1
00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:06,773
There you go, three more reps.
And three, two, one.

2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:07,774
(laughing):
Yeah.

3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,275
Hell yeah!

4
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,244
Go ahead, shake it out.

5
00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:16,383
(phone rings)

6
00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:19,352
Oh, hey, Dr. Pete.
How is Ghana?

7
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:20,754
(turns TV off)

8
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:23,323
Oh, yeah, Cannoli's great.

9
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,358
You've been getting
the videos, right?

10
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:27,293
Hey, that's my work loafer.

11
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:31,331
GINA:
Wednesday? Wow. Okay.

12
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:34,401
Yeah, I'll have him ready
for you.

13
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:35,335
Okay, I will see you then.

14
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:37,470
Stupid dog bones are everywhere.

15
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:38,772
Are you okay, Cannoli?

16
00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:40,607
I'm fine, thanks.

17
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:43,376
Heads up...

18
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,545
you may find a tassel
in his poop.

19
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:49,449
You mean Dr. Pete's gonna find
a tassel in his poop.

20
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:50,717
Who's Dr. Pete?

21
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,452
Cannoli's owner.

22
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,387
I was watching him while
he was working in Ghana.

23
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,356
Ghana? How do you know
this guy?

24
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:58,658
Oh, a friend of a friend.

25
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:58,658
What friend?

26
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,728
Well, that friend was kind of
a friend of a different friend.

27
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,164
Somewhere in the chain
there's a Leslie.

28
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,300
Anyway, he's finished
his volunteer work,

29
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:10,437
so he's coming back home,
and now he wants his dog back.

30
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,372
How am I gonna give him up?

31
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:14,641
He's so dumb and cute.

32
00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:17,477
If he was a guy,
I would totally date him.

33
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:20,180
So, how do you plan on spending
your last few days together?

34
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,081
One special last meal?

35
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,118
My other loafer, perhaps?

36
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:27,620
Actually, he also hired me to
train Cannoli while he was gone.

37
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:31,825
So I have three days
to finish...

38
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:34,561
and start.

39
00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:37,497
♪ The more you give ♪

40
00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:37,497
♪ The more you give ♪

41
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,466
♪ The more you live ♪

42
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,466
♪ The more you live ♪

43
00:01:39,532 --> 00:01:42,669
♪ Your happiness is relative ♪

44
00:01:39,532 --> 00:01:42,669
♪ Happiness ♪

45
00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:46,172
♪ But if you're feeling
like crap ♪

46
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:47,607
♪ It's time to face the fact ♪

47
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,409
♪ It's your prerogative ♪

48
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:51,744
♪ Your prerogative ♪

49
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,179
♪ To be positive. ♪

50
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,457
Okay, Cannoli... roll over.

51
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:08,761
Okay, I am establishing...
watch me.

52
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:11,598
I am establishing dominance.

53
00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:15,502
All right. Roll over!

54
00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:18,538
Oh, come on, Cannoli, you just,
you do it like this.

55
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:20,139
You go roll over!

56
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,408
And roll over!

57
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,643
I don't know about Cannoli,

58
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,778
but you're ready
for Westminster.

59
00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:29,148
Dominance established.

60
00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:36,456
Okay, bye.
Great training session.

61
00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:39,926
I know it's not his hearing
because he goes crazy

62
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,895
every time I say the word
(whispers): "walk."

63
00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:45,398
It's the reason that I can't
make Chinese food.

64
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,400
So... what are you
gonna do?

65
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:50,670
I don't know.
Dr. Pete comes home tomorrow.

66
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:54,941
Will you help me, Drew?

67
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,710
No, I can't,
because this afternoon

68
00:02:57,777 --> 00:03:01,514
I am taking Maddie to feed
the ducks at the pond.

69
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:04,551
Wow, duck pond with Dad.

70
00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:07,587
You really know
what teenage girls like.

71
00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:09,822
It's our tradition.

