1 00:00:29,985 --> 00:00:31,900 That's the point. 2 00:00:36,644 --> 00:00:40,692 One square mile, three minutes. 3 00:00:40,735 --> 00:00:42,563 Everything is dead. 4 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,957 Brimstone is fully functional. 5 00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,569 Burn it. 6 00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:26,955 ♪ MacGruber 7 00:01:33,266 --> 00:01:35,616 Well, someone was in a rush this morning. 8 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,618 You didn't even neatly make your side of the bed 9 00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,620 while I was still sleeping like you usually do. 10 00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:40,665 Big day. 11 00:01:40,708 --> 00:01:42,232 I'm probably gonna be home late. 12 00:01:42,275 --> 00:01:44,190 Oh, but it's Christmas Eve. 13 00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:45,800 Oh, believe me, I would much rather 14 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:48,151 spend the day tracking down one of your famous 15 00:01:48,194 --> 00:01:50,457 homemade cinnamon rolls. 16 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:51,806 Listen, I'm really sorry about everything 17 00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,330 that I've put you through the last few days. 18 00:01:53,373 --> 00:01:54,635 I promise I'll make it up to you. 19 00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:56,507 I'm just so happy to have you home, honey. 20 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,377 Oh. 21 00:01:57,421 --> 00:02:00,511 I have something for you. 22 00:02:01,729 --> 00:02:04,210 Oh, wow. 23 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,256 This is great. 24 00:02:06,299 --> 00:02:08,519 Did you make this? 25 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,217 No, I don't know how to do advanced metalwork. 26 00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:14,394 If I had that kind of skill, I think you would know that. 27 00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,004 Yeah. 28 00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:19,834 Besides, it's not from me. It's actually from MacGruber. 29 00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,488 - MacGruber? - He came by last night. 30 00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,360 Only for a little bit, but I swear, 31 00:02:23,403 --> 00:02:24,404 it's not a big deal. He was just-- 32 00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:25,884 I understand. 33 00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:27,015 Mm-hmm. 34 00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:28,147 Oh. 35 00:02:28,191 --> 00:02:29,583 Okay. 36 00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:32,847 I got the feeling he was... saying goodbye. 37 00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,197 Mm. 38 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,547 Anyway, he said that was his good luck charm, 39 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,939 and he really wanted you to have it. 40 00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:39,550 And there's actually a story attached to it 41 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,638 that I would like to share with you now. 42 00:02:40,681 --> 00:02:41,943 Uh-huh. 43 00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,510 After the first night that we made love-- 44 00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:46,687 Hon, I just-- I should really get going. 45 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:48,385 Okay, well, I'll tell you the story next time. 46 00:02:48,428 --> 00:02:49,908 - Okay. - Here, let me put it on you. 47 00:02:49,951 --> 00:02:51,997 Okay. 48 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,478 Just FYI, there's something of mine inside. 49 00:02:54,521 --> 00:02:56,219 - Oh. - Just don't open it 50 00:02:56,262 --> 00:02:58,351 over a cup of coffee. Mm. 51 00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:00,658 Sorry, his neck sweat 52 00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:02,747 probably rusted the clasp a little bit... 53 00:03:02,790 --> 00:03:04,879 oh, got it. 54 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,229 All right, thanks. 55 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:08,274 - Hey. - Yeah? 56 00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:09,362 Is everything okay? 57 00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:10,755 It's just this Queeth business. 58 00:03:10,798 --> 00:03:13,453 It's just taken over my mind and... 59 00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,542 Look, I've just gotta get through today 60 00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,501 and everything should be different. 61 00:03:17,544 --> 00:03:18,806 I mean, better. 62 00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:22,070 All right, well, good luck, honey. 63 00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:24,638 Thank you, Victoria. 64 00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:29,991 Say... 65 00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,515 after this is all over, what do you say we fly 66 00:03:31,558 --> 00:03:33,299 down to Aruba, get out of here? 67 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,561 Second honeymoon. 68 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:37,390 Wipe the slate clean. Start fresh. 