1 00:00:07,865 --> 00:00:09,606 [ wind gusts, waves crash ] 2 00:00:09,606 --> 00:00:11,338 ROSEMARY: Hey, Jacinta. 3 00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:16,413 [ children laugh ] 4 00:00:16,413 --> 00:00:17,414 WOMAN: Say hi. 5 00:00:17,414 --> 00:00:19,777 CHILDREN: Hi! 6 00:00:19,777 --> 00:00:22,249 ROSEMARY: And these are the criminals. 7 00:00:22,249 --> 00:00:23,821 They will never get out from my jail. 8 00:00:23,821 --> 00:00:25,422 BOY: Help me! Help me! Let me out. 9 00:00:25,422 --> 00:00:28,155 [ children shouting ] 10 00:00:30,157 --> 00:00:31,558 RICH: That's the record button. Yep. 11 00:00:31,558 --> 00:00:32,830 ROSEMARY: Is that what it's saying? 12 00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:35,562 RICH: That's what it be saying. 13 00:00:35,562 --> 00:00:37,394 Are you a silly‐willy? 14 00:00:37,394 --> 00:00:38,796 ROSEMARY: Yep. 15 00:00:38,796 --> 00:00:41,899 JACINTA: My dad explained to me, 16 00:00:41,899 --> 00:00:45,372 when you're an infant and you cry, 17 00:00:45,372 --> 00:00:46,644 your mom picks you up 18 00:00:46,644 --> 00:00:49,376 and comforts you. 19 00:00:49,376 --> 00:00:51,378 When I was an infant 20 00:00:51,378 --> 00:00:53,250 my mom cried. 21 00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,252 She picked me up for comfort. 22 00:00:55,252 --> 00:00:57,915 [ somber music plays ] 23 00:00:57,915 --> 00:01:03,290 ♪♪ 24 00:01:03,290 --> 00:01:08,465 ♪♪ 25 00:01:08,465 --> 00:01:11,198 [ indistinct conversations ] 26 00:01:21,238 --> 00:01:23,781 [ TV plays indistinctly ] 27 00:01:27,344 --> 00:01:33,290 ♪♪ 28 00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:39,226 ♪♪ 29 00:01:42,499 --> 00:01:43,631 ‐ Should I put my hair up? 30 00:01:43,631 --> 00:01:46,503 I never put my hair up. 31 00:01:46,503 --> 00:01:47,805 Yes? No? 32 00:01:47,805 --> 00:01:49,006 ‐ What? 33 00:01:49,006 --> 00:01:50,868 ‐ Should I do the '90s thing? 34 00:01:50,868 --> 00:01:51,939 Like this? 35 00:01:51,939 --> 00:01:53,270 ‐ Oh, my God. 36 00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:54,271 ‐ Hey, girl. 37 00:01:54,271 --> 00:01:55,943 You looking kind of good! 38 00:01:55,943 --> 00:01:57,274 What's your name? [ laughs ] 39 00:01:57,274 --> 00:01:59,817 ‐ Stop. No. 40 00:02:05,252 --> 00:02:08,385 JACINTA: I've been in for eight months... 41 00:02:08,385 --> 00:02:11,028 and I have a month left of my sentence. 42 00:02:12,329 --> 00:02:13,891 Thank you. 43 00:02:13,891 --> 00:02:17,034 My first time being incarcerated... 44 00:02:17,034 --> 00:02:21,038 I think I was 15. 45 00:02:21,038 --> 00:02:23,040 I'm 26, 46 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,043 and there hasn't been many breaks in between. 47 00:02:29,807 --> 00:02:30,948 WOMAN: Pitch five. 48 00:02:32,710 --> 00:02:33,851 Get it! Yep! 49 00:02:33,851 --> 00:02:36,854 [ indistinct conversations ] 50 00:02:38,756 --> 00:02:41,288 ‐ I'm trying not to be seen 51 00:02:41,288 --> 00:02:45,693 because I've already been warned at the window for talking. 52 00:02:45,693 --> 00:02:48,696 And so if I'm seen, I'm gonna get a write‐up. 53 00:02:51,699 --> 00:02:53,300 What are you doing, Ma? 54 00:02:55,432 --> 00:02:57,534 I don't want to get caught at your window. 55 00:02:59,376 --> 00:03:01,378 ROSEMARY: Alright. I don't want to get you in trouble. 56 00:03:01,378 --> 00:03:03,480 JACINTA: Alright. I love you, Mom. 57 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,012 ROSEMARY: I love you, too. 58 00:03:07,614 --> 00:03:09,616 ‐ Yep, at noon time. 59 00:03:11,819 --> 00:03:13,691 [ indistinct shouting, cheering ] 60 00:03:14,692 --> 00:03:16,593 ‐ Run! Run, Bridget! 61 00:03:18,856 --> 00:03:20,557 ‐ Go ahead! ‐ You flinched. 62 00:03:20,557 --> 00:03:22,059 ‐ Go ahead. 63 00:03:22,059 --> 00:03:24,061 I only flinched 'cause I didn't want to hurt you. 64 00:03:24,061 --> 00:03:25,402 [ both laugh ] 65 00:03:25,402 --> 00:03:27,064 ‐ Save it. 66 00:03:27,064 --> 00:03:28,806 [ women cheer ] 67 00:03:28,806 --> 00:03:31,408 ‐ You're a big baby, I swear. 68 00:03:31,408 --> 00:03:32,810 [ laughs ] 69 00:03:32,810 --> 00:03:33,841 ‐ Abuse. 70 00:03:33,841 --> 00:03:35,472 [ women cheering ] 71 00:03:35,472 --> 00:03:38,415 I called my mother a bitch once, right? 72 00:03:38,415 --> 00:03:39,647 She smacks me in the mouth, and I ‐‐ 73 00:03:39,647 --> 00:03:41,048 ‐ I didn't smack you in the mouth. 74 00:03:41,048 --> 00:03:43,020 That ain't exactly ‐‐ Don't lie. Don't you lie. 75 00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:44,451 You went... You're like this. 76 00:03:44,451 --> 00:03:45,883 You said, "I should smash you, bitch," 77 00:03:45,883 --> 00:03:46,924 is what you said. 78 00:03:46,924 --> 00:03:48,385 ‐ She smacked me in the mouth. 79 00:03:48,385 --> 00:03:50,357 ‐ Tell the whole story. ‐ And cried. 80 00:03:50,357 --> 00:03:52,760 ‐ [ chuckles ] 81 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,131 JACINTA: Listen, Joanne, 82 00:03:54,131 --> 00:03:55,763 she calls my mom at like 2:00 in the morning. 83 00:03:55,763 --> 00:03:57,534 She's like, "Your daughter ripped me off." 84 00:03:57,534 --> 00:03:59,536 ROSEMARY: I remember that. ‐ "I'm gonna whoop her ass." 85 00:03:59,536 --> 00:04:02,770 I hear my mom's truck coming, 86 00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:06,503 flying down Pine Street at fuckin' 2:00 in the morning, 87 00:04:06,503 --> 00:04:08,505 blaring REO Speedwagon 88 00:04:08,505 --> 00:04:10,808 Take It On The Run, right? [ laughs ] 89 00:04:10,808 --> 00:04:12,810 I'm like, "Yep, here comes my mom." 90 00:04:12,810 --> 00:04:15,813 So, she's up in ‐‐ ‐ You weren't even there yet. 91 00:04:15,813 --> 00:04:17,755 I was already there, and I'm calling Jacinta, 92 00:04:17,755 --> 00:04:19,887 and she said, "Mom, I'm gonna be there in two minutes." 93 00:04:19,887 --> 00:04:21,889 I'm pissed. 94 00:04:21,889 --> 00:04:24,922 ‐ I was in the alley taking a couple of hits. 95 00:04:24,922 --> 00:04:27,064 This girl peeps my mom coming through the door. 96 00:04:27,064 --> 00:04:29,526 She goes "Yeah. Yeah, you, Rosemary." 97 00:04:29,526 --> 00:04:31,929 My mom grabs her and starts beating the fuck out of her, 98 00:04:31,929 --> 00:04:34,531 like boom, boom, boom. 99 00:04:34,531 --> 00:04:35,673 Stomps her, like, a couple of times. 100 00:04:35,673 --> 00:04:37,534 Just stomping this bitch, right? 101 00:04:37,534 --> 00:04:39,937 She turns around. She's like "Hey." 102 00:04:39,937 --> 00:04:41,809 I'm like hey. 103 00:04:41,809 --> 00:04:43,981 My mom stomps her one more time. 104 00:04:43,981 --> 00:04:45,442 She goes, "What are you going to do?" 105 00:04:45,442 --> 00:04:47,715 ‐ I'm like, uh... WOMAN: Oh, my God! 106 00:04:47,715 --> 00:04:49,647 ‐ I'm like, what are you doing? 107 00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:51,618 ‐ I was like, "Well, I was gonna hit her, Mom." 108 00:04:51,618 --> 00:04:54,521 She stomps her again. That was it. 109 00:04:54,521 --> 00:04:56,593 My mom goes, "Let's go." She goes, "Wait, wait, wait. 110 00:04:56,593 --> 00:04:58,996 Run her pockets. Run her pockets." 111 00:04:58,996 --> 00:05:00,698 I was like, "She gave me all her money. 112 00:05:00,698 --> 00:05:02,059 I ripped her off, remember?" 113 00:05:02,059 --> 00:05:04,501 She goes, "Oh, yeah. Let's go." 114 00:05:04,501 --> 00:05:06,033 The first time I ever got into a fight, 115 00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:07,835 I got beat up really bad, 116 00:05:07,835 --> 00:05:09,707 and I went home crying to my mom, 117 00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:12,840 and she was like, "Don't ever come home like this again." 118 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,772 And she brought me back, and she made me fight her again, 119 00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,443 and I beat her up. 120 00:05:16,443 --> 00:05:20,848 And I got this sense of empowerment. 121 00:05:20,848 --> 00:05:22,619 At this point, like, I knew. 122 00:05:22,619 --> 00:05:25,152 And when I was beating her up, 123 00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:27,154 I was going like this. Like, I didn't ‐‐ 124 00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:29,927 I was afraid she was gonna hit me again, 125 00:05:29,927 --> 00:05:31,759 and my mom kept making me look at her 126 00:05:31,759 --> 00:05:33,160 when I was hitting her. 127 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,793 And once I got that burst of empowerment, 128 00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:38,035 I was like, "Yeah, I'm never gonna let this go." 129 00:05:38,035 --> 00:05:40,768 [ laughter ] 130 00:05:40,768 --> 00:05:41,739 ‐ Go. 131 00:05:41,739 --> 00:05:43,570 WOMAN: Oh, man. 132 00:05:43,570 --> 00:05:45,072 ‐ Go ahead. Let me give it to you. 133 00:05:45,072 --> 00:05:46,203 Take it, Mom. Take it. 134 00:05:46,203 --> 00:05:47,805 ‐ Oh, to me. Is it my turn? 135 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:49,606 ‐ Yeah. 136 00:05:59,016 --> 00:06:01,018 [ both laugh ] 137 00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:08,666 JACINTA: I could be having just, like, a full storm of emotions 138 00:06:08,666 --> 00:06:10,898 going on inside me. 139 00:06:10,898 --> 00:06:13,971 My mom can just kind of look 140 00:06:13,971 --> 00:06:16,233 and just be like, "What's going on?" 141 00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:20,577 I'm able to just tell her. 142 00:06:20,577 --> 00:06:21,879 She knows about addiction. 143 00:06:21,879 --> 00:06:23,280 She knows about incarceration. 144 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,282 She knows about... 145 00:06:25,282 --> 00:06:27,014 everything. 146 00:06:30,517 --> 00:06:32,189 ‐ A man is facing multiple charges 147 00:06:32,189 --> 00:06:35,522 after police say they busted him with a pound of pot. 148 00:06:35,522 --> 00:06:39,657 Police say they found those drugs during... 149 00:06:39,657 --> 00:06:41,929 ROSEMARY: I did them with a needle and thread. 150 00:06:41,929 --> 00:06:44,932 I just sat there one day and went like this. 151 00:06:44,932 --> 00:06:46,063 I don't know why. 152 00:06:46,063 --> 00:06:47,965 I was just young. 153 00:06:47,965 --> 00:06:50,968 And then I got Jacinta's name over here. 154 00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:54,111 And then I've got Jacinta's daughter's name over here. 155 00:06:57,574 --> 00:06:59,576 EARNSHAW: How old were you when you had your kids? 156 00:06:59,576 --> 00:07:03,250 ‐ I was 14 when I got pregnant with Todd, 157 00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:05,953 had him when I was 15, 158 00:07:05,953 --> 00:07:11,588 and I was 16, 17 when I had Jacinta, 159 00:07:11,588 --> 00:07:13,991 and 18 when I had my son, Shaun. 160 00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:19,036 Then, I had a hysterectomy due to a rape when I ‐‐ 161 00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,698 When I was 20, 162 00:07:20,698 --> 00:07:22,569 I had a hysterectomy due to a rape. 163 00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:23,841 So I couldn't have kids after that. 164 00:07:23,841 --> 00:07:27,104 So got lucky that I had my kids. 165 00:07:29,246 --> 00:07:32,249 Those are my two boys, Todd and Shaun, 166 00:07:32,249 --> 00:07:35,252 and their two daughters. 167 00:07:35,252 --> 00:07:37,855 That's my granddaughter, Caylynn. 168 00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:42,319 Jacinta here. [ laughs ] 169 00:07:42,319 --> 00:07:44,922 I feel that when she leaves, it's, like... 170 00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,193 is it goodbye? 171 00:07:46,193 --> 00:07:48,666 [ voice breaking ] It kills me. 172 00:07:48,666 --> 00:07:51,198 And with the heroin going on, 173 00:07:51,198 --> 00:07:53,200 I keep saying to her, "Jacint..." 174 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,033 I said, "You can't use, 175 00:07:56,033 --> 00:07:59,176 because the addiction is gonna suck you in, 176 00:07:59,176 --> 00:08:03,180 and the heroin that people are selling now is ‐‐ 177 00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:04,812 It's not heroin. 178 00:08:04,812 --> 00:08:08,615 It's a ‐‐ It's a drug that's gonna kill you." 179 00:08:08,615 --> 00:08:10,748 So, it's like, 180 00:08:10,748 --> 00:08:13,290 "I don't even wanna see her leave." 181 00:08:13,290 --> 00:08:15,723 I wish she could just stay here... 182 00:08:15,723 --> 00:08:17,895 [ sniffles ] 183 00:08:17,895 --> 00:08:20,297 ...and wait for me. 184 00:08:51,789 --> 00:08:55,793 JACINTA: Crafts, just to help me forget what's going on... 185 00:08:55,793 --> 00:08:57,935 but I miss my daughter. 186 00:08:59,867 --> 00:09:03,270 It says, "I love you yesterday, tomorrow, and today. 187 00:09:03,270 --> 00:09:04,742 Family together at heart, 188 00:09:04,742 --> 00:09:08,145 even in distance never apart." 189 00:09:08,145 --> 00:09:11,148 And I never send them. 190 00:09:11,148 --> 00:09:12,880 I don't know why. 191 00:09:18,115 --> 00:09:21,258 Sometimes, I just feel like she's okay without me, though. 192 00:09:24,692 --> 00:09:27,695 [ sentimental music plays ] 193 00:09:27,695 --> 00:09:32,169 ♪♪ 194 00:09:32,169 --> 00:09:36,834 ♪♪ 195 00:09:36,834 --> 00:09:38,205 My mother has another three years left 196 00:09:38,205 --> 00:09:41,208 of her sentence. 197 00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:43,811 I feel guilty. 198 00:09:43,811 --> 00:09:46,083 There's really no way to prepare 199 00:09:46,083 --> 00:09:47,945 for leaving her. 200 00:09:56,854 --> 00:09:58,726 [ insects chirping ] 201 00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:14,411 WOMAN: Good luck. 202 00:10:14,411 --> 00:10:16,143 ‐ Thanks. 203 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:19,947 WOMAN #2: Be good. Stay outta here. 204 00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:26,083 ROSEMARY: Okay? 205 00:10:28,285 --> 00:10:29,887 I love you. 206 00:10:31,428 --> 00:10:34,161 JACINTA: I love you. 207 00:10:34,161 --> 00:10:36,333 [ voice breaking ] Go, Mom. 208 00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,335 ROSEMARY: You go. 209 00:10:38,335 --> 00:10:39,797 Stay strong. 