1
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:30,281
- [carriage clattering]
- [hooves clopping]

2
00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:38,039
[horse whinnies]

3
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:43,127
[woman humming]

4
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,972
[gasps] You startled me!

5
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,533
We need to speak on something.

6
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,143
You didn't buy bread, did you, Richmond?

7
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:02,188
I think it is woeful how we have abandoned

8
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:05,608
the old, respectable mode
of yeast brewing.

9
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:09,028
But it is not your place to think.

10
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,030
- Not in my house.
- Our house.

11
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,240
You're my wife.

12
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:15,868
So in the eyes of the law,
the house is mine.

13
00:01:15,952 --> 00:01:18,412
Well, the law abides
by the will of the estate.

14
00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:22,458
A will my father
quite deliberately crafted.

15
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:26,837
Now, I don't wish to play
these vulgar games of ownership with you.

16
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,966
It vexes me. I'm now quite vexed.

17
00:01:30,049 --> 00:01:31,425
You don't think I'm vexed?

18
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:35,221
Then why indulge in these vexing matters?

19
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,056
[scoffs]

20
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,516
[screams]

21
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,767
[body thuds]

22
00:01:53,406 --> 00:01:56,450
[man on TV] So what really did happen
on that fateful day?

23
00:01:56,534 --> 00:02:00,413
Was it an accident?
Her husband claimed she tripped,

24
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:04,208
but her friends say
she was anything but a klutz.

25
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:07,628
Could alcohol have played
a role in her demise?

26
00:02:07,712 --> 00:02:10,881
Perhaps one too many
mint juleps for the lady.

27
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:14,760
The answers to these questions
might lie with the housekeeper.

28
00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:18,806
Or they might be buried
six feet underground. Who can say?

29
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,517
Oh. What are you doing up so early?

30
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,603
There's a Masters of Murder marathon on.

31
00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:26,439
Did you finish all the bread?

32
00:02:28,399 --> 00:02:30,526
Mm, there was only one slice left.

33
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,862
I wanted to make a sandwich.

34
00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,965
It's breakfast.
What do you want a sandwich for?

35
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:37,908
For lunch. To take to work.

36
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,287
- You know that thing that adults go to?
- I have a job, dick.

37
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:44,558
Oh, that's right. You're a...
You're a drug dealer. I almost forgot.

38
00:02:44,582 --> 00:02:47,126
I'm not a drug dealer, okay?
I'm a drug deliverer.

39
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,627
Huh. Big difference.

40
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,504
There is a big difference.

41
00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:53,591
I don't do the deals.
I just deliver the product.

42
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,736
Well, one day,
if you play your cards right,

43
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,321
maybe you can become an actual dealer.

44
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,929
Every kid's dream.

45
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,222
You're an asshole.

46
00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:01,724
I love you too, honey.

47
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,226
Have a great day. Enjoy your high!

48
00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:05,603
I will!

49
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:12,627
- [mocking] "Enjoy the high!"
- She was out of control.

50
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,963
That's what people
were saying about her after she died.

51
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:19,575
That story that came out in the press
was not... It was not accurate.

52
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,787
So what was the truth?
What was accurate?

53
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,413
[phone buzzing]

54
00:03:24,497 --> 00:03:29,543
Will we ever know?
Stay tuned to find out.

55
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,670
[groans] Shit.

56
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,714
Next on Masters of Murder...

57
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:36,008
['Only For Tonight"
by Pearl Charles playing]

58
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,904
♪ Don't think twice ♪

59
00:03:56,987 --> 00:04:02,576
♪ Although we'd never make it
Tonight I'm gonna fake it ♪

60
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:05,579
♪ Only for tonight ♪

61
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:17,174
I have to get my roots done at 2:15.
Where the hell is that idiot?

62
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,926
Honey. I don't know.

63
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,743
So what's this all about?
Are you guys finally getting a divorce?

64
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:30,354
Your father has something
he wants to tell you.

65
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:34,150
Shortly, I shall be announcing
my candidacy for mayor of Savannah.

66
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,319
- Cool. Good luck.
- Sit down.

67
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:46,245
Son, I know how much you enjoy doing
absolutely nothing with your life

68
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:49,915
and spending your allowance on
God-knows-what or God-knows-who.

69
00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:52,585
Are you accusing me
of fucking prostitutes?

70
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:53,979
- Tanner!
- No, I'm sorry, Mom,

71
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,272
but it's really insulting.

72
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:58,174
I would never pay for sex.
Because I don't have to.

73
00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:02,803
Would you shut your mouth?
I was not talking about your sex life,

74
00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:05,890
- which I have no doubt is quite robust.
- Hell yeah.

75
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,560
In regards to my campaign, there are
gonna have to be some changes made.

76
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,581
I will no longer have the time,
nor quite frankly the energy,

77
00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:15,399
to oversee the day-to-day operations
of Wadsworth Manor.

78
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,319
That responsibility
shall fall upon your shoulders.

79
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,030
Why can't Mom do it?

80
00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:26,452
Your mother, bless her heart,
will be joining me on the campaign.

81
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,555
Sorry to interrupt.
Can I get you folks anything?

82
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,122
- No, thank you, Nia.
- Okay.

83
00:05:30,206 --> 00:05:32,256
Yeah, get me an iced pumpkin spice latte.

84
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,377
I'm sorry, sir.
I don't think we have that.

85
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:37,796
Really? That's weird.

86
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,150
Well, then I guess
I'll just get a mango smoothie.

87
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,383
But not too sweet.

88
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,928
Bring him a water, Nia.

89
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,846
- Of course, ma'am.
- Thank you, Nia.

90
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,142
Hey, why doesn't she do it?

91
00:05:50,226 --> 00:05:52,228
- Who?
- The lady that works here.

92
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,997
The one that won't make me a good drink.

93
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,941
Nia is already staff manager.

94
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,943
She has been for years.

95
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,546
There needs to be someone in charge
of the entire operation.

96
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,531
To oversee everything.

97
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:06,450
I just don't think I have time
to take on another job.

98
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,036
And what do you mean, "another job"?

99
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:12,706
Me and Preston and Chaz
are working on developing an app.

100
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:15,417
And what does this app do?

101
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:18,337
It, like, gives you rides places.

102
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,923
- Oh, like Uber?
- [scoffs]

103
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:25,177
Yeah, kinda. But with sicker cars.
And like super-hot drivers.

104
00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:27,096
Well, I'm afraid your app

105
00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:30,766
is going to have to be put on
the back burner for a little while.

106
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,661
I think I'm gonna have to say no, Dad.

107
00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:38,899
Well, then I'm gonna have to say
since Wadsworth Manor is your inheritance,

108
00:06:38,983 --> 00:06:42,319
you will be on your own
financially from now on.

109
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:43,571
This is horseshit!

110
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:46,574
Nia will brief you on all the particulars.

111
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:52,663
Oh, and, son, this property has been
in our family for over 180 years.

112
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:57,001
Don't you be the one to fuck it up.
Darling.

113
00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:17,271
Hey. Um, it's me.

114
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,291
[man] Hey, come on in.
Make yourself at home.

115
00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:20,816
I'm making some sweet tea.

116
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:21,900
Mm.

117
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,196
Come on in.

118
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,076
Hi.

119
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,370
Hello.

120
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,831
- That looks good.
- It is.

121
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,375
- Is that, like, lemon?
- Rainbow.

122
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,169
Rainbow. Cool.

123
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,921
Since I'm a kid, I love lollipops.

124
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,925
Um, hey, are your, like,

125
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:51,805
parents or siblings here, by any chance?

126
00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:53,891
You wanna make sure I'm alone?

127
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,684
Yeah.

128
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:57,853
Wait, no. That sounds weird. I kinda...

129
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,248
- [female officer] Get on the ground!
- On your fucking knees!

130
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,000
You're under arrest
for the solicitation of a minor.

131
00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,025
[Hannah] What?

132
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,503
- [male officer] Hands behind your back.
- Um, okay.

133
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,364
- Okay. Okay.
- You have the right to remain silent.

134
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:11,092
Anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.

135
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,053
- You have the right to an attorney.
- Wait...

136
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:16,222
If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you.

137
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,600
- Not to interrupt...
- With these rights in mind,

138
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,185
do you still wish to discuss
the charges against you?

139
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,544
Yes. I certainly do. Um...

140
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:26,298
I'm so ticklish.
Is this 72 Jackson Street?

141
00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:28,842
No. It's 72 Jackson Avenue.

142
00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:32,513
Oh, my God.
See, this is so funny.

143
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:36,058
Well, maybe it's not so funny, but it's...
That I can explain.

144
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:39,079
Solicitation of a minor with the intent
to sell narcotics to said minor.

145
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,939
No, no, no, no. Um, okay.

146
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,732
Not to narc out my bosses,

147
00:08:43,816 --> 00:08:46,652
but I work for a company
called Lady Mary Jane.

148
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:51,407
And I was supposed to deliver
that weed and, um, yeah,

149
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:55,452
that bag of edibles to 72 Jackson Street.

150
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,163
[scoffs] I'm not here for sex.

151
00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:59,957
And even if I was here for sex,

152
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,209
I wouldn't want to do it with him.

153
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,420
How old is he?
Is he like 12 or something?

154
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:05,629
I'm 19.

155
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,297
You're 197

156
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,758
That is just... Really?

157
00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:12,302
- I'm an actor.
- He doesn't even have pubes.

158
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,555
I have all the pubes. Tons of pubes.

159
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,265
- Like tons of pubes?
- Tons.

160
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:18,648
That's not something to brag about,
by the way.

161
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,978
Don't lick your lollipop right now.

162
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,147
He's like sexually harassing me for real.

163
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,898
Why don't you arrest this creep?

164
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,711
- He's just doing his job, ma'am.
- What is wrong with you?

165
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,820
Doesn't even have to be acting anymore.

166
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:34,533
[door opens]

167
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,870
Oh!

168
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,997
Todd! I'm so glad you're here.

169
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,292
You don't know the difference
between street and avenue?

170
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,710
I was a little stoned.

171
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,879
- Shocking.
- Todd.

172
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:49,798
I was arrested for soliciting sex
from a kid today.

173
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:51,717
Please just be nice to me.

174
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,969
For a change.

175
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,972
Look, my uncle is friends with the DA.
I talked to him.

176
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,367
- They're giving you a break.
- Oh, that's amazing!

177
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,144
They're dropping all the drug charges.

178
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,627
All you have to do
is register as a sex offender.

179
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,649
Yeah, right. [laughs]

180
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,943
Do you know how lucky you are, Hannah?

181
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,863
This could've been way worse.

182
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,966
I sure hope you can
get your shit together,

183
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:18,535
because this is...
this is really fucking pathetic.

184
00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:22,372
Wait. Are you breaking up with me?

185
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:26,210
Well, I can't introduce my parents
to a sex offender.

186
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,295
Well...

187
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,047
I'm gonna go pack up your shit.

188
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,025
Well, you know what? Good.

189
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:33,610
I didn't want to meet them anyway.

190
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,445
What kind of people name their kid "Todd"?

191
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:37,304
Such a stupid name.

192
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,264
They sound like assholes actually.

193
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,642
I've been cheating on you.

194
00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:43,310
Huh? With who?

195
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,437
With the mailman.

196
00:10:45,521 --> 00:10:46,664
- Betty?
- With the milkman.

197
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,941
- We don't have a milkman.
- Ah, fuck.

198
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,108
Bye, Hannah.

199
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:51,193
[sighs]

200
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,071
[door closes]

201
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,341
[woman]
Now, upon the night that General Sherman

202
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:59,368
placed his prized hat
into my grateful hands,

203
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:03,121
little did I know our home
would forever become an integral part

204
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,415
of Savannah's rich and turbulent history.

205
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,377
- [light applause]
- Thank you. Thank you.

206
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,730
I would now be more than happy
to answer any queries

207
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,131
you may have regarding our beloved manor.

208
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:18,262
Yeah. Did General Sherman place
anything else into your grateful hands?

209
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,639
- [chuckles]
- No, sir, he did not.

210
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,476
Thank you kindly.

211
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,603
Thank you. Have a good day.

212
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:29,398
Thank you so much.
Bye-bye. Thank you.

213
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:31,900
[mock accent]
Very impressive, milady.

214
00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:34,278
Thank you, Mr. Wadsworth.

215
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,739
[normal voice] Please, "Mr. Wadsworth"
is so stuffy and formal.

216
00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,825
- You can call me Tanner.
- Oh.

217
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,034
Wadsworth.

218
00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,619
And...

219
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,204
[coins clinking]

220
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:46,248
- Thank you.
- You earned it.

221
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:49,631
You sounded exactly like you were
an old colonial lady or whatever.

222
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:51,837
It was really hot.

223
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,505
Thank you, sir.

224
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,465
Let's have dinner tonight. My treat.

225
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,509
Oh, uh, thank you, but...

226
00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,344
Fine, we'll split the bill.

227
00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:02,347
I am actually having dinner
with my boyfriend tonight.

228
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,141
Cancel it.

229
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,643
I'm sorry, Mr. Wadsworth.

230
00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,396
Hmm, I'm sorry too.

231
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,316
- We're gonna have to let you go.
- What?

232
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:16,445
[mock accent]
Now please leaveth the premises-eths.

233
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,534
- [men laughing]
- [man] Then what'd she say?

234
00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:25,704
Nothing. She was just literally like,
"Fuck you."

235
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,307
- But she didn't say it.
- Oh, yeah.

236
00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:29,249
- What a slut!
- Total slut!

237
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:31,084
"I have a boyfriend who I love."

238
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,503
- [all laugh]
- [phone chiming]

239
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,464
Oh, my God. It's my fiancée.

240
00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:36,965
Sorry. Gotta blaze.

241
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,968
Hey, baby.
I've been thinking about you too.

242
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:45,515
Now I have to register as a sex offender,
which probably isn't going to be easy.

243
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:51,313
Like if registering your car
at the DMZ or whatever is such a bitch,

244
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,816
can you imagine how much more
of a bitch it's gonna be

245
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,277
to register as a sex offender?

246
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,821
You know, I hope it's harder.

247
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:04,201
If it is easier to register
as a sex offender...

248
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:08,372
[laughs] You know,
I think I could be a stand-up comedian.

249
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,667
"What's the deal with
registering as a sex offender?"

250
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,086
I don't know. Why don't you tell me?

251
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:22,970
Uh, I don't actually know
'cause I'm not, like, a real sex offender.

252
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:27,307
I was set up by this,
like, adult kid actor.

253
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:29,851
This fruity little youthful narc.

254
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:32,145
- Ugh.
- I see.

255
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:34,189
Don't take this the wrong way,

256
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:37,669
- but you're really, really handsome.
- [phone chiming]

257
00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:40,320
If that fake kid today
had looked like you?

258
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,407
Ooh, boy, like, throw the book at me.

259
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,741
Ooh!

260
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,576
Can I ask what you do?

261
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,496
Um, I used to be in
the pharmaceutical business

262
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:53,750
and now I am self-unemployed.

263
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,293
Hmm.

264
00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:58,379
You just passing through?

265
00:13:58,422 --> 00:14:00,424
No, I live in Savannah.

266
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,092
- Oh, where?
- Where?

267
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:10,350
What, are you, like, a person who, like,
asks a lot of questions?

268
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:12,894
I'm a person who would
like to offer you a job.

269
00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:18,066
- Fuck off.
- I'm serious.

270
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:21,319
Do you have any acting experience,
by any chance?

271
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:26,408
Um, yes, by some chance, I do.

272
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,577
I know. It's crazy.

273
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,955
I was in an acting play,
Drugs Are For Slugs.

274
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,915
You've probably heard of it.

275
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,625
I played the main slug.

276
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,812
It was part of this, like,
after-school program

277
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:41,298
for kids whose parents thought
they might end up doing drugs.

278
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:46,219
So pretty good casting, if you ask me.
[chuckles]

279
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,971
I knew you'd be perfect.

280
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:50,557
There's only one thing.

281
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,977
You'll have to live at Wadsworth Manor.

282
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:56,855
Okay.

283
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,630
[Nia] So pretty much you'll be in charge

284
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,157
of maintaining the interior
of Wadsworth Manor.

285
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,385
Laundry, light cleaning,
things of that nature.

286
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,470
If you have any questions,

287
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:12,680
you can direct them towards myself
or my brother, Marcus.

288
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:15,415
And of course you'll be
in charge of leading the tours,

289
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,959
which start promptly at 9:30 every day.

290
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,962
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
Nia, have you seen my toolbox?

291
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,107
I think I saw it in the garage.
Check there.

292
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,634
Oh. Okay. Thanks.

293
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,929
Who is that sexy hunk of man meat?

294
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,182
That's Marcus. My brother.

295
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,851
Oh. Cool. Cool.

296
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:37,020
He seems smart. Oh, what's this?

