1 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:09,092 - Last chance at 260,000. 2 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,512 Sold to paddle 42. 3 00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:15,974 [classical music] 4 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:18,435 Lot number 25: 5 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,979 the Wassily Kandinsky, "Gewebe." 6 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:25,567 Work on paper. Starting at 360,000. 7 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:28,278 360. Do we have 380? 8 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,655 380 to the gentleman in the front. 9 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:33,450 We have 380,000 now, ahead of you. 10 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:35,118 Do we have 400? 11 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,953 400,000 in the back. 12 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:38,288 - [mouthing] Shit. 13 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,623 - 420 now... 14 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,625 and 440... 15 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,461 and 460. 16 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,213 We have 480,000. 17 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,923 Do I hear 500? 18 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,050 - [groans softly] 19 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,553 - $500,000! 20 00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,430 520 in the back. 21 00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,765 540. 22 00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:57,724 560-- 23 00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,976 and 580,000. 24 00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:01,519 600,000! 25 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:03,480 - What are you doing? - Shopping! 26 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,690 - What--stop! You're overpaying. 27 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,442 620! - Don't tell me what I'm doing! 28 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:08,818 640! - 660! 29 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,236 - 680! - Uh, sir, madame, 30 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,821 I will call the prices. 31 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,323 - Oh, stay out of it! - We got it! 32 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,491 - 800! 33 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:15,992 [upbeat music] 34 00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:18,953 - Are you nuts? It's a work on paper. 35 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,079 - Eight... - Oh, my God. 36 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,873 - Hundred thousand dollars. 37 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:25,001 Last chance at 800-- 38 00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,544 - Sold--to me! 39 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:32,008 - ♪ I am somebody! ♪ 40 00:01:32,091 --> 00:01:34,552 ♪ ♪ 41 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,638 - [scoffs] You don't even like Kandinsky. 42 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:40,225 - Neither do you. - Well, tastes change. 43 00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:46,856 Victoria didn't want a ring. She wanted that Kandinsky. 44 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,486 - Oh, you're... - Yeah. 45 00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:52,862 - Whoa! [chuckles] 46 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,032 Well, congratulations. - Thank you. 47 00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:57,700 - So are you two gonna have a registry, 48 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,202 or is it just the Metamucil website? 49 00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:00,787 - [chuckles] - Does Ovaltine 50 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,372 make a wedding cake? - [chuckles] All right. 51 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,915 - You two gonna allow the Rascal scooters 52 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,000 on the dance floor? - All right, all right. 53 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,377 I get it. 54 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,379 Now my fiancée isn't young enough for you. 55 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,797 - No, no, it makes perfect sense. 56 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,006 I mean, you're a history buff. 57 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,299 You know, she can give you 58 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,759 a firsthand account of the Civil War. 59 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,219 - Okay. 60 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:19,764 - No, you're right. I-I don't like Kandinsky. 61 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,933 But I do like leverage. 62 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,143 - Oh, here we go. 63 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,312 - I'll give it to you... 64 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,147 in exchange for the main stage. 65 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,774 - Deborah, you're not gonna get-- 66 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:33,403 - Just for one night to film my special. 67 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,321 - Oh. 68 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,740 You know, you could've rented something 69 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,158 even better than the Palmetto 70 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:41,035 for much less than that fucking painting. 71 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,787 - I know, but I want the Palmetto. 72 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,289 I don't like the way I went out. 73 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,915 I want a chance to do it again. 74 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,167 I know that it's occupied now, 75 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,626 so it's probably a really tall order. 76 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:49,586 - Sure. 77 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,713 I'll make it happen. 78 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,884 - Thanks. 79 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,927 - You know, I would've given you the Palmetto 80 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,137 if you just asked. 81 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:01,431 - [scoffs] Yeah, sure. 82 00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:06,853 You should see if the caterer'll give you two 83 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,605 a discount if dinner's served by 4:00 p.m. 84 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,065 You know, Early Bird Special. - [laughing] This again. 85 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,942 Are you done? - No. 86 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,153 - Pretty nice, right? 87 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,821 - Whoa, two sinks. 88 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:20,116 [gasps] And you can see the fake Eiffel Tower from here. 89 00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:21,784 - It's the last unit available. 90 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,453 I got a hookup with the manager. 91 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:24,621 - Look at all this. 92 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,039 I could have a dinner party. 93 00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,833 All I need is, like, one single friend. 94 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,418 - [laughs] Relatable. 95 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:32,378 And I know you're taking a loss on your condo in L.A., 96 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:35,131 but you get so much more for your money here. 97 00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:37,759 - Yeah, well, this is really nice, 98 00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,636 but I think the one that's closer to Deborah's 99 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,012 might make more sense. 100 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,681 - The one with the open-concept bathroom? 101 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,099 - Yeah. 102 00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,811 - Maybe don't make your life worse 103 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,647 to be ten minutes closer to Deborah's. 104 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,231 - Well-- [cell phone vibrates] 105 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:53,900 Oh, sorry. 106 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:55,193 Oh, um-- - Oh, take it. 107 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:57,153 - Oh... 108 00:03:57,236 --> 00:03:59,155 Hello? - Ava, hey. 109 00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,324 Sorry for the random call. - No worries. 