210 00:10:50,407 --> 00:10:52,149 ‐ I love you, Mom. 211 00:10:57,214 --> 00:10:59,216 [ police radio chatter ] 212 00:11:04,091 --> 00:11:07,494 Fucking stop it from happening! 213 00:11:07,494 --> 00:11:09,096 [ sobbing ] 214 00:11:09,096 --> 00:11:10,828 OFFICER: You're almost out. 215 00:11:10,828 --> 00:11:12,369 Don't do that. 216 00:11:24,842 --> 00:11:26,383 ‐ There they are. 217 00:11:26,383 --> 00:11:28,245 OFFICER #2: Over there? JACINTA: Yep. 218 00:11:29,917 --> 00:11:32,449 OFFICER #2: Alright. Good luck. Stay out of here. 219 00:11:39,827 --> 00:11:41,228 [ engine starts ] 220 00:11:41,228 --> 00:11:43,360 ‐ You look good. JACINTA: Thank you. 221 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:44,962 ‐ Damn. RICK: Hey, baby. 222 00:11:44,962 --> 00:11:46,363 ‐ Hi, Daddy. 223 00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:56,243 You okay? 224 00:11:56,243 --> 00:11:58,115 ‐ What are you crying for? I'm going home now. 225 00:11:58,115 --> 00:12:01,248 ‐ I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. 226 00:12:01,248 --> 00:12:03,250 JACINTA: You're excited. 227 00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:04,521 RICK: Yeah. 228 00:12:06,253 --> 00:12:07,254 ‐ You look good. 229 00:12:08,585 --> 00:12:11,188 [ radio plays indistinctly ] 230 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,431 DEEJAY: WYMZ, WYMZ HD, South Portland. 231 00:12:14,431 --> 00:12:16,894 ‐ Do it again. Aaah! 232 00:12:16,894 --> 00:12:19,566 THE ALLMAN BROTHERS: ♪ And when it's time for leavin' ♪ 233 00:12:19,566 --> 00:12:21,138 ♪ I hope you'll understand ♪ 234 00:12:21,138 --> 00:12:23,140 ‐ I don't understand these people around here. 235 00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:26,543 What is wrong with letting somebody in? 236 00:12:26,543 --> 00:12:29,176 ‐ It's not ‐‐ It's closed. 237 00:12:29,176 --> 00:12:30,307 ‐ It's not closed. 238 00:12:30,307 --> 00:12:32,579 You just have to... 239 00:12:32,579 --> 00:12:34,451 SHAWN: I can't do it. JACINTA: Yeah, you can. 240 00:12:34,451 --> 00:12:35,452 SHAWN: No, I can't. 241 00:12:35,452 --> 00:12:36,513 ‐ Just do it. 242 00:12:36,513 --> 00:12:38,886 ‐ Aw, man. 243 00:12:38,886 --> 00:12:40,417 Jacinta... 244 00:12:42,990 --> 00:12:44,391 I can't do it. I can't do it. 245 00:12:44,391 --> 00:12:46,123 ‐ I felt it. It was in. 246 00:12:46,123 --> 00:12:48,595 SHAWN: Yeah, halfway. Not the back. 247 00:12:48,595 --> 00:12:50,067 You ready? ‐ Yeah. 248 00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:51,468 ‐ Oh, it went through. 249 00:12:51,468 --> 00:12:53,070 ‐ See? 250 00:12:57,104 --> 00:12:58,636 ‐ This is delicious. 251 00:13:02,439 --> 00:13:04,912 ‐ It's a cinnamon bun. 252 00:13:11,048 --> 00:13:12,019 [ laughter ] 253 00:13:19,456 --> 00:13:21,598 WOMAN: Living room, office, 254 00:13:21,598 --> 00:13:24,201 meditation room. 255 00:13:24,201 --> 00:13:25,602 ‐ It's so pretty. 256 00:13:25,602 --> 00:13:27,464 WOMAN: Aw, thanks. 257 00:13:27,464 --> 00:13:29,536 ‐ And so this is the other available spot, 258 00:13:29,536 --> 00:13:32,139 and then this has its own entry and staircase. 259 00:13:32,139 --> 00:13:34,271 So you can choose whichever room. 260 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,643 ‐ I like this room right here. ‐ This one? 261 00:13:35,643 --> 00:13:37,074 ‐ Yeah. ‐ Okay. Yeah. 262 00:13:37,074 --> 00:13:38,716 So, we'll just bring your stuff up. 263 00:13:45,352 --> 00:13:47,484 WOMAN: Katie? She's right there. Ask her. 264 00:13:47,484 --> 00:13:49,957 KATIE: Like, staying the night? ‐ I asked her today. 265 00:13:49,957 --> 00:13:51,959 She doesn't really want to stay the night right away. 266 00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:53,631 So, it it probably ‐‐ if it would be, 267 00:13:53,631 --> 00:13:55,332 it wouldn't be for a while. KATIE: Yeah. 268 00:13:55,332 --> 00:13:57,194 WOMAN: And then, there's a sleeper couch 269 00:13:57,194 --> 00:13:59,466 down here, too, if she did. 270 00:13:59,466 --> 00:14:01,438 ‐ Yeah, I mean, that's fine, yeah. 271 00:14:01,438 --> 00:14:03,070 ‐ She said she would want to come visit, 272 00:14:03,070 --> 00:14:06,203 but she was like, "Yeah, no. 273 00:14:06,203 --> 00:14:07,544 I don't want to really stay the night." 274 00:14:07,544 --> 00:14:11,148 So, she's also kind of like, 275 00:14:11,148 --> 00:14:12,549 "Well, I don't want to get comfortable. 276 00:14:12,549 --> 00:14:14,151 I don't even know if you're gonna stay clean. 277 00:14:14,151 --> 00:14:16,013 So I can't really ‐‐ 278 00:14:16,013 --> 00:14:17,384 WOMAN: Fair enough, right? ‐ Yeah. 279 00:14:17,384 --> 00:14:19,316 WOMAN #2: We'll make sure you stay clean out here. 280 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,458 JACINTA: [ chuckles ] ‐ Mama will make sure you do. 281 00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:22,720 JACINTA: Thanks. Okay. 282 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,722 WOMAN: Yeah. 283 00:14:24,722 --> 00:14:26,493 Tuesday night is house night, 284 00:14:26,493 --> 00:14:28,625 so we have our house meeting here, 285 00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,768 where I meet with all the residents. 286 00:14:30,768 --> 00:14:33,631 We talk about any house issues, assign chores, 287 00:14:33,631 --> 00:14:36,373 whatever we need to do. RICK: Yep. 288 00:14:36,373 --> 00:14:39,376 ‐ And then Friday night is a mandatory AA meeting here 289 00:14:39,376 --> 00:14:42,109 in Gorham that they all go to. ‐ Which we love. 290 00:14:42,109 --> 00:14:43,510 WOMAN: Good. WOMAN #2: I love that meeting. 291 00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:46,543 WOMAN: So, there's plenty of meeting. 292 00:14:46,543 --> 00:14:48,145 WOMAN #2: Bye. 293 00:14:48,145 --> 00:14:50,287 [ chuckles ] 294 00:14:50,287 --> 00:14:52,219 [ engine starts ] ‐ She seems alright. 295 00:14:52,219 --> 00:14:54,051 WOMAN #2: Yeah, she is. 296 00:14:54,051 --> 00:14:56,453 She works here on Tuesday ‐‐ ‐ So is this staffed at night? 297 00:14:56,453 --> 00:14:58,195 ‐ No. 298 00:14:58,195 --> 00:14:59,596 Not at all. 299 00:14:59,596 --> 00:15:02,159 ‐ No, but there's cameras every place, Jacinta. 300 00:15:02,159 --> 00:15:03,430 ‐ Dad, that's not what I was thinking. 301 00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:05,062 ‐ Okay. I'm just letting you know. 302 00:15:05,062 --> 00:15:06,664 ‐ You won't be doing anything 303 00:15:06,664 --> 00:15:08,205 you'd be getting told on, anyways. 304 00:15:08,205 --> 00:15:09,667 ‐ No, she won't 'cause I'll kick her ass. 305 00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,038 ‐ No, that's not ‐‐ ‐ Her brother will kick her ass. 306 00:15:11,038 --> 00:15:12,609 ‐ I will kick her ass. 307 00:15:12,609 --> 00:15:14,441 RICK: Daddy can see everything. 308 00:15:14,441 --> 00:15:18,315 ‐ No, we all see everything. 309 00:15:18,315 --> 00:15:21,448 [ TV plays indistinctly ] 310 00:15:22,619 --> 00:15:24,521 ‐ Yeah, But I'm your star pupil. 311 00:15:24,521 --> 00:15:26,323 ‐ No one comes even closer. 312 00:15:26,323 --> 00:15:30,057 I've been tutoring Franky for the last 12 months. 313 00:15:40,197 --> 00:15:43,741 WOMAN: Sometimes, you only get one second chance, you know? 314 00:15:46,103 --> 00:15:47,374 Then if you're go and use again, 315 00:15:47,374 --> 00:15:50,377 there may not be, 316 00:15:50,377 --> 00:15:53,651 you know, a second chance, 'cause you may not live. 317 00:15:53,651 --> 00:15:55,552 [ scoffs ] 318 00:15:55,552 --> 00:15:58,285 A guy was telling me, a friend that came out used, 319 00:15:58,285 --> 00:16:00,718 and she died 320 00:16:00,718 --> 00:16:03,460 after being in county for four months. 321 00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:04,722 She used once, and she's dead. 322 00:16:04,722 --> 00:16:07,494 She was only 27 years old, 323 00:16:07,494 --> 00:16:10,627 leaving behind a 10‐year‐old son and a 4‐year‐old daughter. 324 00:16:12,529 --> 00:16:13,671 Yep. 325 00:16:21,378 --> 00:16:23,881 [ camera shutter clicks ] 326 00:16:23,881 --> 00:16:25,382 [ camera shutter clicks ] 327 00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:30,247 JACINTA: Every other time I've gotten out, 328 00:16:30,247 --> 00:16:32,650 I use heroin. 329 00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:35,392 Didn't miss a beat. 330 00:16:35,392 --> 00:16:37,394 It's all I know. 331 00:16:39,757 --> 00:16:42,630 I haven't seen my daughter in 10 months. 332 00:16:42,630 --> 00:16:44,632 I'm excited, 333 00:16:44,632 --> 00:16:46,764 but I need to feel strong enough. 334 00:16:49,907 --> 00:16:51,669 [ music plays indistinctly ] 335 00:16:51,669 --> 00:16:53,540 ANNOUNCER: A salute to this great country 336 00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,813 is coming up a little bit later on, 337 00:16:55,813 --> 00:16:58,275 plus the best fireworks display. 338 00:16:58,275 --> 00:17:00,477 We're glad you're here! 339 00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,479 ‐ Breaking all the rules. 340 00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,621 WOMAN: Who? ‐ [ chuckles ] 341 00:17:04,621 --> 00:17:07,284 ANNOUNCER: Bonnie Harrison in car number 12. 342 00:17:07,284 --> 00:17:09,556 Make some noise! 343 00:17:09,556 --> 00:17:11,288 [ cheers and applause ] 344 00:17:13,791 --> 00:17:15,793 ‐ I'm with the sober house. 345 00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:25,502 I had Caylynn when I was 16. 346 00:17:26,704 --> 00:17:29,176 When she was just 3 years old, 347 00:17:29,176 --> 00:17:33,310 I was at St. Audrey's Group Home with Caylynn. 348 00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:36,884 I was on like six or seven meds. 349 00:17:36,884 --> 00:17:39,887 I had been on lithium since I was 14 years old. 350 00:17:39,887 --> 00:17:43,360 The youth center put me on it. 351 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:46,924 I got lithium intoxication. My kidneys shut down. 352 00:17:46,924 --> 00:17:50,668 They took me off all my medications. 353 00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:53,671 Coming off all those meds was just too much. 354 00:17:56,273 --> 00:17:57,675 I asked her grandmother, 355 00:17:57,675 --> 00:17:59,206 "Can you just take Caylynn for a little while 356 00:17:59,206 --> 00:18:00,878 until I get my head together?" 357 00:18:08,445 --> 00:18:09,887 Last thing I said to Caylynn is, "I promise you, 358 00:18:09,887 --> 00:18:12,790 I will be back for you." 359 00:18:12,790 --> 00:18:14,351 Just promising myself, go back for her, 360 00:18:14,351 --> 00:18:16,353 go back for her, go back for her. 361 00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:20,698 10 years later, my kid's still there. 362 00:18:40,617 --> 00:18:42,920 You know, sometimes, it scares me that, like, 363 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,383 I almost feel, like... 364 00:18:46,383 --> 00:18:48,355 in my mind... 365 00:18:48,355 --> 00:18:49,626 'Cause, like, I think, "Oh, my God. 366 00:18:49,626 --> 00:18:50,758 I've been out for almost two weeks, 367 00:18:50,758 --> 00:18:52,029 and I haven't gotten high." 368 00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:54,361 That's amazing for me. 369 00:18:54,361 --> 00:18:55,893 I've never done that. 370 00:18:55,893 --> 00:18:57,294 WOMAN: Are you proud of yourself? 371 00:18:57,294 --> 00:18:58,666 ‐ I am. WOMAN: Good. 372 00:18:58,666 --> 00:19:01,939 ‐ But then, like, I'm not capable of being strong, 373 00:19:01,939 --> 00:19:04,401 so like... 374 00:19:04,401 --> 00:19:06,303 WOMAN: Why would you say that? 375 00:19:06,303 --> 00:19:08,676 ‐ Because it just doesn't happen like that for me. 376 00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:11,408 So it's like I'm waiting for this bombshell, 377 00:19:11,408 --> 00:19:13,811 and every day, it's like... 378 00:19:13,811 --> 00:19:15,953 I'm just like, oh, don't let it be today. 379 00:19:15,953 --> 00:19:19,286 Like, don't let today be that day. 380 00:19:19,286 --> 00:19:20,688 WOMAN: When you're constantly waiting 381 00:19:20,688 --> 00:19:22,660 for the other shoe to drop, 382 00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:25,923 it becomes a situation of self‐sabotage. 383 00:19:29,426 --> 00:19:31,298 Every night, before you go to sleep, 384 00:19:31,298 --> 00:19:32,670 I want you to write 385 00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:35,402 three to five things that you're grateful for. 386 00:19:35,402 --> 00:19:37,404 Okay? 387 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,081 [ dog barks ] 388 00:19:47,384 --> 00:19:48,545 RICK: What are you doing here? 389 00:19:48,545 --> 00:19:49,687 JACINTA: What are you doing here? 390 00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:50,688 This is my home. 391 00:19:50,688 --> 00:19:51,689 RICK: Yeah, right! 392 00:19:51,689 --> 00:19:53,390 [ both groan ] 393 00:19:53,390 --> 00:19:57,825 Where's this new tattoo you got there, sweetheart? 394 00:19:57,825 --> 00:19:59,556 Nice. 395 00:20:01,428 --> 00:20:03,861 ‐ Does it hurt? ‐ [ laughs ] 396 00:20:03,861 --> 00:20:06,003 RICK: You know what her best tattoo is? 397 00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:07,735 On her wrist, "Daddy's Girl." 398 00:20:07,735 --> 00:20:09,606 BILLIE: Is it? ‐ I've got to get it darkened. 399 00:20:09,606 --> 00:20:11,068 Yeah, read it. 400 00:20:11,068 --> 00:20:14,541 [ baby coos ] 401 00:20:14,541 --> 00:20:16,543 [ chuckles ] Hi, little guy. 402 00:20:16,543 --> 00:20:18,415 What's up, buddy? 403 00:20:21,779 --> 00:20:23,350 Puke all over me. 404 00:20:23,350 --> 00:20:25,622 ‐ Your brother was holding him up like this. 405 00:20:25,622 --> 00:20:28,525 Puked all down him and didn't even phase him. 406 00:20:28,525 --> 00:20:29,787 He's like, "Hey, will you grab me something?" 407 00:20:29,787 --> 00:20:32,960 And I'm, like, about to puke myself. 408 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,392 ‐ Listen, if I wanted any shit from you, 409 00:20:35,392 --> 00:20:36,593 I'd ask for it. 410 00:20:36,593 --> 00:20:38,696 Yeah! 411 00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:41,398 [ dogs bark ] 412 00:20:41,398 --> 00:20:45,402 SHAUN: Me and my sister, we kind of had it the same. 413 00:20:45,402 --> 00:20:46,844 When I was 18, 414 00:20:46,844 --> 00:20:49,977 I went to prison myself for drinking and driving. 