1 00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:16,516 Hey! Stop! 2 00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,268 It's an emergency! 3 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,894 What are you doing? 4 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,230 It's not safe! 5 00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,072 Under the seat. 6 00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,158 Thank you. 7 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:36,578 Not the time to invite any crow's feet. 8 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,080 Yeah. 9 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,505 God, look at this. 10 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,466 Jack Danby's reps have him 11 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,301 schmoozing with the head of comedy 12 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,886 and the CEO of the whole conglomerate. 13 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,346 You know what? Don't worry, 14 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,139 'cause Kayla and I are all over it, OK? 15 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,891 We're working really hard to connect with Winnie Landell. 16 00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:00,185 Oh, yeah, she looks like she's all over it. 17 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,772 Winnie's schedule is packed, and every comedy rep 18 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,732 is trying to sit down with her, so it's been a little tricky. 19 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,068 Tricky for you. 20 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,111 You need to get a meeting with Winnie ASAP. 21 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,738 I promise you we will, OK? 22 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,156 And when we do, I already have a great angle, OK? 23 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,699 I've practiced this. 24 00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,242 They probably want someone diverse, right? 25 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:20,622 Well, guess what. Old is diverse, huh? 26 00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,957 Yeah. We'll shatter the glass hip. 27 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,919 No, I didn't mean that. 28 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,462 Oh, man. 29 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,756 Is there any way I can get out of this thing? 30 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,716 Cohosting the Macy's Day Parade is-- 31 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:32,759 it's so daytime. 32 00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,094 It's not gonna help with these guys. 33 00:01:34,176 --> 00:01:37,764 Well, we're 45 minutes from landing to tape the promo, 34 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,683 so I think it's a little late to pull out. 35 00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:41,351 Is there any other meaningful press 36 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:42,394 I can do while I'm in New York? 37 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,312 You know, I could probably get you on "Talk Stoop." 38 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:45,563 "Talk Soup"? 39 00:01:45,646 --> 00:01:47,273 No, "Talk Stoop" with Cat Greenleaf. 40 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,400 It's on Taxi TV. 41 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,694 You sit on a stoop and...talk. 42 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,612 - Oh, my God. - You know what? 43 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,406 You also have a standing offer at "The Chew." 44 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,574 - "The Jew"? - "The Chew," like teeth. 45 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,118 Oh, yeah. No, I know. 46 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,869 You need to come up with better ideas. 47 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,579 And speak from your diaphragm. 48 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,206 Will do. 49 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,209 People, this is what we're up against, 50 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,002 a Harvard boy with connections. 51 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,878 Sitting on a stoop can't compete 52 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,381 with a guy who just hosted 53 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,049 the White House Correspondents' Dinner. 54 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,260 OK, why don't you just put out a press release 55 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,761 saying that you want late night 56 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,304 so that way, you're in the conversation? 57 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,390 Oh, God, no. 58 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,476 A woman can't just come out and say what she wants. 59 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,894 No, that looks-- 60 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,896 - Thirsty. - Mm-hmm. 61 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,732 No, it's got to seem like it's their idea. 62 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,400 OK, fine. Do what you want. 63 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,819 I'll just be quiet and keep eating these cookies. 64 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,322 Those are dog biscuits. 65 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,366 I'm aware. They're delicious... 66 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,784 and grain-free. 67 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,119 The chef told me. 68 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:42,412 I was like, are you fucking serious? 69 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,798 So Deborah and I agreed that while I'm with her, 70 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,884 I should also spend time working on my own stuff. 71 00:02:55,966 --> 00:02:57,552 You absolutely should; I would love to get 72 00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,512 - a feature out of you. - You and me both. 73 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,389 So I was wondering if you knew of any, like, 74 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,807 open writing assignments 75 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,434 that you think would be good for me. 76 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:05,727 Yes, I have coverage from Kayla, actually... 77 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,145 Whoo! 78 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,480 That I think might be interesting. 79 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,523 - OK, great. - Literally every studio 80 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,568 wants a procedural based on "Operation." 81 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:15,278 Remember that game? 82 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,280 OK, what else you got? 83 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,990 OK, so they've done some market research, 84 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:21,034 and they've found that Gen Z thinks the animated spoon 85 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,244 from "Beauty and the Beast" is hot 86 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,288 and apparently can "get it." 87 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:28,124 So they want something that focuses on his love life, 88 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,836 like a spin-off focusing on the animated spoon's love life. 89 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,171 Love life. 90 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,006 - Um, all right. - OK. 91 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:39,427 - Give me another one. - No spoon. OK. 92 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,012 Oh. I got it. I found it. 93 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,014 This one is good for you. 94 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,684 They're doing a bisexual Gumby. 95 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,018 He bends both ways. 96 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,770 You're bisexual. 