1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,042 Something happened today. 2 00:00:03,043 --> 00:00:04,335 Oh, my God, they've been shot! 3 00:00:04,336 --> 00:00:05,753 It's Glen, he's still alive! 4 00:00:05,754 --> 00:00:07,630 - Zach! - They got me in my fat! 5 00:00:07,631 --> 00:00:11,300 All of you may have heard about our little "firearms moment" at the photo shoot, 6 00:00:11,301 --> 00:00:14,220 - but the show must go on! - Woo! 7 00:00:14,221 --> 00:00:15,304 {\an8}Got me thinking. 8 00:00:15,305 --> 00:00:17,140 I was gonna propose, and I choked. 9 00:00:17,141 --> 00:00:19,350 - Ronnie's bonded with Loretta. - Who's Ronnie? 10 00:00:19,351 --> 00:00:21,394 - She's my Finsta. - Oh, no! 11 00:00:21,395 --> 00:00:24,397 {\an8}I wanna spend whatever time I have left with you. 12 00:00:24,398 --> 00:00:25,732 {\an8}Ugh... 13 00:00:25,733 --> 00:00:27,942 {\an8}Dudenoff? Not in Portugal. Nope. 14 00:00:27,943 --> 00:00:31,696 {\an8}He's been cashing social security checks at a bodega on 125th Street. 15 00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:33,823 {\an8}This is Sazz Pataki's remains. 16 00:00:33,824 --> 00:00:35,450 {\an8}Gravey, that's my friend! 17 00:00:35,451 --> 00:00:36,993 {\an8}Here's her left shoulder. 18 00:00:36,994 --> 00:00:39,370 - No, it's not. - Yeah. See? It says "left". 19 00:00:39,371 --> 00:00:42,165 No. This one says "left". In Bulgarian. 20 00:00:42,166 --> 00:00:43,875 There's two left shoulders? 21 00:00:43,876 --> 00:00:46,044 {\an8}They just identified the other left shoulder! 22 00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:49,130 It belongs to Dudenoff. Dudenoff was murdered. 23 00:00:49,131 --> 00:00:52,800 We put hidden cameras in our production office and in your apartments. 24 00:00:52,801 --> 00:00:54,677 Whose camera is this? 25 00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:56,179 "I'm watching you." 26 00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:58,808 We're not safe in this building! 27 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,185 New York City. 28 00:01:02,186 --> 00:01:03,978 It sucks. 29 00:01:03,979 --> 00:01:05,981 It's a crime-ridden hellhole. 30 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,610 And don't hit me with that, "The numbers don't bear that out," shit. 31 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,071 You ever get mugged by a number? 32 00:01:13,072 --> 00:01:14,572 - Go, go, go! - Where are we going?! 33 00:01:14,573 --> 00:01:16,866 Out of the city! The killer was in our apartments, 34 00:01:16,867 --> 00:01:19,535 and filming us, which makes him a perv, too. 35 00:01:19,536 --> 00:01:23,581 Alright, alright. Putnam, get in the zone. Gotta craft the perfect... 36 00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:26,292 poetic breakup text. So far, I have, "It's over," 37 00:01:26,293 --> 00:01:28,044 exclamation point, exclamation point, 38 00:01:28,045 --> 00:01:30,171 followed by 10 more exclamation points. 39 00:01:30,172 --> 00:01:31,881 You're breaking up with Loretta? 40 00:01:31,882 --> 00:01:35,551 I've never seen someone worse at being in a happy relationship. 41 00:01:35,552 --> 00:01:38,805 Mabel, I showed her my soul, and she said, "Ugh." 42 00:01:38,806 --> 00:01:41,599 So I'm ripping off the Band-Aid and taking my heart with it. 43 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,184 N-Now, drive faster. 44 00:01:43,185 --> 00:01:45,520 Oh well, we don't even know where we're going! 45 00:01:45,521 --> 00:01:47,772 We gotta find a safe house, and it can't be a hotel 46 00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:49,440 because credit cards can be tracked. 47 00:01:49,441 --> 00:01:51,651 Well, what about your sister on Long Island? 48 00:01:51,652 --> 00:01:54,070 The one whose daughters all have D names? 49 00:01:54,071 --> 00:01:57,657 I can't lead a killer to my kid sister's house! 50 00:01:57,658 --> 00:01:59,617 I thought her husband was a cop. 51 00:01:59,618 --> 00:02:02,328 - [on phone] Hello. - Howard? Hey, listen to me. 52 00:02:02,329 --> 00:02:03,955 Um, don't tell anyone, 53 00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:06,791 - but in case we, like, disappear... - Uh-huh. 54 00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:09,502 ...we went to Charles' sister's in Patchogue. 55 00:02:09,503 --> 00:02:11,129 Also, I need you to go to that bodega 56 00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:13,673 and figure out who's been cashing Dudenoff's checks. 57 00:02:13,674 --> 00:02:15,883 - Okay... - Also, this tech-savvy psycho 58 00:02:15,884 --> 00:02:18,469 could be tracking our movements! Turn off your phone! 59 00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:21,057 Oh, you're right. Bye, Howard. Oliver, turn it off. 60 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,435 Okay. Fine. Devastating text, sent. 61 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,481 Okay, Doreen. Here we come. 62 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:32,817 Now, you want peace? Safety? 63 00:02:32,818 --> 00:02:35,361 A good night's sleep because you know your female loved ones 64 00:02:35,362 --> 00:02:37,614 ain't gonna get punched in the face at Gristedes? 65 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,576 Well, my friend, there's only one county 66 00:02:41,577 --> 00:02:44,203 on God's green earth for you. 67 00:02:44,204 --> 00:02:47,165 The county of Suffolk. 68 00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,252 Strong Island, baby! 69 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,715 Of course, uh, no place is perfect. 70 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,967 I should give you a little, uh, heads up about my sister. 71 00:02:57,968 --> 00:03:00,928 Uh, and I don't like saying this about my own flesh and blood, 72 00:03:00,929 --> 00:03:03,598 but she can be, uh, very... 73 00:03:03,599 --> 00:03:05,349 uh, spontaneous? 74 00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:07,436 Ooh, sick burn. 75 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,070 Ah! 76 00:03:18,071 --> 00:03:21,909 Well, look who finally decided to show up for Thanksgiving. 77 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,621 Too bad it's April. 78 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,330 Come on. 79 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,684 I like your dolls. 80 00:04:29,685 --> 00:04:31,519 {\an8}Oh, thank you. You know, 81 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,854 {\an8}the big ones are very hard to come by now. 82 00:04:33,855 --> 00:04:35,856 {\an8}Something about the supply chain, but... 83 00:04:35,857 --> 00:04:39,568 {\an8}Yeah, I started collecting after, uh, Dawn's wedding. 84 00:04:39,569 --> 00:04:42,571 {\an8}And then, when Dina and Danielle went to DeVry, 85 00:04:42,572 --> 00:04:46,117 {\an8}and then Dagmar, which is my youngest, still a baby, 86 00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:48,160 {\an8}she really just left to wound me. 87 00:04:48,161 --> 00:04:52,125 {\an8}So, I guess you replaced your children with dolls, huh? 88 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,379 Wow. 89 00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,383 I have never made that connection. 90 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,176 {\an8}You are intuitive. 91 00:05:04,177 --> 00:05:06,973 {\an8}That is much more important in a man than height. 92 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,225 {\an8}- Thank you. - Mm. 93 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,517 {\an8}I always wondered what you look like. 94 00:05:11,518 --> 00:05:13,436 {\an8}You know, I know your voice from the podcast, 95 00:05:13,437 --> 00:05:16,480 but sometimes, I would, uh, slow it down. 96 00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:18,232 I'd deepen your register. 