1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,046 MAN: Señoras y señores, 4 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,591 con todos vosotros, 5 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:50,676 Jim Gaffigan! 6 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,762 (cheers, applause) 7 00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:00,352 Gracias! Gracias! 8 00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:02,062 Gracias! 9 00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:03,939 Vamos a la playa. 10 00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,108 (laughter) 11 00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:09,987 En el nombre a padre, el hijo, el spritu sancto. 12 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,781 (laughter) 13 00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,867 That's all the Spanish I know. 14 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:17,077 Uh, it is great to be here in Barcelona, 15 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,704 thank you for coming out. 16 00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:22,500 (cheers, applause) 17 00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:26,295 I have had so much fun here in Spain. 18 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,506 I love Spain, or as the Spanish call it, 19 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,800 España. 20 00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:34,470 I think it's strange that we call your country 21 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:37,556 a different name than you use. 22 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,059 That seems rude. 23 00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,894 I come from España. 24 00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,354 Uh, Spain, huh? 25 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,022 (laughter) 26 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,233 It is España. 27 00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,402 I like Spain better. 28 00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:53,697 You wouldn't do that to another person. 29 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:54,824 Hey, my name is Bob. 30 00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,450 Nice to meet you, Sam. 31 00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,244 (laughter) 32 00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:02,039 I just said my name is Bob. You look more like a Sam to me. 33 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,874 Sammy! 34 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,960 (laughter) 35 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,045 And it's not just España. 36 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:11,382 It's-- It's got that eyebrow over the N. 37 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,050 (laughter) 38 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,262 España. 39 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,222 And I asked, I was like, what's that eyebrow, 40 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,766 and they're, like, that's Enya. 41 00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,560 I'm like, the Irish singer? 42 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,645 (laughter) 43 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,607 I guess I've never really seen a photo of her. 44 00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,317 (laughter) 45 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:33,112 ♪ Sail away, sail away ♪ 46 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,238 ♪ Sail a-- ♪ 47 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:39,577 Barcelona, part of Catalonia. 48 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,704 I knew about the regions of Spain, 49 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,915 I-- I didn't know that there were so many of them. 50 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:50,212 I got 17 autonomous regions. 51 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:54,633 Now, I don't know how many autonomous regions is a lot, 52 00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:58,345 but... 17 feels like too many. 53 00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:00,180 (laughter) 54 00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,308 It's, like, are you guys gettin' a divorce or something? 55 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,018 (laughter) 56 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:08,606 Your mother and I have agreed to see other autonomous regions. 57 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,940 (laughter) 58 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,443 Seventeen? 59 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:17,573 Wait, do some of these regions even know they're part of Spain? 60 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,826 We haven't told them yet. 61 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:24,330 We want it to be a surprise. 62 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:28,584 The Spanish, of course, had this great empire, right? 63 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:32,880 Right-- Right near in Barcelona is where Columbus left. 64 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:35,215 Right? The Columbus, uh, you know, 65 00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:39,470 made a deal with King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella, 66 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,222 he was, like, I'm gonna find a shorter way to India, 67 00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:44,308 and he got lost, 68 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,144 and he found the western hemisphere, 69 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,520 so he's a hero. 70 00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:50,189 (laughter) 71 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,565 And they gave him a statue 72 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,233 where he's pointing the wrong way. 73 00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,986 (laughter) 74 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:59,949 (applause) 75 00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:04,995 As a result, the Spanish colonized half of 76 00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:06,956 the western hemisphere, right? 77 00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:09,249 They went there and they found all the gold 78 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:10,501 and they brought it back, 79 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,252 which brings up the question, 80 00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:14,171 what'd you guys do with all the gold? 81 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,881 (laughter) 82 00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:18,676 'Cause, uh, I've been all around Spain. 83 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,095 I don't see any gold. 84 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:25,683 I don't even see things you could buy with gold. 85 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,936 What happened to the gold? 86 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,480 I wanna know. 87 00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,650 I love the Spanish, they're very warm and friendly, 88 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,653 they're very tactile, they're always touching you 89 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,488 when they talk to you. 90 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,199 It feels like a pre-assault situation. 91 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,284 (laughter) 92 00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,787 How are you? I'm married. I'm married. 93 00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,330 (laughter) 94 00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:52,126 You Americans are so uptight. 95 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:55,295 I feel like such a prude here. 96 00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,423 Like, if I ask for directions, 97 00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,591 and while you give me those directions, 98 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:03,220 you feel the need to touch me a couple times, 99 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,055 I assume you're a prostitute. 100 00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,724 (laughter) 101 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,350 Yes. 102 00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:14,314 You'd think with so many autonomous regions 103 00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,483 that you guys would understand boundaries. 104 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,902 (laughter) 105 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,906 How about you think of me as an autonomous region 106 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,242 and not grope me? 107 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,038 Spain is home of the siesta. 108 00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,498 The siesta-- and I'm a nap taker, 109 00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:35,502 so I, uh-- I have always felt shame about napping, 110 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,421 I'm like, ah, I'm lazy. 111 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,132 But now I realize I'm Spanish. 112 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,509 (laughter) 113 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,470 Olé. 114 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,222 (applause) 115 00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,433 I wish-- I wish I was Spanish, right? 116 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,144 'Cause then I would have, like, one of those long last names, 117 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,104 you know, where it's like a combination of 118 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,774 the mother and the father's last name, 119 00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,736 so my name would be Jim Gaffigan Gaffigan. 120 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,155 (laughter) 121 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,616 This man is an idiot. 122 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,284 He is not a-- (chuckles) 123 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,912 The siesta. 124 00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:12,456 The siesta-- Of course, it's not-- no longer practical, 125 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:16,752 but I do admire how the-- the Spanish still have pride in the siesta. 126 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,712 The siesta, we came up with that, 127 00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:20,339 that was our idea. 128 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:21,507 To do nothing. 129 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,133 (laughter) 130 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,718 That is our thing. 131 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:28,055 Traditionally, it's from 2 to 5 p.m., right? 132 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:32,976 Seems like the idea of someone who has a massive hangover 133 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:36,063 said, hey, guys, 134 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:40,150 you know that time, like, from lunch to dinner? 