97 00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:50,105 Yeah, so that might be perfect for you. 98 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,606 The working title: "Gum-Bi." 99 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,400 OK, you know what? 100 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,777 I think I'm just gonna try to write an idea of my own. 101 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,904 Original is really harder to sell. 102 00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,322 Honestly, nobody wants it. 103 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,242 But Roku is open, and they have two buckets 104 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,660 they're looking to fill right now, 105 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,620 noisy concepts and Black joy. 106 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,497 I think you should focus on noisy concepts, though, 107 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,374 since you are not Black-- no offense. 108 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:10,959 You're not. 109 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,669 Oh, OK. 110 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,421 I missed one. 111 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,005 They want to do something with "Sleeping Beauty," 112 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,675 but apparently, this time, it's consensual. 113 00:04:18,757 --> 00:04:20,552 And if someone could ask Hoda where she got her scarf, 114 00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:21,845 I would just love it. 115 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:22,887 Sure. 116 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,305 Deborah Vance. 117 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,516 Oh, my gosh, Henry Weeks! 118 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,060 How have you been? 119 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,520 I haven't seen you since-- 120 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,439 - Jerry Lewis Telethon. - That's it. 121 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,857 This is so wild. 122 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,609 Two weeks ago, I recorded an NPR segment 123 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:40,280 where I had to pick something from pop culture that I loved, 124 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,449 and I talked about your special. 125 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,117 - You did? - Are you kidding? 126 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,202 It was the best special of the last ten years, 127 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,080 which kills me because I released one three years ago. 128 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:53,835 Wow, that--wow, thank you. 129 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,712 That means a lot coming from you. 130 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:56,838 I'm serious. 131 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:58,256 You took a lifetime of issues, 132 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,884 and you turned it into a work of genius. 133 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,219 Actually, are you still in Vegas? 134 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,013 - Yeah. - Oh, this is fabulous. 135 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:07,932 'Cause every few years, Terry, Cliff Calhoun, and I-- 136 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,017 Oh, let me guess-- 137 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,436 gamble, golf, drugs, women? 138 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:12,854 No, even better. 139 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,856 We get colonoscopies together. 140 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,068 I knew something was going in a hole. 141 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,527 We rent a house in Vegas. 142 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:22,030 We play cards, clear out our GI tract. 143 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,115 Next day, we get the colonoscopies. 144 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,494 And then we celebrate with a Vegas night out. 145 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:30,372 And whoever has the cleanest bill of health buys dinner. 146 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:32,957 Well, that sounds like a blast. 147 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,292 It is. 148 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:35,669 And we're doing it this weekend. 149 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,922 So if you're due, you should come. 150 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,131 I'd love to. 151 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,342 I've been so busy, I'm overdue. 152 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,593 Oh, well, that's great. That's great. 153 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,095 I will text you all the details. 154 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,222 OK. Can I bring something? 155 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,224 Air freshener. 156 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,933 I guess men can be funny. 157 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,186 OK, see you soon. 158 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,233 Just do it harder, or don't do it at all, Jimmy. 159 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,615 Hi. I got a delivery for Ruby. 160 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,283 It says hand off in person. 161 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,452 Oh, well, I'm-- sorry, I'm not there. 162 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,912 It's my girlfriend's house. 163 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,455 I mean, it's my house too. 164 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,958 We're sort of taking space right now 165 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,751 to evaluate things. 166 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,587 Hey, is that order for one person or two? 167 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,214 I'm just gonna leave it at the door. 168 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,841 No, no, just tell me if there's beef. 169 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:23,842 She doesn't eat beef. 170 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,176 Beef is a smoking gun! 171 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,053 Sir! 172 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,055 Hey, are you OK? 173 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,515 Yeah. Why? 174 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,766 You just yelled, "Beef is a smoking gun." 175 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,308 Oh, that. 176 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,769 I think I'm extra sensitive because Ruby's 177 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,271 having this going-away party on Friday. 178 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,106 Do you think I should drive four hours to LA 179 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,774 to say goodbye even though she didn't invite me? 180 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,526 - I should, right? - No. 181 00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,486 Whew. Your mind. 182 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,030 But if you're looking for a distraction, 183 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,281 you could come to bar trivia Friday night. 184 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,699 You do bar trivia? 185 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,034 OK, extracurriculars, very healthy. 186 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,703 Well, it is a team that my mom 187 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,288 and ex-boyfriend started without me. 188 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:54,789 They only asked me to join when they realized 189 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,541 they needed someone who knew state capitals. 190 00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:57,834 Sorry. 191 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,669 Hello, my gorgeous team. 192 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,087 What's going on? 193 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,505 They slash the capital gains tax? 194 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,135 No. I'm getting a colonoscopy. 195 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,928 - Ah. - Hmm. 196 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,555 But you just-- you just had one. 197 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:13,099 I know, but this is a group thing. 198 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,351 - Well, OK. - Exciting. 199 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,769 - Oh, all right. - Whoa! 200 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,479 - OK! - Shake it! 201 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,938 Shake that thing! 202 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,151 Honestly, this was a great idea. 203 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,861 I cannot wait to hit. 204 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,738 I've been so stressed out with all this Deborah stuff. 