PENNY: Wow. Aren't we cute?
This is when it all started.
Every year, since we were little kids,
we would all get together and dress up as our favorite princess.
It was so fun! My parents would go all out!
Well, not my dad. But my mom went all the way in!
It made us feel so special!
It was my very favorite part of growing up and I never wanted it to end.
Until last week, when everything changed.
(SINGING) The... Proud... Family... What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin' every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you more than anybody else
Every single day that I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one I love as much as you
-The family -The family
Proud family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family A proud, proud family
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family Proud, proud family
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
(PHONES CHIMING)
Hey, why is everybody glued to their phone?
We're always glued to our phones.
No, absolutely everyone is on their phone.
Girl, Noah Barker is transferring to our school.
Noah Barker from Odder Things? I love that show! He is so cute!
Oh! Dijonay, what is that in your potatoes?
Zang, I have to stop letting Paprika do my hair.
Shh! We're trying to watch Noah Barker's interview.
INTERVIEWER: So, tell me, Noah... STUDENT: Y'all shut up!
Why would such a terrifically talented and handsome teen star like you
want to transfer to such a passé,
pedestrian public school like Willy T. Ribbs?
Vanessa, I don't see passé. I see normal, and I want to do normal things.
You know, I wanna eat normal cafeteria food,
I wanna get detention like a normal student.
I wanna go to the Valentine's Day dance with a perfectly normal girl.
(GIRLS SWOON)
(GIRLS SCREAM)
-(OBJECTS CLATTER) -(CAT SCREECHES)
Hold on. I'm gonna need a new dress 'cause I know he's picking me.
He's definitely picking me. We're gonna be the next power couple.
Like Ciara and Russell. Cardi B and On-and-Offset.
Oh, please, LaCienega.
He said he's looking for a normal girl. Not a thirsty clout-chaser.
You'll be clout-chasing our private jet.
-(GIRLS LAUGHING) -Oh, snap!
You guys hear about that kid from Dumber Things?
It's "Odder Things." And can you believe it?
He's gonna ask a lucky girl out to the Valentine's dance!
You know, you say that like you hope to be that lucky girl.
Aw, thanks, Kareem, for understanding.
(CHUCKLES) You walked right into that one, Kareem.
My girl already knows she lucky, ain't that right, Dijo-bae?
I'll be lucky if you transfer back to your old school. Boy, bye!
(LAUGHING)
(CROWD GASPING AND MURMURING)
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
(SCREAMS) It's Noah Barker!
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
(SWEET VOICE) Children. (SPUTTERS) Children.
(HARSH VOICE) I said, "Settle down, you future border guards!"
Thank you. Now, I'd like you all to meet
our newest student, Noah Barker!
-Hello, everybody. -ALL: Hello, Noah!
-I love you, Noah! -(OTHERS CLAMORING)
I love you, too.
(SWOONS)
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
Hey. I'm Noah. What's your name, girl?
Hi, I'm LaCienega Boulevardez.
-And I'm Penny Proud. -And I'm Michael Collins, AKA The Baddest.
And I'm Dijonay Barker. (CHUCKLES) I mean, Jones.
Sorry, but I was talking to her.
(OTHERS GASP)
Hey.
No worries. I'll get outta your way. I was just leaving.
No. You are absolutely beautiful.
And I'd be honored if you would accompany me to the Valentine's Day dance.
(ALL GASP)
Okay, Borat. You can take off the mask.
No. This is me. I'm real.
And what I'm feeling is even real-er. So, what do you say?
(SPUTTERS) I would love to.
(NOAH CHUCKLES)
That was just unexpected.
Not really. The way I hear, Noah's only into white girls.
ALL: What?
TRUDY: I'm so excited about the Princess Party!
You're going to have the prettiest dress this year. You'll see.
But what about the dress I showed you on Wiz Prime?
You got Wiz Prime money?
No, but my daddy does. (SHRIEKS)
Stick her again for me, Trudy.
-(OSCAR YELLING INDISTINCTLY) -Suga, hurry up! We're gonna miss our bus.