135 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,819 (laughter) 136 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,155 Um... 137 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:46,615 what if we took a nap? 138 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,575 (laughter) 139 00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:52,579 What if we took some aspirin and napped? 140 00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,791 We could do that. 141 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,418 Course, there-- there are benefits 142 00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,379 of a siesta, right? 143 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:03,549 People are more alert, it improves your memory, 144 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,426 you get a couple hours where you're not groped. 145 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,137 -Uh-- -(laughter) 146 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,556 I think it-- I think it's interesting how the Spanish, 147 00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,058 you guys defend the siesta, 148 00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:14,518 like, there's a justification. 149 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,562 They're, like, well, the siesta, 150 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,522 lunch is the most important meal, 151 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,566 I'm, like, it shouldn't take three hours. 152 00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:21,650 (laughter) 153 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,277 (chuckles) You know? 154 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,821 That is the hottest part of the day. 155 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,782 I'm like, well, there is air conditioning. 156 00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:32,619 I mean, just not in Spain, but there is air conditioning. 157 00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:35,247 I've been in Spain in July, and I feel like you guys 158 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,166 are undecided about air conditioning. 159 00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:39,543 You're like, well, do we need air conditioning? 160 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,879 I mean, the roads are melting but do we need it? 161 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,380 (laughter) 162 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,257 Eh, we'll deal with that mañana. 163 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,635 You know, we don't need to figure that out right now. 164 00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:51,889 This guy's a jerk. 165 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,432 (laughter) 166 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:54,850 I don't know. 167 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:57,186 It's supposed to be a-- a short nap, right? 168 00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:58,896 It's supposed to be just 20 minutes. 169 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,023 Short nap, everything's small here. 170 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,984 Small nap, small food, small cars. 171 00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:06,069 You guys can't commit to anything. 172 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,988 (laughter) 173 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,531 But I love Spain. It's a-- 174 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,950 It's a little louder here. 175 00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:13,535 Little noisier. 176 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,579 It's very loud. 177 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,457 And I-- And I'm an American. 178 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,542 I come from New York City. 179 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:26,340 I have five young children, and it's quieter there. 180 00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:30,677 It's like I don't know if this entire country is filled with deaf people, 181 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:33,722 but I see you sit across from each other 182 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,224 and yell at each other. 183 00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:37,809 I'm like, settle down, everyone. 184 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,102 Settle down. 185 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,230 Apparently, because of the noise, 186 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:44,691 uh, the news that smoking is bad for you hasn't come up here. 187 00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,735 (laughter) 188 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:50,280 Uh, maybe someone should yell that out. 189 00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,032 I feel like you guys are smoking 190 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:53,617 like it's actually good for you, 191 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,954 -you're like-- -(laughter) 192 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,998 Yeah, you work out, I'm smokin'. 193 00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:03,585 Woo-woo! 194 00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:04,711 Nailin' it. 195 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,381 (laughter) 196 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,509 Speaking of, uh, loud noises, I, uh, went to-- 197 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,511 I saw flamenco. 198 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:15,347 Flamenco, which was-- it was so impressive, 199 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:16,807 and I tell ya, after like 10 minutes, 200 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,642 I was like, uh, I've seen enough. Uh-- 201 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,477 (laughter) 202 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,521 It was-- It was truly impressive. 203 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,731 It was very impressive. 204 00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:27,109 And it's-- But, you know, there's all the clapping, 205 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,820 and the stomping, and the-- and the snapping. 206 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,781 It's like-- It's like a competition who can make the most noise. 207 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,242 -It's like, what about this? -(laughter) 208 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:38,370 What if I did this? I wouldn't even have to open my mouth. 209 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,205 (laughter) 210 00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:43,125 It's very sensual, flamenco. Halfway through the show, 211 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,252 I got pregnant. I was-- 212 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,337 (laughter) 213 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,757 No smiling, though, right? 214 00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,051 Always-- (groaning) 215 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:55,762 (laughter) 216 00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:58,390 It's like, all I can think is they were like, my feet hurt. 217 00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:02,519 My feet really hurt from that. 218 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,104 Flamenco. 219 00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,940 So different from fado, the Portuguese fado. 220 00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,984 I love talking about Portugal in Spain 221 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,235 'cause the Spanish are always like, 222 00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:11,278 where's that? 223 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,612 (laughter) 224 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,282 It's next door. 225 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,075 Is that one of the autonomous regions? 226 00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:18,994 No, it's not. 227 00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,830 It's a whole other country. 228 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:24,416 But fado is different, you know, like, 229 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:27,753 flamenco is-- is energetic and-- and loud, 230 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,463 and-- and almost angry, 231 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,674 whereas fado is sad and melancholic. 232 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:35,302 Sad, it's very fado, which means fate. 233 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,554 It's like-- And the Portuguese love it, 234 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:41,350 it's like a whole country that's really into the band The Cure. 235 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:44,144 (laughter) 236 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,854 They love it. 237 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:49,316 Fado. Fado, which means fate. 238 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,692 Fado, it sounds like a guy, 239 00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,236 it's like, I saw Fado. 240 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,404 He seems depressed. 241 00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,031 (laughter) 242 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,617 He was saudade, which means longing 243 00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,993 but sounds like, uh, 244 00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:03,246 how a drunk person would say so sad. 245 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:06,166 (slurring) I saw Fado, he was saudade. 246 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,251 (laughter) 247 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,462 Very saudade. 248 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:13,382 Yeah, son, that doesn't make sense. 249 00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:14,925 (laughter) 250 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,010 But it's interesting, similar to flamenco, 251 00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:20,847 there's, like, dinner theaters of fado. 252 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:23,350 I don't know how that would even start. 253 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,520 It was like, hey, Grandma, you know that song about Grandpa drowning? 254 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:30,357 -Um... -(laughter) 255 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,818 What if we sing it at the restaurant? 256 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,903 (laughter) 257 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:40,325 'Cause, you know, when you eat... 258 00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:43,412 you want a sad song. 259 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,956 Have you decided? Yeah, I'm gonna have the cod, 260 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:50,210 and, uh, can I have the song about missing Lisbon? 261 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,296 Uh, that sounds great. 