1 00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:08,925 Ahh, smokinghot.com/deborah. 2 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,885 Gorgeous! Gorgeous! 3 00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:12,429 Someone get me a bloody spoon, 4 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,389 'cause I'm eating up what you're serving. 5 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,765 Look at that. Yummy. 6 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,517 That's fucking tasty. 7 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,935 Just give us five minutes, OK? 8 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:20,311 We're just gonna adjust for the next setup. 9 00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:21,813 - Whoo! - Thank you. 10 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,523 OK, fierce. 11 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,734 You gotta teach me how to take a photo like that. 12 00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,570 Chin down, ears forward, eyes up. 13 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,989 And hum the national anthem. It keeps the jowls tight. 14 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,699 OK, think I'm just gonna stick with, 15 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,159 "Here, let me take it." 16 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,952 OK. I got great news. 17 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:37,746 We are officially on the books for your test show 18 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,831 - two weeks from Friday. - Great. 19 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,458 We shouldn't even have to do a test show. 20 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,501 I mean, I say we force the network's hand. 21 00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:46,546 What if I tweeted something like "Deborah got the job"? 22 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:47,964 I mean, the network's never gonna backtrack 23 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,007 if it's already out there. 24 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,759 OK, that's genius. 25 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,347 Kayla, do not tweet anything, OK? 26 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,931 We are so close to the finish line here. 27 00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:58,433 It's down to Deborah and the X Games guy. 28 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,185 - You know that. - OK, calm your nuts. 29 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,479 Anyway, it's perfect timing for the test show 30 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:05,607 because it's exactly when the Meena Elahi piece will run. 31 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:06,733 - That's right. - Wait. 32 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,735 Meena Elahi's the journalist you've been talking to? 33 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,111 She's amazing. 34 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:11,821 She's taken so many people down. 35 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,368 But you, you, she will lift up. 36 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,829 She--she's going to Berkeley, right? 37 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:21,164 Yep. She's gonna meet you Friday. 38 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,874 She's gonna be with you the whole weekend. 39 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,292 Hold on. 40 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,710 This weekend is Palm Springs. 41 00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,545 No, this weekend, Deborah's getting 42 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:28,963 her honorary doctorate from Berkeley. 43 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,340 - No. - Yes. 44 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,300 - No. - Am I double booked? 45 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,969 It--it was not in the shared Google Cal, see? 46 00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:36,388 It was not in the shared Google Cal! 47 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,597 I texted you about it, dork. 48 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,015 - No, you didn't. - Yeah, I did. 49 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:41,476 It's right--OK, shit. All right. 50 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:43,978 I texted Damien Plumber, 51 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,188 who I think is a plumber I used, 52 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,481 because I'm scrolling up, 53 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,358 and I'm seeing a clogged toilet. 54 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:51,236 - There it is. - I--I was sick, but you know. 55 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:54,364 Deborah, you headline Palm Springs Pride every year. 56 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,825 And this year, we have the House of Vance activation. 57 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,201 Yeah, but she can't miss Berkeley. 58 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,619 It's a huge deal. 59 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,913 And "The New Yorker's" gonna be there. 60 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,709 You're gonna handle the activation. 61 00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:06,793 I will go to Berkeley. 62 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,753 I'll fly back in time for the show. 63 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:09,838 And we'll do both. 64 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,214 - It'll be great. - OK. 65 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,258 OK, that can work. 66 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,176 Works for us too, as well. 67 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:16,594 It'll be fun. 68 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,179 You can bring a friend. 69 00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,723 OK, Deb. Ready for you, mama. 70 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,224 OK. 71 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:24,561 All right, let's do it. 72 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:25,729 Sensational. 73 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,439 Oh. 74 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:28,898 Boom. 75 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:40,660 It was just a really exciting and stimulating place 76 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,454 to go to school, you know, 77 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,873 especially at that time with all the anti-war protests 78 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,585 and that sort of thing. 79 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,129 Oh, that building there, 80 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,672 that is the first place I was ever on stage. 81 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,632 At that Jamba Juice? 82 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,092 Well, it was a blackbox theater then. 83 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,344 But there were a lot of fruits! 84 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:00,847 Oops. 85 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,892 Uh, oh, Meena, I meant to ask you, with this profile, 86 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:05,101 are you including one of your famous 87 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,728 caricature illustrations? 88 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,229 I love those. 89 00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,981 I always wanted a giant head and a tiny body. 90 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,566 - Ha! - Well, that's art department. 91 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:12,859 It's not my purview. 92 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,277 Ah. 93 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:16,863 Uh, Meena, I just want to say, 94 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,324 I loved your piece about how white people 95 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,493 have gentrified jokes about white people. 