GIRL 1: What?
BOY: Get it! Get it! Get it!
GIRL 2: You look good, girl!
(THUDS)
It's simple. All upper body.
Volunteers?
(SHOES SQUEAK)
And I choose you.
Ms. Swolinski, I have a notarized note excusing me from gym class.
(GRUNTS, SWALLOWS)
Now, note is excused from existing.
Take shoes off!
(ALL LAUGHING)
(GASPS)
In my country, these are beautiful.
What country is that? (CHUCKLES) Feetopia?
-(ALL LAUGHING) -Silence, infidels!
(LAUGHTER STOPS)
Don't you see this beautiful Sasquatch must take flight?
(SCREAMS) Mom and Dad are gonna sue you, Ms. Swolinski!
(SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(GROANS)
-Work those feet, girl. -Girl. Okay, LaCienega, go! Okay!
(ALL CHEERING)
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
(SINGING) The... Proud... Family... What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin' every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you more than anybody else
Every single day that I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one I love as much as you
-The family -The family
Proud family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family A proud, proud family
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family Proud, proud family
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
PENNY: Ms. Swolinski says she's gonna make you her star gymnast!
What do you expect? I'm the star of whatever I do, Proud.
(CHUCKLES) Yes, honey, you better know your worth.
-(PUNCHES LANDING) -(PEOPLE FIGHTING)
-What the... -MAN: No, no, no.
Hey, Dads, what's going on?
-(ALL GASP) -(AMBULANCE SIREN WAILING)
-What's the problem, Barry? -I'll tell you what the problem is.
You pulled off just as they were handing me my order at McWizard's.
Somebody owes me $2.99!
We've got a 10-91. That's... That's a, uh, cat in a tree.
(RUSTLING)
That's a kangaroo, Barry!
We don't have a code for kangaroos.
I found him inside the house going through the cupboards in our kitchen.
And when I confronted him, he punched me!
Good for him.
Poor thing.
People buy wild pets and when they prove to be wild,
they turn them loose.
He's just hungry.
Mm-hmm. Well, that makes two of us.
Be careful, Trudy. If that tail curls up, you better duck.
TRUDY: I know the big old bad man scared you. There you go.
(RETCHING)
Hmm?
(GRUNTS)
(GIRLS GASP)
Good googly goose fat! That's some janky jerky.
ALL: No, no, no...
(WHINES)
-(ROARS) -(ALL GASP)
(KANGAROO GRUNTING)
I knew this jerky wasn't janky! I just mis-named it.
Introducing Proud Snacks Kangaroo Jerky!
-(LAUGHS) -Well, what do you know?
Looks like you've got a new friend, Oscar.
-(BARRY LAUGHING) -(OSCAR GRUNTS)
He flipped down from that tree like you did in class, LaCienega.
-What did you do, mija? -Nothing.
"Nothing"? She was incredible!
Ms. Swolinski thinks she could make the Olympic gymnastics team. Tell 'em.
The Olympics? Did somebody say the Olympics?
Yeah, she said LaCienega is a natural born gymnast.
Well, you know, you got it from me. (CHUCKLES)
-You were a gymnast, Mom? -No, but I always wanted to be.
Well, my Randall here was a gymnast back in the day.
He was on his way to the Olympics until...
Barry, please, don't do that to me.
Nobody wants to hear that story. Don't tell it now.
You're too modest.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
BARRY: Randall was "the man."
The reigning two-time national champion, when the unthinkable happened.
He was performing a series of death-defying spins on the horizontal bars
-when he lost his grip and... -(RANDALL YELPS, THUDS)
(ALL GASP)
(SIRENS WAILING)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
And we've been happily together ever since.
Wow. That's unbelievable.
No! That's how we met.
Scout's honor, it was unfathomably romantic.
Oh, we believe that. We just don't believe that Kool Rock Ski here was a gymnast.
Don't let the plus-size fool you. Ow.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
MAYA: I've never seen you like that. MICHAEL: That was unbelievable.
