1 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:14,932 I'm healthier than I've been in a long, long time, 2 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,808 longer than I can remember. 3 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,436 Actually, I'm not sure I've ever been this healthy. 4 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:24,149 I can't wait to take everything I've learned in here over the past two weeks 5 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:27,444 and apply it to my life out there. 6 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,072 I mean, meal meditations. 7 00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:33,784 I can already see doing those at the kitchen table 8 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,911 every morning with my family. 9 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:40,123 The "honest expressions" work. That's gonna be really helpful. 10 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:43,544 Not to mention the art and the journaling, 11 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:48,340 and just the feeling of community you have all given me. 12 00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:51,552 I mean, thank you. Knowing that I'm not alone. 13 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,723 Right. 14 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,600 I mean, I feel like a new person. 15 00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:03,313 A new me. A healthy me. 16 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:10,612 Yeah, I guess you could say I have a whole new outlook on life. 17 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,281 I'll bet. 18 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,158 I'm better. 19 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:21,707 And for that, I'm just truly grateful to all of you. 20 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,834 But especially you, Luanne, 21 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:28,046 for creating this truly unique environment for recovery. 22 00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:30,340 It's thanks to you that I'm ready. 23 00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:34,386 I'm ready to go. 24 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,391 What the fuck are you talking about? 25 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,686 -Excuse me? -You're all better, huh? 26 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,439 You're delusional. 27 00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,775 Come on, Luanne. Am I the crazy one here? Or-- 28 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:50,736 You know how I feel about the word "crazy." 29 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:53,030 Crazy only means "a woman I disagree with." 30 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,365 -Okay, thank you. So this-- -You're also way out of line. 31 00:01:55,449 --> 00:02:00,495 I feel very attacked right now. 32 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:04,499 Well, I feel like you just took a shit on the floor in front of all of us 33 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,210 and called it a hot fudge sundae. 34 00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,503 -Harriet. -What? Am I supposed to sit here 35 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,089 and listen to Miss America give a fucking acceptance speech? 36 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,550 We know that confrontation comes easy for you, Harriet. 37 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,886 But we also know where it gets you, right? 38 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,596 So cool your jets, hon. 39 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:23,560 I think that will be the end of our session this morning. 40 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,437 Thank you, everybody, for showing up. 41 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,356 Please enjoy your personal hour, 42 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,775 and I will see you in the dining room, 12:30. 43 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,694 Sheila, wanna join me in the bungalow for a quick chat? 44 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,030 Sure. 45 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,616 You sure took this from bad to worse, didn't you? 46 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:48,877 Here you go. 47 00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:53,215 So, just in case you forgot, and frankly, you wouldn't be the first, 48 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,301 this experience is voluntary. You remember that, right? 49 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,512 I do. Yes, I do. 50 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,348 Good. Because if I haven't been reminding you of that, 51 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,641 I'm not doing my job. 52 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,476 The whole reason I started this place… 53 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,687 Here we go, the whole backstory again. 54 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,690 She wouldn't eat. Her parents sent her to a mental institution. 55 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,441 They strapped her down. Force-fed her. 56 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,403 She vowed it would never happen to anyone else. You know all this. 57 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:17,739 …until I'm blue in the face. But at the end of the day, it's up to you. 58 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,076 So, what do you think? 