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.
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- Hello, and welcome
to "Russell Reports"
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from Russell Elementary.
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I'm Hannah,
and I'm here with the CEO
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of Payne Motors,
Katherine Hastings,
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and some of her workers.
- "Workers."
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- Katherine, what are you
doing here today?
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- Well, Hannah,
it's the 68th annual
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Payne Motors Dream It,
Design It Fair.
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It's a chance for young people
to get out of the back seat
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and into the design seat,
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and we love it
because at Payne,
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young people inspire us
every day.
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- Cool. Do you have kids?
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- No, mm-mm.
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Well, I have a stepdaughter.
A daughter. Daughter.
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She's a step--
she's a stepdaughter.
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I mean, let's just go
with daughter.
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We'll go with daughter.
- And do you have kids?
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- No, not yet.
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Maybe one day, though.
[chuckles]
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- Do you have kids?
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- No.
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- But one day if you meet
the right person?
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- Also no.
- What about you?
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- No, I wanted them, though.
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We tried.
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There was
a whole IVF situation,
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and this thing with
a Belgian fertility doctor,
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with whom we're still
in litigation, by the way.
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But then the marriage
dissolved anyway, so--
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- Okay, Ted.
- [laughs]
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All's well
that ends well, I guess.
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- Mm.
- Cool.
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Well, I'll be here all day
with more "Russell Reports,"
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00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,484
so stay tuned.
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- * Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom *
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* Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom *
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[chorus vocalizing]
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- The kids spent a lot
of time on these,
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so try not to say
anything negative.
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You know, just don't make
insulting jokes.
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- And if I need to spank them,
can I use a pipe,
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or does it have to be my belt?
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I'm not Mr. Burns.
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I know how to be
around children.
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- I just know how much you hate
this, like, cheery, feel-good,
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"Hey, we're a part
of the community" fluff.
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- Fluff sounds pretty good,
actually.
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I could use a break
from the real world.
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I mean, after what
we have been through--
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the pawls, the fire,
Andy [bleep] Richter...
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- Yeah.
- I mean, compared to that,
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today is gonna be like
rubbing one out on a rainbow.
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- And that kind
of verbal jauntiness--
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- For your ears only.
- Yeah, right.
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- God, that one looks stupid.
- It does.
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- It all looks so much smaller
than when I was a student here.
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We used to dare each other
to jump off of those bleachers,
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and I was always too scared.
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- That's not that high.
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I could jump that easy.
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- Well, I could do it now,
Wesley.
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- Then why don't you go ahead
and do it then?
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- Because I'm an adult
at a business function.
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- Ah, I thought so.
I thought so.
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- So, Jack, it must be good,
though,
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you know, coming back
to your old school
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as a big-shot executive.
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- Yeah, you know what?
I gotta admit that it does.
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Is that how you feel
when you visit your old school?
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- Well, I went
to a 500-year-old
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all-boys boarding school
in England.
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So by this stage of my life,
I'm expected
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to probably have been voted
into parliament,
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and then forced
to resign in disgrace,
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and then, you know,
live out the rest of my days
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in the south of Spain
bothering local women.
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- That would be
considered good?
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- Ah, well,
it's an ancient tradition,
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so do try to respect that.
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[laughs]
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- I love Spain.
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- And that's me, Mom and Dad,
and Grandma and Grandpa,
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and my other grandma and Steve.
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- It's like a building
that's a car.
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I just love it. Thank you.
- Thanks.
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- What's gonna happen when
it has to go under a bridge?
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- Tough way
for Grandma to go out.
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- And Steve.
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- So the exhaust comes
out the tailpipe,
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through the tube,
and back into the gas tank.
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- It turns old gas
into new gas.
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- This would single-handedly
solve climate change.
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- Yeah, this is the future
right here.
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Great job.
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- So that's basically
a bomb, right?
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- Bomb on wheels.
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Luckily,
everyone inside will die
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of carbon monoxide poisoning
before the explosion.
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- Balanbaalis means
"butterfly" in Somali,
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and I made it
red, white, and green
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because those are the colors
of the Somaliland flag.
