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Who is Dudenoff?
2
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Do you know who's out to get me?
3
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The last person who came around
4
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asking these questions got killed.
5
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We're illegally subletting
rent-controlled apartments.
6
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Professor Dudenoff retired to Portugal.
We send him rent.
7
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The voice on the ham radio said--
8
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- That was Helga, my ex-girlfriend,
- Your crazy ex-girlfriend.
9
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You may have heard about our little
"firearms moment" at the photo shoot.
10
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It's Glen! He's still alive!
11
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They got me in my fat!
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{\an8}Dudenoff? He's been cashing
social security checks
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{\an8}at a bodega on 125th Street.
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{\an8}There's two left shoulders?
15
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Sazz's body wasn't the only one
in the incinerator.
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It belongs... to Dudenoff.
17
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Oliver, I wanna marry you.
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Whosever cashing
Dudenoff's checks is after you.
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Your friend Howard says
he knows who killed Dudenoff.
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Wasn't just one person cashing his checks.
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He found five different signatures
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- with one phone number.
- Hello?
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They know.
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Alfred Hitchcock's Lifeboat is a film
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set entirely in a small boat
filled with disparate characters
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who learn how far they'd go
to survive the rough waters
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of their perilous circumstances.
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In New York City,
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a lifeboat can look a lot like
an affordable apartment in a nice building
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on the Upper West Side.
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Can I go in this way?
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Hey, taxi!
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Well, I can make another tape. I c--
34
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- Hey!
- Hey. Call-- call me back.
35
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You got one of those fancy invites
from Dudenoff, too, huh?
36
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Yeah, it's so, uh, "murder mystery."
37
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I think it was delivered by a raven.
38
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- Is your eye okay?
- Yeah, it's probably just allergies.
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Hey! You guys got an invite, too?
40
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Yeah. Check out this cardstock.
41
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He knows we can, like, text, right?
42
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Is someone gonna knock already?
43
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Wait for me! Wait for me!
44
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- Helga!
- I brought my new girlfriend.
45
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I hope that is okay.
46
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Of course.
Who would turn away Hammy Faye Bakker?
47
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Piggy in a blanket!
48
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Oh, hell!
49
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Look who it is.
50
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Come on in. Make yourself comfortable.
51
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I'm about to change your lives.
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{\an8}One thing about choosing a safe house
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{\an8}filled with your family.
54
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{\an8}What's that, Charles?
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{\an8}It makes going home to a
building full of murderers more appealing.
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{\an8}Seriously?
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{\an8}Okay, just put--
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{\an8}No, no, no.
Charles, use your hips.
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{\an8}Up and around like a hula hoop.
Do this thing.
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{\an8}- It's not helping.
- Would you just let me?
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{\an8}No, I can do it. It's just a problem
with the, uh, th-the fuselage.
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{\an8}How do neither of you know how
to pop the hood of a car?
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- Because real men hire other men, Mabel.
- Triple-A says they're 15 minutes away,
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{\an8}and it's good to leave them something
to do 'cause it makes 'em happy.
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{\an8}You're a real philanthropist. Hang on.
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{\an8}They're calling again! Ignore!
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{\an8}Well, while we're waiting,
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{\an8}we should probably do a recap.
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{\an8}Here's what we know so far.
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{\an8}This Dudenoff guy has a bunch
of rent-controlled units,
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and he moved the Westies in.
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Then, even though they need him alive
to keep their homes,
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they kill and burn him.
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And then, they cash
his checks to cover it up.
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And when poor Sazz caught onto them,
they shot her from Dudenoff's apartment.
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And then, they shot at me, barely missing
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the most essential person
to our investigative work.
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I can't believe Vince Fish would do this!
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00:04:35,190 --> 00:04:36,857
He was my Wordle buddy!
80
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Oh! [growls] Hold on.
81
00:04:39,778 --> 00:04:42,405
Oh. Th-They're FaceTiming us now.
82
00:04:42,406 --> 00:04:43,823
Hello?
83
00:04:43,824 --> 00:04:47,827
Hey, guys! So the sexy half
of this crime-solving sextet
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has some thoughts.
85
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Don't you have to go to rehearsal?
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Now that we know that we're indispensable,
we cannot leave you alone.
87
00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:55,960
We are professional investigators,
88
00:04:55,961 --> 00:04:58,170
and you are playing us
in a movie because of it!
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We are fine on our own!
90
00:04:59,631 --> 00:05:01,882
Hey, can we just, uh,
mute you for a second?
91
00:05:01,883 --> 00:05:03,801
If you're muting us, we're muting you!
92
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Okay, good. Muting each other.
93
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,931
Are these dumb-dumbs gonna ruin this?
94
00:05:08,932 --> 00:05:11,100
Uh, y-you didn't mute us.
95
00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,936
Oh, sorry about that. Uh, muting now.
96
00:05:13,937 --> 00:05:16,731
- What happened? I'm muted.
- No, we can still hear you.
97
00:05:16,732 --> 00:05:19,066
Tell you what? Let's just not mute!
98
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We need to find someplace safe to plan.
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Anywhere but the Arconia.
100
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,367
Okay. I know just the place.
101
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,749
Okay, but how do we get a confession?
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Well, I have an idea,
but it involves someone.
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- Swear to God, if you say Tony Danza--
- It's Tony Danza.
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Eugene, can we go one day
without you mentioning Tony Danza?
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Hey, look.
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How could my character live here?
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The albums, not alphabetized.
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Oh! Nice.
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Nice.
A first edition touching a second edition!
110
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Yeah, brilliant. That's really good.
111
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,323
Oh, really?
112
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:09,909
- Oh.
- Okay.
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00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:11,869
So, we bust in on the Westies
with two celebrities
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- and Eugene.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:14,663
Then, what?
116
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It's almost go-time on the movie,
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so I'm gonna pump my cheeks
while we spitball.
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Can we get back to my idea for a minute?
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Because it's so simple.
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We invite the Westies to, yes,
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Tony Danza's 35th annual
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"It's Time To Wear White Pants
Extrava-Danza."
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Tony Danza was a 1980s television star of
Who's the Boss?
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- I don't care. It's okay.
- Oh.
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00:06:34,935 --> 00:06:37,520
Then, we tell the Sauce Family
that Tony wants
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to start his own line of sauces called
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"Who's the Sauce?"
