It sounds as though you've become
-dependent on each other. -He's my everything.
[woman over phone] Criminal record disqualifies him from a visa.
You are going to apologise or we are going nowhere!
-[whistles] -You want a piece of the action?
You want to dance with me, mother effer?
[screaming]
-The gig is over. -I hate knowing Tasha's gonna die
and there's nothing I can do about it.
[Jo] I just think why can't you
sag off your dead wife and see me?
This depot has a fundamental failing in leadership.
-So, Jo then. -I love you too!
[upbeat music playing]
♪♪♪
Cracking intercourse, mate.
-Thanks. [sighs] -Well done.
You're welcome.
[Lawrence groans]
Uh-oh.
Little Lawrence reporting
for another march around the parade ground?
Oh, no, I just really need to urinate actually.
[clears throat]
You know where the little girl's room is.
[door opens]
♪♪♪
-[thuds] -[Lawrence groans]
[Jo] Are you all right, mate?
Loz, if you've been number two, just spray some Lynx Africa.
Loz. Loz?
[door opens, closes]
Loz?
Oh, shit!
Sh...
Oh.
Fuck, shit, fuck!
Shit!
[opening theme music playing]
Everything I do today is the last time I'll do it
as a South Hill paramedic.
This is probably the last piece of work mail
-I'll ever open here. -Don't.
No freaking way! It's the Home Office.
You don't have a home office.
You've got a desk in a kitchen.
No, the Home Office Home Office.
I've got Leave to Remain. I'm sticking around.
-Am I dreaming? -Apparently my union rep put in a good word for me.
He told them I was an essential part of South Hill.
-I can stay. -Can I stay?
-You're not even leaving. -Aw! [laughing]
-Have you seen Lawrence? -No.
Shit balls!
We've seen him.
Oh, thank God.
Yeah, loads of times. He's our colleague.
We work with him.
Today, have you seen him
here today, numb nuts?
Ah, no, but great news, Darrell's not leaving.
Okay, great. Couldn't care less.
Are you still coming to my leaving party?
-I thought you weren't leaving? -I'm not.
Then why are you still having a party?
Because I'm staying.
Everyone's staying,
it's called coming to work.
All the more reason to have a crazy party.
I don't have time for this shit!
♪♪♪
[siren blaring]
[Gary] I'm gonna need some tissues.
No. Today is a no-cry zone
as per Tasha's instructions.
I don't think I can go through with this.
You have to. We promised.
"Do not let that ginger ninja Gary wuss out on this."
Even in death I'm quite scared of her.
Let's do this.
[engine starts]
-[heavy metal music starts playing] -Whoo!
[siren blaring]
♪♪♪
[keys jangle]
-[Gary] Sorry. -Tasha's request.
Oh, and she had a little message as well.
[both] Cheer up, wankers!
[all laughing]
It's all right. That's, erm, that's very Tash.
Did she say anything else?
No, that was it.
She was never one for long speeches.
-[keys jangle] -[engine starts]
Laters.
♪♪♪
Ooh, Maleek, I've got some great news about Darrell.
Darrell can stay.
[groans] Ah, cor, that's the worst news ever.
He's bear jarring man.
Well, they're still going ahead with the leaving party.
It's nice having two "it" couples in the depot.
There are no "it" couples.
There's us.
We are not a couple.
Look, we might not link our bits
but I'm definitely your work wife.
You are not my work bae.
I would know if I had a work bae.
Well, we argue all the time
and we don't have sex.
You know, wake up and smell
the flat white coffee, Maleek.
-I am 100% your work bae. -Ugh.
[woman over radio] 451 Papa Kilo, got a cat one at South Hill park.
We're on our way. Oh, just get me to lunch.
♪♪♪
[siren blaring]
[Gary] I hate time wasters.
[Kareshma] Normally I'm with you but come on.
It's up-the-ass Steve.
What do you reckon's up there this time?
I don't care.
What I do care about is treating people
who actually need us.
Well, I've bet on the remote.
