1
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,042
Something happened today.
2
00:00:03,043 --> 00:00:04,335
Oh, my God, they've been shot!
3
00:00:04,336 --> 00:00:05,753
It's Glen, he's still alive!
4
00:00:05,754 --> 00:00:07,630
- Zach!
- They got me in my fat!
5
00:00:07,631 --> 00:00:11,300
All of you may have heard about our little
"firearms moment" at the photo shoot,
6
00:00:11,301 --> 00:00:14,220
- but the show must go on!
- Woo!
7
00:00:14,221 --> 00:00:15,304
{\an8}Got me thinking.
8
00:00:15,305 --> 00:00:17,140
I was gonna propose, and I choked.
9
00:00:17,141 --> 00:00:19,350
- Ronnie's bonded with Loretta.
- Who's Ronnie?
10
00:00:19,351 --> 00:00:21,394
- She's my Finsta.
- Oh, no!
11
00:00:21,395 --> 00:00:24,397
{\an8}I wanna spend whatever time
I have left with you.
12
00:00:24,398 --> 00:00:25,732
{\an8}Ugh...
13
00:00:25,733 --> 00:00:27,942
{\an8}Dudenoff? Not in Portugal. Nope.
14
00:00:27,943 --> 00:00:31,696
{\an8}He's been cashing social security checks
at a bodega on 125th Street.
15
00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:33,823
{\an8}This is Sazz Pataki's remains.
16
00:00:33,824 --> 00:00:35,450
{\an8}Gravey, that's my friend!
17
00:00:35,451 --> 00:00:36,993
{\an8}Here's her left shoulder.
18
00:00:36,994 --> 00:00:39,370
- No, it's not.
- Yeah. See? It says "left".
19
00:00:39,371 --> 00:00:42,165
No. This one says "left".
In Bulgarian.
20
00:00:42,166 --> 00:00:43,875
There's two left shoulders?
21
00:00:43,876 --> 00:00:46,044
{\an8}They just identified
the other left shoulder!
22
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:49,130
It belongs to Dudenoff.
Dudenoff was murdered.
23
00:00:49,131 --> 00:00:52,800
We put hidden cameras in our
production office and in your apartments.
24
00:00:52,801 --> 00:00:54,677
Whose camera is this?
25
00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:56,179
"I'm watching you."
26
00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:58,808
We're not safe in this building!
27
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New York City.
28
00:01:02,186 --> 00:01:03,978
It sucks.
29
00:01:03,979 --> 00:01:05,981
It's a crime-ridden hellhole.
30
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,610
And don't hit me with that,
"The numbers don't bear that out," shit.
31
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,071
You ever get mugged by a number?
32
00:01:13,072 --> 00:01:14,572
- Go, go, go!
- Where are we going?!
33
00:01:14,573 --> 00:01:16,866
Out of the city!
The killer was in our apartments,
34
00:01:16,867 --> 00:01:19,535
and filming us,
which makes him a perv, too.
35
00:01:19,536 --> 00:01:23,581
Alright, alright. Putnam, get in the zone.
Gotta craft the perfect...
36
00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:26,292
poetic breakup text.
So far, I have, "It's over,"
37
00:01:26,293 --> 00:01:28,044
exclamation point, exclamation point,
38
00:01:28,045 --> 00:01:30,171
followed by 10 more exclamation points.
39
00:01:30,172 --> 00:01:31,881
You're breaking up with Loretta?
40
00:01:31,882 --> 00:01:35,551
I've never seen someone worse
at being in a happy relationship.
41
00:01:35,552 --> 00:01:38,805
Mabel, I showed her my soul,
and she said, "Ugh."
42
00:01:38,806 --> 00:01:41,599
So I'm ripping off the Band-Aid
and taking my heart with it.
43
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N-Now, drive faster.
44
00:01:43,185 --> 00:01:45,520
Oh well, we don't even know
where we're going!
45
00:01:45,521 --> 00:01:47,772
We gotta find a safe house,
and it can't be a hotel
46
00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:49,440
because credit cards can be tracked.
47
00:01:49,441 --> 00:01:51,651
Well, what about
your sister on Long Island?
48
00:01:51,652 --> 00:01:54,070
The one whose daughters all have D names?
49
00:01:54,071 --> 00:01:57,657
I can't lead a killer
to my kid sister's house!
50
00:01:57,658 --> 00:01:59,617
I thought her husband was a cop.
51
00:01:59,618 --> 00:02:02,328
- [on phone] Hello.
- Howard? Hey, listen to me.
52
00:02:02,329 --> 00:02:03,955
Um, don't tell anyone,
53
00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:06,791
- but in case we, like, disappear...
- Uh-huh.
54
00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:09,502
...we went to Charles' sister's
in Patchogue.
55
00:02:09,503 --> 00:02:11,129
Also, I need you to go to that bodega
56
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:13,673
and figure out who's been
cashing Dudenoff's checks.
57
00:02:13,674 --> 00:02:15,883
- Okay...
- Also, this tech-savvy psycho
58
00:02:15,884 --> 00:02:18,469
could be tracking our movements!
Turn off your phone!
59
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:21,057
Oh, you're right. Bye, Howard.
Oliver, turn it off.
60
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Okay. Fine. Devastating text, sent.
61
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,481
Okay, Doreen. Here we come.
62
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:32,817
Now, you want peace? Safety?
63
00:02:32,818 --> 00:02:35,361
A good night's sleep because
you know your female loved ones
64
00:02:35,362 --> 00:02:37,614
ain't gonna get punched
in the face at Gristedes?
65
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,576
Well, my friend, there's only one county
66
00:02:41,577 --> 00:02:44,203
on God's green earth for you.
67
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The county of Suffolk.
68
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Strong Island, baby!
69
00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,715
Of course, uh, no place is perfect.
70
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,967
I should give you a little, uh,
heads up about my sister.
71
00:02:57,968 --> 00:03:00,928
Uh, and I don't like saying this
about my own flesh and blood,
72
00:03:00,929 --> 00:03:03,598
but she can be, uh, very...
73
00:03:03,599 --> 00:03:05,349
uh, spontaneous?
74
00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:07,436
Ooh, sick burn.
75
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,070
Ah!
76
00:03:18,071 --> 00:03:21,909
Well, look who finally decided
to show up for Thanksgiving.
77
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,621
Too bad it's April.
78
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,330
Come on.
79
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,684
I like your dolls.
80
00:04:29,685 --> 00:04:31,519
{\an8}Oh, thank you. You know,
81
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,854
{\an8}the big ones are
very hard to come by now.
82
00:04:33,855 --> 00:04:35,856
{\an8}Something about the supply chain, but...
83
00:04:35,857 --> 00:04:39,568
{\an8}Yeah, I started collecting after,
uh, Dawn's wedding.
84
00:04:39,569 --> 00:04:42,571
{\an8}And then, when Dina
and Danielle went to DeVry,
85
00:04:42,572 --> 00:04:46,117
{\an8}and then Dagmar, which is
my youngest, still a baby,
86
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:48,160
{\an8}she really just left to wound me.
87
00:04:48,161 --> 00:04:52,125
{\an8}So, I guess you replaced
your children with dolls, huh?
88
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,379
Wow.
89
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,383
I have never made that connection.
90
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,176
{\an8}You are intuitive.
91
00:05:04,177 --> 00:05:06,973
{\an8}That is much more important
in a man than height.
92
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,225
{\an8}- Thank you.
- Mm.
93
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,517
{\an8}I always wondered what you look like.
