1 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:04,308 . 2 00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,484 [serious music] 3 00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:08,660 - Good evening. I'm Randall Park. 4 00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,402 Candidate Dwayne Johnson finds himself embroiled 5 00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:13,491 in controversy today over the announcement 6 00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,406 of his vice presidential running mate, 7 00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,191 General Monica Jackson. 8 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,583 As a West Point cadet, 9 00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:20,672 General Jackson wrote a weekly humor column 10 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:23,066 for the school newspaper called "Just Joking," 11 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,720 where she offered up 12 00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:27,418 "witticisms of mass destruction." 13 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:28,898 Yeah. 14 00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:31,335 - Randall, we have vetted General Jackson thoroughly, 15 00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:32,858 and I've seen her column. 16 00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:34,251 - Even this one 17 00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:37,689 where she calls UN Secretary General Kofi Annan 18 00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,256 "a weak cup of Kofi"? 19 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,866 - Look, clearly she's not my running mate 20 00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:42,477 for her sense of humor. 21 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,132 She's here because we have a shared vision for the country. 22 00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:46,872 - Well, as someone who's familiar with comedy 23 00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,396 from my acting days, 24 00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,180 I know how polarizing it can be. 25 00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,835 Amy Polarizing. - [laughs] 26 00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:54,097 That's good! - Yeah. 27 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,098 - That is good. Get in here. 28 00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,186 That's good. - Okay. 29 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:57,535 Thank you so much. - You're welcome. 30 00:00:57,579 --> 00:01:00,408 - Awesome. - Uh, where you going? 31 00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:02,279 We still have an interview, I think, right? 32 00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:05,065 - Oh, oh, sorry. No, I-I-I just got excited. 33 00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,196 - Caught up in the moment. 34 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,154 - Yeah. - It was a good joke. 35 00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:08,546 - Thank you, thank you. 36 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,027 Anyway, so certain factions are calling on you 37 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,420 to choose a new running mate, 38 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,204 saying that Jackson lacks the credibility 39 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:15,684 to be vice president. 40 00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:17,555 - Look, she's still my partner in this thing, 41 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:19,383 and I don't leave my partners behind. 42 00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:21,081 - Mm. - Hopkins taught me that one. 43 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:22,386 - Hopkins. - Yeah. 44 00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:23,692 - Yes, yes, Hopkins, Hopkins. 45 00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:26,260 Your costar in "The Scorpion King," right? 46 00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:27,435 - No one named Hopkins on that one. 47 00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:30,612 - Right, no, no. That's not Hopkins. 48 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:32,527 Hopkins was... 49 00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:34,050 - You know, Randall, it might be easier 50 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,443 is I just told you the story. 51 00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,009 - Right. - [laughs] 52 00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:39,708 1991, I was playing football for the University of Miami. 53 00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,449 - ♪ Miami bass, bass, bass 54 00:01:41,492 --> 00:01:43,146 - So I've been open 55 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,627 about how badly I handled my first semester of college, 56 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,846 getting injured and almost flunking out of school. 57 00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:50,110 I was spending the off-season rehabbing 58 00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:52,068 and getting myself back on track 59 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:55,202 and ready for a new season with new teammates. 60 00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:56,986 - You Dwayne Johnson? 61 00:01:57,029 --> 00:01:59,510 - Yeah, who's asking? 62 00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:02,470 - Warren Sapp, freshman tight end. 63 00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:05,386 - ♪ Miami bass, bass, bass, bass ♪ 64 00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,257 - Future bench-press record holder. 65 00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:09,172 - Oh, you think you got it? 66 00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:11,174 - Man, get your Sharpie ready. - [laughs] 67 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,045 Okay, freshman. - I don't want no excuses. 68 00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:14,134 I know you already been working. 69 00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:15,570 - Don't worry. You won't hear any. 70 00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:17,963 - Uh-huh. Let's get it. 71 00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:19,182 - [grunts] 72 00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,750 This is so easy. - So easy. 73 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:23,404 - I'm thinking about what I'm about to have for lunch. 74 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,275 - I wish I had a book. I'd start reading it. 75 00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,972 I was feeling strong, 76 00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:29,018 couldn't wait for the next season to start. 77 00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:30,498 My parents were so excited, 78 00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:32,152 they even watched tapes of our practice scrimmages. 79 00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:33,457 - Whoo-hoo! 80 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:34,415 - Something happen on that play? 81 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:35,981 - Yes, Dewey didn't get hurt! 82 00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,722 ♪ 83 00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:41,770 - Ooh, you know! - Yeah, you like that, Dewey? 