110 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,659 How are you? - Good. 111 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,160 I actually have a question for you. 112 00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:05,954 So the girl who was gonna do punch-ups 113 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,039 for me on my pilot can't do it anymore. 114 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:10,917 So I was wondering, do you have any interest? 115 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,253 - Oh, shit. That's so nice of you. 116 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:17,423 And thank you, but... I'm working for Deborah, 117 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,092 and I'm already back in Vegas. 118 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,677 - Ri--I totally get it. 119 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,720 But this is just a one-week gig, nothing permanent. 120 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,514 We could have you back there in no time. 121 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,307 - Oh, um... 122 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,310 - I think you'd be great for it. 123 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,938 - Could I, uh, maybe think about it? 124 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:33,690 - Sure. I'll email you the dates, okay? 125 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:34,857 - Okay, thank you. 126 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,275 - Okay, bye. - Bye. 127 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,614 - Yep. Oh, yes, I get that. 128 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,324 All right, well, um, you know what? 129 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,701 Life is short, and life is long. 130 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:47,495 So, hopefully our paths cross soon. 131 00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:49,372 Okay, take care. 132 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:50,665 Bye. 133 00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:53,793 Motherfucker! - Oh, good, you're off. 134 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:56,546 Which wallpaper do you like for our new office? 135 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,423 This one's technically wrapping paper, 136 00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,049 but it's beautiful. 137 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,343 - Okay, we need clients to justify having an office, 138 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,679 and we just lost another one to Janet Stone. 139 00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:07,682 She's poaching everybody. - Cunt! 140 00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:09,642 Okay, partner, what's the play? 141 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,186 - You know what? I'm just gonna fucking call her. 142 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,272 - Yeah, do it. I love this side of you. 143 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,149 - Okay. [line trilling] 144 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,901 - Ah, Jimmy. I was waiting for your call. 145 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,487 But I don't have time to talk because I'm going down 146 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,489 your client list one by one, you piece of shit. 147 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,867 - Okay, you know what, Janet? You listen to me. I'm-- 148 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,578 - Hi, Janet! Kayla Schaeffer here, you dirty bitch. 149 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,038 - Oh, my God. - You know, me and you 150 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,497 can swing around our big dicks all day, 151 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,166 but the fact of the matter is-- 152 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,251 [line clicks] Hello? 153 00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:36,794 Hello? [both sigh] 154 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,963 Yeah, she's fucking us up the ass, no lube, 155 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,923 not even giving us a little courtesy tug 156 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,051 before she jams her cock in our guts. 157 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,261 - What is wrong with you? 158 00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:47,805 - Should we get lunch? - Yeah, I'm starving. 159 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,766 - You're hangry. 160 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,893 - So we closed on Elaine's directing deal, 161 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:54,020 but she apparently doesn't fly, 162 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:56,647 so she's asking that we reimburse her for gas. 163 00:05:56,731 --> 00:06:00,485 Also, her rider is just jelly beans and Dulcolax. 164 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:02,111 Are you sure about her? - Please. 165 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,197 When men are quirky, they're eccentric geniuses. 166 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,115 When women are quirky, they're jailed. 167 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,118 - Is that what's going on here? She's just quirky? 168 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,996 - God, I fucking hope so. 169 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,290 Oh! I got the Palmetto. 170 00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:15,666 - Amazing. 171 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,335 So I guess the auction went well. 172 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,462 - Yes, it did. - [chuckles] 173 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:23,299 - But Marty seems to have lost his mind. 174 00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:26,177 He's getting engaged to that elderly French woman. 175 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,971 - Oh, did he get her a ring or a Life Alert bracelet? 176 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:32,183 - [laughing wildly] 177 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:36,687 I know! I thought he only proposed to women 178 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:40,483 whose hair was still steaming from a flat iron. 179 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:41,901 - Well... 180 00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:45,071 - Don't give me that look. 181 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,075 That wasn't real. - The diamond was real. 182 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:51,994 - We were drunk and in Monaco, for Christ's sake. 183 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,541 Even if he was serious, 184 00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,918 I had to prioritize my business. 185 00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,837 You can understand that. 186 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,630 - I certainly can. 187 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:08,719 - [on TV] Previously on "The Amazing Race"... 188 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:12,515 [announcer continues indistinctly] 189 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,142 - Deborah? 190 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:15,685 - Oh, hi. Come on in. 191 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:19,147 [announcer continues indistinctly on TV] 192 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,026 - [clears throat] So I got a call 193 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,987 about a punch-up gig that's a week long. 194 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,698 I was gonna say no, but Jimmy thinks it's a great credit, 195 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,283 and it might be fun, but, obviously, 196 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,326 I would never let anything interfere with our work. 197 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,871 But it's just a week, so I'd be back super quick. 198 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,331 - Why are you standing so far away? 199 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:41,502 - Just to be out of slapping range. 200 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,045 - [chuckles] 201 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,881 - [chuckles] 202 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,466 - What are the dates? - Well, it starts the 20th. 203 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,885 And it's only a week. 204 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,762 - Oh, I just booked the Palmetto for the 24th 205 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,764 for the taping. - Oh, God. 206 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,559 [scoffs] Never mind then. Of course I'm not taking it. 207 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,145 Jesus, can you imagine if I missed the taping? 208 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,897 No. God, no. 209 00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:04,692 - You should do it. 210 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,611 - What? No way. 211 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,696 - You've seen the show 200 times. 