72
00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:11,558
It started
when she was a baby.

73
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:14,394
You have never seen someone
so excited to see ducks.

74
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,663
And now we go back every year,
we get ice cream,

75
00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:18,298
we take a photo.

76
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,667
Except for the time that
I was attacked by a rogue swan.

77
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,268
Ironically,
Maddie couldn't help,

78
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:25,438
because she was too busy playing
Angry Birds.

79
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:27,373
That's actually very sweet.

80
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,409
My mom used to take me
to the park

81
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,544
where she would meet
her weed dealer.

82
00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:33,613
There weren't any
swans, but...

83
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,716
I did see a rat eating a pizza.

84
00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:38,818
Oh, hey, girl.

85
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,553
Hi.

86
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,553
Hey, there she is.

87
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:41,821
You ready for the duck pond?

88
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,790
Oh, sorry, I forgot about that.

89
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:45,592
My friend Bella's
on her way over.

90
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,260
But the ducks are back.

91
00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:51,864
That's cool. Do we have
to be back with them?

92
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,900
Well, yeah, it's our tradition.

93
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,802
Maybe we can start
a new tradition.

94
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:58,271
Like, I hang out with my
friends, and you leave us alone.

95
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:01,774
(mock gasp)
We could make that
a weekly thing.

96
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,644
You okay?

97
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,279
Yeah.

98
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,348
I'm just gonna go for a walk.

99
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:10,984
A-Alone.

100
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:12,318
Alone.

101
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:17,357
Check this out.

102
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,659
Whoa, that is
so much beer.

103
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:22,462
You're going to be so popular.

104
00:04:22,528 --> 00:04:24,631
Gina brews it.
She sells it at 7-Eleven.

105
00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:26,633
Well, behind 7-Eleven.

106
00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:30,536
Are you sure about this?

107
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:31,604
If I get caught,
I'll blame it

108
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:34,641
on the meds I have to take
because of the divorce.

109
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:35,808
You're a genius.

110
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,543
How are you getting a "D"
in biology?

111
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,579
I'm not getting a "D."
Chloe's getting a "D."

112
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,581
I just copied off of her.

113
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,549
This is awful.

114
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:44,651
It's a fancy beer.

115
00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:46,586
That's how you know it's good.

116
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,287
Oh, hey, guys.

117
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,523
I didn't know
that you were...

118
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:51,624
Uh...

119
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,693
are you drinking my beer?

120
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,962
We were just trying it.
It's so good.

121
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:59,565
Really? Because this time I put
orange peel in the final stage,

122
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:00,533
but... (gasps)

123
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,569
Oh, no! That doesn't matter
because you're 13!

124
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,837
Give me those!

125
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:07,674
You're not gonna
tell my dad, right?

126
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:08,941
Yes, I'm going to tell him.

127
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:10,309
I think.

128
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:11,544
I don't know!

129
00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:13,479
Oh, why couldn't
I have gotten into making bread?

130
00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:16,516
The yeast was
right next to the hops.

131
00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:18,584
Hey, those are
really cute earrings.

132
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,719
Where'd you get 'em?

133
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,588
Oh, Bella.
I invented that game.

134
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,324
You're trying to play pickup
with LeBron.

135
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,659
Come on, don't
tell my dad.

136
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:27,960
You're cool, right?

137
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,429
Obviously I'm cool.

138
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:32,398
Three out of five Foo Fighters
said so.

139
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,501
The Foo who?

140
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:36,369
Okay, Bella, you go home.

141
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:39,338
And you, young lady,
you go to your room.

142
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,775
Do you hear
what you've turned me into?

143
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,477
An actual grown-up!

144
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:47,680
What's next,
I start wearing a beige bra?

145
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:51,951
It was just beer.

146
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,519
I don't see what's so bad,

147
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,855
unless they were drinking
out of a meth straw.

148
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,459
Maddie's only 13.

149
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:01,694
So tell her to put it
in a sippy cup.