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- Is that right?
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I think the flag of Mexico
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is also red, white, and green,
isn't it?
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- Yeah, yeah, and also, um...
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- Sbarro's.
- Sbarro's.
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- Oh.
- Yeah.
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- I was born there.
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- In Sbarro's?
[laughs]
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No, just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
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No, but Somaliland is
a beautiful country, though,
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and I just love it there.
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- A lot of parts of it
have warlords,
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and my parents say
girls my age can be
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forced to become child brides.
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- Hmm.
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- Italy.
- Yes.
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- Italy also has
a red, white, and green flag.
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- Italy!
[both laugh]
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- Prego.
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- Hector?
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- Yeah?
- My, you've grown.
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- How do you know my son?
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- Oh, no, it's nothing bad.
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Don't worry, we've never met.
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No, I just got sent an email
with a video of him once,
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which sounds much--
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sounds much worse
than it really is.
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I was gonna do
the Michigan Mentors program,
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you know, actually,
until they sent me
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the video of Hector,
and I sort of reassessed then,
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which is, uh, nothing to do
with him--
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me--just, you know,
time constraints.
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So--but speaking
of time constraints, I think--
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I think they want me
in the corner
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over there
where all the action is.
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But it was lovely
to meet you both.
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Stay in school.
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- So it's an invisible car.
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- Looks like Wonder Woman has
a car to go with her plane.
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- [chuckles] Yeah.
[phone buzzes]
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- So that kid just didn't do
the assignment, right?
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- 100%.
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Hey, Mike, what's up?
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Wait, what?
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- Well, I guess
you just have to remember
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where you parked it.
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[laughs]
But really well done.
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- Hey, guys, can I talk to you
for a minute in private?
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How much do you know
about Somaliland?
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- I would say I know
nothing about Somaliland.
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- Sounds like the world's
least fun theme park.
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- It's where that girl with
the butterfly car was from.
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- Mm-hmm.
- It's a region of Somalia.
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They declared independence
in 1991,
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but Somalia
and the international community
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don't consider them
a sovereign nation.
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You see
where I'm going with this?
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- I truly don't.
- No, no idea.
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- You were filmed on Instagram
calling Somaliland a country,
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and Somali Twitter
picked it up.
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- There's Somali Twitter?
- There's everything Twitter.
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And they're always angry.
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- Ted, I don't mean to be
an ugly American,
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but who cares if I'm unpopular
on Somali social media?
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- Because we get the yttrium
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we use in cars
from Somali mines,
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and now they're threatening
to cut us off.
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- They're that sensitive?
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- Yes, we go out of our way
to never talk
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about the Somalia-Somaliland
issue.
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And if we ever do,
we have to use
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other countries as stand-ins.
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- Try to have a day of fun,
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you end up
in a Somali yttrium mine.
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- Yep, I guess the break
from the real world is over.
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- Yeah, it was a lovely
ten minutes, though.
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.
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- Oh, my gosh,
even the steering wheel
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is a little peppermint.
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I bet "MotorTrend"
would pick this
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as the most delicious car
of the year.
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- It's so well done.
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- Great job, great job.
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Let's see. Who is next?
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Oh, look at that.
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We are back
at the butterfly car.
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Oh, gosh, I just love
those colors from the flag.
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What country did you say
that you were from again?
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- Somaliland.
- Oh, I see.
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Actually, well, so that's
where you're wrong, right?
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Because Somaliland
is not a country.
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It is a region
within the sovereign nation
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of Somalia, right, Sadie?
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00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,740
- Yes, I believe
Somaliland is not recognized
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00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,575
by the UN or the African Union.
199
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- Can't argue with that.
[both laugh]
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00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,914
So at any rate,
Somalia is a fantastic country.
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They are top, top dog
really in the region.
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I mean, and we are so proud
to be doing business with them.
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- My brother's still in jail
in Somalia.
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He was recruited by a militia
when he was very young.
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- That's all for today's
"Russell Reports."
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Bye, everybody.
207
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- Did you make that?
208
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,728
- Uh-huh.
209
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,563
- He did a good job, right?