212 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:10,907 It's ready. The hay's in the barn. 213 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,368 It's--it's fine, really. 214 00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,370 - Well... 215 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,039 thank you. 216 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,957 But only if you're sure. - I'm sure. 217 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,834 And you should stay at my house while you're there. 218 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,545 - Oh, thanks, but I actually ran into my ex 219 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,214 when we were in L.A., and we've been texting, 220 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:29,175 so I think I might stay at her place. 221 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,509 - [gasps] Oh... 222 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,136 - Oh, speaking of houses, 223 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,472 I finally got a place here, and it's ten minutes away. 224 00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:37,850 - Oh, great. I'll tell my lawyers-- 225 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,269 one more asset for them to go after. 226 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,396 - It's just a rental, so... 227 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,941 - Oh, sorry to hear that. 228 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,777 - You know, I actually think we would do really well 229 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,612 on "Amazing Race" together. 230 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,280 - Hmm. 231 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:54,158 I could never fly coach. - [laughs] 232 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,786 - We'd make up time, though, on the puzzles. 233 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:57,912 - 100%. 234 00:08:57,995 --> 00:09:00,915 [upbeat music] 235 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:03,125 ♪ ♪ 236 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,544 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 237 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,004 - And cut! [bell rings] 238 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,297 - All right, that's a cut. - That's a cut! 239 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,966 - Her purse strap fell in that one. 240 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,093 - Oh, it's okay--we can cut around that, I think. 241 00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:14,136 Ava, oh, my God, that blow was so much better--thank you. 242 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,805 - Oh, good, and if you can convince the network 243 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,640 to get on board with incest, 244 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,767 I actually have an incest joke that helps the story a little. 245 00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:22,270 - [laughs] This is funny. 246 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,647 Okay, let's go again. - Goin' again. 247 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,107 Let's roll sound. - Rolling! 248 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:28,025 - Hey, can you run this alt to Gillian? 249 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,402 - Copy that. 250 00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:30,987 [exciting music] 251 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:35,408 - ♪ Hey! ♪ 252 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:41,914 ♪ ♪ 253 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,001 [knock at door] Ms. Vance? 254 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,086 Someone here to see you, a manager. 255 00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:49,547 - Oh, yes, thank you, Davis. Show them in. 256 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,884 - Deborah! - Janet. 257 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,511 - H-hey. 258 00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:57,805 Wow, interesting vibe. 259 00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:00,182 - Yeah, Mr. Ludwig did a bit of a reno. 260 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,851 Wish it wouldn't be so on the nose 261 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,269 for me to burn it down. 262 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:06,022 - [laughs] Well, I don't want to keep you. 263 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,566 I just wanted to pop in and say, "Have a great show." 264 00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:11,610 - Thank you. I really need it to work. 265 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,738 - Oh, it will, and... 266 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:15,906 we don't have to, um, do this now, 267 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:19,118 but you know why I'm here. - Right. 268 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,537 - Listen, I love Jimmy. 269 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:23,372 I think he does really well in this business, 270 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,583 especially for a man under 6'1". 271 00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:28,377 - [chuckles] - But he's not cutthroat. 272 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,714 - Yeah, well, he's a sweet kid. 273 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,216 - Sure, but he doesn't have the resources 274 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,677 to support you on his own. 275 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:37,887 Think about it. 276 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,847 As good a saleswoman as you are-- 277 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,349 and you are fucking lava-- 278 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,476 without the QVC machine behind you, 279 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,645 would you be able to sell as many products? 280 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,356 - You're not wrong. 281 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,900 - Oh, anyway, I-I don't want to distract you. 282 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,486 But I think we should talk after. 283 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,696 I've got some big ideas. 284 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,740 - Okay, sure. 285 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:00,284 [laughs] - That's what I want to hear! 286 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,829 All right! You're gonna kill it out there, girl. 287 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,498 - Ah, thanks, Janet. 288 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:11,921 - No, your bikini wax is not a company write-off. 289 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,631 - It was just the back. - Kayla. 290 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,007 - Okay, fine, but my trainer 291 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,717 said that anything can be a write-off 292 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,719 if you just think about business while it's happening. 293 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,930 - That is absolutely not true. You need to fire that person. 294 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,264 - No way. She's a write-off. 295 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,558 - Jimmy. How was your trip in? 296 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,103 Were you able to get a good seat on the Greyhound? 297 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,646 - Ha ha. For your information, 298 00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,189 I'm actually United Premier Platinum, 299 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,274 and I had a delicious in-flight bistro box, 300 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,859 thank you very much. - [scoffs] 301 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,361 - Okay, little miss fuck stick, 302 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:36,862 what in the name of the Devil's uncut dick 303 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,739 are you doing here? - Oh, my God. 304 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,991 - Same as you. I'm here for Deborah's taping. 305 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,077 [gasps] We just had a lovely chat. 306 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,578 She's so sweet. 307 00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,414 - I know. - Hmm. 308 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,707 Told you I was going down your client list. 309 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,210 And I finally got to the Vs. 310 00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,129 Enjoy the show. 311 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,633 - Nice ass, by the way, bitch! 