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00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:02,877
[Mabel Mora] They wanna make
a movie of our podcast?
2
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:03,962
Paramount?
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00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:05,839
[Charles-Haden Savage]
They wanna fly us all out to LA
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00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,048
for some meeting next week.
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00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:09,300
- [Mabel] I'm Eva Longoria.
- [Charles] I'm Eugene Levy?
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- [Oliver Putnam] I'm--
- [Bev Melon] Oliver, this is Zach Galifi--
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Oh, yes! Zach Galifragilistic.
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I'm out. I'm done.
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Are we sure that the killer was
after Ben, and not you, Charles?
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[chuckles] What?
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I've been gettin' some vibes.
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I also have my ham radio,
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and there's chatter of people
wishing it was you instead of Ben.
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[Charles] It's been a week,
and Sazz's Bulgarian left shoulder
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00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,780
and knee are still in that incinerator.
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- [clothes rustle]
- Hello, Charles.
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[wheezing screams]
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I broke out
because I'm worried about Sazz.
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She said she thought
someone had eyes on you.
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[Charles] She was looking
into someone who lives here?
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[Jan Bellows] She said she thought there
might be another murderer in the building.
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[Charles]
The Westies.
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[Mabel] We've met everybody
except for Christmas Guy
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and whoever's in that place
with the lockbox on it?
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- Oh, um, that's the Dudenoff place.
- [kicks leg]
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- Dudenoff?
- [beeping, clicks]
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Oh, goody. It works.
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♪
29
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This must be the sniper's nest.
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- A ham radio.
- Is this tinsel?
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Oliver! He's so cute.
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- Oh! The pig's loose!
- [squealing]
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We worked together almost 40 years.
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We'd come to the most
dangerous part of the scene.
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Did she write a message with her blood?
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And then Sazz would say...
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- Tap in.
- ..."Tap in."
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[Mabel]
Charles, do you know what that means?
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Yes. I do.
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[♪ jaunty string music playing]
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[Zach Galifianakis] I once had
an acting teacher who said,
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"Finding your character is a lot
like a detective finding a killer."
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His thinking went
you build this character piece by piece.
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What are their physical qualities?
45
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,568
Their skills or special talents?
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Their motivations?
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♪
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You keep doing that,
asking and answering a million questions,
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until there's only one person
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in the whole world
who fits that description.
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[♪ slow dramatic music playing]
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Your character.
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00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,313
Anyway, that's obviously bullshit.
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As a proud Greek man,
presumably descended from Thespis himself,
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00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,695
trust me when I say
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acting is easy.
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[pounding on door]
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Close the door.
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Alright, so I'm gonna
say this really quick
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'cause I'm not supposed to be here.
It's not even public yet.
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And I really need you guys to know
that at the end of the day--
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Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Detective, are you helping us right now?
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Come on, cut that shit out!
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Just stay focused.
I'm trying to talk to you.
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Do you like us? She totally likes us.
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If she ever did, she doesn't now.
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00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,349
Thank you, Mora.
The feds are now on the case.
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00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:06,394
They don't want me involved, that's fine.
But the least I can do
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00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,813
is feed you idiots
some useful information. So--
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- She likes us.
- She totally likes us.
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00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,192
Can I just talk, please?
72
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I wanna do a little cop
monologue right now, okay?
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Let's all just pretend
we're on Law & Order,
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and I'm Olivia Benson.
Can I have my moment?
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- Yes, absolutely.
- Of course. Or Aristotle Brazzos.
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I-- I don't-- I don't know what that is.
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- [Oliver snickers]
- So,
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the feds think that Jan
has something to do with this.
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00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:31,711
Now, of course, she hadn't escaped yet,
but they're thinking she hired someone,
80
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,088
and they're suspecting
that she's gone to Florida
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00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:36,883
because there's a shit ton of
orchestras and sex toy shops.
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The shooter, very good.
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A single .300 Win Mag casing was found
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in the West Tower in apartment 14F,
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belonging to a tenant
by the name of M. Dudenoff,
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00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,061
retired professor,
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who the neighbors are conveniently saying
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he's not in town. He's in Portugal.
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00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,483
Well, that's suspicious.
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Exactly. That's what I said, Mora.
That's really fucking suspicious
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00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,614
'cause who in the absolute fuck
would wanna go to Portugal
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when you got Spain? Right?
93
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,284
I digress.
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00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:05,912
Neighbors are busy playing card games
when they hear the gunshot,
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00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:09,082
except for one tenant.
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00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,959
Rudy Thurber.
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He's like some
Christmas freak or something.
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You know the types who are like,
"Oh, my God,
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it's 364 sleeps until Christmas."
That kinda guy.
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What is key to note,
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Sazz's phone has been turned off,
102
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but we are reviewing
the CCTV in that area.
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Alright, that's my whole thing. So now,
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please feel free to ask
what other questions you have.
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You really don't know Aristotle Brazzos?
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I just did all of that,
and that's all you got?
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Well, i-it doesn't matter.
The feds-- feds have it wrong.
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Jan didn't kill Sazz.
You have to trust me on that.
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I do. I just...
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I don't know if Sazz was the target.
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[♪ soft dramatic music playing]
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W-Well, be honest.
Do you think someone over there
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could hate me enough to try and kill me?
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Don't make her answer that.
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00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:57,797
Look, if this is the part
where you tell us not to investigate,
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you're wasting your time.
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Yeah, I know.
After three seasons, I got that.
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00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:05,471
Well, even if I was the target,
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00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:08,391
I still have to solve this for Sazz.
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I'm tapping in.
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[Detective Donna Williams]
What are you even talking about?
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This is serious shit here now! Focus--
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Oh, my God!
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[Eugene Levy]
Well...
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I guess this sends the investigation
into a...
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00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,697
whole new direction.
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That's Aristotle Brazzos. From Brazzos.
The show I was on.
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[♪ lively theme song playing]
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[♪ vocalizing]
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[♪ theme song fades out]
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[♪ curious music playing]
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Well, hello, Hollywood A-listers!
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What are you doing here?
I promise I won't leak it to the trades.
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We celebrities value our privacy.
135
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,393
{\an8}The Brothers Sisters thought it'd be
a good idea if we followed you for a day.
136
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,144
{\an8}You know, do a character study.
137
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,230
{\an8}I did the same thing on Boss Baby 2.
138
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,315
{\an8}I shadowed a baby. Yeah.
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00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,900
{\an8}And we still text every day.
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Oh, I love it.
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00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:45,321
{\an8}Zach! You want to come learn
more about Oliver Putnam?
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00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,948
{\an8}Study at the foot of the master?
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00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,867
{\an8}That's right. So much to learn.
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00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:53,454
{\an8}Definitely didn't take this job
just thinking it would be easy money.
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00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:56,332
{\an8}Now, personally,
I was pushing for one more day,
146
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:59,085
{\an8}just a little more time
to take a deep dive
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00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,754
{\an8}into this complex man.
