Mmm.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Hmm!
(BARKING)
Oh, baby, I just love walking with you.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHS)
-Give Suga Mama some sugar, Papi. -(GULPS)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHS)
(GROANS)
(PURRS)
(EXCLAIMS)
The... Proud... Family... What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin' every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you more than anybody else
Every single day that I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one I love as much as you
-The family -The family
Proud family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family A proud, proud family
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family Proud, proud family
MAN: (SINGING) Who's that man with the gavel in his hand?
CHORUS: Judge Byrd
MAN: Oh, that's one bad...
CHORUS: Objection overruled!
MAN: I'm talkin' about the judge
-You know what I'm sayin' -That's right!
Don't come up in his courtroom lyin' and playin'
-That's Judge Byrd -CHORUS: Judge Byrd
MAN: The judge that don't take no mess
CHORUS: Judge Byrd
MAN: He'll put the prosecution to rest
CHORUS: Judge Byrd
MAN: You better have the perfect defense
-Wow! -'Cause in his court of law
You're guilty until innocent
CHORUS: Judge Byrd
So you expect me to believe that somebody comes into your house,
installs a big -screen TV on your wall,
shows you how to use it,
and now you claim that you didn't order it?
You are a dodo. Judgment for the plaintiff.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -(SCREECHES)
Ooh! I love me some Judge Byrd. That boy don't play.
(CHUCKLES) She looks just like you, Mama.
-SUGA MAMA: Dodo! -Argh!
Don't mess with me when I'm watching Judge Byrd.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
OSCAR: Suga Mama, for once...
Hey, Felix. Come on in.
Wait. What's with all the little cute little puppies?
Look at you. Look at these little things.
Where did you get them?
I'm glad you like 'em. 'Cause they're yours.
Or should I say, Puff's.
Huh?
You talking to the wrong person. Suga Mama!
What do you want, boy?
Felix brought something. You and Puff got child support.
Hmm?
Boy, will you stop jibber-jabberin' and make some sense?
Those are Puff and La Lupe's love puppies.
There must be some mistake.
White and brown don't make blue.
There's no way these are Puff's babies. Isn't that right, Puff?
There. See what I told you?
Puff don't know nothin' about that.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHS)
This ain't no time for sweet talk, Papi.
He said you're lying.
Ow! Why'd you do that?
Because my papi would never say anything like that about me. Right, Papi?
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHS)
I understood that English, Papi. Now take it back.
-No. -Take it back, Papi.
I don't want to hurt you.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHS)
-Ow! -Ow!
Oscar, you better get your mama.
OSCAR: Get your daddy under control, Felix!
Get your mama under control, Oscar.
-You wanna play the dozens? -No!
I want you to take these puppies. Here.
No, I'm not taking these puppies anywhere, and there's nothing you can do about it.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah!
-(FELIX SCREAMS) -(GASPS)
Oscar, what was that about?
Felix tried to dump some foster puppies on us.
We took care of him. Right, Suga Mama?
Ha! We sure did.
(PUPPIES BARKING)
What in the mercy?
Felix! Come and get these mutts.
I'm not feedin' them.
-(GASPS) -(PAPI CACKLES)
(PUPPIES BARKING)
Wow, Michael.
I can't believe I'm actually interning at Teen Rogue!
Oh, trust me, baby girl.
The hard-to-believe part has yet to begin.
Here's your desk.
What happened to her assistant?
-Oh, they quit. -They who?
Me, boo. Bye.
And don't forget, you're 18.
She hates kids.
And everybody else.
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
WOMAN: Hello? Whatever your name is. Get in here, now.
No, girl, please. (LAUGHS)
That's not happening.
And you're fired.
(SNIFFING)
Who are you? Where's the other one?
Uh, Michael?
I think he quit.
WOMAN: Uh, yes. Accounting.
-Yes? -Put a stop on... What was his name?
-Michael. -Michael's check.
But he doesn't get one.
I don't care if he doesn't get one. Cancel it anyway.
Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry. Of course.
Make me a half-sweet, half-caff, grande skinny mocha latte, no foam,
and then...
Ugh. Go change.
That burgundy cardigan is so 2001.
Change into what?
What am I, your mother? Figure it out.
Miss Rogue, I just want to say how honored I am to be working with you.
Let me stop you.
You don't work with me.
You work for me.
Now get out, whatever your name is.
It's Penny. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Don't ever correct me again. Are we clear?
ASSISTANT: Amanda, line one.
(SCREAMS)
What is this?
Mama! Daddy! Where these puppies come from?
Oscar, please.
Just let me take these puppies to Fur Babies.
They'll find a home for them in no time.
Oh, no worries.
We about to take these puppies home.
You ready, Mama?
Let's ride, son.
Oscar, what are you doing?
Taking care of business.
By the way, that porcupine you had in this cage?
That brother gone.
Argh! Trudy!
Suga Mama!
(GRUNTS)
-Shut up, boy. -(STRUGGLES)
I ain't that heavy. Stop acting like a fool.
(SCREAMS)
Why didn't you do that to begin with?
-Mama! -(CRASHES)
First word.
Two syllables.
I don't understand.
What you doin', boy? We wastin' time.
(SCREAMING)
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
Mama!
(SCREAMS)
-(DOOR OPENS) -SUGA MAMA: Come on, son!
OSCAR: Whoo! Piece of cake!
(HORN HONKS)
FELIX: LaCienega!
Did you order Wizney Plus?
Tired of giving that man my money.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CACKLES)
So you wanna play hardball, Oscar?
Game on.
Let's go, Papi.
Let's dunk on these fools.
(CACKLES)
(BOTH LAUGH)
Here's to no more puppies, Suga Mama.
Ha! Gotta admit it. I think you're right, son.
Sun? Let me get that umbrella for you.
No, no, no. I'm talkin' about you, son.
Me?
(SNIFFLING) Can I kiss you?
-No. -Can I hug you?
-No. -High five?
Oh, boy.
You know I'm messin' with you. Of course.
(BOTH LAUGH)
What are you two laughing about?
(CHUCKLES) I told you we would get rid of the puppies.
(EXPLOSION BURSTS)
(PUPPIES WHINING)
(PHONE RINGS)
(LAUGHING)
You know what this means, right, son?
Yeah, Mama. This is war.
(GASPS)
(LAUGHING)
(SCREAMS)
That's it! I've had it, Felix.
This has got to end.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello, family.
Yeah, girl. I'll call you back.
Oscar, that was Sunset.
You and Felix have taken this whole puppy thing way too far.
No, madame. Felix has taken it too far.
Oscar, when is this going to end?
As far as I'm concerned, it's done.
Over. Finito.
As in, no more.
Yeah, you can stick a fork in Felix and Papi, too.
He's still fine, though.
(PUPPIES BARKING)
I can't believe it!
Felix got me for my Colonel Crunch.
They got the Crunch, too?
Oh, it's on now.
Would you guys please just let me take the puppies to Fur Baby?
No way! That would be admittin' we're wrong.
And a true Proud never admits that they wrong.
Whether they are or not.
TRUDY: I won't be here to watch them.
I've got appointments all over town.
That's okay. That's why we had kids.
Penny can watch 'em when she's home.
Uh-uh. I've gotta go to work after school.
Work? Is that why you're dressed like that?
Yep.
Did I pay for it?
Nope. I got it outta Mama's closet.
How much they payin' you?
-They're not payin' me. -Well, that's not work. That's charity.
You the sucker MC. (CHUCKLES)
PENNY: I told you, Daddy. It's an internship.
And I can't take puppies to the office.
Why can't Mom do it? She's a vet.
What did you say, young lady?
Uh... Never mind. I love puppies.
Come on, Mama. Let's roll.
I'm right behind you, son.
Ride or die.
TRUDY: What are you gonna do now?
We're gonna hit heavy B in the diddly-diddly B.