96 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,203 So 2012 me. 97 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,664 I found that fabulous as well. 98 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,832 Oh, thank you. 99 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,710 A lot of white people liked it, which is interesting. 100 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,504 Mm. Mm-hmm. 101 00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:35,173 Yo, are you-- are you Deborah Vance? 102 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,050 Why, yes I am. 103 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,343 No cap? 104 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,719 None at all. 105 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,971 Dude, I told you. 106 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,098 You're, like, mad cute. 107 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,266 Like, you should come to Chi Phi Beta's party tonight. 108 00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:48,269 We got a keg and, like, six couches in one room. 109 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:49,646 Uh, I think my Jell-O shot days 110 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,147 are behind me, boys--sorry. 111 00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,982 Well, let me know if you change your mind. 112 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,025 My name's Chris, 113 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,318 and I'm trying to show you a good time. 114 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,654 Oh, Chris. 115 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,075 I could be their age, right? 116 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,119 Well, you do own the same shorts. 117 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,747 I'm just playing with you! 118 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:08,790 - Oh. - Oh. 119 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,709 Love this girl. 120 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,460 Yeah, we're kidding. 121 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,878 Oh, that's me. 122 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:15,130 Yeah, I gotta go do that interview 123 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,840 at the college radio station. 124 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,216 Meena, I'd ask you to tag along, 125 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,342 but I don't want you to get jealous, 126 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,219 me talking to another reporter. 127 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,888 Would you say jealousy plays a big role in your life? 128 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:26,808 No. 129 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,227 Um, OK, I'll see you guys. 130 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,354 I'm gonna hit the dining hall. 131 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,689 Hey, do you mind if I tag along? 132 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,232 Maybe we could talk? 133 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,651 Oh, um, yeah, sure. 134 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,820 Great. 135 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,701 So yeah, after the special came out, 136 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,244 I left and went to LA. 137 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,496 Oh, so you left and then you came back? 138 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:50,373 Well, I'm just here temporarily. 139 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,334 Deborah freed me to pursue other work. 140 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,293 Freed you? 141 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,294 Sounds like you were her prisoner. 142 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,378 Oh, no. No. 143 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,297 It was actually really cool and selfless of her. 144 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,590 I mean, she pushed me, 145 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:01,217 and that led to me getting a job at "On The Contrary." 146 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,094 I'm co-producer now. 147 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:06,097 Oh, but if I get a title bump before this goes to print, 148 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:07,474 how would I get in touch? 149 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,934 Shoot you an email or... 150 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,770 Can we get off the record here a sec? 151 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,023 Sure. 152 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,026 Look, Ava, I don't have an agenda here. 153 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,445 I don't go into a piece with an angle, 154 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,572 and I want to portray Deborah 155 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,157 as the complicated person she is. 156 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,659 But a lot of what I've found out about her 157 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,954 does indicate she is not the easiest person to work for. 158 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:31,539 Did you talk to the elves? 159 00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:33,458 - What? - What? 160 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,751 No, I don't--I don't know. 161 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,628 Uh, I talked to a hairdresser 162 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,505 who requested time off for his wedding, 163 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,173 but Deborah couldn't guarantee his job 164 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,802 because she "couldn't predict the market." 165 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,305 Yeah, um... look. 166 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,140 Deborah can be tough, for sure. 167 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,767 But that's 'cause she has really high standards 168 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,852 for herself and everyone else. 169 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,772 But if you can meet those standards, 170 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,440 she'll take care of you. 171 00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,818 OK. 172 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,947 Do you think Naomi Fry would like me? 173 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,573 It's "Nomi," so... 174 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,534 "Nomi." 175 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,369 "Nomi," get to know me. OK. 176 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,789 But all sales are electronic, 177 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,708 and so we cannot accept quarters. 178 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,334 Thank you, king. 179 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,588 OK, that clip-on bidet in the bathroom turned me out, 180 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,716 - so I will be needing one. - Got it. 181 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,551 Listen, you don't have to stay here while I'm working. 182 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,885 I can meet you afterward. 183 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,470 It's actually kind of fun. 184 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,055 - Hey. - Hi. 185 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,975 Would Deborah sign my bottle of Fen-Phen? 186 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:35,437 I've had it since the '90s from when she used to sell it. 187 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,396 To the best of my recollection, 188 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,064 Deborah never sold Fen-Phen and is therefore 189 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,941 not liable for any cardiovascular complications 190 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,901 or issues you may or may not have experienced. 191 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,279 And unfortunately, she's not here today. 192 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,031 - What? - Oh, no. 193 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,824 I thought the whole fucking point was that this was 194 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,409 a shoppable house and she was gonna be here 195 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,994 to sign anything that we purchased. 