Oh, no.
Mr. Breem. I didn't see you there.
You're sneaky.
Five-second rule, right?
But only if we could eat in here.
Which we can't, so I'll just put that in there.
How can I help you, sir?
I need a security tape from last night, camera eight.
Sassy Colors has some unaccounted for merchandise.
Wait, Sassy Colors got robbed?
We don't wanna jump to conclusions. It could be anything.
Could be a raccoon. You know, they can lift objects.
One of them ripped the face off my buddy's cat.
-Tommy. -The tape.
Oh, shit.
Someone must've forgotten to load the tape.
And that someone was trained by me.
Sir, I take full responsibility.
I owe you and the good people of Sassy Colors a sincere apology.
I fucked up.
Mistakes are how we learn.
Just… don't make the same one twice.
Sir, you have my word on that.
Take care, sir.
All right, let's get back to business.
Holy shit!
Holy shit is right, bro.
Mormon boss man jacking it in his own mall.
They're not even allowed to jerk off in their own house.
-What? -Yeah.
No, that's just cruel.
-You're not even seeing the best part. -Dude.
Look at the freaky housewife flicking the bean on this other angle.
See, right there.
Right there.
There.
Wow. That's intimate.
And also, really public.
Why would they do that?
I mean, you know, maybe they got lost in the moment.
Like, really lost.
Boss man knows where the cameras are.
He put 'em in himself.
He came by to check on 'em this morning, but sadly…
some stoner forgot to load the tapes.
He was super gracious about that error.
Bet he was.
Hey, good eye, bro.
Thanks, bro. I just look for the story.
Baby.
-This is-- This is-- -Yeah?
-This could save us. -Yeah?
Oh, my--
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Sweetie.
Jesus-- I di--
Good morning.
You scared me.
Where's Daddy?
In the bathroom, I think.
What kind of eggs do you want today?
Daddy's.
Sweetie, I know it was hard seeing me a little sad and sick,
but I'm better now.
So I can make you whatever you want.
I just want cereal.
Okay. Perfect.
From Daddy.
You think you wanna punish me now?
Just wait. You have no idea.
All right. Good morning.
Sun's up. Mom's up. What's for breakfast?
Cereal. She wants you to make it.
Okay. I can do that.
Let's see how fast I can go.
Daddy lightning!
One! Two!
Just a reminder, I'm out all day.
I have a big meeting in Los Angeles.
Yeah, well, we have a pretty big day ourselves.
Don't we?
Little Cadets, I signed her up.
Little Cadets? I thought we decided that was a little paramilitary for us?
Yeah, but, you know, some of the moms were talking about it at drop-off,
and I kinda thought, "Eh," you know?
-Here you go, sweetie. -Some moms, huh?
Yeah.
Like Wanda?
Yeah, uh-huh. She was there.
She was one of them. Why? Jealous?
Tell him. Who you are, what you do.
You know, I did scouts when I was a kid, and I loved it.
They gave us Buck knives. Big ones.
I want a knife.
Yeah, of course you do. I wish I still had mine.
I kept it in a sheath.
And we got to shoot arrows.
Wait till you get to shoot an arrow. It feels so good.
You'll have the car today 'cause Greta's driving me.
Where?
-To LA, for the meeting. -Hey, we gotta eat.
If you wanna go, we gotta eat. There you go.
He doesn't care. He doesn't need to.
This is your dream, all yours.
You want a cup? Just finished brewing.
Just kidding, I know.
Apologies for coming unannounced.
Your father liked to do that too.
Unplanned visits make us feel… less guilty, don't they?
Come on in.
I'm not sure about this suit.
I was going for chairman of the board, but I feel like mother of the bride.
I love this look.
This is the perfect blend of professional,
and, like, you're so pretty I want to kill you.
-Hi. -Hi.
If it isn't the crown princess of cardio.
Looking just as good out of a leotard as you do in one.
So, we're looking good.
How are we feeling after everything you've been through?
-Rested. -Excellent.
I'm, eager to, talk to you
about the ideas I have for steps forward.
I think that's wonderful.
You've taken an interest in strategy.
You know, not a lot of the talent does that.
I actually prepared a summary sheet.
Firstly,
I love what you have me doing so far.