97 00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,609 Then, I speed it back up, and you sound like a little frisky chicken. 98 00:05:20,610 --> 00:05:21,694 Ah... 99 00:05:21,695 --> 00:05:24,905 Then slow it down again. And then speed it up. 100 00:05:24,906 --> 00:05:27,074 Then, slow it down. 101 00:05:27,075 --> 00:05:29,201 And then, I speed it back up. 102 00:05:29,202 --> 00:05:31,414 Where's Big Mike? We could use a cop around here. 103 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,373 {\an8}Well, I kicked him out again. 104 00:05:34,374 --> 00:05:36,292 He's livin' on the boat in the driveway. 105 00:05:36,293 --> 00:05:38,961 {\an8}One too many nights at Can-Cans. 106 00:05:38,962 --> 00:05:40,713 {\an8}Uh, 107 00:05:40,714 --> 00:05:44,175 I feel like I'm gonna regret asking this, but what is Can-Cans? 108 00:05:44,176 --> 00:05:46,427 It's Hooters for butts. 109 00:05:46,428 --> 00:05:47,511 I was right. 110 00:05:47,512 --> 00:05:50,097 This is what I married. He's a pig. 111 00:05:50,098 --> 00:05:53,184 Just hoggin' down mozzarelly sticks, surrounded by 112 00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:55,853 random women's mud flaps. 113 00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:57,730 Oh, anyway, more room for you. 114 00:05:57,731 --> 00:05:59,648 And no murderer is ever gonna check here 115 00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:02,026 'cause they know you're not gonna come visit your sister! 116 00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:03,110 Hey. 117 00:06:03,111 --> 00:06:06,739 Oh, what are you gonna do? Inflict another permanent injury on me? 118 00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:09,742 - Doreen, please. - Oh, my God, he's so sensitive. 119 00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:12,745 Pardon me, I'm gonna get you some fresh towels. 120 00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:14,455 If you're gonna stay over, you need towels! 121 00:06:14,456 --> 00:06:16,874 - What are you, one or two? - One. 122 00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,292 I thought so. 123 00:06:18,293 --> 00:06:21,462 You're a two-towel guy. I can tell that. You're gonna need it. 124 00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:22,756 I want you dry. 125 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,594 I'm scared. 126 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,767 Alright, Charles, can you catch us up on the plot of... 127 00:06:34,768 --> 00:06:36,560 "August: Suffolk County"? 128 00:06:36,561 --> 00:06:38,396 It's probably what you would've guessed. 129 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:40,773 When Doreen was 3, I was pushing her on a swing, 130 00:06:40,774 --> 00:06:42,775 and I pushed her too hard, and she flew off, 131 00:06:42,776 --> 00:06:44,695 and ended up losing her spleen. 132 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,738 I wouldn't say that was exactly what I would've guessed. 133 00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,323 - No. - She knows I feel terrible about it, 134 00:06:49,324 --> 00:06:51,536 and she loves spleen-shaming me. 135 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,246 - Maybe this was a mistake. - No, no, no, no, it's quiet here, 136 00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,915 so we can work on the case and hopefully not die. 137 00:06:57,916 --> 00:07:01,335 Does this gorgeous doll remind you of anyone? 138 00:07:01,336 --> 00:07:03,170 Braids, porcelain skin, 139 00:07:03,171 --> 00:07:04,630 perky little set of-- 140 00:07:04,631 --> 00:07:06,340 Oliver! The case! 141 00:07:06,341 --> 00:07:08,094 You know what? You handle it. 142 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,428 'Cause I'm exhausted 143 00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:12,265 and freshly heartbroken. 144 00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,140 Charles? 145 00:07:14,141 --> 00:07:16,267 Mabel, I have to come up with a security plan! 146 00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:18,769 I need to make this place murder-proof... 147 00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,896 ...and then give law enforcement a, uh, 148 00:07:20,897 --> 00:07:22,773 tactical appraisal of the situation. 149 00:07:22,774 --> 00:07:26,112 You mean talk to the butt-lover in the driveway boat? 150 00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:27,613 Yes. 151 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,530 Meanwhile, 152 00:07:29,531 --> 00:07:31,868 towels. You wanted two. There you go. 153 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:33,911 One towel. 154 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,787 "Can-Cans Wet Bench Night." 155 00:07:36,788 --> 00:07:39,876 Oh, Long Island, you're so... you. 156 00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,850 Big Mike? 157 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,352 It's Charles! 158 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,567 I'm borrowing your toolbox. 159 00:08:06,568 --> 00:08:09,028 I found you! Finally! 160 00:08:09,029 --> 00:08:11,280 - I have left you so many messages! - Bev? 161 00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:13,574 It's a good thing Howard knew where you were. So listen, 162 00:08:13,575 --> 00:08:17,036 this is serious. The studio is asking if the Brothers Sisters are the killers. 163 00:08:17,037 --> 00:08:18,787 If they are the killers, I have to fire them. 164 00:08:18,788 --> 00:08:20,831 If they might be, but we can't prove it, 165 00:08:20,832 --> 00:08:23,459 that is a gray area that I can sell. So, what is it? Tell me. 166 00:08:23,460 --> 00:08:26,506 It's definitely not them... I think. 167 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,924 Okay, he says they're not the killers. He's right here. 168 00:08:29,925 --> 00:08:32,011 He seems, like, 60% sure. 169 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:34,678 That sounds low? 170 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,680 Well, 50% of one margarita was enough 171 00:08:36,681 --> 00:08:38,933 for you to flash your boobs at the Fabelmans premiere. 172 00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:42,269 Bev, this is an emergency safe house situation, so I need your phone. 173 00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:43,812 He did see them, Monica! 174 00:08:43,813 --> 00:08:46,691 He saw 100% of both of them! 175 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,530 What? Oh, my God! 176 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,739 Oliver, what are you doing? 177 00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:55,032 Mabel, not now! 178 00:08:55,033 --> 00:08:56,784 I'm busy with an urgent new mystery. 179 00:08:56,785 --> 00:08:59,286 The whereabouts of Johnnie Walker. 180 00:08:59,287 --> 00:09:02,373 Well, I'm just trying to find a place to work 181 00:09:02,374 --> 00:09:03,999 that isn't filled with dolls. 182 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,918 - [outside] Oh, my God. - I mean, it's so creep-- 183 00:09:05,919 --> 00:09:07,336 With that little baby voice... 184 00:09:07,337 --> 00:09:09,338 Is that Bev Melon? 185 00:09:09,339 --> 00:09:11,298 Howard, come on! 186 00:09:11,299 --> 00:09:15,346 Okay. Hey, am I to believe people suffer a life in Patchogue sober? 187 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,848 Ah, of course not. Bar she blows. 188 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,770 - Hey. Okay, I'll call you back, bye. - Bev, what are you doing here? 189 00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:26,897 We're dead. We're all fucking dead, 190 00:09:26,898 --> 00:09:28,857 that's what I'm doing here. I don't fucking know. 191 00:09:28,858 --> 00:09:31,235 Wh-What do you mean? What happened? Is there someone out there? 