Okay, please don't make any noise.
Please.
Come on, y'all. I'm not supposed to have you in here.
TALIA: You, get in here, now.
Huh. I see someone did a little shopping.
Yes, I did.
In your mother's closet.
I don't know. Maybe.
At least it's not burgundy.
Look, Quarter... Whatever your name is,
I need you to set up a meeting with the Head of Marketing,
cancel the meeting with HR.
Confirm my lunch appointment with Solange.
Steam my jacket. Color coordinate my heels.
Reply to all of my e-mails with "Reply All."
I know how they hate that.
Oh, and water my roses, but only use rose water.
-They don't drink tap. -(YELPS)
What was that?
Oh, girl.
That was just my stomach.
I'm hungry.
Then turn it down.
(WHINES)
That's not your stomach. I know the sounds of hungry assistants.
That's not it.
(PUPPIES WHINING)
-(GASPS) -Miss Rogue, I can explain.
I cannot believe
you did your homework and found out I'm a dog person.
They're so cute, and they're electric blue! I love them.
Wait. So you're not mad that I brought them here?
No!
Why would I be mad that you brought these cutie wootie babies to me?
But I am mad that you've got them cramped up in this little bitty office.
This is not good enough for you, is it?
No, it's not. No, it's not.
I'm giving you a bigger office.
You're giving me a bigger office?
No, of course not.
I'm giving the puppies a bigger office.
But I guess you'll have to be there, too, I suppose.
Wow! Thank you so much, Talia.
I mean, I mean, Miss Rogue.
Don't touch the Balenciaga.
Oh, no, no, no.
I wasn't gonna touch.
Just stretchin' my arms. You know, close to you.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
What do you two want now?
We've got something for your behind, my good man.
You, too, Papi.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
-(PAPI CACKLES) -FELIX: What? Hold up.
You're suin' us?
That's right. On Byrd's Court.
You a dodo.
-Mmm. -(GROWLS)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CACKLES)
WOMAN: Judge Byrd
ANNOUNCER: On today's session of Byrd's Court,
the plaintiffs, Oscar Proud and his grandmother...
Excuse me, I'm his mama.
Correction. His mama.
Plaintiffs accuse the defendants of causing them mental distress
and bodily harm after the defendants attacked their backyard
with tiny blue puppy bombs.
The defendants, Felix Boulevardez and his father Papi,
claim they were just returning the puppies to their rightful owner,
since the plaintiffs' playboy poodle is the puppy daddy.
In the case of Puff Daddy and The Notorious P-U-Ps.
All rise.
(CHUCKLES)
WOMAN: Judge Byrd
You may be seated.
Okay, I've been looking over this case,
and I've got to say that this is the dumbest case,
-the dumbest case I've ever heard of. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
I don't... I can't believe this.
Byrd! Judge, Judge, Judge, Judge Byrd. Judge Byrd!
This better be important, ma'am.
Or there will be consequences.
More than likely, jail time.
Wait, now, Judge Byrd, I just wanna say that I watch your show every day.
And that you are the finest, most handsomest man on TV.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
Case closed. I rule in favor of the plaintiffs.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
Hey! I didn't get a chance to tell you how cute you are,
and how good you look in that black robe, Judge.
You're not my type.
You, my friend,
are a dodo.
What the...
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CACKLES)
Don't you know dodos don't fly, dummy? (CHUCKLES)
This ain't over, Oscar.
I'm taking you back to court. (SQUAWKS)
(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING SPANISH)
-(LATIN MUSIC PLAYING) -(SINGING IN SPANISH)
What is this, karaoke court?
She sound like a cow giving birth.
-(RECORD SCRATCHES) -(AUDIENCE GASPS)
Uh-oh. You shouldn't have said that, boy.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
-(GAVEL BANGING) -(AUDIENCE GASPS)
(LAUGHS)
What's goin' on? What is she sayin'?
Why's everyone puttin' on earmuffs?
