1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,273 - Blinded by passion, Antony and Cleopatra embarked 2 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:08,476 on an affair so scandalous it rained chaos 3 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:12,146 and destruction upon all in their wake. 4 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:16,550 - One minute to sweet, sweet freedom. 5 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,052 - Wanna come to the arcade with us? 6 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,720 - I'll actually already be there with my dad. 7 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,089 We're having some father-son time. 8 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,624 - Zip it! 9 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,527 - So today's Teacher Appreciation Day, 10 00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:29,530 and ironically enough, it is awesome. 11 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,632 It's a half day. And best of all, 12 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,567 no demon-boy, Randy. 13 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,403 - Hey, booger breath. 14 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:36,804 - Gah! - Nate! 15 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,939 - Randy kicked-- - Zip it! 16 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,474 - [groans] 17 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,211 Randy is P.S. 38's resident jerk 18 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,813 and the turd in my personal punch bowl. 19 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,881 He's been a total whack job since kindergarten, 20 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,983 but I've never once seen him get in trouble. 21 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,120 Not once! It's super annoying. 22 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,187 Ah! 23 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,588 [school bell rings] 24 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:58,692 * It's a half day * 25 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,461 * They can't make us stay* 26 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,762 * Get to go and play * 27 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,364 * The arcade's gonna be cray cray * 28 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,634 Ah! 29 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,503 - Did you have a nice trip, loser? 30 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,771 - Nate Wright! - What? 31 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,440 I--I didn't do anything. 32 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,509 - To Principal Nichols' office now! 33 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,245 - [chuckling] - You too, young man. 34 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,412 - I didn't do anything. 35 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,648 Ah! 36 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,184 - [groans] Way to go, Randy. 37 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,952 Now you blew up your own afternoon too. 38 00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:26,554 You happy? - I wasn't gonna 39 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,222 do anything anyway. 40 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,458 - [chomping] 41 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,360 [all chomping] 42 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,228 [upbeat music] 43 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,830 - * Don't want to go to school today * 44 00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,366 * The sun is red hot and I wanna play * 45 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,203 * But if I get caught they'll make me pay * 46 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:43,771 * Detention again * 47 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,273 - * Big Nate, Big Nate * 48 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,674 - * Math and social studies just ain't my thing * 49 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,108 - * Big Nate, Big Nate * 50 00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:50,043 - * Rocking with my band is where I'm king * 51 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:55,015 * Stealing the teacher's teeth or bailing on a test * 52 00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:57,451 - * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh * 53 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,719 * Big Nate * 54 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,421 [loud clang] 55 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,256 [loud crash] 56 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,759 - [panting] 57 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,596 - Dad, you look like a dog waiting for the mailman. 58 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,863 What's up? - Nate will be home 59 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,832 any minute for father-son bonding day! 60 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,267 Ooh, you wanna join? 61 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,836 Father-spawn bonding day would be even more 62 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,704 "copasetic" as the kids say. 63 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,140 - Hard pass. - I get it. 64 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:21,509 You're growing up. 65 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,644 You don't wanna hang with your old dad anymore. 66 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,646 You have a life. 67 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,115 - Maybe it's time for you to have a life too. 68 00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,618 Have you ever thought about, you know, starting to date? 69 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:35,022 - I--well--yeah, I mean, I've tried. 70 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,025 Ooh, I love how full of compliments you are. 71 00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,527 Are you up for meeting in real life? 72 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,595 - [incoherent garbling] 73 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,332 - Uh, wait a sec. Are you catfishing me? 74 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,099 - [incoherent garbling] 75 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:51,272 - So did you grow up in Maine? 76 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,774 - Uh, sor--sorry. What? 77 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,843 - Hey, hey. My eyes are up here. 78 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,978 Stop staring at my chest foot. 79 00:02:58,045 --> 00:02:58,978 - Ah! 80 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:02,883 [cell phone ringing] 81 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,252 - Hey there, Principal Nichols. 