262 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:56,091 Valencia, I started my tour in Valencia, 263 00:11:56,174 --> 00:12:00,053 and, uh, I had paella in Valencia. 264 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:01,972 Well, I ordered it, it never showed up. 265 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,724 -Um-- -(laughter) 266 00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:08,228 -You know? -(applause) 267 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,022 How long are you supposed to wait for food-- 268 00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,649 (laughter) 269 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,110 In Spain? 270 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:18,280 Like, do Spanish waiters think people in restaurants 271 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,824 don't want to be bothered? 272 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:24,369 It was, like, it took two hours 273 00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,621 for the paella in Valencia. 274 00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:29,666 To be fair, you know, they probably had to grow the rice. 275 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,294 And then they had to cook it on that pan 276 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,962 the size of a manhole cover. 277 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,505 (laughter) 278 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,883 Does the paella pan have to be that big? 279 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,427 Here's you paella, it's bigger than your table. 280 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:43,013 (laughter) 281 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,806 I don't know. 282 00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:48,685 Valencia, they're very purist about their paella. 283 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:52,397 Very pure. That is not paella. 284 00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:55,192 That is not paella. 285 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,277 And wherever you go to eat paella 286 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,361 is the wrong place. 287 00:12:58,445 --> 00:12:59,821 I would never go there. 288 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:02,032 (laughter) 289 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,368 I would never go there. 290 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,453 And you're like, have you been there? 291 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,704 No, I've never been there. 292 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,624 (laughter) 293 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,959 You have to eat paella at lunch, too, right? 294 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:14,044 Like, if you'd eat it at dinner, 295 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,504 that is not paella. 296 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,881 (laughter) 297 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:22,344 Paella is only at lunch. 298 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,930 This guy's impression of Valencians is way off. 299 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,890 (laughter) 300 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,850 There a-- the, uh-- 301 00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:32,229 There's some debate about the origins of paella, right? 302 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,397 Some people think it's from Catalonia, 303 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,774 and some people think it's from Valencia, 304 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:37,692 and there are different styles, right? 305 00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:39,736 In Catalonia, the paella has, like, 306 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,990 all the sea monsters mixed in with the rice, 307 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:47,744 with like a witch's-- a witch's wooden handle stirring it. 308 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,748 And then in Valencia, they have, like, delicious things 309 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:56,795 like snails and rabbit and other road kill. 310 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:59,214 (laughter) 311 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:03,635 But who was the first to overcook rice? 312 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,720 (laughter) 313 00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:06,763 We don't know. 314 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,515 (applause) 315 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,642 We don't know. 316 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:13,770 And sadly, we may never know. 317 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,815 We may never know. 318 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,276 Valencia, I had horchata. 319 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,819 "Orchada." I don't know. 320 00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,028 (laughter) 321 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,697 "Orshada," "orchada." 322 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,575 Which is this refreshing white liquid that, 323 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,118 after I drank it, they were, like, 324 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,786 that's made from tiger nuts. 325 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,413 (laughter) 326 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,874 I didn't-- I didn't know there were tigers here. 327 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,711 (laughter) 328 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:41,673 And they're like, no, it's a nut that looks like a tiger's nut. 329 00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:43,258 (laughter) 330 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,718 Doesn't make me feel better. 331 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,636 (laughter) 332 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,930 Valencia, they have the falles. 333 00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:50,932 Right? The falles, which is-- 334 00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:53,852 it's a festival honoring Saint Joseph, 335 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,313 and how they honor him is 336 00:14:56,396 --> 00:15:00,984 they dress up in old timey clothes and burn things. 337 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,862 'Cause nothing says culture more than 338 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,489 lighting things on fire. 339 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,783 Hey, you know how Hitler burned a lot of books? 340 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:13,872 What if we did that of images of people that are still alive? 341 00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,498 We could do that. You know how, like, 342 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,375 they protest in the Middle East? 343 00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:19,169 What if we did that as a festival? 344 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,254 (laughter) 345 00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:27,510 There's also in, uh, Valencia, 346 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,304 there's the Tomatina, right? 347 00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:31,723 The Tomatina, which is a festival 348 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:34,392 which is just a tomato fight. 349 00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,686 And I was, like, how-- I asked, I was like, 350 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:41,232 did this start, like, was there a saint that was killed by tomatoes, or-- 351 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:44,527 Saint Tomato of Bob or something? 352 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:48,615 And they're like, no, it was just an old guy threw a tomato 353 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:51,534 and we turned it into a festival. 354 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:56,247 I'm like, is-- is that how all festivals start here? 355 00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,500 It's like, you know what? I tripped on the way here. 356 00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:01,211 -Let's turn that into a party. -(laughter) 357 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,005 We can do that as a party. Everything can be a party. 358 00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,299 (laughter) 359 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:09,010 In Madrid, I saw the statue of the Devil. 360 00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,930 You know there's a statue of the Devil in Madrid? 361 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:14,683 The fallen angel which-- that's the Devil. 362 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,976 I don't know how that would even come up. 363 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,853 It's like, who else should we do a statue of? 364 00:16:18,937 --> 00:16:20,146 (deep voice) How about the Devil? 365 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:22,232 (laughter) 366 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,276 Who invited that guy? 367 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,945 (laughter) 368 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,280 No, there's a statue of the Devil. 369 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,866 In America, we're taking down statues 370 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,451 of the Confederacy, 371 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,912 and Spain, a Catholic country, 372 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,374 there's a statue of the Antichrist. 373 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,126 Like, how do you even justify that? 374 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,753 Well, you know, the Devil, you know, wasn't all bad. 375 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:46,464 -(laughter) -You know. 376 00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:50,009 Devil did some good things, you know, he-- 377 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,595 He went down to Georgia. He did that. 378 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,014 And he, uh-- he uh-- you know, he was an advocate, 379 00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:56,182 he was the Devil's advocate. 380 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,976 (laughter) 381 00:16:58,059 --> 00:17:01,187 Don't forget about those deviled eggs, those are tasty. 382 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,940 (laughter) 383 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,276 I went and I saw it, and the-- 384 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:11,740 the statue of the Devil is 666 meters above sea level. 385 00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,283 I'm sure that's a coincidence. 386 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,743 (laughter) 387 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,328 Hello? We're all gonna die. 388 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,538 (chuckles) 389 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,416 Like, how-- Why? Why? 390 00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:24,294 It's like, how tall should we make the Devil statue? 391 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,172 (low voice) 6-6-6. 