150
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,062
Remember

151
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:05,364
what we were doing
when we were 13?

152
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,666
No, I don't.

153
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,001
And that's my point.

154
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:11,104
So you're gonna narc on her?

155
00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,638
I never thought

156
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:16,042
I'd see the day
you sided with "the man."

157
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,644
I really hate
to betray her trust,

158
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:21,414
especially after she lent me
these really cute boots

159
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,750
that I plan on keeping.

160
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:24,784
Hey.

161
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,052
Hi.

162
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,052
Hey, Drew.

163
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,888
I'll see you later.

164
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:31,090
Oh, Gabby.
You're starting early.

165
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,593
Not as early as some.

166
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:37,096
She's not leaving
because of me, is she?

167
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:38,798
Oh, no, nothing like that.

168
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:41,934
She's just uncomfortable
around you.

169
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,603
Um...

170
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:48,107
but also because I kinda
have to tell you something.

171
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:49,408
Oh, God.

172
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,410
What is it? Will I be upset?

173
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:52,145
What-what do I need?

174
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:53,746
A chair? A lawyer?

175
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,748
My eczema cream?

176
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,748
Ugh,

177
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:57,049
I hate being caught
in the middle like this.

178
00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:59,919
Ooh, I definitely need my cream.
I'm flaring up.

179
00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:05,691
Okay. I caught Maddie and Bella
drinking beer in the garage.

180
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,793
What?!

181
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,793
But I'm pretty sure

182
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:08,427
I handled it--
it's not a big deal.

183
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:09,595
Not a big deal?

184
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,731
Madeline?

185
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:13,833
Oh, don't tell her it was me.
Pretend that there's a...

186
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,169
a hidden camera in the garage.

187
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:18,037
Were you drinking
beer with Bella?

188
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,841
Wow. Thanks a lot.

189
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:24,877
There's a camera
in the lawn mower.

190
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,446
You're 13 years old.

191
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,749
I only had a little bit,
and it was nasty.

192
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:30,850
It's an acquired taste.

193
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,985
I didn't like beer
till I was 15.

194
00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:33,986
Not now, Gina.

195
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:36,656
We're not pitching it to her.

196
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,059
(knocking)

197
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,728
Hey.

198
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,097
I, uh, made some dinner.

199
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:46,766
And...

200
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,769
Maddie didn't finish this, so...

201
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:52,572
Too soon?

202
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:55,708
Um, how'd you leave it with her?

203
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,143
Well, her mom and I grounded her

204
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,245
and took away her phone
for two weeks.

205
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,948
Oh, I still don't know
if I should have told you.

206
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,948
No, no,

207
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,115
you did the right thing.

208
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:04,917
You were the adult
in the situation.

209
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:08,855
I just don't want Maddie
to go down the same path as me.

210
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:12,892
First you start sneaking beers,
and the next thing you know,

211
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:15,828
you're taking mystery pills
you found on the bathroom floor

212
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,997
at a Nickelback concert.

213
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:21,534
Oh, you are definitely making me
feel better. Thank you.

214
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:22,802
I'm sorry.

215
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:25,938
She's so much smarter than me
at that age.

216
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,007
(sighs)
It used to be so much easier.

217
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:31,043
I mean, any problem could
be solved with a juice box

218
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,779
or a Hello Kitty Band-Aid.

219
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,582
Now I can't even say hello
without getting an eye roll.

220
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,685
Is that you guys
at the duck pond?

221
00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:41,621
Yeah. She was four years old.

222
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:42,922
She named all the ducks.

223
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:45,725
Uh, Quackie, Quack,

224
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:49,028
Dr. Quack-- he went to
medical school, I guess--

225
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,930
and Obama.

226
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:52,965
Oh, look at her
looking at you.

227
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,134
That is a kid
who loves her dad.

228
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,737
Yeah. Where'd that kid go?

229
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,605
She's gonna be okay.

230
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:02,808
She's got two parents
who love her and care about her.

