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00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,923
[exciting music]
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00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:12,220
♪ ♪
3
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:15,223
- [breathing heavily]
4
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:16,474
- Hey! Stop!
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00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,268
- It's an emergency!
6
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:19,894
- What are you doing?
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It's not safe!
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- [panting]
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♪ ♪
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00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,072
Under the seat.
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00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,158
- Thank you.
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00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:36,578
Not the time to invite
any crow's feet.
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00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,039
- Yeah.
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00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:40,999
♪ ♪
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- [sighs]
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♪ ♪
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God, look at this.
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Jack Danby's reps have him
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schmoozing
with the head of comedy
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and the CEO
of the whole conglomerate.
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- You know what?
Don't worry,
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00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,139
'cause Kayla and I
are all over it, OK?
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00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,849
We're working really hard
to connect with Winnie Landell.
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00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:00,143
- Oh, yeah, she looks like
she's all over it.
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- [snoring]
- [sighs]
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Winnie's schedule is packed,
and every comedy rep
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00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,732
is trying to sit down with her,
so it's been a little tricky.
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- Tricky for you.
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You need to get a meeting
with Winnie ASAP.
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- I promise you we will, OK?
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And when we do, I already
have a great angle, OK?
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I've practiced this.
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They probably want
someone diverse, right?
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Well, guess what.
Old is diverse, huh?
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- Yeah.
We'll shatter the glass hip.
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00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,877
- No, I didn't mean that.
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00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,462
Oh, man.
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- Is there any way I can
get out of this thing?
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Cohosting
the Macy's Day Parade is--
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it's so daytime.
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It's not gonna help
with these guys.
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- Well, we're 45 minutes
from landing to tape the promo,
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so I think it's a little late
to pull out.
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- Is there any other
meaningful press
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I can do while I'm in New York?
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- You know, I could probably
get you on "Talk Stoop."
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- "Talk Soup"?
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- No, "Talk Stoop"
with Cat Greenleaf.
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It's on Taxi TV.
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You sit on a stoop and...talk.
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- Oh, my God.
- You know what?
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00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,406
You also have a standing offer
at "The Chew."
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00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,574
- "The Jew"?
- "The Chew," like teeth.
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00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,033
- Oh, yeah.
No, I know.
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You need to come up
with better ideas.
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And speak from your diaphragm.
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- [forcefully] Will do.
[clears throat]
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- People, this is what
we're up against,
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a Harvard boy with connections.
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Sitting on a stoop
can't compete
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with a guy who just hosted
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the White House
Correspondents' Dinner.
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- OK, why don't you just
put out a press release
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saying that you want late night
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so that way,
you're in the conversation?
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- Oh, God, no.
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A woman can't just come out
and say what she wants.
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No, that looks--
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both: Thirsty.
- Mm-hmm.
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No, it's got to seem
like it's their idea.
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- OK, fine.
Do what you want.
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I'll just be quiet
and keep eating these cookies.
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- Those are dog biscuits.
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- I'm aware.
They're delicious...
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and grain-free.
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The chef told me.
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I was like,
are you fucking serious?
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[upbeat music]
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♪ ♪
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So Deborah and I agreed
that while I'm with her,
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I should also spend time
working on my own stuff.
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- You absolutely should;
I would love to get
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a feature out of you.
- You and me both.
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So I was wondering
if you knew of any, like,
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open writing assignments
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that you think
would be good for me.
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00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:05,727
- Yes, I have coverage
from Kayla, actually...
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- Whoo!
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- That I think
might be interesting.
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- OK, great.
- Literally every studio
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wants a procedural
based on "Operation."
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Remember that game?
[mimics buzzer]
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- OK, what else you got?
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- OK, so they've done
some market research,
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and they've found that Gen Z
thinks the animated spoon
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from "Beauty and the Beast"
is hot
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and apparently can "get it."
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So they want something
that focuses on his love life,
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like a spin-off focusing on
the animated spoon's love life.
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- Love life.
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Um, all right.
- OK.
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- Give me another one.
- No spoon. OK.
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Oh. I got it.
I found it.
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This one is good for you.
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They're doing a bisexual Gumby.
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He bends both ways.
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- You're bisexual.
[laughs]
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- Yeah, so that might be
perfect for you.
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The working title: "Gum-Bi."
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- OK, you know what?
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I think I'm just gonna try
to write an idea of my own.
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- Original is really
harder to sell.
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Honestly, nobody wants it.
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But Roku is open,
and they have two buckets
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they're looking to fill
right now,
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noisy concepts and Black joy.
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I think you should focus
on noisy concepts, though,
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since you are not Black--
no offense.
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- You're not.
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- Oh, OK.
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I missed one.
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They want to do something
with "Sleeping Beauty,"
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but apparently, this time,
it's consensual.
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- And if someone could ask Hoda
where she got her scarf,
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I would just love it.
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- Sure.
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- Deborah Vance.
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- Oh, my gosh, Henry Weeks!
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- [chuckles]
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- How have you been?
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I haven't seen you since--
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- Jerry Lewis Telethon.
- That's it.
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- This is so wild.
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Two weeks ago,
I recorded an NPR segment
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where I had to pick something
from pop culture that I loved,
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and I talked
about your special.
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- You did?
- Are you kidding?
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It was the best special
of the last ten years,
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which kills me because
I released one three years ago.
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[both laugh]
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00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,835
- Wow, that--wow, thank you.
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00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,712
That means a lot
coming from you.
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00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:56,838
- I'm serious.
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You took a lifetime of issues,
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and you turned it
into a work of genius.
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Actually,
are you still in Vegas?
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00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,013
- Yeah.
- Oh, this is fabulous.
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00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:07,932
'Cause every few years,
Terry, Cliff Calhoun, and I--
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00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,017
- Oh, let me guess--
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00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,436
gamble, golf, drugs, women?
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00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:12,854
- No, even better.
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00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,814
We get colonoscopies together.
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00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,149
- [laughs]
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00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,609
I knew something
was going in a hole.
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00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,527
- [laughs]
We rent a house in Vegas.
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00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:22,030
We play cards,
clear out our GI tract.
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00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,115
Next day,
we get the colonoscopies.
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00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:27,452
And then we celebrate
with a Vegas night out.
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00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,288
And whoever has the cleanest
bill of health buys dinner.
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00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,957
- [laughs]
Well, that sounds like a blast.
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00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,292
- It is.
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00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,627
And we're doing it
this weekend.
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So if you're due,
you should come.
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- I'd love to.
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00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,342
I've been so busy, I'm overdue.
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00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,593
- Oh, well, that's great.
That's great.
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00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,095
I will text you
all the details.
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00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:47,222
- OK.
Can I bring something?
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- Air freshener.