392 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:30,216 Well, if you feel that strongly about it. 393 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,803 Should we go with a fountain? (deep voice) Of blood. 394 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,972 (deep voice) Just kidding. 395 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,515 (normal voice) Yeah, I was gonna say we're gonna do a fountain, 396 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,309 I don't know where we'd get the blood. 397 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,228 (deep voice) I'll provide the blood. 398 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:45,231 The blood of virgins. 399 00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,233 Sorry, I don't know what possessed me. 400 00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,652 (laughter) 401 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,695 (normal voice) But of course, 402 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,865 nothing is quite as fascinating 403 00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:57,368 as the, uh, caganer, right? 404 00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,871 The caganer, if you don't know, 405 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,832 um, the caganer is a little figurine 406 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,627 of a guy squatting and doing his business. 407 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,337 And when I say business, 408 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,256 I mean the most disgusting idea of business. 409 00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,508 (laughter) 410 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:15,345 And behind him is a pile of his business. 411 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,721 (laughter) 412 00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,598 And the first time I was in Barcelona, 413 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:21,226 I saw, like, these little figurines in stores, 414 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,728 and I was, like, ha, ha, ha, that's disgusting. 415 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,355 (laughter) 416 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,566 And then I learned later on those little figurines 417 00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:31,319 are part of the nativity scene. 418 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,404 (laughter) 419 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,033 What?! 420 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,828 So in the nativity scene, 421 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:44,457 there is Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus, 422 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,042 and the three kings, 423 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,378 and a guy doing an outdoor dump. 424 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,673 (laughter) 425 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:57,387 And eventually, I-- I saw-- someone just sent me a photo 426 00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:01,558 of seeing the image of the caganer next to the-- 427 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,727 And I swear, one of the kings was holding his gift, 428 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,438 and looking at the caganer, like, that's his gift? 429 00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:09,858 -You know? -(laughter) 430 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,780 Caga tio. I don't understand that. 431 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:17,866 (laughter) 432 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,493 Cagat-- It's just like-- It's-- It's almost like 433 00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,829 Catalonia was like, what else can we do? 434 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,456 (laughter, applause) 435 00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:28,084 What-- (chuckles) 436 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,087 We got the caganer, but... 437 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,339 how about something weird for the kids? 438 00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,092 (laughter) 439 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,888 Caga tio, this is gonna sound made up. 440 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,472 (laughter) 441 00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:44,893 It all sounds made up. 442 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,979 It's like, all right, you know, uh... 443 00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:51,482 a log-- 444 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,401 Stickin' with the theme. 445 00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,486 -Uh-- -(laughter) 446 00:19:55,570 --> 00:20:00,700 A log that, uh, in December, kids feed. 447 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:07,123 -Okay. -(laughter) 448 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:11,794 They take care of the log during December. 449 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:15,048 They feed it. You know how you can feed a log. 450 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,925 -And-- -(laughter) 451 00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:20,136 They feed this log, 452 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:24,807 and then on Christmas Day, in the spirit of Jesus' birth-- 453 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,684 (laughter) 454 00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:29,604 This log that they've taken care of, 455 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:30,980 they beat it. 456 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:32,398 (laughter) 457 00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:36,694 They-- They beat the log... 458 00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:40,198 and sing a song hoping that the log-- 459 00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,742 -I'm not makin' it up-- -(laughter) 460 00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,286 Like, there's Americans here goin', this is not true. 461 00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:46,955 (laughter) 462 00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:48,581 And the Catalonians are like, yeah, he's got-- 463 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:51,292 -It's pretty close. -(laughter) 464 00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:54,712 They beat the log, singing that 465 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:57,298 they want the log to poop out gifts. 466 00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,676 (laughter) 467 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,053 It's like-- 468 00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,846 You guys don't even need drugs here. 469 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:07,183 -(laughter) -You know what I mean? It's like-- 470 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,851 You're like, drugs? We don't need 'em. 471 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,645 We don't need 'em. 472 00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,814 Have you seen our holiday traditions? 473 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,400 (laughter) 474 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,402 And I love in that song, 475 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:20,238 "Poop out some gifts, but not sardines." 476 00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,532 (laughter) 477 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:25,118 Like, at what point are they writing a song, 478 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,703 don't forget the sardine part. 479 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,788 (laughter) 480 00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:31,666 Nobody wants sardines. Nobody wants sardines. 481 00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:34,711 You're talking about a log pooping out gifts. 482 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,921 Yeah, but you know what, sardines are gross. 483 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,756 (laughter) 484 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,009 The sardines, those are gross, right? 485 00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:43,094 (laughter) 486 00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:46,389 Fascinating. 487 00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:49,517 Fascinating. 488 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,728 Of course, a Catholic country here, you know. 489 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,230 In Valencia, I saw the Holy Grail. 490 00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:57,650 Well, you know, maybe. Right? 491 00:21:57,734 --> 00:22:00,486 You know, it's possibly the cup 492 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,990 that Jesus drank from at the last supper, 493 00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:07,160 -but probably not. -(laughter) 494 00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:09,829 And there are like, supposedly, there's two other cups 495 00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:14,375 that are possibly cups that Jesus drank from at the last supper, 496 00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,461 but probably not. 497 00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:18,171 (laughter) 498 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,381 In fact, I have a cup at home-- 499 00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:23,342 (laughter) 500 00:22:23,426 --> 00:22:28,056 That Jesus possibly drank from. 501 00:22:28,139 --> 00:22:29,974 But probably not. 502 00:22:30,058 --> 00:22:32,894 It's a sippy cup, so it's probably... 503 00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:34,645 baby Jesus. 504 00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:38,733 This guy's a jerk. 505 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:40,068 (laughter) 506 00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:42,570 He's just rude. 507 00:22:42,653 --> 00:22:44,197 I don't know. 508 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,783 Last time I was in Spain, I had my family with me. 509 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,534 I brought-- I have five kids, 510 00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:52,705 and one of the advantages of traveling with five children 511 00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:56,292 is it's very similar to shoveling cash into a furnace. 512 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,377 (laughter) 513 00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:04,509 But it was euros, so the flames were pretty colors. 514 00:23:04,592 --> 00:23:05,968 (laughter) 515 00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:08,638 And I had my teenagers with me, which is-- 516 00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:10,890 They-- They're always nice, they're always pointing out 517 00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:12,600 every insecurity you've ever had. 518 00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:13,976 (laughter) 519 00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,979 Like, hey, Dad, you know you look fat. 520 00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:19,649 I do know that, thank you. I do know that. 521 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:21,317 You know you look like a tourist. 