1 00:00:05,299 --> 00:00:06,717 ♪♪♪ 2 00:00:06,759 --> 00:00:08,844 [Man] Mm-hmm. Hmm. [Man and woman giggling] 3 00:00:08,886 --> 00:00:10,929 Mm-hmm. - [giggles] 4 00:00:10,971 --> 00:00:12,389 - It's all going so fast. - [giggling] 5 00:00:12,431 --> 00:00:15,058 [Doctor] Ah, so, 6 00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:17,853 would you like to know the sex of your baby? 7 00:00:17,895 --> 00:00:19,772 - Oh, no. No, no, we don't. - No, no, no, no. 8 00:00:19,813 --> 00:00:21,440 We're having a gender reveal party. 9 00:00:21,482 --> 00:00:23,066 - Oh, wonderful! 10 00:00:23,108 --> 00:00:25,194 Although, there are a few things that I see on the screen 11 00:00:25,235 --> 00:00:26,945 that I would like to talk about. 12 00:00:26,987 --> 00:00:28,572 - Oh, no, no, no, no! - Uh-uh. 13 00:00:28,614 --> 00:00:30,073 - We don't, we really don't wanna know anything 14 00:00:30,115 --> 00:00:31,909 about our baby until the party. 15 00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:33,577 - Well, that would be inadvisable in this case. 16 00:00:33,619 --> 00:00:35,412 - Well, if our friends can wait, so can we, you know. 17 00:00:35,454 --> 00:00:36,955 - Yeah. - Well, your friends 18 00:00:36,997 --> 00:00:38,916 aren't having a baby. - Don't mansplain me. 19 00:00:38,957 --> 00:00:40,709 - I'm a woman. 20 00:00:40,751 --> 00:00:42,085 - Put the picture in the envelope. 21 00:00:42,127 --> 00:00:44,087 - Fine. There we go. - Thank you. Let's go! 22 00:00:44,129 --> 00:00:45,714 - Good luck. 23 00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,216 [Diana] Stop. [giggling] [Jason] No, no, no. 24 00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:49,218 - Do it! - Okay, okay, okay, okay. 25 00:00:49,259 --> 00:00:50,969 All right, all right, 26 00:00:51,011 --> 00:00:52,554 the moment we've all been waiting for. 27 00:00:52,596 --> 00:00:54,139 Okay, ready? 28 00:00:54,181 --> 00:00:56,517 Ah! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 29 00:00:56,558 --> 00:00:58,435 - It's a boy! It's a boy! - Wait, wait. 30 00:00:58,477 --> 00:01:00,479 - What's that? Oh, what's it say? 31 00:01:00,521 --> 00:01:02,773 - [reads] "With the head of a mouse." 32 00:01:02,815 --> 00:01:04,149 [suspenseful music] 33 00:01:05,442 --> 00:01:07,444 But how? 34 00:01:07,486 --> 00:01:09,655 [pleasurable moaning] 35 00:01:09,696 --> 00:01:11,114 - Oh, hey! - What, what? 36 00:01:11,156 --> 00:01:13,116 - Could you get the um... - Hmm? Really? 37 00:01:13,158 --> 00:01:15,202 - in the drawer, yeah. - [laughs] Okay. 38 00:01:15,244 --> 00:01:17,120 Yeah, all right. [drawer rasps open] 39 00:01:17,162 --> 00:01:19,248 [mouse squeaks] 40 00:01:19,289 --> 00:01:21,250 Ow! - What? 41 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:23,126 - I just thought I saw something. 42 00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:25,254 - What? - Hello. 43 00:01:25,295 --> 00:01:27,673 [Both giggling, buzzing] 44 00:01:27,714 --> 00:01:29,550 [Gavin] And little did that mouse realize 45 00:01:29,591 --> 00:01:32,427 that he would become a coparent that very night. 46 00:01:32,469 --> 00:01:34,137 And that child? 47 00:01:34,179 --> 00:01:36,974 That child grew up to be a famous Disney character. 48 00:01:37,015 --> 00:01:39,601 I needn't say his name, as it's sort of obvious. 49 00:01:39,643 --> 00:01:41,478 And also, I'm not allowed to. 50 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,647 In fact, in fact, in fact, 51 00:01:43,689 --> 00:01:45,732 I am the youngest person to ever receive 52 00:01:45,774 --> 00:01:48,527 a cease-and-desist letter from the Disney Corporation. 53 00:01:48,569 --> 00:01:50,153 [pages rustle] 54 00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:52,197 Oh, did you know that I have a theory 55 00:01:52,239 --> 00:01:54,199 about conspiracy theorists? 56 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,869 They don't exist! 57 00:01:56,910 --> 00:01:58,537 It's all a government conspiracy. 58 00:02:00,998 --> 00:02:02,916 One time, one time, 59 00:02:02,958 --> 00:02:04,960 I put my dog's X-rays on top of mine 60 00:02:05,002 --> 00:02:06,753 to see what it would look like 61 00:02:06,795 --> 00:02:09,047 if my dog lived inside of me. 62 00:02:09,089 --> 00:02:11,174 - Okay, quiet time, now. 63 00:02:11,216 --> 00:02:13,176 - Aren't you a little old to be having a baby? 64 00:02:13,218 --> 00:02:15,929 - Aren't you a little old to be playing a kid? 65 00:02:15,971 --> 00:02:17,973 - Well, the elephant just landed. 66 00:02:19,224 --> 00:02:21,810 Speaking of elephants, they don't forget... 67 00:02:21,852 --> 00:02:23,395 or forgive. 68 00:02:23,437 --> 00:02:25,772 [♪ Shadowy Men: "Having an Average Weekend"] 69 00:02:25,814 --> 00:02:32,779 ♪♪♪ 70 00:02:32,821 --> 00:02:39,786 ♪♪♪ 71 00:02:39,828 --> 00:02:46,793 ♪♪♪ 72 00:02:46,835 --> 00:02:53,800 ♪♪♪ 73 00:02:53,842 --> 00:03:00,807 ♪♪♪ 74 00:03:00,849 --> 00:03:07,814 ♪♪♪ 75 00:03:07,856 --> 00:03:15,280 ♪♪♪ 76 00:03:19,117 --> 00:03:21,078 [slow, romantic music, window creak open] 77 00:03:21,119 --> 00:03:22,955 [traffic below hums, siren wails] 78 00:03:22,996 --> 00:03:29,962 ♪♪♪ 79 00:03:30,003 --> 00:03:31,380 [grumbles] 80 00:03:32,547 --> 00:03:34,591 [rapid knock on door] 81 00:03:34,633 --> 00:03:37,052 [Francesca] Bruno Puntz Jones, open the door! 82 00:03:38,637 --> 00:03:41,556 [cup and saucer rattle] - Francesca Fiori, 83 00:03:41,598 --> 00:03:44,393 the door is unlock. Open it yourself. 