1 00:00:02,610 --> 00:00:05,396 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:08,094 [Boz Scaggs' "Lido Shuffle"] 3 00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:09,878 - ♪ Whoa 4 00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:12,098 - All right. Looks like we win this round. 5 00:00:12,142 --> 00:00:14,579 - We win this round? They got the weapon! 6 00:00:14,622 --> 00:00:17,060 - Oh, fine. Call it a tie. 7 00:00:17,103 --> 00:00:19,453 So, uh, Vick, why did you sell us out? 8 00:00:19,497 --> 00:00:21,064 - What are you talking about? - Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:21,107 --> 00:00:23,892 I guess the U.S. military just kind of happened to show up 10 00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:27,070 at our exact location on a dog-dang hunch? 11 00:00:27,113 --> 00:00:28,549 Yeah, that makes sense. 12 00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:30,247 - What exactly are you accusing me of? 13 00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:31,770 - Oh, come on! 14 00:00:31,813 --> 00:00:34,729 You called your little boy toy after I specifically made 15 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:37,384 a no-calling-husbands rule, and now looked what happened! 16 00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:39,256 - Yeah, we were saved from death! 17 00:00:39,299 --> 00:00:40,561 - Because of you! 18 00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,520 - He probably just tracked her phone. 19 00:00:42,563 --> 00:00:44,739 - No, that's impossible, Piper. It's a wireless phone. 20 00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:45,697 - Very funny. 21 00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:47,481 - No, they can track those too. 22 00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:48,743 - Really? 23 00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:51,398 - Fucking get out of here. That's very cool. 24 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:53,270 Well, Vicki, based on that, 25 00:00:53,313 --> 00:00:55,272 I owe you a huge apology. 26 00:00:55,315 --> 00:00:57,143 And I'd like to personally apologize 27 00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:59,102 to your phone as well. May I? 28 00:00:59,145 --> 00:01:01,539 - Oh, thank you. That's sweet. 29 00:01:01,582 --> 00:01:02,844 [giggles] 30 00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:05,238 - Yeah. All right. 31 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,719 - [gasps] MacGruber! 32 00:01:07,762 --> 00:01:09,503 - That ought to slow down those fucking gomers. 33 00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,114 [sirens wailing] Oh, shit, shit, shit! 34 00:01:11,157 --> 00:01:12,419 Piper, down! - But those are our guys! 35 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:13,464 - Down, now! Vicki, quick! 36 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,639 Get your mouth over here! - What? 37 00:01:14,682 --> 00:01:15,901 - Get your mouth over here! - Oh. 38 00:01:15,944 --> 00:01:18,860 [sirens wailing] 39 00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:25,040 [sirens fade] 40 00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,999 - [sighs] That was a close one. 41 00:01:27,042 --> 00:01:28,435 Nice undercover work, Vick. 42 00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:30,611 I think they bought it. - Thank you. 43 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:33,179 [helicopter whirring] - Shit, more pigs! 44 00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:34,485 All right, we better get this bad boy 45 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,530 off the road and plan our next move. 46 00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:40,491 - You've reached singer-songwriter 47 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,797 Vicki St. Elmo-Fasoose. 48 00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:44,799 ♪ Leave your name and your number ♪ 49 00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:49,630 ♪ And a message after the to-wo-wo-wo-wo... ♪ 50 00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:52,677 - Sir, we have surveillance photos of the drone strike. 51 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,331 [tense music] 52 00:01:54,374 --> 00:01:55,810 - Jesus, Vicki. 53 00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:58,726 - We also found this. 54 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,729 Ran it through our database. Says it's Brigadier Commander-- 55 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:03,340 - Enos Queeth. 56 00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,429 - You know him, sir? - Used to. 57 00:02:05,472 --> 00:02:07,605 Till he was killed in action 20 years ago. 58 00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:12,087 Looks pretty good for a dead guy. 59 00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:14,002 - You think he's behind MacGruber's kidnapping? 60 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:16,483 - Makes sense. The two of them had a history. 61 00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:18,485 I guess Queeth finally settled the score. 62 00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:20,270 - There's something else you should see. 63 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:25,623 - Lieutenant Colonel Dixon Piper. 