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00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,923
[Darlene Love's "Christmas
(Baby Please Come Home)"]
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00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:14,014
♪ ♪
3
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,812
♪ Christmas ♪
4
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:23,314
♪ The snow's coming down ♪
5
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:24,441
♪ Christmas ♪
6
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♪ I'm watching it fall ♪
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♪ Christmas ♪
8
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:31,072
♪ Lots of people around ♪
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♪ Christmas ♪
10
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:34,659
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
11
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:36,036
♪ Christmas ♪
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00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,872
♪ The church bells in town ♪
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Do you have
a loose pelvic floor?
14
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:42,792
Excuse me?
15
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,336
The thing is,
there's a lot of money
16
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,670
in pharmaceutical ads,
but you have to have
17
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the condition they treat
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00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,673
in order to legally
endorse them.
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00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:52,010
Uh, no, I do not have
a loose pelvic floor.
20
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,013
- Congratulations.
- OK. Irritable bowel syndrome.
21
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,182
- No.
- You never walk with a walker.
22
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,308
No, you're not blind.
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00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,726
Um, Von Willebrand's?
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00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,394
I don't even know
what that is.
25
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:02,896
- OK, so maybe you have it.
- We can get you tested.
26
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,147
Because if you don't know
what it is,
27
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,523
we should get you tested.
- OK.
28
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:06,566
Let's just circle that
as a maybe.
29
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,151
- OK.
- OK. Uh, bacne?
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00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,361
Little pimples all over
your back and your butt?
31
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,528
- No.
- Oh, herpes?
32
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,238
- Herpes?
- Herpes is young.
33
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- Could be oral.
- OK.
34
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Everybody has herpes.
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Stop.
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This is so depressing.
37
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Clinically depressing?
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You feel like
it's a medical issue?
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'Cause we could use that.
40
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How often are the happy days?
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- Jesus.
- OK. Sorry.
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Thank you.
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Mm.
44
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I hate seeing
my girlina so sad.
45
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God, this is so annoying.
46
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I hate giving up.
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We were so close.
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Nobody hates it more than me.
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But it's over, Jimbo.
50
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It's a done deal.
51
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You know what? No.
52
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It's not over until
Jack Danby is on the air.
53
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Damn straight.
54
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,983
We can sabotage.
55
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I can find some dirt on him
to scare off the network.
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Mm.
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He's probably a nasty,
nasty boy.
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Probably can't even come
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without a fucking gun
in his mouth.
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Yikes. Excuse me?
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00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:02,205
[chuckles]
I got this, my friend.
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[laughs]
Whoo!
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It's gonna be good!
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00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,086
Kayla, you left
your notebook and your--
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your bag with your phone
and your inhaler.
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[coughs]
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[horns honking]
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[upbeat music]
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Ava! Ava!
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Mom, I've been waiting
for 40 minutes.
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I was playing slots
in the airport.
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How Vegas is that?
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I love it here.
- Oh.
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00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,028
Should I move here
to be closer to you?
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00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,071
Mom, I'm moving
back to LA in two weeks,
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and you've only seen
the airport.
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Right.
Oh, and I brought your old
78
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Abercrombie and Fitch
miniskirts.
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00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:41,953
Why?
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Those are linked
to incredibly painful memories.
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Well, I was gonna
throw them away,
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but Priya says
they're back in style.
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Who's Priya?
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She's my roommate.
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Mom, what?
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Ever since the Vibamins
class action suit
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didn't go my way,
I have started
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renting your room
for passive income.
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00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,725
OK.
90
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,019
Anyway,
Priya's from Bangladesh.
91
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,645
She's getting
her graduate degree
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00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,105
in biochemistry from Brandeis.
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She's a genius.
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- Cool.
- Yeah, it's working out great.
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She does the cooking,
I do the cleaning,
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and then we go to a fun new
restaurant every Wednesday.
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I always thought restaurants
were a waste of money,
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but they're fun!
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- Yeah, restaurants are good.
- Yeah.
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Oh, before I forget,
Deborah's a size 7 shoe, right?
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That's what
celebfeetfacts.com says.
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Mom, please tell me
you didn't buy Deborah shoes.
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No, slippers.
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Everyone loves
a Christmas slipper, everybody.
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And I needed to thank her
for inviting me
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after I texted her
that I wanted to come.
107
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[horn honking]
What?
108
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Oh--oh, my God,
she's flipping us--
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- Whoa.
- Ava, drive! Drive!
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- I'm trying!
- She--look!
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No, fuck you!
112
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- Sorry. Sorry.
- God!
113
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It's Christmas,
you motherfucker!
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[upbeat festive music]
115
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You've been waking up
when your alarm goes off,
116
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right, sweetie?
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Yeah, I'm doing really good.
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Hard to believe, working
for that backstabbing bastard.
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He is not a bastard, Daddy.
120
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He's a great guy
and an amazing boss.
121
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I love Jimmy.
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00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,830
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,665
But you're doing
really, really good.
124
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I heard Jack Danby's about
to be the new late night host.
125
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,920
- [chuckles]
- Let's celebrate that.
126
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,631
Well,
that's a relief, to be honest.
127
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Why? Sexual assaulter?
128
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Worse.
129
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Wannabe dramatic actor.
130
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:25,056
Why is it that every comedian
wants to do some sappy drama?
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If you want to be gay,
just be gay.
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- Gays rock.
- Mm.
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- [laughs]
- Get this.
134
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He wanted to do
a Fatty Arbuckle biopic.
135
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,481
Who?
136
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,316
Fatty Arbuckle.
137
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,902
He was the biggest movie star
in the world in the 1920s,
138
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:38,903
in the silent era.
139
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He was a comedian.
140
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,282
Well,
Jack's been on me for years
141
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,826
to try to get the rights
from the weird Arbuckle family.
142
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,037
Thank God I convinced him
to take this new gig.
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He let that go.
- Hmm.
144
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,624
Why is it
that every single client
145
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that keeps the lights on
has to be
146
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,336
the biggest pain in the ass?
147
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,588
Oh, God, tell me about it!
148
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,506
ACAB--
All Clients Are Bastards.
149
00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,674
[chuckles]
150
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,677
I'm surprised you wrap
your own gifts.
151
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,429
Nobody does French edges
like I do.
152
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:07,515
You could put somebody's
eye out with my corners.
153
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,645
So, um,
154
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:16,024
Kathy's definitely coming?
