The new firewall has Hypervisor-Protected
Code Integrity and the OS 11.6 update has
virtualization-based security
and automatic two-factor identification.
Okay, well, sounds like you have it under control.
So a few of us were looking up
Payne's political contributions recently.
[laughing] Everyone is doing this dance.
Some of the politicians we donate to
are super conservative on women's issues.
Yeah, politics are so weird.
How do you turn this thing?
A lot of us think that we shouldn't be supporting
- people like that. - Oh, there you go.
Just have to hit that lock turn thing.
- [laughs] - We believe abortion rights
are directly tied to women's equal participation
in society, and we think it's important
for you to start upholding those values.
- [computer chimes] - Oh! Is it done?
Great. Thank you so much.
Um...
I'm so sorry.
Am I supposed to tip you?
Lemme grab you something.
* Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
[chorus vocalizing]
I'm just sayin', all the buzz about this
has got me freaked out.
Sack up. Access to safe, legal abortion
is a human right. It's as simple as that.
- Right, Sade? - Yes.
I honestly can't tell if you're screwing with me right now.
I'm not. Why is that so hard to believe?
Maybe because of who you are.
All the things you've ever said and done.
- Okay. - Look, Wesley's brush
with humanity aside, we're being asked
to take a position on a very controversial situation.
- Yeah. - Who's asking for what now?
- You didn't see the email? - Mm.
Went out company-wide this morning.
- Mm-hmm. - It's an open letter
from some of our employees with requests
regarding our abortion policies.
"Requests" is not the word.
They are demanding that we develop protocols
to provide abortion access in pro-life states,
stop donating to pro-life politicians,
and that you personally disavow those donations and apologize.
"We require review, expect solutions,
insist on an apology"?
This reads like a ransom note.
I get where they're coming from,
but the tone is a little harsh.
It's generational, you know? They're all entitled.
They act like they're in charge
and they all know exactly what's right.
And they're all bisexual, but they barely have sex.
It's like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet,
but you're on a diet.
Do we donate to pro-life politicians?
'Cause if we do, it's kind of weird.
I don't know who we donate to.
I don't make these decisions.
Our lobbyists handle all that.
So how do you think we should respond?
Well, we can't just roll over.
I mean, what happens when our pro-life employees
decide to write a different letter?
I agree. This is a business.
We can't run it like a democracy.
I just worry that if we don't respond,
the narrative will be that Katherine Hastings
doesn't support women.
- I don't support women? - I'm not saying that.
I'm saying that the narrative would say that.
- Headlines, gossip. - It would probably go
on your Wiki under "Controversies."
"Katherine Hastings is famously anti-woman."
Fine, I guess it doesn't hurt to show them what
our out-of-state protocols are.
Elliot, what is our policy, by the way?
Post-Dobbs, uh, well, our official policy
is, um, we need to formulate an official policy.
- I'll write it. - [laughs] God no.
You're [bleep] with us, right?
Well, let me just try a first draft.
This thing is very complicated, okay,
but if you send me your thoughts,
I'll format them and proof them and then throw them
- in the trash and I'll give... - Ugh.
You something sensible this afternoon.
Great, then maybe we could,
I don't know, try to sell a car.
Wouldn't that be crazy?
[light music]
The annoying thing is, I am probably more pro-choice
than any of these people.
I mean, my generation fought for those rights.
I remember how it was before Roe.
- Weren't you, like, five? - I mean,
people have memories from when they're five.
Yeah, but just cartoons and stuff.
All right, Katherine, here's your Green Detox.
I added bee pollen for $4,
so that's $4 worth of bee pollen.
Great. Thank you, Dori. Oh, Dori,
if anyone who signs this wants to come see me,
just get rid of 'em.
- Oh, I signed that letter. - [laughs]
- Oh, you're serious? Oh. - Mm-hmm.
Right there. See? On the right, Dorothy Otis.
I--I wish you'd talked to me. It's kind of awkward,
having my own assistant call me out.
