.
[dramatic music]
♪
- Here we go!
- Here we go, brother. You ready?
- Oh, I have not eaten since Tuesday.
Ooh, are these your famous Whoa Mama cakes?
- Good enough to make your mama say "whoa"
because you slapped your uncle.
[Randall laughs]
both: Mm.
- Mm! - Mmm, mmm, mmm.
both: Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
[laughter] - Mm.
You know, I'm kinda surprised we're doing this.
I mean, the election's a couple days away
and I know you got your hands full
with the Dr. Julien situation.
- Yeah, but Randall, this is the best time to do this.
You want to have a cheat day when the pressure is high,
so you could blow off steam,
otherwise you're just gonna blow.
You know, this reminds me of that time in Hawaii
when my grandmother put my mom in charge
of running her business.
My mom was overseeing a huge live event
that my dad was a part of,
and it put him in a high-pressure situation.
all: Tony! Tony! Tony!
- Dad!
- Wait, how did we get here? - Sorry.
Let's go back a few days.
- Mean Gene Okerlund here
for Polynesian Pacific Pro Wrestling.
The Backyard Brawl-B-Q is only days away.
Aloha Stadium is sold out,
and as we've seen over the past few weeks,
this island is too small
to contain these behemoths of wrestling.
Tensions boiled over at the airport...
- My luggage! - All tighty whities.
- The radio station...
- Rocky does the work, Tony gets the credit.
- The parking lot...
[tires squeal]
- [chuckles] Too slow, Andre!
- You make big mistake, Little John Studd!
- [echoing] I'll get you, Andre!
- The beaches weren't safe...
[light rock playing on radio]
- I hate light rock!
- Death to FM radio!
- And it was only of time
before a wrestler took things too far.
- Hey Jake, where's your snake?
- At home, resting.
- Oh, she's resting!
[sizzling] Resting in pieces!
[Sgt. Slaughter laughs] - Desdemona! No!
[rowdy rock music]
- Not since Mauna Loa erupted
has an event so epic occurred on Hawaiian soil.
- Everything's coming together!
All my storylines are peaking for the Brawl-B-Q!
- Is the snake gonna be okay?
- Oh honey, it wasn't a real snake.
It was just ground beef
formed into a tube with some food coloring.
- Hey, who brought guava juice in here?
- Ugh. Dad, it's just liquid fruit.
- It's two days before a match. No sugar in the house.
- Uh! - Dad!
You know, my dad was always strict with his diet.
Especially before a big match. - Mm.
- He had trouble with impulse control,
so he banned all unhealthy food from our house.
- Babe, you okay?
Are you still upset about your call with Vince?
- You mean when he told me I was destined
to be tag team partners with Tony
for the rest of my life?
[laughing] No!
Why would that upset me?
- Meanwhile,
I was dealing with a new dynamic at school.
[school bell rings]
- Bye. - Bye.
I'd gotten friendzoned by Debbie Rose,
but that wound up having some unexpected benefits.
- Hey Dewey. Sarah likes you.
- I thought Sarah was with Julien.
- No, they're done.
She heard you respected Debbie Rose
and she wants to be respected too.
So do you like her?
Before you answer,
you should know, I like you too.
My name's Cam.
Don't tell Sarah.
- Cam and Sarah are so rude,
putting you on the spot like that.
I'm here if you need to talk. I'm Bethany.
Like the city of Albany, but Beth.
- If Bethany was just trash-talking Cam and Sarah,
don't listen.
She's saying that just because she likes you.
- Wait. Bethany likes me now, too?
- Uh-huh.
Cam loves you, Sarah's kinda into you,
Bethany likes you, and Emily wants you.
- Who's Emily?
- Me.
Try that on. Walk around.
See how you feel.
And just so you know, I'm very jealous.
- Hands off Sarah!
We're going though something right now,
but she loves me and we're working it out.
- Ugh, Julien. - The literal worst.
- The prosecution in the Lia Maivia trial
is expected to close tomorrow
with their star witness, Greg Yao,
who's currently under FBI protection.
- Hmph.
- Could his testimony
prove to be the nail in the coffin for Lia Maivia?
- When was that picture taken?
- My white lawyer staged it.
I don't know who the baby is. I didn't ask.
- What on Earth? - Huh?
What do you want, Yao?
- [laughs] You like my mirror?
Kristen left it in my car!
I just wanted to with you a good night
before I send you to the electric chair tomorrow!
[laughs]
- Mr. Yao,
you're not supposed to be fraternizing with Lia Maivia.
