♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You left the tag on.
Everything I do has a purpose, muchacho.
It's a good plan, boss.
Classic blitzkrieg. Worked in Poland.
Shall we?
ROLANDO "MUSCULITO" MARTINEZ: Okay. Okay. Fan out.
Slow. Slow.
Let's go.
VILLO: En serio, alúmbrame, aquí, ¿okay?
-BERNARD "MACHO" BARKER: (SPEAKING SPANISH) -(IN ENGLISH) Okay.
-MACHO: (SPEAKING SPANISH) -Chico, un momento, no me apure.
LIDDY: (IN ENGLISH) What?
MACHO: Don't worry, boss. He's gonna get it.
-LIDDY: Oh, good. -Okay.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Pasa de grado.
HOWARD: Villo, ¿qué pasa?
(IN ENGLISH) These are the wrong tools.
LIDDY: What? He has the wrong tools.
How is that even possible?
-I have right tools! -He has the right tools.
In Miami.
(OVERLAPPING ARGUING IN SPANISH)
-(HOWARD SHUSHES) -MACHO: (IN ENGLISH) I'm so sorry, boss.
-LIDDY: Let's go. -HOWARD: Vamanos.
(OVERLAPPING SPANISH CHATTER)
♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -Entrez-vous.
Howard, I just read the copy for the HEW account.
It's not quite there yet.
The section on the Child Safety Act.
It just seems flavorless.
So, you want me to make
choking kids more spicy?
-SPENCER OLIVER: Well-- -Christ, Spence,
is that my legacy? Working on this garbage.
We really need you to be a little more grateful
for this job, Howard.
Remember, you were unhireable when the agency dumped you.
NEWS ANCHOR: This week marks the tenth anniversary
of the failed invasion
by Cuban exiles to overthrow Castro, more commonly known
-as the Bay of Pigs. -DOROTHY HUNT: Howard?
-Howard, phone! -NEWS ANCHOR: The botched invasion
pushed Cuba closer to the Soviet Union.
Repercussions of this event
continue to this day, where it is now widely seen
as the largest CIA failure ever.
HOWARD: CIA my ass! It was that chicken-shit
-Kennedy's fault. -(ELECTRIC GUITAR STRUMMING)
(HOWARD EXHALES DEEPLY)
-Sunny boy... -(GASPS)
...you know, you're a half-step flat.
It's like an ice pick to the temple.
Sorry, Papa. I-- I thought you were s-- upstairs.
What is that? Daniel Ellsberg.
How did this leftist propaganda end up in my house?
We subscribe.
DOROTHY: Howard?
Howard! Are you deaf?
It's the White House. Charles Colson.
-You hear that? -♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(CHUCKLES)
They can't blame me forever. I told you they'd call.
DOROTHY: Please just listen to what they have to say.
-Huh. -DOROTHY: Try not to be such
-an asshole. -Papa! Can you and me go--
Papa's gotta an important call now, kiddo.
Maybe we can celebrate after with some ice cream.
-(GASPS) -And it's "Might you and I."
-DAVID HUNT: Ice cream! -Howard Hunt.
RECEPTIONIST: (OVER PHONE) Please hold for Mr. Colson.
Yes, I'll hold.
(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLICKING)
ST. JOHN HUNT: "He grabbed the secret plans
from her roughly. 'Oh, Jake. Oh, you bastard.'"
Hey! (SHUSHES)
Does anybody actually read Papa's books?
-I'm just the typist. -Chuck! How the hell are you?
CHARLES COLSON: Howard, the President asked
for a real son of a bitch
to handle this Pentagon papers leak.
I naturally thought of you.
-What do you need? -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
RADIO NEWSCASTER: A Boston judge is now deciding
if Daniel Ellsberg,
who leaked the Pentagon papers, may be extradited...
-(CAR HORN HONKING) -Move!
RADIO NEWSCASTER: From the President on down,
the administration is determined to discourage
any future leaks. NBC News, Washington.
EGIL "BUD" KROGH: Colson speaks very highly of you.
HOWARD: That's good to hear.
He doesn't speak highly of anyone.
Nor do they of him. (CHUCKLES)
Jesting. Please don't tell him I said that.
Of course not.
SIU has been a long time coming,
but this Pentagon papers business
was the final straw.
The country's going to hell in a hand-basket.
Goddamn Jane Fonda.
People need to understand they cannot violate
our national security and get away with it.
The President feels there's been too much
heel-dragging on these leaks.
Heel-dragging and pussyfooting.
If there's one thing I detest more
than heel-dragging, it's pussyfooting.
Son of a bitch steals 7,000 pages
of top-secret documents and gives it
to the goddamn press? High treason!
I told Colson I think Ellsberg should be...
tarred and feathered and hanged.
Well, then, you and the President
are of the same mind.
Hence, SIU. Special Intelligence Unit.
Oh, look, right.