415 00:20:49,977 --> 00:20:53,380 You know, she grew up here. 416 00:20:53,380 --> 00:20:54,882 She was lucky to have 417 00:20:54,882 --> 00:20:57,755 her biological father 418 00:20:57,755 --> 00:21:00,487 be able to take care of her... 419 00:21:02,419 --> 00:21:06,563 ...'cause my mom's always been off and running. 420 00:21:10,898 --> 00:21:13,631 ‐ Boy, I haven't been through these drawers in forever. 421 00:21:15,773 --> 00:21:17,905 That's Jacinta when she was a baby. 422 00:21:20,007 --> 00:21:23,010 EARNSHAW: When did you and Rosemary split up? 423 00:21:23,010 --> 00:21:24,411 [ sighing ] Oh... 424 00:21:24,411 --> 00:21:25,813 Actually, we split up 425 00:21:25,813 --> 00:21:29,086 before Jacinta was born. 426 00:21:29,086 --> 00:21:31,418 And then we tried to get back together, 427 00:21:31,418 --> 00:21:33,490 and it didn't work out so well 428 00:21:33,490 --> 00:21:35,052 because she was going through 429 00:21:35,052 --> 00:21:37,825 whatever she was going through at that time. 430 00:21:37,825 --> 00:21:39,096 I used to go get Jacinta 431 00:21:39,096 --> 00:21:41,659 and then, of course, bring her back. 432 00:21:44,561 --> 00:21:46,433 I wish I could really remember the date 433 00:21:46,433 --> 00:21:49,967 and how old she was when I got custody of her. 434 00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:54,011 Hmm. 435 00:21:56,744 --> 00:21:58,746 [ music plays indistinctly ] 436 00:22:02,750 --> 00:22:03,981 JACINTA: I love this song. 437 00:22:09,026 --> 00:22:12,489 This used to be the biggest crack house in town. 438 00:22:12,489 --> 00:22:13,691 Freddy used to live here. 439 00:22:13,691 --> 00:22:15,192 He was, like, my best friend, 440 00:22:15,192 --> 00:22:18,595 but he was, like, the biggest drug dealer around here. 441 00:22:18,595 --> 00:22:19,837 Okay, this guy, Chuck, right here, 442 00:22:19,837 --> 00:22:21,969 the guy with the black shirt on... 443 00:22:21,969 --> 00:22:24,942 he runs for mayor every year. 444 00:22:24,942 --> 00:22:28,075 He thinks all the prostitutes are going to, like... 445 00:22:28,075 --> 00:22:30,948 get together and make him rich. 446 00:22:32,650 --> 00:22:33,651 Keith! 447 00:22:36,153 --> 00:22:37,154 Why? 448 00:22:39,016 --> 00:22:40,487 I've been out for a while. 449 00:22:42,690 --> 00:22:43,691 Thank you. 450 00:22:44,822 --> 00:22:46,964 Thank you. 451 00:22:46,964 --> 00:22:49,697 [ horn honks ] 452 00:23:05,542 --> 00:23:07,815 ‐ Honestly... 453 00:23:07,815 --> 00:23:09,817 she don't need to see those people. 454 00:23:09,817 --> 00:23:11,789 She doesn't. 455 00:23:11,789 --> 00:23:14,692 You know, she's got so many friends that 456 00:23:14,692 --> 00:23:16,553 they all did wrong, 457 00:23:16,553 --> 00:23:19,226 and it seems like bam. 458 00:23:21,528 --> 00:23:23,931 I don't know. 459 00:23:23,931 --> 00:23:25,933 I‐I'm just glad nothing happened. 460 00:23:25,933 --> 00:23:28,305 I really am. 461 00:23:28,305 --> 00:23:30,768 [ somber music plays ] 462 00:23:30,768 --> 00:23:34,111 ♪♪ 463 00:23:34,111 --> 00:23:37,675 ♪♪ 464 00:23:37,675 --> 00:23:39,546 JACINTA: I have dreams. 465 00:23:39,546 --> 00:23:41,548 The dreams are weird. 466 00:23:41,548 --> 00:23:45,683 Like Caylynn behind a door... 467 00:23:47,584 --> 00:23:49,987 ...crying. 468 00:23:49,987 --> 00:23:54,732 I hear Cay, but I can't ‐‐ can't see anything around me. 469 00:23:54,732 --> 00:23:57,264 I try to get to her, and then I go to touch the door knob, 470 00:23:57,264 --> 00:23:58,966 and it's too hot. 471 00:23:58,966 --> 00:24:02,569 I can't get to the other side. 472 00:24:02,569 --> 00:24:04,341 And the nights that I don't have dreams. 473 00:24:04,341 --> 00:24:07,204 I wake up every hour. 474 00:24:07,204 --> 00:24:09,677 And then once I wake up, I can't sleep. 475 00:24:29,066 --> 00:24:30,798 JACINTA: Hi. 476 00:24:30,798 --> 00:24:33,871 CAYLYNN: [ screams ] 477 00:24:33,871 --> 00:24:34,972 ‐ What's the matter? 478 00:24:34,972 --> 00:24:36,704 ‐ [ laughs ] I can't breathe. 479 00:24:36,704 --> 00:24:38,035 ‐ I thought you were stronger than me. 480 00:24:38,035 --> 00:24:41,108 ‐ [ laughs ] Well, not when I'm pinned down. 481 00:24:41,108 --> 00:24:42,740 ‐ Well, that was the point. 482 00:24:42,740 --> 00:24:45,743 ‐ [ screams ] Stop, Mom! 483 00:24:45,743 --> 00:24:47,144 [ both laugh ] 484 00:24:47,144 --> 00:24:49,616 ‐ Are you still stronger than me? 485 00:24:49,616 --> 00:24:51,889 Are you still stronger than me? ‐ No. 486 00:24:51,889 --> 00:24:54,752 ‐ What? ‐ You're way stronger than I am. 487 00:24:54,752 --> 00:24:57,024 ‐ Say it again? ‐ You're way stronger than I am. 488 00:24:57,024 --> 00:24:59,026 ‐ Are you gonna kiss me? ‐ Yes! 489 00:24:59,026 --> 00:25:00,828 ‐ Promise? ‐ I promise. 490 00:25:00,828 --> 00:25:02,960 ‐ Alright. 491 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,704 Now kiss me. 492 00:25:06,704 --> 00:25:08,966 Go like this. Go like this. 493 00:25:08,966 --> 00:25:10,838 There you ‐‐ No. 494 00:25:10,838 --> 00:25:12,940 Tighten up. There you go. 495 00:25:12,940 --> 00:25:14,211 Bam. ‐ Bam. 496 00:25:14,211 --> 00:25:15,272 ‐ That's how you do it. Straight on. 497 00:25:15,272 --> 00:25:16,243 Bam. 498 00:25:16,243 --> 00:25:17,975 ‐ Bam. 499 00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:21,278 ‐ No, like this. 500 00:25:21,278 --> 00:25:22,319 There you go. 501 00:25:22,319 --> 00:25:23,751 Bam. 502 00:25:26,153 --> 00:25:27,324 Do you like these ones? 503 00:25:27,324 --> 00:25:29,757 ‐ I like them better. 504 00:25:29,757 --> 00:25:31,659 ‐ Get them both. 505 00:25:31,659 --> 00:25:33,931 Get them both. 506 00:25:33,931 --> 00:25:36,163 WANDA: Why are getting that kind of stuff during summer? 507 00:25:36,163 --> 00:25:37,695 You're gonna be hot. 508 00:25:37,695 --> 00:25:39,997 You're not gonna wear that. 509 00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:41,899 ‐ Mommy picked it out. ‐ She likes them. 510 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,672 [ chuckles ] 511 00:25:44,672 --> 00:25:46,243 ‐ You can wear them whenever, I guess, 512 00:25:46,243 --> 00:25:48,175 but you're gonna need shorts. 513 00:25:53,681 --> 00:25:57,454 WANDA: John and I took Caylynn when she was 3 years old. 514 00:25:57,454 --> 00:26:00,688 They won't see each other for years at a time, 515 00:26:00,688 --> 00:26:02,219 and the minute they're together, 516 00:26:02,219 --> 00:26:06,363 it's like they never left each other, ever. 517 00:26:06,363 --> 00:26:09,126 Caylynn's father is my son, Eric. 518 00:26:09,126 --> 00:26:11,198 He's currently incarcerated. 519 00:26:11,198 --> 00:26:13,270 For her, sometimes with her father, 520 00:26:13,270 --> 00:26:17,074 it was awkward here and there after not being around him. 521 00:26:17,074 --> 00:26:19,276 Not with her mother. It's never awkward. 522 00:26:19,276 --> 00:26:22,309 It's just an automatic connection 523 00:26:22,309 --> 00:26:24,041 the minute they see each other. 524 00:26:27,845 --> 00:26:32,149 When Jacinta delivered Caylynn... 525 00:26:32,149 --> 00:26:35,292 right after she had her, 526 00:26:35,292 --> 00:26:39,857 I was thinking, "Oh, this is gonna be an amazing mother." 527 00:26:39,857 --> 00:26:42,199 'Cause she looked at me, and she said, 528 00:26:42,199 --> 00:26:46,503 "How do you love somebody so much that you've never met?" 529 00:26:49,136 --> 00:26:52,940 Just to have that much love for your child... 530 00:26:52,940 --> 00:26:55,012 How do you let that go? 531 00:27:05,783 --> 00:27:07,855 CAYLYNN: Why? 532 00:27:07,855 --> 00:27:11,128 JACINTA: Because I want to take a job, Cay. 533 00:27:11,128 --> 00:27:13,831 ‐ I don't want you to. JACINTA: Why? 534 00:27:16,063 --> 00:27:19,867 ‐ 'Cause I think that that's just... 535 00:27:19,867 --> 00:27:22,399 a better place. 536 00:27:22,399 --> 00:27:24,341 They are really trying to help you there, 537 00:27:24,341 --> 00:27:25,903 and you said it yourself, 538 00:27:25,903 --> 00:27:29,306 that that was your choice and nobody else's, 539 00:27:29,306 --> 00:27:31,909 but that was a good choice, 540 00:27:31,909 --> 00:27:35,883 and I don't know why you're gonna quit. 541 00:27:35,883 --> 00:27:38,816 I was hoping you'd stay there for a while. 542 00:27:47,124 --> 00:27:49,827 You have anything to say? 543 00:27:49,827 --> 00:27:54,231 JACINTA: I understand what you're saying, and... 544 00:27:54,231 --> 00:27:57,034 I don't mind staying at the sober house. 545 00:27:57,034 --> 00:27:58,936 I just ‐‐ I ‐‐ 546 00:27:58,936 --> 00:28:03,240 Getting a job and moving forward... 547 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:06,343 it's something that I feel I need to do. 548 00:28:06,343 --> 00:28:10,047 ‐ Well, what if it doesn't work? 549 00:28:10,047 --> 00:28:12,519 What if the sober house is the only thing 550 00:28:12,519 --> 00:28:14,591 that's keeping you 551 00:28:14,591 --> 00:28:17,194 going the way you're supposed to? 552 00:28:24,561 --> 00:28:27,064 I don't know. You can do whatever you want. 553 00:28:34,141 --> 00:28:36,373 [ speaks indistinctly ] 554 00:28:36,373 --> 00:28:39,116 ‐ It's getting hot. 555 00:28:39,116 --> 00:28:41,178 I don't know why this thing is not working. 556 00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:42,880 It's pissing me off, though. 557 00:28:46,383 --> 00:28:47,955 ‐ Mommy... 558 00:28:47,955 --> 00:28:49,326 ‐ What? 559 00:28:49,326 --> 00:28:51,388 ‐ It's okay. 560 00:28:51,388 --> 00:28:54,161 Let's just move on with our lives. 561 00:28:54,161 --> 00:28:56,563 ‐ I need my purse. 562 00:28:56,563 --> 00:29:00,567 ‐ ♪ My child, it's gonna be alright ♪ 563 00:29:00,567 --> 00:29:02,139 ‐ Can you go see if I have a lighter in my purse? 564 00:29:02,139 --> 00:29:04,001 ‐ No. ‐ Please? 565 00:29:04,001 --> 00:29:05,372 ‐ No. ‐ [ chuckles ] 566 00:29:05,372 --> 00:29:07,104 Can you go get me my purse? 567 00:29:07,104 --> 00:29:08,575 ‐ Over my dead body. 568 00:29:08,575 --> 00:29:11,108 ‐ Please? ‐ No. 569 00:29:11,108 --> 00:29:13,050 ‐ Alright. I got to get my purse. 570 00:29:13,050 --> 00:29:14,952 ‐ No. ‐ Yeah. 571 00:29:14,952 --> 00:29:16,654 ‐ Over my dead body. 572 00:29:16,654 --> 00:29:18,916 ‐ I'm going to get my purse. ‐ No, you're not. 573 00:29:18,916 --> 00:29:20,988 ‐ Yeah, I am. ‐ Do you love me? 574 00:29:20,988 --> 00:29:23,220 ‐ Yes, but I'm still going to get my purse. 575 00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:24,261 ‐ Why? 576 00:29:24,261 --> 00:29:26,063 ‐ 'Cause I need a lighter. 577 00:29:26,063 --> 00:29:28,125 ‐ Why? ‐ 'Cause. 578 00:29:28,125 --> 00:29:30,027 ‐ 'Cause why? 579 00:29:44,481 --> 00:29:46,213 ‐ You know, there's a... 580 00:29:46,213 --> 00:29:48,115 house... 581 00:29:48,115 --> 00:29:51,548 down on my road, 582 00:29:51,548 --> 00:29:56,393 and it's a nice house, 583 00:29:56,393 --> 00:30:01,929 and it's, like, empty. 584 00:30:01,929 --> 00:30:03,430 You could maybe get it 585 00:30:03,430 --> 00:30:07,234 if you save enough money. 586 00:30:07,234 --> 00:30:09,637 ‐ Oh, yeah? ‐ Yeah. 587 00:30:13,140 --> 00:30:16,313 So that way, whenever I wanted to see you, 588 00:30:16,313 --> 00:30:20,177 just walk down. ‐ [ laughs ] 589 00:30:20,177 --> 00:30:23,280 And we can have sleep‐overs 590 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,182 all the time. 591 00:30:27,254 --> 00:30:29,326 That would be fun. 592 00:30:29,326 --> 00:30:32,429 [ chuckles ] 593 00:30:35,633 --> 00:30:37,194 ‐ I had good day. 594 00:30:37,194 --> 00:30:38,666 ‐ Me too. 595 00:30:38,666 --> 00:30:40,397 WANDA: Remember that? 596 00:30:40,397 --> 00:30:42,640 This is supposed to be put away with my stuff. 597 00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,541 ‐ [ chuckles ] 598 00:30:44,541 --> 00:30:45,572 ‐ Do you? ‐ What's that? 599 00:30:45,572 --> 00:30:46,974 ‐ Yeah. ‐ What is it? 600 00:30:46,974 --> 00:30:48,676 ‐ Your mother got me that. 601 00:30:48,676 --> 00:30:51,248 ‐ Really? ‐ Yeah. 602 00:30:51,248 --> 00:30:54,351 I think it was a Mother's Day or something years ago. 603 00:30:54,351 --> 00:30:57,384 It's for knickknacks. 604 00:30:57,384 --> 00:30:59,987 ‐ I love you. ‐ I love you, too. 605 00:31:01,989 --> 00:31:03,020 ‐ Thank you. 606 00:31:03,020 --> 00:31:04,391 ‐ Please. 607 00:31:24,211 --> 00:31:25,713 ‐ Love you. 608 00:31:25,713 --> 00:31:29,186 WANDA: I love you, too. 609 00:31:29,186 --> 00:31:31,588 ‐ Don't cry, baby. 610 00:31:31,588 --> 00:31:33,651 CAYLYNN: [ crying ] 611 00:31:47,735 --> 00:31:49,807 ‐ I'm gonna see you Friday. 612 00:31:58,716 --> 00:32:01,148 ‐ Probably we'll see you Friday. 613 00:32:02,449 --> 00:32:05,052 Thank you for coming up. JACINTA: Bye. 614 00:32:17,264 --> 00:32:20,537 [ sentimental music plays ] 615 00:32:20,537 --> 00:32:25,703 ♪♪ 616 00:32:25,703 --> 00:32:30,848 ♪♪ 617 00:32:30,848 --> 00:32:36,213 ♪♪ 618 00:32:36,213 --> 00:32:41,358 ♪♪ 619 00:32:41,358 --> 00:32:43,260 What are you doing? 620 00:32:46,694 --> 00:32:50,327 Um, nothing. 621 00:32:50,327 --> 00:32:51,869 [ chuckles ] 622 00:32:51,869 --> 00:32:53,300 Nothing. 623 00:32:53,300 --> 00:32:56,233 Um... 624 00:32:56,233 --> 00:32:59,506 I am on my way to Gorham, 625 00:32:59,506 --> 00:33:02,780 but I really, really want to get high right now. 626 00:33:07,785 --> 00:33:09,346 So... 627 00:33:09,346 --> 00:33:12,119 [ chuckles ] 628 00:33:21,228 --> 00:33:24,331 Like, five minutes. 629 00:33:26,133 --> 00:33:27,735 Alright. 630 00:33:27,735 --> 00:33:29,306 Alright. Bye. 631 00:33:38,275 --> 00:33:40,177 EARNSHAW: What are you gonna do? 632 00:33:40,177 --> 00:33:42,419 ‐ I'm gonna get high. 633 00:33:45,883 --> 00:33:49,687 You can't have that camera on. 634 00:33:49,687 --> 00:33:52,890 You should probably shut that off now. 635 00:33:52,890 --> 00:33:54,792 [ car door shuts ] 636 00:34:14,211 --> 00:34:16,453 Thanks for not leaving me. 637 00:34:19,616 --> 00:34:21,518 I can't... 638 00:34:23,761 --> 00:34:26,193 can't put myself through this again. 