210
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:40,650
- Yeah, it's...interesting.
211
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,318
- Interesting.
212
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- That's nice.
213
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- That's so nice,
wasn't it, Tyler?
214
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My future car designer.
[chuckles]
215
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,706
- Hey, so how much
of a problem would it be
216
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,583
if one of these designs
was similar to something
217
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:57,834
that we've been working on?
218
00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,294
I mean,
we couldn't be sued, right?
219
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,546
- Well, I mean,
anybody could sue for anything.
220
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,423
Dr. Dre sued some gynecologist
221
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,467
just 'cause he also happened
to be called Dr. Dre.
222
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,302
- Who won?
- Dr. Dre.
223
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,678
How similar are these designs?
224
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,430
- Well, this is the kid's car.
225
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,806
- Mm-hmm.
226
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,266
- And this is
what we're developing.
227
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,726
- [gasps]
Cyrus!
228
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Did you steal a design
from a child?
229
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,812
- It's a coincidence.
230
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,314
We've had this in the works
for five years.
231
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,607
- Five years?
232
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:21,941
Now, is that older or younger
233
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,151
than the child
you stole this from?
234
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[laughs] Come on.
235
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I'm only messing around.
It's fine.
236
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We'll just sling him
a few bucks, all right,
237
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:28,907
make the whole problem go away.
238
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,493
- You want to buy a design
that I've already designed?
239
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,244
- Yes, I'd rather
throw him a few bucks now
240
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,038
and avoid
an embarrassing lawsuit later.
241
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- Let him sue.
242
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,832
We can prove that we came up
with this independently.
243
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,709
- Oh, yes.
No, I'd love to do that.
244
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You know, take the stand
and tell the whole world
245
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:42,754
that we're not plagiarists.
246
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,506
No, it's just that
our best and brightest spent,
247
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,174
you know, five years
and $100 million
248
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,176
and ultimately came up
with exactly the same thing
249
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,511
as an eight-year-old
who was just
250
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,262
tossing off
a homework assignment.
251
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,555
- But it's not right.
252
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,182
- Okay, well, you know,
next time,
253
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,351
maybe design a car that isn't
so easily replicable
254
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,852
by Dennis the Menace.
255
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,896
Oh, and if you did steal it,
don't tell me again.
256
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,189
It's best I don't know.
257
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,524
- It's my design.
258
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,983
- Ooh, yes, that was very good.
259
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,193
Yeah, say it like that.
260
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,487
Yeah, very convincing.
261
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:08,905
- Those aren't that tall.
262
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,240
What is that, like, 10 feet?
263
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,200
That's cake, dude.
- Again, we're grown-ups.
264
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,202
- I jumped off a snowman
at the Holiday Light-tacular
265
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,787
last year,
and that was 20 feet.
266
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,330
It was onto snow,
but it was packed.
267
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,456
It wasn't, like, powder.
268
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,583
- Mrs. Simms?
- Yes?
269
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,043
- I didn't know
you still worked here.
270
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,545
I don't know
if you remember me.
271
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,879
I was
in your fourth-grade class.
272
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,548
- Oh, my gosh, Jack Fordham.
273
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,341
Of course I remember you.
274
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:29,718
Flattop haircut,
275
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,761
Detroit Pistons jacket
that was way too big.
276
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,888
- I think that thing
still does not fit me.
277
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,765
[both laugh]
- [clears throat]
278
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,600
- Uh, Wesley,
this is Mrs. Simms.
279
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,144
She was the best teacher
on the planet.
280
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,062
She used to buy school supplies
out of her own pocket
281
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,230
for students
who couldn't afford 'em.
282
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,732
- Yeah, still doing that.
Hi, Wesley.
283
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:44,983
- So nice to meet you.
284
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,318
- So which child is yours?
285
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,778
- Oh.
- Oh, no.
286
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,321
- No, no, we are not a couple.
287
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,574
- But if we were gay,
thank you so much
288
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:53,908
for thinking I could get
a guy like Jack.
289
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,077
It's very flattering.
- We're here with Payne.
290
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,747
- You're an executive?