82 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,787 Whatever Nate did, I'm sure it was an accident. 83 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,656 - [incoherent speech] - I'll be right there. 84 00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,227 - [groans] - Don't worry, bud. 85 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,763 I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding. 86 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,331 - Marty, always a pleasure. 87 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,633 No sign of Randy's mom, Barbara, eh? 88 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,868 - Well, guess she's not coming. 89 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,470 Oh, well. - Sit tight. 90 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,339 Randy's mom probably just got stuck in traffic or something. 91 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,040 - Nah, she's always late. 92 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,510 She doesn't believe in time. 93 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,978 - * Ooh, I like it like that * 94 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,014 - [gasps] 95 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:37,184 - Oh, I am so sorry. I'm sorry. 96 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,152 Randy's armadillo had an iffy tummy 97 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,622 so I had to stop for fresh termite kibble. 98 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,924 [laughs] Here I go rambling on 99 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,026 about the trials of single parenthood. 100 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,629 Surely a handsome guy like you is happily married 101 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:49,997 and wouldn't understand. 102 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,099 - I'm not happy or married. 103 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,402 Did you say handsome? Nate, please tell Randy 104 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,437 you're sorry for your part in this little kerfuffle. 105 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,272 - Wait, what? 106 00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,673 [groans] 107 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:04,778 [sarcastically] I am so sorry, Randy. 108 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,480 - Good enough. Got to run. 109 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,749 Party in the teacher's lounge. 110 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,353 - Now on to the arcade. 111 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,855 - Ah, Nate, you can head to detention now. 112 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,189 - Wait, wh--what? 113 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:18,426 How was this not the punishment? 114 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:19,993 - Surely there's some leeway? 115 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,564 - Marty, at P.S. 38, rules must be followed. 116 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,499 Which reminds me. Spit out that gum. 117 00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:26,834 - Sorry. 118 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,738 - Oh, all better now, love nugget? 119 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,907 - Almost. I'd be really better 120 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,810 if I could go to the arcade. 121 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,412 - [growling] 122 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:41,449 - Of course, my lil' dumpling. 123 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:42,816 You've had a hard day. 124 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,652 Here's some pizza money. 125 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:45,986 - [growling] 126 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,155 - No big deal. I'm sure we've got... 127 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,390 [choking up] 128 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:53,093 Many years of father-son time ahead, right? 129 00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:54,628 - [groans] 130 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,330 Sure, whatever. 131 00:04:56,397 --> 00:05:00,133 - Say, Martin, just 'cause Sonny Boy's not available 132 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,302 doesn't mean Daddy can't have fun. 133 00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:06,674 - Uh, when you say "Daddy" you mean me, right? 134 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,677 [romantic music] 135 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,346 * * 136 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,382 - [giggling] 137 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:19,887 * * 138 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,255 - [chomping] 139 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,297 - [laughing] 140 00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:33,767 Why, Martin, who is this gorgeous creature? 141 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,069 - Barbara, this is my daughter, Ellen. 142 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,572 - My dear, you are breathtaking. 143 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,173 I'm stunned. 144 00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:42,976 - I'm sorry. Who are you again? 145 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,845 - [laughs] I'm Barbara. 146 00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,213 I'm dating your father. 147 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,749 both: You are? - Ellen, you and I must 148 00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,183 have a girls' day sometime soon. 149 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,219 Maybe hit the spa, have a mani-pedi? 150 00:05:52,284 --> 00:05:54,755 - For real? I've never been to a spa 151 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,490 or had a professional mani-pedi. 152 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,992 My dad says stuff like that is a waste of money so-- 153 00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:02,362 - Money, shmoney. Stick with me, honey. 154 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,865 both: [sigh] 155 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:07,801 - Hey, loser. Have fun in detention? 156 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,070 [laughing] 157 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,972 The arcade was dope. 158 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,574 - [growling] - Too bad you couldn't go. 159 00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,409 I got mad swag. 160 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,611 - Oh, cool. I had toys like that 161 00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,513 when I was a baby. 162 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,914 - They aren't babyish. 