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00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,549
{\an8}Eugene, you realize
you're playing Charles, right?
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00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,384
[Eva Longoria]
Hey, twin.
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00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,428
[laughs] I've been practicing my Mabel.
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00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,597
{\an8}Uh, look, n-now's not a good time.
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00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,974
{\an8}There's been another murder.
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00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,726
{\an8}[gasps] Yay! Oh!
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{\an8}Forget the character study.
We're gonna solve a murder today?
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{\an8}- Oh, I'm gonna get us some snacks.
- [Mabel] Not you.
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{\an8}[sighs]
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{\an8}Galifianakis?
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That scrumptious fuckable baklava
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00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:28,448
is portraying you in a movie?
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00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,242
Oh no, that is all wrong.
That's so messed up!
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00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:34,996
I didn't realize you were on
a Mediterranean diet, Detective.
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- Would you like me to make an intro?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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I'm not ready, I'm not ready. But,
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if anything happens to
that delicious little man,
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I'll kill you myself.
166
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,381
- [Oliver whimpers]
- Don't fuck with my sex pass.
167
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Obviously, the actors can't stay.
168
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,677
No! This is a murder investigation,
169
00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:52,805
not some acting exercise for Eva Longoria.
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00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:56,058
- Charles is still in danger.
- Yeah, bu-- just hear me out.
171
00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:58,936
You get one shot at a biopic.
172
00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:01,939
Maybe two if you're someone special
like Marilyn Monroe
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00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,399
or Jeffrey Dahmer,
174
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:06,944
and the first 24 hours of character study
are the most crucial.
175
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:10,823
I need Zach Galifianakis to fall in love
with his character today.
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00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,116
- [coughs]
- [nuts clatter]
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00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,453
Okay, well you've been outvoted.
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00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,788
Charles, you get it.
You were an actor once.
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00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:20,333
Don't you want Eugene Levy
to learn the real you?
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00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,085
Me? The unlikeable guy
that everyone wants to kill?
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00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:25,379
No, thanks.
And my ego isn't so delicate
182
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that I need random validation
183
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,967
from a... Emmy award-winning actor.
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[Eugene]
Charles?
185
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,429
The History of Wood?
186
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,890
Looks and brains?
187
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,976
Eugene, you have big shoes to fill.
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00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:41,979
- [♪ gentle music playing]
- You know,
189
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:45,566
- maybe the actors could be helpful.
- [laughs] Yes!
190
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:47,985
What?
191
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:49,570
♪
192
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:52,657
- [blinds rattle]
- [people chattering down below]
193
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,785
[Eva]
We stare at boxes,
194
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,664
wondering what it must feel like
to have an apartment of our own.
195
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,792
A feeling of permanence
for once in our life.
196
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,835
What? No.
197
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:06,504
- And stop saying "we."
- [Eva] Hmm.
198
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,214
That's where the shot was fired,
199
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,883
and anyone on that floor could've used
the code to get in.
200
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,593
[slurping]
Mm...
201
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,429
I'm sorry, are you drinking
at 10 in the morning?
202
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,098
Yeah, I'm getting into character.
203
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,016
I don't drink at 10 in the morning.
204
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:21,018
No, my Mabel does.
205
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,521
- She's a tableau of vices.
- [Charles] Alright.
206
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,816
Williams said the bullet was
a Winchester .300 Magnum.
207
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:30,861
Developed in the '60s, it remains the most
popular cartridge among hunters.
208
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,697
I learned that on Brazzos.
209
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,491
I know, I know. Episode 403,
210
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,285
A Lady and Her Luger.
211
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,288
So, our killer is a hunter.
212
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,081
[record button beeps]
213
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,959
Little did they know that the hunter
214
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:48,087
was about to become the hunted.
215
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,465
- Zach, are you getting this?
- [Zach] Oh yeah.
216
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,342
Say a hacky joke every couple of minutes,
217
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,970
- something, something, Zsa Zsa Gabor.
- [awkward laugh]
218
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:59,640
- Lotta nuance.
- Y-You certainly have my wit.
219
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,686
How could anyone hate this American icon
enough to wanna try and kill him?
220
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,354
It boggles the mind.
221
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,940
Oh, it's really quite simple.
If you ever saw him consume
222
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,693
a plate of peel-and-eat shrimp,
you'd get it.
223
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,447
[Charles] A bullet that size
would have a bit of kick.
224
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,908
So, is that eye patch covering
antibiotic-resistant pink eye
225
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:21,871
- or a bruise from the recoil of a gun?
- [♪ jaunty music playing]
226
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,373
Okay, well, I've heard enough. [laughs]
227
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,834
We have our killer!
228
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,962
My Mabel's confident.
229
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:33,716
Okay, uh, please don't ever
touch my murder board.
230
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,595
We met Vince. There's no way
he's strong enough to carry Sazz's body.
231
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,388
Rudy Thurber, on the other hand,
232
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:42,350
"Christmas All the Time Guy,"
he's pretty jacked.
233
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,727
- Mm-hmm, I've heard enough.
- [puts glass down]
234
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:47,772
We have our killer.
235
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,982
My Mabel can admit when she's wrong.
236
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:53,361
Charles, does this man
have any reason to hate you?
237
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,528
No!
238
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,697
Well, maybe the Christmas tree thing.
239
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,410
I got everyone to sign a petition
banning real Christmas trees.
240
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,871
- [Oliver sighs]
- They're a fire hazard.
241
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,289
They are that.
242
00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:07,208
But who would kill someone
over something like that?
243
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,294
Someone whose whole
identity is loving Christmas.
244
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:12,546
Okay, but he was out of town
the night Sazz was killed.
245
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:15,132
Or was he? We found this
246
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,926
by the window at Dudenoff's.
247
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,428
It kind of looks like Christmas tinsel.
248
00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:22,014
That could place Rudy here
that night after all.
249
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,600
Yes! Yes.
250
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,812
- Killer!
- Again with the touching.
251
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,399
"Ooh! Looks like Rudy the Red Hot Reindeer
has been caught red-handed!"
252
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,025
Something, something, Bea Arthur.
253
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,443
[weak laugh]
254
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,278
I still vote Vince Fish.
255
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,699
[texting]
256
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,327
Why choose? We can divide and conquer.
257
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,705
Uh, you and Eugene go and see Vince,
258
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,499
and Mabel and Eva visit Rudy.
259
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,626
Alright! I'm gonna go fire my agent
and visit my kids.
260
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,920
- Thanks, everybody!
- [Oliver] No! I mean...
261
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:57,508
No. Y-You and I have something
very important to do back at my apartment.
262
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:58,676
Um...
263
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,847
Uh, monitor this ham radio
that we got from Dudenoff's.
264
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,182
And...
265
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:08,436
should you fall in love with me
because of my relentless charm assault,
266
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:11,981
then that's okay, too. Let's...