59 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,120 Sheila? 60 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,918 Yeah. I was just thinking about something else for a second. 61 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:34,590 But could you say that again? What did I think of what? 62 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:37,718 Sheila, you really think you're ready to go home? 63 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,055 I'm really sorry that I tried to manipulate in there, 64 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,433 instead of just asking if I could leave. 65 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,685 You don't need to apologize. 66 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,062 Recognition of harm. 67 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,773 It's one of your steps. It's on the list. 68 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,109 It is. It's my list. 69 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,989 But, in this instance, while an apology is due someone, 70 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,240 it's not me. 71 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,744 I'm not apologizing to Harriet. I mean, that woman is-- 72 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,245 I know you don't like the word "crazy," 73 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:08,290 -but she's a bit-- -I'm talking about you, Sheila. 74 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,210 If you don't engage honestly with this process, 75 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,628 you'll owe yourself an apology. 76 00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:14,546 You should've seen that one coming. 77 00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:17,673 She probably has it stitched on one of her stupid fucking pillows. 78 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,677 What do you think you're getting from this? Other than a big fucking bill. 79 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:26,391 Put another way, if you're not going to try, then, yeah. 80 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,435 You shouldn't be here. 81 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:32,523 I'm doing all the activities and exercises. I'm showing up. 82 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,901 Showing up means being honest. 83 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:40,239 Not saying what I wanna hear, but what's really on your mind. 84 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,908 Nobody wants to know what you think, least of all her. 85 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,743 Besides, you're showing up with your checkbook. 86 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,620 All that turquoise can't be cheap. Should be. 87 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,081 And it's up to you, Sheila. You can go home right now. 88 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:53,293 You can call it a win, pick up right where you left off in life. 89 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:58,882 Or you can stay here and commit, and dig into the tough stuff. 90 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,844 That's where the real change lives. 91 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,846 So what's it gonna be? 92 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,391 All you had to do was tell her you were done. 93 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,600 You were ready to go. 94 00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:11,895 But you lost your nerve like you always do. 95 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,527 I laughed out loud when I saw your little bag all packed. 96 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,237 Thank you for that. 97 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,447 Glad I could put a smile on your face. 98 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:27,995 Did you really think that would work? Just you being all sincere and grateful? 99 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,746 "I'm cured. Bye-bye." 100 00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,874 That was fascinating to watch. 101 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:35,460 In an unnatural way, like a squirrel water-skiing. 102 00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:36,795 Why do you care? 103 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,381 Well, care doesn't feel like the right word, but-- 104 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,633 We can't all love it here as much as you do. 105 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,514 Why are you such a perpetual asshole to me? 106 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,436 -That's a fair question actually. -I know. 107 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,105 There is a reason. I just can't quite put my finger on it. 108 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,817 It's face-related. At least, in part. 109 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,156 Did you do something with my hand weights? 110 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:06,909 Do I look like I did something with your hand weights? 111 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:17,753 Oh, my God. 112 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:22,716 Stay here much longer, you're gonna be just as bad as she is. 113 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,301 That's enough. 114 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,804 You sure about that? You might end up even worse. 