205 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,448 Yeah, I had no idea they had courts here. 206 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,866 Yeah, they don't have tennis courts. 207 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:30,992 They have pickleball courts. 208 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,577 Wait, pickleball? 209 00:07:32,659 --> 00:07:34,662 Yeah, it's like tiny tennis. 210 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,081 I know what pickleball is, but I thought we were 211 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,416 playing tennis; that's why I agreed. 212 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,418 - OK, don't be mad at me. - Oh, God. 213 00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,128 But this is our general with Winnie Landell. 214 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,172 What? Kayla, what the hell? 215 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,799 I thought you were scheduling that for next week. 216 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,592 I'm sorry, man. 217 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,636 I can't be perfect, OK? I tried to get us the meeting. 218 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,304 Her next opening's not for, like, eight months. 219 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,348 But her second assistant Avi, who I made out with 220 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,266 seven years ago-- really bad kisser-- 221 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,352 said she's obsessed with pickleball 222 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,270 and she has a standing reservation on this court. 223 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,022 So you're welcome. 224 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,649 Kayla, what do you expect me to do here? 225 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,526 You want me to just walk up to her randomly, 226 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,736 wearing mesh shorts, and pitch Deborah to host late night? 227 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,405 No, I want you to get into a game with her, 228 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,490 you know, impress her with your skills. 229 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,033 Maybe you earn her respect, 230 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,160 and then you seal the fucking deal, baby! 231 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,079 OK, shh, we're at an expensive country club. 232 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,539 It's not illegal to yell. 233 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,082 I don't know how to play pickleball. 234 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,668 And this plan is insanity, girl. 235 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,086 You're an amazing tennis guy. 236 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,254 You could probably pick up any sport. 237 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,588 - You could probably bowl. - What-- 238 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,881 Come on. 239 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,258 I got us these cute little paddles. 240 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,759 It's kind of kinky. 241 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,720 Come on, stretch me out. 242 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,804 My God. 243 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,645 Let's see. 244 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,813 That, that... 245 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,650 Hi. 246 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,402 While you're gone, I will be turning the heat up to 68 247 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,070 'cause I've started shivering so hard, 248 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,031 my arm hair is getting thicker. 249 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,657 I need the thermostat passcode. 250 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,617 No, no, a room should be the same temperature 251 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,327 as a white wine fridge. 252 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:57,996 Keeps your metabolism on its toes. 253 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,331 So what do you think, this or this? 254 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,917 I mean, which is better for a colonoscopy prep party? 255 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,627 I don't know. Is it too sparkly? 256 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,588 I just-- 257 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,089 I don't know, maybe-- I'll just-- 258 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,758 should go with what I have on. 259 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:12,594 I'm so shocked that you care this much. 260 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:13,803 Oh, you don't understand. 261 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,847 I've always idolized them. 262 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:19,476 When I was first starting in stand-up, they were the guys. 263 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,728 OK, but weren't you, like, the girl? 264 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,146 Oh, no, no. 265 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,066 I mean, I could fill seats, you know, 266 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,151 but they thought it was because of my sitcom, you know, 267 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,529 or the fire. 268 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:36,451 I was never seen as legit by guys like them. 269 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,536 And now they want you to clean out your colon with them. 270 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,038 Dreams really do come true. 271 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,956 I know! 272 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,418 Isn't it fantastic? 273 00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,921 Can I just get a blanket? 274 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:57,180 Yeah. Yeah, well, she can go-- 275 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,557 they can go to hell for all I care. 276 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:00,892 OK, bye-bye. 277 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,811 Hey, hey, hey. This is our court. 278 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,604 Oh, Johnny? 279 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,648 Jimmy LuSaque, Jr. We met at JFL. 280 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:07,941 You told me you had sex with my dad. 281 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,734 Oh, right. This is our court. 282 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,695 Oh, I must have accidentally booked this 283 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,405 for Tuesday instead of Thursday. 284 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,490 This always happens--you put a T down in the calendar, 285 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,243 and you're like, was that for Tuesday or Thursday? 286 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,036 - Does that ever happen to you? - No. 287 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,871 Honestly, I have the same problem with trying to r-- 288 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,623 Damn it, this sucks, 'cause, you know, 289 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,001 Jimmy here was gonna help me with my technique. 290 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,378 He's really amazing. He's really, really good. 291 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,006 Really? You don't really have a pickleball body. 292 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,549 He's got a pickleball body. 293 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,175 It's in his bones. 294 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,427 He's a tennis star. 295 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,804 You know, my dad hired him to give me lessons one summer, 296 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,223 and it's probably one of the best memories of my childhood. 297 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,891 - It was? - Mm-hmm. 298 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,143 You're that good? 299 00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:45,020 Yeah, he played tennis at Brown. 300 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,354 I did. 301 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:47,856 Well, maybe we should play doubles. 