64 00:02:25,666 --> 00:02:28,191 - And if you look closely behind him... 65 00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:30,758 - MacGruber. 66 00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:32,499 [inhales deeply] I'll be damned. 67 00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:34,588 That son of a bitch is still alive. 68 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,851 [exhales sharply] Thank you, Major. 69 00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:42,335 - Jesus, Vicki. 70 00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:43,858 - What have you gotten yourself into? 71 00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:46,339 - ♪ Wo-one 72 00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:49,299 ♪ Leave a message at the tone ♪ 73 00:02:49,342 --> 00:02:51,953 [dial tone beeps] 74 00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:54,217 [dramatic music] 75 00:02:54,260 --> 00:03:01,354 ♪ 76 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:18,502 - ♪ MacGruber 77 00:03:18,545 --> 00:03:21,374 [fire crackles] 78 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,464 [garage door clanging] 79 00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,294 [alarm beeping] 80 00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:30,775 - And just like that, 81 00:03:30,818 --> 00:03:33,647 we're ghosts. 82 00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:35,649 - All right. You want to maybe go take care of that alarm? 83 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:37,216 - Oh, shit! Yeah, come on. 84 00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:38,435 Vick, come on! 85 00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:42,265 Okay. 86 00:03:42,308 --> 00:03:43,440 Okay, here we go. 87 00:03:43,483 --> 00:03:46,486 6-9-6-9-6-9. 88 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,401 [alarm chirps] Shit! Worth a shot. 89 00:03:48,445 --> 00:03:50,882 - 60 seconds, MacGruber. 90 00:03:50,925 --> 00:03:53,493 - All right. We got this, Vick. 91 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:56,496 All right, follow this band to the source. 92 00:03:56,540 --> 00:04:01,980 So, uh, you, uh, digging the jazz? 93 00:04:02,023 --> 00:04:04,243 - What do you mean? I don't hear any music. 94 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:08,029 - [chuckles] No, this. The jazz. 95 00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:09,770 Fighting the good fight, 96 00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:13,426 getting back in the game for one last dance. 97 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,820 - I do enjoy watching you play. 98 00:04:15,863 --> 00:04:19,563 The game. The jazz. - Yeah. 99 00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:21,086 Got to be honest with you: 100 00:04:21,129 --> 00:04:24,655 been in prison so long, I'm a little out of practice. 101 00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,354 - Excuse me? 102 00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,966 - Vicki, do I have to spell it out for you? 103 00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:35,056 I need to do it with you. 104 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,842 - MacGruber, I'm married. 105 00:04:37,885 --> 00:04:40,366 - [scoffs] The alarm, Vicki. 106 00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:43,543 [laughs] The alarm. 107 00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,980 All right. Here. Hand me those wire cutters. 108 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,199 - You got it, MacGruber. 109 00:04:47,242 --> 00:04:48,809 - Now get in there. - Oh. 110 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:51,029 - Now let's take those fingers of yours 111 00:04:51,072 --> 00:04:54,293 and spread those wires apart very slowly. 112 00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:55,468 - These wires? - There we go. 113 00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,905 Those ones right there. Great job. 114 00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,080 Gently. 115 00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:01,474 There we go. Attagirl. 116 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,041 Okay, now I'm just gonna take my tool. 117 00:05:03,084 --> 00:05:04,172 - Yeah? 118 00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:05,478 - I'm just gonna jam it in there. 119 00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,567 I'm just gonna come inside you there. 120 00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:09,961 Don't worry. This is gonna be very quick. 121 00:05:10,004 --> 00:05:12,964 I'm almost there already. I'm about there. 122 00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:15,227 I'm about there! I'm about to cut it! 123 00:05:15,270 --> 00:05:16,489 I'm about to get it! - Yes! 124 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,230 - Oh, you know I'm about to get it! 125 00:05:18,273 --> 00:05:19,797 You see me getting it! - Yeah! 126 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,755 - You're feeling me getting it! I'm about to get it! 127 00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:23,278 - Yes! - I'm about to finish! 