- FBI! [laughs]
They're putting me up in a hotel tonight
where I'll dream of all the wrestlers I'll steal from you.
The Samoans, Macho Man, the Big French!
They'll all work for me! [laughs]
- Don't let that idiot get to you.
We put a plan in motion, and it's going to work.
- Yes, Bob said everything is taken care of.
I hope this works, High Chief. - Me too, Dad.
.
all: Tony! Tony! Tony!
- What's going on? Where's he going?
- Is Rocky abandoning his partner mid-match?
- I think he's lost his head, Pat.
- Wait, wait, wait. You jumped ahead again.
- [chuckling] Apologies.
It's hard for me to focus when Unagi prepared in the style
of the Kansai region is in front of me.
- See, I'm a tamago man. Sweet egg all day.
- Ah. - [laughs]
- So Rocky left Tony during the cage match?
- Well, let me give you a little context there.
The big match was still days away
and my mom took the family out to dinner.
- I called all the guys today,
made sure they knew their storylines for the Brawl-B-Q.
- Babe, you're gonna put on an event for the ages!
[both chuckle]
- Hey! - Oh, what's Tony doing here?
- Soul Patrol has a huge storyline tomorrow night.
I need you both to be focused and on the same page.
- Apparently I'll be working with him
for the rest of my career, so why not add in another meal?
Tony! - Hey, brother. Hey, Ata.
- Hi, Tony!
- Dewey! What's shakin', little man?
- A lot, actually. Four girls like me.
- Four? - [chuckles]
- This damn kid's swimmin' in--
- Uh. - Uh.
- Hands to hold.
[soft piano music]
- Listen, next time you with the girls,
you just take a look at their feet.
That'll tell you everything you need to know.
- Their feet?
- You set your peepers on what's in their sneakers.
- Uh, what's-- what are you two talking about?
- Nothin'.
- Seems like a good time to go to the men's room.
- Oh, there it is.
- You eat cake before a match?
Dad doesn't even let us have guava juice.
- You gotta have cake every now and then, dude.
It's good for the brain. Come on, take a fork.
- When Tony Atlas said, "You gotta eat cake!"
At that time, I didn't know what he meant, but I do now.
Don't cheat yourself, treat yourself.
- Mm, that's a perfect cheat day mantra.
If I wasn't busy eating okra, I'd write that down.
[both chuckle]
- Unfortunately, that was not something my dad understood.
- Son, what are you doin'? No cake before a big match.
- Aw, come on Rock. He ain't doin' wrestling.
Let the boy enjoy himself.
♪
- You want to eat that piece of cake, Dewey?
Go ahead.
Ah-ah!
But before you do, let me ask you one question.
Do you have standards for yourself?
- Um, yeah?
- You see us wrestlers, we live by a code:
what we will do and what we won't do.
When your standards start to slip, you get sloppy.
And when wrestlers get sloppy, bad things happen.
♪
You still want a bite of that cake?
- I did not take a bite of that cake.
- I mean, your dad made a good point.
- He did, no doubt,
and it's important to live by a code,
but he put so much pressure on himself
that he didn't need to and he was bound to blow.
But we're not there yet.
- Pasta with butter.
And a diet coke.
- Diet coke?
- The Big French.
- Are you pregnant? - No, just have an early night.
Have to be in court by 8:00 a.m.
For Lia's trial?
- It's not looking good for her, no?
- No. It's looking real bad. [laughs]
- That's a shame. I love the wrestling in Hawaii.
- Well, no one says you have to stop doing that.
In a few days,
I'm going to be the only promotion on this island,
and I'm gonna treat you like a king.
- You want to talk business? - Yes.
- Okay, boss. We talk business.
But I only do it over a real drink, eh?
- Well, let's have a real drink then!
[chuckles]
I'll have whatever you're having.
- 40 whiskeys, please.
From the bottle shaped like brown butterflies.
- Small pours, please. [clears throat]
.
[clock ticking]
[soft indistinct chatter]
- Your witness is a half hour late.
Five more minutes and I--
[door slams open loudly] - I'm here!
If it pleases the court, I'm here!
- Sir! Are you not wearing pants?
[gasps from court attendees]
- Uh, that is correct, Your Honor.
These are bike shorts.
That's, uh, butt lettering.
I think they're on backwards.
[Yao panting]
Listen, make this quick, okay?
Don't ask me any hard questions,
I'm still very drunk.
- Greg, what are you doing?
- Oh, uh, sorry. My mistake.
Wrong white lawyer.
