(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(STUDENTS GASP)
Oh, man, zang. Hide your phones, quick.
(SNARLS)
(STUDENTS CLAMORING)
STUDENT: Over there.
(STUDENTS GASPING AND CHATTERING)
Take this from me.
(GULPS)
-(SQUEAKING) -(STUDENTS GROAN)
Ms. Hill?
ALL: Zang!
All right, everybody, be quiet, sit it down, settle down.
Hush it.
I'm Ms. Hill.
Ms. Eckhart's water broke.
Yes, she's giving life today.
So, I will be taking over the class.
Well, I'm breaking out of here right now.
Ooh, where do you think you're going, Ms. Bougie Boulevardez? To the mall?
(COUGHS) I don't feel well.
I need to see the nurse.
Now, you know and I know, they got rid of the nurse with the last budget cuts.
Sit down.
All right, everybody, put your books away and get ready for a pop quiz.
(STUDENTS SIGH)
Keep on with these little attitudes.
F don't just stand for "fail." It stands for "funky attitude."
Ms. Hill. Excuse me, Ms. Hill?
-Mmm-hmm. -This is a health class.
Ms. Eckhart doesn't give pop quizzes.
Oh, Angela Davis, you back from Cuba?
Well, you failed.
KG: Sheesh!
You failed, too, little Atari.
That's why you're out of style.
STUDENTS: Ooh!
Anybody else got anything to say?
(BOTH GASP)
(SNEEZES)
That's a F for you, too, blondie. Nasty.
Zang! I got allergies.
Ms. Proud, you got somethin' to say
or you just want everybody to smell your armpit?
I just wanna say that Dijonay shouldn't be excoriated
or penalized for having allergies.
Oh, you don't think I know what that means, do ya?
Well, see if you can figure out this one, Ms. Smarty Pants.
Everybody's got detention.
ALL: Zang!
(SINGING) The... Proud... Family... What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin' every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you more than anybody else
Every single day that I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one I love as much as you
-The family -The family
Proud family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family A proud, proud family
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family Proud, proud family
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
(BEBE AND CECE GIBBERING)
Oscar, when are you serving dinner? The twins could've cooked it by now.
As soon as I get that secret ingredient for my famous chicken cacciatore.
Well, what ingredient is that, scarecrow?
Chicken.
(KIDS CLAMORING)
And here it is now.
Penny, where's my chicken?
-I don't know. -You didn't get my text?
I said pick me up a chicken at Trader Wiz.
No, I didn't get any text.
I know you didn't lose that phone I bought you.
-I know that. -No, of course I didn't lose it.
I'll see y'all later.
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
-'Sup? -KG.
Ooh, I need a favor.
I lost my phone, and I'm not ready to get kicked out. Not yet.
Can you track it for me?
Aight, bet, I got you.
(TRILLING)
Aight, look, it's at school. It's in the health room.
You want unlimited calling?
I'm running a special this week.
Nah, that's okay. Ooh, wait, can you get me Wizard Plus?
Just never mind. Thanks, KG...
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
WIZARD: Thanks for orderin' Wizard Prime.
Good luck with your crime, y'all.
(BEEPING)
(GASPS)
Whoa.
(CHUCKLES)
Stealth mode.
(GASPS)
Where did I go? (LAUGHS)
Okay, okay, stealth mode off.
(SCREAMS) Zang!
Tarantula mode.
(LAUGHING)
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
Whoa. Now, wait a minute.
Did somebody use my credit card on Wizard Prime?
Ha! If it went through, heck no.
(LAUGHS)
(PENNY SCREAMS)
(PENNY CHUCKLES)
Whoo!
(SECURITY ALARM BEEPS)
Pillbug mode.
(EXCLAIMING)
(SCREAMING)
Okay. Kevin Hart mode.
(IN SQUEAKY VOICE) You gonna learn today.
Oh, I'm a grown little man.
(LAUGHS)
Whoa!
The Rock mode.
(IN DEEP VOICE) Oh, no, this is not cute. Glam mode.
(GRUNTS)
(SQUEALS) Okay!
(CHUCKLES)
(MS. HILL HUMMING)
Ms. Hill?
(MS. HILL CHUCKLES)
Y'all are not gonna believe what I saw last night.
It was crazy.
What's wrong, Zoey?
They didn't have any vegan today?
If you don't like your chicken nuggets, I'll take 'em.
Touch my nuggets and you die.
So, what's bothering you, killer?