297
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:40,148
This is a pretty dress.

298
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:41,983
Wow! Who makes this?

299
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:46,613
Yep. It is a JZP. I knew it.

300
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:51,368
This actually belonged to Lady Wadsworth's
best friend in the entire world,

301
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,663
who just so happened to be
my great-great-great grandmother,

302
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,414
Josephine Zelda Pipkin.

303
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:59,348
She sewed that into all her possessions,
few as they were.

304
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:02,921
Zelda, huh?
This is probably a dumb question,

305
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:05,966
but she wasn't, by any chance,

306
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:11,388
named after the actual
Legend of Zelda, was she?

307
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,722
Moving on.

308
00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:20,897
This right here is the most
prized possession of our Wadsworth Manor.

309
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:25,026
Oh, sorry. This is my most
prized possession, too, so...

310
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:28,610
When General William Tecumseh Sherman
stayed here during the Civil War,

311
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,074
he was so charmed by Lady Wadsworth,

312
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,785
by her hospitality,
graciousness and class,

313
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,912
he gave her his hat as a gift.

314
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,123
[Hannah] Oh, shit.

315
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:42,502
Lady Wadsworth, that's the role
I'm getting my hands on, right?

316
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:43,795
That's right.

317
00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:45,505
And she was classy.

318
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:47,674
The absolute classiest.

319
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:51,094
Okay. I will make sure to do her justice.

320
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,262
[belches]

321
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,431
Sorry.

322
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,184
I did have a few beers tonight.

323
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,953
Let me show you where you'll be staying.

324
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,312
- Okay.
- Okay.

325
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,987
Here we are. The lady's bedroom.

326
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,405
Oh, my God!

327
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,300
Remember, this will be part of the tour,

328
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:15,160
so it's imperative that you
keep it as the lady kept it.

329
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,912
Immaculate.

330
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,705
Wow, this is amazing!

331
00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:24,336
- Shoes?
- Um...

332
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:27,047
I don't know, I think they're Skechers.

333
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,049
Oh! You mean...

334
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:31,760
Excuse me.

335
00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,929
Is there anything else I can get for you?

336
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:37,182
Uh, no. I think I'm good.
Thank you so much.

337
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,244
Make sure you're well versed
on the history of the manor by tomorrow.

338
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:43,372
There's a packet with all relevant
information on the side table next to you.

339
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,773
Oh, yep.

340
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,858
- Good night, Hannah.
- Okay. Good night.

341
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,781
What?

342
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:58,536
"Wadsworth Manor,
founded in 1840 by Jennings F. Daubmire,

343
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:02,457
is one of the oldest
and most treasured historical homes... "

344
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,084
Ugh!

345
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:27,691
[sighs]

346
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:34,864
Fuck.

347
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:18,700
Hear ye, hear ye.
My name is Lady Wadsworth,

348
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:22,495
but you can call me Nancy.

349
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:29,461
I built this house with my own two hands
in the summer of 1855.

350
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,921
Uh, I know what you're all thinking.

351
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,341
Wow, that makes you super old!

352
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,384
Uh, let me tell you my secret.

353
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:40,305
SPF 50. [chuckles weakly]

354
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:45,310
And this is, uh, ye olde living room,

355
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:49,647
where they used to host parties and shit...
And digs.

356
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:50,732
Shindigs.

357
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:56,112
Yes. A question.
A little early for a question, but okay.

358
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:59,574
Oh, sorry. I just... really quick.
Um, what are you talking about?

359
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:01,910
I'm sorry, what?

360
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:05,914
Well, first of all,
your name is Elizabeth, not Nancy.

361
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:09,250
Uh, this house was built in 1840,
and not 1855.

362
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:12,253
It's literally right on
the cover of the pamphlet.

363
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:15,507
And, um, this is definitely not called
"ye olde living room"

364
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:19,552
because, well, that's-that's ridiculous.

365
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,386
So what-what are you talking about?

366
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:27,811
Uh, if you'll excuse me
just for one minute. Please.

367
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,187
- Sorry. Uh...
- Please.

368
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,897
- Okay.
- Please.

369
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,084
[clears throat]
What the fuck is your problem?

370
00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:35,026
- What's my problem?
- Yeah.

371
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:37,904
Oh, I'm sorry I was hoping for
some facts on this tour.

372
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,489
I am giving you facts.

373
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,908
- No, you're not.
- Fact after fact.

374
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,868
Not real facts. Not actual facts.

375
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:46,246
Well, what makes you
so qualified to say that?

376
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:49,916
- A PhD in American History from Harvard.
- Oh.

377
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:52,836
Yeah. What is going on?
Do you even work here?

378
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:57,632
Look, I'm just trying not to get fired,
okay? It's my first day.

379
00:20:57,715 --> 00:21:01,177
I'm sorry.
Just, I really need this job. Please?

380
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,224
I'm here with some students
from my seminar.

381
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:09,727
It's a little weird.
I was hoping they would learn something.

382
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,397
Ah, screw it.

383
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,940
I'll catch 'em up later.

384
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,817
Ugh, thank you. You're so sweet.

385
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:16,901
- Sure.
- Thank you.

386
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:19,779
Listen, if you ever want
any actual facts...

387
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:21,865
- Oh.
- Let me know.

388
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,160
Thank you.
Just gonna tuck it right in here.

389
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,162
Okay. Yeah. No pockets.

390
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:28,580
- Thank you.
- Sure.

391
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:35,003
Now where were we
before we were interrupted?

392
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,839
Oh, right,
I was gonna show you ye olde den,

393
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:39,757
where they used to watch...

394
00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:42,427
probably plays. Come on.

395
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:43,803
Right this way.

396
00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:51,895
So, as Lady Wadsworth, um,
as I always used to say,

397
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:56,107
"Ye don't have to go home,
but ye can't stay here." Thank you.

398
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,738
Bravo!

399
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:02,947
Oh, my God.

400
00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:05,742
- You were fantastic.
- Was 1?

401
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:08,762
I couldn't tell the difference
between you and Lady Wadsworth.

402
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,830
Oh, my God.
That is so nice of you.

403
00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:13,541
- Well, I'm a nice guy.
- Yeah.

404
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,625
Let's celebrate tonight.
What do you say?

405
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,005
Okay. [chuckles] Sure.

406
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,465
That's the right answer.

407
00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:26,804
- [knocking]
- Sorry to bother you, but...

408
00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:30,558
[Hannah chuckles] Don't worry.
I'll clean it up before the next tour.

409
00:22:30,642 --> 00:22:35,563
I'm trying to figure out what to wear.
I got a hot date with our hunky boss.

410
00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:38,566
- Lucky you.
- What do you think about this?

411
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:40,401
You think Tanner will like this?

412
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:43,738
I really think the best thing
is to just be a lady.

413
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:48,243
That way you can better serve the role
of "the lady." You feel me?

414
00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:52,205
Oh, mm-hmm.
Tanner's into classy ladies.

415
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:54,499
- Well...
- I got you. I can do this.

416
00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:57,561
My ex-roommate used to watch
Downtown Abbey all the time, so...

417
00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,879
I guess that's a good start.

418
00:23:01,339 --> 00:23:03,007
- Hey, Nia?
- Yes?

419
00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:05,301
- Thank you.
- Don't worry.

420
00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:06,935
You're gonna do just fine here.

421
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,774
Mm. I like that dress.

422
00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:22,735
Classy.

423
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,279
Thank you, Nia.

424
00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:25,863
- Huh?
- What?

425
00:23:25,947 --> 00:23:27,782
My name is Tanner.

426
00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:30,952
- Yeah.
- Hi. I'm Addison,

427
00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,680
and I'll be your waitress for the evening.

428
00:23:32,704 --> 00:23:34,554
Can I start you off with some drinks?

429
00:23:35,248 --> 00:23:39,335
Uh, yes, indeed. I think I shall.

430
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:42,982
- Something classy, of course.
- Would you like to look at our wine list?

431
00:23:43,006 --> 00:23:45,008
Do you think I don't know my wines?

432
00:23:45,091 --> 00:23:46,593
No. Not at all. I was just...

433
00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:50,179
I'll peruse the list just to make sure
the ones you got on it

434
00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:51,806
are classy enough for me.

435
00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:53,766
Very good.
And for the gentleman?

436
00:23:54,892 --> 00:23:57,478
Yeah, gimme a shot of Patron
and a vod sodes.

437
00:23:57,562 --> 00:24:00,732
- Huh?
- A vodka soda.

438
00:24:03,484 --> 00:24:06,029
- Yeesh.
- Yeah.

439
00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:10,366
They have got the most sick
tasting fish here.

440
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:12,285
Ham cubes are fire.

441
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,918
Oh, they have ham cubes? Where?

442
00:24:13,995 --> 00:24:16,080
- Yeah, you can't go wrong.
- No.

443
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:23,004
I still can't believe you just, like,
swooped into the bar and you were like,

444
00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:27,508
"Hi, I'm hot, you want a job
and a sick place to live?"

445
00:24:27,592 --> 00:24:29,385
[both chuckle]

446
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:33,222
I know this isn't a classy thing to admit,

447
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:37,852
but I wasn't really on my way
to join the circus like I said.

448
00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:39,896
I had no real plan.

449
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:42,940
- Hmm.
- Yeah.

450
00:24:43,024 --> 00:24:48,029
Well, maybe there's some way
you can repay the favor.

451
00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:53,117
Oh, my God.
You're like a knight in shiny armor.

452
00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:54,952
But hotter.

453
00:24:55,036 --> 00:24:58,665
Well, you're pretty great too.

454
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,585
- Do you mean it?
- I do.

455
00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:05,713
Oh. That's so beautiful.

456
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:08,716
I mean, honestly, you're like a poet.
But hotter.

457
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,718
[sighs]

458
00:25:10,802 --> 00:25:13,846
I can't believe I get to live
in your family's mansion.

459
00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:16,950
Yeah, it's a pretty nice house, I guess.

460
00:25:16,974 --> 00:25:20,436
"Nice house." [laughs]

461
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,981
Yeah, and the Taj Mahal
is just a "nice hall."

462
00:25:25,358 --> 00:25:29,195
So what was it like growing up
in that "nice house"? [laughs]

463
00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:31,048
[scoffs] I didn't live in that house.

464
00:25:31,072 --> 00:25:34,951
It's more like a dusty old family museum.

465
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:37,834
But I get to sell it when my parents die,
so that's cool.

466
00:25:38,496 --> 00:25:40,456
Wow. That's awesome.

467
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:43,835
What do you say we head back there
and, uh, dust the bed,

468
00:25:43,918 --> 00:25:45,169
if you know what I mean?

469
00:25:47,547 --> 00:25:49,924
I'm pretty sure I do.

470
00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:52,009
You're talking about sex, right?

471
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:53,428
- Bingo.
- [chuckles]

472
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:55,072
[waitress]
Can I get you anything else?

473
00:25:55,096 --> 00:25:56,681
Some coffee perhaps, ma'am?

474
00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:58,314
- Why would I want coffee?
- No.

475
00:26:00,309 --> 00:26:03,354
- Hey, uh, Adderall.
- It's Addison.

476
00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:05,290
I just wanted to let you know
that I finished

477
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:09,485
the entire bottle of the strun...
jun... junior.

478
00:26:09,569 --> 00:26:11,338
So now who doesn't know their wines?

479
00:26:11,362 --> 00:26:15,074
- Ha-ha.
- Congratulations.

480
00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:16,284
Thank you.

481
00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:18,661
I outclassed the fuck outta her.

482
00:26:18,745 --> 00:26:19,912
[chuckles]

483
00:26:21,330 --> 00:26:22,707
[tires screech]

484
00:26:25,376 --> 00:26:28,463
You're such a good drunk driver.

485
00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:29,881
Thanks, I know.

486
00:26:36,679 --> 00:26:40,933
Whoa. You kiss like a horse.

487
00:26:41,017 --> 00:26:43,853
[both moaning, grunting]

488
00:26:46,189 --> 00:26:47,315
Oh, yeah!

489
00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:50,777
Let's do this.

490
00:26:51,611 --> 00:26:54,113
Wait. Okay.

491
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,699
Oh, my God.

492
00:26:58,326 --> 00:27:01,537
Oh, my God, you're so hot. Okay.

493
00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:06,793
I'm just, um... I'm gonna go freshen up.

494
00:27:06,876 --> 00:27:09,712
So just, real quick.

495
00:27:09,796 --> 00:27:11,464
[hiccups]

496
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:12,840
Wanna smoke?

497
00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:29,524
Condoms, condoms.

498
00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:37,073
Thank you, Jesus. I'll be right out!

499
00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:38,950
Oh, you're great.

500
00:27:41,869 --> 00:27:44,914
Eat your heart out, Todd. Dickhead.

501
00:27:53,047 --> 00:27:56,843
Hi. You look comfortable.

502
00:27:56,926 --> 00:27:59,637
Are you having a little nap?

503
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,181
Oh, my God, that's so cute.

504
00:28:06,727 --> 00:28:12,775
Maybe little Tan-Tan
needs a little wake-up call. Hmm?

505
00:28:12,859 --> 00:28:15,444
- Is that a yes? Okay.
- [hiccups]

506
00:28:16,279 --> 00:28:17,363
Great.

507
00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:23,995
I just wanna make sure
that this is consexual.

508
00:28:24,078 --> 00:28:26,706
- [exhales]
- Sounds good to me.

509
00:28:27,623 --> 00:28:28,791
Okay.

510
00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:30,501
[Lady Wadsworth] No!

511
00:28:30,585 --> 00:28:32,128
What the fuck?

512
00:28:33,462 --> 00:28:35,590
Oh, my God! Who are you?

513
00:28:35,673 --> 00:28:39,302
No, poor depraved wench,
the question is who are you?

514
00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:42,930
I am the lady who lives in this room.

515
00:28:43,014 --> 00:28:45,975
And that is my cock
that you are blocking me from.

516
00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:48,603
Now, who are you?

517
00:28:48,686 --> 00:28:52,899
I am Lady Elizabeth Wadsworth,
and I am afraid to tell you

518
00:28:52,982 --> 00:28:55,651
I take umbrage with the despicable,

519
00:28:55,735 --> 00:28:58,321
animalistic way
you are behaving in my room!

520
00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:02,116
Yeah. Okay, right.
No, 'cause Tanner told me about you.

521
00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:03,760
You had the job before me, right?

522
00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:05,953
Had I ever the job you possess,

523
00:29:06,037 --> 00:29:09,790
I shall think I would have long ago
gone mad from syphilis. Or worse.

524
00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:14,253
- You think I'm a prostitute?
- I know you to be.

525
00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:16,940
Grateful only that your customer
seems to have saved himself

526
00:29:16,964 --> 00:29:20,064
from whatever lusty madness
with which you mean to inflict him.

527
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,262
Okay. You're nuts. Uh, what?

528
00:29:23,346 --> 00:29:27,266
You quit 'cause you couldn't stand
being around Tanner after he rejected you

529
00:29:27,350 --> 00:29:30,728
and now you're stalking him
but in character!

530
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:32,730
And I'm the mad one?

531
00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:35,608
Hey, Tanner.

532
00:29:36,651 --> 00:29:38,611
Seriously, wake up, okay?

533
00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:40,446
"Cause your weird stalker is here,

534
00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:43,199
and I don't feel like
getting stabbed by a lunatic.

535
00:29:45,743 --> 00:29:46,827
Hey.

536
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:03,678
Little known fact,

537
00:30:03,761 --> 00:30:07,723
this is my favorite room
in all of Wadsworth Manor.

538
00:30:07,807 --> 00:30:13,187
Can anybody guess why?
Yes. You, the natural brunette.

539
00:30:13,270 --> 00:30:14,855
Because you love to read?

540
00:30:15,690 --> 00:30:18,609
Wrong. Reading is for nerds.

541
00:30:18,693 --> 00:30:23,322
[chuckles]
I'm joking. So, over here we have...

542
00:30:23,406 --> 00:30:24,907
Fuck! [groans]

543
00:30:24,991 --> 00:30:28,911
That... Fuck. Fuck.
That was to illustrate,

544
00:30:28,995 --> 00:30:32,790
uh, the fact that contrary
to popular belief,

545
00:30:32,873 --> 00:30:37,169
women of the time
had the tongues of filthy sailors.

546
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:38,254
They really did.

547
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:42,675
It was very customary, uh,
for women to say "fuck"

548
00:30:42,758 --> 00:30:46,053
and "shit" and even "cocktease."

549
00:30:46,137 --> 00:30:49,849
"Pussy" was a very popular
word of the day.

550
00:30:49,932 --> 00:30:53,894
But, you know, "fuck" did not mean
what it means today.

551
00:30:54,937 --> 00:30:57,064
Right? It didn't mean that.

552
00:30:57,148 --> 00:31:01,652
It actually meant
a polite wink at a stranger.