128 00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:24,671 - Oh, my God! - Ah! 129 00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:25,933 [alarm powers down] - Oh! 130 00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:27,718 - Got it. 131 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,373 Nice work. - Wow. 132 00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:32,723 Oh, my God. Okay. 133 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,596 - So, MacGruber, can you please explain 134 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,424 why we're avoiding telling the U.S. government 135 00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,383 that some maniac just got his hands 136 00:05:40,426 --> 00:05:42,036 on a weapon of mass destruction? 137 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,691 - Piper, why do you think I hid that stuff in a fucking cave 138 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,389 for the past 20 years? 139 00:05:46,432 --> 00:05:47,999 For gits and shiggles? 140 00:05:48,042 --> 00:05:50,436 No, I hid it because no government on Earth 141 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,918 should have it, not even the USA. 142 00:05:53,961 --> 00:05:57,312 I mean, we're talking about a world-ender here, Piper. 143 00:05:57,356 --> 00:06:00,751 I don't know about you, but I kind of like the world. 144 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,144 [sentimental music] 145 00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:05,408 I like sunsets. 146 00:06:05,451 --> 00:06:08,062 I like snowcapped mountains. 147 00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:11,718 I like kicking back with a cold Molson and watching the game. 148 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,679 I like babies and kettle corn. 149 00:06:15,722 --> 00:06:18,203 Monster trucks and puppy dogs. 150 00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:22,468 I like the tig, ol' bitties and bunchin' mox. 151 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:25,166 I even like cancer and type 2 diabetes 152 00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:28,605 because they remind me that life is precious. 153 00:06:28,648 --> 00:06:30,737 And that is why it is imperative 154 00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,740 that we keep this shit out of Queeth's hands! 155 00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:37,091 - But you just gave Queeth the weapon! 156 00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:38,615 - You know what? 157 00:06:38,658 --> 00:06:40,747 I'm gonna start calling you Checkers, 158 00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,532 'cause that's the game you're playing. 159 00:06:42,575 --> 00:06:44,403 But me? I play chess. 160 00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:45,970 The thinking man's game. 161 00:06:46,013 --> 00:06:47,711 And if you want to win at chess, 162 00:06:47,754 --> 00:06:49,800 you got to think outside the bun 163 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,758 'cause that's how you win at chess, Checkers. 164 00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:53,673 Checksmate. We good here? 165 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,545 - No, we're not good here. 166 00:06:55,588 --> 00:06:57,938 We should tell the general and get his help. 167 00:06:57,982 --> 00:07:01,289 - We don't need his help! All right? 168 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,378 We can do this ourselves. 169 00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:04,902 I mean, don't you see? 170 00:07:04,945 --> 00:07:07,252 You're not a driving instructor, Checkers. 171 00:07:07,295 --> 00:07:08,514 [inspirational music] 172 00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:11,952 And, Vicki, you're not a housewife. 173 00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:16,000 You're soldiers, and you always will be. 174 00:07:16,043 --> 00:07:17,828 - You're gonna get us all killed. 175 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,046 - [sighs] 176 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:21,745 Vicki, can you give us a second? 177 00:07:21,788 --> 00:07:23,050 - Sure. - But stay here. 178 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:23,921 - Yeah. 179 00:07:23,964 --> 00:07:25,662 - I want you to hear this. 180 00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:28,882 Would it change your mind, Checkers, 181 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:32,320 if I told you that Enos Queeth murdered my mother? 182 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,540 - [gasps] 183 00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:37,195 - What? - Yeah. 184 00:07:37,238 --> 00:07:38,979 I want to tell you guys a little story 185 00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,460 that I've only told about 40 other people. 186 00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:44,463 [tense music] 187 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,420 ♪ 188 00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:46,987 Back in the day, 189 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:50,208 Queeth and my father were fast friends. 190 00:07:50,251 --> 00:07:51,818 ♪ 191 00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:54,473 Actually served in the military together. 192 00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:57,128 Oorah. 