1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,680 Comms. This is DS Haines from Bristol and Avon, I'm looking for 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,880 information on an alias known as The Dean. I'll call you back. 3 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:13,680 What was you thinking? She was thinking how she can save our lives. 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,160 By promising we'll pay every penny back in eight weeks, 5 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,680 with interest, washed and folded? That can't be done! 6 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:22,640 But you...you're a drug dealer, you're rich, aren't you? 7 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,760 Shut up! You don't know me. Look around. 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,640 My crib is a garage at the end of my mum's garden. 9 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,080 You have things. Your TV, 10 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,400 those trainers, you could sell your car. 11 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,560 "Hello, Mr Dean, here's a second-hand Range, 12 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,240 "and a flatscreen TV. We good?" 13 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,760 And I got a family to provide for. 14 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,600 What I earn goes on my fam. 15 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,920 Six is a lot of mouths to feed. And are you forgetting 16 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,680 the feds nailed me for making you do my Community Service? 17 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,560 If they send me to pen, and we ain't paid, 18 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,080 The Dean will have his people inside do me a ting, straight. 19 00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:00,920 You didn't save our necks, you put 'em in a noose. 20 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,280 Maybe I can ask my parents for help. They rockin' that kind of money? 21 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,280 No. But, I don't know, maybe they can raise it. 22 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,640 If we get them involved, we make them complicit. 23 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,280 Do you have a better idea, then? 24 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,960 Yeah. We go to the feds. 25 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,960 Man ain't makin' no deal with the feds. 26 00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:22,200 What choice do we have? We lay it out there. 27 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,120 We tell the feds, and let them protect us. 28 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:29,080 Man ain't snitchin'! It's better than digging your own shallow grave. 29 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:32,040 He's right. I have the number of a policewoman we could call, 30 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:35,160 and then we can just finish this. 31 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,120 PHONE RINGS 32 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,720 Haines. Hi, this is Rani Rekowski. 33 00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,600 Rani. How are you? 34 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,240 Well, that's why I'm calling. 35 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,440 OK. 36 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:08,280 I just had something important I needed to tell you. 37 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,240 But I'm not sure I should be telling you on the phone. 38 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,600 What's this about? 39 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,200 Rani? Are you still there? 40 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,840 Can you give me a second, please? 41 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:35,320 Hello? Rani, what did you want to tell me? 42 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:41,080 I wanted to tell you that I'm completing my payback hours, 43 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,760 and I'm staying out of trouble, keeping my head down. 44 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,640 Glad to hear it. 45 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,720 OK. Thanks. Bye. 46 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,440 PHONE RINGS 47 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,560 Rani? Comms. You're enquiring about The Dean? 48 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,720 Yes. Yes, I was. That information's classified, 49 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,400 you don't have clearance. Clearance? 50 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,480 Thank you for your enquiry. 51 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,640 Say something! 52 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:02,600 I say we don't pay, call his bluff, boom. 53 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,280 He knows where we live, 54 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,960 and my family, and Ben's sister. "Boom!" 55 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,080 He's already threatened to hurt them. 56 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,280 Same if we go to the police. 57 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,120 Look, we have eight weeks. 58 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,600 You three have to get the money back. 59 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,040 I've told you, we've spent it! On what? 60 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,960 The Bristol Justice Collective. 61 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,840 Still don't understand what it is revolutionaries actually need, 62 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:24,600 by the way, apart from berets and some twat on a guitar. 63 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,760 A new website, new minibus, new staff, new offices. 64 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,440 15 types of milk, probably. 65 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,440 Oh, right, and what did you spend yours on? 66 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,320 I put mine into my business, as you well know. 67 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:37,120 The one you that just got fired from? Great save! 68 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,040 BEN: What did you spend your cut on, Frank? 69 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,640 My daughter's mortgage. It was killing her. I had to help. 70 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,200 So you haven't helped her in 40 years, 71 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,680 but you couldn't wait eight more weeks to grow a conscience? 72 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,520 You guys are just going to save 73 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,040 yourselves and let our loved ones die? 74 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,560 Christian Taylor. 75 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,880 What about him? 76 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,400 If he has to do jail time, for making Ben do CS, 77 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,760 he won't be around to run his drug operation. 78 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,920 We are not becoming drug dealers. Absolutely not! 79 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,400 I've done some grifts in my time but not that. 80 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,840 Tell me it isn't a good way to make big money fast! 81 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:13,200 Rani! 82 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,160 It's eight weeks and then it's over. Why not? 83 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,680 Because drugs have ruined the lives of everyone I've loved. 84 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:21,120 No-one is dealing drugs, OK? 85 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,920 Jeez, I'll get another loan...somehow. 86 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,240 I'll have to ask Margie for the money back...somehow. 87 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,640 I'll see...I'll see what I can do. 88 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,960 KNOCK ON DOOR 89 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,960 Sir, you wanted to see us? 90 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:40,400 How many times have you called Comms today? I haven't. 91 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,040 You? About five or six times. 92 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:46,040 Well, which, is it - five or six? Six? 93 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,480 12 times. You've been red-flagged. 94 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,520 Red-flagged? For pestering them about someone called The Dean, 95 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,960 even though you've been repeatedly told to stand down. 96 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,520 Now stand down. 97 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,600 With respect, sir, why am I being stonewalled? 98 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,120 HE SIGHS 99 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,000 You are treading on Scotland Yard's size tens. 100 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,520 The Dean is London, big-time, tied to international syndicates. 101 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:18,000 For two years the Met have been tracking him, building a case. 102 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,680 So why haven't they arrested him, then? 103 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,000 He's got good tradecraft. 104 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,480 Never handles product or money directly, 105 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,520 impossible to pin him with anything. We can help. 106 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,000 He's running county lines into Bristol. 107 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,480 SCOFFS: If that were the case, the Met would know about it. 108 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,800 Would they, if The Dean's so careful? 109 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,400 And it's not like they share intel with us, so we wouldn't know. 110 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,280 What have you got? 111 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:41,120 The Dean has a local foot soldier called Christian Taylor. 112 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,800 Taylor's about to do time for violating probation. My hunch is, 113 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,880 if we can flip him, he could give us The Dean. 114 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,360 But my hunch is that you're ambitious and think that if you can 115 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,080 nail someone the Met can't, that's your ticket out of Bristol. 116 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,000 I won't apologise for being ambitious, sir, 117 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,680 but if we do land The Dean, that's national news, 118 00:06:58,680 --> 00:06:59,960 and we all take a bow. 119 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:02,560 If your snooping blows London's case, 120 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:07,080 we'll spend the rest of our days shooing seagulls off Bristol Docks. 