553
00:31:01,736 --> 00:31:07,283
So, in fact, right now,
I am fucking all of you.

554
00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:10,870
[gasps] Oh, my God!

555
00:31:10,953 --> 00:31:14,874
How dare you pose as me
in my own house, spewing such filth!

556
00:31:15,666 --> 00:31:18,127
Okay, um...

557
00:31:18,210 --> 00:31:21,464
does everybody see this
old-timey-looking lady right now?

558
00:31:23,424 --> 00:31:26,093
- Hi.
- Holy shit.

559
00:31:26,177 --> 00:31:30,097
You are an abomination.
A filthy tramp, you are.

560
00:31:30,181 --> 00:31:33,517
- What did you call me?
- I didn't call you anything.

561
00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:40,524
Call... Call on me.
Uh, I had so many gentleman callers...

562
00:31:40,608 --> 00:31:43,152
- [gasps] That is a lie!
- ...calling upon me.

563
00:31:43,235 --> 00:31:45,797
I was a faithfully married woman.
You take your lies...

564
00:31:45,821 --> 00:31:48,091
- Just one after the other.
- ...and vacate this house at once.

565
00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:49,885
Just gentleman caller
after gentleman caller.

566
00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:51,535
One after the other. In and out.

567
00:31:51,619 --> 00:31:53,346
You should be ashamed
speaking in such a crass manner.

568
00:31:53,370 --> 00:31:57,625
- It is most unbecoming!
- Okay. Now, that's the end of the tour.

569
00:31:57,708 --> 00:32:00,169
That's it. Um, thank you for coming.

570
00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:02,671
And, uh, please come see us again soon.

571
00:32:02,755 --> 00:32:03,923
[huffs]

572
00:32:04,006 --> 00:32:07,051
Excuse me.
Is that really the end of the tour?

573
00:32:07,134 --> 00:32:09,637
You are a disgrace.

574
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:13,140
I am not listening to you,
you obnoxious old asshole!

575
00:32:14,058 --> 00:32:15,351
Oh!

576
00:32:15,434 --> 00:32:17,436
Oh...

577
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,523
Sorry, ma'am, you were great.

578
00:32:21,941 --> 00:32:23,609
<i>What the {...</i>

579
00:32:43,295 --> 00:32:44,505
[knocking on door]

580
00:32:44,588 --> 00:32:46,215
[Max] Come on in.

581
00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:48,509
So many different theories
that it wouldn't...

582
00:32:48,592 --> 00:32:50,427
Oh. Sorry. [chuckles]

583
00:32:50,511 --> 00:32:52,489
I didn't know you were busy with a lady.

584
00:32:52,513 --> 00:32:56,392
Uh, this is my student, Jenny.
Jenny, this is, uh...

585
00:32:56,475 --> 00:33:00,479
Hannah. Hi. I'm an actress.
And a model sometimes.

586
00:33:00,563 --> 00:33:02,439
- Hi.
- Hi.

587
00:33:02,523 --> 00:33:07,611
Okay. So I guess I'll, uh,
come back when you're not, um...

588
00:33:07,695 --> 00:33:11,198
Oh, no. No!
Jenny and I were just finishing up.

589
00:33:11,282 --> 00:33:14,118
Hannah, uh, so that-that
would be perfect. You can do it.

590
00:33:14,201 --> 00:33:17,051
- Thanks, Dr. Plumm.
- Sure. I'll see you in class, Jenny.

591
00:33:19,331 --> 00:33:20,958
- Hi.
- Dr. Plumm?

592
00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:24,170
- What?
- Were you guys doing, like, role-playing?

593
00:33:24,253 --> 00:33:28,174
Like doctor-patient shit?
You are kinkier than I thought.

594
00:33:28,257 --> 00:33:30,509
It's nothing inappropriate, I assure you.

595
00:33:30,593 --> 00:33:33,512
- Oh.
- Just regular office hours. I...

596
00:33:33,596 --> 00:33:37,391
Honestly. Yeah.
You can throw it away.

597
00:33:37,474 --> 00:33:40,519
- Don't tell anyone about my office hours.
- Oh, I won't.

598
00:33:40,603 --> 00:33:42,688
That everyone has. All teachers have.

599
00:33:42,771 --> 00:33:45,065
- It's just a student.
- Yeah.

600
00:33:45,149 --> 00:33:47,860
What can I...
What can I help you with, Hannah?

601
00:33:47,943 --> 00:33:50,571
Okay. So you say you're a doctor.

602
00:33:50,654 --> 00:33:52,907
- Well, I am a doctor.
- Okay.

603
00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:55,040
Do you know anyone
who can do an exorcism?

604
00:33:56,076 --> 00:33:58,078
- An exorcism?
- Mm-hmm.

605
00:33:58,162 --> 00:34:00,206
What's this about?

606
00:34:00,289 --> 00:34:04,001
[sighs] Okay, so,
I was giving a tour this morning,

607
00:34:04,084 --> 00:34:05,794
and Lady Wadsworth was on it.

608
00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:08,631
Like, the real Lady Wadsworth.

609
00:34:08,714 --> 00:34:11,717
Like, she was a ghost, I think.

610
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,386
But not like a scary, like, ghost.

611
00:34:14,470 --> 00:34:18,015
She was more like
an old-fashioned bitch ghost.

612
00:34:18,098 --> 00:34:21,310
Like all like stuffy and shit.
Like, "Neh, neh, neh."

613
00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:24,313
Super annoying and, like, yelling at me.

614
00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:26,291
So now I need to try to get rid of her,

615
00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:28,484
and I thought the easiest way to do that

616
00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:32,655
would be to find someone who knows about,
like, potions and spells and whatever,

617
00:34:32,738 --> 00:34:38,327
like a doctor or a witch doctor
or like a priest who can do an exorcism.

618
00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:40,663
But not like an old weak priest.

619
00:34:40,746 --> 00:34:44,333
I want, like, a hot, young,
like, athletic priest

620
00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:46,585
who can really take a beating.

621
00:34:46,669 --> 00:34:49,519
So what do you think? Can you help me?
Do you know anyone?

622
00:34:53,050 --> 00:34:54,593
Oh, forget it.

623
00:34:54,677 --> 00:34:57,304
What... Wait, hold on. I'm sorry. Hold on.

624
00:34:57,388 --> 00:35:00,158
Wait, wait, wait.
I... You just caught me a little off guard

625
00:35:00,182 --> 00:35:03,185
- coming in here talking about exorcisms.
- Well...

626
00:35:03,269 --> 00:35:06,230
So I don't really know much
about this kinda thing.

627
00:35:06,313 --> 00:35:09,817
- It's not my field. Um...
- Sorry.

628
00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:12,569
I do know that exorcisms only really work

629
00:35:12,653 --> 00:35:14,547
if the spirit
is possessing a living person.

630
00:35:14,571 --> 00:35:17,199
So I don't think that would be
your best bet.

631
00:35:17,283 --> 00:35:19,118
Okay, well, thanks anyway.

632
00:35:19,201 --> 00:35:21,412
Well, wait! Where are you going?

633
00:35:21,495 --> 00:35:24,045
- What do you mean? I'm giving up.
- Just like that?

634
00:35:24,081 --> 00:35:28,460
Yeah. This is more effort than I've
put into anything in a long time,

635
00:35:28,544 --> 00:35:29,586
and I'm tired.

636
00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:31,380
- You're tired already?
- Yes!

637
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:33,913
Well, there might be
some other things we can try.

638
00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:35,134
Okay.

639
00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:39,888
Um, Cynthia,
cancel all my afternoon appointments.

640
00:35:41,432 --> 00:35:42,725
Who's Cynthia?

641
00:35:42,808 --> 00:35:44,351
That's my fake secretary.

642
00:35:44,435 --> 00:35:47,980
I just told her to cancel
all my fake appointments.

643
00:35:48,063 --> 00:35:51,317
Oh, it's a joke.
Oh, yeah. It's funny.

644
00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:56,822
Is that... Okay, now see...

645
00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:59,074
Ask about ghosts.
How to get rid of ghosts.

646
00:35:59,158 --> 00:36:00,552
- Think this will be that simple?
- Mm-hmm.

647
00:36:00,576 --> 00:36:01,410
Oh, yeah.

648
00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:03,263
["Evidence" by Allison Pierce playing]

649
00:36:03,287 --> 00:36:04,496
- Ow!
- Oh, my God.

650
00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:05,849
- It's all right.
- Seriously?

651
00:36:05,873 --> 00:36:06,874
It's fine.

652
00:36:08,584 --> 00:36:11,628
Wow. It's really going.

653
00:36:11,712 --> 00:36:15,341
♪ Pushing our way through the crowd ♪

654
00:36:15,424 --> 00:36:17,718
♪ Wait, he said
got the devil in his head ♪

655
00:36:17,801 --> 00:36:20,554
[coughing]
I think I'm allergic to sage.

656
00:36:20,637 --> 00:36:24,183
- [coughing] Excuse me.
- It's okay.

657
00:36:24,266 --> 00:36:26,101
♪ And kick the devil out the door ♪

658
00:36:26,185 --> 00:36:30,189
♪ And watch him walk away like a prince ♪

659
00:36:30,272 --> 00:36:33,567
♪ Once again he's original as sin ♪

660
00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:37,196
♪ But there ain't nowhere to run
I got the evidence ♪

661
00:36:37,279 --> 00:36:38,614
"O."

662
00:36:39,156 --> 00:36:40,157
"O."

663
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,825
"N."

664
00:36:41,909 --> 00:36:43,619
- "N."
- [gasps]

665
00:36:43,702 --> 00:36:46,580
- "Clean my roon."
- Huh.

666
00:36:46,663 --> 00:36:48,582
What's a "roon"?

667
00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:53,003
Well, I'm-I'm guessing she meant
"room," with an "I'm."

668
00:36:53,087 --> 00:36:56,006
I think that's a leap.

669
00:36:56,090 --> 00:36:58,842
How do you know she didn't mean
"clean your roop"?

670
00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:00,010
What's a "roop"?

671
00:37:00,094 --> 00:37:02,805
Exactly.

672
00:37:02,888 --> 00:37:06,183
♪ Once again he's original as sin ♪

673
00:37:06,266 --> 00:37:10,604
♪ But there ain't nowhere to run
I got the evidence ♪

674
00:37:13,607 --> 00:37:16,235
♪ We still got far to go ♪

675
00:37:16,318 --> 00:37:19,339
♪ But there's plenty of time
And we're watching for the signs ♪

676
00:37:19,363 --> 00:37:21,323
Whoa.

677
00:37:21,407 --> 00:37:23,700
[chuckles]
What are you, a 13-year-old boy?

678
00:37:23,784 --> 00:37:25,411
These are from the '80s.

679
00:37:25,494 --> 00:37:28,455
It was my favorite era of D.
I'm old school.

680
00:37:28,539 --> 00:37:31,083
- Your favorite era of "D"?
- Yeah. My favorite.

681
00:37:31,166 --> 00:37:36,964
So keep in mind, these are classics
that I'm throwing out right now.

682
00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:41,343
[Max] Whoa! Jesus.

683
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:46,348
See? Old school.
I call this one my Tom Selleck.

684
00:37:46,432 --> 00:37:49,309
Why? Oh, yeah.

685
00:37:50,269 --> 00:37:51,854
[sighs]

686
00:37:51,937 --> 00:37:54,398
♪ Once again he's original as sin ♪

687
00:37:54,481 --> 00:37:58,026
I am keeping Judd Nelson. Okay?

688
00:38:01,488 --> 00:38:03,490
We've been through too much together.

689
00:38:03,574 --> 00:38:06,118
I wonder why I'm the only one
who can see her.

690
00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:09,013
Well, I don't know. You know,
I think when a spirit is stuck in limbo,

691
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:11,206
it means that they-they need something.

692
00:38:11,290 --> 00:38:15,544
Like something's been left unfulfilled
or unsolved or something.

693
00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:19,506
Then why me?
Why isn't she bugging anyone else?

694
00:38:19,590 --> 00:38:22,551
Maybe you're the only one who can
get her what she wants.

695
00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:28,891
Hey! Is this what you want?
Is this okay? Clean enough for you?

696
00:38:30,267 --> 00:38:32,060
[sighs]

697
00:38:32,144 --> 00:38:33,896
- Pretty clean.
- It's very clean.

698
00:38:33,979 --> 00:38:35,063
[chuckles]

699
00:38:42,279 --> 00:38:44,531
- I've never seen so many dildos before.
- Oh.

700
00:38:44,615 --> 00:38:46,408
Even in like a dildo store.

701
00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:50,370
You've been to a dildo store?

702
00:38:50,454 --> 00:38:52,354
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, lots of them.
- Lots?

703
00:38:52,414 --> 00:38:54,514
Yeah. Well, I-I don't really buy anything.

704
00:38:54,583 --> 00:38:58,754
I just peruse the aisles, you know.
I find it very calming.

705
00:38:58,837 --> 00:38:59,880
Yeah.

706
00:39:02,299 --> 00:39:05,719
- I'm just kidding. Obviously.
- [phone buzzing]

707
00:39:07,930 --> 00:39:08,931
[phone chimes]

708
00:39:13,101 --> 00:39:15,229
You know, I can't believe I'm saying this.

709
00:39:15,312 --> 00:39:19,358
Uh, all this exorcising
really worked up my appetite.

710
00:39:19,441 --> 00:39:22,277
What-what are you doing for dinner?
You have plans?

711
00:39:23,654 --> 00:39:28,951
Oh, sorry, I-I kinda just made plans.

712
00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,370
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
- Yeah.

713
00:39:31,453 --> 00:39:35,457
That's all right.
Um, I'm gonna... I'm gonna head out.

714
00:39:35,541 --> 00:39:38,669
- Okay. Yeah. Another time.
- Yeah. Okay, good.

715
00:39:38,752 --> 00:39:39,836
- Yeah.
- Good, good.

716
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:41,713
- Sorry.
- No. No, no.

717
00:39:41,797 --> 00:39:44,424
Have fun, uh, with your plans,
and I'll-I'll see you.

718
00:39:44,508 --> 00:39:45,759
- Okay.
- Okay.

719
00:39:53,225 --> 00:39:54,851
- What's up, bro?
- Nothing. Bro.

720
00:39:56,728 --> 00:39:57,854
What'd you say?

721
00:39:59,314 --> 00:40:00,607
Nothing.

722
00:40:00,691 --> 00:40:02,776
Did you just call me "bro"?

723
00:40:02,859 --> 00:40:05,505
Well, yeah, but you called me bro,
so I thought it was cool.

724
00:40:05,529 --> 00:40:08,782
It's cool for me, not for you.

725
00:40:08,865 --> 00:40:10,784
- Okay, bro?
- Okay. Sorry.

726
00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:11,867
Yeah, you are.

727
00:40:12,494 --> 00:40:13,829
[scoffs]

728
00:40:15,205 --> 00:40:16,331
[softly] Dick.

729
00:40:17,124 --> 00:40:18,542
What'd you say?

730
00:40:20,210 --> 00:40:21,211
Nothing.

731
00:40:21,795 --> 00:40:23,422
[alarm chirping]

732
00:40:36,143 --> 00:40:38,079
Knock, knock. I got your cock, cock.
[chuckles]

733
00:40:38,103 --> 00:40:39,771
- Oh.
- I'm just kidding.

734
00:40:39,855 --> 00:40:41,565
Ha. Good one.

735
00:40:42,733 --> 00:40:44,109
- Hey.
- Hey.

736
00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:46,361
Let me see that smile.

737
00:40:46,445 --> 00:40:49,281
- Uh. There it is. There it is.
- Yeah.

738
00:40:52,075 --> 00:40:56,038
- Mm. One second.
- What's wrong, baby?

739
00:40:56,121 --> 00:40:57,122
Nothing.

740
00:40:58,206 --> 00:40:59,916
What do you do exactly?

741
00:41:00,584 --> 00:41:02,377
Huh? You serious?

742
00:41:03,170 --> 00:41:05,005
Yeah. Uh...

743
00:41:05,088 --> 00:41:08,842
Like I just realized
I don't really know anything about you,

744
00:41:08,925 --> 00:41:14,348
like, what you do
for a living or anything.

745
00:41:14,431 --> 00:41:16,600
I don't know. I do lots of stuff.

746
00:41:16,683 --> 00:41:18,852
Like with my family business.

747
00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:23,857
Cool. Like-like what?

748
00:41:25,025 --> 00:41:29,363
Like I run family business or whatever.

749
00:41:29,446 --> 00:41:31,365
Oh, sure. Okay.

750
00:41:34,743 --> 00:41:36,012
[Lady Wadsworth] For shame!

751
00:41:36,036 --> 00:41:38,830
I would never play with
the carnal emotions of a man

752
00:41:38,914 --> 00:41:40,499
in such a childish manner.