196 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,495 I know. It was my idea. 197 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:53,997 And again, my apologies. 198 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,373 But if you come to the show tomorrow, 199 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,500 I'm making sure she does a signing session afterward. 200 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,085 I'm gonna be on G then, 201 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,879 and I don't want to meet her like that. 202 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,714 Can't you just not do G? 203 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,008 No. 204 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,762 Happy Pride. 205 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,430 Yeah, sorry about him. 206 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,140 But I think we're gonna go to the Ace 207 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,351 if you want to come. 208 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,061 Oh. 209 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:19,564 I'm--I'm actually here for work, but thank you. 210 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,900 Yeah, OK. 211 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,360 Maybe next time. 212 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:25,987 - Have fun. - Yeah, you too. 213 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,364 Watch out. 214 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:30,575 If you need me to run the iPad 215 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:31,785 so you can go catch a dick, 216 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,328 - please let me know. - No. No. No. 217 00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,871 - Ooh. - I can't go there. 218 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,581 I do not hook up with Deborah fans. 219 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,458 It's--it's too weird. 220 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,460 Mm, right. Don't shit where you eat ass. 221 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:42,837 Exactly. 222 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,216 Forgot the beauty of unlimited refills. 223 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,802 Love a freeze-dried fruit, you know what I mean? 224 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,720 I have a boyfriend. 225 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,099 OK. 226 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:56,893 What? 227 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,019 If we're gonna leave water at the border 228 00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,896 for these people, we might as well 229 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,564 leave Spanish-to-English dictionaries too. 230 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,483 Hey, hey, my peers. What you watching? 231 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,151 Uh, this stand-up. 232 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,112 - Deborah Vance. - Love her. 233 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,488 I guess someone made a supercut 234 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,281 of all her shitty, racist jokes. 235 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,616 What? 236 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,159 Hey, Berkeley, is this your girl? 237 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,287 A majority of cars sold in America are made in Asia. 238 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,081 Asians making cars? 239 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,500 That's like Polish people making light bulbs. 240 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,961 - Shit. - Oh, my God, she sucks. 241 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,088 So fucked up they're giving her an honorary degree. 242 00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,089 Right? 243 00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,842 Mm, nasty, nasty stuff. 244 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,761 I heard the new stuff is good, though, randomly. 245 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,138 Where did I--yeah. 246 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,597 There--was any of the, like, progressive, 247 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,016 feminist stuff in there, or no? 248 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,892 - No. - No, no. 249 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:38,852 I think they have that coming. 250 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:39,894 She's doing that. 251 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,230 That's--but would you guys excuse me? 252 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,652 Oh, well, I certainly wasn't conservative, 253 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:50,280 but I didn't love living with hippies. 254 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,281 However, I do love a good alfalfa sprout. 255 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,824 Hey, Deborah! 256 00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,492 Sorry, can I just grab you for a second? 257 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,411 Just want to ask you something about your speech. 258 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,329 Sorry. Work thing. 259 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,290 Please excuse us for-- for a minute. 260 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,334 What is the matter with you? 261 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,044 Hello? Hello? Hello? 262 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,545 - OK, come on. - What are you doing? 263 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,963 - Let go of me. - Hey, listen to me. 264 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,506 So little problem. 265 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,467 Someone made a supercut of some of your 266 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,844 more problematic older material, 267 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,804 and it's gaining traction, and apparently, 268 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,848 some students are planning to protest your ceremony. 269 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,643 OK, which minority group is upset? 270 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:23,229 OK, not great that you have to ask that. 271 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,898 And also, I don't think "minority" 272 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,733 is the proper term anymore. 273 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,860 - What are they called? - No, don't say "they." 274 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,362 Oh, I thought everybody was "they" now! 275 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,946 No, that's a different thing. 276 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,740 OK, just-- 277 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,326 oh, God, this is just the worst possible timing. 278 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,661 For you to be held accountable for your actions? 279 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,246 Yes! 280 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,540 I am inches away from my fucking dream job. 281 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,043 Hey, I think you're getting off pretty easy, OK? 282 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:48,338 You're lucky that Zsa Zsa Gabor shit is only available on VHS. 283 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,006 I mean, it was textbook slut-shaming. 284 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,216 Well, she was a slut. 285 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,635 Oh, my--well, and that's-- but that's fine. 286 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,220 Oh, God. OK, look. 287 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,305 Just--we gotta squash this. 288 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,848 I guess. 289 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,518 Or you could just apologize. 290 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:02,769 Uh, no. 291 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,354 Deborah, the jokes weren't great. 