1 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:41,374 Do you have a loose pelvic floor? 2 00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:42,834 Excuse me? 3 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,377 The thing is, there's a lot of money 4 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,670 in pharmaceutical ads, but you have to have 5 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,047 the condition they treat 6 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,673 in order to legally endorse them. 7 00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:52,010 Uh, no, I do not have a loose pelvic floor. 8 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,013 - Congratulations. - OK. Irritable bowel syndrome. 9 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,223 - No. - You never walk with a walker. 10 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,308 No, you're not blind. 11 00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,726 Um, Von Willebrand's? 12 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,394 I don't even know what that is. 13 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:02,896 - OK, so maybe you have it. - We can get you tested. 14 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,147 Because if you don't know what it is, 15 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,523 - we should get you tested. - OK. 16 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:06,566 Let's just circle that as a maybe. 17 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,151 - OK. - OK. Uh, bacne? 18 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,361 Little pimples all over your back and your butt? 19 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,528 - No. - Oh, herpes? 20 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,238 - Herpes? - Herpes is young. 21 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,490 - Could be oral. - OK. 22 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:14,491 Everybody has herpes. 23 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:17,494 Stop. 24 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,745 This is so depressing. 25 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,455 Clinically depressing? 26 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:21,873 You feel like it's a medical issue? 27 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,667 'Cause we could use that. 28 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,126 How often are the happy days? 29 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:27,170 - Jesus. - OK. Sorry. 30 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,505 Thank you. 31 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,466 Mm. 32 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,677 I hate seeing my girlina so sad. 33 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:34,844 God, this is so annoying. 34 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:35,845 I hate giving up. 35 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,097 We were so close. 36 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,348 Nobody hates it more than me. 37 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,724 But it's over, Jimbo. 38 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,142 It's a done deal. 39 00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:42,686 You know what? No. 40 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,938 It's not over until Jack Danby is on the air. 41 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,273 Damn straight. 42 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,441 We can sabotage. 43 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:51,277 I can find some dirt on him to scare off the network. 44 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,612 Mm. 45 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,114 He's probably a nasty, nasty boy. 46 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,532 Probably can't even come 47 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,075 without a fucking gun in his mouth. 48 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,452 Yikes. Excuse me? 49 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,247 I got this, my friend. 50 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:04,332 Whoo! 51 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,792 It's gonna be good! 52 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,086 Kayla, you left your notebook and your-- 53 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,755 your bag with your phone and your inhaler. 54 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,100 Ava! Ava! 55 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,978 Mom, I've been waiting for 40 minutes. 56 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,606 I was playing slots in the airport. 57 00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:29,816 How Vegas is that? 58 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,359 - I love it here. - Oh. 59 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,028 Should I move here to be closer to you? 60 00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,071 Mom, I'm moving back to LA in two weeks, 61 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,573 and you've only seen the airport. 62 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,700 Right. Oh, and I brought your old 63 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,368 Abercrombie and Fitch miniskirts. 64 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:41,953 Why? 65 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,122 Those are linked to incredibly painful memories. 66 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,623 Well, I was gonna throw them away, 67 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:48,293 but Priya says they're back in style. 68 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,711 Who's Priya? 69 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,629 She's my roommate. 70 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,300 Mom, what? 71 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,677 Ever since the Vibamins class action suit 72 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,721 didn't go my way, I have started 73 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,057 renting your room for passive income. 74 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,725 OK. 75 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,019 Anyway, Priya's from Bangladesh. 76 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,645 She's getting her graduate degree 77 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,105 in biochemistry from Brandeis. 78 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:10,774 She's a genius. 79 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,275 - Cool. - Yeah, it's working out great. 80 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,110 She does the cooking, I do the cleaning, 81 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,071 and then we go to a fun new restaurant every Wednesday. 82 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,906 I always thought restaurants were a waste of money, 83 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,699 but they're fun! 84 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,493 - Yeah, restaurants are good. - Yeah. 85 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,162 Oh, before I forget, Deborah's a size 7 shoe, right? 86 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,456 That's what celebfeetfacts.com says. 87 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,750 Mom, please tell me you didn't buy Deborah shoes. 88 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,001 No, slippers. 89 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,295 Everyone loves a Christmas slipper, everybody. 90 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,214 And I needed to thank her for inviting me 91 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,466 after I texted her that I wanted to come. 92 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,510 What? 93 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,345 Oh--oh, my God, she's flipping us-- 94 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,055 - Whoa. - Ava, drive! Drive! 95 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,598 - I'm trying! - She--look! 96 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:44,933 No, fuck you! 97 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,685 - Sorry. Sorry. - God! 98 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,687 It's Christmas, you motherfucker! 99 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,566 You've been waking up when your alarm goes off, 100 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:54,734 right, sweetie? 