193 00:07:57,171 --> 00:08:00,914 But when my father made full bird colonel in record time, 194 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:04,875 it sent Queeth into a jealous rage. 195 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,529 The night of my fifth birthday, 196 00:08:06,572 --> 00:08:08,052 he came over to our house 197 00:08:08,095 --> 00:08:10,576 looking to put an end to my father's life. 198 00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:13,753 Instead, he ended our family. 199 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,755 Put a bullet in my mother's head. 200 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:19,585 splattered her brains all over my face and cake. 201 00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:22,240 Happy birthday to me. 202 00:08:22,283 --> 00:08:24,590 My father was inconsolable. 203 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:27,375 Queeth stole the love of his life. 204 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,377 Went into a deep depression. 205 00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:32,555 Tried to fill the void with the drugs and liqueurs. 206 00:08:32,598 --> 00:08:33,860 Long story short, 207 00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:36,776 Queeth fucking ruined him. 208 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:39,605 So the day I turned 18, I went down 209 00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:43,174 and I joined the Green Berets, Navy SEALs, and Coast Guard 210 00:08:43,217 --> 00:08:48,048 and made it my life's mission to take Queeth down. 211 00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:52,139 So, you see, this isn't just any mission for me. 212 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,793 This is personal. 213 00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:59,233 - I remain in. 214 00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:00,583 - Thank you, soldier. 215 00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:12,290 - Fine. - Checkers, really? 216 00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:14,640 - Yes, but please stop calling me Checkers. 217 00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:15,902 - Of course. 218 00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:18,165 Now let's go stop this son of a bitch. 219 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:19,602 - Yeah, and how are we gonna do that? 220 00:09:19,645 --> 00:09:22,256 We have exactly zero leads. 221 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,215 - Guess again, Checkers. 222 00:09:24,258 --> 00:09:28,523 Queeth's go-to scientist, Irina Poliskaya. 223 00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:29,916 - The world's preeminent chemist 224 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,005 in the field of organophosphates. 225 00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:33,877 She's got every degree in the book. 226 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,967 - And a heart as black as the coal in Queeth's stocking. 227 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,012 - So you think she's gonna synthesize Brimstone? 228 00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,580 - I bet your baby's life on it. - MacGruber! 229 00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,887 - Vicki, I don't want Piper's baby to get murdered 230 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:45,628 or even die of natural causes, 231 00:09:45,671 --> 00:09:47,760 but that's how certain I am. 232 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:50,110 Poliskaya is our synthesizer. 233 00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:51,677 - Well, then we need to find her and get to her 234 00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:52,939 before Queeth does. 235 00:09:52,983 --> 00:09:55,115 [keyboard clicking] - ICDAG. 236 00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:57,335 The International Chemical Defense Association Gala. 237 00:09:57,378 --> 00:09:58,641 - [slurs words] ...Gala! 238 00:09:58,684 --> 00:10:00,338 Yeah, I know it well. 239 00:10:00,381 --> 00:10:02,296 The International...Gala. 240 00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,647 Yeah, that's right. I know it very well. 241 00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:08,085 - Well, it says here there's a big soiree in Miami this week. 242 00:10:08,128 --> 00:10:10,478 Every top chemical engineer in the world will be there. 243 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:14,439 And guess who's getting a lifetime achievement award? 244 00:10:14,482 --> 00:10:16,310 - [gasps] 245 00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:21,228 Irina Poliskaya. 246 00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:25,885 - As I suspected. 247 00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:27,670 - Queeth must have timed this whole operation 248 00:10:27,713 --> 00:10:28,975 for when he'd have access to her. 249 00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:31,499 - Checkers, this ain't no coinky-dink. 250 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,806 No, this is an on-purpy-dink. 251 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,547 - So what's our plan, MacGruber? 252 00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:39,290 - Looks like we're going fishing for Russian scientists. 253 00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:40,595 - It won't be easy. 254 00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:42,075 She's gonna be under heavy guard. 