94
00:05:11,518 --> 00:05:13,436
{\an8}You know, I know your voice
from the podcast,
95
00:05:13,437 --> 00:05:16,480
but sometimes, I would, uh, slow it down.
96
00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:18,232
I'd deepen your register.
97
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,609
Then, I speed it back up, and you sound
like a little frisky chicken.
98
00:05:20,610 --> 00:05:21,694
Ah...
99
00:05:21,695 --> 00:05:24,905
Then slow it down again.
And then speed it up.
100
00:05:24,906 --> 00:05:27,074
Then, slow it down.
101
00:05:27,075 --> 00:05:29,201
And then, I speed it back up.
102
00:05:29,202 --> 00:05:31,414
Where's Big Mike?
We could use a cop around here.
103
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,373
{\an8}Well, I kicked him out again.
104
00:05:34,374 --> 00:05:36,292
He's livin' on the boat in the driveway.
105
00:05:36,293 --> 00:05:38,961
{\an8}One too many nights at Can-Cans.
106
00:05:38,962 --> 00:05:40,713
{\an8}Uh,
107
00:05:40,714 --> 00:05:44,175
I feel like I'm gonna regret asking this,
but what is Can-Cans?
108
00:05:44,176 --> 00:05:46,427
It's Hooters for butts.
109
00:05:46,428 --> 00:05:47,511
I was right.
110
00:05:47,512 --> 00:05:50,097
This is what I married. He's a pig.
111
00:05:50,098 --> 00:05:53,184
Just hoggin' down mozzarelly sticks,
surrounded by
112
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:55,853
random women's mud flaps.
113
00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:57,730
Oh, anyway, more room for you.
114
00:05:57,731 --> 00:05:59,648
And no murderer is ever gonna check here
115
00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:02,026
'cause they know you're not
gonna come visit your sister!
116
00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:03,110
Hey.
117
00:06:03,111 --> 00:06:06,739
Oh, what are you gonna do?
Inflict another permanent injury on me?
118
00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:09,742
- Doreen, please.
- Oh, my God, he's so sensitive.
119
00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:12,745
Pardon me, I'm gonna get
you some fresh towels.
120
00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:14,455
If you're gonna stay over,
you need towels!
121
00:06:14,456 --> 00:06:16,874
- What are you, one or two?
- One.
122
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,292
I thought so.
123
00:06:18,293 --> 00:06:21,462
You're a two-towel guy.
I can tell that. You're gonna need it.
124
00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:22,756
I want you dry.
125
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,594
I'm scared.
126
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,767
Alright, Charles,
can you catch us up on the plot of...
127
00:06:34,768 --> 00:06:36,560
"August: Suffolk County"?
128
00:06:36,561 --> 00:06:38,396
It's probably what you would've guessed.
129
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:40,773
When Doreen was 3,
I was pushing her on a swing,
130
00:06:40,774 --> 00:06:42,775
and I pushed her too hard,
and she flew off,
131
00:06:42,776 --> 00:06:44,695
and ended up losing her spleen.
132
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,738
I wouldn't say that was
exactly what I would've guessed.
133
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,323
- No.
- She knows I feel terrible about it,
134
00:06:49,324 --> 00:06:51,536
and she loves spleen-shaming me.
135
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,246
- Maybe this was a mistake.
- No, no, no, no, it's quiet here,
136
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,915
so we can work on the case
and hopefully not die.
137
00:06:57,916 --> 00:07:01,335
Does this gorgeous doll
remind you of anyone?
138
00:07:01,336 --> 00:07:03,170
Braids, porcelain skin,
139
00:07:03,171 --> 00:07:04,630
perky little set of--
140
00:07:04,631 --> 00:07:06,340
Oliver! The case!
141
00:07:06,341 --> 00:07:08,094
You know what? You handle it.
142
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,428
'Cause I'm exhausted
143
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:12,265
and freshly heartbroken.
144
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,140
Charles?
145
00:07:14,141 --> 00:07:16,267
Mabel, I have to come up
with a security plan!
146
00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:18,769
I need to make this place murder-proof...
147
00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,896
...and then give law enforcement a, uh,
148
00:07:20,897 --> 00:07:22,773
tactical appraisal of the situation.
149
00:07:22,774 --> 00:07:26,112
You mean talk to the butt-lover
in the driveway boat?
150
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:27,613
Yes.
151
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,530
Meanwhile,
152
00:07:29,531 --> 00:07:31,868
towels. You wanted two. There you go.
153
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:33,911
One towel.
154
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,787
"Can-Cans Wet Bench Night."
155
00:07:36,788 --> 00:07:39,876
Oh, Long Island, you're so... you.
156
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,850
Big Mike?
157
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,352
It's Charles!
158
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,567
I'm borrowing your toolbox.
159
00:08:06,568 --> 00:08:09,028
I found you! Finally!
160
00:08:09,029 --> 00:08:11,280
- I have left you so many messages!
- Bev?
161
00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:13,574
It's a good thing Howard knew
where you were. So listen,
162
00:08:13,575 --> 00:08:17,036
this is serious. The studio is asking
if the Brothers Sisters are the killers.
163
00:08:17,037 --> 00:08:18,787
If they are the killers,
I have to fire them.
164
00:08:18,788 --> 00:08:20,831
If they might be, but we can't prove it,
165
00:08:20,832 --> 00:08:23,459
that is a gray area that I can sell.
So, what is it? Tell me.
166
00:08:23,460 --> 00:08:26,506
It's definitely not them... I think.
167
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,924
Okay, he says they're not the killers.
He's right here.
168
00:08:29,925 --> 00:08:32,011
He seems, like, 60% sure.
169
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:34,678
That sounds low?
170
00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,680
Well, 50% of one margarita was enough
171
00:08:36,681 --> 00:08:38,933
for you to flash your boobs
at the Fabelmans premiere.
172
00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:42,269
Bev, this is an emergency safe house
situation, so I need your phone.
173
00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:43,812
He did see them, Monica!
174
00:08:43,813 --> 00:08:46,691
He saw 100% of both of them!
175
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,530
What? Oh, my God!
176
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,739
Oliver, what are you doing?
177
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:55,032
Mabel, not now!
178
00:08:55,033 --> 00:08:56,784
I'm busy with an urgent new mystery.
179
00:08:56,785 --> 00:08:59,286
The whereabouts of Johnnie Walker.
180
00:08:59,287 --> 00:09:02,373
Well, I'm just trying
to find a place to work
181
00:09:02,374 --> 00:09:03,999
that isn't filled with dolls.
182
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,918
- [outside] Oh, my God.
- I mean, it's so creep--
183
00:09:05,919 --> 00:09:07,336
With that little baby voice...
184
00:09:07,337 --> 00:09:09,338
Is that Bev Melon?
185
00:09:09,339 --> 00:09:11,298
Howard, come on!
186
00:09:11,299 --> 00:09:15,346
Okay. Hey, am I to believe people
suffer a life in Patchogue sober?
187
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,848
Ah, of course not. Bar she blows.
188
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,770
- Hey. Okay, I'll call you back, bye.
- Bev, what are you doing here?
189
00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:26,897
We're dead. We're all fucking dead,
190
00:09:26,898 --> 00:09:28,857
that's what I'm doing here.
I don't fucking know.
191
00:09:28,858 --> 00:09:31,235
Wh-What do you mean? What happened?
Is there someone out there?
192
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:33,112
No. I wish it was so simple, Mabel.
193
00:09:33,113 --> 00:09:36,031
The studio is talking about
194
00:09:36,032 --> 00:09:37,700
pulling the plug on the movie
195
00:09:37,701 --> 00:09:39,785
because of all the "catastrophes."
