[narrator] this time on master distiller...
The best outlaw moonshiners believe they can turn
almost anything...
Son of a [bleep] right there is a cooking.
...Into top-notch liquor.
Now, three former champions will have to prove it
with items they find in a country store.
No!
While you run, you're gonna be also fixing us a still meal.
[narrator] it's josh owens...
It's gonna be nine-finger punch.
...Versus mike cockrell...
You're trying to mess my mind up now.
...Versus richard landry...
Set us up for failure, and it still tastes good.
Who mashes in pies and pastries?
...To see whose backwoods innovation...
[mike] look what I got going on.
...Could be the next high-proof sensation.
Trying to cook, make liquor, that's what we be doing in the woods.
Well, I'll be damned.
[josh laughing]
[narrator] across the country, a handful of expert distillers
are heirs to a centuries-old tradition.
Some operate on the legal side,
others practice their craft beyond the reach of the law.
Now, three of the best moonshiners
will throw down at the stills.
[digger] oh, you'd lose your mind over that.
[narrator] judged by a jury of their peers,
they'll go head to head in a series of challenges...
[mark] he used everything but the kitchen sink.
...To determine who has what it takes...
Jailhouse mash.
[laughing] jailhouse mash?
...To earn backwoods bragging rights.
And you're gonna win a hand-made mash stick.
This is one of my prized possessions.
[richard] yes, sir.
[tim] by hell,
look what we got here.
Yeah, look what we got here.
Welcome back, boys, now you all are all already winners.
Richard, you won cherry bounce.
You're the next master distiller, my friend.
Congratulations, bro.
Mikey, you won a tough round in the cocktail mix
for the holidays.
[tickle] congratulations, mike, you get first pick.
[digger] josh, you won the backwoods battle.
[mark] you knocked her out of the park, son.
[digger] today, y'all are gonna face a real challenge.
That's gonna be a little something different,
a little something complicated.
Y'all guys gonna be going down to the country store.
Whatever you can find in that store,
you gotta find you something to make you a mash bill.
Now, you guys are all champions,
so this is old school to you.
But, you know, just to throw another hitch in the get along,
make us a meal on your still,
while you're running your liquor.
I come from the backwoods,
and I'm used to cooking your meals at the still site,
because if you leave that still site,
somebody's gonna come in and find it.
So I spent many weeks,
cooking, preparing, and eating out of tin cans.
So with that being said, we're ready and looking
for a fine pairing.
[digger] you got a big deal here,
number one, bragging rights,
and number two,
you're gonna win a handmade mash-stick
from mighty mark's ol' buddy, tony arp,
down in dawsonville, georgia.
He built a damn fine stick.
That'll be something you're gonna cherish forever.
-[richard] yes, sir. -[mike] absolutely.
[josh] I really want that freaking mash stick.
It's like an old-school mash stick like you'd a' seen
back in the old days.
I'd be a fool to not want that.
All right, guys, you gotta go to the country store.
I'm gonna get my buddy tickle to take you down there.
Tickle!
All right, got you some professionals here.
We got some professional moonshiners here
that need to go down to the country store.
Well, I tell you what, I stocked that thing up
just special for these guys.
All right, fellers? Y'all come follow me,
-I'll show y'all where we at. -[mike] let's get it.
[tickle] I'll tell you, fellers,
I'd rather sandpaper a bobcat's butthole
in the trunk of a car than ever say anything
like that to my momma again.
[all laughing]
all right, fellers,
y'all got a tall order in front of you today.
One, you gotta get ingredients to make mash.
Two, you're going to have to get ingredients
to make us a snack, too.
Now, to see who goes first,
we're gonna draw straws.
[josh] we gotta pick straws.
Great. I'm used to getting the short stick.
Well, uh, yous in the middle, come on up.
Just one of 'em.
There you go.
Richard, come on up here, buddy.
That one.
[tickle] that leaves you, josh.
-All right. -Hot dog!
I picked the straw, so I get the first pick in the store.
It's lookin' like we're going josh, richard, and then mike.
[mike] guess who got the short straw?
Ol' mikey.
Keep in mind, there's five minutes here.
Oh, boy.
[tickle] josh, you got five minutes, boss.
[josh] well, don't start the clock until...
-It's already started. -[all laughing]
-[tickle] it's already started. -[josh] oh, man.
My name's josh owens,
I'm from columbus, north carolina.
I'm the backwoods country boy,
can do a little bit of everything.
Kinda just fly by the seat of my pants.
A jack of all trades, and a master of none.
Please don't film that. Turn that camera off.
But I make a lot of moonshine.
I can totally see a handful of stills
laid out here on this concrete.
I'm probably one of the guys, out of all the guys,
that tries something new all the time.
I just pour [bleep] in there, and I make it work for me.
Sometimes it works, and sometimes it don't.
So I'm going into this, I have no idea
what my ingredients are gonna be.
I just know that I gotta ferment something.
I can do that.
How long do I have for the mash to work off?
You've got five days for your mash to work off.
This is a mess.
You got five minutes to get your ingredients.
Baked beans, apricots!
Oh, I need to shut up, don't I?
Yeah, keep calling it out.
[tickle] look, I spent all day stocking this farm stand.
Oh, you put this together?
Yes, I did this to you!
[josh] the ingredients to work with in there were ridiculous.
I really was expecting it to be ridiculous,
and I got in there, and it was more ridiculous
than I thought it was gonna be.
