677 [mellow music] 323 00:18:57,746 --> 00:18:58,844 ♪ ♪ 324 00:18:58,913 --> 00:19:01,013 - John, you better eat something before the show. 325 00:19:01,082 --> 00:19:02,614 - Yeah. You got to get your energy up. 326 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,784 - Yeah, John. You didn't eat any lunch, man. 327 00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:06,847 It's no joke. 328 00:19:06,916 --> 00:19:09,926 - I guess I'm just not that hungry. 329 00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:15,694 Whoa. 330 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:18,497 - John, seriously, you got to get you some protein. 331 00:19:18,566 --> 00:19:20,432 - Thank you, sweetie, but I'm totally-- 332 00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:23,168 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 333 00:19:23,237 --> 00:19:24,837 Oh, my God. 334 00:19:24,906 --> 00:19:26,840 Thank you, guys. Here I go. 335 00:19:26,909 --> 00:19:28,711 Here I go. Okay. 336 00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:33,513 - Oh, my God. Okay, Okay. 337 00:19:33,582 --> 00:19:36,048 - All right. 338 00:19:36,117 --> 00:19:37,617 - Watch your head. Watch your head. 339 00:19:37,686 --> 00:19:39,151 - Thank you. 340 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,954 - You okay, buddy? 341 00:19:41,023 --> 00:19:42,822 - Yeah. 342 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,627 Thanks to you guys. 343 00:19:46,161 --> 00:19:48,794 - Want something to eat, pal? 344 00:19:48,863 --> 00:19:50,597 - No. 345 00:19:50,666 --> 00:19:51,968 Still no. 346 00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:56,768 - Some water? - Even that, no. 347 00:19:56,837 --> 00:20:00,339 How do you let your boyfriend go to therapy? 348 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,707 And I don't mean in general. 349 00:20:02,776 --> 00:20:07,313 I mean, how do you let them walk out of the front door? 350 00:20:07,382 --> 00:20:09,982 Like, "Where are you going? Oh, therapy. Cool." 351 00:20:10,051 --> 00:20:11,117 And, like... 352 00:20:11,186 --> 00:20:13,887 "Oh, therapy, yeah, yeah. Have fun." 353 00:20:13,956 --> 00:20:16,355 Like... 354 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:20,159 they're 100% ripping you 355 00:20:20,228 --> 00:20:22,365 to shreds... 356 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:30,006 with the help of a licensed professional, hunty. 357 00:20:31,506 --> 00:20:35,508 It's them and someone with a master's degree 358 00:20:35,577 --> 00:20:38,681 taking a blacklight to your personality. 359 00:20:45,085 --> 00:20:48,420 That's why whenever I knew my boyfriend had an appointment, 360 00:20:48,489 --> 00:20:50,189 like, had a session that day, I'd be like, 361 00:20:50,258 --> 00:20:53,029 "Breakfast in bed!" 362 00:20:54,430 --> 00:20:57,566 [laughs awkwardly] 363 00:21:05,268 --> 00:21:07,173 [sighs] You guys, I think just with everything 364 00:21:07,242 --> 00:21:09,675 that's going on in the world right now, 365 00:21:09,744 --> 00:21:12,044 we should do some Britney, right? 366 00:21:12,113 --> 00:21:14,642 [cheers and applause] 367 00:21:14,711 --> 00:21:15,881 Let's do Britney. 368 00:21:15,950 --> 00:21:17,350 Yeah, okay. 369 00:21:17,419 --> 00:21:18,350 Let's do Britney. 370 00:21:18,419 --> 00:21:20,887 Okay, so here's the deal. 371 00:21:20,956 --> 00:21:22,321 I'm going to take a request, 372 00:21:22,390 --> 00:21:26,625 but I need order in the fucking court. 373 00:21:26,694 --> 00:21:29,361 We have her whole catalog ready to go. 374 00:21:29,430 --> 00:21:31,163 It might take a second to lock it in, 375 00:21:31,232 --> 00:21:33,465 but I just need, like, one request. 376 00:21:33,534 --> 00:21:35,235 Oh, yes, pick a Britney song you love. 377 00:21:35,304 --> 00:21:36,569 - "Lucky." 378 00:21:36,638 --> 00:21:38,537 - Any Britney song you want to hear. 379 00:21:38,606 --> 00:21:40,673 Any Britney-- [babbles] bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. 380 00:21:40,742 --> 00:21:42,141 Any Britney song you want to hear. 381 00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:43,608 - "Hold It Against Me." 382 00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:46,449 - And I said-- it was a really simple prompt. 383 00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:50,349 I literally said, pick-- [audience shouts] 384 00:21:50,418 --> 00:21:52,685 Ah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. - "Toxic"! 385 00:21:52,754 --> 00:21:53,886 - Shh! 386 00:21:53,955 --> 00:21:56,121 I said--I quite simply said any Britney song 387 00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,757 you want to hear. Yes. 388 00:21:57,826 --> 00:21:58,924 - "Toxic." 389 00:21:58,993 --> 00:22:01,995 - [sighs] Okay, so third album, third single. 390 00:22:02,064 --> 00:22:05,664 Third album, third single. 391 00:22:05,733 --> 00:22:07,534 Third album, third single. Who wants to pick? 392 00:22:07,603 --> 00:22:09,102 Yeah? - "Circus." 393 00:22:09,171 --> 00:22:10,904 - [sighs] 394 00:22:10,973 --> 00:22:12,471 It's just funny 'cause that's probably, 395 00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:15,440 like, the fifth, sixth album. 396 00:22:15,509 --> 00:22:18,210 So, when I say third album... 397 00:22:18,279 --> 00:22:20,649 [laughing] I just have to laugh. 398 00:22:22,150 --> 00:22:23,950 You know? 399 00:22:24,019 --> 00:22:26,453 You know? 400 00:22:26,522 --> 00:22:28,791 I'm just up here laughing. 401 00:22:31,159 --> 00:22:32,759 Third album, third single. 402 00:22:32,828 --> 00:22:34,193 [audience shouts] 403 00:22:34,262 --> 00:22:35,427 - "Stronger." 404 00:22:35,496 --> 00:22:38,264 - Oh, that's the second album. 405 00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:39,732 - "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman." 406 00:22:39,801 --> 00:22:43,069 - Okay, we're closer. We're at the third album. 407 00:22:43,138 --> 00:22:44,403 That was the second single. 408 00:22:44,472 --> 00:22:46,873 - Okay, that's what I thought. - "In the Zone"! 409 00:22:46,942 --> 00:22:49,837 - "Overprotected"! - Let's do "Overprotected." 410 00:22:49,906 --> 00:22:52,812 [cheers and applause] 411 00:22:52,881 --> 00:22:55,214 Do we have that? Do we have "Overprotected"? 