So...
Stevo, it's the paramedics.
[Steve] Door's open.
[door squeals]
[Steve] I tried to get it out myself
but it's just gone too far up.
And that's why I called you guys.
Yeah, yeah. What is it?
-Er, mobile. -Dammit.
What a brilliant use of our time.
Steve, mate, hey, you've been doing so well.
I'm sorry, I just had a very stressful week at work
and... [whistles] up it went.
Well, you know the drill.
Knees up to your chest.
-[groaning] -I know, it hurts.
No, I just got a text message.
♪♪♪
[Jo over speakers] Attention please.
This is an important
all unit announcement.
Has anyone seen Lozzer?
[indistinct chatter]
[Wendy over radio] Have you tried calling him, ducky?
Thanks, Wenders, no, I didn't think of the most obvious thing in the world.
'Course I tried calling him.
[softly] Useless bastards.
♪♪♪
[printer whirring]
-[Jo sighs] -Jo. What's wrong?
Loz. [breathing heavily]
I've lost Loz. I can't--
Okay, you start from the beginning.
[Jo breathing heavily]
[Jo] Oh, okay. Okay.
[breathes in] Last night, Lawrence and I...
Shit!
And then we, er...
Shit!
And finally, really hard.
Shit.
And then he took a slash.
Saw Karen's stupid bench and scarpered.
Shit!
[inhales sharply] I tried retracing my steps
to where I last saw him and then I realised
that only works with keys and not people
but why didn't I get rid of the bench, George?
Why didn't I get rid of the bench?
I don't know, Jo, why you had the bench
and why you have this fixation on Lawrence
would be better questions.
Because I am mental, George.
Bigger issues at play here.
I'll try his flat.
How come you're all tarted up?
Er, off to Lewisham to do my presentation
-for the senior leadership team. -[zipper zips]
-Oh, yeah? -[George] Mm-hmm
[Jo] Oh, good luck.
Don't throw us under the bus, yeah.
Actually you can have the Darrells
if they need a little red meat
but leave the rest of us alone, yeah.
-[door closes] -[printer whirring]
[whirs]
George's presentation.
This should be a laugh.
What the fuck?
♪♪♪
I took this scheme into South Hill
with the brief of offering mental health support
to the paramedics there.
But was quickly confronted
by a non-existent pastoral care structure
and a toxic leadership culture.
The chief architect of which was Jo Cambridge.
[projector clicks]
Right, I'll go and prep the stretcher.
Where are my keys?
Sorry.
Oh, for goodness sake!
[chuckles] This is just the call I needed today.
Honestly.
Hey, don't get upset all right,
we just treat them. You taught me that.
Well, today I would like to treat some proper emergencies.
We... We're not just people you can call
to pull things out of people's bottoms like...
dirty magicians.
-Okay, you're stressed. -[Gary exhales deeply]
Take a breath.
-Okay. -Okay.
[inhales deeply]
And you, mister.
No more DIY colonics, okay? You big human kinder egg.
This cake is perfect.
It's amazing, I just want to eat you.
I want to eat you.
[Jo] Oi!
Good presentation?
-Erm-- -Oh, you forgot this.
-Oh. -And this.
-[George] Jo, Jo, Jo. -[Darryl] Ah, come on. Leave it.
-Calm down. -[Darrell] Break that up, break it up. Break it up.
-[Geoge] No, no. Jo, please. -[Darryl] Stop, stop. Calm down. Calm down.
-Let go, let go, let go. -[clamouring]
-She tried to choke me. -[Jo grunting]
-[Darrell] You're okay. -Off!
-I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. -Off!
Jo, I tapped out.
[grunting]
I can't believe you punched me.
[sniffles, groans]
You scratch like a woman.
I am a woman.
How could you go behind my back
and get my bosses to fire me?
That's why you were so keen for me to go over to HART.
It was the right thing to do.
I was sent here to sort out
the mental health crisis at South Hill
and the thing that would fix it is you going.