302 00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,315 I love a little competition, 303 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,568 but I hate people who waste my time. 304 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,528 Peter Thiel? Like playing with Helen Keller 305 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,238 without the star power. 306 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,073 Wow, well, I'm certainly better than that. 307 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,533 She was blind, deaf, and mute. 308 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,118 Jimmy. 309 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,703 By the way, I'm Beth. I work with Winnie. 310 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,663 We play for money. What do you say? 311 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:04,789 Grand a game? 312 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,332 - Holy hell, OK. - Wow. 313 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,667 - Sure, yeah, absolutely. - Great. 314 00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:08,835 It's just money, and we got it. 315 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,253 Sure thing. I like it. 316 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,629 That sounds good to me. 317 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,506 Google the rules. Google the rules. 318 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,767 - Hey. - This is Ava. 319 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,435 - Hey, nice to meet you guys. - Hey. 320 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,644 - Hi. - Hey! 321 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,772 Thank God you got us a white. 322 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,441 What? Oh, yeah. I'm a white person, yeah. 323 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,735 We got a strong team, but we have some blind spots. 324 00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,487 - Mm-hmm. - Last week, we lost 325 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,447 on a question about natural wine. 326 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,532 Oh, I love natural wine. 327 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,368 Oh, I love natural wine. 328 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,536 We gon' mop the floor with these motherfuckers. 329 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,133 - Ho-ho! - Henry! 330 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,219 Well, if it isn't our very own "It Girl." 331 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:01,012 Oh, I like that. 332 00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,431 Ah, Terry, Cliff, hi! 333 00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,016 Aw, good to see you, Deb. 334 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,434 - Oh, my God, you too. - You look fantastic. 335 00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,269 Thank you. 336 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,021 Now, are you ready for my famous laxa-tini? 337 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,856 - Oh, boy. - You might be used to vodka, 338 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:15,110 but tonight you're getting magnesium sulfate straight up. 339 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,654 Shaken, not stirred, I hope. 340 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,739 May I take your bag, Miss Special of the Year? 341 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,408 - Oh, thank you. - Mm-hmm. 342 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,410 Her bag, my jokes-- you take everything. 343 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,412 All right, let it go, Cliff. 344 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,414 There are six bathrooms. 345 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,207 But if you can't make it, 346 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:32,752 there's a really ugly vase on the kitchen counter. 347 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,212 No, it's deep. 348 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,673 - It'll work. - Oh, my. 349 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,179 Mine. 350 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,600 Beth. 351 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,519 Mine! 352 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,024 Mine! 353 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,109 - Oh, my God. - Boom goes the dynamite. 354 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,902 - How's my ass taste? - That's-- 355 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,487 $10 grand, you beta fuck. 356 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:00,989 I'm sorry. I get very competitive. 357 00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:02,991 But it is $10 grand. 358 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,409 We have to go. 359 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:05,952 We don't have that kind of money. 360 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,665 Double or nothing? 361 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,459 Oh, look who grew some foreskin. 362 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,003 I like it. Let's go. 363 00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:18,965 Oh, my God, help us all. 364 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,763 Hello! 365 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,182 - Wh-- - Oh, shit. Ray? 366 00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:28,558 Oh, my God. 367 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,934 Dude! 368 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,354 King of the Palmetto front desk. 369 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:33,605 What's up, my man? 370 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,023 How are you? 371 00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,816 So you're back in Vegas? 372 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,693 Just for a little. I live in LA. 373 00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:41,738 I'm on hiatus from working on that show "On The Contrary." 374 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,449 Oh, yeah. That show used to be funny. 375 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,326 Thanks. 376 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:47,410 Are you here for trivia? 377 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,870 Am I here for trivia? 378 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,497 Yeah, I'm a legend around these parts. 379 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,332 My team Quiz Khalifa was disbanded 380 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:53,792 'cause we won too much, 381 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,211 so now I'm with O'trivia Newton-John. 382 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,296 Oh, that's cool. 383 00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,381 Yeah, it's my first time. 384 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,840 My friend Marcus invited me. 385 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,842 Wait, you're here with SWA? 386 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,386 SWA? 387 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,179 Yeah, Sisters with Answers. 388 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,098 I hate them. We hate them. 389 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,433 Marcus, are you wearing an Apple Watch, dude? 390 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,310 Raymond, it is on airplane mode. 391 00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:13,645 OK, you know the rules, though: 392 00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,689 no smartwatches, no smartphones. 393 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:16,940 You know, you can rattle off 394 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,608 about the rules all you want to. 395 00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,694 You still don't know the capital of South Dakota. 396 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,113 - Bismarck? - Is it? 397 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,739 It i-- 398 00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,199 oh, fuck, that's North Dakota. 399 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,409 Shit. 400 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,952 Jesus Christ. 401 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:32,497 - All right, see you on the ice. - Hello! 402 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,082 You know, I work in customer service too, 403 00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,709 and this is dog shit. 404 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,960 You did not! 405 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,670 - I did. - No, you did not! 406 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:40,088 - Did it backwards. - Backwards! 