Listen here, LaCienega, I work out every Saturday morning.
Why don't you join me? I'll give you a few tips.
Thank you, but I don't get up until 3:00...
We'll be there, Randall.
FEMALE DISPATCHER: All units. All units,
we have a 10-91 at the Wizard Kelly Plaza, y'all.
We've got another cat in a tree. Saddle up, Sunset.
I guess I better follow. It might be a tiger.
Hey, where's everybody going? Who's gonna take More Bounce to the Ounce?
(SIRENS WAILING)
KIDS: Bye!
Okay, Zapp. I guess it's just me and you.
-(ZAPP GRUNTS) -Hey!
Get your little arms off of me! Wait, Mama! (SCREAMS)
Hey, Trudy, where you going? What's for breakfast?
Oscar, we've already eaten.
Penny and I are going to LaCienega's workout with Randall.
-But who's going to feed me? -I don't know. Zapp?
(TRUDY AND PENNY LAUGHING)
-(SIZZLING) -Oh, wait a minute. I smell bacon.
(SNIFFS)
Suga Mama, you in here?
(ZAPP GRUNTS)
-SUGA MAMA: Oscar! -(BEBE AND CECE GIGGLING)
Get that glorified jackrabbit away from me!
I gave Puff some bacon, and look what he did to us!
(BEBE AND CECE CONTINUE GIGGLING)
(LAUGHING) I'm liking you more and more every day, Zapp. (CHOMPS)
Phew. (GRUNTING)
(BONES CRACKING)
(RANDALL YELLING)
(RANDALL EXHALES, COUGHS)
-(SCATTERED APPLAUSE) -Oh, my goodness.
It's been some time, and...
Ooh, my back. Is it... Oh, my goodness you're here.
Well, that was... that was just a warm-up. (LAUGHS)
Well, why don't you come over here, young lady?
Let me see what you got.
So, let's start with something simple, LaCienega.
Give me a little glide kip followed by a...
-Kip what? -No worries at all. I'll demonstrate.
-Whoo! Ooh, ah. (THUDS) -(BONES CRACKING)
(RANDALL GROANING)
(STRAINING) Well, hmm, do everything but that last part. (GROANS)
Okay.
MAYA: Whoo, that was fire, LaCi! DIJONAY: LaCienega, you aced that, girl.
Girl, I see gold in your future.
Olympic gold.
Stick with me, kid, and you'll become a household name like Laurie Hernandez.
It's gonna to take a lot of hard work, so you have to want it.
Do you, LaCienega? Do you want it?
-So, when you say hard work... -She wants it!
Okay, then.
-Olympics, here we come! -(GIRLS CHEER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Focus, LaCienega! Eye on the prize.
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(APPLAUSE)
(ALL GASP)
-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) -(NOTIFICATIONS CHIMING)
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
There's no texting in gymnastics, LaCienega!
(NOTIFICATIONS CHIMING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
-Remember. Keep it simple. -I am. I'm doing the Biles.
Oh? Oh, you are?
You know why they call it the Biles? Because she's the only one that can do it.
You want to be on that level,
you gonna have to focus a little bit more up in this piece.
Okay, then call it the Boulevardez, because only I can do this.
WOMAN: All right, okay.
(THUDS)
(ALL GASP)
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
-(APPLAUSE) -(WATCH TICKING)
You're late!
We had a meet and greet with LaCi's Posse.
"LaCi's Posse"? What? What? What is that?
FANS: LaCi's Posse!
Sorry, my fans mobbed me. What is a girl to do?
You got the zeroes. Who's a fan of that?
No one has ever gotten all zeroes.
-It's a thing. She's a legend. -(FANS CHEERING)
FANS: (CHANTING) LaCi's! LaCi's! LaCi's!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(CHEERING)
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING LOUDENS)
(CHEERING)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
What am I going to do with her?
FANS: (CHANTING) LaCi! LaCi! LaCi!
REPORTER: It's a new day in Smithville.
And, yes, it's all thanks to
LaCienega Boulevardez, a beautiful footcopter of hope.