I was voted drum major.
Good for you, Zoey.
-What? Really? -Amazing!
No, it's not amazing.
The reason why I play flute is so I can stay invisible.
Now, I have to be up front.
I love being up front.
But, of course, I'm cute.
Not with that 'stache, baby.
Ladies, please, this is about me.
The truth is, like it or not, I just don't have the necessary skill set.
-PENNY: What do you mean? -If I back it up, it ain't fast enough.
Come on, girl, you'll be fine.
Let's see what you got. Dijonay, give us a beat.
(BEAT BOXING)
GIRLS: Okay. Okay, Zoey. Look at Zoey Go, Zoey! Go, Zoey! Go, Zoey!
-(CRASHING) -Everybody, stand back. Clear.
LaCienega, stop.
Normally, I'm against cultural appropriation.
But Zoey, girl, you need help.
You'd be willing to teach me?
No, no, no. That's not my ministry.
Look, my Uncle Bobby was a drum major in college.
Your Uncle Bobby went to college?
Ooh, I know I'm gettin' in.
You think he'd help me?
My Uncle Bobby would do anything. For free nachos.
You girls know there's a two-condiment limit in this cafeteria.
Dijonay, pop quiz.
-How many mustards you got? -A lot.
-How many you got? -A lot.
-Nikki Giovanni, what about... -A lot.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Guess how many detentions you got? A lot.
Don't act like I don't know that song.
Zang! Why is Ms. Hill so mean?
That's what I was tryin' to tell you guys.
Last night, I got in trouble because I left my phone in detention,
so I bought this really cool night crawler stealth suit on Wizard Prime.
Ooh, it was midnight blue, it was so cute...
Get to the point, Black Widow.
So, I crawled outta the house, and when I got to school,
Ms. Hill was in the teachers' lounge.
So? That's where teachers go, hence the name "teachers' lounge."
Not at 10:00 at night.
And not wearing old pajamas and a lunch room avocado facial mask,
while singing It's My House and I Live Here.
Why would she be doin' that?
Y'all, I think she's homeless.
Aw, that's sad.
I know, right?
You gotta keep this a secret. You can't tell anybody.
Thanks, Penny, for getting your Uncle Bobby to help me.
Oh, wait, is that Uncle Bobby?
(RUSTLING)
UNCLE BOBBY: Yeah, child.
I was Jet magazine's Drum Major of the Year
for seven years in a row.
(SINGING) And then I dropped out, out
CROWD: (CHEERING) Bobby! Bobby! Bobby!
Zang!
All right, Zoey, show me what you're workin' with.
No, no, child. I'm talkin' 'bout my nachos.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, no! Ms. Hill got fired.
No. No, that's Lisa, baby girl.
I went to prom with her.
(SINGING) She should have stuck with me
She could have lived with me
For free in my mama's house
How did the principal even get my pictures?
Girl, people be hackin' people.
Could be some 400-pound guy sitting on his bed.
Russia. Who knows?
Dijonay, because of whistleblowers like you,
our Snitches Get Riches program is the success it is today.
Your family's lunch room debt is completely wiped away.
-Thank you, Principal Hightower. -Please, call me Rhonda, girl.
Don't judge me.
I got nine brothers and sisters.
Besides, Ms. Hill made her own bed.
She doesn't even have a bed.
Oh, I'm so tired of y'all!
What's her problem?
(DOOR SLAMS)
Ms. Hill, I'm sorry about you getting fired.
Stop frontin', girl. I know you kids don't like me.
Nah! We like you. I mean, we like it when you...
And, um...
And we like it...
You know, what I'm just trying to say is that I feel bad.
Wait, I'm sorry, why is there a microwave in your front seat?
Why anybody else would have a microwave in they seat?
To cook Hot Pockets while they drivin'.
Really?
You're not very bright, are you?
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
CHORUS ON TV: Judge Byrd
-MAN 1: That's one bad... -MAN 2: Objection
CHORUS: Overruled
MAN 1: I'm talkin' about the Judge You know what I'm saying
I'm finished, sir.
Did you unplug the garbage disposal?
Yep.
Mow the lawn?
Yep.
Washed my mama's pink bathrobe?
Yep. Sir, may I ask you a question?
What does this have to do with being a drum major?
Nothin'.
(SINGING) Mama was on me about doin' my chores
My C-H-O-R-E
Oh
But the pep rally is coming up.
I'm not gonna be ready.