196
00:09:39,786 --> 00:09:41,662
I'm stressed, okay?!
197
00:09:41,663 --> 00:09:44,164
I gotta figure this out! It's stressful!
I'm fucking, like,
198
00:09:44,165 --> 00:09:45,749
losing my shit, okay?
199
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,043
And I'm starving right now!
200
00:09:48,044 --> 00:09:50,045
I'm so hungry. Ugh, that looks gross.
201
00:09:50,046 --> 00:09:52,091
I need something substantial.
202
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,470
You know what? I think I saw pizza crust
on the driveway boat, I'll be right back.
203
00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,932
What is my life?
204
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,188
- My apologies. I--
- Oh, no.
205
00:10:08,189 --> 00:10:10,733
I just had a craving for a Tulsa Torpedo.
206
00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:12,860
- Oh.
- I mean, but I see that
207
00:10:12,861 --> 00:10:15,279
you've misplaced your
watermelon liqueur.
208
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,906
Oh, why don't I make you
one of my signature cocktails?
209
00:10:17,907 --> 00:10:20,284
Okay? Lemme just...
Right behind you. If I--
210
00:10:20,285 --> 00:10:23,037
I almost got it. Here we go.
211
00:10:23,038 --> 00:10:25,331
I think you are going to like.
212
00:10:25,332 --> 00:10:28,626
This is mostly entirely
vodka and Crystal Light.
213
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:30,546
You know, I call it a Sweaty Betty.
214
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,964
Named it after my dear friend,
also named Betty,
215
00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:36,425
uh, who also happens to sweat like a pig.
216
00:10:36,426 --> 00:10:37,509
Uh-huh...
217
00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:39,887
So... there we go.
218
00:10:39,888 --> 00:10:42,973
And Crystal Light,
if you dunk anything in it,
219
00:10:42,974 --> 00:10:44,224
- it's a great exfoliant.
- Uh...
220
00:10:44,225 --> 00:10:46,226
- Ah.
- A long pour...
221
00:10:46,227 --> 00:10:48,312
- Ah...
- ...for my short king.
222
00:10:48,313 --> 00:10:50,689
- Well, here's to Betty.
- Oh, Betty was a whore.
223
00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:52,026
Okay.
224
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:53,819
Mm...
225
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,445
Can you believe it?
226
00:10:56,446 --> 00:10:57,571
Oh my, that's...
227
00:10:57,572 --> 00:11:00,115
- Mm. I know.
- Oh! Th-That is--
228
00:11:00,116 --> 00:11:01,992
Okay--
229
00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:03,619
Now...
230
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:06,080
...I can't help but notice
you seem like something's
231
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:08,459
maybe bothering you. Is it Charles?
232
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,087
W-Well, no. Uh-- Well,
233
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,837
usually yes, but, uh,
234
00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:15,508
uh, this time, it's a breakup.
235
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,676
A relationship done in by my...
236
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,594
one tragic flaw.
237
00:11:20,595 --> 00:11:22,179
Too handsome?
238
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:24,848
Well, th-there's that, but it's also...
239
00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:26,727
I-I'm simply too...
240
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,687
emotionally available.
241
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,907
Actors? Now what are you doing here?
242
00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,909
Howard told us you would be here.
243
00:11:43,910 --> 00:11:45,788
People don't keep secrets from the famous.
244
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,622
What are you doing here?
245
00:11:48,623 --> 00:11:50,124
Uh, I'm hiding out from the killer.
246
00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:52,918
Oh, so you thought,
"Hey, why don't we leave the actors
247
00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:54,463
to die with a psychopath"?
248
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,464
Pretty sure the killer
is after us, not you guys.
249
00:11:57,465 --> 00:12:00,467
I would reconsider that.
Just a gut feeling.
250
00:12:00,468 --> 00:12:01,635
Oh!
251
00:12:01,636 --> 00:12:03,554
I escaped the hospital
to come here.
252
00:12:03,555 --> 00:12:06,765
Well, go back to the hospital!
And for you guys,
253
00:12:06,766 --> 00:12:09,226
I need some quiet to work
on the case, okay?
254
00:12:09,227 --> 00:12:12,020
- I'm sure there's lovely local hotels.
- No, no, no, no.
255
00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:15,317
You are contractually responsible
for our safety, so we're staying.
256
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,694
Fine! Then pick a doll, amuse yourselves,
257
00:12:18,695 --> 00:12:20,363
and give me your phones.
258
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,867
I mean...
259
00:12:24,868 --> 00:12:28,162
I thought that I wanted
a creative counterpart.
260
00:12:28,163 --> 00:12:29,246
Yeah. Yeah.
261
00:12:29,247 --> 00:12:32,416
A Verdon to my Fosse.
A Fleetwood to my Mac.
262
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:33,500
Oh.
263
00:12:33,501 --> 00:12:36,464
Maybe what I really want...
264
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,382
is just someone I can hold
265
00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:42,468
and adore, you know?
266
00:12:42,469 --> 00:12:44,261
Like a doll.
267
00:12:44,262 --> 00:12:46,182
- Sure. Sure, like a doll.
- Like a doll.
268
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,016
How'd you meet your husband?
269
00:12:49,017 --> 00:12:51,854
You know what, this is--
shouldn't be here.
270
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,608
Well,
271
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,027
you know, it was actually...
272
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,614
a pretty classic meet-cute. It was...
273
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,992
inside the port-a-potty
at Jones Beach.
274
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,788
Someone should get that
275
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,164
before we have to hear it again.
276
00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:13,957
Alright. Ooh, I'm like a turtle.
277
00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:16,420
- Gimme a little help. There we go.
- Oh, lemme help you. There you go.
278
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,589
Okay. Okay.
279
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,051
Oh, Mr. Putman!
280
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,427
Hello--
281
00:13:25,428 --> 00:13:27,679
Oh. Let yourself in.
282
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:28,972
What on earth?
283
00:13:28,973 --> 00:13:30,766
Hi.
284
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:34,228
I j-- I just got caught in
her macramé duster.
285
00:13:34,229 --> 00:13:37,272
Oh, is that what the kids
are calling it now?
286
00:13:37,273 --> 00:13:39,735
This one. What a tease, huh?
287
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,446
Loretta, how did you find out--
288
00:13:44,447 --> 00:13:47,241
Howard! Of course, it was Howard.
289
00:13:47,242 --> 00:13:51,119
I called repeatedly,
straight to voicemail every time.
290
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,831
So, I got on a six-hour flight,
291
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:54,915
middle seat,
292
00:13:54,916 --> 00:13:57,253
just so I could ask you
why you thought you could...
293
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:01,088
break up with me over text.
294
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,675
Uh-- Loretta...
295
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,675
what are you talking about?
296
00:14:04,676 --> 00:14:06,927
I poured my heart out to you
297
00:14:06,928 --> 00:14:09,555
on the phone, and you went, "Ugh."
298
00:14:09,556 --> 00:14:10,764
When did this happen?
299
00:14:10,765 --> 00:14:12,266
- Yesterday. Yes--
- No, you didn't.
300
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:15,354
A-A day that will live in ugh-famy.
301
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,689
What time was it?
302
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,148
I don't know, lunch?
303
00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:22,901
- Devastation o'clock.
- Your lunch or my lunch?
304
00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:25,781
I-It was your lunch, my second Cosmo.
305
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:31,910
Oh!
306
00:14:31,911 --> 00:14:35,289
Oh, I-I love that my pain
is so amusing to you.
307
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:37,708
That is just so appreciated.
308
00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:40,294
No! Oh, Oliver.