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The Westies will then spill their story
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on account of Danza's, uh,
neighborhood wise-guy charisma.
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- Danza's the perfect plan-za.
- Mm.
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I love it. I love it.
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I would change it slightly
and maybe not do it.
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And instead,
surprise them with a ding-dong.
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- Wh-What...?
- Uh, say more about the ding-dong.
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00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:06,132
In soapy TV,
a "ding-dong" is a-a sexy surprise.
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It's like a-a long-lost brother returns,
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or, uh, your paralyzed uncle
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starts to walk again after 40 years.
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Y-You're overthinking it.
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One of them snapped, killed Dudenoff,
and the others are covering for 'em.
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All we need to do is get them talking.
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I say that we invite the Westies
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to a celebrity-studded...
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super-sized game of Oh Hell at Oliver's.
145
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That's good.
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00:07:27,821 --> 00:07:30,197
Right. Our own turf.
The key is to remain calm.
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Well, having precise control
of our emotions
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is what actors do best.
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00:07:35,162 --> 00:07:36,871
Yeah, the question is can you three do it?
150
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First of all, I am an actor!
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Well, let's not go crazy.
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But also, I'm entirely capable
of catching the killer of my dear friend
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who only wanted to open
a trampoline park so young--
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I need to lie down.
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Where the fuck is my bedroom?!
156
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I hope Charles can hold it together.
157
00:08:03,982 --> 00:08:07,444
Confronting a friend's killer
just brings up a lotta shit.
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00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,867
Oh, sorry. Just tightening my pores
159
00:08:14,868 --> 00:08:18,913
with the Lady Longoria 19-in-1 Multitool.
160
00:08:18,914 --> 00:08:20,498
This is the infrared setting.
161
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:22,291
Yeah, it's also a nail gun,
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has a Phillips head, and a vibrating head.
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00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,924
- Hello?
- [on phone] Hi!
164
00:08:29,925 --> 00:08:32,718
Oh, hey, baby. It's my fiancée.
165
00:08:32,719 --> 00:08:35,804
We're getting married
this weekend!
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00:08:35,805 --> 00:08:37,681
Hello, my darling love.
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00:08:37,682 --> 00:08:38,766
This weekend?
168
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:41,852
I know, he's a little old
to have a shotgun wedding.
169
00:08:41,853 --> 00:08:44,941
Yeah. More like a musket wedding.
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Where did he go?
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00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,031
Hey, look, it's also a recorder.
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00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,786
♪ Eva, you're a genius! ♪
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00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,954
♪ Eva, you're a genius! ♪
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00:08:59,955 --> 00:09:02,831
It has auto-tune.
You wanna try it?
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00:09:02,832 --> 00:09:05,920
Uh, don't--
Definitely don't wanna touch that.
176
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:09,922
- Yeah. Okay.
- Yeah.
177
00:09:09,923 --> 00:09:12,174
No, no, honey. I-I will--
I will handle it all.
178
00:09:12,175 --> 00:09:14,301
- I can't believe we're here.
- I know. It's exciting.
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00:09:14,302 --> 00:09:15,761
Uh, no, I'll,
I'll make the arrangements.
180
00:09:15,762 --> 00:09:17,430
Okay, I love you, too. Goodbye.
181
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:20,935
Hey, that's my seat.
182
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,894
Oh! [laughs] Of course it is.
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00:09:23,895 --> 00:09:25,815
I, uh, I keep forgetting.
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00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,691
- Okay.
- We getting married this weekend?
185
00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:29,984
I am.
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00:09:29,985 --> 00:09:32,488
Please don't tell me
you're gonna do it at a courthouse.
187
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,447
Weddings demand spectacle.
188
00:09:35,448 --> 00:09:38,284
Music, speeches, AK-47s
shot right up in the air.
189
00:09:38,285 --> 00:09:40,413
Zach, I didn't realize
you were a fellow romantic.
190
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,747
Weddings are the most
important part of a marriage.
191
00:09:43,748 --> 00:09:45,332
My wife and I get married quarterly.
192
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:48,127
The venue sets the tone
for your life together.
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00:09:48,128 --> 00:09:50,462
When we want playfulness,
we get married at the beach.
194
00:09:50,463 --> 00:09:52,339
If we've been fighting, then...
195
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,341
it's at the site of
an important armistice.
196
00:09:54,342 --> 00:09:56,929
Yalta, Potsdam, Camp David.
197
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:59,346
We needed a lot of those.
198
00:09:59,347 --> 00:10:02,933
- Well, Loretta said a courthouse is fine.
- Oh, she's right. It's perfect
199
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:04,604
'cause you'll be right back there
for the divorce.
200
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:06,770
- Zach?
- Yes.
201
00:10:06,771 --> 00:10:09,189
- We're rehearsing scene 13.
- Which one is that one?
202
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:11,984
The one where Oliver explains
why his previous marriage failed.
203
00:10:11,985 --> 00:10:13,446
Oh.
204
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,450
Are you okay, Charles?
205
00:10:19,451 --> 00:10:22,911
I-I don't think I've ever seen you angry.
206
00:10:22,912 --> 00:10:26,500
And to be honest, it would layer
my performance if I could, uh,
207
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,751
see what it looks like.
208
00:10:28,752 --> 00:10:31,003
Well, uh, yes, I am angry. And no,
209
00:10:31,004 --> 00:10:33,005
uh, you'll not see what it looks like
210
00:10:33,006 --> 00:10:35,674
because it's not socially acceptable.
211
00:10:35,675 --> 00:10:37,301
Eugene, you wanna practice
flipping omelets?
212
00:10:37,302 --> 00:10:39,803
Oh, the infamous omelet bit.
Yeah, yeah. Good. Thanks.
213
00:10:39,804 --> 00:10:41,180
I'll, uh, practice. Anyway,
214
00:10:41,181 --> 00:10:44,058
I'm curious. I mean,
a-are-are you a yeller?
215
00:10:44,059 --> 00:10:46,560
- Do you get violent?
- Oh, no. Worse.
216
00:10:46,561 --> 00:10:48,812
But it hasn't happened
in decades because of my
217
00:10:48,813 --> 00:10:51,273
emotion suppression technique,
218
00:10:51,274 --> 00:10:55,069
which involves breathing and a lot of,
219
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:57,156
uh, room straightening.