312 00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,135 - Kayla! - What? 313 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,719 It's--She's gorgeous. 314 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,180 [door opens, Jimmy clears throat] 315 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,765 [door closes] 316 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,183 Here we go. 317 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,643 - Well, hello. - Hey, Jimmy. 318 00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,520 I-I'm kind of in a pre-show mode. 319 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,856 Can we catch up after? 320 00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:15,734 - Of course, yeah. Um...break a leg. 321 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,236 - Thank you. 322 00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,488 - She means both of us. Come on. 323 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,327 [door opens] 324 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,620 [indistinct chatter] 325 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,414 - Excuse me. Excuse me! - Oh, excuse me! 326 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,750 - VIPs coming through. Check the pass. 327 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,209 - Why can't we go down the other aisle? 328 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,295 - Because we're VIPs and people need to know. 329 00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,630 Oh, I like your jumpsuit, girl. - This don't make no sense. 330 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,048 - Okay, here we go. 331 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,634 I want you to get B-roll of the crowd filing in. 332 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,595 Oh, wait, wait. Hold on. 333 00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:45,139 I-I forgot my contacts. I can't see shit. 334 00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,682 - Oh, my God. - Oh. 335 00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,934 - I'm kidding! You guys are so fucking serious! 336 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,769 - Oh, my God. - It's a comedy show! 337 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,938 You wouldn't have lasted a day with Andy Kaufman. 338 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,524 He ran my dog over as a bit, and I loved it. 339 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,026 Okay! 340 00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,528 - Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats. 341 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,697 The program will be starting momentarily. 342 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,824 - If you think about it, our seats are way better than hers, 343 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,993 'cause it's, like, center-- we have a bird's-eye view. 344 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,536 - Hmm. - You know? 345 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,205 - [clears throat] - [slurps] 346 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,999 - I'm so sorry, sir, but there's no outside drinks 347 00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:15,252 in the theater. - [groans] 348 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,879 - Oh. 349 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:20,174 - Casino comps me this ticket. That's the way they treat you. 350 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,969 Bullshit, right? - [clears throat] 351 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,639 - Should've seen Criss Angel again. 352 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:33,229 - [exhales deeply] 353 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:36,899 [breathes deeply] 354 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,902 [knock at door] Not a good time. 355 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,364 - Hey. 356 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:45,699 - Wha-- what are you doing here? 357 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,910 - Oh, I left that punch-up gig early. 358 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,037 Well, I forgot I had tickets to Cirque du Soleil, 359 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,622 and it's the weird sex one, 360 00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,165 so I really don't want to miss it. 361 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,542 - [snickers] 362 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,418 - But I'll probably watch your taping first, 363 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,671 you know, since I'm here anyway. 364 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,882 - I'm glad you are. 365 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,134 [soft music] 366 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,094 - Me too. 367 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:08,597 ♪ ♪ 368 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,891 This dressing room is ass. 369 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,060 - [laughing] 370 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,479 - Okay, showtime. Everybody ready? 371 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,481 Kill the houselights. 372 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,441 Bobby, frame up, please. 373 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,110 [indistinct chatter] 374 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:25,114 - Whoo! [cheers and applause] 375 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,908 - Okay, "A" camera, let's settle in for the wide, 376 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,619 and, Sal, let's bring out our girl 377 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,664 in three, two, one, 378 00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,165 rock and roll. 379 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,834 - Ladies and gentlemen, 380 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:40,462 returning to the Palmetto for one special night, 381 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,423 please welcome to the stage 382 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:47,678 the one, the only Deborah Vance! 383 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,806 [cheers and applause] 384 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:53,809 [upbeat music] 385 00:14:53,892 --> 00:15:00,441 ♪ ♪ 386 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,443 - Wow, thank you. 387 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:05,529 [cheers and applause continue] 388 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:09,992 ♪ ♪ 389 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:13,037 [laughter] 390 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,997 It's true. It's true. 391 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,958 Yeah, and, of course, it's hard to lose a husband and a sister 392 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,002 at the same time. 393 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:24,089 But it makes Christmas shopping way easier. 394 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:27,009 [laughter] 395 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:30,846 And I don't--I don't excuse what they did. 396 00:15:30,929 --> 00:15:34,224 But in some ways, there really was nowhere else for them to go 397 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:38,228 except toward each other... 398 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:42,483 because it was all about me and my career. 399 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:45,361 There was no space left in my marriage 400 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:48,030 or in my relationship with her... 401 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,658 anywhere. 402 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:53,619 That's what I do. I take up too much space. 403 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,704 I did it back then, and I still do it today. 404 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,414 I take up space in every room I'm in, 405 00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:00,334 on my tour bus, on the icons float 406 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:02,628 at the Vegas Pride Parade. [laughter] 407 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:05,381 But, you know, I love taking up space, 408 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,674 which is painfully ironic, 409 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,592 because as we've established here, 410 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,552 I am a high-functioning anorexic. 411 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,471 [laughter] 412 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,765 - Johnny, you read my mind. Stay right there. 413 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,892 Push in, slow... 414 00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,686 slow. 415 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,270 Not that slow, buddy. 