639 00:34:26,193 --> 00:34:28,425 I cannot believe I fuckin' 640 00:34:28,425 --> 00:34:32,229 really went through with it. 641 00:34:32,229 --> 00:34:33,731 Oh, my God. 642 00:34:33,731 --> 00:34:35,733 [ voice breaking ] Like, I... 643 00:34:35,733 --> 00:34:38,806 literally was, like, 644 00:34:38,806 --> 00:34:40,708 talking myself out 645 00:34:40,708 --> 00:34:43,641 of not talking myself out of it. 646 00:34:43,641 --> 00:34:46,413 Like... 647 00:34:46,413 --> 00:34:48,816 I don't get it. 648 00:34:52,419 --> 00:34:54,822 I'm never gonna be a mom. 649 00:35:01,628 --> 00:35:04,732 [ somber music plays ] 650 00:35:04,732 --> 00:35:10,407 ♪♪ 651 00:35:10,407 --> 00:35:15,913 ♪♪ 652 00:35:15,913 --> 00:35:21,578 ♪♪ 653 00:35:21,578 --> 00:35:23,020 I went to see my daughter, 654 00:35:23,020 --> 00:35:28,686 and I just had so many emotions going through me. 655 00:35:28,686 --> 00:35:30,257 It's almost like 656 00:35:30,257 --> 00:35:34,391 I was holding off to that point. 657 00:35:34,391 --> 00:35:35,592 Alright. Look, I did it. 658 00:35:35,592 --> 00:35:38,535 Like, I made it to see her. 659 00:35:38,535 --> 00:35:41,969 I'm not a bad person,, 660 00:35:41,969 --> 00:35:44,742 and I hear people talk about people ‐‐ 661 00:35:44,742 --> 00:35:46,543 "Oh, this person got out. 662 00:35:46,543 --> 00:35:48,445 She didn't even go see her kid. 663 00:35:48,445 --> 00:35:51,378 She got high." 664 00:35:51,378 --> 00:35:54,311 It's almost worse to go see them 665 00:35:54,311 --> 00:35:57,915 and then get high and not go back 666 00:35:57,915 --> 00:36:00,357 than it is to just not go at all. 667 00:36:02,890 --> 00:36:06,363 Take it from me ‐‐ I used to get so mad at my mom. 668 00:36:06,363 --> 00:36:07,965 Why'd you even come? 669 00:36:07,965 --> 00:36:09,767 Why'd you even come? 670 00:36:19,336 --> 00:36:21,038 WOMAN: What do you got to say for yourself? 671 00:36:27,044 --> 00:36:28,786 You've got a house full of women 672 00:36:28,786 --> 00:36:31,548 that were scared to death for you last night. 673 00:36:33,390 --> 00:36:34,591 You can't come back to the house. 674 00:36:34,591 --> 00:36:36,894 You know that, right? 675 00:36:36,894 --> 00:36:39,326 Did you think I was gonna let you back in? 676 00:36:39,326 --> 00:36:41,899 ‐ I didn't... 677 00:36:41,899 --> 00:36:43,400 I didn't know. 678 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,563 WOMAN: You didn't know. Okay. Alright. 679 00:36:46,563 --> 00:36:49,667 So we know that's not gonna happen today. 680 00:36:58,515 --> 00:37:00,577 [ dog barks ] 681 00:37:09,486 --> 00:37:12,589 JACINTA: My boyfriend wants me to move in with him. 682 00:37:15,532 --> 00:37:18,495 Lucky's place is a safe option because he don't use drugs. 683 00:37:21,468 --> 00:37:23,140 ‐ What happened? 684 00:37:23,140 --> 00:37:24,642 ‐ What do you mean what happened? 685 00:37:24,642 --> 00:37:28,005 ‐ To your pants? You bought them like that? 686 00:37:28,005 --> 00:37:31,909 We met a month or two before she went to jail, 687 00:37:31,909 --> 00:37:34,852 and we got along right from the start, 688 00:37:34,852 --> 00:37:38,415 but she still had drug issues. 689 00:37:38,415 --> 00:37:42,519 I would be like, "I'm done," 690 00:37:42,519 --> 00:37:44,591 but I wouldn't follow through 691 00:37:44,591 --> 00:37:48,565 with the, "I'm done." 692 00:37:48,565 --> 00:37:50,968 She really is a great person 693 00:37:50,968 --> 00:37:54,601 with a bad habit. 694 00:37:54,601 --> 00:37:56,834 Everybody, "Listen, man. 695 00:37:56,834 --> 00:37:58,736 She's a Geisinger. 696 00:37:58,736 --> 00:38:01,839 Get the fuck out of there." 697 00:38:01,839 --> 00:38:04,942 Once you get involved with that family, 698 00:38:04,942 --> 00:38:08,485 their reputation is that of, 699 00:38:08,485 --> 00:38:10,888 you're gonna get taken. 700 00:38:10,888 --> 00:38:14,151 The odds are, you're probably gonna be getting arrested, 701 00:38:14,151 --> 00:38:16,824 going to jail, you know? 702 00:38:16,824 --> 00:38:19,056 And they're looking at you going, "What?" 703 00:38:23,831 --> 00:38:25,903 JACINTA: My mother's family, 704 00:38:25,903 --> 00:38:27,635 the Geisingers, 705 00:38:27,635 --> 00:38:29,907 pretty much were just known for... 706 00:38:29,907 --> 00:38:34,541 chaos and crime. 707 00:38:34,541 --> 00:38:35,943 Drug dealers know us. 708 00:38:35,943 --> 00:38:37,675 Cops know us. 709 00:38:37,675 --> 00:38:40,617 Everybody in Portland knows us. 710 00:38:49,556 --> 00:38:51,789 MAN: Don't blame him. MAN #2: I'm not blaming him. 711 00:38:51,789 --> 00:38:52,790 I'm blaming you. 712 00:38:52,790 --> 00:38:55,032 MAN: Blame him. 713 00:38:55,032 --> 00:38:56,894 TODD: Jacinta's my sister, 714 00:38:56,894 --> 00:38:59,937 and Rosemary is my mother. 715 00:38:59,937 --> 00:39:01,999 EARNSHAW: What are your charges usually? 716 00:39:01,999 --> 00:39:05,643 Drugs, guns, and burglary. 717 00:39:05,643 --> 00:39:08,746 I got taken away from my mom when I was 11, 718 00:39:08,746 --> 00:39:11,108 but I was always running away from group homes 719 00:39:11,108 --> 00:39:13,651 or escaping from the youth center. 720 00:39:13,651 --> 00:39:15,713 When I was on the run, my mom was the one 721 00:39:15,713 --> 00:39:17,614 that would always come and get me, 722 00:39:17,614 --> 00:39:19,857 and I would stay there with her. 723 00:39:19,857 --> 00:39:22,860 My nana gave my mom this big floor screen TV, 724 00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:25,262 and my mom had the guts taken out ‐‐ 725 00:39:25,262 --> 00:39:28,165 that way, when you pushed the TV against the wall, 726 00:39:28,165 --> 00:39:30,627 it looks like a regular TV 'cause you can't see inside. 727 00:39:30,627 --> 00:39:32,870 So whenever the cops or probation would come, 728 00:39:32,870 --> 00:39:34,632 I'd get inside the TV, 729 00:39:34,632 --> 00:39:36,003 and they would push it against the wall, 730 00:39:36,003 --> 00:39:38,005 and I would just sit in there and watch, like, 731 00:39:38,005 --> 00:39:40,277 the youth center staff or her probation officer 732 00:39:40,277 --> 00:39:42,179 talk to her, look, search the house for me, 733 00:39:42,179 --> 00:39:43,911 and the whole time 734 00:39:43,911 --> 00:39:45,142 I'm sitting there, watching them through the TV. 735 00:39:45,142 --> 00:39:47,915 It's pretty funny. 736 00:39:47,915 --> 00:39:51,548 That's my niece, Caylynn, my sister's daughter, 737 00:39:51,548 --> 00:39:54,291 and my sister. 738 00:39:54,291 --> 00:39:57,224 Jacinta lived mostly with her father. 739 00:39:57,224 --> 00:39:59,657 I don't know how old she was when she actually really started 740 00:39:59,657 --> 00:40:02,229 to go to live with my mom. 741 00:40:02,229 --> 00:40:05,002 But she was just so... 742 00:40:05,002 --> 00:40:07,604 innocent. 743 00:40:07,604 --> 00:40:11,038 My mom started hanging out with the bad guys, 744 00:40:11,038 --> 00:40:14,842 who sold drugs and did drugs. 745 00:40:14,842 --> 00:40:18,145 That's when Jacinta started to get involved 746 00:40:18,145 --> 00:40:20,577 in the things that she was doing and started doing drugs 747 00:40:20,577 --> 00:40:23,320 and doing all of the stuff 748 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,282 that me and my mom was doing. 749 00:40:27,785 --> 00:40:31,929 I was 16 when I first started smoking crack with my mother. 750 00:40:31,929 --> 00:40:33,661 Jacinta... 751 00:40:33,661 --> 00:40:35,733 she looked up to me. 752 00:40:35,733 --> 00:40:37,795 She seen me doing it. 753 00:40:47,705 --> 00:40:48,776 Yeah. 754 00:40:50,307 --> 00:40:53,080 [ scoffs ] No. 755 00:40:57,014 --> 00:40:59,787 Uh, it sucked. 756 00:40:59,787 --> 00:41:01,318 Um... 757 00:41:03,220 --> 00:41:05,062 I think it was ‐‐ 758 00:41:05,062 --> 00:41:08,726 One of the hardest things I did was seeing her in there... 759 00:41:08,726 --> 00:41:12,329 and knowing the things that went on there with people. 760 00:41:16,874 --> 00:41:19,807 And that's when I realized that I really fucked her life up. 761 00:41:31,749 --> 00:41:35,192 Alls Jacinta wanted, always, was my mother, 762 00:41:35,192 --> 00:41:38,355 and all Caylynn wants is Jacinta. 763 00:41:38,355 --> 00:41:40,858 I mean, what kid don't want their parent? 764 00:41:57,414 --> 00:41:59,647 ‐ My family's fucked. They're twisted, 765 00:41:59,647 --> 00:42:02,920 But hers is, like, fucking pretzel twisted. 766 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,281 You don't even know. 767 00:42:11,058 --> 00:42:12,960 If her mother's out, 768 00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:15,192 Jacinta will do anything in the world for her mother. 769 00:42:15,192 --> 00:42:17,795 Anything in the world. 770 00:42:17,795 --> 00:42:19,867 Why is that, Jacinta? 771 00:42:29,707 --> 00:42:31,408 What are you thinking? 772 00:42:33,911 --> 00:42:35,813 You don't? Or you do? 773 00:42:35,813 --> 00:42:37,354 You don't, but you do. 774 00:42:39,386 --> 00:42:41,118 ‐ I do, but I don't. 775 00:42:53,731 --> 00:42:58,035 JACINTA: I just don't know how to explain it... 776 00:42:58,035 --> 00:43:00,107 honestly. 777 00:43:00,107 --> 00:43:02,009 It just make things okay. 778 00:43:06,243 --> 00:43:07,985 It's like that... 779 00:43:07,985 --> 00:43:11,248 best friend that never talks back, you know? 780 00:43:27,464 --> 00:43:31,268 PHIL: Why are you shaking? 781 00:43:31,268 --> 00:43:33,170 Look at me. 782 00:43:33,170 --> 00:43:36,273 Come here, baby. 783 00:43:36,273 --> 00:43:38,175 Look at me. 784 00:43:41,278 --> 00:43:43,520 You okay? 785 00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,123 What am I gonna do with you? 786 00:43:50,027 --> 00:43:52,429 [ sentimental music plays ] 787 00:43:52,429 --> 00:43:57,264 ♪♪ 788 00:43:57,264 --> 00:44:01,038 JACINTA: My mother ‐‐ she always dressed so fancy, 789 00:44:01,038 --> 00:44:02,339 and her hair was always done, 790 00:44:02,339 --> 00:44:06,844 and I love the way she spoke. 791 00:44:06,844 --> 00:44:09,476 I just picked up on everything, 792 00:44:09,476 --> 00:44:11,208 every mistake she made, 793 00:44:11,208 --> 00:44:14,051 and I loved it. 794 00:44:14,051 --> 00:44:17,184 I loved the way she drove a car. 795 00:44:17,184 --> 00:44:19,156 I would sit in the back seat, 796 00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:22,489 and you could see both of us in the rearview mirror. 797 00:44:22,489 --> 00:44:24,491 I would forget that my reflection 798 00:44:24,491 --> 00:44:26,223 was there, as well, 799 00:44:26,223 --> 00:44:30,127 and I would stare right at her. 800 00:44:30,127 --> 00:44:32,029 When I would look at myself, 801 00:44:32,029 --> 00:44:33,931 just in the mirror by myself, 802 00:44:33,931 --> 00:44:36,874 I would literally see her. 803 00:44:39,506 --> 00:44:43,110 I wanted to be like her, 804 00:44:43,110 --> 00:44:45,182 not that I wanted to pick up her mistakes, 805 00:44:45,182 --> 00:44:47,945 but if that's what it took, 806 00:44:47,945 --> 00:44:50,187 I was willing to do it. 807 00:44:55,252 --> 00:44:57,494 [ indistinct chanting ] 808 00:44:57,494 --> 00:44:59,927 [ music plays indistinctly ] 809 00:45:03,260 --> 00:45:05,162 JOHN: Alright, Caylynn. 810 00:45:19,516 --> 00:45:21,418 CAYLYNN: When I go to cheer practice, 811 00:45:21,418 --> 00:45:25,382 my personal issues just kind of go away. 812 00:45:25,382 --> 00:45:27,985 It's not a sport for me. 813 00:45:27,985 --> 00:45:30,057 It's more of a getaway. 814 00:45:33,130 --> 00:45:34,561 WANDA: Jacinta was a cheerleader. 815 00:45:34,561 --> 00:45:36,864 I think a lot of things Jacinta told Caylynn 816 00:45:36,864 --> 00:45:38,896 that she's like to do 817 00:45:38,896 --> 00:45:44,071 have now become things that Caylynn is obsessed with. 818 00:45:44,071 --> 00:45:45,973 [ cheers and applause ] 819 00:45:55,052 --> 00:45:56,483 JOHN: Caylynn was telling me, 820 00:45:56,483 --> 00:45:59,887 "I haven't heard from my mother." 821 00:45:59,887 --> 00:46:02,519 We've actually, you know, blamed it on the drugs, 822 00:46:02,519 --> 00:46:04,261 and we just say that's what ‐‐ 823 00:46:04,261 --> 00:46:05,592 why she does the things she does. 824 00:46:05,592 --> 00:46:07,024 ‐ We always have told her, 825 00:46:07,024 --> 00:46:08,495 "She loves you more than anything. 826 00:46:08,495 --> 00:46:11,098 She just doesn't even know how to love herself." 827 00:46:16,603 --> 00:46:19,907 CAYLYNN: I really just want my mom. 828 00:46:19,907 --> 00:46:22,309 Why isn't she staying around? 829 00:46:27,384 --> 00:46:29,286 I'm feeling like... 830 00:46:29,286 --> 00:46:31,689 it was my fault. 831 00:46:31,689 --> 00:46:33,420 Maybe if I had been a different person 832 00:46:33,420 --> 00:46:36,353 she would've stuck around a little longer. 833 00:46:41,228 --> 00:46:43,460 [ TV plays indistinctly ] 834 00:46:53,641 --> 00:46:55,943 BILLIE: I don't know how Jacinta really feels, 835 00:46:55,943 --> 00:46:59,216 but I know doing drugs, she's blocking it all out. 836 00:46:59,216 --> 00:47:01,018 I know that's a fact. 837 00:47:01,018 --> 00:47:02,720 From one addict to another, that's a fact. 838 00:47:02,720 --> 00:47:04,281 It'll block everything out. 839 00:47:04,281 --> 00:47:07,154 ‐ Oh, shit. 840 00:47:07,154 --> 00:47:09,526 BILLIE: Me and Jacinta went to Lewiston one day. 841 00:47:09,526 --> 00:47:11,258 She was using, and then I asked her, 842 00:47:11,258 --> 00:47:13,661 "Hey, can I get some of that from you? Fuck it." 843 00:47:13,661 --> 00:47:17,464 I gave her $20 and got a shot off of her, 844 00:47:17,464 --> 00:47:18,736 and ever since then, 845 00:47:18,736 --> 00:47:21,168 I've started to use with Jacinta. 846 00:47:21,168 --> 00:47:23,741 ‐ I got it stuck. [ both laugh ] 847 00:47:23,741 --> 00:47:26,173 BILLIE: Her daughter called Shaun last night. 848 00:47:26,173 --> 00:47:29,406 Her daughter is hurt, 849 00:47:29,406 --> 00:47:32,179 and I've been in that situation, too. 850 00:47:32,179 --> 00:47:35,452 I've chosen drugs over both my kids. 851 00:47:35,452 --> 00:47:37,514 I can't say anything different. 852 00:48:00,037 --> 00:48:02,109 Come on, Jacinta. 853 00:48:05,342 --> 00:48:06,543 [ cellphone rings ] 854 00:48:06,543 --> 00:48:07,685 Oh, that's her. 855 00:48:07,685 --> 00:48:09,586 Hey, I'm in front of Old Navy. 856 00:48:13,290 --> 00:48:14,652 Do you see me? 857 00:48:36,644 --> 00:48:38,716 ‐ Not bad. 858 00:48:38,716 --> 00:48:41,478 What do you think? 859 00:48:41,478 --> 00:48:43,550 Fucking right. 860 00:48:48,325 --> 00:48:49,526 EARNSHAW: How did you learn to shoplift? 861 00:48:49,526 --> 00:48:51,358 JACINTA: Watching my mom. 862 00:48:51,358 --> 00:48:54,732 I've been watching her since I was in the fucking carriage. 863 00:48:54,732 --> 00:48:56,794 She used to use my fucking stroller. 