407 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,258 - Oh! - Oh! 408 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,635 Oh, boy. 409 00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,263 You are gonna hate this. 410 00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:55,729 To talking shit and to making it too. 411 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:59,024 Down one hatch and out another. 412 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,150 Ugh. 413 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,446 Oh, God! 414 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:07,782 I can't believe you did 40 dates last year. 415 00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,284 I got to give you a lot of credit. 416 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,785 I couldn't do that now. 417 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,746 Oh, don't sell yourself short, Terry. 418 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,039 You couldn't sell out that many venues 419 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,457 when you were young either. 420 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,334 All right, all right. 421 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,754 Had I known that you were going to roast Terry, 422 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,006 I would have invited you years ago. 423 00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,384 Deborah, I saw you on late night. 424 00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:27,844 You were fantastic. 425 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,637 Oh, thanks. 426 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,514 Yeah, I heard that Danby kid's 427 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,558 probably gonna be the next host. 428 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,226 I don't get him. 429 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,853 I mean, how old is he? 430 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,897 I mean, not even 40, lucky fuck. 431 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:41,691 He's fine, but he never would have made it back in the day. 432 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,569 - Mm-mm, mm-mm. - No, no. 433 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,071 Eh, he's not that good. 434 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,489 If they wanted to hire somebody unfunny, 435 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,490 they could hire him. 436 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:49,783 Hey, hey, hey! 437 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,159 I was just nice to you. 438 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,702 OK, OK. You have to pay the price. 439 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,162 - No, no, no, no! - Come on. Come on. 440 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,830 - Ah, God! - Ah! 441 00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:57,082 Oh, my God. 442 00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,500 - Cheers. - Cheers. 443 00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,168 The answer to question number five 444 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,920 is Kylie Minogue. 445 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,297 Yes, baby! 446 00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:05,757 Question six was Juneau, Alaska. 447 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,467 Killing it! Killing it. 448 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,052 - Whoo-hoo! - Yes. 449 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,387 And the answer to question seven 450 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,972 was the film "Frances Ha." 451 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,683 - Yes! - Good girl. 452 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,976 I'm a Baumbach-head, dude. 453 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,269 Know his whole oeuvre. 454 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,896 The leaders are still 455 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,190 Sisters with Answers with 30 points... 456 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,733 That's right. 457 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,653 Followed by O'trivia Newton-John 458 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,987 - with 29 points... - Fuck you, bitch. 459 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:32,784 And the Corn Cob Boys with 25 points. 460 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,119 So round five is gonna be a sports round. 461 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,870 Wait, violation. Phone violation. 462 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,997 Ava Daniels on SWA, she's using her phone to cheat. 463 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,582 - No. - OK, OK, she's new. 464 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,084 No, she was warned. 465 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,711 - I warned her. - OK, everybody calm down. 466 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,170 All right, so, SWA, you were on your phone. 467 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:45,213 That's gonna be a five-point penalty. 468 00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,881 - Oh! - I'm sorry. 469 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,466 I'm still connected to the Ring cam 470 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,385 at my girlfriend's house, and she's having a party. 471 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,262 People keep buzzing the door. I'm just letting them in. 472 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,139 - Girl. - Ava? 473 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,515 Oh, shit. 474 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,142 - Hi. - Wow. 475 00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,393 Are you kidding me? 476 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,103 OK, I'm going outside. 477 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,396 Jesus. 478 00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:06,483 What the fuck, Ava? 479 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,444 Why are you letting people into my house? 480 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,405 It kept buzzing on my phone. 481 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,948 And I could say that you not creating 482 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,366 a party protocol that didn't involve 483 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,742 the Ring cam is disrespectful to me. 484 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,578 Have you been spying on me 485 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,289 through our camera? 486 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,916 No, I have been here living my life, having a phone. 487 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,669 And occasionally did I check to make sure 488 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:26,296 you didn't leave the palo santo burning? 489 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,881 Yes, it's possible. 490 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,549 Oh, my God. 491 00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,468 OK. Jesus, I'm sorry. 492 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,261 I'll delete it, but it's just gonna be annoying 493 00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,138 to re-log in when I get home. 494 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,643 I don't think you're gonna be re-logging in. 495 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,729 What do you mean I'm not gonna re-log in 496 00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,314 to our doorbell app? 497 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,317 I just think this space has felt... 498 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,444 really right for me. 499 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,404 And I'm just not sure-- 500 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,615 I'm sure. I'm very sure. 501 00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,116 I want to be with you. 502 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:58,411 Then be with me. 503 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,997 Come to Iceland. 504 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,083 I-- 505 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,668 We're just--it's-- 506 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,336 There's my answer. 