84 00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:43,815 What about this? 85 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,561 You know what those grades mean? 86 00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:52,389 You're still on academic probation. 87 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:53,999 - Coach O, how did you get my grades? 88 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,175 Aren't they private? 89 00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:56,306 - Nothing's private from me, son. 90 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,655 This ain't no joke now. 91 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,831 Not only do you need to get these grades up, 92 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:01,790 you need to show the school your appreciativeness 93 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,008 to even letting you play. 94 00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,401 - Like compliment them on the renovations 95 00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:06,751 they made to the administration building. 96 00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:09,841 - You are making me so mad, Dwayne. 97 00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:11,495 No! 98 00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:13,193 You need to volunteer. 99 00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:15,673 Do something to help the university. 100 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,327 Show them your dedication to the school 101 00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:18,720 goes beyond football. 102 00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:19,938 Here. 103 00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:23,290 Call this guy. 104 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,117 Tell him you want to help out with campus security. 105 00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:28,120 This is real important, Dewey. You can't mess this up. 106 00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,861 - Uh, Coach, this is your card. 107 00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:31,602 - What? Oh. 108 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,691 Kind of looks like me, don't it? 109 00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:36,433 Yeah, I found that on the clip art. 110 00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:38,130 There, that face. 111 00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:39,654 - While I was doing whatever I had to 112 00:03:39,697 --> 00:03:41,090 to keep playing football, 113 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,092 my grandmother was returning to the U.S. 114 00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:46,313 after years of exile in Samoa. 115 00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:47,531 - Could you take your hat off, please? 116 00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,490 - Why? - It's obscuring your face. 117 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,796 - Are you hitting on me? - Ma'am. 118 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,363 - Fine. 119 00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:54,799 - And where are you coming from? 120 00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:58,281 - Where am I coming from? Hell, that's where. 121 00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,152 For almost two years in Samoa, 122 00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:03,155 I was homeless and sleeping on people's couches, 123 00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:06,594 and at night, I would stare up in the stars, 124 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:08,987 thinking about getting back to my family, 125 00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:11,860 and then one day I heard from my daughter. 126 00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:14,558 She told me that my grandson had found a way 127 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,517 to get me back into the country. 128 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,302 My prayers had been answered. 129 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:22,262 - Okay, so, under "countries visited," 130 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,307 I'm just gonna put Samoa. 131 00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:28,311 - Idiot. 132 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,835 Stupid. 133 00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:32,663 - Okay, wait. I'm confused. 134 00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:34,578 How did you get her back into the country 135 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,319 if she was deported by the federal government? 136 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:39,322 - Let's just say that I found a little loophole in the law, 137 00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,324 and she became a citizen again. 138 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:42,760 - Can I ask a follow-up question? 139 00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,501 - I wouldn't. - Just a quick one. 140 00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:45,981 Was Hopkins somehow involved in all that? 141 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,505 - No, he wasn't. I hadn't met Hopkins yet. 142 00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:49,811 I was about to. 143 00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:51,682 Coach's contact pulled through 144 00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,945 and helped me get a job in campus security 145 00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:56,121 in a department called "Phone Services." 146 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:58,689 - You'll be checking the emergency phones on campus 147 00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:00,082 to make sure they're operational. 148 00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,126 - Okay, so I just have to-- 149 00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,389 - Don't worry, I'm gonna have one 150 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,652 of our most experienced techs train you. 151 00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,654 Hopkins! 152 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,224 - Hopkins! - Hopkins! 153 00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,356 - That's Hopkins. - That's Hopkins. 154 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,836 Come on, give me some. 155 00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:16,968 - [laughs] All right, yes! 156 00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,405 - Where you going? We're still doing the interview. 157 00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:19,797 - Oh, that's right. You're totally right. 158 00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:20,929 That's right. - That's right. 159 00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:22,583 There we go. - Okay, sorry about that. 160 00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:23,845 - It's okay. - Just got excited. 161 00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:26,108 - It's Hopkins. - Hopkins! 162 00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,893 - Hopkins, this is your new partner, Dwayne Johnson. 163 00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:30,939 - I don't need a partner. I'm good, thanks. 