[school bell rings]
- Pardon me!
Big day today.
We're starting winter sports in gym class,
and if I don't get there on time...
[gasps] I won't get to sign up
for ice hockey.
Get out of my way!
Squeezing through!
Also, I'm totally counting on it
to save my grade. [grunts]
- [shrieks] - [grunts]
Whoa.
I gotta make sure I get ice hockey
because otherwise I'll have to do--
[gasps] - [blows whistle]
- [grunts] Figure skating.
[upbeat music]
- * Don't want to go to school today *
* The sun is red hot and I wanna play *
* But if I get caught they'll make me pay *
* Detention again *
- * Big Nate, Big Nate *
- * Math and social studies just ain't my thing *
- * Big Nate, Big Nate *
- * Rocking with my band is where I'm king *
* Stealing the teacher's teeth or bailing on a test *
- * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *
* Big Nate *
[loud clang]
[thud, clattering]
* *
- All right, maggots, get after it.
- Yodel-lay-ee-dee.
- Uh, you want us to skate on that?
- Use your imagination, scrub.
This is a frosted winter wonderland.
An Olympic ice rink.
[critters squeaking]
- Oh, I think I see it. Like the North Pole,
but if Santa hated us.
- [grunting] - Ah!
- Ah!
[sneaky music]
[whistle whirs]
* *
- Ho, ho, no.
How did all of my friends get ice hockey
except for me?
[groans]
All right, real talk? I hate figure skating.
But there's a good reason for that.
My sister Ellen loves to torture me,
and figure skating is her weapon
of Nate destruction.
You'd hate figure skating with the white-hot intensity
of a thousand suns, too,
if you went through what I have.
[booing]
Ahh!
[screams]
Now, back to our story. - [blows whistle]
Front and center, junior. Get over here.
Now!
- [groans] Here goes nothing.
[grunts]
- Hey, champ, how you feeling?
- [coughs dramatically]
Terrible.
I think I'll be out for the whole school year, Dad.
- I think I know what's going on here.
You got a bad case of gym-itis.
I used to get it all the time
due to my complete lack of proper muscle formation.
[grunts]
[sighs]
It's a wonder I can even feed myself.
- Dad, can you please just excuse me from gym?
I haven't asked you for anything lately.
- Well, that's not quite true.
- Dad, can I have your waffles?
Dad can I have the comic section.
Hey, Dad, can I have this chainsaw?
[sobs] Please?
Please get me out of gym class! [whimpering]
- Don't let him get to you, Marty.
Be strong. You have to tell him no.
N--n--!
[vocalizes]
[sighs]
[door slams] - Uh, Dad?
Well, that wasn't a no.
And a not no equals a yes.
- Aw.
How can I say no to him without crushing his spirit?
- What in tarnation?
- Uh, hello, Coach J.
As you can see, I've had a little accident.
[chuckles weakly]
Shame I won't be able to figure skate today.
- Nice cast.
What'd you use, two-ply?
- It's a miracle. I am cured.
Be right back.
My Fear the Mollusk album got discovered.
It's from the hottest K-Pop band in the game.
- As a K-Pop fan myself, I'm highly skeptical.
- Hey, hey, ho, ho,
these ice skates have got to go.
I will be sitting out gym class as form of protest
against child humiliation in this country.
- [grunts] - [shrieks]
- If you think figure skating is humiliating,
try repeating sixth grade gym.
Go lace up, Porcupine Head.
- [mimicking Coach J] Go lace up, Porcupine Head.
At least I don't wear a toupee that looks like
a dead muskrat.
- Hey, Nate, how's it going?
- How's it going? How's it going?
Dee Dee, if you didn't notice, I have to figure skate.
- And?
- Well, for starters, because of Ellen,
I've sworn a blood oath to hate figure skating.
Not to mention I'm gonna totally embarrass myself.
When I dance I look like-- - A total dork?
Oh, oh. Maybe you can find a partner
to take the pressure off.
At acting camp, when I did "Lassie, I'm Gassy,"
my two-person play--
correction it was one person, one dog,
but you get the idea. - Stop. Stop, stop, stop.
You've said something
I've chosen to pay attention to.
Partner. Partner, partner, partner.
I need a--uh, no. Don't have a death wish.
- Hmm. - Hmm?
Hey, Chad, what are you doing up there?