121 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,760 Is that how you see your future? 122 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,000 I stand by my partner, sir. 123 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,240 Just to confirm, are you telling us to stand down, sir? 124 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,360 I'm telling you tread carefully. 125 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,360 I hope you know what you're doing, I hate seagulls. 126 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,200 They're like rats with wings. 127 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,600 DOOR CLOSES 128 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,160 SHE SIGHS 129 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,160 Hmm. 130 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,040 Are you going to talk about it? 131 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:54,880 Hmm? Last night, you walked out on our dinner party. 132 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,800 Yeah, sorry. I had to...pop back to the office. 133 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,560 At ten o'clock? Will you...? Stop doing that, look at me. 134 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,200 What is going on with you? 135 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:10,960 I...I realised, you know I've been 136 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:15,120 working this job for 19 years? 137 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,360 19 years. I mean, Christ, when I first started, 138 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,920 personal assistants were still called secretaries, 139 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,360 you know? You could still ask 'em to make you a cup of tea 140 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,680 and not wind up in a tribunal. 19 years. 141 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,280 I mean, 142 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,840 that is a lot of dress-down Fridays 143 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,680 and signing birthday cards. 144 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,760 And that's why, 145 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,920 yesterday, we decided that...I need a change. 146 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:43,800 "We? Dad and I, yeah. We talked it through, and, erm... 147 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,080 ..I'm getting a new job. I'm going to get a different job. 148 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,680 A job that's for me. 149 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,880 What job? I don't know yet. 150 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,240 I've got feelers out 151 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,800 and I am excited for this new chapter. Buzzing! 152 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,200 You didn't think you ought to discuss this with me? 153 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,120 I AM discussing it with you, I'm discussing it with you right now. 154 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,800 This is going to impact us financially. No. 155 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,440 School fees... No. ..the ski trip. 156 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:10,520 No. Listen, because I am going to take my 19 years 157 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,840 of management experience 158 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,440 and I will breeze into another job. 159 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,760 John, did your father fire you? 160 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,200 What? No. That's ludicrous. You can tell me if he did. 161 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,320 I would. He didn't. It was...mutual. 162 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,200 Listen, I'm doing this, I'm doing something for me. 163 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,360 For us, OK? I mean, 164 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,560 I thought you'd be happy for me. 165 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,480 You know I'm happy if you are. 166 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,960 Well, I'm happy. 167 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,600 So we're both happy. 168 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:01,120 What are you doing? I've decided to give up booze. 169 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,560 But that's my booze and I haven't. 170 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,280 Greg, while I'm living here I can't have any temptation around, 171 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,480 which is why... 172 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,960 ..I need you to hide this for me. 173 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,200 What is this, flour? You going gluten-free as well? 174 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,600 That's cocaine. Cocaine? What, did you buy the family size? 175 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,280 Look, just hide it, OK? And whatever I say to you, 176 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:23,080 do not give it to me - no matter how much I beg you, don't give in, OK? 177 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,200 OK. Did you speak to my agent? 178 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,640 I did. 179 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,280 And does she have a job for me? 180 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,720 No. Nothing? No adverts or sponsorship? 181 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:35,040 Greg, I need some money, you told me that I was going bankrupt. 182 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,280 I know but you're seen as unreliable since you called that soda machine 183 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,200 the C word. It WAS a cunt! 184 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,320 Other products don't want to be associated with you. I'm edgy. 185 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,040 No, you're toxic. Toxic's cool. 186 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,320 It used to be, but now celebrities need to seem nice. 187 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,680 You've got to show empathy and cellulite. 188 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,880 And also, some people are saying... 189 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,080 What? ..that you've got anger issues. 190 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,640 Who's saying that? I'll kill the fuckers! 191 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,880 There's also the substance abuse. Which I am working on. 192 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,560 Look, just give me my coke back. You told me not to. That was before. 193 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:07,200 Now I need a bump. Give it to me. No, you said, whatever you say 194 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,800 to me, don't let you have it. 195 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,520 Give me the bag, you speccy twat. Give it to me! 196 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,680 Argh! Argh! This is not the real you speaking. 197 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,240 Yes, it is, you rake with a face! Not the tickling! 198 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,400 Give it to me. 199 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,280 Don't, and I'll get you a job. You said no-one would employ me. 200 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,000 Give me 24 hours and I'll find you something. 201 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,360 Yeah? Come on, please, stay strong. 202 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,640 Sorry for calling you a bug-eyed beanpole. 203 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,680 Well, it was "speccy twat" and "rake with a face". 204 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,600 Either way, I'm sorry. 205 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:50,800 I need a drink. Sorry. 206 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,000 Can I have a word? 207 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,200 Remember when you asked me where the cash for all of this came from? 208 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,240 I thought it was our mystery donor? 209 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,160 Yeah, well if I tell you who it is, 210 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:13,040 then you can't tell anyone. It's Lady Gabriella Penrose-Howe. 211 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,560 That posh woman who's always falling out of nightclubs? 212 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,880 All right, keep your voice down. Why is she interested in the BJC? 213 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,760 I thought her kind were only interested in bottle service 214 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:26,280 and lip filler. Well, she deeply respects me and my organisation 215 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:30,040 and she wanted to make a sizeable donation to support it. 216 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,440 I misjudged her. Yes, you did. 217 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,600 But now she needs all the money back. What? 218 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,800 You know what the landed gentry are like - fickle. 219 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,600 We've spent the money. 220 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,320 Well, we'll have to un-spend it. 221 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,320 We've got a year's lease on this place. Full-time staff on payroll. 222 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,720 You're saying it like it's my fault. We all voted for those things. 223 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,520 Because you promised you could keep us financially independent. 224 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,360 That's why we turned down a council grant. 225 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,800 Yeah, and you're going to need to go to the council 226 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,640 and say that we want the grant after all. That ship's sailed, Myrna. 227 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:02,640 Well, we can still get the money back, can't we? 228 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:07,120 We can, erm, we could sell the minibus and those ergonomic chairs. 229 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,960 Stop bouncing, please. 230 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,360 And I always said we don't need the Reiki guy full-time. 231 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,880 Myrna, those are just the things you can see. 232 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,000 We would have to liquidate the organisation to get 233 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,080 the money back. The BJC will cease to exist. 