164 00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:34,029 - This isn't a choice, Hopkins. This is an assignment. 165 00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:35,813 [soft music] 166 00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:37,467 - Get somebody else to take him. 167 00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,816 I've got seniority, for God sakes. 168 00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,514 - Come on. 169 00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:43,038 Show Dwayne the ropes. 170 00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:45,345 - Just eight months to graduation. 171 00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:47,434 ♪ 172 00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:48,739 - So we just check the phone and-- 173 00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,001 - Okay, here's the deal. None of that matters. 174 00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:51,525 All right? 175 00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:52,830 We write our names on that sign-in sheet every morning, 176 00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,832 get the list of phones we're supposed to check, 177 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,530 then go home and watch movies until it's time to sign out. 178 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,619 - What? But Justin said that-- 179 00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:01,273 - He has to say that, but he knows the deal. 180 00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:02,797 We look out for each other. 181 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,973 Now that I've told you, you're a part of that circle. 182 00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:07,845 - Look, this job is keeping me on the football field. 183 00:06:07,889 --> 00:06:10,195 If you're messing with my chances to get to the NFL, 184 00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:11,501 I will kill you. 185 00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,721 - Just take it easy, big fella, all right? 186 00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,810 Just follow my lead, and everything will be fine. 187 00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:19,291 The only thing I need to know is, do you like action movies? 188 00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:20,771 - Of course I like action movies. 189 00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,600 - Then welcome to the greatest scam in college history. 190 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:26,473 . 191 00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:27,648 [sirens wailing on TV] 192 00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:28,823 - Whoa! 193 00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:30,346 - Yo, you sure about this? 194 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,130 We just watch movies and then go back and sign out 195 00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:33,654 at the end of our shift? 196 00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,482 You sure we don't have to check any campus phones? 197 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:36,831 - Look here, man. 198 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,267 I used to check the phones like a good soldier 199 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:40,661 my first few months here, and you know what I found? 200 00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:41,836 They worked. 201 00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,228 If they don't, somebody'd tell us. 202 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,317 We're entirely unnecessary. 203 00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:48,930 Trust me, I've been doing this a long time, almost a year. 204 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,502 [chuckles] This flick is good. 205 00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,242 Not as good as Schwarzenegger's-- 206 00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:58,853 best action star of all time. 207 00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,376 - No, Stallone, all day. 208 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,509 - This isn't a debate. It's a fact. 209 00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:05,381 - It's a fact that my guy could take your guy 210 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,905 via land, sea, air, and time. 211 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,777 - Say your daughter gets kidnapped 212 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:10,865 by a Latin American dictator. 213 00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,388 - Okay. 214 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,694 - You can send one guy to save her--who do you pick? 215 00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,043 - Rambo. - Mm-mm. 216 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:16,784 He's experienced in tropical environments. 217 00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,394 He's escaped a P.O.W. camp. 218 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,309 He knows how to deal with a loose cannon. 219 00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:23,138 - Rambo knows Vietnam. He doesn't know South America. 220 00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:24,574 And, yeah, he escaped a P.O.W. camp, 221 00:07:24,618 --> 00:07:26,141 but he lost his best friends in the process. 222 00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,490 - 'Cause he was double-crossed! 223 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,144 - Schwarzenegger doesn't make excuses. 224 00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:30,711 - Oh, but I'm sure you will for "Red Sonja." 225 00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:33,235 - Two beautiful foreigners with swords getting revenge? 226 00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:34,454 I don't see a problem. 227 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,238 [explosion on TV] - Ooh! 228 00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:40,895 - Here we are! 229 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:43,419 - [grunts] Why are these so heavy? 230 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,552 - It's the wood for my carvings. 231 00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,815 - So we have a surprise. 232 00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,120 We've called some of the old crew, 233 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,687 and they're all coming to town. 234 00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:52,820 We're throwing you a barbecue this weekend. 235 00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,039 - Who's gonna man the grill? 236 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,911 - Why is that everyone's first question? 237 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:59,130 Who cares who mans the grill? 238 00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:01,089 - Ah, Dewey. 239 00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:03,134 I can't wait to see him. 240 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,832 - Won't be long before you're able to see him 241 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,095 play football on TV on Saturday. 242 00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:09,227 - You hear that, High Chief? 