[scattered chuckling]
- Mr. Yao,
we've seen the FBI tape of a woman threatening you.
Is that woman in this courtroom?
- Bang-bang. It's that lady right there.
- No further questions.
[Yao slaps table]
- Mr. Yao...
What did you do last night, sir?
- Objection. Relevance.
- Your Honor,
the question speaks to credibility and character.
- Overruled.
- What did you do last night?
[Ram Jam's "Black Betty"]
♪ Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam ♪
♪ Black Betty had a child, bam-ba-lam ♪
♪ The damn thing gone wild, bam-ba-lam ♪
- Do it!
I am the king of Hawaiian Wrestling!
I said, do-- [screaming]
♪ Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam! ♪
[insects droning]
[yelps]
What time is it?
I don't recall.
- So you were black out already?
- Objection. [indistinct murmuring]
- Withdrawn.
- Great hire.
- Your Honor, at this time the defense
would like to introduce new evidence:
Mr. Yao's credit card receipts from last night.
At 3:35 a.m.,
did you visit a Denim Jack's Tattoos & Piercings?
- No. - No?
So that's not a fresh tattoo on your bicep?
- Oh, whoa.
- Could you to read that for the court, sir?
- It says, "I love drugs"?
But it's not finished yet.
It will say, "I love drug stores."
- Do you really expect this jury to believe that, Mr. Yao?
[indistinct murmuring]
- No habla ingles.
- Excuse me?
- Por favor...
no habla ingles.
Uno, diez...
lo siento.
[sniffles]
- 'Not guilty' was the verdict
in the Lia Miavia trial today,
after prosecution's star witness, Greg Yao,
forgot how to speak English on the witness stand.
- I love the jury.
I am a lady innocent and they saw that.
Oh, and FBI!
Kill yourselves.
[overlapping chatter]
- My mom and grandmother knew that, like my father,
a lot of guys in the business had impulse control issues,
and Greg Yao was no exception,
so they knew if they sent Andre to run into him,
he'd do anything to land the big man...
- That's right. Bend the knee.
[Ram Jam's "Black Betty"]
[laughs and sighs]
- We'll find something on her. She'll go down.
- 50,000 fans in sold-out Aloha Stadium
are fired up, Pat!
- Weeks of bad blood, dead snakes,
and ruined lives have all lead up to this,
the Backyard Brawl-B-Q!
[cheers and applause]
♪
- Hello everyone! [cheers and applause]
It's good to be back,
but I wouldn't be here without the help of my daughter, Ata.
She's done such an amazing job
in my unfortunate and stupid absence!
[cheers and applause]
And also a very special, giant-sized thank you to Andre.
I hope you're not too hung over.
- I had four omelets before bed,
and I'm fresh as a daisy.
To Lia. [cheers and applause]
- Before I got here tonight,
I got a call from Vince McMahon,
and I'm sure a lot of you got a call, too.
He's putting on an event
that's going to take our business
to even greater heights!
[applause and laughter]
- Okay boys, stay safe, and let's tear the house down!
[cheers and applause]
- Hey Andre.
What was Lia talking about? Did you get a phone call?
- This morning, boss.
Vince is putting on a big match on pay-per-view.
He's calling it...
- WrestleMania. - Whoa.
- It would change the sport forever.
- How'd Rocky handle not being selected?
- Not well.
Not well at all.
[ominous music]
.
- We've got a full card tonight, Pat,
With grudges to settle
and a lot of violent promises to keep.
- I wish I didn't have to blink,
'cause I don't want to miss a second!
- This capacity crowd none too happy
to see the two gentlemen come into the ring right now.
Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff
looking unstoppable today, Gene!
- Let's go! [bell rings]
[Sweet's "Ballroom Blitz"]
[upbeat rock music]
- Whoo!
♪
[bell rings]
[cheers and applause]
- Oh, my God! It's been 14 days, Pat!
Those underwear are used!
- I've never seen a pair of undies that gigantic, Gene!
- Yeah!
- Well, it looks like Andre wins this one by default
since we saw him toss Big John's Studd's truck
off a cliff!
[truck horn honking]
[cheers and applause]
- I'm coming for you, Andre! You're mine!
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ And the man in the back said, "Everyone attack!" ♪
♪ And it turned into a ballroom blitz ♪
♪ And the girl in the corner said, "boy I wanna warn you, ♪
♪ It'll turn into a ballroom blitz ♪
♪ Ballroom blitz
- Steamboat's letting Savage know
that's what happens
when you mess with another man's radio, Gene!