412 00:22:55,283 --> 00:22:57,149 ♪ 'Cause my life has been-- ♪ Yeah. 413 00:22:57,218 --> 00:23:00,219 ♪ Overprotected ♪ Yeah, yeah. 414 00:23:00,288 --> 00:23:02,255 [sighs] Okay, thank you. 415 00:23:02,324 --> 00:23:03,526 I love that. 416 00:23:06,161 --> 00:23:09,028 Okay, so can we just lock in the key so I really-- 417 00:23:09,097 --> 00:23:10,330 [keyboard note plays] 418 00:23:10,399 --> 00:23:11,458 Can we actually-- 419 00:23:11,527 --> 00:23:13,533 Sorry, can we build the chord so I really lock it in? 420 00:23:13,602 --> 00:23:14,801 So can you all do-- 421 00:23:14,870 --> 00:23:15,935 ♪ Bush ♪ 422 00:23:16,004 --> 00:23:17,236 all: ♪ Bush ♪ 423 00:23:17,305 --> 00:23:19,238 - And then-- ♪ Did ♪ 424 00:23:19,307 --> 00:23:21,140 all: ♪ Did ♪ 425 00:23:21,209 --> 00:23:26,449 - ♪ 9/11 ♪ 426 00:23:28,316 --> 00:23:29,616 One more time. One more time. 427 00:23:29,685 --> 00:23:34,086 all: ♪ Bush did 9/11 ♪ 428 00:23:34,155 --> 00:23:35,054 - Okay, I'm ready. 429 00:23:35,123 --> 00:23:36,956 I'm ready. 430 00:23:37,025 --> 00:23:38,725 ["Overprotected" playing] 431 00:23:38,794 --> 00:23:42,928 ♪ Say hello to the girl that I am ♪ 432 00:23:42,997 --> 00:23:46,735 ♪ You're gonna have to see through my perspective ♪ 433 00:23:48,202 --> 00:23:52,972 ♪ I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am ♪ 434 00:23:53,041 --> 00:23:57,611 ♪ And I don't wanna be so damn protected ♪ 435 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,980 ♪ There must be another way ♪ 436 00:24:01,049 --> 00:24:04,050 ♪ 'Cause I believe in taking chances ♪ 437 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,620 ♪ Who am I to say what a girl is to do? ♪ 438 00:24:07,689 --> 00:24:09,722 ♪ God, I need some answers ♪ 439 00:24:09,791 --> 00:24:12,324 ♪ What am I to do with my life? ♪ 440 00:24:12,393 --> 00:24:14,626 ♪ You will find it out, don't worry ♪ 441 00:24:14,695 --> 00:24:17,462 ♪ How am I supposed to know what's right? ♪ 442 00:24:17,531 --> 00:24:19,832 ♪ You just gotta do it your way ♪ 443 00:24:19,901 --> 00:24:22,734 ♪ I can't help the way I feel ♪ 444 00:24:22,803 --> 00:24:26,809 ♪ But my life is has been so overprotected ♪ 445 00:24:28,771 --> 00:24:33,012 ♪ I'll tell 'em what I like, what I want and what I don't ♪ 446 00:24:33,081 --> 00:24:37,083 ♪ Oh, but every time I do, I stand corrected ♪ 447 00:24:37,152 --> 00:24:38,651 ♪ Do, do, do, do ♪ 448 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,119 ♪ Things that I've been told ♪ 449 00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:43,355 ♪ I can't believe what I hear about the world ♪ 450 00:24:43,424 --> 00:24:48,327 ♪ I realize I'm overprotected ♪ 451 00:24:48,396 --> 00:24:51,697 ♪ There must be another way ♪ 452 00:24:51,766 --> 00:24:54,733 ♪ 'Cause I believe in taking chances ♪ 453 00:24:54,802 --> 00:24:58,170 ♪ But who am I to say what a girl is to do? ♪ 454 00:24:58,239 --> 00:24:59,772 ♪ God, I need some answers ♪ 455 00:24:59,841 --> 00:25:02,775 ♪ What am I to do with my life? ♪ 456 00:25:02,844 --> 00:25:04,978 ♪ You will find it out, don't worry ♪ 457 00:25:05,047 --> 00:25:07,813 ♪ How am I supposed to know what's right? ♪ 458 00:25:07,882 --> 00:25:10,210 ♪ You just gotta do it your way ♪ 459 00:25:10,279 --> 00:25:12,918 ♪ I can't help the way I feel ♪ 460 00:25:12,987 --> 00:25:17,157 ♪ But my life has been so overprotected ♪ 461 00:25:17,226 --> 00:25:20,159 ♪ ♪ 462 00:25:20,228 --> 00:25:23,830 ♪ I need time ♪ 463 00:25:23,899 --> 00:25:25,164 ♪ Space ♪ 464 00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:27,836 ♪ I need love ♪ 465 00:25:29,004 --> 00:25:30,102 ♪ Need ♪ 466 00:25:30,171 --> 00:25:32,739 ♪ I don't need nobody telling me just what I wanna ♪ 467 00:25:32,808 --> 00:25:35,709 ♪ What I, what, what, what I'm gonna ♪ 468 00:25:35,778 --> 00:25:38,777 ♪ Gonna do about my destiny ♪ 469 00:25:38,846 --> 00:25:43,082 ♪ I say no, no, nobody telling me just what I wanna do, do ♪ 470 00:25:43,151 --> 00:25:44,851 ♪ I'm so fed up with people telling me ♪ 471 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,091 ♪ To be someone else but me ♪ 472 00:25:49,925 --> 00:25:52,825 [vocalizing] 473 00:25:52,894 --> 00:25:55,127 ♪ ♪ 474 00:25:55,196 --> 00:25:58,258 ♪ How am I supposed to know what's right? ♪ 475 00:25:58,327 --> 00:26:00,099 ♪ You just gotta do it your way ♪ 476 00:26:00,168 --> 00:26:02,335 ♪ Oh, I can't ♪ 477 00:26:02,404 --> 00:26:04,537 [vocalizing] 478 00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:08,274 ♪ Overprotected ♪ 479 00:26:08,343 --> 00:26:11,147 [cheers and applause] 480 00:26:13,509 --> 00:26:15,247 - Can you talk a little about how you all 481 00:26:15,316 --> 00:26:17,782 started playing together? 482 00:26:17,851 --> 00:26:20,954 - We used to do this show in fucking basements, man, 483 00:26:21,023 --> 00:26:24,424 for anyone who would fucking listen. 484 00:26:24,493 --> 00:26:26,192 People used to storm out. 485 00:26:26,261 --> 00:26:27,861 They had seen comedy, sure. 486 00:26:27,930 --> 00:26:29,829 They had seen music, yeah. 487 00:26:29,898 --> 00:26:33,466 At the same time, interwoven? 488 00:26:33,535 --> 00:26:34,433 No. 489 00:26:34,502 --> 00:26:36,736 - Does anyone want me to roll them a joint? 490 00:26:36,805 --> 00:26:37,898 - For sure. - Yeah. 491 00:26:37,967 --> 00:26:39,005 - I'm good. 492 00:26:39,074 --> 00:26:41,541 - Puff, puff, pass, man, right? 493 00:26:41,610 --> 00:26:43,379 - That's just tobacco. 494 00:26:46,482 --> 00:26:47,917 - Oh. 495 00:26:50,652 --> 00:26:53,686 Bowling is hell. 496 00:26:53,755 --> 00:26:56,322 I'll go there. I'll go there. I'm not afraid. 497 00:26:56,391 --> 00:26:58,557 It's so vulnerable. 498 00:26:58,626 --> 00:27:02,328 You know, like, the ball is literally too heavy 499 00:27:02,397 --> 00:27:04,798 to pretend to be too cool. 500 00:27:04,867 --> 00:27:08,067 You can't be like, pfft, you know? 501 00:27:08,136 --> 00:27:09,636 It would hurt your wrist, you know? 502 00:27:09,705 --> 00:27:12,205 You have to use your whole body. 503 00:27:12,274 --> 00:27:14,007 It's very gay. 504 00:27:14,076 --> 00:27:15,341 You have to go-- 505 00:27:15,410 --> 00:27:19,045 [grunts effeminately] You know? 506 00:27:19,114 --> 00:27:22,348 And by the way, when you're coming up to do it, 507 00:27:22,417 --> 00:27:25,785 suddenly everyone you came with is now behind you... 508 00:27:25,854 --> 00:27:28,988 [imitates snickering] 509 00:27:29,057 --> 00:27:32,795 Staring at your thick Mark Zuckerberg ass. 510 00:27:38,133 --> 00:27:40,600 The staff's having a ball. They're like-- 511 00:27:40,669 --> 00:27:43,772 [imitates laughing] 512 00:27:44,939 --> 00:27:47,574 Okay, so after all that, say you do well. 513 00:27:47,643 --> 00:27:49,108 It's even worse, 514 00:27:49,177 --> 00:27:52,678 because I feel like there's really no-- 515 00:27:52,747 --> 00:27:55,447 there's no way to, like, sincerely celebrate 516 00:27:55,516 --> 00:27:58,552 your victories as a bowler unless you're a professional, 517 00:27:58,621 --> 00:27:59,952 unless you're in a league, 518 00:28:00,021 --> 00:28:02,589 you know, where you can fully do it, and, yeah, you know? 519 00:28:02,658 --> 00:28:04,423 Wah! You know? 520 00:28:04,492 --> 00:28:08,227 But we all bowl at children's birthday parties. 