Sorry. I didn't mean to ambush you.
- Next time, I'll tell you first. - Oh, great.
- Mm-hmm. - Thank you. It's okay.
Could--could you just do me a favor, though,
and--and take it off?
It just kind of makes me look bad.
I'd rather not do that.
- This is important. - I agree.
Which is why I'm saying no.
I'm just gonna jump on in here.
Looks like there's a lot of feelings being expressed
here and that is so healthy,
but do you know what's funny is that I think politically,
we're on the same side.
Except for my generation actually fights
- for our beliefs. - We're both Gen Y.
No, I'm Young Y. You Old Y.
Okay, that's not how it works.
I hate to pull rank here, Dori, but I'm your boss.
Just 'cause you're my boss, Katherine,
doesn't mean you get to tell me what to do.
That is the definition of a boss.
Y is Y. It's all one generation.
Sorry, pal.
I've got a legal meeting in here now.
I don't think so. I have a design meeting.
No, no, I've got it, uh,
here we go, Conference Room B, 11:00 a.m., Legal.
11:00, Design. Did they double-book?
No one double-booked.
You fell for my ruse.
I wanted to make sure you couldn't make excuses
about other stuff you had to do,
so I made appointments in each of your calendars,
specifically designed to lure you here.
Why does my calendar say there's
a hot dog eating contest in here right now?
- Was that a mistake? - No mistake, my friend.
You're right where you need to be.
Have a seat. I'd like to welcome
all of you to the inaugural meeting
of the Payne Women's Committee.
Ah, shoot.
Uh, must be a dud.
Okay, okay, okay, just imagine a bunch
of sparkles and a loud bang.
The Payne Women's Committee?
If we let Elliot and his bean counters
in charge of our abortion policy,
it's gonna be all rules and restrictions.
Plus, I think this is just a good chance for us
to show that we can be more supportive of women, right?
The sarcasm isn't a good look.
I'm not being-- is it so hard to believe
that Wesley Payne might just be a little bit enlightened?
I do find it weird that the Payne Women's Committee
is four dudes.
Huh. No, that's a good point.
I didn't even think of that. This is why we need your input.
Wesley, I respect what you're doing.
I--well, strike that. I somewhat understand
what it is that you're doing, and I would love to help--
uh, well, you should probably strike that as well.
But this is very hard, it's very complicated,
so just leave it to the professionals, yeah?
[sighs] [bang]
Oh, it's a sign! Let's get started!
I mean, it's not like I asked Dori to compromise her values.
Outside of work, I don't care what she does.
I don't even ask. Is she married? No idea.
Does she have kids? Don't know. Don't care.
I'm sure she appreciates how you never ask her
- about herself. - You know, I have plenty
of beliefs that I don't bring into the office.
- I think it's wrong to eat veal. - Mm-hmm.
I--I don't think that men should dye their hair
under almost any circumstance.
I mean, I think the whole idea of God is pretty far-fetched.
[laughs] Yeah, I'd keep that one quiet.
Yeah, no, exactly-- I keep my opinions to myself
because I am the CEO,
and I can't afford to alienate our customers.
Well, these people, they just wanna feel heard.
If you could just meet with them
and let them express their feelings--
Like a therapist? Why is that my job?
You don't have to do anything they're asking or even respond.
Just, like, a few minutes of listening...
- [sighs] - And we can put this all
- behind us. - Great, fine.
- If you really think it'll help. - I do.
Just being there with them will validate them.
Validation, it's-- it's a pretty big thing for us.
Them.
Yes, them/us.
Just make them feel heard. Don't try to correct them
or explain anything.
Even if you are right, if you argue with them,
- you're wrong. - Got it.
Yeah, I've done a lot of pointless couples therapy.
I know how to fake an open mind.
Well, well, well. Good afternoon.
We look forward to a productive dialogue.
Oh, great. Dorothy's here. both: Mm-hmm.
