[wheel rattles]
♪♪♪
- Oh.
[evil chuckle]
Oh yeah.
Those are ankle weights.
People used to run in them. Builds up your knee muscles.
- Aha. Oh, this looks fun! - Oh, it is!
- This looks fun. - Oh, it isn't.
- Are these the same hilarious Kids in the Hall
from the early 90s?
- No, these are the rage-filled Kids in the Hall
from the mid-90s.
[Imogen] What's it about? - No one knows!
Some say this movie was dry heaved into existence
because of a dark deal with the devil.
Others say it was laundering coke money.
Either way, the reviews were mixed at best.
- Sounds good! How much?
- One dollar. Earth money.
- I'm sorry, did you say Earth money?
- Yes, maybe.
What I meant was your money.
- [nervous laugh] - [chuckles]
[hypnotizing music]
[Shifra] Let's get "Problem Child 2".
[hypnotizing music]
- No, let's get "Brain Candy".
[weird man] Oh.
[ding]
[evil laugh]
[loud explosion]
- What just happened?
- With this dollar, Kids in the Hall "Brain Candy"
has now broken even, and broken the curse!
[loud explosion]
- Agh! [zapping thuds]
- What?! No!
The curse is broken! [souls scream]
Hey! No texting!
[zapping thuds, grunting, slap]
- So, we all agree that gender parity is a good thing,
but how do we men make money off of it?
- Uh...
- You can't. That's the point.
- Really. [door opens]
I thought this was a think tank.
[Marv] Oh, Don?
Don, I think you're really gonna wanna see this.
[footsteps thud]
"Brain Candy" has made its money back.
[paper crinkles]
- Oh. I knew it would.
You know, I thought it would take a week.
Wound up taking 30 years.
- Well, you're never wrong, Don.
- Yeah, well, time is elastic.
Frank Zappa taught us that. - Ah.
- Well, ladies,
thank you for getting the conversation started.
You'll each get a Roritor fanny pack on your way out.
- Ooh. - They're back, you know.
So, walk with me, Marv. - Of course, Don.
- With me, Marv. - Of course, Don.
[footsteps thud]
[footsteps shuffle] - [grunts]
[Don] It's never easy to finance a film.
In the case of "Brain Candy" it was a co-pro
between the Canadian government and the devil.
- Ah, well done, Don.
- Well, the curse has lifted and the Kids are back.
- Yeah, well who's financing this, then? The devil again?
- Well, sort of. Amazon. - Oh.
- Well. - Ew.
- I've opened a can of worms, haven't I?
- Well, Don, only time will tell.
- No, I'm telling you, I've opened a can of worms.
I'm on a high protein diet. Where's my worm wrangler?
[footsteps thud] - Oh.
[worms squish] Uh, what about the Kids?
- Oh, we've got our best man on that right now.
[ominous music]
♪♪♪
[foliage rustles, thunder rumbles]
♪♪♪
[leaves rustle]
♪♪♪
[lightning cracks]
[engine roars, shovel clunks]
♪♪♪
[thunder crashes]
- [sputters]
♪♪♪
[All] Ah! Ah!
[All] Oh, my God! [shrieking]
[All] Ah! Ah! Ah!
- Oh my God! - Oh, oh, my heart!
- Who... who are you people?
- It's me, Mark!
Scott, is that you?
- Oh, my God, if you have to ask, it can't be good.
- Am I still the cute one? [All] Um...
- Sort of. - Oh.
- Guys, I knew we should've
cryogenically frozen our bodies.
- Yeah. - Or even just our faces.
- Or even just your hair! - What?!
[all screaming]
- You asked for it.
[♪ Shadowy Men: "Having an Average Weekend"]
♪♪♪
[door cricks open] - Woo-hoo!
- Remember, stay down and count to 2,000!
[woman cries] Actually, you know what?
I've been working out. 1,500 would do.
I'm getting pretty fast. Go! - Right!
♪♪♪
[footsteps thud quickly] - Whew! Speed up!
♪♪♪
[doors click open then shut]
[siren wails]
- Hey! They called the cops!
- No way they counted to 1,500! - Ah!
[siren wails, engine roars]
- What, you want me to take a run at 'em?
- No, wait, I have a better idea.
They'll be looking for two guys with clothes on.
What they won't be looking for is a couple naked guys.
- Brilliant! [clothes rustle]
[doors click open]
- That seems to be the car, all right.
- Mm-hmm. - Did any of the uh,
people describe the perps as being naked?