69 00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:38,957 Yeah, I'd really like that. 70 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,654 Me too. 71 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:41,655 Me too. 72 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:46,399 Love you so goddamn much. 73 00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:48,140 Oh, honey, you left your... 74 00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,712 How did the test go, sir? 75 00:03:54,755 --> 00:03:58,019 Well, it depends who you ask. 76 00:03:58,063 --> 00:04:01,109 The cows were not a fan. 77 00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:03,416 Merry Christmas to all... 78 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,114 and to all a good... 79 00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:07,942 fuck! 80 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,770 Oh, don't worry, Queeth. 81 00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:13,687 You'll get yours soon enough, I promise you that. 82 00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:16,908 For my mother, for my father, 83 00:04:16,951 --> 00:04:18,953 for justice and honor, 84 00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:20,738 for the millions of p-- 85 00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,307 Oh, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck! Ah! 86 00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,971 I got something here. 87 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,583 Oh, these blankets are so comfortable. 88 00:04:39,626 --> 00:04:41,324 Wait, is somebody there? Is somebody there? 89 00:04:41,367 --> 00:04:43,064 Look, I mean no harm. 90 00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:45,458 Please, I have money. Don't hurt me. 91 00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:47,547 Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me, 92 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,680 you fucking piece of shit. 93 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,160 Ah! 94 00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:53,814 Got your nose. 95 00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:54,728 What the fuck? 96 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,034 Hey, got a joke for you. 97 00:04:56,077 --> 00:04:58,645 What did the hunting knife say to your head? 98 00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:01,518 Just passing through. 99 00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:11,005 Now he has an all-terrain vehicle. 100 00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:12,398 Got another ping from Southern Command. 101 00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:14,008 They're requesting access to Delta files. 102 00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:15,227 Approved. 103 00:05:15,270 --> 00:05:17,751 Sir, you have a phone call. It's them. 104 00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:21,059 - Get me a secure line, Major. - Yes, sir. 105 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,500 Enos Queeth, I presume? 106 00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:28,849 Oh, no, General. 107 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,243 This is the ghost of Christmas future. 108 00:05:31,286 --> 00:05:34,681 And the future is looking very bright indeed. 109 00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,901 Oh, yeah, why is that? 110 00:05:36,944 --> 00:05:41,035 Because you are about to pay me 50 billion dollars. 111 00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:42,646 50 billion? 112 00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:43,951 What are you planning? 113 00:05:43,995 --> 00:05:45,692 Let's just say that tomorrow morning 114 00:05:45,736 --> 00:05:47,868 Santa and his reindeer are going to deliver 115 00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:50,523 the biggest present the world has ever seen. 116 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,133 And if we don't get that money, 117 00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:53,787 that will just be the beginning. 118 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:56,355 You know damn well the United States government 119 00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:58,836 does not negotiate with terrorists. 120 00:05:58,879 --> 00:06:00,533 We'll see if you still feel that way 121 00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:02,535 after tomorrow morning. 122 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,319 Damn it, Queeth, you listen to me! 123 00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:05,669 Bye. 124 00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:14,895 Santa's starting to get on my goddamn nerves. 125 00:06:16,984 --> 00:06:21,641 Well, well, well, Queeth's got himself quite the army. 126 00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,774 So we got two options. 127 00:06:25,253 --> 00:06:29,127 Option A, we pack up our shit and throw in the towel. 128 00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:35,220 Option B, we go down there and kill everything in sight. 129 00:06:35,263 --> 00:06:36,439 What do you say, bud? 130 00:06:39,703 --> 00:06:42,096 Looks like the nose have it. 131 00:06:44,925 --> 00:06:47,232 Time to go make some widows. 132 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:12,518 Smells like Queeth in here. 133 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:15,086 All right. 