-Hi. -Hi.
I can really have anything?
That's right. It is Daddy Yes Day, so whatever you ask for, Daddy says yes.
Within reason.
Can I have a rainbow?
Yes. Rainbow order is in. Time of delivery, TBD.
-What else? -I want a mermaid.
You're making this too easy. We will go to the beach.
We will look in the water, see if we can spot some mermaids.
What else?
-Hamburgers! -What?
I want hamburgers for lunch.
Oh, Maya, you know that we don't eat hamburgers.
If you'll settle for a veggie burger, we'll go to the organic market.
Mom eats hamburgers.
Sweetheart, your mommy does not eat hamburgers.
She's the one who got me to stop eating red meat
because it's not good for your body or your soul.
One time, Mommy ate three whole hamburgers.
But I only ate one.
But I liked it.
Maya, I need you to be honest with me.
Did this happen in one of your dreams, maybe?
No, it was real. Like mermaids.
Babe, what are you doing?
It's not good enough. "Roommates wanted"?
I mean, what was I thinking? It's roommates need-- It's needed.
Goddamn it.
Babe, it was fine.
It wasn't. It's shit. It's all shit!
Ty, you gotta stop obsessing. You're poisoning the house, like, literally.
Creative projects make me feel relaxed.
Well, this one's not working.
'Cause I keep screwing 'em up!
We're blackmailing someone, dude.
For like, a significant amount of money. Like, dark-side money.
Why are you whispering? Nobody lives here anymore but us.
I don't know.
Okay, you are freaking out. You gotta focus on the positive.
Once she pays us that money, honey, we're set.
Yeah? What if she doesn't? What the hell do we do then?
We've ruined her life! It's a fucking win-win!
There is a third option, Bun. What if she turns it against us?
She's smart and sneaky.
We should head down to Mex. Lay low for a while.
I mean, we can get passports.
Well, that takes too much time. Fakes, maybe.
Richie makes fakes, but he's already in Mex, so how do we get to him?
All right, that's it. We're getting out of here.
We both need some air.
$25,000? What is wrong with these people?
What's wrong with you?
It's not the money. The money is-- It's the principle.
What kind of person thinks they can behave in this way?
Maliciously creating chaos.
That sort of person is you.
I know it's hard to comprehend, but we don't have any time.
They said two days or they'll send it to everyone.
How did they get their hands on it? That's what I'm trying to understand.
Who knows? The point is that they did.
And if we don't pay them, everyone's gonna see it.
They're gonna see us.
My father took his life.
We don't say that's what happened because it's a terrible thing to say.
But that's what he did.
There was a private side of his life
that he couldn't, or wouldn't, live with anymore.
I'm so sorry.
I am too.
And I've been looking for some kind of… sign.
An off-ramp. A different way.
Maybe this is that sign.
What are you suggesting?
Maybe this is our call to action.
Or rather, inaction.
It's an opportunity to let that which is not strong enough to stand collapse.
So that we could rebuild.
Together. We're a force, Sheila.
I wanna be with you.
This could be our beginning.
What you're saying, that's impossible.
I mean, what, we're gonna blow up our whole lives, our careers?
It's not who we are. I mean, they know that.
They think they know me.
But the only person that really knows me is you.
And after what you let me see here…
Well, I didn't really let you see--
I think you could say the same thing about me.
I know it's crazy.
You just think about it… for a day.
Just entertain it… before we let it go.
When I'm with you…
It's the only time I feel free.
We could feel that way all the time.
What's stopping us?
"Persons suffering from anorexia's ominous variant,
called bulimia, consume high-calorie foods in rapid, hidden episodes or binges,
often concluding in self-induced vomiting,
either manually or with the help of emetics or laxatives."
Daddy, when do I get my hamburger?
Sorry, sweetie, we'll get it in a second, okay?
Why don't you read your mermaid book there?
I already did.
Well, read it again.
"Such attempts at weight loss result in weight fluctuation,
mild to severe depression, amenorrhea, and even kleptomania."
Okay, okay, okay.
And we got these new jerseys,
and they're made out of this, like, itchy polyester.
And they look so yellow. Like, yellow.
Not like a nice yellow, but like a…
Like a weird, like, mustardy yellow.
You know? And we look like a gross combination of things out there.
-Yeah. -It's weird.
I mean, our school colors are blue and yellow.
Just go with blue. Everybody likes blue.
I like yellow.
Symbolizes the sun, joy, hope for a brighter future.
A new chapter.
It's an underappreciated hue.
Do you know what my favorite color is, Zeke?
No, what is it, Dad?
It's yellow.
Right.
My father had a yellow golf shirt he used to wear all the time.
And my mother got rid of it without telling him.
She thought it looked effeminate.
Which was a bad thing. In her eyes.
Well, if everyone's done, boys, would you clear the table?