292 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:05,647 You wouldn't do them today. 293 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,566 No. You never apologize for a joke. 294 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,235 I'm a comedian. 295 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,153 I was just doing my job. 296 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:13,988 OK, OK. 297 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,116 Look, it's just some of the students, right? 298 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,367 Yeah. 299 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,410 OK, OK. 300 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,828 Then all I have to do is, you know, 301 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,247 curry favor on campus with the other students. 302 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,998 You know, drown out the dissenters. 303 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,251 Make the minority voices a minority. 304 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,044 That could go right in the supercut. 305 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,796 I'll tell you what we're gonna do. 306 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,840 We will go to that fraternity party tonight. 307 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,258 I'll buy them supplies. 308 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,510 And I will do that student improv show 309 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:36,928 that I was invited to do. 310 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,763 It's the perfect opportunity to make myself look good. 311 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,098 OK. 312 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:45,854 Deborah, improv has never made anyone look good, OK? 313 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,606 Write that down. 314 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,580 Jimmy. 315 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,706 Hey, sorry I have to be a little bit quiet. 316 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,041 I'm in a cancer center. 317 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,626 I'm about to run lines with a client who's getting chemo. 318 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,170 He booked a role, which is cool. 319 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,171 It's on the CW show. 320 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,339 We hope it's gonna recur. 321 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,341 The role, not the cancer. 322 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,342 OK. 323 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,718 So first, I just wanted to call 324 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,845 and apologize again about Kayla. 325 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,972 I gave her a stern talking to. 326 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:24,642 She was wearing earbuds the whole time, but I tried. 327 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,270 You know, what else can I do? 328 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,773 I also wanted to let you know about something 329 00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:32,901 the network flagged about Deborah's merchandising deals. 330 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,319 What do you mean? 331 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,987 Obviously, they're extremely protective 332 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,238 of their advertisers, 333 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:40,450 and they're concerned that if Deborah were to become host, 334 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,702 she might be the face of a competing product, 335 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,537 whether that be through a one-off deal 336 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,707 or anything on QVC. 337 00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,544 Wow. 338 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,088 OK. 339 00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:54,631 And obviously, that might not even be an issue, 340 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,508 but I just wanted to give you the heads-up in case. 341 00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,009 And I appreciate that, Jimmy. 342 00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,844 I actually have my hands full over here, 343 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:00,970 so I'm gonna have to jet. 344 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,013 OK. Cool. 345 00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:05,725 Well, have a fun, safe, and very queer weekend. 346 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,143 Thank you. 347 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,064 All right, everyone, may I have your attention, please? 348 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,357 We will be ending the activation 349 00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:13,650 a little bit early. 350 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,152 This is now the official afterparty. 351 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,237 Tell all your friends. 352 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,655 Turn up the music. 353 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,532 A drink. A drink. 354 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:21,491 Thank you. 355 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,243 Got you. 356 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,537 Oh. 357 00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:27,122 - All right. - I need eight more. 358 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,458 Don't throw things on the floor. 359 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,754 Hello? 360 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,965 Ms. Vance, it is such an honor. 361 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,842 - I'm Zed. - Hi, Zed. 362 00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:42,220 And this is Marvelous Maddie, Gregarious Greg, 363 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,848 Jolly John, Coolio Caroline, 364 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,392 Raunchy Rain, and Sacrilegious Sarah. 365 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:49,310 OK. 366 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,687 You done improv before? 367 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,897 - No. - Totally fine. 368 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,649 So how this is gonna work is basically, 369 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,443 we're gonna get a suggestion from the audience, 370 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,527 and then you're gonna tell a story 371 00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:58,945 based on that suggestion, 372 00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,489 and then we're gonna improvise scenes based on that story. 373 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,700 And feel free to jump in and join the fun at any time. 374 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,410 Fun. 375 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,120 So whenever you're ready, we'll warm up. 376 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,329 OK. Great, great. 377 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,248 I'll just be right there. 378 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:11,750 OK. 379 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:13,793 When they ask for audience suggestions, 380 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,087 I want you to say "pediatric AIDS." 381 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,214 What? 382 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,383 I want you to yell "pediatric AIDS." 383 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,135 See, this way I can talk about my charity work 384 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,554 in front of Meena without sounding self-aggrandizing. 385 00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,431 You just gotta set me up. 386 00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,224 OK, here. Take my purse. 387 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,393 And do not use my lipstick. 388 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:32,395 I know you're using reverse psychology 389 00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,022 to get me to wear lipstick. 