163 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,516 I stole them! 164 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,953 - Ah! - Listen up, scrub. 165 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,488 Dad has a date over. - Oh! 166 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,222 - Mess this up and I will bury you in the backyard 167 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:30,891 with that hamster that you had in second grade. 168 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,493 - He had a name, Ellen. 169 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:33,927 It was Sir Gnaws-A-Lot. 170 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,696 And I don't believe for a second that dad had a-- 171 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:36,997 [laughter] 172 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,433 - Oh, Martin. You're the funny one. 173 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,002 - You're the funny one. - You're the funny one. 174 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,671 - [baby voice] You're the funny one. 175 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,173 - Ugh. - Hi there, darlin'. 176 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,108 I was just telling your dad how I'd love 177 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:50,043 to take our two families out to dinner. 178 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,945 I'm sure Randy would love it. 179 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,349 - Ah! - Oh, yeah. 180 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,051 I would love that. 181 00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,153 - [screaming] 182 00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:04,558 - [grunting] 183 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,827 [snails squealing] 184 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,763 - Oh! I didn't order escargot. 185 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,331 both: Mmm. [kissing noises] 186 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:14,267 both: Can I be excused? 187 00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:15,703 Never mind. 188 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,605 - Go ahead. You two should bond. 189 00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:20,608 I have a feeling that you boys 190 00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:23,110 will be spending a lot more time together. 191 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,411 [both grumbling] 192 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:28,115 - It's so exciting to eat food that's not expired. 193 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,118 Oh, sugary sweets. Can we get dessert? 194 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,120 - Oh, honey, Barbara's already spent 195 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,421 a small fortune on dinner. 196 00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,690 - Oh, honey, get the dessert. 197 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,159 Worrying about money is no way to live. 198 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:42,095 - Haha! Preacher meet choir. 199 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,597 You know, I still don't know 200 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,232 what you do for a living, Barbara. 201 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:48,669 - Funny you should ask, because I was just thinking 202 00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:51,371 you're the kind of guy who might be interested 203 00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:53,140 in joining my business venture. 204 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,808 - You have your own business? 205 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,979 That is so cool. What is it? 206 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:02,650 - Gluten-free water. 207 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,985 - Gluten-free stuff is so huge right now, 208 00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,353 and so is water! 209 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,990 - Oh, I don't know much about water 210 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,959 or gluten 211 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,193 or business. 212 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,494 - Oh, my God. It's so easy. 213 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,496 You just buy $1,000 worth of product upfront. 214 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,132 - Hey, is anyone else's back sweaty? 215 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,901 - [chuckles] 216 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,603 I like you. 217 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,571 [lightning crashes] 218 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,838 - Count me in. 219 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,741 - Huh? 220 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,076 - You coming, dork? 221 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,944 - I don't think we're supposed to be in here. 222 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,080 - Who cares? 223 00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,447 - Ugh. 224 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,150 - [chuckling] 225 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,552 Don't flinch! 226 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,754 - Dude, come on. We're gonna get busted. 227 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,323 - You're with me, wuss bag. 228 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,793 I never get in trouble. 229 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,862 - Hey, did you lick this one? 230 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,363 - Nah. 231 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,365 - Hmm. 232 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,567 - Just kidding. I licked it! 233 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:54,768 - [screams] 234 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,472 - [humming] 235 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,541 - [chuckles] 236 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:07,047 Oopsie daisy. Silly me, I forgot my wallet. 237 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,816 What? [laughs] 238 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,884 Mom brain, am I right? 239 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,621 - Haha, totally. Uh, it's okay. 240 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,823 My dad will pay. Like you said, he'll be rolling 241 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,191 in the gluten-free dough in no time, right? 