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00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,933
- I guess men can be funny.
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[both laugh]
- OK, see you soon.
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00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,149
- Just do it harder,
or don't do it at all, Jimmy.
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00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,735
[phone ringing]
- [groans]
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00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,615
- Hi.
I got a delivery for Ruby.
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00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,283
It says hand off in person.
176
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,452
- Oh, well, I'm--
sorry, I'm not there.
177
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,912
It's my girlfriend's house.
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00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,455
I mean, it's my house too.
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We're sort of taking space
right now
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00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,751
to evaluate things.
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00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,587
Hey, is that order
for one person or two?
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00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,214
- [sighs] I'm just gonna
leave it at the door.
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00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,799
- No, no,
just tell me if there's beef.
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00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:23,800
She doesn't eat beef.
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00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,176
Beef is a smoking gun!
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00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,012
Sir!
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00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,014
- Hey, are you OK?
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00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,515
- Yeah. Why?
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00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,766
- You just yelled,
"Beef is a smoking gun."
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00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,308
- Oh, that.
191
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,769
I think I'm extra sensitive
because Ruby's
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00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,271
having this going-away party
on Friday.
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00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,106
Do you think I should drive
four hours to LA
194
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,774
to say goodbye even though
she didn't invite me?
195
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,526
I should, right?
- No.
196
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,486
- Whew.
Your mind.
197
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,030
- But if you're looking
for a distraction,
198
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,281
you could come to bar trivia
Friday night.
199
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,699
- You do bar trivia?
200
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,034
OK, extracurriculars,
very healthy.
201
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,703
- Well, it is a team
that my mom
202
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,288
and ex-boyfriend
started without me.
203
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,789
They only asked me to join
when they realized
204
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,541
they needed someone
who knew state capitals.
205
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,834
- Sorry.
206
00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,669
- Hello, my gorgeous team.
207
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,046
- What's going on?
208
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,464
They slash
the capital gains tax?
209
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,050
- [laughs]
210
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,135
No.
I'm getting a colonoscopy.
211
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,887
- Ah.
- Hmm.
212
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,555
- But you just--
you just had one.
213
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,099
- I know, but this
is a group thing.
214
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,351
- Well, OK.
- Exciting.
215
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,769
Oh, all right.
- Whoa!
216
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,479
- OK!
- Shake it!
217
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,897
Shake that thing!
- [laughs]
218
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,608
♪ ♪
219
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,151
- Honestly,
this was a great idea.
220
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,861
I cannot wait to hit.
221
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,738
I've been so stressed out
with all this Deborah stuff.
222
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,406
Yeah, I had no idea
they had courts here.
223
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,866
- Yeah, they don't have
tennis courts.
224
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:30,992
They have pickleball courts.
225
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,577
- Wait, pickleball?
226
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,662
- Yeah, it's like tiny tennis.
[chuckles]
227
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,081
- I know what pickleball is,
but I thought we were
228
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,416
playing tennis;
that's why I agreed.
229
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:40,418
- OK, don't be mad at me.
- Oh, God.
230
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,087
- But this is our general
with Winnie Landell.
231
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,172
- What?
Kayla, what the hell?
232
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,799
I thought you were
scheduling that for next week.
233
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,592
- I'm sorry, man.
234
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,636
I can't be perfect, OK?
I tried to get us the meeting.
235
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,346
Her next opening's not
for, like, eight months.
236
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,348
But her second assistant Avi,
who I made out with
237
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,266
seven years ago--
really bad kisser--
238
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,352
said she's obsessed
with pickleball
239
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,270
and she has a standing
reservation on this court.
240
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,022
So you're welcome.
241
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,607
- Kayla, what do you
expect me to do here?
242
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,526
You want me to just
walk up to her randomly,
243
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,736
wearing mesh shorts, and pitch
Deborah to host late night?
244
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,405
- No, I want you to get
into a game with her,
245
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,448
you know, impress her
with your skills.
246
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,033
Maybe you earn her respect,
247
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,160
and then you seal
the fucking deal, baby!
248
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,079
- OK, shh, we're at
an expensive country club.
249
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,539
- It's not illegal to yell.
250
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,082
- I don't know
how to play pickleball.
251
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,668
And this plan
is insanity, girl.
252
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,086
- You're an amazing tennis guy.
253
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,254
You could probably
pick up any sport.
254
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,588
You could probably bowl.
- What--
255
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:26,881
- [sighs]
Come on.
256
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,258
I got us
these cute little paddles.
257
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,759
It's kind of kinky.
258
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,720
Come on, stretch me out.
259
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,763
- [sighs] My God.
260
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:38,768
♪ ♪
261
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,645
- Let's see.
262
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,772
That, that...
263
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:43,898
[knocking]
264
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,650
Hi.
265
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,402
- While you're gone, I will be
turning the heat up to 68
266
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,070
'cause I've started
shivering so hard,
267
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,989
my arm hair is getting thicker.
268
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,657
I need the thermostat passcode.
269
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,617
- No, no, a room should be
the same temperature
270
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,327
as a white wine fridge.
271
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,996
Keeps your metabolism
on its toes.
272
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,331
So what do you think,
this or this?
273
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,917
I mean, which is better
for a colonoscopy prep party?
274
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,627
I don't know.
Is it too sparkly?
275
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,588
I just--
276
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,089
I don't know, maybe--
I'll just--
277
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,758
should go with what I have on.
- [laughs]
278
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:12,594
I'm so shocked
that you care this much.
279
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:13,803
- Oh, you don't understand.
280
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,847
I've always idolized them.
281
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,476
When I was first starting in
stand-up, they were the guys.
282
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,728
- OK, but weren't you,
like, the girl?
283
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,146
- Oh, no, no.
284
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:26,066
I mean, I could fill seats,
you know,
285
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,151
but they thought it was
because of my sitcom, you know,
286
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:31,529
or the fire.
287
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:36,451
I was never seen as legit
by guys like them.
288
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,536
- And now they want you to
clean out your colon with them.
289
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,996
Dreams really do come true.
290
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,956
- I know!
- [laughs]
291
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,377
- Isn't it fantastic?
292
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,879
- Can I just get a blanket?
293
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:54,386
♪ ♪
294
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,180
- Yeah.
Yeah, well, she can go--
295
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,557
they can go to hell
for all I care.
296
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,892
OK, bye-bye.
297
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,811
Hey, hey, hey.
This is our court.
298
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,604
Oh, Johnny?
299
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,648
- Jimmy LuSaque, Jr.
We met at JFL.
300
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:07,941
You told me you had sex
with my dad.
301
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,734
- Oh, right.
This is our court.
302
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,695
- Oh, I must have
accidentally booked this
303
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,405
for Tuesday
instead of Thursday.