255 00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,817 - You can catch anything if you use a big enough worm. 256 00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,427 - It's true. 257 00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,647 - Hey, MacGruber, we can't keep driving around 258 00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:49,822 in that car of yours. 259 00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,302 It's kind of hard to stay undercover 260 00:10:51,345 --> 00:10:52,520 in a bright red Miata. 261 00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:55,698 - Way ahead of you, Checkers. 262 00:10:55,741 --> 00:10:58,701 [heroic music] 263 00:10:58,744 --> 00:11:02,748 ♪ 264 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,184 - Yep, much better. 265 00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:11,844 [Loverboy's "Lovin' Every Minute of It"] 266 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,063 ♪ 267 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,760 - ♪ I'm not a man 268 00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:15,979 ♪ Or machine 269 00:11:16,022 --> 00:11:18,416 ♪ I'm just something in between ♪ 270 00:11:18,459 --> 00:11:21,375 all: ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh 271 00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,987 - ♪ I'm all love, a dynamo ♪ 272 00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:26,598 ♪ So push the button and let me go ♪ 273 00:11:26,641 --> 00:11:28,774 all: ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh 274 00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:32,473 - ♪ Aah, you want me to come alive? ♪ 275 00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:34,998 ♪ Flick the switch into overdrive ♪ 276 00:11:35,041 --> 00:11:37,652 ♪ You and me can let it be 277 00:11:37,696 --> 00:11:39,002 ♪ Ready all: ♪ Ready 278 00:11:39,045 --> 00:11:41,787 - ♪ Aim all: ♪ Aim 279 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,354 - ♪ Fire 280 00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,791 ♪ Touch that dial, turn me on ♪ 281 00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,707 ♪ Start me like a motor, make me run ♪ 282 00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:50,361 ♪ Lovin' every minute of it 283 00:11:50,404 --> 00:11:51,492 ♪ Lovin' 284 00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:53,146 ♪ Lovin' every minute of it 285 00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:56,106 - Big worm is in position. 286 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,977 How are we looking, Checkers? 287 00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,239 - Give me a sec. 288 00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:02,068 [dramatic music] 289 00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,243 [gun cocks] 290 00:12:03,287 --> 00:12:04,462 - Who are you? 291 00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:05,898 - The night shift. [gunshots] 292 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,078 I'm in. - Okay, gang. 293 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:14,037 This is for all the marbles. 294 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,995 We won't get another chance. 295 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,431 Vicki, you in place? 296 00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:19,520 - Yeah, I'm at your 11:00. 297 00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:23,176 Sorry, Central Standard Time. 298 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:26,136 [romantic music] 299 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:32,838 ♪ 300 00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:33,796 - There you are. 301 00:12:36,363 --> 00:12:39,627 [chuckles nervously] Wow, you look... 302 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:40,846 fine. 303 00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:45,851 - Well, you also look...only fine. 304 00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,461 - Hey, I got eyes on Poliskaya. 305 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,942 She's by the bar, and she's got company. 306 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,161 Big company. 307 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:52,553 - Piece of cake. 308 00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:55,730 Watch and learn, kid. Watch and learn. 309 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:05,001 Same old science bullshit, different science day. 310 00:13:05,044 --> 00:13:07,917 What's up, turtledove? Buy you an eggnog? 311 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,048 - No. 312 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:12,269 - [chuckles] Hey, I can take a hint. 313 00:13:12,312 --> 00:13:14,924 Barkeep, two gin martinis. 314 00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:17,056 And I'll have mine... 315 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,492 very dirty. 316 00:13:25,064 --> 00:13:25,978 Allow me. 317 00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:32,550 So, do you like it dirty? 