521 00:28:08,296 --> 00:28:10,763 That's not part of the social contract. 522 00:28:10,832 --> 00:28:12,898 You know, you look crazy if you--wow-- 523 00:28:12,967 --> 00:28:14,900 if you do what you really wanted to do. 524 00:28:14,969 --> 00:28:17,737 And so you have to immediately press it down. 525 00:28:17,806 --> 00:28:20,906 You have to immediately suppress it. 526 00:28:20,975 --> 00:28:23,543 And this is what you have to do, and I know you know. 527 00:28:23,612 --> 00:28:25,545 Okay, so I'll do it for you. 528 00:28:25,614 --> 00:28:26,913 You do well, 529 00:28:26,982 --> 00:28:29,018 and then you turn around, and you're like... 530 00:28:39,594 --> 00:28:41,956 You have to do a little dance. 531 00:28:42,025 --> 00:28:44,630 It sucks. 532 00:28:44,699 --> 00:28:46,999 And you literally have to pretend to forget 533 00:28:47,068 --> 00:28:49,201 what you just accomplished. 534 00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:51,938 And you're literally-- you're trying not to smile. 535 00:28:52,007 --> 00:28:54,343 You're like, should I get us more beer? 536 00:28:56,911 --> 00:28:59,539 You guys want more beer? 537 00:28:59,608 --> 00:29:02,948 The corners of your mouth are quivering 538 00:29:03,017 --> 00:29:06,055 from trying not to smile, and you're 35. 539 00:29:07,555 --> 00:29:09,358 And you're like, who's next? 540 00:29:11,627 --> 00:29:13,896 Who's next? Who's next? 541 00:29:18,567 --> 00:29:20,099 It's hell. 542 00:29:20,168 --> 00:29:21,901 There's this thing that happens on the iPhone now 543 00:29:21,970 --> 00:29:24,904 when you download an app. 544 00:29:24,973 --> 00:29:28,775 It is a pop-up, and it asks a question. 545 00:29:28,844 --> 00:29:30,109 It's not really a question. 546 00:29:30,178 --> 00:29:31,644 They put a little question mark on it, 547 00:29:31,713 --> 00:29:32,946 but if you look at the-- 548 00:29:33,015 --> 00:29:36,282 on a sentence level, it is a command. 549 00:29:36,351 --> 00:29:37,583 Okay? 550 00:29:37,652 --> 00:29:39,786 And it says--it's like... 551 00:29:39,855 --> 00:29:42,955 allow app to track activity 552 00:29:43,024 --> 00:29:46,092 across other apps and websites. 553 00:29:46,161 --> 00:29:49,629 It's so confusing. It's so confusing. 554 00:29:49,698 --> 00:29:51,931 There are two options. 555 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:55,404 One of the options is "allow." 556 00:30:01,210 --> 00:30:02,411 Allow. 557 00:30:04,078 --> 00:30:06,779 It's one word. It's a beautiful word. 558 00:30:06,848 --> 00:30:08,782 You know, there are no plosives, no... 559 00:30:08,851 --> 00:30:10,584 [beat boxes] You know what I mean? 560 00:30:10,653 --> 00:30:12,117 Like... [imitates crackling] 561 00:30:12,186 --> 00:30:14,720 Like, it's just allow, allow. 562 00:30:14,789 --> 00:30:16,622 Allow. 563 00:30:16,691 --> 00:30:18,358 Allow. It's so pillowy. 564 00:30:18,427 --> 00:30:20,460 Allow. 565 00:30:20,529 --> 00:30:21,965 Allow. 566 00:30:23,431 --> 00:30:25,134 It's like a Clearasil comm-- It's... 567 00:30:27,669 --> 00:30:29,836 Allow, you know? 568 00:30:29,905 --> 00:30:31,975 Neutrogena maybe. I don't know. 569 00:30:33,908 --> 00:30:35,375 Okay, that's one option. 570 00:30:35,444 --> 00:30:36,809 The other option-- 571 00:30:36,878 --> 00:30:39,812 the other option is... 572 00:30:39,881 --> 00:30:44,453 "ask app not to track." 573 00:30:46,054 --> 00:30:49,122 Ow. Ow. You know? 574 00:30:49,191 --> 00:30:50,990 A-ask... 575 00:30:51,059 --> 00:30:55,631 ask app not to track. 576 00:30:56,832 --> 00:30:58,264 Ask-- 577 00:30:58,333 --> 00:31:00,065 Wait. 578 00:31:00,134 --> 00:31:02,569 It's so, unh, unh, unh. 579 00:31:02,638 --> 00:31:06,475 Ask app not to track. 580 00:31:07,976 --> 00:31:11,511 Ah, ah. It's like, ask app not to track. 581 00:31:11,580 --> 00:31:13,016 [chokes] It's-- 582 00:31:14,682 --> 00:31:18,818 You know Apple poured billions of dollars into researching, 583 00:31:18,887 --> 00:31:23,889 like, what is the single most suicidal sequence 584 00:31:23,958 --> 00:31:26,662 of monosyllabic sounds? 585 00:31:28,397 --> 00:31:31,334 [grunting oddly] 586 00:31:33,735 --> 00:31:35,835 Ya! 587 00:31:35,904 --> 00:31:40,676 Ask app not to track. 588 00:31:42,211 --> 00:31:43,376 Ya! 589 00:31:43,445 --> 00:31:45,381 [grunts] 590 00:31:47,549 --> 00:31:50,486 [grunting oddly] 591 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:53,614 It sucks. 592 00:31:53,683 --> 00:31:55,650 It's like-- it's like the birds. 593 00:31:55,719 --> 00:31:59,192 You're like, ask app not to track. 594 00:31:59,261 --> 00:32:00,955 Because this is the thing. 595 00:32:01,024 --> 00:32:04,230 It's the first option of the two, and that's by design. 596 00:32:04,299 --> 00:32:06,232 So you're reading the question. 597 00:32:06,301 --> 00:32:09,334 You're like, it's so confusing. 598 00:32:09,403 --> 00:32:13,239 Allow app to track-- to track activity. 599 00:32:13,308 --> 00:32:15,307 And you see it, like, poking up 600 00:32:15,376 --> 00:32:17,276 because it's just under the question. 601 00:32:17,345 --> 00:32:19,945 It's poking up through. You're like, no, no! 602 00:32:20,014 --> 00:32:21,247 And you're trying to make your way. 603 00:32:21,316 --> 00:32:24,751 It's like, ask app not to track. 604 00:32:24,820 --> 00:32:26,219 And you see allow, and you're like... 605 00:32:26,288 --> 00:32:28,291 [sobs] 606 00:32:33,094 --> 00:32:35,564 [sobbing] Allow. Allow. 607 00:32:37,633 --> 00:32:40,569 [sobbing] 608 00:32:47,443 --> 00:32:50,709 [sighs] 609 00:32:50,778 --> 00:32:53,846 And by the way, I do think that Apple's primary tactic 610 00:32:53,915 --> 00:32:55,114 is just to scare you. 611 00:32:55,183 --> 00:32:56,548 I think it's to terrify you. 612 00:32:56,617 --> 00:32:58,484 But I also think they're doing something 613 00:32:58,553 --> 00:33:01,186 more kind of subliminal and social. 614 00:33:01,255 --> 00:33:04,656 Like, imagine someone ever saying that to you, 615 00:33:04,725 --> 00:33:07,560 you know, like, just at a party, across the room. 616 00:33:07,629 --> 00:33:09,662 Ask app not to track. 