234 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,680 DOOR OPENS 235 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,200 Dad, we're in here! 236 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,000 Margie, we need to discuss something. 237 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,080 You paid off the mortgage. 238 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,080 Ta-da! 239 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,800 As of this morning. And there was money left. There was? 240 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,040 So I set up a college fund for the kids. 241 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,560 Do the kids even want to go to college? I do. 242 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,400 It's Johnnie Walker Red. That's your tipple, isn't it? 243 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,360 Mum's made your favourite, too, meatloaf. 244 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,320 Well, it's sort of shepherd's pie that I've squeezed into a loaf. 245 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,520 It's the thought that counts. 246 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:09,080 Well, it's the deed that counts, too. Thank you so much, Dad. 247 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,400 It's the least I can do. 248 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,560 What was it you that you want to discuss? 249 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:17,800 Nothing urgent. 250 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,640 MUZAK PLAYS THEN STOPS 251 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:33,480 Mr Halloran? Yeah. Hello, yes. Hello? I'm here. Hello? 252 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:37,560 Can I confirm, you said you're not currently employed - is that right? 253 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:42,760 I am currently in-between jobs, yeah, but, as I said, 254 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,160 I have 19 years of management experience 255 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,640 and I'm confident that I will find fresh employment very soon. 256 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,800 Yes. I've checked with my supervisor, 257 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:57,040 but we can't grant you a loan. I'm sorry. 258 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,640 Why not? You have no employment, 259 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,520 you're heavily mortgaged on your assets 260 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:05,240 so we just can't proceed. I'm sorry. 261 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,880 Do you remember when banks like yours went tits-up in 2008 262 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,840 and it was taxpayers like me that bailed you out? 263 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,920 No, sir, I was only six years old. 264 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,400 Well, it's absurd, you know, 265 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,760 it's absurd that I'm standing here today 266 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,080 and a businessman like me can't get 267 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:28,280 a loan from your bank! But if this were 2007, 268 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:33,480 and I was an unemployed single mother with three kids 269 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:34,880 and a crack addiction, I'd have 270 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,720 walked out of your place with a mortgage and a fucking balloon! 271 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,760 Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir? 272 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,360 Like she said, 273 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,880 we're only in it for eight weeks and then we're done. 274 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,360 Men like this guy from London exploit local kids, 275 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:05,240 I know that, but I'll get to know those kids, 276 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,320 and then, when this is over, I can help them. 277 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:19,480 If I don't do this, people will get hurt. If I dissolve the BJC, 278 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,520 the community will get hurt. 279 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:25,440 40 years' work wiped out like that. 280 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,200 And I will have killed a man... 281 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:35,440 ..for what? Your whole life, my life... 282 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,040 ..for nothing. 283 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:55,640 If we did do what you suggested, how would it work? 284 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,640 What? 285 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,720 The plan you suggested. 286 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,640 I don't know. We'd meet with Taylor, find out how he operates. 287 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,120 Eight weeks, right? 288 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,840 We just do what is necessary and then we're out. 289 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,160 And absolutely no violence. 290 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,720 Of course. Thank you. 291 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,040 We're not doing it. 292 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,600 Do you all know what drugs have done to my mum? 293 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,360 I understand how you feel. No, you don't. You don't, 294 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,800 or you wouldn't have suggested it in the first place. 295 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,600 I wish I didn't have to, but... You have no idea. 296 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,000 My whole life, you have no idea what I've had to do 297 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,960 to stop from going down that path. What option do we have? 298 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,880 We make as much money as we can in eight weeks then we walk away. 299 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,560 A brief, terrible episode in all our lives. 300 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:46,360 I'd never do anything to hurt you, but The Dean will. 301 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:50,960 I'm scared. I'm really scared. 302 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,720 And I don't want to die. 303 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:03,360 All right. So we raise the funds. 304 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:05,280 How do we launder it? 305 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,480 TOILET FLUSHES 306 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,720 Guess who's back. 307 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,480 Oh, it's not fucking Beryl, is it? 308 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,280 Aye. Oh, I hate that old bitch. 309 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,360 Greg, listen, mate, we need you. 310 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,960 I'm not doing any more money laundering. 311 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,920 I got really stressed last time and my eczema broke out. 312 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,520 I was scratching my groin so much I got thrown out of Nando's. 313 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,400 High pockets, we're all friends here, 314 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,000 and that's why nobody wants to remind you about 315 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,040 a certain cupboard of chaos which, if exposed, 316 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:40,200 would leave you up shit creek with your dick in your hand. 317 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,600 Ah, well, actually, my dick's 318 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,760 already up shit creek in someone else's hand. 319 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:44,960 What does that mean? 320 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,920 It means a bloke I work with called Spencer Fitzwilliam already found 321 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,520 my cupboard of chaos and has been blackmailing me with it 322 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,920 and making my life hell. So join the queue. 323 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,640 Westside. Westside? 324 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:59,040 Leave it to me. I can change his mind. 325 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,920 You take over? Is she serious? 326 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,680 We need to make money, fast. You've a way of doing that 327 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,120 but who's going to run things for you when you're in prison? 328 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:11,720 Not you. Then who? Because Souljah's betrayed you, 329 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,240 Spider's out of action, 330 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,560 now your whole crew's just some little boys on BMXs. 331 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,080 Whoa, whoa, wait. 332 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,920 We don't even know I'm set for a stretch. 333 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,120 You said this lawyer of yours is good, right? 334 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,360 I didn't say he was good, I said he was free. 335 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:24,960 Nah, I ain't handing you my line. 336 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,960 Why not? Because I don't trust you. We're the only ones you CAN trust. 337 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,680 Have you ever heard the phrase "the enemy of my enemy is my friend"? 338 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,480 Was it the same guy who said, "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck"? 339 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,600 I spent my whole life trying to stay out the game. 340 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,080 You think I want to be a part of anything you do? 341 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:44,200 We're all in this together whether we like it or not... Nah, G. You do 342 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,680 you, and I'll take care of myself. 343 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,920 Oh, really? Because last night, you were this close to being dead 344 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,520 before I stepped up, and if you don't start trusting me, 345 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,640 none of us are getting out of this shit alive! 346 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,680 What do you even know about running a line? 347 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,720 Nothing, but I'm a quick learner. 348 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,440 Swear down, you fuck me on this, 349 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,920 and I will Shawshank my way out of pen so fast... 350 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,840 All right, what do you want to know? 351 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,880 Everything. 