864 00:48:56,794 --> 00:48:58,696 [ both laugh ] 865 00:48:58,696 --> 00:49:01,068 I'm my mom's ride or die. 866 00:49:01,068 --> 00:49:03,300 I might've been, like, 14 years old. 867 00:49:03,300 --> 00:49:05,072 My mom got pulled over. 868 00:49:05,072 --> 00:49:06,473 She, like, gave me a look 869 00:49:06,473 --> 00:49:08,345 that, like, I knew that something was wrong, 870 00:49:08,345 --> 00:49:10,147 like, I needed to start looking for something. 871 00:49:10,147 --> 00:49:12,549 I grabbed those 2 ounces of coke, 872 00:49:12,549 --> 00:49:14,111 and I stuck them down my pants, 873 00:49:14,111 --> 00:49:16,183 and I got out of the car, and the cop goes, 874 00:49:16,183 --> 00:49:17,554 "I need you to stay in the vehicle." 875 00:49:17,554 --> 00:49:18,756 And I was like, "I have a kidney disease. 876 00:49:18,756 --> 00:49:21,088 I have to go to the bathroom," 877 00:49:21,088 --> 00:49:22,519 and I brought those into the bathroom 878 00:49:22,519 --> 00:49:23,761 on the main turnpike. 879 00:49:23,761 --> 00:49:25,192 My mom got arrested, 880 00:49:25,192 --> 00:49:26,724 and then she called from the jail, 881 00:49:26,724 --> 00:49:29,096 and I was like, "Mom, I hid that stuff." 882 00:49:29,096 --> 00:49:30,798 We went back and picked it up, like, four hours later. 883 00:49:30,798 --> 00:49:32,369 It was still there. 884 00:49:32,369 --> 00:49:34,772 Mm‐hmm. 885 00:49:34,772 --> 00:49:37,534 BILLIE: That's a ride or die. There you go. 886 00:49:39,707 --> 00:49:43,340 I felt like I made my mom proud. 887 00:49:43,340 --> 00:49:45,582 ‐ Yeah, I could see that. 888 00:49:45,582 --> 00:49:47,344 You probably did. 889 00:49:47,344 --> 00:49:49,246 [ women shouting ] 890 00:49:56,423 --> 00:49:57,655 ROSEMARY: Some of the things 891 00:49:57,655 --> 00:50:00,597 they couldn't prove me guilty of. 892 00:50:00,597 --> 00:50:03,661 Stealing clothes. Stealing food. 893 00:50:03,661 --> 00:50:05,903 They're saying that's me. 894 00:50:07,464 --> 00:50:10,507 [ speaks indistinctly ] 895 00:50:10,507 --> 00:50:12,239 EARNSHAW: Is that you? No. 896 00:50:12,239 --> 00:50:15,172 ‐ [ chuckles ] 897 00:50:15,172 --> 00:50:17,675 Well, that's what a jury would say, too. 898 00:50:17,675 --> 00:50:19,416 EARNSHAW: Well, what's the truth? 899 00:50:19,416 --> 00:50:21,649 Is that you? No. 900 00:50:21,649 --> 00:50:24,682 ‐ Is it? You tell me. 901 00:50:24,682 --> 00:50:28,585 If you was the jury, what would you say? 902 00:50:28,585 --> 00:50:30,557 EARNSHAW: I mean, it's hard to tell. 903 00:50:30,557 --> 00:50:32,259 It looks... ‐ There you go. 904 00:50:32,259 --> 00:50:35,362 You have to be 100% sure on a jury. 905 00:50:35,362 --> 00:50:37,895 [ chuckles ] 906 00:50:44,601 --> 00:50:48,345 My dad was here in prison before, 907 00:50:48,345 --> 00:50:51,508 and he's always been in and out 908 00:50:51,508 --> 00:50:56,684 of drinking and doing drugs. 909 00:50:56,684 --> 00:50:59,456 It's kind of hard to talk about, but I was, you know, 910 00:50:59,456 --> 00:51:02,559 molested and ‐‐ by my dad. 911 00:51:02,559 --> 00:51:03,921 I'm gonna get teary‐eyed. 912 00:51:03,921 --> 00:51:06,423 EARNSHAW: That's okay. 913 00:51:06,423 --> 00:51:08,195 ROSEMARY: I can remember my sisters trying to, like, 914 00:51:08,195 --> 00:51:11,799 hide me in closets and stuff, trying to protect me. 915 00:51:11,799 --> 00:51:13,530 I can remember hearing my father's car 916 00:51:13,530 --> 00:51:16,904 pull up late at night, 917 00:51:16,904 --> 00:51:19,236 and they'd run and, like, put me under that bed. 918 00:51:19,236 --> 00:51:20,778 I can remember, like, hearing ‐‐ 919 00:51:20,778 --> 00:51:22,680 rolling under the bed. 920 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:25,282 [ somber music plays ] 921 00:51:25,282 --> 00:51:27,845 When Jacinta got molested, 922 00:51:27,845 --> 00:51:32,349 this guy was babysitting when we went bowling. 923 00:51:32,349 --> 00:51:35,693 I seen the signs afterwards 'cause she was always crying, 924 00:51:35,693 --> 00:51:38,455 didn't want me to leave her there, 925 00:51:38,455 --> 00:51:39,827 and she was screaming, like, "No, mommy! 926 00:51:39,827 --> 00:51:41,829 No, mommy! No, mommy!" 927 00:51:41,829 --> 00:51:43,861 And I can picture now, like... 928 00:51:43,861 --> 00:51:46,934 why'd I leave her there? 929 00:51:46,934 --> 00:51:49,006 So I lived, like, in a lot of shame and guilt 930 00:51:49,006 --> 00:51:53,671 and, you know, resentment all my life. 931 00:51:53,671 --> 00:51:57,975 I feel like living in all that you can never move forward. 932 00:52:01,879 --> 00:52:05,422 AMANDA: Have you ever done any meditation or relaxation or... 933 00:52:05,422 --> 00:52:08,686 ‐ Yeah, I've done all that, but when I get in this space... 934 00:52:08,686 --> 00:52:10,627 ‐ I'm saying before you get this far, 935 00:52:10,627 --> 00:52:14,031 like, take some self ‐‐ some time. 936 00:52:14,031 --> 00:52:16,694 ‐ Like, I can't ‐‐ I don't know what to do with the feelings, 937 00:52:16,694 --> 00:52:18,395 with the emotions that are going through ‐‐ 938 00:52:18,395 --> 00:52:19,536 ‐ So scattered thoughts, basically? 939 00:52:19,536 --> 00:52:20,798 ‐ Yeah. 940 00:52:20,798 --> 00:52:22,539 ‐ 'Cause when your brain's like that, 941 00:52:22,539 --> 00:52:23,741 you just need to calm it down. 942 00:52:23,741 --> 00:52:26,003 You need to quiet it, right? 943 00:52:26,003 --> 00:52:29,306 ‐ It's weighing on my mind about Jacinta, her using. 944 00:52:29,306 --> 00:52:30,978 I know I can't control it. 945 00:52:30,978 --> 00:52:32,579 AMANDA: Mm‐hmm. Yep. 946 00:52:32,579 --> 00:52:35,813 You just gotta remember she's 27 years old. 947 00:52:35,813 --> 00:52:39,386 The more you separate, 948 00:52:39,386 --> 00:52:41,558 you know... 949 00:52:41,558 --> 00:52:43,791 the better for both of you. 950 00:52:46,794 --> 00:52:47,795 It's a hard life. 951 00:52:47,795 --> 00:52:49,366 [ voice breaking ] I know. 952 00:52:49,366 --> 00:52:50,898 [ sniffles ] 953 00:53:01,939 --> 00:53:06,313 [ cellphone rings ] 954 00:53:06,313 --> 00:53:08,545 ‐ Hello? 955 00:53:08,545 --> 00:53:10,047 OPERATOR: You have a call from... 956 00:53:10,047 --> 00:53:13,320 ‐ Rosemary. OPERATOR: ...confined at 957 00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,053 a Maine Department of Corrections facility. 958 00:53:37,344 --> 00:53:39,917 ‐ I thought you just said they wouldn't let me be sick. 959 00:54:35,673 --> 00:54:38,075 It's been four months since I saw my daughter. 960 00:54:42,539 --> 00:54:45,112 I don't want Caylynn to see me when I'm using, 961 00:54:45,112 --> 00:54:47,885 but I know she wants to see me, 962 00:54:47,885 --> 00:54:49,787 and I want to see her. 963 00:54:55,422 --> 00:54:57,124 JOHN: Caylynn, Milky Ways? 964 00:54:57,124 --> 00:55:00,057 Caylynn, why don't you guys pick up your candy? 965 00:55:00,057 --> 00:55:02,499 ‐ That's my mom. 966 00:55:02,499 --> 00:55:04,902 WANDA: You're mama... 967 00:55:04,902 --> 00:55:06,964 [ indistinct conversations ] 968 00:55:12,569 --> 00:55:13,771 ‐ Persistent, huh? 969 00:55:13,771 --> 00:55:15,673 ‐ Whose baby? 970 00:55:15,673 --> 00:55:17,044 ‐ It's my brother Shaun's baby. 971 00:55:17,044 --> 00:55:18,475 JOHN: That's your brother Shaun's baby? 972 00:55:18,475 --> 00:55:20,017 ‐ Where's Uncle Shaun? ‐ Hi. 973 00:55:20,017 --> 00:55:21,749 JACINTA: He didn't come, baby. 974 00:55:21,749 --> 00:55:24,521 ‐ Mommy, how long are you staying? 975 00:55:24,521 --> 00:55:27,524 WANDA: You got to go to bed really pretty quickly. 976 00:55:27,524 --> 00:55:29,126 It's already your bedtime now. 977 00:55:29,126 --> 00:55:31,028 I'm gonna let you stay for a short amount of time, but... 978 00:55:31,028 --> 00:55:32,930 JOHN: I don't even like candy. 979 00:55:32,930 --> 00:55:34,491 I'm just eating it. ‐ No, it's only 7:30. 980 00:55:34,491 --> 00:55:36,193 I don't have to go to bed for awhile. 981 00:55:36,193 --> 00:55:37,935 [ indistinct conversation ] 982 00:55:37,935 --> 00:55:41,038 ‐ I don't have to go to bed. 983 00:55:41,038 --> 00:55:43,641 ‐ Gotta get some pictures, bubba. 984 00:55:43,641 --> 00:55:46,573 [ chuckles ] 985 00:55:46,573 --> 00:55:48,806 Here, take a couple pictures with mama. 986 00:55:48,806 --> 00:55:51,178 [ sentimental music plays ] 987 00:55:51,178 --> 00:55:54,481 ♪♪ 988 00:55:54,481 --> 00:55:57,614 ♪♪ 989 00:55:57,614 --> 00:56:01,218 [ indistinct conversations ] 990 00:56:04,692 --> 00:56:06,924 JOHN: What did you get? 991 00:56:06,924 --> 00:56:08,495 Where's the cheese balls? 992 00:56:08,495 --> 00:56:10,728 ‐ I don't have any. 993 00:56:10,728 --> 00:56:14,802 ♪♪ 994 00:56:14,802 --> 00:56:18,876 ♪♪ 995 00:56:18,876 --> 00:56:20,938 JACINTA: What you got there, bub? 996 00:56:24,241 --> 00:56:27,284 This is my baby. 997 00:56:27,284 --> 00:56:29,046 CAYLYNN: Who? ‐ Ba‐bay. 998 00:56:29,046 --> 00:56:31,118 CAYLYNN: What did you say? ‐ I said, "This is my baby." 999 00:56:31,118 --> 00:56:32,690 CAYLYNN: Who? ‐ You. 1000 00:56:32,690 --> 00:56:33,891 ‐ Oh. 1001 00:56:37,154 --> 00:56:38,195 ‐ Look at that butt. 1002 00:56:38,195 --> 00:56:40,227 ‐ Stop! 1003 00:56:40,227 --> 00:56:42,299 ‐ Where did you get all that? 1004 00:56:42,299 --> 00:56:45,202 You got that from me. [ chuckles ] 1005 00:56:45,202 --> 00:56:46,533 WANDA: You're going to be going to bed, 1006 00:56:46,533 --> 00:56:47,564 like, real, real soon. 1007 00:56:47,564 --> 00:56:49,106 CAYLYNN: Where are you going? 1008 00:56:49,106 --> 00:56:51,739 ‐ Get ready for bed. ‐ No, Mommy. 1009 00:56:51,739 --> 00:56:53,971 ‐ Listen, stand up. 1010 00:57:01,679 --> 00:57:03,580 [ bird caws ] 1011 00:57:09,256 --> 00:57:10,828 JACINTA: I'm just done. 1012 00:57:10,828 --> 00:57:12,830 I'm exhausted. 1013 00:57:15,062 --> 00:57:16,964 Caylynn is over it. 1014 00:57:16,964 --> 00:57:19,897 You can only tell them you're sorry so many times. 1015 00:57:21,699 --> 00:57:23,771 It's not even guilt anymore. It's not even shame anymore. 1016 00:57:23,771 --> 00:57:26,003 I don't know. 1017 00:57:26,003 --> 00:57:27,745 I don't know what it is. 1018 00:57:31,178 --> 00:57:33,080 I don't want to do this anymore. 1019 00:57:39,086 --> 00:57:42,720 Cold sweats, nausea, legs, everything. 1020 00:57:45,192 --> 00:57:46,593 Where's Lucky? 1021 00:57:46,593 --> 00:57:48,295 EARNSHAW: He's in the kitchen. 1022 00:57:52,599 --> 00:57:54,301 JACINTA: He said he wouldn't leave. 1023 00:57:57,975 --> 00:57:59,877 Oh, fuck! 1024 00:58:26,804 --> 00:58:30,938 JACINTA: In detoxing, your muscles cramp. 1025 00:58:30,938 --> 00:58:33,711 You're restless. 1026 00:58:33,711 --> 00:58:36,744 The body aches. You're just ‐‐ 1027 00:58:36,744 --> 00:58:39,046 Your temperature can't get right. 1028 00:58:39,046 --> 00:58:40,948 You're just in hell. 1029 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,083 I can't fucking do this. 1030 00:58:48,826 --> 00:58:51,388 I need something to knock me the fuck out. 1031 00:58:55,993 --> 00:58:58,936 Ugh, fuck. 1032 00:59:04,371 --> 00:59:06,103 [ water running ] [ groans ] 1033 00:59:14,311 --> 00:59:16,053 Ow. 1034 00:59:21,719 --> 00:59:23,961 WOMAN: Hello? Jacint? 1035 00:59:26,093 --> 00:59:27,995 Jacint? Jacinta? 1036 00:59:27,995 --> 00:59:29,767 JACINTA: Hmm? 1037 00:59:29,767 --> 00:59:31,999 WOMAN: Please go to the hospital for tonight. 1038 00:59:31,999 --> 00:59:33,901 Baby, please do it for me. 1039 00:59:33,901 --> 00:59:36,073 JACINTA: [ groans ] 1040 00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:37,134 Please, baby. 1041 00:59:37,134 --> 00:59:39,036 ‐ Hello? 1042 00:59:39,036 --> 00:59:40,407 Yeah. 1043 00:59:42,179 --> 00:59:44,241 She's gonna go? 1044 00:59:44,241 --> 00:59:45,983 Okay. 1045 00:59:45,983 --> 00:59:47,715 ‐ I can't do this. 1046 00:59:47,715 --> 00:59:50,447 ‐ Okay. 1047 00:59:50,447 --> 00:59:52,890 I need to get on the floor. I need to get on the floor. 1048 00:59:52,890 --> 00:59:56,323 I need to get on the floor. Please. 1049 00:59:56,323 --> 00:59:59,426 ‐ How you doing? 1050 00:59:59,426 --> 01:00:01,398 ‐ Don't touch me. 1051 01:00:01,398 --> 01:00:04,832 Let's go. Baby, let's go. Please, please. 1052 01:00:04,832 --> 01:00:06,303 ‐ 10 more minutes. 1053 01:00:11,869 --> 01:00:13,210 WOMAN: Do you want me to pay for the methadone? 1054 01:00:13,210 --> 01:00:15,873 You want to go to the methadone tomorrow? 1055 01:00:15,873 --> 01:00:18,115 Or you want to just keep going straight like this? 1056 01:00:21,418 --> 01:00:24,021 'Cause I can't have you go back, Jacinta. 1057 01:00:24,021 --> 01:00:25,923 I can't have you go back to this stuff, 1058 01:00:28,255 --> 01:00:29,887 I don't want you to go back, Jacinta. 1059 01:00:29,887 --> 01:00:31,959 [ voice breaking ] I can't. I can't do this. 1060 01:00:44,471 --> 01:00:46,503 ‐ Have we the pleasure of addressing 1061 01:00:46,503 --> 01:00:48,846 Mr. Scrooge or Mr. Marley? 1062 01:00:48,846 --> 01:00:50,247 ‐ It's no pleasure to me, sir, 1063 01:00:50,247 --> 01:00:52,479 to be addressed by either of you. 1064 01:00:52,479 --> 01:00:55,082 ‐ This is probably 1065 01:00:55,082 --> 01:00:57,484 the easiest detox I've ever been through. 1066 01:01:01,488 --> 01:01:04,091 I'm through it, Mom. 1067 01:01:04,091 --> 01:01:06,964 I'm through it. 1068 01:01:06,964 --> 01:01:09,096 Are you proud of me? 1069 01:01:11,899 --> 01:01:14,301 I won't, Mom. 1070 01:01:14,301 --> 01:01:16,533 I won't. 1071 01:01:21,578 --> 01:01:25,042 LUCKY: She detoxed for 3 days. 1072 01:01:25,042 --> 01:01:30,217 Now she wants to go spend quality time with her father. 1073 01:01:30,217 --> 01:01:32,049 Basically, she takes off. 1074 01:01:32,049 --> 01:01:34,922 Goes starts up again. 1075 01:01:34,922 --> 01:01:37,154 Those three days... 1076 01:01:37,154 --> 01:01:39,056 were for nothing. 1077 01:01:39,056 --> 01:01:40,597 [ somber music plays ] 1078 01:01:40,597 --> 01:01:46,233 ♪♪ 1079 01:01:46,233 --> 01:01:51,839 ♪♪ 1080 01:01:51,839 --> 01:01:53,540 SHAUN: I know how smart she is. 1081 01:01:53,540 --> 01:01:57,514 I know what she can accomplish. 1082 01:01:57,514 --> 01:02:00,177 She's way smarter than me, 1083 01:02:00,177 --> 01:02:02,049 but, you know, let's face it, 1084 01:02:02,049 --> 01:02:05,522 Lewiston‐Auburn is not a good place to kick a habit. 1085 01:02:08,956 --> 01:02:11,028 There's nothing good in Lewiston. 