101 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,820 Yeah, I'm doing really good. 102 00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:59,864 Hard to believe, working for that backstabbing bastard. 103 00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:01,991 He is not a bastard, Daddy. 104 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,160 He's a great guy and an amazing boss. 105 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,245 I love Jimmy. 106 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,830 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 107 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,665 But you're doing really, really good. 108 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,710 I heard Jack Danby's about to be the new late night host. 109 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,920 Let's celebrate that. 110 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,631 Well, that's a relief, to be honest. 111 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:18,425 Why? Sexual assaulter? 112 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:19,592 Worse. 113 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,594 Wannabe dramatic actor. 114 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:25,056 Why is it that every comedian wants to do some sappy drama? 115 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,808 If you want to be gay, just be gay. 116 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,351 - Gays rock. - Mm. 117 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,477 Get this. 118 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,022 He wanted to do a Fatty Arbuckle biopic. 119 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,481 Who? 120 00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,316 Fatty Arbuckle. 121 00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,902 He was the biggest movie star in the world in the 1920s, 122 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:38,903 in the silent era. 123 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,530 He was a comedian. 124 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,282 Well, Jack's been on me for years 125 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,826 to try to get the rights from the weird Arbuckle family. 126 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,037 Thank God I convinced him to take this new gig. 127 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,289 - He let that go. - Hmm. 128 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,624 Why is it that every single client 129 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,084 that keeps the lights on has to be 130 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,336 the biggest pain in the ass? 131 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,588 Oh, God, tell me about it! 132 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,923 ACAB-- All Clients Are Bastards. 133 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,677 I'm surprised you wrap your own gifts. 134 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,471 Nobody does French edges like I do. 135 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,474 You could put somebody's eye out with my corners. 136 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,645 So, um, 137 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:16,024 Kathy's definitely coming? 138 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,942 Yes. 139 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,736 How are you feeling about that? 140 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,154 Don't have any feelings about it. 141 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,280 I'm doing it for DJ. 142 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,325 OK. Well, I'm nervous. 143 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,619 Don't be silly. It's Christmas. 144 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,038 We'll be cordial, I'll be a fabulous host, 145 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,374 and that'll be that. 146 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,584 Hey, Deborah, the caterers are asking 147 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,878 if you want hard sauce on the figgy pudding. 148 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,463 - Yeah. - Great. 149 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,591 I will make sure it's hard on the day. 150 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,802 You're making Damien work on Christmas? 151 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,428 He doesn't celebrate Christmas. 152 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,347 He's a Jehovah's Witness. That's why I hired him. 153 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,807 He doesn't do holidays, birthdays. 154 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,225 It's fantastic. 155 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,185 You need to get religion to work for you 156 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,354 when you're trying to get around labor laws. 157 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,605 Write that down. 158 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,109 I don't think you want that paper trail. 159 00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,902 Fingers crossed. 160 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,240 No solicitation. 161 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,450 I'm a registered independent. 162 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,077 Oh, no, we're not solicitors. 163 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,287 We're looking for a Mr. Larry Arbuckle, sir. 164 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,956 That's me. What do you want? 165 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,416 Well, my name is Jimmy LuSaque Jr., 166 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,834 and this is Kayla Schaefer. 167 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,752 And we were hoping to talk to you 168 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,879 about a potential film project about your grandfather, Fatty. 169 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:23,091 I already told producers I'm not interested. 170 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,385 But did those producers come right up to your door, sir? 171 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,595 No! Which I appreciated. 172 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,806 Well, it's only because we are so passionate. 173 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,725 And we really think you should hear us out. 174 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,935 If you could just give us two minutes of your time to talk. 175 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,104 I'm busy today. 176 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:40,233 But you can come back, uh, Monday, 2:00 p.m. 177 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,861 Great. Oh, you know what? Monday's Christmas Day. 178 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,238 That's the day I'm available. 179 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,489 Goodbye. 180 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,825 Hmm. 181 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,618 Must be Jewish. 182 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,162 But no mezuzah. 183 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,580 That's weird. 184 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,706 You know, the Jewish thing on the door? 185 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:55,957 Yeah, yeah. 186 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,353 Nutcrackers! 187 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,729 I just think it looks weird 188 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,356 when a baby doesn't have pierced ears. 189 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,191 Babe, oh, my God. 190 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,693 I'm nervous. I'm really nervous. 191 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,945 - Have you ever met Kathy? - I feel like I have. 192 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,947 Deborah made me go through her childhood photos 193 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,367 and scratch all her eyes out. 194 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,663 Excuse me. I'll get the door. 195 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,180 - Mayor's here! - Oh, Jesus. 196 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,349 Oh, no. That's the birthday boy, right? 