- I work with these guys.
291
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,331
I don't know
if I'm exactly an executive.
292
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,209
- He's being modest.
This guy's a big shot.
293
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:06,921
- Jack Fordham,
I'm so proud of you.
294
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,340
Can I introduce you
to my students?
295
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,550
It'd be great for them to meet
someone from their world
296
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:11,926
who's so successful.
297
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,095
- Yeah.
- We'd be honored, Mrs. Simms.
298
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,139
- Okay, well, great. Come on.
299
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,641
- Hey, if we were gay,
you think we'd be together?
300
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,393
- Hmm, maybe.
- Wow.
301
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,812
Thanks, man.
That makes me feel really good.
302
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:25,106
- Ugh, it's all apples
and water.
303
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,649
- The country's in the toilet.
304
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,860
- Big problem. Big problem.
305
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,320
So Ethiopia saw
306
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,863
the most recent video,
and now they're mad.
307
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,073
- Is "Russell Reports"
308
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,407
"The New York [bleep] Times"
now?
309
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:35,950
- It's all hashtags.
310
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,869
People set up hashtag alerts
for things that piss them off.
311
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,162
- Why does Ethiopia
care about this?
312
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,789
- Because they're dependent
on Somaliland
313
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,791
ever since they lost Eritrea.
314
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,292
Ah, I need a map.
- What?
315
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,543
- No, it's fine. Ted.
316
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,920
Is dairy the problem?
- No.
317
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,880
- That's China.
318
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,300
- Ah, okay, Eritrea broke away
from Ethiopia in 1991.
319
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,678
And without access to the sea,
their exports had to start
320
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:55,970
going through
the Port of Berbera
321
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,389
in Somaliland.
- Ted, Ted, Ted. Breathe.
322
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,474
- But Somalia and Ethiopia
have been rivals
323
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,352
ever since the British ceded
the Haud Grasslands in '48.
324
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,770
- I see.
- So Addis Ababa
325
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,980
is highly invested
in Somaliland's autonomy.
326
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,857
- Okay, I need you
to stop giving me details.
327
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,317
I can't live like this anymore.
328
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,194
- We've spent
the last 18 months
329
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,613
negotiating with the Ethiopians
to open a production hub,
330
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:14,781
and you just called
their nemesis
331
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,032
the top dog in the region.
332
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,367
They're threatening
to blow up the whole deal
333
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:18,952
if you don't apologize.
- Apologize?
334
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,370
What, like a phone call?
335
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,205
- More than that.
336
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,665
- Fruit basket?
337
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,251
- It wasn't long ago that Jack
was one of my students.
338
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,795
He used to be
exactly where you are now.
339
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,006
- And I was also
a student once, not here.
340
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,383
I don't know if you're familiar
with Cranbrook Academy.
341
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:34,676
It was very pretty.
342
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,262
I actually lived in Payne Hall.
343
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,388
- Thank you, Wesley.
344
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:41,016
- But now Jack's
a Payne Motors executive,
345
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,726
and I'm so proud of him.
346
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,352
- Well, I owe
a lot of it to you.
347
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:47,814
- And all of you can be
just as successful as Jack
348
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,734
if you work hard,
go to college, and...
349
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,570
all: Believe we can achieve.
350
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:57,198
- Yep, although technically,
I did not go to college.
351
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,992
- Oh.
- But you all should, though.
352
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:01,036
Kids, go to college.
353
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,704
- Then how did you get
your job?
354
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,289
- Well, I worked
on the assembly line,
355
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,708
and then stuff
just kind of happened.
356
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,669
It was kind of just dumb luck.
357
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,796
- No, no, it wasn't dumb luck.
358
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,299
You know, Jack was smart,
and he worked hard.
359
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,051
And he found
his moment to shine.
360
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,552
'Cause that's
what success really is.
361
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,888
It's taking advantage
of the opportunities.
362
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,848
- That's true.
You hear that, kids?
363
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,351
- People get hit by cars
literally every day.
364
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,311
Most of them don't get
promoted because of it,
365
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:30,148
but Jack believed
he could achieve.