267
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:15,568
[♪ "Botany Bay" on concertina playing]
268
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,028
[♪ dissonant concertina playing along]
269
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:23,075
[Charles] Pink eye?
Or the bruise from the recoil of a gun?
270
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,995
How to get an eye patch off?
271
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,331
How to get an eye patch off?
272
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,209
I got it.
273
00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:33,794
- [♪ concertina blares, stops]
- I got it.
274
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,882
You ask for a glass of water.
I tell a great joke.
275
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,634
You do a spit take.
You spray water all over his face.
276
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:42,553
And then, when he's--
when he's drying his face,
277
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,264
he's forced to remove the eye patch.
278
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,185
That's one of the stupidest things
I've ever come out with.
279
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,729
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Charles. I'm...
280
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,773
still a little nervous.
281
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,191
I'm nervous playing you.
282
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,860
- I get it. It's a challenge.
- [Eugene] 'Cause, you know,
283
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,488
I've only played the dullest pencils
in the drawer
284
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:04,074
'cause I thought they were the funniest,
but you're not funny.
285
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,952
I mean, yeah, you do have
a dull pencil quality about you,
286
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,413
but what you did with Brazzos...
287
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:13,167
I mean, you know, th-th-the fearlessness,
the complexity.
288
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,669
I used to say to myself,
"Am I watching a TV show,
289
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:19,173
or am I watching a doctorate-level
physics class?" [laughs]
290
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,717
[laughing] Oh, stop!
291
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,511
Unless you had more to say.
292
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,304
No, I think that was it.
293
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,765
I'm nervous, you're fearless...
294
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,350
No, that was it.
295
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,978
- [♪ concertina squeaks]
- [♪ upbeat music playing]
296
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,563
I got it.
297
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,358
I know how to get that eye patch off.
298
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,654
[Eva] Hey, slow down, slow down!
What's the plan?
299
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,947
How do we approach Rudy?
300
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:46,283
What do we do, tackle him?
Accuse him? Watch him squirm?
301
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,327
I'd like to stay away
from sexual manipulation.
302
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,913
I mean, I'm not closed off to it
because I'm good at it. But...
303
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:54,875
Okay, "Mabel." I think there's
been a misunderstanding here.
304
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,503
Oh, hey, are we attached to "Mabel"?
305
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,296
- I'd say so.
- [Eva sighs]
306
00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:02,591
It's just such an old person name,
[scoffs] which we are not.
307
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:05,803
So, I think we can do better.
What about, um...
308
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,722
[gasps] Mabél?
309
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:11,767
[laughing] Yes. Yes!
It's giving elusive.
310
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,186
It's giving mysterious. It's giving,
311
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,355
"Where are you from, and can I go there?"
312
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,607
Bayport, Long Island, and no.
313
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:23,028
Oliver and I found this tinsel
in the sniper's nest.
314
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,781
So I need to go to Rudy's
and see if it matches
315
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:28,242
any of the tinsel there
without tipping him off.
316
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,829
What? We're just gonna go snoop
on the Christmas freak? Ugh!
317
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:34,999
God, we are young women of action.
318
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:37,877
I say we go there
and press his Christmas buttons
319
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,920
and provoke him until he confesses.
320
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,964
Or... he could kill us because,
321
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:44,550
I don't know, he might be a killer.
322
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,594
Do you wanna know about Mabel?
323
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,970
[Eva]
Mm.
324
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,889
Mabel works alone.
325
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,266
Fine.
326
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,227
Mabél doesn't stay where she's not wanted.
327
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:59,356
- It's Mabel!
- [♪ soft jaunty music playing]
328
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,191
[mouthing]
What?
329
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,364
[rumbling]
330
00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:09,241
Zach?
331
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:12,536
Um, I feel we got off
on the wrong foot.
332
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,914
- Can we start over?
- Yeah.
333
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,292
[sighs] My ass is looking good...
Look at that.
334
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,253
I see you've mastered my morning mantra.
335
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,923
We Putnams are known for our dump trucks.
336
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,967
No wonder they cast you. [laughs]
337
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:31,013
So, what I like to do
is work from the outside in.
338
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:34,433
What would the character wear?
How do their clothes make you feel?
339
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,435
I'm more of an inside-out guy.
340
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,146
I read the inside of the script,
341
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:41,649
and then I say the words
outside of my mouth.
342
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:42,858
Ah.
343
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:44,902
- I see. Yeah.
- Pretty easy.
344
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,946
Weren't we supposed to be doing something
with a ham radio?
345
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,114
- [door opens]
- Oh, no, any idiot can do that.
346
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,783
[Howard Morris]
Hello?
347
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,785
[pig grunting]
348
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,787
My ears are burning.
349
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:56,372
Huh.
350
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,207
So you're who they cast.
351
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,833
Well, I can see why. I mean,
352
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,086
where else would they have
found bearded comic relief?
353
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:05,881
[nervous laugh] Jealousy and yellow
are not good colors on you.
354
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:07,257
Also, the pig?
355
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,134
Was found wandering the halls,
very depressed.
356
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,470
But, we're gonna cheer you up
and have a great day.
357
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,472
Isn't that right, Natalie Porkman?
358
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:16,100
I'm guessing names
and waiting for a reaction.
359
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,601
George Swinebrenner.
360
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,770
She's obviously a she, funny man.
361
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,188
Gloria Swineham then.
362
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,148
[muted sarcastic laugh]
363
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,609
Howard, uh, monitor this ham radio.
364
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:27,736
I-I need to get Zach into character.
365
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,363
Seriously, Oliver,
I think w-we're done here.
366
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,865
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pop quiz, hotshot.
367
00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:33,534
Uh, you're Oliver Putnam.
368
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,744
You're six Cosmos deep at Joe Allen
369
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:37,746
when Frank Rich picks a fight.
370
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,040
Who is the definitive Mrs. Lovett,
371
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,584
Lansbury or LuPone?
372
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,879
- LuPone?
- [overlapping aghast chatter]
373
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:48,382
[Howard]
Go. Just go. This guy needs a lot of work.
374
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:52,094
[♪ soft whimsical music playing]
375
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,980
[♪ music fades out]
376
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,316
[sighs]
377
00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:11,238
[♪ Christmas music
playing inside apartment]
378
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:12,865
Ugh. What are you doing here?
379
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,533
What are you doing here?
380
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,160
Solving a murder.
381
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,953
Mabél works alone, remember?
382
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:21,498
Who's there? Ooh!
Do we have company, Eva?
383
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,083
[Eva]
I guess.
384
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:30,632
Oh, hello.
385
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:33,594
What's this?
386
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:37,389
Well, I was just bringing around
comedy legend, uh, Eugene Levy,
387
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,808
to help everyone cope
with the recent murders in the building.
388
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:42,728
You know, maybe bring a few smiles.
389
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:46,899
- And what's with the eye patches?
- Thanks for asking.