304
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,490
This always happens--you put
a T down in the calendar,
305
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,243
and you're like, was that
for Tuesday or Thursday?
306
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,036
Does that ever happen to you?
- No.
307
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,871
- Honestly, I have the same
problem with trying to r--
308
00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,623
- Damn it, this sucks,
'cause, you know,
309
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,001
Jimmy here was gonna help me
with my technique.
310
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,378
He's really amazing.
He's really, really good.
311
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:31,006
- Really? You don't really have
a pickleball body.
312
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,549
- He's got a pickleball body.
313
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,883
It's in his bones.
- [clears throat]
314
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,719
- [chuckles]
He's a tennis star.
315
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,762
You know, my dad hired him
to give me lessons one summer,
316
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,223
and it's probably one of the
best memories of my childhood.
317
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,891
- It was?
- Mm-hmm.
318
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,101
- You're that good?
319
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,020
- Yeah, he played tennis
at Brown.
320
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,354
- I did.
321
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,856
- Well, maybe we
should play doubles.
322
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,274
I love a little competition,
323
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,568
but I hate people
who waste my time.
324
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,528
Peter Thiel?
Like playing with Helen Keller
325
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,238
without the star power.
326
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,073
- Wow, well, I'm certainly
better than that.
327
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,533
She was blind, deaf, and mute.
328
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,118
- Jimmy.
329
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,703
- By the way, I'm Beth.
I work with Winnie.
330
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,621
- We play for money.
What do you say?
331
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,789
Grand a game?
332
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,291
- Holy hell, OK.
- Wow.
333
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,667
Sure, yeah, absolutely.
- Great.
334
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:08,835
- It's just money,
and we got it.
335
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,253
- Sure thing.
I like it.
336
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,629
- [clears throat]
- That sounds good to me.
337
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,465
- Google the rules.
Google the rules.
338
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:20,555
♪ ♪
339
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,767
- Hey.
- This is Ava.
340
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,435
- Hey, nice to meet you guys.
- Hey.
341
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:26,644
- Hi.
- Hey!
342
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,772
- Thank God you got us a white.
343
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,441
- What? Oh, yeah.
I'm a white person, yeah.
344
00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,735
- We got a strong team,
but we have some blind spots.
345
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,487
- Mm-hmm.
- Last week, we lost
346
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,447
on a question
about natural wine.
347
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,491
- Oh, I love natural wine.
348
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:41,326
- [mockingly]
Oh, I love natural wine.
349
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,495
We gon' mop the floor
with these motherfuckers.
350
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,623
[laughter]
351
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,668
[muffled laughter, chatter]
352
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,336
[doorbell rings]
353
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:54,339
[bright music]
354
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,507
♪ ♪
355
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,133
- Ho-ho!
- Henry!
356
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,177
- Well, if it isn't
our very own "It Girl."
357
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,012
- Oh, I like that.
358
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,431
Ah, Terry, Cliff, hi!
359
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,016
- Aw, good to see you, Deb.
360
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,434
- Oh, my God, you too.
- You look fantastic.
361
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,269
- Thank you.
362
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,021
- Now, are you ready
for my famous laxa-tini?
363
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,856
- Oh, boy.
- You might be used to vodka,
364
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:15,110
but tonight you're getting
magnesium sulfate straight up.
365
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,654
- Shaken, not stirred, I hope.
- [laughs]
366
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,739
- May I take your bag,
Miss Special of the Year?
367
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,408
- Oh, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
368
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,410
- Her bag, my jokes--
you take everything.
369
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,412
- All right, let it go, Cliff.
370
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,414
There are six bathrooms.
371
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,207
But if you can't make it,
372
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,752
there's a really ugly vase
on the kitchen counter.
373
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,212
No, it's deep.
- [laughs]
374
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,631
- It'll work.
- [laughing] Oh, my.
375
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:39,634
[dramatic music]
376
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,886
♪ ♪
377
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,179
- Mine.
378
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:47,559
Beth.
379
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,477
Mine!
380
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:52,397
[all grunting]
381
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,024
Mine!
382
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,067
- Oh, my God.
- Boom goes the dynamite.
383
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:57,902
How's my ass taste?
- That's--
384
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,487
- $10 grand, you beta fuck.
385
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:00,989
I'm sorry.
I get very competitive.
386
00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:02,991
But it is $10 grand.
- [exhales heavily]
387
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,409
- We have to go.
388
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,994
We don't have
that kind of money.
389
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,665
- Double or nothing?
- [scoffs]
390
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,459
- Oh, look who grew
some foreskin.
391
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,003
I like it.
Let's go.
392
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:18,923
- Oh, my God, help us all.
393
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,926
[rock music playing
over speakers]
394
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,303
♪ ♪
395
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,763
- Hello!
396
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,182
Wh--
- Oh, shit. Ray?
397
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:28,558
- Oh, my God.
398
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,934
- Dude!
399
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,354
King of the Palmetto
front desk.
400
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:33,605
What's up, my man?
401
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,023
How are you?
402
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,816
- So you're back in Vegas?
403
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,693
- Just for a little.
I live in LA.
404
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:41,738
I'm on hiatus from working
on that show "On The Contrary."
405
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,449
- Oh, yeah.
That show used to be funny.
406
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,284
- Thanks.
[chuckles]
407
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,410
Are you here for trivia?
408
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:48,870
- Am I here for trivia?
409
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,455
Yeah, I'm a legend
around these parts.
410
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,290
My team Quiz Khalifa
was disbanded
411
00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,792
'cause we won too much,
412
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,211
so now I'm with
O'trivia Newton-John.
413
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,296
- Oh, that's cool.
414
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,381
Yeah, it's my first time.
415
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,799
My friend Marcus invited me.
416
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,801
- Wait, you're here with SWA?
417
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,386
- SWA?
418
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,137
- Yeah, Sisters with Answers.
419
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,098
I hate them.
We hate them.
420
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,433
Marcus, are you wearing
an Apple Watch, dude?
421
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,310
- Raymond,
it is on airplane mode.
422
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,645
- OK, you know the rules,
though:
423
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,689
no smartwatches,
no smartphones.
424
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:16,940
- You know, you can rattle off
425
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,608
about the rules
all you want to.
426
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,694
You still don't know
the capital of South Dakota.
427
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,113
- Bismarck?
- Is it?
428
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,739
- It i--
429
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,199
oh, fuck, that's North Dakota.
430
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,409
Shit.
431
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,952
- Jesus Christ.
[chuckles]
432
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:32,497
All right, see you on the ice.
- Hello!
433
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,082
You know, I work
in customer service too,
434
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,709
and this is dog shit.
435
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,960
[laughter]
- You did not!
436
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,670
- I did.
- No, you did not!
437
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,046
- Did it backwards.