753
00:41:40,582 --> 00:41:43,835
Yeah, well, get it through your thick,
translucent ghost brain,

754
00:41:43,919 --> 00:41:45,462
I am not you.

755
00:41:45,545 --> 00:41:48,674
- What?
- [laughs] Nothing.

756
00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:54,304
If you do not wish to engage
in these debaucherous activities,

757
00:41:54,388 --> 00:41:56,616
then simply extricate yourself
from his presence.

758
00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:58,975
He's clearly not in a sober state of mind.

759
00:41:59,059 --> 00:42:02,104
- It's not that easy.
- No shit. Can you help?

760
00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:05,816
A lady should be neither
a trollop nor a tease.

761
00:42:05,899 --> 00:42:08,443
Yet somehow you succeed in being both.

762
00:42:08,527 --> 00:42:11,613
[sighs] I can't do this.

763
00:42:11,697 --> 00:42:14,700
Dude, are you serious?
What the fuck?

764
00:42:14,783 --> 00:42:17,953
Yeah. I'm so sorry, um...

765
00:42:19,121 --> 00:42:22,457
- I have diarrhea.
- [gasps]

766
00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:27,379
Well, I guess we'll just cross that bridge
when we come to it.

767
00:42:27,462 --> 00:42:29,923
Mm, uh, okay. Yeah, we've come to it.

768
00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:32,050
So you should probably go.

769
00:42:33,802 --> 00:42:34,970
Fine.

770
00:42:36,847 --> 00:42:38,306
Wait. Where are you going?

771
00:42:38,390 --> 00:42:39,701
To jerk off in your bathroom.

772
00:42:39,725 --> 00:42:42,475
- I can't drive home like this.
- [Lady Wadsworth gasps]

773
00:42:43,729 --> 00:42:46,690
- I cannot believe you would let him...
- [pants unzip]

774
00:42:46,773 --> 00:42:50,485
...defile himself in
the sanctity of my powder room!

775
00:42:50,569 --> 00:42:52,779
Who cares? It's a bathroom.

776
00:42:52,863 --> 00:42:56,783
I'm sure you've done plenty
of unsanctimoni-bous things in there.

777
00:42:56,867 --> 00:43:00,871
A lady does not indulge
in the scatological particulars

778
00:43:00,954 --> 00:43:02,080
of her daily routine.

779
00:43:02,164 --> 00:43:04,124
Why not? It's natural.

780
00:43:04,207 --> 00:43:08,795
Not everything in nature
needs to be indulged in. Onanism, for one.

781
00:43:08,879 --> 00:43:10,356
- What is that?
- [Tanner moaning]

782
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:12,340
The spilling of one's seed.

783
00:43:12,424 --> 00:43:17,012
The act of self-arousal
just for one's own pleasure.

784
00:43:17,095 --> 00:43:19,681
Oh, my God. What is wrong with pleasure?

785
00:43:19,765 --> 00:43:21,325
There's nothing wrong with pleasure.

786
00:43:21,349 --> 00:43:24,102
I myself have experienced many pleasures
in my lifetime.

787
00:43:24,186 --> 00:43:25,536
- Baking.
- [Tanner] Easy...

788
00:43:26,313 --> 00:43:27,898
Taking walks.

789
00:43:28,774 --> 00:43:30,025
Writing in my journal.

790
00:43:30,108 --> 00:43:32,569
Journal. Wow.

791
00:43:32,652 --> 00:43:37,365
Should be some good stuff in here, I bet.
Look out, "Penthouse Forum."

792
00:43:37,449 --> 00:43:41,286
- [Tanner exhales]
- Oh. My God. That was fast.

793
00:43:41,369 --> 00:43:43,121
What can I say, you turn me on.

794
00:43:44,206 --> 00:43:45,957
Um, I'm sorry about that...

795
00:43:46,041 --> 00:43:47,341
Good luck with your shits.

796
00:43:50,545 --> 00:43:53,882
Good riddance! Ugh!

797
00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:57,844
Being so close to that wantonly
spilled seed is making me uncomfortable

798
00:43:57,928 --> 00:43:59,888
so I will take my leave as well.

799
00:44:01,223 --> 00:44:03,934
Wait a minute. Hey!

800
00:44:04,017 --> 00:44:08,271
Don't just leave the door
closed in my face!

801
00:44:08,355 --> 00:44:09,940
I'm talking to you!

802
00:44:10,023 --> 00:44:12,692
Your anger is most unwarranted.

803
00:44:12,776 --> 00:44:15,237
If anything,
I should be the one angry at you

804
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,865
for shamelessly
and so inaccurately impersonating me.

805
00:44:18,949 --> 00:44:21,409
Okay. Let me explain something to you.

806
00:44:21,493 --> 00:44:24,037
I am not pretending to be you. Okay?

807
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,207
I was hired as a tour guide
for this house.

808
00:44:27,290 --> 00:44:30,019
It's not your house anymore,
but people know you used to live here,

809
00:44:30,043 --> 00:44:34,756
so as part of the tour,
I dress as you and I act like you.

810
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,174
Okay?

811
00:44:36,258 --> 00:44:39,594
- Do you get it?
- Well, I think you are a disgrace,

812
00:44:39,678 --> 00:44:43,265
and I won't have people
thinking I behave like you,

813
00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:44,891
a common miscreant.

814
00:44:44,975 --> 00:44:49,563
Hey! I am not a miscreant.
I don't think.

815
00:44:49,646 --> 00:44:52,482
And can you just stay the hell
out of my room?

816
00:44:55,944 --> 00:44:59,406
Oh, okay. Stay outta my room too, please.

817
00:44:59,489 --> 00:45:02,409
Oh... [chuckles]
Not you... Not you, Marcus.

818
00:45:02,492 --> 00:45:04,369
It's...

819
00:45:06,830 --> 00:45:08,373
I have a proposition for you.

820
00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:10,917
If you insist on pretending to be me,

821
00:45:11,001 --> 00:45:13,729
for whatever reason you have
concocted in your mad, syphilitic mind...

822
00:45:13,753 --> 00:45:16,590
Oh, my God, for the last time,
I don't have syphilis.

823
00:45:16,673 --> 00:45:23,263
Then |I insist that you do so properly,
with dignity and, dare I say, respectably.

824
00:45:23,346 --> 00:45:28,977
In other words, will you allow me
to teach you how to act like a lady?

825
00:45:29,060 --> 00:45:32,355
Oh, I am a lady!

826
00:45:32,439 --> 00:45:36,651
Oh, fine. No. Don't disappear
into the floor or whatever.

827
00:45:36,735 --> 00:45:39,863
I... Okay. I'll do it.

828
00:45:39,946 --> 00:45:45,452
Just give me some space and please,
please stop cock-blocking me.

829
00:45:46,411 --> 00:45:49,164
Cock. Blocking?

830
00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,541
Just-just let me do me.

831
00:45:51,625 --> 00:45:55,128
- Do you?
- Just... [scoffs]

832
00:45:55,211 --> 00:46:00,717
Let me do some things that are not
necessarily ladylike from time to time,

833
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,260
in my room.

834
00:46:02,344 --> 00:46:06,973
All right. If you will allow yourself
to be taken under my tutelage,

835
00:46:07,057 --> 00:46:09,076
then I suppose I could look the other way

836
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:13,438
if you would like to occasionally
indulge in a second mint julep.

837
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:17,400
- Thank you.
- Or have a spot of morphine or cocaine.

838
00:46:17,484 --> 00:46:19,235
Geez, calm down.

839
00:46:19,319 --> 00:46:22,006
Well, one never knows when one
will be taken by the vapors,

840
00:46:22,030 --> 00:46:26,618
especially in this powerful afternoon heat
of these Savannah summers.

841
00:46:27,494 --> 00:46:30,455
- Right. Right.
- Yes.

842
00:46:30,538 --> 00:46:32,832
I think I'll be okay,
but thank you for the...

843
00:46:32,916 --> 00:46:34,459
All right.

844
00:46:35,418 --> 00:46:37,671
Well, then...

845
00:46:37,754 --> 00:46:40,882
I suppose we have
what your gambling addicted customers

846
00:46:40,966 --> 00:46:42,425
would refer to as a deal.

847
00:46:43,802 --> 00:46:48,807
A deal, but only if you
stop referring to me as a prostitute.

848
00:46:48,890 --> 00:46:52,018
- I will indeed.
- Thank you.

849
00:46:52,102 --> 00:46:54,002
As long as you stop behaving like one.

850
00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:04,364
Yeah. I forgot my razor.

851
00:47:05,782 --> 00:47:08,451
Now, the family portrait wall.

852
00:47:08,535 --> 00:47:11,037
This is my Aunt Helena.

853
00:47:11,121 --> 00:47:14,082
Uh, so this is my Aunt Helena.

854
00:47:14,165 --> 00:47:17,711
Whenever I would have guests
over to the manor,

855
00:47:17,794 --> 00:47:21,673
I would make sure I was properly
dressed and, of course,

856
00:47:21,756 --> 00:47:24,092
I would offer them tea and sex.

857
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:25,635
- Snacks!
- Snacks!

858
00:47:26,553 --> 00:47:30,557
So, uh, anyway. Right this way.

859
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,643
So a lady should walk
as though her entire body

860
00:47:33,727 --> 00:47:35,770
is being lifted off the ground.

861
00:47:35,854 --> 00:47:38,565
Like a marionette. Like this.

862
00:47:38,648 --> 00:47:40,859
Okay. Marionette.

863
00:47:44,571 --> 00:47:48,074
Bread-making is an art that a lady
should do well to master.

864
00:47:48,158 --> 00:47:51,369
- Diction is very important.
- Hmm.

865
00:47:51,453 --> 00:47:54,456
It's not funny, Hannah. Diction.

866
00:47:55,540 --> 00:47:57,542
Say it. Without laughing.

867
00:47:57,625 --> 00:47:59,294
Diction.

868
00:48:03,506 --> 00:48:05,425
I think I am getting it.

869
00:48:05,508 --> 00:48:09,220
Oh, I can assure you
by any objective measure, you are not.

870
00:48:09,304 --> 00:48:13,475
[sighs] Who wants to walk like
a fucking marionette anyway?

871
00:48:22,317 --> 00:48:26,488
After every bite of food,
a lady dabs her lips with her napkin.

872
00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:31,034
- Even if there's no reason to?
- Even if there is no reason to.

873
00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:33,328
But in this case, there is.

874
00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:36,039
We have these things called grocery stores

875
00:48:36,122 --> 00:48:41,002
where you can literally just pick up
as much of this stuff as you want.

876
00:48:45,298 --> 00:48:46,674
No.

877
00:48:46,758 --> 00:48:48,718
Miraculously, you keep missing it.

878
00:48:48,802 --> 00:48:52,138
It's actually worse.
It's worse than it was before.

879
00:48:52,222 --> 00:48:53,741
- Try this one. Ready?
- Mm-hmm.

880
00:48:53,765 --> 00:48:55,826
To sit in solemn silence
on a dull, dark dock

881
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:58,037
in a pestilential prison
with a life-long lock,

882
00:48:58,061 --> 00:49:00,247
awaiting the sensation
of a short, sharp shock

883
00:49:00,271 --> 00:49:02,500
from a cheap and chippy chopper
on a big black block.

884
00:49:02,524 --> 00:49:03,574
Oh, you gotta be fu...

885
00:49:12,700 --> 00:49:14,911
[Lady Wadsworth] Careful. Hmm.

886
00:49:14,994 --> 00:49:16,287
Yeah!

887
00:49:21,626 --> 00:49:22,627
Mm!

888
00:49:24,087 --> 00:49:26,631
[moaning]

889
00:49:32,637 --> 00:49:33,805
Oh, my God!

890
00:49:33,888 --> 00:49:36,099
Thou shalt not take
the Lord's name in vain.

891
00:49:36,182 --> 00:49:38,327
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.

892
00:49:38,351 --> 00:49:40,746
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.

893
00:49:40,770 --> 00:49:43,124
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.

894
00:49:43,148 --> 00:49:45,793
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather!

895
00:49:45,817 --> 00:49:47,360
Very good!

896
00:49:47,443 --> 00:49:49,779
This is my cousin Mandy.

897
00:49:49,863 --> 00:49:53,324
- This is my cousin... Mandy?
- She died.

898
00:49:53,408 --> 00:49:55,719
She fell off a horse and broke her neck
right in front of my eyes.

899
00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:56,744
It was awful.

900
00:49:56,828 --> 00:49:59,706
- That's my mother.
- Oh, this is my mother.

901
00:49:59,789 --> 00:50:02,542
A lady is not, under any circumstances,

902
00:50:02,625 --> 00:50:08,047
to produce nonverbal sounds. Hmm?

903
00:50:08,131 --> 00:50:09,549
While in mixed company.

904
00:50:09,632 --> 00:50:12,051
- Do you mean like a fart?
- Oh!

905
00:50:12,135 --> 00:50:16,431
Well, a lady would also not use
a crass term like... like fart.

906
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:21,311
But if you must expel any naughtiness
from your nether regions,

907
00:50:21,394 --> 00:50:25,481
you would excuse yourself from
whatever room you're in to go be alone,

908
00:50:25,565 --> 00:50:26,983
in another room.

909
00:50:27,942 --> 00:50:29,694
Actually, uh, if you don't mind,

910
00:50:29,777 --> 00:50:32,238
I'm going to test out
this method right now.

911
00:50:32,322 --> 00:50:36,242
- Oh! Already?
- So, yeah. Um, if you'll excuse me.

912
00:50:36,326 --> 00:50:37,952
By all means.

913
00:50:39,537 --> 00:50:41,039
- Milady.
- Yes.

914
00:50:50,215 --> 00:50:51,216
[farts]

915
00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,335
Did you just come into my room to fart?

916
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,349
Did somebody fart?

917
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:02,352
I think it was the floor.

918
00:51:02,435 --> 00:51:04,812
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. It's creaky.

919
00:51:04,896 --> 00:51:06,356
Yeah, I smell it now. Yeah.

920
00:51:06,439 --> 00:51:09,025
- Mm-hmm. Mm.
- Mm. Huh.

921
00:51:09,108 --> 00:51:10,276
Hmm. Hmm. Yeah.

922
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:11,653
- It wasn't you?
- No.

923
00:51:11,736 --> 00:51:12,737
- No.
- No.

924
00:51:13,655 --> 00:51:16,241
- How's the book?
- It stinks.

925
00:51:19,619 --> 00:51:20,620
Okay.

926
00:51:21,496 --> 00:51:23,706
[cooing]

927
00:51:30,964 --> 00:51:32,674
What are you doing?

928
00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:36,261
A lady arises promptly
to greet the morning.

929
00:51:36,344 --> 00:51:39,514
Ugh. What time is it?

930
00:51:39,597 --> 00:51:42,392
It's 6:00 a.I'm.,
and I apologize for my tardiness.

931
00:51:42,475 --> 00:51:45,853
Okay. Ten more minutes. Ten more minutes.

932
00:51:45,937 --> 00:51:48,481
No, Hannah. It's time to wake up now.

933
00:51:48,564 --> 00:51:50,066
Yoop, yoop, yoop, yoop!

934
00:51:50,149 --> 00:51:52,110
- Yoop!
- Please shut the fuck...

935
00:51:55,196 --> 00:51:56,572
[groans]

936
00:52:05,206 --> 00:52:06,708
[Lady Wadsworth blows]

937
00:52:08,835 --> 00:52:11,963
Hey. We had a deal.

938
00:52:12,046 --> 00:52:14,882
[Lady Wadsworth]
Force of habit. My apologies.

939
00:52:16,676 --> 00:52:17,927
Thank you.

940
00:52:19,220 --> 00:52:20,555
Enjoy your opium.

941
00:52:22,724 --> 00:52:25,518
And it's weed. It's not opium.

942
00:52:48,666 --> 00:52:50,710
[piano music playing]

943
00:52:55,298 --> 00:52:57,133
[text message alerts chiming]

944
00:53:06,392 --> 00:53:08,492
Happy anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Wadsworth.

945
00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:10,873
We'd love to offer you
a complimentary bottle of champagne.

946
00:53:10,897 --> 00:53:12,273
Thanks.

947
00:53:13,232 --> 00:53:14,442
Baby Yoda.

948
00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:24,035
[waiter]
Congratulations.

949
00:53:24,744 --> 00:53:26,704
Tanner. Pic.

950
00:53:36,381 --> 00:53:38,424
[Tanner]
Make sure you tag me this time.

951
00:53:39,717 --> 00:53:40,760
Okay?

952
00:53:43,554 --> 00:53:46,408
[Southern accent] I'd like to
thank you all for coming to my home today.

953
00:53:46,432 --> 00:53:48,559
And I wish you all a lovely day.

954
00:53:52,063 --> 00:53:54,124
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you. Thank you.