Hot dog!
This is a mess!
I need something to make a mash out of!
[mike] you can make a mash out of anything.
I knew I could get some oatmeal,
I knew I could get some fruits and stuff,
and I knew I could make a mash out of that.
Whether it was gonna turn out or not...
You got three minutes, josh.
-[josh grunts] -three minutes!
Is there any raisins in here, anywhere?
-[tickle] is there? -I don't know.
Hey, there's some corn right behind you.
I know but it's green corn, it ain't dried out.
[tickle] well, that's all right.
-Burning daylight! -I can't help it!
[tickle laughing] yeah!
What was it I was just asking for?
You done got me flustered.
You don't even know, I don't either.
-There's raisin. -[tickle] there you go!
Keep in mind, you're making a snack, too.
Ah-ha!
[josh] sweet!
[tickle] what, what, what do you like
you're getting right there?
[josh] I think I'm gonna get some steak.
My idea of cooking is throwing some steaks on the grill,
eating it with my fingers, off the grill, really.
I don't like dirtying dishes.
[tickle] I mean, you got two minutes left, josh.
Two minutes!
[josh] I don't know what to do.
[tickle] you don't know what to do? Well, you got plenty to work with
that's for damn sure.
[josh] this is a bunch of crazy-ass ingredients.
Hey, wait a minute.
[tickle] hey, wait a minute, uh, you better hurry up!
Make me some ham liquor, josh, it'd be delicious.
[josh] when I saw that country ham,
ding, ding, ding, you know, it just kinda hit me.
It's bacon and eggs, that's, that's my go-to meal.
Country ham liquor, I can see it right now.
I knew somebody was gonna make some ham liquor
before it was over with.
All right, richard. You're next.
[mike] leave me something, richard.
I'm gonna leave you something, I'm gonna leave you something.
My name is richard landry,
I'm from new iberia, louisiana.
I'm a truck driver, I work on garage doors,
and electric gates. I do a lot of things,
depending on what day of the week it is.
Moonshining's key, that's the number one thing that I do.
I do moonshine every day.
-[craig] how is it? -That's awesome.
The last time I was here, I had the chance to compete
against guys who do this,
but not with the notoriety that these guys do it with.
So just to be competing against josh and mike
is an honor, but to win against these guys would be something totally different.
It wouldn't be about bragging rights,
it would be about just showing that I can do what they do.
[tickle] josh didn't do anything with that cabbage
or that zucchini.
Last time I was here I had the chance
to use ingredients that I knew.
This time, we're going in blind.
We're just walking into the farm stand,
and grabbing some things.
Wow.
I'm not expecting the best,
but we'll make something work out of it.
We gonna do it different.
[tickle] you gonna do it different?
What about the zucchini and the squash?
We not gonna be that different.
-See this? -[tickle] is that for a snack, or for mash?
Aw, we gonna make a mash with this stuff here.
[tickle] all right, okay, you put that
in the bottom of your basket
it'll be mash 'fore you get done.
Better make something.
There ain't a whole lot of rhyme or reason to what's over there.
I figured I'd try something new.
So I grabbed pastries, and there's a lot of them,
like cakes, I grabbed honeybuns,
I grabbed an apple pie.
There's some sodas, there's some cereal.
There's all kinds of junk in there.
Well, I'm kinda fond of cherry.
[tickle] uh-oh.
[richard] cherries, I love cherries,
so I have all these fruits and dates, and some cherries.
[tickle] all right, what you gonna cook us good to eat?
[richard] you gonna be surprised, tickle,
it's gonna have some louisiana in it.
Keep in mind, it's just a snack.
Just, just a snack.
I did grab some steak, I'm just gonna do a little appetizer.
I don't wanna get into a three-course meal.
I really need to be worrying about this moonshine.
The simpler, the better, though.
[tickle] the simpler, the better.
I mean, you can take a can of beans,
put it on top of your pot if you want to.
-Are you ready? -[richard] yep, I'm ready.
[tickle] are you done? All right!
Richard, you come out with two minutes to spare.
Okay, mike!
You're the last one, boss man.
-All right? -[mike] appreciate it.
Five minutes. Roll to it, see what they left you.
[mike] oh, let's see here.
Look, onions, cabbage, and blackberries all together,
ain't that what they do in mississippi?
My name's mike cockrell, I was born and raised in the state of mississippi,
but I hang my hat in tennessee.
I'm actually from a long line
of moonshiners from mississippi.
I've been distilling and tampering with moonshine
since I was about 16 years old.
This right here is where the magic happens.
Damn.
What I love about running moonshine
is there's something different every time,
and I'm always swimming around in my head,
what new recipes can I do.
So I'm comfortable with creating
something out of stuff in this country store.
Yeah, this is gonna be mash, brother.
-[tickle] watermelon and onion? -I'm a mississippi boy.
Watermelon and onions go great together.
[mike] ain't no onion, I love onion,
but you're trying to mess my mind up, now.
All right, look, there's some cabbage right there.
Make me some cabbage liquor, mike.
[mike] I just might, you don't never know about me.
I really would love some cabbage liquor.
[mike] I do a lot of the cooking at my house.
My wife does as well, but I like to take over inside the kitchen,
and I love a lot of spices,
a lot of different types of foods.
[tickle] oh, oh, oh, he's getting the cabbage.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. All right.