Uh, Bud, I-- I-- I don't mean to step on
any toes here but, uh,
"Special Intelligence" makes it sound
like we're, uh, mentally handicapped.
That had not occurred to me.
JOHN DEAN: Just make sure he does it
-quickly this time. -John.
-Bud. -Oh!
Well, this must be the, uh, the master spy.
-(CHUCKLES) -Howard Hunt, John Dean,
White House Counsel.
John.
What a pleasure to meet you.
Likewise, Hunt.
Good luck with your little project.
Don't mind Dean.
He thought SIU should have been his,
but between us,
the President thinks he has too much old lady in him.
Yeah, well, that explains the hairdo.
(CHUCKLES)
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -BUD: I want you to meet
Gordon Liddy. We worked narcotics together
at Treasury. You'll like him.
Toughest guy I know. He has a thing that he does
to prove his commitment. He'll hold his hand
in the flame of a candle.
And? What's the trick?
There isn't one. Gets third-degree burns
every time, never flinches. He's a great guy.
-Real family man. -SECRETARY: Don't touch me!
-(G. GORDON LIDDY GROANS) -BUD: Gordon.
Now, you're going to thrust that right there.
Right through the pervert's cartilage,
straight up and into the brain. And voilà, threat neutralized.
Gordon Liddy. This is Howard Hunt.
LIDDY: Huh.
Colson made you sound like a, uh...
-regular James Bond. -Funny, he never mentioned you.
Uh, for the record, James Bond is a work of fiction.
I am the real deal.
-LIDDY: Oh. -I write fiction,
so I know the difference.
Howard and Colson are both Brown men.
Oh! Where'd you go to school, amigo?
Ah, Fordham.
Hmm, they teach you that pencil business at Fordham?
BUD: We're told Ellsberg is seeing a psychiatrist.
Uh, Bud, uh, I had a few ideas about Ellsberg.
-You know, I think he might be-- -(DOOR CLOSING)
LIDDY: There's been a spate of rapes
in the area.
So, I've been teaching the girls in the office
a little basic self-defense.
Well, let us pray those rapes happen near pencil sharpeners.
-Gentlemen. -See, Hunt,
here at SIU, I try and teach my people
to embrace the unorthodox.
-Dream the impossible. -HOWARD: Your people?
Bud, uh...
(CLEARS THROAT) ...maybe I'm a little confused here,
Colson told me that SIU was my op.
With you providing oversight, of course.
You have been given erroneous information.
SIU is mine.
Everybody knows SIU is a Gordon Liddy operation.
Gentlemen. As per the President,
I will be heading up SIU.
You two will work together, you will report to me.
That's the arrangement. Take it or leave it.
-Roger that, amigo. -Copacetic.
♪ (NOSTALGIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(HORSE SNORTING)
Nothing makes my heart pound like a well-tailored pair
of riding pants.
(CHUCKLES) You are such a simple man, Mr. Hunt.
Sounds like someone's had a good day.
I did indeed.
DOROTHY: Makes one of us.
What's the matter?
Lisa's been calling.
In tears.
(SIGHS) It's goddamn American University,
it's not Harvard.
Apparently, her professors do not understand her.
HOWARD: Join the club.
-Mm, really good curry, Mama. -Oh, thank you, sweetie.
Mm. Next time, perhaps fewer raisins.
No, thank you.
I've got some good news! They're setting me up
in the White House. Office with the secretary.
-DOROTHY: The West Wing? -Well, the EOB.
Which is still considered the White House.
-Cool! -DOROTHY: Only to people
who work in the EOB. (SCOFFS)
-(TELEPHONE RINGING) -Are you going to meet the President?
HOWARD: Well, -it's funny you ask that. -ST. JOHN: It's...
probably Lisa again.
Hi, Honey.
Actually, Papa already met the President
when he was vice president.
We had dinner together in Mexico.
-Wow! -HOWARD: The spicy food, sadly,
did not agree with him,
so he ordered cottage cheese. With ketchup.
DOROTHY: ...if you're crying.
Oh, Christ! Is it too much to ask to enjoy one damn meal?
I'll call you back after dinner. I-- I love you.
(SIGHS)
Is Lisa going back to the nuthouse?
No, sweetie. Don't call it that.
It was a hospital.
HOWARD: Christ. All that money to all those doctors,
right down the commode!
ST. JOHN: Oh, come on, David. Let's go wa-- wa--
watch some TV. (CLEARS THROAT)
It's been five years since the car accident.
I mean, she should be better by now.
It wasn't just the accident, Howard. You know that.
Leave my plate in the icebox.
Howard, we need to have a serious talk.
Not today. Today is a good day.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
PROTESTORS: One, two, three, four!
We don't want your fucking war!
-♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -One, two, three, four!
We don't want your fucking war!
One, two, three, four! We don't want your fucking war!
One, two, three, four! We don't want your fucking...
These are the latest wiretap transcripts.