(HORN BLARING LOUDLY)
TALIA: Come here. Get on Mama's lap.
That's a good baby. Who's a good... (LAUGHING)
It's in my mouth...
(SIGHS)
Penny. That's your name, right?
Meet Connie. She's going to be taking over your job.
What? My job?
Whatever it is I did wrong, I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to do it. I know the hugging was a bit much,
but I've been doing everything you asked!
Yes, you have.
And these little darlings have made me extremely happy,
which is why I'm moving you over to Editorial.
Wait. Hold on. You're promoting me to a paid job?
No, girl, please.
You'll be a non-paid intern for our photoshoots.
But you will be in close proximity to all of our celebrity clientele.
You have a problem with that?
Oh, no, I don't. Of course not!
That is amazing. Thank you so much, Talia!
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, yeah.
There's just one condition.
Girl, no problem! I will drop out of school.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, no.
Then I would have to pay you, silly.
No, you've gotta leave these little cuties in my office while I work.
Do we have a deal?
Yes, girl! They really love you, and so do I.
And I love them.
I do. I love 'em. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
(SNORING)
Oscar, please. No more. This has gone on too long.
Don't worry, Trudy. This is it, I promise.
Me and Felix have agreed.
That's right. And we took our case all the way up to the Supreme Court
of TV shows!
And what show is that?
Who's The Daddy? with Maury.
And whoever wins, wins.
Come on, Suga Mama! And the alleged puppy papi.
-(CROWD CLAMORING) -I told you! I told you! I knew it!
We'll be back, right after this.
Hey, Mom! I've got to go change for work.
Where are the puppies?
They're with your father, Suga Mama, and Puff.
On Who's The Daddy? with Maury.
Why are they on that stupid show?
To determine if Puff is the puppy daddy.
Either way, those poor little cuties are gonna end up at Fur Babies tonight.
They can't do that!
I'm surprised you care, Penny.
You were complaining about watching them.
No! No, no, no, you don't understand.
Talia loves those little puppies, and I love them even more!
They're the only reason I got promoted.
We've heard from Suga Mama, we've heard from Papi.
We've heard from La Lupe and Puff,
thanks to our canine translator.
And we've seen the adorable pictures.
Now, it's time to hear the truth.
I have in my hand the DNA results.
(CROWD GASPS)
In the case
of the electric blue puppies...
Puff...
You are not the father.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(OSCAR LAUGHS)
-La Lupe! -Sucker!
I told you my Puff wasn't no puppy daddy!
Come on!
OSCAR: Yeah! Yeah! Go Puff!
La Lupe!
Come back, come back.
It's gonna be okay!
Oh, man!
I'm gonna have to find another non-paying job.
Oscar, where's Penny?
I don't know.
I thought she was saying goodbye to the puppies.
Yeah, she volunteered to take 'em down to Fur Babies for me.
What's the big deal, Felix?
This is the big deal!
LaCienega was online, and she found this.
OSCAR: Those puppies are worth 50,000 a pop?
Yep! Those electric blue samoodles come once in a blue moon.
Where have you been, Penny?
I took the puppies to their new home.
What new home? Not Fur Babies.
'Cause I called them and they told me you never got there.
I gave them to a loving, nurturing family.
None of you guys wanted the puppies. What's the big deal?
What's the big deal? This is the big deal.
Fifty racks a pup?
MAN: (SINGING) Who's that man with the gavel in his hand?
CHORUS: Judge Byrd!
ANNOUNCER: On this episode of Byrd's Court,
the plaintiffs, Oscar Proud and Felix Boulevardez,
charge the defendants with dognapping their $50,000 puppies
in the case of the Electric Blue Jackpot.
This is a big deal.
(SOBBING)
Papi, I'm sorry I got mad at you and almost split your forehead.
But I knew we wouldn't let this
whole puppy misunderstanding tear us apart.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CACKLES)
Pinky promise me we'll never let anything come between us, ever again.
(CACKLES)
Huh?
(EXCLAIMS)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)