220
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:11,420
There you go.
221
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,132
This bother you?
222
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,636
- No.
- This bother you?
223
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,596
- No.
- Does this bother you?
224
00:11:22,597 --> 00:11:24,139
Why are you doing that?
225
00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:25,601
Does this...
226
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,904
Okay, they'll be here any minute.
227
00:11:38,905 --> 00:11:41,365
Now, I know we're all running hot.
We have a podcast,
228
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:43,951
two murders, a wedding,
229
00:11:43,952 --> 00:11:45,202
but we're gonna stay calm.
230
00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:47,413
Well, we can stay calm way more
than you can stay calm.
231
00:11:47,414 --> 00:11:50,042
- It's not a competition.
- It's now a competition.
232
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,793
I've set my sphincter to clenching,
233
00:11:52,794 --> 00:11:55,295
unclenching, re-clenching.
234
00:11:55,296 --> 00:11:57,383
- It's them. It's them.
- Okay. Okay.
235
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:01,677
Maybe I could throw together
a wedding booze cruise.
236
00:12:01,678 --> 00:12:03,345
That's the blueprint
you want for your marriage?
237
00:12:03,346 --> 00:12:05,180
You're freezing, you end up nowhere,
238
00:12:05,181 --> 00:12:06,599
and the maid of honor fucks the skipper?
239
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,771
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
240
00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:19,028
Oh, hell-o!
241
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,030
We brought snacks.
242
00:12:22,031 --> 00:12:24,450
Can't play cards without jamón!
243
00:12:24,451 --> 00:12:26,160
That's right, mami.
244
00:12:26,161 --> 00:12:27,703
Okay. Well, thanks, guys, for coming.
245
00:12:27,704 --> 00:12:29,538
We figured we'd host
since it's a big group.
246
00:12:29,539 --> 00:12:32,374
Ah, please.
Any friends of yours are friends of ours.
247
00:12:32,375 --> 00:12:34,710
Especially if they're Hollywood stars.
248
00:12:34,711 --> 00:12:37,463
You can't tell 'cause of the eye patch,
249
00:12:37,464 --> 00:12:39,507
but I'm winking playfully.
250
00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,428
Let's go.
251
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,513
We know you know about the checks.
252
00:12:46,514 --> 00:12:48,600
Give us your phones now!
253
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,492
- So, what's your move now, Vince?
- You're gonna sit there,
254
00:13:06,493 --> 00:13:08,535
you're gonna listen to our story.
255
00:13:08,536 --> 00:13:10,456
Okay, everyone on my team, stay calm.
256
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,957
Although killers do always tell you
their story before they kill you.
257
00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:18,462
They're gonna try to humanize themselves
with long origin stories.
258
00:13:18,463 --> 00:13:20,839
Exactly. Like if we had gone through that,
259
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,800
we would've killed
and eaten Dudenoff, too.
260
00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:25,262
- We didn't eat him.
- Yeah, but you killed him, right?
261
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:29,099
Okay. So,
262
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:31,894
Dudenoff used to come to our restaurant.
263
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:35,395
Milton and his wife were regulars,
until she passed.
264
00:13:35,396 --> 00:13:37,940
Then, he started ordering in.
265
00:13:37,941 --> 00:13:41,443
And when we were understaffed,
we delivered to him on our way home.
266
00:13:41,444 --> 00:13:43,612
Oh, hell!
267
00:13:43,613 --> 00:13:45,906
He looked so alone in his little studio.
268
00:13:45,907 --> 00:13:49,451
He invited us in.
We started playing cards.
269
00:13:49,452 --> 00:13:52,037
Oh Hell on Friday nights.
270
00:13:52,038 --> 00:13:53,872
It started to become a regular thing.
271
00:13:53,873 --> 00:13:56,083
- Please, please.
- Okay. So, the, uh,
272
00:13:56,084 --> 00:14:00,128
the secret ingredient here
is Jamón Ibérico.
273
00:14:00,129 --> 00:14:03,715
- Oh, well, nobody makes it like you do.
- Oh, thank you.
274
00:14:03,716 --> 00:14:05,592
Our dream, actually, is to, uh,
275
00:14:05,593 --> 00:14:08,637
start our own line of sauces.
And I-I know this sounds crazy,
276
00:14:08,638 --> 00:14:11,182
but Tony Danza would be an investor.
277
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,517
So, you killed him
278
00:14:13,518 --> 00:14:18,397
because he didn't deliver
the last piece of the dream?
279
00:14:18,398 --> 00:14:20,315
Don't say Tony Danza.
280
00:14:20,316 --> 00:14:22,234
Sauce Dad said it first!
281
00:14:22,235 --> 00:14:23,902
- We didn't kill him!
- Never.
282
00:14:23,903 --> 00:14:25,779
- Yeah. We definitely did not kill him.
- We loved him.
283
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:28,408
- Then, Crazy Rudy killed him.
- Crazy? Me?
284
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:34,874
I don't know why I keep
replacing the battery.
285
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,376
Lovely.
286
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,586
I met Professor Dudenoff eight years ago.
287
00:14:40,587 --> 00:14:42,212
I was trying to be an actor,
288
00:14:42,213 --> 00:14:45,007
I was holding down five jobs,
and I signed up for his class.
289
00:14:45,008 --> 00:14:46,508
I remember my first acting class.
290
00:14:46,509 --> 00:14:47,926
It was a film class.
291
00:14:47,927 --> 00:14:51,013
It was in a closet of a basement
of a subway stop.
292
00:14:51,014 --> 00:14:52,975
Most of my scene partners
were sex workers.
293
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:55,309
Okay.
294
00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:59,146
One day, we watched A Few Good Men
in Professor Dudenoff's class.
295
00:14:59,147 --> 00:15:01,607
I ran up to him afterwards on the street,
and I said,
296
00:15:01,608 --> 00:15:05,110
I'd studied a monologue from
that film for my previous class.
297
00:15:05,111 --> 00:15:07,738
He asked me to do it, and I did.
298
00:15:07,739 --> 00:15:10,741
I did the whole thing,
right there at the bus stop.
299
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:13,035
- It went something like this.
- Oh...