617 00:33:09,731 --> 00:33:12,031 Like, ask app not to track. 618 00:33:12,100 --> 00:33:14,934 Like, you can't wrap your mouth around it. 619 00:33:15,003 --> 00:33:16,402 It's so, like, you know-- 620 00:33:16,471 --> 00:33:18,004 I'm trying to put it in other voices, 621 00:33:18,073 --> 00:33:19,439 like, ask app not to track. 622 00:33:19,508 --> 00:33:20,973 Like, it-- 623 00:33:21,042 --> 00:33:22,875 Ask app not to track. 624 00:33:22,944 --> 00:33:25,511 Like, you can't even say it. 625 00:33:25,580 --> 00:33:28,448 Like, if someone said that to me, I'd be like... 626 00:33:28,517 --> 00:33:29,785 fucking dork. 627 00:33:32,053 --> 00:33:36,325 We're gonna be over here, allowing. 628 00:33:38,159 --> 00:33:39,628 Aren't we, girls? 629 00:33:42,163 --> 00:33:46,335 By the way, they could have just said no. 630 00:33:48,169 --> 00:33:50,637 Don't allow. No. 631 00:33:50,706 --> 00:33:53,573 [mellow music playing] 632 00:33:53,642 --> 00:33:59,211 ♪ ♪ 633 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,714 - Wait. So Paul was left-handed? 634 00:34:01,783 --> 00:34:03,016 - He's actually right-handed. 635 00:34:03,085 --> 00:34:04,745 He just played a left-handed bass. 636 00:34:04,814 --> 00:34:06,486 - Wow. That's so amazing. - Yeah. 637 00:34:06,555 --> 00:34:07,920 - That's so cool. 638 00:34:07,989 --> 00:34:09,456 - Yeah, that's one of my favorites. 639 00:34:09,525 --> 00:34:10,455 - Me too. 640 00:34:10,524 --> 00:34:12,859 - Did you guys see the documentary? 641 00:34:12,928 --> 00:34:14,159 - I haven't seen it yet. 642 00:34:14,228 --> 00:34:16,596 - Can I try? - Yeah, sure. 643 00:34:16,665 --> 00:34:17,666 - Cool. 644 00:34:20,068 --> 00:34:22,035 Can you hold this? 645 00:34:22,104 --> 00:34:25,438 So how do you do, like, a D chord or whatever? 646 00:34:25,507 --> 00:34:28,442 - See the fifth fret here? Just... 647 00:34:28,511 --> 00:34:29,970 - You know what? 648 00:34:30,039 --> 00:34:31,944 Can you just come around from behind and show me? 649 00:34:32,013 --> 00:34:33,780 You know, like in golf, when someone's 650 00:34:33,849 --> 00:34:34,947 trying to teach someone to swing 651 00:34:35,016 --> 00:34:36,182 and they're, like, fully wrapped 652 00:34:36,251 --> 00:34:37,717 around the other person. 653 00:34:37,786 --> 00:34:38,852 - Sure. - Yeah. 654 00:34:38,921 --> 00:34:40,753 - Okay. 655 00:34:40,822 --> 00:34:42,088 All right. 656 00:34:42,157 --> 00:34:43,156 So just put your hand here. 657 00:34:43,225 --> 00:34:44,558 - Here? - Mm-hmm. Yep. 658 00:34:44,627 --> 00:34:47,093 And then just here. 659 00:34:47,162 --> 00:34:48,560 Yeah, it looks good. 660 00:34:48,629 --> 00:34:50,229 - I feel like I'm not doing it right. 661 00:34:50,298 --> 00:34:51,931 Okay, wait. So it's... 662 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,367 paradiddle. [drumming] 663 00:34:54,436 --> 00:34:55,801 Paradi-- 664 00:34:55,870 --> 00:34:58,371 Oh, I can't do it. 665 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,273 - It's right, left, right, right. 666 00:35:01,342 --> 00:35:04,476 Left, right, left, left. - Will you just show me? 667 00:35:04,545 --> 00:35:08,848 But use my hands like they're your hands, like in golf. 668 00:35:08,917 --> 00:35:11,951 - Yeah, sure. - Okay. 669 00:35:12,020 --> 00:35:15,158 [drumming] 670 00:35:18,427 --> 00:35:20,794 [giggles] 671 00:35:20,863 --> 00:35:22,731 We did it. [laughs] 672 00:35:24,232 --> 00:35:25,665 And so jazz is more kind of-- 673 00:35:25,734 --> 00:35:28,337 [cymbal playing] 674 00:35:29,805 --> 00:35:30,970 - Yeah. 675 00:35:31,039 --> 00:35:32,841 - I thought that was jazz. 676 00:35:33,909 --> 00:35:35,278 Don't be shy. 677 00:35:37,012 --> 00:35:39,411 - There. 678 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:40,947 And then-- [chord plays] 679 00:35:41,016 --> 00:35:44,687 - [giggles] So cool. 680 00:35:49,925 --> 00:35:52,828 [soft indistinct chatter] 681 00:35:55,163 --> 00:35:56,632 - [clears throat] 682 00:36:06,374 --> 00:36:10,042 [soft piano music playing] 683 00:36:10,111 --> 00:36:16,182 ♪ ♪ 684 00:36:16,251 --> 00:36:18,150 Do you guys ever feel like we didn't learn 685 00:36:18,219 --> 00:36:19,952 anything real in school? 686 00:36:20,021 --> 00:36:26,860 ♪ ♪ 687 00:36:26,929 --> 00:36:30,464 I feel that way sometimes. 688 00:36:30,533 --> 00:36:31,998 [giggles] 689 00:36:32,067 --> 00:36:33,366 But really, I do. 690 00:36:33,435 --> 00:36:35,734 I really do feel that way sometimes. 691 00:36:35,803 --> 00:36:39,239 I hate to, like, average us out to the same generation, 692 00:36:39,308 --> 00:36:40,506 but I'm going to 693 00:36:40,575 --> 00:36:43,009 for the purposes of this next bit. 694 00:36:43,078 --> 00:36:45,111 But I don't know. 695 00:36:45,180 --> 00:36:48,615 I feel like sometimes we missed the cutoff 696 00:36:48,684 --> 00:36:52,018 for a quality education, you know? 697 00:36:52,087 --> 00:36:53,822 I can't count. 698 00:36:56,591 --> 00:36:58,557 I mean, I can count. I can count. 699 00:36:58,626 --> 00:37:01,830 But, like, when I get to, like, 12... 700 00:37:03,965 --> 00:37:07,566 13, 14... 701 00:37:07,635 --> 00:37:10,436 I mean, a panic really starts to set in. 702 00:37:10,505 --> 00:37:12,841 I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know? 703 00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:19,243 Like, I don't know anything about history. 704 00:37:20,482 --> 00:37:22,514 I know nothing about history. 705 00:37:22,583 --> 00:37:27,053 Like, I do not know what happened, y'all. 706 00:37:27,122 --> 00:37:30,393 I don't know what happened. 707 00:37:31,993 --> 00:37:33,862 I don't know what happened. 708 00:37:38,834 --> 00:37:41,366 I never read any great literature, 709 00:37:41,435 --> 00:37:42,768 you know, like-- even the practical stuff. 710 00:37:42,837 --> 00:37:44,703 Like, we didn't have home ec, you know? 711 00:37:44,772 --> 00:37:47,406 Like, here's what it boils down to for me. 712 00:37:47,475 --> 00:37:50,413 Like, I don't know how to do my taxes. 713 00:37:52,014 --> 00:37:54,880 But I do know how to, like... 714 00:37:54,949 --> 00:37:56,682 be a badass. 715 00:37:56,751 --> 00:37:59,552 ♪ ♪ 716 00:37:59,621 --> 00:38:01,821 You know what I'm saying? 717 00:38:01,890 --> 00:38:04,023 I feel like they just churned out a bunch 718 00:38:04,092 --> 00:38:06,926 of, like, total badasses. 