[upbeat music playing]
It is time for Secret Santa.
[narrator] It's Christmas in Appalachia,
and like families across the country,
moonshiners are making the most
from a challenging economic year.
Coal. I got coal
-for Christmas. -[Tickle] Yee-haw.
Yeah, that's how it starts
-right there. -[chuckles]
[narrator] Using only their signature mash...
Dude.
[narrator] and the generosity
of the Secret Santa...
I picked all these gifts special for of y'all.
I'm just gonna try to knock her out, best I can.
[narrator] three returning favorites
must overcome limited resources...
I got a can of baked beans.
Are we gonna eat that?
What are we gonna do with it?
[narrator] to bring cheer
to holiday judges...
[Mark] Santa don't like you at all.
[laughs]
It's a Christmas miracle.
[narrator] with their most festive Christmas spirit.
It's the perfect thing to have for Christmas.
[upbeat music playing]
Welcome, merry gentlemen.
It's the most wonderful time of the year
and we're ready to get a little festive.
You'll have three hours to run your liquor
and one hour to flavor
and make us a perfect holiday shine.
Now after this friendly little competition,
we've got a great gift for the winner.
Now I know I keep promising,
it's not JB Rader in a box.
Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.
[laughter]
Yes.
-Merry Christmas, everybody. -Hell yeah.
-Hello yeah. -[JB] Ho, ho, ho.
But I pinky promise,
it's not JB Rader in the box.
[laughs]
Now you brought your own mashes
and you'll have three hours to run your liquor,
and I can't promise we won't throw you a surprise
along the way there.
Y'all like surprises.
All I want for Christmas
is some good stout liquor.
I don't want you boys bringing no weak stuff then.
No.
All right. Master distillers,
your Secret Santa
has brought y'all some presents.
You're gonna include it in your run
and in your cocktail.
And it's up to you on what you incorporate in your run
and what you incorporate in your cocktail,
but you gotta use this stuff.
All right, fellas.
It is time for Secret Santa.
Mike, come on up.
All right.
That's one.
You got another.
-All right. -All right.
[Tickle] It's all good stuff. I promise
y'all are gonna be happy.
Richard.
My man.
Yeah. All right.
Now you know I picked all these gifts out special
-for all of y'all, all right? -Special for me, right?
You got the right size, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got your right size,
messed up.
That's what size I got.
Howard.
-[sighs] -[Tickle] All right.
[Howard] Is this one of your gym socks?
No, no. That is.
[laughter]
Oh, great.
[Tickle] All right, fellas.
You've got three hours
to make your y'all's run of shine.
And your time starts...
now.
[Richard] Mike, I'mma bust your ass.
-You know that, right? -[Mike] No, no.
You're going down, brother.
I got cranberry sauce.
That's just Christmas all day.
You gave me some damn coffee, man.
Oh, my God. I got a can of baked beans.
[laughter]
[Howard] I got a damn can of baked beans.
I don't feel so bad now.
Why do I have baked beans?
Are you kidding me?
I mean, baked beans?
Who the hell wants baked beans
to make moonshine?
I feel like this is an inside job.
I feel like he set me up for failure.
With friends like him, I don't need enemies.
Who gets baked beans
and cranberry sauce
in the same damn package?
[laughs] Got you good.
Are we gonna eat that?
We're gonna...
What am I gonna do with it?
I don't know how you make
a run with baked beans.
[Tickle] Well, Howard's gotta figure that out.
I don't know if I should be impressed
or scared no matter how this turns out.
You make liquor with baked beans, Mark?
I ain't never tried it. But, you know,
it might turn out something good there.
-[Danielle] I'm skeptical... -Well, you know,
-the baked beans... -[Danielle] about it.
they usually got brown sugar
-and a good sauce in them. -Mmm-hmm.
[Tickle] It might surprise you how well it goes
-over in a thumper. -It might.
If he just strains the sauce out
and puts it in his thumper,
-it may work out... -[Danielle] It might.
-beautifully for him. -[Danielle] It might.
-It might. -[Tickle] Who knows?
If anybody can pull it off,
it won't be Howard.
[laughter]
[Howard] I hear you, Tickle.
Wait till you see the bedazzle
I put on these baked beans for you, baby.
-[Tickle] Yeah? -Uh-oh.
I gotta run the perfect mash build
for something Christmas.
So I'm gonna keep it simple.
Do a little corn mill, rye,
a little barley to shake,
and watch Christmas drop.
-[Richard] You filter? -You damn right I am.
Have you seen a mash I made before?
I threw everything but the kitchen sink at it.
I'm Howard Thompson. I'm 44 years old.
I'm from Danville, Virginia,
where everything happens, happens great.
I am just honored to be here for Christmas.
I won against Mike Cockrell.
I went against Richard and I won.
We gotta crown a winner.
Richard,
Mikey,
you both got skunked.