You are emotionally unavailable.
You are resistant to talking about any problems
and your answer to everything is bury it down, do shots.
[Jo] Okay.
Okay, George, I get it.
Thank you. I am a shit boss.
I've seen you in action, Jo,
and you are really great at a lot of your job.
Just not the bits that I'm looking at.
Honestly, it's not personal.
If it's any consolation, you are not getting fired.
-I am. -What?
Yep. Apparently, getting rid of you
is too expensive as is keeping me.
So, the ambulance service is replacing me with an app.
An app?
An app. Yes.
The paramedics will log on after every call out
and click on a sad face or a happy face.
And that's their mental health taken care of.
That is shitty, George. Really shitty.
You don't deserve to lose your job,
even though your job is not a proper job, just talking.
-Thanks. -Look, why don't you stick around for the party?
Nah, I'm just gonna get my things and go.
It's been a really long day.
-Plus, I am a recovering alcoholic, Jo... -Yes.
-...remember, so... -Yes, I do remember.
...parties are the last thing I need.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough, George.
[sighs] Oh.
It looks like we've both had a mare today.
You lost your job,
I lost Loz.
[softly] I had him.
One night.
It was perfect.
Oh, I just wish I could find him and explain.
Come on, you know Lawrence better than anyone.
Surely you'd know where he'd go in a crisis?
George, you're a leg.
Oh, Jo, before you go,
just in the spirit of reconciliation,
can I just say
you have taught me more than I could ever teach you.
I know. And sorry I bit you on the chin, George.
-[crows cawing] -[birds chirping]
All right, Lozzer?
I just came here to talk to Karen.
Oh, right.
Hi, Karen, I'm Jo. Pleasure to meet you.
So, er...
what are you chatting about?
-The bench? Yeah. -It did come up, yeah.
The fact that you stole my dead wife's memorial bench
and kept it in your flat for a year and a half.
When you say it like that, Loz, out loud, it does sound bad.
But it was ages ago and I was in a...
very bad place.
Please, Lawrence, I...
We can't throw this away over one admittedly
massive bump in the road.
I honestly don't think Karen would want that.
[imitating Karen] No, I wouldn't.
[in normal voice] Sorry. That was out of order. Sorry, Loz.
[whispering] Sorry, Karen.
I'm just saying Steve needs proper mental health support.
Not a paramedic every few weeks.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's tragic, really.
On the other hand, who had phone?
Darryl. Darryl, mate, you've won 40 quid.
Come on!
It's not funny.
And I'm not in the mood.
I wanted today to be a great shift
out of respect for Tasha.
Come on, she would have fucking loved the call out
where the man stuck your keys up his ass.
-Yes, I suppose so. -[Kareshma chuckles]
-[keys jangle] -I might see if I can get a fresh set.
Ones that haven't been in a man.
Hmm.
It was insane but I was just...
desperate.
And I was so jealous
because you were basically still seeing Karen who was...
No offence, Karen. ...in the ground.
I never cried like I cried when that bench was taken.
I was there.
Oh, you really, really cried.
I didn't know if it was a sign from Karen or from God
or some other religious figure.
Although I'm not strictly religious,
more Zen Buddhist if I was to--
Please, Lawrence, just make your point,
I'm... [scoffs] dying here.
The reason it hurt was because
I felt like Karen was being taken from me again.
Oh, I...
[Lawrence] It was the only thing people could take
because there was no one else I cared about.
But there is now.
You.
I don't want to lose you as well.
Fuck... Thank fuck.
Sorry, Karen. Loz...
The reason I came here was to talk to Karen
and make peace with me moving on.
She'd want me to be happy.
And you know Jo makes me happy.
Aw.
That is so good of you, Karen. Thank you.
And I will take care of him.
And of course, I will return the bench to the park
for all the little hobos to sleep on.
We'd best go and... [sniffles]
leave you to your eternal rest.
Okay, Loz, just give me a few minutes,
I'm just gonna finish our girlie chat.
Okay.