192 00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:33,112 No. I wish it was so simple, Mabel. 193 00:09:33,113 --> 00:09:36,031 The studio is talking about 194 00:09:36,032 --> 00:09:37,700 pulling the plug on the movie 195 00:09:37,701 --> 00:09:39,785 because of all the "catastrophes." 196 00:09:39,786 --> 00:09:41,662 I'm stressed, okay?! 197 00:09:41,663 --> 00:09:44,164 I gotta figure this out! It's stressful! I'm fucking, like, 198 00:09:44,165 --> 00:09:45,749 losing my shit, okay? 199 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,043 And I'm starving right now! 200 00:09:48,044 --> 00:09:50,045 I'm so hungry. Ugh, that looks gross. 201 00:09:50,046 --> 00:09:52,091 I need something substantial. 202 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,470 You know what? I think I saw pizza crust on the driveway boat, I'll be right back. 203 00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,932 What is my life? 204 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,188 - My apologies. I-- - Oh, no. 205 00:10:08,189 --> 00:10:10,733 I just had a craving for a Tulsa Torpedo. 206 00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:12,860 - Oh. - I mean, but I see that 207 00:10:12,861 --> 00:10:15,279 you've misplaced your watermelon liqueur. 208 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,906 Oh, why don't I make you one of my signature cocktails? 209 00:10:17,907 --> 00:10:20,284 Okay? Lemme just... Right behind you. If I-- 210 00:10:20,285 --> 00:10:23,037 I almost got it. Here we go. 211 00:10:23,038 --> 00:10:25,331 I think you are going to like. 212 00:10:25,332 --> 00:10:28,626 This is mostly entirely vodka and Crystal Light. 213 00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:30,546 You know, I call it a Sweaty Betty. 214 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,964 Named it after my dear friend, also named Betty, 215 00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:36,425 uh, who also happens to sweat like a pig. 216 00:10:36,426 --> 00:10:37,509 Uh-huh... 217 00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:39,887 So... there we go. 218 00:10:39,888 --> 00:10:42,973 And Crystal Light, if you dunk anything in it, 219 00:10:42,974 --> 00:10:44,224 - it's a great exfoliant. - Uh... 220 00:10:44,225 --> 00:10:46,226 - Ah. - A long pour... 221 00:10:46,227 --> 00:10:48,312 - Ah... - ...for my short king. 222 00:10:48,313 --> 00:10:50,689 - Well, here's to Betty. - Oh, Betty was a whore. 223 00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:52,026 Okay. 224 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:53,819 Mm... 225 00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,445 Can you believe it? 226 00:10:56,446 --> 00:10:57,571 Oh my, that's... 227 00:10:57,572 --> 00:11:00,115 - Mm. I know. - Oh! Th-That is-- 228 00:11:00,116 --> 00:11:01,992 Okay-- 229 00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:03,619 Now... 230 00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:06,080 ...I can't help but notice you seem like something's 231 00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:08,459 maybe bothering you. Is it Charles? 232 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,087 W-Well, no. Uh-- Well, 233 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,837 usually yes, but, uh, 234 00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:15,508 uh, this time, it's a breakup. 235 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,676 A relationship done in by my... 236 00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,594 one tragic flaw. 237 00:11:20,595 --> 00:11:22,179 Too handsome? 238 00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:24,848 Well, th-there's that, but it's also... 239 00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:26,727 I-I'm simply too... 240 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,687 emotionally available. 241 00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,907 Actors? Now what are you doing here? 242 00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,909 Howard told us you would be here. 243 00:11:43,910 --> 00:11:45,788 People don't keep secrets from the famous. 244 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,622 What are you doing here? 245 00:11:48,623 --> 00:11:50,124 Uh, I'm hiding out from the killer. 246 00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:52,918 Oh, so you thought, "Hey, why don't we leave the actors 247 00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:54,463 to die with a psychopath"? 248 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,464 Pretty sure the killer is after us, not you guys. 249 00:11:57,465 --> 00:12:00,467 I would reconsider that. Just a gut feeling. 250 00:12:00,468 --> 00:12:01,635 Oh! 251 00:12:01,636 --> 00:12:03,554 I escaped the hospital to come here. 252 00:12:03,555 --> 00:12:06,765 Well, go back to the hospital! And for you guys, 253 00:12:06,766 --> 00:12:09,226 I need some quiet to work on the case, okay? 254 00:12:09,227 --> 00:12:12,020 - I'm sure there's lovely local hotels. - No, no, no, no. 255 00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:15,317 You are contractually responsible for our safety, so we're staying. 256 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,694 Fine! Then pick a doll, amuse yourselves, 257 00:12:18,695 --> 00:12:20,363 and give me your phones. 258 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,867 I mean... 259 00:12:24,868 --> 00:12:28,162 I thought that I wanted a creative counterpart. 260 00:12:28,163 --> 00:12:29,246 Yeah. Yeah. 261 00:12:29,247 --> 00:12:32,416 A Verdon to my Fosse. A Fleetwood to my Mac. 262 00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:33,500 Oh. 263 00:12:33,501 --> 00:12:36,464 Maybe what I really want... 264 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,382 is just someone I can hold 265 00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:42,468 and adore, you know? 266 00:12:42,469 --> 00:12:44,261 Like a doll. 267 00:12:44,262 --> 00:12:46,182 - Sure. Sure, like a doll. - Like a doll. 268 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,016 How'd you meet your husband? 269 00:12:49,017 --> 00:12:51,854 You know what, this is-- shouldn't be here. 270 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,608 Well, 271 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,027 you know, it was actually... 272 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,614 a pretty classic meet-cute. It was... 273 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,992 inside the port-a-potty at Jones Beach. 274 00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,788 Someone should get that 275 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,164 before we have to hear it again. 276 00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:13,957 Alright. Ooh, I'm like a turtle. 277 00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:16,420 - Gimme a little help. There we go. - Oh, lemme help you. There you go. 278 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,589 Okay. Okay. 279 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,051 Oh, Mr. Putman! 280 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,427 Hello-- 281 00:13:25,428 --> 00:13:27,679 Oh. Let yourself in. 282 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:28,972 What on earth? 283 00:13:28,973 --> 00:13:30,766 Hi. 284 00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:34,228 I j-- I just got caught in her macramé duster. 