318 00:13:36,336 --> 00:13:38,599 - The lady does not wish to talk to you. 319 00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,253 - [in Russian accent] Oh, the lady does not want 320 00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:41,907 to talk to me, huh? 321 00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:44,518 [normally] That's what you sound like, you fucking dode. 322 00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:47,260 In fact, the only thing more stupid than your accent 323 00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:50,263 is the way you're dressed, the content of your brain, 324 00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:52,352 and your fucking face. 325 00:13:52,396 --> 00:13:53,963 - You will leave now. 326 00:13:54,006 --> 00:13:56,791 - [in Russian accent] I will leave now. 327 00:13:59,011 --> 00:14:00,447 Fine. 328 00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,536 Let me just settle my bill. 329 00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:08,716 Barkeep, put those on the Queeth tab. 330 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,283 [dramatic musical sting] 331 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:11,458 - It's an open bar. 332 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,025 - You're an open bar! 333 00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:16,420 Queeth. Tab. Now. 334 00:14:16,463 --> 00:14:19,075 - [speaking Russian] - [speaking Russian] 335 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,339 - [in Russian accent] Da. 336 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:27,953 - Sorry, Jorgus can be a little overprotective. 337 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,259 Have we met? 338 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,870 - Let's just say I'm a friend of a friend. 339 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,221 Thank you. Here. 340 00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:38,442 Oh, I got a little tip for you. 341 00:14:38,485 --> 00:14:39,617 Keep the change. 342 00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:44,448 - All right. Hurry, MacGruber. 343 00:14:44,491 --> 00:14:45,971 The presentation starts in ten minutes, 344 00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:47,973 and you need five for the capsule to take effect. 345 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:49,322 - Loud and... 346 00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:52,282 [dramatic music] 347 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,892 ♪ 348 00:14:55,415 --> 00:14:56,939 Got a little boogie. 349 00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:07,253 [chuckles] 350 00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:10,082 Holy shit! Does that guy have his wiener out? 351 00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,388 Oh, he fully does! 352 00:15:11,431 --> 00:15:13,564 Oh, you got to turn your head and see this! 353 00:15:13,607 --> 00:15:14,957 It's so small! 354 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,133 It's like a snail, or is it-- 355 00:15:17,176 --> 00:15:19,526 No, "it's a snail" is the perfect way to put it! 356 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,006 Oh, my God! 357 00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:23,008 People are going nuts over there! 358 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:26,707 [forced laughter] 359 00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:27,708 No? 360 00:15:27,752 --> 00:15:29,362 Oh, God. You're missing out. 361 00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,364 Turn that head! 362 00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:32,931 [laughs harder] 363 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:36,587 Oh, my God. Look at this! You don't want to see this? 364 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,719 Oh, it looks like he's gonna pull up his pants! 365 00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:41,026 Uh, no, no, no, no, no. It's still there! 366 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,289 No? Okay. 367 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:44,943 All right. All right. 368 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,338 Ooh, let's have a head-turning contest! 369 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,687 I'll start. 370 00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:50,905 - [exhales sharply] 371 00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:52,907 Vicki, we need a distraction. 372 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,300 - On it. 373 00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:58,174 Ahh! 374 00:15:58,217 --> 00:16:00,132 No! 375 00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,917 Look at me! 376 00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:05,007 Over here! 377 00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:09,489 Ahh! 378 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,150 - Okay. That worked, I guess. 379 00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:20,370 Now get in position for phase two, Vicki. 380 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:21,545 - On the groove. 381 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:29,640 - Where were we? Oh, that's right. 382 00:16:29,683 --> 00:16:30,858 We were getting to know each other, 383 00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:32,904 and it was going fucking great. 384 00:16:32,947 --> 00:16:34,732 Is it just me, or are we 385 00:16:34,775 --> 00:16:37,996 in a major opposites-attract situation here? 386 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,954 'Cause you travel with protection, 387 00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:44,002 and I never, ever, ever use protection. 