416 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,356 Yeah, bingo. You got it. 417 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:23,857 Damn, I'm good. 418 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,068 - And that same year, the Vatican came after me, 419 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,779 because they said I called the Pope a pedophile 420 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,406 on national television. 421 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,741 [crowd murmurs] I-I didn't. 422 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,452 I called him a pedophile-phile 423 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,497 because he loves being around pedophiles. 424 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:41,750 [laughter] 425 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,211 It's different. It's different. 426 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:46,171 - [grunts] - Oh, hey. 427 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,716 - Yeah, so then... - Hey, you--you all right? 428 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,426 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 429 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,344 - My sponsors started pulling ads from my tour. 430 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,971 - [grunts] - Oh, my God. 431 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:55,889 Oh, my God. [crowd murmuring] 432 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,099 Oh, my God. 433 00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,767 - What's the matter? - Hey, sir. 434 00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,935 - Everything okay? 435 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,478 - He's seizing! - Oh, shit. 436 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,939 - He needs help. Call 911. - Oh, Jesus. Okay. 437 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:05,315 Has anyone called the paramedics? 438 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,109 Has anyone called for help? 439 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,736 Somebody call the paramedics! 440 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,320 - What the fuck is going on down there? 441 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,905 Sal, talk to me. [cross chatter] 442 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,116 John, go get the medic. Go get the house medic. 443 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,368 Tara, do not turn the houselights up. 444 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,953 - It'll be all right. It'll be all right. 445 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,038 I'm sure they're on their way. [doors open] 446 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,166 - Down here. - Okay, here they come. 447 00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:23,459 - Shit! 448 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,128 [indistinct chatter] 449 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,130 [indistinct radio chatter] 450 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,882 - It's all right, everybody. I-it's all right. 451 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:33,635 He's--he's being taken care of. They'll take care of him. 452 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:34,845 [crowd murmuring] 453 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,722 It's all right. It's all right. 454 00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:38,307 Not to worry-- 455 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,350 we got trained professionals taking care of him now. 456 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,353 He's in good hands. [indistinct chatter] 457 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:46,940 Everybody stay calm. Please stay in your seats. 458 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:50,277 Just--please. [indistinct chatter continues] 459 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,988 [indistinct radio chatter] - Check the pupils. 460 00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:54,907 - Yeah, I'm getting--dilated. - What's the reading? 461 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,826 - Is he okay? [sustained high-pitched tone] 462 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,537 - I'm calling it-- 8:47. 463 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,998 [indistinct radio chatter continues] 464 00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:05,793 [sustained high-pitched tone continues] 465 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:08,337 [crowd murmuring] 466 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,798 - It'll be all right, yeah. 467 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:17,763 [murmuring dies down] 468 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:21,266 - He's okay! He's okay, folks! 469 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,478 [cheers and applause] 470 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,105 - Oh! 471 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,191 How 'bout that? 472 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,277 Thank God! [cheers and applause] 473 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,571 - All right, we're back, baby. 474 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,366 Okay, I need a close-up on C and a refill. 475 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,743 Bobby, finally, a frame I could use. 476 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,620 Welcome to the show. 477 00:18:41,703 --> 00:18:43,539 - Thank God. Thank God. 478 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,499 Yeah, not the first man who's faked his own death 479 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:48,460 to get away from me. [laughter] 480 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,712 Not the first. - I'm so glad he's okay. 481 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:54,007 - No. Dead. Absolutely dead. 482 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:57,886 - Anyway, so my sponsors start pulling their ads... 483 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,223 ♪ ♪ 484 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,976 [laughing] 485 00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:06,812 - Oh, my God. You crushed. 486 00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:10,148 That was amazing. - It got scary for a minute. 487 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:14,570 And I'm just, uh, so glad that man is okay. 488 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:17,406 - Yes. I am as well. 489 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,366 - Yeah. 490 00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:21,410 Your dad would be proud of you. 491 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:22,911 - [inhales sharply] 492 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:23,996 Wow. 493 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,497 [tearfully] Thank you. 494 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,583 - Whoo! - [clears throat] Great show. 495 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,419 - Deborah, girl! both: Hey! 496 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,920 - Think they liked it! 497 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,422 - Deborah, a triumph! 498 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,674 It is gonna cut like butter, baby. 499 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:37,593 - Oh, thank you, honey. Champagne? 500 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,386 - No, I got Clamato. - Okay, all right. 501 00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:41,597 - Whoo! - Cheers! Whoo! 502 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,975 - Whoo! Bravo, Deborah! 503 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:47,978 Not news to me, but you are a star. 504 00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:51,607 Handled the right way, this can be huge for you. 505 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,358 - I think it will be handled the right way, 506 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:56,278 because I have excellent representation with Jimmy. 507 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,238 Cheers. - Cheers. 508 00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,115 - So thanks for coming all the way out here, 509 00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:01,825 but I think it's time for you to go. 510 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,870 - And just so you know, I'm sticking with Jimmy, too. 511 00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:08,457 - [scoffs] - I don't know who you are. 512 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,918 - And guess what, sweetie. You're never gonna! 513 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,502 - Well, no, I would like for her-- 514 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,087 - You will not know her! 515 00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:16,632 - I would like for her to know who I am eventually. 516 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,554 - Oh, there you are. Aren't you coming in? 517 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,765 - Yeah, yeah. 518 00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:27,893 I was just taking a second. But you did great. 