352 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,400 All right, listen, 353 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,720 cos I don't like repeating myself. You know what this is? 354 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,960 That is a mobile phone. 355 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,920 Wrong. It's THE phone, the line. 356 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,360 Contains numbers for all my customers. 357 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,720 So every day I ping out a message, 358 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:45,440 "Open for business all the time. 359 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:50,400 "For what you need, call the line". 360 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,560 Now what? We wait. 361 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:59,360 You making notes? Yeah, it's just a lot to... 362 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,880 You keep everything up here. 363 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,480 WHISPERS: Sorry. 364 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,240 PHONE RINGS 365 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:13,120 Yo, what do you need? Where you at? 366 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,840 What are you wearing? All right, soon come. 367 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,160 So you take the order and then what? 368 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,800 Then - important, you use a different phone 369 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,400 to call whatever runner you think is closest. 370 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,640 Yo, Biggs. One bag of beans, Elswick Rd. 371 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:42,480 The guy's wearing a navy-blue tracksuit. You got that? All right. 372 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,600 And Bingo was his name, yo? 373 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,480 Could we meet some of the runners? 374 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,720 DOG BARKS 375 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,400 What's he doing here? 376 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,520 This is our business adviser. 377 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,480 There's some of my runners. 378 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,160 Jesus, they look barely out of nappies. 379 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,000 I recognise that blonde girl. 380 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:45,600 She goes to school with my sister! This is so wrong, man. 381 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,880 Don't judge. They're only doing it 382 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,040 to feed their families, same as me. 383 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:55,760 What are you doing? Never exit the vehicle. Basics. 384 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,760 Mm, basics. 385 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,760 HE SIGHS 386 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:04,320 OK, so how much does a runner get paid? 387 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,200 About 80 quid. 388 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,400 Standard? For everybody? 389 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,800 Depends how much they sell. Or, if they owe money, 390 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,600 it's set against that. 391 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:20,320 Yo, man pulled up. Send 'em away and come here, innit? 392 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:24,200 What are we doing? We're doing what we have to do. What is happening? 393 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,320 Oi, you lot. Piss off. 394 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,360 The boy who just left took the food, 395 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:30,600 so if the feds are watching, 396 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,800 they can't link shit directly to me. 397 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,160 What you saying, big man? 398 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,920 Wagwan, buddy, you all right, yeah? 399 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:39,880 Cash total. 400 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,560 OK. 401 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,880 Anyone complaining about the quality of the food? 402 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,520 Nah, cuz. 403 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,080 OK, I think I can get the business side of things down, 404 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,280 but that dialect, it's going to take a bit of work. 405 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,680 Anyone watching you? Nah, man. 406 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,120 Anyone else selling? Nah. 407 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,920 No trouble? Uh-uh. Nah? 408 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,080 Nah, man. 409 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,600 Four? There should be five! 410 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,320 Bruv, we sold 400. 411 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,000 Yo, big man... 412 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,760 ..you know what happens if you start lying to me, right? 413 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,160 Yeah, I do, bro, and I ain't lying. 414 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,320 Yeah? 415 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:21,840 In a bit. 416 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,440 What was that about? 417 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,040 Nothing. 418 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,520 You got to make 'em sweat every now and then, innit? 419 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,440 And what if he HAD been lying? 420 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,000 Trust me, he knows better than that. 421 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,240 You've never seen Jaws? 422 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,760 No, I've never seen Jaws. 423 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,400 I have seen Jaws 2, 3 and 4, though. 424 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,600 Oh. Chap. Tide's out. 425 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,360 We take it in turns. 426 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,840 So how do you manage staffing levels? 427 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,240 I only take on people when demand is steady, 428 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,720 otherwise you're just paying for employees when you don't need them. 429 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:30,120 Yeah? Good. Yeah, I wish I'd done that. 430 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:33,960 Got quite the business brain. You pick it all up on the street? 431 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,680 Yeah. Oxford was full, innit? 432 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,040 So what have your net profits been over the last three years? 433 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,520 I've been even at 200K. 434 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,120 But business isn't growing, though, 435 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:49,360 is it? You know, they say that 436 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:51,880 a business that isn't progressing is regressing. 437 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,200 That's the big mistake I made. 438 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,480 Yeah, I know that. I need to mix it up, man. 439 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,680 Can't you move into other markets? 440 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,040 I can't just pick and drop my 441 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,000 runners off in another part of Bristol. 442 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,960 That's where the problems start. 443 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,680 Well, you're definitely a natural. 444 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,840 You ever think about legitimate work? I think you'd go places. 445 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,240 HE SCOFFS 446 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,440 Is it safe? 447 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:34,560 What? 448 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,280 Is it safe? 449 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,120 Is what safe? 450 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:46,640 Special Agent Robert Stack, Federal Bureau of Investigation. 451 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:50,080 V funny, chap, but you're a bit old to be a strip-o-gram. 452 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,280 CHUCKLES: How much are the lads paying you? 453 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,680 Your name is Spencer Fitzwilliam. 454 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,120 You're a lawyer at Northcott Marling, correct? 455 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:00,840 What's this about? 456 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,720 On three, leave your wrap on the bench, 457 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,640 stand, and follow me. 458 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,600 One, two...three. 459 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,160 Can I see your badge again, mate? 460 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,160 We need to talk about the biggest co-ordinated response 461 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:18,840 to international money laundering in FBI history. 462 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,360 Money laundering? 463 00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:23,440 Keep your goddamn voice down. Come on, chap, is this a joke? 464 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,760 Joke? See that guy? That's my colleague, 465 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,120 Agent Jack Webb. 466 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:31,200 He spent two years travelling across four continents tracing corrupt 467 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:35,040 bankers and bogus accounts with ties to organised crime. 468 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,520 Agent Webb missed his own mother's funeral. 469 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,880 Ask Agent Webb if this is a joke. 470 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,480 What's this got to do with me? 471 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,560 Your firm has been compromised. Are you clean? 472 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,680 Am I what? Are you clean? 473 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:53,080 Yeah, yeah, I'm clean. Then why are you impeding our investigation? 474 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,600 I...I'm not. 475 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,120 We have the co-operation of an informant in your office. 