We have taps on Ellsberg's phones,
as well as those of his family, associates,
even his Beverly Hills psychiatrist.
I'll be candid, gentlemen. We don't have a hell of a lot.
I'm sure Ellsberg knows that his phone is tapped.
-He's no fool. -What does it say in the file?
Uh, from the psychiatrist?
Dr. Fielding refused to turn it over to us.
Doctor-patient privilege.
Clearly, they're hiding something.
And what they're hiding is that Ellsberg
is a communist agent.
Connect the dots. Who benefits from the world thinking
that we can't win in Vietnam? Hanoi, Russia, China, Cuba.
We have no hard evidence he's a spy.
-Yet. -A line has been crossed.
Ellsberg needs to be taken down, publicly discredited and fast.
The President wants extensive polygraph tests from everyone
with high-level access. DOD, CIA, FBI and State.
I've taken the liberty of compiling a list
of 500 or so names, grouped by department.
Five hundred?
Things have changed quite a bit since your brief stint
with the Bureau, Gordon.
Director Hoover doesn't believe
in lie detectors anymore.
Our machines are in a basement, gathering dust. (SIGHS)
Well, if we're going to turn the rats on each other,
we need to create a climate of fear and distrust.
Nacht und nebel.
Night and fog.
We are not the White House's gestapo.
(SNICKERS)
The President wants these polygraphs.
This is a direct order.
If the President has any questions,
he's welcome to call Director Hoover.
I assure you, the FBI is committed
with all legal means at our disposal to assist
the White House in stopping leaks.
Gentlemen.
-(DOOR CLOSING) -Bud?
Meeting adjourned.
(HOWARD SIGHS)
So, I guess it's just you and me
against the entire radical left?
(EXHALES DEEPLY) Sisyphus had it easy.
If you and I are the guys that nail Ellsberg,
Nixon will love us. And by extension,
Project ODESSA!
ODESSA?
Oh, yeah. New name for SIU. ODESSA is the secret network
that helped the SS officers get to South America.
And how exactly does that relate
to our current national security problems?
I already had the stationery made.
You made stationery for a covert op?
(INHALES SHARPLY) We got to get that file
from the psychiatrist.
-Fielding. -What kind of an idiot Soviet agent
spills his guts to a shrink?
If the FBI can't get their hands on the file, how would we?
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
We don't need to steal
Ellsberg's actual psychiatric file,
just photograph it. That will prove
-BUD: Hmm. -...he's in bed with the Russians,
and then we'll have those Pentagon papers
by the short-hairs.
It's a simple black bag job, Bud.
-A black bag job? -Yeah.
At the Company, we call them black ops,
it's a better name.
The proverbial black bag refers to the satchel
in which one carries one's tools.
"Black Ops" is subtler.
The point is, Bud, Fielding will never know
we were there. At this stage, we're just talking recon,
not infiltration.
Yeah. Yeah, we'll scope out the good doctor's building,
hallways and see if we can gain entry.
A trip to Beverly Hills.
HOWARD: The CIA will provide us with cameras,
documents, disguises.
What kind of disguises?
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-STEVE: Open. -(GROANS)
STEVE: There you go.
We need driver's licenses,
pocket litter, the whole kit and caboodle.
Yeah. Try these.
A standard issue 35-millimeter camera as well
as a low-light miniature. And walkie-talkies.
Walkies are all in use. You'll have to supply your own.
-(LIDDY EXHALES SHARPLY) -STEVE: Here.
Hey, how's that gait-alterer?
Feels like I have a pebble in my shoe. (CHUCKLES)
I got a pebble in my shoe. (CHUCKLES)
-(LAUGHS) -You sure this
isn't too conspicuous for a clandestine operation?
Exactly!
All they'll remember about you is the gimmick.
"How tall was he?" "Not sure."
"He walked with a limp."
"Eye color?" "Can't remember." "Uh, his hair was bizarre."
"I couldn't tell if it was a wig or not."
Classic misdirection.
Black ops 101.
See! (CHUCKLES)
-He calls it "black bag." -Oh!
(ALL LAUGH)
An FBI dipshit.
(BOTH LAUGH)
♪ ("CRYSTAL BLUE PERSUASION" BY TOMMY JAMES PLAYING) ♪
♪ Crystal blue persuasion Mm-hmm ♪
♪ It's a new vibration ♪
LIDDY: Oh! How about this weather? Hmm.
-Governor Ronald Reagan. -Hmm.
Oh, about two blocks. You're going to take a right.
-HOWARD: Yup. -Apparently, Warren Beatty lives around here.
-Paul Newman, too. -Communists.
HOWARD: You don't need to exaggerate the limp.
LIDDY: I'm not exaggerating.
It hurts.
That's Fielding's office.
Get in the shot. Like a tourist.
Say "cheese!"
-Cheese! -HOWARD: Ah!
Good.
-Ma'am! -TOURIST: Mm-hmm?