- Making paper snowflakes.
[eerie squealing]
[paper crinkling]
- So, C-Dog, C-meister, Chad-o-rama, ol' buddy.
[chuckles] I was thinking...
- Ah, sorry, Nate, but my freckles are tingling
which means you're about to ask me
to be your figure skating partner,
and I must respectfully decline.
So wh--what about Kim?
She doesn't have a partner.
And she's as strong as a box.
- Um, I don't think a box is very strong, Chad.
- Box. Half bear, half ox.
[grunting]
- [grunts] Hey.
- Aah!
Yeow!
[groans]
[muffled screaming]
- Mmm, a souvenir.
- Sorry to take up your time.
I didn't know where else to turn.
- [sighs] You were wise to come to us.
- Let me guess,
Nate asked you to get him out of gym class
and you can't say no.
- Well, that's right! How did you know?
- [sighs] This has been going on
for years, Mr. Wright.
- Hey, Dad, I'm gonna have cheesy snacks for dinner.
That's cool, right? Mmm.
- N-- [sighs]
- Hey, I made a zipline out of Ellen's hair.
She sheds more than Spitsy. [Spitsy barks]
Sound good to you?
- N--
- [laughs]
[loud crash]
- [gasps]
- Hey, hey, hey! I just adopted
the entire animal shelter.
Whoa, whoa!
The lemurs are biting my ankles!
Can we keep them all, Dad?
- N--[sighs] - [grunts]
- You kids are right.
I've created a monster. [sobs]
[whispering indistinctly]
- There, there, Martin. It's not too late.
We've got the perfect three-step plan
to make Nate respect you as an authority figure.
It is foolproof, if I say so myself.
- I can't thank you enough, children.
[blows nose] - Ugh.
[melancholy music]
- Aww.
Why did it have to be figure skating?
I'm gonna need a miracle to get out of this.
- * La di da di di di daa la di da *
- You hearing that too? - * La di da *
* La di da * - Miracle, here I come.
[elegant music]
Hey, Chad. - [grunts]
[gasps] Nate. What are you doing here?
Now one was supposed to know about this.
- Aw, what do you mean, buddy?
You're the answer to all my hopes and dreams.
- It's not safe for you to see me.
Ahh!
- Um, what just happened?
- As Nate's most enabling-est friend,
allow me to introduce step one in your course,
mischief management.
I will be teaching you how to recognize
the seedlings of mischief in Nate
before they blossom into a full-grown,
carnivorous plant that will inevitably
destroy us all.
Observe.
The crazy gleam Nate gets in his eye
as he's conjuring up a wild idea.
- Hey, I recognize that look.
- [scoffs] Uh, yeah. Of course you do, Nate's dad.
- Oh, please, call me Martin.
- Nah. These are some of the things Nate says
before he's about to commit una locura.
Any of these should put you on high alert.
"I have an idea."
"I got this."
"What happens if I push this button?"
"Do you dare me to eat this?"
And last but not least,
"Can 11-year-olds get arrested
for fill in the blank?"
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
[doorbell chimes] [cat growls]
- Hey, Chad. - Ahh.
- Look, I know this is a little awkward,
but can we talk about what happened
yesterday on the pond?
- Wha--uh-- [sighs]
- Huh?
[ominous music]
[cat meows distantly]
We have to be quick.
My mom and grandma are out milking the cats,
but they'll be back any minute.
- Uh, hold up, you can milk a cat?
- Oh, yeah it's tricky, but totally worth it.
Cat ice cream is delicious.
- Ooh...
[slurps] - [gags]
- [sighs] Oh, sorry, Nate.
That was so rude of me. Would you like a glass?
- Chad, why are you being so strange?
I mean, you know, stranger than usual.
And why is the word "ice" crossed out
on your ice maker?
- Oh! Shh. No, no, no.
We don't say that word in this house.
- What word? Ice?
Dude, you are freaking me out.
Are you in Witness Protection or something?
[gasps] Are your mom and grandma
vigilante outlaws?
Because that would be awesome.
- Uh... [sighs]
[slurps]
No more secrets.
[burps] [meows]
[tense music]
* *
They don't know I know where this is.
[grunting]
[cat burps] [meows]
- Whoa!
[nostalgic music]
* *
Chad, who are all those pictures of?