155
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,942
Yes.
156
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,736
How are you feeling
about that?
157
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,154
Don't have
any feelings about it.
158
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,280
I'm doing it for DJ.
159
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,283
OK. Well, I'm nervous.
160
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,619
Don't be silly.
It's Christmas.
161
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,038
We'll be cordial,
I'll be a fabulous host,
162
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,374
and that'll be that.
163
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,584
Hey, Deborah,
the caterers are asking
164
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,878
if you want hard sauce
on the figgy pudding.
165
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,463
- Yeah.
- Great.
166
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,591
I will make sure
it's hard on the day.
167
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,802
You're making Damien work
on Christmas?
168
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,428
He doesn't
celebrate Christmas.
169
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,347
He's a Jehovah's Witness.
That's why I hired him.
170
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,807
He doesn't do holidays, birthdays.
171
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,225
It's fantastic.
172
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,185
You need to get religion
to work for you
173
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,354
when you're trying
to get around labor laws.
174
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,563
Write that down.
175
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,315
[inhales sharply]
176
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,109
I don't think you want
that paper trail.
177
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:01,569
Fingers crossed.
[knocks]
178
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,240
No solicitation.
179
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,450
I'm a registered independent.
180
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,077
Oh, no, we're not solicitors.
181
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,287
We're looking
for a Mr. Larry Arbuckle, sir.
182
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,956
That's me.
What do you want?
183
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,416
Well, my name is
Jimmy LuSaque Jr.,
184
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,834
and this is Kayla Schaefer.
185
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,752
And we were hoping
to talk to you
186
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,879
about a potential film project
about your grandfather, Fatty.
187
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:23,091
I already told producers
I'm not interested.
188
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,385
But did those producers come
right up to your door, sir?
189
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,595
No! Which I appreciated.
190
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,806
Well, it's only because
we are so passionate.
191
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,683
And we really think
you should hear us out.
192
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,935
If you could just give us two
minutes of your time to talk.
193
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,104
I'm busy today.
194
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:40,191
But you can come back,
uh, Monday, 2:00 p.m.
195
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,861
Great. Oh, you know what?
Monday's Christmas Day.
196
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,238
That's the day I'm available.
197
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,698
Goodbye.
[door slams]
198
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,825
[gasps]
Hmm.
199
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,618
Must be Jewish.
200
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,162
But no mezuzah.
201
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,580
That's weird.
202
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,706
You know,
the Jewish thing on the door?
203
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:55,915
Yeah, yeah.
204
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,877
[The Ronettes' "Sleigh Ride"]
205
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:05,508
♪ ♪
206
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,719
[indistinct chatter]
207
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:10,347
♪ Just hear
those sleigh bells jingling ♪
208
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:11,681
♪ Ring-tingle-tingling too ♪
209
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:16,353
[gasps]
Nutcrackers!
210
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,729
I just think it looks weird
211
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,356
when a baby doesn't have
pierced ears.
212
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,191
Babe, oh, my God.
213
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,693
I'm nervous.
I'm really nervous.
214
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,945
- Have you ever met Kathy?
- I feel like I have.
215
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,947
Deborah made me go through
her childhood photos
216
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,325
and scratch all her eyes out.
217
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:33,578
[laughter]
[doorbell rings]
218
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,748
Excuse me.
I'll get the door.
219
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:45,590
♪ Ring-a-ling-a
ding-dong-ding ♪
220
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,720
[breathes deeply]
221
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,180
- Mayor's here!
- Oh, Jesus.
222
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,349
Oh, no.
That's the birthday boy, right?
223
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:56,142
[laughs]
224
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,811
Hey, listen,
I'm just swinging by.
225
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,105
I gotta be at the children's
hospital in an hour.
226
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,899
But I did not want to miss
your famous baked brie.
227
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,735
Don't tell me where it is.
I can smell it.
228
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,070
Hi, Debbie.
229
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:10,865
Kathy, hi.
230
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:11,950
Come in.
231
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,660
OK.
232
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,829
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
233
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,122
How was your flight?
234
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,374
Oh, it was--it was OK.
235
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,792
Good. Excellent.
236
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,377
Good, good, good.
[dogs barking]
237
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,920
Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
238
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,588
Here.
Damien!
239
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,007
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
240
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,341
Barry, Cara, no, stop!
241
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,218
I am--I am so sorry.
242
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,429
Psst, psst.
Hey! Hello.
243
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,555
Come on. Come on.
244
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,098
Wow.
245
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,641
It's almost like
they were trained to do that.
246
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,060
They were.
[laughs]
247
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,479
[chuckles] Well,
thank you for inviting me.
248
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:42,939
I really appreciate
the invitation.
249
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,274
Sure.
250
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,984
To start with,
I just want to say,
251
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,819
I hope that tonight we can--
- Can I take your things?
252
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:48,820
Oh.
253
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:49,904
Sure, of course.
254
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:50,989
Thank you.
255
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,115
Be right back.
256
00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:58,830
[retches]
257
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,875
[toilet flushes]
258
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:06,338
[breathing heavily]
259
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:09,424
[sniffles]
260
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,264
Should we join
the other fabulous guests?
261
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:19,559
Yes.
262
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,311
Oh!
263
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,188
Is this a replica
of your house?
264
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,732
Yes, it is.
To scale, and edible.
265
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:26,816
Fun!
266
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,401
Isn't it?
267
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,861
Oh, there she is.
268
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:32,364
Oh!
Merry Christmas, honey.
269
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,532
- Hi!
- Oh, look at you.
270
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:36,034
You're glowing.
- Oh, no.
271
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,369
Actually,
I'm just really sweaty.
272
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,870
But thank you.
273
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,331
Kathy, this is Aidan,
DJ's husband.
274
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,291
- Nice to see you again.
- We've met. Hi.
275
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,626
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
276
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:45,710
- Oh.
- Yeah, well, they met--
277
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:46,878
they've met once.
278
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,296
They met one time.
- Yeah.
279
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:49,881
Oh, I didn't know.
280
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,549
Well, then you know
what a great guy he is.
281
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,718
I love my big son.
282
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,553
Aww, Mom.
283
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,597
[chuckles]
- Your what?
284
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,475
I'll be home
in time for dinner, Mom.
285
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,185
I just have to convince someone
to let a comedian
286
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,145
make a biopic
of his grandfather's story
287
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:07,399
so another comedian can get
that first comedian's job.