243 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:13,318 You're grandson, big star, playing football on TV. 244 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,277 How much he get paid? - Nothing. 245 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,365 - They don't get paid in college. 246 00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:17,758 - Stupid. 247 00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,934 You made me bore the High Chief with stupid news? 248 00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:22,197 You know how busy he is in Heaven? 249 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,112 - You son of a bitch. 250 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,072 - He's no Stallone, 251 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:29,857 but your guy Schwarzenegger can deliver a catchphrase. 252 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,162 - Hell, yeah, he can. 253 00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:32,424 [imitates Schwarzenegger] Get to the chopper. 254 00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:33,730 - Get to the chopper. - Get to the chopper. 255 00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:36,951 - Get to the chopper! - Get to the chopper! 256 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:38,518 257 00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,128 - Oh, there it is, there it is. It's coming, it's coming. 258 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:42,304 - Oh! - Yes! 259 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:45,612 ♪ Stan Bush's "The Touch" 260 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:51,313 ♪ 261 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:52,880 [laughs] - Watch this. 262 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,621 - Oh! - Aah! 263 00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,013 [laughter] 264 00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:58,799 ♪ You've never walked, you've never run ♪ 265 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:01,845 ♪ You're a winner 266 00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,238 - Kill me! I'm here! 267 00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:05,806 Come on, do it now! Kill me! 268 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,895 - Aah! 269 00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:10,245 [laughs] 270 00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,899 - You have to cut the ground wire. 271 00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:15,250 It's the blue wire with the white stripe. 272 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,992 - ♪ You got the power 273 00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:19,080 - Yes! 274 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:21,604 - ♪ You got the touch 275 00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,432 - You see, the mud is what protects you. 276 00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:25,608 - No, I don't--I would've seen him regardless. 277 00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,523 - It's invisibility. You would not have seen him. 278 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,872 - Bro, you don't know my power. 279 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:32,354 - Says here all the phones are in working order. 280 00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:34,008 You sure about that? 281 00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,053 - Of course we're sure. 282 00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:37,664 - I was gonna say, "We have 'Total Recall.'" 283 00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:38,795 - Here you go. 284 00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:41,015 - That's hilarious. 285 00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:43,147 - Have a good one. 286 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,499 You guys better hope those phones are working. 287 00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:50,111 That was Amanda Chavez from HQ. She's doing quality control. 288 00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:52,156 - What do you mean quality control? 289 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,854 - She's checking the phones. 290 00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:55,203 She's got your checklist, 291 00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,683 and she's gonna make sure it's accurate. 292 00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:59,076 - You said no one ever checks. - They don't. 293 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,035 They never do. - Well, they are now. 294 00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,776 Amanda Chavez is checking your work, 295 00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,212 and if anything's off, we're all screwed. 296 00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:05,822 - Oh, I can't mess this up. 297 00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:08,651 My football career, my life is on the line. 298 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,435 - And I'm saving up for a Sega Genesis. 299 00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:12,220 - Then you need to get to those phones 300 00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,135 before Amanda Chavez does. 301 00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:16,746 ♪ 302 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,835 Do not screw this up! 303 00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,795 God help us if Chavez is wearing her comfortable heels. 304 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:23,927 . 305 00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:25,799 [birds chirping] 306 00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,627 [dramatic music] 307 00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:28,758 - Move, move, move, move! 308 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,064 - Whoa! - Excuse me! 309 00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:31,543 - Hey! 310 00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,023 - Sorry, sorry! 311 00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,635 [birds chirping] 312 00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:36,853 ♪ 313 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:39,029 - She's halfway to the first phone. 314 00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,901 - How are we gonna beat her there without her seeing us? 315 00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:43,381 - What if we go this way? - Jump the arboretum wall? 316 00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:44,556 That bitch is eight feet high! 317 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,862 - Or we could go through the natatorium. 318 00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,168 - Pool. Man, the lifeguards will make us walk. 319 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:48,691 - Well, the arboretum or the natatorium? 320 00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:49,866 - Um... 321 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:50,867 - The arboretum or the natatorium? 322 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,129 Make the call! - The arboretum! 323 00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,391 - Okay. 324 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:54,697 [grunts] 325 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,220 ♪ 326 00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:57,657 [birds chirping] 327 00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,875 ♪ 328 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:01,399 [line trilling] All right, It works. 