115 00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:31,558 Two weeks of this shit and all they want is more from you. 116 00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:34,853 Sucking you dry while your business dies on the vine. 117 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,607 This whole thing is a racket. 118 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:42,027 Look at all this real estate. How do you think Luanne affords it? 119 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,157 You haven't done it in two weeks. 120 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,577 You look better. You feel better. But she doesn't want you to believe it. 121 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:53,038 Because the sicker you are, the more she cleans up. 122 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,959 More revenue for greedy-ass Luanne. Less chance of any for you. 123 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,301 Mindful eating. What is it? 124 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,137 It's pretty much what it sounds like. 125 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:14,184 Eating with awareness for enjoyment and nourishment 126 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:17,062 instead of all the other things that we use food for. 127 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:18,814 Wanna help me out? 128 00:07:19,815 --> 00:07:20,816 Comfort. 129 00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:22,943 Companionship. 130 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,571 Avoidance. 131 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,447 All familiar. 132 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,910 You're on your own here. Sink or swim. See if I care. 133 00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,078 Love? 134 00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:36,999 Was that a question? 'Cause you went… up at the end. 135 00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,668 -And back talk takes a walk. -Really? 136 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,629 -We're not doing that again, are we? -I can make it two. 137 00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:47,301 Who would like to share the six steps of the orange exercise? 138 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,385 Anyone but Harriet. 139 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,220 Anorexics are such overachievers. 140 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,848 Shooting her hand in the air like an approval-seeking missile. 141 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:58,896 Holding, seeing, smelling, tasting, swallowing, following. 142 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,315 -Don't forget ass-kissing. -That's good, Melinda. 143 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:06,528 This is about sitting within yourself, within your sensory experience. 144 00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:10,741 And for some of us, that is not the most comfortable place to be. 145 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,535 You don't have to raise your hand here. 146 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,537 -I'm sorry. -And you don't need to apologize. 147 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,665 -I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -That's okay. It's okay. 148 00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:20,250 Can I pick a different orange? 149 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:24,338 This one feels like it might have a problem inside it. 150 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,964 Oh, boy. This is gonna take a while. 151 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,299 You go right ahead. 152 00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:34,806 I'm sorry. This is crazy. I'm making everyone wait. 153 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,058 -I'm sorry. -It's okay. 154 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,019 You had a life, a workout tape, a growing business, 155 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,230 and you're leaving it all behind for this nonsense. 156 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:44,107 This is your tribe now. This is where you wanna be? 157 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,110 …as if an alien dropped it from a distant planet. 158 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:50,739 You've never seen anything like it in your life before. 159 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:54,785 What are its qualities? Its colors? Its shape? 160 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,704 It's just an orange. An ordinary fucking orange. 161 00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:01,792 How does it feel in your hand? Its weight, its texture. 162 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,711 Look at all those little divots and stubbles. 163 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,506 And now we're starting with just one piece of the peel, 164 00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:11,093 where all that fragrant oil is stored, 165 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,636 protecting the skin of the fruit. 166 00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:15,097 Try taking that in. 167 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:19,268 Let's be aware of how smelling is a kind of consuming. 168 00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,854 Travels through your nose all the way to your lungs. 169 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:24,439 It'll be a year before you actually take a bite. 170 00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:25,524 This is ridiculous. 