366
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,111
- Ah, so creative.
367
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:38,406
Oh, wow,
this one is very beautiful.
368
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:41,284
I sense you must be
a professional car designer.
369
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,703
- No, I'm just a kid.
- What? I don't believe it.
370
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,246
I mean, this looks like
something off the front cover
371
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,374
of an international
automotive magazine.
372
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,459
- You hear that?
I told you it was good.
373
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:50,460
- Thanks.
- Yeah, in fact,
374
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:53,171
I think it's so good,
uh, Tyler,
375
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,548
that as an official
representative of Payne Motors,
376
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,800
I'd like to buy it from you.
377
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,010
- For real?
- Wow, he's gonna buy it.
378
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,179
- Yes, and as this is
an official transaction
379
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,432
with Payne Motors, I'd like
to present you with this:
380
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,102
a handcrafted certificate
of recognition
381
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:11,147
and a check
for 50 American dollars.
382
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,400
- Whoa.
- Oh, that's so nice of you,
383
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,110
but you don't actually
have to give him money.
384
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,236
- Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, come on.
385
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,113
It's an official transaction.
386
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,406
You know what else
might be quite fun?
387
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,950
What if we were
to sign this fun,
388
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:24,619
you know,
official legal document?
389
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:25,954
- Can I?
390
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,455
- Well, okay.
391
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,456
Katie's dad is a lawyer.
392
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:29,833
Should we have him
look it over?
393
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,209
- [laughs]
No, no. No lawyers, please.
394
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,795
No--no more lawyers.
I'm a lawyer.
395
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:34,796
I spend all my day
around lawyers.
396
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:35,964
Very boring, so much more fun
397
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,424
if we just, like,
signed this together.
398
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,050
You know, another lawyer would
be overkill, wouldn't it?
399
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,928
- Maybe I will get
Katie's dad, actually.
400
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,930
Hey, Katie,
is your dad still here?
401
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,182
Could you go get him for me?
402
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:50,895
.
403
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:51,938
- A thousand apologies
to the most noble
404
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,648
Ethiopian government.
405
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,899
- Is "a thousand apologies"
racist?
406
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,526
I mean, I sound
like a karate guru.
407
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:57,527
I mean, if we were
dealing with Japan,
408
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:58,903
I would say that was racist.
409
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,530
- So does saying it
to Ethiopia make it okay?
410
00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:01,865
- No, I think it makes it
double racist.
411
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,783
- All right,
my contact in Ethiopia says
412
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,161
he'll translate
what we write into Amharic,
413
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:07,579
and then you can
say it phonetically.
414
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,706
- Oh, God,
it's all just so fawning.
415
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,374
It's like
I'm the world's horniest guy
416
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,043
trying to get Ethiopia
to sleep with me.
417
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,294
- Yes, channel that energy.
418
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,503
- Yeah, but if we go too far,
419
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,047
won't it just re-piss off
Somalia?
420
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,882
And then we'll have
to apologize to Somalia again
421
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,759
and then re-apologize
to Ethiopia,
422
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,552
and then we'll fall
into a perpetual apology loop,
423
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:23,887
and long story short,
424
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,930
all three of us eventually die
in this room.
425
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,182
- It's a concern.
426
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:28,558
- I'm sure
I'm overthinking this,
427
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,143
but does
"We support all peoples
428
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:32,020
who aspire to statehood"
sound like, I don't know, like,
429
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,480
Palestine or something?
- Oh, that's an overthink.
430
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,898
- Good catch.
- What?
431
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,733
- Israel is our biggest
supplier of semiconductors.
432
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,401
That was close.
That could have been bad.
433
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,111
- Okay, Ted,
I need you to get anyone
434
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,613
who knows anything
about this stuff
435
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,406
to come weigh in on it
immediately, okay?
436
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,075
Government affairs,
division chiefs,
437
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,285
anyone who knows
where the landmines are buried
438
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,246
needs to get down here now,
got it?
439
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,664
- Is Ms. Kirby in here?
440
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:54,459
- Does it [bleep] look like
Mrs. Kirby is in here?