329 00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:04,228 Hey, Hopkins, look. 330 00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:06,666 - What's she doing over there? - She changed her route. 331 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,580 She's headed to the phone by the library. 332 00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:12,236 ♪ 333 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,629 - Damn it! 334 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,283 It doesn't make any sense. Why would she do that? 335 00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:16,893 - We're dealing with a loose cannon. 336 00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:18,416 - She's heading to the phone on the other side 337 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:19,591 of that plaza. 338 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:22,203 She's almost there. What do we do? 339 00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,726 - I got an idea. 340 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:26,120 You move those cones and reroute that band to block her. 341 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,600 I'm gonna cut through the building to beat her there. 342 00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:31,560 [marching band playing] 343 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:38,698 ♪ 344 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,312 - Oh, uh... 345 00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:48,142 [humming] 346 00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:51,711 - It's up to you now, Johnson. 347 00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:55,758 - Today we're gonna be talking about electromagnetic force. 348 00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:58,761 [dramatic music] 349 00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,763 Excuse me, can we help you? 350 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,634 - Uh, no need, all good. 351 00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,158 - What is your name? 352 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:06,377 - Warren Sapp! 353 00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:09,467 [Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero"] 354 00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:10,773 ♪ 355 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,862 [line trilling] 356 00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:19,042 ♪ 357 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:22,132 - ♪ Where have all the good men gone? ♪ 358 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:25,309 ♪ And where are all the gods? ♪ 359 00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:27,311 ♪ Where's the streetwise Hercules ♪ 360 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:28,312 [line trilling] 361 00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:31,794 ♪ To fight the rising odds? 362 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:37,365 ♪ Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? ♪ 363 00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:38,583 [line trilling] 364 00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,977 ♪ Late at night, I toss and I turn ♪ 365 00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:43,675 ♪ And I dream of what I need 366 00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:45,808 ♪ I need a hero 367 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:50,508 ♪ I'm holding out for a hero till morning light ♪ 368 00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:53,424 ♪ He's got to be sure, and it's got to be soon ♪ 369 00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:56,558 ♪ And he's got to be larger than life ♪ 370 00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:57,907 - Hopkins. - What? 371 00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,256 - Put your feet down. 372 00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,519 ♪ 373 00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:02,825 - Oh. [chuckles] 374 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:07,308 ♪ 375 00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:10,093 [laughter] 376 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,574 - Thank you, baby. - Thank you. 377 00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:13,836 - I know this sounds crazy, 378 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,533 but I think I might grill up some peaches. 379 00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:17,187 [cheers] 380 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:19,581 - Is she making peach burgers? - Mm-hmm. 381 00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:22,497 - Lia, you wouldn't believe how much beef jerky 382 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:25,021 they make me eat when I shoot one of those commercials. 383 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:26,718 [chuckles] Guess how much. 384 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:27,850 - A hundred pounds? 385 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,765 - A hundred p-- 386 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,767 No, now, that is a crazy amount of jerky. 387 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,943 38 sticks, yeah. 388 00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:35,205 - Ooh. - 38. 389 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,729 - I once ate 38 eggs in a day. 390 00:13:37,773 --> 00:13:39,906 - Ah, well, there ain't no money in eggs, my brother, 391 00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:43,823 but beef jerky did pay for my Lambo 392 00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:46,913 Ooh, yeah! 393 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:49,219 - Billy Crystal told me to buy two Lamborghinis 394 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:51,265 and use them as roller skates. [laughter] 395 00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,397 - I'm so glad you called me, Lia. 396 00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:54,877 I didn't think you were ever gonna forgive me 397 00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,574 for going with Greg Yao. 398 00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:57,793 - It's funny. 399 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,404 I used to care about things like that, 400 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:03,581 but my time in Samoa... [sighs] 401 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:06,846 - Mom, you get the first burger off the grill. 402 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:09,849 - Thank you, darling. I'm not hungry. 403 00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:12,590 - You okay, Lia? You don't seem like yourself. 404 00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:13,635 What's the matter? 405 00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:16,333 - [sighs] Me. 406 00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:17,508 I'm the matter. 407 00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:20,033 In Samoa, I had a lot of time to think, 408 00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:23,688 and I realized the most important thing is family. 409 00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:25,777 Nothing else matters. 410 00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:28,171 Now that I've come home, 411 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:30,695 I see how I failed my family. 