♪
- What's Jake got in that bag, Pat?
His snake Desdemona's been chopped up and cooked!
- Desdemona may be dead,
but her spawn is here to avenge her!
I give you...Damien!
[riotous cheers and applause]
- ♪ It'll turn into a ballroom blitz ♪
♪ Ballroom blitz
- I knew Damien would get over.
- Welcome to the show, little man!
[Ata laughs]
[cheers and applause]
[electricity thumps] - [gasps]
[suspenseful music]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, - Hang on.
Oh, here we go, Pat! - Whoa!
- There it comes!
The cage!
When this cage comes all the way down
and the match begins,
there's nothing more exciting in professional wrestling!
[metallic rattling]
[cage clanks deeply]
[cheers and applause]
- It's time.
- It's time for the main event!
Rowdy Roddy Piper and George "The Animal" Steele
led to the ring by their manager,
Classy Freddie Blassie...
[booing]
[soft dramatic music]
♪
And here come their opponents, the Soul Patrol,
Rocky Johnson and Tony Atlas.
[Ennio Morricone's "The Ecstasy of Gold"]
♪
[cheers and applause]
- Go, Dad!
♪
- That cage looks formidable, Gene.
And the only way to win
is for both members to escape the cage!
- Only two ways out.
Through the door or over the top!
And speaking of over the top, that's how tensions have been
between Rocky Johnson and Tony Atlas.
- Everyone is wondering if these two
can put their infighting aside and get a win tonight!
[bell rings]
- ♪ [operatic vocalizing]
♪
[inaudible]
♪
[thudding impact]
[high-pitched ringing]
[tense musical crescendo]
[thudding impact]
- Oh, that accidental elbow from Tony Atlas
has opened up a cut on Rocky's forehead!
He's bleeding badly.
- This is what Dad was worried about.
Tony got sloppy.
[cheers and applause]
- Well, Rocky's back in it,
and he's putting the fist to Rowdy Roddie Piper.
- What a masterful work
by the Soul Patrol in this cage match!
[cheers and applause] [chain link rattles]
- Rocky the first man to exit the ring!
- This match may be over, Gene--
but no!
Piper and Steele have got Tony Atlas!
They're throwing him into the mat!
- Oh, my God. We're finally here.
We're back where we started! - Yes, we are.
- Freddie Blassie has chained the door shut!
Rocky has gotta find a way to save his partner!
all: Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony!
- Dad!
all: Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony!
[booing]
- What's going on? Where's he going?
- Is Rocky abandoning his partner mid-match?
- I think he's lost his head, Pat.
[booing]
- Where is Rocky going?
[door slams open loudly]
[booing continuing distantly]
- [panting]
[booing continuing]
[Ennio Morricone's "The Ecstasy of Gold"]
[riotous cheers and applause]
♪
- Mom, can you believe this?
- ♪ [operatic vocalizing]
- He's coming back!
He's coming back! - Rocky's back!
♪
[inaudible]
all: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
[cheers and applause]
all: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
[cheers and applause]
♪
- Rocky and Tony heading for the door!
- But look! Steele and Piper are climbing the cage!
- The first team out of the cage wins!
- What a match, Gene!
all: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
[bell rings] And the Soul Patrol does it!
- The Soul Patrol wins!
- I am so proud of you!
Listen to them! They love it!
- I knew they would!
all: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
- So did Tony get sloppy?
Did he really cut Rocky by accident?
- Oh, no.
It's called "getting color" in our business.
You just a take razor blade
and little nick in the right spot.
My dad didn't do it that often,
but my mom had set up the tension so well
between my dad and Tony
that they both agreed it would help get him over.
- Mm. Rocky must've felt like he was on top of the world.
- [inhales deeply] He did.
But the problem with adulation is
it makes you want more.
And the love of the crowd
is one of the most addictive things there is.
- Aside from this Turnbuckle Fudge,
page 97 of your cookbook,
right after The People's Steamed Cod.
- Oh, you want some cod?
- Um-- - Yeah!
Hey, Frankie! Let's steam up some cod!
- I feel sick.
- Remember what I said about my dad's issues
with impulse control?
- So then Rocky, bruddah, that was one hell of a match.
- Thanks, man. - [chuckles]
- God, it felt good hearing the crowd chant my name.
Hey, that promoter you work for in Saudi Arabia
is a fan of mine?
- Mm-hmm.
- Give me his number.
- What about your contract with Vince?
- What about it?
[intro to Ram Jam's "Black Betty"]