300
00:15:13,036 --> 00:15:14,786
"You want answers?"
"I think I'm entitled."
301
00:15:14,787 --> 00:15:16,663
"You want answers?"
"I want the truth!"
302
00:15:16,664 --> 00:15:18,832
"You can't handle the truth!
303
00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:20,334
"Son, we live in a world that has walls,
304
00:15:20,335 --> 00:15:22,377
"and those walls need to be
guarded by men with guns.
305
00:15:22,378 --> 00:15:23,462
"Who's gonna do it? You?
306
00:15:23,463 --> 00:15:25,130
"You, Lieutenant Weinberg?
307
00:15:25,131 --> 00:15:26,256
I have a greater respons--"
308
00:15:26,257 --> 00:15:28,216
I-I'm sorry. Are you gonna do
the whole monologue?
309
00:15:28,217 --> 00:15:31,221
Yeah, I was gonna do the whole thing.
I think it's worth it.
310
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,599
"I have a greater responsibility
than you can possibly fathom!
311
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,225
"You weep for Santiago...
Saves lives...
312
00:15:37,226 --> 00:15:41,104
"My existence, while grotesque and
incomprehensible to you, saves lives.
313
00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:42,773
"You don't want the truth
because, deep down,
314
00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:44,816
"in places you don't
talk about at parties,
315
00:15:44,817 --> 00:15:46,652
"you want me on that wall!
316
00:15:46,653 --> 00:15:48,320
"You need me on that wall...
317
00:15:48,321 --> 00:15:50,447
"Otherwise, I suggest you pick up
a weapon and stand a post.
318
00:15:50,448 --> 00:15:54,201
Either way, I don't give a damn
what you think you're entitled to!"
319
00:15:54,202 --> 00:15:56,578
"Did you order the code red?"
"I did the job."
320
00:15:56,579 --> 00:15:59,331
"Did you order the code red?"
"You're goddamn right I did!"
321
00:15:59,332 --> 00:16:02,627
Oh... Oh, that was wonderful.
322
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:04,920
I blew his socks off.
323
00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:08,423
And he invited me back
to his place at the Arconia.
324
00:16:08,424 --> 00:16:10,509
- That's my jam.
- And this? What's this?
325
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:12,594
Uh, that is a ham radio.
326
00:16:12,595 --> 00:16:14,137
What do you do with a ham radio?
327
00:16:14,138 --> 00:16:17,099
No, it's just-- it's just a hobby,
you know? A-And a very...
328
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,601
Of course,
I got my own ham radio.
329
00:16:19,602 --> 00:16:21,269
And ultimately, we all did.
330
00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:23,438
And Professor Dudenoff looked at me.
331
00:16:23,439 --> 00:16:24,815
He said...
332
00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:26,942
You know, you're really very good, Rudy.
333
00:16:26,943 --> 00:16:28,902
Thank you. That...
334
00:16:28,903 --> 00:16:29,989
That means a lot to me.
335
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,660
Let me ask you somethin'.
336
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:38,330
If your life were a movie,
337
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,915
what would be your happy ending?
338
00:16:41,916 --> 00:16:44,459
And that's when he touched
your Santa sack,
339
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,627
and you had your "happy ending."
340
00:16:45,628 --> 00:16:47,421
- Eva!
- What?
341
00:16:47,422 --> 00:16:49,548
No! I said I wanted to stay in the city,
342
00:16:49,549 --> 00:16:51,883
keep performing, keep trying,
343
00:16:51,884 --> 00:16:55,429
and live with fewer roommates
who use towels as toilet paper.
344
00:16:55,430 --> 00:16:57,931
That was my dream.
345
00:16:57,932 --> 00:17:01,018
So, Charles, that leaves
346
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:02,769
your "friend" Vince.
347
00:17:02,770 --> 00:17:05,939
He exposed you to pink eye,
and what did you get?
348
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,441
Lies!
349
00:17:07,442 --> 00:17:08,900
And, likely, pink eye.
350
00:17:08,901 --> 00:17:12,031
Come on, doesn't that make you... angry?
351
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,241
Oh, I'm fine.
352
00:17:16,242 --> 00:17:17,409
I'm suppressing,
353
00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:19,578
and I'm suppressing, and suppressing,
354
00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:21,665
and I'm... good.
355
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:25,500
Alright. Since none of you seem
356
00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:27,963
to be on the verge of a psychotic break.
357
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:30,839
Before my wife died, she made me promise
358
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,717
that I wouldn't turn into
one of those weird lonely old men.
359
00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:35,594
Now, we both loved movies,
360
00:17:35,595 --> 00:17:38,847
so when I saw Professor Dudenoff's flyer
for his film class,
361
00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:42,976
I thought that this way was her way
of telling me to go out and make friends.
362
00:17:42,977 --> 00:17:45,563
But, oh, those kids...
363
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:53,405
♪ Lang... Syne! ♪
364
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,615
You know, the reason
365
00:17:56,616 --> 00:18:02,623
It's A Wonderful Life is timeless
comes down to one thing.
366
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,500
Casting. You know,
367
00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:09,588
if you can populate your story
368
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,799
with the right people,
369
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:14,716
your work will live forever.
370
00:18:14,717 --> 00:18:17,427
Sorry, but the movie isn't timeless.
371
00:18:17,428 --> 00:18:19,221
It's pro-capitalist gaslighting!
372
00:18:19,222 --> 00:18:20,889
George Bailey's life still sucks,
373
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:23,477
- and Potter just gets away with it.
- [emotional] No!
374
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,019
No, you missed the point!
375
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:28,605
George ends up with his family.
Potter's all alone.
376
00:18:28,606 --> 00:18:30,774
I like being alone.
377
00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:33,860
Well, excuse me, Mr. Life Experience.
378
00:18:33,861 --> 00:18:35,823
But being really alone?
379
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:39,950
There's nothing worse.
You don't smile, you don't laugh,
380
00:18:39,951 --> 00:18:42,995
you stop caring about
what food tastes like 'cause...
381
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,707
you still wake up alone again without her.
382
00:18:47,708 --> 00:18:48,792
Every class...
383
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:51,086
But Dudenoff, him I liked.
384
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:53,588
"...hates poor people.
This movie hates trees."