955
00:53:54,148 --> 00:53:57,527
Lady Wadsworth. Look at you.
That was very impressive, I must say.

956
00:53:57,610 --> 00:53:59,338
I only saw the tail end of it,
but so good.

957
00:53:59,362 --> 00:54:02,615
Oh, well, that's very nice of you to say,
Professor Plumm.

958
00:54:02,698 --> 00:54:04,367
Oh, please don't call me that.

959
00:54:04,450 --> 00:54:06,470
Would you rather be called
Colonel Mustard?

960
00:54:06,494 --> 00:54:08,555
- Yeah. You know, I would actually.
- Okay.

961
00:54:08,579 --> 00:54:11,040
So what are you, uh, doing here?

962
00:54:11,124 --> 00:54:14,019
Uh, well, uh, I'm the head
of the Savannah Historical Society.

963
00:54:14,043 --> 00:54:16,313
We're cosponsoring this event
for Grayson Wadsworth

964
00:54:16,337 --> 00:54:17,898
that's coming up here in a couple days.

965
00:54:17,922 --> 00:54:20,550
I was just picking up contracts for that.

966
00:54:20,633 --> 00:54:25,930
I'm so sorry. I saw a dog,
and I, like, spaced out for a minute.

967
00:54:26,013 --> 00:54:28,826
Actually, I just came by to see
if my favorite reenactress

968
00:54:28,850 --> 00:54:31,185
wanted to hang... hang out.

969
00:54:32,645 --> 00:54:34,188
If you want. Or not.

970
00:54:34,272 --> 00:54:36,022
- Not a a big deal. Yeah.
- I would.

971
00:54:36,899 --> 00:54:40,987
I just, like... I would feel like
I was cheating on my new boyfriend.

972
00:54:41,070 --> 00:54:43,882
I'm so sorry. I didn't know you
had a boyfriend. I'm sorry.

973
00:54:43,906 --> 00:54:48,453
Yeah. I mean it's, like, our status
is kind of up in the air right now.

974
00:54:48,536 --> 00:54:51,372
- Right.
- I'm not good at a lot of things,

975
00:54:51,456 --> 00:54:54,041
but one thing I am good at
is reading people,

976
00:54:54,125 --> 00:54:57,253
and I just have a feeling
it's about to get serious.

977
00:54:57,336 --> 00:54:59,422
- Oh. Uh...
- It's gotta be like...

978
00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:03,885
Of course. Of course.
Uh, well, I'm happy for you. That's nice.

979
00:55:03,968 --> 00:55:05,928
- Thank you.
- You deserve...

980
00:55:06,012 --> 00:55:09,724
Uh, I'm gonna go. Well, I'll see you...
I'll see you around.

981
00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:10,808
Yeah.

982
00:55:14,479 --> 00:55:17,482
- That's bullshit, by the way.
- What?

983
00:55:17,565 --> 00:55:19,317
You're good at a lot of things.

984
00:55:19,942 --> 00:55:21,277
I think.

985
00:55:31,037 --> 00:55:32,914
Oh, thanks.

986
00:55:32,997 --> 00:55:35,697
Did that boy finally muster
the courage to ask you out?

987
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:37,418
Oh, he mustered it.

988
00:55:37,502 --> 00:55:39,587
Oh, thank God. I like him.

989
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,672
Yeah, I like him too.

990
00:55:44,342 --> 00:55:48,012
Oh, I've been dying to talk
to someone about this.

991
00:55:48,095 --> 00:55:51,516
I actually think I'm falling for Tanner.

992
00:55:51,599 --> 00:55:52,683
Don't say it.

993
00:55:54,727 --> 00:55:57,146
- What?

994
00:55:57,230 --> 00:56:01,526
Okay. Look, I know he comes across,
like, weird a little bit.

995
00:56:01,609 --> 00:56:07,031
Like a little bit cool
and, like, douchey, but...

996
00:56:07,114 --> 00:56:09,283
And he's also a little, um...

997
00:56:09,367 --> 00:56:12,161
- Married?
- Married. Yeah, and, like...

998
00:56:12,245 --> 00:56:13,788
Wait, married?

999
00:56:13,871 --> 00:56:15,748
Married, like married to his work?

1000
00:56:17,041 --> 00:56:18,960
No, like married to his wife.

1001
00:56:21,462 --> 00:56:24,340
I'm sorry, honey. I thought you knew.

1002
00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:30,178
Wow.

1003
00:56:32,223 --> 00:56:33,641
Hey, sweetie.

1004
00:56:33,724 --> 00:56:35,309
Tum-tum all better?

1005
00:56:39,689 --> 00:56:42,358
- Where were you?
- Sorry I was a little late.

1006
00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:45,861
Keeping a lady waiting is not
a gentlemanly thing to do.

1007
00:56:45,945 --> 00:56:47,572
[snickers] A lady?

1008
00:56:47,655 --> 00:56:51,951
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Don't you think I'm a lady?

1009
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:54,620
You're sexy when you're mad.

1010
00:56:57,540 --> 00:56:58,666
Are you married?

1011
00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:03,004
Yes, I am.

1012
00:57:03,087 --> 00:57:05,381
But before we get into that,

1013
00:57:05,464 --> 00:57:08,485
I think we need to talk about
your performance the last few weeks.

1014
00:57:08,509 --> 00:57:09,594
What about it?

1015
00:57:10,636 --> 00:57:11,929
It hasn't been good.

1016
00:57:13,180 --> 00:57:15,433
So I'm afraid we're gonna
have to let you go.

1017
00:57:16,642 --> 00:57:18,603
- You're firing me?
- You were right.

1018
00:57:18,686 --> 00:57:20,855
You're just not cut out for this.

1019
00:57:24,483 --> 00:57:26,527
What are you doing?

1020
00:57:26,611 --> 00:57:27,737
What do you mean?

1021
00:57:27,820 --> 00:57:30,239
- You just fired me.
- Yeah.

1022
00:57:30,323 --> 00:57:32,366
I fired you. I didn't break up with you.

1023
00:57:32,450 --> 00:57:35,161
Let's make your last night here
a special one.

1024
00:57:39,707 --> 00:57:43,961
So then he was like,
"We should fuck anyway."

1025
00:57:44,045 --> 00:57:46,047
And I was like, "Hmm, what?"

1026
00:57:46,130 --> 00:57:48,215
And he was like, "Yeah."

1027
00:57:48,299 --> 00:57:50,652
And I was like,
"I'm not gonna go near your dick."

1028
00:57:50,676 --> 00:57:53,638
- Anna.
- Sorry. It's Hannah.

1029
00:57:53,721 --> 00:57:57,516
Okay. Um, I have other customers
I have to take care of, so...

1030
00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:04,607
Where?

1031
00:58:05,441 --> 00:58:08,861
Here. Surprise!

1032
00:58:10,488 --> 00:58:12,823
- Whoo!
- Shit.

1033
00:58:12,907 --> 00:58:15,368
It's fun to be a ghost.

1034
00:58:15,451 --> 00:58:17,828
Boy, what I wouldn't give
for a mint julep.

1035
00:58:17,912 --> 00:58:19,455
I miss my mortal lips.

1036
00:58:19,538 --> 00:58:23,542
What are you doing here?
I mean, how can you be here?

1037
00:58:23,626 --> 00:58:25,419
I can be anywhere I want to be,

1038
00:58:25,503 --> 00:58:28,005
even in this place of ill repute.
[sniffing]

1039
00:58:28,089 --> 00:58:33,135
So you've just been choosing to be
in the mansion this whole time?

1040
00:58:33,219 --> 00:58:35,388
I have. And what of it?

1041
00:58:35,471 --> 00:58:37,932
I... It's just...

1042
00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:41,394
- so boring.
- Hmm.

1043
00:58:41,477 --> 00:58:45,606
Hannah, if you do not wish to share in my
company this evening, please just say so.

1044
00:58:45,690 --> 00:58:47,417
I can see you are here with
a group of friends,

1045
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:49,276
of which I am clearly not welcome.

1046
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:51,737
Oh, no, these are just mine.

1047
00:58:51,821 --> 00:58:54,198
I'm-I'm here alone.

1048
00:58:54,281 --> 00:58:55,981
I actually could use some company.

1049
00:58:56,033 --> 00:58:58,911
Well, you must get yourself
to an apothecary immediately

1050
00:58:58,994 --> 00:59:01,348
for some leeches
or you'll risk death by alcohol!

1051
00:59:01,372 --> 00:59:05,418
No. I'm fine. I'm good.
I've got the tolerance of a fat guy.

1052
00:59:05,501 --> 00:59:08,546
By the way,
did you hear I got fired tonight?

1053
00:59:08,629 --> 00:59:12,383
Hopefully the new "you"
is gonna be more to your liking.

1054
00:59:12,466 --> 00:59:16,512
- Why did the Pipkins fire you?
- Huh?

1055
00:59:16,595 --> 00:59:19,223
What error did you commit
to lose favor with them?

1056
00:59:19,306 --> 00:59:21,559
Why do you think the Pipkins fired me?

1057
00:59:23,018 --> 00:59:25,187
Well, because they own the house.

1058
00:59:26,647 --> 00:59:29,400
They... They do?

1059
00:59:29,483 --> 00:59:32,236
Don't be silly. Of course, they do.
I left it to them.

1060
00:59:35,823 --> 00:59:39,076
Holy fucking shit.

1061
00:59:58,888 --> 01:00:03,768
Oh, there you are.
Before you say anything, hear me out.

1062
01:00:03,851 --> 01:00:07,480
I need your help,
but not because you're a man, okay?

1063
01:00:07,563 --> 01:00:08,647
Okay.

1064
01:00:08,731 --> 01:00:11,066
- Because you're a nerd.
- Oh.

1065
01:00:11,150 --> 01:00:13,903
- Why are you so out of breath?
- Oh, my God.

1066
01:00:13,986 --> 01:00:16,631
I've been running around
this whole dumb place looking for you.

1067
01:00:16,655 --> 01:00:19,301
- Well, I wasn't in my office.
- Tanner kicked me out.

1068
01:00:19,325 --> 01:00:20,326
Oh. I'm so sorry.

1069
01:00:20,409 --> 01:00:22,179
And I'm pretty sure
his relatives might have stolen

1070
01:00:22,203 --> 01:00:25,372
Wadsworth Manor from Nia's relatives,
according to the ghost.

1071
01:00:25,456 --> 01:00:28,626
Anyway, I think I like her.
I think we might be friends.

1072
01:00:28,709 --> 01:00:31,146
And, like, it kinda sucks
nobody but me can see her.

1073
01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:34,215
Also, can I crash on the couch
in your office for a few days?

1074
01:00:34,298 --> 01:00:37,009
Please? And by the way,
why aren't you in your office?

1075
01:00:38,761 --> 01:00:40,346
Should I go, Dr. Plumm?

1076
01:00:44,308 --> 01:00:46,060
- No.
- [Hannah] Oh, wow.

1077
01:00:46,143 --> 01:00:47,520
Dewey... What?

1078
01:00:47,603 --> 01:00:51,023
I-I mean, I wasn't expecting that.

1079
01:00:51,106 --> 01:00:53,567
- Expecting what?
- I'm sorry, Dewey.

1080
01:00:53,651 --> 01:00:56,695
Actually, it kind of makes sense.

1081
01:00:56,779 --> 01:00:59,031
You know, look, I know that I hurt you

1082
01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:03,244
and I'm really sorry,
but you moved on really fast.

1083
01:01:03,327 --> 01:01:05,454
He's...

1084
01:01:05,538 --> 01:01:08,238
Dewey, hold on one second.
Just give me a minute, okay?

1085
01:01:08,290 --> 01:01:09,667
[Hannah] Sorry, Dewey.

1086
01:01:09,750 --> 01:01:11,502
- He's my student, idiot.
- Sure.

1087
01:01:11,585 --> 01:01:14,505
- All right, look...
- I mean, I get it, like...

1088
01:01:14,588 --> 01:01:18,300
What? Sorry, Dewey.

1089
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,696
You can crash on the couch
for a day or two,

1090
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:24,890
but I gotta start drawing boundaries
for myself, okay?

1091
01:01:24,974 --> 01:01:28,185
I can't help you out any more than that.

1092
01:01:28,269 --> 01:01:31,647
Okay. I... I understand.

1093
01:01:34,024 --> 01:01:36,026
I'm sorry. Hold on.

1094
01:01:47,621 --> 01:01:48,664
[farts]

1095
01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:53,586
Oh, gimme a break!

1096
01:01:54,628 --> 01:01:55,880
Sorry.

1097
01:02:03,929 --> 01:02:07,892
No, it's just about the dumb tour
and the Wadsworth's.

1098
01:02:07,975 --> 01:02:12,271
There's a whole worldwide web
of information.

1099
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:13,647
What do they call it?

1100
01:02:13,731 --> 01:02:15,774
Well, they call it the internet, okay?

1101
01:02:15,858 --> 01:02:18,527
- Internet.
- Yes.

1102
01:02:20,154 --> 01:02:24,992
Oh. There's that bespectacled
gentleman caller of yours.

1103
01:02:25,075 --> 01:02:28,037
I fear he suffers from consumption.
He does not look well.

1104
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:30,831
No, he's just a nerd.
That's what they look like.

1105
01:02:30,915 --> 01:02:32,207
A nerd.

1106
01:02:32,291 --> 01:02:34,710
- Maxi-pad! Yoo-hoo!
- [man] Shh!

1107
01:02:34,793 --> 01:02:37,338
- I'm here by this computer.
- [man] Shh!

1108
01:02:38,464 --> 01:02:40,090
Who's shushing?

1109
01:02:40,174 --> 01:02:41,735
[whispering] What are you doing?

1110
01:02:41,759 --> 01:02:43,677
Why are you talking like that?

1111
01:02:43,761 --> 01:02:46,388
What do you mean?
It's a library. I'm whispering.

1112
01:02:46,472 --> 01:02:48,557
That's just as loud as I was being!

1113
01:02:48,641 --> 01:02:50,059
Shh!

1114
01:02:50,142 --> 01:02:53,145
- Sorry. Sorry.
- Shh!

1115
01:02:53,228 --> 01:02:55,397
- What are you even doing here?
- Research.

1116
01:02:55,481 --> 01:02:58,359
Something that you
wouldn't know anything about.

1117
01:02:58,442 --> 01:03:00,361
It's literally what I do for a living.

1118
01:03:00,444 --> 01:03:03,238
What books have you been looking in?

1119
01:03:03,322 --> 01:03:05,616
Oh, yeah, they have books here.

1120
01:03:05,699 --> 01:03:08,786
[sighs] Look, this is not me helping you,

1121
01:03:08,869 --> 01:03:12,223
but you're gonna have much better luck
finding anything from the 1800s

1122
01:03:12,247 --> 01:03:14,083
if you go to the county courthouse.

1123
01:03:14,166 --> 01:03:16,686
That's where they keep all that stuff.
Wills, deeds, everything.

1124
01:03:16,710 --> 01:03:19,463
Yeah, I know.
We were going to do that next.

1125
01:03:19,546 --> 01:03:20,714
But thank you.

1126
01:03:20,798 --> 01:03:23,968
- [coughs]
- Consumption. I told you.

1127
01:03:39,733 --> 01:03:42,361
Ma'am? Ms. Gunderson.

1128
01:03:42,444 --> 01:03:44,863
- Can I help you?
- Yes, you may.

1129
01:03:44,947 --> 01:03:49,326
Uh, I am a cold case attorney
from the firm, um...

1130
01:03:50,327 --> 01:03:54,832
- Salt and Pepperstein.
- Okay.

1131
01:03:54,915 --> 01:04:00,337
And, um, I would like to
heretofore request the will

1132
01:04:00,421 --> 01:04:04,925
of one Elizabeth Wadsworth
from the year...

1133
01:04:05,009 --> 01:04:06,677
- 1875.
- 1875.

1134
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:10,723
Best I can do is provide you
with a printout copy.

1135
01:04:10,806 --> 01:04:13,642
Uh, I'm not sure if you heard me,

1136
01:04:13,726 --> 01:04:18,397
but I'm an attorney, so, like,
I'm gonna need the original copy.

1137
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,399
This is all public record.

1138
01:04:20,482 --> 01:04:22,943
- Oh, is it?
- What does that mean?

1139
01:04:23,027 --> 01:04:24,987
What does that mean?

1140
01:04:25,070 --> 01:04:28,133
That means you don't have to pretend
to be an attorney to see them.

1141
01:04:28,157 --> 01:04:30,242
- [printer whirring]
- Sorry.

1142
01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:32,911
The records from that era
are no longer available.

1143
01:04:32,995 --> 01:04:35,622
They were converted to digital years ago.

1144
01:04:35,706 --> 01:04:41,837
But this should suffice
for whatever your purposes are.

1145
01:04:44,089 --> 01:04:46,592
Just regular purposes.
Like nothing weird. Just...