171 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:29,278 And now placing one segment of the fruit in your mouth, 172 00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:33,949 trying not to bite it yet. Just feeling it in your mouth. 173 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:38,912 Notice the sensations that come up and how your system responds. 174 00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:44,084 We're just gonna notice those things for a moment without judgment. 175 00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,211 And without dignity. 176 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,090 I love that vocalizing, Melinda. 177 00:09:50,174 --> 00:09:54,469 Yes. Anything that comes up is okay, but still trying not to bite. 178 00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:57,890 We're just being mindful, observing. 179 00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,017 What's next? Going to the bathroom together 180 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,895 and consciously shitting the orange out? You're missing your chance. 181 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:06,023 You're wasting the little time you have left to do something with your life. 182 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,191 No, you have to stop! 183 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:12,362 I'm sorry. I just-- I can't do this. You can. I'm just-- This one's not for me. 184 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,198 She can't do that. She can't just bail. 185 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,284 Back to your orange, Harriet. Back to your oranges, please. 186 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,044 Can I pick one? 187 00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,046 -Sure. -No, sweetie. 188 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,510 Sorry, sweetie. They're just for everyone here, not just us. 189 00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,303 How long are you here, Mama? 190 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,515 I told you, honey. It's gonna be a couple weeks. We're almost there. 191 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:43,393 Yeah. It's ten sleeps, and then I'm home. 192 00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:46,563 It's not too bad. How's Pinky, by the way? 193 00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,774 She's sick. She hurt her head. 194 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,193 She's going to the head doctors to feel better. 195 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,571 How'd she hurt her head? 196 00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,406 Well, we haven't really gotten that far. 197 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,617 I'm getting a dog. 198 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,410 What? 199 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,664 Wow, that's big and different. 200 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:08,502 Yeah. We visited a animal… shelter. 201 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,587 And met some cute dogs. 202 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,841 One of 'em was named Oreo… which we liked. 203 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:17,803 But she had some behavioral issues and a runny thing from her eye, 204 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,430 so that was concerning, so-- But yeah, we're talking about it. 205 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,765 That's exciting. 206 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,234 Thank you for bringing her. 207 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,653 It's very generous of you. You didn't have to do that. 208 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:39,783 Well, whatever we're dealing with, I'm not gonna put that on her. 209 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:43,787 He wants her to see you like this so he can be the hero, the dog provider. 210 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,164 More shit for you to shovel. That's what that is. 211 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,208 I am so mad at you. 212 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,170 I don't know if there's ever gonna be a time that I'm not. 213 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:53,088 -I'm so-- Danny. I'm sorry. -No, listen. 214 00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,674 Please listen. Let me say this, okay? 215 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,969 I recognize that you are here dealing with something 216 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:04,725 that is very big and very real, and I am proud of you for facing it. 217 00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,351 That is something to be commended. 218 00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,645 There's a cycle here that needs to be broken, 219 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,439 and it's up to you to break it. 220 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:12,274 For Maya. 221 00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,197 So good for you. And that's all. 222 00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:23,327 But I am still so mad at you. 223 00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:53,106 Let's do this thing. 224 00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,400 What the fuck was that? 225 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,531 -Is that-- Oh, fuck. -Okay, folks. 226 00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:04,076 I know how you're feeling. Feeling pushed to the limit? 