- Backwards!
438
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,715
- [vocalizing]
439
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,216
- Oh!
- Oh!
440
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,509
- [vocalizing]
441
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,635
Oh, boy.
442
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,179
You are gonna hate this.
443
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:51,599
[all groaning]
444
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:55,687
- To talking shit
and to making it too.
445
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:59,024
- Down one hatch
and out another.
446
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,191
- Ugh.
447
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,446
- Oh, God!
[all groaning]
448
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:07,782
- I can't believe
you did 40 dates last year.
449
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,284
I got to give you
a lot of credit.
450
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,785
I couldn't do that now.
451
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,704
- Oh, don't
sell yourself short, Terry.
452
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,039
You couldn't sell out
that many venues
453
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,457
when you were young either.
454
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,334
[laughter]
- All right, all right.
455
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,754
- Had I known that you
were going to roast Terry,
456
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,964
I would have invited you
years ago.
457
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:24,799
[laughter]
458
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,384
- Deborah, I saw you
on late night.
459
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,844
You were fantastic.
460
00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,637
- Oh, thanks.
461
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,514
- Yeah, I heard
that Danby kid's
462
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,558
probably gonna be
the next host.
463
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,226
I don't get him.
464
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,853
- I mean, how old is he?
465
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,897
I mean, not even 40,
lucky fuck.
466
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,691
- He's fine, but he never would
have made it back in the day.
467
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:44,569
- Mm-mm, mm-mm.
- No, no.
468
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,071
- Eh, he's not that good.
469
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,489
If they wanted to hire
somebody unfunny,
470
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,490
they could hire him.
471
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:49,741
- Hey, hey, hey!
472
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,159
I was just nice to you.
473
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,702
OK, OK.
You have to pay the price.
474
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,162
- No, no, no, no!
- Come on. Come on.
475
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,830
- Ah, God!
- Ah!
476
00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:57,082
- Oh, my God.
477
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,500
Cheers.
- Cheers.
478
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,168
- The answer
to question number five
479
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,920
is Kylie Minogue.
480
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,255
- Yes, baby!
[phone chimes]
481
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:05,757
- Question six
was Juneau, Alaska.
482
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,425
- Killing it! Killing it.
483
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,052
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yes.
484
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:10,387
- And the answer
to question seven
485
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:12,931
was the film "Frances Ha."
486
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,683
- Yes!
- Good girl.
487
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,935
- - I'm a Baumbach-head, dude.
488
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,269
Know his whole oeuvre.
489
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,896
- The leaders are still
490
00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,190
Sisters with Answers
with 30 points...
491
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,733
[all cheering]
- That's right.
492
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,653
- Followed
by O'trivia Newton-John
493
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,946
with 29 points...
- Fuck you, bitch.
494
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,447
[blows raspberry]
[phone chimes]
495
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,784
- And the Corn Cob Boys
with 25 points.
496
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,119
So round five is gonna be
a sports round.
497
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,870
- Wait, violation.
Phone violation.
498
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,997
Ava Daniels on SWA,
she's using her phone to cheat.
499
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,582
- No.
- OK, OK, she's new.
500
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,084
- No, she was warned.
501
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:42,711
I warned her.
- OK, everybody calm down.
502
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,170
All right, so, SWA,
you were on your phone.
503
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:45,213
That's gonna be
a five-point penalty.
504
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,881
- Oh!
- I'm sorry.
505
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,466
I'm still connected
to the Ring cam
506
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,385
at my girlfriend's house,
and she's having a party.
507
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,262
People keep buzzing the door.
I'm just letting them in.
508
00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:54,139
- Girl.
- Ava?
509
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,473
- Oh, shit.
510
00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:57,142
Hi.
- Wow.
511
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,393
- Are you kidding me?
512
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,103
- OK, I'm going outside.
513
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,396
Jesus.
514
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,483
- What the fuck, Ava?
515
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,444
Why are you letting people
into my house?
516
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,405
- It kept buzzing
on my phone.
517
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,948
And I could say
that you not creating
518
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,324
a party protocol
that didn't involve
519
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,742
the Ring cam
is disrespectful to me.
520
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,578
- Have you been
spying on me
521
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,289
through our camera?
522
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:22,916
- No, I have been here
living my life, having a phone.
523
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,669
And occasionally
did I check to make sure
524
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,296
you didn't leave
the palo santo burning?
525
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,881
Yes, it's possible.
526
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,549
- Oh, my God.
527
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,468
- OK. Jesus, I'm sorry.
528
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,261
I'll delete it, but it's just
gonna be annoying
529
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,180
to re-log in when I get home.
530
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,643
- I don't think
you're gonna be re-logging in.
531
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,729
- What do you mean
I'm not gonna re-log in
532
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,314
to our doorbell app?
533
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:47,317
- I just think
this space has felt...
534
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,444
really right for me.
535
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,404
And I'm just not sure--
536
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,615
- I'm sure.
I'm very sure.
537
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,158
I want to be with you.
538
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,370
- Then be with me.
539
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,997
Come to Iceland.
540
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:03,041
- I--
[sighs]
541
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,668
We're just--it's--
542
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,294
- There's my answer.
543
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:08,380
[somber music]
544
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,298
I think this is over.
545
00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,384
- [scoffs]
No. Ruby--
546
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,386
- Bye, Ava.
547
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:18,640
♪ ♪
548
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:21,810
[tense music]
549
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:24,229
♪ ♪
550
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,773
- [sighs]
Great shot.
551
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,191
- Don't say that.
552
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,651
Why would you say that?
553
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:33,113
- [grunting]
554
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:35,323
- Oh.
- You got to come up on those.
555
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:36,950
- I beg your pardon?
- You got to come up on those.
556
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:37,992
- Oh, my God.
557
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,537
Mine!
558
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:41,913
- [coughs]
- Yes!
559
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,581
- Yeah!
both: Whoo!
560
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,666
- You got to come up on those.
561
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:46,042
- There we go.
Boom!
562
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,877
- Oh, Jesus.
Ow.
563
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:50,797
- Oh, you didn't
like that, huh?
564
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,632
- Match point for you guys.
565
00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:53,967
- We know, Beth.
566
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,177
Jesus fuck!
567
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,263
This is exactly
why I divorced your ass.
568
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,265
- I know. God.
569
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,397
- [clears throat]
570
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,692
- Hey, what's going on?
You OK?
571
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,569
- Jimmy, I feel like
I'm really scared.
572
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,862
My back's, like, tensing up.
573
00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,280
You know I'm the weakest link.
574
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,614
I feel like I'm gonna
mess this up.
575
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,199
- Hey, you got a great serve.
576
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,451
All you have to do
is get it over the net.
577
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,452
And if it comes to you,
dink it.