390
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,068
It just, uh, it turns out
that Eugene and I
391
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,945
both simultaneously, uh,
developed this, uh,
392
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,740
pesky, uh, conjunctivitis, and, uh--
393
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:58,327
But thankfully, uh, we have this--
these new amazing drops.
394
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,537
And we were thinking that if your patch
395
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:04,124
is covering the same thing,
you know, pesky conjunctivitis,
396
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:07,086
y-you may wanna remove it,
uh, right here, and--
397
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,838
That's right, and I would be
happy to share my drops.
398
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:12,674
Y-You know what? I'll pass, okay?
399
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:16,011
I-I-I tried every drop
on the market. Here--
400
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:19,515
W-Wait! Wait! Uh, wait,
I get it. I get it. You've tried...
401
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,266
everything [laughs] on the market,
402
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,894
but you will change your tune
403
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,355
when you--
when you hear my friend's tale.
404
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,524
My tale?
405
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,943
Mm-hmm. The tale you told me last week
406
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,529
- at, uh, at the Improv.
- Oh.
407
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,573
Oh, y-yes, and--
Uh, well, my tale is simple.
408
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:39,326
Uh, my,
my cousin is an ophthalmologist.
409
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:42,037
Dr. Savage. Salazar Savage.
410
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,497
Yes, and,
411
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:47,000
uh, his, u-uh, father, m-my uncle,
412
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,586
uh, he went to Paraguay
413
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:51,213
as a missionary in the '40s
414
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,590
to... help... convert...
415
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,801
the indigenous...
416
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,220
Montaguayo people
417
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,723
- and raise his only son.
- Again, th-the genius,
418
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:05,519
but criminally obscure Dr. Salazar Savage.
419
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,020
Yes, and--
420
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,982
- I-I'm sorry. Where is this going?
- I'll tell you where this is going!
421
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,443
My cousin developed
a cutting-edge pink eye treatment
422
00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:16,321
from the native, uh, lava cactus--
423
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,490
Which is not available here
424
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,243
due to some trivial FDA regulations,
425
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,454
and I will not go into detail about that.
426
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:25,831
Yeah, anyway, the point is--
427
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,709
Oh, thank God, yes! The point being...
428
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,795
The point is I was
recently sent a bottle
429
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,714
of this amazing stuff,
430
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:36,425
uh, from Asunción.
431
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:40,345
Which is the actual capital of Paraguay.
432
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:44,391
Alright, fine, fine, fine.
I'll-- Yeah, I-I-I'll try it. Uh--
433
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,351
S-So what you do is-- [stammering]
434
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:50,314
Is you just, uh, pull down your eye patch,
and you put in, uh, 16 drops.
435
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,274
I think I know how to use an eye dropper.
436
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,984
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
437
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,111
No, no, you really wanna do it here
because...
438
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:58,113
we want to video it,
439
00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:01,867
so we can send the tape to Dr. Salavar?
440
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:02,993
- Dr. Savage.
- Savage.
441
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,578
I'll be right back.
442
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:14,922
- [train whistling]
- [♪ "Silent Night" playing]
443
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,466
Ho ho ho! Here we go!
444
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:20,177
Two protein eggnogs! Yummy!
445
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:22,971
It's my personal recipe, patent pending.
446
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:25,599
Actually, Eva, I'm something
of a mogul myself.
447
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,018
- Mm.
- [Mabel] Mm.
448
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,395
- That's thick.
- Oh, thank you!
449
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,564
The secret: more egg than nog.
450
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,024
And ground deer hoof.
451
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:39,821
So, I-I'm sorry to barge in
on you like this.
452
00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:43,158
I'm not sure what Eva Longoria
has told you, but--
453
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,868
Oh, I told him
we're investigating the murder.
454
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:47,871
- Of course you did.
- And that we're looking for clues.
455
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,166
We're gonna have answers
by the end of day. [crunches]
456
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,960
Unrelated. Rudy, uh,
457
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,420
your home is... so cozy.
458
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,756
I love Christmas decorations.
459
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:01,009
But I-I have to say, you, uh,
you're missing my favorite.
460
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,595
What's that? Advent calendar?
461
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:07,057
I have five. Nutcrackers?
I got a whole family.
462
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:09,851
12-foot-tall snowman?
I had to put him in my room.
463
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,561
People were put off by the scale
464
00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:13,313
and anatomical correctness.
465
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:15,190
Oh, that makes sense.
466
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:18,360
No, I meant tinsel.
Do you have any of that?
467
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,446
- [♪ radio starts playing]
- ♪ Standing tall ♪
468
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:24,324
[Mabel]
Is that the Perfect Strangers theme?
469
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:25,659
Is that a ham radio?
470
00:21:25,659 --> 00:21:28,662
Yeah, it's a gift from a friend.
Here, lemme just get rid of that.
471
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,497
[static, radio stops]
472
00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:32,291
- [♪ jaunty music playing]
- Hey, Mabél, look around.
473
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,375
There's no tinsel.
474
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,543
Uh, look around.
475
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:37,963
There's a gun on the wall
and another ham radio.
476
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:40,424
There has to be tinsel.
He probably just hid it
477
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,718
because you were telling him
we're looking for clues.
478
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,303
Okay, stop saying tinsel!
479
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,638
Let's just provoke
a reaction outta the guy,
480
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:49,016
so he can confess by my 7:30 dinner.
481
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,517
By the way, I have a 7:30 dinner,
482
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:53,228
and I'd love to tell everybody
I solved a murder today.
483
00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:57,274
Eva, m-my friend is in very real danger.
We're not provoking a killer
484
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:59,985
so that you can share some
charming anecdote with--
485
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,945
Roger Federer,
Anderson Cooper, Michelle Obama,
486
00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:04,990
and the lady from Shark Tank.
Barb something.
487
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:08,785
[sighs] Okay, well,
we'll try to get you out by 6:00.
488
00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:10,871
- Great.
- [grabs phone]
489
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:11,997
[sighs]
490
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:16,418
[Oliver]
You may think it's silly, but...
491
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:20,839
when I was a kid, I had a dream...
492
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,384
that I would live a life that, someday,
493
00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:26,970
someone would wanna turn into a film.
494
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:30,015
And now, all I want is it
495
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,976
to be the best film ever made.
496
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:35,312
Wow, that's really brave
for you to admit that,
497
00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:37,439
but probably not for
the reasons you think.
498
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:43,570
Okay. I-I'm sorry.
499
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,448
I get it. You don't wanna be forgotten.
500
00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:49,701
Oh. Who could ever forget Oliver Putnam?
501
00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:51,495
Right. Right.
502
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:55,123
So, let's give a lift
to that hair... Oh, boy.
503
00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:56,291
[sputters]
504
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,044
It's gonna be a little journey here.
505
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:03,340
- [sighs]
- I do have one question though.
506
00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:05,050
I just need a second here.
507
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:07,552
All those stories that you tell.
508
00:23:07,552 --> 00:23:08,887
[Oliver sighs]
509
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:10,889
There's no way they're true, right?