231
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,810
It's just... it's
hard to believe

232
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,779
that that kid
at the duck pond

233
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,849
is the same one that's
drinking beer in my garage.

234
00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:11,751
Ugh. Don't sweat it.

235
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:14,987
In a few years, she'll be
drinking at the duck pond.

236
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,823
I know that
it's hard, but...

237
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:20,626
she's becoming her own person.

238
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:22,295
She's growing up.

239
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,703
Oh, Cannoli, oh, you
can't be up here.

240
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,171
No...

241
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,973
(sighs)

242
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,976
All right.

243
00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:41,147
Hey.

244
00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:43,649
Dr. Pete's gonna be here
in, like, an hour.

245
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:44,817
What's he doing

246
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,719
with your loafer?

247
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,719
Well, he gave me

248
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:48,955
his squeaky hamburger--
I had to reciprocate.

249
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,122
(squeaking)

250
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:51,123
Oh...

251
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:54,827
(singsongy):
you like Cannoli.

252
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:57,697
Okay, I admit, he grows on you.

253
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,365
Plus, he's so
warm and cuddly.

254
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,168
I mean, last night I didn't
even have to wear my flannels.

255
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,337
Okay,

256
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,372
I made us
this photo album

257
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,709
of Cannoli, so we
will always remember him.

258
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,243
Aw, that's sweet.

259
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:14,313
It's hard to see someone
you love move on.

260
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:18,784
So, this is him
dressed as the pope

261
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:19,852
for Halloween.

262
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,355
And here he is on a date
with the neighbor's collie.

263
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:23,923
Mm.

264
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:26,392
Sorry, we didn't think she'd
mind you were neutered.

265
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,094
(laughs)

266
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,195
Aw.

267
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:30,329
Hey...

268
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,998
do you think
we have time

269
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:33,866
for one last trip
to the dog park?

270
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,002
Yeah, sure.

271
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:37,937
Ooh, but if the neighbor's
collie is there,

272
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,806
we're gonna ice that bitch out.

273
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,112
You were supposed
to take a left there.

274
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:47,980
Oh, we're not going
to the dog park.

275
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,415
Why? Where are we going?

276
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,883
This is a jailbreak, baby.

277
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:52,151
What?

278
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:52,151
Yeah.

279
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,919
We're not letting anybody
take this guy away.

280
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,354
We're dognapping him.

281
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:03,896
You're serious?
We're stealing Cannoli?

282
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:05,331
Oh, yeah. It's on.
He's our dog now.

283
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,400
But-but he's got to go back.

284
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:11,971
Why? What kind of selfish jerk
abandons his dog for six months?

285
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,973
The kind of selfish jerk
who helps orphans in Ghana

286
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,008
smile again
after cleft palate surgery.

287
00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:18,044
Oh, please. I bet
he leads with that

288
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:20,713
at singles bars
all over Africa.

289
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:21,947
Look at him.

290
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,283
He's attached to us.
We're his real family.

291
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,719
Well, so is Dr. Pete.

292
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:27,987
Oh, come on. Are you telling me
Cannoli would choose Dr. Pete

293
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,955
over us?

294
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,955
Of course not.

295
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,058
I read The Very Hungry
Caterpillar to him every nigh,

296
00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:33,993
but I would change it
to The Very Hungry Cannoli.

297
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,327
He can't read.

298
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:37,063
We have to do
what's best

299
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:39,732
for the dog,
and that is keeping him with us.

300
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:40,800
(exhales)
I don't know.

301
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,034
You're the person who loves him

302
00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:44,904
most in the world;
he should be with you.

303
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,039
Oh, see? And you
know that's genuine

304
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:49,075
because he's very
poorly trained.

305
00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:51,977
I do hate the thought
of saying goodbye.

306
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,014
Exactly. Okay, look, we are done
playing by the rules.

307
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,148
Okay.

308
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,148
Here's the plan.