719 00:38:06,995 --> 00:38:10,595 ♪ ♪ 720 00:38:10,664 --> 00:38:14,533 But the shells of badasses, the shells of badasses 721 00:38:14,602 --> 00:38:18,171 with no, like, discernible worldview, you know, 722 00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:19,839 or skills, you know. 723 00:38:19,908 --> 00:38:23,577 Like, no one wants to be a locksmith anymore. 724 00:38:23,646 --> 00:38:25,378 You know? 725 00:38:25,447 --> 00:38:29,748 Everyone just wants to make cake pops... 726 00:38:29,817 --> 00:38:33,622 or make videos of themselves making cake pops, you know? 727 00:38:35,423 --> 00:38:38,625 I feel like the only thing we were really taught 728 00:38:38,694 --> 00:38:41,397 as a generation is just to vamp. 729 00:38:43,465 --> 00:38:45,297 Just hold the floor. 730 00:38:45,366 --> 00:38:47,934 Just keep holding that floor. 731 00:38:48,003 --> 00:38:50,535 Keep talking. Keep talking. Keep talking. 732 00:38:50,604 --> 00:38:52,839 You know, in the boardroom, in the classroom, 733 00:38:52,908 --> 00:38:54,373 on your fucking podcast, 734 00:38:54,442 --> 00:38:57,409 just keep stringing those words together. 735 00:38:57,478 --> 00:39:00,379 It does not matter if you don't know what they mean. 736 00:39:00,448 --> 00:39:03,883 Keep talking. Just keep talking, you know? 737 00:39:03,952 --> 00:39:08,491 We're just a bunch of used-car sales folks... 738 00:39:10,625 --> 00:39:14,059 A bunch of disruptors and creatives just... 739 00:39:14,128 --> 00:39:17,263 bumping up into each other... 740 00:39:17,332 --> 00:39:21,768 a bunch of doers and makers roaming the streets at night. 741 00:39:21,837 --> 00:39:23,602 Mm. 742 00:39:23,671 --> 00:39:25,404 Okay, yeah. No, I'll give you that. 743 00:39:25,473 --> 00:39:28,174 We're makers. We're good at making. 744 00:39:28,243 --> 00:39:30,446 Making shit up. 745 00:39:36,818 --> 00:39:39,218 I feel like now when people are like, "Oh, my God, 746 00:39:39,287 --> 00:39:41,053 it's such a small world," 747 00:39:41,122 --> 00:39:43,159 it's like, is it? 748 00:39:45,393 --> 00:39:47,192 Or did we both just go to private school 749 00:39:47,261 --> 00:39:48,831 and now work for Vulture? 750 00:40:00,308 --> 00:40:02,976 I feel like modern online life 751 00:40:03,045 --> 00:40:07,446 is just kind of toggling between two emotional states. 752 00:40:07,515 --> 00:40:11,017 One is being so full of rage and pointing the finger, 753 00:40:11,086 --> 00:40:13,319 you know, scolding someone. 754 00:40:13,388 --> 00:40:16,923 And the other is being so full of rage 755 00:40:16,992 --> 00:40:19,562 and pretending your friend is hot. 756 00:40:22,030 --> 00:40:24,733 And I want to talk about the second one... 757 00:40:26,268 --> 00:40:30,035 'Cause there's plenty of literature on the first. 758 00:40:30,104 --> 00:40:32,438 We all know the post. We all know the post. 759 00:40:32,507 --> 00:40:34,673 It's like-- it's always something like, 760 00:40:34,742 --> 00:40:39,379 "Growing up gay, I was taught not to take up space." 761 00:40:39,448 --> 00:40:46,448 ♪ ♪ 762 00:40:46,587 --> 00:40:51,227 As a gay man, I was told not to celebrate myself. 763 00:40:52,895 --> 00:40:57,600 So this won't come naturally to me! 764 00:40:59,367 --> 00:41:03,035 Bear with me, gang. 765 00:41:03,104 --> 00:41:06,872 But here is a picture of me with cum gutters. 766 00:41:06,941 --> 00:41:12,878 ♪ ♪ 767 00:41:12,947 --> 00:41:15,480 Whoo! 768 00:41:15,549 --> 00:41:17,750 And, you know, it's so outwardly meek, 769 00:41:17,819 --> 00:41:19,484 that post, you know, like... 770 00:41:19,553 --> 00:41:22,455 But the subtext of that post-- 771 00:41:22,524 --> 00:41:24,627 the subtext is this... 772 00:41:35,236 --> 00:41:37,704 And we're all so miserable, 773 00:41:37,773 --> 00:41:41,040 but we just line up anyway, you know? 774 00:41:41,109 --> 00:41:42,645 We're like--we're like... 775 00:41:51,853 --> 00:41:55,421 Fire emoji. Fire emoji. Fire emoji. 776 00:41:55,490 --> 00:42:01,789 ♪ ♪ 777 00:42:01,858 --> 00:42:04,833 Yas, mama! 778 00:42:07,468 --> 00:42:09,235 I wish you all could see me 779 00:42:09,304 --> 00:42:13,842 at home with my dead-ass eyes, like, "Yas, mama." 780 00:42:17,145 --> 00:42:19,315 Go all the way off. 781 00:42:21,717 --> 00:42:23,852 You better work. 782 00:42:26,387 --> 00:42:27,854 We have to break free. 783 00:42:27,923 --> 00:42:29,889 [scoffs] We have to break free 784 00:42:29,958 --> 00:42:34,330 from this, like, fire-emoji death pact. 785 00:42:35,631 --> 00:42:39,265 I feel like the only... 786 00:42:39,334 --> 00:42:43,636 only kind of form of community I have these days 787 00:42:43,705 --> 00:42:46,009 is my Grindr Grid. 788 00:42:48,076 --> 00:42:50,543 And I don't mean the people on the Grid. 789 00:42:50,612 --> 00:42:54,274 I mean the Grid itself. 790 00:42:54,343 --> 00:42:55,948 You know, it's getting to the point 791 00:42:56,017 --> 00:42:57,650 where I'm, like, tucking in at night, 792 00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:59,786 like, turning on the app, 793 00:42:59,855 --> 00:43:01,788 absolutely no intention of going out 794 00:43:01,857 --> 00:43:03,288 and hooking up or whatever, you know? 795 00:43:03,357 --> 00:43:06,195 And I'm literally--I'm like, good night, you guys. 796 00:43:09,131 --> 00:43:11,764 [smooching] 797 00:43:11,833 --> 00:43:13,599 Good night, John. Good night, John. 798 00:43:13,668 --> 00:43:15,368 Good night, John. Good night, John. 799 00:43:15,437 --> 00:43:19,972 ♪ ♪ 800 00:43:20,041 --> 00:43:22,474 'Cause, you know, I've lived in the same neighborhood 801 00:43:22,543 --> 00:43:24,443 for, like, seven years or something. 802 00:43:24,512 --> 00:43:27,880 Like, it's the same 30 gay guys, 803 00:43:27,949 --> 00:43:29,481 like, in a mile radius, 804 00:43:29,550 --> 00:43:31,450 all of us in our little boxes 805 00:43:31,519 --> 00:43:33,553 like some depraved Brady Bunch. 806 00:43:33,622 --> 00:43:35,020 Like... 807 00:43:35,089 --> 00:43:42,065 ♪ ♪ 808 00:43:46,835 --> 00:43:50,669 I've never asked a neighbor for sugar. 809 00:43:50,738 --> 00:43:54,674 I've never so much as even waved at a neighbor. 810 00:43:54,743 --> 00:43:57,243 But I do know that he's uncut. 811 00:43:57,312 --> 00:44:04,253 ♪ ♪ 812 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,589 I feel like there's no small talk anymore. 813 00:44:09,658 --> 00:44:11,824 You know, like... 814 00:44:11,893 --> 00:44:14,226 no one talks about the weather anymore. 815 00:44:14,295 --> 00:44:17,829 Like, I feel like now, when you step on to an elevator 816 00:44:17,898 --> 00:44:20,667 with a complete stranger, moment one, they're like, 817 00:44:20,736 --> 00:44:22,805 "My dad was largely absent." 