227 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,704 -Figured out why I don't like ya. -This was inevitable, wasn't it? 228 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,831 -Where did you even-- -Lucy got a copy. 229 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:13,752 I forgot all about it until I popped it in today to sweat a little. 230 00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:15,504 And there you were. 231 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,006 Wait a second. I can explain the whole thing. 232 00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:21,176 Do you do this and teach school or just-- 233 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,055 Yeah, just this. 234 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,640 Unbelievable. 235 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,643 I just said that I taught. And I do teach. 236 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,938 So you guys, kind of, filled in the blanks. 237 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,899 Partial lies are just as bad as outright ones. 238 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,862 I personally think they're worse on account of the sneakiness involved. 239 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:42,865 She's pretty fucking sneaky. That's for sure. 240 00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:44,324 I don't see it that way. 241 00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:48,662 And I'm not sure what business it is of any of yours what I do for a living. 242 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:52,749 You're peddling the very thing we're all in here getting treatment for. 243 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,297 You're a fox in the henhouse. 244 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,424 They don't want you here. They don't like you here. 245 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,843 And yet you insist on being here. Wake up! 246 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:06,430 What happens to you slinging this shit after you leave here? 247 00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:11,351 Well, I don't see what one thing has to do with the other. 248 00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:14,354 Why would anyone buy your tape once they find out you're one of us? 249 00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:19,484 "For the low, low price of $9.95 and a crippling eating disorder, 250 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,612 you too can look just like me." 251 00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:25,782 Yeah, this is definitely what I don't like about ya. 252 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,202 They won't be happy until you're as miserable and broken 253 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:29,620 and devoid of options as they are. 254 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:33,165 Well, the truth is, I don't even know if I'm gonna go back to this. 255 00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,958 I don't know if I can-- 256 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,043 I like it. 257 00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:40,297 -The music is fun. -Yeah, it is pretty catchy. 258 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:44,593 And Luanne says moderate exercise is okay. Healthy, even. 259 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:47,846 You eat mustard packets for dinner. What do you know about healthy? 260 00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:52,100 We're going for a body gratitude swim. 261 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,977 Would you like to come? 262 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:55,896 You know you'd rather bathe in acid. 263 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:57,898 Okay. 264 00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:00,275 Great. 265 00:15:05,197 --> 00:15:07,908 I used to tell my ex she was lucky she was a cokehead, 266 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:09,117 'cause she could just stop. 267 00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:11,620 When your addiction is food, it's much tougher. 268 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:15,541 You have to make friends with the enemy. 269 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:19,044 Develop a healthy, ongoing relationship with the thing that's killing you. 270 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,129 But I'm not here to lecture anyone. 271 00:15:21,213 --> 00:15:25,759 Here comes a lecture, in three, two-- Three, two… 272 00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:30,514 The truth is that I have as much to learn from all of you as I do to teach. 273 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,891 Self-serving, sanctimonious crap! 274 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:35,602 Belongs on a coffee mug on a middle school principal's desk. 275 00:15:35,686 --> 00:15:38,522 Sheila, you're up. Gratitude time. 276 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:43,235 Okay. I woke up today. 277 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,112 Always better than the alternative. 278 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:53,537 I saw my daughter for the first time in two weeks. 279 00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:59,835 And she looked bigger. 280 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,130 Different. 281 00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:08,051 But she can't be, can she? 282 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:12,306 I mean she probably just matured being away from her mom. 283 00:16:14,183 --> 00:16:17,269 Anything else you're grateful for in there? It can be small. 284 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:20,606 What about getting called out for being full of shit? Is that small? 