Why you peeling them leaves off?
You ain't buying that by the weight.
You got one minute left.
Grab one of them onions,
and flavor your liquor with it.
-I'm telling you, mike. -No!
It's gonna be good!
Oh, aw, there he goes.
Yes, sir. You know what?
I think eggs would go great in your mash.
You know what, are you really putting them in your mash?
I was just kidding, mike.
Oh, my god. Are you trying to kill us?
What is that?
It looks like a bottle of wine.
-[mike] all right. -[tickle] all right.
-[tickle] are you done? -[mike] I'm done.
But look, don't let me catch you
sipping on that bottle of wine.
[mike laughs]
[tickle] that's for our judges, now.
[mike grunting] weird combinations,
but we gotta make something happen,
because I draw the short end of the stick. [laughs]
y'all got a tall order ahead of y'all,
but if anybody can do it,
it's gonna be y'all three guys.
Let's get this stuff in here, and start making up some mash.
-All right? -[richard] let's go.
[tickle] I don't know what the hell
-y'all are gonna do with all that. -[josh] I don't neither.
[digger] guys, you have one hour to build your mash.
One hour, starting now.
You know, they took what they found in the country store,
and are making a mash with it.
[tim] he got a daggone pie.
Huh.
[mark] damn loaf of bread, cake, he's liable to make
a jar of liquor or buttermilk, hell, ain't no telling.
[laughing]
[digger] guys, you have one hour to build your mash.
He's liable to make
a jar of liquor or buttermilk, hell, ain't no telling.
[mike] what do we got here?
I don't wanna mess my pretty cake up.
[richard] what you gonna do with that cake?
[mike] I'm gonna feed it to them for dessert.
[richard] a crunch cake.
[mike] you got a lot of cakes and pies.
[richard] yeah, we gonna do something different.
[mike] bacon, cabbage.
Well, there is some diversity in the mash preparation here.
We can see that.
[richard] how many watermelons you got, man?
[mike grunting] I got two of them right here.
My mash recipe consists of a few watermelons,
about 25 pounds of sugar,
and enough yeast to work your mash off.
[flame igniting]
yee-haw, there we go.
Now that, that gem watermelon looks like a primo.
[digger] oh, you'd lose your mind over that.
[mark] I could eat both of them sons of [bleep].
Mike's over there making me want some watermelon.
[mark] ain't nobody on this planet
likes watermelon better than I do.
I can promise you.
[mark] you like it, mike?
Love it, from the watermelon capital of the world, brother.
[mark] is that just watermelon, mike?
[mike] that's watermelon right there,
fixing to throw a twist in it.
[mark] what's the twist, you gonna put some hot pepper in it?
Absolutely.
Yeah, oh, yeah, I ain't got no problem with that, mike.
I like pepper.
[mike] hot pepper mixed in stuff
is one of my signature things that I do.
Not nothing that'll burn nobody up,
just give a little bite on the back side.
All I'm trying to do is extract the flavors,
and mix sugar and enough yeast,
and it will be ready to run in five days.
I feel pretty confident in my mash,
'cause I've done it in the past,
it's something I've done a lot in my life.
[tim] mike's gonna put some peppers in it,
I don't care what it is.
[mark] tim smith ain't a pepper man.
No, those peppers, man. I'm not a pepper guy.
[digger] that just got a vote no on one end.
[laughing]
tim smith, he just does not like pepper, whatsoever.
Sorry, tim. It's nothing against tim smith,
but I've got to stick to my roots,
and that's where I'm going.
So I just watched how many jalapenos I did,
just so the flavor will come through,
and no burn.
And I feel like tim smith will change his mind.
Now don't you go pee before you wash your hands.
[laughing] tell me about it.
[all laughing]
josh is kinda quiet, bro, that's not you.
I'm just trying to figure out what the hell am I gonna do with all this stuff.
[josh laughing]
sounds like a club and we're both in it.
[josh] boom!
Well, I'm just gonna throw this out here, josh.
You got to go to the country store first, didn't you?
Why you say that?
'cause you got all them jars and [bleep] there.
You grabbed everything before anybody got a chance.
-What's this stuff down there? -[josh] I'll share.
Honey oat cereal, cornflakes,
pecans, oats, raisins,
pineapple, peaches, crushed pineapple,
sweet corn, black pepper.
I've used all kinds of stuff to make mashes,
and it's fermentable I can make a mash out of it.
I ain't gonna guarantee that it'll come out
fit for slopping hogs, but we can make some mash out of it.
[tim] putting cherries in it now?
[mark] he used everything but the kitchen sink.
[flame igniting]
richard, you got a plan?
[richard] I got a plan.
I'm gonna take all these sweets,
and throw them in that pot,
and give you something good to drink.
While you're eating something real good, too.
That's the man, I like the way you're feeling it.
[digger] richard over here, he's done the baker's dozen,
day old sale off the clearance rack
at the bakery.
For this, I'm gonna just put a bunch of pastries and sweets together.
[digger] here goes a big angel-food cake.
[mark] is that an angel-food cake, there, richard?
[richard] crunch cake.
-Oh. -Oh, hell.
Uh, oh, look at that, apple pie, going in.
[richard] apple pie we putting a whole apple pie in there.
[tim] crunch cake and apple pie.
[richard] things you don't usually see in a mash.
Here goes the pound cake.
[richard] now we got a pound cake.