-Howard's the winner. -What?
-[man] Congratulations. -[man] Good job, Howard.
Do I feel confident to come in now?
Damn right I do,
because I know what I bring to the table.
They better bring their Christmas turkey to the table.
Now that's a fire.
That's how you do that.
[sighs] I'm feeling good.
I got some candy,
so that shouldn't be too bad.
I have peppermints
and instant coffee.
Those are alcohols
that are easy to make.
We're gonna run my sweet mash here.
Peppermints, I can just do
a little bit infusion in my thumper.
Instant coffee, I could do the same thing
and come out with a peppermint
coffee moonshine.
I can't wait to see how this turns out.
-Peppermint coffee. -[Danielle] Peppermint coffee.
Richard's got after-meal dessert,
coffee and peppermints.
Yeah, he does.
Peppermint might be good. If it's good
-in hot chocolate... -[Danielle] I think so, yeah.
it might be good with a coffee.
[Richard] Merry Christmas, everybody.
I'm Richard Landry,
I'm 51 years old,
and I'm from New Iberia, Louisiana.
I have won quite a few times here.
Richard...
you're the next Master Distiller, my friend.
Congratulations, bro.
Once again, Richard,
you are the next Master Distiller.
Thank you, sir.
Richard,
you're the Master Distiller
of this flat, my friend.
Congratulations.
-Yo, my brother. -[chuckles]
But I want to win every time I come here.
And to spend it with Howard and Mike Cockrell,
this is the real competition here.
I love this.
Peppermint coffee.
That sounds good, man.
I ain't got nothing but some damn walnuts
and some orange extract, all right?
[Richard] So you're gonna make a orange nut.
Christmas coming early for me right now,
but simply because I can work with this.
And the other guys over here beside me
are getting just junk,
you know, for their run.
So I'm like, "You know what?
Man, I might have this."
I think Mike's got some good stuff.
He's got orange extracts and walnuts.
[Tickle] And walnuts, yes. Now...
That can make something good.
-That's almost like a... -[Tickle] Yeah.
-cake or something. -[Tickle] Yeah.
-You can do a little... -[Tickle] I can see that...
-something with that. Yeah. -being dessert-y kind of.
-They're pretty good? -Oh, yeah.
[Richard] Mike, I'm gonna whoop your ass.
You better use that to the best of your ability.
-No, you're going down, man. -[Richard] All right.
We gonna see.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
My name is Mike Cockrell,
I'm 43 years old,
and I'm from Pearl River County, Mississippi.
It's a big honor for me to be invited back.
I love being here around Christmas time
with everybody.
[gasps] [bleep].
-Did you see that? -What's that?
-It blow up on him? -He made an explosion.
I got a little something in it, yeah.
Yeah, you don't shake carbonated stuff.
No. [laughs]
I just don't come in
with my simple white sweet corn
with the sweet note on my alcohol
for my first run.
You done firing up.
Better get my lighter out.
Yee-haw.
Yeah, that's how it starts right there.
[chuckles]
That's the beginning of a bad night.
[Mike] You ain't been up against me,
you know my Christmas cocktails, have you?
-No. -You don't want none of this.
I want all the beef. I'm not vegan.
[laughter]
Mike, how do you feel about your ingredients?
Nutty flavors are good.
And it also contain a lot of oil.
So I put some walnuts in my thumper
just to give my alcohol that walnut flavor.
I'm just gonna try to knock her out.
Best I can.
My goal is for whoever
takes a drink of this spirit
take a sip of it and think of the holidays.
Baked beans,
cranberry sauce.
-I got it, boys. -Richard, I want y'all to know
I'm about to make the best doggone Christmas dinner
you ever had in your life.
You drinking doggone
holiday spirit in the bottle.
My strategy on this is
if you will give me beans, I'll make a miracle.
So I'mma infuse the thumper with the beans,
hopefully, to carry over just a little bit
of that bean flavor.
I would love to taste that in something.
[laughs]
-And you know what's... -Mmm.
beautiful about this?
These baked beans came with a little bacon.
Strain it through the cranberry sauce
and I think I'll make a marriage that will work.
Look at this. Now...
the cranberries already filtered itself through.
[Richard] It's already filling. So wow.
So I'mma infuse the flavor
before we even get the liquor there. This...
-Wow. That's something. -Or this...
I got bean soup right here is gonna jump.
I feel like I'm creating
the gift that keeps giving right here.
After they drink this jar,
-they're gonna have gas too. -[laughter]
Lord have mercy. This brings families together
then blows them off the couch.
I'm literally gonna blow their socks off.
[laughter]
This is gonna be something to remember, Tickle.
You just lace up your bootstraps and get ready.
If you put baked beans in the darn drink
I gotta drink, your darn right,
I will never forget it.
And I will never let you forget it either.
As long as it's good stout liquor, I'll try.