1146
01:04:46,675 --> 01:04:51,889
[gasps] I don't believe it!
This document has been forged!

1147
01:04:51,972 --> 01:04:54,266
How do you know it's been forged?

1148
01:04:55,601 --> 01:04:56,602
Bluetooth.

1149
01:04:56,685 --> 01:04:58,771
[Lady Wadsworth]
That is not my signature!

1150
01:04:58,854 --> 01:05:01,148
- I didn't do my H's that way.
- Oh.

1151
01:05:01,231 --> 01:05:06,195
I put a squiggle with my W's.
And I would never use a quill that thin.

1152
01:05:06,278 --> 01:05:10,491
And the ink I used
is so much thicker, Hannah.

1153
01:05:10,574 --> 01:05:13,577
I had the most beautiful penmanship.

1154
01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:17,081
I simply do not understand why
my husband would have done this.

1155
01:05:17,164 --> 01:05:20,542
I was explicitly clear
that Wadsworth Manor,

1156
01:05:20,626 --> 01:05:24,046
my beloved father's home,
would be left to the Pipkin family,

1157
01:05:24,129 --> 01:05:26,149
since I could not bear
children of my own.

1158
01:05:26,173 --> 01:05:28,926
Wait, so if you couldn't bear children,

1159
01:05:29,009 --> 01:05:31,637
that means you're not even
related to Tanner?

1160
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,932
I am not.
After my death, my husband remarried

1161
01:05:35,015 --> 01:05:36,409
and began a legacy of his own.

1162
01:05:36,433 --> 01:05:38,602
A legacy that is thriving today.

1163
01:05:38,685 --> 01:05:41,605
I don't know if I'd say "thriving."
He's a total dick.

1164
01:05:41,688 --> 01:05:43,607
You and that word "Dick."

1165
01:05:43,690 --> 01:05:46,443
It's a shortened version
of "Richard," yes?

1166
01:05:46,527 --> 01:05:49,488
I have known many,
many Dicks in my lifetime.

1167
01:05:49,571 --> 01:05:52,491
I don't understand why it took you
over 100 years

1168
01:05:52,574 --> 01:05:54,910
to figure out that he fucked you over.

1169
01:05:54,993 --> 01:05:58,288
- Ugh!
- Oh! That he screwed you over.

1170
01:05:58,372 --> 01:06:00,791
- [groans]
- Messed you over?

1171
01:06:00,874 --> 01:06:02,042
That's better.

1172
01:06:02,126 --> 01:06:05,838
You know, for a ghost,
your powers are pretty limited.

1173
01:06:05,921 --> 01:06:10,008
Aren't you supposed to be, like,
all-knowing or whatever?

1174
01:06:10,092 --> 01:06:12,427
I just assumed my wishes
had been fulfilled.

1175
01:06:12,511 --> 01:06:15,411
Nia always seemed so in charge,
like her mother before her.

1176
01:06:15,472 --> 01:06:18,684
Okay. I have watched enough
cold case shows

1177
01:06:18,767 --> 01:06:20,477
to be able to figure this out.

1178
01:06:20,561 --> 01:06:25,524
The first thing they do is
they talk about what they already know.

1179
01:06:25,607 --> 01:06:29,611
So, what do we already know?

1180
01:06:29,695 --> 01:06:34,867
- Wadsworth Manor has tours.
- You can write on a wall.

1181
01:06:34,950 --> 01:06:39,329
- I, Hannah, worked there for a while.
- Just wipe it right off.

1182
01:06:40,330 --> 01:06:43,458
You, Lady Wadsworth,

1183
01:06:43,542 --> 01:06:47,671
is a ghost with crappy powers.

1184
01:06:47,754 --> 01:06:50,883
That's hurting my feelings a little bit.

1185
01:06:50,966 --> 01:06:53,343
"Crappy powers."

1186
01:06:53,427 --> 01:06:58,849
Oh. Anyone can get a will
from a courthouse.

1187
01:07:01,393 --> 01:07:04,646
Well, you have just
broken this case wide open.

1188
01:07:04,730 --> 01:07:06,064
Oh. Sarcasm.

1189
01:07:06,148 --> 01:07:09,026
I didn't think that was invented
until the 1900s.

1190
01:07:09,109 --> 01:07:14,239
You know, for such an anal lady,
you're actually pretty careless.

1191
01:07:14,323 --> 01:07:17,451
I don't know why you
wouldn't have made a duplicate copy

1192
01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:18,994
of the will or something.

1193
01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:21,413
- Of course I made a duplicate copy.
- What?

1194
01:07:21,496 --> 01:07:23,916
- Where is it?
- In a book in my bedroom.

1195
01:07:23,999 --> 01:07:26,210
Oh, my God!
Why didn't you tell me that?

1196
01:07:26,293 --> 01:07:29,713
We've wasted so much time
doing all this research!

1197
01:07:29,796 --> 01:07:32,317
Well, surely the duplicate
would have been discovered by now.

1198
01:07:32,341 --> 01:07:33,693
My crucial mistake was putting it

1199
01:07:33,717 --> 01:07:36,720
inside of such a wildly popular
work of literature.

1200
01:07:36,803 --> 01:07:39,097
Where did you put it, in the Jesus book?

1201
01:07:39,181 --> 01:07:41,266
- The Bible?
- Yes.

1202
01:07:41,350 --> 01:07:44,728
Close. The American Woman's Home
by Harriet Beecher Stowe.

1203
01:07:44,811 --> 01:07:47,606
Oh, my God.
Did you erase my lesson plan?

1204
01:07:47,689 --> 01:07:50,108
Look, I'm sorry to offend you,

1205
01:07:50,192 --> 01:07:52,611
but what we are doing
IS SO much more important

1206
01:07:52,694 --> 01:07:53,922
than your little lesson plan.

1207
01:07:53,946 --> 01:07:56,782
- Okay?
- Oh, yeah. I can see that.

1208
01:07:56,865 --> 01:08:01,328
You know, if you're not gonna help,
I'm going to kindly ask you to leave.

1209
01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:04,414
- This is my office.
- Oh, yeah.

1210
01:08:04,498 --> 01:08:09,002
Out of curiosity, how much longer
are you planning on living here?

1211
01:08:12,673 --> 01:08:14,549
Hold that thought.

1212
01:08:14,633 --> 01:08:16,945
You don't happen to know
someone in the play department,

1213
01:08:16,969 --> 01:08:18,971
by any chance, do you?

1214
01:08:19,054 --> 01:08:20,222
What?

1215
01:08:24,768 --> 01:08:27,479
[woman]
And while I lived here, I hosted...

1216
01:08:27,562 --> 01:08:30,162
I'm sorry, but the 12:00 tour
already started, Rabbi.

1217
01:08:30,190 --> 01:08:31,542
You can come back for the 2:00.

1218
01:08:31,566 --> 01:08:33,485
[in deep voice] Uh, that's okay.

1219
01:08:33,568 --> 01:08:37,948
I have to, uh, snip a little boy's
wiener at that time,

1220
01:08:38,031 --> 01:08:40,284
so, uh, I'll just go to this one.

1221
01:08:40,367 --> 01:08:43,787
- [clears throat]
- Uh, enjoy the tour.

1222
01:08:44,788 --> 01:08:45,789
Mazel.

1223
01:08:48,417 --> 01:08:52,629
[tour guide] In fact, in a few days,
this lobby will once again host...

1224
01:09:09,062 --> 01:09:13,442
[gasps] Yes!

1225
01:09:13,525 --> 01:09:18,113
Thief! I must insist that you
vacate my bedroom at once!

1226
01:09:18,196 --> 01:09:20,240
[whispering] It's me.

1227
01:09:20,324 --> 01:09:23,493
Oh, my God. It's Hannah, you idiot.

1228
01:09:23,577 --> 01:09:25,370
- Oh, my word!
- I found the will.

1229
01:09:26,246 --> 01:09:28,332
What kind of sorcery is this?

1230
01:09:28,415 --> 01:09:31,084
How have you come to
transform yourself so?

1231
01:09:32,377 --> 01:09:35,172
I got bit by a dog that has rabbis.

1232
01:09:35,255 --> 01:09:37,883
[laughs] Oh, you don't get it.

1233
01:09:37,966 --> 01:09:40,886
I get it. I just don't find it
to be humorous.

1234
01:09:40,969 --> 01:09:42,846
Oh, like you would know funny.

1235
01:09:42,929 --> 01:09:45,575
I thought it was against
the lady rules to even laugh.

1236
01:09:45,599 --> 01:09:48,852
It's against them to indulge in laughter.

1237
01:09:48,935 --> 01:09:51,772
That's nuts.
Laughter is such a great part of life.

1238
01:09:51,855 --> 01:09:53,774
A little laughter is fine.

1239
01:09:53,857 --> 01:09:56,485
A touch of silliness.

1240
01:09:56,568 --> 01:10:00,614
I myself have been known to make
a silly face from time to time.

1241
01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:03,367
- Really? Let's see it.
- Mm-mmm.

1242
01:10:03,450 --> 01:10:05,160
I want to see it. Come on.

1243
01:10:07,371 --> 01:10:09,581
That's it? That's your silly face.

1244
01:10:09,664 --> 01:10:11,708
- Yes!
- Oh, come on.

1245
01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:14,503
It's like this. It's not even...

1246
01:10:15,253 --> 01:10:16,797
Okay. Try this one.

1247
01:10:17,547 --> 01:10:19,216
[laughs]

1248
01:10:20,217 --> 01:10:21,218
How about this?

1249
01:10:22,219 --> 01:10:23,946
- Oh, I couldn't possibly.
- Come on.

1250
01:10:23,970 --> 01:10:27,120
- I couldn't possibly!
- You were going like this. Try this one.

1251
01:10:35,607 --> 01:10:37,984
[cackling]

1252
01:10:43,073 --> 01:10:45,075
[Hannah laughing]

1253
01:10:52,582 --> 01:10:53,792
[gasps]

1254
01:10:53,875 --> 01:10:55,525
I'd love to hear what's so funny.

1255
01:10:57,963 --> 01:10:59,214
What have you got there?

1256
01:11:00,173 --> 01:11:01,341
Oh, nothing.

1257
01:11:01,425 --> 01:11:03,093
Psst. Catch.

1258
01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:06,638
Oh!

1259
01:11:08,849 --> 01:11:10,559
- [Tanner] Hello, police?
- Fuck.

1260
01:11:10,642 --> 01:11:13,687
I'd like to report a break-in
at Wadsworth Manor.

1261
01:11:14,438 --> 01:11:16,857
Now we must remain calm,

1262
01:11:16,940 --> 01:11:19,585
so we can figure out how to
get another copy of that will

1263
01:11:19,609 --> 01:11:20,962
since your carelessness destroyed it,

1264
01:11:20,986 --> 01:11:23,256
along with my most cherished book,
I might add.

1265
01:11:23,280 --> 01:11:25,633
Oh, I destroyed it?
You're the one who didn't catch it!

1266
01:11:25,657 --> 01:11:28,302
I cannot touch material things
of this world. You know that!

1267
01:11:28,326 --> 01:11:30,972
Then how the fuck were you
planning on reading the book again?

1268
01:11:30,996 --> 01:11:34,583
- Your language is...
- Is unladylike?

1269
01:11:34,666 --> 01:11:38,044
- Yes!
- Guess what, Lizzie, it's not 1875.

1270
01:11:38,128 --> 01:11:40,589
Ladies say "fuck" and "shit" and "fart,"

1271
01:11:40,672 --> 01:11:44,301
and sometimes, gasp,
they actually do fart and shit and fuck!

1272
01:11:44,384 --> 01:11:47,596
- At the same time?
- Time to catch up to the 20th century.

1273
01:11:47,679 --> 01:11:48,779
It's the 21st century.

1274
01:11:48,847 --> 01:11:50,515
That's what I meant!

1275
01:11:50,599 --> 01:11:53,268
You always gotta be right, don't you?

1276
01:11:53,351 --> 01:11:55,812
I'm just never good enough
or smart enough

1277
01:11:55,896 --> 01:11:57,772
or-or fucking ladylike enough.

1278
01:11:57,856 --> 01:12:00,775
And I am so sick
of constantly being reminded.

1279
01:12:00,859 --> 01:12:03,695
Well, I am so sick of having to remind!

1280
01:12:03,778 --> 01:12:06,490
You are so utterly careless
with your own affairs.

1281
01:12:06,573 --> 01:12:08,426
I was a fool to think
you could help me with mine,

1282
01:12:08,450 --> 01:12:09,552
as friends are won't to do.

1283
01:12:09,576 --> 01:12:11,912
Friends? Oh, we're not friends.

1284
01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:16,833
I never asked to be part of your life.
Or afterlife.

1285
01:12:16,917 --> 01:12:19,836
Or whatever the fuck this is.
[chuckles]

1286
01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:22,297
Everything okay in here, ladies?

1287
01:12:22,380 --> 01:12:24,883
Uh, can I request a transfer?

1288
01:12:26,927 --> 01:12:30,722
Well, if that is the way that you feel,
then I will not bother you anymore.

1289
01:12:30,805 --> 01:12:32,005
I'm sorry I haunted you.

1290
01:12:32,057 --> 01:12:34,059
I'm sorry if I have caused you any pain.

1291
01:12:34,142 --> 01:12:39,356
And I'm sorry for any cock blockage
I may have put you through.

1292
01:12:41,525 --> 01:12:43,652
Oh, wait! Don't go!

1293
01:12:46,988 --> 01:12:48,490
Okay.

1294
01:12:49,324 --> 01:12:50,575
I'm Jinx, by the way.

1295
01:12:50,659 --> 01:12:53,161
You got any extra meds that I can get?

1296
01:12:53,286 --> 01:12:54,496
[door opens]

1297
01:12:54,579 --> 01:12:58,166
Hey, Rabbi. You made bail.

1298
01:13:00,460 --> 01:13:01,836
I'm over here.

1299
01:13:01,920 --> 01:13:05,048
Actually, I think I'm gonna walk.

1300
01:13:05,131 --> 01:13:07,217
- I've got work to do.
- Oh, yeah?

1301
01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:10,845
Yeah.
Someone's gotta save Wadsworth Manor.

1302
01:13:10,929 --> 01:13:13,640
- You really care about her, huh?
- What do you mean?

1303
01:13:13,723 --> 01:13:15,493
Lady Wadsworth.
Remember, it wasn't that long ago

1304
01:13:15,517 --> 01:13:18,144
we were trying to sage her
out of existence.

1305
01:13:18,937 --> 01:13:20,605
I care about Nia.

1306
01:13:20,689 --> 01:13:22,190
She deserves that house.

1307
01:13:22,274 --> 01:13:24,901
And I'm gonna make damn sure she gets it.

1308
01:13:45,380 --> 01:13:51,803
It's, like, how the fuck
am I supposed to do this by myself?

1309
01:13:51,886 --> 01:13:56,349
Like, who do I think I am?
Do you know who I am?

1310
01:13:56,433 --> 01:13:59,477
Do you? Huh? Like...

1311
01:14:00,979 --> 01:14:06,109
I was friends with a ghost,
like, an actual ghost,

1312
01:14:06,192 --> 01:14:12,490
and now it's like, like,
Tanner is such a dick!

1313
01:14:12,574 --> 01:14:15,785
You know, like, who cares?

1314
01:14:15,869 --> 01:14:17,329
Like, who cares?

1315
01:14:19,497 --> 01:14:24,544
Listen, I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about, but here's the deal.

1316
01:14:24,628 --> 01:14:27,255
You're a smart, confident woman,

1317
01:14:27,339 --> 01:14:30,300
who I fully believe could do
anything she sets her mind to.

1318
01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:31,885
Now go do it.

1319
01:14:33,553 --> 01:14:36,222
- [whispers] Go.
- You're right.

1320
01:14:36,306 --> 01:14:39,893
I can do anything you set my mind to.

1321
01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:41,269
Close enough.

1322
01:14:41,353 --> 01:14:43,730
I'm gonna make you proud!

1323
01:14:43,813 --> 01:14:48,443
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
You still have a tab here for $279.

1324
01:14:48,526 --> 01:14:53,490
- How you want to settle that?
- Oh. What? Oh.

1325
01:14:53,573 --> 01:14:57,369
Yeah? 'Cause my friend is,
like, calling out to me.

1326
01:14:57,452 --> 01:15:00,455
No, I'll be right there! Sorry.
[chuckles]

1327
01:15:03,458 --> 01:15:05,627
I-I don't hear anything.

1328
01:15:06,878 --> 01:15:09,578
["Enough For Now"
by Ethan Gruska feat. Phoebe playing]

1329
01:15:19,224 --> 01:15:23,895
When I was alive, I hosted
a number of festive galas and balls.

1330
01:15:23,978 --> 01:15:27,899
In fact... [indistinct] we may once again
play host to such an event.