Yeah, what are you still doing here, Ma?
Thought you'd be in Wiz Vegas and broke by now. (CHUCKLES)
-SUGA MAMA: Oh, hush. -(YELLS)
You know I can't go anywhere without my lucky dentures.
They weren't lucky for the dog you got 'em from. That's for sure. (SCREAMING)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
Penny. What's wrong?
Honey, if you don't like this dress, I can make you another one.
No, it's not that.
Then what is it? Come on, I know when something's bothering you.
-It's about this boy. -Wait a minute! Did Kareem do something?
Where does he live? I ain't afraid to go to Wizcatraz!
No, Daddy. It's not Kareem.
It's a hypothetical boy.
Well, just remember this, young lady.
Your hypothetical daddy won't let you date either.
Oscar. What about this hypothetical boy, Penny?
Well, what if you like this boy,
but he only likes
a certain type of girl?
What type of girl are you talking about?
No, no, no, it's not what you think, Mama. It's the type of girl I could never be.
Well, you can only be who you are, baby. So, maybe he's not the right boy.
But what if one of your best friends is that type of girl?
That's the problem with you kids today. You're some-timey friends.
Now, me and Celia, we would never let a man come between us. Ever.
That's right. Sisters before misters.
(EXCLAIMS IN JOY) Found my teeth. Right where I left 'em.
Come on, Celia. We're about to miss the fun bus.
Don't you mean the happy hearse? (YELLS)
SUGA MAMA: Thank you, son.
This'll be enough for me to play that penny slot for about a minute. (CACKLES)
(LAPTOP BEEPS)
Hey, y'all. What's up?
We need to talk about that little incident in the cafeteria today.
When your tracks fell into your mashed potatoes?
Girl, you'll be okay. Hair is protein.
No! You know what I'm talking about, Penny. Noah only dating white girls.
Yeah. No chocolate, no caramel, no sprinkles, no nothing.
Don't act like you didn't feel some type of way, Proud.
Yeah. What's wrong with us?
Girl, we do not have enough time for that conversation.
Oh. You're right. Bye!
Look, there is nothing wrong with you. Or any of us. He just likes Zoey.
Because she's white. Right, Maya?
My cousin lives down the street from him
and says he only goes out with the vanilla.
That's not Zoey's fault.
Besides, we don't know that's true just because your cousin says so.
He could be dating Zoey for Zoey. Have you guys ever thought about that?
What I do know is, we voted.
And Becky with the red hair is officially uninvited to the Princess Party.
Who's that?
(GRUNTS)
Zoey?
Yep. Becky with the red hair.
And I whoop!
(SHEEPISHLY) Hey.
SLOT MACHINE: Sorry, you lose.
Son-of-a-Billie-Holiday! This machine is rigged.
Papi, give me more money.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Bah.
Thank you, baby. (CHUCKLES)
-(BELL RINGING) -(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
(COINS CLINKING)
What's going on here?
-Celia is making everybody rich. -Ooh, yeah, girl! She on a hot streak.
CROWD: Go, Celia! Go, Celia!
You know you ain't allowed to rig these machines, right?
I didn't rig anything, Suga. I'm just lucky.
Have been ever since I was two. Give me a coin, I'll win you some money.
No, Celia. Can't you see? I just got one left.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHS)
-(SLOT MACHINE BEEPING) -(COINS CLINKING)
Come on, Papi. Let's make some bank.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHS)
But that's my jackpot, Papi. She used the coin you gave me.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHS)
So, it's like that, Papi, huh?
Celia's not the only one that can hit a jackpot. I can feel it, Puff.
Come on, now. Mama needs a brand-new everything.
(SLOT MACHINE BEEPING)
OSCAR'S VOICE: Looks like you got three Oscars.
And I'm not talking about the Academy Awards, y'all. You lose.
(LAUGHING)
Trudy, why have I always got to be the court jester?
Because you're too cheap to buy a new costume.
(GROANS) Speaking of which,
this little Princess Party is more expensive than our wedding!