510
00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:14,643
Well, the key to an Oliver Putnam story
511
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:17,437
- is that you want it to be true.
- Yeah.
512
00:23:17,437 --> 00:23:20,816
It should take place
between 1960 and 1980,
513
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,567
it should involve a celebrity
514
00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:24,611
who you're shocked to
discover is still alive...
515
00:23:24,611 --> 00:23:25,695
Hmm.
516
00:23:25,695 --> 00:23:29,449
...and the best ones take place
in a nightclub that's now an Applebee's.
517
00:23:29,449 --> 00:23:31,785
Or involve a drug that no longer exists.
518
00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:34,371
Okay, now...
519
00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:36,832
close your eyes.
520
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:45,257
Ooh! Someone just got back from Ibiza.
521
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:49,052
Where I did opium with Barbara Eden
at a Souplantation?
522
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,887
[groans]
523
00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:52,431
No one gets it the first time.
524
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,100
- Okay.
- Come on! Come here.
525
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:01,189
- [loud snort]
- [imitates snort]
526
00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:02,899
- [groans]
- [imitates groan]
527
00:24:04,401 --> 00:24:06,319
[♪ "Perfect Strangers theme" playing]
528
00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:09,114
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
529
00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:12,492
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
530
00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:15,495
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
531
00:24:15,495 --> 00:24:18,540
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
532
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,000
♪
533
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,420
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
534
00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:25,130
♪ Nothing's gonna stand in my way ♪
535
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,590
Whatever this is...
536
00:24:26,590 --> 00:24:28,008
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
537
00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:29,217
...I hate it.
538
00:24:29,384 --> 00:24:32,971
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
539
00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:37,601
♪ Standing tall ♪
540
00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:41,188
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
541
00:24:41,188 --> 00:24:44,149
♪ Nothing's gonna stop me now ♪
542
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:46,860
♪
543
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:50,155
[♪ song ends]
544
00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:54,576
[♪ tense music playing]
545
00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:56,912
Okay, he's gonna be out any second.
546
00:24:56,912 --> 00:24:59,623
Any second, Charles.
Do you have another plan?
547
00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:02,000
- I have a plan. I have a plan.
- Good. Good.
548
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,335
And it is...
549
00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:07,255
Oh, my God, I'm in a murderer's apartment,
550
00:25:07,255 --> 00:25:10,675
- and you don't have a plan!
- [Vince Fish] Okay, thanks.
551
00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:13,261
Here you go.
Let's hope that they work.
552
00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:18,016
Um, um, listen, before we go,
um, I'm wondering
553
00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:20,352
i-i-if you can, uh,
bring my friend Charles
554
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,562
a glass of, uh, water.
555
00:25:22,562 --> 00:25:25,565
Sure. I'm a restaurant now.
556
00:25:28,985 --> 00:25:30,487
We're not doing your spit take plan!
557
00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:32,781
I don't think we have a choice.
I tell a joke,
558
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:35,158
you spit in his face,
we get to see under his eye patch!
559
00:25:35,158 --> 00:25:36,952
If he hates me, and he's a murderer,
560
00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:38,745
and he can shoot directly
into my apartment,
561
00:25:38,745 --> 00:25:40,830
maybe I shouldn't spit in his face?
562
00:25:41,248 --> 00:25:43,542
Good point. That's a good point.
563
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,168
But he can still murder me.
564
00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:46,670
- [Vince] Here you go.
- Yeah.
565
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:49,923
Oh, here's the water you wanted.
Anyway, uh,
566
00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:52,342
so these two snails
are vacationing in Beverly Hills--
567
00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:54,094
[stammering]
Here. Try it, try it, try it.
568
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:55,929
A-A priest and a-- and a duck
walk into a synagogue--
569
00:25:55,929 --> 00:25:57,973
No, that's not funny. You take it.
You drink-- You drink it.
570
00:25:57,973 --> 00:25:59,432
You drink it. You drink it. You drink it.
571
00:25:59,432 --> 00:26:01,184
Anyway, these two cannibals
572
00:26:01,184 --> 00:26:04,020
are sitting down to a nice meal
of baked asshole of clown.
573
00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:05,480
- [spits]
- What the?
574
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,023
- [grunts]
- [glass falls]
575
00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:09,985
And one cannibal says to the other,
"This taste funny to you?"
576
00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:11,111
[Eugene groans]
577
00:26:14,614 --> 00:26:16,616
That's-- That's not a bruise.
578
00:26:16,616 --> 00:26:19,202
That is a pink... pink eye.
579
00:26:19,202 --> 00:26:20,579
Yeah!
580
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:24,291
Antibiotic-resistant pink eye!
581
00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:26,042
[Eugene groans]
582
00:26:26,042 --> 00:26:29,504
- Nothing, nothing...
- [♪ Christmas music playing]
583
00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:32,299
- You wanna help out here?
- No, I'm kinda busy.
584
00:26:33,383 --> 00:26:35,093
Hey, what are you doing?
585
00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:37,596
Oh! Uh, nothing. I was, uh,
586
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:41,391
just admiring this so sweet and--
587
00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:42,559
- [Santa toy] Ho ho ho.
- Oh.
588
00:26:42,559 --> 00:26:44,102
- Oh, no, no, please.
- [Santa toy] Ho ho ho.
589
00:26:44,102 --> 00:26:46,396
- Don't touch him.
- Uh, yeah.
590
00:26:46,396 --> 00:26:49,107
- [text notification chimes]
- Mrs. Claus is a lucky lady. [laughs]
591
00:26:49,107 --> 00:26:50,609
Oh, great.
592
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:53,069
Dinner got moved up to 6:30.
593
00:26:53,069 --> 00:26:54,696
Time to land this plane.
594
00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:56,906
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hey, Rudy.
595
00:26:57,574 --> 00:26:58,992
[Mabel]
No, no, no, no, no!
596
00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:00,619
- Does this piss you off?
- [glass shatters]
597
00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:02,120
- [gasps]
- What...
598
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,538
- Or...
- [Rudy Thurber] Hey! No, no, no!
599
00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:04,914
- What about this?
- [Rudy] Don't--
600
00:27:04,914 --> 00:27:06,541
- [shattering]
- Why?
601
00:27:06,541 --> 00:27:08,960
Oh, and by the way, your eggnog sucks.
602
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,337
- Aw!
- [Eva] What you gonna do about it?
603
00:27:10,337 --> 00:27:12,255
[mocking]
You gonna cry? Are you gonna cry about it?
604
00:27:12,255 --> 00:27:14,591
[normal] 'Cause word on the street is
you get a little murderous
605
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:17,385
when somebody tries
to ruin Christmas! [gasps]
606
00:27:17,385 --> 00:27:19,054
- Ooh! [laughs]
- [Rudy] Hey, don't touch that!
607
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:21,640
I bet you that's very... triggering!
608
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,350
- Oh, my God!
- What are you doing?!