522 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,985 -I do know that, thank you. -(laughter) 523 00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:24,779 'Cause I do, I look like a tourist. 524 00:23:24,862 --> 00:23:27,573 And I've always looked like a tourist, even as a baby, 525 00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:29,909 I looked like a tourist. 526 00:23:29,992 --> 00:23:32,328 People were like, is that-- that baby's a tourist, right? 527 00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:33,746 (laughter) 528 00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:36,374 That must be a tourist baby. 529 00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:37,792 You know what I mean? 530 00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:40,378 And, uh, tourist is an ugly word, right? 531 00:23:40,461 --> 00:23:43,673 It's an ugly word. Nobody wants to be called a tourist. 532 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:47,301 Tourist sounds like something you'd accuse someone of being. 533 00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:50,513 It's like, not only are you sexist and racist, 534 00:23:50,596 --> 00:23:51,597 you're a tourist. 535 00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:54,559 (laughter) 536 00:23:54,642 --> 00:23:56,394 I am not a tourist. 537 00:23:56,477 --> 00:23:57,728 (laughter) 538 00:23:57,812 --> 00:24:00,481 You know I don't see geography. 539 00:24:00,565 --> 00:24:01,691 (laughter) 540 00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:06,362 But worldwide, people dislike tourists, right? 541 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:07,864 And we-- Everywhere, people complain. 542 00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,032 I love when the Spanish complain about tourists. 543 00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:12,660 They're like, I hate those people that come here and spend money. 544 00:24:12,743 --> 00:24:14,245 (laughter) 545 00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,706 So we can have jobs and take the afternoon off. 546 00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:18,374 (laughter) 547 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,960 They're the worst. 548 00:24:21,043 --> 00:24:23,045 But we all complain about tourists, 549 00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:25,173 and we say it's 'cause we think that, you know, 550 00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:27,800 we say it 'cause like they get in our way, 551 00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:31,220 but really, we don't like the idea of someone coming to our town 552 00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:33,598 and having fun. 553 00:24:33,681 --> 00:24:36,225 How dare they come here... 554 00:24:36,309 --> 00:24:38,603 and enjoy our services. 555 00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:40,354 (laughter) 556 00:24:40,438 --> 00:24:43,441 And people say horrible things about tourists. 557 00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:45,359 Horrible things, things you wouldn't say 558 00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:46,569 about any other group of people, 559 00:24:46,652 --> 00:24:48,029 and you can say it in front of 560 00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:50,281 your most politically correct friend. 561 00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:53,409 You're like, oh, we should get rid of all the tourists. 562 00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:55,703 And your friend's like, we should kill them all. 563 00:24:55,786 --> 00:24:57,914 (laughter) 564 00:24:57,997 --> 00:25:00,666 Well, I don't know about that. 565 00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:02,835 As a result, nobody ever wants to look like a tourist, 566 00:25:02,919 --> 00:25:04,337 we always want to mix in, we're like, 567 00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:07,924 what are the locals doing? I want to do that. 568 00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:08,966 They're at work. 569 00:25:09,050 --> 00:25:11,052 (laughter) 570 00:25:14,222 --> 00:25:16,349 Can I do that? 571 00:25:16,432 --> 00:25:18,267 (applause) 572 00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:21,103 I want to do that. 573 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:23,105 We do behave strangely as tourists, 574 00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:27,443 like when I was with my family, we visited a bunch of churches. 575 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:30,363 You never do that when you're at home. 576 00:25:30,446 --> 00:25:31,906 I never wake up on a Saturday, 577 00:25:31,989 --> 00:25:33,532 hey, you wanna go check out some churches? 578 00:25:33,616 --> 00:25:35,284 (laughter) 579 00:25:35,368 --> 00:25:38,579 Uh, never. No. 580 00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:41,415 What if I told you those churches were super old and empty? 581 00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,459 (laughter) 582 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:46,045 I still wouldn't want to go. 583 00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:48,381 Most of the churches we went in were empty. 584 00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:50,216 And, you know, we went in one church 585 00:25:50,299 --> 00:25:52,343 and there was a mass going on and that was kind of strange. 586 00:25:52,426 --> 00:25:54,762 It was like, hey, I know you're in contemplative prayer, 587 00:25:54,845 --> 00:25:58,349 but I'm gonna do an Instagram live. 588 00:25:58,432 --> 00:26:00,685 So I'll tag you if you want. 589 00:26:00,768 --> 00:26:02,812 (laughter) 590 00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:05,731 In New York City, there's a church that went out of business, 591 00:26:05,815 --> 00:26:08,651 and they turned it into a nightclub, the Limelight. 592 00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:10,569 And so that means-- 593 00:26:10,653 --> 00:26:12,280 I'm sure there are people that walk by and they're like, 594 00:26:12,363 --> 00:26:15,032 Oh, my gosh, that's where my parents got married, 595 00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:16,867 and where I first tried cocaine. 596 00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:18,953 (laughter) 597 00:26:20,371 --> 00:26:21,789 A lot of memories there. 598 00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:26,961 Of course, here in Barcelona, the most famous Spanish church, 599 00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:28,629 Sagrada Familia, 600 00:26:28,713 --> 00:26:30,965 or as I call it, Sangria Familiar. 601 00:26:31,048 --> 00:26:33,092 (laughter) 602 00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:34,927 Beautiful church, right? 603 00:26:35,011 --> 00:26:37,513 Started in the 1800s, still not done. 604 00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,015 (laughter) 605 00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:41,809 I'm thinkin', never gonna be done. 606 00:26:41,892 --> 00:26:45,146 After a hundred years, I lower my expectations. 607 00:26:45,229 --> 00:26:46,605 (laughter) 608 00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:49,233 You guys gonna finish it? Mañana, mañana. 609 00:26:49,317 --> 00:26:51,193 (laughter) 610 00:26:51,277 --> 00:26:55,740 -Don't pressure us. -(applause) 611 00:26:55,823 --> 00:26:58,409 That's one of Gaudi's masterpieces, right? 612 00:26:58,492 --> 00:27:00,453 Gaudi, such a brilliant mind, 613 00:27:00,536 --> 00:27:02,913 whose approach to-- to architecture was like, 614 00:27:02,997 --> 00:27:05,374 make it beautiful but make it melting. 615 00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:07,418 (laughter) 616 00:27:09,086 --> 00:27:13,466 We want the buildings to feel like Spain in August. 617 00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:15,426 (laughter) 618 00:27:18,179 --> 00:27:20,765 Here we're on Las Ramblas. 619 00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:21,974 Everyone check your wallet. 620 00:27:22,058 --> 00:27:23,893 (laughter) 621 00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:27,188 Ramblas, check your wallet. 622 00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:29,106 I remember the first time I came to Barcelona, 623 00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:30,691 I landed, I took an overnight flight, 624 00:27:30,775 --> 00:27:33,110 and I checked into my hotel, it was like 7 a.m., 625 00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:34,904 I was like kinda wired, so I was like, 626 00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:37,323 I'm gonna go walk around. Where's the Ramblas? 627 00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:39,742 And the hotel person was like, oh, don't go there. 628 00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:40,868 (laughter) 629 00:27:40,951 --> 00:27:42,995 Don't go there. 630 00:27:43,079 --> 00:27:47,041 I'm like, well, why? And they're like, oh, very dangerous. 631 00:27:47,124 --> 00:27:49,085 Lot of pickpockets. 632 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:53,881 I was like, is it in a-- is it in a different century? 633 00:27:53,964 --> 00:27:56,675 Pickpockets, am I gonna run into Oliver Twist? 634 00:27:56,759 --> 00:27:58,594 (laughter) 635 00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,305 Should I be worried about being guillotined? 636 00:28:01,389 --> 00:28:02,848 (laughter) 637 00:28:02,932 --> 00:28:05,726 La Ramblas. 638 00:28:05,810 --> 00:28:08,396 And I walked down the-- the Ramblas, and people were very nice. 639 00:28:08,479 --> 00:28:09,980 They were, in fact, generous. 640 00:28:10,064 --> 00:28:12,441 People coming up to me offering to sell me drugs. 641 00:28:12,525 --> 00:28:14,777 (laughter) 642 00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:18,114 Do want coke, hash? No thank you, it's eight in the morning, but, uh-- 643 00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:19,907 (laughter) 644 00:28:19,990 --> 00:28:22,535 And then I would walk back, same people, coke, hash? 645 00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:24,453 I'm like, no, didn't change my mind, 646 00:28:24,537 --> 00:28:26,622 uh, but thanks for checkin' in. 647 00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:31,961 I'm still good on not wanting drugs at eight in the morning. 648 00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:34,046 (laughter) 649 00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:39,260 My family was here, we, uh, visited some castles. 650 00:28:39,343 --> 00:28:41,095 Everyone loves castles, right? 651 00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:43,889 Those romantic, magical structures 652 00:28:43,973 --> 00:28:47,184 where dictators used to live. 653 00:28:47,268 --> 00:28:52,106 I love how former dictator homes are so-- 654 00:28:52,189 --> 00:28:54,442 are tourist traps, you know? 655 00:28:54,525 --> 00:28:56,610 That's the effect of Disney on top of us. 656 00:28:56,694 --> 00:29:00,364 It's like, I'm sure that murderous despot who lived there 657 00:29:00,448 --> 00:29:03,742 probably-- I'm sure he was all about equal rights. 658 00:29:03,826 --> 00:29:05,035 (laughter) 659 00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:08,497 I bet his son was charming. 660 00:29:08,581 --> 00:29:10,791 Went on a castle tour, which really means 661 00:29:10,875 --> 00:29:14,170 we just paid to walk through a rich guy's house. 662 00:29:14,253 --> 00:29:16,922 'Cause that's all you do on a castle tour, you just walk through. 663 00:29:17,006 --> 00:29:19,216 And this one was furnished, 664 00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:21,135 so all the king's stuff was there. 