309
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:58,984
We disappear, we
go off the grid.

310
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:01,020
We go from town to town,
we mix it up with the locals,

311
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:02,455
maybe solve some
of their problems

312
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:05,124
along the way, and
then we move on.

313
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:08,060
Granted, I am basing this a lot
on The Incredible Hulk.

314
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,862
Maybe we keep spitballing?

315
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:11,130
Sure. Yep. No bad ideas.

316
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:12,832
Uh... Got it.

317
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,334
We find someone to take Cannoli
for a few weeks,

318
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:18,471
and then we tell Dr. Pete
that he ran away.

319
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:20,439
We slap up some
posters, and then,

320
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:23,275
when the coast is clear,
we happen to adopt a dog

321
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,778
that looks just like him. Yes!

322
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,481
Ooh, and for the poster,
I can use a picture of Cannoli

323
00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:30,182
from his quinceañera.

324
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,451
I don't have to tell you
it was pirate-themed.

325
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:37,323
Hey, everybody, keep your
calendars clear for the 29th.

326
00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:38,991
No.

327
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:42,094
Because I'm playing
Abraham Lincoln

328
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:45,030
in a one-man show
at the New Haven VFW.

329
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,032
That's a great venue.
I got married there.

330
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,235
Hope it works out
better for you.

331
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,537
You're playing Abraham Lincoln?

332
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:54,373
Are you gonna free yourself
at the end?

333
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,976
It's like Hamilton,
it's a reimagination.

334
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:58,277
You should get one.

335
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,379
Okay, guys, listen up.

336
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,114
Uh-uh. What are you doing?

337
00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:03,215
You can't bring a dog in here.

338
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,351
A dog? Get that filthy,

339
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:08,220
slobbering thing--
oh, aren't you cute?

340
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,788
Are you giving out kisses?

341
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,090
(gibbering)

342
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:13,526
Oh, this is kind
of an emergency.

343
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,528
Yeah. We-we just need
someone to take Cannoli

344
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:16,962
for a f-few weeks.

345
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:18,497
Samantha, what do you think?
Can you take him?

346
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:22,101
I don't let my mother stay
with me, so what do you think?

347
00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:24,904
Jerry, what about you?

348
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,072
Uh, sorry, I couldn't do that
to my hamsters.

349
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,942
Say no more.

350
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,942
It's just that they're
so sensitive, and I...

351
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:31,310
She said, "Say no more."

352
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:34,013
I'd love to take him,
but my building

353
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,414
doesn't allow dogs.

354
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,049
You own your own house.

355
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:38,884
I said what I said.

356
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,320
Come on, you guys.
Somebody step up.

357
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,521
We're gonna lose him.

358
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:44,456
Lose him?
What are you talking about?

359
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:46,392
Well, Cannoli's "owner"
wants him back,

360
00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:48,561
and we cannot let that happen.

361
00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,062
When you say "owner,"
do you mean

362
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,931
the person the dog belongs to?

363
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,999
Technically, yes, but we've been

364
00:13:54,066 --> 00:13:56,368
looking after him now
and we love him.

365
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:58,537
I bet his owner doesn't even
know what his favorite song is.

366
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,039
It's "Hotline Bling."

367
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:01,907
But he's not yours.

368
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:04,009
This is a bad idea.

369
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:07,379
Yeah, no one's gonna help you
commit some crazy dognapping.

370
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:08,414
How do you think
his owner feels?

371
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,082
I'm sure he misses his own dog.

372
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:10,950
Oh, who cares, Jerry?

373
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,418
(overlapping yelling)

374
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,856
Everybody settle down!

375
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,358
A dialysis center

376
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:24,196
divided against itself
cannot stand!

377
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:28,100
Wow. Thanks, George Washington.

378
00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:32,338
Drew, I think they're right.

379
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:35,174
Just because we love him
doesn't make him ours.

380
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,042
You, too?

381
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:39,578
I have a dental
convention next month.