84 00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:46,019 [door crashes open] 85 00:03:46,061 --> 00:03:48,855 - Bruno, don't be such a bisha. 86 00:03:48,897 --> 00:03:51,316 - Don't be such a taxing woman. 87 00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:54,152 I'm just about to go enjoy my bathing with the bubbles. 88 00:03:54,194 --> 00:03:56,154 - Ay! Bath, huh? 89 00:03:56,196 --> 00:03:57,823 Is not for me. 90 00:03:57,864 --> 00:04:00,033 We have not done the dirty deed in forever! 91 00:04:00,075 --> 00:04:02,452 - Francesca Fiori, 92 00:04:02,494 --> 00:04:04,621 we have sex yesterday! 93 00:04:04,663 --> 00:04:06,498 - Only one time. 94 00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:09,626 [gasps loudly] Bruno? What is this? 95 00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:11,962 I hope you have explanate. 96 00:04:12,004 --> 00:04:13,964 - This is for you, my darling. 97 00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,966 - Ha! - It's breakfast. Eat! 98 00:04:16,008 --> 00:04:17,968 - Is for me, huh? - Hmm. 99 00:04:18,010 --> 00:04:19,970 - Is for me? - Si. 100 00:04:20,012 --> 00:04:21,555 - Then Bruno, make love to me, now! 101 00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:24,307 [glass shatters] 102 00:04:24,349 --> 00:04:26,852 On the floor! - Please! 103 00:04:26,893 --> 00:04:28,979 Let me have my grapefruit. 104 00:04:29,021 --> 00:04:30,981 - Always the excuse, huh? 105 00:04:31,023 --> 00:04:33,525 I make love to my lover two hour ago, 106 00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:35,736 and now I'm ready to go again. 107 00:04:35,777 --> 00:04:37,946 - I kill him! [woman giggles in distance] 108 00:04:37,988 --> 00:04:40,032 [knife clangs] - I kill her! 109 00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:44,036 Bruno? I think we have a problem. 110 00:04:44,077 --> 00:04:46,329 - What? No. No, no. 111 00:04:46,371 --> 00:04:48,331 Don't catastrophize. 112 00:04:48,373 --> 00:04:50,459 That... I just forget to turn the tap off. 113 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,086 [Woman] Bruno! I need my toes cleaned! 114 00:04:53,128 --> 00:04:54,921 - And I forget a woman in the tub. 115 00:04:54,963 --> 00:04:57,549 [knife clangs] - Bruno, we need to see 116 00:04:57,591 --> 00:05:00,052 a couples counselling, now! 117 00:05:00,093 --> 00:05:01,803 - Francesca Fiori, 118 00:05:01,845 --> 00:05:04,097 it's 3:00 in the morning. 119 00:05:04,139 --> 00:05:06,224 - Hmm. Now. [heels click lightly] 120 00:05:06,266 --> 00:05:07,684 [shutters creak open, traffic hums below] 121 00:05:07,726 --> 00:05:09,352 Not in New York! 122 00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:11,063 - [exasperated sighs] 123 00:05:11,104 --> 00:05:12,731 But who will see us on such short notice? 124 00:05:12,773 --> 00:05:15,025 [heels click] - I had a hunch. 125 00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:17,486 [door creaks open, inquisitive music] 126 00:05:18,487 --> 00:05:20,697 Meet Dr. Otis Melanchoir, 127 00:05:20,739 --> 00:05:23,200 world-renowned sex therapist. 128 00:05:23,241 --> 00:05:25,494 [suspenseful music] 129 00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:27,037 - [sighs] 130 00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:33,627 ♪♪♪ 131 00:05:37,255 --> 00:05:39,049 - Welcome to your new home... 132 00:05:39,091 --> 00:05:41,426 Cookie and Mr. Sparks. 133 00:05:43,136 --> 00:05:44,679 I've never had roommates before. 134 00:05:44,721 --> 00:05:46,431 Just pay your share of the rent! 135 00:05:46,473 --> 00:05:48,725 But seriously... 136 00:05:48,767 --> 00:05:51,436 mi casa es su casa. 137 00:05:54,106 --> 00:05:55,482 Do you wanna play? 138 00:05:55,524 --> 00:05:57,734 [bell jingles] 139 00:05:57,776 --> 00:05:59,861 You're right, keep eating, keep eating. 140 00:05:59,903 --> 00:06:01,905 [chewing continues] 141 00:06:01,947 --> 00:06:03,406 Look at us... 142 00:06:03,448 --> 00:06:05,075 three cool cats. 143 00:06:05,117 --> 00:06:06,493 [cat grumbles] 144 00:06:06,535 --> 00:06:08,578 You're right, two cool cats. Keep eating, keep eating. 145 00:06:10,122 --> 00:06:11,540 [cat meows] 146 00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,500 [Parker] Cookie? Mr. Sparks? 147 00:06:13,542 --> 00:06:15,293 Hey, kitties! 148 00:06:15,335 --> 00:06:16,878 I just wanted to say goodnight! 149 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,588 [posts crack and thump] 150 00:06:20,298 --> 00:06:23,885 ♪♪♪ 151 00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:25,470 [saw clangs] 152 00:06:26,471 --> 00:06:28,849 Hmm. Curious. 153 00:06:28,890 --> 00:06:30,475 [cat meows] 154 00:06:30,517 --> 00:06:32,602 [saw clangs] 155 00:06:32,644 --> 00:06:34,437 [footsteps thud on stairs] 156 00:06:34,479 --> 00:06:36,148 [cat meows] 157 00:06:37,524 --> 00:06:39,901 I can hear you! 158 00:06:39,943 --> 00:06:42,529 Where are my babies? 