- Well, this is Pop Pop Applewhite,
And this is Great Pop Pop Applewhite.
And this, of course, is Great Great Pop Pop Applewhite.
- Okay, you know what? Genuinely sorry I asked.
- Nate, I think it's about time that I tell you the tale
of "The Curse of the Applewhites."
In the Old Country, the Applewhites,
or as they pronounced it back then,
the Pflurgetstumps,
were expert figure skaters, beloved by all.
People came from far and wide to see them skate.
But when bogus "Santa Clauses"
started offering half-priced sleigh rides,
the Applewhites' popularity started to wither and die.
That's when my Great Great Great Great Pop Pop
went searching for the all-powerful Sequinia,
the figure skating spirit who lived deep in the forest.
Sequinia showed him the Rusty Buzzsaw,
a move so complex that it would,
once mastered, make our family
the greatest figure skaters of all time.
But it was a trap.
Sequinia knew that performing the Rusty Buzzsaw
is almost impossible.
Every Applewhite who has tried
has ended up in that great ice rink in the sky.
And that's how the move,
meant to bring my family fame,
instead became a curse.
- [laughs evilly]
- Figure skating has been forbidden
in the Applewhite family ever since.
- Chad, my boy, you're in luck.
Nate Wright is going to graciously
and selflessly help you break that curse
while you help me overcome my deep trauma
around figure skating so I don't embarrass myself
in front of the entire school.
Did I mention I made a blood oath?
- You did. Okay.
- Okay? Wait, that--that's it?
After all that? - Yeah, I'm easy.
* *
- [grunts]
* *
Ahh. [grunts]
Oooh. Ah ha ha.
[groans]
- * I heard you found another partner *
* *
* Does he ice skate better than I can? *
* I saw it with my own eyes *
* I fell to the ground *
* Is it because I turned you into a popsicle? *
* I guess that may have been a little bit too much *
* Is that what made you give up on our love? *
* I am in the bushes watching you two skate *
- * Oh, no, no, no *
- * I am here just through those leaves *
* Can you not feel me? *
- * Oh, no, no *
- * I am staring my hardest *
* But I'm not the one you're skating with *
all: * Oh, no, no, no, no, no. *
- * I'm skating by myself *
All alone.
- Yeah. - [giggles]
- Welcome to step two. Homework.
It's important for Nate
to actually get his homework done.
Not only will he get better grades,
but the academic effort will sharpen his brain.
[all laugh]
- Can't imagine Nate doing homework.
* *
- [panting]
Chad, we've been at this for hours.
Maybe it's time we attempt...
[whispering] the Rusty Buzzsaw.
- Yeah. I mean, why not?
I've had a full life.
[dramatic music]
* *
- Hmm. - Hmm.
* *
- Whoa! [grunts]
- [gasps] What do you think you're doing?
- Ma, Gram, how did you find me?
- We were out milking Sparkles
when Gram picked up your scent.
- Female Applewhites have powerful sniffers.
It's how we survived so long in the Old Country.
- This isn't what it looks like.
- It looks like my son is engaged
in forbidden moonlight ice skating
with his best friend.
- Well, it's exactly what it looks like.
- Oh, you are grounded indefinitely!
- You will never ice skate
or see that foul-smelling Wright boy ever again.
- [grunts]
[whining]
- [sniffs] I smell?
- Martin, welcome to the last step
of your training, step three, reverse improv.
Now, are you familiar with the concept
of "Yes and..."?
- Yes, and-- - No, and!
All right, you're not getting it,
so all you have to do is say "No, and"
to our crazy asks.
So when Nate comes to you a nutso idea,
you're ready to say no.
[claps]
- Hey, Mr. Wright, I mean, Dad.
Cool if I skip school for the day
to go skateboarding?
Ugh, I feel dirty even saying that.
Sure thing, son. Ahh.
- Martin! What did I just say
about using "No, and"?
All right, um, let-- let's try this again.
[clears throat] I'm going to try
bungee jumping with a cord made of toilet paper.
- Hmm. Are we talking public restroom toilet paper
or extra plush? I mean, n--
[vocalizing]
[sighs] Yes.
Ahh!
- Oh, hey, Dad, can I go kick-flip
off the roof of our house
into a pool filled with pudding?
- Dream big, kiddo. Ahh!
I don't think I can do this.