285 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:21,982 I can't think of anything. 286 00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:26,028 Try not thinking. I find that my mouth can work just fine on its own. 287 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:27,446 Sometimes all too well. 288 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,531 Exactly as full of shit as everyone else here. 289 00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:32,117 Sitting around, sharing their feelings, peeling their oranges, 290 00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:34,161 while the Vinnie Greens of the world take over. 291 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,079 I can see something else going on in there. 292 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:39,082 Something that you're not saying. I'm interested in that. 293 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,167 Oh, no, she isn't. 294 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,961 You've done the withholding thing, Sheila. We're all aware of that. 295 00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:45,297 Can you try letting it out for a change? 296 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:57,059 You don't have magic powers. You don't see inside my soul. 297 00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:01,271 You're not wise, and you're not even clever. Definitely not funny. 298 00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:04,148 Everything you say sounds like you read it off of a bumper sticker 299 00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:05,233 at a motel gift shop. 300 00:17:05,317 --> 00:17:07,109 You act like you're the Dalai Lama, 301 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:11,448 when really what you are is a lonely, formerly-fat lesbian 302 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,492 wearing way too much turquoise to ever take seriously. 303 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,869 -Is that all? -No. 304 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,540 This is back talk. She should take a walk. 305 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:24,627 Shut up, Melinda. You fucking child! You're so goddamn eager to please. 306 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:28,590 You can't even focus on your own recovery without begging every grown-up in the room 307 00:17:28,674 --> 00:17:30,175 to pat you on your fucking head! 308 00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,970 And you, you act like this tough women's libber, 309 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,680 but the truth is you hate me 310 00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,057 for the crime of being prettier and more successful than you. 311 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,142 You have no life out there in the real world. 312 00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,352 This is your summer camp, 313 00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,604 the only place where anyone thinks you're anybody. 314 00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:43,689 Okay, Sheila. 315 00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,190 When I see what recovery really looks like, 316 00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:49,069 I'd rather be back on the bathroom floor with my arms around the fucking toilet. 317 00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:51,363 -You did it. It's done. Now go. -Sheila, wait. 318 00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:54,575 Are you crazy? They hate you now. You are hated. Go! 319 00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:58,579 You know what's cool about having this particular mental illness? 320 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:03,000 There's nothing anyone can say to you, no matter how vile, 321 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,460 that you haven't already said to yourself. 322 00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:09,131 I might have read that on a bumper sticker somewhere. 323 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:13,927 Thank you for finally showing up. 324 00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:26,857 Welcome to recovery. It sucks here. 325 00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:42,998 Okay, I get it. I've been a jerk. 326 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:46,001 I've been tough on you, and it makes sense that you're angry. 327 00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:48,212 You have every right to be. I deserve it. 328 00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:53,091 Maybe you'd be better off without me in your ear all the time. 329 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,344 Maybe you'd be happier and healthier for it. 330 00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:02,184 Don't idealize the body. Draw the curves. Draw what you see. 331 00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:05,354 I've been way too harsh on you. 332 00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:09,775 The way I spoke about your body, that was mean. And totally unfair. 333 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:15,489 But it hasn't been all bad. I did motivate you at times, didn't I? 334 00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:18,116 The video. The classes. Would you have gone there, 335 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,161 pushed yourself, without me? Can you honestly say that? 336 00:19:21,245 --> 00:19:23,163 Who do you think you'll become without me? 337 00:19:23,247 --> 00:19:25,457 Everything good in your life is because of-- 338 00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:49,398 I'm really, just so sad about the waste. 