197 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,811 Hey, listen, I'm just swinging by. 198 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,146 I gotta be at the children's hospital in an hour. 199 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,899 But I did not want to miss your famous baked brie. 200 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,735 Don't tell me where it is. I can smell it. 201 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,070 Hi, Debbie. 202 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:10,865 Kathy, hi. 203 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:11,950 Come in. 204 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,660 OK. 205 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,829 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 206 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,122 How was your flight? 207 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,374 Oh, it was--it was OK. 208 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,792 Good. Excellent. 209 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,377 Good, good, good. 210 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,920 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 211 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,588 Here. Damien! 212 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,007 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 213 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,341 Barry, Cara, no, stop! 214 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,218 I am--I am so sorry. 215 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,429 Psst, psst. Hey! Hello. 216 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,555 Come on. Come on. 217 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,098 Wow. 218 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,641 It's almost like they were trained to do that. 219 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:37,684 They were. 220 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,521 Well, thank you for inviting me. 221 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,939 I really appreciate the invitation. 222 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,232 Sure. 223 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,984 To start with, I just want to say, 224 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,819 - I hope that tonight we can-- - Can I take your things? 225 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:48,862 Oh. 226 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:49,904 Sure, of course. 227 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:50,989 Thank you. 228 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,073 Be right back. 229 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,264 Should we join the other fabulous guests? 230 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,682 Yes. 231 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:21,311 Oh! 232 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,188 Is this a replica of your house? 233 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,732 Yes, it is. To scale, and edible. 234 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:26,858 Fun! 235 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,401 Isn't it? 236 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,861 Oh, there she is. 237 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:32,364 Oh! Merry Christmas, honey. 238 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,574 - Hi! - Oh, look at you. 239 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,034 - You're glowing. - Oh, no. 240 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,410 Actually, I'm just really sweaty. 241 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,870 But thank you. 242 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,331 Kathy, this is Aidan, DJ's husband. 243 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,291 - Nice to see you again. - We've met. Hi. 244 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,626 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 245 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:45,710 - Oh. - Yeah, well, they met-- 246 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:46,920 they've met once. 247 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,296 - They met one time. - Yeah. 248 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:49,881 Oh, I didn't know. 249 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,591 Well, then you know what a great guy he is. 250 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,760 I love my big son. 251 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,595 Aww, Mom. 252 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,555 Your what? 253 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,475 I'll be home in time for dinner, Mom. 254 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,185 I just have to convince someone to let a comedian 255 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,145 make a biopic of his grandfather's story 256 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:07,399 so another comedian can get that first comedian's job. 257 00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,067 It does make sense. 258 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,903 I gotta go. Love you. Bye. 259 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,364 You forget how to knock on a door? 260 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,116 Come in! 261 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,033 Thank you. 262 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,618 Keep your shoes on. 263 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,328 Will do. OK. 264 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,579 Planning on it. 265 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,624 Wow. This is so beautiful. 266 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,293 Ugh, so old-world. I love older homes. 267 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,420 You know, so much character. 268 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,629 Oh, yes. 269 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,131 - Creaky. - Yeah. 270 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,258 So, um, is it just you here? 271 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,218 Oh, no. You have to meet Sasha. 272 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,261 Follow me. 273 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,558 Sasha could be a Jewish name. 274 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,643 What is this? Stop. 275 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,314 Oh, Deborah, I met your sister. 276 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,567 She is so funny. 277 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,444 - She is? - Yes. 278 00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,446 Guess it runs in the family, huh? 279 00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,367 Oh, boots! 280 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,869 - Oh, oh! - Oh, my God. 281 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,121 - I know those boots. - Oh, who could this be? 282 00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,497 Oh, my God. 283 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,666 A visitor from the North Pole! 284 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,668 It's Santa! 285 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,756 This is my favorite house on my entire route. 286 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,215 Santa had such a good time last year, 287 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,592 he skipped South America. 288 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,263 OK, it's time for everybody's Christmas portrait 289 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,057 before the dinner bloat sets in. 290 00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:24,100 Need a blotting tissue? Blotting tissue? 291 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,227 DJ, sweetie, come sit on Mommy's lap. 292 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,855 - What? - It's a tradition. 293 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,398 Last time I sat on your lap, I was eight 294 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,025 and you said I had a bony ass. 295 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,902 Well, you did. 296 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,653 Oh, no, no. You look great. 297 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,198 Cheese! 