476 00:27:57,120 --> 00:28:00,440 He's been collating paperwork as part of our evidence. 477 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,840 I believe that paperwork is now in your possession. 478 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,480 Greg? Greg's a mole for the FBI? 479 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,520 Keep your goddamn voice down. Never say that out loud again. 480 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,200 Who put you up to this? Was it Grunter? 481 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,120 Or Nadger? I bet it was Nadger, wasn't it? 482 00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:19,160 Sometime soon, law enforcement will be walking into your place of work 483 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,680 and marching people out in handcuffs! 484 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:27,280 Ask me again if I'm joking. 485 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:29,520 Where's the paperwork? 486 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,600 Yes, the... Do you speak English? 487 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,960 Yes...yes. Where's the paperwork? It's in my car. 488 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:35,920 Easy. Let's go. OK. 489 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,800 Rita, knock, knock. Greg. 490 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,040 I wonder if I can have a quick chat with you about 491 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,840 a hypothetical HR scenario? 492 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,160 Erm, I'm actually on my lunch hour at the moment, Greg. 493 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,760 I can come back. 494 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,560 No, it's fine, HR's always open. THEY LAUGH 495 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,600 OK, thank you, thank you. Come on in. 496 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,000 Erm... Do you mind just sitting down there, please, Greg? Cos it's 497 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,360 a bit - looming over me like a ghost. Yeah, sorry. 498 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:04,880 Just wondering if, hypothetically, a gentleman who works in 499 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,240 the office has had conversations with 500 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,440 a woman who also works in the office. 501 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,400 OK. Work conversations? 502 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,520 Sometimes work, you know, but other just general chit-chat. 503 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:15,880 About what? 504 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:19,360 The weather, rambling in the Peak District. 505 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,800 Roger Federer's thighs. Erm... 506 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,200 Where have these conversations taken place, please? 507 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,840 Different places. Erm, lift, 508 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,040 kitchen, sometimes at the woman's desk. 509 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:34,160 OK. Has the gentleman in question perched on 510 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,080 the lady's desk at any point? 511 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,600 There might've been a perch. 512 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,760 Mm-hm? Just hop up there for me a moment, would you, please? 513 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,600 Right. So you can see what's happening here? Hmm? 514 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,040 What's happening? What's the lady's having to look at when 515 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,720 the gentleman sits like that on her desk. 516 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,000 The gentleman's groin is at the lady's eye level. 517 00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:00,880 OK. Pop yourself back down, please, Greg. 518 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,080 This is ringing a lot of alarm bells. 519 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,680 Erm, is the gentleman superior to the lady? 520 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,400 No, he's got very low self-esteem. 521 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,600 No, I mean in job title or rank. 522 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,080 Well, I think he's marginally superior, I think. 523 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:15,320 Right. Yeah. That will put him in the red zone. 524 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,200 And what is a red zone? 525 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,360 The red zone is where HR would have to consider the man's position. 526 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:22,600 Oh, wow. Blimey. 527 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,400 Just to be totally clear, hypothetically, the man 528 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,640 couldn't make any kind of overture to the woman? 529 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,680 What, in the hope of a sexual relationship? 530 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,600 Yes, please. No, absolutely not, no. 531 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,680 So he couldn't, say, ask her out for a drink or anything? 532 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:38,240 No, definitely not. If this guy works here, 533 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,400 which it sounds like he does, whoever he may be, then he would 534 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:45,120 have read our company policy on sexual and romantic relationships. 535 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,880 What if he started reading that and he found it heavy going, 536 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,240 so instead, he watched some golfing bloopers on YouTube? 537 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,080 Well, then he won't know that even consensual relationships between 538 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:57,040 colleagues can lead to disciplinary action or dismissal. 539 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:58,520 Dismissal? 540 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:04,040 Hi, Greg, I'm grabbing a sandwich. Do you want one? No! 541 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,520 This is all of it? Yeah. 542 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,920 I assume I don't need to tell you that everything 543 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,040 I've said is confidential. 544 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,560 You don't even discuss it with Greg Dillard. 545 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,440 You've got them now, so come on, tell me, is this real, or what? 546 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,920 Stay in Greg Dillard's good books, though, 547 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,400 cos when the shit hits the fan 548 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,600 and he starts pointing fingers, 549 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:34,000 you don't want him pointing at you. 550 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,840 Now you need to call me a cab. 551 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:42,400 Yes, yeah, of course. Do you want an Uber XL or Lux? 552 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,920 Yeah, we'll go Lux. A bit nicer for you. 553 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,960 Seven minutes. 554 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,920 I ain't pleading guilty, bro. 555 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:55,240 Then you'll do twice the prison time. Listen, I got too 556 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,680 much stuff going on right now to be sitting in a prison cell. 557 00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,760 You violated your probation, you're going down, 558 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,440 there's nothing I can do about that. 559 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,680 What I can do is reduce the amount of time you do. 560 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,680 Tea? Can I make you one in a minute? 561 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:07,600 I'm just in the middle of something. 562 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,400 Sorry, I'm asking, would you like a cup of tea? 563 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,440 Yes, please. Pleasure, chap. Would you like one? 564 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,080 Got any ginseng? 565 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:19,680 All right, 566 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,040 so how long am I looking at if I plead not guilty? 567 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,120 A year, maybe two. But plead guilty, 568 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,120 I can get that down to a few months. A few months? 569 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:27,520 HE SCOFFS 570 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,160 What kind of waste man lawyer, are you? 571 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:34,640 Bad news, no ginseng. But I do have mint, 572 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:36,880 green, lapsang souchong, 573 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:40,560 oolong, or lemon ginger and manuka honey. 574 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,440 Surprise me. 575 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,080 Biscuit? Biscuit? 576 00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:46,240 I'll have a biscuit. 577 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:47,880 No, I'm good, bro. 578 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,840 One biscuit for Gregolas, my liege. 579 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,200 So what are you going to do? 580 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,920 SPAGHETTI WESTERN MUSIC 581 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,880 High-pockets, 582 00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,840 you were up shit creek but I found you a paddle. 583 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:22,000 You got it back? Thank you, thank you so much. 584 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,920 Comes with a few strings attached. I knew it would, I knew it would, 585 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,520 when you presented it like a quiz show. I'm not doing any more 586 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,360 money laundering, I told you that already. I can't handle another 587 00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:33,000 criminal conviction or another flaky crotch, so do your worst. 588 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,680 I'd rather take my chances. Fine! Here, take it. 589 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:41,520 But...say goodbye to Rani and Ben. 590 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,960 Why, you leaving early? Half day? 591 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,480 No, they're dead. You just killed them. 592 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:47,920 What are you talking about? 