288
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,067
It does make sense.
289
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,903
I gotta go.
Love you. Bye.
290
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,322
You forget
how to knock on a door?
291
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,032
[laughter]
Come in!
292
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,033
Thank you.
293
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,618
Keep your shoes on.
294
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,328
Will do. OK.
295
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,579
Planning on it.
296
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,624
Wow.
This is so beautiful.
297
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,293
Ugh, so old-world.
I love older homes.
298
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,420
You know, so much character.
299
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,629
Oh, yes.
300
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,131
- Creaky.
- Yeah.
301
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,258
So, um, is it just you here?
302
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,218
Oh, no.
You have to meet Sasha.
303
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,302
Follow me.
304
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,558
Sasha could be a Jewish name.
305
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,601
What is this? Stop.
306
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,104
[jazzy festive music]
307
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,273
Oh, Deborah,
I met your sister.
308
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,567
She is so funny.
[laughs]
309
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,444
- She is?
- Yes.
310
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,404
Guess it runs
in the family, huh?
311
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:57,699
[laughter]
312
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,367
Oh, boots!
313
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,869
- Oh, oh!
- Oh, my God.
314
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,121
I know those boots.
- Oh, who could this be?
315
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,456
Oh, my God.
316
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:06,666
A visitor
from the North Pole!
317
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,502
It's Santa!
- [chuckles]
318
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,756
This is my favorite house
on my entire route.
319
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,215
Santa had
such a good time last year,
320
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,592
he skipped South America.
321
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,261
[laughter]
322
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,263
OK, it's time for everybody's
Christmas portrait
323
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,057
before the dinner bloat
sets in.
324
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:24,100
Need a blotting tissue?
Blotting tissue?
325
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,227
DJ, sweetie,
come sit on Mommy's lap.
326
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,855
- What?
- It's a tradition.
327
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,398
Last time I sat on your lap,
I was eight
328
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,025
and you said I had a bony ass.
329
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,902
Well, you did.
[both chuckle]
330
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,696
Oh, no, no.
You look great.
331
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,990
Cheese!
332
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,909
OK, should we do a silly one?
- No.
333
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,118
We're on a really
tight schedule.
334
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,411
Santa, proceed.
335
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,456
Oh, Santa's got
Dyson Airwraps
336
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,833
for all the good little boys
and girls.
337
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,335
Wow!
[excited chatter]
338
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,128
Hey, what are you
talking about?
339
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,672
You're bald. No, I'll take it.
340
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:56,174
It's for my mother.
It's for my mother.
341
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,300
Dive!
342
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,010
Dive, Sasha!
343
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,178
Dive!
[hawk cries]
344
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,638
- Oh, wow!
- Oh, sister!
345
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:04,015
[yelping]
Oh, she is majestic.
346
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:06,267
Look at that gorgeous bird.
- Oh, my God.
347
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,977
Um, would you like
to take her, though?
348
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,647
Do you want to--
- No, she loves you.
349
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,941
Oh, yeah.
She's obsessed with you, Jimmy.
350
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,068
Remember when the Olsen twins
were obsessed with you?
351
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,820
The Olsen twins
were obsessed with him.
352
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,655
- Oh.
- Yeah, it was very sweet.
353
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,782
Anyway, um, the reason
we came here today is,
354
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,659
we want to talk about
your grandfather's story.
355
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,452
- Oh.
- There is an amazing
356
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,954
comedic artist, Jack Danby,
357
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,747
and he's really interested
in telling it.
358
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,668
I don't want anyone telling
my grandfather's story.
359
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,003
[sighs]
360
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,629
Because the truth is,
361
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:37,173
I've already told it.
362
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,050
What do you mean?
363
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:42,053
I wrote my own screenplay.
364
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,388
both: Oh.
- Well--
365
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,306
- OK.
- I would love to read it.
366
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,058
You want to read it?
367
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,226
I would be honored.
368
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:52,063
OK, then let's go.
369
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,816
You ever watch birds have sex
on a live cam?
370
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,152
- Kayla--
- What? I'm just curious.
371
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:59,029
OK, how did you get this way?
372
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:02,032
["Ding Dong Merrily on High"
playing]
373
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:07,579
♪ ♪
374
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,039
Hi there.
375
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,999
I think dinner is being served.
376
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,334
Oh, OK.
377
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,626
Thank you.
378
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,628
Sorry,
I don't think we've met.
379
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,130
I'm Ava. I write for Deborah.
380
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,882
Oh, nice to meet you.
I'm Kathy.
381
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:20,050
You too.
382
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,385
I sent her this a while ago.
383
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,388
I--I didn't even think
she'd open it.
384
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,350
Yeah, I remember.
385
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,852
She was really happy
that you did.
386
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,062
Really?
387
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,230
Yeah.
388
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,982
Hmm.
389
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:38,860
Should we...
390
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:40,236
Sure.
391
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,280
It's the 13th door
on the right.
392
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,366
[laughs]
I'll just follow you.
393
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:45,742
Yeah.
394
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,411
[paper rustling]
395
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,624
My life's work.
396
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,042
- Wow.
- Thick.
397
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,126
OK.
398
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:56,461
- Very heavy.
- Yeah.
399
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:58,380
Um, well, OK.
Thank you so much.
400
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,256
I'm very excited
to read this over break.
401
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,133
No!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
402
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,052
That's my only copy.
403
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:07,055
If you read it,
you have to read it here.
404
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,056
Oh.
405
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,099
Um, now?
406
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,975
Yes, Jim.
407
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,769
OK. Um, sure.
408
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,062
Yeah, I could do that.
409
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,105
Yeah, quick reader.
410
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:17,440
Tremendous! Ha.
411
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,526
I'll go check on the lamb.
412
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,736
- Huh?
- The lamb?
413
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,406
It is Christmas, after all.
414
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:27,575
Oh, yeah.
415
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,327
[phone buzzes]
416
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,746
Oh, shit.
417
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:32,831
My mom just texted,
"I'm pissed."
418
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,290
That means she's pissed.
419
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,792
Now he wants us
to eat with him?
420
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,876
Oh, my God.
421
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,628
Jimmy, he's not Jewish!
422
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,338
OK, Kayla,
nobody else is thinking about
423
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,965
if he's Jewish or not, OK?
424
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,467
This is making me
feel uncomfortable.
425
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,593
Oh, my God, what the hell?
426
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:46,761
I'm not antisemitic.