339 00:19:50,107 --> 00:19:54,653 Wasting of my time. Feeling shitty about, of all things, myself. 340 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,906 Like, I could have used that time and energy to-- 341 00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:02,286 I don't know. Make friends. Make a difference. 342 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:05,205 Make anything, really, truly, do anything else. 343 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:13,338 Like, I could have learned an instrument. Or fucking Italian. 344 00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:16,425 Or, you know, Japanese or something. I don't know. 345 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:20,053 Maybe not Japanese. That's very hard. But I could have. 346 00:20:20,137 --> 00:20:22,097 I mean, where I could be with my business today, 347 00:20:22,181 --> 00:20:25,601 if only-- if I'd devoted, like, half of that time and energy to-- 348 00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:29,313 And I know that it's not productive to talk like this, 349 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,774 but I just-- you know, I feel sad. 350 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:39,406 And like all the lies I've told and the harm I've done, and-- You know? 351 00:20:42,159 --> 00:20:44,036 And I wanna pick up the pieces of my life. 352 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,747 But I just-- I'm worried that it's too late. 353 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:51,877 Look, I'm not here to pretend like it's all unicorns and rainbows 354 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,420 on the other side of recovery. 355 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:56,632 But… 356 00:20:57,591 --> 00:20:59,009 Did I say there was a "but"? 357 00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:02,012 Well, I felt like you implied it. 358 00:21:03,055 --> 00:21:04,431 And tell me what I implied. 359 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,561 That it's not too late. 360 00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:11,939 If you say so. 361 00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:19,738 I think I was under the impression 362 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:22,324 this would be more of a couple-centric appointment. 363 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,451 Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Danny. 364 00:21:24,535 --> 00:21:29,331 But this session is designed to pull back the curtain on the recovery process 365 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:34,628 and in so doing, let in loved ones to the lonely, isolating 366 00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,505 and deeply secretive experience 367 00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:39,007 of battling addictive and compulsive behaviors. 368 00:21:39,091 --> 00:21:40,175 Well, if that's the case, 369 00:21:40,259 --> 00:21:42,511 were you able to get an invitation out to her lover? 370 00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:45,681 -Oh, please don't do this. Please. -Did she mention that? 371 00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:49,935 Did she mention that she's fucking a Mormon shopping mall developer? 372 00:21:50,018 --> 00:21:51,812 Who I'm pretty sure might be the devil. 373 00:21:51,895 --> 00:21:53,981 -I told you it was over. -You told me nothing. 374 00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:56,024 You told me nothing but lies. 375 00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:58,318 You're angry. That makes sense. 376 00:21:58,402 --> 00:22:00,028 But, for now, I'm gonna ask that we keep our-- 377 00:22:00,112 --> 00:22:01,738 I'm trying to change. That's what I'm doing here. 378 00:22:01,822 --> 00:22:04,491 I'm trying to get better, and I am getting better. 379 00:22:04,575 --> 00:22:07,995 I'm owning up to my shit. All of it. 380 00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:09,997 And all of the things that you're angry about… 381 00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:12,708 I did them, all of them. 382 00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:15,294 But they're not separate. 383 00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,838 -It's connected. All of the work-- -I got it. I got it. 384 00:22:17,921 --> 00:22:20,174 This is gonna be one of those "my affair was a symptom" thing. 385 00:22:20,257 --> 00:22:22,259 -No. -You didn't do it. 386 00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:24,428 -The disease did, right? -That's not what I'm saying. 387 00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:26,930 -That's not what I'm saying at all. -Yeah, I don't care. 388 00:22:27,431 --> 00:22:30,767 I'm done being in your cheering section. 389 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:33,812 Sounds like you already got plenty of that here anyway, so… 390 00:22:33,896 --> 00:22:38,984 Yeah, good. You are working on you. That must be nice. 391 00:22:39,651 --> 00:22:43,071 It's not. It's work. It's really hard work. 392 00:22:43,155 --> 00:22:46,783 Yeah. Okay. I am gonna get out of here. 393 00:22:46,867 --> 00:22:50,495 Got a pretty long drive ahead of me and a big day tomorrow. 394 00:22:51,914 --> 00:22:53,916 Job interview for the ACLU. 395 00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:58,754 And not like soapbox work. Like actual, like, real policy work. 396 00:22:58,837 --> 00:23:01,715 Grunt work. Like, real work. 397 00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:04,676 I'm glad to hear it. 398 00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:09,223 Well, I'll let you know how it goes. If you care or anything. 399 00:23:21,735 --> 00:23:26,406 Well, look at that. Almost there. You might just make it out of this place. 