The trade shows and the personal appearances.
But I am committed to growing my business
beyond just the how-to market
into more of a lifestyle brand.
Well, we can certainly discuss what's in store for your next tape.
Maybe a jazzy new font for the sleeve?
What I would love is to expand into exercise equipment and clothing
and cookbooks.
It's all there on the summary sheet.
A road map to my own lifestyle brand.
Your lifestyle brand?
The way we see it,
you are one important member of the Stahl/Grunner family of brands.
He's threatened. Make it sound like his idea.
Well, remember when you talked about making me a household name?
This is really just a way to do that.
Only maybe a little faster than you planned.
You know, I'll tell you what.
I'll take a look at your ideas, and I'll run 'em up the flagpole.
I thought you were the flagpole. That's why I asked to meet with you.
Well, I am a flagpole, but the founders weigh in.
They're still alive?
Yes. Mr. Stahl and Mr. Grunner are still very much alive.
Mr. Stahl a little more so.
He comes in most weeks, opens his mail, has his soup.
Well…
Are you familiar with Vinnie Green?
He has these long-form television ads.
I'm familiar with infomercials.
I don't sleep.
Well then you must have seen him?
Yes, he's, very memorable.
Lively. A real character.
How many ways are there not to say gay?
Well, he started with a tape,
and now he's selling a whole weight loss system direct to consumers.
He's appealing to a very different… sector
of the population than we are.
We are a family company.
If you catch my drift.
If? You'd have to be an idiot.
Well, like it or not, direct to consumer is the future.
And I'm not talking thousands of units.
I'm talking millions. Millions.
Can you see it, Auggie? Because I can.
You know what I can see?
You signing a contract with us.
Remember that?
Now, I don't wanna say you owe us, but, well, you do.
You owe us.
And since we're already out-of-pocket because of your difficulties of late--
I had a medical issue.
-It was completely out of my control. -We're gonna need you
to stick to the plan. Our plan.
Thanks for stopping by.
Over.
And under.
And now, you guessed it!
Over, and back under again.
I practiced this exact same way with my mother,
and my mother practiced this exact same way with her mother.
Can you believe that?
Yes.
-What's next? Over! -Hey.
That's right.
Under.
I'm sorry, but she's got them sewing.
And not even sewing-sewing.
It's pretend-sewing, and it's pathetic.
It looks like she's having fun.
Yeah, that's 'cause she doesn't know any different.
God, just seeing these little girls being trained
for this domestic, submissive behavior at such a young age-- Just--
You'd prefer they learn it when they get a bit older?
Like, maybe in their first marriages?
No, I don't want it to happen at all.
That would be great.
Over…
Wow! That is really good.
I'm not even an oatmeal raisin guy, but that is excellent.
-Wow. Yeah. -Thank you.
You haven't said anything about, what happened on television?
I wasn't sure if you were happy with the PBS SoCal piece.
I hadn't heard from you.
I heard from a lot of other people.
Yeah, this, commercial talent agency called me and wanted to talk about Leo.
I said, "My son is not selling hamburgers on TV."
Uh-huh. Yeah, no, it was…
It was, you know, great. It was nice. And Leo was really great.
Okay.
Honestly? It was actually really disappointing.
Instead of actually talking about real issues,
they decided to play the cute kid card.
It was emotional manipulation over substance,
which is what happens anytime you combine television and politics.
Okay, so you are jealous of a 12-year-old?
That's a wild oversimplification of my point.
You know, I had a sense deep down that you were a jerk.
Not even that deep down, come to think of it.
I-- What?
You wanna know what I am?
I'm a straight shooter, okay?
I tell people like it is, and oftentimes that gets me in trouble.
What do you want me to do? I can't apologize for having strong views
about an organization that, let's face it--
Daddy! Do you like mine?
I…
I love you, sweetie.
I love you.
Running it up the flagpole is just another way of saying no.
Stay the course. Forget embracing new ideas.
Maybe. But maybe they just need time to think about it.
Ernie takes his time with new ideas. Does happen.
They think they're smarter than I am about this,
-and they're not even-- -No way, Jose.
He kept saying they're a family company.
They don't know anything about families. And they don't know anything about women.
What we want or how we think and--
I love that bag.
Can you see me with that bag?