[Lawrence sniffles]
♪♪♪
Hey, Karen.
[softly] I won.
[laughing]
[singing]
♪ Shake that thing Miss Cana, Cana ♪
♪ Shake that thing... ♪
[Maleek] What the fuck are you...
Fuck are you doing?
♪ Jodi and Rebecca Woman get busy ♪
♪ Just shake That booty non-stop ♪
♪ When the beat drops Just keep swinging it ♪
♪ Get jiggy, get crunked up ♪
♪ Percolate anything You want to call it ♪
♪ Oscillate you hip And don't take pity ♪
♪ Me want fi see you get live 'pon the riddim when me ride ♪
♪ And me lyrics A provide electricity ♪
♪ Gal nobody Can tell you nuttin'... ♪
-[song continues] -Stop that foolishness, man.
If you're gonna dance, just dance, Wendy.
[Maleek and Wendy vocalising]
Yo. Yo, what are you doing? Get off.
Yo! I do the winding.
I don't get wind. What are you doing?
I'm shaking what my mama gave me.
Yeah, you've deaded it now. I want a work divorce.
Get off me. Get off me.
-[Maleek] All right, Lawrence. -[Jo] All right, Maleek.
-Lawrence. -Jo's looking for you.
-Yeah, she's already found me. -Lads.
-We need to keep this on the down-low, Lawrence. -[Lawrence] Mmm.
Don't want everyone knowing that you are seeing your crazy boss.
-So, er, keep it professional. -[Lawrence] Yeah.
-Or, I was thinking maybe... -Yeah.
[all exclaiming, whooping]
[Maleek] My brother Lawrence!
-Yeah, man! -All right.
Never seen anyone kiss before, you pervs?
-[all laughing] -You, I didn't stay stop.
[Darrell] That's what I'm talking about.
[music continues playing]
You are on fire, Gary.
God gave me these moves. I just use them.
[exhales sharply] God, I'm hot.
You are, boy.
[music fading away]
-[Kareshma] Gary! -[crowd exclaim]
-[woman] Oh, gosh. -Gary.
Okay, focus.
Everyone who's been drinking, step away from Gary.
[Maleek] Move, move, move. Watch out, watch out.
Here. Please take this.
I stopped drinking cause of the counselling and all that.
What, you stopped drinking?
I stayed off it out of solidarity with you.
You dance like that sober?
Maleek and Wendy, you're on Gary.
Darrells get the defib.
-Kareshma, call Trish. -I can't.
You can, you will. If it comes from me, she'll think she's a widow. Go.
♪♪♪
[Maleek] Jo.
I've got nothing.
♪♪♪
[Maleek] Nothing.
♪♪♪
[siren blaring]
[Maleek] I didn't even know you could dance like that.
Proper pop locking and that.
-Just... -Oh, she's coming.
You all right, lovey.
[Maleek] Hey, mate.
-How's he doing? -[Kareshma] He's critical but stable.
What kind of a shit partner am I?
Oh, don't be silly. [scoffs]
It's not you.
It's the way they dance, Kareshma.
They always look like they're having a seizure.
-[Kareshma giggling] -It throws your warning system way off.
[Kareshma sniffles] He's such an annoying prick
and I know I rip the literal piss out of him all the time,
but... [exhales sharply] I can't lose him.
[crying]
I don't know what I'd do without him.
[Maleek] Ah, it's all right, mate.
[Kareshma sobbing, sniffling]
All right, bellends.
It's been a long all night
and you all smell like ass so, er,
why don't you get home?
I'm... I'm staying.
Yeah, I'm staying too.
We're all staying. All right, for Gary.
Yeah.
[Jo inhales deeply]
Well, usually after something like this, I say,
"Fuck it. Let's do shots."
Er, but, er... [sniffles]
this is bad and, er...
we should share some feelings.
Er, mental health and all that.
[Lawrence sniffles]
-To brother Gary. -[Jo] To Gary.
-To Gary. -[all] To Gary.
♪♪♪