Your daddy ain't paying for it.
Oh, stop complaining, Oscar. You're doing this for your daughter.
PENNY: Hey, family!
Oscar. Look at our gorgeous baby.
Do the song!
(SINGING) She's yo' princess to be
Princess Penny Princess of perfection
And she won't have any emotion Or none of that coming her direction
No, no, no, no, no
(SCATTING)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Thanks, Daddy.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Hey, Mr. Proud. Hey, Princess Tiana.
Hey, girl. Ooh, let me guess. Cinderella, the Brandy edition?
-Oh, you know it. -Yes.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
WOMAN: (SINGING) Elena of Avalor
-You may bow. -Princess Elena of Avalor.
Hey, LaCienega. You look great! You're the perfect Elena.
Thanks, Proud. Nice Princess Tiana outfit. You actually look like her.
-Oh, thank you, girl. -I meant, after she turned into a frog.
-(LACIENEGA LAUGHS BOISTEROUSLY) -(GRUNTS) No, she didn't.
(DOORBELL RINGING REPEATEDLY)
Excuse me, who are you?
Your star basketball player, Coach Proud.
I know who you are, Michael. But what princess are you supposed to be?
Since I wanted to celebrate my Powhatan heritage,
I'm dressed as the fabulous Pocahontas.
-That outfit is gonna poke-a-ho... -Oscar!
I think you look great, Michael.
-(CAMERA CLICKS) -(DOORBELL RINGS)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(BIG CAT GROWLS)
Hey, Maya! Ooh, okay! You cute. (MIMICS CAT SCREECH)
Thanks. I got it off Wiz Prime.
Ooh, Maya. You came to slay. Queen Bey?
Mmm-hmm. All day.
Well, as soon as Zoey gets here, we'll start the festivities.
You can start anytime you want, Mrs. Proud, because we uninvited...
Dijonay! Zoey's not coming, Ma.
She's out of town visiting her grandmother.
Oh. Okay. Well, princesses? Let's get this party popping!
Get jiggy with it Get...
-Mom! Please. Stop. -(GIRLS LAUGHING)
Off the chains Time to raise the roof
(PEOPLE CHEERING AND WHISTLING)
Go, go, go, go, go.
Here, Papi. If you want good luck, let a real woman blow on your dice.
(BLOWS)
(YELPS)
DEALER: Snake eyes. You lose.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CACKLES)
SUGA MAMA: Papi.
Please make deliveries in the back.
Puff, get rough.
(SNARLS AND BARKS)
-(ROARS) -(YELPS AND WHIMPERS)
You're as useless as three Oscars on that slot machine.
Hey, hey, hey, back off. Let her through. She's with me.
(LAUGHS)
-Hey, Suga. -Don't you "Hey, Suga" me.
And don't you make me snatch my wig off either.
(BARKS)
Sorry, Puff.
Hey, Suga, is there a problem? Talk to me.
Yeah, there's a problem, Celia.
Mr. and Mrs. Boulevardez, your high-roller honeymoon suite awaits you.
Don't do nothin' that the Wizard wouldn't do.
'Cause the Wizard got cameras, y'all.
Okay.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CACKLES)
I like the sound of that. (WHOOPS) Come on, Suga, let's talk in the suite.
(SCOFFS) I don't care about you or your high-roller suite, Celia.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CACKLES)
(WHINES)
You know, you're right, Puff.
Might as well go up there and get some of that free food.
Sorry, Suga Mama. Wizard says, "Losers are not allowed."
Wh... What you mean I'm not allowed?
You see, the high-roller suite is for winners.
Like your geriatric friends and me, y'all.
You know, I never did like you.
And I've never been fond of you, either, Suga Mama.
Uh, Bufferina, please escort this
back to the poor side of town.
Ooh, I do not speak poverty.
(SPUTTERS) Hold up. Where are you taking me?
GIRL: Work that princess runway.
(HIP HOP SONG PLAYING)
Ooh, yes, Your Highness!
Who are you wearing?
Work it, Michael.