134 00:07:15,129 --> 00:07:17,741 Time to hand out the party favors. 135 00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:31,842 Things that make you go boom. 136 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:43,506 Hope you weren't planning on not exploding tonight. 137 00:07:50,164 --> 00:07:53,777 You can dish it out, but can you take it? 138 00:08:09,749 --> 00:08:12,578 Ready to be part of throat rip history? 139 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,500 The ol' reverse throat rip, 140 00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,981 the holy grail of throat rips. 141 00:08:24,024 --> 00:08:26,374 And they said it couldn't be done. 142 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:31,423 But we did it, didn't we, you dead piece of fucking shit? 143 00:08:31,466 --> 00:08:33,860 Ah. 144 00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:37,995 Looks like our little barbecue's about to begin. 145 00:08:38,038 --> 00:08:39,997 Hope you like your meat well-done. 146 00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,185 Tonight, it begins! 147 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:59,973 Tonight, it ends. 148 00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:03,107 20 years ago, we were exiled. 149 00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:06,676 Spit out, left for dead. 150 00:09:06,719 --> 00:09:08,199 We are the forgotten. 151 00:09:08,242 --> 00:09:10,854 The discarded. 152 00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:13,204 We're ghosts. 153 00:09:13,247 --> 00:09:15,423 Tomorrow, the children of the world 154 00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:18,775 will receive a very special present. 155 00:09:18,818 --> 00:09:20,907 Not a sweater. 156 00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:23,170 Not a Beanie Baby. 157 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,390 Not a shiny new trike. 158 00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:29,916 No, this present is something far more interesting. 159 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,744 This present... 160 00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,267 it melts faces. 161 00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:36,706 It makes your eyes pour out of your sockets 162 00:09:36,749 --> 00:09:38,229 like water. 163 00:09:38,272 --> 00:09:41,232 It closes throats, it voids bowels. 164 00:09:41,275 --> 00:09:44,235 Kills by the millions. 165 00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:47,368 And it all could've been avoided. 166 00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:52,765 The United States does not negotiate with patriots. 167 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,114 Well, fuck them. 168 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:57,596 They may have forgotten 169 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,686 the hell that they put us through. 170 00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,949 But tomorrow, 171 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:07,127 they will remember our names. 172 00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:09,390 To vengeance! 173 00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,349 To vengeance. 174 00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,185 Sir, there's a bogey approaching. 175 00:10:21,228 --> 00:10:23,796 MacGruber. 176 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,110 Take him out. Fire! 177 00:10:38,419 --> 00:10:40,378 Hold your fire! 178 00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,401 Get back! 179 00:11:15,282 --> 00:11:16,719 Find him! 180 00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,334 God! 181 00:11:32,038 --> 00:11:34,998 Damn it, fall back! 182 00:12:00,588 --> 00:12:04,331 Fuck you, Queeth! Come and fucking get it. 183 00:12:06,899 --> 00:12:09,510 Look likes we got a little rodent problem. 184 00:12:18,258 --> 00:12:20,913 Where are you, MacGruber? 185 00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,349 We know you're in here. 186 00:12:27,528 --> 00:12:30,227 There's no escape, MacGruber! 187 00:12:30,270 --> 00:12:32,577 Gonna find you. 188 00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:34,840 Where the fuck are you, MacGruber? 189 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:37,495 Dick shot! 190 00:12:39,540 --> 00:12:42,326 Oh, my fucking dick! 191 00:12:42,369 --> 00:12:44,197 You shot me in the dick. 192 00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,634 Don't worry, guys, I got this. 193 00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:52,292 I know where you're hiding now, MacGruber. 194 00:12:55,469 --> 00:12:56,862 No, you don't. 195 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:59,169 You know the best thing about this weapon? 196 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,781 It fires armor-piercing bullets. 197 00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:05,436 Well, Queeth, as long as we're doing riddles, 198 00:13:05,479 --> 00:13:07,003 I got one for you. 199 00:13:07,046 --> 00:13:09,222 You know the best part about seeing your mother 200 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:10,920 get killed in front of your eyes? 201 00:13:10,963 --> 00:13:12,182 What's that? 202 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,271 Nothing. 