Yes, I can. You should get it. Treat yourself.
I can't. I mean, I can, but I can't.
It's too much.
Not important. Sorry, I'm all yours.
You know, I should just be grateful that I got to make the tape at all,
and I should just do whatever they tell me 'cause they're the experts.
You don't believe that.
-Buy the purse. -I can't.
I shouldn't.
It's too much.
You're rich.
It just doesn't feel like me.
Oh, gosh! We should be getting back, yeah? This was fun.
Would you be okay with making one more stop?
Only you would sit on this for four months.
My pure of heart babe.
You know, I don't like to judge people on their choices.
It's their fucking choice, you know?
And some people make dumb choices that they pay for.
And ultimately, that's what swayed me. Actions have consequences.
You create a harbor, you kill the wave.
You steal my girl's moves, you're a poser.
And if you fuck with us, we will f--
Look, he's pulling in.
You're so hot when you're like this.
-All dialed in-- -Don't distract me. We're working here.
We've got a lot to figure out. We gotta see what we're working with here.
Hang on. It's not Breem. It's…
the wife.
As good as it is to see you,
are we eventually going to get to what brings you by?
Can't say for sure.
Intriguing start.
Not that I care one way or another.
Human company is always welcomed here.
I've been known to conversate with seagulls from time to time, so…
How's that go?
Asymmetrically.
They are terrible listeners.
Hey, John.
Due to capital infusions into the marina project,
your dividend will--
and dividends across the board for all the original investors
will be less than in quarters passed. So…
Sounds good, John.
Sounds good.
I'm wanting to make the same mistake.
I mean, I do and I don't,
wanna make the same mistake he did.
That… That Dad did.
You're gonna have to be more specific.
-All right. Now's our chance. Come on. -Okay.
Come on!
Hi, Mr. Green?
Mr. Green, I'm so sorry to bother you--
Oh, no, ladies.
No, we can't do autographs today. No.
But I love you.
That's a great blazer.
Thanks. I need to talk to you.
About what, sweetheart?
Just how you became you.
Nice one, dingbat.
Let us buy you lunch. We only need an hour.
Whatever his consulting fee is, we'll double it.
You do think this is what we've been waiting for?
-I do think it might be. -Do you know what's waiting for you later?
What is this?
-Oh, babe. -I would not miss it.
I would not miss it.
Oh, my God.
Over time, Porter stopped wearing his altogether.
This was his.
No shit.
Sorry.
I wish you two--
I wish he would've followed the righteous path.
Look, you may know what that is,
but I certainly don't.
Oh, yeah, I certainly do.
Well, congratulations.
-That must be nice. -It isn't.
Not anymore.
I'm seeing other paths. Other…
I don't know.
I'm not sure what to say, John. Honestly.
But I can tell you that we were happy with our arrangement.
We were.
A happy man doesn't go and--
He was unhappy for other reasons.
His life didn't give him all that he needed,
but I've never, not for a second, felt responsible for what he was lacking.
For what he needed.
And what did he need?
What do you need?
I need someone to tell me it's okay to leave it all behind.
No one's ever gonna tell you that.
Yeah.
I should go.
But now that you've said it out loud…
She must've dropped a couple thousand in there.
Money means nothing to these people.
See what I'm talking about?
How much should we ask for?
Sky's the limit, I think.
She can't even carry all the bags she bought.
Makes me sick.
I always ask for the dressing on the side. Otherwise, what a waste.
You take a beautiful salad, and you drown it in sugar and fat.
And don't get me started on Cobb salads.
It's a bacon cheeseburger without the bun.
You know, we're working on a line of fat-free salad dressings,
but we're still zhuzhing the flavors.
Marika is very particular about flavors.
And Marika is?
The beautiful woman I share my home with.
Oh, God.
Well, I was just curious--
My father came to this country with nothing.
He washed dishes in a restaurant and slept on the floor.
Worked his way up to owning 40 sandwich franchises all over the South.
And boy, did he want me to walk in his footsteps, but I had other plans.
This thing doesn't have a pause button, does it?
On the dance floor.
Dance was my passion.
But nobody was gonna hire me as a hoofer when I looked like a heifer, you know?
I was a big kid.
Being forced to work all day and night in a sandwich shop will do that to you.