388 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:47,527 What do you say we get out of here? 389 00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:49,921 - You're very persistent, Mr... 390 00:16:52,793 --> 00:16:55,274 - Jebblidoo. - Mm. 391 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:58,538 - Matias Jebblidoo. 392 00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:03,369 - Mm, it's been a unique pleasure, Mr. Jebblidoo. 393 00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:06,155 Now if you'll excuse me, I have a prior obligation. 394 00:17:06,198 --> 00:17:10,246 - Oh, hate for you to go Russian off, 395 00:17:10,289 --> 00:17:13,075 but if you must, then Soviet. 396 00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:16,513 To humor. 397 00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:35,662 She's walking. She did it. 398 00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,142 She drank it. I did it. 399 00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:38,535 I got her to drink it. 400 00:17:38,578 --> 00:17:40,145 Fuck yeah. You got her, Checkers? 401 00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:43,322 - I got her, but please stop calling me that. 402 00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,716 Vicki, you in place? 403 00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:47,065 - Set to jet. 404 00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:51,939 - All right. I'm in the pipe, five by five. 405 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:57,945 - Oh! Give me one moment. 406 00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:06,389 - Okay. I lost eyes on her. 407 00:18:06,432 --> 00:18:07,694 This is all you, Vick. 408 00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:24,276 - Excuse me, do you have any toilet paper? 409 00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:28,106 - Let me see if I have some. 410 00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:30,630 Oh, you're in luck. Here you go. 411 00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,036 Sorry! 412 00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:47,430 She's out. Commencing the old switcheroo. 413 00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:48,822 - Great work, Vick. 414 00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:54,045 - Heads up, Vicki. Your company has got company. 415 00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:56,787 [gunshots] 416 00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:02,619 Okay, Vicki. Jack has just replaced Poliskaya's guard. 417 00:19:02,662 --> 00:19:04,011 Proceed with caution. 418 00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:06,362 - Just making some final adjustments. 419 00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:11,715 - Everything all right in there? 420 00:19:11,758 --> 00:19:14,718 [dramatic music] 421 00:19:14,761 --> 00:19:16,894 ♪ 422 00:19:16,937 --> 00:19:18,287 - [speaking Russian] 423 00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:28,471 - Now remember, Vicki, we only need Queeth's guy 424 00:19:28,514 --> 00:19:30,473 to think you're Poliskaya for a few minutes 425 00:19:30,516 --> 00:19:32,779 until I can get the real Poliskaya out of here. 426 00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:34,955 Then, you can give that fucking jughead the slip. 427 00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:37,219 And then, we are in the clear. 428 00:19:37,262 --> 00:19:38,307 - There you are. - [gasps] 429 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,309 - Hi, Miss Poliskaya. - That's me. 430 00:19:40,352 --> 00:19:41,658 - We're ahead of schedule. 431 00:19:41,701 --> 00:19:43,834 We're ready to bring you to the stage right now. 432 00:19:45,531 --> 00:19:48,273 - Great. That's where I want to be. 433 00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:49,796 - The ballroom is packed, 434 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,670 and people are really excited to hear your speech. 435 00:19:53,713 --> 00:19:55,324 - My speech? 436 00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,282 Yes, of course. 437 00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:59,893 It's not just an award. 438 00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:02,679 It's also a speech. 439 00:20:02,722 --> 00:20:03,636 - Right this way. 440 00:20:05,725 --> 00:20:08,119 - What do I do? What's he saying about a speech? 441 00:20:08,162 --> 00:20:09,251 That wasn't part of the plan! 442 00:20:09,294 --> 00:20:11,296 - Plans change, Vick. Roll with it. 443 00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:12,341 - What do you mean plans change? 444 00:20:12,384 --> 00:20:14,517 What am I supposed to say? 445 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,345 - Don't worry. I got your six. 446 00:20:16,388 --> 00:20:17,694 As the near-recipient 447 00:20:17,737 --> 00:20:19,696 of several lifetime achievement awards, 448 00:20:19,739 --> 00:20:21,872 I know that a speech is de rigueur, 449 00:20:21,915 --> 00:20:24,527 so I took the liberty of writing you an amazing speech. 450 00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:27,443 It's already under your podium. 