593 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:49,520 This gangster up in London, 594 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,000 we need to repay back all his dough and wash it, 595 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,600 or he's going to clip them and everybody they care about. 596 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,920 Clip them? Who's this gangster - Edward G Robinson? 597 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:02,200 We're behind the eight ball here. We need your help. Is he serious? 598 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,800 WHISPERS: Yeah. 599 00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,800 I thought the money was spent? We're going to earn it back. 600 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,640 How? Running Christian Taylor's operation while he's inside. 601 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,240 Jesus Christ! None of us want to be doing this. 602 00:34:12,240 --> 00:34:13,560 No. 603 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,880 We're in trouble, mate. Big trouble. 604 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,480 Good. OK. 605 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:37,440 All right, so his customer base is loyal, but it's small. 606 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,320 If we're going to make anywhere near the money we 607 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,520 need to make in the time we have, we need to find new markets, 608 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,840 new customers, and we need to do it quick. 609 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,000 How do we do that? Marketing. 610 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:51,120 Marketing? Yeah. We have to find people who would buy drugs, and we 611 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:54,200 need to let them know that we are here and we are open for business. 612 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,480 Oh, what, so we just put an advert in Yellow Pages, yeah? 613 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,720 "Class A drugs available". Oh, no, I tell you what, 614 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:02,840 let's put, "Class AAA," and then we'll go straight to the front. 615 00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:04,880 Obviously, we can't run adverts. 616 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,160 How do companies normally reach customers? 617 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,200 Direct marketing. But that involves mailing lists, 618 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,880 names, numbers, email addresses. 619 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:14,720 BJC must have a mailing list. 620 00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:17,760 No. No way are we targeting my people. 621 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,360 Well, you know, you leftie hypocrites, you're actually 622 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,080 the perfect kind of customer. 623 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,200 You won't touch palm oil because of deforestation 624 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:26,840 but you'll happily snort cocaine that's been up some poor 625 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:28,800 peasant's mimsy. 626 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,200 Firstly, there is no way I'm exploiting 40 years of trust in 627 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,840 the BJC, and secondly, "mimsy"? 628 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,880 So what other choice do we have? No-one wants to be doing this. 629 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,440 What about Gabby? 630 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,720 Surely everyone in her phone is a potential customer. 631 00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:45,720 What about her music festival? Isn't there a mailing list for that? 632 00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:48,560 I'm not bringing Gabby into this. You don't have to bring her into it, 633 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,520 you just have to get the details off her phone. 634 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:51,920 And you live with her, 635 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,560 so I'm sure that should be easy enough. 636 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,640 Well, what about you? You work in a nightclub! 637 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,440 I bet their mailing list is full of drug heads. No, no, my manager is 638 00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:01,280 proper paranoid. He keeps his office door locked, computer password 639 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:05,880 protected, there's no way I'd get in there. Find a way. 640 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,640 You get Gabby's mailing list. You get the BJC's. 641 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,680 How? It's on Claire's computer. 642 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,720 Figure it out. Who put you in charge? 643 00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:15,760 What are you going to contribute? 644 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:26,200 Students. Students, they love to party, don't they? 645 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,960 We have a major university right here in the city, 646 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:32,280 that is 20,000 potential buyers right there. 647 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,880 But none of us are students. No, but you look like you are. 648 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,240 MUSIC: Rapture by Blondie 649 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,840 Who do I speak to about volunteering? 650 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:25,760 You take every sausage 651 00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:27,880 the average person would eat in their lifetime, 652 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,840 put it together, it would actually reach to the moon. 653 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:34,000 You need to watch a documentary called Food, Inc - 654 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:37,400 you will never eat meat again. I won't go near the stuff, 655 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:38,680 it's the smoking of today. 656 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:41,640 Excuse me, are you organising the frat party? 657 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,600 That was my idea. You missed the early-bird wristbands, OK? 658 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:45,840 Tickets are now 35 a pop. 659 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,200 You'll get two free Jaegers 660 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:49,200 and entry to the wet T-shirt competition, where 661 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,080 the contestants...all men. 662 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:55,280 Erm, I was hoping I could volunteer? 663 00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,160 Yeah? You can...man a hose? 664 00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:01,080 No, with the organisation of the party. 665 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:04,400 Most freshers just want to get wasted. 666 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:08,720 Not me. I enjoy planning more than partying. 667 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:25,080 This is Greg, he works for Lady Gabriella Penrose-Howe. 668 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,760 She comes in here...a lot. 669 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,400 Well, milady's got great taste. 670 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,880 Not if she comes in here, she doesn't. 671 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,360 But she does have a great arse. I'll be sure to pass that on. 672 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,720 I don't know if you're aware that, aside from her arse, 673 00:38:36,720 --> 00:38:39,080 she's also got 1.2 million followers on social media. 674 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,760 I don't use the internet much, 675 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:43,880 except for sports results and wanking. 676 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:45,640 Well, it's good to have hobbies. 677 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,760 Can I suggest you give Her Ladyship a quick Google? 678 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,800 I think you'd be quite interested in what you find. 679 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:05,120 Is Lady Gabby single? Because my wife's just left me, OK? 680 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:09,160 I'm on the hunt and she is right up my street - classy. 681 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:12,040 Well, Lady Gabby's actually a member of the LGBT community. 682 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,600 What, she's a lezza? What a waste. 683 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,160 Yup. Or you'd have been in with a shot. 684 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,600 Not very ladylike, is she, Her Ladyship, 685 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:23,040 smashing up cars, keying cars. What's she got against cars? 686 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:24,920 Well, she's what we call "edgy". 687 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,840 Well, round here we'd call her a bitch. 688 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,720 Well, I'll be sure to pass that on. 689 00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:30,440 What's your proposition? 690 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,600 Well, what if Her Ladyship was to tell her 1.2 million 691 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,080 followers that she's going to make 692 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:37,920 a live personal performance in your club this evening? 693 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:41,000 To do what? Wave and stuff? 694 00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:44,640 How much? 695 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,920 Look after my Range like it's your own nut sack. 696 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:16,480 I see so much as 697 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,080 a crisp wrapper in the cup holder, it's peak for you. 698 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:24,160 Guard that line with your life, because it's worth way more. 699 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:28,520 You feel me? Yeah, I feel you. 700 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,560 Peoples say she destroyed the welfare state. 701 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,640 Public spending went up every year under Thatcher. 702 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:56,440 In '82 to '83, the Government was spending 48% of GDP. 703 00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,760 That's more than in any year under Tony Blair or Gordon Brown. 704 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:08,400 Thanks, Tom. Poor bloke, what's he - like, 60? 705 00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,000 If I wind up doing that when I'm his age, shoot me, yeah? 706 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,320 What's wrong with what he's doing? 