309
00:14:40,295 --> 00:14:42,921
I think you talked to my stand-in.
310
00:14:42,922 --> 00:14:44,590
- What? Sorry, what?
- Yeah.
311
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:47,676
Because I'm wrapped in gauze,
and my stand-in is wrapped in gauze,
312
00:14:47,677 --> 00:14:50,512
so I think the-the PA gave my cellphone
313
00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:53,850
to the wrong burn victim.
314
00:14:56,270 --> 00:15:00,230
- I mean... No, no.
- So, that wasn't you?
315
00:15:00,231 --> 00:15:03,734
I don't think you're ugh.
316
00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:05,695
I think you're...
317
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,284
What I can say other than...
318
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,787
Oh, Ollie!
319
00:15:15,788 --> 00:15:19,833
- Oh, I missed you. I missed you.
- I missed you. I missed you, too.
320
00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:23,923
- So... Doreen.
- Oh.
321
00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:28,216
Doreen?
Well, Doreen is Charles' sister.
322
00:15:28,217 --> 00:15:29,803
Is she someone...
323
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,220
that I should be worried about?
324
00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:35,059
Everyone should be worried about Doreen.
325
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,852
Careful, Upchuck!
326
00:15:38,853 --> 00:15:42,689
Oh, you need me to help you nail
your fingers to the house, huh?
327
00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,983
These windows won't lock,
so I'm trying to nail them shut.
328
00:15:44,984 --> 00:15:46,735
Just trying to keep
everybody in one piece.
329
00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:49,490
Well, it's a little late
to keep me in one piece.
330
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,825
I asked the doctor
if I could give you my spleen,
331
00:15:53,826 --> 00:15:55,744
and he said it wasn't necessary
332
00:15:55,745 --> 00:15:57,537
because spleens aren't necessary.
333
00:15:57,538 --> 00:16:00,540
Oh, come on. I was just razzin' you.
334
00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:02,503
I don't even remember the accident!
335
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,505
You know what I remember?
One of my...
336
00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:08,674
probably fondest memories is--
337
00:16:08,675 --> 00:16:11,178
God, I must've been, what, 5?
338
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,262
Mom was taking me
339
00:16:14,263 --> 00:16:16,348
to see my big brother...
340
00:16:16,349 --> 00:16:18,268
...in one of his first plays.
341
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,562
You were so good.
342
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,148
You were always meant to be
Mr. Hollywood someday, huh?
343
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,656
Are you even listening to me?!
344
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,949
I'm sorry. I just can't
have a conversation right now.
345
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:35,993
Everyone I know is either
dead or in danger
346
00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:38,495
because of me and my stupid podcast,
347
00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:42,374
so I have to keep my attention
focused on these nails!
348
00:16:42,375 --> 00:16:45,796
Why are you always mad at me?!
349
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,422
I'm not mad at you.
350
00:16:48,423 --> 00:16:50,465
Wait, wait, wait, are you--
are you crying?
351
00:16:50,466 --> 00:16:52,009
Oh, please don't cry.
352
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:53,510
I can cry if I want to!
353
00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:57,431
Just because you,
Mr. No-Emotion-Robot-Man, doesn't!
354
00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:59,224
I-I control myself.
355
00:16:59,225 --> 00:17:02,269
Oh, wh-what's that?
Implying that I'm crazy?!
356
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:03,979
- I didn't say that.
- Don't deny it.
357
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:05,355
- Well, I didn't say that.
- Don't!
358
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:06,523
I said don't!
359
00:17:06,524 --> 00:17:09,443
Don't deny it! Not do deny it!
I said don't deny it!
360
00:17:09,444 --> 00:17:12,237
TikTok calls it gaslighting.
361
00:17:12,238 --> 00:17:14,865
And you're full of gas,
and it's an epidemic!
362
00:17:14,866 --> 00:17:17,242
Every man in my life
thinks that because I have
363
00:17:17,243 --> 00:17:20,954
just actual and real emotions
that I'm crazy!
364
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:23,582
But, you know what? There's a little man,
365
00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:26,334
a tiny, little man downstairs right now
366
00:17:26,335 --> 00:17:30,256
who appreciates a woman with
a nice, big set of emotions.
367
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,679
And be gentle with Jill! She's Victorian.
368
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,516
We're bored.
369
00:17:41,517 --> 00:17:44,686
- Whatcha doing? Checking out the semen?
- What?
370
00:17:44,687 --> 00:17:46,774
Where there's murder, there's semen.
CSI 101.
371
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,608
We can help, you know.
We're not children.
372
00:17:49,609 --> 00:17:52,694
And can you open this snick-snack?
My assistant's not here.
373
00:17:52,695 --> 00:17:55,113
Okay, I need to work on the case.
374
00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:57,949
So, um, could you actors maybe run lines
375
00:17:57,950 --> 00:18:00,660
or do Ozempic,
whatever you guys do?
376
00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:01,912
Don't wanna interrupt you.
377
00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:05,292
Just need a little nibble.
378
00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:09,294
Eugene?
379
00:18:09,295 --> 00:18:11,671
It's me! Loretta.
380
00:18:11,672 --> 00:18:12,964
Loretta...?
381
00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:14,883
Loretta Durkin.
382
00:18:14,884 --> 00:18:18,678
We did Summer stock together.
Saskatoon '82.
383
00:18:18,679 --> 00:18:20,766
Um...
384
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:24,935
We did that stage adaptation
of James Bond's Moonraker.
385
00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:27,771
I mean, I'm trying to place the face,
but, uh,
386
00:18:27,772 --> 00:18:29,481
I'm coming up empty.
387
00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:32,109
I was Lieutenant Holly Goodhead.
388
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:33,695
That was my--
389
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,365
Zach!
390
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,949
I adored you in Baskets.
391
00:18:38,950 --> 00:18:40,911
Why, thank you very--
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
392
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:44,871
Sorry, I have a hole inside of me.
393
00:18:44,872 --> 00:18:47,458
Um, nobody's complimented me yet, so...
394
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,630
- Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Yeah, sure.
395
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,592
Hey, I'm sorry, it's just the actors
wanna help with the case.
396
00:18:57,593 --> 00:18:58,677
- Yeah.
- Um,
397
00:18:58,678 --> 00:19:01,513
do you think you can take them out to play
or distract them with your keys?
398
00:19:01,514 --> 00:19:05,100
Okay, but I think
you're making a big mistake.
399
00:19:05,101 --> 00:19:07,477
Actors are investigators, you know.
400
00:19:07,478 --> 00:19:09,187
Of the human condition.
401
00:19:09,188 --> 00:19:11,650
LA did this to you in two weeks?
402
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,571
Just let them in. Come on.
403
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,864
You never know, it might help.
404
00:19:18,865 --> 00:19:23,118
Bev! Okay-- Thank God!
405
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:24,619
I'm gonna need you
406
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:27,122
to entertain some movie actors.
407
00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:28,874
- You're a sweetie.
- Thanks.
408
00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:31,877
I would love to hang with actors!
409
00:19:31,878 --> 00:19:34,629
Where are the "actors"?
410
00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:38,133
Actors, all sitting together,
talking about their craft!
411
00:19:38,134 --> 00:19:40,012
Hey, actors!
412
00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:42,264
Fuck you!
413
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,056
Can I, um--
You want some drink of water?
414
00:19:45,057 --> 00:19:46,391
Okay, Mom.
415
00:19:46,392 --> 00:19:47,726
Fuck you, TV actor.
416
00:19:47,727 --> 00:19:49,769
You know my work?