519 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:29,436 They loved you. 520 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,396 - You okay? - Mm-hmm. 521 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:35,525 I mean... it was kind of hard to hear. 522 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,860 [laughs] You know? 523 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:38,904 I-I just--I can't believe you never told me 524 00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,447 any of that before, you know? 525 00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,282 It was one thing to find out all that stuff 526 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:43,825 about you and Dad-- it's another thing 527 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,786 to find it out with 3,000 other people. 528 00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:47,996 - Yeah, I don't know why it's always been easier for me 529 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,457 to tell things to strangers. 530 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:54,878 - Well, therapy's just talking to one stranger in private. 531 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,588 - Well, my insurance doesn't cover it. 532 00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,131 What can I tell you? 533 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:01,093 - Yeah, well, it's not as expensive as IVF. 534 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,678 - Oh, yeah. How's that going? 535 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,596 - Good. Good, you know? 536 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,598 Three weeks out till our next round. 537 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:10,686 Although, I don't know, seems like being a parent-- 538 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:12,354 pretty tough. [chuckles] 539 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,524 I-I always thought that you just didn't even try. 540 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,151 But after tonight, I'm finding out you did try 541 00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,487 to be a good parent, and you still fucked it up. 542 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:24,282 So I'm kind of scared that I'm going to, too. 543 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,618 - You will. 544 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,704 It's impossible not to. 545 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,374 But it's worth it. 546 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:35,377 [soft music] 547 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,505 Hey, look, I wore a good-luck charm tonight. 548 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:41,717 - Oh, my God. 549 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,969 That's a D'Jewelry 2019. 550 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:46,888 - It's gonna be in the special. [chuckles] 551 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,057 - Thank you. - Of course. 552 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,852 It turned my wrist black, sweetie. 553 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:54,104 - Oh, that's--that's really good for you. 554 00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:56,023 That's the iron. 555 00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:57,566 - Uh-huh. 556 00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:00,652 - I mean, I think news bloopers are funny, you know? 557 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,238 - Okay, can we go out tonight? 558 00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:04,740 - Sure. - I'm down. 559 00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:06,575 - Yeah, I want to get fucked up. 560 00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:08,326 [both laugh] - Wow. 561 00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:10,162 - Okay. Sure. - Okay. 562 00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:12,414 Wait, where's Marcus? - Oh, I don't know. 563 00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,249 He said he had to go see someone. 564 00:22:14,332 --> 00:22:15,500 [knock at door] 565 00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:19,880 - Hi. 566 00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,423 - Hi. 567 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,133 - Sorry for the random stop-by. 568 00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:24,384 - Is everything okay? 569 00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,094 - Yes. Yes, everything's fine. 570 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,764 - Wait, doesn't Deborah have, like, a big show tonight? 571 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:31,683 - She does, but I don't have to be there. 572 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,978 I was hoping that we could talk. 573 00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:36,438 - Sure. 574 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:40,275 But I should let you know that I am seeing someone. 575 00:22:40,358 --> 00:22:42,444 - Good. That's good for you. 576 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,779 That's-- 577 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:46,573 I obviously was not ready for a relationship. 578 00:22:46,656 --> 00:22:48,784 - Yeah. - [chuckles] 579 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:51,787 - Well, I'm down to talk as friends, if that works for you. 580 00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:55,290 - Honestly, I think that's exactly what I need. 581 00:22:55,373 --> 00:22:56,833 Well, that and extensive therapy. 582 00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:58,627 - [chuckles] - Some hypnosis. 583 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:02,380 Little electric shock-- - Okay, you're not that bad. 584 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:04,382 Here, come in. - Thank you. 585 00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,468 - By the way, your mom's been texting me. 586 00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:08,887 both: Wrestling stuff. - Yeah. 587 00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:11,681 - So now how it works is I'm technically your manager, too. 588 00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:13,475 - Hmm, is that how it works? 589 00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:15,102 - Deborah, you have a sec? 590 00:23:15,185 --> 00:23:19,272 - Yeah, I'm just putting shrimp under his pillows. 591 00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:20,774 - Cool. Uh, maybe tomorrow 592 00:23:20,857 --> 00:23:22,651 we could talk about re-pitching networks. 593 00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:25,153 - No. I've been thinking about that, 594 00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,489 and I have another idea. 595 00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:30,033 Every product I've ever offered here, 596 00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:33,537 every necklace, every lip kit, every quilted bootie 597 00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,413 is something I would buy myself, 598 00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,457 because it's something I believe in 599 00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:39,709 and I can't sell it to you if it's not. 600 00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:41,044 So trust me when I tell you 601 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:43,130 that I've never believed in something more 602 00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:45,006 than what I'm offering you today. 603 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,384 This product not only has my name on it, 604 00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:49,845 but it is me entirely, 605 00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:51,847 and the reason it's so special 606 00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:54,391 is because it is my special... 607 00:23:54,474 --> 00:23:55,892 - Whoo! - "My Bad." 608 00:23:55,976 --> 00:23:57,310 [both laugh] 609 00:23:57,394 --> 00:24:00,689 It's my life story-- the highs, the lows, 610 00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:03,024 the time the China trade wars stopped shipments 611 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:05,110 of my Mrs. Claus self-sealing cookie jars. 612 00:24:05,193 --> 00:24:06,736 - Oh, that was horrible. 613 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,029 - Wasn't that a little bit of hell? 614 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:09,614 - Horrible. Oh, God. - Yeah. 615 00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:12,826 And like all my products, with the rare exception 616 00:24:12,909 --> 00:24:15,537 of the jean-ish leggings last fall, 617 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,122 I've road-tested it myself. 618 00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:19,166 I've taken it all over the country, and it works. 619 00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:22,711 It's what I've always wanted to say to you, the truth, 620 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:24,129 whether I like it or not. 621 00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:26,214 So let's go! - Yes! 622 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:29,092 Okay, now, Deborah, what if some of our viewers 623 00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:31,052 do not have a DVD player? 