242 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,627 - Y--yeah--yes. 243 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,895 Yes. That--that's true. 244 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,031 [groans] 245 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,867 [wincing] 246 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:30,671 - Hmph. These children were in our closet consuming copious 247 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:34,875 culinary confections and creating chaos. 248 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,677 - Aw, put the damages on our tab. 249 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,812 - Wait, what? - A small price to pay 250 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,881 for the boys getting along, right? 251 00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,382 - [laughs nervously] Yes. Yes, I-- 252 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:46,086 I suppose the boys bonding is the most important thing. 253 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:48,088 - [growling] 254 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,122 Hmph. 255 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:53,060 - [laughs] - Whoa, hold the phone. 256 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,729 So as long as I'm bonding with Randy, 257 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:58,331 I can do whatever I want? 258 00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,967 Uh, game changer. 259 00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:03,536 - What are you doing to my car? 260 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,972 - Oh, we're combining our hobbies. 261 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,440 Mine's art, Randy's is vandalism. 262 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,842 I thought you wanted us to bond. 263 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,377 - Oh, that's right. 264 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,313 Yeah, well just keep doing what you're doing. 265 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,050 both: Cheese ball pit! 266 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,354 - You're destroying the carpet. 267 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:22,422 both: Bonding. 268 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,491 - Oh, well sorry to interrupt. 269 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,193 Carry on. 270 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,696 - You'll have to get rid of most of your clothes, Martin. 271 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,864 They remind me of my loser ex-husbands. 272 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,333 Too Patrick. Too Larry. 273 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,868 Ugh! Too Ichabod. 274 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,004 - You had a husband named Ichabod? 275 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:40,741 - Oh, this needs to change. 276 00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,676 Ah, much better. 277 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,012 [both laughing] 278 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,147 - Nate. Nate, keep calm. 279 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,783 Randy is behind you and he's got a weapon. 280 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,785 - No, no, no. He's cool. Um, I invited him. 281 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:54,621 - Were you guys playing baseball? 282 00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,656 - Nah, we just like whacking stuff. 283 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,425 Show 'em, Nate dawg. 284 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,427 - [grunting] 285 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,461 [both scream] 286 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:02,595 [glass shattering] 287 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,531 - Oops. Ah, sorry. 288 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,966 I didn't see that there. 289 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,568 - It's cool, at least it was in the giveaway pile. 290 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,637 We're donating stuff my uncle doesn't want anymore... 291 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:11,805 - Ooh! - To orphans. 292 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,374 - Dibs on the eyes. 293 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:15,642 [growls and laughs] 294 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,444 [all scream] 295 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,646 What? I collect eyes. 296 00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,448 - Of course, you do. 297 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,784 - May we have a word, please? 298 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,385 - Hey, I know your parents are dating, 299 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,288 but you shouldn't hang out with Randy on purpose. 300 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:31,825 I'm starting to think he might be a serial butthead. 301 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,927 - You don't get it. He never gets in trouble. 302 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,796 He's, like, totally untouchable. 303 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,865 And as long as I'm with him, so am I. 304 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,200 - Who cares? As long as you're with him, 305 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,970 people will think you're a butthead too. 306 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,773 - Nah, they'll think I'm awesome 2.0. 307 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:46,740 both: Wah! - We'll just go 308 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,008 chill somewhere else. 309 00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,709 Hey, Randy, let's get out of here and-- 310 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,211 all: Ah! 311 00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,847 - Check this out. 312 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:54,982 - [screams] 313 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,449 - Yeah, you got to leave, man. 314 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,786 Don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. 315 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,520 - Whatever. Come on, Nate. 316 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:02,089 Let's just go to my place. 317 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,391 I'll let you pet my roadkill collection. 318 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,427 - Yeah, no. I think I'm gonna stay here. 319 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,729 - [grunts] Whatever. You guys are bogus. 320 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:12,032 I only came here to be polite. 321 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,470 Randy out. 322 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:18,705 Whoo-hoo! 323 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:21,741 - Sorry. Yeah, yeah, you're right. 