427
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,430
Is that what you're implying?
428
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,348
I had a bat mitzvah, and I'm
not even fucking Jewish.
429
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,808
Wait, what?
430
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,351
Well, everybody else was
having one.
431
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,520
Am I gonna not have one?
- Yeah!
432
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,689
Also,
I was at that bat mitzvah.
433
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,441
I have a T-shirt.
- Yeah, and you had a lot
434
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,026
of fun on the dance floor,
so you're welcome.
435
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,694
Yeah, because I thought
I was at a bat mitzvah,
436
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,821
a legit bat mitzvah,
a real Jewish bat mitzvah.
437
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:08,033
But no, I was at a gentile's
costume party of a bat mitzvah?
438
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:09,951
That is bad.
- Whatever.
439
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,996
The point is, he's not Jewish.
He's lonely.
440
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,706
He doesn't want
to spend Christmas alone.
441
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,332
That's why he's trying
to get us to stay here
442
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,834
and read his script
and eat his lamb
443
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,753
and play with his crazy bird.
444
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,796
It's actually really sad.
I feel like I'm gonna cry.
445
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:24,299
Oh, that is really sad.
446
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:28,345
The lamb has still got
a little life yet.
447
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:29,471
[chuckles]
448
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,598
Do you like the title page?
449
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,016
I do.
450
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:37,145
Um, so my mom
actually loves lamb.
451
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,813
And I was wondering,
I don't know,
452
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,565
would you ever consider
coming with me
453
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,192
to her house for Christmas?
454
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,486
I could read the script
in the car on the way.
455
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,029
You know what?
456
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,739
Yes.
457
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:50,658
[laughs] We can spend
Christmas together.
458
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,161
- We?
- My parents are in Aspen.
459
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,913
They forgot to text me.
460
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:59,250
So as you're reading it,
for Fatty's wife,
461
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:03,088
I'm thinking either Kathy Bates
462
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:06,174
or Cicely Tyson.
463
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:09,010
Wow.
Hard call.
464
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,887
Hard call.
- Uh-huh.
465
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,263
But let's see
who's available.
466
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:15,016
- Yeah!
- They're both good, yeah.
467
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,267
One's dead.
468
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:19,270
[festive piano music]
469
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:23,400
♪ ♪
470
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,652
God.
471
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,530
No chutney, huh?
472
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,156
- You want chutney?
- Yeah.
473
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,700
Priya always incorporates it,
474
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,952
and now I'm addicted
to the kick.
475
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:35,537
I love chutney.
476
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,917
Mmm.
477
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,836
So have you been
seeing anyone?
478
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,380
No.
479
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,507
But I have plenty of sex.
480
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,175
Oh.
481
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,469
Good for you.
482
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,804
What do you--
483
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:54,264
what do you do
in your spare time?
484
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,307
Oh, I volunteer
at the Salvation Army.
485
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,434
- Oh.
- This time of year is
486
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,644
really busy for us, obviously.
487
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:02,480
So I actually have been
feeling kind of guilty
488
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,649
that I've neglected my post.
489
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,443
I mean,
we can get you a bell,
490
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:07,819
you can take it outside.
491
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,154
[both laugh]
492
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,739
Kidding.
- Yeah.
493
00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:12,449
[chuckles nervously]
494
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,159
[clears throat]
495
00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:17,579
- Goose?
- No, I'm good.
496
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:18,830
- Oh! No.
- Thank you.
497
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:21,499
Thank you.
Sorry.
498
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:23,877
This pregnancy
has me off poultry.
499
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:26,421
If I even see a feather, I gag.
500
00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:29,090
Had to get rid of our duvet.
- Mm-hmm.
501
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,801
I have never been interested
in being pregnant.
502
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,636
Of course, I have been.
But ugh, gross.
503
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,347
[coughs]
504
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,098
Would you mind getting me
some rolls down here?
505
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,392
You know, I went to Priya's
a cappella competition
506
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,728
last week, and the girls
from Northeastern
507
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,063
destroyed Brandeis.
508
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:46,274
But Priya was
the real standout.
509
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,942
Even the woman
next to me said so,
510
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,195
and she had no idea
that we were roommates.
511
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:54,366
That's nice
you went to support her.
512
00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:57,202
Well, she's like
the daughter I never had.
513
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:59,871
What--what about me?
514
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,706
Oh, you're the daughter
I did have.
515
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:02,874
Ava.
516
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,542
OK, whatever.
517
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,336
Would you like some goose?
518
00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:08,296
Oh, no thank you.
I don't eat meat.
519
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:09,714
Oh.
520
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,174
What?
521
00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:13,385
Yeah, for 30 years now.
522
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:15,720
You used to eat sausage
three links at a time.
523
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,390
Well, yeah, maybe as a kid.
524
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:19,891
But I can't.
525
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,227
I mean, the meat industry
is horrendous.
526
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,104
Oh, tell me about it.
527
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,022
I mean, have you seen the way
they force-feed the animals?
528
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,982
- Yeah.
- Could you pass me the goose?
529
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,192
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah, I'd love it.
530
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:31,027
[clears throat]
531
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,987
I got your goose!
[laughter]
532
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:34,322
You are so silly.
533
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:37,409
[laughter]
534
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,874
Do you like the font?
535
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,459
Yeah.
536
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,336
I put the jokes in Comic Sans
537
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,130
so you know
they're supposed to be funny.
538
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,881
Ah, now that makes sense.
OK, I get it.
539
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,591
You know, most scripts
stick to one font.
540
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,343
But that's a missed
opportunity, 'cause this is--
541
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,886
it makes it voice-y,
which is good.
542
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,346
- It's fun.
- Very voice-y.
543
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:01,391
[clears throat]
544
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,728
Do you think it's confusing
545
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:08,606
that there's another character
named Fatty?
546
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:09,691
There is?
547
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,359
- Uh-huh.
- OK, I'm sorry.
548
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,444
I think I have
to start over, then,
549
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,070
'cause I did not realize that.
550
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,739
Just put in Fatty One
and Fatty Two, obviously.
551
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:17,115
- There you go.
- Make it more clear, right?
552
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,783
Yeah. Keep going.
553
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,577
- OK.
- Keep going.
554
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,833
Do you think
it's too character-damaging
555
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:31,546
that Fatty steals
from his sister's piggy bank?
556
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:33,798
No, no,
you--I think you justify it
557
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,051
because of his desperate need
for "sody pop."