People are gonna be laughing at me.
Give me my nachos back, mister.
Zoey, just listen to this day and night and you will be all right.
What is it?
Only the funkiest track ever known to man,
My Prerogative.
Oh, the Britney Spears song.
Zoey, child, don't ever disrespect the funk like that.
(SINGING) This is Bobby Brown
This is new jack swing
Oh
Why do you think I wear my hair like this?
This is gumby, dang it
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(GASPS)
Whoa!
Thank you, Uncle Bobby.
I don't know how I'll ever repay you.
You can start by cleaning that crust off the shower curtain.
Here, take this. Go on, girl.
Mom, Dad, this is my teacher, Ms. Hill.
Whoa, hold on.
-What did you do now, Penny? -Nothing.
I just invited Ms. Hill over for dinner, if you don't mind.
Of course we don't mind.
Welcome, Ms. Hill.
I'll go set an extra place.
And I told her she could stay here with us until she got on her feet.
Why would you do something like...
(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me, my dear woman, we'll be right back.
And please don't touch anything.
We have GoPros everywhere.
Look, I know what you're gonna say.
But the fact that she got fired and is living in her car is all because of me.
If I hadn't shown those pictures to Dijonay,
she wouldn't have gone to the principal.
Ms. Hill needs to take her butt over to Dijonay's house
since she snitched.
Oscar, this is what we've always taught Penny.
To be generous to those who are less fortunate.
We lied.
Now, as the man of the house,
I'm telling you to get that woman out of my house.
Follow me, Ms. Hill. I'll show you to your bedroom.
That way you can freshen up for dinner.
Thank you very much, Trudy.
You're much nicer than your husband.
Well, you know what else is nicer?
WizBnB.
Wait, is that my shirt?
Trudy, call the police!
-Ow, woman! Ow! -Mmm-hmm.
Who set the table?
I did, Ms. Hill.
I should've known.
Okay, pay attention.
The plate should be centered on the placemat.
The salad fork goes on the left in the nine o'clock position.
The knife goes on the right, sharp side pointed towards the plate
so nobody gets their arm cut.
And the glasses go above the knife.
And hopefully, without fingerprints.
This is nasty. Who got six fingers?
(LAUGHS) She's talkin' 'bout you, Trudy.
Now I remember you.
You were that little bougie girl that my Bobby took to the prom.
Worst day of my baby boy's life.
Well, maybe if you hadn't showed up to the prom dinner to cut up his meat,
it would've gone better.
Plus, you stole my seat and my corsage.
Ugh!
Oh, she got a point there, Mama.
Bobby still don't know how to use a knife.
Uses hair grease, though.
Now listen here, Lisa Big Bonet.
Don't make me come over there and slap a knot upside your...
Suga Mama, would you relax? She's our guest.
Thank you, Mrs. Proud, but you should've spoken sooner.
After all, it is your house.
SUGAR MAMA: Let me go!
You know what? I'm starting to like you, Ms. Hill.
You can stay until tomorrow.
Look here, Skinny Tie, all you can do for me
is write a 500-word essay on why your snacks are so nasty.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, you can talk about my mama and my wife,
but nobody talks about my snacks.
And give my shirt back!
That's it!
Thanks to Skinny Tie, you all got detention.
For a week!
(ALL CLAMORING)
(GASPS) What's up with the hair, Felisha?
Man, I had to do a 200-page paper on the use of a salad fork.
What? The lunch lady is teaching classes now?
No, it's Ms. Hill.
She got my whole family doing homework.
It was a mistake letting her live with us. I gotta get rid of her.
No. I've gotta get rid of your Uncle Bobby.
He's ruining my life.
He's not My Prerogative.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
UNCLE BOBBY: (SINGING) Ooh, yeah
Shoot, I'll take Uncle Bobby over Ms. Hill any day.
I'm afraid to go home.
(GASPS) I got it. We can get her her job back.
Slow down, Proud.
Yeah. Life's good without Cruella.
Yeah, I got all the condiments I want.
Come on, y'all. Y'all gotta help me.
Aight, look, what about a Broke No Joke page?
Say less.
What do we need to do?
(LAUGHS)
You ain't gotta worry, it's done.
Cool. Now what?
Now, just wait for the bag to come in.
And it's litty.
PENNY: When's the money gonna start rolling in?
You gotta publicize to get paid.
You couldn't mention that two hours ago?
No worries. I posted the link on my Hologram.