That little old pound cake, it'll be this big in a minute.
Oh, yeah. We gonna let it go for a second, though, and get thick.
It's like gumbo. A messy mash.
This alcohol, it sounds like jailhouse hooch.
-Jailhouse mash. -Jailhouse mash!
[richard] people in incarcerated situations put a bunch of
pastries and sweets together
and make a real good drink with it.
I could've grabbed a whole bunch of other things,
but I'm excited to try something that I've always thought about.
They said honey buns is one of the most valuable things
when you're doing state vacation.
You gotta just make it out of damn loaf bread,
cakes, whatever you got.
I believe it looks like it'll make liquor.
I don't know if it'll be fit for slopping hogs, but it looks like it'll make liquor.
There's one thing about it,
all three of these plans are definitely different.
You got 23 minutes left on the clock.
Twenty three minutes.
They's be enough time to let it steep just a little while.
[josh] that's more bread.
Boy, she gonna be loaded with yeast, ain't she?
Kinda like the last supper, ain't it?
[josh] there was all kind off stuff floating around in there,
but anything'll ferment,
and I'm damn good at making mash on the fly.
-[mark] everything he's put in there'll ferment. -[digger] oh, yeah, it will.
What's it gonna taste like?
He's got pineapples, to cornflakes, to bread in there.
It's gonna be nine-fingered punch.
That's it. I'm with you on that.
Josh's mash was very unfocused.
Uh, he just throwed a bunch of stuff in there.
So did richard landry.
[mark] what is that you're putting in that, richard?
-That's a little cherry pie filling. -Hmm.
[richard] something to make it different.
This is the messiest, best tasting thing I ever made.
Richard landry won the cherry bounce episode.
He knows what he's doing.
I feel like I'm gonna be up against some competition here.
That smells like froot loops, man!
Yeah, that smells pretty good.
Richard landry's mash will be like fruity pebbles.
What kid and what adult don't like fruity pebbles?
Even though they close the door sometimes and go and eat 'em a bowl
and don't want nobody to know it.
What you got, richard?
Damn, it looks like somebody done ate it.
We're gonna do something people try when they have not much to try.
This is all pastries and cakes and little bit of fruit.
That's like that old jailhouse julep.
That's what we're going after.
[digger] what you got going on, mikey?
Well, I've got some watermelon mash
cut up with some jalapenos.
Watermelon's a real good flavor for fruitiness, really sweet.
-Mmm-hmm. -[mike] and I put jalapenos with it
to cut off on the sweetness some,
and give it just a little bit of a bite and flavor of the jalapeno--
-yeah. -[mike] but not overpower.
Looks a tiny bit like what happened when mark ate a whole
jar of pickles one time.
I'm telling you, it don't look too appetizing,
but it'll be good.
[digger] all right, carry on.
What you doing there, cousin?
Well, there wasn't exactly a lot of things in the store
-that I would make a four-day mash out of. -[digger] mmm-hmm.
What about all this fruit over here?
I usually flavor mine just with some fruit and a little sugar.
The old school way.
[digger] well, it's interesting. All right!
[josh] hey, wait, you want some more pecans?
-I'll take 'em with. I give-- -[josh] don't take 'em all, now!
You done ate 'em all!
Mike, you ready for a barrel?
-[mike] yeah, we'll get one. -Here, take this.
[mike] thank you, buddy.
Three minutes left, guys.
Time to be putting everything together.
Man, ooh, that smells good.
[digger] five, four,
three, two, one.
-Step away from your barrels, men, you're done. -[exhales]
that smells good.
-[mike] thank you, brother, appreciate it. -That smells good.
All right, head on out. We'll move them mash barrels for you,
we'll see you all back here in five days.
[mike] all right.
[mark] good luck, guys, to all of you.
-[mike] that smells like froot loops, man! -Froot loops,
-some kind of cereal, something crazy. -[mike] smells good, buddy!
[narrator reading]
[bleep]
[tickle] somebody filtering their mash through a sock?
[mark] god almighty, they're bringing the whole shebang.
[mike] oh, my god!
[digger] that poor country ham.
-[tim] I like mine well done. -[josh] that'll do it, right there.
[tim] all right, guys, welcome back.
You had to put a lot of exciting things,
ingredients in that mash bill.
Today, your mash is ready to run.
When y'all fellas went to the farm stand,
every one of y'all was shocked
by these insane ingredients,
but if anybody can pull this off,
it's gonna be you guys.
[mark] the next step in your challenge,
while you run, you're gonna be also fixing us a still meal.
Something that we would eat and enjoy while we're running liquor in the woods
with a fine jar.
[digger] today, the winner gets one of my prized possessions.
A handmade mash stick.
For me to be able to win that mash-stirring stick
and use it to stir my mash with,
I'd be very, very honored.
All right, men. You got four hours to make that liquor
and build us a little snack.
Four hours, starting...
...Now.
Get busy.
[richard] looks like it's coming out the kitchen sink.
I know one thing, the smell is rough.
[mike] you done got your mash in?
-In the pot? -[mike] yeah.
Nah, I haven't even come close yet.
[tickle] somebody filtering their mash through a sock?
It kinda smells that way.
Josh, what you working with?
I've done so much now, I can't remember what I even made my mash out of.
I got like, a goulash going on over here.
[digger] blueberries the size of grapes.
-Is that what that is? Blueberries, ain't it? -[digger] yeah.