159 00:06:42,571 --> 00:06:45,240 [cat meowing] 160 00:06:49,244 --> 00:06:51,163 [button clicks, meowing stops] 161 00:06:51,204 --> 00:06:52,497 Hmm. 162 00:06:52,539 --> 00:06:54,499 Curious again. 163 00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:58,170 [player rattles] 164 00:06:59,838 --> 00:07:02,215 [gasps in horror, knife clangs] 165 00:07:02,257 --> 00:07:07,804 ♪♪♪ 166 00:07:07,846 --> 00:07:09,556 [papers crinkle] 167 00:07:09,598 --> 00:07:13,977 ♪♪♪ 168 00:07:14,019 --> 00:07:15,812 Oh, my God! 169 00:07:15,854 --> 00:07:18,732 ♪♪♪ 170 00:07:18,773 --> 00:07:20,483 [gasps] 171 00:07:20,525 --> 00:07:22,652 ♪♪♪ 172 00:07:22,694 --> 00:07:24,905 And Mr. Sparks was my favorite. 173 00:07:24,946 --> 00:07:27,532 ♪♪♪ 174 00:07:29,743 --> 00:07:31,995 The reason I wanna hire a private investigator 175 00:07:32,037 --> 00:07:35,707 like yourself, is because I want you to follow someone. 176 00:07:35,749 --> 00:07:37,709 - Well, that's what I do. 177 00:07:37,751 --> 00:07:39,711 I follow people. 178 00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:41,588 - Now, this may seem odd, but I'm just come out 179 00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:43,298 and say it. 180 00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:45,342 Deep breath, Parker! [exhales] 181 00:07:47,135 --> 00:07:48,803 [whispers] I want you to... 182 00:07:48,845 --> 00:07:50,972 follow my cats! 183 00:07:52,766 --> 00:07:54,726 - Okay. 184 00:07:54,768 --> 00:07:57,145 What I think I heard you say was... 185 00:07:58,897 --> 00:08:00,690 [mocking] This may sound odd, 186 00:08:00,732 --> 00:08:02,859 but I'm just gonna come out and say it. 187 00:08:02,901 --> 00:08:04,903 Deep breath, Parker! 188 00:08:04,945 --> 00:08:06,780 I want you to... 189 00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:08,573 [whispers] follow my cats! 190 00:08:10,659 --> 00:08:12,869 - That is correct. And good impression! 191 00:08:12,911 --> 00:08:14,371 - Thank you. 192 00:08:14,412 --> 00:08:17,666 Do your cats look anything like this? 193 00:08:18,792 --> 00:08:20,961 - Yes! It's... it's almost uncanny. 194 00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:22,587 - Hmm. 195 00:08:24,339 --> 00:08:26,925 [door clicks open] [sinister music] 196 00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:28,635 - Hello, Kitties! 197 00:08:28,677 --> 00:08:30,428 I'm home! 198 00:08:32,097 --> 00:08:33,682 [screams in horror] 199 00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:35,642 [groceries clatter] 200 00:08:35,684 --> 00:08:40,897 ♪♪♪ 201 00:08:40,939 --> 00:08:43,108 - [sighs] This was no accident. 202 00:08:43,149 --> 00:08:45,277 [Parker] Yes, Detective. I... 203 00:08:46,278 --> 00:08:48,947 [whispers] I believe my two cats killed this man. 204 00:08:48,989 --> 00:08:50,991 - Why didn't you come to us earlier? 205 00:08:51,032 --> 00:08:53,285 - A man's dead 'cause you didn't come to us first! 206 00:08:55,203 --> 00:08:56,955 - Do you think it's still the same two cats? 207 00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:58,748 - Maybe. - See, here's what they do. 208 00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:01,793 They get themselves adopted by some lonely, old guy, 209 00:09:01,835 --> 00:09:05,255 some very lonely, lonely, friendless guy, 210 00:09:05,297 --> 00:09:07,299 who wanders around mostly in slippers, 211 00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:10,093 some very lonely, pathetic guy. 212 00:09:10,135 --> 00:09:11,928 - And then, they pounce like cats! 213 00:09:11,970 --> 00:09:14,431 - And kill him. - [gasps] Oh, my God! 214 00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:16,808 I would consider Philippe Winger from work a friend. 215 00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:18,768 - Mr. Winger does not like you. 216 00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:20,478 We interviewed him. 217 00:09:22,647 --> 00:09:24,858 Hey my... my gun's gone! The cat's got my gun! 218 00:09:24,899 --> 00:09:27,360 - Everybody down! [sinister music] 219 00:09:27,402 --> 00:09:31,489 ♪♪♪ 220 00:09:33,825 --> 00:09:35,368 - [exhales] - I found it. 221 00:09:35,410 --> 00:09:36,619 I dropped it in the car. - Oh. 222 00:09:36,661 --> 00:09:38,747 - Don't beat yourself up. These things happen. 223 00:09:38,788 --> 00:09:41,124 You need to get one of those snaps on your holster 224 00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:43,251 so you know that... my gun's gone! 225 00:09:43,293 --> 00:09:44,627 - Everybody down! 226 00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:48,381 ♪♪♪ 227 00:09:48,423 --> 00:09:50,216 [gunshots cracking, cats meowing] 228 00:09:50,258 --> 00:09:52,135 [Scott] Calling all cars! Officer down! 229 00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:53,970 Shots fired by a cat! 230 00:09:54,012 --> 00:09:56,431 Suspects are two long-haired Persians 231 00:09:56,473 --> 00:09:58,641 with a Smith and Wesson. Oh, God! No! 232 00:09:58,683 --> 00:10:00,477 [gunshots cracking] - Nooooooo!! 