507 00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,298 I think this is over. 508 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,425 No. Ruby-- 509 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,469 Bye, Ava. 510 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,773 Great shot. 511 00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,191 Don't say that. 512 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,693 Why would you say that? 513 00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:35,323 - Oh. - You got to come up on those. 514 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:36,950 - I beg your pardon? - You got to come up on those. 515 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:37,992 Oh, my God. 516 00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,537 Mine! 517 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,913 Yes! 518 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,581 - Yeah! - Whoo! 519 00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:44,666 You got to come up on those. 520 00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:46,042 There we go. Boom! 521 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,877 Oh, Jesus. Ow. 522 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,797 Oh, you didn't like that, huh? 523 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,632 Match point for you guys. 524 00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:53,967 We know, Beth. 525 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,177 Jesus fuck! 526 00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,304 This is exactly why I divorced your ass. 527 00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:00,223 I know. God. 528 00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:10,692 Hey, what's going on? You OK? 529 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,569 Jimmy, I feel like I'm really scared. 530 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,862 My back's, like, tensing up. 531 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,280 You know I'm the weakest link. 532 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,656 I feel like I'm gonna mess this up. 533 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,199 Hey, you got a great serve. 534 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,451 All you have to do is get it over the net. 535 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:20,368 And if it comes to you, dink it. 536 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:22,078 OK. Dink it. 537 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,872 Dink it, and I'll take care of the rest, OK? 538 00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:26,207 - OK. - All right, you got this. 539 00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,417 - OK. - OK. 540 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,629 Thanks. 541 00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:43,600 Beth. 542 00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:47,020 - Nice dink! - Mine! 543 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:50,982 - Yeah! - Yes! 544 00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:52,734 - How's my ass taste? - Whoo! 545 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,611 Motherfucker! 546 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,363 - Yes! We won nothing. - That was amazing. 547 00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,239 God, what is wrong with you? 548 00:19:58,323 --> 00:19:59,491 - Good game. - Ugh. 549 00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:00,742 That is the best match we've had 550 00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,118 in months, right, Beth? 551 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,329 - I guess. - You're good, LuSaque. 552 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,955 You're at Latitude, right? 553 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,540 I actually left to start my own firm. 554 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:08,667 Deborah Vance came with us. 555 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,210 Ah, she's funny. 556 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,087 Good for you. She's having a moment. 557 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,130 Yeah, a moment I think you could be taking advantage of. 558 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,799 I know you need a new host for 11:30, 559 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,175 and she'd be amazing. 560 00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:18,718 - She rocks. - I mean, she's funny 561 00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:19,928 but old-school in the perfect way. 562 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,513 She can talk to anybody and-- 563 00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:22,931 Hey, you don't have to sell me on Deborah. 564 00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:24,516 I love her. I loved her guest spot. 565 00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,975 But I need someone with-- 566 00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,727 how can I put this-- staying power. 567 00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:29,354 You said yourself in your interview in "Variety"-- 568 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,605 I read it, loved it-- 569 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:31,856 that late night's on the decline 570 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,441 and you need to shake it up. 571 00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,026 Well, Deborah's a really noisy choice. 572 00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,528 She's certainly unexpected. 573 00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:38,613 But a 70-year-old woman is a tough sell. 574 00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,365 Well, not to your audience. 575 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:42,158 I mean, the majority of people watching are over 30. 576 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,160 You put someone like Jack Danby behind that desk, 577 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,745 kids aren't getting off TikTok to watch him. 578 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,372 My mom doesn't know who he is. 579 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,041 But Deborah sold 4 million physical DVDs last year. 580 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,626 I mean, she's the queen of people who can't 581 00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:52,919 figure out their internet. 582 00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,171 With her, you keep the audience you have. 583 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,215 Plus, you're doing something that's never been done before. 584 00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:58,967 Jimmy, it's a good pitch, 585 00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,510 but I just don't think she's it. 586 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,970 But I'm gonna think about it. 587 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,138 You want to play tomorrow morning? 588 00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,431 Like, in ten hours? 589 00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:05,473 Yeah. 590 00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:06,725 See you there, sister. 591 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:07,976 You reserve. See you at 7:00. 592 00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:09,602 Bye. 593 00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:12,063 We can't reserve a court if we're nonmembers. 594 00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,898 Ugh, how much does it cost to join? 595 00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:15,859 $20 grand a year apiece. 596 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,153 It'd be less if we were married. 597 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,904 How much less? 598 00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:21,614 OK, I hear you loud and clear. 599 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,158 - No, I just want to know-- - No, no. 600 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,534 It's something you want to consider. 601 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:25,869 - That's fine. - We have to join now 602 00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:26,870 - is my consideration. - OK, yeah. 603 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,288 Let's talk about it. 604 00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,372 This is the last question. 605 00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:30,832 We could win this. 606 00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:32,667 Which Ventura, California, swing band 607 00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:34,461 are known for their song 608 00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,755 "You, Me, and the Bottle Make Three"? 609 00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:41,843 The Big Bad Voodoo Daddies. 