818 00:44:24,872 --> 00:44:28,441 "And I think that's why I freeze up sexually." 819 00:44:28,510 --> 00:44:30,443 And you're like... 820 00:44:30,512 --> 00:44:32,281 okay. 821 00:44:34,149 --> 00:44:36,048 Okay. 822 00:44:36,117 --> 00:44:41,687 ♪ ♪ 823 00:44:41,756 --> 00:44:43,993 What the fuck happened to dance? 824 00:44:45,561 --> 00:44:48,928 We used to have Bob Fosse. 825 00:44:48,997 --> 00:44:51,563 You know, his choreography-- 826 00:44:51,632 --> 00:44:55,138 it was so kinky and mysterious. 827 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:01,240 And he was a household name. He was on talk shows. 828 00:45:01,309 --> 00:45:04,978 A choreographer in America was on talk shows. 829 00:45:05,047 --> 00:45:06,980 That can't happen anymore. 830 00:45:07,049 --> 00:45:09,915 What's happening? [scoffs] 831 00:45:09,984 --> 00:45:14,153 I feel like the only remaining form of dance-- 832 00:45:14,222 --> 00:45:18,161 it's the pitch choreography on "Shark Tank." 833 00:45:20,228 --> 00:45:23,496 It's, "Sharks, I have three words that you want"-- 834 00:45:23,565 --> 00:45:25,031 da, da, da-- 835 00:45:25,100 --> 00:45:28,167 And this guy to my right-- da, da, da, da. 836 00:45:28,236 --> 00:45:30,173 [vocalizes] 837 00:45:31,907 --> 00:45:34,740 Try one. Try one. Try one. 838 00:45:34,809 --> 00:45:38,344 Try one. Try one. Try one. Try one. 839 00:45:38,413 --> 00:45:43,683 ♪ ♪ 840 00:45:43,752 --> 00:45:47,320 I was in a coffee shop recently, and... 841 00:45:47,389 --> 00:45:52,061 I saw what I hesitate to describe as a piece of art. 842 00:45:54,695 --> 00:45:58,902 It was an illustration of Rick Moranis. 843 00:46:00,368 --> 00:46:03,907 And he was holding a piece of pepperoni pizza. 844 00:46:05,841 --> 00:46:07,376 And that was framed. 845 00:46:10,346 --> 00:46:12,912 And I thought... 846 00:46:12,981 --> 00:46:15,715 is that all there is? 847 00:46:15,784 --> 00:46:17,984 You know? 848 00:46:18,053 --> 00:46:22,021 Like, when we're loading up the time capsule 849 00:46:22,090 --> 00:46:26,258 for future inhabitants of Planet E, 850 00:46:26,327 --> 00:46:30,730 is this what the millennial shall put forth? 851 00:46:30,799 --> 00:46:33,132 You know? 852 00:46:33,201 --> 00:46:36,906 Or will it be--will it be an illustration of a taco? 853 00:46:39,074 --> 00:46:41,945 'Cause I'm sure still seeing a lot of that. 854 00:46:43,779 --> 00:46:45,081 Still. 855 00:46:48,811 --> 00:46:52,718 Or will it be a little dancing cheeseburger? 856 00:46:52,787 --> 00:46:57,023 ♪ ♪ 857 00:46:57,092 --> 00:46:59,291 Or will it be a video of one of the chefs 858 00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:02,431 from the hallowed halls of "Bon Appétit"... 859 00:47:04,432 --> 00:47:09,469 Making a lemony, garlicky, crispity-crunchity, 860 00:47:09,538 --> 00:47:12,606 jammy cacio e... 861 00:47:12,675 --> 00:47:15,642 e-e-e-e-e-e... 862 00:47:15,711 --> 00:47:19,346 pepe-e-e-e-e-e-e... 863 00:47:19,415 --> 00:47:21,114 cacio e pepe? 864 00:47:21,183 --> 00:47:26,686 ♪ ♪ 865 00:47:26,755 --> 00:47:30,317 Or will it be an infographic... 866 00:47:30,386 --> 00:47:32,091 you know, with a kind of 867 00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:35,028 cloudy-rainbow gradient background 868 00:47:35,097 --> 00:47:37,997 that talks about why your allyship 869 00:47:38,066 --> 00:47:39,635 is actually performative? 870 00:47:43,104 --> 00:47:44,964 Calling all allies! 871 00:47:45,033 --> 00:47:48,474 Performative, performative, performative, performative. 872 00:47:48,543 --> 00:47:51,180 Where are my allies at? That was performative. 873 00:47:53,015 --> 00:47:56,150 What are we doing? 874 00:47:56,219 --> 00:47:58,752 [sighs] 875 00:47:58,821 --> 00:48:01,086 Or will it be one of our many contributions 876 00:48:01,155 --> 00:48:05,057 as a generation to the world of advertising? 877 00:48:05,126 --> 00:48:07,960 I don't know if you guys remember 878 00:48:08,029 --> 00:48:09,495 this Postmates campaign. 879 00:48:09,564 --> 00:48:13,032 It was, like, three, maybe four years ago. 880 00:48:13,101 --> 00:48:14,934 It had a very kind of millennial tone, 881 00:48:15,003 --> 00:48:17,169 millennial affect, like, kind of, like... 882 00:48:17,238 --> 00:48:19,442 [blows raspberry] No. 883 00:48:20,909 --> 00:48:22,174 [giggles] Oh! 884 00:48:22,243 --> 00:48:24,047 [blows raspberry] You know? 885 00:48:25,980 --> 00:48:28,281 There was one that was like, 886 00:48:28,350 --> 00:48:32,221 "Don't let breakfast bully you into putting your pants on." 887 00:48:39,794 --> 00:48:41,827 "We get it. Postmates." 888 00:48:41,896 --> 00:48:48,167 ♪ ♪ 889 00:48:48,236 --> 00:48:50,269 And in the same campaign, there was one that was like, 890 00:48:50,338 --> 00:48:54,274 "When you want omakase but your bra's off." 891 00:48:54,343 --> 00:49:01,284 ♪ ♪ 892 00:49:02,283 --> 00:49:05,088 "We get it. Postmates." 893 00:49:07,055 --> 00:49:09,288 And then there is one, and I'm not kidding. 894 00:49:09,357 --> 00:49:12,691 I'm not kidding. It was in the same campaign. 895 00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:16,730 I was driving down highways. It was on giant billboards. 896 00:49:16,799 --> 00:49:18,231 Like, it was-- 897 00:49:18,300 --> 00:49:21,200 by the way, mass shootings everywhere-- 898 00:49:21,269 --> 00:49:24,103 on skyscrapers, giant skyscrapers, 899 00:49:24,172 --> 00:49:26,371 painted on huge buildings. 900 00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:30,279 It literally said, "Hate people?" 901 00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:33,749 "We get it. Postmates." 902 00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:43,692 ♪ ♪ 903 00:49:48,697 --> 00:49:50,599 Are we like that? 904 00:49:52,734 --> 00:49:54,466 Are we like that? 905 00:49:54,535 --> 00:49:57,569 I mean, are we really just a bunch of, like, hot mess-- 906 00:49:57,638 --> 00:50:00,773 Like, I'm such a mess. [blows raspberry] 907 00:50:00,842 --> 00:50:03,576 I'm such a-- 908 00:50:03,645 --> 00:50:07,450 I ordered cupcakes again! 909 00:50:11,353 --> 00:50:15,158 I took a nap by accident! 910 00:50:16,525 --> 00:50:18,725 Oops! Oops! 911 00:50:18,794 --> 00:50:21,661 I'm all tangled up in the cord. 912 00:50:21,730 --> 00:50:23,129 See? 913 00:50:23,198 --> 00:50:25,334 [blows raspberry] 914 00:50:30,138 --> 00:50:32,906 Are we really a bunch of hot messes, 915 00:50:32,975 --> 00:50:35,641 or do they just need us to be that way? 916 00:50:35,710 --> 00:50:39,713 ♪ ♪ 917 00:50:39,782 --> 00:50:41,746 Our contributions to language-- 918 00:50:41,815 --> 00:50:44,820 as a generation, we should be tried at the Hague. 