1331
01:15:27,982 --> 01:15:31,945
And right over here, of course,
we have General Sherman's hat.

1332
01:15:32,028 --> 01:15:34,572
♪ Maybe living on another shore ♪

1333
01:15:34,656 --> 01:15:37,617
♪ Something different
that I'm living for ♪

1334
01:15:37,701 --> 01:15:41,329
♪ Or someone ♪

1335
01:15:41,413 --> 01:15:44,082
♪ Cover to cover ♪

1336
01:15:44,165 --> 01:15:47,293
♪ Never satisfied ♪

1337
01:15:47,377 --> 01:15:52,924
♪ I'm going under
I wanna go home won't never look back ♪

1338
01:15:53,007 --> 01:15:56,970
♪ Maybe I'll try
Maybe I'll die trying ♪

1339
01:15:57,053 --> 01:15:59,556
♪ To let this be enough ♪

1340
01:15:59,639 --> 01:16:04,310
♪ For now, for now, enough ♪

1341
01:16:04,394 --> 01:16:08,064
♪ Maybe I'll try
Maybe I'll die trying ♪

1342
01:16:08,148 --> 01:16:10,900
♪ To let this be enough ♪

1343
01:16:10,984 --> 01:16:13,111
♪ For now... ♪...

1344
01:16:13,194 --> 01:16:14,779
[grunts]

1345
01:16:18,032 --> 01:16:20,076
♪ I'm over everyone ♪

1346
01:16:20,160 --> 01:16:22,829
♪ I stay home, stay on the run ♪

1347
01:16:22,912 --> 01:16:25,790
♪ I go blind when the visions come ♪

1348
01:16:25,874 --> 01:16:28,835
♪ I'm kept under ♪

1349
01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:31,504
<i>♪ And there's no other life ♪</i>

1350
01:16:31,588 --> 01:16:34,174
♪ There's no living in another lie ♪

1351
01:16:34,257 --> 01:16:37,969
♪ There's nothing special
about you and I ♪

1352
01:16:38,052 --> 01:16:41,014
♪ We're on our own like everyone else ♪

1353
01:16:41,097 --> 01:16:45,101
♪ Maybe I'll try
Maybe I'll die trying ♪

1354
01:16:45,185 --> 01:16:47,812
♪ To let this be enough ♪

1355
01:16:47,896 --> 01:16:52,692
♪ For now, for now, enough ♪

1356
01:16:52,776 --> 01:16:56,446
♪ Maybe I'll try
Maybe I'll die trying ♪

1357
01:16:56,529 --> 01:16:59,199
♪ To let this be enough ♪

1358
01:16:59,282 --> 01:17:01,117
♪ For now... ♪...

1359
01:17:01,201 --> 01:17:03,953
[Max]
You've been tidying up in here, I see.

1360
01:17:04,037 --> 01:17:06,873
How's the investigation going, Sherlock?

1361
01:17:06,956 --> 01:17:10,251
I would kindly thank you
not to patronize me.

1362
01:17:10,335 --> 01:17:12,670
You sound like you're giving a tour.
[chuckles]

1363
01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:16,925
I'm sorry. Seriously, how is it going?

1364
01:17:17,008 --> 01:17:22,138
Not great. I just feel like
I'm missing something.

1365
01:17:22,222 --> 01:17:24,772
Oh, I got it!
You're missing your pipe and your hat.

1366
01:17:25,850 --> 01:17:27,268
Sherlock? Get it?

1367
01:17:29,145 --> 01:17:30,814
Oh, my God!

1368
01:17:30,897 --> 01:17:32,333
I'm sorry.
That was the last one, I swear.

1369
01:17:32,357 --> 01:17:34,734
No. The hat.

1370
01:17:34,818 --> 01:17:37,821
It's in the hat! Holy shit.
You're a genius!

1371
01:17:37,904 --> 01:17:40,698
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm-I'm not following you.

1372
01:17:40,782 --> 01:17:44,911
Okay. It doesn't matter.
I will explain it to you on the way.

1373
01:17:44,994 --> 01:17:46,162
On the way to where?

1374
01:17:46,246 --> 01:17:48,641
On the way to the fancy campaign
thing that you're hosting.

1375
01:17:48,665 --> 01:17:50,684
- Come on!
- That's not for another four hours.

1376
01:17:50,708 --> 01:17:53,395
Come on, great. Well, that will give us
time to find costumes.

1377
01:17:53,419 --> 01:17:55,088
Costumes?

1378
01:17:55,171 --> 01:17:57,048
[Nia] Welcome to Wadsworth Manor.

1379
01:17:57,131 --> 01:17:58,818
Damn it, Hannah. If Tanner sees you,

1380
01:17:58,842 --> 01:18:00,402
- he's gonna flip his shit.
- I know, but...

1381
01:18:00,426 --> 01:18:04,013
No! No! Sorry. Sorry, freaks.
Not on the list.

1382
01:18:04,097 --> 01:18:07,868
Oh, well, actually, um, I am Max Plumm,
head of the Savannah Historical Society

1383
01:18:07,892 --> 01:18:09,995
and keynote speaker for the evening.
Check your list.

1384
01:18:10,019 --> 01:18:12,540
We'll just get one of
the other history nerds to do it.

1385
01:18:12,564 --> 01:18:16,025
Babe, what the fuck?
You just left me there talking to...

1386
01:18:16,109 --> 01:18:18,152
Oh, my God, stop.

1387
01:18:18,236 --> 01:18:19,696
- What?
- I can't.

1388
01:18:19,779 --> 01:18:21,906
- You can't what?
- Deal.

1389
01:18:21,990 --> 01:18:23,533
- With what?
- I'm dead.

1390
01:18:23,616 --> 01:18:25,577
I cannot deal with your outfits.

1391
01:18:25,660 --> 01:18:28,121
- I'm obsessed.
- Oh. That's a good thing...

1392
01:18:28,204 --> 01:18:30,248
Well, it's a funny story.

1393
01:18:30,331 --> 01:18:33,751
Hannah used to work here
until she was let go.

1394
01:18:33,835 --> 01:18:36,981
Don't know if you care to explain
to your wife the reason behind that.

1395
01:18:37,005 --> 01:18:38,506
Bro.

1396
01:18:40,049 --> 01:18:42,886
- [classical music playing]
- [guests chattering]

1397
01:18:55,273 --> 01:18:58,443
I simply adore your costumes.

1398
01:18:58,526 --> 01:19:00,945
[in Southern accent]
Oh, I simply adore yours.

1399
01:19:01,029 --> 01:19:02,614
[laughs]

1400
01:19:02,697 --> 01:19:04,008
[in Southern accent] Wonderful.

1401
01:19:04,032 --> 01:19:06,659
Gertrude Armitage.

1402
01:19:06,743 --> 01:19:09,829
My ex-husband went to school with Grayson.

1403
01:19:09,913 --> 01:19:11,789
Did he now?

1404
01:19:11,873 --> 01:19:15,501
This is my second husband.
This is Felix.

1405
01:19:15,585 --> 01:19:20,924
Oh, hello. Lady Wadsworth,
and this is my first husband...

1406
01:19:21,007 --> 01:19:24,093
- Um...
- Uh, Richmond Wadsworth.

1407
01:19:24,177 --> 01:19:26,054
She forgot my name.

1408
01:19:26,137 --> 01:19:28,348
Please forgive me.
I was already thinking of

1409
01:19:28,431 --> 01:19:31,851
who I would like my second husband to be.
Perhaps Felix.

1410
01:19:31,935 --> 01:19:34,228
Ooh! I'm gonna keep you two apart.

1411
01:19:34,312 --> 01:19:35,772
[gasps] Grayson!

1412
01:19:35,855 --> 01:19:37,273
Felix, hello there.

1413
01:19:37,357 --> 01:19:39,901
You simply must meet
our charming new guests.

1414
01:19:39,984 --> 01:19:43,279
Well, charming,
I'm afraid I can't argue with,

1415
01:19:43,363 --> 01:19:45,156
but we are anything but new.

1416
01:19:45,239 --> 01:19:47,742
Yes, because we are dead.

1417
01:19:49,160 --> 01:19:50,912
- Yeah.
- Well...

1418
01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:54,207
I just love the fact
that you have decided to dress

1419
01:19:54,290 --> 01:19:56,292
as our beloved ancestors.

1420
01:19:56,376 --> 01:19:58,336
It's charming. Simply charming.

1421
01:19:58,419 --> 01:20:00,129
And may I introduce my wife.

1422
01:20:00,213 --> 01:20:01,839
- Lydia.
- Charmed.

1423
01:20:01,923 --> 01:20:03,883
I'm charmed too.

1424
01:20:03,967 --> 01:20:05,917
- Oh!
- The hem of your dress is filthy.

1425
01:20:05,969 --> 01:20:10,014
Oh, and who is this
charming little rascal?

1426
01:20:10,098 --> 01:20:11,182
[all chuckle]

1427
01:20:11,265 --> 01:20:14,519
Don't mind Mother.
She's not of sound mind, I'm afraid.

1428
01:20:14,602 --> 01:20:16,604
Sounder mind than you, rummy.

1429
01:20:16,688 --> 01:20:18,690
Mother. Please.

1430
01:20:18,773 --> 01:20:19,816
If you'll excuse us,

1431
01:20:19,899 --> 01:20:21,877
I think she just may need
a breath of fresh air.

1432
01:20:21,901 --> 01:20:24,362
- [Lydia] Yes.
- Come along, Mama.

1433
01:20:24,445 --> 01:20:26,531
So nice catching up with you.

1434
01:20:26,614 --> 01:20:29,075
Is that the accent you're going with?

1435
01:20:29,158 --> 01:20:31,327
- No good?
- It's awful.

1436
01:20:31,411 --> 01:20:32,620
- Really?
- It's so bad.

1437
01:20:33,705 --> 01:20:35,832
Attention! Your attention, please.

1438
01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:38,876
As most of you know,
my name is Edna Smythe.

1439
01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:40,044
[scattered applause]

1440
01:20:40,128 --> 01:20:42,964
Please. Save your applause until the end.

1441
01:20:43,047 --> 01:20:47,176
Now, as vice chairwoman of the SPS,

1442
01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:50,722
I feel fortunate to introduce
one of the earliest inhabitants

1443
01:20:50,805 --> 01:20:52,932
of this stunning domicile.

1444
01:20:53,016 --> 01:20:56,394
But before I do,
I'd like to say a few words about...

1445
01:20:56,477 --> 01:20:57,979
Just "Wadsworth."

1446
01:20:58,062 --> 01:20:59,105
"Wadsworth."

1447
01:20:59,188 --> 01:21:00,773
- Oh, my God.
- "Oh, my God."

1448
01:21:00,857 --> 01:21:02,775
You gonna do my Airbnb joke?

1449
01:21:02,859 --> 01:21:06,070
- I don't think so.
- I think that's a mistake.

1450
01:21:06,154 --> 01:21:08,948
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I'm gonna lose my job.

1451
01:21:09,032 --> 01:21:12,201
[Edna] ...of the glorious
historical legacy of Savannah.

1452
01:21:12,285 --> 01:21:17,540
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lord Richmond Wadsworth.

1453
01:21:19,125 --> 01:21:22,712
[in Southern accent] Thank you!
What a wonderful introduction.

1454
01:21:22,795 --> 01:21:25,840
Thank you kindly. [clears throat]

1455
01:21:25,923 --> 01:21:30,511
It is an honor to be back here
for this most auspicious occasion.

1456
01:21:30,595 --> 01:21:32,597
But it is not I to whom this house

1457
01:21:32,680 --> 01:21:35,767
owes its rightful place
among Savannah notoriety.

1458
01:21:35,850 --> 01:21:39,604
In 1865, General Sherman and his troops,

1459
01:21:39,687 --> 01:21:43,149
while they held my wife
hostage at gunpoint,

1460
01:21:43,232 --> 01:21:49,739
and this is after they savagely marauded
and pillaged their way across Georgia.

1461
01:21:49,822 --> 01:21:52,992
Too bad they didn't just use Airbnb.

1462
01:21:54,660 --> 01:21:56,329
[woman coughing]

1463
01:21:57,538 --> 01:22:03,628
So now, may I present my lovely wife,
the Lady Elizabeth Wadsworth.

1464
01:22:05,213 --> 01:22:07,173
- [clears throat]
- Oh, shit.

1465
01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:09,526
[Hannah in Southern accent]
Thank you kind citizens of Savannah.

1466
01:22:09,550 --> 01:22:12,512
I'd like to thank my husband
for that kind introduction,

1467
01:22:12,595 --> 01:22:17,600
even though, truth be told,
he wasn't always the kindest husband.

1468
01:22:17,683 --> 01:22:20,061
For one thing, he murdered me.

1469
01:22:20,144 --> 01:22:22,105
- [quests gasping]
- So...

1470
01:22:23,481 --> 01:22:25,566
What... what did she say?

1471
01:22:25,650 --> 01:22:29,028
What I said was your relative murdered me.

1472
01:22:29,112 --> 01:22:35,368
I'm pretty sure he did, anyway.
Uh, but I am definitely sure of one thing.

1473
01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:39,372
This house, known as Wadsworth Manor,

1474
01:22:39,455 --> 01:22:42,416
was, in fact,
not left to the Wadsworth's at all.

1475
01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:46,629
It was left to the family of my friend,
Josephine Pipkin.

1476
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:49,340
- [quests gasp]
- Oh, snap.

1477
01:22:49,423 --> 01:22:52,176
Dear? Whatever is she talking about?

1478
01:22:52,260 --> 01:22:53,886
Okay, enough! This is crazy.

1479
01:22:53,970 --> 01:22:56,139
I know this lady, and she's no lady!

1480
01:22:56,222 --> 01:22:59,600
There are cameras everywhere, idiot.
Don't do something stupid.

1481
01:22:59,684 --> 01:23:04,647
I recently came into possession
of the original will, uh, my will,

1482
01:23:04,730 --> 01:23:07,984
which I found had been doctored.

1483
01:23:08,067 --> 01:23:11,237
Sadly, that will was destroyed

1484
01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:14,866
because of a clumsy miscalculation
on my part.

1485
01:23:14,949 --> 01:23:19,370
I tried to, uh... It's a long story.
It's not important.

1486
01:23:19,453 --> 01:23:24,375
But I do have here my diary.

1487
01:23:24,458 --> 01:23:28,212
Here. My diary.

1488
01:23:28,296 --> 01:23:29,505
[whispers]
Jesus Christ.

1489
01:23:29,589 --> 01:23:31,883
Which can easily be authenticated.

1490
01:23:31,966 --> 01:23:36,220
"The hat. Now my hat,
once a symbol of Southern aggression,

1491
01:23:36,304 --> 01:23:40,224
I hereby proclaim anew
as a symbol of Southern hospitality

1492
01:23:40,308 --> 01:23:44,937
and fellowship to all persons
be they rich or poor, White or Black.

1493
01:23:45,021 --> 01:23:49,692
And I further declare
whosoever possesses this hat

1494
01:23:49,775 --> 01:23:53,613
"to be the rightful owner of the manor
in which it should forever rest."

1495
01:23:55,573 --> 01:23:58,492
- My dear, my dear, my dear.
- Yeah.

1496
01:23:58,576 --> 01:24:01,704
I do admire your dedication
to this matter.

1497
01:24:01,787 --> 01:24:04,600
- [Hannah] Thank you.
- But that hat has been in the possession

1498
01:24:04,624 --> 01:24:06,584
of my family for generations now.

1499
01:24:06,667 --> 01:24:09,420
So, if we could get on
with the festivities.

1500
01:24:09,503 --> 01:24:11,857
Marcus, would you escort the young lady
from the stage please. Madam?

1501
01:24:11,881 --> 01:24:14,842
- [Hannah] Just one minute, sir.
- Marcus! Do your job!

1502
01:24:16,177 --> 01:24:18,012
Wait! Wait! I can explain!

1503
01:24:19,555 --> 01:24:23,476
Nia. Nia Pipkin,
will you please come up here?

1504
01:24:26,103 --> 01:24:31,984
Now, Nia, what did your great-great-lots-
of-greats-grandmother

1505
01:24:32,068 --> 01:24:35,529
always sew in everything that she owned?

1506
01:24:36,155 --> 01:24:37,573
Her initials.

1507
01:24:38,449 --> 01:24:40,826
- Her initials.
- So?

1508
01:24:40,910 --> 01:24:45,331
Josephine Zelda, it is not just the name
of a legendary video game, sir...

1509
01:24:45,414 --> 01:24:50,878
- What is she talking about?
- Pipkin. JZP.

1510
01:24:50,962 --> 01:24:56,801
Sewn into every dress, every pair of socks
and every hat that she owned.

1511
01:24:56,884 --> 01:24:58,302
Darling, your cane?