285 00:13:34,229 --> 00:13:37,272 Oh, is that what the kids are calling it now? 286 00:13:37,273 --> 00:13:39,735 This one. What a tease, huh? 287 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,446 Loretta, how did you find out-- 288 00:13:44,447 --> 00:13:47,241 Howard! Of course, it was Howard. 289 00:13:47,242 --> 00:13:51,119 I called repeatedly, straight to voicemail every time. 290 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,831 So, I got on a six-hour flight, 291 00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:54,915 middle seat, 292 00:13:54,916 --> 00:13:57,253 just so I could ask you why you thought you could... 293 00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:01,088 break up with me over text. 294 00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,675 Uh-- Loretta... 295 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,675 what are you talking about? 296 00:14:04,676 --> 00:14:06,927 I poured my heart out to you 297 00:14:06,928 --> 00:14:09,555 on the phone, and you went, "Ugh." 298 00:14:09,556 --> 00:14:10,764 When did this happen? 299 00:14:10,765 --> 00:14:12,266 - Yesterday. Yes-- - No, you didn't. 300 00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:15,354 A-A day that will live in ugh-famy. 301 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,689 What time was it? 302 00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,148 I don't know, lunch? 303 00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:22,901 - Devastation o'clock. - Your lunch or my lunch? 304 00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:25,781 I-It was your lunch, my second Cosmo. 305 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:31,910 Oh! 306 00:14:31,911 --> 00:14:35,289 Oh, I-I love that my pain is so amusing to you. 307 00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:37,708 That is just so appreciated. 308 00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:40,294 No! Oh, Oliver. 309 00:14:40,295 --> 00:14:42,921 I think you talked to my stand-in. 310 00:14:42,922 --> 00:14:44,590 - What? Sorry, what? - Yeah. 311 00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:47,676 Because I'm wrapped in gauze, and my stand-in is wrapped in gauze, 312 00:14:47,677 --> 00:14:50,512 so I think the-the PA gave my cellphone 313 00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:53,850 to the wrong burn victim. 314 00:14:56,270 --> 00:15:00,230 - I mean... No, no. - So, that wasn't you? 315 00:15:00,231 --> 00:15:03,734 I don't think you're ugh. 316 00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:05,695 I think you're... 317 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,284 What I can say other than... 318 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,787 Oh, Ollie! 319 00:15:15,788 --> 00:15:19,833 - Oh, I missed you. I missed you. - I missed you. I missed you, too. 320 00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:23,923 - So... Doreen. - Oh. 321 00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:28,216 Doreen? Well, Doreen is Charles' sister. 322 00:15:28,217 --> 00:15:29,803 Is she someone... 323 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,220 that I should be worried about? 324 00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:35,059 Everyone should be worried about Doreen. 325 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,852 Careful, Upchuck! 326 00:15:38,853 --> 00:15:42,689 Oh, you need me to help you nail your fingers to the house, huh? 327 00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,983 These windows won't lock, so I'm trying to nail them shut. 328 00:15:44,984 --> 00:15:46,735 Just trying to keep everybody in one piece. 329 00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:49,490 Well, it's a little late to keep me in one piece. 330 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,825 I asked the doctor if I could give you my spleen, 331 00:15:53,826 --> 00:15:55,744 and he said it wasn't necessary 332 00:15:55,745 --> 00:15:57,537 because spleens aren't necessary. 333 00:15:57,538 --> 00:16:00,540 Oh, come on. I was just razzin' you. 334 00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:02,503 I don't even remember the accident! 335 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,505 You know what I remember? One of my... 336 00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:08,674 probably fondest memories is-- 337 00:16:08,675 --> 00:16:11,178 God, I must've been, what, 5? 338 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,262 Mom was taking me 339 00:16:14,263 --> 00:16:16,348 to see my big brother... 340 00:16:16,349 --> 00:16:18,268 ...in one of his first plays. 341 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,562 You were so good. 342 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,148 You were always meant to be Mr. Hollywood someday, huh? 343 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,656 Are you even listening to me?! 344 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,949 I'm sorry. I just can't have a conversation right now. 345 00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:35,993 Everyone I know is either dead or in danger 346 00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:38,495 because of me and my stupid podcast, 347 00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:42,374 so I have to keep my attention focused on these nails! 348 00:16:42,375 --> 00:16:45,796 Why are you always mad at me?! 349 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,422 I'm not mad at you. 350 00:16:48,423 --> 00:16:50,465 Wait, wait, wait, are you-- are you crying? 351 00:16:50,466 --> 00:16:52,009 Oh, please don't cry. 352 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:53,510 I can cry if I want to! 353 00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:57,431 Just because you, Mr. No-Emotion-Robot-Man, doesn't! 354 00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:59,224 I-I control myself. 355 00:16:59,225 --> 00:17:02,269 Oh, wh-what's that? Implying that I'm crazy?! 356 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:03,979 - I didn't say that. - Don't deny it. 357 00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:05,355 - Well, I didn't say that. - Don't! 358 00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:06,523 I said don't! 359 00:17:06,524 --> 00:17:09,443 Don't deny it! Not do deny it! I said don't deny it! 360 00:17:09,444 --> 00:17:12,237 TikTok calls it gaslighting. 361 00:17:12,238 --> 00:17:14,865 And you're full of gas, and it's an epidemic! 362 00:17:14,866 --> 00:17:17,242 Every man in my life thinks that because I have 363 00:17:17,243 --> 00:17:20,954 just actual and real emotions that I'm crazy! 364 00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:23,582 But, you know what? There's a little man, 365 00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:26,334 a tiny, little man downstairs right now 366 00:17:26,335 --> 00:17:30,256 who appreciates a woman with a nice, big set of emotions. 367 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,679 And be gentle with Jill! She's Victorian. 368 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,516 We're bored. 369 00:17:41,517 --> 00:17:44,686 - Whatcha doing? Checking out the semen? - What? 370 00:17:44,687 --> 00:17:46,774 Where there's murder, there's semen. CSI 101. 371 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,608 We can help, you know. We're not children. 372 00:17:49,609 --> 00:17:52,694 And can you open this snick-snack? My assistant's not here. 373 00:17:52,695 --> 00:17:55,113 Okay, I need to work on the case. 374 00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:57,949 So, um, could you actors maybe run lines 375 00:17:57,950 --> 00:18:00,660 or do Ozempic, whatever you guys do? 376 00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:01,912 Don't wanna interrupt you. 377 00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:05,292 Just need a little nibble. 