1086 01:02:11,028 --> 01:02:14,131 Lewiston is an old mill town. 1087 01:02:14,131 --> 01:02:16,363 Drugs. 1088 01:02:16,363 --> 01:02:20,337 Jacinta knows everybody. 1089 01:02:20,337 --> 01:02:22,569 She knows everybody. 1090 01:02:26,003 --> 01:02:27,374 RICK: Where is she now? 1091 01:02:27,374 --> 01:02:30,147 She's been gone 40 minutes with the truck. 1092 01:02:30,147 --> 01:02:32,609 I hate this life. I fucking hate it. 1093 01:02:32,609 --> 01:02:34,411 EARNSHAW: When you heard that she was detoxing, 1094 01:02:34,411 --> 01:02:35,582 did you believe it was going to happen? 1095 01:02:35,582 --> 01:02:36,553 ‐ No. 1096 01:02:36,553 --> 01:02:38,555 Nope. 1097 01:02:38,555 --> 01:02:39,957 No. 1098 01:02:44,161 --> 01:02:45,362 No. 1099 01:02:51,368 --> 01:02:53,100 [ dog whines ] 1100 01:03:20,127 --> 01:03:21,999 MAN: What's the matter? MAN #2: Did anyone notice 1101 01:03:21,999 --> 01:03:24,001 we had a thunderstorm last night? 1102 01:03:24,001 --> 01:03:26,503 WOMAN: Yeah, we were just saying how much... 1103 01:03:26,503 --> 01:03:29,436 RICK: Christmas used to be a big thing. 1104 01:03:29,436 --> 01:03:30,708 Presents ‐‐ 1105 01:03:30,708 --> 01:03:32,970 There's always one hidden in the tree 1106 01:03:32,970 --> 01:03:35,612 that she'd have to find, yeah. 1107 01:03:35,612 --> 01:03:38,676 10:30, 11:00, then we'd go to bed. 1108 01:03:38,676 --> 01:03:40,117 Then she'd wake up the next morning, 1109 01:03:40,117 --> 01:03:41,248 and all the trees be cut. 1110 01:03:41,248 --> 01:03:42,619 "Santa did come! Santa did come!" 1111 01:03:42,619 --> 01:03:44,021 Yeah. 1112 01:03:44,021 --> 01:03:45,352 I don't know. 1113 01:03:45,352 --> 01:03:47,424 We had a lot of good times. 1114 01:03:49,086 --> 01:03:52,189 ‐ Then it just became money in an envelope. 1115 01:03:52,189 --> 01:03:56,664 [ laughs ] 1116 01:03:56,664 --> 01:03:59,096 "Merry Christmas, kid." ‐ That wasn't very nice. 1117 01:03:59,096 --> 01:04:00,998 That's right. What am I supposed to do? 1118 01:04:00,998 --> 01:04:02,269 ‐ Mm‐hmm. 1119 01:04:02,269 --> 01:04:03,500 ‐ I don't know what the hell to buy you. 1120 01:04:03,500 --> 01:04:05,242 Here, money in the envelope, 1121 01:04:05,242 --> 01:04:07,304 That's ‐‐ That's well put. 1122 01:04:07,304 --> 01:04:09,276 That's what it is. 1123 01:04:09,276 --> 01:04:12,179 [ Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You plays ] 1124 01:04:12,179 --> 01:04:15,282 ‐ Christmas. 1125 01:04:15,282 --> 01:04:17,384 CAREY: ♪ I ♪ 1126 01:04:17,384 --> 01:04:21,518 ♪ Don't want a lot for Christmas ♪ 1127 01:04:21,518 --> 01:04:25,693 ♪ There is just one thing I need ♪ 1128 01:04:25,693 --> 01:04:27,765 ‐ I'm so excited for Christmas. 1129 01:04:27,765 --> 01:04:29,396 JOHN: Yeah, we know. 1130 01:04:29,396 --> 01:04:32,269 ‐ I'm just ‐‐ I'm just in that spirit, you know? 1131 01:04:32,269 --> 01:04:33,530 I just love it. It's full of joy. 1132 01:04:33,530 --> 01:04:35,472 WANDA: As long as you're good, you know, 1133 01:04:35,472 --> 01:04:38,335 'cause Santa Claus don't get bad kids anything. 1134 01:04:38,335 --> 01:04:41,078 ‐ Santa Claus... 1135 01:04:41,078 --> 01:04:45,012 can climb up the chimney and walk on out. 1136 01:04:45,012 --> 01:04:47,244 JOHN: That ain't the Christmas spirit. 1137 01:04:49,146 --> 01:04:52,419 [ sentimental music plays ] 1138 01:04:52,419 --> 01:04:57,624 ♪♪ 1139 01:04:57,624 --> 01:05:03,030 ♪♪ 1140 01:05:03,030 --> 01:05:08,235 ♪♪ 1141 01:05:08,235 --> 01:05:13,440 ♪♪ 1142 01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:18,646 ♪♪ 1143 01:05:18,646 --> 01:05:24,051 ♪♪ 1144 01:05:24,051 --> 01:05:26,283 RICH: No, I never expected this to happen, 1145 01:05:26,283 --> 01:05:29,226 honestly, growing up. 1146 01:05:29,226 --> 01:05:33,761 ♪♪ 1147 01:05:33,761 --> 01:05:38,535 ♪♪ 1148 01:05:38,535 --> 01:05:44,241 Over time when Rosemary asked to see Jacinta, to visit, 1149 01:05:44,241 --> 01:05:46,644 I took Jacinta there to visit Rosemary, 1150 01:05:46,644 --> 01:05:49,576 and I'd pick her up. 1151 01:05:49,576 --> 01:05:51,649 You know... 1152 01:05:51,649 --> 01:05:54,081 she's got to see her mother. 1153 01:05:54,081 --> 01:05:57,484 You know, can't keep them apart. 1154 01:05:57,484 --> 01:06:01,088 Started going sour when she was, what, 10 or 11. 1155 01:06:01,088 --> 01:06:03,460 She wanted to move in with her mother, 1156 01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:07,464 and Rosemary really wanted her back. 1157 01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:12,129 Somehow, some way, it got to the point where... 1158 01:06:12,129 --> 01:06:15,673 Jacinta can make up her own mind. 1159 01:06:15,673 --> 01:06:17,374 And I don't know what the age is, 1160 01:06:17,374 --> 01:06:20,838 whether it's 13 or 14 in the state of Maine. 1161 01:06:20,838 --> 01:06:22,710 If they want to stay with their, 1162 01:06:22,710 --> 01:06:25,312 you know, their mother, they can, 1163 01:06:25,312 --> 01:06:26,684 if they want to stay with their father, 1164 01:06:26,684 --> 01:06:28,345 so that would've been another fight 1165 01:06:28,345 --> 01:06:32,149 in court, basically. 1166 01:06:32,149 --> 01:06:33,651 And it was like, "Okay, Jacinta. 1167 01:06:33,651 --> 01:06:36,253 Give it a shot. See what happens." 1168 01:06:47,564 --> 01:06:50,407 CAYLYNN: I had letters from my mom 1169 01:06:50,407 --> 01:06:52,640 circling around my room. 1170 01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:56,273 I remember my grandmother had told me ‐‐ 1171 01:06:56,273 --> 01:06:58,716 the one that I live with... 1172 01:06:58,716 --> 01:07:02,149 She had told me, "I know you're sad now, 1173 01:07:02,149 --> 01:07:05,723 and I know it doesn't feel good, but once you're older, 1174 01:07:05,723 --> 01:07:07,324 you're not gonna be sad anymore. 1175 01:07:07,324 --> 01:07:09,727 You're gonna be mad," and I didn't believe her. 1176 01:07:09,727 --> 01:07:12,289 I was like, "I'm never gonna be mad at my mom or dad." 1177 01:07:12,289 --> 01:07:15,162 Like, I was a little kid, and I didn't understand it. 1178 01:07:15,162 --> 01:07:16,563 But, um... 1179 01:07:16,563 --> 01:07:21,398 And, um...I started to get angry with them. 1180 01:07:21,398 --> 01:07:25,372 My mom hasn't called me in, like, three months. 1181 01:07:30,908 --> 01:07:32,810 If you don't want to be a part of my life, 1182 01:07:32,810 --> 01:07:34,882 don't be a part of it. 1183 01:07:42,790 --> 01:07:45,422 JACINTA: Caylynn said, "I can't take this. 1184 01:07:45,422 --> 01:07:47,895 It's the same old song. 'I wish we could. 1185 01:07:47,895 --> 01:07:49,867 Maybe we could. Could we maybe.'" 1186 01:07:49,867 --> 01:07:53,330 I said, "Cay, baby, what are you talking about? 1187 01:07:53,330 --> 01:07:54,872 Tell me more, princess." 1188 01:07:54,872 --> 01:07:56,934 "It's so hard to love someone like this, 1189 01:07:56,934 --> 01:07:58,676 caught in a blizzard, 1190 01:07:58,676 --> 01:08:01,208 but my heart can't take another civil war." 1191 01:08:01,208 --> 01:08:02,609 ‐ Holy fuck. 1192 01:08:02,609 --> 01:08:05,212 ‐ "The only thing you say you care about is me. 1193 01:08:05,212 --> 01:08:09,516 We both know it's money, drugs, and Lucky, 1194 01:08:09,516 --> 01:08:12,349 who you say you love, but you don't. 1195 01:08:12,349 --> 01:08:15,252 So, stop taking me in your ‐‐ 1196 01:08:15,252 --> 01:08:17,995 stop taking me in your twisted lies 1197 01:08:17,995 --> 01:08:19,897 because I don't need them." 1198 01:08:19,897 --> 01:08:22,459 WOMAN: Jacinta... 1199 01:08:22,459 --> 01:08:24,231 You got to do this, honey, 1200 01:08:24,231 --> 01:08:27,835 if it means going to the middle of fucking nowhere... 1201 01:08:27,835 --> 01:08:30,437 to a treatment center, like... 1202 01:08:31,769 --> 01:08:34,541 ‐ She just wants me to leave her alone. 1203 01:08:46,483 --> 01:08:49,256 [ chuckles ] 1204 01:08:49,256 --> 01:08:52,860 JACINTA: Caylynn has told me she doesn't want to talk to me, 1205 01:08:52,860 --> 01:08:55,462 stay out of her life. 1206 01:08:55,462 --> 01:08:58,395 My baby knows how to make the right decision. 1207 01:09:00,337 --> 01:09:02,900 I'm proud of her. 1208 01:09:02,900 --> 01:09:06,774 I know that if she keeps that skill in her life, 1209 01:09:06,774 --> 01:09:08,505 protecting herself, 1210 01:09:08,505 --> 01:09:11,448 she's always gonna have peace at heart. 1211 01:09:13,681 --> 01:09:16,613 Have I made the choice to get high 1212 01:09:16,613 --> 01:09:18,515 instead of see my child? 1213 01:09:18,515 --> 01:09:20,918 Yes. 1214 01:09:20,918 --> 01:09:23,991 But it's not where my heart ever wanted to be. 1215 01:09:23,991 --> 01:09:26,423 [ TV plays indistinctly ] 1216 01:09:32,830 --> 01:09:34,571 LUCKY: Susan... 1217 01:09:35,803 --> 01:09:36,834 ‐ Hi, baby. 1218 01:09:36,834 --> 01:09:38,535 LUCKY: Hi. 1219 01:09:38,535 --> 01:09:39,907 Want a hit? 1220 01:09:49,516 --> 01:09:51,789 ‐ Lucky! 1221 01:09:51,789 --> 01:09:55,793 Lucky was the man that was gonna protect me and... 1222 01:09:55,793 --> 01:09:58,025 pull me out of it, you know what I mean? 1223 01:10:00,327 --> 01:10:04,461 The non‐addict is way up here, and the addict's down here, 1224 01:10:04,461 --> 01:10:07,604 and they reach up for somebody for help, 1225 01:10:07,604 --> 01:10:09,336 and instead of them pulling you up, 1226 01:10:09,336 --> 01:10:11,038 you pull them down. 1227 01:10:15,843 --> 01:10:19,476 Yeah, I feel like I don't even got a choice anymore. 1228 01:10:19,476 --> 01:10:21,879 Like... 1229 01:10:21,879 --> 01:10:23,781 I have ‐‐ I have to get high. 1230 01:10:23,781 --> 01:10:24,982 Like... 1231 01:10:24,982 --> 01:10:27,755 it's just what my life is. 1232 01:10:27,755 --> 01:10:29,987 [ somber music plays ] 1233 01:10:29,987 --> 01:10:35,863 ♪♪ 1234 01:10:35,863 --> 01:10:41,739 ♪♪ 1235 01:10:41,739 --> 01:10:47,604 ♪♪ 1236 01:10:47,604 --> 01:10:49,146 See the amount of this? 1237 01:10:49,146 --> 01:10:50,507 EARNSHAW: Mm‐hmm. 1238 01:10:50,507 --> 01:10:51,709 JACINTA: That's pure fentanyl. 1239 01:10:51,709 --> 01:10:54,652 It's just extremely powerful. 1240 01:10:58,786 --> 01:11:00,858 BILLIE: Jacinta's died before. 1241 01:11:00,858 --> 01:11:04,061 Her dad told me he brought her back to life. 1242 01:11:04,061 --> 01:11:05,622 He slapped the shit out of her a few times. 1243 01:11:05,622 --> 01:11:08,565 She came out of it. 1244 01:11:08,565 --> 01:11:10,097 CAYLYNN: People have tried talking to her. 1245 01:11:10,097 --> 01:11:11,598 She's tried counseling. 1246 01:11:11,598 --> 01:11:14,471 She's tried rehab, prison, sober house. 1247 01:11:14,471 --> 01:11:16,533 She got kicked out of the sober house. 1248 01:11:16,533 --> 01:11:18,605 She stopped therapy on her own. 1249 01:11:18,605 --> 01:11:21,008 She's went back to jail several times, 1250 01:11:21,008 --> 01:11:23,540 and I've tried to explain to her over and over and over. 1251 01:11:23,540 --> 01:11:26,013 It ju‐‐ It goes in one ear and right out the other. 1252 01:11:26,013 --> 01:11:28,545 I just don't know what she should do. 1253 01:11:28,545 --> 01:11:30,617 [ somber music plays ] 1254 01:11:30,617 --> 01:11:33,020 ♪♪ 1255 01:11:33,020 --> 01:11:36,824 [ inhales sharply ] 1256 01:11:36,824 --> 01:11:39,556 ‐ All we can do is hope... 1257 01:11:39,556 --> 01:11:42,129 that it ends. 1258 01:11:42,129 --> 01:11:43,831 'Cause I really don't see... 1259 01:11:43,831 --> 01:11:47,104 I really don't see it ending. 1260 01:11:47,104 --> 01:11:50,037 Not unless something drastic happened to her. 1261 01:11:50,037 --> 01:11:51,608 You know? 1262 01:11:51,608 --> 01:11:56,443 ♪♪ 1263 01:11:56,443 --> 01:12:01,078 ♪♪ 1264 01:12:28,906 --> 01:12:30,177 [ sirens wail ] 1265 01:12:30,177 --> 01:12:31,649 GAGNON: Jacinta heard a pocket dial 1266 01:12:31,649 --> 01:12:33,080 where they were talking about 1267 01:12:33,080 --> 01:12:36,113 busting into her dad's house. 1268 01:12:36,113 --> 01:12:37,685 Jacinta wasn't there. 1269 01:12:37,685 --> 01:12:39,987 She called 911. 1270 01:12:39,987 --> 01:12:43,691 Turned out, it was some local people 1271 01:12:43,691 --> 01:12:47,024 that are suspected of being drug dealers. 1272 01:12:47,024 --> 01:12:50,828 Jacinta stole $60,000 worth of drugs. 1273 01:12:50,828 --> 01:12:53,600 These guys were looking to harm her. 1274 01:12:55,903 --> 01:12:58,676 I got a call from Jacinta's father. 1275 01:12:58,676 --> 01:13:02,509 He heard people were out to do harm to her. 1276 01:13:02,509 --> 01:13:03,781 Rick had given me the information 1277 01:13:03,781 --> 01:13:06,644 about the vehicle that Jacinta was driving. 1278 01:13:09,246 --> 01:13:10,918 ‐ He asked me, "How much does she have? 1279 01:13:10,918 --> 01:13:12,750 What did she steal?" I said, "I don't know. 1280 01:13:12,750 --> 01:13:14,291 Honestly, I don't know. 1281 01:13:14,291 --> 01:13:15,853 You know, I just know that these people 1282 01:13:15,853 --> 01:13:17,554 are after her because she ripped them off. 1283 01:13:17,554 --> 01:13:19,626 Why she ripped them off, I don't know." 1284 01:13:19,626 --> 01:13:22,199 Mm‐hmm. I said, "I hope you get her before they get her." 1285 01:13:22,199 --> 01:13:25,933 ♪♪ 1286 01:13:25,933 --> 01:13:29,637 ♪♪ 1287 01:13:34,171 --> 01:13:35,572 [ door opens ] 1288 01:14:04,902 --> 01:14:06,273 OFFICER: Okay. 1289 01:14:29,767 --> 01:14:31,298 JACINTA: [ sniffles ] 1290 01:15:04,902 --> 01:15:06,263 [ sobs ] 1291 01:15:28,756 --> 01:15:31,328 OFFICER: Nobody in this room's gonna hurt you, okay? 1292 01:15:31,328 --> 01:15:33,691 You are not free to leave, okay? 1293 01:15:33,691 --> 01:15:38,165 We're here t‐t‐to take control of this, okay? 1294 01:15:38,165 --> 01:15:40,067 You're going down the rabbit hole, 1295 01:15:40,067 --> 01:15:42,299 and we want to pull you back out. 1296 01:15:42,299 --> 01:15:43,871 Does that make sense? 1297 01:15:43,871 --> 01:15:45,242 Okay. 1298 01:15:53,811 --> 01:15:55,713 Can we get you something to drink? 1299 01:15:55,713 --> 01:15:56,954 ‐ I'm okay. 1300 01:15:56,954 --> 01:15:58,315 OFFICER: Huh? ‐ I'm okay. 1301 01:15:58,315 --> 01:16:00,117 OFFICER: You're okay? You sure? 1302 01:16:00,117 --> 01:16:01,318 ‐ Yeah. 1303 01:16:03,290 --> 01:16:04,762 OFFICER: Okay. 1304 01:16:04,762 --> 01:16:08,365 So why do you think you're in here? 1305 01:16:11,398 --> 01:16:12,399 ‐ Um... 1306 01:16:14,171 --> 01:16:15,733 ‐ Mm‐hmm. 1307 01:16:15,733 --> 01:16:19,006 Where have you been living? 