665 00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:25,764 It felt kind of like a-- a medieval Air B&B. 666 00:29:25,848 --> 00:29:27,057 I was like, wow, this is weird. 667 00:29:27,141 --> 00:29:29,018 In 300 years, are people gonna pay 668 00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:31,604 to walk through Bill Gates' house? 669 00:29:31,687 --> 00:29:33,772 Like, oh, look at that, he owned a Mac. Wow. 670 00:29:33,856 --> 00:29:35,649 (laughter) 671 00:29:35,733 --> 00:29:36,942 That's a surprise. 672 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,032 Now you hear about, occasionally hear about 673 00:29:43,115 --> 00:29:45,743 really wealthy people living in castles. 674 00:29:45,826 --> 00:29:48,329 I'd be embarrassed to tell someone I lived in a castle. 675 00:29:48,412 --> 00:29:49,788 It's like, oh, where do we live? 676 00:29:49,872 --> 00:29:52,291 Well, we looked at apartments in the area, 677 00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:56,086 but you know the castle on the top of the hill? 678 00:29:56,170 --> 00:29:59,381 Yeah, we live in it. 679 00:29:59,465 --> 00:30:02,801 But we're down to earth, we just have a lot more earth. 680 00:30:02,885 --> 00:30:04,845 (laughter) 681 00:30:04,929 --> 00:30:08,349 The wife wanted a moat, you know. 682 00:30:08,432 --> 00:30:11,602 Moats, those really disappeared, right? 683 00:30:11,685 --> 00:30:14,897 People rarely add moats to their homes anymore. 684 00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:18,317 'Cause I guess there's nothing less neighborly, right? 685 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:23,072 There's putting up a fence and then there's digging a river 686 00:30:23,155 --> 00:30:25,407 around your house that says, you know, don't come over. 687 00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:26,784 (laughter) 688 00:30:26,867 --> 00:30:28,661 We're not looking for visitors. 689 00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,579 (laughter) 690 00:30:30,663 --> 00:30:33,123 There's very late night culture in Spain, right? 691 00:30:33,207 --> 00:30:35,376 I feel like you guys kind of almost brag about it. 692 00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:39,213 You're like, oh, we eat dinner at 11:00. 693 00:30:39,296 --> 00:30:42,758 We eat dinner at midnight. We eat dinner when you're having breakfast. 694 00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:44,635 (laughter) 695 00:30:44,718 --> 00:30:46,762 I'm, like, do any of you have jobs here? 696 00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:48,556 (laughter) 697 00:30:48,639 --> 00:30:51,141 (chuckles) How do you do that? 698 00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:53,060 But everything starts later in Spain, 699 00:30:53,143 --> 00:30:55,312 meals, shows, democracy, 700 00:30:55,396 --> 00:30:57,815 everything starts later, right? 701 00:30:57,898 --> 00:30:59,692 Everything starts later. 702 00:30:59,775 --> 00:31:03,028 (laughter, applause) 703 00:31:03,112 --> 00:31:05,406 'Cause, of course, there was the Spanish Civil War, 704 00:31:05,489 --> 00:31:07,741 which is a funny topic. 705 00:31:07,825 --> 00:31:10,578 No, the Spanish Civil War, and I wanted to learn more about it, 706 00:31:10,661 --> 00:31:12,329 so I watched some Youtube videos, 707 00:31:12,413 --> 00:31:15,457 and, uh, now I understand less. 708 00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:16,875 -But-- -(laughter) 709 00:31:16,959 --> 00:31:19,920 I do know the fascists won, Franco, won, 710 00:31:20,004 --> 00:31:23,549 and he ruled over Spain for decades, Franco. 711 00:31:23,632 --> 00:31:26,218 And, of course, he had a son named James Franco. 712 00:31:26,302 --> 00:31:27,595 (laughter) 713 00:31:27,678 --> 00:31:29,972 Who directed that movie, "The Disaster Artist," 714 00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:32,558 but he cast his brother Dave 'cause Spain's all about family. 715 00:31:32,641 --> 00:31:34,351 (laughter) 716 00:31:34,435 --> 00:31:37,521 And Franco-- Someone told me Franco only had one testicle. 717 00:31:37,605 --> 00:31:39,607 I don't know if that's true, you know. 718 00:31:39,690 --> 00:31:40,983 I don't want to Google it. 719 00:31:41,066 --> 00:31:42,860 -(laughter) -You know. 720 00:31:42,943 --> 00:31:45,154 I don't want to get all those one testicle ads. 721 00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:46,905 (laughter) 722 00:31:46,989 --> 00:31:49,033 You might be interested in these one testicle underwear. 723 00:31:49,116 --> 00:31:50,659 I don't want that. 724 00:31:50,743 --> 00:31:52,202 (laughter) 725 00:31:52,286 --> 00:31:55,331 Supposedly, Hitler only had one testicle. 726 00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:57,082 Everyone has that friend that brings that up, 727 00:31:57,166 --> 00:31:58,834 like it explains something. 728 00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:01,962 You know, Hitler, he only had one testicle. 729 00:32:02,046 --> 00:32:04,381 Oh, that's why he did those horrible things. 730 00:32:04,465 --> 00:32:05,758 (laughter) 731 00:32:05,841 --> 00:32:07,968 We gotta keep an eye on Lance Armstrong. 732 00:32:08,052 --> 00:32:10,929 -(laughter) -(crowd exclaiming) 733 00:32:11,013 --> 00:32:12,056 I'm sorry, is Lance here? 734 00:32:12,139 --> 00:32:14,767 (laughter) 735 00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:18,020 Besides, I can say that joke 'cause I only have one testicle. 736 00:32:18,103 --> 00:32:19,355 (laughter) 737 00:32:19,438 --> 00:32:21,607 Well, from certain angles. You know? 738 00:32:21,690 --> 00:32:23,609 (laughter) 739 00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:26,153 That's disgusting. 740 00:32:26,236 --> 00:32:28,197 I thought he was the clean comedian. 741 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:29,531 (laughter) 742 00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:32,242 I thought he was. 743 00:32:32,326 --> 00:32:34,328 I love the Spanish food. Whenever I travel, 744 00:32:34,411 --> 00:32:35,954 I always eat the local specialty. 745 00:32:36,038 --> 00:32:37,373 You guys are like, we can tell, Jim, 746 00:32:37,456 --> 00:32:39,625 -we can totally tell. -(laughter) 747 00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:44,171 We can t-- And there's nothing more Spanish than tapas, right? 748 00:32:44,254 --> 00:32:46,715 Tapas, which is kind of like Spain's sushi. 749 00:32:46,799 --> 00:32:48,967 -Tapas-- -(laughter) 750 00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:53,222 Which is like-- I love how tapas is talked about like an activity. 751 00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:58,143 People do tapas, you know, like it's a form of exercise. 752 00:32:58,227 --> 00:32:59,645 You went jogging? I did tapas. 753 00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:01,188 (laughter) 754 00:33:01,271 --> 00:33:04,149 Yeah, I did a whole circuit, I'm exhausted. 755 00:33:04,233 --> 00:33:06,777 When I was in Madrid, I went to, uh, 756 00:33:06,860 --> 00:33:08,904 the oldest restaurant called Botín, 757 00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:13,659 which is a restaurant that's been open since 1725, 758 00:33:13,742 --> 00:33:16,912 and, uh, it really-- the food tasted like it, too. 759 00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:19,248 -And, uh-- -(laughter) 760 00:33:19,331 --> 00:33:21,125 It's weird, old is not usually 761 00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:23,544 an adjective you want associated with food. 762 00:33:23,627 --> 00:33:27,297 It's like, oh, these-- oh, this-- these eggs are from a thousand years ago. 763 00:33:27,381 --> 00:33:30,634 (laughter) 764 00:33:30,718 --> 00:33:33,804 But Botín, I had-- And it's all traditional dishes, 765 00:33:33,887 --> 00:33:36,348 like, I had the suckling pig. 766 00:33:36,432 --> 00:33:38,976 Uh, which is, you know, obviously, it's a baby pig 767 00:33:39,059 --> 00:33:41,687 that was torn away from the mother. 768 00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:43,397 (laughter) 769 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:44,940 And then I ate it. 770 00:33:45,023 --> 00:33:47,526 (laughter) 771 00:33:47,609 --> 00:33:50,028 I mean, I didn't eat it in front of the mother. 772 00:33:50,112 --> 00:33:52,239 -You know what I mean? -(laughter) 773 00:33:52,322 --> 00:33:55,117 I Facetimed, I did. I was like-- 774 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,618 Anything look familiar? 775 00:33:56,702 --> 00:33:58,662 (laughter) 776 00:33:58,746 --> 00:34:00,998 It didn't happen, everyone. 777 00:34:01,081 --> 00:34:04,126 It didn't-- This guy's a monster. 778 00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:07,838 He is a monster. He's a horrible person, 779 00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:09,006 and I don't like him. 780 00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:10,841 (laughter) 781 00:34:10,924 --> 00:34:16,472 Spanish breakfast, I had, uh, churros con chocolate. 782 00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,098 For breakfast. 783 00:34:18,182 --> 00:34:20,559 Like, I know lunch is your meal here, 784 00:34:20,642 --> 00:34:23,312 but, you know... 785 00:34:23,395 --> 00:34:25,063 breakfast, the ingredients of a candy bar, 786 00:34:25,147 --> 00:34:27,399 we're gonna go there? 787 00:34:27,483 --> 00:34:29,443 Like, who came up with that? 788 00:34:29,526 --> 00:34:32,529 Was that, like, what, they ask an eight-year-old? 789 00:34:32,613 --> 00:34:35,741 I want fried dough 790 00:34:35,824 --> 00:34:39,119 that I can dunk into a cup of chocolate. 791 00:34:39,203 --> 00:34:41,205 (laughter) 792 00:34:41,288 --> 00:34:43,916 Now, Timmy, we're-- we're gonna give you a little bit. 793 00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:46,126 I want a cup of chocolate! 794 00:34:46,210 --> 00:34:47,878 (laughter) 795 00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:51,507 Just give him the damn cup of chocolate. 796 00:34:51,590 --> 00:34:53,217 (laughter) 797 00:34:56,720 --> 00:35:00,474 Tortilla española. Tortilla española, 798 00:35:00,557 --> 00:35:02,935 that was, I don't know how to tell you this, uh, 799 00:35:03,018 --> 00:35:03,977 that's an omelet. 800 00:35:04,061 --> 00:35:06,063 (laughter) 801 00:35:08,816 --> 00:35:13,111 Not a tortilla. Not a tortilla. 802 00:35:13,195 --> 00:35:15,781 Not a tortilla. I, uh, I don't know, 803 00:35:15,864 --> 00:35:18,408 I-- I g-- I would assume that 804 00:35:18,492 --> 00:35:21,453 a Spanish person would have met a Mexican by now, 805 00:35:21,537 --> 00:35:23,831 -but-- -(laughter) 806 00:35:23,914 --> 00:35:26,500 That's not a tort-- Maybe the Mexicans are so nice 807 00:35:26,583 --> 00:35:28,710 they didn't want to tell you. 808 00:35:28,794 --> 00:35:31,421 Like, the Spaniards are like, here's our tortilla española, 809 00:35:31,505 --> 00:35:33,507 and the Mexicans are like, 810 00:35:33,590 --> 00:35:36,385 -bueno. -(laughter) 811 00:35:36,468 --> 00:35:38,929 Bueno on the tortilla. 812 00:35:39,012 --> 00:35:41,598 That's very good, that's-- 813 00:35:41,682 --> 00:35:43,267 It's tortilla español. 814 00:35:43,350 --> 00:35:47,688 That is, uh, an omelet, that's a potato omelet. 815 00:35:47,771 --> 00:35:49,189 Even people in Ireland are like, 816 00:35:49,273 --> 00:35:51,483 I don't need a potato omelet. No thanks. 817 00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:55,487 But, uh, tortilla, it's a potato omelet. 818 00:35:55,571 --> 00:35:56,572 And, you know, I've eaten a lot of omelets. 819 00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,323 Jim, we can tell. 820 00:35:58,407 --> 00:36:00,033 And, uh, I-- you know, 821 00:36:00,117 --> 00:36:03,036 I've never really, uh, wanted a potato one. 822 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:04,329 (laughter) 823 00:36:04,413 --> 00:36:06,081 What do you want in your omelet? 824 00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:11,086 Uh, potatoes and is it okay if we call it a burrito? 