558
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,219
- Oh.
- So he wants it bad, and--
559
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,262
- Maybe.
- It's an addiction.
560
00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:40,638
I think it's an addiction,
561
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,015
and it's like, you know,
any addiction.
562
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,516
Just keep--
keep reading, yeah.
563
00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:50,065
Boy, women drivers.
564
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,151
Amazing.
565
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:55,278
♪ ♪
566
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,155
Ooh, Prada!
567
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,656
all: Ooh.
568
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,116
Thank you, Deborah.
569
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,910
You're welcome.
570
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,828
Whoo!
- That's nice.
571
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,997
OK,
time for DJ's big present.
572
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,665
She always opens
her little gifts from Santa
573
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,626
on Christmas morning,
but after we eat dinner,
574
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,127
she gets her big one from me.
575
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:14,130
Uh, Damien, bring it in.
576
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,757
- Oh, a little baby jail.
- Oh, my gosh.
577
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,759
- Oh, wow.
- Ooh.
578
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,761
Isn't it gorgeous?
579
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:22,263
It's so pretty.
580
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,973
Thank you, Mom.
- Oh, you're welcome.
581
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:27,268
Mom, thank you so much.
That's amazing, babe.
582
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,478
now we can have
one for our house,
583
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:29,813
and we can have one for here.
584
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:32,107
- Uh--
- What do you mean?
585
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:33,441
- What?
- You already have a crib?
586
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,193
- Well--
- Um--
587
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,903
I thought--
I thought you weren't buying
588
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,197
anything for the nursery
till the third trimester.
589
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:41,408
No.
That's true, and I didn't.
590
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,326
It was just a gift.
591
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,661
From who?
592
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:45,829
Um--
593
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:48,373
I--I got it for them.
594
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,583
Oh.
595
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,669
Well, I'm sure
Filene's Basement has
596
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,004
an excellent return policy.
597
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:55,880
- Mom, come on.
- No, no.
598
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,883
I--I just--
you know, I didn't realize
599
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,553
you two were that close.
600
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:02,846
I--it's lovely.
601
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:04,723
[clears throat]
602
00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:07,475
You know, I think I will go
help myself to some dessert.
603
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,060
Can I get anyone anything?
604
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,562
Oh, I'd like a chai
if there is any.
605
00:21:10,562 --> 00:21:12,188
Mom.
606
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,398
I'll see.
607
00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:15,233
Since when?
Since when?
608
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,693
I'm sorry, Mom.
609
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,570
We'll use both.
Please don't be upset.
610
00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:19,696
No, I'm not upset.
611
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,823
Why would I be upset?
612
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:24,159
[gingerbread cracks]
- Oh, shoot!
613
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,536
Darn it!
Shoot, shoot, shoot.
614
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:28,413
- What did you do?
- Nothing.
615
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,123
- What did you do?
- Uh, nothing.
616
00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:31,332
I was just reaching
for this gumdrop--
617
00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:32,709
It's decorative!
618
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:34,127
What? Why would you--
619
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,587
I thought you said
it was edible.
620
00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:37,130
Well, just because
it's edible
621
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,923
doesn't mean you can eat it!
622
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,970
I'm sorry, Deborah.
623
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,805
It's ruined.
624
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:51,353
♪ ♪
625
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:53,563
Joanne, you can put that
on the table for me, please.
626
00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:54,731
Thank you.
627
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:56,232
- Hey, Mom?
- Oh.
628
00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:57,692
Hi.
Merry Christmas.
629
00:21:57,692 --> 00:21:58,818
Finally!
630
00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:00,070
There you are.
- Hi.
631
00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:01,613
Sorry we're late.
- Oh.
632
00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:04,366
Um, Mom, this is Larry.
633
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:05,909
Larry, this is my mother,
Deidre.
634
00:22:05,909 --> 00:22:08,119
And um, Larry's brought lamb.
635
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,080
Oh. Hi, Larry.
636
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,748
Hi.
637
00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:13,375
You know, the only thing
I like more than lamb
638
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,251
is a man who knows
how to cook it.
639
00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:18,380
Oh, well,
try it before you propose.
640
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,715
[laughing]
Oh! And you're funny.
641
00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,592
I like funny, and I'm a hugger.
642
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,969
Come on. Bring it in.
643
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:26,930
- OK, new dad alert.
- Kayla.
644
00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:29,099
- They have chemistry.
- Cool it.
645
00:22:29,099 --> 00:22:32,102
["Hark!
The Herald Angels Sing" plays]
646
00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:38,858
♪ ♪
647
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:42,237
I'm sorry
about the gingerbread.
648
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,990
Well, you were always good
at wrecking homes.
649
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:50,203
[sighs]
650
00:22:50,203 --> 00:22:52,080
I didn't mean to overstep
with the crib.
651
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:56,668
It's just--
I'm excited about the baby.
652
00:22:56,668 --> 00:22:59,129
You and DJ are the only family
I have left,
653
00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:02,882
and you're not exactly
in my life.
654
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,176
And whose fault is that?
655
00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:07,345
Mine.
656
00:23:07,345 --> 00:23:09,639
And I'm sorry.
657
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:11,683
There's not a day
I don't feel sorry.
658
00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:15,854
I--I've tried to say that
to you for so long.
659
00:23:15,854 --> 00:23:17,814
Well, you stopped.
660
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:19,983
Yeah,
because I saw your special.
661
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:24,195
I was nice to you
in my special.
662
00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:26,031
I mean, I took ownership
and all that crap.
663
00:23:26,031 --> 00:23:27,866
Exactly.
664
00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:30,035
It seemed like you understood
how complicated it was.
665
00:23:30,035 --> 00:23:31,703
It almost sounded
like you forgave me.
666
00:23:31,703 --> 00:23:34,581
But then I still
never heard from you,
667
00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:36,541
and that just broke my heart,
Deborah.
668
00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:38,001
Where are you going?
669
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:40,545
I don't want to see you cry.
670
00:23:40,545 --> 00:23:43,715
It's OK if I cry.
I'm sad.
671
00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:46,468
You do not get to be sad.
672
00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:48,636
I lost my family.
673
00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:51,681
I lost everything!
674
00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:53,725
I never meant
for that to happen.
675
00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:57,854
- Why'd you do it?
- [sighs]
676
00:23:57,854 --> 00:23:59,397
I didn't come here
to make excuses
677
00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:01,232
for something that happened
so long ago.