609
00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:26,811
I'm solving the murder. Admit it!
Christmas is all you have.
610
00:27:26,811 --> 00:27:29,522
Yeah, Christmas and fitness.
611
00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:32,692
Fitness is clearly important to you.
That is not lost on me,
612
00:27:32,692 --> 00:27:34,486
but, mostly, you love Christmas.
613
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:36,571
So, when your scrooge of a neighbor
614
00:27:36,571 --> 00:27:39,824
tries to take away your real
Christmas trees, you snapped.
615
00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:41,076
Eva, put the gun down.
616
00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:42,994
And once you had Charles in your sights...
617
00:27:42,994 --> 00:27:45,538
- Eva Longoria's unhinged.
- That is correct.
618
00:27:45,538 --> 00:27:47,791
- ...you shot him!
- [gasps]
619
00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:50,251
- [Santa toy] Ho ho ho!
- Oh, this is not a real gun.
620
00:27:50,251 --> 00:27:53,213
No, it's not. You think I shot Charles
because I love Christmas?
621
00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:54,297
Yeah.
622
00:27:54,297 --> 00:27:56,549
I hate Christmas! [gasps]
623
00:27:56,549 --> 00:27:58,885
- [♪ Christmas music continues]
- [confused hum]
624
00:27:58,885 --> 00:28:00,470
But, um...
625
00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:04,224
Okay. [sighs]
626
00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:05,725
I'm a fitness influencer.
627
00:28:05,725 --> 00:28:09,354
I made one Christmas-themed workout video,
and it went viral.
628
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,981
Now, I'm stuck being
"Santa's Sexy Little Helper."
629
00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:15,694
I can't crack 100 likes
unless it's Christmas-themed content!
630
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:18,947
My success is my prison
and these... [panting]
631
00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:22,992
ornaments, the reindeer, that gun from
A Christmas Story, these are my jailers!
632
00:28:22,992 --> 00:28:26,246
Every five seconds, people are asking me
if they're still on the naughty list!
633
00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:29,499
- That's a lot of names.
- Hello.
634
00:28:29,499 --> 00:28:31,084
- And abs.
- [Rudy] Thank you.
635
00:28:31,084 --> 00:28:34,671
Do you know how hard it is
to write on yourself backwards?
636
00:28:34,671 --> 00:28:38,174
All my time is spent trying to come up
with Christmas workout puns.
637
00:28:38,174 --> 00:28:41,052
"Yule be surprised at
what your body can do!"
638
00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:44,055
"No time like the presents
to believe in your elf!"
639
00:28:44,055 --> 00:28:46,307
My parents are so disappointed in me!
640
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:48,852
[sighs] It felt good to get that out.
641
00:28:48,852 --> 00:28:51,104
[♪ Christmas music continues]
642
00:28:51,980 --> 00:28:54,566
Um, hey, could you guys not tell people
643
00:28:54,566 --> 00:28:56,943
about the whole "I hate Christmas" thing?
644
00:28:56,943 --> 00:28:59,320
[Mabel]
Yeah, sure. No problem.
645
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,949
Um, I just have one more question.
Can you explain this?
646
00:29:03,950 --> 00:29:06,369
We saw tinsel where the shot was fired,
647
00:29:06,369 --> 00:29:08,371
and kinda led us to you.
648
00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:11,458
Yeah, this is not tinsel.
Tinsel is highly flammable.
649
00:29:11,458 --> 00:29:13,376
- Christmas's silent killer.
- [Mabel] Huh.
650
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,254
- Okay, thank you.
- [Rudy] Mm.
651
00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:17,756
I'm sorry Eva Longoria
652
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,633
shot what she thought
was a real gun in your apartment.
653
00:29:20,633 --> 00:29:21,718
My bad. [chuckles]
654
00:29:21,718 --> 00:29:23,303
Hey, but if it's any consolation,
655
00:29:23,303 --> 00:29:26,556
Michelle Obama will watch
your TikTok tonight.
656
00:29:28,391 --> 00:29:30,977
Wait, what do you mean
Michelle Obama will see my--
657
00:29:30,977 --> 00:29:32,562
Is that a euphemism for something?
658
00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:34,522
- [Eva] Merry Christmas!
- [door slams, bells jingle]
659
00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:36,691
[radio static]
660
00:29:36,691 --> 00:29:39,486
[Zach And Oliver]
The Ollies are back! [laughs]
661
00:29:39,486 --> 00:29:42,030
That was a long day alone
with a pig and a radio.
662
00:29:42,030 --> 00:29:43,114
How was yours?
663
00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:45,283
Well, that depends. What do you call
taking too many Quaaludes
664
00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:47,494
with Ving Rhames and getting
kicked outta the Playboy Club?
665
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,579
- [laughter]
- [text notification chimes]
666
00:29:49,579 --> 00:29:51,039
Oh, hold on.
667
00:29:51,748 --> 00:29:54,083
- Oh, that's my agent. One second.
- Oh my...
668
00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:56,252
Seems like it went well.
669
00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:59,088
Huge success. Enormous success.
670
00:29:59,088 --> 00:30:01,216
The success has elephantitis.
671
00:30:01,216 --> 00:30:03,676
Meanwhile, I kept a very
detailed ham radio journal.
672
00:30:03,676 --> 00:30:04,886
[pig grunting]
673
00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:08,556
A few call signs,
the theme song from Perfect Strangers,
674
00:30:08,556 --> 00:30:11,226
a lot of weather chatter. A lot!
675
00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:15,104
Feels like most of these kooks
are just waiting for the apocalypse.
676
00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:18,066
Including Kristen Piig,
who is one open window away
677
00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:20,151
from turning herself
into Canadian bacon.
678
00:30:20,151 --> 00:30:22,654
[Zach] I'm really glad you
pushed me to do this today.
679
00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:26,324
- Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, absolutely.
- Ooh.
680
00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:28,868
It was a lot of fun.
We did a lot of frolicking,
681
00:30:28,868 --> 00:30:32,330
and we got to know each other
and, you know, the whole works.
682
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,833
Of course, I'm being sarcastic!
683
00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:37,460
What part of "career pivot"
was so confusing to you?
684
00:30:37,460 --> 00:30:42,298
I told you I wanted big, meaty,
psychosexual leading man dramatic parts,
685
00:30:42,298 --> 00:30:45,218
and you give me pocket-sized,
flop-sweat Willy Wonka.
686
00:30:45,218 --> 00:30:48,388
This man is a one-dimensional narcissist.
687
00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:50,974
Under those scarves deep, deep down,
688
00:30:50,974 --> 00:30:53,560
it's just more fucking scarves.
I gotta go.
689
00:30:54,018 --> 00:30:55,019
Thanks, guys.
690
00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:57,480
I'm gonna take off. That was a lot of fun.
691
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,065
Lot of fun.
692
00:30:59,065 --> 00:31:00,525
Yo, Galifianakis!