PENNY: Go LaCienega! We love you! REPORTER: And that sums it up, Smithville.
I'm Vanessa Vue, and today, I actually like my job.
PENNY: LaCi! DIJONAY: LaCi!
Mm-mm-mm! Shrimp and grits. My favorite!
-You want some, Suga Mama? -Oh, son, don't mind if I do?
Psych! You can't have any!
-(ZAPP GROWLS) -(OSCAR LAUGHS)
Well, watch out now, Suga Mama. You don't want to get another black eye.
PENNY: Bye!
Where you going, baby girl? Where's your books?
Oscar, keep up. There's no school when LaCienega has a tournament.
Since when?
Since I got the school board to declare it an official holiday.
(FANS CHANTING ON CELL PHONE)
A holiday? Because a girl's got some big feet and she can do flips?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Come on, Penny. Let's go!
LaCi Posse! LaCi Posse! LaCi Posse!
(DOOR CLOSES)
Mm-mm-mm. Trudy done finally lost her mind.
-She even bought Puff a beanie. -(PUFF GRUMBLES)
Sad. Now, I see why she married you.
You're two of a kind. Just tragic.
You know what, Suga Mama?
You are right. Makes no sense that I'm not getting paid too.
Come on, Zapp, LaCienega's not the only one
who can make some money off of some big feet.
-Let's go! -SUGA MAMA: Hmm.
-(PUFF WHINES) -Puff.
We've done seen this before, huh? (CHUCKLES) It's about to get ugly.
(CROWD CHEERING)
FAN: LaCi, my girl!
WIZARD: Now, in conclusion, y'all, a 360 deal isn't just
the degrees in one of Ms. Boulevardez's flippity spins,
but the number of ways the Wizard will profit...
Oops. I said the quiet part out loud.
Why should we make a deal with you?
Once we make the Olympic Team, we'll get ten times this, okay?
WIZARD: Well, you know what they say.
Bird in the hand is worth more than what y'all got now, y'all.
-He's got a point. -PENNY: Give me that.
Hey, y'all. We sold out everything, y'all!
Even those Proud Snacks Mr. Proud dumped on us.
You sold my daddy's snacks?
Don't call us, we'll call you, Wiz.
(SCOFFS) Okay. Here the Wizard thought LaCi's Posse was ready to get flossy,
but your hubris has made you sloppy.
Just like your daddy, Penny Proud.
Okay, LaCienega, that dismount was shaky at best.
So what? I won.
Listen, if you do that mess at our next meet,
we won't be invited to the Olympic Trials.
They won't even let us buy a ticket.
You're gonna be with LaCi's Posse back in Smithville realness.
"We?" "We" aren't getting invited anywhere, Uncle Randy.
Mm-hmm. I see you, okay.
But "we" are definitely practicing every day this week,
so you can leave your posse at home.
Excuse me, that's a problem.
I've got LaCienega booked solid for personal appearances.
How are we supposed to do all of that and practice?
(MOCKINGLY) We, we, we...
Oh, gosh.
Are we speaking French now?
LaCienega, I've got the foster kids. They're here for a meet and greet.
No, Maya, she's got a TV interview.
It's okay, Penny, I always have time for my fans.
(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING, LAUGHING)
(GROUP CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Okay. That's enough, LaCienega. We gotta go.
It's bad enough that we missed practice.
Now, we're gonna be late for the tournament.
Practice? We're talking about practice? Why do you think I practice, Penny?
I don't know. To win tournaments?
Wrong. This is what I practice for.
ALL: We love you, LaCienega!
I love you more! Oh!
Too much love! Too much love! Too much!
Okay, back up! Stop it! Relax, everyone!
-(ZAPP GROWLING) -Zapp, come back here!
LACIENEGA: Oh, whoa. Wait a minute! Oh.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Wait a minute! What are you doing?
OSCAR: Hey, where are you all going with my kangaroo?
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
-Where could she be? -We looked everywhere, y'all. Nothing.