417
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:52,522
"Work"? Let me sum up
the quality of your
418
00:19:52,523 --> 00:19:55,026
"acting ability" in one word.
419
00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:58,653
Oh.
420
00:19:58,654 --> 00:20:02,240
I'm sick of this bullshit studio,
and the script
421
00:20:02,241 --> 00:20:05,827
with its bullshit plot holes,
and all you self-centered actors,
422
00:20:05,828 --> 00:20:07,662
memorizing your lines,
423
00:20:07,663 --> 00:20:10,624
and your little baby set slippers,
424
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,834
eating your special actor's food.
425
00:20:12,835 --> 00:20:16,171
I was shot! And I bet it's infected!
I am weeping fluid here!
426
00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:19,007
Oh, my God, Zach, cut it out!
427
00:20:19,008 --> 00:20:20,717
All you do is complain.
428
00:20:20,718 --> 00:20:22,719
"I'm a self-centered Greek Smurf," and,
429
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,514
"I-I got hit by a sniper,
and now I have a boo-boo!"
430
00:20:26,515 --> 00:20:28,851
I can't take it anymore, bro!
431
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:33,355
I'm done with Hollywood!
432
00:20:33,356 --> 00:20:34,981
- Middle child.
- Single mom.
433
00:20:34,982 --> 00:20:37,067
Low thyroid. No, high. High thyroid.
434
00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:38,654
Three for three, fuckers!
435
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,572
See?
436
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,448
Detectives.
437
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,534
Okay, fine.
438
00:20:46,535 --> 00:20:49,580
Actors, let's talk case.
439
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,833
Come on, man.
440
00:20:53,834 --> 00:20:55,752
Look, I just need to see
441
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:58,715
who is cashing my close
personal friend's checks.
442
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,635
- No.
- I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that.
443
00:21:03,636 --> 00:21:05,595
Please! Please, let me just
have a look at that ledger.
444
00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:07,389
Sorry, it's against our policy.
445
00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:10,393
You're a bodega.
You barely have a hand-washing policy.
446
00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:20,153
Oh.
447
00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:24,990
You trained a cat to guard your store?
448
00:21:24,991 --> 00:21:27,075
Sí. Gazpacho's tough.
449
00:21:27,076 --> 00:21:29,244
Well, how would you like
for him to be a guest
450
00:21:29,245 --> 00:21:32,582
on the soon-to-be number one
animal labor podcast in the country?
451
00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:38,005
Dudenoff!
452
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:44,926
Another Dudenoff.
453
00:21:44,927 --> 00:21:46,554
These signatures don't match at all.
454
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,311
Mabel, pick up, pick up,
pick up, oh, my God.
455
00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:56,313
It all happened the night that Sazz died.
456
00:21:56,314 --> 00:22:00,358
Then the killer texted us,
"I'm watching you," so we came here.
457
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,610
There. Now, you know everything we know.
458
00:22:02,611 --> 00:22:05,405
- Okay, great, we'll take it from here.
- Oh yeah, you think you got this?
459
00:22:05,406 --> 00:22:07,824
Mabel, you really have no idea
460
00:22:07,825 --> 00:22:11,828
about the breadth of our skill set here.
461
00:22:11,829 --> 00:22:14,458
Only 3% of our time is devoted
462
00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:16,458
to the actual job.
463
00:22:16,459 --> 00:22:19,377
The rest is spent developing talents
464
00:22:19,378 --> 00:22:23,467
that would be helpful in
a character's backstory, like, uh...
465
00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:30,263
I don't really
cotton to Northern types, y'hear?
466
00:22:30,264 --> 00:22:31,391
You know, dialects.
467
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:34,017
I can skin a deer.
Somebody get me a deer.
468
00:22:34,018 --> 00:22:35,354
I can do card tricks.
469
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,398
You guys are all such treasures,
470
00:22:40,399 --> 00:22:42,442
and I cannot wait to hear
what you come up with,
471
00:22:42,443 --> 00:22:44,152
so, um, pick a room.
472
00:22:44,153 --> 00:22:45,863
I'll be in a different one.
473
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:52,204
Ooh, welcome back, my little--
474
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:54,871
What?
475
00:22:54,872 --> 00:22:56,291
Surprise!
476
00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:58,666
See what I'm trying out?
477
00:22:58,667 --> 00:23:01,127
To extend our time together a little bit?
478
00:23:01,128 --> 00:23:03,213
See? 'Cause look what I found.
479
00:23:03,214 --> 00:23:04,923
The watermelon liqueur!
480
00:23:04,924 --> 00:23:07,384
Oh, thanks, but I-I'm good.
481
00:23:07,385 --> 00:23:09,177
And I think that's A.1. Sauce.
482
00:23:09,178 --> 00:23:11,596
Oh. Either way.
483
00:23:11,597 --> 00:23:13,016
Oh.
484
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:15,016
Didn't mean to interrupt.
485
00:23:15,017 --> 00:23:16,476
Loretta, please, interrupt.
486
00:23:16,477 --> 00:23:18,520
Uh, Doreen, uh, if you can...
487
00:23:18,521 --> 00:23:19,854
Yes.
488
00:23:19,855 --> 00:23:22,023
So, we have a long-distance relationship,
489
00:23:22,024 --> 00:23:25,068
so every second together is precious.
490
00:23:25,069 --> 00:23:26,822
Oh. Oh.
491
00:23:27,322 --> 00:23:30,700
Okay, so we're... we're best buds
until Heidi...
492
00:23:31,993 --> 00:23:34,746
shows up, and then what am I?
I'm dog meat?
493
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,581
You know, I'm just tired of
everybody jerkin' me around!
494
00:23:38,582 --> 00:23:40,875
Nobody's jerking anybody around.
495
00:23:40,876 --> 00:23:42,919
Yeah, I think
people are jerking!
496
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,006
- Ow!
- Doreen!
497
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:47,382
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
498
00:23:47,383 --> 00:23:50,802
I-I'm being rejected by my husband.
I'm being rejected by your boyfriend.
499
00:23:50,803 --> 00:23:52,679
My own brother doesn't wanna talk to me!
500
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,307
I'm...
501
00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:56,766
I put hands on you!
502
00:23:56,767 --> 00:23:58,560
Aw...
503
00:23:58,561 --> 00:24:00,562
- Poor thing.
- Oof.
504
00:24:00,563 --> 00:24:02,397
But you can't blame her
505
00:24:02,398 --> 00:24:05,567
for being attracted to Oliver Putnam.
You are a magnet.
506
00:24:05,568 --> 00:24:07,319
- Well...
- Thanks.
507
00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:11,700
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm...
508
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,784
Okay.
509
00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:19,330
- Hey. Uh...
- Here we are at the piano again.
510
00:24:19,331 --> 00:24:22,167
I'm just, I'm a little bit jealous
511
00:24:22,168 --> 00:24:25,338
of whatever it was you said
to my stand-in yesterday.
512
00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:28,091
On the phone.
513
00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:30,385
Oh, it was just-- I just...
514
00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:33,344
I think you had to be there.
515
00:24:33,345 --> 00:24:35,932
Yeah. [giggles] But, what'd you say?
516
00:24:36,766 --> 00:24:38,393
Well, I-I just, uh...
517
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,311
I just said that when
we were at that party in LA,
518
00:24:41,312 --> 00:24:43,104
- you know, in that strange fire pit...
- Ah, yeah.
519
00:24:43,105 --> 00:24:45,482
...that, uh, I almost...
520
00:24:45,483 --> 00:24:47,152
proposed to you.
521
00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:50,361
You wh-- You what?