693
00:31:01,401 --> 00:31:05,196
How could you spend an entire day
with this man and still not get it?
694
00:31:05,196 --> 00:31:08,700
Let me tell you a little something
about Mr. Oliver Putnam.
695
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,493
This man?
696
00:31:10,493 --> 00:31:11,953
He's my hero.
697
00:31:11,953 --> 00:31:14,581
Oliver doesn't know
the definition of quit.
698
00:31:14,581 --> 00:31:18,835
There is no obstacle nor tragedy
that Oliver Putnam can't bounce back from.
699
00:31:18,835 --> 00:31:20,628
Think about what he's been through.
700
00:31:20,628 --> 00:31:24,674
Flop... after flop... after flop.
701
00:31:24,674 --> 00:31:27,385
- Onstage. Off.
- Right.
702
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:30,597
Any other man with even a shred,
a speck of dignity,
703
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:32,432
would be destroyed,
704
00:31:32,432 --> 00:31:35,226
- but not this man! Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!
- Okay, Howard...
705
00:31:35,226 --> 00:31:37,478
Every time he falls,
he gets right back up,
706
00:31:37,478 --> 00:31:39,522
and he meets the day
with a song, don't you?
707
00:31:39,522 --> 00:31:40,732
Yeah, I-- Yes.
708
00:31:40,732 --> 00:31:43,026
Even when he knows
he's just gonna fall again.
709
00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:44,986
Alright, Howard, please.
I think I can handle--
710
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:48,573
Okay, take his current
long-distance romance, for example.
711
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:51,284
I give it six months,
most would say three.
712
00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:54,746
Yet, here he remains,
helping your little career,
713
00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,206
instead of enjoying
his final precious hours
714
00:31:57,206 --> 00:31:59,375
upon that Hindenburg of a relationship.
715
00:31:59,375 --> 00:32:02,587
Th-That is not true.
Loretta and I have never been this strong.
716
00:32:02,587 --> 00:32:05,298
- I rest my case.
- [sighs]
717
00:32:07,634 --> 00:32:09,719
Now, that's psychosexual.
718
00:32:09,719 --> 00:32:12,013
- [♪ gentle music playing]
- That's meaty!
719
00:32:12,013 --> 00:32:14,557
You're not the court jester.
720
00:32:14,557 --> 00:32:15,934
You're King Lear!
721
00:32:15,934 --> 00:32:18,686
- Yes, I think what Howard meant was--
- [Zach] No, no, no, no, no.
722
00:32:19,896 --> 00:32:21,439
You're this...
723
00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:23,816
elegant worm.
724
00:32:23,816 --> 00:32:25,193
This dressed-up doormat.
725
00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:28,112
This Technicolored cockroach
who refuses to die!
726
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:31,491
I hate you!
727
00:32:31,491 --> 00:32:33,034
But I love you.
728
00:32:36,537 --> 00:32:39,040
People might finally
take me seriously after this.
729
00:32:40,875 --> 00:32:42,627
Uh-huh...
730
00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:44,420
I will immortalize you, Oliver,
731
00:32:46,130 --> 00:32:48,007
The real...
732
00:32:48,007 --> 00:32:49,467
tragic...
733
00:32:50,677 --> 00:32:51,803
heartbreaking...
734
00:32:52,804 --> 00:32:54,055
lonely...
735
00:32:54,931 --> 00:32:56,933
pathetic you.
736
00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:01,896
That's very kind. Thank you.
737
00:33:01,896 --> 00:33:04,357
Okay, let's get crackin'!
738
00:33:04,357 --> 00:33:05,942
[claps]
739
00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:13,366
Hey, bud! Look who's got a bloody nose?
740
00:33:13,366 --> 00:33:15,493
I used to get those
all the time from anxiety.
741
00:33:15,493 --> 00:33:18,788
Yeah. Well, mine's from
being punched in the face.
742
00:33:18,788 --> 00:33:21,165
- Sorry about the haymaker.
- [Eugene] Oh, that's all right, Vince.
743
00:33:21,165 --> 00:33:24,085
Apology accepted. [weak laugh]
744
00:33:24,085 --> 00:33:26,546
You know, I just realized
something, Charles.
745
00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:28,673
You're not that complex.
746
00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:31,801
You're just as chicken shit as I am,
which makes you funny.
747
00:33:31,801 --> 00:33:35,388
- I think I can play you.
- Well, uh, that's something.
748
00:33:35,388 --> 00:33:38,850
I can't believe that you
thought I killed your friend.
749
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:41,394
I can't even kill this
moderate to severe case
750
00:33:41,394 --> 00:33:43,604
of bacterial conjunctivitis.
751
00:33:43,604 --> 00:33:45,523
Well, whoever shot my friend,
752
00:33:45,523 --> 00:33:48,776
I think probably had something
wrong with their eyes
753
00:33:48,776 --> 00:33:51,195
because I think they were aiming for me.
754
00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:54,741
And, honestly,
I always thought you hated me.
755
00:33:54,741 --> 00:33:56,909
What? I hated you?
756
00:33:56,909 --> 00:33:58,953
I always thought that you hated me!
757
00:33:58,953 --> 00:34:02,123
Whenever I see you through the window,
you always look away.
758
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:03,958
No, I'm just awkward!
759
00:34:03,958 --> 00:34:07,170
[laughs] I-I'm awkward, too!
760
00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:08,629
You're awkward?
761
00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:11,841
I'm very awkward! Yes!
762
00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:16,262
- Oh, Vince. Aw...
- Ah, Charles! Aw!
763
00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:22,143
- Yeah, Eugene!
- [Eugene sighs]
764
00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:26,981
Yeah, okay, yeah. See, you're too tight.
765
00:34:26,981 --> 00:34:30,777
- You're hugging just way too tight.
- [♪ mysterious music playing]
766
00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:31,903
This is enough.
767
00:34:31,903 --> 00:34:34,530
No, this is hugging for three people.
This is enough.
768
00:34:34,530 --> 00:34:36,115
Okay, let's go. Done.
769
00:34:36,115 --> 00:34:38,701
- Okay, bye-bye.
- Lovely apartment.
770
00:34:39,118 --> 00:34:40,119
Here you go.
771
00:34:43,706 --> 00:34:46,084
[Eva] Think I'm gonna skip the part
where I was wildly wrong
772
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:47,960
when I tell this story tonight.
773
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,254
Um, you know what?
For what it's worth,
774
00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:52,173
you were actually kind of helpful.
775
00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:55,510
I probably would've wasted weeks
thinking that guy had a motive.
776
00:34:56,177 --> 00:34:59,722
Maybe, you know,
your Mabel's approach isn't that bad.
777
00:34:59,722 --> 00:35:02,350
- Or Mabél.
- Mm, Mabél is bold.
778
00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:05,394
- She pops. She sells T-shirts.
- Um...
779
00:35:05,394 --> 00:35:07,480
I think I'm gonna hang back for a second.