578
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,078
- OK.
Dink it.
579
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,872
- Dink it, and I'll take care
of the rest, OK?
580
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:26,207
- OK.
- All right, you got this.
581
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,375
- OK.
- OK.
582
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:28,543
- [chuckles]
583
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,588
Thanks.
584
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,215
[exhales sharply]
585
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,634
♪ ♪
586
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,927
- [grunts]
587
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:40,180
♪ ♪
588
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:41,681
[grunts]
589
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:43,558
[grunts]
- Beth.
590
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,560
- [grunts]
591
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:46,978
- Nice dink!
- Mine!
592
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,773
♪ ♪
593
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:51,024
- [grunts] Yeah!
- Yes!
594
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:52,734
How's my ass taste?
- Whoo!
595
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,611
- Motherfucker!
596
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,321
- Yes! We won nothing.
- That was amazing.
597
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,239
- God, what is wrong with you?
598
00:19:58,323 --> 00:19:59,491
- Good game.
- Ugh.
599
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:00,742
That is the best match
we've had
600
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,118
in months, right, Beth?
601
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,329
- I guess.
- You're good, LuSaque.
602
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:05,955
You're at Latitude, right?
603
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,499
- I actually left
to start my own firm.
604
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:08,667
Deborah Vance came with us.
605
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,168
- Ah, she's funny.
606
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,087
Good for you.
She's having a moment.
607
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,130
- Yeah, a moment I think you
could be taking advantage of.
608
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,799
I know you need a new host
for 11:30,
609
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,175
and she'd be amazing.
610
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,677
- She rocks.
- I mean, she's funny
611
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:19,928
but old-school
in the perfect way.
612
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,513
She can talk to anybody and--
613
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:22,931
- Hey, you don't have
to sell me on Deborah.
614
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:24,516
I love her.
I loved her guest spot.
615
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,975
But I need someone with--
616
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,727
how can I put this--
staying power.
617
00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:29,354
- You said yourself in
your interview in "Variety"--
618
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:30,605
I read it, loved it--
619
00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:31,856
that late night's
on the decline
620
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,441
and you need to shake it up.
621
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,026
Well, Deborah's
a really noisy choice.
622
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,528
- She's certainly unexpected.
623
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,613
But a 70-year-old woman
is a tough sell.
624
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,365
- Well, not to your audience.
625
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,158
I mean, the majority of people
watching are over 30.
626
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,160
You put someone like Jack Danby
behind that desk,
627
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:45,745
kids aren't getting
off TikTok to watch him.
628
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,372
My mom doesn't know who he is.
629
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:50,041
But Deborah sold 4 million
physical DVDs last year.
630
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,626
I mean, she's the queen
of people who can't
631
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:53,169
figure out their internet.
- [laughs]
632
00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:55,171
- With her, you keep
the audience you have.
633
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:57,215
Plus, you're doing something
that's never been done before.
634
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,967
- Jimmy, it's a good pitch,
635
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,510
but I just don't think
she's it.
636
00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:01,970
But I'm gonna think about it.
637
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,138
You want to play
tomorrow morning?
638
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,389
- Like, in ten hours?
639
00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:05,473
- Yeah.
640
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:06,725
- See you there, sister.
641
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,976
- You reserve.
See you at 7:00.
642
00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:09,561
- Bye.
643
00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:12,022
- We can't reserve a court
if we're nonmembers.
644
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,898
- Ugh, how much
does it cost to join?
645
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,859
- $20 grand a year apiece.
646
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,153
It'd be less
if we were married.
647
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,904
- How much less?
648
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,573
- OK, I hear you
loud and clear.
649
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,158
- No, I just want to know--
- No, no.
650
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,534
It's something
you want to consider.
651
00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:25,869
That's fine.
- We have to join now
652
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:26,870
is my consideration.
- OK, yeah.
653
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,246
Let's talk about it.
654
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:29,372
- This is the last question.
655
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:30,832
We could win this.
656
00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:32,667
- Which Ventura, California,
swing band
657
00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:34,461
are known for their song
658
00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,796
"You, Me, and the Bottle
Make Three"?
659
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:41,926
- [tearfully]
The Big Bad Voodoo Daddies.
660
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:47,265
- Are you OK?
661
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:49,392
- No.
662
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:51,144
- And the answer
to the final question
663
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:54,689
is Big Bad Voodoo Daddy,
singular.
664
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:57,275
Big Bad Voodoo Daddies
will not be accepted.
665
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:59,027
- Yes!
666
00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:01,613
- And that means the winner is
O'trivia Newton-John.
667
00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:04,032
[cheering]
- [sobbing]
668
00:22:04,115 --> 00:22:05,617
- That's good, Sisters
with Not Enough Answers.
669
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,369
- It's OK.
It's just bar trivia.
670
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:10,246
- I'm so stupid.
671
00:22:10,288 --> 00:22:13,625
- It's OK. Here.
- Here, drink.
672
00:22:13,667 --> 00:22:15,752
- Do they have food here?
both: No.
673
00:22:15,794 --> 00:22:18,296
- [sobs]
674
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:20,632
- Yes, I fly
to Miami next week.
675
00:22:20,674 --> 00:22:24,469
You know, the one thing
I do love about getting old:
676
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:25,470
boarding early.
677
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:26,805
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
678
00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:28,139
In the time it takes
for them to say,
679
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:29,891
"Does anyone need
any assistance?"
680
00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:32,977
I can go from Usain Bolt
to Stephen Hawking.
681
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:35,271
[laughter]
682
00:22:35,313 --> 00:22:37,982
- Oh, shame on all of you,
flying commercial
683
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:39,651
when you have the means
to fly private.
684
00:22:39,693 --> 00:22:41,903
[laughter]
- OK, get this.
685
00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:44,406
We're having Thanksgiving
at my daughter's this year.
686
00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:47,117
And last night, she called me
to give me a heads-up
687
00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:51,204
that my 15-year-old
granddaughter is bisexual now.
688
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:52,831
- Oh, no.
- Come on.
689
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,582
- Do they even know
what boys and girls are?
690
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,377
She showed me a picture
of her boyfriend.
691
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:58,878
I thought it was
my second wife.
692
00:22:58,962 --> 00:23:00,964
[laughter]
- You know, I hate that shit.
693
00:23:01,006 --> 00:23:03,258
Then they got the pansexual.
694
00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,677
What, they fuck skillets?
695
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,971
- Pick a team. Pick a team.
- Yes. Yes.
696
00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:09,431
[laughter]
697
00:23:09,514 --> 00:23:11,683
- Well, I mean,
there are an elite few
698
00:23:11,766 --> 00:23:14,269
who are attracted
to both genders
699
00:23:14,352 --> 00:23:16,146
or all genders.