378 00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:09,294 Eugene? 379 00:18:09,295 --> 00:18:11,671 It's me! Loretta. 380 00:18:11,672 --> 00:18:12,964 Loretta...? 381 00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:14,883 Loretta Durkin. 382 00:18:14,884 --> 00:18:18,678 We did Summer stock together. Saskatoon '82. 383 00:18:18,679 --> 00:18:20,766 Um... 384 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:24,935 We did that stage adaptation of James Bond's Moonraker. 385 00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:27,771 I mean, I'm trying to place the face, but, uh, 386 00:18:27,772 --> 00:18:29,481 I'm coming up empty. 387 00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:32,109 I was Lieutenant Holly Goodhead. 388 00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:33,695 That was my-- 389 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,365 Zach! 390 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,949 I adored you in Baskets. 391 00:18:38,950 --> 00:18:40,911 Why, thank you very-- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 392 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:44,871 Sorry, I have a hole inside of me. 393 00:18:44,872 --> 00:18:47,458 Um, nobody's complimented me yet, so... 394 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,630 - Can I talk to you for a minute? - Yeah, sure. 395 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,592 Hey, I'm sorry, it's just the actors wanna help with the case. 396 00:18:57,593 --> 00:18:58,677 - Yeah. - Um, 397 00:18:58,678 --> 00:19:01,513 do you think you can take them out to play or distract them with your keys? 398 00:19:01,514 --> 00:19:05,100 Okay, but I think you're making a big mistake. 399 00:19:05,101 --> 00:19:07,477 Actors are investigators, you know. 400 00:19:07,478 --> 00:19:09,187 Of the human condition. 401 00:19:09,188 --> 00:19:11,650 LA did this to you in two weeks? 402 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,571 Just let them in. Come on. 403 00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,864 You never know, it might help. 404 00:19:18,865 --> 00:19:23,118 Bev! Okay-- Thank God! 405 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:24,619 I'm gonna need you 406 00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:27,122 to entertain some movie actors. 407 00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:28,874 - You're a sweetie. - Thanks. 408 00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:31,877 I would love to hang with actors! 409 00:19:31,878 --> 00:19:34,629 Where are the "actors"? 410 00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:38,133 Actors, all sitting together, talking about their craft! 411 00:19:38,134 --> 00:19:40,012 Hey, actors! 412 00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:42,264 Fuck you! 413 00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,056 Can I, um-- You want some drink of water? 414 00:19:45,057 --> 00:19:46,391 Okay, Mom. 415 00:19:46,392 --> 00:19:47,726 Fuck you, TV actor. 416 00:19:47,727 --> 00:19:49,769 You know my work? 417 00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:52,522 "Work"? Let me sum up the quality of your 418 00:19:52,523 --> 00:19:55,026 "acting ability" in one word. 419 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:58,653 Oh. 420 00:19:58,654 --> 00:20:02,240 I'm sick of this bullshit studio, and the script 421 00:20:02,241 --> 00:20:05,827 with its bullshit plot holes, and all you self-centered actors, 422 00:20:05,828 --> 00:20:07,662 memorizing your lines, 423 00:20:07,663 --> 00:20:10,624 and your little baby set slippers, 424 00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,834 eating your special actor's food. 425 00:20:12,835 --> 00:20:16,171 I was shot! And I bet it's infected! I am weeping fluid here! 426 00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:19,007 Oh, my God, Zach, cut it out! 427 00:20:19,008 --> 00:20:20,717 All you do is complain. 428 00:20:20,718 --> 00:20:22,719 "I'm a self-centered Greek Smurf," and, 429 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,514 "I-I got hit by a sniper, and now I have a boo-boo!" 430 00:20:26,515 --> 00:20:28,851 I can't take it anymore, bro! 431 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:33,355 I'm done with Hollywood! 432 00:20:33,356 --> 00:20:34,981 - Middle child. - Single mom. 433 00:20:34,982 --> 00:20:37,067 Low thyroid. No, high. High thyroid. 434 00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:38,654 Three for three, fuckers! 435 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,572 See? 436 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,448 Detectives. 437 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,534 Okay, fine. 438 00:20:46,535 --> 00:20:49,580 Actors, let's talk case. 439 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,833 Come on, man. 440 00:20:53,834 --> 00:20:55,752 Look, I just need to see 441 00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:58,715 who is cashing my close personal friend's checks. 442 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,635 - No. - I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. 443 00:21:03,636 --> 00:21:05,595 Please! Please, let me just have a look at that ledger. 444 00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:07,389 Sorry, it's against our policy. 445 00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:10,393 You're a bodega. You barely have a hand-washing policy. 446 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:20,153 Oh. 447 00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:24,990 You trained a cat to guard your store? 448 00:21:24,991 --> 00:21:27,075 Sí. Gazpacho's tough. 449 00:21:27,076 --> 00:21:29,244 Well, how would you like for him to be a guest 450 00:21:29,245 --> 00:21:32,582 on the soon-to-be number one animal labor podcast in the country? 451 00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:38,005 Dudenoff! 452 00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:44,926 Another Dudenoff. 453 00:21:44,927 --> 00:21:46,554 These signatures don't match at all. 454 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,311 Mabel, pick up, pick up, pick up, oh, my God. 455 00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:56,313 It all happened the night that Sazz died. 456 00:21:56,314 --> 00:22:00,358 Then the killer texted us, "I'm watching you," so we came here. 457 00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,610 There. Now, you know everything we know. 458 00:22:02,611 --> 00:22:05,405 - Okay, great, we'll take it from here. - Oh yeah, you think you got this? 459 00:22:05,406 --> 00:22:07,824 Mabel, you really have no idea 460 00:22:07,825 --> 00:22:11,828 about the breadth of our skill set here. 461 00:22:11,829 --> 00:22:14,458 Only 3% of our time is devoted 462 00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:16,458 to the actual job. 463 00:22:16,459 --> 00:22:19,377 The rest is spent developing talents 464 00:22:19,378 --> 00:22:23,467 that would be helpful in a character's backstory, like, uh... 465 00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:30,263 I don't really cotton to Northern types, y'hear? 466 00:22:30,264 --> 00:22:31,391 You know, dialects. 467 00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:34,017 I can skin a deer. Somebody get me a deer. 468 00:22:34,018 --> 00:22:35,354 I can do card tricks. 469 00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,398 You guys are all such treasures, 470 00:22:40,399 --> 00:22:42,442 and I cannot wait to hear what you come up with, 471 00:22:42,443 --> 00:22:44,152 so, um, pick a room. 472 00:22:44,153 --> 00:22:45,863 I'll be in a different one. 473 00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:52,204 Ooh, welcome back, my little-- 474 00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:54,871 What? 475 00:22:54,872 --> 00:22:56,291 Surprise! 