385
00:18:53,589 --> 00:18:55,257
Why do they have to be
so mad all the time?
386
00:18:55,258 --> 00:18:57,926
- This world's a dumpster fire.
- It sure is.
387
00:18:57,927 --> 00:19:00,470
In this city, you know, kid,
388
00:19:00,471 --> 00:19:04,683
you can't even afford an apartment
unless Mommy and Daddy pay for it.
389
00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:08,104
And why can't a movie just be a movie?
390
00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,232
Jack Lemmon in The Apartment.
I-I-I didn't know that...
391
00:19:12,233 --> 00:19:14,734
And he invited me
to join his weekly card game.
392
00:19:14,735 --> 00:19:16,194
I-I feel empathetic.
393
00:19:16,195 --> 00:19:18,781
I had no idea
why he knew we'd click...
394
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,576
...but we did.
395
00:19:22,577 --> 00:19:25,745
His wife had been a music teacher.
Back when the city was cheap,
396
00:19:25,746 --> 00:19:28,206
whenever a unit would
open up on their floor,
397
00:19:28,207 --> 00:19:31,459
they would grab it. You know,
she'd use it for music classes or,
398
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:35,007
you know, uh, let a kid stay there
if he was going through tough times.
399
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:36,756
But with her gone,
400
00:19:36,757 --> 00:19:41,013
Professor Dudenoff was living
amid, um, an empty hallway.
401
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,057
He just couldn't bear to
give up those apartments.
402
00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:48,353
And one night,
after many hours of Oh Hell,
403
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:54,232
he decided that
he wasn't going to turn into
404
00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:57,321
one of those weird lonely old men.
405
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,866
He broke the law for us,
406
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:04,367
so that we could have
a chance at our dreams.
407
00:20:04,368 --> 00:20:06,161
But he had a dream, too.
408
00:20:06,162 --> 00:20:07,623
To live in Portugal.
409
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,167
And he left. And, no,
410
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:14,211
- we haven't heard from him since.
- And, yes,
411
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:16,671
we've been keeping up the ruse and...
412
00:20:16,672 --> 00:20:19,218
cashing his checks.
413
00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:21,885
So that's the whole thing?
414
00:20:21,886 --> 00:20:25,014
Yeah, we could do it again if you like.
I could do a comedy version if you want--
415
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:28,183
- Thank you.
- Oh God, no.
416
00:20:28,184 --> 00:20:30,479
Okay, I think we're done here.
417
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,481
Not yet.
418
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:35,690
It's ding-dong time.
419
00:20:35,691 --> 00:20:38,109
You pulled a ding-dong?
420
00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:39,445
It was a good idea.
421
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:47,120
Helga?!
422
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:49,704
What are you doing here?
423
00:20:49,705 --> 00:20:52,707
Mabel reached out on the ham radio.
424
00:20:52,708 --> 00:20:54,920
I'm here to tell the truth.
425
00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:58,173
We can't handle the truth.
426
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,845
You're Helga?
427
00:21:05,846 --> 00:21:07,889
I imagined you toothless with a club.
428
00:21:07,890 --> 00:21:10,225
Disregard him, Helga.
429
00:21:10,226 --> 00:21:13,230
His brain is covered with plaque.
Please go on.
430
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:17,857
I-I first met Dudenoff
when I'd just become a locksmith,
431
00:21:17,858 --> 00:21:19,651
which was my childhood dream.
432
00:21:19,652 --> 00:21:20,735
Wait? Really?
433
00:21:20,736 --> 00:21:24,114
No. Do I look like a locksmith? I'm hot.
434
00:21:24,115 --> 00:21:27,995
So, my father died
and left me the business.
435
00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:32,248
He was all I had until I met Dudenoff.
436
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:41,131
♪ Standing tall ♪
437
00:21:41,132 --> 00:21:43,049
You know, it's before your time,
438
00:21:43,050 --> 00:21:44,634
but that's the theme song to--
439
00:21:44,635 --> 00:21:47,178
It's Perfect Strangers, yes? I know.
440
00:21:47,179 --> 00:21:48,640
Yes.
441
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,266
- Yeah.
- You know, I've never met anyone
442
00:21:51,267 --> 00:21:52,978
who loses their keys this often.
443
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:57,480
Some people your age
put it on a retractable belt...
444
00:21:57,481 --> 00:22:00,527
It's not dementia.
I always lose my keys. I--
445
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:04,613
My wife used to let me in, but...
446
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:11,536
Okay!
447
00:22:11,537 --> 00:22:13,288
- Ah, look at that.
- So, uh,
448
00:22:13,289 --> 00:22:16,001
what is a code that someone
your age can remember?
449
00:22:17,919 --> 00:22:20,628
How about, um,
450
00:22:20,629 --> 00:22:21,798
"Oh Hell"?
451
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:24,049
Wait, like the card game?
452
00:22:24,050 --> 00:22:25,800
- You know it?
- My father and I
453
00:22:25,801 --> 00:22:27,552
used to play all the time.
454
00:22:27,553 --> 00:22:29,556
I haven't since he died.
455
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:31,848
I'm sorry,
456
00:22:31,849 --> 00:22:34,184
you just look so much like him.
457
00:22:34,185 --> 00:22:35,894
Except, uh, he was tall.
458
00:22:35,895 --> 00:22:38,022
And blonde. And hot.
459
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:43,278
Oh Hell and Perfect Strangers.
460
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:45,572
Huh...
461
00:22:46,823 --> 00:22:49,366
You know, uh,
462
00:22:49,367 --> 00:22:51,659
we have this little
card game Friday nights.
463
00:22:51,660 --> 00:22:53,661
And that is how I met the gang.
464
00:22:53,662 --> 00:22:56,206
- Why not?
- Mm! Mm!
465
00:22:56,207 --> 00:22:58,833
Yeah, I was there, too.
466
00:22:58,834 --> 00:23:01,127
I'm sure they didn't mention that.
467
00:23:01,128 --> 00:23:03,296
- Wow.
- Yeah!
468
00:23:03,297 --> 00:23:05,632
At first,
they were the nicest group of people
469
00:23:05,633 --> 00:23:07,759
I had met in New York City,
470
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,762
a place I'd always wanted to call home.
471
00:23:10,763 --> 00:23:13,348
Helga, so where do you live, honey?