Mark, I like... I know how you like to get
your eyebrows raised a little bit in the morning,
so don't worry. Man, I'm bringing that
Christmas festivity just for you.
Just make them good and stout.
[Howard] You're damn right.
All right, guys. You've got two hours left.
Now, who says coffee
and peppermint don't go together?
Man, that smells good.
I mean, I really wanna bust your ass.
Mark's gonna love it.
Everybody's gonna love it.
-You running, Mike. -I know it.
I have the perfect Christmas drink
and I just know I'm gonna win this competition.
[Tickle] All right.
A little more time has elapsed.
You got an hour and a half.
Your run is halfway through.
Now I see y'all are doing
what y'all needed to do.
But, you know,
it's the holiday season
and I know how much y'all love
-the first presents you got. -Uh-huh.
Now it's Secret Santa time again.
-[Richard] Secret Santa time. -All right.
[laughter]
Are y'all excited?
[Howard] No, you're like the Grinch, man.
You're the gift that keeps giving
the wrong stuff.
[instrumental music playing]
Guess what?
It's Secret Santa time again.
-[Richard] Secret Santa time. -[Tickle] All right.
Maybe I did a little better this time.
-[Richard] Maybe? -Maybe. We'll see.
-I hope so. -All right. Well, look.
Mike, here you go.
-All right. -Thank you, Mr. Tickle.
[Tickle] Richard.
[Richard] Yeah.
-That looks like... -Big things come
-in small packages, right? -it should be my box.
Yeah. Well, that's what they tell me.
You got nothing for me but a good old attaboy.
A whole lot of attaboys can fit in this box.
And...
that one's for you, Howard.
This don't feel right.
This sounds like beans again.
[Mike] See what we got here.
Cider spice and caramel apple.
Now I can work with this.
Juniper?
Oh, man.
Canned ham.
Nothing says Christmas
better than canned ham.
[laughter]
It doesn't sound like it belongs in alcohol.
But I'm gonna do what I'm supposed to do.
I'm gonna incorporate this into my drink.
Are you gonna garnish it with the ham?
I'mma shake it up in this bottle right here
and I'm gonna get some flavor of that ham in there,
because it's not really that bad.
It's kind of salty,
and salt is the perfect balance for things like this.
I'm gonna get the highest proof
I can in a jar.
I gonna just shake it up real well.
Kind of get that salty flavor
to balance between the coffee and the peppermint.
I think that this could be a drink
that people can appreciate.
Here goes...
nothing.
This is gonna work.
I think that might work out.
It will. I ain't got no choice.
Gah!
Uh-oh.
I think you'll be impressed.
[tense music playing]
[laughter]
[Howard] God.
Oh, God. It's horrible.
This is the worst thing I've ever ran in my life.
And he's not even eating it. He's drinking it.
He's never eating baked beans again.
-Yeah. -[laughter]
[Howard] My eyes are watering so bad.
The nose that I'm getting from this bean shine,
we'll call it...
It's horrible.
You said you wanted it stout.
-Maybe a little thinner now. -[Danielle] You're getting it.
-[Mark] Yeah. -It'll be so stout,
it'll blow you out.
[laughter]
But I have to present a jar
to get me to the next round.
So I'm going to think of what I can do
with the juniper berries
to cover up that bean flavor.
Maybe strain it with the cranberry sauce.
Hopefully, the two flavors
help me a little bit.
Please.
[Tickle] All right, guys.
Y'all got 15 minutes left
in your run.
We're gonna need a jar up here
in 15 minutes.
That's the jar right there.
Smell that.
Smell that stuff right there.
-That's walnut. -That's walnut liquor.
-All day long. -That's walnuts.
The first run is going really well for me
because I have a good clear jar
of walnut-flavored alcohol
and I got some caramel apples,
spiced sugar type stuff.
I'm leaving that out for my cocktail.
[Richard] I'm pretty much done too.
I'm done.
[Howard] What I'mma do, 'cause mine is so horrible...
[laughter]
is I'm just gonna clean it up,
put it in a jar, and make it fancy.
[laughter]
You should never bet against a Virginian moonshiner.
I mean, we have always dealt with elements that we're given
and turn it into something beautiful.
-I'm ready. -You're ready?
[Howard] So I'm turning it in.
Tickle, I believe in regifting.
Where we come from, we're poor.
So this is little something is special.
The jars you gave me,
I return it.
-Sounds right. -Enjoy.
[Mark] Thank you very much.
[Danielle] I'm starting to be mad at you.
I gotta try that.
All right, guys.
There's my walnut...
liquor right here.
[Mark] It looks good.
-It does look good. -It looks good.
It's a good, clear jar and it don't smell
like baked beans.
-That's [indistinct] -[Tickle] Yeah.
All right, Mark.
That don't look chewy at all.
[Tickle] You done, Richard?
-Yes, I'm done. -Good,
'cause you only had about two minutes left.