522
00:24:50,362 --> 00:24:52,197
Well, it was just a
spur-of-the-moment thing.
523
00:24:52,198 --> 00:24:54,324
You know, I mean, you were going to LA,
524
00:24:54,325 --> 00:24:57,619
- a-and I was afraid of losing you.
- Oh, yeah.
525
00:24:57,620 --> 00:25:00,038
No, no, I-I don't mean I don't want to.
526
00:25:00,039 --> 00:25:02,707
Loretta, I adore you. I've been...
527
00:25:02,708 --> 00:25:06,252
spinning out of control
trying to stay close to you.
528
00:25:06,253 --> 00:25:08,546
I mean, really I--
529
00:25:08,547 --> 00:25:12,342
I even invented
a crafty heartland Insta-grammy
530
00:25:12,343 --> 00:25:14,471
j-just to see what you were up to.
531
00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:16,346
A what?
532
00:25:16,347 --> 00:25:18,389
"The only way to be yourself
533
00:25:18,390 --> 00:25:20,975
is to find yourself, yourself."
534
00:25:20,976 --> 00:25:23,188
Oh, my God, you're Ronnie?
535
00:25:24,272 --> 00:25:27,815
- Yeah. I--
- Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
536
00:25:27,816 --> 00:25:29,400
I connected with Ronnie.
537
00:25:29,401 --> 00:25:31,446
I-I-I...
538
00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:35,450
took screenshots of her memes. I-I...
539
00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:37,617
I told her things.
540
00:25:37,618 --> 00:25:39,786
- And she appreciated all of them. She--
- Oh.
541
00:25:39,787 --> 00:25:43,581
So, you, what, you stalked me,
and then you tricked me,
542
00:25:43,582 --> 00:25:46,376
and then you...
were going to propose to me,
543
00:25:46,377 --> 00:25:48,169
but only because you were scared,
544
00:25:48,170 --> 00:25:50,756
and then you broke up with me over text?
545
00:25:52,092 --> 00:25:54,968
Well, when you list them
all in a row like that...
546
00:25:54,969 --> 00:25:56,721
I need a minute.
547
00:25:57,639 --> 00:25:59,140
Loretta! I...
548
00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:15,447
Oh, goddammit.
549
00:26:22,789 --> 00:26:23,790
Hello.
550
00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:26,334
Uh...
551
00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:30,755
I should-- No,
I-I want to apologize.
552
00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:34,009
I was outta line before.
553
00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:36,134
Crystal Light got on top of me.
554
00:26:36,135 --> 00:26:38,595
Yeah, well,
555
00:26:38,596 --> 00:26:41,016
we all have our moments.
556
00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:43,768
S-So, um...
557
00:26:45,228 --> 00:26:48,607
seems like things aren't going too well
for you and your little man.
558
00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:52,567
I think my little man...
559
00:26:52,568 --> 00:26:54,154
might be crazy.
560
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,281
Okay, what is it with everybody
thinking that anyone
561
00:26:58,282 --> 00:27:00,366
who feels is crazy?
562
00:27:00,367 --> 00:27:02,744
I mean, maybe,
maybe he's not crazy.
563
00:27:02,745 --> 00:27:04,621
M-Maybe he's just emotional!
564
00:27:04,622 --> 00:27:06,706
You know, and isn't that
better than not feeling enough?
565
00:27:06,707 --> 00:27:08,625
I mean, his heart is an open book!
566
00:27:08,626 --> 00:27:11,502
Yeah, maybe you're right.
567
00:27:11,503 --> 00:27:14,922
- Maybe you're right.
- Maybe, huh?
568
00:27:14,923 --> 00:27:17,967
What do I know, maybe.
Or maybe I'm just a stupid idiot!
569
00:27:17,968 --> 00:27:19,510
Calm down now.
570
00:27:19,511 --> 00:27:21,512
Okay, don't tell me to calm down.
571
00:27:21,513 --> 00:27:23,514
Okay, why don't you go
back to Beverly Hills?!
572
00:27:23,515 --> 00:27:25,308
Whoa!
573
00:27:25,309 --> 00:27:28,144
Listen, I rent a studio in Burbank.
574
00:27:28,145 --> 00:27:29,854
You know, it's under a Whole Foods.
575
00:27:29,855 --> 00:27:32,940
I don't need you throwing
your rich bitch shit in my face.
576
00:27:32,941 --> 00:27:35,026
You need to calm down, really.
577
00:27:35,027 --> 00:27:36,402
You need to get out of my house,
578
00:27:36,403 --> 00:27:38,572
you Hollywood hussy!
579
00:27:39,866 --> 00:27:41,449
What is this? What is--
580
00:27:41,450 --> 00:27:43,618
- Get-- Stop resisting!
- Whoa!
581
00:27:43,619 --> 00:27:46,120
Stay away from me!
No, what are you doing to me?!
582
00:27:46,121 --> 00:27:47,747
I don't know why you're
eatin' your braids!
583
00:27:47,748 --> 00:27:49,582
- Oh, my God!
- Why you eatin' 'em?
584
00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:52,210
Why you eatin' your braids, huh? Oh!
585
00:27:52,211 --> 00:27:54,212
She was in Moonraker.
586
00:27:54,213 --> 00:27:55,588
My pacemaker.
587
00:27:55,589 --> 00:27:56,756
My pacemaker!
588
00:27:56,757 --> 00:27:58,591
- My pacemaker.
- I didn't know you had a pacemaker.
589
00:27:58,592 --> 00:28:00,551
Oh, my God. Oh.
590
00:28:00,552 --> 00:28:02,261
Oh, my God, I didn't know!
591
00:28:02,262 --> 00:28:05,015
I didn't know.
592
00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:09,644
I was acting.
593
00:28:09,645 --> 00:28:11,354
- Not very good.
- And I took stage combat
594
00:28:11,355 --> 00:28:12,814
with Sensei Brian.
595
00:28:12,815 --> 00:28:14,482
Ha!
596
00:28:14,483 --> 00:28:17,026
Oh, my tooth!
597
00:28:17,027 --> 00:28:18,611
I should stop this!
598
00:28:18,612 --> 00:28:20,655
Who wears a train in their own house?
599
00:28:20,656 --> 00:28:22,200
- Oh God!
- No, no, no, I shouldn't!
600
00:28:25,078 --> 00:28:27,787
- Come here, baby! Ah!
- My God!
601
00:28:27,788 --> 00:28:29,998
What was in that Crystal Light?
Bath salts?
602
00:28:31,334 --> 00:28:32,458
Hey, Doreen!
603
00:28:32,459 --> 00:28:34,168
- Get her off me!
- You gotta bridge!
604
00:28:34,169 --> 00:28:36,295
You're gonna have to get your hand
in there for a choke hold.
605
00:28:36,296 --> 00:28:37,714
Bridge! Come on, kill!
606
00:28:37,715 --> 00:28:39,340
Whoa, whoa, easy, ladies!
607
00:28:39,341 --> 00:28:40,425
Get off me! Get off me!
608
00:28:40,426 --> 00:28:42,385
No need to fight over me
like Loni Anderson and Charo!
609
00:28:42,386 --> 00:28:45,388
- Get off me!
- Ow!
610
00:28:45,389 --> 00:28:47,098
Who's the chocolate Swiss Miss--
611
00:28:47,099 --> 00:28:49,350
- Get away, you bitch!
- Are you sorry?
612
00:28:49,351 --> 00:28:51,479
I'm sorry you're on me!
613
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:54,941
I'm sorry, too.
614
00:29:00,613 --> 00:29:03,531
Hey. You know, Doreen, uh...