Oh. Did you... Did you check the mall?
That was the first place we went to, Ms. Boulevardez.
All the years of training and pain it took to get to this point!
And she's about to blow it.
-LaCienega or you? -Stay out of it, Felix.
ANNOUNCER: Next on the vault, LaCienega Boulevardez.
Oh, no, what do we do?
It's happening again!
(TREMBLING, THUDS)
BARRY: Randy?
What happened?
You went to that dark place again.
(LOUD THUDDING)
OSCAR: Whoa!
(OSCAR GROANS, WHIMPERS)
Hey, we here!
LaCienega, they just called my name... I mean, your name.
Where have you been? (SPEAKS SPANISH)
Relax, Mom. I had a mall appearance.
What? It's a big mall!
Listen, that's not important.
You're here now but you need a perfect 10 to make the trials. No pressure.
Everybody fall back, I got this.
-Uh, aren't you gonna change? -Yeah...
the game.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
ANNOUNCER: Here we go.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -ANNOUNCER: She does it!
Let's cut to the judges.
A perfect 10!
GIRLS: We're going to the trials! We're going to the trials!
ANNOUNCER: This is amazing.
(TRIUMPHANT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, Gabby, these Olympic Trials were supposed to be
LaCienega Boulevardez's coming out party.
But it hasn't quite turned out that way.
She's currently number nine on the leaderboard.
GABBY: That's right, Dominique.
And making the team at this point is going to be a long, long, long shot.
And she has to beat none other than my former Olympic teammate,
and gold medalist, Laurie Hernandez.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
A perfect 10! My girl, the Human Emoji, has done it again.
It's time to fly, baby. This is it, you ready?
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
(CHEERING AND GASPING)
-(THUDS) -(AUDIENCE GASPS)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
GABBY: Unbelievable!
A perfect 11?
No one has ever done this before!
LaCienega Boulevardez is going to the Olympics!
FANS: (CHANTING) LaCi! LaCi! LaCi!
(EXPLODES)
(SINGING) We're going to the Olympics We're going to the Olympics
Vanessa, I've dreamed of this day since I was a little girl.
It's been tough coming back from that injury, but I did it.
Everybody ain't able. Y'all know that's the truth.
I'm finally going to the Olympics!
WIZARD: Well, well, well, Ms. LaCienega Boulevardez,
the Wizard is here with some humble cake.
Looks like your little bet paid off.
Not to worry,
I also brought a generously-revised,
nine-figure, ambiguously-worded contract, y'all.
What are you doing here, Moji?
Well, this is the team locker room.
Not anymore. It's a new day. And there's a new queen in town.
Uh, says who?
Says this nine-figure, yet ambiguously-worded contract.
Nine figures, seriously? You just got here.
And you're just leaving, Baby Shakira. Security!
-(THUDS) -(ZAPP GROWLS)
Ms. Emoji, please step away from the superstar.
-(GASPS) JoJo! -(JOJO COOS)
BOTH: JoJo?
Excuse me, ma'am, could you kindly remove your arms from my kangaroo
so he can cruelly backflip you out of here, Mandalorian-style?
No, this is my JoJo.
He was a gift from the prime minister of Australia.
I've been looking all over for him. My cutie. Oh.
Well, that might be true, Jenny From the Block,
but here, it's America first.
-Let me go! -(JOJO GROWLS)
(GRUNTING)
-(CRASHES) -LACIENEGA: Ow!
Ugh! Look what you did!
-(LACIENEGA GASPS) -(OSCAR WHINES)
Somebody just hit the Wizard's billion-dollar face!
-It's food fight, y'all! -(GIRLS GASP)
(GRUNTS)
(ALL GRUNTING)
(LAUGHS)
Ha-ha! Sucker! You missed! (GRUNTS)
Hey, I'm paying for that! (GRUNTING)
(SCREAMING)
(THUDS)
My leg! My leg! My leg!
Oh! My leg! My leg!
Well, that's it. No Olympics.
Don't despair, Penny. There's always the next Olympics.