233 00:10:00,518 --> 00:10:05,523 ♪♪♪ 234 00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:08,651 [soft romantic music] 235 00:10:08,693 --> 00:10:10,653 - So, I'd like to start by asking you both 236 00:10:10,695 --> 00:10:12,697 a few questions. Francesca? 237 00:10:12,739 --> 00:10:14,991 - Si. - What do you think of 238 00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:17,118 when you think about sex with Bruno? 239 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,454 - Ah! His hideous cock. 240 00:10:19,496 --> 00:10:21,373 [Doctor] Hmm. 241 00:10:21,414 --> 00:10:23,958 And what makes it so hideous? - Well, Doctor, 242 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,711 when he gets excite, it fill with blood. 243 00:10:26,753 --> 00:10:28,505 - Well, that's normal. 244 00:10:28,546 --> 00:10:30,673 - We're talking about a lot of blood. Here. 245 00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:32,675 - I'm already working on... one. 246 00:10:32,717 --> 00:10:35,845 - So much blood, sometimes it bleeds. 247 00:10:35,887 --> 00:10:38,973 - Oh, like some sort of penile stigmata. 248 00:10:39,015 --> 00:10:43,144 - Si. So, Doctor, it's very hard to be in the mood, huh? 249 00:10:43,186 --> 00:10:45,563 When you always think about the Baby Jesus. 250 00:10:45,605 --> 00:10:47,690 - Who else has seen this miracle penis? 251 00:10:47,732 --> 00:10:50,318 - Well, just us, and uh, the Pope. 252 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,529 - The Pope. - And uh, oh, the pilgrims. 253 00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:54,155 - Ah, the pilgrim. - Yes. 254 00:10:54,197 --> 00:10:56,366 - Bruno, 255 00:10:56,408 --> 00:10:57,992 what do you think of... 256 00:10:58,034 --> 00:11:00,245 when you think about sex with Francesca? 257 00:11:00,286 --> 00:11:01,704 - Well, let me tell you something, Doc. 258 00:11:01,746 --> 00:11:03,373 - Aw. [chuckles] 259 00:11:03,415 --> 00:11:05,708 - I think about the Macedonian insurgence. 260 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,377 - Ah. 261 00:11:07,419 --> 00:11:09,254 - I think about my sweet mother, on fire. 262 00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:10,713 - Hmm. 263 00:11:10,755 --> 00:11:12,882 - I think about Francesca's mouth, 264 00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:14,717 with a whole extra set of teeth. 265 00:11:14,759 --> 00:11:16,386 - Mm. 266 00:11:16,428 --> 00:11:18,054 - Have you ever tried pornography? 267 00:11:18,096 --> 00:11:20,056 - Well, once when I was young, 268 00:11:20,098 --> 00:11:22,100 I make 200 films. - Three. 269 00:11:22,142 --> 00:11:24,018 - Watching pornography. 270 00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:25,728 - Ah. - Watching, oh no. 271 00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,814 - To watch, to watch, no. - No, it's terrible stuff. 272 00:11:27,856 --> 00:11:29,816 - Now, now, now, one time. - We did, that's true. 273 00:11:29,858 --> 00:11:31,818 We did one time, we did watch. - Don't like. 274 00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:33,903 - No, we did not like. No. - Because we... 275 00:11:33,945 --> 00:11:35,738 we think it was pretentious. 276 00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:38,158 - Very. You know, it's like the girl, she order a pizza, 277 00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:40,869 the pizza guy come, and she just have sex with him. 278 00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:43,288 Nobody pay for the pizza. What's gonna happen 279 00:11:43,329 --> 00:11:45,415 when he goes to pizzeria? - No. 280 00:11:45,457 --> 00:11:47,417 - He's gonna get fired. This is terrible. 281 00:11:47,459 --> 00:11:49,085 - Is bad. She don't even eat the pizza. 282 00:11:49,127 --> 00:11:51,379 - No. 283 00:11:51,421 --> 00:11:55,091 - You know, I think the problem could be one of relaxation. 284 00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:57,218 - Ay. - Ay? 285 00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:59,554 - Have you ever thought about having sex, 286 00:11:59,596 --> 00:12:01,764 before you have sex? 287 00:12:01,806 --> 00:12:03,433 - Really? 288 00:12:03,475 --> 00:12:05,143 - Do you think it could work? 289 00:12:05,185 --> 00:12:06,686 - I do. 290 00:12:06,728 --> 00:12:08,521 [Both chuckle sheepishly] 291 00:12:08,563 --> 00:12:10,315 - You don't mind if I watch, do you? 292 00:12:10,356 --> 00:12:13,401 - We insist. - Yes. Insist. 293 00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:16,988 ♪♪♪ 294 00:12:18,156 --> 00:12:23,953 ♪♪♪ 295 00:12:25,622 --> 00:12:26,789 [door clicks open] [Jack] Hey, Honey! 296 00:12:26,831 --> 00:12:29,334 - Jack! You're home early. Have some wine. 297 00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:31,544 - Ooh, that sounds like a lovely idea. 298 00:12:31,586 --> 00:12:32,879 - It is! 299 00:12:32,921 --> 00:12:35,840 - And it also sounds like a very appropriate idea. 300 00:12:35,882 --> 00:12:37,467 - Oh? 301 00:12:37,509 --> 00:12:39,469 - 'Cause I have a big surprise for you. 302 00:12:39,511 --> 00:12:42,514 - Really? Well, what is it? 303 00:12:43,598 --> 00:12:45,266 - You know that house you've been looking at? 304 00:12:45,308 --> 00:12:47,227 [exhales] Well... 305 00:12:47,268 --> 00:12:48,895 I bought it. 306 00:12:48,937 --> 00:12:50,897 [glasses clink] Cheers! 