- Negatory. They were definitely fully clothed.
- Well, these gentlemen here seem to be uh, naked.
- You know, just to be safe, let's make sure.
You there, in the car, come out with your hands
on your own heads! [radio static]
- Heh. [doors click open]
- Easy!
[feet thud lightly]
[bystanders laugh] - Oh, check this out.
- Huh, you know, Partner, I think you might be right.
These might be the wrong guys.
- Well, let's make even more sure.
Gentlemen, I'm gonna need you to turn around.
[footsteps thud]
Okay, now I'm gonna need you to jump up and down a little bit.
[gun rattles]
[footsteps thud]
- Yep, their stem and berries are certainly bouncin'.
These guys are naked.
Wrong guys.
[Mark] Gentlemen, I apologize.
Hope we didn't waste your time.
Just that we got a report of fully-clothed robbers
getting into a car exactly like that.
- Exactly. - No problem, Officer,
you're just doing your job.
[Mark] [sighs]
How did we lose the bad guys?
- I shouldn't have stopped for a haircut.
[doors shut]
- [chuckles] Just doing your job.
You are one cool customer. - Hey, stop getting dressed.
- Huh? - You'll blow our cover!
- Ah.
- We're gonna have to stay naked 'til the heat's off.
- Yeah.
- Say, let's dump the clothes. - All right.
[over radio] All units, be on the lookout for two suspicious
piles of clothing that may have been involved
in an armed robbery. [car rumbles away]
[ominous music]
[Mark] Partner, are you seeing what I'm seeing?
- Yep. Better call it in.
- Dispatch, this is Car 49.
We have eyes on two piles of clothing
that might've been used in that robbery.
- Don't do anything stupid, mother fucker!
- Yeah. Come on, now, just everybody stay calm.
Everybody gets to go home to their wives.
Except me, 'cause my wife left me 'cause you know,
apparently I'm emotionally unavailable.
- To me, you aren't.
You're a good guy.
- Thank you, Officer. - Thank you, Officer.
- Whew. - Ah!
[ominous music] [Mark] They're gone.
Perps on foot.
I'm pursuing with the best little partner a guy ever had!
- [chuckles]
To the car! - Clear!
Clear! - Down!
[bystanders scream] - Clear! - Down!
Clear! Clear! - Clear!
♪♪♪
[Both gasping]
- Kathie? - Cathy?
- Oh, my God! - [chuckles]
- It's you! - Oh, Cathy!
- It's been so long! - Too long.
Oh, my Lord, you look so good!
- Thank you! - You've lost weight!
- Yes!
- And gained back exactly the same amount.
- Well, thank you for noticing.
- So, what's new with you?
- Well, um, I married an ice road trucker.
- Oh, good!
- But he fell through the ice.
- Aw, well, you know what they say,
all the good ones are either married or...
[in unison] frozen at the bottom of a lake.
[chuckling]
- Oh, well...
[both] Back to work! [light chuckling]
[plastic crinkles]
- [sighs] Ahem.
- Good morning! - Oh, hi Amberlyiao.
- Did you just see this email? - No, Amberlyiao, we did not.
- I just don't get it. - Maybe we can help.
[Boss] Hello, we at A.T. & Love
are embracing this bold new world.
So, we're getting rid of all the fax machines.
[both] What?!
- Now, I know that goodbyes can be triggering
for some of you, so I'm just gonna, you know,
just sorta sit here and stare for a while.
- [sighs]
- I can't believe it. - No more faxes.
- What's a fax machine?
- Well, a fax machine is truly a modern wonder.
- Yeah.
- Imagine writing a letter to a friend,
popping in a cab,
and taking it to him instantaneously.
- So, like an email?
- No, it's completely different.
- Not at all.
Cath, why are they doing this? - I know,
faxing is so much a part of our life!
- I know! Hey, remember all the fun we used to have
at the Fax and Firkin? - Oh, God, yeah.
[♪ Spandau Ballet: "True"]
[Cathy] Ooh, mm!
Kathie, look to your left, but be cool.
- Wow!
- I think I'm gonna give him my number.
- Oh! Oh, Cathy, you're such a runaround. [giggles]
[keys clack]
[fax machine beeps and whirs]
♪♪♪
[fax machine buzzes]
- I think he thinks it's gonna be a threesome. Play along.
- [gasps] [both sighing]
- Cath, I'm really gonna miss faxing.
- Me too.
But you know what, Kath,
we get to write the very last fax.