203 00:13:14,314 --> 00:13:16,229 Drop your fucking piece. Okay, okay. 204 00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:17,622 All right, just please-- 205 00:13:17,665 --> 00:13:19,580 please don't, just don't--don't shoot me. 206 00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:21,234 Okay? Just please just don't shoot me. 207 00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:22,453 I'm beg--I'm... 208 00:13:22,496 --> 00:13:24,281 I'm--I'm--I'm begging you. 209 00:13:24,324 --> 00:13:25,369 I'm begging you, please! 210 00:13:25,412 --> 00:13:28,067 You--you--you bested me again. 211 00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:30,765 Seeing you there on the ground, crying, 212 00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:33,290 pleading, begging for your life 213 00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:36,641 is such "Chicken Soup for the Soul." 214 00:13:36,684 --> 00:13:38,512 I've been waiting to do this to you 215 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:41,298 since I was five fucking years old. 216 00:13:42,516 --> 00:13:45,519 I got good news and I got bad news, bud. 217 00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:47,957 The good news, not gonna shoot you with bullets. 218 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,090 And the bad news... 219 00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:53,527 I'm gonna shoot you with fists. 220 00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:56,966 Get on your feet, come on, let's dance! 221 00:14:00,708 --> 00:14:02,841 Oh, what's so funny, huh? 222 00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:05,191 You think about your favorite "Dilbert" quote? 223 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:08,325 Huh, you little fuckin' dumbass "Dilbert" fan? 224 00:14:08,368 --> 00:14:10,414 Oh, no, I'm-- 225 00:14:10,457 --> 00:14:12,155 I'm--I'm laughing about this. 226 00:14:12,198 --> 00:14:13,678 Mother fuck! 227 00:14:13,721 --> 00:14:16,246 That's right, I had a second gun. 228 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,857 It's pretty funny, isn't it? 229 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,641 By the way... 230 00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:22,252 I am a "Dilbert" fan. 231 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:26,082 Knew it. You suck so hard! 232 00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:29,172 Goodbye, MacGruber. 233 00:14:37,484 --> 00:14:38,964 General. 234 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,052 Hello, MacGruber. 235 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:42,228 Enos. 236 00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:44,883 Just put the gun down. 237 00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,493 Let's just talk about this for a minute. 238 00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:49,061 I think the time for talking is over. 239 00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:52,021 Think about what you are doing. 240 00:14:52,064 --> 00:14:53,848 Ah! 241 00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:56,329 Oh! 242 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:58,984 Oh, my God, General, you got here just in time. 243 00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:00,246 Thank you so much! 244 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,596 You saved my life! 245 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,207 And look... 246 00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:06,949 I owe you a huge apology. 247 00:15:06,992 --> 00:15:08,733 I am so sorry. 248 00:15:08,776 --> 00:15:10,213 - MacGruber-- - No, I need to say this. 249 00:15:10,256 --> 00:15:12,215 I need to say this! 250 00:15:12,258 --> 00:15:15,044 Look, I've called you so many nasty things 251 00:15:15,087 --> 00:15:17,133 behind your back. 252 00:15:17,176 --> 00:15:18,438 I've called you a dirty diaper 253 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,527 with arms, legs, and half a brain. 254 00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:23,226 Yeah, I said that about you. 255 00:15:23,269 --> 00:15:26,055 I called you a fucker, a fuckhead, fuckface. 256 00:15:26,098 --> 00:15:30,059 I said you're a motherfucker, a dicknose, dickface, dickhead, 257 00:15:30,102 --> 00:15:31,843 shiteater, shitmouth, 258 00:15:31,886 --> 00:15:35,368 fuckin' tool, fuckin' asshole, fuckin' buttwipe, 259 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,849 shitdick, shittitty, tittydick, 260 00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:40,678 a little bitch, piece of fuck, piece of shit. 261 00:15:40,721 --> 00:15:42,027 And I'll put 'em together and call you 262 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,550 a piece of fucking titty-dick shit. 263 00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:46,597 You know, I called you all that stuff. 264 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,686 But I was wrong. 265 00:15:48,729 --> 00:15:52,037 'Cause you're not a piece of fuckin' shit. 266 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,997 You're a piece of fucking friend. 267 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,956 And I mean that. 268 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,653 Thank you, MacGruber, and now it's time for me 269 00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:01,264 to apologize to you. 270 00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:02,961 For what? 271 00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:03,918 For this. 272 00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:05,442 What the hell are you doing? 