624 00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,388 - Oh, I'd say get one. It's the future. 625 00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:35,140 But it will also include a downloadable link 626 00:24:35,223 --> 00:24:36,725 for your adult children to stream. 627 00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,143 - That is wonderful. 628 00:24:38,226 --> 00:24:42,522 Okay, well, we have already sold 2,000 units. 629 00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:45,483 We only have 50,000 units... - What? 630 00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:47,235 - Um, available today. 631 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:50,238 We are absolutely flying here. 632 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:53,158 I am getting word from our producers--oh, my gosh-- 633 00:24:53,241 --> 00:24:56,912 that this a record for units sold in under five minutes. 634 00:24:56,995 --> 00:24:58,246 - Wow. - We are on track 635 00:24:58,330 --> 00:24:59,873 to sell out, ladies and gentlemen. 636 00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:01,917 We're getting into Slanket territory. 637 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,085 - That's incredible. 638 00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:05,295 Thank you. 639 00:25:05,378 --> 00:25:07,589 - I guess there is money in DVDs. 640 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:10,133 - I just loved it. You know, it's been a minute 641 00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:13,470 since I've seen an actual DVD box, and I miss 'em. 642 00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:16,932 - Oof. - Ooh! 643 00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:18,516 - I am so excited to tell her. 644 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,101 Honestly, this is the best part of the job, 645 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:21,686 you know, delivering good news. 646 00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:23,813 [line trilling] Makes all the stress worth it. 647 00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:25,106 - Totally. 648 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,691 - Hi, Jimmy. - Hey, Deborah, 649 00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:29,152 I have great news. - Everyone wants it, bitch! 650 00:25:29,236 --> 00:25:30,445 Whoo! - Kayla. 651 00:25:30,528 --> 00:25:32,155 - I-I-I'm sorry. What are you saying? 652 00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:34,783 - I was saying... 653 00:25:34,866 --> 00:25:36,743 every network is in. 654 00:25:36,826 --> 00:25:38,245 They all want to acquire the rights. 655 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:39,454 We are gonna have a bidding war. 656 00:25:39,537 --> 00:25:40,830 - Boom. - Plus, "Variety" 657 00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:42,624 wants to do a cover story. - What? 658 00:25:42,707 --> 00:25:44,459 - And "The Wall Street Journal" is interested in a feature 659 00:25:44,542 --> 00:25:45,877 on the whole "bet on yourself" approach. 660 00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:47,545 - Okay, sweetie, thanks. That sounds good. 661 00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:49,297 Um, but I'm right in the middle of a meeting. 662 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:50,465 So got to go. 663 00:25:50,548 --> 00:25:52,634 - Oh, um, okay. 664 00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:54,678 [line clicks] Bye. 665 00:25:58,890 --> 00:26:00,976 - [laughs] 666 00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:05,021 [inhales deeply] 667 00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:06,314 [sighs] 668 00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:09,317 [upbeat music] 669 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:12,153 ♪ ♪ 670 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:14,531 [indistinct chatter] 671 00:26:14,614 --> 00:26:16,700 ♪ ♪ 672 00:26:16,783 --> 00:26:18,451 - Hello, all. 673 00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:21,371 I just wanted to say that we are so incredibly excited 674 00:26:21,454 --> 00:26:23,123 to be the home for Deborah Vance's 675 00:26:23,206 --> 00:26:26,293 hilarious, provocative new special. 676 00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:28,837 [cheers and applause] Yeah. 677 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,715 And now I would like to introduce the living legend, 678 00:26:31,798 --> 00:26:33,925 Deborah Vance, to say a few words. 679 00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:34,884 Deb. 680 00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:38,013 [cheers and applause] 681 00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:39,597 - Hi, everybody. Thank you. 682 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,016 Thank you so much for coming. 683 00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:42,517 I really want to thank the network 684 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,436 for taking a chance on this-- 685 00:26:44,519 --> 00:26:46,021 once it was already successful 686 00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:47,689 and there was literally no risk. 687 00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,733 [laughter] 688 00:26:49,816 --> 00:26:51,359 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 689 00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:53,486 No, but there is a risk, obviously, 690 00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:57,532 supporting an elderly, messy bitch comedian. 691 00:26:57,615 --> 00:26:59,034 But enough about Bill Maher. 692 00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:00,535 [laughter] Um... 693 00:27:00,618 --> 00:27:03,246 I'm joking. Bill and I are old friends. 694 00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:04,706 We vacation together. 695 00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:08,626 Anyway, uh, but I really want to thank my team, 696 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,337 who always had my back. 697 00:27:10,420 --> 00:27:11,713 [cheers and applause] 698 00:27:11,796 --> 00:27:14,299 Love you. And my amazing director-- 699 00:27:14,382 --> 00:27:16,051 where is she? Elaine Carter--there she is! 700 00:27:16,134 --> 00:27:19,304 Elaine Carter. She did an amazing job! 701 00:27:19,387 --> 00:27:20,972 Amazing job. 702 00:27:21,056 --> 00:27:25,894 And I especially want to give credit to my co-writer, 703 00:27:25,977 --> 00:27:28,229 Ava Daniels, 704 00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:31,483 who pushed me and never let me quit. 705 00:27:31,566 --> 00:27:33,651 Thank you, Ava. 706 00:27:33,735 --> 00:27:37,113 [cheers and applause] 707 00:27:38,656 --> 00:27:41,117 So cheers, everybody. Have fun. 708 00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:42,410 Don't drink and drive. 709 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,912 I don't want to be upstaged tonight. 710 00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:45,413 [laughter] 711 00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:47,290 Thank you. Thanks again for coming. 712 00:27:47,374 --> 00:27:51,252 [cheers and applause] 713 00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:52,545 - Amazing. 714 00:27:52,629 --> 00:27:55,423 - [laughs] - Hi, you killed it, lady. 715 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:56,633 Iconic! 716 00:27:56,716 --> 00:27:57,801 - [laughs] - Really! 717 00:27:57,884 --> 00:27:59,260 - Thanks. - I have some people 718 00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:00,804 that I need you to talk to. 719 00:28:00,887 --> 00:28:03,014 That is Simone--she's one of our head executives. 720 00:28:03,098 --> 00:28:04,933 Okay, say hello, and this is... 721 00:28:05,016 --> 00:28:07,685 [indistinct chatter] 722 00:28:07,769 --> 00:28:10,855 [upbeat music playing] 723 00:28:10,939 --> 00:28:16,152 ♪ ♪ 724 00:28:16,236 --> 00:28:18,988 - [clears throat] 725 00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:21,116 Hmm. You know, they're having a party 726 00:28:21,199 --> 00:28:23,118 for you down there. 727 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:25,453 - I thought you weren't drinking. 728 00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:28,331 - Ah, what else am I good for? 729 00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:30,125 [laughs] 730 00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:31,709 We fuckin' did it. 731 00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:33,795 - [sighs] We did. 732 00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:36,297 - [laughs] - We did. 733 00:28:42,887 --> 00:28:45,974 So, moving forward, I can extend your health insurance 734 00:28:46,057 --> 00:28:49,477 six months and offer three months' severance. 735 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:53,273 - [chuckles] Ha ha, funny. 736 00:28:57,193 --> 00:29:00,238 Wait. What? You're not serious. 737 00:29:00,321 --> 00:29:02,740 - I am. 738 00:29:02,824 --> 00:29:06,161 - Are--you're firing me? 739 00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:08,246 Are you fucking kidding? 740 00:29:08,329 --> 00:29:10,331 Why? Things are good. 741 00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:12,375 Wha-- - Things are good. 742 00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:15,420 And they could keep being good for a very long time. 743 00:29:15,503 --> 00:29:16,838 That's the problem. 