472
00:23:13,349 --> 00:23:15,058
Uh, it's a wonderful little hovel.
473
00:23:15,059 --> 00:23:17,268
It's only 85 train stops away.
474
00:23:17,269 --> 00:23:18,812
You'd love it.
475
00:23:18,813 --> 00:23:21,731
Then, he gave us these
nice cheap apartments,
476
00:23:21,732 --> 00:23:24,150
and he turned a bunch of perfect strangers
477
00:23:24,151 --> 00:23:26,653
into a family.
478
00:23:26,654 --> 00:23:28,739
But a few years later...
479
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:32,244
...he was gone.
480
00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:38,206
Said he felt bad doing it in a note,
481
00:23:38,207 --> 00:23:40,834
but he'd had enough of goodbyes.
482
00:23:40,835 --> 00:23:42,129
He was off to Portugal.
483
00:23:42,879 --> 00:23:46,925
After helping us with our dreams,
he wanted to live his.
484
00:23:51,721 --> 00:23:55,640
I knew the power only surged
when the old incinerator was used,
485
00:23:55,641 --> 00:23:58,644
but I didn't suspect anything. Yet...
486
00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:03,481
Suddenly, we all went from
talking every day to nothing.
487
00:24:03,482 --> 00:24:05,233
Total silence.
488
00:24:05,234 --> 00:24:07,652
And then, your podcast started.
489
00:24:07,653 --> 00:24:09,404
One thing was for sure.
490
00:24:09,405 --> 00:24:12,073
Someone in the Arconia
was hiding something.
491
00:24:12,074 --> 00:24:14,826
[on podcast] A homicidal freak
who poisoned a perfect,
492
00:24:14,827 --> 00:24:16,329
if gassy, dog.
493
00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:20,165
Everyone was acting so secretive.
494
00:24:20,166 --> 00:24:21,249
Helga!
495
00:24:21,250 --> 00:24:23,001
I listened to the podcast.
496
00:24:23,002 --> 00:24:24,878
All those unexplained things
497
00:24:24,879 --> 00:24:27,255
someone in the building
was doing to scare you.
498
00:24:27,256 --> 00:24:31,593
What if it was them trying to
cover up what they had done?
499
00:24:31,594 --> 00:24:33,261
Let's play cards.
500
00:24:33,262 --> 00:24:35,681
And I started to wonder.
501
00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:38,933
Please.
502
00:24:38,934 --> 00:24:41,728
Why did the power surge that night?
503
00:24:41,729 --> 00:24:45,775
I couldn't prove they had anything
to do with Dudenoff's disappearance,
504
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,152
but I knew in my bones
505
00:24:49,153 --> 00:24:50,820
I had to move out.
506
00:24:50,821 --> 00:24:52,030
They killed him!
507
00:24:52,031 --> 00:24:53,490
We didn't!
508
00:24:53,491 --> 00:24:56,409
- No, no! He went to Portugal.
- Dead men don't send ham!
509
00:24:56,410 --> 00:24:58,411
Then, what's this?
510
00:24:58,412 --> 00:24:59,954
I can't see.
511
00:24:59,955 --> 00:25:01,956
I actually don't know. What is that?
512
00:25:01,957 --> 00:25:04,292
Dudenoff's prosthetic shoulder.
513
00:25:04,293 --> 00:25:07,504
It was in the incinerator.
You killed and burned him that night.
514
00:25:07,505 --> 00:25:09,964
And when Sazz figured it out,
you killed and burned her, too.
515
00:25:09,965 --> 00:25:12,800
And when we tried to look into that,
you tried to kill me!
516
00:25:12,801 --> 00:25:15,720
Yeah, another way to put that
is you actually shot me.
517
00:25:15,721 --> 00:25:18,306
What are we doing? What are we doing?
What are we doing?
518
00:25:18,307 --> 00:25:19,851
These people are murderers!
519
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,312
I'm tired of being the nice guy here
with no temper!
520
00:25:24,313 --> 00:25:26,814
I'm a Canadian man connected
521
00:25:26,815 --> 00:25:29,192
to his rage right now!
522
00:25:29,193 --> 00:25:32,447
And [laughs] God, it feels so good!
523
00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:35,949
Charles, tantrum with me.
524
00:25:35,950 --> 00:25:37,659
No, no, no.
525
00:25:37,660 --> 00:25:40,662
They incinerated your friend, Charles.
526
00:25:40,663 --> 00:25:43,998
- And then plied you with word games...
- No. [laughs] No. No.
527
00:25:43,999 --> 00:25:46,545
...from the New York Times!
528
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:55,845
So far, I'm underwhelmed.
529
00:25:58,473 --> 00:25:59,931
Uh-huh...
530
00:25:59,932 --> 00:26:02,308
Yes. Interesting.
531
00:26:02,309 --> 00:26:04,310
Is this how I find out he's a mime?
532
00:26:04,311 --> 00:26:06,813
No, no, no. We can't hear him,
but I'm so tuned into his character,
533
00:26:06,814 --> 00:26:09,692
I can feel his words. He's saying...
534
00:26:11,987 --> 00:26:13,863
..."These people killed Sazz!
535
00:26:14,739 --> 00:26:17,576
"I am steamed... and put out!
536
00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:20,451
- To some degree."
- Oh, the hell with this!
537
00:26:20,452 --> 00:26:22,330
Gimme that! Helga!
538
00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:26,624
You're not the only one who got a note
the night that Dudenoff died.
539
00:26:26,625 --> 00:26:27,711
Now, everybody,
540
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,714
come with me!
541
00:26:41,516 --> 00:26:43,518
We all got notes that night.
542
00:26:44,477 --> 00:26:46,479
Only ours were different.
543
00:26:49,065 --> 00:26:51,941
"You are cordially
invited to my funeral.
544
00:26:51,942 --> 00:26:54,237
Midnight, in the basement.
Don't tell Helga."
545
00:26:55,530 --> 00:26:57,739
- What the fuck?
- Funeral?
546
00:26:57,740 --> 00:26:59,490
I don't like it.
547
00:26:59,491 --> 00:27:01,659
Come on. Let's go.
548
00:27:01,660 --> 00:27:04,538
Come on, come on.
549
00:27:16,217 --> 00:27:18,676
Hey! Milton, what's going on?
