BOBBY: All right, all right. You got this one, Mama.
One of those lame instruments Oscar would have played in high school.
I don't know what you talking about. I was an athlete.
You were a loser prancing around like you was a majorette in the band.
I was a drum major, baby bruh.
Prancing is what we do
No, you was a loo-woo-woo-wooser, just like you about to "woo-se" this game.
Bobby, we're running out of time.
Don't worry. I've got this. It's one word, and it rhymes with...
That's against the rules. No rhyming.
Okay. How about...
(MAKES FART NOISES)
You can't do that. That's cheating.
She's not cheating. She didn't rhyme. She pantomimed.
(SCATTING)
You just rhymed again, Bobby. Minus 12 points.
ZOE: What? I didn't rhyme. I didn't cheat.
Could you guys stop? We have company.
Child, please. Zoey ain't no company. She's practically family.
Wow. I'm honored.
I don't know why. You're on the losing team. (LAUGHS)
I ain't losing. We are here to win.
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
That's it. I'm done. Can't stand no cheating folks.
Come on, Bobby. You too, Zoey. We going home.
-But I don't live with you. -And you don't live here either, cheater.
Zoey's spending the night, Daddy. Remember? Come on, Zoey.
Okay. Stay if you want, Zoey. But watch your back.
Come on, Bobby. Carry me to my car. I don't wanna to get my house shoes wet.
Oh, Mama, come on. How about I carry your house shoes instead?
I don't know, Bobby. You don't wanna smell them wet feet.
-You don't wanna smell them dry either. -(BOTH LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY)
OSCAR: You should've ducked, baby brother. BOBBY: Ow!
A scooter that runs on kale? We're definitely winning the science fair.
Yeah, it's kinda cool. Unlike my family tonight.
-I apologize, Zoey. -For what? I wish my family would argue.
In my house, a smile is just a frown turned upside down.
Well, I still don't like them. They get on my nerves.
(THUNDER CRASHES)
-ZOEY: That's what families do, right? -Yeah, but my family does it all the time.
Good night, Zoey.
(THUNDER CLAPS)
(ZOEY SCREAMS)
What was that?
A scary sound you only hear in scary movies?
-It was probably the rain. -Can I stay up here with you?
(SHRIEKS)
No.
(LIGHT CLICKS OFF)
ZOEY: You're not much of a host.
(THUNDER CLAPS)
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(SINGING) The... Proud... Family... What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin' every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you more than anybody else
Every single day that I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one I love as much as you
-The family -The family
Proud family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family A proud, proud family
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family Proud, proud family
TRUDY: Really, Oscar? I asked you to fix this leak two days ago.
-Do I have to do everything around here? -Hey, Mom, Dad.
I am not the plumber, Trudy.
Don't forget the science fair is today. We could use your support.
They didn't hear a word you said.
Come on. Let's get out of here before I get stuck with Bebe and Cece.
Your office has cages. Use them.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(WATER GURGLING)
(GASPS)
-Hey, Maya. So what's your entry? -Darling. A gas-powered air conditioner.
A gas-powered air conditioner?
I thought you were all about the environment.
I am. It uses unleaded.
No offense, but this doesn't seem like an idea you'd come up with.
I didn't. It was my baby's idea.
Your baby who?
-BOTH: Michael? -Yo, yo, yo, what it do, Proud? Zoey?
Come on, baby. Let's dip.
-What was that? -No. What is this?
(CELESTIAL CHORUS SOUNDING)
Nubia?
Penny Proud, where's your money?
Olei? You can talk?
Yeah. I talk all the time. Where's your money?
Look, we don't have any money, all right?
You don't have anything? Oh, you don't wanna miss this, Penny.
Our Grosscoin is about to go Bezos.
You know what? Don't even worry about it, Penny.
We gonna front you.
(NERVOUSLY) I just don't know what to say.
Hey, just don't forget to invite us to your private island when you cash in.
(LAUGHS GLEEFULLY)
-We finna get paid. -That ain't right
Definitely. Oh, there's Kareem. Maybe he can tell us what's going on.
Yo, Penny. What's up, what's up, what's up?
Yo, check it out. I call these Hang Gliders.
-Fire, huh? -(STUDENTS CHEERING)
Kareem, you hate basketball.
What?
My daddy named me after the GOAT of GOATs, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
I mean, how could I possibly hate basketball?
But what about the cello? You love playing the cello.
Cello? What are you talking about?
I don't even put cello on my chicken sandwiches.
-That's KG's thing. -KG? You play the cello?
This right here is way more than a cello. It's an orchestro.
(PLAYS UPBEAT TUNE)
Oh, I'm getting nervous, Zoey.