825 00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:13,839 Can we do that? 826 00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:15,424 Tortilla española. 827 00:36:15,507 --> 00:36:17,134 Bogadillo. 828 00:36:17,217 --> 00:36:21,096 So there's a tortilla española sandwich. 829 00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:23,181 (laughter) 830 00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:28,353 Hey, I love carbs. I do. 831 00:36:28,437 --> 00:36:30,355 (laughter) 832 00:36:30,439 --> 00:36:33,025 But there is a threshold where you're like-- 833 00:36:33,108 --> 00:36:35,110 (laughter) 834 00:36:37,029 --> 00:36:39,239 (chuckles) 835 00:36:39,323 --> 00:36:43,160 You know what? I'll have, uh, the tortilla española sandwich, 836 00:36:43,243 --> 00:36:46,288 and, uh, the potato omelet sandwich. 837 00:36:46,371 --> 00:36:48,373 Can we put-- Can we put some rice on there? 838 00:36:48,457 --> 00:36:50,375 (laughter) 839 00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:54,671 I'd love some rice and maybe some pasta. 840 00:36:54,755 --> 00:36:56,798 -Can we put past-- -(laughter) 841 00:36:56,882 --> 00:36:58,967 Just hear me out, hear me out. 842 00:36:59,051 --> 00:37:03,138 If we put pasta and then, I don't know, 843 00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:07,434 I feel like there should be some more in there. 844 00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:08,977 This guy's a jerk. 845 00:37:09,061 --> 00:37:11,438 (laughter) 846 00:37:11,521 --> 00:37:15,150 But you guys love potatoes. Patatas brava. 847 00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:17,152 Patat-- Imagine the bravery-- 848 00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:19,863 (laughter) 849 00:37:19,947 --> 00:37:24,493 Involved... in putting sauce... 850 00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:26,578 -on potatoes. -(laughter) 851 00:37:30,374 --> 00:37:33,752 What kind of man is he? 852 00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:35,796 Have you seen how he eats his potatoes? 853 00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,506 (laughter) 854 00:37:37,589 --> 00:37:39,049 With sauce on them. 855 00:37:39,132 --> 00:37:40,175 (laughter) 856 00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:41,802 He is a real man. 857 00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:43,971 (laughter) 858 00:37:44,054 --> 00:37:47,099 Now, I would never come to your beautiful country, 859 00:37:47,182 --> 00:37:51,353 and tell you that gazpacho soup is uncooked tomato soup. 860 00:37:51,436 --> 00:37:52,688 I would never do that. 861 00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:54,189 (laughter) 862 00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:57,192 'Cause that's not the type of person I am. 863 00:37:57,275 --> 00:37:59,861 I am humbled and gracious, 864 00:37:59,945 --> 00:38:02,280 and I wouldn't say someone was too lazy to cook it. 865 00:38:02,364 --> 00:38:04,366 -I wouldn't say that. -(laughter) 866 00:38:06,368 --> 00:38:07,828 This guy's gonna get beat up. 867 00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:09,997 (laughter) 868 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,708 I would even say olé. 869 00:38:12,791 --> 00:38:14,918 Like, when I was at the flamenco show. 870 00:38:15,002 --> 00:38:17,754 where occasionally someone would just say olé, 871 00:38:17,838 --> 00:38:19,464 they'd be like, "Olé." 872 00:38:19,548 --> 00:38:21,591 "Olé," and it was just, like, random, 873 00:38:21,675 --> 00:38:23,135 and, obviously, it's kind of a cheer, 874 00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:24,720 it's like, you know, 875 00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:28,473 and I was like, I kind of wanted to say olé. 876 00:38:28,557 --> 00:38:30,517 And-- And every now and then, someone would look at me 877 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:31,810 and they'd be like, not you. 878 00:38:31,893 --> 00:38:35,147 (laughter) 879 00:38:35,230 --> 00:38:37,858 Not you, Gary, you don't get to say olé. 880 00:38:37,941 --> 00:38:39,776 (laughter) 881 00:38:39,860 --> 00:38:43,947 My favorite, uh, Spanish food obsession 882 00:38:44,031 --> 00:38:46,366 is your love of jamón. 883 00:38:46,450 --> 00:38:48,076 Oh, my gosh, you guys love-- 884 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:49,745 I thought I liked ham, you guys are like, 885 00:38:49,828 --> 00:38:52,039 jamón, jamón, jamón. 886 00:38:52,122 --> 00:38:53,707 And you kind of act like you invented it. 887 00:38:53,790 --> 00:38:55,959 You're like, you must try the Spanish specialty 888 00:38:56,043 --> 00:38:58,086 called jamón. 889 00:38:58,170 --> 00:38:59,212 I've tried ham. 890 00:38:59,296 --> 00:39:00,881 (laughter) 891 00:39:00,964 --> 00:39:02,966 No, but this is different. 892 00:39:03,050 --> 00:39:06,011 -It's not. -(laughter) 893 00:39:06,094 --> 00:39:07,429 And there's all those different-- 894 00:39:07,512 --> 00:39:09,222 there's different types of jamón. 895 00:39:09,306 --> 00:39:13,435 This jamón comes from a pig that was only fed acorn. 896 00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:14,478 Why would you do that? 897 00:39:14,561 --> 00:39:16,521 (laughter) 898 00:39:16,605 --> 00:39:18,690 Like, I've never been eating a ham sandwich and be like, 899 00:39:18,774 --> 00:39:19,775 you know what this-- 900 00:39:19,858 --> 00:39:21,276 I wish there was a hint of acorn. 901 00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:22,736 (laughter) 902 00:39:22,819 --> 00:39:27,491 Honey, do we have any acorn sauce back there? 903 00:39:27,574 --> 00:39:29,117 Jamón, jamón, jamón. 904 00:39:29,201 --> 00:39:31,119 It's like you guys are making up for the time 905 00:39:31,203 --> 00:39:34,206 when the Moors were here, you know? 906 00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:36,083 It's like, once we get rid of these Muslims, 907 00:39:36,166 --> 00:39:38,251 all we eat will be pork. 908 00:39:38,335 --> 00:39:40,128 (laughter) 909 00:39:40,212 --> 00:39:42,464 It will be jamón, jamón, jamón, jamón. 910 00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:45,550 (applause) 911 00:39:47,469 --> 00:39:50,347 I do love the general discussion of the Moors in Spain, 912 00:39:50,430 --> 00:39:52,140 like you guys talk about them like 913 00:39:52,224 --> 00:39:55,310 they were house guests that overstayed their welcome. 914 00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:58,438 Oh, that's when the Moors were here, yeah. 915 00:39:58,522 --> 00:40:00,690 Yeah, they left, they were here for-- 916 00:40:00,774 --> 00:40:02,317 I think they were here for 800 years. 917 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,903 No, they left. They left. 918 00:40:04,986 --> 00:40:06,947 I don't know why they left. I think you killed them. 919 00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:08,573 -I think-- -(laughter) 920 00:40:08,657 --> 00:40:10,367 You killed them and then you tore off their arms. 921 00:40:10,450 --> 00:40:11,993 Yes, I remember something like that. 922 00:40:12,077 --> 00:40:13,245 I don't know. 923 00:40:13,328 --> 00:40:14,871 I-- I know there were questions, 924 00:40:14,955 --> 00:40:17,124 I don't know what exactly the questions were. 925 00:40:17,207 --> 00:40:19,167 There was an inquisition, I don't know. 926 00:40:19,251 --> 00:40:22,087 (laughter) 927 00:40:22,170 --> 00:40:25,340 It's almost like you guys forgot you could eat cows, you know? 928 00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:28,385 No, you eat the pig, you fight the cow. Olé. 929 00:40:28,468 --> 00:40:29,803 (laughter) 930 00:40:29,886 --> 00:40:34,349 -Right? Olé. Olé. -(applause) 931 00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:35,809 Spanish bull fighting, very-- 932 00:40:35,892 --> 00:40:37,644 very controversial, right? 933 00:40:37,727 --> 00:40:39,521 I've only seen clips on Youtube, 934 00:40:39,604 --> 00:40:41,857 and from what I can tell, at the beginning 935 00:40:41,940 --> 00:40:43,692 it looks more like bull avoiding. 936 00:40:43,775 --> 00:40:48,446 It's like-- Woo, woo. Missed me again. 937 00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:49,865 Is that how the Spanish fight? They're like, 938 00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:51,491 you wanna go, bro, you wanna go? 939 00:40:51,575 --> 00:40:54,077 All right, let me grab my gold suit and my red blankie. 940 00:40:54,161 --> 00:40:56,496 (laughter) 941 00:40:56,580 --> 00:40:58,248 And then we're gonna dance. 942 00:40:58,331 --> 00:40:59,958 (laughter) 943 00:41:00,041 --> 00:41:02,085 And then when you're tired, stab you in the neck. 944 00:41:02,169 --> 00:41:04,337 (laughter) 945 00:41:04,421 --> 00:41:05,714 Olé. 946 00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:08,925 -(laughter, applause) -Olé 947 00:41:12,262 --> 00:41:14,139 Last time I was in Spain it was during the, uh, 948 00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:16,474 running with the bulls in Pamplona. 949 00:41:16,558 --> 00:41:19,644 Pamplona, which sounds like a form of cancer. 950 00:41:19,728 --> 00:41:21,438 (laughter) 951 00:41:21,521 --> 00:41:23,231 Unfortunately, it's a Pamplona. 952 00:41:23,315 --> 00:41:24,941 (laughter) 953 00:41:25,025 --> 00:41:27,194 That joke never works, but I always do it 'cause-- 954 00:41:27,277 --> 00:41:28,612 (laughter) 955 00:41:28,695 --> 00:41:31,531 Who doesn't love a good cancer joke? 956 00:41:31,615 --> 00:41:33,742 No, there's the running with the bulls every July. 957 00:41:33,825 --> 00:41:36,203 First of all, nobody is running with the bulls. 958 00:41:36,286 --> 00:41:37,787 All right? 959 00:41:37,871 --> 00:41:40,040 The bulls don't turn into jogging partners. 960 00:41:40,123 --> 00:41:41,541 (laughter) 961 00:41:41,625 --> 00:41:44,085 People are voluntarily being chased by bulls 962 00:41:44,169 --> 00:41:45,545 'cause they have mental problems. 963 00:41:45,629 --> 00:41:47,380 (laughter) 964 00:41:47,464 --> 00:41:48,840 And there's always a couple of Americans 965 00:41:48,924 --> 00:41:50,550 that run with the bulls, you know, 966 00:41:50,634 --> 00:41:52,802 and they interview them the next day in the hospital. 967 00:41:52,886 --> 00:41:54,930 (laughter) 968 00:41:55,013 --> 00:41:58,058 I was here on vacation, I heard about this running with the bulls, 969 00:41:58,141 --> 00:42:00,060 and I haven't worked out in 20 years. 970 00:42:00,143 --> 00:42:01,478 (laughter) 971 00:42:01,561 --> 00:42:03,438 So I had my wife hold my jamón, 972 00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:05,982 -and I went out there. -(laughter) 973 00:42:06,066 --> 00:42:07,609 And I got gored right away. 974 00:42:07,692 --> 00:42:10,111 (laughter) 975 00:42:10,195 --> 00:42:11,613 I don't know how you'd even train 976 00:42:11,696 --> 00:42:13,907 to run with the bulls. 977 00:42:13,990 --> 00:42:16,076 Well, I had my cat chase me for a week. 978 00:42:16,159 --> 00:42:17,786 (laughter) 979 00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:19,663 Felt like I was ready after that. 980 00:42:19,746 --> 00:42:21,164 (laughter) 981 00:42:23,875 --> 00:42:26,503 You guys fight the bulls, you run with the bulls. 982 00:42:26,586 --> 00:42:31,049 Seems odd, but, of course, in America, we ride the bulls 983 00:42:31,132 --> 00:42:33,468 for no reason. 984 00:42:33,551 --> 00:42:35,387 Like, I-- I w-- 985 00:42:35,470 --> 00:42:38,765 How bored do you get on a ranch? 986 00:42:38,848 --> 00:42:41,518 It's like, eh, you wanna play poker again? 987 00:42:41,601 --> 00:42:43,603 You know that terrifying bull? 988 00:42:43,687 --> 00:42:45,814 (laughter) 989 00:42:45,897 --> 00:42:47,857 What if we took turns riding it? 990 00:42:47,941 --> 00:42:49,442 (laughter) 991 00:42:49,526 --> 00:42:52,112 Why don't we just play poker? 992 00:42:52,195 --> 00:42:54,072 I, uh-- 993 00:42:54,155 --> 00:42:55,657 Last year, I performed at a rodeo 994 00:42:55,740 --> 00:42:57,784 'cause I have a really good agent. 