[voice muffled] So we guarantee their travel,
we give 'em an appropriate amount of time off,
and we voice our support.
That's all the hard stuff.
All that's left is little details.
The little details are the hard stuff, okay?
Are we flying them first or coach?
Are we allowing them to take a partner with them?
How much are we willing to reimburse?
It's just, uh, all-expenses-paid.
All-expenses-paid is not a legal concept.
It's just something they say on "The Price Is Right."
Are we also gonna pay for lodging?
Yes, duh. [laughs]
How long would they be there for?
I had a week off after I had my wisdom teeth out.
- Does that help? - It does not.
If only there was a woman around
to help with this kind of thing?
Well, why don't we just say, we'll put them up
in a hotel for as long as needed?
Yes, a hotel. Uh, what quality of hotel?
I don't know, uh, someplace decent.
- A Marriott. - Mm...
Eh, that's like, "Eh."
- Courtyard Marriott. - Oh, Jack.
Haven't these women been through enough?
Thank you all for coming.
I'm Sadie Ryan.
I'm the chief communications officer here at Payne.
My pronouns are she and her,
and I'd like to introduce you to someone
that's been named on "Forbes'" Most Powerful Women list
for more years than I can count.
[both laugh]
And I'm just, like, really glad
that this ceiling isn't made of glass;
- otherwise she'd shatter it. - [laughs] Oh, gosh.
- Katherine Hastings. - Hi there.
Hi. Uh, no speech. I'm here to listen.
Oh, uh, my pronouns are she/her.
Um, she's/hers.
I guess "we/us," you know, when it's appropriate.
"You" is fine, unless it's like, "Hey, you."
- In which case... - [feigns cough]
- I don't like that. - Yeah.
[clears throat] Anyway, here to listen.
- I'm done. - I'll go first.
Yeah.
When we express our concerns to you,
you've dismissed our opinions.
It makes us feel like you see us as functions and not people.
That attitude is hurtful, and, you know, it makes me feel--
it makes us... [all murmuring]
- Yeah. - Feel like we're being
taken for granted.
- [all snapping fingers] - Oh, well, thank you.
I certainly--I hear that.
Also, when you order your coffee,
you gotta let me know ahead of time, Katherine,
if you want decaf, okay?
I'm not a mind reader.
[exhales] And I'm done.
Fair point.
Um, I'll go next.
Oh. Hi, Chloe.
There's a special place in hell
for women who don't support women.
You're a traitor.
- Ooh, boy. - Oh, that's a little harsh.
- [laughs] - Yeah.
And then back home,
everybody gets an Edible Arrangement.
The cantaloupe one, though. We don't need to go crazy.
Good job, guys. I think we're done.
Uh, we are not even close to being done.
Is there a lifetime benefit cap?
Uh, which state do they go to?
Is there a time limit by which they have to apply?
Uh, some women don't even know they're pregnant
- for a while. - Well, okay.
Uh, when do they usually find out by?
In what world would you look to me for this?
You know a ton of random stuff.
About topics I find interesting.
I am pretty sure it has something to do
- with a "pap shmeer," right? - Pap smear.
I wanna say, like, a-- a moon cycle?
Uh, something to do with the moon.
Should we maybe ask some women about this?
Yes, Wesley. I, um, think that we should.
This is, without a doubt,
the worst time in human history to be a woman.
- group: Yes. - Really?
- Now's the worst time? - Just go with it.
I certainly hear that opinion.
While this is an issue that disproportionately
affects employees with uteri,
men have to speak out to support them.
- It ends now. - Yes, that is great.
You, sir, are great. [all snapping fingers]
You can't claim to be a feminist
but then give money to people who hate feminism.
[affirmative muttering]
Um, I--you know, I probably shouldn't say anything.
- Then--then don't. - [laughs] No.
It's just, you know, just-- just--just--just to clarify,
our lobbying firm makes these decisions, okay?
You're the CEO.
I told you not to say anything.