1512
01:24:59,637 --> 01:25:01,222
- You sure about this?
- Mm-hmm.

1513
01:25:05,017 --> 01:25:06,602
[clears throat]

1514
01:25:07,603 --> 01:25:09,814
Everybody, please stand back.

1515
01:25:09,897 --> 01:25:14,277
- [wheelchair beeping]
- And the truth shall reveal itself.

1516
01:25:18,281 --> 01:25:19,907
[all gasping]

1517
01:25:19,991 --> 01:25:21,551
[woman whispers]
What is she doing?

1518
01:25:21,575 --> 01:25:23,577
Okay. I'm just gonna... just...

1519
01:25:23,661 --> 01:25:25,079
Fucker.

1520
01:25:26,080 --> 01:25:29,125
Uh... Okay. Oh, God.

1521
01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:30,875
Okay!

1522
01:25:34,588 --> 01:25:36,173
[whispering indistinctly]

1523
01:25:36,257 --> 01:25:38,134
Oh, my God.

1524
01:25:39,218 --> 01:25:40,218
All right.

1525
01:25:43,973 --> 01:25:45,599
Sorry about that. [laughs]

1526
01:25:45,683 --> 01:25:49,687
As I said, the truth shall reveal itself.

1527
01:25:49,770 --> 01:25:53,065
Show me "JZP."

1528
01:25:54,150 --> 01:25:56,777
[all murmuring]

1529
01:26:02,241 --> 01:26:03,844
- Huh.
- Very exciting, wasn't it? Very exciting.

1530
01:26:03,868 --> 01:26:06,013
That was a wonderful performance.
Just wonderful.

1531
01:26:06,037 --> 01:26:08,372
Okay. Let's go, psycho.
Come on.

1532
01:26:08,456 --> 01:26:11,208
I don't get the big deal
with that ugly old hat.

1533
01:26:11,292 --> 01:26:14,086
It used to be filthy. Like your dress.

1534
01:26:14,170 --> 01:26:15,731
What do you mean "it used to be filthy"?

1535
01:26:15,755 --> 01:26:17,214
It used to be filthy, yes,

1536
01:26:17,298 --> 01:26:21,260
until I took it and had it cleaned
and had the old lining restored.

1537
01:26:24,638 --> 01:26:25,639
Okay.

1538
01:26:28,225 --> 01:26:31,312
[gasps] JZP!

1539
01:26:33,439 --> 01:26:37,193
Marcus, do your fucking job
and get her outta here.

1540
01:26:37,276 --> 01:26:39,126
I don't think I work for you anymore.

1541
01:26:42,156 --> 01:26:43,908
What about the murder?

1542
01:26:43,991 --> 01:26:47,620
Oh, right. Oh, my God.
The-the murder. Uh, yes.

1543
01:26:47,703 --> 01:26:51,123
Because I, Elizabeth,
was unable to bear children,

1544
01:26:51,207 --> 01:26:53,751
my husband became increasingly agitated.

1545
01:26:53,834 --> 01:26:58,464
In fact, he became very abusive
and, in short, he was quite a...

1546
01:26:58,547 --> 01:27:01,801
How would you say? Kind of a...

1547
01:27:01,884 --> 01:27:02,885
Dick.

1548
01:27:04,220 --> 01:27:07,014
[laughs]
Ah, yes, thank you. A dick.

1549
01:27:07,098 --> 01:27:09,600
[women laugh]

1550
01:27:09,683 --> 01:27:12,937
"I fear Richmond,
perhaps in an intoxicated state,

1551
01:27:13,020 --> 01:27:14,956
of which he is increasingly prone
to being in,

1552
01:27:14,980 --> 01:27:16,816
may come to do me harm."

1553
01:27:16,899 --> 01:27:21,612
That was one of the lady's
last diary entries.

1554
01:27:21,695 --> 01:27:25,616
She died one week later
of injuries sustained

1555
01:27:25,699 --> 01:27:28,619
from a fall, you guys.

1556
01:27:28,702 --> 01:27:32,790
Oh, friends, ladies and gentlemen,
please, please.

1557
01:27:32,873 --> 01:27:36,293
Tonight marks the launch
of my campaign for mayor of Savannah.

1558
01:27:36,377 --> 01:27:40,214
And as mayor, one of my chief goals
is to promote justice

1559
01:27:40,297 --> 01:27:43,050
for all of Savannah's citizens.

1560
01:27:43,134 --> 01:27:48,264
In light of the information
and evidence presented here tonight,

1561
01:27:48,347 --> 01:27:51,684
I do hereby bequeath this house...

1562
01:27:51,767 --> 01:27:53,185
Did he just say "queef"?

1563
01:27:53,269 --> 01:27:55,146
...and all the contents herein

1564
01:27:55,229 --> 01:28:00,526
to its rightful heirs,
and my dear friends,

1565
01:28:00,609 --> 01:28:04,530
- Nia and Marcus Pipkin.
- This is retarded bullshit!

1566
01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:06,174
[Grayson]
So, ladies and gentlemen... Son...

1567
01:28:06,198 --> 01:28:10,244
Would you all kindly raise your glasses
and join me in a toast.

1568
01:28:10,911 --> 01:28:13,581
To Pipkin Manor.

1569
01:28:16,584 --> 01:28:19,044
Wonderful! Mama, drinks in the bar.

1570
01:28:22,756 --> 01:28:23,757
[wheelchair beeps]

1571
01:28:23,841 --> 01:28:25,426
[both laughing]

1572
01:28:44,612 --> 01:28:45,613
[mouths words]

1573
01:29:09,595 --> 01:29:10,596
[farts]

1574
01:29:30,991 --> 01:29:32,076
She's gone?

1575
01:29:32,785 --> 01:29:33,786
Yeah.

1576
01:29:34,537 --> 01:29:35,746
It's a good thing.

1577
01:29:35,829 --> 01:29:39,625
Thanks to you,
she's not stuck here anymore.

1578
01:29:41,085 --> 01:29:43,045
- And thanks to you.
- Yeah.

1579
01:29:47,508 --> 01:29:50,177
[sniffing]

1580
01:30:03,357 --> 01:30:05,150
How's everybody doing today?

1581
01:30:05,234 --> 01:30:06,694
- Everyone all right?
- Yeah.

1582
01:30:06,777 --> 01:30:07,778
Awesome.

1583
01:30:13,117 --> 01:30:16,996
Oh, shit. Oh, I overslept.

1584
01:30:17,079 --> 01:30:19,790
[groans] Come on. Five more minutes.

1585
01:30:19,873 --> 01:30:24,587
- Oh, I would love to, but I can't.
- Okay.

1586
01:30:27,464 --> 01:30:30,301
[giggling]

1587
01:30:30,384 --> 01:30:34,054
- Five minutes. Four minutes.
- [giggling continues] Jesus.

1588
01:30:37,766 --> 01:30:39,101
Knock 'em dead, lady.

1589
01:30:39,184 --> 01:30:40,603
[Nia] Yeah, no problem.

1590
01:30:40,686 --> 01:30:42,706
My brother will reach out to you.
Thank you.

1591
01:30:42,730 --> 01:30:44,916
Nia, I'm so sorry.
We forgot to set the alarm.

1592
01:30:44,940 --> 01:30:46,400
Girl, you're fine.

1593
01:30:46,483 --> 01:30:48,944
- Have fun on the tour.
- Thank you!

1594
01:30:50,237 --> 01:30:52,781
Well, the lady should be here
any minute now.

1595
01:30:54,700 --> 01:30:55,868
[door opens]

1596
01:30:55,951 --> 01:30:57,953
Oh! And here she is now.

1597
01:30:59,997 --> 01:31:01,683
[in Southern accent]
Thank you, Lord Pipkin.

1598
01:31:01,707 --> 01:31:03,334
I am your humble hostess,

1599
01:31:03,417 --> 01:31:04,918
Lady Elizabeth Daubmire.

1600
01:31:05,002 --> 01:31:07,212
I'd like to welcome you to Pipkin Manor.

1601
01:31:07,296 --> 01:31:09,214
Today you'll learn a bit about me,

1602
01:31:09,298 --> 01:31:13,010
but mostly I'll be telling you
about this beautiful manor

1603
01:31:13,093 --> 01:31:15,220
and why it is so very, very special.

1604
01:31:15,304 --> 01:31:19,642
So, today's tour will begin
where all good home tours should begin,

1605
01:31:19,725 --> 01:31:22,144
- in the bar room.
- [chuckling]

1606
01:31:22,227 --> 01:31:24,077
Usually, I like to wait until the sun

1607
01:31:24,104 --> 01:31:26,374
has dipped below the banyan tree
in our backyard

1608
01:31:26,398 --> 01:31:29,652
before I have my afternoon
mint julep, but...

1609
01:31:31,820 --> 01:31:34,073
since-since y'all are here...

1610
01:31:36,367 --> 01:31:38,428
why don't you go on ahead
with Lord Pipkin,

1611
01:31:38,452 --> 01:31:40,202
and, uh, I'll see you in the lobby.

1612
01:31:40,913 --> 01:31:42,081
Well, come on, friends.

1613
01:31:42,956 --> 01:31:44,416
Come on in. Don't push.

1614
01:31:44,500 --> 01:31:47,086
There you go. Welcome to my home.

1615
01:31:47,169 --> 01:31:50,005
- I'm so proud of you.
- Oh.

1616
01:31:51,006 --> 01:31:52,591
Wow! What are you doing here?

1617
01:31:52,675 --> 01:31:54,593
I just wanted to say hello.

1618
01:31:54,677 --> 01:31:57,805
It was my house, after all.

1619
01:31:57,888 --> 01:32:03,310
I don't quite know how to say this,
but you don't have to be here.

1620
01:32:03,394 --> 01:32:05,354
Like, I'm good.

1621
01:32:05,437 --> 01:32:06,855
Looking for Hannah Daniels.

1622
01:32:06,939 --> 01:32:11,485
Okay. I'm Hannah Daniels.
Can I help you, Officers?

1623
01:32:11,568 --> 01:32:16,198
Ma'am, you are under arrest for violating
the Georgia penal code 147-b.

1624
01:32:16,281 --> 01:32:20,828
- What? What even is that?
- Public flatulence.

1625
01:32:20,911 --> 01:32:23,789
Failure to register as
a sex offender within 30 days.

1626
01:32:23,872 --> 01:32:25,422
- Oh, Hannah.
- Oh, that's real?

1627
01:32:25,457 --> 01:32:29,837
Hannah, haven't I taught you
that a lady never offends sexually?

1628
01:32:29,920 --> 01:32:31,130
I didn't. Shit.

1629
01:32:31,213 --> 01:32:33,298
- Language!
- Sorry.

1630
01:32:34,591 --> 01:32:37,469
Okay, y'all. Let's-let's go on inside.

1631
01:32:37,553 --> 01:32:40,305
['Came Out of a Lady"
by Rubblebucket playing]

1632
01:32:42,891 --> 01:32:45,811
[Lady Wadsworth]
I'll be here when you get back!

1633
01:32:48,188 --> 01:32:49,440
Bye, Hannah!

1634
01:33:08,917 --> 01:33:11,754
♪ I used to wish I was never born ♪

1635
01:33:11,837 --> 01:33:13,231
♪ Now I don't "cause I found you ♪"

1636
01:33:13,255 --> 01:33:14,816
♪ It's really cool you like me too ♪

1637
01:33:14,840 --> 01:33:18,027
You don't need to be in character anymore.
You already told me you're 19.

1638
01:33:18,051 --> 01:33:20,864
- [man] "Tons of pubes."
- [boy] I have tons of pubes, by the way.

1639
01:33:20,888 --> 01:33:22,890
[all laughing]

1640
01:33:25,809 --> 01:33:27,603
I don't like this kid.

1641
01:33:30,189 --> 01:33:32,024
- [woman] You're laughing.
- Sorry!

1642
01:33:32,107 --> 01:33:34,777
Cubed is my favorite way to eat meat.

1643
01:33:39,281 --> 01:33:42,177
I have a great teeth whitening team
if you want to borrow them.

1644
01:33:42,201 --> 01:33:44,536
- It's more than one guy?
- Yeah, it's a team.

1645
01:33:44,620 --> 01:33:45,954
Well, all right.

1646
01:33:49,875 --> 01:33:53,420
- That's bullshit, by the way.
- What?

1647
01:33:53,504 --> 01:33:56,465
You're good at a lot of things. I think.

1648
01:34:01,345 --> 01:34:03,680
[car alarm beeping]

1649
01:34:03,764 --> 01:34:04,890
[man]

1650
01:34:07,601 --> 01:34:10,187
Oh. [laughs]

1651
01:34:10,270 --> 01:34:12,570
- Sorry.
- [Long] Yeah. You're messing this up.

1652
01:34:13,857 --> 01:34:17,778
What's a good dildo shake position?

1653
01:34:17,861 --> 01:34:20,173
Keep in mind this is
gonna be my Oscar clip, so...

1654
01:34:20,197 --> 01:34:22,091
- [Long] Yeah. "For your consideration." ”
- We want it... Yeah.

1655
01:34:22,115 --> 01:34:23,909
- She's gone?
- Yeah.

1656
01:34:23,992 --> 01:34:25,369
Well, most of her is gone.

1657
01:34:28,455 --> 01:34:30,165
But it's good. It's nice.

1658
01:34:30,249 --> 01:34:32,352
It's good.
You know, she's not stuck anymore.

1659
01:34:32,376 --> 01:34:33,585
Yeah.

1660
01:34:33,669 --> 01:34:37,881
She's not all pent up anymore.
She's been relieved.

1661
01:34:37,965 --> 01:34:41,009
- [laughs] Just go away.
- Okay.

1662
01:34:41,093 --> 01:34:43,887
Look. I've cracked the code.

1663
01:34:46,014 --> 01:34:47,933
And I've changed your flight.

1664
01:34:48,016 --> 01:34:50,435
You'll now take off at 4:00 p.I'm.

1665
01:34:50,519 --> 01:34:52,229
You'll connect in Dallas.

1666
01:34:56,567 --> 01:34:58,235
What the fuck is your problem?

1667
01:34:58,318 --> 01:35:01,530
- What's your problem?
- Sorry. We're so close.

1668
01:35:01,613 --> 01:35:04,074
What do you mean?
What's your problem?

1669
01:35:04,157 --> 01:35:07,286
Look, my uncle's friends with the DA.
I talked to him.

1670
01:35:07,369 --> 01:35:10,330
They're dropping all the charges.
No, they're not. Sorry.

1671
01:35:10,414 --> 01:35:14,793
Yeah, I think so. Maybe a little bounce.
This would be fun.

1672
01:35:14,877 --> 01:35:16,837
- Okay.
- Who is this man?

1673
01:35:16,920 --> 01:35:19,214
[laughing]

1674
01:35:19,298 --> 01:35:25,470
Well, if you must create wind
from either the front or the back...

1675
01:35:26,179 --> 01:35:27,389
If you must...

1676
01:35:28,098 --> 01:35:29,308
If you must...

1677
01:35:29,391 --> 01:35:31,560
Look.

1678
01:35:31,643 --> 01:35:34,243
This is not me helping you, but you...
Would you stop?

1679
01:35:34,313 --> 01:35:36,982
Oh, what? I'm acting in the scene.

1680
01:35:37,065 --> 01:35:38,275
So good. I'm sorry.

1681
01:35:38,358 --> 01:35:41,612
Yes. You and that word "Dick."

1682
01:35:45,574 --> 01:35:47,242
[Lynskey] Sorry. It's my fault.

1683
01:35:47,326 --> 01:35:50,662
I guess I'll get
a fresh squeezed tangerine juice.

1684
01:35:50,746 --> 01:35:51,997
Uh, but no pulp.

1685
01:35:52,080 --> 01:35:54,791
I guess I'll just have
a Cajun-spice Bloody Mary,

1686
01:35:54,875 --> 01:35:58,021
but don't crowd it up with all those
celery stalks and bullshit.

1687
01:35:58,045 --> 01:36:00,395
I guess I'll just take
a green tea matcha latte,

1688
01:36:00,464 --> 01:36:01,632
but with cow milk!

1689
01:36:01,715 --> 01:36:03,258
None of that vegan bullshit.

1690
01:36:03,342 --> 01:36:07,721
Then I'll just get a mint
chocolate-chip milkshake, but no chips.

1691
01:36:07,804 --> 01:36:10,307
Then I'm getting a bikini wax at 3:00.

1692
01:36:10,390 --> 01:36:13,977
Well, thank God.
I had a whisker rash for four days.

1693
01:36:14,061 --> 01:36:16,355
I wasn't able to do campaign.

1694
01:36:16,438 --> 01:36:18,708
[man] Brian, can you start
closer to this camera?

1695
01:36:18,732 --> 01:36:20,482
I guess that'll never make the cut.

1696
01:36:20,525 --> 01:36:21,902
I don't think so.