298 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,909 - OK, should we do a silly one? - No. 299 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,118 We're on a really tight schedule. 300 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,411 Santa, proceed. 301 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,498 Oh, Santa's got Dyson Airwraps 302 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:48,875 for all the good little boys and girls. 303 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,335 Wow! 304 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,128 Hey, what are you talking about? 305 00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,672 You're bald. No, I'll take it. 306 00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:56,174 It's for my mother. It's for my mother. 307 00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,300 Dive! 308 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,010 Dive, Sasha! 309 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,220 Dive! 310 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,263 - Oh, wow! - Oh, sister! 311 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,057 Oh, she is majestic. 312 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,267 - Look at that gorgeous bird. - Oh, my God. 313 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,977 Um, would you like to take her, though? 314 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,647 - Do you want to-- - No, she loves you. 315 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,941 Oh, yeah. She's obsessed with you, Jimmy. 316 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,068 Remember when the Olsen twins were obsessed with you? 317 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,820 The Olsen twins were obsessed with him. 318 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,655 - Oh. - Yeah, it was very sweet. 319 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,782 Anyway, um, the reason we came here today is, 320 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,659 we want to talk about your grandfather's story. 321 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,452 - Oh. - There is an amazing 322 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,954 comedic artist, Jack Danby, 323 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,747 and he's really interested in telling it. 324 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,710 I don't want anyone telling my grandfather's story. 325 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,629 Because the truth is, 326 00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:37,173 I've already told it. 327 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,050 What do you mean? 328 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:42,053 I wrote my own screenplay. 329 00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,388 - Oh. - Well-- 330 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,306 - OK. - I would love to read it. 331 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,100 You want to read it? 332 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,226 I would be honored. 333 00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:52,105 OK, then let's go. 334 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,816 You ever watch birds have sex on a live cam? 335 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,152 - Kayla-- - What? I'm just curious. 336 00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:59,070 OK, how did you get this way? 337 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,039 Hi there. 338 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,999 I think dinner is being served. 339 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,334 Oh, OK. 340 00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,626 Thank you. 341 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,628 Sorry, I don't think we've met. 342 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,130 I'm Ava. I write for Deborah. 343 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,882 Oh, nice to meet you. I'm Kathy. 344 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:20,050 You too. 345 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,385 I sent her this a while ago. 346 00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,388 I--I didn't even think she'd open it. 347 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,350 Yeah, I remember. 348 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,852 She was really happy that you did. 349 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,062 Really? 350 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,230 Yeah. 351 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,940 Hmm. 352 00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:38,860 Should we... 353 00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:40,236 Sure. 354 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,322 It's the 13th door on the right. 355 00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:44,366 I'll just follow you. 356 00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:45,784 Yeah. 357 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,665 My life's work. 358 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,042 - Wow. - Thick. 359 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,168 OK. 360 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,503 - Very heavy. - Yeah. 361 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,380 Um, well, OK. Thank you so much. 362 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,256 I'm very excited to read this over break. 363 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,133 No! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 364 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,052 That's my only copy. 365 00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:07,055 If you read it, you have to read it here. 366 00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,056 Oh. 367 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,140 Um, now? 368 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,017 Yes, Jim. 369 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,769 OK. Um, sure. 370 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,062 Yeah, I could do that. 371 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,105 Yeah, quick reader. 372 00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:17,440 Tremendous! Ha. 373 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,526 I'll go check on the lamb. 374 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,736 - Huh? - The lamb? 375 00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,406 It is Christmas, after all. 376 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:27,575 Oh, yeah. 377 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,746 Oh, shit. 378 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:32,831 My mom just texted, "I'm pissed." 379 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,290 That means she's pissed. 380 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,792 Now he wants us to eat with him? 381 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,876 Oh, my God. 382 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,628 Jimmy, he's not Jewish! 383 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,338 OK, Kayla, nobody else is thinking about 384 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,965 if he's Jewish or not, OK? 385 00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,467 This is making me feel uncomfortable. 386 00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,593 Oh, my God, what the hell? 387 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:46,761 I'm not antisemitic. 388 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,430 Is that what you're implying? 389 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,348 I had a bat mitzvah, and I'm not even fucking Jewish. 390 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,808 Wait, what? 391 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,393 Well, everybody else was having one. 392 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,520 - Am I gonna not have one? - Yeah! 393 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,731 Also, I was at that bat mitzvah. 394 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,441 - I have a T-shirt. - Yeah, and you had a lot 395 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,067 of fun on the dance floor, so you're welcome. 396 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,694 Yeah, because I thought I was at a bat mitzvah, 397 00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,821 a legit bat mitzvah, a real Jewish bat mitzvah. 398 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:08,074 But no, I was at a gentile's costume party of a bat mitzvah? 