919 00:50:48,752 --> 00:50:50,322 The hyperbole alone, I mean-- 920 00:50:50,391 --> 00:50:51,557 By the way, I just said it. 921 00:50:51,626 --> 00:50:54,626 "We should be tried at the Hague." 922 00:50:54,695 --> 00:50:58,163 I'm talking about myself here, too, y'all. 923 00:50:58,232 --> 00:51:00,900 But I really do feel like we lean a lot on hyperbole 924 00:51:00,969 --> 00:51:02,401 as a generation. 925 00:51:02,470 --> 00:51:04,938 Like, you know, something like, you know-- 926 00:51:05,007 --> 00:51:07,306 Did you see "Tár"? My jaw was on the floor. 927 00:51:07,375 --> 00:51:10,976 I had to hire a TaskRabbit to come pick it up. 928 00:51:11,045 --> 00:51:18,121 ♪ ♪ 929 00:51:19,983 --> 00:51:22,454 I really feel like we lean on hyperbole 930 00:51:22,523 --> 00:51:25,758 to compensate for the utter emptiness 931 00:51:25,827 --> 00:51:28,127 of being alive right now. 932 00:51:28,196 --> 00:51:32,098 It's not our fault. It's not our fault. 933 00:51:32,167 --> 00:51:33,766 But other slang, like, you know-- 934 00:51:33,835 --> 00:51:36,169 like, "all the feelings," 935 00:51:36,238 --> 00:51:41,173 all the things, all the things, all the feels. 936 00:51:41,242 --> 00:51:43,879 Um, I'll have all the things. [chuckles oddly] 937 00:51:46,682 --> 00:51:47,913 I want grant money. 938 00:51:47,982 --> 00:51:49,614 I want grant money 939 00:51:49,683 --> 00:51:53,352 to trace the origins of all the things. 940 00:51:53,421 --> 00:51:55,655 And I don't think you guys are going to be happy 941 00:51:55,724 --> 00:51:57,260 with what I find out. 942 00:52:01,095 --> 00:52:04,063 "Human"-- such an amazing human. 943 00:52:04,132 --> 00:52:05,999 One of my favorite humans. 944 00:52:06,068 --> 00:52:07,536 Fuck off. 945 00:52:11,506 --> 00:52:14,773 Garbage person, dumpster fire, dick biscuit. 946 00:52:14,842 --> 00:52:18,277 I mean, I can barely say it. I can barely say it. 947 00:52:18,346 --> 00:52:21,147 I didn't know I needed-- I didn't-- 948 00:52:21,216 --> 00:52:22,415 Like, this is the collaboration 949 00:52:22,484 --> 00:52:24,684 I didn't know I needed. 950 00:52:24,753 --> 00:52:27,953 I didn't know I needed. 951 00:52:28,022 --> 00:52:31,456 I hate the word moist. Ah. 952 00:52:31,525 --> 00:52:33,392 Moist. Yeah, I can barely say it. 953 00:52:33,461 --> 00:52:36,299 Moist. I hate the word moist. 954 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,033 An entire generation of people 955 00:52:40,102 --> 00:52:42,768 pretending to hate the word moist. 956 00:52:42,837 --> 00:52:49,778 ♪ ♪ 957 00:52:52,114 --> 00:52:55,181 We have to get serious, you guys! 958 00:52:55,250 --> 00:52:58,283 We have to get serious before it's too late 959 00:52:58,352 --> 00:53:01,087 and our gravestones are like... 960 00:53:01,156 --> 00:53:02,955 "Because cancer." 961 00:53:03,024 --> 00:53:09,761 ♪ ♪ 962 00:53:09,830 --> 00:53:15,067 ♪ Well, I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming ♪ 963 00:53:15,136 --> 00:53:19,938 ♪ Saying something about a queen ♪ 964 00:53:20,007 --> 00:53:25,077 ♪ There were peasants singing and drummers drumming ♪ 965 00:53:25,146 --> 00:53:29,648 ♪ And the archer split the tree ♪ 966 00:53:29,717 --> 00:53:35,087 ♪ There was a fanfare blowing to the sun ♪ 967 00:53:35,156 --> 00:53:40,993 ♪ That was floating on the breeze ♪ 968 00:53:41,062 --> 00:53:43,262 ♪ ♪ 969 00:53:43,331 --> 00:53:47,366 ♪ Look at Mother Nature on the run ♪ 970 00:53:47,435 --> 00:53:53,505 ♪ In the 21st century ♪ 971 00:53:53,574 --> 00:53:57,376 ♪ Look at Mother Nature on the run ♪ 972 00:53:57,445 --> 00:54:02,481 ♪ In the 21st century ♪ 973 00:54:02,550 --> 00:54:07,420 ♪ I was lying in a burnt-out basement ♪ 974 00:54:07,489 --> 00:54:12,625 ♪ With the full moon in my eye ♪ 975 00:54:12,694 --> 00:54:17,296 ♪ I was hoping for replacement ♪ 976 00:54:17,365 --> 00:54:21,801 ♪ When the sun burst through the sky ♪ 977 00:54:21,870 --> 00:54:27,439 ♪ There was a band playing in my head ♪ 978 00:54:27,508 --> 00:54:32,881 ♪ And I felt like getting high ♪ 979 00:54:34,882 --> 00:54:40,186 ♪ I was thinking about what a friend had said ♪ 980 00:54:40,255 --> 00:54:45,424 ♪ I was hoping it was a lie ♪ 981 00:54:45,493 --> 00:54:49,596 ♪ Thinking about what a friend had said ♪ 982 00:54:49,665 --> 00:54:55,568 ♪ I was hoping it was a lie ♪ 983 00:54:55,637 --> 00:54:59,505 ♪ Well, I dreamed I saw the silver spaceship ♪ 984 00:54:59,574 --> 00:55:05,377 ♪ Lying in the yellow haze of the sun ♪ 985 00:55:05,446 --> 00:55:10,617 ♪ There were children crying and colors flying ♪ 986 00:55:10,686 --> 00:55:15,015 ♪ All around the chosen ones ♪ 987 00:55:15,084 --> 00:55:20,894 ♪ All in a dream, all in a dream ♪ 988 00:55:20,963 --> 00:55:26,102 ♪ The loading had begun ♪ 989 00:55:28,503 --> 00:55:32,638 ♪ Flying Mother Nature's silver seed ♪ 990 00:55:32,707 --> 00:55:38,677 ♪ To a new home in the sun ♪ 991 00:55:38,746 --> 00:55:42,782 ♪ Flying Mother Nature's silver seed ♪ 992 00:55:42,851 --> 00:55:48,754 ♪ To a new home ♪ 993 00:55:48,823 --> 00:55:52,025 ♪ ♪ 994 00:55:52,094 --> 00:55:56,229 [light jazz music playing] 995 00:55:56,298 --> 00:55:59,165 [indistinct chatter] 996 00:55:59,234 --> 00:56:01,537 ♪ ♪ 997 00:56:22,123 --> 00:56:26,692 [singers vocalizing] 998 00:56:26,761 --> 00:56:28,828 - I'm sorry. Can I hear more of Dom and Princess 999 00:56:28,897 --> 00:56:31,565 in my monitors? 1000 00:56:31,634 --> 00:56:34,734 [singers vocalizing] 1001 00:56:34,803 --> 00:56:36,535 ♪ ♪ 1002 00:56:36,604 --> 00:56:39,339 And just a little more of Hess, too, the keys. 1003 00:56:39,408 --> 00:56:42,141 Thank you. 1004 00:56:42,210 --> 00:56:43,943 - One more time. - Yeah. 1005 00:56:44,012 --> 00:56:45,178 - Yeah, yeah. Sorry. 1006 00:56:45,247 --> 00:56:49,048 [singers vocalizing] 1007 00:56:49,117 --> 00:56:51,116 Hi. Who is that? 1008 00:56:51,185 --> 00:56:53,085 - They're from HBO. - Max. 1009 00:56:53,154 --> 00:56:55,555 Leah, Max, Max, Max, HBO Max. 1010 00:56:55,624 --> 00:56:58,627 - They're from HBO Max HR. 1011 00:57:01,396 --> 00:57:03,566 - They want to talk to me? - Yeah. 1012 00:57:14,142 --> 00:57:15,241 - Hi. 1013 00:57:15,310 --> 00:57:16,776 - Hi, John. 1014 00:57:16,845 --> 00:57:18,010 - Hi. Hi. 1015 00:57:18,079 --> 00:57:22,515 - We have received multiple complaints today 1016 00:57:22,584 --> 00:57:25,517 about unacceptable conduct. 