-Yeah. -What about my favorite song?
Anyone?
Maybe just one of the top three?
We get it, Dad. You're a man of mystery.
Mom? Are you okay?
That was a big one.
It's perfectly normal, dear. It's just the body getting ready for what's to come.
Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Yay!
Thank you, guys. I'm so happy, thank--
-Yay! -Yeah!
I didn't know what to wish for because I have everything.
Except maybe another bottle of champagne, yeah?
What do you guys think?
-I'm probably good for just one more. -Yes. Yeah, me too.
Okay, we'll see about that. We're celebrating.
Did you not like your pasta primavera? You hardly ate any of it.
Oh, no, I did! It was just very rich. Really filling.
How? It's just vegetables and pasta.
Is this what drowning feels like?
Yeah, she's probably saving room for dessert.
They have been written up here for this.
Molten chocolate lava cake.
We preordered it.
Ernie preordered it.
Leona preordered it when she called up for the reservation.
That still counts, Ern.
Oh, my God. Worth it. As advertised.
Holy shit. Yeah. That is really good.
I gotta say, wow!
Now. Do it now while they're chocolate drunk.
Well, your Majesty…
Wha-- No.
You guys, I said I didn't need anything.
Well, this is not something you need. It's something you want.
Oh, my God, Sheila. Oh, my God, no. This is too much.
-What is it? -Yeah, now I wanna know. What is it?
I cannot believe you.
For Christ's sake, Greta, take it out of the bag.
-Look. -Looks like a nice one.
Yeah, a very nice one.
You remembered. Who remembers?
I guess I remember. You deserve it.
Okay, that's it.
It's bubbles in bubbles time for these two, Ern. Wrap it up.
What's bubbles in bubbles?
No ifs, ands, or buts.
Well, maybe a couple butts.
-If we're lucky. -Ern.
Dude, you don't believe in this crap.
Yeah, I know, but--
Hey, don't call it crap.
So, why are we here?
Because-- Because…
Even though I never believed in this stuff,
being here used to make me feel better.
Just the candles and the whole…
You know.
Sacred vibe?
I guess it's kinda like the beach but for lamers.
Neither of us liked doing what we did.
But…
it's not the only thing we've done.
We've done good stuff too.
Other stuff.
That's what sits wrong with me, you know?
That we might have put the universe out of whack with this shit.
Karmically speaking.
Well, maybe this was a bad idea.
We can bail.
No, wait. Let's just chill for a minute instead.
They got some pretty dank incense in here.
-Bubbles in bubbles! -Yay!
-Yeah. -You get it? You get it?
-We do get it. -Chilled champagne, hot water.
This is the life.
Yeah. It's very energy-intensive, but yeah.
-Yeah, yeah. -Yeah.
-We should get going after this glass. -Right, yeah.
No. You don't have enough. Here's a little more.
So, anyway, you know, for me,
it's been a real through-the-looking-glass experience.
Everything is different, and not just the sex.
I see my whole life now with a different perspective.
Just your life?
No, our life. Mine and Greta's.
Right, baby?
And I have come to believe that good sex is the crux of happiness.
I don't disagree.
-To happiness. -Yes.
However you personally define good sex, that is.
And what about you, Mrs. Sheila Rubin?
How do you define it?
Yeah.
What? I'm curious.
No, I just-- You're putting her on the spot. That's not fair.
I thought that was kind of the point, right?
Okay…
Well…
Good sex is good sex.
You know it when you see it and when you feel it, I'd say.
What?
No, I--
I love you so much but that is a cop-out.
-Well, it's a start. -I think that's a perfect answer.
Thank you, guys. Thank you.
All right, how about this?
Who would be your ideal lover, either real or imagined?
This is such a great question. Okay.
Mine would be Copernicus…
You should tell them everything. Right now.
Tell them about being fucked in ways you've always wanted
but never, ever put words to.
Tell them. Do it. Ruin them. Just make all of this go away.
Okay, Sheila, you go.
Gentlemen first.
Yes, all right. Yeah, I can go.
For me, my ideal lover would be,
my wife, Sheila.
Come on.
-What? I love you. -Please.
-You're beautiful. Right? -You--
Your ideal, hypothetical lover is me, your wife?
That is not a fun answer.
-Okay. -It's sweet, but it's safe.
Well, what the hell do you want me to say?
I understand it completely.
I mean, look at you.
He's making all the sense in the world.
Thanks, Greta.
Hey, have you guys ever thought about mixing it up?
Like, stirring the pot?
Maybe with two friends that you already have a comfort level with?
I think I probably speak confidently for the two of us
when I say that it is time for us to get back home.
-Yes. This has been so fun. -Yeah.
-Let's do it again. Happy Birthday. -Yeah.
What can I do for you?
Is it happy hour?
Nope.