399 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,951 - That is bad. - Whatever. 400 00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,996 The point is, he's not Jewish. He's lonely. 401 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,706 He doesn't want to spend Christmas alone. 402 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,332 That's why he's trying to get us to stay here 403 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,834 and read his script and eat his lamb 404 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,753 and play with his crazy bird. 405 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,796 It's actually really sad. I feel like I'm gonna cry. 406 00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:24,299 Oh, that is really sad. 407 00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:28,345 The lamb has still got a little life yet. 408 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,598 Do you like the title page? 409 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,016 I do. 410 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:37,145 Um, so my mom actually loves lamb. 411 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,813 And I was wondering, I don't know, 412 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,565 would you ever consider coming with me 413 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,192 to her house for Christmas? 414 00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,486 I could read the script in the car on the way. 415 00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,029 You know what? 416 00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,781 Yes. 417 00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:50,658 We can spend Christmas together. 418 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,161 - We? - My parents are in Aspen. 419 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,954 They forgot to text me. 420 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,292 So as you're reading it, for Fatty's wife, 421 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:03,129 I'm thinking either Kathy Bates 422 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,174 or Cicely Tyson. 423 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:09,010 Wow. Hard call. 424 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,887 - Hard call. - Uh-huh. 425 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,263 But let's see who's available. 426 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:15,016 - Yeah! - They're both good, yeah. 427 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,309 One's dead. 428 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,652 God. 429 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,530 No chutney, huh? 430 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,156 - You want chutney? - Yeah. 431 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,700 Priya always incorporates it, 432 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,952 and now I'm addicted to the kick. 433 00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:35,495 I love chutney. 434 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,917 Mmm. 435 00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,836 So have you been seeing anyone? 436 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,380 No. 437 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,507 But I have plenty of sex. 438 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,175 Oh. 439 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,469 Good for you. 440 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,846 What do you-- 441 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,264 what do you do in your spare time? 442 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,307 Oh, I volunteer at the Salvation Army. 443 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,434 - Oh. - This time of year is 444 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,644 really busy for us, obviously. 445 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:02,480 So I actually have been feeling kind of guilty 446 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,649 that I've neglected my post. 447 00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,484 I mean, we can get you a bell, 448 00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:07,861 you can take it outside. 449 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:10,780 - Kidding. - Yeah. 450 00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:17,579 - Goose? - No, I'm good. 451 00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:18,872 - Oh! No. - Thank you. 452 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:21,499 Thank you. Sorry. 453 00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:23,877 This pregnancy has me off poultry. 454 00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:26,421 If I even see a feather, I gag. 455 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:29,090 - Had to get rid of our duvet. - Mm-hmm. 456 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,801 I have never been interested in being pregnant. 457 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,179 Of course, I have been. But ugh, gross. 458 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,098 Would you mind getting me some rolls down here? 459 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,392 You know, I went to Priya's a cappella competition 460 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,728 last week, and the girls from Northeastern 461 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,063 destroyed Brandeis. 462 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:46,274 But Priya was the real standout. 463 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,942 Even the woman next to me said so, 464 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,111 and she had no idea that we were roommates. 465 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:54,407 That's nice you went to support her. 466 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,202 Well, she's like the daughter I never had. 467 00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:59,871 What--what about me? 468 00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,748 Oh, you're the daughter I did have. 469 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:02,874 Ava. 470 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,542 OK, whatever. 471 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,336 Would you like some goose? 472 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:08,296 Oh, no thank you. I don't eat meat. 473 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:09,756 Oh. 474 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,174 What? 475 00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:13,385 Yeah, for 30 years now. 476 00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:15,720 You used to eat sausage three links at a time. 477 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,431 Well, yeah, maybe as a kid. 478 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,933 But I can't. 479 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,227 I mean, the meat industry is horrendous. 480 00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,353 Oh, tell me about it. 481 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,689 I mean, have you seen the way they force-feed the animals? 482 00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:27,982 - Yeah. - Could you pass me the goose? 483 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,192 - Oh, sure. - Yeah, I'd love it. 484 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,487 I got your goose! 485 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,322 You are so silly. 486 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,874 Do you like the font? 487 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,459 Yeah. 488 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,336 I put the jokes in Comic Sans 489 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,130 so you know they're supposed to be funny. 490 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,881 Ah, now that makes sense. OK, I get it. 491 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,591 You know, most scripts stick to one font. 492 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,343 But that's a missed opportunity, 'cause this is-- 493 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,886 it makes it voice-y, which is good. 494 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,346 - It's fun. - Very voice-y. 495 00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,728 Do you think it's confusing 496 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:08,606 that there's another character named Fatty? 