744 00:29:16,921 --> 00:29:18,506 You need to make space for your own work. 745 00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:20,133 - Come on. I know what you're doing. 746 00:29:20,216 --> 00:29:22,719 You're pushing me away because you're afraid. 747 00:29:24,762 --> 00:29:27,432 - Those people, they want you right now. 748 00:29:27,515 --> 00:29:29,350 They won't forever. 749 00:29:29,434 --> 00:29:31,186 You got to take advantage of that. 750 00:29:31,269 --> 00:29:32,479 You got to be a shark. 751 00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:33,938 You got to do what's best for you. 752 00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,399 - I get to decide what's best for me. 753 00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:38,193 - You didn't take credit for the special, 754 00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:39,819 and you should have. - [scoffs] 755 00:29:39,903 --> 00:29:41,279 - You left that punch-up job early. 756 00:29:41,362 --> 00:29:43,907 - I came back for you. - That's my point. 757 00:29:43,990 --> 00:29:46,117 And what about that screenplay idea? 758 00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:48,578 Have you even started on that? Have you? 759 00:29:48,661 --> 00:29:53,041 - Wha--I've been busy, and my Final Draft is corrupted. 760 00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:56,711 - And I would keep you busy. It's like you said. 761 00:29:56,794 --> 00:29:59,005 I'm gonna keep working until the day I die. 762 00:29:59,088 --> 00:30:01,299 Do you know how old you're gonna be when I'm 109? 763 00:30:01,382 --> 00:30:04,302 - [crying] Please don't make me do math right now. 764 00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:08,264 [sniffles] You're the one with all the stories. 765 00:30:08,348 --> 00:30:10,225 What do I even have to say? 766 00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,227 - That's the thing. 767 00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:14,646 You got to go figure it out. 768 00:30:14,729 --> 00:30:16,397 I told you... 769 00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:18,900 you're just like me. 770 00:30:18,983 --> 00:30:21,694 [soft music] 771 00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:24,030 You got your own mountain to climb. 772 00:30:24,113 --> 00:30:26,407 ♪ ♪ 773 00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:29,452 But we're-- we're good together. 774 00:30:29,536 --> 00:30:32,997 I don't want to be here. I-- 775 00:30:33,081 --> 00:30:35,667 I want to be wherever you are. 776 00:30:35,750 --> 00:30:38,169 - I got to get back. - No, wait, whoa! 777 00:30:38,253 --> 00:30:39,963 Deborah, that's it? 778 00:30:40,046 --> 00:30:43,258 We're not gonna talk anymore? I won't see you? 779 00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:45,718 - Oh, you'll see me... 780 00:30:45,802 --> 00:30:47,345 in court. 781 00:30:47,428 --> 00:30:49,347 ♪ ♪ 782 00:30:49,430 --> 00:30:52,267 - [chuckles] 783 00:30:52,350 --> 00:30:54,227 [sighs] 784 00:30:54,310 --> 00:31:01,401 ♪ ♪ 785 00:31:13,413 --> 00:31:16,416 [indistinct chatter on TV] 786 00:31:16,499 --> 00:31:21,170 ♪ ♪ 787 00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:24,340 [phone vibrates] 788 00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:28,219 Hey, Jimmy, what's up? 789 00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,471 - Hey, how's the new place? - Uh, it's good. 790 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:31,889 I-I'm actually kind of excited 791 00:31:31,973 --> 00:31:33,975 to reenter subletter culture, you know? 792 00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:37,312 We got no ties, no rules, no ability to paint. 793 00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:39,564 - [chuckles] Uh, so I have some good news. 794 00:31:39,647 --> 00:31:40,815 That pilot you did punch-ups for 795 00:31:40,898 --> 00:31:42,317 was just picked up to series, 796 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,152 and apparently a bunch of your jokes 797 00:31:44,235 --> 00:31:46,029 ended up in the final cut, and they called to ask 798 00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,905 if you're available to staff. 799 00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:49,115 - Seriously? - Yep. 800 00:31:49,198 --> 00:31:50,658 The job is yours if you want it, 801 00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:52,910 as long as you promise not to leave early again. 802 00:31:52,994 --> 00:31:54,162 - Amazing. 803 00:31:54,245 --> 00:31:57,665 - Also, I have some news from Deborah. 804 00:31:57,749 --> 00:31:59,250 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 805 00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:03,129 She called this morning. She's dropping the lawsuit. 806 00:32:03,212 --> 00:32:06,007 - Oh, that--that's great. 807 00:32:06,090 --> 00:32:09,886 - Amazing, right? Isn't that a relief? 808 00:32:09,969 --> 00:32:11,346 - So that court date-- 809 00:32:11,429 --> 00:32:13,181 - Yep, stricken from the record or whatever. 810 00:32:13,264 --> 00:32:15,016 You don't have to worry about it. 811 00:32:15,099 --> 00:32:17,185 Congrats. - Thanks. 812 00:32:17,268 --> 00:32:19,562 - Uh, anyway, what else do I have for you? 813 00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:21,105 Oh, would you be interested 814 00:32:21,189 --> 00:32:22,857 in doing a half-day round table for "Ice Age 12"? 815 00:32:22,940 --> 00:32:24,525 Are you familiar with the "Ice Age" universe? 816 00:32:24,609 --> 00:32:26,527 They need a lot of women in the room. 817 00:32:26,611 --> 00:32:28,237 They want a female perspective 818 00:32:28,321 --> 00:32:30,073 on the female woolly mammoth character they have. 819 00:32:30,156 --> 00:32:31,824 - Mm-hmm. - It's spelled H-O-A-R, 820 00:32:31,908 --> 00:32:33,409 and you might want to pitch an alt on that. 821 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:35,203 You know, sounds problematic to me. 822 00:32:35,286 --> 00:32:36,871 But what do I know, you know? I'm just a manager. 823 00:32:36,954 --> 00:32:38,373 Although I do have good ideas. 824 00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:40,500 You know, it was my idea to do Fandango. 825 00:32:40,583 --> 00:32:42,126 - So you put on a gorgeous dress. 826 00:32:42,210 --> 00:32:43,920 You're all ready for a night out on the town, 827 00:32:44,003 --> 00:32:45,213 but no one to zip you up? 828 00:32:45,296 --> 00:32:47,006 - Ugh. - What do you do? 829 00:32:47,090 --> 00:32:49,592 You hook this ingenious little device to your zipper. 830 00:32:49,676 --> 00:32:51,803 - Just a one, two, three. 831 00:32:51,886 --> 00:32:53,221 - Voilà. - Look at that. 832 00:32:53,304 --> 00:32:54,722 - Isn't that cute and convenient? 833 00:32:54,806 --> 00:32:57,225 - It is, and you don't need anybody. 834 00:32:57,308 --> 00:32:58,726 All you need is yourself. 835 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,436 - You may not know what the night 836 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,271 has in store for you, but at least you know 837 00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:04,816 you're ready for whatever comes. 838 00:33:04,899 --> 00:33:07,068 - ♪ Goodbye, stranger ♪ 839 00:33:07,151 --> 00:33:08,611 ♪ It's been nice ♪ 840 00:33:08,695 --> 00:33:12,532 ♪ Hope you find your paradise ♪ 841 00:33:12,615 --> 00:33:16,577 ♪ Tried to see your point of view ♪ 842 00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:20,373 ♪ Hope your dreams will all come true ♪ 843 00:33:20,456 --> 00:33:24,085 ♪ Goodbye, Mary, goodbye, Jane ♪ 844 00:33:24,168 --> 00:33:27,755 ♪ Will we ever meet again? ♪ 845 00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:31,634 ♪ Feel no sorrow, feel no shame ♪ 846 00:33:31,718 --> 00:33:34,470 ♪ Come tomorrow, feel no pain ♪ 847 00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:36,431 - ♪ Sweet devotion ♪ - ♪ Goodbye, Mary ♪ 848 00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:38,641 - ♪ It's not for me ♪ - ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪ 849 00:33:38,725 --> 00:33:40,601 - ♪ Just give me motion ♪ - ♪ Will we ever meet again? ♪ 850 00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,020 - ♪ To set me free in the land and the ocean ♪ 851 00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:45,106 - ♪ Feel no sorrow ♪ - ♪ Far away ♪ 852 00:33:45,189 --> 00:33:46,983 - ♪ Feel no shame ♪ ♪ It's the life I've chosen ♪ 853 00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:48,901 - ♪ No tomorrow ♪ - ♪ Every day ♪ 854 00:33:48,985 --> 00:33:50,778 - ♪ Feel no pain ♪ - ♪ So goodbye, Mary ♪ 855 00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:52,697 - ♪ Goodbye, Mary ♪ - ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪ 856 00:33:52,780 --> 00:33:54,574 - ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪ - ♪ Will we ever ♪ 857 00:33:54,657 --> 00:33:56,784 - ♪ Will we ever ♪ - ♪ Meet again? ♪ 858 00:33:56,868 --> 00:34:00,788 - ♪ Meet again? ♪ 859 00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:03,624 ♪ ♪ 860 00:34:03,708 --> 00:34:07,545 - ♪ Now, some they do, and some they don't ♪ 861 00:34:07,628 --> 00:34:10,089 ♪ And some you just can't tell ♪ 862 00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:12,717 ♪ ♪ 863 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:16,554 ♪ And some they will, and some they won't ♪ 864 00:34:16,637 --> 00:34:18,890 ♪ With some, it's just as well ♪ 865 00:34:18,973 --> 00:34:21,058 ♪ ♪