707 00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,200 No, nothing. I just think that one can aspire to a little bit more than 708 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,880 collecting other people's crap all your life. Why? 709 00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,840 If all you did every day was mop latrines, 710 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:28,360 empty bins for minimum wage, why wouldn't you shoot yourself? 711 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,440 What are you studying? 712 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,680 I'm doing a PhD in Applied Microeconomics. 713 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,400 And what are you going to do when you finish? Write, teach, 714 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,200 I'd like to be an academic, like my father. 715 00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:42,920 Right, so you're going to spend five years studying Microeconomics, 716 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:47,920 then write some obscure academic textbook that half 717 00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,120 a dozen people will read, 718 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,000 and then spend your life teaching Microeconomics 719 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,480 so that other people can do the same thing, is that right? 720 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,920 You're saying academia's not a worthy pursuit? 721 00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:00,840 I'm saying that academia's masturbation in a corduroy jacket. 722 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:02,840 LAUGHTER 723 00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,240 What are you going to do with your life, then? 724 00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:07,120 I don't know. 725 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:08,640 SCOFFS: That's not an answer. 726 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,520 It's honest. I don't know. 727 00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:14,280 I just know I want to live, like, really live. 728 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,440 I get that. 729 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:22,040 I just got back from inter-railing. Never felt more alive. 730 00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:26,320 Laurence Chartney, by the way, Union President. 731 00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:29,680 Rani Rekowski. 732 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,240 Is there anything else I can help with? 733 00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:34,160 I'm actually really good at computers. 734 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,480 Oh, actually, yes. 735 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:42,200 One, two. Check, one, two. 736 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:45,640 Oh, let me take that for you, Your Ladyship. 737 00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:49,360 Feel free to leave anything you like in here, it's very secure. 738 00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:52,960 You could even get changed in here, if you like, that camera don't work. 739 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:57,720 When you chatted about us on your Twitter and whatnot, 740 00:42:57,720 --> 00:43:00,600 we sold over 80% of our tickets. 741 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,520 In one hour, this place will be 742 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:06,320 chock-a-block with over 2,000 people, all here to see you. 743 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:10,040 2,000? Yeah, all getting pissed up, hopefully. 744 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:11,080 And what do I have to do? 745 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,480 Just walk on the stage, wave and give away some T-shirts. 746 00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:18,120 On that stage? Yeah. 747 00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:20,760 Let's talk financials. 748 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,480 You weren't lying, nice work. 749 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,800 Next, could you consolidate this 750 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,280 into one super column for me? Uh-huh. 751 00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,840 You know, if there's something you need to, you know, get on with... 752 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:10,760 Hey, thanks for really giving it to me earlier, no holds barred. 753 00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,360 You know, there's a lot of smart people in this place 754 00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:15,680 but most of them struggle to keep up with me. But not you. 755 00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:18,720 Mm. So, namaste. 756 00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:20,520 WHISPERS: Namaste. 757 00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:22,000 Can I ask you a personal question? 758 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,960 Shut me down immediately if this is out of order, 759 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:28,600 but I would love to converse further. Can I get your deets? 760 00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:32,480 My deets? It's short for details. 761 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:33,840 Not by much. 762 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:37,680 What do you say? Yeah, OK, sure. 763 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:41,480 Great. So what are you studying here, by the way? 764 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,080 Erm, Mathematics and Physics. 765 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,200 Yeah? I did Maths as my undergrad. 766 00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:49,520 Really? Did you? That's great. 767 00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:50,720 How are you finding it so far? 768 00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:55,520 Professor Sturridge is a bit of a hard arse, right? 769 00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,080 Is he? I hadn't noticed. SHE is. 770 00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:59,760 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 771 00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:01,440 Sorry, she seems kind of blokeish to me. 772 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,080 HE LAUGHS 773 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,080 Mm. 774 00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,120 We're going to head to the bar for some drinks 775 00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,120 and I think you should join. 776 00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:14,280 Yeah, I just really want to break the back of this, 777 00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:17,040 but then I'll be straight down. That's a great work ethic. 778 00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:19,160 Mm. Whatever it is you choose to do in life... 779 00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,840 WHISPERS: ..I can tell you're going to crush it. 780 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,840 I'll see you down there. 781 00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:41,120 WHISPERS: Mailing list, come on. 782 00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:42,600 PHONE BUZZES 783 00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,160 Well, there isn't that much time... 784 00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:50,040 What is it? 785 00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,240 WHISPERS: John, I'm at the you-know-where, 786 00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:54,720 trying to get the you-know-what off of Claire's computer. 787 00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:57,440 Lovely. Why are you calling me? Because I don't use computers. 788 00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:00,800 I've just literally spent the last 45 minutes trying 789 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:03,680 to turn the damn thing on! Where's the mailing list? 790 00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,440 How can I possibly know that? 791 00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,520 Well, you use computers, don't you? 792 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,920 Yeah, I have. Not that exact one. 793 00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:14,280 What's on the screen? A waterfall. 794 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:17,000 OK, are there folders with the waterfall? Folders? 795 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,680 Yeah, the little icons that look like folders. 796 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:23,080 No, there are no folders, I just told you, it's just a waterfall. 797 00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:27,160 Then you're looking at a screensaver. A what? 798 00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:33,080 DJ: Ladies and gentlemen, Lady Gabriella Penrose-Howe! 799 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:36,560 THEY CHEER She's on, what's she waiting for? 800 00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:39,440 She's just getting in the zone. Give her a second. 801 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:43,120 Do you know what a mouse is? Yes, Yes, I know what a mouse is. 802 00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:44,320 Jiggle it! 803 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:49,400 Ooh! Right. Yes. Now, that's done something. 804 00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,640 So now the screen is purple and grey 805 00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:54,680 and there are lots of little folders. 806 00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:57,400 Now what? 807 00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:05,040 Look for one that says "mailing list" - or something like that. 808 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:08,480 WHISPERS: My pork chop is getting cold, by the way. 809 00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,640 "Mail out". Right, 810 00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:12,920 there's one called "mail out". Could that be it? 811 00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:14,960 Could be. Now what? 812 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:16,720 Now drag and drop it onto your USB. 813 00:47:16,720 --> 00:47:21,040 THEY JEER 814 00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,800 Are you ready? I can't do it. 815 00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,960 Yeah, you can. He's paying you 1,500 quid. 816 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:29,120 Per club. And he's got five clubs. That's seven-and-a-half grand. 817 00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:31,280 Almost pays off your bar tab. 818 00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,040 What does drag and drop mean? 819 00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,800 Christ! My mother-in-law can drag and drop, she's 92 and blind. 820 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:37,360 Just put the arrow over the folder. 821 00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:41,960 Put the arrow, put the arrow... How do I do that? 822 00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:45,560 With the mouse! Put the arrow over the folder with the mouse! 