497 00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:09,691 There is? 498 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,359 - Uh-huh. - OK, I'm sorry. 499 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,485 I think I have to start over, then, 500 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,695 'cause I did not realize that. 501 00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:15,739 Just put in Fatty One and Fatty Two, obviously. 502 00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:17,157 - There you go. - Make it more clear, right? 503 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,825 Yeah. Keep going. 504 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,535 - OK. - Keep going. 505 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,833 Do you think it's too character-damaging 506 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:31,546 that Fatty steals from his sister's piggy bank? 507 00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:33,798 No, no, you-- I think you justify it 508 00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,051 because of his desperate need for "sody pop." 509 00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,219 - Oh. - So he wants it bad, and-- 510 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,262 - Maybe. - It's an addiction. 511 00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:40,638 I think it's an addiction, 512 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,015 and it's like, you know, any addiction. 513 00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,475 Just keep-- keep reading, yeah. 514 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:50,065 Boy, women drivers. 515 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,193 Amazing. 516 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,155 Ooh, Prada! 517 00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,698 Ooh. 518 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,116 Thank you, Deborah. 519 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,910 You're welcome. 520 00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,870 - Whoo! - That's nice. 521 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,039 OK, time for DJ's big present. 522 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,665 She always opens her little gifts from Santa 523 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,626 on Christmas morning, but after we eat dinner, 524 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,127 she gets her big one from me. 525 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:14,130 Uh, Damien, bring it in. 526 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,757 - Oh, a little baby jail. - Oh, my gosh. 527 00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,759 - Oh, wow. - Ooh. 528 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,761 Isn't it gorgeous? 529 00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:22,263 It's so pretty. 530 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,973 - Thank you, Mom. - Oh, you're welcome. 531 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:27,268 Mom, thank you so much. That's amazing, babe. 532 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,478 now we can have one for our house, 533 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:29,813 and we can have one for here. 534 00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:32,107 - Uh-- - What do you mean? 535 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:33,441 - What? - You already have a crib? 536 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,193 - Well-- - Um-- 537 00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,903 I thought-- I thought you weren't buying 538 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,197 anything for the nursery till the third trimester. 539 00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:41,408 No. That's true, and I didn't. 540 00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,326 It was just a gift. 541 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,661 From who? 542 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:45,829 Um-- 543 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,580 I--I got it for them. 544 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,583 Oh. 545 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,669 Well, I'm sure Filene's Basement has 546 00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,004 an excellent return policy. 547 00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:55,880 - Mom, come on. - No, no. 548 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,883 I--I just-- you know, I didn't realize 549 00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,553 you two were that close. 550 00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:02,887 I--it's lovely. 551 00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:07,475 You know, I think I will go help myself to some dessert. 552 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,060 Can I get anyone anything? 553 00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,603 Oh, I'd like a chai if there is any. 554 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,188 Mom. 555 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,440 I'll see. 556 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,233 Since when? Since when? 557 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,693 I'm sorry, Mom. 558 00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,611 We'll use both. Please don't be upset. 559 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:19,696 No, I'm not upset. 560 00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:22,240 Why would I be upset? 561 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,159 Oh, shoot! 562 00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,536 Darn it! Shoot, shoot, shoot. 563 00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:28,455 - What did you do? - Nothing. 564 00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:30,123 - What did you do? - Uh, nothing. 565 00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:31,332 I was just reaching for this gumdrop-- 566 00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:32,709 It's decorative! 567 00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:34,127 What? Why would you-- 568 00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,587 I thought you said it was edible. 569 00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:37,130 Well, just because it's edible 570 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,840 doesn't mean you can eat it! 571 00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,970 I'm sorry, Deborah. 572 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,805 It's ruined. 573 00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,563 Joanne, you can put that on the table for me, please. 574 00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:54,773 Thank you. 575 00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:56,232 - Hey, Mom? - Oh. 576 00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:57,692 Hi. Merry Christmas. 577 00:21:57,692 --> 00:21:58,818 Finally! 578 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:00,070 - There you are. - Hi. 579 00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:01,654 - Sorry we're late. - Oh. 580 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:04,366 Um, Mom, this is Larry. 581 00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:05,909 Larry, this is my mother, Deidre. 582 00:22:05,909 --> 00:22:08,161 And um, Larry's brought lamb. 583 00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:10,080 Oh. Hi, Larry. 584 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,748 Hi. 585 00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:13,375 You know, the only thing I like more than lamb 586 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,251 is a man who knows how to cook it. 587 00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:18,380 Oh, well, try it before you propose. 588 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,715 Oh! And you're funny. 589 00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,592 I like funny, and I'm a hugger. 590 00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,969 Come on. Bring it in. 591 00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:26,930 - OK, new dad alert. - Kayla. 592 00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:29,140 - They have chemistry. - Cool it. 593 00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:42,195 I'm sorry about the gingerbread. 594 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,032 Well, you were always good at wrecking homes. 