476 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:58,666 See what I'm trying out? 477 00:22:58,667 --> 00:23:01,127 To extend our time together a little bit? 478 00:23:01,128 --> 00:23:03,213 See? 'Cause look what I found. 479 00:23:03,214 --> 00:23:04,923 The watermelon liqueur! 480 00:23:04,924 --> 00:23:07,384 Oh, thanks, but I-I'm good. 481 00:23:07,385 --> 00:23:09,177 And I think that's A.1. Sauce. 482 00:23:09,178 --> 00:23:11,596 Oh. Either way. 483 00:23:11,597 --> 00:23:13,016 Oh. 484 00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:15,016 Didn't mean to interrupt. 485 00:23:15,017 --> 00:23:16,476 Loretta, please, interrupt. 486 00:23:16,477 --> 00:23:18,520 Uh, Doreen, uh, if you can... 487 00:23:18,521 --> 00:23:19,854 Yes. 488 00:23:19,855 --> 00:23:22,023 So, we have a long-distance relationship, 489 00:23:22,024 --> 00:23:25,068 so every second together is precious. 490 00:23:25,069 --> 00:23:26,822 Oh. Oh. 491 00:23:27,322 --> 00:23:30,700 Okay, so we're... we're best buds until Heidi... 492 00:23:31,993 --> 00:23:34,746 shows up, and then what am I? I'm dog meat? 493 00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,581 You know, I'm just tired of everybody jerkin' me around! 494 00:23:38,582 --> 00:23:40,875 Nobody's jerking anybody around. 495 00:23:40,876 --> 00:23:42,919 Yeah, I think people are jerking! 496 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,006 - Ow! - Doreen! 497 00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:47,382 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 498 00:23:47,383 --> 00:23:50,802 I-I'm being rejected by my husband. I'm being rejected by your boyfriend. 499 00:23:50,803 --> 00:23:52,679 My own brother doesn't wanna talk to me! 500 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,307 I'm... 501 00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:56,766 I put hands on you! 502 00:23:56,767 --> 00:23:58,560 Aw... 503 00:23:58,561 --> 00:24:00,562 - Poor thing. - Oof. 504 00:24:00,563 --> 00:24:02,397 But you can't blame her 505 00:24:02,398 --> 00:24:05,567 for being attracted to Oliver Putnam. You are a magnet. 506 00:24:05,568 --> 00:24:07,319 - Well... - Thanks. 507 00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:11,700 - Mm-hmm. - Mm... 508 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,784 Okay. 509 00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:19,330 - Hey. Uh... - Here we are at the piano again. 510 00:24:19,331 --> 00:24:22,167 I'm just, I'm a little bit jealous 511 00:24:22,168 --> 00:24:25,338 of whatever it was you said to my stand-in yesterday. 512 00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:28,091 On the phone. 513 00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:30,385 Oh, it was just-- I just... 514 00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:33,344 I think you had to be there. 515 00:24:33,345 --> 00:24:35,932 Yeah. [giggles] But, what'd you say? 516 00:24:36,766 --> 00:24:38,393 Well, I-I just, uh... 517 00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,311 I just said that when we were at that party in LA, 518 00:24:41,312 --> 00:24:43,104 - you know, in that strange fire pit... - Ah, yeah. 519 00:24:43,105 --> 00:24:45,482 ...that, uh, I almost... 520 00:24:45,483 --> 00:24:47,152 proposed to you. 521 00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:50,361 You wh-- You what? 522 00:24:50,362 --> 00:24:52,197 Well, it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. 523 00:24:52,198 --> 00:24:54,324 You know, I mean, you were going to LA, 524 00:24:54,325 --> 00:24:57,619 - a-and I was afraid of losing you. - Oh, yeah. 525 00:24:57,620 --> 00:25:00,038 No, no, I-I don't mean I don't want to. 526 00:25:00,039 --> 00:25:02,707 Loretta, I adore you. I've been... 527 00:25:02,708 --> 00:25:06,252 spinning out of control trying to stay close to you. 528 00:25:06,253 --> 00:25:08,546 I mean, really I-- 529 00:25:08,547 --> 00:25:12,342 I even invented a crafty heartland Insta-grammy 530 00:25:12,343 --> 00:25:14,471 j-just to see what you were up to. 531 00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:16,346 A what? 532 00:25:16,347 --> 00:25:18,389 "The only way to be yourself 533 00:25:18,390 --> 00:25:20,975 is to find yourself, yourself." 534 00:25:20,976 --> 00:25:23,188 Oh, my God, you're Ronnie? 535 00:25:24,272 --> 00:25:27,815 - Yeah. I-- - Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 536 00:25:27,816 --> 00:25:29,400 I connected with Ronnie. 537 00:25:29,401 --> 00:25:31,446 I-I-I... 538 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:35,450 took screenshots of her memes. I-I... 539 00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:37,617 I told her things. 540 00:25:37,618 --> 00:25:39,786 - And she appreciated all of them. She-- - Oh. 541 00:25:39,787 --> 00:25:43,581 So, you, what, you stalked me, and then you tricked me, 542 00:25:43,582 --> 00:25:46,376 and then you... were going to propose to me, 543 00:25:46,377 --> 00:25:48,169 but only because you were scared, 544 00:25:48,170 --> 00:25:50,756 and then you broke up with me over text? 545 00:25:52,092 --> 00:25:54,968 Well, when you list them all in a row like that... 546 00:25:54,969 --> 00:25:56,721 I need a minute. 547 00:25:57,639 --> 00:25:59,140 Loretta! I... 548 00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:15,447 Oh, goddammit. 549 00:26:22,789 --> 00:26:23,790 Hello. 550 00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:26,334 Uh... 551 00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:30,755 I should-- No, I-I want to apologize. 552 00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:34,009 I was outta line before. 553 00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:36,134 Crystal Light got on top of me. 554 00:26:36,135 --> 00:26:38,595 Yeah, well, 555 00:26:38,596 --> 00:26:41,016 we all have our moments. 556 00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:43,768 S-So, um... 557 00:26:45,228 --> 00:26:48,607 seems like things aren't going too well for you and your little man. 558 00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:52,567 I think my little man... 559 00:26:52,568 --> 00:26:54,154 might be crazy. 560 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,281 Okay, what is it with everybody thinking that anyone 561 00:26:58,282 --> 00:27:00,366 who feels is crazy? 562 00:27:00,367 --> 00:27:02,744 I mean, maybe, maybe he's not crazy. 563 00:27:02,745 --> 00:27:04,621 M-Maybe he's just emotional! 564 00:27:04,622 --> 00:27:06,706 You know, and isn't that better than not feeling enough? 565 00:27:06,707 --> 00:27:08,625 I mean, his heart is an open book! 566 00:27:08,626 --> 00:27:11,502 Yeah, maybe you're right. 567 00:27:11,503 --> 00:27:14,922 - Maybe you're right. - Maybe, huh? 568 00:27:14,923 --> 00:27:17,967 What do I know, maybe. Or maybe I'm just a stupid idiot! 569 00:27:17,968 --> 00:27:19,510 Calm down now. 570 00:27:19,511 --> 00:27:21,512 Okay, don't tell me to calm down. 571 00:27:21,513 --> 00:27:23,514 Okay, why don't you go back to Beverly Hills?! 572 00:27:23,515 --> 00:27:25,308 Whoa! 573 00:27:25,309 --> 00:27:28,144 Listen, I rent a studio in Burbank. 574 00:27:28,145 --> 00:27:29,854 You know, it's under a Whole Foods. 575 00:27:29,855 --> 00:27:32,940 I don't need you throwing your rich bitch shit in my face. 576 00:27:32,941 --> 00:27:35,026 You need to calm down, really. 577 00:27:35,027 --> 00:27:36,402 You need to get out of my house, 578 00:27:36,403 --> 00:27:38,572 you Hollywood hussy! 