Yep. That's blueberries, grapes, pecans.
I'll lay some cherries in here, too.
[tickle] it's like a treasure hunt.
He's discovering more mash ingredients with every bucket.
Little chunks of bread, raisins.
Oh, yeah. I forgot, there's blackberries and watermelon in here, too.
[digger] pickles, onions, mustard.
[tickle] josh, find us a list of what you didn't put in.
[laughs] it may be shorter.
And I just threw the kitchen sink in there.
[digger] I saw an old chicken bone or two in there.
Look at that. Whatever he's putting in is looking nasty.
Looks can be deceiving.
Yeah. Look at me, I'm married.
Who'd have ever thunk that'd happen?
-Believe me, we surprised. -[laughs]
[richard] man, you gotta worry about burning with this pastry.
The downside of dealing with this stuff, man.
Looking at my mash,
this look gross. It looks weird.
-Richard's is just pastries, right? -[digger] yep.
Cakes and goodies.
[richard] but it smelled awesome.
Smells like a bakery.
I got all pastries in there. Honey buns, cakes.
I figured if I could get that smell to transfer into taste,
it would be a good product.
[digger] there you go. [exclaims] there you go.
Everybody's lit, heating up.
Yes, sir, buddy!
Mike, what you working with?
My mash is a watermelon and pepper.
Mike, did you put that watermelon in that thumper?
-[mike] I did. -Okay.
Just some fresh watermelon on top of the mash.
Forgot about my potent secret ingredient, man.
Your secret ingredient?
Potent secret ingredient.
[tickle] I ain't sure what richard's putting in there,
-but it looks like some sort of jelly or dessert. -Look like rhubarb.
It's my favorite.
-Cherries. -Okay.
Folks, you all got three hours left.
[richard] now it's getting hot.
[mike] I gotta prepare my cabbage.
I need a damn cutting board.
-Thank you, brother. -[richard] need no more, brother.
What are you gonna do with a cabbage?
Fried cabbage. Yeah, buddy.
Everybody loves a good fried cabbage.
It'll be simple and something that will complement
that watermelon liquor I'm gonna make.
Oh, my, god!
Trying to cook,
make liquor.
I'm not at home, I'm not in my kitchen.
So, it's a real challenge.
[dishes clanking]
[bleep]
[mark] richard here, he's got steak.
[richard] I love to cook,
so the idea of having to make a snack is just something
I would be doing anyways,
if I were at my still site.
You're gonna be at almost 200 up here,
and that little thin pot, it might heat...
Heat it up a little bit.
-You reckon? -Yeah, it might.
I mean, it gonna be up close to 200 degrees.
-[mike] it might. -[richard] there's gonna be some kind of transfer of heat.
I don't know what josh is doing.
[tickle] he's got that pot cocked up on his still.
He might be trying to do more than one thing at once here.
-Look. Look right here. -That paddle?
I'm gonna put the paddle out like that right there,
and we'll lay it down on the edge of that thing,
and we'll throw up my frying pan right there on there on that.
[richard] that was a damn good idea, josh.
Some people been calling me hillbilly macgyver,
because I'm constantly just pulling a rabbit out of a hat,
problem solving.
-But if y'all take my idea... -[richard laughs]
[josh] I'm gonna cut your head off!
If it'd been me, I'd have cooked my meal,
then put my pot back up on the burner, 'cause--
I was thinking the same thing.
There ain't no cap hot enough to cook a piece of chicken.
But josh has a whole country ham.
That leg's fully cooked.
So, uh, that could be in his favor.
Are we sure this ain't poisonous?
[laughing]
if you think it is, go out there and put in my truck.
I'll take it home.
How the hell should I cut this bastard?
-[richard] cautiously, josh. -[both] yeah.
I've got to cut up this ham and it's hard on the outside.
I mean, it's got a thick skin on it.
God, that dadgum son is hard as rock.
It's pretty hard to cut into.
-Cut all the way across and cut slices down? -[digger] no,
look back up this way a little bit. Go all the way down to the bone.
In the middle. In the middle.
I'mma cut the bone out of it?
[digger] that'll just cut you some slices off it.
[josh] I mean, I've cut up a lot of deer legs and stuff.
I didn't want to just go to hacking this ham up.
God bless america.
That poor country ham.
Well, this knife that I had wouldn't
cut a stick of hot butter.
I can't catch a break.
Let me get the band-aids ready.
[tickle] I bet he winds up with nine and a half fingers
before he gets done with that knife.
Exactly.
Have medics standing by.
[chuckling]
ah!
[digger] this ain't gonna end well.
Let me get the band-aids ready.
Have medics standing by.
[richard] there you go.
[digger] this ain't gonna end well.
God bless america.
-God, that dadgum son hard as rock. -[tickle] yes, it is.
[digger] attaboy, caveman.
[josh grunting]
god, that smells good!
Took a whole lot of work just to get a slice of ham.
Come here a minute.
Smell this son of a gun.
Smells good!
You can take a bite right out of it.
[tickle] that's ham at it's finest, right there.
[richard] sure is.
That's good ham.
[richard] I'd like to cook that son of a [bleep] down!
-I know, right now. -Oh, man!
-I thought about putting a piece in my still. -That would be awesome.
Guys, two hours left. And you run.
[mike] oh, yeah, baby!
[mike singing] ♪ she's coming round the mountain♪
that's heads.