You know who else just did what they were told?
The Nazis.
Oh, yeah. Come on.
Do you pledge to disavow these donations
and publicly apologize for your role in enabling them?
Just gonna jump on in here.
Uh, today was really more about listening.
Yes, this was the beginning of a great dialogue, guys.
- My door is always open. - That's a lie, y'all.
Her door is booby-trapped shut and it got me in front of it.
That's not helpful.
By not speaking out,
you are literally being violent against women.
I am not literally being violent to anyone.
- Silence is violence. - Okay, you know what?
That's a catchy slogan and it rhymes,
but it is just a fact
that silence is not literally violence.
Mm-kay, I think today was a really productive first--
- group: Silence is violence. - Yeah.
- group: Silence is violence. - You guys are--
you cannot just change the definition of a word
because you were born after the "Seinfeld" finale, okay?
Google "Khmer Rouge." Google "Rwanda."
Google "Black Friday at Walmart."
The world is full of violent people,
but I am not one of them!
- I am a person who beli-- - Oh!
[all gasping]
Oh!
- I'm fine. I'm fine. - Oh!
- Oh. - I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Oh, my God. - No, it's fine.
- I feel actually fine. - Oh.
It's just a cheap shirt.
This is Amazon Essentials, honestly.
Workplace violence is defined as the act
or threat of violence,
and it ranges from verbal abuse to actual...
I appreciate the company, but you don't have to stay here.
No, I don't mind.
It's always good to have a refresher.
Excuse me, would you, uh, pay attention to the video?
I already know what workplace violence is.
I don't need the video.
We have to show it to anyone
who's been reported for an incident.
Can't find any exceptions for CEOs.
Got it. You're very important.
- Thank you. - There are several factors
that can make a hostile work environment.
You know, when I was coming up,
a hostile work environment was the goal.
My bosses would attack every weakness,
especially if you were a woman.
Now I'm the boss, and it's all "Be kind.
Make everyone feel heard."
Um, there's gonna be a quiz after.
I don't need the quiz.
Right, yeah. No, you don't.
But you do have to take the quiz, though.
See?
CEO of the company, and even this pissy little eunuch
gets to tell me what to do.
Well, maybe it's a good thing
that we're ending this cycle of abuse.
It's just, I worked really hard.
I paid my dues to get to the top.
- Mm. - And I made a lot
of sacrifices along the way,
in my personal life, in my work life,
and then it's like they just went and changed all the rules.
I just don't know where I fit anymore.
Hey.
Um, Katherine?
Calling me a "pissy little eunuch"
felt like bullying, and--
Okay, scold me again and see what happens, Tom.
See what [bleep] happens.
You want some of what she got?
We thought it was important, in the name of inclusivity,
to get your input on this because we
in the Payne Women's Committee believe
that women should always be on top.
That's not our official slogan.
Uh, we are very open to any suggestions you may have
of ways to improve, you know, health and safety for, uh--
- ooh, yes? - I think we need more lights
in the parking lot.
A number of us feel unsafe
walking to our cars at night.
Sorry, I should have been more clear.
Um, we're looking for--for, you know, health and safety,
uh, advances that are specific to, um, you know, abortions.
Oh, it's just sometimes I hear footsteps--
- Oh, lady in glasses. - Why is this something
being worked on by four men?
I've been sayin' that all day.
- Kiss-ass. - Uh, well, it was actually
supposed to be worked on by one man.
It's just these guys sort of horned in, you know?
Um, I'm pro-life, and I don't think
our company should be doing any of--
How can you say that, Joy?
Uh, okay. Come on, ladies. Let's not, uh--
I can't believe that you would even think
- something like that. - I have a right to my opinion.
- This is a fun turn. - Guys,
this isn't a discussion we should be having.
- Let's move on. - Thank you. Please.
I was told I can't bring my iguana to work even though
he's a state-recognized support animal.
So we can talk about iguanas
but we can't talk about lighting in the parking lot?