823 00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,720 Do not fucking shout at me. 824 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:54,480 Hi, Imran. Hi. 825 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,600 This may be nothing, 826 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,480 but this new fresher's just volunteered at the student union 827 00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:02,120 and something smells a bit off about her. 828 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,760 Do you mind just searching to see if she's actually 829 00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:07,680 a student here? Her name is Rani Rekowski. 830 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:13,200 Oh, damn! I left my phone in my coat in your office. 831 00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,160 No, it's cool. I'll go. 832 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:17,840 Oh, cheers. 833 00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:31,680 The arrow is now over the folder. Now what? 834 00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:35,240 Now press and hold the button on the mouse. 835 00:48:35,240 --> 00:48:36,920 Right. 836 00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:49,680 B-I-G. 837 00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:52,760 "Big jugs," got it. 838 00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,440 Come on. 839 00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,360 COMPUTER BEEPS 840 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:10,560 Yes. 841 00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:14,080 Without releasing the button, drag it into your USB. 842 00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,600 What is a USB? What's a US...? 843 00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:23,000 There's no trace of her...anywhere. 844 00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:26,640 Will you come with me while I have a little conflab with her? 845 00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:28,280 Come on! 846 00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:31,480 How many eggs do you have a week? 847 00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,200 It's frozen. Come on. Come on. 848 00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:38,240 Six, seven, exactly, this is the problem. 849 00:49:38,240 --> 00:49:40,440 Stay where you are, I'm coming over. 850 00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:42,680 WHISPERS: OK. Good. 851 00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:44,120 Oh! 852 00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:47,600 Watch this documentary, you'll never eat meat again. 853 00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,760 Come on. OK. 854 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,920 Can I get a triple vodka with tonic, please? 855 00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,440 In fact, just hold the tonic. 856 00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:24,360 Of course, I'll stick it on your tab. 857 00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:26,360 Is that wise? No drink or drugs, remember? 858 00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:28,440 I need it. No, you don't. 859 00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:30,440 I can't go out there sober. I don't sing, 860 00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,160 I don't dance, I don't act, 861 00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:34,240 I don't do anything, I'm like an appendix! 862 00:50:34,240 --> 00:50:35,640 It doesn't matter. 863 00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:39,640 They just want to stare at you and take pictures, like an accident 864 00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,440 on the motorway. Really? Yeah. Just think of yourself as a family of 865 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,800 four who have had a head-on collision with an 18-wheeler. 866 00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:47,640 Yeah, good. This is this is making me feel better. Keep talking. 867 00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:49,280 They've cut out Mum and the kids, 868 00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,240 but it doesn't look like Dad's going to make it. 869 00:50:51,240 --> 00:50:54,240 JEERING AND SLOW HANDCLAPS 870 00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:07,320 CHEERING 871 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:41,760 What's up, darlings? 872 00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:43,760 THEY CHEER 873 00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,560 How are we all tonight? 874 00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:50,160 Who wants some free shit? 875 00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:52,320 THEY CHEER 876 00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:55,160 You can shout a bit louder, who wants some free shit? 877 00:52:41,240 --> 00:52:44,400 It's going to take hours to text all the numbers we've got. 878 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:47,440 No, it won't. We can automate and SMS mailout from this laptop. 879 00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:48,760 I did a quick Google search 880 00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:51,040 and found some open-source robot-text software. 881 00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:52,160 What did she just say? 882 00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:54,040 So what's our message going to be? 883 00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:56,400 "Oh, hi there, we've got some lovely cocaine for sale"? 884 00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:58,920 We need code words. What about "grown-up sweeties"? 885 00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,200 Well, that just sounds paedo-y, doesn't it? 886 00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:03,000 We need a euphemism that appeals 887 00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:07,160 to middle-class users who get the cocaine out at dinner parties. 888 00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:08,760 Colombian After Eights? 889 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:11,200 Throw in the words "Fairtrade" and "organic". No can do. 890 00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,800 If you call a product organic when it hasn't been certified by 891 00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:16,040 an official body, you're actually breaking the law. 892 00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:18,760 Oh? Right, cos we don't want our cocaine breaking the law. 893 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,720 This is never going to work. What, 894 00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:23,600 we're just going to send out spam and hope that someone replies? 895 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:27,320 Listen, flyers, cold-calling, you're looking at a 2-3% success rate. 896 00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:28,880 What about referrals? 897 00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:30,280 40-50%. 898 00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:33,560 OK, so we just need a few bites to get word-of-mouth going. 899 00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:35,880 And what if we accidentally message a policeman? 900 00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:38,240 Well, no policeman's making extra work for themselves 901 00:53:38,240 --> 00:53:39,800 by chasing down an anonymous text. 902 00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,680 Well, what if we accidentally message 903 00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:43,840 a do-gooder who then notifies a policeman? 904 00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:44,880 Myrns, do you notify 905 00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:48,800 a policeman every time you get spam email from some Nigerian prince? 906 00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:50,400 Don't... 907 00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:52,640 And we're using burner phones, so they won't be able 908 00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:54,120 to trace them back to us. 909 00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:56,720 Coffee. I'd love a coffee, mate, thanks. 910 00:53:56,720 --> 00:53:59,760 No, as our code words. "Flat white" for coke, 911 00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,280 "espresso" for crack. 912 00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:05,400 "Single shot, double shot - how many bags you want?" 913 00:54:07,240 --> 00:54:10,720 Sounds good. Yeah, it's good. It's a good idea, yeah. 914 00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:24,360 Godspeed. 915 00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:51,320 Shall we order some actual coffees? Yeah, good shout. 916 00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:53,640 PHONE RINGS 917 00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:55,680 Oh, shit the bed! 918 00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:58,000 RINGING CONTINUES 919 00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:05,440 What's your need? 920 00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:09,800 This message, is it what I think it is? It is. 921 00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:11,400 How do I know you're not police? 922 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,800 Well, unless you're planning on buying a couple of kilos, 923 00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:15,880 the police aren't interested in you. 924 00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:19,040 Fair enough. Two flat whites and a double espresso, please. 925 00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:21,960 Where are you at? 926 00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:23,720 Makepeace Avenue. 927 00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:26,360 Someone will be along shortly. Tell your friends. 928 00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:29,400 OK. Bye. Oh. 929 00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:35,480 Yes! 930 00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:49,240 PHONE RINGS 931 00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:55,520 Hello? Yeah, what do you want? 932 00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,600 Where are you at? 933 00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,560 What coffees do you require? 934 00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:07,320 VOICES ECHO, DOORS SLAM 935 00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:17,800 PHONE RINGS 936 00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:17,800 Where are you? 937 00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:20,040 Where are you at? Where are you? Where are you? 938 00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:24,400 What are you wearing? I don't mean that in a sexy way, 939 00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:26,840 I just mean what you're wearing, so we can identify you. 940 00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:28,800 OK, one second. I'll be with you in a second. 941 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:31,440 PHONE RINGS 942 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:31,440 OK, great. 943 00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:34,880 It gets you buzzed up. 944 00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:37,920 Spread the word, OK?