390 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:36,900 Well, it was worth a shot. 391 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:40,236 Oh, have you played Big Booty before? 392 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,280 - Can't say as I have. - Totally fine. 393 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,158 Uh, we'll just do a little Zip Zap Zop. 394 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,743 - Zip. - Zap. 395 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,786 - Zop. - Zip. 396 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,746 Zap. 397 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,998 The answer is no. 398 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:56,211 OK, so the thing with improv is we try not to say no. 399 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,963 Instead we say "yes and" 'cause improv's all about 400 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,634 listening and respecting your fellow improvisers, so... 401 00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:06,346 Well, are there any other warm-ups maybe we could try? 402 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,556 Oh, yeah. 403 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,308 Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. 404 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:11,643 Six, five, four, three, two, one. 405 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:12,977 Three, two, one, three, two, one, three, two, one. 406 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,688 Farm! 407 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:20,026 Take your hands off my princess! 408 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,987 - Arr, shiver me timbers. - Wild Wild West. 409 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,906 OK. OK. OK! OK! 410 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,825 High. 411 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,118 Camp. 412 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,953 High camp Ba Da Da! 413 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:33,081 Deborah, is it worth it? 414 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:37,293 Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? 415 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,754 Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? 416 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,978 OK, everybody. We are Bearprov. 417 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,521 How you feeling tonight? 418 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:59,566 OK, make some noise for our guest monologist 419 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:05,030 and comedy legend, Deborah Vance! 420 00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:08,616 Whoo-hoo! Whoo! 421 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,786 Yeah! 422 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,329 OK, I just need a suggestion. 423 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,914 - Problematic comedian. - Pineapple. 424 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,458 Oh, AIDS. 425 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,168 I heard pineapple. 426 00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,547 Pineapple. 427 00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:27,552 Pineapple reminds me of another prickly subject-- 428 00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,262 pediatric AIDS. 429 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,239 - Hey. - Hey. 430 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,043 This is already better than improv. 431 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,005 Ooh, uh, 5 bucks each. 432 00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,549 OK, this is for me, her, 433 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:09,094 and everybody in line behind us! 434 00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:14,182 Deborah Vance loves to party. 435 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,934 Thank you. Oh, and they're with us too. 436 00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,185 Come on, fellas. 437 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,105 Hi. Hi. Oh, watch out. 438 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,981 Your mother's here. Ha. 439 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,400 Look who fucking came. 440 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,151 - Deborah fucking Vance. - Ooh, hi. 441 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,569 You look amazing. 442 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:27,779 This is my friend Ava. 443 00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:29,447 Oh, hey, cool. What's up? 444 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,157 What are you drinking tonight, huh? 445 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,242 Come on. 446 00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,910 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 447 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,084 - Go, Deborah! - Yeah! 448 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,086 Go, go, go, go, go. 449 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,340 Who wants to order pizza? On me! 450 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,635 Or should we just say fuck it and order Chez Panisse? 451 00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:51,761 No, no, no. Pizza, pizza. 452 00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,556 I hope to see you at my ceremony tomorrow. 453 00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,853 How old do you think I am? 454 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,646 I have a boyfriend. 455 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,775 Love it. 456 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,736 I love it. 457 00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:08,945 Hold my wig. 458 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,864 All right. 459 00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,826 Chug, chug, chug, chug, 460 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:18,121 chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 461 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,858 I know all four of you are graduating, 462 00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:49,277 so you need to learn about wines. 463 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,488 There's Brunello. 464 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,782 There's Barbaresco. 465 00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:58,036 And then there's the king of Italian reds, Barolo. 466 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:02,082 Huh? Nice mouthfeel, right? 467 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,500 You know, Chris knows a little something 468 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,043 about mouthfeel, huh? 469 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:08,213 Oh, oh! Yes! Yes! 470 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:10,382 See? We all make jokes, right? 471 00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:12,509 Ooh! Oh. 472 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,094 It's Jimmy on the phone. Jimmy Junior. 473 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,845 He used to be with Latitude. 474 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,222 He's very good. 475 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,932 Hey, it's our manager! 476 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,642 Jimmy! 477 00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:22,519 Oh, gosh. 478 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,562 There's nobody in there. OK, Jimmy. 479 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,855 I'm sorry for the late-night call, 480 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,023 but something's going on at the network, 481 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,817 and they canceled your test show. 482 00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,443 - What? - Yeah. 483 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,903 - Fuck. - No. No. Why? 484 00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,405 - Did they say why? - I don't know. 485 00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:34,614 It could be because of this supercut 486 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:35,740 a bunch of people have sent to me. 487 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,783 But I'm trying to get to the bottom of it, 488 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,201 and I'll call you as soon as I do. 489 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:40,328 OK, call-- call me as soon as you know. 490 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,705 Yeah, I just said I would. 