Well, I think both topics are something that were
- getting a little bit off-- - So am I not allowed
to express my opinion that abortion is wrong?
It's just not what this meeting is about.
If this were a party-planning meeting,
you could suggest "Under the Sea"
or the "Roaring Twenties," but you can't just say,
"Let's ban all parties."
You banned the party I wanted to do.
We're not doing a "Pimps 'n' Hos Christmas," Mandy.
Nobody wants that.
- Speak for me much? - I think we're getting away
from the--the main topic here, which is, you know,
if you were to have an abortion,
uh, you know, or not, obviously,
but--but if you were,
then which hotel chain would you prefer?
[groans] Fine. I guess, La Quinta?
Are you [bleep] kidding me, Joy?
La Quinta is good. Stop trying to muzzle me.
A support iguana is a medical device.
- But listen, just calm down. - I'm feeling
discriminated against, and I'm going to HR.
- What? No, no, no, no. - I'll go with you.
- Don't go to HR. - No HR.
- Please don't go to HR. - La Quinta Inns
and La Quinta Suites offer very different experiences.
- You can't all go to HR. - It's the same parent company
but with two vastly different products.
- It was like, "Ooh." - Hey.
This is a-- this is a cool spot.
Sadie, how's your nose?
- Looks worse than it is. - Okay.
Luckily, I always keep a clean shirt in my car.
Are you gonna press charges?
Against Katherine? It was an accident.
I basically ran into her fist. [laughs]
I realize that sounds like something
a battered wife would say or battered husband,
battered partner, anyone that gets battered, really.
I don't feel safe having someone like that in charge.
She needs to resign.
- What? - Whoa.
We should write a letter.
Another letter? So many letters.
It's like, when do you guys have time to work?
It doesn't really seem like getting rid
of our first female CEO is exactly, like,
- "Whoo, feminism." - You saw what happened.
- She's unhinged. - It was an accident.
It was like one of those hilarious,
random things that happen, you know?
You're defending her?
Your generation really doesn't get it.
My generation? Girl, how old do you think--
It's not your fault. People your age
have a lot of internalized misogyny.
- Mm-hmm. - We have what now?
Now, at this point, you might be thinking,
"If I have to worry that everything I say
may offend someone, I just won't speak it all."
But that, too, is a form of harassment.
Hey, Wesley, remember when I told you
this was a complicated issue best left to the professionals?
When did everyone get so sensitive about everything?
It's like you can't even have a nice little innocent
workplace conversation about abortion anymore.
Sometimes I miss the assembly line.
Nine rivets, press the button, nine rivets, press the button.
It was so simple.
Shut up and watch the video, you pissy little eunuchs!
Make a hostile work environment.
How did I go from strong independent woman
to tool of the patriarchy who needs to resign?
You know, I think it's a mixture of success and age.
- Just success mostly, though. - Mm-hmm.
Got you a green smoothie.
- Oh, okay. Thanks. - Got me one too.
- I put them both on your card. - Oh.
You didn't happen to get one for me?
It doesn't matter. I'm not thirsty.
So...
I heard there's gonna be another letter.
If you feel you need to sign it, I won't be mad.
I'm not signing that.
I'm not one of them overly sensitive,
E-juice vapin', single-wheel skateboarding children.
They don't even respect their elders.
It's nice to have you back, Dori.
Makin' ramen noodles all fancy.
Chicken in the NyQuil, can y'all believe this?
I love how they're all talking about
"breaking norms" and being so original,
and then they all follow the same trends.
It's like, "I am such an individual.
"Now watch me do the exact same TikTok dance
that, like, 4 million other people are doing."
And they always talking about "deadass this"
- and "deadass that." - Mm.
Y'all, what in the hell is a dead ass?
I have no idea.
And they wanna be famous for doing nothing
except being themselves.
Do something that makes the world better.
- I know. - Being a influencer
ain't revolutionary.