Might you take a picture of myself and my friend,
-George F. Leonard. -TOURIST: Of course.
-HOWARD: Thank you. -Yeah.
-Actually, no. Uh, here. Here. -Oh.
Smile, you're on vacation.
Where are you two from?
-Montana. -Florida.
-Uh, okay. Smile! -(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
HOWARD: Yeah, next to the car.
We're in a fucking alley.
Yeah, you're in California. Look like you're having fun.
♪ (MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) -A little awkward.
It is what it is. (SIGHS)
LIDDY: Hey! That was him! I'm telling you.
HOWARD: John Wayne is not picking up
-his own dry cleaning. -LIDDY: That was the Duke!
She saw us. Shit. That's going to be a problem.
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Hold on. Uh, i-- if Consuela
let's us in, there is no crime, right?
-You are the lawyer. -Ooh. Wait.
-Let me think about-- -Hola, señora.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, señorita.
Somos, eh, doctores... y amigos
de Dr. Fielding.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(IN ENGLISH) Okay.
-What are we doing? -You are going to leave
a very important message
for our dear friend, Doctor Fielding.
I will wait out here.
Sí!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Gracias.
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
¿Ustedes son doctores?
Sí, psiquiatras.
Somos muy importante. (LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS, IN ENGLISH) All done. With the note.
Doctor, did you forget your glasses?
(CHUCKLES)
Yes. Farsighted.
I can't see a thing without them.
Gracias.
HOWARD: Did you photograph the file?
LIDDY: No, the cabinet was locked,
But I shot the whole office.
HOWARD: Mission accomplished, come on!
(SINGING) ♪ Out of the tree of life ♪
♪ I just picked me a plum ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
♪ You came along And everything started to hum ♪
♪ Still it's a real good bet The best is yet to come ♪
♪ The best is yet to come Come the day you're mine ♪
-LIDDY: So good! -(HOWARD CHEERS)
-(ALL APPLAUD) -LIDDY: (LAUGHS) Encore!
Thank you! The band is going to "take five."
Please, be sure to tip your waitress.
(ALL LAUGH)
That was wonderful, Mr. Hamilton.
Are you a professional musician?
Uh, perhaps in a past life.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Actually, on the QT, my colleague and I
just finished a top-secret mission for President Nixon.
LIDDY: (STAMMERS) Oh, Edward! You bull-shitter, you.
-(LAUGHS) -(LAUGHS) This guy.
-That's not true. (LAUGHS) -(LAUGHS)
HOWARD: By the way, why don't you give me
your number and address.
I'll send you my most recent book.
I am a novelist as well.
-Really? -HOWARD: Yes.
And, uh, maybe when I'm in town--
I have a top-secret mission for you. One more beer, please.
Uh, anything German.
Oh, and some matches, please.
-Mm-hmm. -HOWARD: Yes.
Hey, hey! What are you doing?
Telling an airborne waitress that we work for the President?
Just blowing off steam, amigo. Making new friends.
I promise you, she didn't believe a word of it.
(GROANS)
You okay?
(GROANS) Goddamn ulcer.
This helps.
Look. Now, I appreciate that you take chances
and, yes, we've gotten results.
But I can't have any fuckups, capisce?
It's too important.
Now, you listen to me, George.
You are not a federal agent anymore,
you are an intelligence agent.
You are a spy.
And if you want to succeed in this line of work,
you need to be willing to bend the rules,
color outside the lines.
Sorry, all we have is Budweiser.
Oh, hell, yeah. It sounds German, right?
(ALL LAUGH)
Oh, thank you.
-What is that? -Nothing.
-Give me that. -Don't even think twice.
-(LAUGHS) -Give that!
-You better let me see that! -No, get away from--
-(GRUNTS) Let me see! Give it! -(LAUGHS)
Oh!
Linda. (CHUCKLES)
You are a married man, Mr. Hunt.
Howard is. Edward is not. (CHUCKLES)
-♪ (MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Just like that!
-(HOWARD MOANS) -Just like that, Howard.
-Ed-- Edward. -What?
Call me Edward.
Right, yes, sorry. I... Edward, just like that, Edward.
(HOWARD GRUNTS)
-Edward! -(MOANS)
-(MOANS, EXHALES) -(HOWARD GROANS)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
The L.A. mission was a success.
-That explains it. (SIGHS) -(GROANS)
It's all coming together, Dot.
You know, the kids have never been
-to Paris. -Attends, chérie.
They're only paying me a hundred dollars a day.
DOROTHY: Really?
I thought the SIU was your big comeback.
Oh, it is.
They just don't know it yet.
HOWARD: Daniel Ellsberg's file has to be in that cabinet.
I have to say, fellas...
I'm impressed.
You should have seen this guy operate.
-(CHUCKLES) -He gets the cleaning lady
to let us in. Ergo, all 100 percent legal.
And they can't ID us.