412 00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:32,262 - Mama, you didn't fail us. 413 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:35,048 - I wanted to keep Peter's dream alive. 414 00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:38,399 His business was our legacy, and I didn't do that. 415 00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,096 He shouldn't have left it to me. 416 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,619 - Oh, no, don't say that. - Don't say that. 417 00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:43,186 - No, it's true. 418 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,754 I mean, we live in a two-bedroom apartment 419 00:14:45,797 --> 00:14:46,798 in Tonka. 420 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,365 - Tampa. - Lia. 421 00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:51,499 You gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere else to go. 422 00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:52,892 I'll never forget that. 423 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,589 - Playing cards in your kitchen was some 424 00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:56,156 of the best times of my life. 425 00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,462 - Auntie, you loaned us money and helped us get started, 426 00:14:58,506 --> 00:14:59,507 remember? 427 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:00,856 - And I completely betrayed you, 428 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,249 but you still found it in your heart 429 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:03,815 to welcome me back to the family. 430 00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:05,295 - When Peter was alive, 431 00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:07,950 I never did see the wrestling business as his. 432 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,605 - He needed you, Baba, same as you needed him. 433 00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:14,522 - Peter would have been proud of the way you fought for us. 434 00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:16,567 - To Lia and Peter. 435 00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,961 all: Lia and Peter. 436 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,876 - Thank you, boys. 437 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,704 Now, can someone get me a hamburger? 438 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:23,966 I'm starving. 439 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,272 - Mom, your hamburger's right here! 440 00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:28,101 - Oh, right, right, right. 441 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:31,974 You know, I am full on the love and the well wishes. 442 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:35,151 [laughter] 443 00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:37,327 - Who wants the peach burger? 444 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,851 Come on, Randy, you get in there. 445 00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:42,550 [laughter] 446 00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,553 - Got eyes on Chavez. 447 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,381 She stopped for a coffee break at the student center. 448 00:15:47,424 --> 00:15:49,426 We should have plenty of time to check this last phone. 449 00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,254 - Let's get it done, son. We got this. 450 00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:54,954 [bicycle bell dings] [shouts in slow motion] 451 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,260 - [slowed] No! 452 00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,047 - Hopkins, can you hear me? - Aah! 453 00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,700 - Hopkins! - I hear you, man! 454 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:04,180 It's my leg, not my ears! 455 00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:06,139 - Come on, get up. - I can't. 456 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,531 My leg is busted. Just go, all right? 457 00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:09,316 Just leave me. - I'm not gonna leave you. 458 00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:11,579 Would Tango leave Cash? - You can't risk it. 459 00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:13,973 [grunts] You need this job for football. 460 00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,845 - And you, you need that Sega Genesis. 461 00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:18,629 Now come on. 462 00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:21,545 [dramatic rock music] 463 00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:26,550 ♪ 464 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:30,728 . 465 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,817 - [breathing heavily] 466 00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:35,603 Phone Services. I'm commandeering this cart. 467 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:38,606 [dramatic music] 468 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:44,046 ♪ 469 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,483 - Johnson, no, don't do it! Don't do it! Are you crazy? 470 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,050 Look out, look out! 471 00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,617 Oh! 472 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:52,663 [brakes squeal] 473 00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,535 [line trilling] - [laughs] 474 00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:56,972 - Yes! - We did it. 475 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,583 [laughs] 476 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:02,978 - Oh, man, I'm thinking we need to frame this. 477 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,634 Wait. What the hell is that? 478 00:17:06,676 --> 00:17:08,201 There's one more phone, 479 00:17:08,243 --> 00:17:09,419 and it's in the student center. 480 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,726 - That's why Chavez went there first. 481 00:17:11,769 --> 00:17:13,510 She wasn't on a coffee break. 482 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,772 - She went to check that phone. 483 00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:17,471 You need to get to it before she does. 484 00:17:17,513 --> 00:17:18,689 - There's no way. 485 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,387 The path goes all the way around the quad. 486 00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:21,561 It'll take ten minutes. 487 00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:23,215 - Not if you cut across on foot. 488 00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:25,653 I've got my walkie. I'll be with you the whole way. 489 00:17:25,695 --> 00:17:28,656 ♪ 490 00:17:28,699 --> 00:17:30,701 - Phone steam ahead. 491 00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:33,356 - What? - It's word play. 492 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:40,450 ♪ 493 00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:52,245 She hasn't checked it yet. 494 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:56,292 ♪ 495 00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:58,033 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 496 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,165 Damn it! 497 00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:04,083 Hopkins. Hopkins, you there? 