700
00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:17,856
- All genders?
- All 15?
701
00:23:17,939 --> 00:23:19,149
- Wait, wait, wait.
702
00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:21,526
- A-L-L?
- Are you doing a bit?
703
00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:23,820
- No, no.
704
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:25,864
I'm just saying you--
705
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:28,950
you can't say that
all bisexuals are faking it.
706
00:23:29,034 --> 00:23:30,869
- Oh, come on, Deb,
we all know most of the girls
707
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,705
are doing it these days 'cause
they want a little attention.
708
00:23:33,788 --> 00:23:35,123
- OK.
709
00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:38,251
- Is this a bit?
710
00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:40,712
- No.
711
00:23:40,754 --> 00:23:42,714
You know, for comedians,
you're all...
712
00:23:42,756 --> 00:23:43,798
a little out of touch.
713
00:23:43,882 --> 00:23:44,966
Uno.
714
00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:47,385
Excuse me.
Nature calls.
715
00:23:53,224 --> 00:23:56,227
[breathing heavily]
716
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:03,818
[muffled chatter]
717
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:06,237
[muffled laughter]
718
00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:08,406
- So Deborah swings
both ways, huh?
719
00:24:08,490 --> 00:24:09,908
Between funny and unfunny.
720
00:24:09,991 --> 00:24:11,868
[laughter]
721
00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:13,411
- Maybe she is
one of those people.
722
00:24:13,495 --> 00:24:15,372
- Yeah, what a buzzkill.
723
00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:17,916
- Thanks for inviting
the PC police, Henry.
724
00:24:17,999 --> 00:24:20,502
- It's gonna be hard
to do a colonoscopy
725
00:24:20,585 --> 00:24:22,003
with that stick up her ass.
726
00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:25,507
[laughter]
727
00:24:25,590 --> 00:24:27,759
- Shh, shh, shh.
728
00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:30,762
[Aretha Franklin's
"Evil Gal Blues"]
729
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:36,059
♪ ♪
730
00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:38,395
- ♪ I'm an evil gal ♪
731
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:42,941
♪ Don't you bother with me,
no ♪
732
00:24:42,982 --> 00:24:45,402
♪ I said I'm an evil gal ♪
733
00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:48,488
[metallic clanging]
734
00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:01,167
- Don't even think about
taking that to your room.
735
00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:02,836
Eat it over the sink
like you normally do.
736
00:25:02,919 --> 00:25:04,713
- I'm depressed, and I don't
want to talk to you,
737
00:25:04,796 --> 00:25:06,006
so I'm leaving.
738
00:25:06,089 --> 00:25:07,132
- Well, too bad.
739
00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:08,883
I'm not talking to you either.
740
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,260
You ruined my poop party!
741
00:25:10,301 --> 00:25:12,262
- What?
What did I do?
742
00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:15,098
Also, why are you housing
cheese like a fucking mouse?
743
00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:17,225
- It's binding!
- Not for me!
744
00:25:17,308 --> 00:25:19,644
- You know, I finally
get in good with those guys,
745
00:25:19,728 --> 00:25:21,896
and I can't enjoy it
because of you.
746
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:23,940
You got in my head.
747
00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:26,651
They said some crap
about bisexuals,
748
00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:28,319
and I couldn't let it go.
749
00:25:28,403 --> 00:25:30,238
- I don't understand.
So you defended me?
750
00:25:30,321 --> 00:25:31,823
- Not you.
751
00:25:31,906 --> 00:25:33,408
Other bisexuals.
752
00:25:33,491 --> 00:25:36,494
Alan Cumming and Malcolm X.
753
00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:38,246
You know,
I had to say something,
754
00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:39,664
and then it got
really uncomfortable,
755
00:25:39,706 --> 00:25:41,082
and I didn't want to stay.
756
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:42,792
And it's all because of you!
757
00:25:42,834 --> 00:25:46,046
- Well, sorry I changed
your mind about bisexuals.
758
00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:48,757
- I mean, before you,
I was perfectly content
759
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,259
being a gorgeous Vegas comic,
doing my thing,
760
00:25:51,343 --> 00:25:52,469
making tons of money.
761
00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:54,054
And then you come along,
762
00:25:54,137 --> 00:25:55,764
and you make me want more
for myself.
763
00:25:55,847 --> 00:25:57,515
And it's just fucking annoying!
764
00:25:57,557 --> 00:25:59,976
- OK, so you're mad at me
for pushing you to be better?
765
00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:01,936
- Yes. No.
766
00:26:02,020 --> 00:26:03,897
I don't know.
I don't know.
767
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:06,191
It's just, a few years ago,
I could not have dreamt
768
00:26:06,232 --> 00:26:07,859
that I would walk
out of a party
769
00:26:07,901 --> 00:26:11,279
where Henry Weeks
was saying how great I was,
770
00:26:11,363 --> 00:26:13,698
and that's what I did tonight.
771
00:26:13,740 --> 00:26:15,367
And I'm just mad at you!
772
00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:17,118
- Well, I'm mad at you.
Where are you going?
773
00:26:17,202 --> 00:26:18,203
- Ugh.
774
00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:19,788
The bathroom!
775
00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:21,623
- Are you--is there
a bathroom right there?
776
00:26:21,706 --> 00:26:23,124
[door slams]
I've been walking
777
00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:26,211
all the way to the east wing
this whole time.
778
00:26:26,252 --> 00:26:28,672
Oh, my God.
779
00:26:28,713 --> 00:26:31,633
You know, I'm sorry
you had to leave a party.
780
00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:34,219
But I just lost a relationship
with someone I love
781
00:26:34,260 --> 00:26:35,720
to be here.
782
00:26:35,804 --> 00:26:37,847
And I'm gonna lose
all our mutual friends.
783
00:26:37,889 --> 00:26:40,058
And our facialist
is for sure gonna choose her
784
00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:43,186
'cause she said Ruby's face
was "less work" on a text
785
00:26:43,228 --> 00:26:46,815
that I saw over her shoulder.
786
00:26:46,898 --> 00:26:49,859
[sighs]
And that sucks.
787
00:26:49,901 --> 00:26:51,945
And it's all because
I came back here.
788
00:26:52,028 --> 00:26:53,947
[toilet flushes]
789
00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:56,157
- Well, you didn't have
to come back!
790
00:26:56,241 --> 00:26:58,076
[water running]
- Yes, I did.
791
00:26:58,118 --> 00:26:59,786
Because I wanted to.
792
00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:02,914
I wanted to be here with you
'cause you're in my head.
793
00:27:04,708 --> 00:27:07,293
- Yeah, well,
I'm sorry, I guess.
794
00:27:07,377 --> 00:27:08,920
I don't know what to tell you.