579 00:27:39,866 --> 00:27:41,449 What is this? What is-- 580 00:27:41,450 --> 00:27:43,618 - Get-- Stop resisting! - Whoa! 581 00:27:43,619 --> 00:27:46,120 Stay away from me! No, what are you doing to me?! 582 00:27:46,121 --> 00:27:47,747 I don't know why you're eatin' your braids! 583 00:27:47,748 --> 00:27:49,582 - Oh, my God! - Why you eatin' 'em? 584 00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:52,210 Why you eatin' your braids, huh? Oh! 585 00:27:52,211 --> 00:27:54,212 She was in Moonraker. 586 00:27:54,213 --> 00:27:55,588 My pacemaker. 587 00:27:55,589 --> 00:27:56,756 My pacemaker! 588 00:27:56,757 --> 00:27:58,591 - My pacemaker. - I didn't know you had a pacemaker. 589 00:27:58,592 --> 00:28:00,551 Oh, my God. Oh. 590 00:28:00,552 --> 00:28:02,261 Oh, my God, I didn't know! 591 00:28:02,262 --> 00:28:05,015 I didn't know. 592 00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:09,644 I was acting. 593 00:28:09,645 --> 00:28:11,354 - Not very good. - And I took stage combat 594 00:28:11,355 --> 00:28:12,814 with Sensei Brian. 595 00:28:12,815 --> 00:28:14,482 Ha! 596 00:28:14,483 --> 00:28:17,026 Oh, my tooth! 597 00:28:17,027 --> 00:28:18,611 I should stop this! 598 00:28:18,612 --> 00:28:20,655 Who wears a train in their own house? 599 00:28:20,656 --> 00:28:22,200 - Oh God! - No, no, no, I shouldn't! 600 00:28:25,078 --> 00:28:27,787 - Come here, baby! Ah! - My God! 601 00:28:27,788 --> 00:28:29,998 What was in that Crystal Light? Bath salts? 602 00:28:31,334 --> 00:28:32,458 Hey, Doreen! 603 00:28:32,459 --> 00:28:34,168 - Get her off me! - You gotta bridge! 604 00:28:34,169 --> 00:28:36,295 You're gonna have to get your hand in there for a choke hold. 605 00:28:36,296 --> 00:28:37,714 Bridge! Come on, kill! 606 00:28:37,715 --> 00:28:39,340 Whoa, whoa, easy, ladies! 607 00:28:39,341 --> 00:28:40,425 Get off me! Get off me! 608 00:28:40,426 --> 00:28:42,385 No need to fight over me like Loni Anderson and Charo! 609 00:28:42,386 --> 00:28:45,388 - Get off me! - Ow! 610 00:28:45,389 --> 00:28:47,098 Who's the chocolate Swiss Miss-- 611 00:28:47,099 --> 00:28:49,350 - Get away, you bitch! - Are you sorry? 612 00:28:49,351 --> 00:28:51,479 I'm sorry you're on me! 613 00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:54,941 I'm sorry, too. 614 00:29:00,613 --> 00:29:03,531 Hey. You know, Doreen, uh... 615 00:29:03,532 --> 00:29:05,074 I'm a little worried about you. 616 00:29:05,075 --> 00:29:06,367 - Is that alright? - Yeah. 617 00:29:06,368 --> 00:29:08,745 I mean, your husband lives in the driveway, 618 00:29:08,746 --> 00:29:10,955 and you're fighting with a TV actress, 619 00:29:10,956 --> 00:29:13,624 and you're, you're stuck on this thing I did 620 00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:15,084 when you were a toddler. 621 00:29:15,085 --> 00:29:17,336 Oh, my God, fuck the spleen. 622 00:29:17,337 --> 00:29:19,088 Come on, I make jokes about it 623 00:29:19,089 --> 00:29:21,384 because it's not a big deal. 624 00:29:22,218 --> 00:29:24,260 It's not funny to me. 625 00:29:24,261 --> 00:29:27,724 I mean, y-you were so little, and I was-- I was 19. 626 00:29:28,725 --> 00:29:30,391 And that day at the hospital, 627 00:29:30,392 --> 00:29:34,522 Mom wouldn't stop screaming at me. She never forgave me. 628 00:29:35,190 --> 00:29:37,692 She was bonkers, and y-you know that. 629 00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:43,531 Do you know why I remember going to see your play? 630 00:29:45,366 --> 00:29:48,411 Because Mom held my hand when we walked in. 631 00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:54,000 She held your hand? 632 00:29:55,418 --> 00:29:57,420 - Wow. - I know. 633 00:30:00,089 --> 00:30:02,592 I don't think she had ever done it before. 634 00:30:03,551 --> 00:30:05,552 And I don't ever remember her doing it again. 635 00:30:07,555 --> 00:30:09,641 God, she was so distant. 636 00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,311 And then, she was gone. 637 00:30:14,521 --> 00:30:16,314 And you were gone, too. 638 00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:18,608 Now, I'm this. 639 00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:21,734 - I visit. - Every now and then, 640 00:30:21,735 --> 00:30:25,071 but you're never really here, you know? 641 00:30:25,072 --> 00:30:28,157 Then, I heard your podcast and... 642 00:30:28,158 --> 00:30:29,953 heard you yucking it up with all... 643 00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:32,330 all your friends. 644 00:30:32,914 --> 00:30:35,373 The podcast is about our neighbors being murdered. 645 00:30:35,374 --> 00:30:37,460 Yeah, but you made it sound cozy. 646 00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:41,422 Somehow, it made me... 647 00:30:42,465 --> 00:30:44,090 feel even lonelier. 648 00:30:44,091 --> 00:30:45,675 Oh, God. 649 00:30:45,676 --> 00:30:47,762 I'm a needy mess. 650 00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:51,474 Well, I'm-I'm an uptight mess. 651 00:30:52,183 --> 00:30:55,560 - Can we just blame Mom? - Well, she's dead. 652 00:30:55,561 --> 00:30:57,730 It can't hurt. 653 00:31:02,443 --> 00:31:04,195 I think about you a lot. 654 00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:08,324 And I'd like to be better about staying in touch, if it's not too late. 655 00:31:09,826 --> 00:31:12,871 I would like that. I'd like that a lot. 656 00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:15,373 I would, too. 657 00:31:15,748 --> 00:31:18,374 Great news, everybody! Ah! 658 00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:21,627 I just had the best nap. I feel so good. 659 00:31:21,628 --> 00:31:24,797 Everything is so crystal clear to me now. 660 00:31:24,798 --> 00:31:26,382 You know, yelling at those actors 661 00:31:26,383 --> 00:31:30,011 reminded me of why I got into this business in the first place. 662 00:31:30,012 --> 00:31:31,637 It's because no matter what, 663 00:31:31,638 --> 00:31:35,391 I care so much! I realized it. 664 00:31:35,392 --> 00:31:37,393 Movies are my passion! 665 00:31:37,394 --> 00:31:40,229 And I yelled all of that at the head of the studio 666 00:31:40,230 --> 00:31:42,273 in my room for two hours, so guess what, 667 00:31:42,274 --> 00:31:43,733 Charles and leopard lady? 668 00:31:43,734 --> 00:31:46,277 The movie is now 669 00:31:46,278 --> 00:31:47,737 full speed ahead! 670 00:31:47,738 --> 00:31:48,946 Can you believe it? 671 00:31:48,947 --> 00:31:50,366 Back to business. 672 00:31:51,701 --> 00:31:53,119 Hollywood! 673 00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:55,370 Who is that fuckin' woman? 674 00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:05,379 Well, the car comes in a few minutes. 675 00:32:05,380 --> 00:32:07,467 So, to recap, 676 00:32:08,843 --> 00:32:11,762 I fought a woman, and I won. 677 00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:16,349 Also, I discovered you may be crazy. 678 00:32:16,350 --> 00:32:18,645 I-If I'm being honest, 679 00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:22,772 I haven't been in a relationship, 680 00:32:22,773 --> 00:32:24,859 a real one, for a decade. 681 00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:26,861 Maybe two. 682 00:32:28,029 --> 00:32:29,530 So... 683 00:32:30,698 --> 00:32:33,201 when I met you, I-I just... 684 00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:37,411 lost my cool. 685 00:32:37,412 --> 00:32:39,624 And I may never get it back. 686 00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:42,293 But, if, if... 687 00:32:42,669 --> 00:32:44,671 if you can't handle that... 688 00:32:46,047 --> 00:32:48,633 flavor of crazy, no one would blame you. 689 00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:50,383 S... 690 00:32:50,384 --> 00:32:53,972 So, if-if you wanna run, run. 691 00:32:57,266 --> 00:32:58,768 You don't have to sprint. 