And you smell that watermelon pepper coming through that baby?
[mike laughing]
pretend you don't like that, but, boy, I do.
[mike laughing]
-mr. Ramsey will like it. -[richard] oh, yeah. He'll love that one.
Man, I got a smell coming out of this thump,
it smells like a bakery.
-[josh] mike? -[mike] yo!
[josh] can I have one of them bones?
[mike] yeah, just don't forget to give it back to me.
[richard] I need one, too, bro.
[mike] y'all just be sure to give me my ding-a-lings back.
-[richard] I got you, bro. -[josh] god almighty,
it's still got raccoon [bleep] on it.
[mike] no, it don't.
[richard] I'm about to hit it with some alcohol. It will be okay.
There we go.
We're dripping!
[mike] are you already running?
[richard] oh, yeah.
[mike] you don't taste them heads?
[richard] it tastes like a pound cake.
That almost make you want to drink the head.
I'm telling you.
[richard] who would have thunk it?
Set us up for failure and it still taste good.
I'm impressed.
It's actually turned into a drink that tastes
like pastries.
[josh] son of a [bleep] tastes like a honey bun.
Richard makes some killer moonshine.
So I'm going to have my work cut out for me.
[richard] josh, what you looking like, brother?
[josh] I'm gonna throw my heads off
and then this is my first jar.
That's a beautiful color for a drink, right there, man.
These guys, they were no slouch on
their products, so I put cherries in my test jar.
I tried to fuse the flavor
into my liquor.
It smells like lemon-lime and oranges.
It's like a freaking jarful of skittles.
That's good. It gets something different on the palate.
[richard] that's a good drink. Let's see what that's like.
Somehow I know that I always pop out with a good jar of liquor.
Man, you could propose to a woman with this, josh.
You got an hour and a half left.
[richard] time to start cooking, huh?
[josh] what's your plan?
Well, we're going to make this a nice little sauce for the steak.
We've got some cherries in here.
This is a little cherry pie filling.
I have all these fruits. All these cherries.
I love cherries so... I'm gonna make
some kind of compliment.
A nice little cherry reduction.
Kind of reminiscent of what's in here.
-[josh] what's that stuff floating in it? -[richard] oh, some dates.
Dates?
You're gonna make dates edible?
Ooh, crap!
Richard had some dates and he was serious about using them.
Ugh!
I don't know how this is going to work out.
God, that looks disgusting!
I never had a date before.
-[mike] they're just dried. -[josh] it's a plum, ain't it?
[mike] it's done just like a country ham.
I thought a date was like a raisin, mikey.
[mike] it tastes way different.
But I thought it was a dried-up plum.
[mike] no, a prune is a dried-up plum.
That's right, that's right.
This ain't like a prune.
[mike] no. It's a raisin.
[josh] but ain't it a plum?
No, a date's a date. It's not a plum.
-Dude, this is disgusting. -No, man.
It looks like a big damn cockroach with no legs.
[all laughing]
[josh] does that not look like a big-ass cockroach with no legs?
-[josh] look at it. -[richard] okay, it does.
I wouldn't eat that for $100 bill. No!
[richard] I got $100 right here.
Them son of bugs looked nasty!
But richard gave me $100.
[mike] there he goes!
[richard] worth every penny.
[mike laughing]
you like dates?
Man!
[richard] you enjoyed it 'cause you didn't throw up.
Yuck.
You've got one hour left.
We're going to have some wa-wa-watermelon in a little while!
I can't wait to taste that peppery watermelon.
[mike] the pepper ain't gonna come out in it real hard.
I had to be careful for tim, man.
-Which one you on? -Eight.
[mike] damn!
You running wino!
I don't think I'm going to get many jars.
[mike] you don't need that many.
I swear it got meaner as it sat down.
[mike] if I keep on, y'all are going to be drunker than a buzzard, now.
My taste buds may be completely burned up,
but I think that's the jar.
It's just got good flavor.
Ooh! Come smell it now, brother!
Oh, man!
Watermelon pepper. Oh, yeah!
It's got a hint of that pepper in it,
but it's got a really serious watermelon taste to it.
[mike] yeah, we're still looking at about 120 on it.
That's a feat to accomplish right there.
Ol' mikey's done.
-Josh, you all right, bro? -Oh, yeah.
-Does a fat baby fart? -[richard] all the time.
-Do bears [bleep] in the woods? -That's where they do it.
Thirty minutes, y'all.
[mike] josh, can I borrow some of your country ham in a minute?
[josh] what you want? Just a slice?
This is a whole another side of these guys that
I have not seen before.
Lookit here, landry.
What I got going on.
[richard] that's what we'll be doing in the woods.
Ow, [bleep].
[josh] sorry there ain't more eggs. I only had three eggs to work with.
[both] that's all right.
I see ham and eggs coming.
That's a hell of a meal you about to cook, man.
-[digger] pretty good looking stuff. -[mark] yeah.
[mike] I got all kinds of [bleep] cooking.
[tickle] tell you what. Cabbage cooked right is one of my favorite dishes.
[mark] hey, and I didn't see any dicing up bacon.
I'm making a lot of different types of food.
I'm frying this cabbage down.
I'm frying down a little country ham.
Whole kernel corn. A few eggs.
And try to create something I would cook
in the woods, while I'm running a still.
They didn't tell us the real challenge was cooking the stuff.
I'm doing the appetizer.