550
00:27:18,677 --> 00:27:21,929
Hey-- Okay--
551
00:27:21,930 --> 00:27:24,390
Hey, can I just talk?! Can I?
552
00:27:24,391 --> 00:27:25,642
- Yeah.
- Of course.
553
00:27:25,643 --> 00:27:27,101
Uh, so,
554
00:27:27,102 --> 00:27:30,565
you know I'm always saying a movie
is only as good as its cast?
555
00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:34,736
Now, I'm just a teacher.
I never got to make...
556
00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:36,613
my own movie.
557
00:27:37,238 --> 00:27:38,738
But I'll tell you this.
558
00:27:38,739 --> 00:27:41,659
If our lives were a movie...
559
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:45,579
I cast the shit outta this one.
560
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:51,628
Professor, what exactly are we doing here?
561
00:27:52,295 --> 00:27:54,297
Well, uh...
562
00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:57,465
I-I have some medical news.
563
00:27:57,466 --> 00:27:59,552
Um...
564
00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:02,261
I'm an old guy, so, you know,
565
00:28:02,262 --> 00:28:05,348
it's not like Terms of Endearment sad
or anything,
566
00:28:05,349 --> 00:28:08,142
but, you know, I-- Uh...
567
00:28:08,143 --> 00:28:10,019
they tell me I've, uh,
only got a few months.
568
00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:11,646
And so--
569
00:28:11,647 --> 00:28:15,401
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Uh, you know, when I'm gone...
570
00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:20,655
...uh, this building,
they're gonna swoop in and,
571
00:28:20,656 --> 00:28:24,367
you know, tear our cast apart. But,
572
00:28:24,368 --> 00:28:26,661
I have a workaround.
573
00:28:26,662 --> 00:28:28,248
And, uh...
574
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:34,504
and it's that you will all keep me alive.
575
00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:37,839
W-Well, I mean, actually no
576
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,427
'cause I've just taken
a hell of a lot of pills.
577
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:45,012
I want you, tonight,
578
00:28:45,013 --> 00:28:47,515
to put my body in the incinerator!
579
00:28:47,516 --> 00:28:49,475
Yes! Yes!
580
00:28:49,476 --> 00:28:53,187
And then, I want you to cash
my social security checks,
581
00:28:53,188 --> 00:28:56,276
and I want you to tell everybody
I just moved to Portugal.
582
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:01,154
And you...
583
00:29:01,155 --> 00:29:03,158
you can't tell Helga.
584
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:07,120
I'm just gonna record a message,
you know, in case, uh,
585
00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:11,038
you know, she finds out,
and then, she won't blame you.
586
00:29:11,039 --> 00:29:12,373
- We can call an ambulance.
- Yeah--
587
00:29:12,374 --> 00:29:14,961
No, come on, let me do this.
Just let-- Just let me do this.
588
00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:19,130
Please. And then, you know, afterwards,
589
00:29:19,131 --> 00:29:21,092
then let's just all hug and shit, okay?
590
00:29:21,676 --> 00:29:23,302
Hey, so, Vince, come on.
591
00:29:24,971 --> 00:29:27,182
Chop, chop. Let's shoot this thing.
592
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:30,058
Come on. One take.
593
00:29:33,563 --> 00:29:36,982
It's okay. It's okay.
594
00:29:50,747 --> 00:29:53,541
Hey, Helga. I know you're angry.
595
00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:57,043
But, you know, you had such a, uh,
596
00:29:57,044 --> 00:30:00,423
hard time bouncing back after your dad
that I-I had this...
597
00:30:01,591 --> 00:30:04,258
stupid thought that maybe I could...
598
00:30:04,259 --> 00:30:06,846
shield you from another death.
599
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:08,679
But, if you're watching this,
600
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,267
then, you know,
my master plan has gone to hell.
601
00:30:12,602 --> 00:30:14,020
And, hopefully, I haven't.
602
00:30:14,687 --> 00:30:17,104
What can a guy do but try, right?
603
00:30:17,105 --> 00:30:19,192
Here's looking at you, kid.
604
00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:28,282
We're so sorry, baby.
605
00:30:28,283 --> 00:30:31,661
Yeah. It's, uh, it's what he wanted,
606
00:30:31,662 --> 00:30:32,872
to keep us all together.
607
00:30:33,748 --> 00:30:35,122
Move on back in with us.
608
00:30:35,123 --> 00:30:37,001
- Please.
- Please.
609
00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:40,461
It is the only place in New York
where I can have a pig.
610
00:30:40,462 --> 00:30:42,463
Wait.
611
00:30:42,464 --> 00:30:45,716
Helga's not Rudy's ex-girlfriend?
612
00:30:45,717 --> 00:30:47,009
That was another lie?
613
00:30:47,010 --> 00:30:49,470
Yeah, in addition to
setting a human on fire,
614
00:30:49,471 --> 00:30:51,556
we also lied about me having a girlfriend.
615
00:30:51,557 --> 00:30:53,141
May God have mercy.
616
00:31:00,608 --> 00:31:01,609
Hmm.
617
00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:06,322
So, these are not murderers.
618
00:31:06,948 --> 00:31:08,157
No, but...
619
00:31:08,908 --> 00:31:10,199
we've got one hell of a podcast.
620
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,827
[auto-tuned] And, yes,
621
00:31:12,828 --> 00:31:15,997
we've been keeping up the ruse
and cashing his checks.
622
00:31:15,998 --> 00:31:17,208
Oh God. We're going to jail.
623
00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:19,792
Well...
624
00:31:19,793 --> 00:31:21,836
No, you're not.
625
00:31:21,837 --> 00:31:26,175
Guys, we used to be three lonely weirdos
living in the Arconia.
626
00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:30,805
The podcast brought us together.
I don't wanna use it to tear them apart.
627
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:34,142
Bless you.
628
00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:39,770
So, humanity's more important
to you than the podcast?
629
00:31:39,771 --> 00:31:41,149
- What a revelation.
- Hmm.
630
00:31:43,401 --> 00:31:47,153
Okay, what if it's not three losers,
but, like, a family of losers
631
00:31:47,154 --> 00:31:50,617
who wants to make the world a better place
before two of them die?
632
00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:52,575
That's one way to look at it.