307 00:12:50,939 --> 00:12:53,149 - Sorry, what house? - Your dream house. 308 00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:54,817 The one that you love, you know the house 309 00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:56,819 you've been going on and on about? 310 00:12:56,861 --> 00:12:58,821 - I uh, I really don't know what house 311 00:12:58,863 --> 00:13:00,949 you're talking about, Jack. - Oh Honey, sure you do. 312 00:13:00,990 --> 00:13:02,825 Remember yesterday, we were driving home 313 00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:04,827 and we passed that house for sale, and you said 314 00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:06,996 "I wonder what that goes for?" - Yeah? 315 00:13:07,038 --> 00:13:09,707 - Well, now we know. $1.2 Million. 316 00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:11,251 [glasses clink] Cheers! 317 00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:13,836 - $1.2 million, are you joking? - Well, Honey, 318 00:13:13,878 --> 00:13:15,672 it's not like I could haggle. 319 00:13:15,713 --> 00:13:17,006 I wanted to close the deal today. 320 00:13:17,048 --> 00:13:18,716 - Jack, that was just idle curiosity. 321 00:13:18,758 --> 00:13:20,343 It was... it was chit-chat. 322 00:13:20,385 --> 00:13:22,428 - Well, it didn't seem like idle chit-chat. 323 00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:24,138 Bordered on an obsession. 324 00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:26,349 - Jack! We can't buy that house! 325 00:13:26,391 --> 00:13:28,643 That would be crazy. 326 00:13:28,685 --> 00:13:30,395 - Well, of course not, Honey. - [sighs with relief] 327 00:13:30,436 --> 00:13:32,355 Oh, thank God. - Yeah, we can't buy a house 328 00:13:32,397 --> 00:13:33,982 we already bought, that would be crazy. 329 00:13:34,023 --> 00:13:35,567 - Oh shit. 330 00:13:35,608 --> 00:13:37,527 - And I gotta be honest with you, when you're actually 331 00:13:37,569 --> 00:13:39,612 in that place, it's not as nice as it looks from the street, 332 00:13:39,654 --> 00:13:41,114 as you're quickly driving by. - Uh huh. 333 00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:42,991 - Yeah, it's a lot smaller than you'd think, 334 00:13:43,032 --> 00:13:45,952 and there's a fair amount of pretty severe structural damage. 335 00:13:45,994 --> 00:13:48,121 But I knew it would break your heart not to have it. So... 336 00:13:48,162 --> 00:13:49,706 [glasses clink] Cheers! 337 00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:52,041 - Stop clinking my goddamn glass! [slurps] 338 00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:53,626 - You're right, Honey. 339 00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:55,587 There'll be plenty of time to celebrate later. 340 00:13:55,628 --> 00:13:58,131 Right now, we have got to pack! 341 00:13:59,465 --> 00:14:00,883 - Pack? 342 00:14:00,925 --> 00:14:03,261 [boxes clunking] 343 00:14:05,263 --> 00:14:06,764 - Yep. 344 00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:08,641 The new owners wanna start moving in here tomorrow. 345 00:14:08,683 --> 00:14:10,643 - What are you talking about? - Well, Honey, 346 00:14:10,685 --> 00:14:13,062 I had to sell this house to buy the new house, right? 347 00:14:13,104 --> 00:14:15,440 And to be honest with you, I didn't really get as much 348 00:14:15,481 --> 00:14:18,026 for this place as I could have because I'm, what they call, 349 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,819 "highly-motivated seller." 350 00:14:19,861 --> 00:14:22,405 All in all, we lost about $160 Grand. 351 00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:24,240 But it wasn't entirely your fault. 352 00:14:24,282 --> 00:14:25,783 [items clattering] - Jack. 353 00:14:25,825 --> 00:14:27,493 - Hmm? - Stop packing. 354 00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:29,746 - We don't have a lot of time. We gotta get on top of this, 355 00:14:29,787 --> 00:14:31,164 Sweetheart. We really need... - Come here. Come here. 356 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:32,790 ...to do this. Hun. - Come here. 357 00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:34,584 - Honey, we really, we don't have time, 358 00:14:34,626 --> 00:14:36,502 we gotta get everything-- - Look into my eyes. 359 00:14:36,544 --> 00:14:38,046 - Oh, but I-I don't... - Jack? 360 00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:39,672 - Uh huh? 361 00:14:39,714 --> 00:14:41,716 - I'm not leaving this house. Do you hear me? 362 00:14:44,302 --> 00:14:46,512 - But you have to! - I'm not. 363 00:14:46,554 --> 00:14:48,097 - But-but-but you- - No. Mm-mm. 364 00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:50,141 - But the people... - No. 365 00:14:50,183 --> 00:14:51,934 - It'd be trespassing if you-- - No, Jack. 366 00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:53,770 I'm not leaving here. - [sighs] 367 00:14:53,811 --> 00:14:56,689 - You have to fix this. - Well, I have to say... 368 00:14:56,731 --> 00:15:00,318 I'm a little startled by your ingratitude. 