No, I'll heal up in no time!
Look, doesn't hurt at all. Look, it's fine! Fine!
-Walking, walking, walking. Jumping. -Stop it! Stop dreaming.
I was never the same after my injury. It is over. (CRYING)
Well, at least we signed that nine-figure,
yet ambiguously-worded contract with Wizard Kelly.
-Shh! Look! -(NEWS INTRO MUSIC ON TV)
Well, I want you and all of Smithville to know
that in spite of today's unfortunate events,
Wizard Kelly and his many enterprises remains committed to women's sports.
So I'm here to announce the signing of
a nine-figure, yet ambiguously-worded contract,
with one of gymnastics' biggest stars, y'all.
He's talking about me! He's talking about me!
Laurie Hernandez, y'all.
And to LaCienega Boulevardez, estas despedida.
That means, "you're fired", y'all!
Sorry, baby girl, that's just how the femur crumbles.
-This is all your fault, Penny Proud! -Me? What did I do?
You hired your daddy and that giant rat!
Her daddy and that kangaroo weren't the ones slinging cake!
You threw the first slice, Flipper!
Don't you talk about my daughter, you Icy Hot has-been!
Well, she wouldn't have made it to the trials without my Randy
you never-have-been!
-This whole thing... -I wanted it to be...
(ALL ARGUING)
-RANDALL: Enough of this foolishness! -(BLOWS WHISTLE)
TRUDY: Randy made it all about him.
(ARGUING STOPS)
I've been sitting by while this whole dang town
lost its mind over this little girl just because she can do some flips.
Lying, cheating, looking the other way just so you could puff up your chests
and feel better about your miserable little lives.
-Tell them what they need to hear, Mama! -You be quiet.
You're just as bad as everybody else, boy.
Thank you, Suga Mama.
Oh, hush up, girl. You're lucky I'm not your grandma.
You wouldn't be able to sit down right now.
And you're just as guilty as they are.
Your head got bigger than them big old feet you got.
But at the end of the day,
I can't blame you, you're just a child.
The rest of you so-called grown-ups should have known better.
So, stop feeling sorry for your pitiful selves.
I'm glad it's over.
Maybe now, you'll start acting like you got some daggum sense.
(DOOR SLAMS)
Suga Mama's right. We should all be ashamed of ourselves.
Sorry, LaCienega, we really let you down.
I owe you an apology, LaCienega.
I realize I was using you to finish some unfinished business for myself.
I shouldn't have done that.
I guess we all got too caught up in the attention, the power.
I know I did.
But, hey, it was fun while it lasted. I came up.
I got 200,000 Hollagram followers!
I mean. I'm sorry, too.
I can't believe we exploited you like that.
Even though I did it for good. I was doing it for our people...
In retrospect, we failed you,
we failed each other, we failed the community,
-we failed humanity... -PENNY: Okay,
we get the point, Zoey. Come on!
LaCienega, can you forgive me?
I was trying to fulfill my own dreams through you, mi corazon. (CLICKS TONGUE)
(SIGHS) I'm so sorry. (KISSES)
Man, I'm glad those Debbie Downers are gone.
Now that Wizard Kelly and that blocker, Penny, are out the picture,
you and I can finally make a deal.
TRUDY: Come on, Oscar. OSCAR: Ow!
OSCAR: Trudy, wait! She was about to sign.
VANESSA: Life continues in Smithville
regardless of the epic fail of LaCienega Boulevardez.
Despite not basking in the glory of being an Olympian hometown,
the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west.
But what's undeniably missing is the joy in between.
Was our collective demise inevitable once we placed all our hopes and dreams
into one immature, selfish, self-centered teenage basket?
(INHALES SHARPLY) Of course it was. A bitter pill to swallow indeed.
But life carries on.
Just not for us, Smithville.
I'm Vanessa Vue, and once again, I'm looking for a job.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK, THUDS)
Just swing back and forth, back and forth.
Feel the rhythm of your body. Now, let go.
-(BOTH GASP) -(GASPS)
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)