Oh, yeah. Good luck with that. And the best part.
-When she leaves at night-- -Oh, yeah!
She doesn't even lock the back door.
HOWARD: Slip in, get into the filing cabinet,
slip out.
-In, out. -Without anyone knowing.
Textbook black op.
BUD: Well, I'm going to run your black bag op by Ehrlichman.
But I think he is going to like it.
Great work.
♪ (MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Plumbers?
We fix leaks.
Oh.
I think everybody prefers ODESSA.
No, no. Plumbers is better. Very clever.
DOROTHY: (SIGHS) Thank you, Howard.
HOWARD: Yeah. (GRUNTS)
Come on, come on, come on, we're running late.
We're not late. We're ten minutes early, Howard.
-No, we're actually-- -Yes. We're ten minutes early.
Uh, listen, he can be a lot to take at first
but, uh, he-- he kind of grows on you.
Hmm. Some people say the same thing about you.
-Psst! Just fix this. -Please don't touch my hair.
-Howard. -(GASPS)
Welcome! I'm Frances.
(LAUGHS) Come in, come in, come in!
(LAUGHS)
Kids, I want you to say hello to the Hunts.
-ALL: Hello! -(LIDDY CHUCKLES)
Uh, this is Jim, Tom, Grace, Alexandra and Raymond.
-Hello! -Hello!
Tom?
Pleased to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Hunt.
It's an honor to have such distinguished members
of the armed forces and,
-uh... -Foreign services.
...foreign services in our home.
-(CHUCKLES) -(CHUCKLES) And-- And may I say
what an honor it is to meet such polite
and, uh, well-groomed youngsters.
(WHISPERS) Take their coats.
May I please take your coat, Mrs. Hunt?
Oh, uh, yes, thank you.
I hear you have a daughter at Smith.
Uh, yes, Kevan.
What an unusual name for a girl. Fun!
Okay. Who would like a drink?
-Yes. -(LIDDY CHUCKLES)
There we go, upstairs.
(LAUGHS) It's just been "Howard this,"
and "Howard that." If Howard wasn't a man,
-I'd be jealous! -(CHUCKLES) Well,
-maybe you should be. -Oh, stop!
-(ALL LAUGH) -So, where did you two meet?
Um, actually, we met in China.
-LIDDY: Oh! -At work.
So you're also a--
Oh, I was. During the war, I was involved in the recovery
of art stolen by the Nazis.
-Wow! -Fascinating.
-FRAN LIDDY: Mm. -LIDDY: Just fascinating.
Uh, I don't know, I'm a history nut myself.
-He is. -Yeah.
Well, actually, I might have a little artifact
-that you might find very... -Oh!
...interesting, given your line of work.
HOWARD: You know, when I met Dot,
she was formidable.
Carried a gun, spoke multiple languages,
she was a veritable Bond girl.
Now, I'm just a suburban hausfrau.
-(GRUNTS, CHUCKLES) -(DOROTHY LAUGHS)
Nothing wrong with that.
And she's also a "translator" at the Spanish Embassy,
-wink-wink. -I heard that!
(CHUCKLES)
-How did you two meet? -His sister set us up.
I selected Fran for her high intelligence.
She used to work at IBM.
-Receptionist. -And of course,
her Celtic/Teutonic genes.
-(CHUCKLES) -Lineage is very important
to Gordon. Even more so than intelligence.
I hope you all brought your appetites tonight,
because Franny makes a mean roast.
I love a good--
(HITLER SPEAKING IN GERMAN OVER RECORD PLAYER)
-Is-- Is that Hitler? -Yes.
Franny, do you want to go check the potatoes?
(CHUCKLES) I set a timer! I'll hear it go off!
See! Intelligence!
Gordon, you don't happen to have any jazz, do you?
-No. -Big band era? Benny Goodman?
You know, I know Gene Krupa--
You met him once, Howard. What is he yelling about?
Die Kunst Griechenlands.
What about showtunes? You have any showtunes?
No. This is better. He's talking about art
as propaganda for the ancient Greeks.
Of course, he's comparing the Hellenic ideal
-to the Bolshevik-- -(EGG SPLATS)
-LIDDY: Oh, God! -Oh!
LIDDY: Franny, get down!
Oh, it's okay! Just eggs, Gordon.
Just eggs. And some kids.
Fran. (INHALES DEEPLY) Those goddamn punks are back.
I'm sorry everybody, I'll be right back.
Honey, we have guests.
Why's he going upstairs?
Why don't you ask Hitler?
This whole new house, new school--
It's been a bit of an adjustment.
Gordon told the boys not to take any guff
from the locals, so they've gotten
in their share of dust-ups.
That's what the eggs are about.
-HOWARD: Hmm. -Such a waste of food.
Boys can be so cruel.
-I know. -What?
It doesn't matter, Howard.
-Boys. -HOWARD: Huh?
-Boys! -Can I freshen your drink?