795
00:27:08,962 --> 00:27:11,131
- [scoffs]
I don't know either.
796
00:27:11,214 --> 00:27:12,632
All I know is,
we better get this thing,
797
00:27:12,716 --> 00:27:14,718
'cause it comes
at great personal cost
798
00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:16,928
to repair the trauma
of your pilot not going
799
00:27:17,012 --> 00:27:18,930
during the Carter
administration.
800
00:27:18,972 --> 00:27:20,515
- That's not why I want it.
801
00:27:20,598 --> 00:27:23,435
I've wanted it
since I was a kid.
802
00:27:23,518 --> 00:27:24,519
- You have?
803
00:27:24,602 --> 00:27:26,229
- Yes.
804
00:27:26,271 --> 00:27:28,606
- Well, cool your parents
let you stay up that late.
805
00:27:28,690 --> 00:27:30,442
My mom wouldn't let me
watch "Ren & Stimpy"
806
00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:32,235
'cause of all
the close-ups of zits.
807
00:27:32,277 --> 00:27:34,446
- Yeah, well,
808
00:27:34,529 --> 00:27:37,115
you know, my house
wasn't real big on rules.
809
00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:41,619
My dad was a drinker.
810
00:27:41,661 --> 00:27:43,788
The later it got,
the worse it got.
811
00:27:45,957 --> 00:27:48,460
Except when Johnny Carson
came on.
812
00:27:50,503 --> 00:27:52,130
He was funny enough
that he'd distract him,
813
00:27:52,172 --> 00:27:54,132
and he'd laugh.
814
00:27:55,633 --> 00:27:58,178
And we'd all laugh.
815
00:27:58,261 --> 00:28:01,473
It was--
816
00:28:01,514 --> 00:28:05,018
I don't know, it was nice.
817
00:28:08,813 --> 00:28:10,815
So all I ever wanted was to,
818
00:28:10,857 --> 00:28:13,401
you know, live in that hour.
819
00:28:16,654 --> 00:28:18,490
- You never talk
about your parents.
820
00:28:18,573 --> 00:28:19,783
- Well, it makes you sound old
821
00:28:19,824 --> 00:28:20,909
when you say your parents
are dead.
822
00:28:20,992 --> 00:28:23,078
- [chuckles]
823
00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:25,789
Why don't you just come out
and say why you want it?
824
00:28:25,830 --> 00:28:28,333
I think if people knew
how personal this is for you,
825
00:28:28,375 --> 00:28:30,251
that would be
really compelling.
826
00:28:30,335 --> 00:28:32,170
- Oh, God, no,
I can't even say I want it,
827
00:28:32,253 --> 00:28:33,922
let alone all that other stuff.
828
00:28:34,005 --> 00:28:37,759
- OK, sure, but I think
you can say what you want.
829
00:28:37,842 --> 00:28:39,636
You've never played
by the rules.
830
00:28:39,678 --> 00:28:41,471
And I don't think you have
the luxury of playing this safe
831
00:28:41,513 --> 00:28:43,515
'cause you're not
the safe choice.
832
00:28:43,556 --> 00:28:44,599
- Can't risk it.
833
00:28:44,683 --> 00:28:46,518
- You're all about risk.
834
00:28:46,559 --> 00:28:50,355
You self-financed your special
and sold it on QVC.
835
00:28:50,397 --> 00:28:52,691
- That was before.
836
00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:55,860
I've got all these eyes
on me now.
837
00:28:55,902 --> 00:28:59,781
I'm finally respected,
respectable.
838
00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:06,079
If I say I want it
and then I don't get it
839
00:29:06,162 --> 00:29:10,041
for the second time,
840
00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:12,043
then I'll be a joke again.
841
00:29:13,545 --> 00:29:17,549
And that would just be
too much.
842
00:29:17,590 --> 00:29:19,217
- Would it?
843
00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:21,136
I mean, who are you worried
about being a joke to?
844
00:29:21,219 --> 00:29:23,013
The guys whose respect
you wanted most of all,
845
00:29:23,054 --> 00:29:25,890
you just rejected.
846
00:29:25,974 --> 00:29:28,893
Deborah, your superpower
is that you're shameless.
847
00:29:28,977 --> 00:29:30,895
And having shame
about the thing
848
00:29:30,937 --> 00:29:33,189
you want most in the world
849
00:29:33,231 --> 00:29:34,399
isn't you.
850
00:29:36,443 --> 00:29:40,030
You think
that's a terrible idea.
851
00:29:40,071 --> 00:29:42,741
- No, the cheese isn't working.
852
00:29:42,782 --> 00:29:44,367
- [laughs]
853
00:29:44,409 --> 00:29:47,370
[upbeat marching band
music playing]
854
00:29:47,412 --> 00:29:50,373
♪ ♪
855
00:29:50,415 --> 00:29:52,042
- All right, well, next up
856
00:29:52,083 --> 00:29:54,586
is the Sulfur Springs
High School marching band.
857
00:29:54,627 --> 00:29:56,755
Careful, kids,
those New York City potholes
858
00:29:56,796 --> 00:29:59,049
can be a doozy.
[both laugh]
859
00:29:59,090 --> 00:30:00,759
- Well, not to steal
their thunder, Mario,
860
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,094
but can I make an announcement
here on live television?
861
00:30:03,136 --> 00:30:04,637
Thanks.
862
00:30:04,721 --> 00:30:07,640
America, I am ready
to be the next woman
863
00:30:07,724 --> 00:30:09,142
on network late night.
864
00:30:09,225 --> 00:30:10,769
That's right.
865
00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:13,271
I want to be the next host
of "The Late Show."
866
00:30:13,313 --> 00:30:16,358
I may be a woman
and I may be a natural blonde,
867
00:30:16,441 --> 00:30:18,443
but I am the best person
for the job.
868
00:30:18,485 --> 00:30:20,570
I'm funny.
I'm vivacious.
869
00:30:20,612 --> 00:30:22,197
And I'm the only person
who can get away
870
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,449
with asking a man,
"Cut or uncut?"
871
00:30:24,532 --> 00:30:26,451
Mario?
872
00:30:26,534 --> 00:30:27,786
- Uncut.
873
00:30:27,827 --> 00:30:29,704
- Thought so.
874
00:30:29,788 --> 00:30:31,414
- OK.
875
00:30:31,456 --> 00:30:33,249
And how about
that cymbal section?
876
00:30:33,291 --> 00:30:34,876
[chuckles awkwardly]
877
00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:37,462
Yeah, why don't we take
a quick commercial break?
878
00:30:37,545 --> 00:30:39,255
[Dolly Parton's
"Baby I'm Burnin'"]
879
00:30:39,297 --> 00:30:40,632
- Did you see this?
- What?