1017 00:57:25,586 --> 00:57:28,787 So we're going to need to talk to you 1018 00:57:28,856 --> 00:57:32,157 and other members of the cast and crew, okay? 1019 00:57:32,226 --> 00:57:35,460 Hopefully this won't take up too much of your time. 1020 00:57:35,529 --> 00:57:38,397 My assistant, Ann, could head up 1021 00:57:38,466 --> 00:57:42,501 the predator team, and... 1022 00:57:42,570 --> 00:57:45,003 - "Predator team"? - The predator team, yes. 1023 00:57:45,072 --> 00:57:49,709 The highest priority really, as you know, here at HBO is... 1024 00:57:49,778 --> 00:57:52,912 [continues indistinctly] 1025 00:57:52,981 --> 00:57:54,713 [soft music plays] 1026 00:57:54,782 --> 00:57:57,945 - I think we should--I think we should end the show. 1027 00:57:58,014 --> 00:58:00,723 [cheers and applause] 1028 00:58:03,859 --> 00:58:06,291 Thank you guys so much for coming. 1029 00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:09,229 ["I Feel Love" playing] 1030 00:58:09,298 --> 00:58:15,939 ♪ ♪ 1031 00:58:19,608 --> 00:58:22,741 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1032 00:58:22,810 --> 00:58:25,511 ♪ It's so good, it's so good, it's so good ♪ 1033 00:58:25,580 --> 00:58:30,283 ♪ It's so good, it's so good ♪ 1034 00:58:30,352 --> 00:58:35,121 ♪ ♪ 1035 00:58:35,190 --> 00:58:38,591 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1036 00:58:38,660 --> 00:58:41,561 ♪ Heaven knows, heaven knows, heaven knows ♪ 1037 00:58:41,630 --> 00:58:47,300 ♪ Heaven knows, heaven knows ♪ 1038 00:58:47,369 --> 00:58:51,338 ♪ ♪ 1039 00:58:51,407 --> 00:58:54,573 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1040 00:58:54,642 --> 00:58:57,543 ♪ I feel love, I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1041 00:58:57,612 --> 00:59:03,283 ♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1042 00:59:03,352 --> 00:59:06,352 ♪ ♪ 1043 00:59:06,421 --> 00:59:13,329 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1044 00:59:14,396 --> 00:59:21,304 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1045 00:59:22,270 --> 00:59:25,538 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1046 00:59:25,607 --> 00:59:28,674 Okay, Dominique... 1047 00:59:28,743 --> 00:59:31,678 can you do what I just did to that melody line? 1048 00:59:31,747 --> 00:59:32,711 Is that cool? 1049 00:59:32,780 --> 00:59:36,850 And then, I'll kind of hop on top for that harmony. 1050 00:59:36,919 --> 00:59:39,184 Okay, cool. Let's do that. Let's do that. 1051 00:59:39,253 --> 00:59:40,720 Here we go. 1052 00:59:40,789 --> 00:59:43,890 both: ♪ Ooh ♪ 1053 00:59:43,959 --> 00:59:47,260 ♪ Fallin' free, fallin' free, fallin' free ♪ 1054 00:59:47,329 --> 00:59:52,998 ♪ Fallin' free, fallin' free ♪ 1055 00:59:53,067 --> 00:59:56,903 ♪ ♪ 1056 00:59:56,972 --> 00:59:59,805 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1057 00:59:59,874 --> 01:00:03,275 ♪ You and me, you and me, you and me ♪ 1058 01:00:03,344 --> 01:00:09,215 ♪ You and me, you and me ♪ 1059 01:00:09,284 --> 01:00:12,385 ♪ ♪ 1060 01:00:12,454 --> 01:00:15,822 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1061 01:00:15,891 --> 01:00:19,291 ♪ I feel love, I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1062 01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:25,031 ♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1063 01:00:25,100 --> 01:00:27,834 - Oh, Dominique! 1064 01:00:27,903 --> 01:00:34,743 both: ♪ I feel love ♪ 1065 01:00:35,811 --> 01:00:42,952 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1066 01:00:43,819 --> 01:00:47,421 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1067 01:00:47,490 --> 01:00:48,855 - Okay. 1068 01:00:48,924 --> 01:00:51,724 Let's add Princess. Let's add Princess. 1069 01:00:51,793 --> 01:00:55,427 Okay, so, Princess, it'll go Dom again, right? 1070 01:00:55,496 --> 01:00:59,526 Then, Princess, you'll kind of do what I just did. 1071 01:00:59,595 --> 01:01:01,971 And then I'll come up on the highest part. 1072 01:01:04,340 --> 01:01:06,639 Let's go! 1073 01:01:06,708 --> 01:01:09,876 all: ♪ Ooh ♪ 1074 01:01:09,945 --> 01:01:12,812 ♪ I got you, I got you, I got you ♪ 1075 01:01:12,881 --> 01:01:18,318 ♪ I got you, I got you ♪ 1076 01:01:18,387 --> 01:01:22,589 ♪ ♪ 1077 01:01:22,658 --> 01:01:26,258 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1078 01:01:26,327 --> 01:01:28,994 ♪ What you do, what you do, what you do ♪ 1079 01:01:29,063 --> 01:01:34,834 ♪ What you do, what you do ♪ 1080 01:01:34,903 --> 01:01:38,538 [cheers and applause] 1081 01:01:38,607 --> 01:01:42,041 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1082 01:01:42,110 --> 01:01:45,010 ♪ I feel love, I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1083 01:01:45,079 --> 01:01:51,820 ♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1084 01:01:53,689 --> 01:02:00,796 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1085 01:02:01,764 --> 01:02:08,905 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1086 01:02:09,905 --> 01:02:17,046 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1087 01:02:18,213 --> 01:02:25,221 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1088 01:02:25,587 --> 01:02:29,556 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1089 01:02:29,625 --> 01:02:30,924 Make some noise 1090 01:02:30,993 --> 01:02:34,627 for Michael Hesslein on the keys... 1091 01:02:34,696 --> 01:02:37,463 [cheers and applause] 1092 01:02:37,532 --> 01:02:40,733 Drew Hart on that nasty bass... 1093 01:02:40,802 --> 01:02:43,435 [cheers and applause] 1094 01:02:43,504 --> 01:02:46,739 Will Lawrence on the drums... 1095 01:02:46,808 --> 01:02:49,776 [cheers and applause] 1096 01:02:49,845 --> 01:02:52,912 - Princess Fortier on the soprano line... 1097 01:02:52,981 --> 01:02:55,214 [cheers and applause] 1098 01:02:55,283 --> 01:02:56,550 Dominique Toney 1099 01:02:56,619 --> 01:02:58,751 on the alto line... 1100 01:02:58,820 --> 01:03:00,754 [cheers and applause] 1101 01:03:00,823 --> 01:03:03,756 Yazan Fahmawi on guitar... 1102 01:03:03,825 --> 01:03:05,825 [cheers and applause] 1103 01:03:05,894 --> 01:03:07,927 My parents! 1104 01:03:07,996 --> 01:03:11,030 [cheers and applause] 1105 01:03:11,099 --> 01:03:12,259 Release. 1106 01:03:12,328 --> 01:03:13,767 Give it up for Roulette. 1107 01:03:13,836 --> 01:03:15,568 Tip your bartenders. 1108 01:03:15,637 --> 01:03:17,703 Thank you so much. I'm John Early. 1109 01:03:17,772 --> 01:03:20,407 This has been heaven on Earth. I love you! 1110 01:03:20,476 --> 01:03:21,941 Thank you. 1111 01:03:22,010 --> 01:03:25,311 [cheers and applause] 1112 01:03:25,380 --> 01:03:32,255 ♪ ♪ 1113 01:04:05,988 --> 01:04:08,191 [bright tone]