498 00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:05,736 - Johnson, what's happening in there? 499 00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:08,609 - The phone is dead. I don't have much time. 500 00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:10,219 Chavez is almost done with her coffee. 501 00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:11,699 - Hang on, Johnson. 502 00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:15,964 [line trilling] Come on, pick up the phone. 503 00:18:16,007 --> 00:18:17,661 - Emergency Services, this is Justin. 504 00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:19,968 - Justin, it's Hopkins. We've got a broken phone. 505 00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:20,969 What do we do? - I don't know. 506 00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:22,449 It could be a million things. 507 00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:23,885 - Just give us a fix, damn it! 508 00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,627 - Okay, look, nine times out of ten, it's the wiring. 509 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,020 Try to unscrew the receiver end. 510 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,501 - Johnson, unscrew the receiver. 511 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,024 - Right. 512 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:36,506 ♪ 513 00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,639 - Okay. - What's next? 514 00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,467 - There should be four connected wires-- 515 00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:43,513 blue, white, orange, and black. 516 00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:44,732 Do you see those? 517 00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:46,342 - Do you see four wires? 518 00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:49,040 Blue, white, orange, and black. 519 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:51,478 - Yes, but the blue one and the orange one 520 00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:53,001 aren't connected to anything. 521 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:53,958 - The blue one and the orange one 522 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,134 aren't connected to anything. 523 00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:57,614 - Okay, blue wire goes to the battery. 524 00:18:57,658 --> 00:19:00,226 Orange one goes to the terminal strip. 525 00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:01,575 - Blue wire to the battery, 526 00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:02,924 orange one to the terminal strip. 527 00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,795 - Wait, what's the terminal strip? 528 00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:07,146 Isn't that the shady strip club by the airport? 529 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,670 [feedback whines] 530 00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:10,975 - Damn it, she's heading over. 531 00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:13,543 [radio crackling] - Johnson? 532 00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:14,588 Johnson! 533 00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,329 - Hopkins! 534 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,070 [feedback whines, stops] 535 00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:20,420 Okay. 536 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:23,205 Blue wire to the battery. 537 00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,033 Which one's the battery? 538 00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:27,601 You got this, Johnson. Here goes nothing. 539 00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:34,782 ♪ 540 00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,793 [heartbeat pounding] 541 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:52,713 ♪ 542 00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,372 We did it! 543 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:00,982 - Whoo! Ha ha! 544 00:20:01,025 --> 00:20:02,244 - Yes! 545 00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:08,903 Heard the Gulf War is going well. 546 00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:10,731 - Whoa, that was intense. 547 00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:12,385 - Bet your ass it was intense, Randall. 548 00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,082 [laughs] My life has been intense. 549 00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,302 That's why I surround myself with people I trust. 550 00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,652 When times are tough, you don't get rid of them. 551 00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,262 You weather out the storm together. 552 00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,743 - [chuckles] So is Hopkins still in your life? 553 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:24,048 - Oh, yeah! 554 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:25,920 Yeah, we're in a football pool together. 555 00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:27,138 - That's beautiful. - [laughs] 556 00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:28,618 - So before we go, 557 00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:30,272 do you have any final thoughts about General Jackson? 558 00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:32,753 - I know without hesitation that when the chips are down, 559 00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:35,408 I want General Monica Jackson by my side. 560 00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:38,759 She is a fighter, she's tough, and she never gives up, 561 00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:40,369 and I have her back. 562 00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:41,631 And when we need it most, 563 00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:43,329 she's gonna have America's back as well. 564 00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:45,635 - General Jackson, how much does it mean 565 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:48,421 to hear Mr. Johnson defend you through these tough times. 566 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:50,945 - It means that we have a presidential candidate 567 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:53,556 with integrity and character. 568 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:57,386 And I can't think of a better person to lead our country. 569 00:20:57,430 --> 00:20:58,866 And all this chatter 570 00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:02,130 about my college newspaper column 571 00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:05,568 has really got my comedy juices flowing again. 572 00:21:05,612 --> 00:21:07,353 - What? 573 00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:10,225 - Here's my top ten reasons why Dwayne Johnson 574 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,313 would be a great leader. 575 00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:12,401 Number ten-- 576 00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:14,838 he will never take you for granite. 577 00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:17,754 Number nine--he rocks. 578 00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:20,322 Number eight-- - How many more are there? 579 00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:22,585 - Eight. - Right. 580 00:21:22,629 --> 00:21:24,283 - Power to the pebble.