595 00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:52,080 I didn't mean to overstep with the crib. 596 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:56,668 It's just-- I'm excited about the baby. 597 00:22:56,668 --> 00:22:59,129 You and DJ are the only family I have left, 598 00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:02,882 and you're not exactly in my life. 599 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,218 And whose fault is that? 600 00:23:05,218 --> 00:23:07,387 Mine. 601 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:09,639 And I'm sorry. 602 00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:11,725 There's not a day I don't feel sorry. 603 00:23:11,725 --> 00:23:15,895 I--I've tried to say that to you for so long. 604 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,814 Well, you stopped. 605 00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:19,941 Yeah, because I saw your special. 606 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:24,237 I was nice to you in my special. 607 00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:26,072 I mean, I took ownership and all that crap. 608 00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,866 Exactly. 609 00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:30,076 It seemed like you understood how complicated it was. 610 00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:31,745 It almost sounded like you forgave me. 611 00:23:31,745 --> 00:23:34,581 But then I still never heard from you, 612 00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:36,541 and that just broke my heart, Deborah. 613 00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:38,001 Where are you going? 614 00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:40,545 I don't want to see you cry. 615 00:23:40,545 --> 00:23:43,715 It's OK if I cry. I'm sad. 616 00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:46,468 You do not get to be sad. 617 00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:48,636 I lost my family. 618 00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:50,638 I lost everything! 619 00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:53,641 I never meant for that to happen. 620 00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:56,561 Why'd you do it? 621 00:23:57,937 --> 00:23:59,397 I didn't come here to make excuses 622 00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:01,232 for something that happened so long ago. 623 00:24:01,232 --> 00:24:02,150 Oh, please. 624 00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,943 No, I would love a fucking excuse. 625 00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:06,613 Fine. 626 00:24:08,198 --> 00:24:09,824 That summer you went to make that movie, 627 00:24:09,824 --> 00:24:14,287 and I moved into the house to help with DJ... 628 00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:17,624 and, uh, it only happened a couple times, 629 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:20,251 but I felt horrible, and I ended it. 630 00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:22,879 But then you got late night, and Frank got really jealous 631 00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:25,256 and told you about us, I think to throw you off your game. 632 00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:27,008 Oh. Oh, I see. 633 00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:29,010 It was my fault because I was ambitious? 634 00:24:29,010 --> 00:24:30,261 Give me a break. 635 00:24:30,261 --> 00:24:32,472 You just asked me to explain! 636 00:24:32,472 --> 00:24:34,307 Look, I'm your sister, and I shouldn't have done it. 637 00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:35,767 But you two weren't even sleeping 638 00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:38,395 in the same room for months. 639 00:24:38,395 --> 00:24:41,272 He made the first move, and I was only 19 years old, 640 00:24:41,272 --> 00:24:42,649 so give me a fucking break. 641 00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:44,234 You stayed married to him. 642 00:24:44,234 --> 00:24:45,985 Yeah, because he made me happy. 643 00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,570 I mean, you don't want to hear this, 644 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,239 but we were a better match than you two were. 645 00:24:49,239 --> 00:24:52,701 And thank God, because-- 646 00:24:52,701 --> 00:24:54,619 because I lost my sister for it. 647 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:58,081 Well, I'm sorry you've been in so much pain. 648 00:24:58,081 --> 00:25:00,625 Well, I have been. 649 00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:02,794 I've also paid for it. 650 00:25:02,794 --> 00:25:05,964 I've taken all your punishment over the years. 651 00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:09,259 Billboards for all your specials on my street. 652 00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:11,469 You told Katie Couric I can't read. 653 00:25:11,469 --> 00:25:13,763 - That was a joke. - Oh. 654 00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:16,558 You had missing person posters with my picture on it 655 00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:18,435 made up and put all over Monterey 656 00:25:18,435 --> 00:25:19,936 with my phone number. 657 00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:21,479 I got phone calls for months from people 658 00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:22,897 saying they'd seen me in the supermarket, 659 00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:23,982 and I looked horrible. 660 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,359 It's not funny. 661 00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:28,528 No, it's not funny. 662 00:25:28,528 --> 00:25:29,654 It's hysterical. 663 00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:37,579 - Oh! - Oh! 664 00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:39,956 - That's expensive snow! - Oh, my God. 665 00:25:39,956 --> 00:25:41,750 God damn it! 666 00:25:43,460 --> 00:25:45,211 Oh! 667 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,880 Ow! Oh, my God! 668 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,591 Ow, it burns! Why does it burn? 669 00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:50,884 - Shit! - Chemicals! 670 00:25:50,884 --> 00:25:52,635 - It's methylene chloride! - What? 671 00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:54,304 It's the only way you can get a six-sided crystal! 672 00:25:54,304 --> 00:25:56,014 Then why would you throw it at me? 673 00:25:56,014 --> 00:25:57,807 - 'Cause you started it! - Ow! 674 00:25:58,641 --> 00:25:59,934 Oh, God, come here! 675 00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:01,102 Come here. 676 00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:02,729 Oh, my God. Shit! 677 00:26:02,729 --> 00:26:03,855 Watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out. 678 00:26:03,855 --> 00:26:05,065 - Oh! - Careful. 679 00:26:05,065 --> 00:26:06,274 - Ow. - Oh, stop. 680 00:26:06,274 --> 00:26:07,442 - Over here. - It's burning. 681 00:26:07,442 --> 00:26:08,568 Get some water on your face. 682 00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:09,903 Oh, my God. 683 00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:12,238 Here, I've got-- I've got a--here. 684 00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:13,490 Here--here's a tissue. 685 00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:16,117 Oh, God. 686 00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:17,494 Oh. 687 00:26:17,494 --> 00:26:19,788 - Is it better? - No. 688 00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:21,289 No. 689 00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:22,624 Ow. 690 00:26:25,210 --> 00:26:27,462 Listen, I-- 691 00:26:27,462 --> 00:26:29,756 I appreciate you inviting me for DJ, 692 00:26:29,756 --> 00:26:32,133 but she shouldn't have forced it. 693 00:26:34,594 --> 00:26:37,097 She didn't. 694 00:26:37,097 --> 00:26:40,809 I was also hoping that I could, you know, do this. 695 00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:43,478 I don't think I can. 696 00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:47,148 Debbie, you have so much. 697 00:26:47,148 --> 00:26:48,733 - Oh, God. - You have... 698 00:26:48,733 --> 00:26:50,193 - Yeah. - An incredible career. 699 00:26:50,193 --> 00:26:51,653 You have a beautiful daughter. 700 00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:53,780 You have a grandchild on the way. 701 00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:56,241 You've got six-sided crystals. 702 00:26:58,076 --> 00:27:01,496 I just wish you could get over not having Frank. 