Dijonay, why haven't you answered my texts?
-You just left me stuck on read. -Yo, step off my bestie, son.
She not feeling you.
I don't want no problems, LaCienega. You got it.
Then fall back, King Not-So-Great.
LaCienega? Why are you talking like that?
Why you up in my business like that, Proud?
LaCienega. Deep breaths, dear.
This bellicose behavior is utterly unwarranted.
Dijonay? Why are you talking like that?
Pray tell, Penny, whatever do you mean? I was saving your life, precious.
Yeah, 'cause you was about to get molly-whopped up in here, forehead.
Children, children.
You're so wonderful.
The winning project for this year's science fair,
the world's first tabletop cold fusion reactor,
is from the team of LaCienega Boulevardez and the brilliant Dijonay Jones.
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
Can you believe that?
What? That LaCienega and Dijonay solved cold fusion?
Of course I meant the cold fusion thingy. What is happening?
Are we trapped in some alternate universe or something?
WIZARD: As you all know,
Wizard Kelly Enterprises is looking for a new supplier
of popping corn for its many, many theaters.
That's gonna be some serious scratch, y'all.
BEBE: Dum-dum Daddy.
However, unfortunately, some of you did not live up
to the Wizard's standard of high quality at a low, low price.
Okay, I'm out. Bebe and Cece, pack your stuff.
Don't wanna see your daddy get humiliated, do you?
But that's the empty half of the glass.
The Wizard prefers to drink from the other half, with a paper straw,
'cause the Wizard cares about the environment, y'all.
(SLURPING)
(BEBE AND CECE LAUGHING)
All right, let's get to the good news.
The winner of the new multi-million- Wizard-dollar contract goes to...
(DRUM ROLL PLAYING)
Oscar Proud.
You lying.
The Wizard is too rich to lie. Come on up here, Oscar Proud,
and get your first big old bag of money, y'all.
A big old bag of money?
(WHIMPERING IN PAIN)
(SIRENS BLARING)
(GASPS)
(CROWD MURMURING)
Suga Mama, Papi, what happened?
Nothing, Trudy. We just wanted to see how fast you could get here.
I won. Pay up, Suga Mama.
Mmm.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(HOOTING AND LAUGHING)
I don't understand a word of what she just said,
but I just love the way she talks.
Papi, when did you start speaking English?
And when did Suga Mama start speaking Spanish?
(HOOTING)
(RAP SONG PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
Here you go, ladies. I hope you enjoyed the ride in my ride. (CHUCKLES)
So, explain to me, Myron. How can you drive when you're only 14?
When you're as fly as me, you can do whatever you want.
Matter of fact, I voted today.
Again, you're only 14, so I'm pretty sure you didn't.
Boo-ya. (CHUCKLES)
You wanna know what I voted for, Penny? Hmm?
I voted for love. Yeah.
And I hope you find it. Which I'm pretty sure you're not.
(THUDS)
Well, I'm feeling like it found me. (CHUCKLES)
Don't go, Penny. We're gonna party over at Myron's like it's 2099.
No, thank you. It's a school night. (LAUGHS)
See y'all tomorrow. Remember, just say no.
Was that weird or what?
What's weird is we're the only two losers that didn't go to the party.
Zoey, pay attention. Something is definitely off today.
Yeah. You. Hey, Myron. Wait up!
Hey, Penny. Catch.
That's your college tuition and your retirement pension wrapped up in one.
Where did you get all this money from, Daddy?
I closed a big deal with the Wizard.
I'm supplying all the popping corn for all the Wizard's theaters.
Pop-pop-pop, pop-pop-pop. Hey, don't you dare stop.
-The Wizard gave you money? -A big old bag of money, y'all.
Okay. Am I the only one who thinks that's strange?
-She has a point, Oscar. -Fine. I guess it's trade school for you.
Serious, Daddy. The Wizard hates you. Why would he give you a contract?
Is it so hard for you to believe that your daddy had the best-tasting popping corn?
BOTH: Yes. BEBE: Dum-dum Daddy.
Y'all cut real deep on that one.
Daddy, it's just that a lot of weird things have been happening.
At school, all of my friends were acting very strange.
That's because you've got strange friends. Especially that Dijon girl.
This afternoon I got an emergency call from Suga Mama and Papi.
Are you working for Life Alert now? They fell and couldn't get up?
(GUFFAWING)
When I got there, Papi spoke to me in English and Suga Mama spoke in Spanish.
I'm with Penny. Something ain't right here.
I'll tell you what's not right. If I get a divorce, you get half.
Uh...
Excuse me. Did I just say that out loud? Bruce, put that in the thought bubble.