692 00:33:02,855 --> 00:33:06,818 Oliver, from the moment I met you, I knew, 693 00:33:07,485 --> 00:33:10,861 deep in my heart, that you were a lunatic. 694 00:33:10,862 --> 00:33:12,947 You must have, [sighs] by my count, 695 00:33:12,948 --> 00:33:15,408 six different stories about 696 00:33:15,409 --> 00:33:17,910 running into Lynda Carter at grocery stores. 697 00:33:17,911 --> 00:33:20,705 Wonder Woman and a wonderful lady. 698 00:33:20,706 --> 00:33:23,416 Well, t-to the, to the point, 699 00:33:23,417 --> 00:33:26,919 despite your obvious pathologies, 700 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:28,838 I'm here still. 701 00:33:28,839 --> 00:33:31,048 And I'm not going anywhere. 702 00:33:31,049 --> 00:33:33,845 And I sign on to your crazy... 703 00:33:35,054 --> 00:33:36,556 for a lifetime. 704 00:33:41,227 --> 00:33:44,313 You're... giving me a doll's bracelet? 705 00:33:46,774 --> 00:33:49,859 I'm proposing to you, Oliver. 706 00:33:49,860 --> 00:33:52,030 I wanna marry you. 707 00:33:55,116 --> 00:33:57,033 Well, before I accept, 708 00:33:57,034 --> 00:33:58,909 just out of curiosity, 709 00:33:58,910 --> 00:34:01,038 is there any family money? 710 00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:08,086 - I accept. - Oh... 711 00:34:10,798 --> 00:34:12,383 Wake up! 712 00:34:13,176 --> 00:34:15,218 Rise and shine! 713 00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:19,638 I gotta sleep! I have a hangover! 714 00:34:19,639 --> 00:34:22,224 Shut the fuck up! 715 00:34:22,225 --> 00:34:23,684 Thank you. 716 00:34:23,685 --> 00:34:25,644 - Case closed! - Oh, my God! 717 00:34:25,645 --> 00:34:27,563 Okay, wh-what's going on? 718 00:34:27,564 --> 00:34:29,190 Let me direct your attention 719 00:34:29,191 --> 00:34:30,858 to the Murder Wall! 720 00:34:30,859 --> 00:34:33,194 Which is like your murder board, but bigger, 721 00:34:33,195 --> 00:34:34,653 therefore, ours is better. 722 00:34:34,654 --> 00:34:36,655 For starters, w-we agree with you. 723 00:34:36,656 --> 00:34:39,325 Whosever cashing Dudenoff's checks is after you. 724 00:34:39,326 --> 00:34:41,077 But, looking back, 725 00:34:41,078 --> 00:34:43,662 - we believe that this mystery... - Mm-hmm. 726 00:34:43,663 --> 00:34:45,206 ...did not start with Sazz's murder. 727 00:34:45,207 --> 00:34:47,666 - No. - No. It all goes back to season one, 728 00:34:47,667 --> 00:34:50,252 which, by the way, has more holes 729 00:34:50,253 --> 00:34:51,837 than Zach Galifianakis. 730 00:34:51,838 --> 00:34:54,381 I mean, th-they're all over the script! 731 00:34:54,382 --> 00:34:57,093 For instance, uh... yeah, who poisoned Winnie? 732 00:34:57,094 --> 00:34:59,386 You thought it was Sting. You know what, it wasn't Sting, 733 00:34:59,387 --> 00:35:00,930 and then, you just dropped it. 734 00:35:00,931 --> 00:35:02,600 Winnie? 735 00:35:03,476 --> 00:35:06,185 Oh, my God. Who would do this to you? 736 00:35:06,186 --> 00:35:07,686 I assumed it was Jan. 737 00:35:07,687 --> 00:35:10,149 Wrong! Look at the note on your door. 738 00:35:13,277 --> 00:35:15,528 "End the podcast or I will end you." See the smudge mark? 739 00:35:15,529 --> 00:35:17,363 That was written by a left-handed person. 740 00:35:17,364 --> 00:35:18,697 How could you know that? 741 00:35:18,698 --> 00:35:21,534 Because I studied handwriting when I played Marc Antonio 742 00:35:21,535 --> 00:35:24,245 in the un-produced pilot The Calligrapher's Wife. 743 00:35:24,246 --> 00:35:26,080 And Jan was not left-handed. 744 00:35:26,081 --> 00:35:28,250 - No. - Look at the way she holds her bassoon. 745 00:35:29,710 --> 00:35:32,336 I shadowed the Boston Pops when I was preparing 746 00:35:32,337 --> 00:35:34,257 for Symphony Chimp. 747 00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:36,465 Plot hole number two. 748 00:35:36,466 --> 00:35:38,761 The note on Jan's door. 749 00:35:40,429 --> 00:35:41,722 "I'm watching you." 750 00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:44,642 Just like the text message. 751 00:35:46,185 --> 00:35:49,311 - It's the-- - Same person. Very good, Mabel. 752 00:35:49,312 --> 00:35:52,774 Your murderer has been after you since season one. 753 00:35:56,279 --> 00:35:58,781 And Sazz knew all of that. 754 00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:02,074 Think back to her apartment! Uh-- 755 00:36:02,075 --> 00:36:03,870 "Sick pup." That's Winnie! 756 00:36:05,079 --> 00:36:08,080 "Door note." That's the note on Jan's door. 757 00:36:08,081 --> 00:36:11,625 Sazz figured this all out. Maybe that's what she wanted to tell me. 758 00:36:11,626 --> 00:36:14,003 Wow, I... 759 00:36:14,004 --> 00:36:17,381 I stand corrected. I guess I should've brought you guys in sooner. 760 00:36:17,382 --> 00:36:20,551 Thank you. Actors, one. Real-life dipshits, zero. 761 00:36:20,552 --> 00:36:22,847 Yes. Idiots. 762 00:36:27,518 --> 00:36:29,270 Why are you smiling? 763 00:36:30,479 --> 00:36:33,941 Oh, I-I know it's not the right time, but, uh... 764 00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:38,278 this bitch is gettin' married. 765 00:36:42,408 --> 00:36:43,991 You know, not for nothin', 766 00:36:43,992 --> 00:36:46,454 the truth is you can never be totally safe. 767 00:36:47,038 --> 00:36:51,207 The best you can do is find some people who love you, 768 00:36:51,208 --> 00:36:54,919 who'll share a bottle of red, a bottle of white.... 769 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:56,337 Well, okay, this is not a competition. 770 00:36:56,338 --> 00:36:59,465 Hey hey! Look at this! Gang's all here, huh? 771 00:36:59,466 --> 00:37:01,135 Hey, Big Mike. 772 00:37:03,095 --> 00:37:04,887 How was brunch at Can-Cans? 773 00:37:04,888 --> 00:37:06,805 Oh, come on, babe. I just go there 774 00:37:06,806 --> 00:37:09,810 'cause they give cops the dinner menu at lunch prices. 775 00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:12,770 You know I'm not an ass guy. 776 00:37:12,771 --> 00:37:14,148 I'm a you guy. 777 00:37:16,442 --> 00:37:19,068 You have permission to board, and I don't mean the boat. 778 00:37:19,069 --> 00:37:21,070 Mm! 779 00:37:21,071 --> 00:37:22,363 Oh! 780 00:37:22,364 --> 00:37:24,658 - Captain Jack will get you high tonight. - Oh! 781 00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:29,870 Ooh! 782 00:37:29,871 --> 00:37:32,248 - That's good stuff. - Oh, hey, Chuckie, 783 00:37:32,249 --> 00:37:34,460 uh, your friend Howard's trying to reach you all. 784 00:37:35,294 --> 00:37:36,585 Somehow, he got my number. 785 00:37:36,586 --> 00:37:39,046 He says he knows who killed Dudenoff. 786 00:37:39,047 --> 00:37:41,131 Yeah, yeah, I wrote it down, so I'd get it right. 787 00:37:41,132 --> 00:37:44,051 He wanted me to tell you, uh, 788 00:37:44,052 --> 00:37:46,845 it wasn't just one person cashing his checks. 789 00:37:46,846 --> 00:37:50,015 He found five different signatures with one phone number. 790 00:37:50,016 --> 00:37:51,809 Go forward. Pause. 791 00:37:51,810 --> 00:37:54,020 Go forward, go forward. 792 00:37:56,148 --> 00:37:57,483 Go forward. 793 00:37:58,359 --> 00:37:59,942 Pause right there. 794 00:37:59,943 --> 00:38:01,026 Inez. 795 00:38:01,027 --> 00:38:02,446 Fast forward. 796 00:38:02,738 --> 00:38:05,197 Oh, my God. 797 00:38:05,198 --> 00:38:07,033 Go forward, go forward again. 798 00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:10,077 Rudy? 799 00:38:10,078 --> 00:38:12,164 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God. 800 00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:14,540 Oh, my God. Qué? 801 00:38:14,541 --> 00:38:16,294 Okay, I'm calling the number. 802 00:38:31,017 --> 00:38:32,725 Hello? 803 00:38:32,726 --> 00:38:34,519 This is Milton Dudenoff. 804 00:38:37,690 --> 00:38:39,400 Uh, whatever a "Westie" is, 805 00:38:40,067 --> 00:38:41,484 Howard says it was all of them. 806 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,702 They know.