DOROTHY: Mm-hmm.
Do you mind to turn that down a little bit?
FRAN: What?
(STAMMERS)
FRAN: Cheese?
We have all three. Cheddar, Swiss and Jarlsberg.
-(DOOR OPENING) -Problem solved.
Gordon, your leg again.
We had a civilized chat
and after a little old-fashioned arm twisting,
they agreed to take their carousing elsewhere.
-FRAN: Grace! Ice pack! -GRACE LIDDY: Coming, Mother!
-FRAN: The potatoes! -LIDDY: Oh, delicious!
So. (EXHALES DEEPLY)
I-- I know.
-The Nazi stuff. -Yes.
(HOWARD EXHALES SHARPLY)
-And the gun. -I know.
The sooner you are done with this guy, the better.
Fran seems nice.
-(DOOR KNOCKING) -(DOOR LOCK CLICKING)
Gordon. I've got some very good news.
-Hello, Bud. -Where's Hunt?
-(BRIEFCASE SLAMS) -Bud.
Yes? Good!
Ellsberg mission is a go.
But you two cannot make the entry yourselves.
You are White House employees on the payroll.
-LIDDY: Hmm. -We'll get outside help.
BUD: Exchange that for fresh cash
at a bank so it isn't traceable.
Call me when it's done and for God's sake,
-don't get caught. -(LAUGHS)
♪ Look over yonder ♪
♪ A new day is comin' Woo-hoo ♪
♪ Crystal blue persuasion ♪
HOWARD: How are we looking?
What kind of budget is 2600 bucks
-for this kind of op? -It's not about the money.
My boys would do it for free. They're patriots.
Oh!
Real Americans.
Better.
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSCULITO SIGHS)
Oh. Uh, good afternoon. Are you gentlemen checking in?
We're not staying here.
Excellent.
Then you're more than welcome to park in our garage.
Okay.
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
(DE DIEGO SPEAKS SPANISH)
(BOTH SPEAK SPANISH)
(IN ENGLISH) If you see the maid,
tell her we're out of soap.
The wife gets pretty jazzed when I bring these home
from traveling.
You are one romantic son of a bitch, Gordon Liddy.
-Well, I try. -(DOOR KNOCKING)
It's the boys.
(BOTH SPEAK SPANISH)
(IN ENGLISH) We got off on six and went up the stairs
to make sure we weren't followed.
-We're on the seventh floor. -He has the "angina."
Take your nitro, Macho.
HOWARD: Come here. (SPEAKS SPANISH)
-(SPEAKS SPANISH) -(LAUGHS)
(IN ENGLISH) Fellas, uh, this is George F. Leonard.
He's ex-FBI.
George, this is Felipe De Diego, Rolando Martinez,
known as "Musculito," and Bernard Barker.
-"Macho." -Macho.
Macho.
A little birdie told me you are all Bay of Pigs?
-Hmm? -♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
No.
It's okay. He knows.
Then yes.
(ALL LAUGH)
George, if you want a can't-lose investment...
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -Miami real estate--
-Oh, I don't-- -If you ever want to talk property.
-HOWARD: Gentlemen! -Call me.
Gentlemen.
To old friends!
-(ALL LAUGH) -To new beginnings,
Cuba libre and President Richard Nixon!
ALL: Viva Nixon!
And fuck Kennedy!
ALL: Fuck Kennedy!
(ALL LAUGH)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -ALL: Fuck Kennedy!
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Any sign?
LIDDY: No. Fielding is still in his office.
-What is that? -This?
ZF-41 sniper scope. World War II vintage.
German, of course.
Of course. Gordon...
I have to ask.
What's with the Hitler hard-on?
You know, a lot of us fought in the war.
I'm no Nazi.
Believe me.
And I understand what those people did
was pure evil. (INHALES DEEPLY) But before the war,
Hoboken was a pretty rough town and I...
I was a scrawny little mick,
and used to get the shit kicked out of me daily.
Scared to even leave the house.
And my nanny, German, Frau Teresa,
she used to put Hitler's speeches on,
you know, on radio.
And there was something about that voice,
just filled me with the will to just get out there
and conquer my fears. And Der Hindenburg.
She used to fly right above my house.
The most incredible sight I'd ever seen.
Bigger than a battleship!
Have you ever considered
that Adolf Hitler and Der Hindenburg
are not ideal templates for success?
You know, well, inspiring nonetheless.
(GROANS)
LIDDY: Oh! There's Fielding. We got him.
I know. I can see him with my naked eye.
-He's right there. -♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
LIDDY: He's heading to his car, get ready to follow him.
HOWARD: I'm going to call the Cubans.
Unit One to Unit Two,
the eagle has left the nest. Over.
(MACHO SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO)
HOWARD: Copy that, over.
These things are garbage, muchacho.
I spent every dime that Bud gave us.
Oh! That's him, hold this.