1308 01:16:21,879 --> 01:16:23,781 ‐ Kind of everywhere. Why? 1309 01:16:27,014 --> 01:16:29,086 ‐ Mm‐hmm. And why is that? 1310 01:16:41,128 --> 01:16:43,360 [ cicadas humming ] 1311 01:16:43,360 --> 01:16:45,102 RICK: Whoever did it, whatever was said... 1312 01:16:45,102 --> 01:16:46,734 I know what I told Nick ‐‐ 1313 01:16:46,734 --> 01:16:48,265 what the car was and stuff. BILLIE: Mm‐hmm. 1314 01:16:48,265 --> 01:16:50,137 ‐ He asked me, did I know where she was? 1315 01:16:50,137 --> 01:16:51,839 I said, "No." ‐ Exactly. 1316 01:16:51,839 --> 01:16:53,771 ‐ Bottom line is, she's still alive, so... 1317 01:16:53,771 --> 01:16:54,972 I mean, she could be dead. 1318 01:16:54,972 --> 01:16:56,844 BILLIE: Yeah. ‐ So... 1319 01:16:56,844 --> 01:16:58,375 ‐ You were worried. ‐ I don't ‐‐ I don't care. 1320 01:16:58,375 --> 01:17:00,317 ‐ You weren't ratting her out. You were worried. 1321 01:17:00,317 --> 01:17:02,219 But I would. ‐ No, I wanted her pulled over, 1322 01:17:02,219 --> 01:17:03,420 is what I told him. 1323 01:17:03,420 --> 01:17:05,152 BILLIE: Oh, geez. 1324 01:17:05,152 --> 01:17:06,954 You knew she had all that shit on her. 1325 01:17:06,954 --> 01:17:08,525 ‐ I know she had it on her. 1326 01:17:08,525 --> 01:17:11,288 Seem like you're directing it like I ratted her out, 1327 01:17:11,288 --> 01:17:13,030 and I didn't rat her out. 1328 01:17:13,030 --> 01:17:14,932 ‐ In a way, you kinda did. ‐ That's your opinion. 1329 01:17:14,932 --> 01:17:17,264 ‐ But, I mean, that's ‐‐ ‐ That's you're opinion. 1330 01:17:17,264 --> 01:17:19,396 ‐ You didn't rat ‐‐ Yeah, but I'm saying to you, 1331 01:17:19,396 --> 01:17:21,769 you didn't rat her out to get her in trouble. 1332 01:17:21,769 --> 01:17:24,241 You ratted out ‐‐ her out because you were scared. 1333 01:17:36,453 --> 01:17:39,216 ‐ 'Cause I was detoxing and... 1334 01:17:39,216 --> 01:17:42,059 NURSE: Had a seizure. 1335 01:17:42,059 --> 01:17:45,993 She just was going through a bad detox. 1336 01:17:45,993 --> 01:17:48,065 ‐ They caught me with... 1337 01:17:48,065 --> 01:17:50,998 2 ounces of heroin and an ounce of crack. 1338 01:17:58,205 --> 01:18:00,978 [ somber music plays ] 1339 01:18:00,978 --> 01:18:05,813 ♪♪ 1340 01:18:05,813 --> 01:18:10,447 ♪♪ 1341 01:18:10,447 --> 01:18:15,292 ♪♪ 1342 01:18:15,292 --> 01:18:20,127 ♪♪ 1343 01:18:20,127 --> 01:18:24,962 ♪♪ 1344 01:18:24,962 --> 01:18:29,606 ♪♪ 1345 01:18:29,606 --> 01:18:34,441 ♪♪ 1346 01:18:34,441 --> 01:18:37,945 EARNSHAW: Can you tell me... how you got all of that? 1347 01:18:40,547 --> 01:18:43,480 ‐ Yeah. I, um... 1348 01:18:43,480 --> 01:18:47,624 I saw a drug dealer open his safe, 1349 01:18:47,624 --> 01:18:50,387 and I saw the combination. 1350 01:18:53,991 --> 01:18:55,492 EARNSHAW: And... 1351 01:18:55,492 --> 01:18:57,394 I literally walked a ledge 1352 01:18:57,394 --> 01:19:01,538 across a roof this big. 1353 01:19:01,538 --> 01:19:04,301 If I didn't ‐‐ If I didn't die getting there, 1354 01:19:04,301 --> 01:19:07,244 I was gonna die doing the drugs. 1355 01:19:07,244 --> 01:19:09,076 I didn't care. 1356 01:19:13,250 --> 01:19:14,982 [ sighs ] 1357 01:19:21,989 --> 01:19:24,091 [ TV plays indistinctly ] 1358 01:19:24,091 --> 01:19:27,064 BILLIE: 479 people are talking about this post 1359 01:19:27,064 --> 01:19:28,595 of her being arrested. 1360 01:19:28,595 --> 01:19:32,229 A lot of people wrote some nasty comments. 1361 01:19:32,229 --> 01:19:35,232 "Addiction or not, you have choices." 1362 01:19:35,232 --> 01:19:36,503 "What a surprise. 1363 01:19:36,503 --> 01:19:39,476 Another scum‐sucking lowlife loser." 1364 01:19:44,441 --> 01:19:48,145 RICH: Jacinta's in this situation because of Rosemary. 1365 01:19:48,145 --> 01:19:50,648 Had she never started or did any crack 1366 01:19:50,648 --> 01:19:53,590 with her daughter or her sons... 1367 01:19:53,590 --> 01:19:54,992 they wouldn't be there. 1368 01:19:54,992 --> 01:19:57,554 This wouldn't have happened. 1369 01:19:57,554 --> 01:19:59,596 Absolutely. 1370 01:19:59,596 --> 01:20:02,259 ‐ When Jacinta was 15, 1371 01:20:02,259 --> 01:20:04,501 Rosemary put her out on the street to suck dick 1372 01:20:04,501 --> 01:20:06,403 so Rosemary didn't have to. 1373 01:20:06,403 --> 01:20:09,366 You didn't know that? You didn't know that? 1374 01:20:09,366 --> 01:20:11,538 EARNSHAW: She didn't tell me that. 1375 01:20:11,538 --> 01:20:13,941 ‐ Every time she's out, them two run together. 1376 01:20:13,971 --> 01:20:16,373 [ buzzer blares ] 1377 01:20:16,373 --> 01:20:20,177 [ door opens, closes ] 1378 01:20:20,177 --> 01:20:23,620 OFFICER: Control. Elevator 1B up to three, please. 1379 01:20:23,620 --> 01:20:25,683 [ radio chirps, door unlocks ] 1380 01:20:31,028 --> 01:20:34,291 EARNSHAW: Were you prostituting at 15? 1381 01:20:37,494 --> 01:20:39,436 Did your mom... 1382 01:20:39,436 --> 01:20:42,199 kind of push you out there a little bit? 1383 01:20:48,075 --> 01:20:51,008 ‐ I don't think my mom meant to hurt me. 1384 01:20:53,550 --> 01:20:55,983 She didn't know any better. 1385 01:20:58,155 --> 01:21:01,588 I...admire... 1386 01:21:01,588 --> 01:21:05,062 [voice breaking] my mom. 1387 01:21:05,062 --> 01:21:08,495 She's... 1388 01:21:08,495 --> 01:21:11,098 the strongest, most beautiful woman 1389 01:21:11,098 --> 01:21:14,371 I've ever met in my life. 1390 01:21:14,371 --> 01:21:16,433 She just... 1391 01:21:17,635 --> 01:21:20,577 She wasn't taught... 1392 01:21:22,539 --> 01:21:25,582 ...how to mother. 1393 01:21:25,582 --> 01:21:27,484 [ sniffles ] 1394 01:21:35,392 --> 01:21:38,155 CAYLYNN: I'm very upset with my mom. 1395 01:21:38,155 --> 01:21:40,397 I ain't talked to her. 1396 01:21:40,397 --> 01:21:44,201 When she tried to call, I kept declining it, 1397 01:21:44,201 --> 01:21:46,433 but she sent me letters, 1398 01:21:46,433 --> 01:21:49,206 basically, apologizing. 1399 01:22:42,119 --> 01:22:43,821 [ buzzer blares ] 1400 01:22:51,298 --> 01:22:52,569 RICH: Hello? 1401 01:22:52,569 --> 01:22:54,471 JACINTA: Hello. RICH: Hey, honey. 1402 01:22:54,471 --> 01:22:56,133 JACINTA: [ voice breaking ] Hey, Daddy. 1403 01:22:56,133 --> 01:22:57,504 RICH: What's wrong? 1404 01:22:57,504 --> 01:22:59,737 JACINTA: My lawyer just came in. 1405 01:22:59,737 --> 01:23:02,179 His words were, "There's no other way to put it, 1406 01:23:02,179 --> 01:23:04,742 but you're in a world of shit." 1407 01:23:04,742 --> 01:23:06,483 RICH: What the hell does that mean? 1408 01:23:06,483 --> 01:23:09,647 JACINTA: It's a mandatory minimum of 15 years. 1409 01:23:09,647 --> 01:23:10,848 RICH: 15?! 1410 01:23:10,848 --> 01:23:12,419 JACINTA: Yeah. 1411 01:23:12,419 --> 01:23:15,252 RICH: Oh, my God. 1412 01:23:15,252 --> 01:23:16,794 JACINTA: He's gonna try to fight this 1413 01:23:16,794 --> 01:23:19,396 as much as he can. 1414 01:23:19,396 --> 01:23:21,458 RICH: [ sighing ] Oh. 1415 01:23:32,810 --> 01:23:34,672 LAWYER: Based on the quantity of the drugs, 1416 01:23:34,672 --> 01:23:38,676 she was looking at substantial prison time. 1417 01:23:38,676 --> 01:23:40,247 But I think all the parties involved, 1418 01:23:40,247 --> 01:23:41,548 including the prosecution, 1419 01:23:41,548 --> 01:23:44,151 realized the environment she grew up in. 1420 01:23:44,151 --> 01:23:46,824 She's become a product of her environment. 1421 01:23:46,824 --> 01:23:49,186 Originally, my goal was 1422 01:23:49,186 --> 01:23:52,459 to get her into treatment out of the area. 1423 01:23:52,459 --> 01:23:55,492 During this whole time, though, Jacinta was also asking me 1424 01:23:55,492 --> 01:23:57,895 to get a plea offer, get a plea offer. 1425 01:24:25,462 --> 01:24:27,194 ‐ Okay. 1426 01:24:29,566 --> 01:24:33,370 She's looking at a four‐year mandatory minimum. 1427 01:24:33,370 --> 01:24:35,502 JUDGE: Well, you haven't really had a chance 1428 01:24:35,502 --> 01:24:38,435 to kind of develop your best, you know, defense 1429 01:24:38,435 --> 01:24:41,478 or your best, what we call, mitigation, in terms of why, 1430 01:24:41,478 --> 01:24:43,310 what the sentence should be for you. 1431 01:24:43,310 --> 01:24:45,813 I'm really asking you to consider 1432 01:24:45,813 --> 01:24:47,915 delaying your plea 1433 01:24:47,915 --> 01:24:49,947 until next month. 1434 01:24:49,947 --> 01:24:53,250 Frankly, your story is a complicated story, 1435 01:24:53,250 --> 01:24:56,724 and it will take some time for Mr. Lovascio 1436 01:24:56,724 --> 01:24:58,956 to try to convince the prosecutor. 1437 01:24:58,956 --> 01:25:00,397 ‐ I'm just tired. 1438 01:25:00,397 --> 01:25:02,429 JUDGE: Okay. ‐ I'm just tired. 1439 01:25:02,429 --> 01:25:04,501 JUDGE: I understand. ‐ I'm ready to get it over with, 1440 01:25:04,501 --> 01:25:07,504 whatever it is. JUDGE: Okay. 1441 01:25:07,504 --> 01:25:09,837 ‐ I'm still okay with pleading guilty. 1442 01:25:09,837 --> 01:25:11,568 JUDGE: Okay. 1443 01:25:11,568 --> 01:25:13,641 [ somber music plays ] 1444 01:25:13,641 --> 01:25:16,243 ♪♪ 1445 01:25:16,243 --> 01:25:19,677 ‐ Three years, four years, it doesn't matter to me. 1446 01:25:19,677 --> 01:25:23,981 Not like it's changing a significant amount. 1447 01:25:23,981 --> 01:25:25,723 I just feel bad for my family. 1448 01:25:25,723 --> 01:25:27,685 Like, they're sitting there, like... 1449 01:25:27,685 --> 01:25:30,627 Do you know what I mean? To them, it seems like a lot. 1450 01:25:30,627 --> 01:25:33,861 Just ready to go, move on, let it go. 1451 01:25:33,861 --> 01:25:36,293 It happened. 1452 01:25:36,293 --> 01:25:37,594 JUDGE: Sit down. 1453 01:25:37,594 --> 01:25:41,568 On April 13, 2017, in Lewiston, 1454 01:25:41,568 --> 01:25:43,971 that you did intentionally and knowingly traffic 1455 01:25:43,971 --> 01:25:46,573 in what you knew and believed to be a scheduled drug, 1456 01:25:46,573 --> 01:25:47,945 which was, in fact, heroin. 1457 01:25:47,945 --> 01:25:49,546 LAWYER: I think it's a matter 1458 01:25:49,546 --> 01:25:53,280 of getting out of jail and over to the prison 1459 01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:57,354 where she feels she has a chance to see her mother. 1460 01:25:57,354 --> 01:25:59,356 JUDGE: So, ma'am, do you understand that charge? 1461 01:25:59,356 --> 01:26:00,718 ‐ I do. JUDGE: And how do you plea? 1462 01:26:00,718 --> 01:26:03,290 ‐ Guilty. 1463 01:26:03,290 --> 01:26:07,995 ♪♪ 1464 01:26:07,995 --> 01:26:12,870 ♪♪ 1465 01:26:12,870 --> 01:26:17,775 ♪♪ 1466 01:26:22,940 --> 01:26:25,382 I'd rather be inside than... 1467 01:26:25,382 --> 01:26:27,444 using and outside. 1468 01:26:32,990 --> 01:26:36,453 Yep. 1469 01:26:36,453 --> 01:26:38,756 If God gave me the choice, 1470 01:26:38,756 --> 01:26:40,097 "Jacinta, you could do 10 years in prison, 1471 01:26:40,097 --> 01:26:41,829 or you could do 10 years as an addict," 1472 01:26:41,829 --> 01:26:43,731 I'd do 10 years in prison. 1473 01:26:45,803 --> 01:26:50,107 In the back of my mind, I'm always in prison anyway. 1474 01:26:50,107 --> 01:26:52,009 Doesn't matter. 1475 01:26:58,976 --> 01:27:00,477 [ sighs ] 1476 01:27:01,879 --> 01:27:03,450 [ click ] 1477 01:27:03,450 --> 01:27:05,052 ‐ You can hear the little click. 1478 01:27:05,052 --> 01:27:06,123 ‐ Hi! 1479 01:27:06,123 --> 01:27:07,354 ‐ Hey, cubby. 1480 01:27:07,354 --> 01:27:10,627 ‐ I know! 1481 01:27:10,627 --> 01:27:11,929 ‐ How you doing? ‐ You look good. 1482 01:27:11,929 --> 01:27:13,360 ‐ I do? ‐ You look good. 1483 01:27:13,360 --> 01:27:15,092 Yeah. ‐ I look chubby. 1484 01:27:15,092 --> 01:27:17,795 ‐ Yeah, yeah. ‐ Oh, well. 1485 01:27:17,795 --> 01:27:20,798 ‐ I'd rather see you that way than skinny. 1486 01:27:20,798 --> 01:27:22,539 ‐ Why didn't I bring my glasses in? 1487 01:27:22,539 --> 01:27:23,841 ‐ Did you want me to read it to you? 1488 01:27:23,841 --> 01:27:26,373 ‐ Yeah. ‐ Okay. 1489 01:27:26,373 --> 01:27:29,977 It says, "Hi, Mommy. I miss you so, so much. 1490 01:27:29,977 --> 01:27:32,049 I just want to say, no matter what happens, 1491 01:27:32,049 --> 01:27:35,012 I am always gonna love you, even if you're three hours away, 1492 01:27:35,012 --> 01:27:37,384 and I know you probably want me to say stuff, 1493 01:27:37,384 --> 01:27:40,617 but instead, I want to write you a song that reminds me of you. 1494 01:27:40,617 --> 01:27:42,089 If I'm the sun, you're the moon. 1495 01:27:42,089 --> 01:27:44,161 If I'm the words, then you're the tune. 1496 01:27:44,161 --> 01:27:46,423 There are times my world is crumbling 1497 01:27:46,423 --> 01:27:48,025 and the rain is crashing down, 1498 01:27:48,025 --> 01:27:49,927 but everywhere you are, the sun comes up. 1499 01:27:49,927 --> 01:27:51,799 Even when you're gone, I feel you close. 1500 01:27:51,799 --> 01:27:54,702 You'll always be the one I love the most. 1501 01:27:54,702 --> 01:27:57,975 P. S., don't forget to blow me a kiss to the stars, mwah." 1502 01:27:57,975 --> 01:28:00,808 ‐ Aww, that's beautiful. ‐ Look at how much I've read it. 1503 01:28:00,808 --> 01:28:02,439 Like, you can literally see through ‐‐ 1504 01:28:02,439 --> 01:28:04,812 ‐[ laughs ] 1505 01:28:04,812 --> 01:28:06,944 ‐It's ripping, but... 1506 01:28:06,944 --> 01:28:09,186 I keep it in my pocket every day. 1507 01:28:09,186 --> 01:28:10,487 ‐ Really? ‐ Yeah. 1508 01:28:10,487 --> 01:28:12,189 ‐ [ chuckles ] ‐ Every day. 1509 01:28:21,028 --> 01:28:24,662 So, in the beginning, I had nothing better to do 1510 01:28:24,662 --> 01:28:26,463 than to let you film me. 1511 01:28:26,463 --> 01:28:30,137 And then when I got out, 1512 01:28:30,137 --> 01:28:32,840 I convinced myself that I could ‐‐ 1513 01:28:32,840 --> 01:28:34,441 this could be a documentary 1514 01:28:34,441 --> 01:28:38,445 about a success story. 1515 01:28:38,445 --> 01:28:42,219 Then when I started using, I figured this is part of it. 1516 01:28:42,219 --> 01:28:43,781 Like, this is part of recovery. 1517 01:28:43,781 --> 01:28:45,783 Like, it doesn't have to end here. 1518 01:28:45,783 --> 01:28:47,855 Like, I wasn't gonna give up. 1519 01:28:47,855 --> 01:28:50,728 And being back now, 1520 01:28:50,728 --> 01:28:53,030 it's a little depressing. [ chuckles ] 1521 01:28:53,030 --> 01:28:55,462 That doesn't have to be where it ends. 1522 01:29:02,800 --> 01:29:04,171 [ indistinct conversations ] 1523 01:29:10,547 --> 01:29:14,011 I've been here 13 months clean. 1524 01:29:14,011 --> 01:29:16,914 I'm stronger. I'm healthier. 