324 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,077 Randy's a few slices short of a loaf. 325 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,880 I don't think he has any friends that aren't in jail. 326 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,715 - Hey, what are you gonna do if he and his mom 327 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:30,017 move in with you or something? 328 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,218 - Pfft. [laughs] 329 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,520 Come on. That's not gonna happen. 330 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,988 - [incoherent garbling] 331 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,757 - Hey, champ. Make sure you're home tomorrow night. 332 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,893 I'm planning a very special dinner. 333 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,128 [chuckling] 334 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:44,031 - Oh, let me guess. Randy's coming. 335 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,566 - Yep, and you better get used to it. 336 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,135 I found a ring on Dad's dresser. 337 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,303 He's gonna propose! [squeals] 338 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,539 We're gonna have a new mom and brother. 339 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,108 - No! 340 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,011 - Look who's come crawling back 341 00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:01,148 for another spoonful of Rand sauce. 342 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:04,284 My dad--proposing-- probably tonight. 343 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:07,220 We have to stop this or we'll be stuck together forever! 344 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,422 - Ah! I can't be stuck with you! 345 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:10,858 You smell like butt. 346 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,392 - Randy, there's no time. 347 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,261 We need a plan to drive our parents apart. 348 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,696 - Like botched plastic surgery? 349 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,365 - What's wrong with you? 350 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,767 - If you really wanna know, I have it written down. 351 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,202 - Wh--no. 352 00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:23,803 Look, we just have to make them see 353 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,105 that they're wrong for each other. 354 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,340 Uh, quick. What food does your mom hate? 355 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:30,577 - Bone marrow, organ meat, yams. 356 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,212 - Perfect. I'll tell my dad 357 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,647 to make his signature yam burgers tonight. 358 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:37,918 - Okay. Ah! And I'll--I'll fart 359 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,921 at the table and pretend it was my mom. 360 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,256 - Yeah. Yeah, you--you do you, man. 361 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:48,261 - A little bird told me you're crazy about yams. 362 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:52,565 - Oh, I actually loathe yams. 363 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,869 [both giggling] 364 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,971 Because I've never had them prepared 365 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,473 so magnificently. 366 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,742 This is the best dish I've ever had, 367 00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,711 my lil' cheffy-weffy. 368 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,446 - [farts] 369 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,847 Ew, Mom. 370 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,316 - How rude. 371 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,651 - Ew, Nate, gross. 372 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:12,752 - It wasn't me. 373 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,522 - [farts] [chuckles] 374 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,091 - Nate, excuse yourself and use the restroom. 375 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,727 - Ah, it wasn't-- ugh! 376 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:23,363 Excuse me. 377 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,966 Hey, what other kind of stuff makes your mom totally cringe? 378 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,700 - Weak and fearful men. 379 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:31,571 - Oh, easy. I know just how to bring my dad to his knees. 380 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,206 Come on, follow me. 381 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:34,908 - So Chloe was hanging out with this guy, Preston, 382 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,143 but then she met this other guy, Xander... 383 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,244 - Ah! - And he was so like-- 384 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,611 - Ooh! 385 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,480 - Ah, gnarly. 386 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,482 This one has teeth. 387 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,985 - Dude, get your hand out of my mouth. 388 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:49,689 - Ah, the sweet sounds of raccoon mating season. 389 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:52,960 - So it turns out that Preston and Xander are twins 390 00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,995 and Chloe had no idea and everyone was, like, 391 00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,896 so mad, but now she's seeing this guy-- 392 00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,098 [screams] 393 00:14:58,165 --> 00:15:00,600 - Ahh! Ahh! 394 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:03,536 [screaming continues] 395 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,172 - [screaming] 396 00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,575 - Something about killing little creatures 397 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,044 makes me feel so bold, 398 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:14,214 so powerful, so-- 399 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,651 [growls] 400 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:19,819 [laughs] 401 00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:21,821 - Barbara, that was incredible. 402 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,590 - I am going to go shower. 