880
00:30:40,715 --> 00:30:42,467
- Deborah Vance went rogue
on live TV
881
00:30:42,550 --> 00:30:44,803
and announced she's gunning
to be the next woman
882
00:30:44,886 --> 00:30:46,805
in network late night.
883
00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:48,056
- That was bold of her.
- I loved it.
884
00:30:48,139 --> 00:30:49,307
- Good for her.
885
00:30:49,391 --> 00:30:50,767
- I don't like her for it.
Come on.
886
00:30:50,809 --> 00:30:51,935
- Joy, you got to get over
the beef.
887
00:30:51,976 --> 00:30:53,144
- Never.
- Oh, my God.
888
00:30:53,186 --> 00:30:54,729
- Joy.
- What?
889
00:30:54,813 --> 00:30:56,481
- You're unbelievable.
890
00:30:56,523 --> 00:30:58,650
- Well, like it or not,
she's on the campaign trail.
891
00:30:58,692 --> 00:31:01,277
So watch out, America.
She's coming for you.
892
00:31:01,319 --> 00:31:02,696
- ♪ You look at me
that way ♪
893
00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:04,572
♪ I know what your eyes say ♪
894
00:31:04,656 --> 00:31:07,409
- Temps will fall across
Indianapolis late tonight.
895
00:31:07,492 --> 00:31:09,244
Speaking of late night,
wouldn't you like
896
00:31:09,327 --> 00:31:11,204
a charming gal like me
on your TV set every night
897
00:31:11,287 --> 00:31:12,872
to keep you warm and toasty?
898
00:31:12,956 --> 00:31:15,875
- Oh, a Deborah burger
is very interesting to us.
899
00:31:15,959 --> 00:31:19,295
- Yo, can I get a Deborah's
Dunkin' Midnight Roast?
900
00:31:19,337 --> 00:31:21,214
- Welcome to Las Vegas, baby.
901
00:31:21,297 --> 00:31:23,633
Remember, what happens here
stays here,
902
00:31:23,675 --> 00:31:25,343
unless it's crabs.
903
00:31:25,385 --> 00:31:26,761
- Fuck yes.
904
00:31:26,845 --> 00:31:29,264
Deb's in.
Whoo! Rock and roll!
905
00:31:29,347 --> 00:31:32,684
- ♪ Hot as a pistol
of flaming desire ♪
906
00:31:32,726 --> 00:31:35,437
- In 20 feet, you will be
arriving at your destination.
907
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,938
What a dump!
908
00:31:37,022 --> 00:31:38,982
- Rinka turkey nurbler
da woo-hoo
909
00:31:39,024 --> 00:31:40,275
with a chum-cha!
910
00:31:40,358 --> 00:31:42,152
Ooh be gah!
[laughter]
911
00:31:42,193 --> 00:31:44,529
I have been bugging
my manager for years.
912
00:31:44,571 --> 00:31:46,448
The only thing I've wanted
more than late night
913
00:31:46,489 --> 00:31:48,616
is to be on "Talk Stoop."
914
00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:50,368
Right, Cara?
[dog barks]
915
00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:54,205
- ♪ Hot as a pistol
of flaming desire ♪
916
00:31:54,247 --> 00:31:57,000
[tires screeching]
917
00:31:57,042 --> 00:32:00,086
[phone chiming]
- [groans]
918
00:32:03,089 --> 00:32:05,467
[yawns]
919
00:32:05,550 --> 00:32:07,469
- OK, hold on.
920
00:32:07,552 --> 00:32:08,720
You got to hear this.
921
00:32:08,762 --> 00:32:10,263
- Hi, it's Winnie.
922
00:32:10,347 --> 00:32:11,806
So this morning,
I walked in on my son
923
00:32:11,890 --> 00:32:14,309
doing a Deborah Vance
makeup tutorial.
924
00:32:14,392 --> 00:32:16,227
She might have wider appeal
than I thought.
925
00:32:16,269 --> 00:32:18,480
We should talk.
Call me back.
926
00:32:18,563 --> 00:32:19,856
- OK!
927
00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:22,484
[all cheering]
- Yay! Oh, my God!
928
00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:24,361
God, of course
her kid was the key.
929
00:32:24,402 --> 00:32:26,654
Executives love
listening to their kids.
930
00:32:26,738 --> 00:32:28,365
I was actually at the sleepover
931
00:32:28,406 --> 00:32:30,033
where we decided
that Tobey Maguire
932
00:32:30,075 --> 00:32:31,534
would be the next Spider-Man.
933
00:32:31,576 --> 00:32:33,495
[laughter]
934
00:32:33,578 --> 00:32:35,080
[all cheering]
- Oh, my God!
935
00:32:35,163 --> 00:32:36,539
This is huge.
936
00:32:36,581 --> 00:32:38,208
♪ ♪
937
00:32:38,249 --> 00:32:41,586
- ♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control ♪
938
00:32:41,628 --> 00:32:45,090
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
body and soul ♪
939
00:32:45,173 --> 00:32:48,551
♪ Hot as a pistol
of flaming desire ♪
940
00:32:48,593 --> 00:32:53,098
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
you got me on fire ♪
941
00:32:53,139 --> 00:32:54,891
♪ Baby, I'm burnin' ♪
942
00:32:54,933 --> 00:32:56,768
♪ Baby,
I'm burnin' ♪
943
00:32:56,810 --> 00:32:58,603
♪ Baby, I'm burnin' ♪
944
00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:00,438
♪ Baby,
I'm burnin' ♪
945
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,983
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control ♪
946
00:33:04,067 --> 00:33:07,445
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
body and soul ♪
947
00:33:07,487 --> 00:33:11,032
♪ Hot as a pistol
of flaming desire ♪
948
00:33:11,116 --> 00:33:14,703
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
you got me on fire ♪
949
00:33:14,786 --> 00:33:18,373
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control ♪
950
00:33:18,456 --> 00:33:21,876
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
body and soul ♪
951
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:25,547
♪ Hot as a pistol
of flaming desire ♪
952
00:33:25,630 --> 00:33:29,092
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
you got me on fire ♪
953
00:33:29,134 --> 00:33:32,595
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control ♪
954
00:33:32,637 --> 00:33:36,099
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
body and soul ♪
955
00:33:36,141 --> 00:33:39,644
♪ Hot as a pistol
of flaming desire ♪
956
00:33:39,686 --> 00:33:43,273
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
you got me on fire ♪
957
00:33:43,314 --> 00:33:46,818
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control ♪
958
00:33:46,901 --> 00:33:50,321
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
body and soul ♪
959
00:33:50,363 --> 00:33:54,242
♪ Hot as a pistol
of flaming desire ♪
960
00:33:54,325 --> 00:33:57,162
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
you got me on fire ♪