615
00:29:03,532 --> 00:29:05,074
I'm a little worried about you.
616
00:29:05,075 --> 00:29:06,367
- Is that alright?
- Yeah.
617
00:29:06,368 --> 00:29:08,745
I mean, your husband
lives in the driveway,
618
00:29:08,746 --> 00:29:10,955
and you're fighting with a TV actress,
619
00:29:10,956 --> 00:29:13,624
and you're, you're stuck
on this thing I did
620
00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:15,084
when you were a toddler.
621
00:29:15,085 --> 00:29:17,336
Oh, my God, fuck the spleen.
622
00:29:17,337 --> 00:29:19,088
Come on, I make jokes about it
623
00:29:19,089 --> 00:29:21,384
because it's not a big deal.
624
00:29:22,218 --> 00:29:24,260
It's not funny to me.
625
00:29:24,261 --> 00:29:27,724
I mean, y-you were so little,
and I was-- I was 19.
626
00:29:28,725 --> 00:29:30,391
And that day at the hospital,
627
00:29:30,392 --> 00:29:34,522
Mom wouldn't stop screaming at me.
She never forgave me.
628
00:29:35,190 --> 00:29:37,692
She was bonkers, and y-you know that.
629
00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:43,531
Do you know why I remember
going to see your play?
630
00:29:45,366 --> 00:29:48,411
Because Mom held my hand
when we walked in.
631
00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:54,000
She held your hand?
632
00:29:55,418 --> 00:29:57,420
- Wow.
- I know.
633
00:30:00,089 --> 00:30:02,592
I don't think she had ever done it before.
634
00:30:03,551 --> 00:30:05,552
And I don't ever remember her
doing it again.
635
00:30:07,555 --> 00:30:09,641
God, she was so distant.
636
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,311
And then, she was gone.
637
00:30:14,521 --> 00:30:16,314
And you were gone, too.
638
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:18,608
Now, I'm this.
639
00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:21,734
- I visit.
- Every now and then,
640
00:30:21,735 --> 00:30:25,071
but you're never really here, you know?
641
00:30:25,072 --> 00:30:28,157
Then, I heard your podcast and...
642
00:30:28,158 --> 00:30:29,953
heard you yucking it up with all...
643
00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:32,330
all your friends.
644
00:30:32,914 --> 00:30:35,373
The podcast is about
our neighbors being murdered.
645
00:30:35,374 --> 00:30:37,460
Yeah, but you made it sound cozy.
646
00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:41,422
Somehow, it made me...
647
00:30:42,465 --> 00:30:44,090
feel even lonelier.
648
00:30:44,091 --> 00:30:45,675
Oh, God.
649
00:30:45,676 --> 00:30:47,762
I'm a needy mess.
650
00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:51,474
Well, I'm-I'm an uptight mess.
651
00:30:52,183 --> 00:30:55,560
- Can we just blame Mom?
- Well, she's dead.
652
00:30:55,561 --> 00:30:57,730
It can't hurt.
653
00:31:02,443 --> 00:31:04,195
I think about you a lot.
654
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:08,324
And I'd like to be better about
staying in touch, if it's not too late.
655
00:31:09,826 --> 00:31:12,871
I would like that.
I'd like that a lot.
656
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:15,373
I would, too.
657
00:31:15,748 --> 00:31:18,374
Great news, everybody! Ah!
658
00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:21,627
I just had the best nap.
I feel so good.
659
00:31:21,628 --> 00:31:24,797
Everything is so crystal clear to me now.
660
00:31:24,798 --> 00:31:26,382
You know, yelling at those actors
661
00:31:26,383 --> 00:31:30,011
reminded me of why I got into
this business in the first place.
662
00:31:30,012 --> 00:31:31,637
It's because no matter what,
663
00:31:31,638 --> 00:31:35,391
I care so much! I realized it.
664
00:31:35,392 --> 00:31:37,393
Movies are my passion!
665
00:31:37,394 --> 00:31:40,229
And I yelled all of that
at the head of the studio
666
00:31:40,230 --> 00:31:42,273
in my room for two hours,
so guess what,
667
00:31:42,274 --> 00:31:43,733
Charles and leopard lady?
668
00:31:43,734 --> 00:31:46,277
The movie is now
669
00:31:46,278 --> 00:31:47,737
full speed ahead!
670
00:31:47,738 --> 00:31:48,946
Can you believe it?
671
00:31:48,947 --> 00:31:50,366
Back to business.
672
00:31:51,701 --> 00:31:53,119
Hollywood!
673
00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:55,370
Who is that fuckin' woman?
674
00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:05,379
Well, the car comes in a few minutes.
675
00:32:05,380 --> 00:32:07,467
So, to recap,
676
00:32:08,843 --> 00:32:11,762
I fought a woman, and I won.
677
00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:16,349
Also, I discovered you may be crazy.
678
00:32:16,350 --> 00:32:18,645
I-If I'm being honest,
679
00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:22,772
I haven't been in a relationship,
680
00:32:22,773 --> 00:32:24,859
a real one, for a decade.
681
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:26,861
Maybe two.
682
00:32:28,029 --> 00:32:29,530
So...
683
00:32:30,698 --> 00:32:33,201
when I met you, I-I just...
684
00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:37,411
lost my cool.
685
00:32:37,412 --> 00:32:39,624
And I may never get it back.
686
00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:42,293
But, if, if...
687
00:32:42,669 --> 00:32:44,671
if you can't handle that...
688
00:32:46,047 --> 00:32:48,633
flavor of crazy, no one would blame you.
689
00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:50,383
S...
690
00:32:50,384 --> 00:32:53,972
So, if-if you wanna run, run.
691
00:32:57,266 --> 00:32:58,768
You don't have to sprint.
692
00:33:02,855 --> 00:33:06,818
Oliver, from the moment
I met you, I knew,
693
00:33:07,485 --> 00:33:10,861
deep in my heart,
that you were a lunatic.
694
00:33:10,862 --> 00:33:12,947
You must have, [sighs] by my count,
695
00:33:12,948 --> 00:33:15,408
six different stories about
696
00:33:15,409 --> 00:33:17,910
running into Lynda Carter
at grocery stores.
697
00:33:17,911 --> 00:33:20,705
Wonder Woman and a wonderful lady.
698
00:33:20,706 --> 00:33:23,416
Well, t-to the, to the point,
699
00:33:23,417 --> 00:33:26,919
despite your obvious pathologies,
700
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:28,838
I'm here still.
701
00:33:28,839 --> 00:33:31,048
And I'm not going anywhere.
702
00:33:31,049 --> 00:33:33,845
And I sign on to your crazy...
703
00:33:35,054 --> 00:33:36,556
for a lifetime.
704
00:33:41,227 --> 00:33:44,313
You're... giving me a doll's bracelet?
705
00:33:46,774 --> 00:33:49,859
I'm proposing to you, Oliver.
706
00:33:49,860 --> 00:33:52,030
I wanna marry you.
707
00:33:55,116 --> 00:33:57,033
Well, before I accept,
708
00:33:57,034 --> 00:33:58,909
just out of curiosity,
709
00:33:58,910 --> 00:34:01,038
is there any family money?
710
00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:08,086
- I accept.
- Oh...
711
00:34:10,798 --> 00:34:12,383
Wake up!
712
00:34:13,176 --> 00:34:15,218
Rise and shine!
713
00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:19,638
I gotta sleep! I have a hangover!
714
00:34:19,639 --> 00:34:22,224
Shut the fuck up!
715
00:34:22,225 --> 00:34:23,684
Thank you.