491 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,082 And then get me the info for that crisis PR woman 492 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,834 I used when I groped Elmo. 493 00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,252 OK, to the best of my knowledge, 494 00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:48,962 you did not grope any "Sesame Street" characters. 495 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,297 But yeah, I'll send you Jana's info, OK? 496 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,298 Call me! 497 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,718 OK. I'll call you. Bye. 498 00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,845 Can't believe this is happening now! 499 00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:59,097 I know. It's really bad timing. 500 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:01,224 I finally get an ounce of relevance. 501 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:03,351 I'm this close. 502 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,187 And they just want to take it away from me again. 503 00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,148 I'm--I'm sorry to say this, 504 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:11,818 but, I mean, you're not the only victim here. 505 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,153 Oh? Oh, really? 506 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,612 Who's the other victim? 507 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,698 Someone who was offended by a joke? 508 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,616 - Many jokes. - I'm sorry. 509 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,452 People are too easily offended now. 510 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:23,413 If you don't like a joke, don't laugh! 511 00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:24,748 They're not. 512 00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:25,832 This is insane. 513 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,710 Me! I'm being taken down by a liberal mob. 514 00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:31,671 Me, who was the first person to be fined by the FCC 515 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,632 for saying the word "abortion" on TV! 516 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,426 - Why come after me? - Hey, hey. 517 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:39,054 This is not a value judgment on your entire being. 518 00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:40,055 Oh, really? 519 00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:41,056 They're--they're just upset 520 00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:42,640 about some mistakes you made. 521 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,142 Jokes I made. 522 00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:46,311 Jokes that everybody was doing at the time. 523 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:50,482 Yes, and the jokes were hurtful and shitty. 524 00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:52,192 Both things can be true. 525 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,569 You get to be rich and famous for making jokes, 526 00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:57,155 and people are allowed to have their reactions to them. 527 00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,865 I mean, why not use your comedian brain 528 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,867 to fight through your defensiveness 529 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,410 and think outside of yourself? 530 00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,412 Isn't that what good comics do? 531 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:06,790 Why don't you just apologize? 532 00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,625 No. 533 00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,460 Never apologize for a joke. 534 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,463 Yeah, you keep saying that, but why not? 535 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:16,174 Because... 536 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,009 you just don't, OK? 537 00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:19,260 Good one. 538 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,553 Besides, if I apologize, 539 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,222 it'll just add fuel to the fire. 540 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,348 Deborah-- 541 00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:24,933 I can't be woke. 542 00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:27,394 - I'm exhausted! - OK. 543 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,021 I know this feels like the end of the world, 544 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,898 but it really isn't. 545 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,858 No one's actually canceled. 546 00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:37,112 Don't you lecture me. 547 00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:39,656 I was canceled before there was even a name for it. 548 00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,074 They only gave it a name after 549 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,368 it started happening to powerful men. 550 00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:44,869 Problem is, I don't have the time 551 00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:47,706 to go to Europe and wait it out. 552 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,125 I don't have any time! 553 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,710 And I certainly don't have the time to stand here 554 00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,337 debating it with you. 555 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,090 I have a Barolo decanting downstairs. 556 00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,093 Deborah, I just think apologizing 557 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:01,720 is the right thing to do. 558 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,304 Hello? 559 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:06,141 It's so easy for you to say what's right or wrong. 560 00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:08,351 It's never that simple. 561 00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:09,978 One day, you'll understand that. 562 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,479 Can someone open the door? 563 00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:18,945 Nice. 564 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,034 Up, up, up, up! 565 00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:26,578 Time to get up. The day looks fabulous! 566 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:27,954 Up, up, up, up-- 567 00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:34,377 Contacts... 568 00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:36,296 D, D, D, D, D. 569 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:38,089 Deborah. 570 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:42,177 Deborah, yes. 571 00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:43,803 What are you doing? 572 00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:44,846 Are you going through my phone? 573 00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:45,847 Nope. 574 00:21:45,847 --> 00:21:47,640 725840392... 575 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,976 Oh, my God, are you trying to memorize Deborah's number? 576 00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,686 3972584... 577 00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:54,564 - 22, 19, 500. - Stop. Stop it. 578 00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:57,359 - 25,600-- - No, 725-- 579 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,362 8, 6, 7, 5, 3, 0, 99. 580 00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:01,738 - Stop! Please, just stop. - Seven, purple-- 581 00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:03,490 Why are you ruining this for me? 582 00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,116 This is why I don't hook up with Little Debbies. 583 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:06,409 Oh. 584 00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:07,952 You're a monster. 