-Yeah. (GROANS) -(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Not too close. -I know.
-Speed up! -Right.
-(CAR HORN HONKING) -E. HOWARD HUNT: Oh, Jesus.
-(GROANS, YELLS) -Shit! You okay?
Pain is a mental construct.
HOWARD: Shrink's got a nice house.
LIDDY: What a job this poor mope has.
Listening to pantywaists like Ellsberg,
who whine about their mothers all day.
(CRIES MOCKINGLY) I'm so angry at my mom!
-(CHUCKLES, CRIES MOCKINGLY) -I saw a psychiatrist.
Oh.
A couple of times.
My kids were in a car accident, years ago.
My eldest, Lisa, she--
she banged her head up pretty badly.
-Hmm. -It...
affected her.
Well...
A man has got to take care of his family.
All right. Uh, I'll stay here and keep eyes on Fielding.
You head back, run point on the Cubans
in the entry. Any hang-ups, radio me.
Roger that.
Oh!
Thanks.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(BOTH SPEAK SPANISH)
LIDDY: (IN ENGLISH) Heading to the back door now.
We are a go. The patient is with the doctor, over.
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
Uh, do not copy. Uh, uh, uh... Wait a minute.
Repeat.
Eagle is in the nest. Over.
Do not copy. Repeat. Over.
I said, "The eagle is still in the nest."
-(RADIO STATIC) -(SPEAKS SPANISH)
(IN ENGLISH) I can't understand you either, please.
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
I said the eagle is in the goddamn nest!
The nest!
Press the button all the way in and speak clearly. Don't shout.
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
Fuck!
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
George? We've got a problem.
What kind of problem?
It's locked. We radioed you.
These walkie-talkies are shit, man.
Hey!
-Do not blame the equipment! -Okay. Okay.
Damn it. It was supposed to be open.
-Any other way in? -Well...
there's that. But that one's locked, too.
Break the goddamn window.
(BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH)
-DE DIEGO: ¿Qué te pasó? -MACHO: (IN ENGLISH, GROANS) My wrist!
-CUBANS: (SPEAKING SPANISH) -DE DIEGO: (IN ENGLISH) Move, move, move.
-Shit, shit, shit! -(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Fielding's out of pocket! -What?
-We have to get the boys out! -Why didn't you radio me?
-Fellas? Can you hear me? -HOWARD: That's why!
-Ow. -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Oh! There they are!
-Muchachos, vamos! -CUBANS: Vamos, vamos, vamos!
CUBANS: No, no, no! (SPEAKING SPANISH)
Okay, full debriefing. Did we get the file?
There was no Ellsberg file.
Shit!
-You're sure? Nothing? -Nada.
We went through every file in that office, man.
We took Polaroids. Nada.
-Rosenberg, Goldberg, Grodberg. -Pero Ellsberg, no.
Scheisse!
-(CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE POPPING) -♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(ALL CHEER) -So, we know the file was moved.
CUBANS: (SPEAKING SPANISH)
Bien hecho.
(IN ENGLISH) What are we celebrating?
Well, dollars to donuts, the file is in Fielding's house.
So to our next mission, adelante!
CUBANS: Adelante!
-Viva Nixon! -Viva Nixon!
LIDDY: Eduardo. You need to see this.
-HOWARD: (SPEAKS SPANISH) -LIDDY: Edward!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Macho...
what happened?
We had a little trouble with the lock
on the filing cabinet.
-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -MACHO: It broke.
So we had to improvise.
(GRUNTS)
-DE DIEGO: Hey! -(SPEAKS SPANISH)
LIDDY: (IN ENGLISH) You know, the whole point
of the operation, Macho, was for Fielding
to never know that we were there.
George told us to break the window!
-I didn't-- -Jesus, Gordon!
Who's Gordon?
You tore the place apart.
Why is all this shit on the floor!
Oh, tranquilo! Tranquilo! We come up with a plan.
We made a mess, threw some pills around
to make it seem like junkies were looking for drugs.
Where did you get the pills?
We broke into a doctor's office down the hall.
May I ask a question?
Ay, caramba.
LIDDY: What kind of a drug addict,
A, brings his own drugs to a crime scene.
And B, scatters them about the floor
and leaves them behind!
That's a fair point. That's a fair point.
Hmm.
I know how important those files were to you, boss.
We didn't want to let you down.
LIDDY: Gentlemen.
(HOWARD SIGHS)
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! (GRUNTS, GROANS)
God! (PANTS)
-(SIREN BLARING ON TV) -HOWARD: I'm back.
-We bungled the whole thing. -Howard?
HOWARD: It was a disaster.
This was my last chance, it's-- it's over.
Yes. I'm-- I'm sorry to hear that but--
Dot, I know you don't like Gordon,
but we blew it. It is over! It...
Maybe it's fate trying to--
Lisa is dropping out of college.
LISA HUNT: Christ, I did not drop out!
Lisa?
Surprise.