369 00:15:01,653 --> 00:15:04,113 - My what? - Your ingratitude, Sandra! 370 00:15:04,155 --> 00:15:05,990 I mean, I mean, look what I did! 371 00:15:06,032 --> 00:15:07,700 Look what I did! I... 372 00:15:07,742 --> 00:15:09,661 I sold this house, 373 00:15:09,702 --> 00:15:12,747 the house that I love, I sold it for you. 374 00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:14,374 And did I think it was crazy? 375 00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:16,042 You bet your ass, I thought it was crazy! 376 00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:18,169 But I did it anyway! I did it for you! 377 00:15:18,211 --> 00:15:20,546 I did it for you! [glass shatters] 378 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:24,425 Are you crazy? - Am I crazy? Seriously?! 379 00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:26,719 - Yes! Seriously! Are you, I mean... 380 00:15:26,761 --> 00:15:28,846 I don't even know who you are right now. 381 00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:31,265 You know what? Maybe we should just call it quits. 382 00:15:31,307 --> 00:15:33,685 - Fine by me, you little piece of shit fuck! 383 00:15:33,726 --> 00:15:35,103 - All right, great. You know what? 384 00:15:35,144 --> 00:15:36,854 You can keep the new house. 385 00:15:36,896 --> 00:15:38,731 I mean with my allergies and all that black mold, 386 00:15:38,773 --> 00:15:40,400 I can't even breathe in that place. 387 00:15:40,441 --> 00:15:42,193 [footsteps recede] 388 00:15:42,235 --> 00:15:44,028 [door opens and shuts] 389 00:15:45,029 --> 00:15:47,031 - What's the address? 390 00:15:48,324 --> 00:15:53,788 ♪♪♪ 391 00:15:56,082 --> 00:15:58,084 [upbeat romantic music] 392 00:15:58,126 --> 00:16:03,172 ♪♪♪ 393 00:16:03,214 --> 00:16:04,674 [zipper whizzes] 394 00:16:04,716 --> 00:16:06,092 - Ah! - Ah! 395 00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:09,637 - So, how was it? - Well... 396 00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:12,724 we do the pre-sex. - Mm-hmm. 397 00:16:12,765 --> 00:16:14,308 - And then we do the sex-sex. - Ah. 398 00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:16,894 - And it's very relax. - Almost no violence. 399 00:16:16,936 --> 00:16:18,771 - And very little blood. 400 00:16:18,813 --> 00:16:20,064 - Thank you Dr. Melanchoir. 401 00:16:20,106 --> 00:16:22,024 You have saved our divorce. 402 00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:24,277 - Here, let me freshen your drink. 403 00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:27,113 - Well, I haven't had any... yet. 404 00:16:28,781 --> 00:16:30,533 Glad I could be of service. 405 00:16:30,575 --> 00:16:32,827 Do you mind if I use your bathroom for about 12 minutes? 406 00:16:32,869 --> 00:16:35,037 - Of course! - [hard slap] 407 00:16:35,079 --> 00:16:36,873 - What was that for? 408 00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:38,875 - For what you're about to do. - What am I about-- 409 00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:40,585 [hard slap] - That was for Bruno. 410 00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:43,212 I missed! - I'm not complaining. 411 00:16:44,338 --> 00:16:46,799 Only need eight minutes. 412 00:16:46,841 --> 00:16:49,343 [soft romantic music] 413 00:16:49,385 --> 00:16:52,221 - So, Francesca Fiori, 414 00:16:53,639 --> 00:16:56,434 are you ready for the post-sex-sex? 415 00:16:56,476 --> 00:16:58,644 [hands slaps] 416 00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:01,481 - I am now. - Ay. 417 00:17:01,522 --> 00:17:03,441 [Both chuckle sheepishly] 418 00:17:03,483 --> 00:17:05,610 - Mwah. 419 00:17:05,651 --> 00:17:08,362 - Ay. 420 00:17:08,404 --> 00:17:10,239 I'm so hot. 421 00:17:14,911 --> 00:17:16,621 [Announcer] Friends of "Kids in the Hall" 422 00:17:16,662 --> 00:17:19,123 Number 311, Jillian. 423 00:17:19,165 --> 00:17:21,793 - Raccoons are super cute! 424 00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:23,461 But every day, 425 00:17:23,503 --> 00:17:25,421 I see so many of them as roadkill, 426 00:17:25,463 --> 00:17:28,883 and it makes me super sad! 427 00:17:28,925 --> 00:17:30,343 [deep inhale] And then, 428 00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:32,637 I get to thinking about the math of it, 429 00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:34,138 and I'm like... 430 00:17:35,431 --> 00:17:38,226 if I am seeing that many raccoons 431 00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,603 on my little stretch of highway, 432 00:17:40,645 --> 00:17:42,230 every single day, 433 00:17:42,271 --> 00:17:43,981 how many fuckin' raccoons 434 00:17:44,023 --> 00:17:46,275 are there out there anyway? 435 00:17:46,317 --> 00:17:48,444 It's like, is there some big, fuckin' like... 436 00:17:48,486 --> 00:17:50,238 raccoon mothership, 437 00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:52,740 just like squirting out babies 438 00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:55,868 in the forest behind my house, or what? 439 00:17:56,869 --> 00:17:59,372 It scares the shit outta me. [exhales] 440 00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:02,291 [whispers] It should scare the shit out of everyone. 