585 00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:10,830 And there is no way that these are 800 thread count sheets. 586 00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:12,999 - Goodbye. - Oh, you little bitch. 587 00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:16,920 Oh, my God! 588 00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:19,589 I'm never drinking again. 589 00:22:21,091 --> 00:22:22,133 Ms. Vance. 590 00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:25,387 Hi. Gloria from the dean's office. 591 00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:27,263 - Oh, hi. - Hi. 592 00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,474 Um, I am so sorry, 593 00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:32,143 but we are going to have to cancel the ceremony. 594 00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:33,770 What? Why? 595 00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:37,607 There are a number of groups that are planning on protesting 596 00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:40,777 due to a video of your material that's been circulating. 597 00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:42,862 Well, this is the first I'm hearing of this. 598 00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:45,073 After the Condoleezza Rice incident, 599 00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:46,866 we realized it was better to cancel 600 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,702 to avoid any potential violence. 601 00:22:48,702 --> 00:22:50,870 Smart. She might kill someone. 602 00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:53,039 We do still plan to offer you the degree, 603 00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,667 just in a closed-door ceremony. 604 00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:56,960 At some point. 605 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,420 Fantastic. 606 00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:01,464 Also, you have been invited to a town hall 607 00:23:01,464 --> 00:23:03,800 being hosted by a coalition of students tomorrow. 608 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:04,968 You can go if you like. 609 00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:07,554 Could be a good opportunity to hear their grievances. 610 00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:10,765 Again, I'm so sorry. 611 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,895 I don't know, town hall could be a good idea. 612 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,689 Absolutely not. 613 00:23:17,689 --> 00:23:19,524 I spoke to my crisis PR woman this morning. 614 00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:21,317 She said do not engage at all. 615 00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:24,029 OK, OK. Please, stop yelling at me. 616 00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:25,864 I'm too hungover to argue. 617 00:23:34,330 --> 00:23:35,290 Deborah. 618 00:23:35,290 --> 00:23:37,042 I'm not gonna make it to Pride. 619 00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:38,752 What? 620 00:23:38,752 --> 00:23:40,420 No, no, there's just too much going on. 621 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:43,590 And you know, apparently, I need to lay low. 622 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,092 All right, I told, like, 200 gay men you were coming. 623 00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:47,635 It's fine. They'll get over it. 624 00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,095 No, they won't, actually. 625 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:50,597 I told you this was important. 626 00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:52,640 Marcus, I do not need this right now. 627 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,725 This weekend has been a-- 628 00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:54,851 I don't want to hear it. 629 00:23:54,851 --> 00:23:56,978 OK, I want you to hear me, but of course you don't, 630 00:23:56,978 --> 00:23:58,355 because you don't fucking listen. 631 00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:03,068 You know what? Forget it. 632 00:24:03,068 --> 00:24:04,736 I'll cancel. Bye. 633 00:24:19,668 --> 00:24:21,544 - Can I grab a lemon? - Go for it. 634 00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:26,091 Oh, hey. 635 00:24:26,091 --> 00:24:27,842 Deborah's not gonna be able to sign anything. 636 00:24:27,842 --> 00:24:29,427 She's not coming at all. 637 00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:30,512 Really? 638 00:24:30,512 --> 00:24:32,472 She never misses Pride. 639 00:24:32,472 --> 00:24:35,308 Well, can't blame her. 640 00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:37,310 She's had a hell of a year. 641 00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,436 Cheers to that. 642 00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:39,854 You can kind of blame her. 643 00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:43,233 You OK? 644 00:24:43,233 --> 00:24:44,609 I mean, I don't know you. 645 00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:46,152 This could be your personality. 646 00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:47,445 I'm just pissed off. 647 00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:48,822 She owes us so much, 648 00:24:48,822 --> 00:24:50,532 and she's letting everyone down, again. 649 00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:54,285 Well, this is what happens. 650 00:24:54,285 --> 00:24:58,707 You can't stop being a fan now that she's got more of them. 651 00:24:58,707 --> 00:25:01,584 We loved her before anybody else did, 652 00:25:01,584 --> 00:25:04,129 and she loved us before anybody else did. 653 00:25:04,129 --> 00:25:06,548 That's not nothing. 654 00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:09,259 We--we just have to share her now. 655 00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:11,928 But doesn't that make you mad? 656 00:25:11,928 --> 00:25:13,096 No. 657 00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:16,099 It just means we were right all along. 658 00:25:17,142 --> 00:25:20,478 But nobody's ever gonna know Deborah like we do. 659 00:25:20,478 --> 00:25:23,064 She's a survivor, like us. 660 00:25:23,064 --> 00:25:25,734 Well, she's always looking out for herself, so yeah. 661 00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:31,906 You know, first time I saw her, 662 00:25:31,906 --> 00:25:34,743 she was performing at a bowling alley. 663 00:25:34,743 --> 00:25:38,496 It was right after the divorce, but she was so funny about it. 664 00:25:38,496 --> 00:25:40,665 And I--I was howling. 665 00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:42,000 She was at rock bottom, 666 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,295 but somehow, it felt like she was on top of the world. 667 00:25:45,295 --> 00:25:50,342 She made me feel like I could be on top, like-- 668 00:25:50,342 --> 00:25:53,470 like I could laugh at all the... 669 00:25:53,470 --> 00:25:56,097 sad things that were happening to me too. 670 00:25:57,349 --> 00:25:59,225 Yeah, when I first saw her, 671 00:25:59,225 --> 00:26:01,186 my dad had just died. 672 00:26:03,188 --> 00:26:05,398 I'm sorry. 673 00:26:05,398 --> 00:26:08,485 Well, I'm glad you don't feel left behind. 674 00:26:08,485 --> 00:26:11,279 Sometimes, left behind is good. 675 00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:14,074 Cher wrote the "Believe" album at 55. 676 00:26:14,074 --> 00:26:16,493 Did she show up at Pride that year? 677 00:26:17,452 --> 00:26:19,037 No. 678 00:26:19,037 --> 00:26:21,748 But we got the "Believe" album. 679 00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:25,293 Sometimes good things come from letting go. 680 00:26:27,212 --> 00:26:29,214 And letting go is actually 681 00:26:29,214 --> 00:26:33,009 the theme of "Strong Enough" from the "Believe" album. 682 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,014 Snap out of it! 683 00:26:41,434 --> 00:26:44,521 At the tone, please record your message. 684 00:26:44,521 --> 00:26:46,106 Roy, it's Marcus. 685 00:26:46,106 --> 00:26:47,399 Give me a call when you get this. 686 00:26:47,399 --> 00:26:49,567 I'll be coming to QVC next week, 687 00:26:49,567 --> 00:26:51,444 and I'd like to talk. 688 00:26:57,283 --> 00:26:58,702 If we're gonna leave water 689 00:26:58,702 --> 00:27:00,286 at the border for these people, 690 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:01,329 we might as well leave 691 00:27:01,329 --> 00:27:02,956 Spanish-to-English dictionaries too. 692 00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:06,084 Clarence Thomas put a pubic hair 693 00:27:06,084 --> 00:27:07,919 on Anita Hill's can of Coca-Cola, 694 00:27:07,919 --> 00:27:09,421 which I find disgusting. 