I really, really am worried
that the judges are not gonna like this.
This is meat and alcohol.
They don't really go together.
Don't that look like a pretty jar of bacon grease?
-That does. -It kind of does.
It really kind of does.
So I'm just gonna pray that it all works out well.
Keep my fingers crossed.
But it doesn't taste like bacon grease.
That's the good thing about it.
Doesn't taste like bacon grease?
-No. -Well,
I'm gonna leave all three y'all in here
like y'all are kids that can't sleep at night,
waiting on Santa Claus to come, all right?
We're gonna take this liquor
and we're gonna go somewhere
and kick back and try it,
because I am sure
it's might fine.
-[Richard chuckles] -[grunts]
All right. In the spirit of Christmas,
I think we can all be happy
about trying baked bean liquor.
Well, what do you think about them old baked bean?
That bean just gets you jumping,
gets the blood boiling.
-[Danielle] Oh. -Oh.
It's murky.
[Tickle] It's not murky.
They're stuff floating.
I think it's where he didn't rinse the can.
But I'm in the spirit of Christmas.
I'm gonna pass this one along.
That's a gift for you, Danielle.
[Mark] There you go, little lady.
Gosh. Thanks.
[Tickle] Now, he put some juniper berry
-in there. -[Danielle] Mmm-hmm.
He did.
And a whole can
of baked beans in the thumper.
There's definitely a bean note to it.
-Yeah. A little beany. -A little beany.
Y'all are waiting for me to try this first, don't you?
-Absolutely. -We're watching you, Tick.
[sighs] All right.
Here it goes.
[laughter]
Surprising.
I only get the beans on the back.
I'm getting the juniper
up on the front.
Only but one way to get through this.
I'll have to say...
it was not what I was prepared for.
-[Tickle] Mmm-hmm. -[Danielle] It's nowhere near
-as bad as it looks. -[Tickle] Yeah.
But are you getting any juniper?
-What are you getting? -It ain't as bad
as I thought it'd be.
-It's good. -It tastes better
-than it smells. -Yeah.
The taste is a whole lot
better than the smell.
And if you didn't have to smell this liquor,
I probably could drink it.
Yeah.
[laughter]
I agree with you, Mark.
It's got a punch to it.
You know you're drinking liquor.
It's not real low proof.
If it hadn't have been for them juniper berries,
I believe it'd have been something.
-Yeah. -I agree.
I was pleasantly surprised.
I'm very glad it doesn't taste
-like it smells. -Me too.
Next up is Richard.
See what we can do with Richard's here.
Can't really proof this one
by shaking it and get anything
-accurate on it. -You won't.
He had peppermint candies.
-[Danielle] Mmm-hmm. -He had coffee.
And his real surprise ingredient there,
canned ham.
People screwed us, man.
That's what I thought when I saw this pot of meat, like,
-"What the hell is going on?" -And the bad thing,
at the end of day, I call him a friend,
-'cause I don't know. -With a friend like that,
you don't need no enemies.
Mark, I know how you like a good stout drink of liquor,
so I poured you a good one.
It looks almost like an apple pie.
[Danielle] Mmm-hmm.
It don't smell like one.
[Tickle] It smells like cat food.
[suspenseful music playing]
Now that is high proof.
Make you shiver.
That's a jar of cat food right on there.
Cat food is about right.
-What do you think, Mark? -Well, he done a good job
on getting a lot of high proof.
-Mmm-hmm. -But I've never,
and probably never will as long as I live,
-ever put meat in my liquor. -Yeah.
-But... -Mmm-hmm.
that's what he was dealt with
-and that's what he done. -Yeah.
-[Mark] Yeah. -I don't know what I would
-have done with it either. -[Mark] Nope.
I hope they like mine.
I don't know about that
baked bean and that meat gluten.
Are y'all ready to move on
-to Mike's jar? -You bet.
Well, Mike's jar,
I will have to say
is the prettiest one on the table.
Yeah. That's looking like it's supposed to.
Them bubbles sure is flashing off quick,
-ain't they, Mark? -Right.
Mike, he was dealt the best hand this time.
He got walnuts
and apple spice and orange extract.
All I saw him do
was put the walnuts over in the thumper.
So this has the potential,
if it ain't way too high,
to be a really good drink of liquor.
-I smell the nuts. -[Danielle] Mmm-hmm.
I do smell the walnuts.
That's a good drink of liquor I tell you.
[Mark] Yeah, you can drink that.
That's high liquor.
It's surprisingly smooth.
I tell you what he can do, if he don't overdo it though,
he'd put a better taste to it.
Uh-huh.
Them boys got their work cut out, though,
to fix these two, really.
Yes, they do.
But alcohol,
will surprise you sometimes.
-It will. -What you can do with it.
I've seen it happen.
Well, if we're all in agreement,
let's go in there and get these boys started, all right?