441
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,672
[sighs]
Sorry, I'm stressed out.
442
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:00,882
That child provoked me.
- Mm-hmm.
443
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,258
- And he totally bombs
444
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,635
the management training
interview.
445
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:04,886
- I didn't bomb the interview.
446
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,263
- But Jack believed
he could achieve,
447
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,264
so he goes
to confront this prick...
448
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:09,265
- Wes, I don't think that you--
449
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:10,558
- Catches the guy
in his office...
450
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,601
- Wes, they don't need
to know the details.
451
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:12,519
- With his pants down,
watching--
452
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,645
- Wes, they are kids!
453
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,105
- I wasn't gonna say
what it was.
454
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,856
- Thank you.
- P-O-R-N.
455
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,024
- Porn?
456
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,693
- Didn't know they could
spell at this age.
457
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,695
Uh, good teaching.
[laughs]
458
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,114
- Well, we all have
our own paths.
459
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:26,658
What's important isn't
how you get to the top,
460
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,618
but what you do
to make the world better
461
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:29,744
when you get there.
462
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,371
- Exactly.
- How do you do that?
463
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,414
- How do I do that?
464
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,207
That is a good question.
465
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:37,168
Uh, well, I make
my voice heard.
466
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,504
Like, if we are considering
closing a factory,
467
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,464
I will fight hard
to keep it open.
468
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:42,966
- Do they listen to you?
469
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:44,968
- I have not been at it
that long.
470
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,554
- You can't blame Jack for
bloated American labor costs.
471
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,306
- Well, anyway,
thank you both for coming by.
472
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,933
- Oh, here's how
we make the world better.
473
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:55,770
We pay a ton in taxes,
which goes to the greater good.
474
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,814
I mean, with the tax bracket
that Jack and I are in,
475
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,607
we probably pay
for this whole school.
476
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,151
- I do not think
we're in the same tax bracket.
477
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:02,277
- We might be.
478
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:03,528
My guy does stuff
with gross income.
479
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,155
Oh, my God, I should
hook you up with my guy.
480
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,699
You'll pay, like, nothing.
- But you should pay something.
481
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,659
Kids, pay your taxes.
- Pay some taxes.
482
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,910
Don't pay the nominal rate.
483
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,287
The nominal rate
is for suckers, kids.
484
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,872
- It's important to give back.
- That's my message.
485
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,833
Don't be a chump.
486
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,501
- Okay, so where does that
put us?
487
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,587
- Well, you get the $3,000.
488
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,672
You get the sell-on clause
and an acknowledgment
489
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,007
as the car's creator.
490
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,342
- "Creator," right.
491
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,177
- And the certificate too,
right?
492
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:30,180
- Yes, and the handcrafted
certificate of recognition.
493
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,557
Very good, Tyler.
Thank you for reminding us.
494
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,184
- Well, what about
appearance fees?
495
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:35,393
- What appearance fees?
496
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,770
- Well, everybody's gonna
want to interview
497
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,897
the prodigy that out-designed
the professionals.
498
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,107
- He didn't out-design anyone.
- Okay, let's just--
499
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,443
- No, no, no, I am sick
of pretending that we're all
500
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:44,694
so in awe of Tyler,
501
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:47,530
like I could never design
a car that good.
502
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,865
I already did design it, Tyler.
503
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,575
- Okay, Cyrus,
maybe we should take a moment.
504
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:51,910
- And we already made it,
Katie's dad.
505
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,286
The only reason
we're sitting here
506
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:55,205
is so that he can't sue us
for a ton of money later.
507
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,999
- [clears throat]
508
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:02,462
- Well, okay then,
$3,000 is extremely low.
509
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:05,298
Don't you think?
510
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,134
- [speaking Amharic]
511
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,138
[bleep] me in the [bleep].
512
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,640
- That sounded good
until the last part.
513
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:14,724
Yafet, was that good?
514
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,601
- Well, there's a few issues.
515
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,603
- Does anyone know
if Ethiopia is Muslim?
516
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,230
- What's the difference?
- In some Muslim cultures,
517
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,399
they might be insulted if
you're not wearing a headscarf.