695 00:27:09,421 --> 00:27:11,214 She should be drinking Diet Coke. 696 00:27:13,091 --> 00:27:15,343 An NBA player had sex with 6,000... 697 00:27:22,559 --> 00:27:24,519 All right, let's all begin. 698 00:27:24,519 --> 00:27:26,479 Thank you for joining us. 699 00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:29,190 Sharing this marketplace of ideas, right. 700 00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:32,819 Hey, are you in my foreign policy section? 701 00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:34,988 No, but oh, my God, 702 00:27:34,988 --> 00:27:37,198 I cannot tell you how much that means to me. 703 00:27:37,198 --> 00:27:39,367 I have a girlfriend. 704 00:27:39,367 --> 00:27:40,368 What? 705 00:27:40,368 --> 00:27:42,495 Damn. Y'all are wifed up. 706 00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:44,581 Uh, ma'am, please. 707 00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:46,416 - Let's get started. - Sorry. 708 00:27:46,416 --> 00:27:49,711 Now, this isn't a public flogging. 709 00:27:49,711 --> 00:27:52,464 This is a dialogue for acknowledging harm 710 00:27:52,464 --> 00:27:54,257 and fostering empathy. 711 00:27:54,257 --> 00:27:58,094 But first, Deborah, would you like to start us off? 712 00:27:58,094 --> 00:27:59,095 Sure. 713 00:28:02,891 --> 00:28:05,018 Thank you for coming. 714 00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:07,729 I--I had a speech prepared, 715 00:28:07,729 --> 00:28:11,358 but I think I owe you more than my explanations. 716 00:28:12,817 --> 00:28:14,778 I am sorry. 717 00:28:16,446 --> 00:28:20,116 I looked back at those jokes, and I'm embarrassed. 718 00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:22,369 I wish I could donate a library 719 00:28:22,369 --> 00:28:25,914 or buy you all ice cream or something. 720 00:28:25,914 --> 00:28:27,957 Make it all go away. 721 00:28:27,957 --> 00:28:30,752 But I can't. 722 00:28:30,752 --> 00:28:31,878 Right? 723 00:28:35,173 --> 00:28:37,634 OK, um... 724 00:28:37,634 --> 00:28:39,678 I think I'll just listen. 725 00:28:40,887 --> 00:28:42,722 Because I've said enough. 726 00:28:42,722 --> 00:28:46,393 And to be totally honest, 727 00:28:46,393 --> 00:28:49,270 I'm really afraid of saying the wrong thing. 728 00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:51,731 Good. 729 00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:53,858 OK, then. 730 00:28:54,776 --> 00:28:56,277 Let's open up the floor. 731 00:28:56,277 --> 00:28:57,946 Would anyone like to share? 732 00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:00,657 You in the striped sweater. 733 00:29:02,242 --> 00:29:03,952 What's up, Deborah? 734 00:29:03,952 --> 00:29:05,537 You don't know me, but we actually 735 00:29:05,537 --> 00:29:06,913 have some stuff in common. 736 00:29:06,913 --> 00:29:09,124 We're both obsessed with 9/11. 737 00:29:10,291 --> 00:29:11,334 Yeah. 738 00:29:11,334 --> 00:29:13,086 You got about 20 minutes' worth 739 00:29:13,086 --> 00:29:15,255 of raghead and terrorist jokes out of it, 740 00:29:15,255 --> 00:29:18,174 and what my family got was harassed. 741 00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:21,594 9/11's the reason my elbow's ashy. 742 00:29:21,594 --> 00:29:24,514 'Cause TSA still confiscates my lotion. 743 00:29:26,474 --> 00:29:28,476 Here's the thing. I'm not even Arab. 744 00:29:28,476 --> 00:29:29,811 My family's Punjabi. 745 00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:33,440 So on the one hand, it does take the edge off 746 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,985 when you realize how dumb racists really are. 747 00:29:36,985 --> 00:29:39,988 But on the other, it's like, damn, dudes, 748 00:29:39,988 --> 00:29:40,989 buy a shower curtain 749 00:29:40,989 --> 00:29:42,574 with the world map on it or something. 750 00:29:44,117 --> 00:29:46,286 Anyway, just thought you should know. 751 00:29:46,286 --> 00:29:47,328 Thank you. 752 00:29:47,328 --> 00:29:48,455 Anyone else? 753 00:29:49,664 --> 00:29:51,207 Uh, you in the grey shirt. 754 00:29:52,167 --> 00:29:53,251 Hi. Uh, yeah. 755 00:29:53,251 --> 00:29:54,502 I just wondered if you could address 756 00:29:54,502 --> 00:29:57,005 some of your ableist material. 757 00:29:57,839 --> 00:29:58,798 I--I'm sorry. 758 00:29:58,798 --> 00:30:00,133 What is ableist? 759 00:30:00,133 --> 00:30:02,886 Why do I write the emails if she doesn't read 'em? 760 00:30:04,179 --> 00:30:07,891 Your jokes that made fun of people with disabilities. 761 00:30:07,891 --> 00:30:09,517 Oh, right, yes. 762 00:30:09,517 --> 00:30:11,978 As someone that has dyslexia, 763 00:30:11,978 --> 00:30:15,774 or as you called it, "lysdexia," 764 00:30:15,774 --> 00:30:18,443 yeah, I just thought maybe you'd like to speak on that. 765 00:30:18,443 --> 00:30:20,236 Oh, to be honest, I didn't realize 766 00:30:20,236 --> 00:30:22,697 dyslexia was a disability. 767 00:30:23,531 --> 00:30:26,076 "Deborah Vance is by no means 768 00:30:26,076 --> 00:30:28,703 "the obvious choice for late night. 769 00:30:28,703 --> 00:30:32,332 "Her missteps are numerous and not entirely forgivable. 770 00:30:32,332 --> 00:30:34,417 "No doubt there will be more. 771 00:30:34,417 --> 00:30:38,046 "But for all Vance's typical boomer-ness, 772 00:30:38,046 --> 00:30:40,882 "there's a curiosity that goes beyond age 773 00:30:40,882 --> 00:30:44,260 "and taps into something more human: 774 00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:47,347 "our desire to understand each other. 775 00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:53,603 "Or as her writer Ava Daniels put it, 776 00:30:53,603 --> 00:30:57,440 "'A hack is someone who does the same thing over and over. 777 00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,734 "'Deborah is the opposite. 778 00:30:59,734 --> 00:31:03,238 "She keeps evolving and getting better.' 779 00:31:03,238 --> 00:31:05,031 "Watching Vance say the wrong thing 780 00:31:05,031 --> 00:31:08,034 "makes for entertaining TV, 781 00:31:08,034 --> 00:31:11,538 "but watching her engage is even better. 782 00:31:11,538 --> 00:31:14,541 "It's hard to say if she would be the perfect host. 783 00:31:14,541 --> 00:31:18,712 "But what she may offer us is something more interesting, 784 00:31:18,712 --> 00:31:21,464 "someone trying to connect with humanity 785 00:31:21,464 --> 00:31:25,051 "in her attempt to connect with her own. 786 00:31:25,051 --> 00:31:26,928 And that's worth watching." 787 00:31:27,846 --> 00:31:30,724 I mean, for a Meena Elahi article, 788 00:31:30,724 --> 00:31:32,809 that's like a rave. 789 00:31:32,809 --> 00:31:35,186 - Is it? - Yeah. 790 00:31:35,186 --> 00:31:38,064 Um, what-- what are people saying? 791 00:31:38,815 --> 00:31:40,066 Let's see. 792 00:31:42,861 --> 00:31:45,196 This one guy wants you to talk to his parents for him. 793 00:31:46,781 --> 00:31:48,908 Ooh. OK. 794 00:31:48,908 --> 00:31:53,246 This one woman is saying you're a nasty, racist bitch. 795 00:31:53,246 --> 00:31:55,331 Couple of those. 796 00:31:55,331 --> 00:31:56,374 Lot of engagement, though. 797 00:31:56,374 --> 00:31:59,085 That's good. That's really--wait. 798 00:32:00,003 --> 00:32:01,379 Shit. 799 00:32:01,379 --> 00:32:04,049 What? 800 00:32:04,049 --> 00:32:06,426 Looks like Kayla... 801 00:32:06,426 --> 00:32:08,428 did actually tweet that you got late night. 802 00:32:08,428 --> 00:32:10,597 No. No-- 803 00:32:12,307 --> 00:32:13,808 It's really blowing up. 804 00:32:13,808 --> 00:32:15,977 Jimmy, what the hell happened? 805 00:32:15,977 --> 00:32:17,395 I fucking told her not to do that! 806 00:32:17,395 --> 00:32:18,730 She's not gonna force their hand! 807 00:32:18,730 --> 00:32:20,106 This is just gonna backfire! 808 00:32:20,106 --> 00:32:21,566 I'm actually pulling up to your house right now. 809 00:32:21,566 --> 00:32:22,901 - You're here? - Yes. 810 00:32:25,904 --> 00:32:26,988 Is she insane? 811 00:32:26,988 --> 00:32:28,531 I know. I'm so sorry. 812 00:32:28,531 --> 00:32:30,158 If I wasn't fucked before, I am now. 813 00:32:30,158 --> 00:32:31,242 She shouldn't have tweeted that. 814 00:32:31,242 --> 00:32:32,660 The hell was she thinking? I'm gonna kill her! 815 00:32:32,660 --> 00:32:33,870 Listen. 816 00:32:33,870 --> 00:32:35,413 The network canceled your test show 817 00:32:35,413 --> 00:32:38,333 because they realized the guest spot was the test. 818 00:32:39,834 --> 00:32:42,295 It's you, Deborah. 819 00:32:42,295 --> 00:32:44,047 You got late night. 820 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:46,841 What's going on? 821 00:32:46,841 --> 00:32:48,885 You're scaring the dogs. 822 00:32:50,512 --> 00:32:52,430 I got it. 823 00:32:52,430 --> 00:32:54,599 I got--I got late night. 824 00:32:54,599 --> 00:32:56,142 - What? - What? 825 00:32:56,142 --> 00:32:57,560 - Oh, my fucking God! - Oh, my God! 826 00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:58,895 Oh, my God!