403 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:24,791 Nobody flush. 404 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:25,993 - You're my hero. 405 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,895 [romantic music] 406 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:32,032 both: Mmm. [kissing noises] 407 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:36,336 - [yelling] 408 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,638 Their love is like a zombified corpse. 409 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,540 Every time we try to kill it, it just comes back stronger. 410 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,542 What'll we do? 411 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,277 - Is that your circuit breaker? 412 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,179 [whack] [electricity crackles] 413 00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,548 - Uh, dude, what's that supposed to do? 414 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,683 - Ah, the dark is scary. 415 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,119 Duh. 416 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,455 - Yeah, well they don't look very scared. 417 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,824 - I swear I paid the electric bill. 418 00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:00,327 - Candlelight is so romantic. 419 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,263 What a perfect evening, Martin. 420 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,799 - I must say I'm never happier than when I'm with you. 421 00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:07,867 both: Mmm. 422 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,170 - Uh, hey, Dad, 423 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:12,039 can Randy and I go for a walk? 424 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,340 You know, to bond? 425 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,175 - Sure, champ, but a quick one, okay? 426 00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:18,111 It's a very important night. 427 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:19,912 [chuckles] 428 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,581 [growling] 429 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,083 - [giggling] 430 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,585 - I'm thinking we bulldoze your house. 431 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,819 My cousin knows a guy. 432 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,188 - You really are horrible, aren't you? 433 00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:29,589 Like, like, it's not an act. 434 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,725 You really are, like, a legit awful human being. 435 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,061 - Why are you being nice to me? 436 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,862 - [groans] Oh! 437 00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,464 My life blows. 438 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,232 But my dad's never been happier. 439 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,168 If we break up my dad and your mom, 440 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,136 he'll be just destroyed 441 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,705 and I'll go to prison for something you did-- 442 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:46,939 bulldozing my house. 443 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,275 - Dude, I was kidding. 444 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,843 Bulldozing houses is for toddlers. 445 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,413 I wanna do something nuc-ular. 446 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,581 - [groans] 447 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:58,385 [sobbing] Why is this happening to me? 448 00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,156 - Hm. 449 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:06,358 [grunting] 450 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,330 - You're shaky. 451 00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,099 Are you okay? 452 00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,834 - This is a very special night, 453 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,170 and I just want to keep my mojo going. 454 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,871 I-I need you kids by my side, 455 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:22,775 but Nate and Randy sure are taking forever on their walk. 456 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,616 - Okay, well maybe try to put a little mood music on. 457 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:32,419 You know, try to relax. 458 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,986 - Great idea. 459 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,423 [cell phone dings] 460 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:41,694 - Hm? Dad, where's the pic of Nate and me on your phone? 461 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,997 - Oh, uh, Barbara likes that pic better. 462 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:49,136 [folk music playing] 463 00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:52,139 - [humming] 464 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,040 * * 465 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,276 - [laughing] 466 00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:58,811 This music is a joke, right? 467 00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,947 - Huh? But this is my favorite album, 468 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,450 "Organic Eggplant" by Todd & the Peapods. 469 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,585 Don't you like folk? - Are you kidding? 470 00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:07,287 I'd rather stick forks in my eyes. 471 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:09,156 It's nothing but smooth jazz for me. 472 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,558 Everything else is garbage. 473 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,093 - Smooth jazz. Smooth jazz? 474 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,496 No one listens to smooth jazz on purpose. 475 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,030 It's something you're forced to listen to 476 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,301 when you're at the dentist or on hold with the IRS. 477 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:24,070 - Well, only losers and hippies listen to folk music. 478 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:25,638 Are you a loser, Martin? 479 00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,474 'Cause you don't have enough hair to be a hippie. 480 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,476 - Don't talk that way to my dad. 481 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,579 So what if he's old and-- and he's bald-- 482 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:35,315 - Ing. Balding. And no one said I was old. 483 00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:37,350 - But he is not a loser. 