(BEBE AND CECE SNICKERING)
TRUDY: And the winner of the 10th Annual Princess Party Costume Contest,
our HPIC, Head Princess In Charge is...
Drumroll, please.
-(SNORING) -(LAUGHING)
-(OSCAR SCREAMS) -(BEBE AND CECE SNICKER)
Michael!
(GASPS AND LAUGHS)
Oh, my goodness. I don't know what to say. This is so unexpected.
-Don't know why. You win every year. -(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh. Pizza's here. I'll get it.
PENNY: Kareem?
Hey, Penny. I mean, Princess Tiana. You look stunning.
Thank you. Wait, since when do you work at Wiz Hut?
I don't. I bribed the delivery guy.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
I may not be a celebrity, but I was hoping
I could be your Prince Naveen and take you to the Valentine's Day dance.
Oh. A heart-shaped pizza. How did you do that?
I ate around the edges. (CHUCKLES)
That's so cute. Of course I'll go with you, Kareem.
I mean, Prince Naveen.
-(RUMBLING) -OSCAR: Penny!
Where's the pizza? We're starvin' in here!
Here you go.
Don't worry about that. I paid the guy already.
I still got the edges. Okay, your dad is comin'.
I'll catch you later. Bye.
Oh.
Hey, Zoey.
Uh... Hey, guys. Guess who's here. I present Princess Merida.
Oh, snap, it's Zoey. And she's strapped!
Girls, stop being silly. Zoey, the girls told me you were out of town.
They did? There's no way I would miss this party,
no matter what the girls said.
Oh, no, honey. I've seen a lot of horror movies start this way.
Good. You're just in time. We were doing a mood painting.
Oh, that's great, because I am in a mood, Mrs. Proud.
Oh, that's perfect, Zoey. Let's capture that raw emotion and turn it into art.
Dijonay, dear, show Zoey what you've done.
(GASPS)
Whoa. I'm sensing a lot of anger here. What did you do, Zoey?
Whatever it is, that's not very nice.
It also isn't very nice that Zoey's goin' to the dance with Noah Barker.
Noah Barker, the famous actor? What's wrong with that?
Miss Proud, the only reason he asked her out is because she's white.
That's not true!
Oh, yes, it is true. Right, Maya?
Yep. My cousin said Noah's favorite chocolate is white. No swirls.
You're all just jealous that Noah asked me out and not you.
It has nothing to do with me being white chocolate.
Not that a person can be white chocolate.
It has everything to do with you! I don't know why you can't see that.
-It's white-skin privilege. -(ALL ARGUING)
I can't believe you guys would do this to me!
Martin Luther King once said...
I don't think this is gonna work here, baby.
This is more of a Malcolm X crowd,
and we need to stay out of it. By any means necessary.
(ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)
Silence!
Look, I understand how you guys feel.
But can't we handle this like
the classy, polite princesses we are? And talk it out?
Dijonay, you go first.
And say what?
How you feel.
You know what the saddest part about this is, Zoey? I thought we were cool.
We are cool, Dijonay.
Then why go out with a boy that only likes you because you're white?
I wouldn't do that. You know that.
He asked me out because he likes me. You were there.
Seriously? Has any other boy ever asked you out to a dance?
Myron. Three times. Does that mean he only likes white girls, too?
See, Zoey? You just don't get it. I'm out.
Me, too.
I actually don't have a horse in this race,
but I've gotta side with my BIPOCs. Bye.
I don't need all this negativity in my life. I'mma dip.
(DOOR SHUTS)
Look, Zoey, you didn't deserve all that.
But you didn't say anything.
Yeah. But I was just trying to...
get everybody to express their feelings.
(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)
Man, this is messed up.
Well, the good news is,
this is the last Princess Party I have to dress up for. Or pay for!
(CHUCKLES)
-Hand me another bottle, baby. -(SCREAMS AND THUDS)
Suga Mama, how did you get in here? Daddy said he changed the locks.
But he didn't lock the chimney.
Aren't you supposed to be in Wiz Vegas with your friend Celia?