What are you doing home?
LISA: I don't know, I just decided
it wasn't a great way to spend my limited time
on this planet, listening to a bunch
of establishment tools.
Well, sounds like dropping out to me.
See! I knew he was going to say that.
-Honey. She's very upset. -Yeah, well, so am I!
Does this mean that I can s-- skip college, too?
-No. -HOWARD: No!
-LISA: Shut up! -We both had very bad days.
Papa tried to deliver a very big project
for President Nixon, which did not go well,
and you had whatever difficulties you had.
Take tonight. Get some sleep.
In the morning, I'll drive you back, pumpkin.
No! First of all, to hell with Nixon!
And I'm not going back there
-you can't make me go back! -Keep your voice down.
Why! Can Nixon hear me?
Try the breathing, sweetie.
-Okay. -(DOROTHY SIGHS)
You've got this under control. You don't need me.
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You can thank your lucky stars the LAPD blamed it on a junkie.
Goddamn amateur night with those Cubans.
And I am going to tell that to-- to Krogh.
Those Cubans improvised that whole junkie ruse!
-They saved our asses! -Oh, hey, Doug.
Would you say this "black op" is indicative
of the professionalism and general competence
of your CIA?
HOWARD: Those men were betrayed by this country
and yet, here they are, putting their asses on the line
for it again and for zero pay!
Do you know anyone from the FBI
doing this kind of high-risk work for free?
Damn right you don't.
That's loyalty! That's patriotism!
(PANTS)
Do not lecture me on patriotism, friend.
-SECRETARY: You can go right in. -Thank you.
And let the record show, Gordon Liddy shits red,
-white, and blue. -DEAN: Hiya, fellas.
-HOWARD: John! Uh... -(DOOR CLOSING)
...uh, Gordon, uh, this is, John Dean.
Have a seat.
S-- so, uh, waiting for Bud?
Oh, no. Bu-- (LAUGHS) No. No, Bud's out.
Gentlemen, you're fired.
Congratulations, you're hired.
Liddy, you now work for the Committee
to re-elect the President.
The President needs men of action and your new mission
is to make sure he wins this election.
Liddy, we'd like you to be the Committee's
new chief counsel.
Oh.
Thank you, John.
I'm honored.
I hope Howard will be available to advise.
I will indeed.
DEAN: Very nice. You'll report to Jeb Magruder.
He's deputy head over there and keep me briefed.
S... so, I'm clear, Bud--
The President doesn't think he has the stomach
for bare-knuckle tactics.
Too much little old lady in him.
-(LAUGHS) -Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
DEAN: But your commitment, your zeal--
Let's just say, you impressed the right people.
So, uh, what are we talking about here?
Espionage, sabotage, uh, infiltration, disinformation,
electronic surveillance, re-- recruiting
and planting moles, your various and sundry dirty tricks.
Same shit they do to us every election.
Work up a proposal and budget and, uh,
-dazzle us. -LIDDY: Uh, say, John,
when you say budget...
what size ballpark are we playing in here?
How much do you think you'll need?
Oh. I'd...
Hmm.
For the, uh, scope and, uh, scale of what it is you're
envisioning, um, I'd say...
-a million dollars? -(LIDDY CLEARS THROAT)
-Sure. Whatever you guys need. -(DOOR CLOSING)
♪ ("THE BEST IS YET TO COME" BY FRANK SINATRA PLAYING) ♪
-(LAUGHS) -Sure.
♪ Out of the tree of life I just picked me a plum ♪
(BOTH LAUGH)
♪ You came along ♪
♪ And everything's Startin' to hum ♪
-What've we got? -♪ Still it's a... ♪
One of our cameras was used in an op
for the White House. They forgot to take the film out
of the camera when they gave it back.
AGENT 1: What the fuck is this?
♪ The best is yet to come And, babe, won't that be fine? ♪
♪ You think you've seen The sun ♪
♪ But you ain't seen it shine ♪
♪ A-wait till the warm-up's Underway ♪
♪ Wait till our lips have met ♪
♪ And wait till you see That sunshine day ♪
♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet ♪
♪ The best is yet to come And, babe, won't it be fine? ♪
♪ Best is yet to come Come the day you're mine ♪
♪ Come the day you're mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna teach you to fly ♪
♪ We've only tasted the wine ♪
♪ We're gonna drain The cup dry ♪
♪ Wait till your charms Are right ♪
♪ For these arms to surround ♪
♪ You think You've flown before ♪
♪ But, baby You ain't left the ground ♪
♪ A-wait till you're locked In my embrace ♪
♪ Wait till I draw you near ♪
♪ And wait till you see That sunshine place ♪
♪ Ain't nothin' like it here ♪
♪ The best is yet to come And, babe, won't it be fine? ♪
♪ The best is yet to come Come the day you're mine ♪
♪ Come the day you're mine ♪
♪ And you're gonna be mine ♪
♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