Josh owens is making a full breakfast.
And it looks like mike is making a full complement also.
So, I don't want to overwhelm the judges.
I'm gonna give them an awesomeness
to taste with an awesome drink.
[mark] well, I'll be damned.
[richard] I'd rather the judges
focus on the taste of the alcohol.
So I just did a little flambe with it. It worked well.
[mark] god almighty. They're bringing the whole shebang.
Uh. 15 minutes left.
[tickle] use it to your benefit.
-Smells good in here. -[mark] yes, it do.
I just want that cabbage.
-That's right in your wheelhouse, right there. -Oh, yeah.
[mike] ugh!
Too damn much in for the skillet.
Look at all that cabbage over on the floor.
Stirring up my cabbage, it's falling out on the ground.
I have made a damn mess.
Missed the skillet.
Or needed a bigger one.
There's pieces falling in my burner and burning.
-Damn. -[richard] you've got something on the fryer?
Had burning cabbage. But I've got to just get this meal done.
You've got five minutes to get something on the table.
[mike] [bleep] that won't ever get done.
This was a bad idea.
[mark] I think I'm going to like
your version of jailhouse liquor a little better, richard.
[tickle] in jail, I didn't have a strainer.
And I couldn't cook at all.
You didn't have a still either, did you?
-No, didn't have a still either. -Didn't have a bucket either.
You'd have to use a trash bag.
-[richard] that's your ferment vessel? -Yeah.
It'll blow that thing up. When she starts
deflating, pop a hole in her and start filling
all your buddies' cups up.
[richard] now, where do you keep this, while this is happening?
-Because you in jail-- -where do you keep it? You've gotta hide.
I'm a criminal. I can't tell you all my secrets.
[richard] you were a criminal. You're not a criminal anymore, right?
[tickle] ah, as long as I keep moonshining I'll still be one of them.
[laughs]
[digger] three minutes left, guys.
Time to be putting everything together.
[mike] damn, it's hot.
-[mark] mike? -[mike] yo.
What have you got going on here, boss?
I'm gonna have some fried cabbage, sweet corn
with a little country ham in it, with a slice of country ham.
Oh, yeah.
And, um... A few scrambled eggs for the side.
Mother-of-pearl.
Looks like you've made a damn potpourri of something good to eat. Yeah.
I just hope yous is hungry.
How do you feel about your liquor, you happy with it?
I feel real good about my liquor. I sure do.
Mr. Richard.
How you doing, sir?
[mark] damn, that looks so good I might have to lay down to eat it.
Well, that's the objective right there.
Do you feel okay about your liquor, man?
I'm loving that.
-You loving? -I think y'all will, too.
We're gonna do just a little appetizer for y'all,
because we can't fill you up, you ain't gonna have no room for the liquor.
Oh.
It'll be a nice steak in a nice date, uh, reduction,
it's kinda reminiscent of what's in here.
[mark] wow. All right, richard,
looking forward to the appetizer and the drink.
-Thank you, sir. -Yes, sir.
My man, josh.
-What's up, boss? -What do you got going on here, cousin?
[josh] well, I got country ham, steak, eggs,
-blueberries, a few cherries. -Wow.
Fresh peaches and canned peaches in there.
This is insane, looking good.
How'd your liquor turn out? You happy with it?
[josh] I reckon.
-You reckon? -Yeah.
I'm looking forward to it.
[digger] one minute, folks.
[bleep]
my nerves getting to me now.
[richard] y'all, I'm hungry.
[laughing]
-[mike] I like mine well done, josh. -You do?
[mike] that'll do it right there, won't it?
[josh] might get a little carbon on it.
[digger] five, four, three, two, one.
I'm done.
[digger] step away, guys. Y'all are done.
Very interesting. Very interesting.
[digger] all right, guys.
We're gonna sample your wares,
both your culinary and your distillation.
Got y'all's plates of food ready
and a jar of shine.
It'll be what it'll be.
[mark] thank you, boss.
I went ahead and made a simple appetizer for you guys.
You should enjoy it, especially with this.
My jailhouse rendition of shine.
Jailhouse rendition.
-Looking forward to it, richard. -All right.
I just went all out, just a country-style meal
and a jar of good liquor.
Bring it in, buddy.
[digger] thank you, man.
-Appreciate y'all. -[digger] yeah, man.
[mark] I don't know where do you wanna start at here.
Let's get started with josh, here.
He's got some cherries in that filter
just for a little accent on there.
[digger] got some proof there.
-[mark] got a good bead on it. -Yeah.
-He had a lot of ingredients in his mash bill. -Yeah.
I'm callin' mine nine finger punch. It's got everything but that finger in it.
-[both laughing] -there you go, brother. You put your all into it.
-[mark] there's a lot of fruit. -[tim] yeah, I smell it.
-[tickle] it is, yeah. -[tim] yeah, he's got a good nose on it.
[mark] yeah. Damn sure does.
It tastes like a potpourri of fruit to me.
[digger] he got it proofed down good, though.
Just a tiny bit fiery to me, but not...
Not overwhelming.
I mean, you know you're having a drink.
Well, I'll run over here and snatch us up something to eat.
Mmm.
[tickle] there you go.
-Oh, thank you, sir. -Country ham.
All right, all right.
[mark] I'm real impressed that josh...
[digger] could actually cut that ham.