With your 25 followers?
Twenty-five more than you got.
And I'm verified.
Verified? By who?
I got the blue check. What you got?
Why are you letting social media define your self-worth?
Look, no. And I'm the only one with a blue check, okay?
I'm the only one with...
Wait a minute! I know what to do.
Pens down.
Everyone turn in your reports on Madam C.J. Walker.
Very good, Suga Mama.
A very detailed and intimate report.
She was her first customer. (LAUGHING)
And where's your report, funny boy?
And where's your rent, Ms. Hill?
-(GROWLS) -(SCREAMS)
Ooh, I changed my mind. I like you, Lisa.
Trudy, are you ready to rejoin us?
I'm ready for you to leave.
MS. HILL: What did you say?
-Maybe you need more motivation. -(GROANS)
Mommy, mommy, please.
(CRASHES)
MS. HILL: All right, heathens.
Everybody, put your books away.
And get ready for a pop quiz.
Psst, psst. Daddy. Daddy!
Penny, that suit's got weapons, right? Tase her.
No, I'll be right back. I'm gettin' help.
No, no, no, Penny, I ain't gonna make it.
Penny! Penny! You can't leave me!
No talking in class!
(OSCAR SCREAMING)
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
HIGHTOWER: Children.
Children.
I said quiet, you future mall cops!
(CHEERING STOPS)
Thank you.
(PLEASANT VOICE) Now, we have an announcement from Penny Proud.
I don't know what it's about.
(HARSH VOICE) But it better be short.
One of our most beloved teachers has fallen on hard times.
Ms. Hill.
(ALL GROANING)
The teachers who selflessly give their time and passion
should be paid a living wage.
Boo, boo, boo.
And certainly no teacher should go homeless
while giving us the gift of education.
GIRL: Penny's right. We should help her.
It was a gift when she got fired.
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
We have created a Broke No Joke page to raise funds
so Ms. Hill can afford a decent place to live.
(ALL BOOING)
Ow! Vicious.
Sorry, Penny. You're on your own, girl.
No, please! Look, y'all don't understand.
It is the right thing to do, okay?
-No one cares, honey. -I wasn't done.
Thank you, Penny Proud.
Let's get this party started!
It's time for the famous Willy T. Ribbs marching band.
Aw, man. Well, that didn't work.
What are we gonna do now? She never gonna leave my house.
Give it up for the Musical Mechanics!
-(BAND PLAYING) -(STUDENTS CHEERING)
Come on!
I said the Willy T. Ribbs Musical Mechanics!
Play or go home, child!
(PANTING)
(HORN BEEPING)
(ALL GASP)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Remember what I told you.
But, Uncle Bobby, I can't do this.
Did you listen to the A track?
Every day.
Then you're ready, child!
(SINGING)
(SINGING ALONG)
You got it! Now all you need is this.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
(BAND PLAYING)
Hey, yo, I got a idea. Look. Check this out.
Look! Zoey's going viral!
She's doin' it!
We did it!
We did it, y'all!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(TRUDY STRAINING)
Lisa! I finished. Can I go to the bathroom?
I saw that, old lady.
The dog can go. You stay.
I wish you would go.
(OSCAR SCREAMING)
Penny, you came back. Save me first.
Penny, why are you interrupting my class?
Ms. Hill, you won't believe it.
We raised a bunch of money for you.
-You can get your own place. -What?
A million dollars?
What am I, Boo Boo the Fool? I don't believe this.
It's true, and it's all yours.
After you take away the 15% administration fee.
You know The Man and Wizard Kelly gotta get theirs.
So, now you can get your own place,
and Principal Hightower said you can have your job back, too.
-Really? -Yes, really!
This is so sweet.
Aw, Ms. Hill, don't cry. You gonna make me cry.
Well, I don't know what to say.
No homework ever?
I can't promise that.
But I can promise I'll strive to be the best teacher you ever had.
Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Oh, this is wonderful.
Where would you like your stuff, Ms. Hill?
Burn it.
(HORN HONKING)
Who's that for?
Me and my boo thang.
(SINGING) Lisa the strawberry cider's on ice
Bobby! Whatchu doin' in the car with that girl?
Not listenin' to you, Mama.
Like I shoulda did back in high school
But I'll be home for dinner in about a week
Set an extra plate for Lisa
Please, please, please
I guess I'm your favorite son now, huh, Mama?
Not now, not ever.
Make sure you send us a postcard!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)