1525 01:29:16,914 --> 01:29:19,717 But I'm not done. 1526 01:29:19,717 --> 01:29:22,660 I could not get out today and go back to Lewiston. 1527 01:29:26,193 --> 01:29:29,066 I know that my addiction 1528 01:29:29,066 --> 01:29:32,670 is way stronger than I am. 1529 01:29:32,670 --> 01:29:34,071 My soul is still alive, 1530 01:29:34,071 --> 01:29:39,036 and my willpower is strong. 1531 01:29:39,036 --> 01:29:41,979 I just want this to be the last time. 1532 01:29:53,951 --> 01:29:57,024 I feel like this place has brainwashed me 1533 01:29:57,024 --> 01:30:01,528 into feeling like my mom and I are unhealthy. 1534 01:30:01,528 --> 01:30:03,230 When I got here, 1535 01:30:03,230 --> 01:30:05,833 they wouldn't let us be housed together. 1536 01:30:05,833 --> 01:30:08,806 We didn't see each other. 1537 01:30:08,806 --> 01:30:10,307 EARNSHAW: You said something about feeling 1538 01:30:10,307 --> 01:30:12,269 like you were chasing your mom through the system? 1539 01:30:12,269 --> 01:30:14,772 ‐ It's kind of like... 1540 01:30:14,772 --> 01:30:18,215 taking the first... 1541 01:30:18,215 --> 01:30:20,177 sentence they give you, 1542 01:30:20,177 --> 01:30:23,120 thinking you're gonna see your mom. 1543 01:30:23,120 --> 01:30:25,883 And then you get here, 1544 01:30:25,883 --> 01:30:28,285 and they ship her out ‐‐ 1545 01:30:28,285 --> 01:30:30,187 the next day. 1546 01:30:33,731 --> 01:30:35,963 [ TV plays indistinctly ] 1547 01:30:47,244 --> 01:30:51,849 ‐ High‐risk factors that lead to offense ‐‐ 1548 01:30:51,849 --> 01:30:54,581 hanging around some family members, 1549 01:30:54,581 --> 01:30:57,254 stop working my program, unhealthy situation, 1550 01:30:57,254 --> 01:31:00,187 going to the mall with intents to steal. 1551 01:31:00,187 --> 01:31:02,890 Those are all just different things... 1552 01:31:05,622 --> 01:31:08,896 ...that would lead me up to relapsing. 1553 01:31:08,896 --> 01:31:11,829 I had to make that before I left the prison. 1554 01:31:28,385 --> 01:31:30,117 ‐ Oh, hell yeah. 1555 01:31:31,789 --> 01:31:33,190 If I was out when she did that, 1556 01:31:33,190 --> 01:31:35,352 I would've been with her. 1557 01:31:35,352 --> 01:31:37,094 100%. 1558 01:31:37,094 --> 01:31:39,857 I'd have been doing time with her right now. 1559 01:31:39,857 --> 01:31:42,359 Don't get me wrong. It don't make me feel good. 1560 01:31:42,359 --> 01:31:45,963 I just know where... 1561 01:31:45,963 --> 01:31:47,865 where we stand together. 1562 01:31:56,714 --> 01:31:58,415 We have such a bond 1563 01:31:58,415 --> 01:32:00,948 that it's unhealthy. 1564 01:32:00,948 --> 01:32:02,319 It really was, 1565 01:32:02,319 --> 01:32:05,182 and it really still is. 1566 01:32:05,182 --> 01:32:07,655 When I got the news my daughter was coming to the prison, 1567 01:32:07,655 --> 01:32:09,957 she's supposed to come up to the women's center 1568 01:32:09,957 --> 01:32:12,660 where I was at, 1569 01:32:12,660 --> 01:32:15,062 but they kept me and Jacinta apart. 1570 01:32:15,062 --> 01:32:17,665 Are you gonna try to separate a mother and a daughter? 1571 01:32:17,665 --> 01:32:19,366 Are you serious? 1572 01:32:19,366 --> 01:32:21,298 Christ, she was at the top of the hill, 1573 01:32:21,298 --> 01:32:23,841 and I'm at the bottom of the hill of the prison. 1574 01:32:23,841 --> 01:32:25,202 I'm yelling up to her. 1575 01:32:28,746 --> 01:32:30,277 ‐ I love you. 1576 01:32:30,277 --> 01:32:32,079 That was enough to let her know 1577 01:32:32,079 --> 01:32:33,911 I'm still thinking about her, and she'd yell down to me. 1578 01:32:33,911 --> 01:32:35,883 We get caught, it's a write‐up, class A write‐up ‐‐ 1579 01:32:35,883 --> 01:32:38,916 communication between another inmate. 1580 01:32:38,916 --> 01:32:41,018 But how do we do it healthy? 1581 01:32:41,018 --> 01:32:44,291 'Cause I'm not gonna give up on my daughter. 1582 01:32:44,291 --> 01:32:45,863 Mark my words. 1583 01:32:45,863 --> 01:32:47,995 Three years ‐‐ that's when Jacinta is out. 1584 01:32:47,995 --> 01:32:50,027 You think she ain't gonna come running to me? 1585 01:32:50,027 --> 01:32:53,130 [ sentimental music plays ] 1586 01:32:53,130 --> 01:32:57,334 ♪♪ 1587 01:32:57,334 --> 01:33:01,709 ♪♪ 1588 01:33:01,709 --> 01:33:05,913 ♪♪ 1589 01:33:05,913 --> 01:33:07,915 TODD: At the end of the day, it's not my mom's fault, 1590 01:33:07,915 --> 01:33:11,188 you know, how we turned out. 1591 01:33:11,188 --> 01:33:12,990 I think my mom is confused. 1592 01:33:12,990 --> 01:33:15,723 I mean, I don't doubt that she loves us, no. 1593 01:33:15,723 --> 01:33:19,326 But I think what she knows of love 1594 01:33:19,326 --> 01:33:21,729 and what love really is ‐‐ 1595 01:33:21,729 --> 01:33:25,032 two different things. 1596 01:33:25,032 --> 01:33:27,304 I was loving people the way that she loved me, 1597 01:33:27,304 --> 01:33:30,167 giving them drugs or going out stealing with them 1598 01:33:30,167 --> 01:33:33,110 and getting them nice clothes or nice things. 1599 01:33:33,110 --> 01:33:35,412 That's the love that I got from my mother, and... 1600 01:33:35,412 --> 01:33:38,215 that's when I realized that she loved us, 1601 01:33:38,215 --> 01:33:40,217 but in the wrong ways. 1602 01:33:40,217 --> 01:33:43,480 Love is when you... 1603 01:33:43,480 --> 01:33:47,985 love someone enough to make changes for them. 1604 01:33:47,985 --> 01:33:52,830 ♪♪ 1605 01:33:52,830 --> 01:33:57,464 ♪♪ 1606 01:33:57,464 --> 01:34:02,299 ♪♪ 1607 01:34:02,299 --> 01:34:07,144 ♪♪ 1608 01:34:07,144 --> 01:34:09,346 CAYLYNN: She's my mom, and I want to believe 1609 01:34:09,346 --> 01:34:12,179 that she's gonna get better. 1610 01:34:12,179 --> 01:34:15,212 But she has a problem, 1611 01:34:15,212 --> 01:34:18,485 and it's gonna take more than prison to get over it. 1612 01:34:24,892 --> 01:34:26,964 OPERATOR: You are receiving a call from... 1613 01:34:26,964 --> 01:34:28,495 ‐ Jacinta. 1614 01:34:28,495 --> 01:34:30,067 OPERATOR: An inmate in... 1615 01:34:30,067 --> 01:34:31,869 OPERATOR #2: Maine Correctional Center. 1616 01:34:35,973 --> 01:34:37,334 CAYLYNN: Hi, Mom. 1617 01:35:28,585 --> 01:35:30,858 [ police radio chatter ] 1618 01:35:30,858 --> 01:35:33,030 WOMAN: The form of research that's most commonly done 1619 01:35:33,030 --> 01:35:38,235 to understand this is called ethnomethodology. 1620 01:35:38,235 --> 01:35:41,639 Ethnomethodology is a way of studying the assumptions 1621 01:35:41,639 --> 01:35:45,602 people make about the behaviors that they engage in. 1622 01:35:45,602 --> 01:35:49,076 Who or what might be an agent of socialization? 1623 01:35:49,076 --> 01:35:51,108 Who taught you something 1624 01:35:51,108 --> 01:35:53,210 that you needed to know for later in life? 1625 01:35:53,210 --> 01:35:55,112 Your mother, our family, right? 1626 01:35:55,112 --> 01:35:58,485 Our family is a huge agent of socialization for us. 1627 01:35:58,485 --> 01:36:02,619 No, it's not, or whatever. Does that kind of make sense? 1628 01:36:02,619 --> 01:36:04,662 I know it's a little bit weird, but... 1629 01:36:04,662 --> 01:36:09,566 JACINTA: My mother is always gonna be amazing to me... 1630 01:36:11,598 --> 01:36:14,471 ...as sick as people see it to be. 1631 01:36:15,432 --> 01:36:18,035 I can accept my mother 1632 01:36:18,035 --> 01:36:20,607 and her addiction and her incarcerations, 1633 01:36:20,607 --> 01:36:23,540 her mistakes. 1634 01:36:23,540 --> 01:36:25,983 I just don't have to be involved. 1635 01:36:41,128 --> 01:36:43,530 It's been three years since I saw my daughter. 1636 01:36:43,530 --> 01:36:46,133 I can't believe three years has gone by. 1637 01:36:46,163 --> 01:36:48,065 [ indistinct conversations ] 1638 01:36:51,639 --> 01:36:54,071 ANNOUNCER: Jacinta Hunt. 1639 01:36:57,975 --> 01:37:00,377 [ indistinct conversations ] 1640 01:37:00,377 --> 01:37:05,382 ‐ I remember when my mom was in jail... 1641 01:37:05,382 --> 01:37:06,724 she used to be like, 1642 01:37:06,724 --> 01:37:08,455 "I can't wait to smell your hair," 1643 01:37:08,455 --> 01:37:12,029 and I used to think she was crazy. 1644 01:37:12,029 --> 01:37:13,390 [ voice breaking ] And... 1645 01:37:18,435 --> 01:37:20,167 ...that's exactly 1646 01:37:20,167 --> 01:37:22,399 the things I think about. 1647 01:37:25,002 --> 01:37:28,105 And I think all the time 1648 01:37:28,105 --> 01:37:29,346 about the day that she left, 1649 01:37:29,346 --> 01:37:30,708 and I just kept telling her like, 1650 01:37:30,708 --> 01:37:32,279 "Caylynn, I'll always come back for you. 1651 01:37:32,279 --> 01:37:33,711 I promise, I'll always come back for you." 1652 01:37:33,711 --> 01:37:37,514 And it's, like... 1653 01:37:37,514 --> 01:37:41,158 the one promise I should've kept good on. 1654 01:37:44,762 --> 01:37:46,994 I guess it's not necessarily too late, 1655 01:37:46,994 --> 01:37:48,525 but it kind of is. 1656 01:37:54,271 --> 01:37:57,074 CAYLYNN: My mom has explained to me 1657 01:37:57,074 --> 01:37:59,436 when she first held me 1658 01:37:59,436 --> 01:38:03,080 the emotions that went through her. 1659 01:38:03,080 --> 01:38:04,782 Giving me up, 1660 01:38:04,782 --> 01:38:07,715 she probably felt like... 1661 01:38:07,715 --> 01:38:11,018 she knew that she wasn't ready. 1662 01:38:11,018 --> 01:38:13,721 So she needed to let go, 1663 01:38:13,721 --> 01:38:17,354 and it must have been hard, but... 1664 01:38:17,354 --> 01:38:19,426 it was selfless, 1665 01:38:19,426 --> 01:38:22,700 but it was also selfish because she let go 1666 01:38:22,700 --> 01:38:26,363 because she knew she couldn't stop. 1667 01:38:26,363 --> 01:38:29,606 Her not being able to stop, for me, was selfish, 1668 01:38:29,606 --> 01:38:31,338 but what was selfless was knowing 1669 01:38:31,338 --> 01:38:34,071 that I'd be safe somewhere else. 1670 01:38:34,071 --> 01:38:36,744 And I am, so... 1671 01:38:36,744 --> 01:38:38,816 [ sniffles ] 1672 01:38:38,816 --> 01:38:40,718 Yeah. 1673 01:38:45,082 --> 01:38:47,084 ‐ This is her first furlough. 1674 01:38:47,084 --> 01:38:49,586 First time of the times she's been in prison 1675 01:38:49,586 --> 01:38:52,629 ever her having a furlough. 1676 01:38:52,629 --> 01:38:55,562 If she decides to take off, I got my taser. 1677 01:38:55,562 --> 01:38:56,794 Brrrr! 1678 01:38:56,794 --> 01:38:59,566 Taser her. [ chuckles ] 1679 01:38:59,566 --> 01:39:02,169 ‐ Hi, Daddy. 1680 01:39:03,741 --> 01:39:05,472 ‐ Boy, you ready? ‐ Yeah, I am ready. 1681 01:39:05,472 --> 01:39:06,674 ‐ I'm not going. 1682 01:39:06,674 --> 01:39:08,505 [ laughter ] 1683 01:39:11,548 --> 01:39:12,750 ‐ 5:00. 1684 01:39:13,550 --> 01:39:15,612 [ sentimental music plays ] 1685 01:39:15,612 --> 01:39:17,855 ♪♪ 1686 01:39:17,855 --> 01:39:19,256 Ehhh! [ chuckles ] 1687 01:39:19,256 --> 01:39:20,457 I'm so excited! 1688 01:39:20,457 --> 01:39:22,459 Come on! 1689 01:39:22,459 --> 01:39:24,862 [ chuckles ] 1690 01:39:24,862 --> 01:39:27,124 Ahh, I can't wait! 1691 01:39:34,171 --> 01:39:35,372 CAYLYNN: Do I know you? 1692 01:39:35,372 --> 01:39:37,434 [ laughs ] 1693 01:39:37,434 --> 01:39:40,708 Come here! 1694 01:39:40,708 --> 01:39:43,280 Oh, my God! 1695 01:39:43,280 --> 01:39:45,482 I missed you! ‐ I stopped eating my ‐‐ 1696 01:39:45,482 --> 01:39:47,685 I stopped eating my fries for you. 1697 01:39:47,685 --> 01:39:50,617 ‐ No, you didn't. You would've come in if you did. 1698 01:39:50,617 --> 01:39:53,420 Look at you! [ both laugh ] 1699 01:39:53,420 --> 01:39:56,694 I love you so much! 1700 01:39:56,694 --> 01:39:58,425 I love you. 1701 01:40:00,527 --> 01:40:04,261 ‐ [ sobbing ] You can't cry 'cause then I'll cry. 1702 01:40:05,562 --> 01:40:07,635 ‐ You're so beautiful! 1703 01:40:07,635 --> 01:40:11,268 ♪♪ 1704 01:40:11,268 --> 01:40:14,712 ♪♪ 1705 01:40:14,712 --> 01:40:16,774 I'm sorry it's been so long. 1706 01:40:16,774 --> 01:40:18,515 ‐ It's okay. 1707 01:40:18,515 --> 01:40:24,221 ♪♪ 1708 01:40:24,221 --> 01:40:26,453 ‐ I can't believe it's real. 1709 01:40:26,453 --> 01:40:31,458 ♪♪ 1710 01:40:31,458 --> 01:40:36,493 ♪♪ 1711 01:40:36,493 --> 01:40:41,498 ♪♪ 1712 01:40:41,498 --> 01:40:46,543 ♪♪ 1713 01:40:46,543 --> 01:40:51,548 ♪♪ 1714 01:40:51,548 --> 01:40:53,681 I didn't send Caylynn with Wanda 1715 01:40:53,681 --> 01:40:55,582 because I didn't love her. 1716 01:40:55,582 --> 01:40:57,755 ♪♪ 1717 01:40:57,755 --> 01:41:00,357 I sent Caylynn with Wanda because I did. 1718 01:41:00,357 --> 01:41:04,491 ♪♪ 1719 01:41:04,491 --> 01:41:06,824 Contrary to popular belief, 1720 01:41:06,824 --> 01:41:09,927 it takes a good mother to know 1721 01:41:09,927 --> 01:41:12,529 when they can't do what's right. 1722 01:41:12,529 --> 01:41:15,973 ♪♪ 1723 01:41:15,973 --> 01:41:19,606 ♪♪ 1724 01:41:19,606 --> 01:41:21,839 [ radio plays indistinctly ] 1725 01:41:21,839 --> 01:41:26,413 ♪♪ 1726 01:41:26,413 --> 01:41:30,818 ♪♪ 1727 01:41:30,818 --> 01:41:32,219 [ chuckles ] 1728 01:41:32,219 --> 01:41:34,291 [ laughs ] 1729 01:41:34,291 --> 01:41:36,523 Just like that. 1730 01:41:36,523 --> 01:41:42,259 ♪♪ 1731 01:41:42,259 --> 01:41:47,805 ♪♪ 1732 01:41:47,805 --> 01:41:53,540 ♪♪ 1733 01:41:53,540 --> 01:41:59,276 ♪♪ 1734 01:41:59,276 --> 01:42:04,822 ♪♪ 1735 01:42:04,822 --> 01:42:10,557 ♪♪ 1736 01:42:10,557 --> 01:42:16,293 ♪♪ 1737 01:42:16,293 --> 01:42:21,839 ♪♪ 1738 01:42:21,839 --> 01:42:27,574 ♪♪ 1739 01:42:27,574 --> 01:42:33,350 ♪♪ 1740 01:42:33,350 --> 01:42:38,886 ♪♪ 1741 01:42:38,886 --> 01:42:44,621 ♪♪ 1742 01:42:44,621 --> 01:42:50,367 ♪♪ 1743 01:42:50,367 --> 01:42:55,903 ♪♪ 1744 01:42:55,903 --> 01:43:01,639 ♪♪ 1745 01:43:01,639 --> 01:43:07,384 ♪♪ 1746 01:43:07,384 --> 01:43:12,920 ♪♪ 1747 01:43:12,920 --> 01:43:18,656 ♪♪ 1748 01:43:18,656 --> 01:43:24,401 ♪♪ 1749 01:43:24,401 --> 01:43:29,937 ♪♪ 1750 01:43:29,937 --> 01:43:35,673 ♪♪ 1751 01:43:35,673 --> 01:43:41,418 ♪♪ 1752 01:43:41,418 --> 01:43:46,954 ♪♪ 1753 01:43:46,954 --> 01:43:52,690 ♪♪ 1754 01:43:52,690 --> 01:43:58,435 ♪♪ 1755 01:43:58,435 --> 01:44:03,971 ♪♪ 1756 01:44:03,971 --> 01:44:09,707 ♪♪ 1757 01:44:09,707 --> 01:44:15,452 ♪♪ 1758 01:44:15,452 --> 01:44:21,018 ♪♪ 1759 01:44:21,018 --> 01:44:26,764 ♪♪ 1760 01:44:26,764 --> 01:44:32,499 ♪♪ 1761 01:44:32,499 --> 01:44:38,035 ♪♪ 1762 01:44:38,035 --> 01:44:43,781 ♪♪ 1763 01:44:43,781 --> 01:44:49,516 ♪♪ 1764 01:44:49,516 --> 01:44:55,052 ♪♪ 1765 01:44:55,052 --> 01:45:00,798 ♪♪ 1766 01:45:00,798 --> 01:45:06,533 ♪♪ 1767 01:45:06,533 --> 01:45:12,069 ♪♪