273 00:16:05,485 --> 00:16:08,923 Just finishing up the job my dead colleague started. 274 00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:11,752 Oh, you piece of fucking titty-dick shit! 275 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,493 So you're in on this too? 276 00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:14,799 Let's just say Queeth and I 277 00:16:14,842 --> 00:16:17,106 had a mutually beneficial relationship. 278 00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:18,803 I helped him get you out of jail, 279 00:16:18,846 --> 00:16:20,587 so he could get his hands on Brimstone, 280 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,676 and he gave me the one thing, 281 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,984 the one thing in this world, that I want most: 282 00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,942 your death. 283 00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:29,944 See, as long as you're alive, 284 00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:32,556 Victoria will never be able to give me her whole heart. 285 00:16:32,599 --> 00:16:34,993 And that is why I have to kill you. 286 00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,822 Barrett, look, I got a news flash for ya. 287 00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:40,477 Vicki married you. She adores you! 288 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,827 This is all just in your imagination. 289 00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:46,091 Oh, it's in my imagination every time I caught her 290 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:47,484 looking through your wedding album? 291 00:16:47,527 --> 00:16:49,225 Every time she shouted your name 292 00:16:49,268 --> 00:16:50,704 when we were making love? 293 00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,837 Don't you understand? 294 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,752 So this whole thing, 295 00:16:54,795 --> 00:16:58,364 all the death, all the destruction, 296 00:16:58,408 --> 00:16:59,757 it's all just for Vicki? 297 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,846 That's right, MacGruber. 298 00:17:01,889 --> 00:17:03,761 I did it all for the nookie. 299 00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:06,024 Vicki would be so disappointed. 300 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,374 Well, it's a good thing she's not gonna find out. 301 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:09,984 'Cause now that Queeth is dead, 302 00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,812 there's only two people in the whole world 303 00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:13,423 that know about this, 304 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:16,687 and one of them is about to die. 305 00:17:24,564 --> 00:17:26,392 You sure about that, Barrett? 306 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,744 Victoria? What are you doing here? 307 00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:32,703 Oh, I'd ask you the same thing 308 00:17:32,746 --> 00:17:34,748 but I think I've heard enough. 309 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,533 Please, baby, I can explain. 310 00:17:36,576 --> 00:17:38,448 Don't you "baby" me, baby! 311 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,145 You got it all wrong, baby. 312 00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,278 No, you know what, I think for the first time 313 00:17:42,321 --> 00:17:43,975 I got it all right. 314 00:17:44,018 --> 00:17:45,890 When I told you MacGruber came by last night, 315 00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:47,152 you didn't clench your fist 316 00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,633 or snap a pencil like you usually do, 317 00:17:49,676 --> 00:17:51,548 and that struck me as strange. 318 00:17:51,591 --> 00:17:55,552 And then you happened to leave a classified dossier at home. 319 00:17:55,595 --> 00:17:56,901 General Barrett Fasoose 320 00:17:56,944 --> 00:17:59,121 doesn't normally make mistakes like that. 321 00:17:59,164 --> 00:18:01,210 That's when I knew something was up. 322 00:18:01,253 --> 00:18:04,387 So I followed the coordinates on your little map 323 00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:06,911 and I ended up here. 324 00:18:06,954 --> 00:18:11,742 And to think I trusted you with my heart, and my body... 325 00:18:11,785 --> 00:18:13,613 and my song. 326 00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:18,749 ♪ And you betrayed my precious ♪ 327 00:18:18,792 --> 00:18:23,754 ♪ Trust 328 00:18:23,797 --> 00:18:29,716 ♪ Let me make it up to you, baby ♪ 329 00:18:31,196 --> 00:18:32,328 All right, look, I did it all for you 330 00:18:32,371 --> 00:18:34,112 and you want to throw it away on that? 331 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,245 "That?" 332 00:18:36,288 --> 00:18:40,205 That is the most perfect man I have ever laid eyes on. 333 00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:43,252 And yeah, sure, he's impetuous, brash, 334 00:18:43,295 --> 00:18:46,951 hotheaded, conceited, selfish, thoughtless, reckless, 335 00:18:46,994 --> 00:18:51,216 but he also has a major problem with impulse control. 336 00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,218 But none of that matters. 