678
00:24:01,232 --> 00:24:02,442
Oh, please.
679
00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:03,985
No, I would love
a fucking excuse.
680
00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:06,571
Fine.
681
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:08,073
[sighs]
682
00:24:08,073 --> 00:24:09,824
That summer you went
to make that movie,
683
00:24:09,824 --> 00:24:14,245
and I moved into the house
to help with DJ...
684
00:24:14,245 --> 00:24:17,582
and, uh, it only happened
a couple times,
685
00:24:17,582 --> 00:24:20,251
but I felt horrible,
and I ended it.
686
00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:22,879
But then you got late night,
and Frank got really jealous
687
00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:25,256
and told you about us, I think
to throw you off your game.
688
00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:27,008
Oh. Oh, I see.
689
00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:29,010
It was my fault
because I was ambitious?
690
00:24:29,010 --> 00:24:30,261
Give me a break.
691
00:24:30,261 --> 00:24:32,430
You just asked me to explain!
692
00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:34,265
Look, I'm your sister,
and I shouldn't have done it.
693
00:24:34,265 --> 00:24:35,767
But you two
weren't even sleeping
694
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:38,395
in the same room for months.
695
00:24:38,395 --> 00:24:41,272
He made the first move,
and I was only 19 years old,
696
00:24:41,272 --> 00:24:42,649
so give me a fucking break.
697
00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:44,234
You stayed married to him.
698
00:24:44,234 --> 00:24:45,985
Yeah,
because he made me happy.
699
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,570
I mean,
you don't want to hear this,
700
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,239
but we were a better match
than you two were.
701
00:24:49,239 --> 00:24:52,701
And thank God, because--
702
00:24:52,701 --> 00:24:54,661
because I lost my sister
for it.
703
00:24:56,329 --> 00:24:58,081
Well, I'm sorry
you've been in so much pain.
704
00:24:58,081 --> 00:25:00,625
Well, I have been.
705
00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:02,794
I've also paid for it.
706
00:25:02,794 --> 00:25:05,964
I've taken all your punishment
over the years.
707
00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:09,259
Billboards for all
your specials on my street.
708
00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:11,469
You told Katie Couric
I can't read.
709
00:25:11,469 --> 00:25:13,763
- That was a joke.
- [chuckles] Oh.
710
00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:16,558
You had missing person posters
with my picture on it
711
00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:18,435
made up
and put all over Monterey
712
00:25:18,435 --> 00:25:19,936
with my phone number.
713
00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:21,479
I got phone calls for months
from people
714
00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:22,897
saying they'd seen me
in the supermarket,
715
00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:23,940
and I looked horrible.
716
00:25:23,940 --> 00:25:25,316
[snorts]
717
00:25:25,316 --> 00:25:27,444
- It's not funny.
- [laughs]
718
00:25:27,444 --> 00:25:28,486
No, it's not funny.
719
00:25:28,486 --> 00:25:29,612
It's hysterical.
720
00:25:29,612 --> 00:25:32,782
[laughing]
721
00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:37,579
Oh!
- Oh!
722
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:39,956
- That's expensive snow!
- Oh, my God.
723
00:25:39,956 --> 00:25:41,750
God damn it!
724
00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:43,376
[grunts]
725
00:25:43,376 --> 00:25:45,211
Oh!
726
00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,880
Ow! Oh, my God!
727
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,591
Ow, it burns!
Why does it burn?
728
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:50,884
Shit!
- Chemicals!
729
00:25:50,884 --> 00:25:52,635
It's methylene chloride!
- What?
730
00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:54,304
It's the only way you can get
a six-sided crystal!
731
00:25:54,304 --> 00:25:56,014
Then why would you
throw it at me?
732
00:25:56,014 --> 00:25:57,766
- 'Cause you started it!
- Ow!
733
00:25:57,766 --> 00:25:59,934
[crying]
- Oh, God, come here!
734
00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:01,102
Come here.
735
00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:02,729
Oh, my God.
Shit!
736
00:26:02,729 --> 00:26:03,855
Watch out, watch out,
watch out, watch out.
737
00:26:03,855 --> 00:26:05,065
- Oh!
- Careful.
738
00:26:05,065 --> 00:26:06,274
- Ow.
- Oh, stop.
739
00:26:06,274 --> 00:26:07,442
Over here.
- It's burning.
740
00:26:07,442 --> 00:26:08,568
Get some water on your face.
741
00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:09,903
Oh, my God.
742
00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:12,197
Here, I've got--
I've got a--here.
743
00:26:12,197 --> 00:26:13,490
Here--here's a tissue.
744
00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:16,117
Oh, God.
745
00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:17,494
Oh.
746
00:26:17,494 --> 00:26:19,788
- Is it better?
- No.
747
00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:21,289
[mockingly]
No.
748
00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:22,624
Ow.
749
00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:25,126
[inhales sharply]
750
00:26:25,126 --> 00:26:27,462
Listen, I--
751
00:26:27,462 --> 00:26:29,714
I appreciate
you inviting me for DJ,
752
00:26:29,714 --> 00:26:32,175
but she shouldn't have
forced it.
753
00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:37,055
She didn't.
754
00:26:37,055 --> 00:26:42,185
I was also hoping that
I could, you know, do this.
755
00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:43,561
I don't think I can.
756
00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:47,148
Debbie, you have so much.
757
00:26:47,148 --> 00:26:48,733
- Oh, God.
- You have...
758
00:26:48,733 --> 00:26:50,193
- Yeah.
- An incredible career.
759
00:26:50,193 --> 00:26:51,653
You have a beautiful daughter.
760
00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:53,780
You have a grandchild
on the way.
761
00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:55,907
You've got six-sided crystals.
762
00:26:58,076 --> 00:27:01,496
I just wish you could get over
not having Frank.
763
00:27:01,496 --> 00:27:05,166
It wasn't just
that he left me.
764
00:27:05,166 --> 00:27:08,253
It was that you left me too.
765
00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:14,009
I was really hoping
this would be nice.
766
00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:17,220
But, um,
767
00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:22,392
I'm just still so angry at you.
768
00:27:24,436 --> 00:27:26,646
I don't want to be, but I am.
769
00:27:28,273 --> 00:27:29,607
Well, that's something.
770
00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:31,276
I thought you loved
being angry.
771
00:27:31,276 --> 00:27:34,863
You kidding?