-Let's do it. -All right. Let's do it.
[dramatic music playing]
-[Howard] Uh-oh. -[Richard] Uh-oh.
[dramatic music playing]
I'll have to say, y'all definitely
made us some liquor.
All right, guys.
I'll have to say y'all definitely
made us some liquor.
And you know what, we were pleasantly surprised
despite the amount of curveballs
that y'all were thrown.
Mike, I'll start out with you.
These Secret Santa gifts.
You were dealt the best hand here
and there's definitely plenty of proof in your jar.
However, I would've liked to see
a little bit more of that walnut flavor come through.
I'd be very careful in this round.
You've got a really nice jar right here.
You know how easily you can mess up.
I do.
Well, Mike, you carry through
what I thought you were gonna do.
I'm really interested to see how you're going
to the cocktail mix of it
'cause it could go either way
with what you still got left to work with.
But I was really happy with this.
I wasn't scared of it in any way.
That turned out pretty good.
And then we go from here.
Howard.
I know.
My brother with a can of beans over there.
-[chuckles] -You didn't wash the can good.
There was chunks of beans floating around
in the top of it.
The packaging was all wrong.
I understand that.
I'll have to say I was dreading tasting this,
but after I did,
I was pleasantly surprised.
What?
-[chuckles] -[Tickle] Really was.
'Cause that's a surprise to me,
'cause it was horrible.
The junipers really came in
and saved you on this.
Howard, I'll tell you, son, it didn't taste bad.
It was some pretty good liquor.
And, again, pretty high proof, good taste,
but the smell, you'd probably have to put a clothespin
on your nose and drink it.
But I think you done good with what you had.
Thank you, sir. That means the world.
[Mark] Yeah.
Now, Howard, that smell might be a little tough to work with,
but I think you can make a decent drink with that.
That leaves us with Richard Landry.
You got some high-proof liquor out of your still.
You yourself was dealt a curveball here.
-Big time. -You got a canned ham.
If it had been me, I might would have grilled it over my burner
and slid a little slice on the side
of my cocktail glass as a garnish.
Just a garnish?
You told me that.
Instead we got a jar of cat food.
[laughs]
You probably got dealt the worst hand
-you can get dealt with the meat. -Yes.
And that's something I've never done.
I like the high proof, but I don't like the taste.
I can't drink it.
It's just as simple as that.
All right.
-It's okay, buddy. -[chuckles]
Now, Richard, I have never seen meat
go into a liquor before
and I hope to never see it again.
I don't know what you're gonna do with this cocktail stuff
but that was a challenge.
Yeah. That's right. I know.
Well, I'm gonna say everybody still got
a horse in this race,
but I don't think it's a big secret,
Mike, you won that round.
All right.
And there might be more Secret Santa here.
[Mike] Uh-oh.
Y'all get to pick
-one of these presents each... -[sighs]
to help you make your cocktail.
The order we're gonna pick in is gonna be Mike,
Howard, then Richard.
All right, Mike. Come on up and grab one.
All right.
Since I won this round, I'm gonna take
the smallest package.
[Tickle] All right.
Good things come in little package.
-Exactly. That's right. -All right.
Howard, you're next.
-Well... -Get the bacon, Howard.
-Get the bacon. -I'm staying... Well, I am
because I'm staying with the same package
that I received the whole time.
[Tickle] Richard...
[Richard] Process of elimination.
here you go.
On the count of three,
all of you open your gifts.
One, two, three.
I got chocolate.
[Richard] Of course you did.
Of course you got chocolate.
-Why not? -I can make a cocktail now?
Richard, what did you get?
-Cinnamon. -[Mark] Cinnamon?
[Tickle] Good with cinnamon.
[Mark] That might help you.
[Richard] That might do something.
-It might. -Coal.
-[Mark] Coal? -I got coal.
I've been naughty for Christmas.
You're gonna have to start being better, Howard.
Santa don't like you at all.
I'm the naughtiest little elf around.
[laughs]
All right, fellas. Now that y'all got your presents,
you're gonna have one hour to make us the finest
Christmas cocktail that you ever had.
Come get your jars and your time starts now.
-I'mma need that whole... -Oh.
[Danielle] Oh. Oh.
Look at Howard. He trying to bust Richard's jar.
[Danielle] That might help him.
That might be the best thing going there.
-[Danielle] It could be. -[laughter]
I would have knocked your can over.
All the judges hated this drink.
They did not like it at all.
And you know what? I didn't like it either.
But I do what I had to do and it's not over with yet.
I have really high-proof alcohol
and I have cinnamon sticks.
[Danielle] I don't know about that cinnamon cat food though.
[Tickle] Yeah. Cinnamon cat food is gonna be rough.
[laughter]
But, no, we can't count Richard out.
-[Danielle] No. -There's a lot of high-proof
liquor in a...in a cocktail.
-That's what we want. -Mmm-hmm.