It's just like being the popular kid
- in high school. - And they are all just
so morally pure and holier than thou.
[laughs] They not all that pure, Katherine.
[laughs] What do you mean?
Well, Hazel claims to not like Dave Chappelle,
but she be at every one of his live shows.
And Breanna eats Chick-fil-A every day.
I could keep going, but let me stop.
No, please, keep going.
Well, Natasha say she don't like Michael Jackson,
but she be doing the "Remember the Time" dance
on her lunch break.
Inauspicious start to the Payne Women's Committee.
Here I am, a man trying to correct
the mistakes of the past, but I'm still the bad guy?
I don't get it. Are we just supposed
to sit around and wait until a woman needs us
to change a light bulb?
I got asked to change
three different light bulbs last week,
and I had to stand on a rolling desk chair for one of 'em.
You ever notice how when they have to evacuate a ship,
it's always women and children first?
- Mm. - Okay, I get the children,
but why are men somehow more disposable than women?
But why do I have to change the big plastic jug
on top of the water cooler?
You know, I've got a bad back.
Ugh, I hate being asked to change those.
- Me too. - #MeThree.
Mm.
Thank you all for joining me again.
I am an imperfect person.
I have a lot of decisions to make,
and sometimes--a lot of times-- I screw up, so I'm sorry.
Just like... I imagine Ruby is sorry
for the times that she screwed up.
- Excuse me? - Oh, you know,
the whole Malala thing.
Yeah, she darkened her skin
for a Malala Halloween costume.
- [outraged chatter] - That was six years ago.
Yeah, well, the Internet's forever, Ruby.
Don't defend yourself. That's gross.
I know that ain't Miss Harper talkin',
the one who goes on and on and on about trans rights
but loves "Mrs. Doubtfire."
- What? - You're such a hypocrite.
- [scoffs] - Well, we all make mistakes.
What did, uh-- what did Chloe do again?
Big R. Kelly fan.
I don't.
I separate the artist from the art.
That is super problematic.
Whatever. Sasha voted for Kanye.
- [crowd yelling] - Well, sounds like you guys
have a lot to discuss amongst yourselves, so just have fun.
Oh, oh, oh, and Josh,
he bought a bulldog from a puppy mill.
A female-owned puppy mill.
- Bye. - Oh, come on.
[all arguing]
Mmm, what flavor is this?
Lavender chamomile.
It's like sipping a massage.
I put it in my travel mug,
tell everybody I'm drinking hot coffee.
Yeah, you shouldn't have to hide it though, you know?
You know, why can't men enjoy delicious things?
Yeah, and all of our deodorants are,
like, "sandalwood musk" or "Arctic gunmetal."
- Mm. - I like vanilla.
- I like bergamot. - Yes.
Why can't I smell like those?
You know, I have never once had a manicure.
- No. - Yeah, because I guess society
has decided that personal hygiene is gendered.
And do you know what women get to do
that I always wished that I could?
- both: Hmm? - Give and receive
multiple orgasms.
No, I think technically we can give those.
I don't think so. [laughs]
You know what? I'm doing it.
I'm ordering the vanilla.
- Yes. - Because I like it.
- Yes. - Good for you.
- Please do. - Your body, your choice.
Were we the good guys or the bad guys just now?
No idea, but it was fun.
Yeah, I see why that generation
likes canceling people.
It's energizing.
What's going on here?
We're havin' a Payne Women's Committee meeting.
This is black coffee, by the way.
Uh-huh. Hey, uh,
have you guys written up those policies I asked for?
Oh, you know, we, um-- we started them,
but then ultimately felt, you know, that, like,
as men, it wasn't really our place.
Yeah, that needs to be something women do
- for themselves. - Oh, great, yeah.
One more thing on my plate.
- Thank you, guys. - Yeah, yeah. Good job.
Are men genetically lazy,
or is this more like a societal thing?
Honestly, and don't repeat this,
- I truly think it's both. - Mm-hmm.