518
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:23,692
I'll find out.
- Katherine, the part
519
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:24,984
where you call Ethiopians
"the finest workers
520
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,778
in the world" sounds like
a dig at our union guys.
521
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,697
Could we change it to
"finest workers in the region"?
522
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:29,906
- I think
Egypt would be offended.
523
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,449
Egypt and Ethiopia
hate each other.
524
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,909
- Oh, let me guess,
because Egypt is
525
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,452
our biggest supplier
of mummies, which we use
526
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,870
as crash test dummies
for some reason.
527
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,122
- Egypt controls
the Suez Canal.
528
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,873
If they cut off
our shipping lanes,
529
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,500
we'll have to sail all the way
around the African continent.
530
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,460
- She's mispronouncing
"minim chigir yelebinyime."
531
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,838
- How is she saying it?
- Minim chigir yelebinyime.
532
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,716
- What's it supposed to be?
- Minim chigir yelebinyime.
533
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,592
- How is she saying it?
- I think we're fine.
534
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,261
Most Ethiopians are
Coptic Christian.
535
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,554
- Wait, which one are those?
536
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,972
- Catholic,
but their pope has a beard.
537
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,724
Joyce, are we concerned
about the cows in the frame?
538
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,100
- Why, because of vegetarians?
539
00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:58,476
- India is a big market.
Cows are sacred.
540
00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,936
- Construction paper cows?
541
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:00,854
- Oh, good catch.
542
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,522
Let's not take any chances.
543
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,566
- So it's "yelebinyime,"
not "yelebinyime"?
544
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:05,859
- You are saying
the exact same thing.
545
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,277
- You'resaying
the exact same thing.
546
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:08,945
- Are you messing with me
on purpose?
547
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,405
- Labor says
we'll be okay with the unions
548
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,824
if we add the phrase,
"We support the Ethiopians'
549
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,367
rights to unite and organize."
550
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:15,827
- That sounds like
we're advocating the overthrow
551
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,120
of the Ethiopian government.
552
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,288
- Yeah, well,
it's been that type of day.
553
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,914
- Hey, Katherine,
apparently, if you say,
554
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,250
"Minim chigir yelebinyime,"
it means, "I have no problem."
555
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,044
But if you say,
"Minim chigir yelebinyime,"
556
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,212
it means,
"I have no pubic hair."
557
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:30,967
.
558
00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:31,968
- Okay,
everyone get out of the way.
559
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,887
I can do this.
560
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,138
It does look higher
when you're up here, but--
561
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,264
- What is he doing?
- Oh, I think he's trying
562
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:37,682
to impress a bunch
of nine-year-olds,
563
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,892
but he's couching it
as a metaphor
564
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,393
for trickle-down economics.
565
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,062
- Imagine I'm wealth.
- Mr. Payne, get down.
566
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,898
I'm coming down,
and we're all gonna benefit.
567
00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:47,359
- Well, that is
a strong learning tool.
568
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,235
- You ever feel like you've
become one of the bad guys?
569
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,236
- Bad guys?
570
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:51,738
- I was just excited
to be, like,
571
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,365
the hometown hero
that made it big
572
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,533
that everybody was proud of,
not some guy
573
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,452
who sold out
to corporate America
574
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,120
and forgot where he came from.
575
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:02,082
- Well, we can't all be
teachers and firefighters.
576
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,584
I mean, there are other ways
to give back.
577
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:05,794
- Like what?
578
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,129
- I don't know,
tip your Uber driver 50%
579
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,048
or give out full-sized
candy bars at Halloween.
580
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,883
[phone dings]
Whatever makes an impact.
581
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:13,927
Oh, my God.
- Investment in new jobs
582
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,595
means the wealth's
gotta trickle.
583
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:16,971
Well, here comes the trickle.
584
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:18,848
- Oh, oh, this is bad.
585
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,101
- Ah, something popped!
586
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:26,272
- Payne assumes full ownership
in exchange for $75,000,
587
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:29,150
whereas all appearance fees,
motion picture rights,
588
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:31,027
and certificates of recognition
589
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,530
are the exclusive property
of the Awesome Radical Company,
590
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,490
Tyler Lopez, president.