780
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,565
Taking a page out of your playbook.
781
00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:14,445
- [♪ soft tense music playing]
- [Eva laughs softly]
782
00:35:17,031 --> 00:35:18,950
[keypad buttons beep]
783
00:35:25,414 --> 00:35:27,959
I see you, Mabél.
784
00:35:33,589 --> 00:35:34,590
[clanging]
785
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:44,100
[phone clicks]
786
00:35:46,894 --> 00:35:48,396
[keypad clacking]
787
00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:55,403
[phone clicks]
788
00:35:55,403 --> 00:35:56,487
[blinds rattle]
789
00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:14,463
[phone vibrates]
790
00:36:15,965 --> 00:36:16,966
[phone clicks]
791
00:36:19,218 --> 00:36:21,512
♪
792
00:36:21,512 --> 00:36:24,891
[mouthing]
793
00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:29,729
- [Charles] It's us!
- [Oliver] Hi!
794
00:36:29,729 --> 00:36:32,607
- [laughter]
- Housekeeping!
795
00:36:33,191 --> 00:36:34,192
[pig grunting]
796
00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:36,527
So, you don't believe
Dudenoff's in Portugal?
797
00:36:36,527 --> 00:36:37,862
I'm not convinced.
798
00:36:37,862 --> 00:36:39,572
Well, he's not gonna be
happy you're here.
799
00:36:39,572 --> 00:36:42,325
I'm counting on it.
If he finds out I'm squatting here,
800
00:36:42,325 --> 00:36:44,702
he'll have to show his face
to kick me out.
801
00:36:44,702 --> 00:36:46,996
[Charles]
He could be our killer...
802
00:36:46,996 --> 00:36:49,457
Personally, I love that you're squatting.
803
00:36:49,457 --> 00:36:52,168
In the summer of '77,
I spent an incredible three months
804
00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:55,504
squatting in Sonny Bono's
Palm Springs pool house.
805
00:36:55,504 --> 00:36:59,258
Look, it'll be good for the case,
and I needed a place to stay.
806
00:36:59,258 --> 00:37:00,968
Well, I just...
807
00:37:00,968 --> 00:37:02,428
I worry about you here.
808
00:37:02,428 --> 00:37:04,931
I worry about you all the time.
809
00:37:04,931 --> 00:37:07,391
At least we can watch over each other now.
810
00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:08,768
[pig grunting]
811
00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:11,854
How come the actors couldn't come
for one of our finales?
812
00:37:11,854 --> 00:37:14,523
Like when we figure
everything out all at once?
813
00:37:14,523 --> 00:37:15,983
[Oliver]
Mm-hmm.
814
00:37:15,983 --> 00:37:19,320
[pig snorting]
815
00:37:20,905 --> 00:37:23,824
[singing]
♪ No matter the odds are this time ♪
816
00:37:24,325 --> 00:37:26,786
♪ Nothing's gonna stand in my way ♪
817
00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:29,038
- ♪ This flame in my heart ♪
- [mumbling along]
818
00:37:29,038 --> 00:37:30,456
♪ Long lost friend ♪
819
00:37:30,456 --> 00:37:33,626
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
820
00:37:33,626 --> 00:37:35,086
What is happening right now?
821
00:37:35,086 --> 00:37:37,296
[Mabel and Oliver]
♪ Standing tall ♪
822
00:37:37,296 --> 00:37:38,965
What is that bizarrely catchy song?
823
00:37:38,965 --> 00:37:41,634
Oh, I heard it on Rudy's ham radio.
824
00:37:41,634 --> 00:37:43,678
You don't know the theme
to Perfect Strangers?
825
00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:45,596
- You do?
- [♪ tense music playing]
826
00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:47,390
The theme to Perfect Strangers.
827
00:37:47,390 --> 00:37:51,018
Howard was clocking
the same song on the radio.
828
00:37:51,018 --> 00:37:52,353
Gimme his book.
829
00:37:54,563 --> 00:37:57,441
Yes! A person came on the line and said,
830
00:37:57,441 --> 00:37:59,318
"Meet me at 445."
831
00:37:59,318 --> 00:38:01,570
What is the deal with these ham radios?
832
00:38:01,570 --> 00:38:04,657
I mean, are we in some
sort of doomsday cult?
833
00:38:04,657 --> 00:38:07,576
You know, Vince had this photo
of everyone on this floor,
834
00:38:07,576 --> 00:38:10,246
and someone was holding
Rudy's hand with the pig,
835
00:38:10,246 --> 00:38:11,998
and their face was crossed out.
836
00:38:11,998 --> 00:38:13,833
Maybe that's who was on the radio.
837
00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:17,962
Okay, but what is 445?
Is that an address? A time?
838
00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:19,547
It's a frequency!
839
00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:21,924
Oh, my gosh!
840
00:38:21,924 --> 00:38:23,342
[Oliver and Charles grunting]
841
00:38:23,884 --> 00:38:26,262
[scrubbing, static]
842
00:38:26,262 --> 00:38:28,848
- [♪ bits of music playing]
- [Oliver] Ah! Could you help me?
843
00:38:28,848 --> 00:38:30,516
[Charles]
Yeah, I gotcha.
844
00:38:30,516 --> 00:38:31,642
[static stops]
845
00:38:32,435 --> 00:38:34,478
Hello? Hello?
846
00:38:35,771 --> 00:38:39,608
"OMIT-B" paging "Perfect Strangers,"
do you copy?
847
00:38:39,608 --> 00:38:41,235
- [radio beeps]
- [static]
848
00:38:41,235 --> 00:38:42,695
[speaker] [on radio, distorted]
Hello?
849
00:38:42,695 --> 00:38:44,780
You shouldn't be on this frequency.
850
00:38:45,990 --> 00:38:48,534
- Who is Dudenoff?
- And what's with all the ham?
851
00:38:48,534 --> 00:38:49,910
Do you know who's out to get me?
852
00:38:49,910 --> 00:38:51,537
[speaker] [on radio, distorted]
The last person
853
00:38:51,537 --> 00:38:53,539
who came around
asking these questions got killed.
854
00:38:53,539 --> 00:38:55,875
- [pig squeals]
- I love you, Hammy Faye Bakker!
855
00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:58,878
- [snorting]
- [♪ dramatic music playing]
856
00:38:59,795 --> 00:39:01,505
Well, that solves that mystery.
857
00:39:01,505 --> 00:39:04,884
[speaker] [on radio, distorted]
I tell you. Drop this, or you'll be next!
858
00:39:04,884 --> 00:39:07,011
- [distorted static]
- [Hammy Faye Bakker squealing]
859
00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,095
[grunts]
860
00:39:08,095 --> 00:39:10,264
[♪ soft jaunty music playing]
861
00:39:30,159 --> 00:39:32,161
♪
862
00:39:53,849 --> 00:39:55,226
[♪ music ends]
863
00:39:55,226 --> 00:39:57,895
[♪ fanfare playing]