382
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,480
You could watch
my two hamsters...

383
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,115
No more.

384
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,919
I think that we're doing
the right thing,

385
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:48,053
giving Cannoli back.

386
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,221
I know, I know.

387
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,522
You can call
Dr. Pete and tell him

388
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,057
we'll bring him back right now.

389
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,128
(tapping)

390
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,128
Get on up.

391
00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:57,329
(groans) It's not
gonna be the same

392
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,198
without you, big guy.

393
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:01,033
I'm gonna miss your cuddles.

394
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:04,470
And I'll never find another dog
to be the big spoon.

395
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:09,141
(trunk door closes)

396
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:09,141
You're one of them.

397
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,976
I'll see you in hell!

398
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:12,978
(tires screeching)

399
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:12,978
Drew!

400
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:15,147
Cannoli!

401
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:19,318
Drew, pick up.
Where the hell are you?

402
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,987
I can't keep making excuses
to Dr. Pete.

403
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:24,490
Oh, by the way, I told him
that I'm at your funeral,

404
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:27,192
so if he comes by,

405
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:30,129
I don't know, play dead?

406
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:32,498
Still not answering, huh?

407
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:33,532
Nope.

408
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,434
Okay, that's "conquer."

409
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:40,506
28 points because the "Q"
landed on a double-letter.

410
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:43,208
Ugh, I liked Drew a lot better
when he followed the rules.

411
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:47,046
"Preconquer."

412
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:52,051
Ooh, it's a double-word score,
so, uh, 44.

413
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,987
Yeah, well, "preconquer"
is not a word.

414
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:57,523
It's what you do
before you conquer.

415
00:15:57,589 --> 00:15:58,557
Like the stretches

416
00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,958
and the knee bends.

417
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:03,429
And then, boom,
you're conquering.

418
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:08,067
What the hell
are you talking about?

419
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,102
Try again.

420
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,971
I don't get it. Drew's
obsessed with keeping Cannoli,

421
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,207
but the dog was such
a pain to him before.

422
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:17,142
Yeah. Could be one
of those situations

423
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:21,113
where you don't appreciate what
you had till they take it away.

424
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:24,416
Same thing happened
with my car keys.

425
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,652
Before yesterday, he wouldn't
even say Cannoli's name.

426
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:30,222
He just referred to him
as "the dirty white Wookiee."

427
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,291
Maybe it's not about the dog.

428
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:34,393
Maybe it's transference.

429
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,595
What are you talking about?

430
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:40,599
You put your feelings about one
thing onto something else.

431
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,167
Like when you punch

432
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:43,302
a hole in the wall.

433
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:44,770
You're not mad at the wall,

434
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:48,374
you're mad because
they took away your car keys.

435
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,776
Yeah.

436
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,579
Or when the bartender
tells me I've had enough,

437
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:57,182
and then I have sex
with the bouncer.

438
00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,251
Transference.

439
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,654
"Misconquer."

440
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:04,556
It's when you go
to conquer one village

441
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:08,360
and you accidentally conquer
the village next door.

442
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:10,195
It's a misconquer.

443
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,098
Okay, you play that.

444
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:15,167
I have a wall to punch.

445
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,339
What? Don't look at me
like that.

446
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:23,075
Maybe you shouldn't have
finished yours so quick.

447
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,444
Okay, here.

448
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,147
Enjoy.

449
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:32,451
Hey.

450
00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:33,519
You found me.

451
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,220
You make a pretty bad fugitive.

452
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:36,755
If you're gonna go on the lam
with a giant sheepdog,

453
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:39,091
at least put
a hat and glasses on him.

454
00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:41,360
You okay?

455
00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:45,130
The ducks haven't come back.

456
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:48,300
Well, maybe they're coming later
because of climate change.

457
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,803
Yeah, exactly.

458
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,471
Even the climate's changing.

459
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:55,073
Can't one frickin' thing
in my life stay the same?