Now where were we? Yeah. We're rich, people.
Things couldn't get any better.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Here you go, Oscar Proud.
The state high school basketball championship trophy you didn't win
despite the fact that we both know you was better than the Wizard.
I lied. Things just got better. Way better.
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(SPOOKY MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMS)
Zoey. What are you doing out there?
There's something at my house you need to see.
Now? (SHRIEKS)
(THUNDER CLAPS)
ZOEY: Have your parents been acting weird?
Nope. They've been just fussing and fighting like they always do.
-Well, mine have. -What's wrong?
Look. They're wearing the Washington football team jerseys.
So?
So? They're hardcore Raiders fans. I mean hardcore.
My middle name is Sistrunk. Bo Jackson is my godfather.
They spent my college fund on season tickets.
Well, couldn't your godfather hook them up with tickets?
That's not the point.
(GASPS)
Check it out. They've got more than the wrong jerseys.
-ZOEY: That's me. -That's not you. That's a clone.
That explains why everybody was acting weird today.
They must be clones, too.
You mean, I got my first kiss from a clone?
Ew!
(THUNDER CLAPS)
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
ZOEY: Faster, Penny! PENNY: I can't. We need more fuel.
ZOEY: We're out of kale?
Follow me.
ZOE: Run!
(SNARLING)
(GROWLS)
(CONTINUES GROWLING)
(SCREAMING)
Mom, Dad. We gotta get outta here.
-(LIGHTS CLANG ON) -(GASPS)
(SNARLING)
You're not going anywhere, toots. Sit down.
-Who are you? -I don't know. Like, your worst nightmare?
(GASPS)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
Okay, Trudy, when I give you the sign,
act like you having a baby, and fall on the floor.
When they check on you, I'm gonna dash for the door.
Why don't you fall on the floor and I'll dash for the door?
Because it's my plan, woman.
And that's exactly why it's not gonna work, man.
Trudy, I am sick and tired of you trying to hold a Black man down...
Will you guys stop arguing, please?
Shh! Here they come.
Remember the plan. Don't play that Harriet Tubman stuff.
You can keep that small-brain energy over there, Oscar.
-(THUNDER CLAPS) -(GROWLS SOFTLY)
(WHIMPERING)
We apologize for any inconvenience,
but I especially apologize to you, my dear husband.
Oh, I get it. You're the Trudy of my dreams.
Did I say that loud again? Thought bubble, quick.
I'll deal with you later, Oscar. Now, why did you bring us here?
(THUNDER CLAPS)
(GASPING)
We brought you here, luv, to teach us the secret of happiness.
Something we've not been able to achieve here in our world.
-Your world? -TRUDY: Where are we?
We're not on Martin Luther King and Cesar Chavez anymore, AKA the hood?
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(HOOTING AND LAUGHING)
I just love the way that woman talks. Gimme some sugar, Suga.
My name is Pistachio. And this here is my main nut, Macadamia.
I just know sometimes I feel like a nut, and sometimes I don't.
Quiet, you boob.
You're in a place built by our creator, Doctor Carver,
for us to be legume-ful and multiply.
And above all else, be happy.
But since our master's disappearance 17 years ago,
we've been profoundly unhappy.
-And without happiness, we can't multiply. -(SNORING)
And our numbers have dwindled to the point
that if we don't find happiness, we will cease to exist.
You picked the wrong family, buddy.
We're about as happy as New York Knicks fans.
-They brought back Greg Anthony. -Oscar. We know a lot about happiness.
-Not lately, we don't. -Not lately? We never got along.
(ALL ARGUING)
I told you they wouldn't tell us. We gotta move forward with the extraction.
Huh?
Extraction? What do you mean by extraction?
Yes. Exactly what are we referring to, my good nut?
Lookie. Here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna yank out your organs
until we discover which one is responsible for happiness.
'Cause we ain't happy here.
(WHIRRING)
Hmm.
Interesting. Can we have a moment to discuss this, please?
Okay. These nuts are nuts. It's time for plan B.
What plan is that, Oscar?
Run!
-(PUNCHES LANDING) -(OSCAR CRYING OUT)
OSCAR: What's going on here? Get away from...
Let me go. No. Come on, man. I'm allergic to nuts. Trudy.
Ha-ha. Oh, yeah. The crybaby's first.
Wait a minute. We can teach you happiness.
No, we can't, Mom. I mean, how are we gonna do that?
Game night.
OSCAR: Oh, no!
Come on, Trudy. It's a easy one. This how we do it. Come on.
All right, come on. You got this. Uh... Bruce Lee.
(KARATE YELLS)
-A windmill. -Mama, come on. Bruce Lee.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Uh, Michelangelo.