716
00:34:23,685 --> 00:34:25,644
- Case closed!
- Oh, my God!
717
00:34:25,645 --> 00:34:27,563
Okay, wh-what's going on?
718
00:34:27,564 --> 00:34:29,190
Let me direct your attention
719
00:34:29,191 --> 00:34:30,858
to the Murder Wall!
720
00:34:30,859 --> 00:34:33,194
Which is like your murder board,
but bigger,
721
00:34:33,195 --> 00:34:34,653
therefore, ours is better.
722
00:34:34,654 --> 00:34:36,655
For starters, w-we agree with you.
723
00:34:36,656 --> 00:34:39,325
Whosever cashing Dudenoff's
checks is after you.
724
00:34:39,326 --> 00:34:41,077
But, looking back,
725
00:34:41,078 --> 00:34:43,662
- we believe that this mystery...
- Mm-hmm.
726
00:34:43,663 --> 00:34:45,206
...did not start with Sazz's murder.
727
00:34:45,207 --> 00:34:47,666
- No.
- No. It all goes back to season one,
728
00:34:47,667 --> 00:34:50,252
which, by the way, has more holes
729
00:34:50,253 --> 00:34:51,837
than Zach Galifianakis.
730
00:34:51,838 --> 00:34:54,381
I mean, th-they're all over the script!
731
00:34:54,382 --> 00:34:57,093
For instance, uh... yeah,
who poisoned Winnie?
732
00:34:57,094 --> 00:34:59,386
You thought it was Sting.
You know what, it wasn't Sting,
733
00:34:59,387 --> 00:35:00,930
and then, you just dropped it.
734
00:35:00,931 --> 00:35:02,600
Winnie?
735
00:35:03,476 --> 00:35:06,185
Oh, my God. Who would do this to you?
736
00:35:06,186 --> 00:35:07,686
I assumed it was Jan.
737
00:35:07,687 --> 00:35:10,149
Wrong! Look at the note on your door.
738
00:35:13,277 --> 00:35:15,528
"End the podcast or I will end you."
See the smudge mark?
739
00:35:15,529 --> 00:35:17,363
That was written by a left-handed person.
740
00:35:17,364 --> 00:35:18,697
How could you know that?
741
00:35:18,698 --> 00:35:21,534
Because I studied handwriting
when I played Marc Antonio
742
00:35:21,535 --> 00:35:24,245
in the un-produced pilot
The Calligrapher's Wife.
743
00:35:24,246 --> 00:35:26,080
And Jan was not left-handed.
744
00:35:26,081 --> 00:35:28,250
- No.
- Look at the way she holds her bassoon.
745
00:35:29,710 --> 00:35:32,336
I shadowed the Boston Pops
when I was preparing
746
00:35:32,337 --> 00:35:34,257
for Symphony Chimp.
747
00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:36,465
Plot hole number two.
748
00:35:36,466 --> 00:35:38,761
The note on Jan's door.
749
00:35:40,429 --> 00:35:41,722
"I'm watching you."
750
00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:44,642
Just like the text message.
751
00:35:46,185 --> 00:35:49,311
- It's the--
- Same person. Very good, Mabel.
752
00:35:49,312 --> 00:35:52,774
Your murderer has been
after you since season one.
753
00:35:56,279 --> 00:35:58,781
And Sazz knew all of that.
754
00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:02,074
Think back to her apartment! Uh--
755
00:36:02,075 --> 00:36:03,870
"Sick pup." That's Winnie!
756
00:36:05,079 --> 00:36:08,080
"Door note."
That's the note on Jan's door.
757
00:36:08,081 --> 00:36:11,625
Sazz figured this all out.
Maybe that's what she wanted to tell me.
758
00:36:11,626 --> 00:36:14,003
Wow, I...
759
00:36:14,004 --> 00:36:17,381
I stand corrected. I guess I should've
brought you guys in sooner.
760
00:36:17,382 --> 00:36:20,551
Thank you. Actors, one.
Real-life dipshits, zero.
761
00:36:20,552 --> 00:36:22,847
Yes. Idiots.
762
00:36:27,518 --> 00:36:29,270
Why are you smiling?
763
00:36:30,479 --> 00:36:33,941
Oh, I-I know it's not the right time,
but, uh...
764
00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:38,278
this bitch is gettin' married.
765
00:36:42,408 --> 00:36:43,991
You know, not for nothin',
766
00:36:43,992 --> 00:36:46,454
the truth is
you can never be totally safe.
767
00:36:47,038 --> 00:36:51,207
The best you can do is find
some people who love you,
768
00:36:51,208 --> 00:36:54,919
who'll share a bottle of red,
a bottle of white....
769
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:56,337
Well, okay, this is not a competition.
770
00:36:56,338 --> 00:36:59,465
Hey hey! Look at this!
Gang's all here, huh?
771
00:36:59,466 --> 00:37:01,135
Hey, Big Mike.
772
00:37:03,095 --> 00:37:04,887
How was brunch at Can-Cans?
773
00:37:04,888 --> 00:37:06,805
Oh, come on, babe. I just go there
774
00:37:06,806 --> 00:37:09,810
'cause they give cops the dinner menu
at lunch prices.
775
00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:12,770
You know I'm not an ass guy.
776
00:37:12,771 --> 00:37:14,148
I'm a you guy.
777
00:37:16,442 --> 00:37:19,068
You have permission to board,
and I don't mean the boat.
778
00:37:19,069 --> 00:37:21,070
Mm!
779
00:37:21,071 --> 00:37:22,363
Oh!
780
00:37:22,364 --> 00:37:24,658
- Captain Jack will get you high tonight.
- Oh!
781
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:29,870
Ooh!
782
00:37:29,871 --> 00:37:32,248
- That's good stuff.
- Oh, hey, Chuckie,
783
00:37:32,249 --> 00:37:34,460
uh, your friend Howard's
trying to reach you all.
784
00:37:35,294 --> 00:37:36,585
Somehow, he got my number.
785
00:37:36,586 --> 00:37:39,046
He says he knows who killed Dudenoff.
786
00:37:39,047 --> 00:37:41,131
Yeah, yeah, I wrote it down,
so I'd get it right.
787
00:37:41,132 --> 00:37:44,051
He wanted me to tell you, uh,
788
00:37:44,052 --> 00:37:46,845
it wasn't just one person
cashing his checks.
789
00:37:46,846 --> 00:37:50,015
He found five different signatures
with one phone number.
790
00:37:50,016 --> 00:37:51,809
Go forward. Pause.
791
00:37:51,810 --> 00:37:54,020
Go forward, go forward.
792
00:37:56,148 --> 00:37:57,483
Go forward.
793
00:37:58,359 --> 00:37:59,942
Pause right there.
794
00:37:59,943 --> 00:38:01,026
Inez.
795
00:38:01,027 --> 00:38:02,446
Fast forward.
796
00:38:02,738 --> 00:38:05,197
Oh, my God.
797
00:38:05,198 --> 00:38:07,033
Go forward, go forward again.
798
00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:10,077
Rudy?
799
00:38:10,078 --> 00:38:12,164
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God.
800
00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:14,540
Oh, my God. Qué?
801
00:38:14,541 --> 00:38:16,294
Okay, I'm calling the number.
802
00:38:31,017 --> 00:38:32,725
Hello?
803
00:38:32,726 --> 00:38:34,519
This is Milton Dudenoff.
804
00:38:37,690 --> 00:38:39,400
Uh, whatever a "Westie" is,
805
00:38:40,067 --> 00:38:41,484
Howard says it was all of them.
806
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,702
They know.