441 00:18:04,168 --> 00:18:06,712 [cute voice] And then, they have those little masks. 442 00:18:06,754 --> 00:18:09,173 And they eat your trash. 443 00:18:09,215 --> 00:18:10,800 [Announcer] Friends of "Kids in the Hall" 444 00:18:10,842 --> 00:18:12,802 Number 311, Jillian. 445 00:18:14,512 --> 00:18:17,932 ♪♪♪ 446 00:18:19,851 --> 00:18:22,186 [bell jingles on door, indistinct chatter] 447 00:18:24,981 --> 00:18:27,149 - I've been here an hour. 448 00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:29,277 Where is the target? 449 00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:31,612 [Methiere] Relax, Mr. Potter. 450 00:18:31,654 --> 00:18:33,739 I'm confident that our target will present themselves 451 00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:36,242 before too long. - But... 452 00:18:36,284 --> 00:18:39,453 - I'm not paying you to say "but" to me, Mr. Potter. 453 00:18:39,495 --> 00:18:41,956 I am paying you vast amounts of money 454 00:18:41,998 --> 00:18:44,500 to scan the conversations around you 455 00:18:44,542 --> 00:18:47,336 until you hear our target say the code words. 456 00:18:47,378 --> 00:18:49,672 And when they do, to eliminate them! 457 00:18:50,673 --> 00:18:52,884 Understood?! 458 00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,260 - Understood. 459 00:18:54,302 --> 00:18:56,846 [utensils clink, indistinct patron chatter] 460 00:18:56,888 --> 00:18:58,723 [Man] Well, you know, I told her. 461 00:18:58,764 --> 00:19:00,558 [Kevin] So, you were telling me where you work. 462 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,768 [Scott] Yes, I work for the government. That's what I do. 463 00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:05,479 - But what is it you do, do? 464 00:19:06,814 --> 00:19:09,191 - You said "doo doo". - [chuckles] Did I? 465 00:19:09,233 --> 00:19:11,235 - Yeah! [Woman] He said "doo doo"! 466 00:19:11,277 --> 00:19:12,612 [All laughing] 467 00:19:12,653 --> 00:19:15,489 - He said "doo doo". He did! - He said "doo doo". 468 00:19:15,531 --> 00:19:18,117 [All repeating] He said "doo doo"! 469 00:19:18,159 --> 00:19:20,745 [laughing] 470 00:19:20,786 --> 00:19:22,204 - Everyone has said it. 471 00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:24,290 Everyone has said the code word. 472 00:19:24,332 --> 00:19:27,043 - Then kill them all. - But... 473 00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:29,462 - Ah, that word again! 474 00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:32,256 - Which is my target? - Doo doo. [laughs] 475 00:19:32,298 --> 00:19:34,425 [Methiere] It's amusing to me, Mr. Potter, 476 00:19:34,467 --> 00:19:36,510 that you seem to have all the time in the world 477 00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:39,096 to say, "but, but, but" to me, repeatedly, 478 00:19:39,138 --> 00:19:41,265 but apparently no time... - Doo doo! 479 00:19:41,307 --> 00:19:43,309 - ...to simply draw and point the invisible weapon... 480 00:19:43,351 --> 00:19:45,728 - Doo doo! - That I furnished you with 481 00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:48,105 and execute our agreement. 482 00:19:48,147 --> 00:19:49,899 - [frustrated exhale] - Do it! 483 00:19:49,941 --> 00:19:52,902 [Man] Did you hear that? He said "doo doo". [laughs] 484 00:19:52,944 --> 00:19:54,612 [invisible gun whizzes] - Ungh! 485 00:19:54,654 --> 00:19:56,864 - Invisible gun! 486 00:19:56,906 --> 00:19:58,240 [invisible bullets whiz] 487 00:19:58,282 --> 00:20:00,743 [patrons screaming] 488 00:20:00,785 --> 00:20:02,203 [invisible bullets whiz] 489 00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,497 [bodies thud to the ground] 490 00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:06,582 [glass shatters] 491 00:20:06,624 --> 00:20:09,335 [sinister music] 492 00:20:09,377 --> 00:20:12,421 [Kevin] Uh! uh... no! 493 00:20:14,048 --> 00:20:15,424 [grunting] 494 00:20:16,425 --> 00:20:18,427 [deep inhales] 495 00:20:19,679 --> 00:20:21,097 [inhaler rattles] 496 00:20:21,138 --> 00:20:23,808 Huh? Ungh! 497 00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:27,770 [stammering indistinctly] 498 00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:30,940 No! No, no! No, no! 499 00:20:30,982 --> 00:20:32,942 Wah! Ah! 500 00:20:32,984 --> 00:20:34,610 [invisible bullet whizzes] 501 00:20:34,652 --> 00:20:37,613 [footsteps thud, helicopter whirs overhead] 502 00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:42,159 [footsteps quicken] 503 00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:44,203 [siren wails] 504 00:20:48,416 --> 00:20:50,960 [footsteps shuffle] 505 00:20:51,002 --> 00:20:57,967 ♪♪♪ 506 00:20:58,009 --> 00:21:01,303 ♪♪♪ 507 00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:03,305 [Police radio] All units be on the lookout 508 00:21:03,347 --> 00:21:06,350 for a suspect possibly dressed as a delivery man. 509 00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:09,478 [door opens and shuts] 510 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,314 ♪♪♪ 511 00:21:12,356 --> 00:21:14,066 [door clunks, pen clicks] 512 00:21:14,108 --> 00:21:16,694 ♪♪♪ 513 00:21:16,736 --> 00:21:18,320 [indistinct police radio chatter] 514 00:21:18,362 --> 00:21:20,531 ♪♪♪ 515 00:21:20,573 --> 00:21:22,700 [circus music] 516 00:21:24,035 --> 00:21:25,327 [whip snaps] 517 00:21:25,369 --> 00:21:30,166 ♪♪♪ 518 00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,333 [whip snaps] 519 00:21:31,375 --> 00:21:37,339 ♪♪♪ 520 00:21:37,381 --> 00:21:39,759 ♪♪♪ 521 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,594 [button beeps, music stops] 522 00:21:41,635 --> 00:21:44,597 [footsteps thud away quickly] 523 00:21:45,598 --> 00:21:46,807 [items crash] 524 00:21:46,849 --> 00:21:48,476 [heavy door roars open] 525 00:21:49,477 --> 00:21:51,479 [slow footsteps stop] 526 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,105 [lights click on] 527 00:21:53,147 --> 00:21:54,732 [Methiere] You've finished the job, Mr. Potter. 528 00:21:54,774 --> 00:21:56,901 - Yes. - Good. 529 00:21:56,942 --> 00:21:59,070 [whirring] - Approach me. 530 00:21:59,111 --> 00:22:00,821 [lights buzz] 531 00:22:01,947 --> 00:22:03,949 [footsteps thud] 532 00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:10,164 [briefcase clunks] 533 00:22:11,707 --> 00:22:13,375 Oh, don't worry, Mr. Potter. 534 00:22:13,417 --> 00:22:16,170 Unlike your conscience, my hands are clean. 535 00:22:18,005 --> 00:22:19,507 [briefcase rattles] 536 00:22:21,092 --> 00:22:23,219 You can count it, if you like. 537 00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,720 - No need. 538 00:22:24,762 --> 00:22:27,181 [briefcase clunks closed, clasps snap] 539 00:22:27,223 --> 00:22:29,642 Damn it. I need to know why I killed 540 00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:31,602 a dozen people today. 541 00:22:31,644 --> 00:22:33,395 - Because they said, 542 00:22:33,437 --> 00:22:36,690 "You said 'doo doo'" of their own free will. 543 00:22:36,732 --> 00:22:38,734 Those vulgarians made their choice, 544 00:22:38,776 --> 00:22:40,486 and now they're dead. 545 00:22:40,528 --> 00:22:42,696 - You killed them for a silly joke? 546 00:22:42,738 --> 00:22:45,991 - Joke!? Look about this room, sir. 547 00:22:46,033 --> 00:22:49,912 I do not joke about my ablutions, Mr. Potter. 548 00:22:49,954 --> 00:22:52,414 The very fabric of society 549 00:22:52,456 --> 00:22:55,751 unravels every time another subhuman 550 00:22:55,793 --> 00:22:59,088 descends to the level of a witless toddler, 551 00:22:59,130 --> 00:23:01,132 to retort to the question, 552 00:23:01,173 --> 00:23:03,425 "What is it that you do do?" 553 00:23:03,467 --> 00:23:05,177 Toilet humor... 554 00:23:05,219 --> 00:23:07,471 is not comedy! 555 00:23:08,973 --> 00:23:11,142 [grunts, poop splashes] 556 00:23:12,184 --> 00:23:14,478 [recoils in disgust] 557 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,981 - So, they all had to die? 558 00:23:17,022 --> 00:23:19,441 - Yes. All of them. 559 00:23:19,483 --> 00:23:22,278 And, I hope you like working, Mr. Potter, 560 00:23:22,319 --> 00:23:23,988 because you are going to kill 561 00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:26,115 every single person 562 00:23:26,157 --> 00:23:27,908 that says... 563 00:23:27,950 --> 00:23:29,827 "You said 'doo doo'." 564 00:23:29,869 --> 00:23:31,912 [invisible knife unsheathes and pierces] 565 00:23:31,954 --> 00:23:34,248 Invisible knife!? 566 00:23:34,290 --> 00:23:36,000 Why?! 567 00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:38,335 - You said "doo doo". 568 00:23:38,377 --> 00:23:40,296 - I'm allowed to say it! 569 00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,173 I'm commenting on the phenomenon, 570 00:23:42,214 --> 00:23:44,550 not endorsing it! 571 00:23:44,592 --> 00:23:46,844 What have you done? 572 00:23:46,886 --> 00:23:48,804 You've killed me! 573 00:23:48,846 --> 00:23:50,681 [grunts, thuds on the ground] 574 00:23:50,723 --> 00:23:52,641 Ugh! Ugh! 575 00:23:52,683 --> 00:23:55,227 ♪♪♪ 576 00:23:55,269 --> 00:23:57,354 [pants heavily] 577 00:23:57,396 --> 00:23:59,565 ♪♪♪ 578 00:23:59,607 --> 00:24:01,567 - Did I kill you? 579 00:24:01,609 --> 00:24:04,445 Or did I Ass-Ass-inate you? 580 00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:06,488 - Noooo! 581 00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:08,490 [stammers indistinctly] 582 00:24:08,532 --> 00:24:10,492 [arm falls lifeless to ground] 583 00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:12,578 [♪ Craig Northey: "Take Me out to the Ball Game"] 584 00:24:12,620 --> 00:24:17,833 ♪♪♪ 585 00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:19,585 ♪♪♪ 586 00:24:19,627 --> 00:24:22,379 [bat cracks, crown cheers] 587 00:24:24,548 --> 00:24:26,717 [bird chirps, turds splash violently] 588 00:24:28,552 --> 00:24:32,681 ♪♪♪ 589 00:24:32,723 --> 00:24:35,976 [turd bubbles, water burbles] 590 00:24:38,604 --> 00:24:45,569 ♪♪♪ 591 00:24:45,611 --> 00:24:52,576 ♪♪♪ 592 00:24:52,618 --> 00:24:59,583 ♪♪♪ 593 00:24:59,625 --> 00:25:05,589 ♪♪♪ 594 00:25:05,631 --> 00:25:12,596 ♪♪♪ 595 00:25:12,638 --> 00:25:18,602 ♪♪♪ 596 00:25:18,644 --> 00:25:25,609 ♪♪♪ 597 00:25:25,651 --> 00:25:30,948 ♪♪♪