[melancholy music]
* *
- Ah, Martin, what's wrong?
- Oh, I don't know, Dee Dee.
I guess I just don't like the word "no."
You see, the world has told me no so many times.
Like the time I wanted to start a rock band of mimes
or wear a trashcan as clothes.
- Mmm. The world just wasn't ready.
- I don't think I have it in me to say no to Nate.
Thanks for trying anyway.
- Poor Nate's dad. He doesn't stand a chance.
[dramatic music]
[whistle twirs]
* *
- [shivering]
- All right, kids. Huddle up and listen here.
- Oh, hey, Coach John?
Where's Chad?
- He's doing alternative gym. - [gasps]
But that's for the scary kids.
[rock music plays]
* *
- Ahh!
Psst, hey, Chad.
- Nate, what are you doing here?
- Busting you out. Create a diversion.
- It's so funny how your lips move
without making any noise.
- Oh, for the love of--
- [growls]
- I said create a diversion.
- Okay. [pencil scribbling]
- [groans]
- Diversion is math, right?
- [grunts] Oh, I always gotta do everything myself.
[cocks turkey leg]
Turkey leg!
[splat]
[all growling]
- Hey, nice work, partner.
- I don't know if we should
really be talking, Nate.
You see, Gram forbid it,
and she's a scary, scary lady.
They used to stick her in fields to scare crows away.
- Chad, focus. I need your help and you need mine.
If we work together, we can break this curse
and pass gym class.
- You know what I have to say to that, Nate?
- Whoa! Do you always wear that?
[golf cart beeping
- Hey, now, ladies and gentisicles,
the ice hockey players have no more time
left on the ice, so it's time
for our figure skaters to take the ice.
The first up, Kim Cressley. All right, give it up.
- Come on, Nate! - [grunting]
- Er, thank you, Kim,
for that very confusing
and slightly concerning performance.
These kids get weirder and weirder every year.
Okay, now, last but not least,
Nate Wright to the ice, please.
* *
Nate Wright!
- Come on, Nate.
* *
- [snickers]
I just love giving Fs in gym.
- Last call for Nate Wright.
Ahh, there you are.
And it looks like you brought a partner.
[chuckles] These crazy kids love to keep me
on my frost-bitten toes.
- Applewhite, what are you doing
out of your portable? - [sniffs]
- Chad, what are you doing?
- Something I should have done a long time ago.
- But your Pop Pop, and his Pop Pop,
and his Pop Pop's Pop Pop, and--
- Ladies, I'm gonna have to insist
that you sit down. Okay?
Booties down, please. Booties down.
Sit your butt-- sit your butt down.
- Partner? - Partner.
- * Tell me how am I supposed to live without you? *
* I've only been loving you so long *
- Hmm. - [grunts]
- * How am I supposed to live without you? *
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- * But how am I supposed to carry on? *
- Are they doing the Rusty Buzzsaw?
This move has killed more figure skaters
than Spandex poisoning. Can they do this?
[clears throat] Coach John,
please tell me they signed a liability waiver.
- [grunts]
[ice cracking]
- Martin, you can put a stop to this.
Just say no! It's too dangerous.
- Some truly horribly injuries could come from this.
Frost bite, limbs snapping like twigs.
- Oh, no!
- Uh-oh. - What were we thinking?
- N--
- Mr. Wright! - Nate's dad!
both: Ahh! - My God, I don't think
a soul has ever survived this move.
[dramatic music]
both: Ahh!
- Noooo!
[all grunt]
- Dad! You saved us!
- No! No! No!
No. No. - You did it, ND.
- Uh, you can stop saying no now.
- No!
Son, I would rather crush your spirit
than have you crush your face doing something dangerous.
- But what about the curse?
- Well, technically we completed the move.
My dad just helped us stick the landing.
- Mom! Gram!
The family curse is broken.
- [sobbing] - I love you so much, Gram.
- Thought I had another one.
[screeches]
- The "B" is just for barely passing,
and the minus is for the help from Daddy.
- Hmm.
Passed gym, broke a curse.
Nobody but Nate Wright could have pulled this off.
Who wants to skate?
- I do, my little ice monkey.
- Can't breathe.
Dad, can you give me a hand?
- Sorry, son, the answer is no.
[laughter]
- His face!
[mellow folk music]
* *