- [gasps] - Write this down.
- Oh, cursive!
- To whom it may concern.
- Great start.
- This is the last fax.
Let it be known
that for 30 years
we sat here diligently,
turning numbers into dreams,
spreadsheets into visions of a brighter future,
and the occasional courier into a man.
- I like sleeping with couriers because they come fast.
- Oh, Kathie!
- I'm just so full of beans today.
- Gossip was our white wine. - Yes.
- And white wine was also our white wine.
- So, let this last fax
bear witness...
to who we were...
a couple of Cathys
who made A.T. & Love
a pretty nice place to work.
- [sobs]
[clapping]
[Amberlyiao] Please don't clap.
I find it acoustically aggressive.
- Oh.
- Cath, I couldn't get all of that good stuff down,
so I just, just did that doodle.
- Oh! Well, that'll do.
- Thanks! - Let's send it!
[buttons beep]
- [sighs] To the end of an era.
- Cath, why do I feel like this is a bad idea?
- I don't know.
[button clacks] - Huh.
[modem dial tone buzzes]
[Dave] Hmm, well,
the Earth has unplugged its last fax machine.
- What's protecting them now?
- Nothing. - We must destroy Earth!
We must destroy Earth! - That's a funny voice.
- Yeah, I've been working on it.
- Destroy Earth! Destroy the Earth!
[laughing]
All right. Munitions, destroy the Earth!
Destroy the Earth! - [laughing]
[loud beeping]
[spaceship whooshes]
[laser hisses loudly, loud explosion]
[Announcer] Friends of Kids in the Hall,
Number 511, Donavan.
- I do not live with my mother, okay? She lives with me.
She gets the lower part of the house
and I get that sweet attic, upstairs.
Ma!! - Yeah?
- Bring me to the dispensary, please!
- I'm not your fucking chauffeur!
- She needs to get out more.
[David] Friends of Kids in the Hall,
Number 511, Donavan.
♪♪♪
[utensils clang on plates, light chatter]
- Well, did we enjoy our entrée, Madam?
- Oh, yes. The Kangaroo filet was superb. So fresh!
- Well, that's because it's locally sourced.
- Locally sourced kangaroo?
- Security at the Toronto Zoo is surprisingly lax.
- Oh?
- Well, I hope you left some room for dessert.
- Oh, yes I did, and I know exactly what I want.
- Excellent.
- I would like a piece of that wild blueberry pie
I've heard so much about.
- Pie? I'm sorry, but we don't serve pie.
- Well, yes you do. I saw it on social media.
- Well, I don't know what you saw on social media,
but this restaurant doesn't serve pie.
- Yes, it was a pie! A tiny, little pie!
- [gasps] Oh!
I think you're referring
to the Tarte des Bleubleuets Sauvage?
- That's it. - There you go. I'm sorry,
it didn't register because you called it a pie
when actually it's a tart.
- Tart, pie. Pie, tart. What's the difference?
[ominous music]
- Right away, Madam.
Rory? - Hmm?
- I'm afraid there's a bit of a situation.
- Tory, slow down.
- [calming exhale]
You know your Tarte des Bleubleuets Sauvage?
- Of course, I do. It's my signature dessert.
- Well, a customer of mine just called it a pie.
[ominous music]
- Did anybody else hear? - I don't think so.
- Tory, Rory, what's all the commotion?
- Uh, Tory, go on, Dory is family.
- Well, a customer of mine just ordered
the Tarte des Bleubleuets Sauvage
and then called it a pie. - [gasps]
What does she think this is, fucking Golden Griddle?
- [sighs]
- Dory, Tory, Rory, are you talking about the woman
who called the Tarte des Bleubleuets Sauvage, a pie?
- [gasps] How did you hear?
- Well, all the busboys are talking about it.
Ramon is so upset he's thinking of moving back
to Nica-rr-agua.
- But isn't he from North Bay?
- Yes! That's how upset he is.
- I think we're going to have to shut the place down.
- Yes. - Wait, no, there's got
to be another option.
- Well, we could stone her
with artisanal cheeses.
- It's worked before. - Mm-hmm.
- I'll get the cheeses and-- - Wait, wait.
- What?
- What if I just take her the dessert
and see if I can't stop this runaway train?
- [reluctant exhale]
- Uh... - Ooh.
- It's worth a shot.
- Let's plate this dessert. - Yes.