-(SCOFFS) She ain't no friend of mine. -Oh, give me details.
What happened, Suga Mama?
Miss Two-Faced stole my man.
(GASPS) What about "sisters before misters"?
That's a lie. It's all a lie.
That floozy was after my man from the start.
Pretending she could speak Italian like my Papi.
Uh... Suga Mama, Papi speaks Spanish.
Same difference. She was still pretendin'. Ruined my whole weekend.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, my Princess Party was a bust, too.
Oh, baby, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Don't be. We were too old to be dressin' up like princesses, anyway.
Although, my mama would have had those parties until we were 40.
(CHUCKLES)
Wait, now, what happened?
Zoey stole the boy everybody was crushin' on.
Zang! I didn't know Broomstick Girl had it goin' on like that.
Well, the boy only dates white girls.
Oh, that's a bunch of foolishness, baby.
The thing that matters least in this life is the color of anybody's skin. You hear?
You're beautiful. And if that boy can't see that, bump him.
You're right, Suga Mama. Bump him.
Mmm-hmm.
(SLIDING DOOR RASPS)
Celia? What the heck are you doin' here?
Why did you leave without telling anybody?
I got kicked out. But you were too busy with my man to notice that.
Is that what you've been acting funny about?
Ain't nobody thinkin' 'bout that man.
(SCOFFS) You could've fooled me, Mr. and Mrs. Boulevardez.
Listen. I may be old, but I can do way better than him.
Whoa! Hold up now. Don't you talk about my Papi.
Wait a minute. What are we fighting about?
We girls, Suga. I was just having fun. I thought you were, too!
Well, I wasn't.
Well, I'm sorry, Suga. I really am.
I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship.
Sisters before misters?
Sisters before misters.
Ah! Group bump!
Zang! It's like that?
I can't believe that she had the nerve to show her face at the Princess Party.
Please. I can't believe she had the nerve to wear that cheap WizMart dress.
Tell you one thing that wasn't cheap.
That bow and arrow that Katniss Everdeen had.
The odds were not in our favor.
(OTHERS LAUGHING)
Come on, guys. I know it ended bad, but we don't have to be mean.
Yeah. I mean, why are you even trippin' about this guy likin' Zoey?
Everybody got their preferences.
So, y'all think it's okay to prefer someone solely based upon their skin tone?
Actually, I prefer not to be in this conversation anymore.
Let's go get some punch, Darrius.
Yeah. Before they start throwin' punches at us.
Look who's here, everybody. Ooh, where's your boyfriend?
He's not my boyfriend. And I have no idea where he is.
Oh. He dumped you?
Nope. I dumped him.
Right. And I wear white after Labor Day.
(LAUGHS)
ZOE: Seriously.
He admitted he only dates white girls.
And I told him I couldn't be around anyone like that.
Especially when it hurts my friends.
I'm sorry, guys. I really didn't get it.
Uh-oh. Check out Kanye.
Hashtag, he's mine.
Wow. The sister don't even know, does she?
Look, Zoey, you didn't do anything wrong.
Yeah. Noah's the jerk, not you.
And we're sorry for how we acted at the Princess Party. It wasn't cool.
Girl, we're so sorry. Please forgive us. We totally messed up.
Yeah. It was messed up.
Look, at the end of the day, this is why we girls have to stick together.
Boys are overrated.
Yeah! Sisters before misters.
-What? -Whatcha say, sister?
Sorry. Something Suga Mama said. How about "bump 'em"?
ALL: Bump 'em!
(ALL LAUGHING)
-(SONG PLAYING) -Turning to your love
To make me feel all right
It never lasted longer than a night
Hey, hey, hey, Zoey.
Are you a magnet? Because I'm attracted to you.
You're not just saying that because I'm a white girl, are you?
White girl? No, no. I'm attracted to your brain.
Good. Let's go.
All in me, all in me
Everything I need
Is deep inside of me, inside of me
Now I know the beauty
The life that always was
The power in my endless beating heart...
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)