[Mark] If you ain't got no liquor, you ain't got it.
You're right. You might as well have a soda...
-Right. -you know?
[Richard] Mike, you're too quiet.
[Mike] I'm just over here melting my chocolate.
Oh, you're melting chocolate?
Well, I'm trying to melt my chocolate, right?
I've got a jar of chocolate.
Yes, I can use this stuff, man.
This is gonna go good for my cocktail.
Already got it up my sleeve
exactly what I'm gonna do for it.
What I'm interested in is
what are you putting into there?
I've used my walnut-infused alcohol,
caramel apple, cider spices,
sugar, then orange extract.
I've done some chocolate-covered cherries,
little slice of lemon and lime,
sugar spices on the top of the glasses.
I used pretty much everything I've had but very sparingly.
I feel pretty confident in my drink.
I'm gonna turn in a beautiful drink.
[Richard] Chocolate, spice, lime.
-Damn, that was a good idea. -So that's what your drink
-is gonna taste like? -Hopefully.
'Twas ten minutes before Christmas time
and I better be seeing some Christmas cocktails up here.
It's moonshine.
This is the worst ever.
This is hard times, sitting here
trying to think of what I can do
to make that bean smell and flavor go away.
I should garnish with coal at this point.
I would like to call this the L Cocktail,
because I'm about to lose.
I really screwed the pooch on this one.
[dramatic music playing]
I would like to call this the L Cocktail,
because I'm about to lose.
I'm under all this pressure from the first round.
I had to cover up that bean smell,
but then I get gifted coal.
[Richard] Those coals might be your saving grace.
They're gonna be, 'cause I'mma able to
filter this God-awful taste.
I can filter it with this coal.
I can use this to make my drink better.
And once I filtrate through this,
Lord knows that's gonna taste better than beans.
It's time to turn this coal into a diamond.
Look, he's throwing a cherry in there.
He gonna muddle the cherry up. That might be what it tastes.
You did say you take everything you have,
-throw it in it... -I would.
and cut the heat on.
What could you lose?
Oh, Lord have mercy.
We about to make some magic here.
Really?
A little lime, a little lemon.
Abracadabra.
Bada bing, bada boom.
How about you get you some room?
[Richard] What did you put in there?
[Howard] Anything but beans right now.
Everything but beans.
[laughs]
Richard, it is the Christmas season.
It is the time of giving.
If you need a little bit of my coal
to help with your soul, come on get some.
I mean, I don't mind sharing.
That's what Christmas is about.
-[Richard] I'm gonna need-- -[Howard] Help yourself.
Get what you need.
I've already washed and filtered it.
Now all you gotta do is just add it to your concoction.
Thank you, brother. I really need it.
Coal, in our business, is a good thing.
Gonna take all of the solid particles out.
Probably even improve the taste of it.
Oh, Lord, I'm sweating over here.
I'mma have to garnish this some.
We're gonna make it just look good.
I'mma have to beat Mike on that damn presentation.
That's... Mike's gonna...
-Look at him. -[Howard] Okay.
[Richard] Look, he's doing some little
-pretty stuff over there. -[Howard] Oh, hell, he is.
[Richard] Better homes and gardens type stuff.
[Danielle] Howard's coming through.
It looks like he's making a decent drink.
-That's purty too, ain't it? -It is. It is that.
[Mark] That looks like Christmas style.
It don't look like nothing
made out of a can of pork and beans, but...
-[Steven] Well, you know... -[laughs]
Well, y'all boys better step the game up over there.
I'm ready for the turn-in.
Not only am I gonna show you my bartending skills
but my waiting skills.
So y'all enjoy. One for you.
That sure looks better than can of beans.
One for the madam.
Here you go, Mr. Rogers. Enjoy.
Thank you.
Well, Howard, I will have to say,
to have started it out with beans,
that's a beautiful drink.
I hope you covered that smell up, all right?
Head on back to your station.
I'm so happy for my Christmas drink.
I think that I was able to take a potted meat moonshine
that no one could drink and turn it into a drink
that they actually appreciate drinking.
Mike, you ready?
-[Mike] Let's go together. -Let's go.
Come on.
[Danielle] Wow, look at that.
[Richard] Yeah, Mr. Rogers.
-[Mike] That's pretty. -[Richard] Mr. Tickle.
[Mark] Yeah, buddy.
-[Richard] Ms. Danielle. -[Danielle] Awesome.
-Thank you. -They're the prettiest drinks
I've ever seen.
-[laughs] -There you go.
-All right. -Begin.
[sighs]
This might go a whole lot different than anybody think.
All right, fellas.
I give y'all Christmas gifts
and y'all return the favor with Christmas cocktails.
We're gonna go try these things.
Y'all wait right here.
[upbeat music playing]
Well, Mark, Danielle,
all I can say is, wow,
this looks so much different than what we had
on our last tasting.