703 00:27:01,496 --> 00:27:05,166 It wasn't just that he left me. 704 00:27:05,166 --> 00:27:08,211 It was that you left me too. 705 00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:14,009 I was really hoping this would be nice. 706 00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:17,220 But, um, 707 00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:22,350 I'm just still so angry at you. 708 00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:26,604 I don't want to be, but I am. 709 00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:29,607 Well, that's something. 710 00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:31,317 I thought you loved being angry. 711 00:27:31,317 --> 00:27:33,111 You kidding? 712 00:27:34,946 --> 00:27:36,865 Frown lines are the hardest to treat. 713 00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:41,494 I don't want it to be like this. 714 00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:44,122 Mom wouldn't have wanted it to be like this. 715 00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:47,292 No, she wouldn't. 716 00:27:49,586 --> 00:27:51,421 Well, maybe Christmas wasn't the best time 717 00:27:51,421 --> 00:27:53,173 to have tried this. 718 00:27:55,383 --> 00:27:59,304 Maybe we could try it some other time, just us? 719 00:28:01,389 --> 00:28:03,224 Yeah. 720 00:28:03,224 --> 00:28:05,268 OK. 721 00:28:07,729 --> 00:28:09,647 Great. 722 00:28:09,647 --> 00:28:12,317 And I'm sorry again about the gingerbread house. 723 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:14,527 That was insane. 724 00:28:17,781 --> 00:28:19,574 Sorry. 725 00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:22,285 Ava, my God, look at this right now! 726 00:28:22,285 --> 00:28:25,205 I am in freaking "Willy Wonka." 727 00:28:25,205 --> 00:28:27,749 Is--is there a Willy Wonka town? 728 00:28:27,749 --> 00:28:29,250 - Because I am in it. - Ugh. 729 00:28:32,796 --> 00:28:36,800 Weren't you supposed to, like, go visit sick kids? 730 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,343 Oh, shit. 731 00:28:38,343 --> 00:28:41,179 - What time is it? - I think, like, 8:00-ish. 732 00:28:41,179 --> 00:28:42,597 Oh, God. It's too late. 733 00:28:42,597 --> 00:28:44,516 Visiting hours are over. 734 00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:46,017 What are you gonna do, you know what I mean? 735 00:28:46,017 --> 00:28:47,894 I can't do everything. 736 00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:49,729 Plus, they got clowns and dogs and stuff to entertain 'em. 737 00:28:49,729 --> 00:28:51,481 They're OK. 738 00:28:51,481 --> 00:28:53,566 God, I gotta go to the bathroom. 739 00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:55,360 I gotta go number three, if you know what I mean. 740 00:28:59,614 --> 00:29:02,867 Have you seen "Slumdog Millionaire"? 741 00:29:02,867 --> 00:29:03,827 OK. 742 00:29:04,911 --> 00:29:07,997 I gotta be honest, Mom, this is starting to feel really weird. 743 00:29:07,997 --> 00:29:09,749 Like, you're, like, 744 00:29:09,749 --> 00:29:12,043 fetishizing South Asian culture or something. 745 00:29:12,043 --> 00:29:14,838 Why would you say that? I do not have a fetish. 746 00:29:14,838 --> 00:29:16,589 That's a nasty word. 747 00:29:16,589 --> 00:29:18,383 No, I--I just mean it feels like 748 00:29:18,383 --> 00:29:20,260 you're kind of appropriating it. 749 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:23,221 I mean, is it so bad that I'm enjoying a new culture? 750 00:29:23,221 --> 00:29:26,307 I'm trying new food, I'm--I'm wearing this bindi. 751 00:29:26,307 --> 00:29:27,934 You're not wearing a bindi. 752 00:29:27,934 --> 00:29:31,896 Well, I-- shit, where's my bindi? 753 00:29:31,896 --> 00:29:34,566 I--I had a bindi. 754 00:29:34,566 --> 00:29:36,735 I--it fell off. 755 00:29:36,735 --> 00:29:40,822 I mean, Ava, I mean, is it-- is it a fetish any time 756 00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:43,158 a white person decides to take an interest in a culture 757 00:29:43,158 --> 00:29:45,076 that isn't their own? 758 00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:48,121 Because then I'm proud to have a fetish, OK? 759 00:29:48,121 --> 00:29:50,707 I mean, it's hard being an immigrant in this country 760 00:29:50,707 --> 00:29:52,959 right now, at least according to a little program 761 00:29:52,959 --> 00:29:55,003 called "On the Contrary." 762 00:29:56,504 --> 00:29:58,131 You don't watch "On the Contrary." 763 00:29:58,131 --> 00:29:59,632 Every Sunday. 764 00:29:59,632 --> 00:30:01,509 And if I don't think something's funny, 765 00:30:01,509 --> 00:30:03,845 then Priya tells me why it's funny, 766 00:30:03,845 --> 00:30:05,472 and then I get it. 767 00:30:05,472 --> 00:30:09,017 I mean, is that a fetish, Ava? 768 00:30:09,017 --> 00:30:11,102 No. No, it's not. 769 00:30:11,102 --> 00:30:15,190 It's, um, really nice, actually. 770 00:30:15,190 --> 00:30:17,359 - OK. - Thank you, Mom. 771 00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:19,235 You're welcome. 772 00:30:19,235 --> 00:30:21,821 And now I want you to try this, 773 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:23,323 because what I did is, 774 00:30:23,323 --> 00:30:26,409 I dumped coriander all over this fudge. 775 00:30:26,409 --> 00:30:28,411 It's really delicious. 776 00:30:28,411 --> 00:30:30,288 It's just like your grandmother used to make, 777 00:30:30,288 --> 00:30:32,248 except now with coriander. 778 00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:33,583 - Uh... - Right? 779 00:30:33,583 --> 00:30:34,668 Oh, my God. 780 00:30:34,668 --> 00:30:36,878 - Oh, come on. - No. 781 00:30:36,878 --> 00:30:40,965 So Fatty said, "You know what would make it really funny? 782 00:30:40,965 --> 00:30:43,009 If you did it with a mustache." 783 00:30:44,678 --> 00:30:48,306 And that kid was Charlie goddamn Chaplin! 784 00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:49,557 No! 785 00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:50,725 Yes! 786 00:30:52,227 --> 00:30:54,145 That is the best twist I've ever heard. 787 00:30:54,145 --> 00:30:55,814 Even better than an evil twin. 788 00:30:55,814 --> 00:30:58,566 Evil twin? 789 00:30:58,566 --> 00:30:59,984 Kayla, sweetie, would you give me 790 00:30:59,984 --> 00:31:01,152 a hand clearing, please? 791 00:31:01,152 --> 00:31:02,946 Absolutely, gorgeous. 792 00:31:07,492 --> 00:31:09,828 Well, what do you think? 793 00:31:10,704 --> 00:31:14,332 Honestly, I think you could lose the dream sequence. 794 00:31:14,332 --> 00:31:16,543 - Which one? - All of them, 795 00:31:16,543 --> 00:31:18,169 especially the sex dream about Clara Bow. 796 00:31:18,169 --> 00:31:19,671 And you know, you might want to use one font. 797 00:31:19,671 --> 00:31:21,548 Aw. 798 00:31:21,548 --> 00:31:23,717 But look, I didn't know what to expect in the beginning. 799 00:31:23,717 --> 00:31:25,635 And obviously, it could use some edits. 800 00:31:25,635 --> 00:31:28,722 But I think it's actually a really good script. 801 00:31:28,722 --> 00:31:31,057 - Do you mean that? - I do. 802 00:31:31,057 --> 00:31:32,559 I mean, you're an amazing writer. 803 00:31:32,559 --> 00:31:33,977 I can't believe it's your first script. 804 00:31:33,977 --> 00:31:36,146 And the story is so compelling. 805 00:31:36,146 --> 00:31:38,314 I really think you should think about making this 806 00:31:38,314 --> 00:31:39,733 with Jack Danby. 807 00:31:39,733 --> 00:31:41,693 He's super-hot right now, and attaching him 808 00:31:41,693 --> 00:31:43,528 could get something like this made. 809 00:31:43,528 --> 00:31:45,030 I'll tell you what. 810 00:31:45,030 --> 00:31:47,907 I don't know this Jack character. 811 00:31:47,907 --> 00:31:52,579 But after today, I know this much, Jimmy. 812 00:31:52,579 --> 00:31:55,081 I like you. 813 00:31:55,081 --> 00:31:58,001 And no surprise with a mother like that. 814 00:31:59,794 --> 00:32:03,965 So I'll do it on one condition. 815 00:32:05,342 --> 00:32:06,760 You produce it. 816 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,803 Oh. OK. 817 00:32:08,803 --> 00:32:11,389 Sure. Yeah. Deal. 818 00:32:11,389 --> 00:32:15,143 This Jack guy is really lucky to have you as a manager. 819 00:32:15,143 --> 00:32:17,687 Oh, he doesn't even know. 820 00:32:24,194 --> 00:32:25,653 Why did you get me this? 821 00:32:25,653 --> 00:32:27,906 It's fun. Just chop the blocks. 822 00:32:27,906 --> 00:32:29,032 I am! 823 00:32:29,032 --> 00:32:30,909 Ah! Ah! 824 00:32:30,909 --> 00:32:33,495 - Deborah. Deborah! - What? 825 00:32:33,495 --> 00:32:34,829 Jimmy's on the phone. 826 00:32:34,829 --> 00:32:36,539 Well, ask him what he wants. 827 00:32:36,539 --> 00:32:39,000 She's busy working. What is it? 828 00:32:41,086 --> 00:32:42,796 You're back in the mix for late night. 829 00:32:44,547 --> 00:32:46,883 Holy shit! 830 00:32:46,883 --> 00:32:47,884 How? 831 00:32:47,884 --> 00:32:50,553 Danby's out. 832 00:32:50,553 --> 00:32:52,681 Pursuing dramatic roles. 833 00:32:52,681 --> 00:32:54,974 It's between you and the X Games guy. 834 00:32:54,974 --> 00:32:56,434 Oh, my God. 835 00:32:59,020 --> 00:33:00,563 Jimmy? 836 00:33:00,563 --> 00:33:02,649 It's a Christmas miracle!