451 00:20:27,486 --> 00:20:29,314 - [in a Russian accent] Thank you. 452 00:20:31,751 --> 00:20:35,015 - And now, it is my great pleasure 453 00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:36,582 to welcome the recipient 454 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:39,890 of this year's ICDA lifetime achievement award, 455 00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:42,893 Dr. Irina Poliskaya. 456 00:20:42,936 --> 00:20:45,852 [applause] 457 00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:10,964 [award thuds] 458 00:21:15,795 --> 00:21:17,275 - [in a Russian accent] Russian hello. 459 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:20,278 [quirky music] 460 00:21:20,322 --> 00:21:27,459 ♪ 461 00:21:32,159 --> 00:21:35,075 [crumpling echoes] 462 00:21:53,485 --> 00:21:57,663 Webster's dictionary defines "science" 463 00:21:57,707 --> 00:22:01,450 as the state or act of... 464 00:22:01,493 --> 00:22:04,583 being scientific. 465 00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:11,851 And this definition appears in the S's. 466 00:22:24,211 --> 00:22:25,474 - Great job, Vick! 467 00:22:25,517 --> 00:22:27,606 Sounds like that audience is eating that shit up 468 00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:29,434 like a fucking pot roast. 469 00:22:29,478 --> 00:22:31,262 Keep going. 470 00:22:31,305 --> 00:22:34,265 - Science. 471 00:22:34,308 --> 00:22:37,355 Science is all around us. 472 00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:39,923 Right? 473 00:22:39,966 --> 00:22:42,099 They know. 474 00:22:42,142 --> 00:22:46,059 It's when you hear your favorite song, 475 00:22:46,103 --> 00:22:47,583 when you... 476 00:22:49,933 --> 00:22:52,631 That is science. 477 00:22:52,675 --> 00:22:54,546 When you get into an elevator 478 00:22:54,590 --> 00:22:58,681 and sometimes there's a funny smell, 479 00:22:58,724 --> 00:23:01,858 that's also science. 480 00:23:01,901 --> 00:23:03,990 - Okay. You got 'em on the hook. 481 00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:07,646 Now just reel 'em in nice and easy. 482 00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:13,086 - Science is weather... 483 00:23:17,221 --> 00:23:20,224 corn... 484 00:23:20,267 --> 00:23:23,619 and electric. 485 00:23:25,708 --> 00:23:27,884 - The laundry is in the hamper. 486 00:23:27,927 --> 00:23:31,670 Vicki, bring it home. - Oh, thank God. 487 00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:33,890 Okay, well, that concludes my speech about science. 488 00:23:33,933 --> 00:23:37,067 Believe in your dreams! Russian goodbye. 489 00:23:37,110 --> 00:23:39,939 [scattered applause] 490 00:23:42,072 --> 00:23:43,552 - Great job, Vick! 491 00:23:43,595 --> 00:23:45,728 I had no idea you knew all that stuff. 492 00:23:45,771 --> 00:23:47,512 Now just head to the bathroom, 493 00:23:47,556 --> 00:23:49,079 change into the outfit I left you, 494 00:23:49,122 --> 00:23:50,515 and get out here. 495 00:23:50,559 --> 00:23:52,561 By the time they figure out our little trick play, 496 00:23:52,604 --> 00:23:54,824 we'll be long gone. 497 00:23:56,390 --> 00:23:57,479 - Let's go. 498 00:23:59,350 --> 00:24:02,266 Car is out back. - Car? 499 00:24:02,309 --> 00:24:03,572 - We're going to the lab. 500 00:24:03,615 --> 00:24:06,488 - For the synthesis? 501 00:24:07,924 --> 00:24:08,838 - Yeah. 502 00:24:10,927 --> 00:24:14,583 - Do you mind if I use the potty again? 503 00:24:14,626 --> 00:24:15,932 - You're gonna have to hurry that up. 504 00:24:15,975 --> 00:24:17,803 We're on a tight schedule here. - Mm-hmm. 505 00:24:22,329 --> 00:24:24,244 Guys, can you hear me? 506 00:24:24,288 --> 00:24:27,552 They're going to the lab. I think I should go with them. 507 00:24:27,596 --> 00:24:29,598 - Vicki, we already got what we came for. 508 00:24:29,641 --> 00:24:30,903 Now stick to the plan. 509 00:24:30,947 --> 00:24:32,731 - But they think I'm a scientist! 510 00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:34,777 If I can get my hands on Brimstone and destroy it, 511 00:24:34,820 --> 00:24:36,605 we can end this thing once and for all! 512 00:24:36,648 --> 00:24:38,868 - No, it's too dangerous. Leave now! 513 00:24:38,911 --> 00:24:41,000 - But this is just a temporary solution. 514 00:24:41,044 --> 00:24:42,828 Yeah, we've stopped this scientist this time, 515 00:24:42,872 --> 00:24:44,613 but eventually they're gonna find someone else 516 00:24:44,656 --> 00:24:45,918 to synthesize it. - Look, Vicki. 517 00:24:45,962 --> 00:24:48,138 If you go to that lab, we can't protect you. 518 00:24:49,661 --> 00:24:51,228 - I have to take that chance. 519 00:24:52,621 --> 00:24:54,492 - Vicki, please. 520 00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:57,800 If you do this, you will die. 521 00:24:57,843 --> 00:25:01,151 - If I don't, millions of people will die. 522 00:25:01,194 --> 00:25:04,328 - [exhales sharply] Hey, this is a direct order. 523 00:25:04,371 --> 00:25:06,373 Stick to the goddamn plan! 524 00:25:06,417 --> 00:25:08,288 All right? 525 00:25:08,332 --> 00:25:10,595 Vicki! 526 00:25:10,639 --> 00:25:13,729 Vicki, did you hear what I said? 527 00:25:15,687 --> 00:25:17,559 - Yeah, I heard exactly what you said. 528 00:25:22,564 --> 00:25:23,869 Plans change. 529 00:25:28,134 --> 00:25:29,353 Take me to the lab. 530 00:25:29,396 --> 00:25:31,050 - After you. 531 00:25:31,094 --> 00:25:33,270 - Vicki, please don't do this! 532 00:25:33,313 --> 00:25:34,532 Vicki! Vicki! 533 00:25:34,576 --> 00:25:36,795 - Vicki, come in! 534 00:25:36,839 --> 00:25:38,754 Vicki! Vicki! 535 00:25:38,797 --> 00:25:40,625 Come on, Vicki! Please! 536 00:25:47,284 --> 00:25:50,200 [dramatic music] 537 00:25:50,243 --> 00:25:57,207 ♪