A sculpture. A statue? A statue of a sculpture?
No, the turtle one. You're a vet. Never mind. Keep going.
I like to wear my...
Gators. Wizdidas. Birkenstocks.
-Bad Boy Club. -(BUZZER SOUNDS)
No! Come on, Trudy. I wear Chucks. Nun-Chucks.
Now I know why those guinea pigs keep dying on your watch.
(THROUGH TEETH) Daddy, you're doing it again.
ALL: Mmm?
I mean, good job. Trudy, that was fun.
Yay!
You see? We're having fun. We're happy. Your turn.
ALL: Huh?
Something you eat too much of, Suga Wimpy.
(LAUGHING)
That's good. I gotta remember that one.
SUGA MAMA: Pssh
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHING)
(STRAINING) Come on now. Open.
(SCREAMS)
Suga Mama, look at me.
Whoo!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
-Hey. That's cheating. -Oscar, let it go.
No. Those Proud wannabes ain't gonna get away with this.
-Who you calling a wannabe, snot-hole? -All right now. I will hit a clone.
I don't care how small you are.
(ALL ARGUING)
Who's gonna teach us about happiness?
Wake up!
Say you wanna learn about happiness.
Well, happiness isn't yelling, and arguing and putting each other down.
It's about listening to one another.
Showing kindness. Lifting each other up.
No, I didn't mean literally.
And, Daddy, you were right.
We're definitely the wrong family to teach any of that.
-Penny, baby, what are you talking about? -Mom, lately all we do is fuss and fight.
That doesn't mean that we're not happy, baby girl.
Of course it does, Oscar. To her.
(SHOUTS) Can I get a word in without you interrupting?
Like you interrupted me?
-There it is. -See?
This is what I'm talking about. This isn't happiness.
So who's gonna teach us about happiness?
I've got an idea.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
BOBBY: Ow!
Zoey. Suga Mama. Uncle Bobby. What are you guys doing here?
Come on, Penny. We're here to rescue you.
You know, when Zoey told us what was going on, I didn't believe it.
Me either, Ma. I always had my doubts.
(SINGING) I can do a duet with myself
Ooh!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(LAUGHING OBNOXIOUSLY)
I don't know what I just said, but I sure look good saying it.
Oh, but not nearly as good-looking as you, my sweet.
-Oh, raw sugar. -Papi, you speak English?
Ahem. Mother, dear, can I have a word with you?
Oscar, what's going on in here? Zoey said you were in trouble.
We're just showing the nice people how to be happy. (LAUGHS)
We're telling corny jokes, Suga Mama.
You mean to tell me
I just did an Alice in Wonderland through a magical mirror
into an alternate reality to save my family,
only to find them telling corny jokes to clones?
Just play along, Mama.
If Penny's crazy idea works, they'll let us go home.
Oh, oh!
I love corny jokes. I got one now.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve food here."
(CHUCKLES)
Wait for it.
(ALL LAUGH BOISTEROUSLY)
Oh! I've got one.
If you're American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Europeeing.
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
Suga Mama, your turn.
Girl, I ain't telling no corny jokes. Ain't nothing corny about me.
Suga Mama, if you don't, I'm not doing your kitchen next week.
Well, darn, Trudy. You don't have to get nasty. Okay.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle, snizzle. (LAUGHS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Okay, everybody. Join hands.
This is what happiness is.
(BAWLING)
Then why am I crying?
It's not what you're doing but what you're feeling.
The joy. That's happiness.
And if you ever forget it, like we did, just tell a few corny jokes.
Thank you so much, Penny.
Okay, Pistachio. You got what you wanted. We'll be on our way now.
I'm afraid we can't let you go.
(BEEPS)
(DOORS CLANG SHUT)
Why? We did what you wanted.
You know we exist, where we are and how to get here.
That means youse gotta disappear.
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
(SCREAMS)
(CECE GIGGLING)
Hey, baby girl. I'm making your favorite. Peanut butter pancakes.
Good morning, sleepyhead. I didn't think you were ever going to wake up.
I didn't think so either. I had the craziest dream last night.
Those clones again?
Yep. Except this time, I didn't have a driver's license.
I was on a scooter.
Good. Because no baby girl of mine will ever drive.
Daddy, at this point, you're just weird.
So you don't want these weird peanut butter pancakes?
I didn't say all that, homie.
(DISHES CLATTERING)
Bebe, Cece, get down. Oscar.
What did I do? I can't cook and take care of the kids.
-What you want me to do? -TRUDY: Welcome to my world.
-And here comes you. -I can't do everything either, Oscar.
(ALL ARGUING)
Mmm. Now this is happiness.
(SCREAMING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)