995 00:42:57,867 --> 00:43:00,203 -And, uh-- -(laughter) 996 00:43:00,287 --> 00:43:01,496 I performed at a rodeo, 997 00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:03,957 and yes, it was my first rodeo. 998 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,377 It was-- I love that saying, not my first rodeo, 999 00:43:07,460 --> 00:43:11,047 as if the second rodeo is when it makes sense. 1000 00:43:11,131 --> 00:43:13,591 Oh, now I get it. People are riding animals 1001 00:43:13,675 --> 00:43:15,427 that want to be left alone. 1002 00:43:15,510 --> 00:43:17,429 (laughter) 1003 00:43:17,512 --> 00:43:21,391 First I thought, wow, this is an aggressive petting zoo. 1004 00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:24,978 I performed after the rodeo so I could watch, 1005 00:43:25,061 --> 00:43:26,646 it was so impressive. 1006 00:43:26,730 --> 00:43:29,357 It was truly dangerous what these people were doing. 1007 00:43:29,441 --> 00:43:31,651 And we live in a risk averse society. 1008 00:43:31,735 --> 00:43:34,946 It's not uncommon to see a toddler wearing a helmet. 1009 00:43:35,030 --> 00:43:36,698 You know, but like at the rodeo, 1010 00:43:36,781 --> 00:43:38,950 there's no safety meeting, there's no goin', 1011 00:43:39,034 --> 00:43:40,785 all right, fellas, no one wants to see you get hurt. 1012 00:43:40,869 --> 00:43:43,204 Well, except everyone in the stadium. 1013 00:43:43,288 --> 00:43:45,206 (laughter) 1014 00:43:46,124 --> 00:43:47,500 I don't know. 1015 00:43:47,584 --> 00:43:49,711 I was watching at one point and, uh, 1016 00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:51,296 one of the participants came up to me and he goes, 1017 00:43:51,379 --> 00:43:54,883 "You do stand up comedy? I could never do that. 1018 00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:58,053 That terrifies me." 1019 00:43:58,136 --> 00:44:00,972 And then, I swear to God, he proceeded to climb on a bull. 1020 00:44:01,056 --> 00:44:02,849 (laughter) 1021 00:44:02,932 --> 00:44:05,018 And the world never made sense again. 1022 00:44:05,101 --> 00:44:07,937 (laughter) 1023 00:44:08,021 --> 00:44:10,190 The rodeo, there's different events, 1024 00:44:10,273 --> 00:44:12,275 some of them more dangerous, some different skills, 1025 00:44:12,359 --> 00:44:14,319 like there's the calf roping 1026 00:44:14,402 --> 00:44:16,154 where a guy chases down a calf. 1027 00:44:16,237 --> 00:44:17,739 You know how cows are super fast. 1028 00:44:17,822 --> 00:44:19,949 -Well, this is-- -(laughter) 1029 00:44:20,033 --> 00:44:24,412 A baby cow that a grown man chases down 1030 00:44:24,496 --> 00:44:27,749 while he's riding a horse, so it's a fair race. 1031 00:44:27,832 --> 00:44:29,376 (laughter) 1032 00:44:29,459 --> 00:44:33,046 And he lassos the calf and he jumps off and he ties it up, 1033 00:44:33,129 --> 00:44:34,631 and whoever does it fastest 1034 00:44:34,714 --> 00:44:37,008 is most likely to be a serial killer. 1035 00:44:37,092 --> 00:44:38,718 (laughter) 1036 00:44:40,512 --> 00:44:43,598 But there's nothing that competes with the bull riding, 1037 00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:45,725 that's the ultimate event at the rodeo 1038 00:44:45,809 --> 00:44:48,728 where people-- these guys ride these bulls for up to eight seconds, 1039 00:44:48,812 --> 00:44:50,522 which is so impressive, 1040 00:44:50,605 --> 00:44:53,525 and not just 'cause I can't even gargle that long. 1041 00:44:53,608 --> 00:44:55,819 I'm, like-- (gargling) that Scope's spicy. 1042 00:44:55,902 --> 00:44:57,612 You know what I mean? 1043 00:44:57,695 --> 00:44:59,948 But they ride a bull, and-- and very rarely 1044 00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:01,950 do they even get to eight seconds, 1045 00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:05,245 but when they do, that's their work day, eight seconds. 1046 00:45:05,328 --> 00:45:07,163 That's gotta change your perspective on things, 1047 00:45:07,247 --> 00:45:09,374 like even waiting for an elevator, 1048 00:45:09,457 --> 00:45:12,710 you're like-- I could've ridden three bulls, you know? 1049 00:45:12,794 --> 00:45:14,712 (laughter) 1050 00:45:14,796 --> 00:45:16,464 And eight seconds, it's not that long, 1051 00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:19,217 especially when you consider, like, a dead body 1052 00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:20,969 could ride a bull for like two seconds. 1053 00:45:21,052 --> 00:45:23,012 (laughter) 1054 00:45:23,096 --> 00:45:25,682 It's like, you did well, not as good as a corpse, 1055 00:45:25,765 --> 00:45:30,311 but, you know, you did-- you did all right. 1056 00:45:30,395 --> 00:45:33,565 My favorite part of the rodeo was the rodeo clown. 1057 00:45:33,648 --> 00:45:37,026 I don't know how they convinced someone to do that job. 1058 00:45:37,110 --> 00:45:39,988 It's like, after the rider's thrown by the furious bull, 1059 00:45:40,071 --> 00:45:42,740 we need someone to distract, maybe antagonize, 1060 00:45:42,824 --> 00:45:45,410 the 2400 pound animal. 1061 00:45:45,493 --> 00:45:49,622 And me and the fellas, we're thinkin' that you'd be good at that. 1062 00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:51,541 Me? 1063 00:45:51,624 --> 00:45:53,042 Would I have protection? 1064 00:45:53,126 --> 00:45:55,003 Uh, you mean like make up? 1065 00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:57,213 (laughter) 1066 00:45:57,297 --> 00:45:59,424 No, something to protect me from the bull. 1067 00:45:59,507 --> 00:46:01,092 Now, you wouldn't be out there naked, 1068 00:46:01,176 --> 00:46:02,969 you'd be dressed like a clown. 1069 00:46:03,052 --> 00:46:05,263 (laughter) 1070 00:46:05,346 --> 00:46:06,639 Why a clown? 1071 00:46:06,723 --> 00:46:09,350 It will be hysterical. 1072 00:46:09,434 --> 00:46:12,145 For who? Now, we haven't figured everything out yet. 1073 00:46:12,228 --> 00:46:13,688 (laughter) 1074 00:46:13,771 --> 00:46:16,524 Why are they dressed like clowns? 1075 00:46:16,608 --> 00:46:18,526 Do they think a bull's gonna throw a rider, 1076 00:46:18,610 --> 00:46:20,570 and be like, I'm gonna gore every one in this-- 1077 00:46:22,655 --> 00:46:23,615 Is that a clown? 1078 00:46:23,698 --> 00:46:25,700 (laughter) 1079 00:46:27,911 --> 00:46:29,245 Is it my birthday? 1080 00:46:29,329 --> 00:46:32,332 (laughter) 1081 00:46:32,415 --> 00:46:35,877 Did you guys get me a clown for my birthday? 1082 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:39,172 I didn't even think you guys liked me. 1083 00:46:39,255 --> 00:46:41,466 Then you go and get me a clown for my birth-- 1084 00:46:44,219 --> 00:46:45,803 Rodeo. 1085 00:46:45,887 --> 00:46:47,680 Last year, I also performed at a zoo. 1086 00:46:47,764 --> 00:46:49,557 I don't know what's going on in my career, really. 1087 00:46:49,641 --> 00:46:51,434 (laughter) 1088 00:46:51,518 --> 00:46:54,562 I might be working my way up to a dog park, I'm not sure. 1089 00:46:54,646 --> 00:46:56,105 (laughter) 1090 00:46:56,189 --> 00:46:57,732 Why'd they pick me for the zoo? 1091 00:46:57,815 --> 00:46:59,901 Gaffigan show? Do it at the animal jail. 1092 00:46:59,984 --> 00:47:02,320 (laughter) 1093 00:47:02,403 --> 00:47:04,656 Course, a zoo is not an animal jail. 1094 00:47:04,739 --> 00:47:06,449 I mean, the animals can't leave, 1095 00:47:06,533 --> 00:47:08,660 and if they tried to leave they'd be shot. 1096 00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:09,744 (laughter) 1097 00:47:09,827 --> 00:47:12,205 But it's not a jail. 1098 00:47:12,288 --> 00:47:15,458 I performed at the zoos, the Toledo, Ohio, zoo, 1099 00:47:15,542 --> 00:47:17,126 it was outside, it was a beautiful zoo, 1100 00:47:17,210 --> 00:47:19,087 I could see some of the animals. 1101 00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:20,463 I don't know what they were thinking, 1102 00:47:20,547 --> 00:47:22,507 they were probably like, who's the new guy? 1103 00:47:22,590 --> 00:47:24,133 (laughter) 1104 00:47:24,217 --> 00:47:26,636 Wow, that polar bear really let himself go. 1105 00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:28,596 (laughter) 1106 00:47:30,139 --> 00:47:32,267 'Cause some animals do perform at the zoo, 1107 00:47:32,350 --> 00:47:34,352 and they reward them with food, 1108 00:47:34,435 --> 00:47:36,563 which is the same arrangement I have. 1109 00:47:36,646 --> 00:47:38,189 (laughter) 1110 00:47:38,273 --> 00:47:40,984 That's why I was at the zoo. 1111 00:47:41,067 --> 00:47:42,402 I don't know. 1112 00:47:42,485 --> 00:47:45,071 It is strange how humans treat animals. 1113 00:47:45,154 --> 00:47:47,699 Like sheep, we just take their coats, 1114 00:47:47,782 --> 00:47:50,702 we shave off their coats and we dump the sheep back in the field, 1115 00:47:50,785 --> 00:47:52,495 and the sheep are like, what the hell?! 1116 00:47:52,579 --> 00:47:54,330 (laughter) 1117 00:47:54,414 --> 00:47:55,415 I'm freezing! 1118 00:47:55,498 --> 00:47:56,874 (laughter) 1119 00:47:56,958 --> 00:47:59,794 We gather up all the wool and we leave. 1120 00:47:59,877 --> 00:48:02,589 When we return, we're just wearing sweaters. 1121 00:48:02,672 --> 00:48:05,341 (laughter) 1122 00:48:05,425 --> 00:48:07,885 Don't even acknowledge it. Hey, what's up, dumb sheep? 1123 00:48:07,969 --> 00:48:10,471 (laughter) 1124 00:48:10,555 --> 00:48:13,808 Cows, thankfully, cows have no idea what's going on. 1125 00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:16,019 They just stand there eating grass and, 1126 00:48:16,102 --> 00:48:17,729 oh, look at that. 1127 00:48:17,812 --> 00:48:19,439 Farmer's got a new leather jacket. 1128 00:48:19,522 --> 00:48:20,982 (laughter) 1129 00:48:21,065 --> 00:48:22,734 Oh, that's a beautiful leather jacket. 1130 00:48:22,817 --> 00:48:25,778 You know who'd love that jacket is Bessie. 1131 00:48:25,862 --> 00:48:26,821 Hey, where is Bessie? 1132 00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:29,032 (laughter) 1133 00:48:31,242 --> 00:48:33,119 Chickens, we just take their eggs, 1134 00:48:33,202 --> 00:48:36,789 we don't even tell 'em, we just take 'em and leave. 1135 00:48:36,873 --> 00:48:40,043 That's gotta be a big deal for a hen to lay an egg, right? 1136 00:48:40,126 --> 00:48:42,128 They probably want to tell their friends, 1137 00:48:42,211 --> 00:48:43,671 they're like, I have an announcement. 1138 00:48:43,755 --> 00:48:45,965 (laughter) 1139 00:48:46,049 --> 00:48:47,675 Well, you know the rooster, 1140 00:48:47,759 --> 00:48:50,011 the guy who's really loud in the morning? 1141 00:48:50,094 --> 00:48:53,640 Well, we've been getting to know each other. 1142 00:48:53,723 --> 00:48:55,892 And I guess I'll show you. Where are my eggs?! 1143 00:48:55,975 --> 00:48:57,602 (laughter) 1144 00:48:59,729 --> 00:49:01,773 Who took them? 1145 00:49:01,856 --> 00:49:03,441 I know it was one of you, it wasn't the farmer, 1146 00:49:03,524 --> 00:49:04,776 he went in for breakfast. 1147 00:49:04,859 --> 00:49:06,778 (laughter) 1148 00:49:06,861 --> 00:49:08,863 I love when people get upset at that joke. 1149 00:49:08,946 --> 00:49:10,615 (laughter) 1150 00:49:10,698 --> 00:49:12,867 That is not funny. 1151 00:49:12,950 --> 00:49:15,286 How dare you bring up a fictitious chicken-- 1152 00:49:15,370 --> 00:49:16,871 (laughter) 1153 00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:19,165 That never existed. 1154 00:49:19,248 --> 00:49:21,376 Losing imaginary eggs. 1155 00:49:21,459 --> 00:49:22,418 (laughter) 1156 00:49:22,502 --> 00:49:24,128 This reminds me. 1157 00:49:24,212 --> 00:49:27,173 I want to have a tortilla española. 1158 00:49:27,256 --> 00:49:29,592 -(laughter) -Bogadillo. 1159 00:49:29,676 --> 00:49:30,635 All right, that is all for me. 1160 00:49:30,718 --> 00:49:32,011 Thank you so much. 1161 00:49:32,095 --> 00:49:34,389 -(cheering, applause) -Appreciate it. 1162 00:49:34,472 --> 00:49:36,474 (cheering, applause) 1163 00:49:36,557 --> 00:49:37,517 Thanks so much. 1164 00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,602 (cheering, applause)