633
00:31:52,576 --> 00:31:53,659
Yeah. Well, I have more.
634
00:31:53,660 --> 00:31:55,077
- You wanna hear more?
- No thanks.
635
00:31:55,078 --> 00:31:57,332
Speaking of family, I should tell you
636
00:31:58,249 --> 00:32:00,291
that I had my assistant's assistant
637
00:32:00,292 --> 00:32:02,877
book you a wedding atop...
638
00:32:02,878 --> 00:32:05,880
the Empire State Building,
encircled by a fleet of hot air balloons.
639
00:32:05,881 --> 00:32:07,840
- No, no. I--
- Don't worry. I-'m gonna...
640
00:32:07,841 --> 00:32:09,383
I'll pay for it.
641
00:32:09,384 --> 00:32:12,680
I wish I could tell you this
gives me joy, but it doesn't.
642
00:32:13,681 --> 00:32:15,681
You are not the romantic
I thought you were,
643
00:32:15,682 --> 00:32:18,267
and I don't know how I'm gonna play you
644
00:32:18,268 --> 00:32:20,353
or respect you.
645
00:32:20,354 --> 00:32:23,064
So, [sighs] here we are.
646
00:32:23,065 --> 00:32:25,650
Well, thank you, Zachary, for those...
647
00:32:25,651 --> 00:32:27,777
lovely words. But,
648
00:32:27,778 --> 00:32:31,491
Loretta and I shall marry here,
in the Arconia.
649
00:32:31,991 --> 00:32:33,785
This is where we fell in love,
650
00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:36,702
and I want a marriage
651
00:32:36,703 --> 00:32:39,330
where we fall in love every day
652
00:32:39,331 --> 00:32:42,126
for the rest of our very long lives.
653
00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:44,919
You...
654
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,046
adorable baloney loaf.
655
00:32:47,047 --> 00:32:48,800
You...
656
00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:51,384
beautiful bitchy...
657
00:32:51,385 --> 00:32:54,011
baloney loaf.
658
00:32:54,012 --> 00:32:55,721
Do you know what a baloney loaf is?
659
00:32:55,722 --> 00:32:56,808
Uh--
660
00:33:00,603 --> 00:33:02,522
You are a romantic.
661
00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:07,610
You got me in touch with my emotions.
Thank you.
662
00:33:08,486 --> 00:33:10,778
Well, it was an honor playing a small part
663
00:33:10,779 --> 00:33:13,239
in bringing out your true self.
664
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,866
And Charles, I won't
alienate your audience
665
00:33:15,867 --> 00:33:18,746
by putting any of it on film.
666
00:33:23,042 --> 00:33:24,544
- Bye.
- Bye.
667
00:33:25,211 --> 00:33:26,212
Bye.
668
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,839
You good?
669
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,634
Yeah, I'm good.
670
00:33:35,263 --> 00:33:38,932
Whether or not everyone makes
it back to shore in the movie Lifeboat...
671
00:33:45,106 --> 00:33:47,108
...I'll leave for you to discover.
672
00:33:48,609 --> 00:33:52,695
But what the film is really about
is found families,
673
00:33:52,696 --> 00:33:55,281
fighting together for their survival
674
00:33:55,282 --> 00:33:58,701
in waters that can be
really tough to get through
675
00:33:58,702 --> 00:34:00,203
if you're all alone.
676
00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:14,550
In the end, there was
no murder in the West Tower.
677
00:34:14,551 --> 00:34:16,719
Just a guy who moved to Portugal
678
00:34:16,720 --> 00:34:19,388
and made a family out of strangers.
679
00:34:19,389 --> 00:34:21,057
Well, found family,
680
00:34:21,058 --> 00:34:25,521
we buried a great podcast story
and are back to square one.
681
00:34:27,940 --> 00:34:31,902
Why can't we ever get a ding-dong
when we run out of leads?
682
00:34:33,362 --> 00:34:35,448
Oh! A knock-knock ding-dong!
683
00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:41,202
Think he's got any Gut Milk in there?
684
00:34:41,203 --> 00:34:43,788
I already checked the fridge.
He just has beer.
685
00:34:43,789 --> 00:34:45,917
Look who's here.
686
00:34:46,584 --> 00:34:49,001
Oh, hey, Helga.
I see you got your pig back.
687
00:34:49,002 --> 00:34:52,880
Yes! I'm grateful to the angry man
who reluctantly returned her to me.
688
00:34:52,881 --> 00:34:54,132
I think his name is Howard?
689
00:34:55,676 --> 00:34:57,676
I didn't want to bring it up
among the reunions,
690
00:34:57,677 --> 00:35:01,307
but I wanted to tell you something
about your friend, Sazz.
691
00:35:02,100 --> 00:35:04,225
Wait. You actually knew her?
692
00:35:04,226 --> 00:35:06,393
Yes. She was on the ham radio,
693
00:35:06,394 --> 00:35:09,355
asking about all these huge plot holes
you had in your podcast.
694
00:35:09,356 --> 00:35:11,315
- Not holes.
- Oh!
695
00:35:11,316 --> 00:35:14,819
You're how Sazz knew about
all the West Tower stuff in her notes.
696
00:35:14,820 --> 00:35:16,570
There was another thing though.
697
00:35:16,571 --> 00:35:20,866
She talked about a stuntman
on a movie called Project Ronkonkoma.
698
00:35:20,867 --> 00:35:23,285
She said he was her protégé,
699
00:35:23,286 --> 00:35:26,455
but that he had messed up pretty badly
and he was harassing her.
700
00:35:26,456 --> 00:35:30,545
She said, "He's dangerous,
and he's gonna be the death of me."
701
00:35:31,712 --> 00:35:34,421
- What's Project Ronkonkoma?
- Check IMDb.
702
00:35:34,422 --> 00:35:36,507
- That's a website.
- I know what IMDb is.
703
00:35:36,508 --> 00:35:38,342
My agent says he's gonna get me on it.
704
00:35:38,343 --> 00:35:40,928
Here we go! Project Ronkonkoma.
705
00:35:40,929 --> 00:35:42,429
Who's the stuntperson?
706
00:35:42,430 --> 00:35:44,640
Is it someone we can talk to?
707
00:35:44,641 --> 00:35:47,436
Not exactly.