772
00:27:34,863 --> 00:27:36,781
Frown lines are
the hardest to treat.
773
00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:38,241
[sighs]
774
00:27:38,241 --> 00:27:41,453
I don't want it
to be like this.
775
00:27:41,453 --> 00:27:44,164
Mom wouldn't have wanted it
to be like this.
776
00:27:45,457 --> 00:27:49,502
No, she wouldn't.
777
00:27:49,502 --> 00:27:51,421
Well, maybe Christmas
wasn't the best time
778
00:27:51,421 --> 00:27:55,300
to have tried this.
779
00:27:55,300 --> 00:27:59,346
Maybe we could try it
some other time, just us?
780
00:28:01,348 --> 00:28:03,224
Yeah.
781
00:28:03,224 --> 00:28:05,310
OK.
782
00:28:07,687 --> 00:28:09,606
Great.
783
00:28:09,606 --> 00:28:13,276
And I'm sorry again
about the gingerbread house.
784
00:28:13,276 --> 00:28:14,486
That was insane.
785
00:28:14,486 --> 00:28:17,655
[laughs]
786
00:28:17,655 --> 00:28:19,574
Sorry.
787
00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:22,285
Ava, my God,
look at this right now!
788
00:28:22,285 --> 00:28:25,163
I am in freaking "Willy Wonka."
789
00:28:25,163 --> 00:28:27,749
Is--is there
a Willy Wonka town?
790
00:28:27,749 --> 00:28:29,250
Because I am in it.
- Ugh.
791
00:28:29,250 --> 00:28:30,752
[chuckles]
792
00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:36,800
Weren't you supposed
to, like, go visit sick kids?
793
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,343
Oh, shit.
794
00:28:38,343 --> 00:28:41,179
What time is it?
- I think, like, 8:00-ish.
795
00:28:41,179 --> 00:28:42,597
Oh, God.
It's too late.
796
00:28:42,597 --> 00:28:44,516
Visiting hours are over.
797
00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:46,017
What are you gonna do,
you know what I mean?
798
00:28:46,017 --> 00:28:47,894
I can't do everything.
799
00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:49,729
Plus, they got clowns and dogs
and stuff to entertain 'em.
800
00:28:49,729 --> 00:28:51,481
They're OK.
801
00:28:51,481 --> 00:28:53,566
God,
I gotta go to the bathroom.
802
00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:55,360
I gotta go number three,
if you know what I mean.
803
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,112
[chuckles]
804
00:28:57,112 --> 00:28:59,531
[laughs]
805
00:28:59,531 --> 00:29:02,867
Have you seen
"Slumdog Millionaire"?
806
00:29:02,867 --> 00:29:04,828
OK.
[scoffs]
807
00:29:04,828 --> 00:29:07,997
I gotta be honest, Mom, this is
starting to feel really weird.
808
00:29:07,997 --> 00:29:09,749
Like, you're, like,
809
00:29:09,749 --> 00:29:12,043
fetishizing South Asian culture
or something.
810
00:29:12,043 --> 00:29:14,838
Why would you say that?
I do not have a fetish.
811
00:29:14,838 --> 00:29:16,589
That's a nasty word.
812
00:29:16,589 --> 00:29:18,383
No, I--I just mean
it feels like
813
00:29:18,383 --> 00:29:20,218
you're kind of
appropriating it.
814
00:29:20,218 --> 00:29:23,221
I mean, is it so bad that
I'm enjoying a new culture?
815
00:29:23,221 --> 00:29:26,307
I'm trying new food,
I'm--I'm wearing this bindi.
816
00:29:26,307 --> 00:29:27,892
You're not wearing a bindi.
817
00:29:27,892 --> 00:29:31,896
Well, I--
shit, where's my bindi?
818
00:29:31,896 --> 00:29:34,566
I--I had a bindi.
819
00:29:34,566 --> 00:29:36,735
I--it fell off.
820
00:29:36,735 --> 00:29:40,822
I mean, Ava, I mean, is it--
is it a fetish any time
821
00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:43,158
a white person decides to take
an interest in a culture
822
00:29:43,158 --> 00:29:45,076
that isn't their own?
823
00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:48,079
Because then I'm proud
to have a fetish, OK?
824
00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:50,707
I mean, it's hard being
an immigrant in this country
825
00:29:50,707 --> 00:29:52,959
right now, at least according
to a little program
826
00:29:52,959 --> 00:29:55,086
called "On the Contrary."
827
00:29:56,463 --> 00:29:58,131
You don't watch
"On the Contrary."
828
00:29:58,131 --> 00:29:59,632
Every Sunday.
829
00:29:59,632 --> 00:30:01,509
And if I don't think
something's funny,
830
00:30:01,509 --> 00:30:03,845
then Priya tells me
why it's funny,
831
00:30:03,845 --> 00:30:05,472
and then I get it.
832
00:30:05,472 --> 00:30:09,017
I mean, is that a fetish, Ava?
833
00:30:09,017 --> 00:30:11,102
No. No, it's not.
834
00:30:11,102 --> 00:30:15,190
It's, um, really nice, actually.
835
00:30:15,190 --> 00:30:17,359
- OK.
- Thank you, Mom.
836
00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:19,235
You're welcome.
837
00:30:19,235 --> 00:30:21,780
And now I want you to try this,
838
00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:23,281
because what I did is,
839
00:30:23,281 --> 00:30:26,409
I dumped coriander
all over this fudge.
840
00:30:26,409 --> 00:30:28,411
- [laughs]
- It's really delicious.
841
00:30:28,411 --> 00:30:30,288
It's just like
your grandmother used to make,
842
00:30:30,288 --> 00:30:32,248
except now with coriander.
843
00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:33,583
- Uh...
- Right?
844
00:30:33,583 --> 00:30:34,626
Oh, my God.
- [gags]
845
00:30:34,626 --> 00:30:36,878
- Oh, come on.
- No.
846
00:30:36,878 --> 00:30:40,965
So Fatty said, "You know what
would make it really funny?
847
00:30:40,965 --> 00:30:42,967
If you did it with a mustache."
848
00:30:42,967 --> 00:30:44,594
[laughter]
849
00:30:44,594 --> 00:30:48,306
And that kid was
Charlie goddamn Chaplin!
850
00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:49,557
[laughter]
- No!
851
00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:50,725
Yes!
852
00:30:50,725 --> 00:30:52,143
[laughter]
853
00:30:52,143 --> 00:30:54,145
That is the best twist
I've ever heard.