That's about the prettiest drinks
I ever seen right there.
Looks Christmas style, don't it?
Yes, it does.
I haven't even gotten that close to them yet
and I can tell you right now, they smell better already.
Well, good.
So what have we got here?
We've got Mike, all right?
He started out with a walnut-infused liquor.
If he went overboard,
he very possibly could have ruined
this absolutely beautiful drink.
So you won the judge's hearts at the get-go.
Me and Richard, we're just playing
catch-up at this point.
I got every one of those gifts by accident.
Just what I picked happened to be good stuff.
Ooh. She smells really good.
Smells very Christmassy.
It really does.
I taste a lot of cinnamon.
I do taste a lot of cinnamon in there.
Did he have cinnamon?
[Tickle] The cider spice
is where the cinnamon is coming...
[Danielle] Where the cinnamon... Yup.
But once again,
Christmas and cinnamon go hand in hand.
Well, it's the perfect thing to have for Christmas.
-It is. -If you like the hot ciders,
-you'll love that... -[Tickle] Mmm-hmm.
-'cause it's got... -Yes.
-Mmm-hmm. -some of that feel and smell
-and notes to it. -All I can taste is cinnamon.
I could do without the cinnamon...
-[Tickle] Mmm-hmm. -[Mark] Me too.
-'cause it's not my jam... -It might need.
-but, I mean... -Me being a cinnamon fan,
I kind of like it,
but the cinnamon is strong there.
-Mmm-hmm. -Let's look at Howard's.
Howard's got a purty drink.
That is a beautiful drink.
[Mark] Does that look like a can of beans to you?
That looks nothing like a can of beans to me.
-[laughs] -[Danielle] Not me either.
It smells way better.
It does. I get no beans in the smell.
Hmm. Well, I like that drink pretty good.
Thank you.
Listen, we started out with the worst
of the worst ingredients.
I am confident with what I just turned in.
I went from beans to bling.
I like the taste of this
-better than the cinnamon. -Mmm-hmm.
I agree with you. Absolutely.
[Mark] I mean, as far as tasting.
-It's stout. -Mmm-hmm.
-This is sweet. -How can you sweeten...
-Beans? -a jar of liquor
with a can of beans?
This is tremendous coming from what we started with.
Yeah. I can't believe
what he done with that right there.
He got the coal.
I think it may have saved him.
I know it saved him.
As we're all moonshiners here, we know that coal
is one of the best filters known to man.
Ain't no bean taste in there.
No bean taste nor no bean smell.
-[Danielle] Nope. -Nope.
I'm overimpressed with that.
I am too.
But, look, the bright side of everything,
whether it's the best or whether it ain't,
the drink this right here, you get up
and fart louder than anybody
-[indistinct] -[laughter]
-[Tickle] All right. -All right.
-Here we go. -Here we go.
Down to Richard's.
So I believe Richard got the worst shake of all.
-[Mark] I know he did. -He sure did.
Yeah.
And he started off strong too.
I thought, "Well, we can do something
with coffee and peppermints."
I think you can make that work.
-You can. -And Richard is a master
-when it comes to flavors. -[Danielle] Mmm-hmm.
I was real confident in what Richard had,
until he opened his dirty Santa present up, boy.
-And that was dirty. -[Tickle] That was canned ham.
That got him.
You put your meatloaf in there?
Yeah, I put that meatloaf in there, man.
[laughs]
[Richard] Yeah.
I could've just... [whistles]
but I wanna push it. I never used meat before.
I wanted to see what it could do.
Ooh.
Before, this drink smelled like cat food.
-It sure did. -In the last tasting.
I couldn't drink it, I'll tell you that.
-This... -Does not smell like cat food.
It smells like cinnamon
-and a pine tree. -Spicy. Yeah.
Boy, I ain't mad at that at all.
I'm getting the cinnamon, mint and rosemary.
Lord have mercy. That's a lot of difference.
-I mean, that's right. -That's a huge difference.
I know Howard improved on his drink...
-[Mark] Yeah. -this one was undrinkable.
-Oh, you couldn't drink it. -Absolutely.
-[Tickle] This... -There was no way
to drink this drink.
In the spirit of Christmas,
Howard looked at Richard and said,
"Do you need some of my coal?"
-Howard and Richard both... -[Danielle] Benefited.
benefited from getting coal for Christmas.
You can filter anything through coal.
He filtered cat food out of it.
[Danielle] He sure did.
That's a 180 out from what they brought us completely.
-[Mark] I agree. -Completely.
It's a Christmas miracle.
-Most definitely. -[Mark] I agree.
We definitely changed those.
[Howard] Oh, we changed the whole profile.
Yeah, the whole profile of it.
I know who my pick is. How about you guys?
We're all in agreement.
We know who we like.
I can't lie to you.
I really wanna drink all of them, though.
Yeah. We probably will.