337 00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:56,482 'Cause he is by far the least endowed lover 338 00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:58,223 I have ever had. 339 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,357 So yeah, he may be hung like a butterfly, 340 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,360 but he stings like a gnat. 341 00:19:04,403 --> 00:19:05,404 Please, Victoria. 342 00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:08,929 It's Vicki, Barrett! 343 00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:13,064 Vicki Gloria Saint Elmo... 344 00:19:13,107 --> 00:19:14,805 MacGruber. 345 00:19:14,848 --> 00:19:17,329 Oh my stars, really? 346 00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:18,983 If you'll have me. 347 00:19:19,026 --> 00:19:21,290 Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! 348 00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:24,771 Consider yourself divorced, you butthole. 349 00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:25,990 Roundhouse! 350 00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,948 Whew, whew! 351 00:19:33,693 --> 00:19:35,391 You came for me. 352 00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:38,524 MacGruber, I never left you. 353 00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:02,374 Well, my love, 354 00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:05,856 I think it might be time for a little R&R. 355 00:20:05,899 --> 00:20:09,338 Oh, yes, I could use some rest and relaxation. 356 00:20:09,381 --> 00:20:10,687 No. 357 00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:12,950 The other R&R. 358 00:20:12,993 --> 00:20:15,126 Ramming and rimming. 359 00:20:15,169 --> 00:20:18,999 Oh, MacGruber. 360 00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:21,654 ♪ Joy to the world 361 00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:24,614 ♪ The Lord is come 362 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:29,793 ♪ Let Earth receive her king 363 00:20:41,848 --> 00:20:43,807 Oh, MacGruber! 364 00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:49,334 Gonna go fast now! Gonna go fast now! 365 00:21:04,915 --> 00:21:07,831 Oh, still got a little bit. It's going. 366 00:21:07,874 --> 00:21:10,616 - What? - Oh, just a little bit more. 367 00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:13,358 - Oh, I thought you were done. - It's transferring into you. 368 00:21:18,145 --> 00:21:20,191 Ooh. 369 00:21:20,234 --> 00:21:22,846 Oh. 370 00:21:24,195 --> 00:21:26,937 Oh, yeah, yeah. 371 00:21:39,253 --> 00:21:41,212 - Oh. - Merry Christmas, Vicki. 372 00:21:41,255 --> 00:21:44,911 Oh, MacGruber. 373 00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:47,305 Open it. 374 00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:50,787 My very own locket. 375 00:21:50,830 --> 00:21:52,658 I thought we could fill it together. 376 00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,051 Oh. 377 00:21:54,094 --> 00:21:55,139 Give me your hand. 378 00:22:05,932 --> 00:22:10,067 ♪ Errant heat to the star ♪ 379 00:22:10,110 --> 00:22:12,069 ♪ And the rain let in 380 00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:21,339 ♪ And the hawser rolls, the vessel's whole ♪ 381 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:23,254 ♪ And Christ, it's thin 382 00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:32,785 ♪ Well, I'd know that you'd offer ♪ 383 00:22:37,224 --> 00:22:40,140 ♪ Would reveal it, though it's soft and flat ♪ 384 00:22:44,710 --> 00:22:47,278 ♪ Won't repeat it, cull and coffers that ♪ 385 00:22:47,321 --> 00:22:50,455 ♪ For the soffit, hang this homeward ♪ 386 00:22:53,502 --> 00:22:56,026 All the best to you, my love, 387 00:22:56,069 --> 00:22:58,507 on this special hallowed day. 388 00:22:58,550 --> 00:23:01,858 Your love is the greatest gift I've ever received. 389 00:23:01,901 --> 00:23:04,034 And mine yours. 390 00:23:04,077 --> 00:23:05,470 MacGruber. 391 00:23:05,514 --> 00:23:08,299 Come here. 392 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,826 Oh, what a beautiful day. 393 00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:20,224 Thanks to us, the world goes on. 394 00:23:20,267 --> 00:23:22,574 Do you want me to go rustle us up some coffees? 395 00:23:22,618 --> 00:23:23,967 That can be arranged. 396 00:23:26,883 --> 00:23:30,452 ♪ All the news at the door 397 00:23:30,495 --> 00:23:33,977 ♪ Such a revelry 398 00:23:39,025 --> 00:23:41,941 They ran out of coffee, so I got you some apple ju-- 399 00:23:48,165 --> 00:23:49,688 MacGruber! 400 00:23:49,732 --> 00:23:51,429 Oh, God. 401 00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:53,518 Hey, just gotta do a teeny bit more cleanup 402 00:23:53,562 --> 00:23:55,520 then I'm ready for round two. 403 00:23:55,564 --> 00:23:56,956 I think you better see this. 404 00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,090 I'm almost tempted to say that you better see this. 405 00:24:00,133 --> 00:24:02,658 This is a major chemical weapon attack... 406 00:24:02,701 --> 00:24:04,529 - Angle it over here! - In Quito, Ecuador, 407 00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:06,357 home to over 2 million people 408 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,099 and right now, as you can see from this footage, 409 00:24:09,142 --> 00:24:10,448 there are crowds of people 410 00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:11,971 running from what appears to be 411 00:24:12,015 --> 00:24:14,321 clouds of some sort of orange gas. 412 00:24:20,066 --> 00:24:25,898 Oh...my...God.