460
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,109
(sighs)
I get it.

461
00:17:57,176 --> 00:18:00,112
Kidney, the divorce, now Maddie.

462
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,313
It's a lot.

463
00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,518
See that rock over there?

464
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,287
Maddie used
to climb to the top.

465
00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:11,190
She would spend hours
chasing the ducks around.

466
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:12,724
And I spent hours watching her.

467
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:15,227
Mm, that's adorable.

468
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:16,161
Two minutes ago
she was this kid

469
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,564
in overalls who needed me
to tie her shoe,

470
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:22,468
and now she's practically
halfway out the door.

471
00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:25,838
I know it's hard to lose
your little girl, but...

472
00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:28,106
the good part is, you
get to see her change

473
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:32,244
into this badass young woman
that you helped create.

474
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:36,148
(sighs)
I want to slow it down.

475
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:39,785
That's the thing. You can't.

476
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:43,255
You have to embrace the
moments that you have,

477
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,357
not the ones that are gone.

478
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:49,194
(sighs)

479
00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:52,164
I'm sorry I dognapped Cannoli.
That was crazy.

480
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:54,833
No, it was transference.

481
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:57,202
You know
what transference is?

482
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:59,137
I know some stuff.

483
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:04,176
Tell Dr. Pete that
we'll bring him home tonight.

484
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,280
By the way,
how'd you know I'd be here?

485
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:09,381
I didn't.

486
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:13,819
So, are we doing
this stupid picture, or what?

487
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,387
You sure?

488
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:19,224
I mean, we do it every year,
don't we?

489
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:21,360
There are no ducks.

490
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:23,262
I didn't come for the ducks.

491
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:26,298
Plus, Mom said
if I took the picture,

492
00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:27,533
she'd give me my phone back.

493
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:37,910
Hey, boy. It's me, Drew.
You remember me?

494
00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,678
Where's Gideon?

495
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:41,613
Oh, he just stepped out.
He said he could be reached

496
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,849
at his Gettysburg address.

497
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,849
Ugh.

498
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:47,519
Any more of that and I'm gonna
John Wilkes Booth myself.

499
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,389
Oh, hey, boy. Can you hear me?

500
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:51,690
Oh, over here.

501
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:52,958
Oh...

502
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:52,958
What are you doing?

503
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,359
Well, uh, Dr. Pete

504
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:56,395
is letting me FaceTime
with Cannoli.

505
00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:57,529
FaceTiming with a dog?

506
00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,298
That is the dumbest thing
I've ever...

507
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,866
Oh, he's so fluffy.

508
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,668
Where's my fluffy wufferton?

509
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:04,970
Oh, my God. Who are you?

510
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,272
PETE:
Hey, I'm-I'm Pete Chakos.
I'm Cannoli's dad.

511
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:08,607
He just walked off.

512
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:12,778
Ah, yes, yes, Dr. Pete,
the cleft palate surgeon.

513
00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:14,446
I'm-I'm Samantha Turner,

514
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:15,480
a friend of Drew's.

515
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,317
I didn't know Drew had
such attractive friends.

516
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:21,720
I was just thinking
the same thing.

517
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,822
Uh, excuse me,
that's my property.

518
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,257
Up-bup-bup. So...

519
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:26,592
a doctor.

520
00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:28,493
Do you have a-a practice
in the city?

521
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,297
No, I travel around the world
helping children in need.

522
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,900
Oh, that's so wonderful.

523
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:38,503
Do you work for one of those
big, worldwide organizations?

524
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:39,771
No, I'm on my own.

525
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:42,708
One-man band.

526
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:42,708
Oh. (chuckles)

527
00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:43,909
Well, you must be
pretty well-off

528
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:45,677
to be flying
all over the world.

529
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,647
Actually it's a lot
of scrimping and saving

530
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:51,516
and relying on the goodwill
of others.

531
00:20:51,583 --> 00:21:00,359
Okay, I tried.

532
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:03,428
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