Well, your father must be very proud of you now.
We don't speak.
Well, I'm a fitness instructor.
I started in the studio, and then I made my first--
I know who you are.
I've seen the tape.
The workout.
Wow. Thank you.
For what? He didn't compliment you.
Marika shows me things from time to time
if she thinks I might find them interesting.
Well, I just fell into it.
I fell in love with aerobics and what it could do for me,
and I wanted to share that with others.
I danced too.
-Ballet? I'm guessing from your form. -Yes, that's right.
I could never lift my leg higher than a footstool.
But you can get away with it in modern and jazz.
I really was just curious how you made that transition
from tape to television.
You know, I'm having a hard time
getting my people to really listen to my suggestions.
Easy.
-I don't have people. -Okay, but then how do you--
Five years ago, I was working in a dance studio,
praying for a promotion from desk duty. And then…
I met Marika.
And she believed in me.
And that's all it took for me to take control of my life and my future.
One beautiful woman who truly believed.
I control my own name.
I control my own business.
And nobody tells me what to do or say.
Except Marika?
Well, everyone needs a partner.
You two have each other, which is a start.
Oh, no, sorry. We're not together. We're just friends.
I would love to have more control, but I'm in a contract with Stahl/Grunner.
I can't just walk away.
Some of us are never ready to leave Daddy's house,
however unfeeling or cruel Daddy was to us.
Am I right about that?
Easy guess. He doesn't know you.
I know I am because I had it too.
Don't you get sucked in by this cheap trick.
Oh, my gosh. I think you are.
Sorry, I just hate seeing you--
You deserve better
than what you settle for, that's all.
Is she right? Is that what you do?
No one's making any decisions.
…mess with people like this.
You know, I'm starting a line of workout tights
called Vinnie's Skinnies.
It's a patented moisture-wicking fabric that will revolutionize fitness attire.
I'd love to talk to you about being one of our sales partners.
Marika can get in touch if you're interested?
-She just looked so… -Yeah.
Like my mom when she'd spend all dinner watching the clock,
just getting tighter and tighter.
Yeah.
This thing, this could cause a lot of pain.
Like, we could open up a world of hurt.
I don't wanna be the one that goes around, like, stabbing people.
I especially don't wanna stab kids.
No, I couldn't live with that on my conscience.
Like, kids are innocent.
The only pure thing in this world.
But in a lot of ways,
we're on the kids' side.
They hurt her.
They hurt them. It's not us.
We made a mistake once.
When we signed up for that cassette tape club?
When we let Sheila convince us that she had the power.
But we have righteousness on our side, and that's something you can't buy.
Hello?
Yeah! Nice.
-Yeah, that's my girl. -Yay!
-Wha-- Hey, guys. -Hey.
What's going on out here?
Well, Little Cadets didn't turn out to be quite what we expected,
so we decided to take matters into our own hands.
How about you? How was your day?
I-- You know, it wasn't too different than that.
Is that safe, babe?
No. That's the point. It's pretty dangerous.
-I mean, it's knives. -Okay.
Let's do another one. Ready?
You're gonna set your elbow, you're gonna aim it at the wood
and throw it as hard as you can.
Yeah.
Bunny. Tyler.
I wasn't expecting you guys.
Did you have some questions on the notes for my routine?
No. I won't be doing your routine.
I thought we had agreed?
Then I looked at the check, and you were short.
About $24,500 short.
Look… I told you I was inspired by your class.
I enjoyed your class.
But it was a start, okay?
I don't owe you anything.
What I've created is mine and mine alone.
No, Sheila, it's not.
But that's not why we're here.
We're here because of what you and that tight-ass Mormon are doing
on this security tape from the mall.
When you were yanking à la mode.
Babe? Who is it?
It's just Avon.
I'll be right in.
You're bluffing.
No, I'm a terrible liar.
He has no poker face.
I always thought you were kinda cold,
but publicly jacking it with a married man?
Mormons aren't even allowed to jack it.
Who wants to learn how to be healthy from someone so messed up?
Twenty-five grand.
Or we send it to his wife, your business partners,
and Danny.
One week.
Either we get money, or we get to watch you get destroyed.
Either way, we are, like, psyched!
Oh, my God.