400 00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:31,286 I'm happy for you. I really am. But what's next? 401 00:23:35,916 --> 00:23:37,376 Your personal life is a flop. 402 00:23:39,086 --> 00:23:41,630 That leaves more time for the fitness business. 403 00:23:44,174 --> 00:23:46,426 But what does that even look like now? 404 00:23:46,510 --> 00:23:48,387 Are you gonna put out another video? 405 00:23:51,849 --> 00:23:54,768 The Recovering Bulimic's Guide to Health and Well-being? 406 00:23:54,852 --> 00:23:56,812 Who's gonna want anything to do with that? 407 00:23:58,355 --> 00:24:00,482 You've got a lot of empty days to fill. 408 00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:02,818 What are you gonna fill them with? 409 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,843 Couldn't sleep? 410 00:24:29,261 --> 00:24:31,555 No. Not feeling great. 411 00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:35,642 Yeah, me neither. I was a little thirsty, so… 412 00:24:35,726 --> 00:24:37,352 Anyway, good night. 413 00:24:37,436 --> 00:24:40,189 Perfect. Just perfect. She's a phony too. 414 00:24:40,272 --> 00:24:42,774 Just like everyone here kidding themselves. 415 00:24:42,858 --> 00:24:43,859 Wait. 416 00:24:44,443 --> 00:24:46,361 I'm sorry, I just-- I-- 417 00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:51,783 I heard you. 418 00:24:53,952 --> 00:24:55,037 Okay. 419 00:24:55,120 --> 00:25:00,876 I'm not trying to bust you or anything. I'm just telling you I heard. 420 00:25:00,959 --> 00:25:02,252 This is crossing a boundary. 421 00:25:02,336 --> 00:25:04,463 You're the resident. I'm the counselor. 422 00:25:07,216 --> 00:25:08,383 But, here we are. 423 00:25:09,468 --> 00:25:12,804 I backslid. I don't feel great about it. 424 00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:16,600 It wasn't my first time, and it probably won't be my last. 425 00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,185 Was this because of those awful things 426 00:25:18,268 --> 00:25:19,728 -that I was saying about-- -Oh, no. No. 427 00:25:19,811 --> 00:25:23,440 It wasn't you, sweetie, no. You're not that powerful. 428 00:25:23,524 --> 00:25:25,484 I could give you a million excuses. 429 00:25:26,610 --> 00:25:31,448 But, you know, the truth is that I still get pulled under sometimes. 430 00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:35,327 All right? Recovery is a long road. 431 00:25:38,956 --> 00:25:40,165 You disappointed? 432 00:25:41,166 --> 00:25:42,251 No, I'm-- 433 00:25:45,629 --> 00:25:47,589 Yeah, a little. 434 00:25:48,215 --> 00:25:49,216 I am too. 435 00:25:50,509 --> 00:25:51,760 But tomorrow's another day. 436 00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:56,807 Get some sleep, Sheila. Okay? 437 00:25:57,391 --> 00:25:58,392 Good night. 438 00:26:10,988 --> 00:26:14,491 Hey. They told me to wait in the lobby-type living room thing. 439 00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:17,494 But I talked to this really lovely woman and told her who I was coming to pick up, 440 00:26:17,578 --> 00:26:20,747 and then she told me where you were. So… 441 00:26:20,831 --> 00:26:21,915 Anyway, hi. 442 00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:24,042 You came. 443 00:26:24,126 --> 00:26:26,712 Yeah, well, it's sort of my thing, showing up. 444 00:26:26,795 --> 00:26:29,256 I got the attendance award in high school. 445 00:26:29,339 --> 00:26:30,674 Super sexy. So… 446 00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:34,803 -Do you need help with the bags? -No, I'm good. 447 00:26:36,513 --> 00:26:37,764 I'm sorry. 448 00:26:38,432 --> 00:26:42,019 You were right. It turns out. I do need help. 449 00:26:42,102 --> 00:26:43,979 I did. I do. I still do. 450 00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:45,689 Yeah. 451 00:26:46,315 --> 00:26:48,400 Wait, we're not talking about the bags, right? 452 00:26:48,483 --> 00:26:49,610 -No. -No. I know. 453 00:26:49,693 --> 00:26:52,154 The whole mental health thing. Yeah, just checking. Got it. 454 00:26:52,237 --> 00:26:56,533 No, I can handle the suitcase, but the rest of it, I don't know. 455 00:26:57,242 --> 00:26:59,244 -We'll see. -Yeah. Yeah. 456 00:27:13,008 --> 00:27:15,010 I'm not sure I've got it in me anymore. 457 00:27:16,595 --> 00:27:18,639 You know, the aerobics. The business. 458 00:27:18,722 --> 00:27:19,890 Oh, come on now. 459 00:27:21,975 --> 00:27:24,228 It just all might be too much for me. 460 00:27:25,187 --> 00:27:26,188 Okay. 461 00:27:29,525 --> 00:27:32,194 How can you say that? How can you give up? 462 00:27:32,861 --> 00:27:35,322 I don't know how to stand up there and act like an expert 463 00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:38,367 when I've still got so much to figure out myself. 464 00:27:39,701 --> 00:27:41,411 You got some fan mail. 465 00:27:41,495 --> 00:27:43,121 The folks at Stahl/Grunner sent it to me 466 00:27:43,205 --> 00:27:45,082 when they thought we were still working together. 467 00:27:45,165 --> 00:27:46,792 Are we still working together? 468 00:27:46,875 --> 00:27:48,627 Never mind. Lots to figure out. 469 00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:50,420 That's nice. I got a letter? 470 00:27:51,421 --> 00:27:52,506 It's more than one. 471 00:28:00,055 --> 00:28:02,724 Dear Sheila, this workout tape is the best. 472 00:28:02,808 --> 00:28:06,311 Dear Sheila, Body By Sheila is a lifesaver. 473 00:28:06,395 --> 00:28:09,314 -I honestly don't know where I'd be… -Dear Sheila, thank you. 474 00:28:09,398 --> 00:28:14,611 Thank you for giving me my life back and my health back and my confidence back. 475 00:28:14,695 --> 00:28:17,489 I was recently laid up after a health scare. 476 00:28:17,573 --> 00:28:18,782 I was in such a… 477 00:28:18,866 --> 00:28:21,618 Well, you should because it's the absolute truth. 478 00:28:21,702 --> 00:28:23,412 You changed my life.