[Angelic choir sings]
♪♪♪
[soft clink]
[light thud]
[light tear]
[blows]
♪♪♪
[Tory] Tartes des Bleubleuets Sauvage.
- What a darling little pie!
- Madam, it's not a pie, it's a "tarte".
- Well, whatever it is, it's as cute as a button
and I'm gonna take a picture of it.
Now I'm gonna post it on social media
and all my friends will see what a delicious little pie
I had for dessert.
- Uh, wh--, why don't I take a picture
of the two of you, together? - Great idea!
That's definitely tweet worthy.
- Yes, I...yes, um...
Say, "Cave aged cheese."
- "Cave aged cheese."
[utensils clank, light chatter]
Where are you going with my phone?
[footsteps thud away]
[door crashes] - [gasping]
- I had to take her phone. - What?
- She took a picture of the tart, called it a pie,
and then, said she was gonna put it on social media.
- [gasps] [Rory] Oh no.
We're going to have to burn the place to the ground.
[Dory] Should I evacuate the customers?
- No, there's no time, just lock the doors.
- Okay. - Wait!
There's no reason all of you should die. I'm new here.
Gimme that phone and I'll set fire to myself.
- No. You're the baby. You're only 59.
[Tory] He's right. Let me do it.
After all, it was my table.
- [sighs] - Okay.
[Rory] Wait, would you let me cook you?
[Angelic choir sings]
- Chef, I'd be honored!
[honored exhale, light clap]
- You're a hero.
- No, I'm just a waiter with heroic tendencies.
[small laugh]
♪♪♪
- [sniffs]
That smells delicious.
♪♪♪
- All right, ladies! [women cheer]
Put your hands together and make some noise!
- [cheering] Wooo!
- You ready to meet the fellas?
[women cheer]
♪♪♪
♪ We're fast, we're loose ♪
♪ We're out of control ♪
♪ We're 60 years young ♪
♪ And on the pole ♪
[women cheer]
[Woman] Oh, my God, it is so, so sexy.
And there's a real sense of danger. Mostly for them,
because they could really get hurt.
[music plays, women cheer]
[DJ] Here he comes, ladies!
Lookin' for love and his reading glasses.
- [cheering]
[Mark] Uh, I've been doing this
since they closed the Oshawa plant.
Auto workers and strippers are in the same union
so, you know, I got to keep my benefits.
[electronic music]
[Woman] Oh, my God, he still has a landline! That's so hot!
[women cheer] [line beeping]
♪♪♪
[DJ] He's a father figure and has a father figure.
[Dave] I used to dance under the name of Jack the Stripper,
which I thought was very clever.
Other people seemed to think it was creepy.
So, now I dance under the name Lord Greystroke,
for reasons that will become immediately apparent.
[women cheer]
♪♪♪
Things get wild in the VIP Room.
- [laughs]
[romantic music plays]
- This is for the TV. - Okay.
- Is this the cable? - Let's find out.
- Don't touch the remote! - Sorry.
♪♪♪
- I got arthritis and my wife's now part of the act.
♪♪♪
- Keeps the marriage spicy.
- Just let me do it!
[music stops abruptly] [crowd] Aw!
- You're hurting me. - Ugh!
[music starts, women cheer]
[DJ] This guy will ride you like a lawnmower.
[women cheer]
♪♪♪
[tape measure recoils] - It's more like that.
[women cheer]
[Woman 2] I could easily take any of these guys home with me.
The fantasy is very achievable.
[women cheer]
- Whoa.
- Sometimes I do let them take me home.
You know, I can't drive at night.
'Cause I'm night-blind.
[Woman] His balls hang so low!
- Give those fellas a hand!
- [cheering] Wooooooo!
[Bruce] We don't make as much as the young guys.
[coins clink] It's mostly loonies and toonies.
- Ow! Ow! - But it adds up.
And it hurts.
- Agh! [coins clink]
[women cheer]
- So, we're 97 minutes into a 22-minute episode.
Nice pacing there, Marv.
What's the big idea for hit characters this season?
- Well, Don...
it's us.
- Me?
- Yes, Don, you. - Oh.
- Yeah, apparently, you're very relatable
to the youth culture. - [laughs]
Well then, stand back, Marv. - Oh, uh...
[♪ Shadowy Men: Having an Average Weekend"]
♪♪♪
- Don, what are you doing? - I'm slaying.
♪♪♪
Spin me, Marv.
♪♪♪
Other way, Marv.
♪♪♪
- Enough yet, Don? - Keep going.
- [panting, feet tap quickly]