Yeah. And there's not a finger here.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
[tim] well, we got a fruit bowl.
I got some pretty good scrambled eggs here.
It look like a piece of steak and...
A fried ham.
He's done the best he can.
That steak's tougher than a whore's heart.
-[digger] yeah. -But then that ham's primo.
Mmm-hmm. I got a piece that's right good.
Well, the steak and... And the shine taste pretty good together.
[digger] mmm-hmm.
[tim] that's a real good breakfast.
Let's move on.
[digger] we got richard of landry.
[tickle] all right.
-A nice, pretty bead. -Mmm-hmm. Yes, indeed.
[tim] high proof.
That was the... All the pastry mash.
I mean, who mashes in pies and pastries and stuff?
You, landry... I mean, I don't know what knowledge
you put into your mash.
That was a lotta ingredients. That was a complex drink.
[mark] that liquor is very easy on the nose.
That's really good.
It's like doughnut. That's what I'm getting, a doughnut.
Krispy kreme, there. Yeah.
Yeah, I am getting the sweetness of a pastry.
And almost the earthiness of the breading, the crust.
Tickles the olfactory as well as the palate.
All right, well, look, I'm gonna go grab what richard made for us.
Turning that into a sauce to go over your steak.
-Hey, man, I think you knocked that out of the park. -Oh, thank you.
-[digger] mmm. -[mark] yeah.
[tickle] that steak, it is very nice.
And he flambeed it at the end.
The fact that he put some of his liquor in this
and then flambeed it off at the end and set it on fire,
it couldn't go better on this steak.
Yeah, I say it goes good together.
Yeah, I think the feller knows what he's a-doin'.
Richard, did you own a restaurant or do you work in a restaurant or...
Never.
I don't know. I just like to cook, man.
[tim] and we got mike's jar.
He's got to bring his "a" game to beat richard.
-That is one clear jar. -[tickle] mmm-hmm.
[tim] and one high-proof clear jar.
Maybe 125.
I'm getting a sweet nose.
[mark] well, it's watermelon.
Cherry cheesecake on the nose.
[mark] well, I don't know how in the hell yous come up with cherry cheesecake.
-[digger] you're smellin' tickle's left pocket. -[laughing]
[josh] I was surprised that you put jalapenos in yours.
That's a recipe that I've been doing for a long, long time.
M's looking for that jalapeno.
Now I'm tasting watermelon.
Now, it had two things in it that I love.
Watermelon and pepper.
But I seen one jalapeno in that barrel of mash,
so I can't taste the pepper in it.
It has a sweetness to it.
This is a really good jar.
[tim] get us some plates there.
All right. All right.
I fried some cabbage, some whole kernel corn.
-Scrambled some eggs. -[richard] bacon.
Sliced country ham on the table.
I mean, that's a meal anybody would enjoy, so.
Exactly.
[mark] that's a country meal right there, boys.
-[tickle] mmm-hmm. -[mark] that cabbage is pretty good.
Mmm-hmm.
I tell ya, that corn, that's hitting on it, too.
Makes your babies be born naked it's so good.
Yes, it will.
Man, them judges probably sleeping back there, man.
All that food y'all had for them?
I'm sitting here wondering what the hell's on their minds.
-I don't know, but I hope I smoke y'all for once. -[all laughing]
I really want that frickin' mash stick.
-Tickle, go fetch 'em. -All right.
All right, I found 'em.
-Good. -Yes, sir.
All right, guys, welcome back.
Thank yous for the excellent meal and delicious liquor.
Not only did you had to pick
from the oddest assortment of mash ingredients,
but all of you's food went right along with your liquors.
[mark] mikey, your liquor, my favorite thing is
watermelon and pepper,
but I couldn't find the pepper in it.
You didn't put a whole lot in it because you worry about tim.
Right.
But clear, perfect clear jar. High proof.
Food was off the chain.
Country meal. Cabbage still crunchy the way I like it.
-Excellent job. -Thank you.
[digger] richard, your liquor was like you walk into a bakery.
[tim] your flavor profile in that jar right there,
if you could duplicate that taste profile,
it would sell in any state in the united states.
-Wow, thank you. -[tim] it's incredible.
The appetizer that you made, richard,
had a little bit of your liquor on it that you flambeed off.
It was great. Excellent job.
Josh, your liquor,
you put so many ingredients in yours
but you pulled it off, man.
And to think that you could put together a meal like that,
I've never been more surprised in my life.
Outstanding job, son.
Appreciate you guys.
In my honest opinion, I really wanted to declare three winners.
But that's not what we're here for.
[digger] so it's my honor
to present this, a handmade mash stick...
...To mike cockrell.
[applauding]
-congratulations, brother. -Good job, brother.
Good job, mikey.
[digger] what you brought to the table was incredible.
-Good job, mike. -Good job, mikey.
I'm so proud of myself
and I'm very honored to take that stirring tool home with me.
I'm gonna get to use it,
and I'm gonna get to pass it down to my son one day.
Thank y'all so much.
Hey, congratulations, brother.
Good job, brother.
-Every one of y'all still leaving her a champion. -[richard] definitely.
I'm gonna start some good mash with this. [laughing]
-[richard] let's go. -[digger] let's go.
[tickle] I'm ready to roll. I'll show y'all where the bar's at.
[mike] y'all all gonna sign my stick?
[tickle] now, the last time a feller asked me that I knocked [bleep].
[all laughing]