854
00:30:54,145 --> 00:30:55,814
Even better than an evil twin.
855
00:30:55,814 --> 00:30:58,566
[laughter]
- Evil twin? [laughs]
856
00:30:58,566 --> 00:30:59,984
Kayla, sweetie,
would you give me
857
00:30:59,984 --> 00:31:01,152
a hand clearing, please?
858
00:31:01,152 --> 00:31:03,071
Absolutely, gorgeous.
859
00:31:07,492 --> 00:31:10,620
Well, what do you think?
860
00:31:10,620 --> 00:31:14,332
Honestly, I think you could
lose the dream sequence.
861
00:31:14,332 --> 00:31:16,543
- Which one?
- All of them,
862
00:31:16,543 --> 00:31:18,169
especially the sex dream
about Clara Bow.
863
00:31:18,169 --> 00:31:19,671
And you know,
you might want to use one font.
864
00:31:19,671 --> 00:31:21,548
Aw.
865
00:31:21,548 --> 00:31:23,675
But look, I didn't know what
to expect in the beginning.
866
00:31:23,675 --> 00:31:25,635
And obviously,
it could use some edits.
867
00:31:25,635 --> 00:31:28,680
But I think it's actually
a really good script.
868
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,016
- Do you mean that?
- I do.
869
00:31:31,016 --> 00:31:32,517
I mean,
you're an amazing writer.
870
00:31:32,517 --> 00:31:33,977
I can't believe
it's your first script.
871
00:31:33,977 --> 00:31:36,146
And the story is so compelling.
872
00:31:36,146 --> 00:31:38,314
I really think you should think
about making this
873
00:31:38,314 --> 00:31:39,691
with Jack Danby.
874
00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:41,693
He's super-hot right now,
and attaching him
875
00:31:41,693 --> 00:31:43,528
could get something
like this made.
876
00:31:43,528 --> 00:31:45,030
I'll tell you what.
877
00:31:45,030 --> 00:31:47,866
I don't know
this Jack character.
878
00:31:47,866 --> 00:31:52,537
But after today,
I know this much, Jimmy.
879
00:31:52,537 --> 00:31:55,081
I like you.
880
00:31:55,081 --> 00:31:57,959
And no surprise
with a mother like that.
881
00:31:57,959 --> 00:31:59,711
[laughs]
882
00:31:59,711 --> 00:32:03,965
So I'll do it
on one condition.
883
00:32:05,342 --> 00:32:06,760
You produce it.
884
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,803
Oh. OK.
885
00:32:08,803 --> 00:32:11,389
Sure. Yeah. Deal.
886
00:32:11,389 --> 00:32:15,143
This Jack guy is really lucky
to have you as a manager.
887
00:32:15,143 --> 00:32:17,687
Oh, he doesn't even know.
888
00:32:17,687 --> 00:32:20,690
[upbeat music]
889
00:32:20,690 --> 00:32:23,109
♪ ♪
890
00:32:23,109 --> 00:32:25,653
- [laughs]
- Why did you get me this?
891
00:32:25,653 --> 00:32:27,906
It's fun.
Just chop the blocks.
892
00:32:27,906 --> 00:32:29,032
I am!
893
00:32:29,032 --> 00:32:30,909
Ah!
Ah!
894
00:32:30,909 --> 00:32:33,495
- Deborah. Deborah!
- What?
895
00:32:33,495 --> 00:32:34,829
Jimmy's on the phone.
896
00:32:34,829 --> 00:32:36,539
Well, ask him what he wants.
897
00:32:36,539 --> 00:32:39,042
She's busy working.
What is it?
898
00:32:41,086 --> 00:32:42,837
You're back in the mix
for late night.
899
00:32:44,506 --> 00:32:46,883
Holy shit!
900
00:32:46,883 --> 00:32:47,884
How?
901
00:32:47,884 --> 00:32:50,553
Danby's out.
902
00:32:50,553 --> 00:32:52,681
Pursuing dramatic roles.
903
00:32:52,681 --> 00:32:54,933
It's between you
and the X Games guy.
904
00:32:54,933 --> 00:32:57,769
Oh, my God.
905
00:32:57,769 --> 00:33:00,438
[laughs]
Jimmy?
906
00:33:00,438 --> 00:33:03,942
It's a Christmas miracle!
907
00:33:03,942 --> 00:33:07,529
♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪
908
00:33:07,529 --> 00:33:11,157
♪ Of the year ♪
909
00:33:11,157 --> 00:33:13,284
♪ With the kids
jingle-belling ♪
910
00:33:13,284 --> 00:33:18,039
♪ And everyone telling you,
"Be of good cheer" ♪
911
00:33:18,039 --> 00:33:21,626
♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪
912
00:33:21,626 --> 00:33:25,338
♪ Of the year ♪
913
00:33:25,338 --> 00:33:28,967
♪ It's the hap-happiest
season ♪
914
00:33:28,967 --> 00:33:32,387
♪ Of all ♪
915
00:33:32,387 --> 00:33:34,305
♪ With those
holiday greetings ♪
916
00:33:34,305 --> 00:33:39,477
♪ And gay happy meetings
when friends come to call ♪
917
00:33:39,477 --> 00:33:43,273
♪ It's the hap-happiest
season ♪
918
00:33:43,273 --> 00:33:46,484
♪ Of all ♪
919
00:33:46,484 --> 00:33:48,611
♪ There'll be parties
for hosting ♪
920
00:33:48,611 --> 00:33:50,321
♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪
921
00:33:50,321 --> 00:33:53,491
♪ And caroling
out in the snow ♪
922
00:33:53,491 --> 00:33:55,660
♪ There'll be
scary ghost stories ♪
923
00:33:55,660 --> 00:33:57,454
♪ And tales of the glories ♪
924
00:33:57,454 --> 00:34:02,375
♪ Of Christmases
long, long ago ♪
925
00:34:02,375 --> 00:34:05,879
♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪
926
00:34:05,879 --> 00:34:09,591
♪ Of the year ♪
927
00:34:09,591 --> 00:34:11,718
♪ There'll be
much mistletoeing ♪
928
00:34:11,718 --> 00:34:16,806
♪ And hearts will be glowing
when loved ones are near ♪
929
00:34:16,806 --> 00:34:20,143
♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪
930
00:34:20,143 --> 00:34:23,688
♪ Of the year ♪