610 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,265 Are you OK? 611 00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:49,392 No. 612 00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:51,144 And the answer to the final question 613 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:54,689 is Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, singular. 614 00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:57,275 Big Bad Voodoo Daddies will not be accepted. 615 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,027 Yes! 616 00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:01,696 And that means the winner is O'trivia Newton-John. 617 00:22:04,115 --> 00:22:05,617 That's good, Sisters with Not Enough Answers. 618 00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:07,369 It's OK. It's just bar trivia. 619 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:10,246 I'm so stupid. 620 00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:13,625 - It's OK. Here. - Here, drink. 621 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,794 - Do they have food here? - No. 622 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,632 Yes, I fly to Miami next week. 623 00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:24,469 You know, the one thing I do love about getting old: 624 00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:25,512 boarding early. 625 00:22:25,595 --> 00:22:26,846 Oh, yeah, yeah. 626 00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:28,139 In the time it takes for them to say, 627 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:29,891 "Does anyone need any assistance?" 628 00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:33,019 I can go from Usain Bolt to Stephen Hawking. 629 00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:37,982 Oh, shame on all of you, flying commercial 630 00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,693 when you have the means to fly private. 631 00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:41,903 OK, get this. 632 00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:44,406 We're having Thanksgiving at my daughter's this year. 633 00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:47,117 And last night, she called me to give me a heads-up 634 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:51,204 that my 15-year-old granddaughter is bisexual now. 635 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:52,831 - Oh, no. - Come on. 636 00:22:52,914 --> 00:22:54,582 Do they even know what boys and girls are? 637 00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,377 She showed me a picture of her boyfriend. 638 00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:58,753 I thought it was my second wife. 639 00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:00,964 You know, I hate that shit. 640 00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:03,258 Then they got the pansexual. 641 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,719 What, they fuck skillets? 642 00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:08,013 - Pick a team. Pick a team. - Yes. Yes. 643 00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:11,725 Well, I mean, there are an elite few 644 00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:14,269 who are attracted to both genders 645 00:23:14,352 --> 00:23:16,146 or all genders. 646 00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:17,897 - All genders? - All 15? 647 00:23:17,981 --> 00:23:19,149 Wait, wait, wait. 648 00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:21,568 - A-L-L? - Are you doing a bit? 649 00:23:21,651 --> 00:23:23,820 No, no. 650 00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,864 I'm just saying you-- 651 00:23:25,947 --> 00:23:28,950 you can't say that all bisexuals are faking it. 652 00:23:29,034 --> 00:23:30,869 Oh, come on, Deb, we all know most of the girls 653 00:23:30,952 --> 00:23:33,747 are doing it these days 'cause they want a little attention. 654 00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:35,123 OK. 655 00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:38,251 Is this a bit? 656 00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:40,712 No. 657 00:23:40,795 --> 00:23:42,714 You know, for comedians, you're all... 658 00:23:42,797 --> 00:23:43,798 a little out of touch. 659 00:23:43,882 --> 00:23:44,966 Uno. 660 00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:47,344 Excuse me. Nature calls. 661 00:24:06,321 --> 00:24:08,448 So Deborah swings both ways, huh? 662 00:24:08,531 --> 00:24:09,991 Between funny and unfunny. 663 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:13,453 Maybe she is one of those people. 664 00:24:13,536 --> 00:24:15,372 Yeah, what a buzzkill. 665 00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:17,957 Thanks for inviting the PC police, Henry. 666 00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:20,502 It's gonna be hard to do a colonoscopy 667 00:24:20,585 --> 00:24:22,045 with that stick up her ass. 668 00:24:25,590 --> 00:24:27,801 Shh, shh, shh. 669 00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:01,167 Don't even think about taking that to your room. 670 00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:02,836 Eat it over the sink like you normally do. 671 00:25:02,919 --> 00:25:04,713 I'm depressed, and I don't want to talk to you, 672 00:25:04,796 --> 00:25:06,006 so I'm leaving. 673 00:25:06,089 --> 00:25:07,132 Well, too bad. 674 00:25:07,215 --> 00:25:08,883 I'm not talking to you either. 675 00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,260 You ruined my poop party! 676 00:25:10,343 --> 00:25:12,262 What? What did I do? 677 00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:15,098 Also, why are you housing cheese like a fucking mouse? 678 00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:17,225 - It's binding! - Not for me! 679 00:25:17,308 --> 00:25:19,686 You know, I finally get in good with those guys, 680 00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:21,896 and I can't enjoy it because of you. 681 00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:23,940 You got in my head. 682 00:25:24,024 --> 00:25:26,651 They said some crap about bisexuals, 683 00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:28,361 and I couldn't let it go. 684 00:25:28,445 --> 00:25:30,238 I don't understand. So you defended me? 685 00:25:30,321 --> 00:25:31,865 Not you. 686 00:25:31,948 --> 00:25:33,408 Other bisexuals. 687 00:25:33,491 --> 00:25:36,494 Alan Cumming and Malcolm X. 688 00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:38,246 You know, I had to say something, 689 00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:39,664 and then it got really uncomfortable, 690 00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:41,082 and I didn't want to stay. 691 00:25:41,166 --> 00:25:42,792 And it's all because of you! 692 00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:46,046 Well, sorry I changed your mind about bisexuals. 693 00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:48,757 I mean, before you, I was perfectly content 694 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,259 being a gorgeous Vegas comic, doing my thing, 695 00:25:51,343 --> 00:25:52,469 making tons of money. 696 00:25:52,552 --> 00:25:54,054 And then you come along, 697 00:25:54,137 --> 00:25:55,764 and you make me want more for myself. 698 00:25:55,847 --> 00:25:57,515 And it's just fucking annoying! 699 00:25:57,599 --> 00:25:59,976 OK, so you're mad at me for pushing you to be better? 700 00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:01,936 Yes. No. 701 00:26:02,020 --> 00:26:03,897 I don't know. I don't know. 702 00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:06,191 It's just, a few years ago, I could not have dreamt 703 00:26:06,274 --> 00:26:07,859 that I would walk out of a party 704 00:26:07,942 --> 00:26:11,279 where Henry Weeks was saying how great I was, 705 00:26:11,363 --> 00:26:13,698 and that's what I did tonight. 706 00:26:13,782 --> 00:26:15,408 And I'm just mad at you! 707 00:26:15,492 --> 00:26:17,118 Well, I'm mad at you. Where are you going? 708 00:26:17,202 --> 00:26:18,203 Ugh. 709 00:26:18,286 --> 00:26:19,788 The bathroom! 710 00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:21,623 Are you--is there a bathroom right there? 711 00:26:21,706 --> 00:26:22,832 I've been walking 712 00:26:22,916 --> 00:26:26,211 all the way to the east wing this whole time. 713 00:26:26,294 --> 00:26:28,672 Oh, my God. 714 00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:31,633 You know, I'm sorry you had to leave a party. 715 00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:34,219 But I just lost a relationship with someone I love 716 00:26:34,302 --> 00:26:35,762 to be here. 717 00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,847 And I'm gonna lose all our mutual friends. 718 00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:40,058 And our facialist is for sure gonna choose her 719 00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:43,186 'cause she said Ruby's face was "less work" on a text 720 00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:46,064 that I saw over her shoulder. 721 00:26:47,982 --> 00:26:49,859 And that sucks. 