591
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,325
So do we have a deal?
592
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:38,368
- Yeah.
- Yes.
593
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,285
- Yes.
- Glorious.
594
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,328
- Unreal.
595
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,247
- Tyler, this is amazing.
596
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,666
- How'd you even come up
with this idea?
597
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,876
- I saw it
in "Tank Man Adventure 64."
598
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,420
It's my favorite comic book.
599
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:52,007
- Well, it has been a pleasure
doing business with you.
600
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,299
Lovely to meet you all,
and I wish you
601
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:55,343
the best of luck
in your future endeavors.
602
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:56,594
[laughs]
603
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,847
- It was nice to meet you guys.
604
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,268
- [speaking Amharic]
605
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,146
- You nailed it!
- It's not terrible.
606
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:09,232
- Hey, Ted, did you know
Abeba Metebaberi Industries,
607
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:11,109
the Ethiopian company we just
said we're proud to work with,
608
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,862
has been accused
of using child labor?
609
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,655
- What?
- Yep, it's all over Twitter.
610
00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:17,991
#Payne, #HumanTrafficking.
611
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,868
- I mean, was I aware of it,
612
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,661
like, knew it for a fact
to be true?
613
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,830
- [whispering] You knew that
we were supporting child labor?
614
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:24,956
- We weren't supporting it.
615
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,541
At worst,
we were somewhat failing
616
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:27,792
to investigate it
too intensely.
617
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:28,877
- And you didn't think
that maybe,
618
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,253
this was worth
mentioning to me sooner?
619
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,047
- You said you wanted me
to stop giving you details.
620
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,215
- Maybe we should talk
about this back at the office.
621
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:37,177
- Yeah, find that principal.
Let's wrap this up.
622
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,261
Kids, Ted?
623
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:39,888
Anything else
I need to know about?
624
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,474
- Do you actually want to know?
- No, obviously I don't, Ted.
625
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,726
Well, what an event
we have had today.
626
00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:46,519
[applause]
627
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:49,397
You know, I have always said
that Payne doesn't make cars.
628
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:53,401
We make promises
to future generations.
629
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,987
We do that by sharing
our words of wisdom
630
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,864
with the leaders of tomorrow.
631
00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,658
We do that
by leading by example.
632
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:04,371
And after today, I am
so optimistic about the future.
633
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,707
You all are
so smart and talented.
634
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,209
I wish
that I could hire you all
635
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,752
to come work for me right now.
636
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,629
[laughs]
I mean, not "now" now.
637
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,047
Not now. Later on. Later on.
638
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:16,424
I meant come work for me
one day
639
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:19,552
way past the age of consent
so where it's not child labor,
640
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:23,056
because I don't believe in that
personally or as a company.
641
00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:26,434
So that's certainly
not our beliefs.
642
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:29,896
So just be kids
and always remember,
643
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:32,440
design it, dream it--
644
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:34,275
dream it, design it.
645
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:36,861
All right, thank you,
Russell Elementary.
646
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,655
[applause]
647
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,031
[bleep].
648
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,951
[light music]
649
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,577
- Mrs. Simms?
650
00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,162
- Oh, Jack.
651
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:48,164
Figured you'd have to get back
to the office.
652
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,792
- Yeah, I'm about to.
I just wanted to give you this.
653
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,879
- $5,000?
I couldn't. I don't--
654
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,256
- It's payback
for all the school supplies
655
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,091
you bought kids over the years.
656
00:20:58,133 --> 00:20:59,676
- You know the school
paid me back for those
657
00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:01,302
out of petty cash, right?
658
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:03,513
- Oh.
659
00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:05,640
That's good. I'm glad.
660
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:08,435
- Do you still want me to--
661
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,812
- Yeah, yeah, keep it.
662
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,648
You have done a ton
of nice stuff.
663
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:15,775
- Well, thank you.
664
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,610
- You should keep it.
665
00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:19,487
- Thank you.
666
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,451
You should keep it.
667
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,119
- Mm-hmm.