When will it be happy hour again?
Tomorrow, at 4:00.
You Canadian or something?
Hey. Watch it, now.
No. Sorry. No.
I'm just new.
So it's not happy hour, sadly.
But do you still serve highballs?
Yeah, man. Obviously.
And what does it cost not during happy hour?
Buck 25.
Okay, deal. I will take one highball, please.
Yeah, man, but what kind?
Large.
Thank you again. Sorry about that.
So, what did you tell Caitlin about coming home all wet?
You know what? She didn't ask, and I didn't offer.
I just doubled her rate and gave her a tip.
Wow, look at you just throwing money around.
-Oh, yeah. -Sugar mama!
And Greta's handbag too.
That thing. How much was that?
Let me think. It was, my money…
-Okay. Okay. -…plus 50 cents.
Okay.
-Are you jealous? -Yeah, maybe.
Want a handbag?
-No. -No?
But I would not mind a brand-new belt.
Most of mine are pretty beat up.
Let me see.
You know what I think?
I think that you encouraged them to come onto us tonight.
-What? Please. -Because I didn't do it.
-Yes. Yes, you do. -Please. You're right, yeah.
Mister fucking cock-of-the-walk at preschool.
-Okay. Sure. -I know what happens there.
I know!
That the first thing you've actually eaten tonight?
Sorry, never mind. I--
Sorry. I'm sorry.
What's going on?
I don't know why I'm getting into this right now.
Getting into what?
Look, I really don't want to, but I think at some point I have to.
I'm suddenly very aware of something that I wish I was aware of much sooner.
Although, come to think of it, I probably was.
Steady. You don't know what he's onto yet.
And, damn it, I am so sorry, Sheila.
I'm really, really sorry that I didn't take the time
to just see it right in front of me.
Don't help him. Stay still. Show him nothing.
But you have an issue.
A medical issue with food.
Is that all he's got? You can handle this.
And if my reading is any indication,
It has little to do with food and more to do with control.
You read a book. Congratu-fucking-lations.
I want you to know, this isn't me accusing you of anything.
This is me, right now, coming to you, offering help and understanding.
Do not say a goddamn thing.
Is it bingeing and throwing up?
Is that what it is?
It doesn't totally matter.
-I'm not accusing you of doing that-- -It feels like you are.
I don't wanna fight, okay? I just wanna help you, if you'll let me.
Maybe help you find a group?
-I read that groups can-- -A group?
A group? I'm talking to a group?
A group, yes.
Well, let me finish. I've been reading about them, okay?
-Look, if I'm wrong, then I'm wrong, okay? -You're wrong.
You're off the fucking charts wrong!
Great, then let me be wrong! Let me just finish being wrong, okay?
Before you fucking run away like you do every time, all right?
Sheila, I love you.
I care about you. I'm worried about you.
Shut him out now!
Okay, anything else?
What? No. There's nothing else, just that.
You can close the door now if you want.
What do you think about us getting a bidet?
I've only seen one one time
when I was a kid with my parents in Montreal.
But sure, if you'd like.
You okay?
What? Yeah, of course. Are you?
Yeah, I--
I know you had expectations.
I'm happy. I am.
Because I never would've brought that up a year ago.
I like that. I'm maturing.
Only in the good ways.
Happy birthday.
I'm gonna dream about that cake.
I'm gonna dream about ancient Rome.
When I imagine you begging me for something, it isn't for this.
Well, this is where we're at.
You considered though? Did you--
I can't. It's-- Not yet anyway.
-But did you at least consider-- -I did! I told you I did.
And it's just-- It's not a possibility. What this is-- This is just the cost of…
-The cost of… -Of all of this!
$25,000. That's real money.
Yeah. And you have it, don't you?
Yes, but that's not the point.
What, is it in a safe somewhere?
Some slush fund you use to grease the wheels of the city?
-You make me sound like a-- -What?
Don't pretend you're like a Boy Scout now when we both know that's not the case.
There are norms to doing business in San Diego.
There is a way that things work.
So you're the only one who's allowed to bend the rules to build something?
I'm building something too. And I'm not begging you, I'm telling you.
Get up. This is happening.
Keep going. No one's doing this for you.
This is your time, your chance, to see things through.
Where's the tape?
-If it's not all there, there's-- -Why do-- It's all there.
How do I know this is the only copy?
You're just gonna have to trust us.
Good luck.
-You too. -Oh, baby…
Never mind. Rescinded.
Hello?
You're so close now,
unless you give up and let it all go to waste.
Maria, I'm home.
Honey?
All your hard work. All that pain.
Hello?
It can't be for nothing. You've gotta stick with it.
See it through. Are you with me?
Where is she?
Right over here.
I know it's tough, but you've come so far.
Just a little longer now.
One last push.
I believe in you. That's it.
You've got this.