722 00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:51,986 And it's all because I came back here. 723 00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:56,157 Well, you didn't have to come back! 724 00:26:56,241 --> 00:26:58,076 Yes, I did. 725 00:26:58,159 --> 00:26:59,786 Because I wanted to. 726 00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:02,872 I wanted to be here with you 'cause you're in my head. 727 00:27:04,708 --> 00:27:07,293 Yeah, well, I'm sorry, I guess. 728 00:27:07,377 --> 00:27:08,920 I don't know what to tell you. 729 00:27:09,004 --> 00:27:11,131 I don't know either. 730 00:27:11,214 --> 00:27:12,632 All I know is, we better get this thing, 731 00:27:12,716 --> 00:27:14,718 'cause it comes at great personal cost 732 00:27:14,801 --> 00:27:16,970 to repair the trauma of your pilot not going 733 00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:18,930 during the Carter administration. 734 00:27:19,014 --> 00:27:20,515 That's not why I want it. 735 00:27:20,598 --> 00:27:23,476 I've wanted it since I was a kid. 736 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:24,519 You have? 737 00:27:24,602 --> 00:27:26,229 Yes. 738 00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:28,648 Well, cool your parents let you stay up that late. 739 00:27:28,732 --> 00:27:30,483 My mom wouldn't let me watch "Ren & Stimpy" 740 00:27:30,567 --> 00:27:32,235 'cause of all the close-ups of zits. 741 00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:34,487 Yeah, well, 742 00:27:34,571 --> 00:27:37,073 you know, my house wasn't real big on rules. 743 00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:41,619 My dad was a drinker. 744 00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:43,788 The later it got, the worse it got. 745 00:27:45,999 --> 00:27:48,418 Except when Johnny Carson came on. 746 00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:52,130 He was funny enough that he'd distract him, 747 00:27:52,213 --> 00:27:54,090 and he'd laugh. 748 00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:58,178 And we'd all laugh. 749 00:27:58,261 --> 00:28:01,473 It was-- 750 00:28:01,556 --> 00:28:05,018 I don't know, it was nice. 751 00:28:08,855 --> 00:28:10,815 So all I ever wanted was to, 752 00:28:10,899 --> 00:28:13,401 you know, live in that hour. 753 00:28:16,696 --> 00:28:18,531 You never talk about your parents. 754 00:28:18,615 --> 00:28:19,783 Well, it makes you sound old 755 00:28:19,866 --> 00:28:20,950 when you say your parents are dead. 756 00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:25,789 Why don't you just come out and say why you want it? 757 00:28:25,872 --> 00:28:28,333 I think if people knew how personal this is for you, 758 00:28:28,416 --> 00:28:30,251 that would be really compelling. 759 00:28:30,335 --> 00:28:32,212 Oh, God, no, I can't even say I want it, 760 00:28:32,295 --> 00:28:33,922 let alone all that other stuff. 761 00:28:34,005 --> 00:28:37,759 OK, sure, but I think you can say what you want. 762 00:28:37,842 --> 00:28:39,636 You've never played by the rules. 763 00:28:39,719 --> 00:28:41,471 And I don't think you have the luxury of playing this safe 764 00:28:41,554 --> 00:28:43,515 'cause you're not the safe choice. 765 00:28:43,598 --> 00:28:44,599 Can't risk it. 766 00:28:44,683 --> 00:28:46,518 You're all about risk. 767 00:28:46,601 --> 00:28:50,355 You self-financed your special and sold it on QVC. 768 00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:52,691 That was before. 769 00:28:52,774 --> 00:28:55,860 I've got all these eyes on me now. 770 00:28:55,944 --> 00:28:59,739 I'm finally respected, respectable. 771 00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:06,079 If I say I want it and then I don't get it 772 00:29:06,162 --> 00:29:10,041 for the second time, 773 00:29:10,125 --> 00:29:11,960 then I'll be a joke again. 774 00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:17,549 And that would just be too much. 775 00:29:17,632 --> 00:29:19,259 Would it? 776 00:29:19,342 --> 00:29:21,136 I mean, who are you worried about being a joke to? 777 00:29:21,219 --> 00:29:23,013 The guys whose respect you wanted most of all, 778 00:29:23,096 --> 00:29:25,932 you just rejected. 779 00:29:26,016 --> 00:29:28,935 Deborah, your superpower is that you're shameless. 780 00:29:29,019 --> 00:29:30,895 And having shame about the thing 781 00:29:30,979 --> 00:29:33,189 you want most in the world 782 00:29:33,273 --> 00:29:34,357 isn't you. 783 00:29:36,484 --> 00:29:40,030 You think that's a terrible idea. 784 00:29:40,113 --> 00:29:42,782 No, the cheese isn't working. 785 00:29:50,457 --> 00:29:52,042 All right, well, next up 786 00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:54,586 is the Sulfur Springs High School marching band. 787 00:29:54,669 --> 00:29:56,755 Careful, kids, those New York City potholes 788 00:29:56,838 --> 00:29:59,049 can be a doozy. 789 00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:00,759 Well, not to steal their thunder, Mario, 790 00:30:00,842 --> 00:30:03,094 but can I make an announcement here on live television? 791 00:30:03,178 --> 00:30:04,637 Thanks. 792 00:30:04,721 --> 00:30:07,640 America, I am ready to be the next woman 793 00:30:07,724 --> 00:30:09,142 on network late night. 794 00:30:09,225 --> 00:30:10,769 That's right. 795 00:30:10,852 --> 00:30:13,271 I want to be the next host of "The Late Show." 796 00:30:13,355 --> 00:30:16,358 I may be a woman and I may be a natural blonde, 797 00:30:16,441 --> 00:30:18,443 but I am the best person for the job. 798 00:30:18,526 --> 00:30:20,570 I'm funny. I'm vivacious. 799 00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:22,197 And I'm the only person who can get away 800 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,491 with asking a man, "Cut or uncut?" 801 00:30:24,574 --> 00:30:26,493 Mario? 802 00:30:26,576 --> 00:30:27,786 Uncut. 803 00:30:27,869 --> 00:30:29,704 Thought so. 804 00:30:29,788 --> 00:30:31,414 OK. 805 00:30:31,498 --> 00:30:33,291 And how about that cymbal section? 806 00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:37,545 Yeah, why don't we take a quick commercial break? 807 00:30:39,339 --> 00:30:40,674 - Did you see this? - What? 808 00:30:40,757 --> 00:30:42,509 Deborah Vance went rogue on live TV 809 00:30:42,592 --> 00:30:44,928 and announced she's gunning to be the next woman 810 00:30:45,011 --> 00:30:46,805 in network late night. 811 00:30:46,888 --> 00:30:48,056 - That was bold of her. - I loved it. 812 00:30:48,139 --> 00:30:49,349 Good for her. 813 00:30:49,432 --> 00:30:50,767 I don't like her for it. Come on. 814 00:30:50,850 --> 00:30:51,935 Joy, you got to get over the beef. 815 00:30:52,018 --> 00:30:53,144 - Never. - Oh, my God. 816 00:30:53,228 --> 00:30:54,729 - Joy. - What? 817 00:30:54,813 --> 00:30:56,481 You're unbelievable. 818 00:30:56,564 --> 00:30:58,650 Well, like it or not, she's on the campaign trail. 819 00:30:58,733 --> 00:31:01,319 So watch out, America. She's coming for you. 820 00:31:04,656 --> 00:31:07,409 Temps will fall across Indianapolis late tonight. 821 00:31:07,492 --> 00:31:09,244 Speaking of late night, wouldn't you like 822 00:31:09,327 --> 00:31:11,204 a charming gal like me on your TV set every night 823 00:31:11,287 --> 00:31:12,872 to keep you warm and toasty? 824 00:31:12,956 --> 00:31:15,875 Oh, a Deborah burger is very interesting to us. 825 00:31:15,959 --> 00:31:19,295 Yo, can I get a Deborah's Dunkin' Midnight Roast? 826 00:31:19,379 --> 00:31:21,214 Welcome to Las Vegas, baby. 827 00:31:21,297 --> 00:31:23,633 Remember, what happens here stays here, 828 00:31:23,717 --> 00:31:25,343 unless it's crabs. 829 00:31:25,427 --> 00:31:26,761 Fuck yes. 830 00:31:26,845 --> 00:31:29,305 Deb's in. Whoo! Rock and roll! 831 00:31:32,767 --> 00:31:35,437 In 20 feet, you will be arriving at your destination. 832 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,938 What a dump! 833 00:31:37,022 --> 00:31:38,982 Rinka turkey nurbler da woo-hoo 834 00:31:39,065 --> 00:31:40,275 with a chum-cha! 835 00:31:40,358 --> 00:31:42,152 Ooh be gah! 836 00:31:42,235 --> 00:31:44,529 I have been bugging my manager for years. 837 00:31:44,612 --> 00:31:46,448 The only thing I've wanted more than late night 838 00:31:46,531 --> 00:31:48,616 is to be on "Talk Stoop." 839 00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:50,410 Right, Cara? 840 00:32:05,550 --> 00:32:07,469 OK, hold on. 841 00:32:07,552 --> 00:32:08,720 You got to hear this. 842 00:32:08,803 --> 00:32:10,263 Hi, it's Winnie. 843 00:32:10,347 --> 00:32:11,806 So this morning, I walked in on my son 844 00:32:11,890 --> 00:32:14,309 doing a Deborah Vance makeup tutorial. 845 00:32:14,392 --> 00:32:16,227 She might have wider appeal than I thought. 846 00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:18,480 We should talk. Call me back. 847 00:32:18,563 --> 00:32:19,856 OK! 848 00:32:19,939 --> 00:32:22,484 Yay! Oh, my God! 849 00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:24,361 God, of course her kid was the key. 850 00:32:24,444 --> 00:32:26,654 Executives love listening to their kids. 851 00:32:26,738 --> 00:32:28,365 I was actually at the sleepover 852 00:32:28,448 --> 00:32:30,033 where we decided that Tobey Maguire 853 00:32:30,116 --> 00:32:31,576 would be the next Spider-Man. 854 00:32:33,578 --> 00:32:35,121 Oh, my God! 855 00:32:35,205 --> 00:32:36,581 This is huge.