[laughter]
We need to go let these boys know
and give them their real Christmas presents.
Who's the winner?
-Let's do it. -That's right.
Let's go do it.
Howard, tell us a Christmas story.
Well, let me tell y'all about the Christmas story
of the three blind mice.
One December day, there was three gentlemen
that came together.
They were looking for
the ultimate Christmas shine.
Little they know they left all their ingredients behind.
Therefore, they took what they had in their pocket
and they made a rocket.
Come together as three,
they made the best Christmas shine.
I like that. Wouldn't that be something
if we put all this together and just gave them one drink?
You can either go wrong or right at this point.
-[Richard] Yeah. -[laughs]
[upbeat music playing]
Well, gentlemen, we've had a chance
to taste your Christmas cocktails
and all I can say
is all-around fine job.
Mike, you were dealt the best hand here.
This is one fine Christmas cocktail.
It's a very festive Christmas color
and it's an all-around good drink.
-Thank you. -And is that a spiced
apple cider and salted caramel sugar going on with it?
-[Mike] That's exactly right. -Fine job.
Danielle, what are your thoughts?
I agree with everything Tickle said.
That is a great representation of a Christmas drink.
It smells like Christmas.
It looks wonderful.
Gorgeous presentation.
But it's a tad too heavy on the cinnamon and the sugar,
-but totally good drink. -Thank you.
[Mark] Mike, that's the prettiest drink
I ever seen right there.
-I appreciate that. -[Mark] I ain't kidding.
But what I think your drink tastes like, it was cinnamon.
And I like cinnamon.
That is a good drink, what you made.
Thank you, buddy.
Richard, nothing but amazing.
That's what this Christmas cocktail is.
I tasted your base spirit and that base spirit
-was not good at all. -Uh-uh.
But in true moonshiner fashion
and in true Christmas spirit fashion,
you worked with what you had,
and the outcome, nothing short of a Christmas miracle.
-Thank you. -Now, Richard,
I don't know how you got rid of that
cat food smell, but you did.
That is fantastic and I was shocked.
You totally impressed me with that.
-Thank you. -And, Richard,
I don't know anybody could take a can
of potted meat and make a drink of liquor
that tasty a can, but you did.
I couldn't have done it.
That first run you made
was about the worst of liquors
I've ever put in my mouth,
and I ain't kidding.
But you turned it around. You really done a good job.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Howard, what can I say about
this beautiful drink
other than it doesn't smell like me?
I mean, you were thrown a good hard curveball.
And while in our first challenge,
your drink, it had a good flavor to it,
well, it smelled like it'd make you fart.
Let's just say that, Howard.
That's what your drink smelled like.
-[laughs] -From boot to toot?
Yeah. But you did a fantastic job
of turning this around
into something that tastes as good as it looks.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Howard, you came in and just knocked it out
of the park with that.
I can't believe that was made with beans,
cranberry sauce, and a lump of coal.
-Amazing turnaround. -[chuckles]
-Thank you. -Super impressed.
-Thank you so much. -Mark, what do you think?
I think this boy right here now...
[laughter]
I've never seen nothing quite like it.
Who could take a can of beans
and make anything out of it besides eating?
And let me tell you something,
all the liquors I've ever drunk,
what you took it from and brought it too,
-good drinks even drunk. -Thank you, Mark.
That means the world.
Well, all three of you got me bumfuzzled
how you made this work because I don't think
I could've done it.
All three of y'all made
outstanding Christmas cocktails.
I wish you could all win
but there can only be one winner here.
And without further ado...
[tense music playing]
Howard, Merry Christmas.
What?
-Merry Christmas, Howard. -Merry Christmas.
Oh, my God. That looks like my Uncle Fuzzy.
[Mike] That is JB.
-JB. He likes it. -[Howard] Yeah.
[Mark] It is JB.
[Howard] It looks like JB in a box.
In a million years, I never thought
I came from this far from behind.
I mean, I literally started with beans.
You know what I mean? Working man's beans,
all the way to top shelf.
Winner, winner, Christmas dinner.
-God. -[Mike] Good job, brother.
-Merry Christmas. -[Richard] Good job.
It might be Christmas spirit, but we all deserve this.
Hold this, man. This is all three of us
-came from... -[Mark] Lord have mercy.
Wait a second. I think it's a nutcracker.
-[Richard] Yeah. -[laughs]
Well, why don't we do
what we're supposed to do at Christmas?
Let's all go have us a drink and have us a good time?
-Let's go. -Let's go.
[Tickle] Holly jolly good time.
[Mark] All right.
Hey, I'm already having a good time.
I've already been drinking.
[Tickle] Bet you are.
[Richard] You've been drinking?
[Mark] Yeah.
Danielle, you didn't drink it...
[Danielle] Did you already drink the rest of them?
[Mark] Well, I needed the rest of them...
[indistinct chatter]