484 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,885 He is a great guy. 485 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,854 - Oh, honey, come on. We girls got to stick together. 486 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,890 Ah! Look at this poor shell of a man. 487 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,659 You deserve better. - Well, I don't want better! 488 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,995 - Not sure that came out as intended, 489 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,230 sweetheart, but thank you. 490 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,864 - [growling] 491 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,333 Fine. Fine. 492 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,568 I can see I made a mistake. 493 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,504 - Actually, Barbara, the mistake was clearly mine. 494 00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:58,605 You should go. 495 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,807 - My pleasure. Oh, and P.S., 496 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,176 your yam burgers taste like goat poop. 497 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,677 Also, bald men give me the-- 498 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,547 [gags] Dry heaves! 499 00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:10,750 Ugh! Barbara out! 500 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,785 Yeah! 501 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,955 - Ugh, I can't believe we're gonna be brothers. 502 00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,024 - It's worse for you, so I don't care. 503 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,459 - Ugh! 504 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:20,827 Wait, how's it worse for me? 505 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,029 - You got to live with someone you hate. 506 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,234 - Um, hello? You hate me too, remember? 507 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,468 You're always messing with me. 508 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,437 - I only mess with people 509 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,605 who don't like me, so it's your fault. 510 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,208 - Yeah, well, maybe if you stop messing with people, 511 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,509 they'll like you. 512 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,811 - Hmm. Nah. 513 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,380 - [groans] 514 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,982 - Ugh, come on, love bug, we're leaving. 515 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:47,086 - Ooh! Oh, yeah! Trouble in paradise. 516 00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,921 Smell you later, pant load. 517 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,390 [laughing] 518 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,962 [car horns honking] [indistinct yelling] 519 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,631 - * I thought I loved a woman * 520 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,900 * I thought that she loved me * 521 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:05,238 * But I guess our love wasn't meant to be * 522 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:08,341 * So Barbara you do you * 523 00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,843 * But I gotta do me * 524 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:16,416 * Ooh, I just realized all water * 525 00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:22,955 * Is gluten-free * 526 00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:25,091 * Ooh * 527 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,694 - Dad, what happened? Are you okay? 528 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,129 - Yep. I dodged a bullet. 529 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,498 Hey, what do you say we do 530 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,333 our father-son bonding day tomorrow? 531 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,302 - Oh, uh, 532 00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:37,970 yeah, I already made plans with Dee Dee and Teddy. 533 00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:42,342 I've been a pretty bad friend lately so I shouldn't bail. 534 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:43,410 - I get it. 535 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,778 * My boy's growing up * 536 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,681 * Wants to hang out with the guys * 537 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,484 * So I'll stay home alone * 538 00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:56,255 * Eating chicken pot pies * 539 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:57,590 - I'm free tomorrow. 540 00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,091 Are you up for a little father-daughter time? 541 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,528 - Really? We can go anywhere you want. 542 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,795 It's totally up to you. 543 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,597 - It's gonna be copasetic 544 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:07,534 - [laughs] I'm so excited. 545 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,636 [laughter] 546 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,604 - Why so slow, Dee Dee? You got a flat? 547 00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,973 - You should talk, bruh. Just lapped you again. 548 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,143 Booyah! - Look what I got. 549 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,278 - Uh. Let me guess. You stole 'em. 550 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:22,615 - Nuh-uh, I earned these guys. 551 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,184 - Oh. Okay, well, congrats. 552 00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:28,254 - Here, Teddy, for your uncle's charity thing. 553 00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:29,656 Peace out, losers. 554 00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:32,425 - Seriously, man? Huh. Thanks. 555 00:21:32,492 --> 00:21:33,826 - Uh, Randy, hey. 556 00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:36,329 That was, um-- that was pretty awesome of you. 557 00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:38,230 Hey, you know what? You wanna race with us? 558 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,767 Maybe you can take down Teddy. You know, he's a beast. 559 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:42,201 - Nah, I got to go. 560 00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:44,837 My mom wants me to meet her new boyfriend. 561 00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:47,039 Oh, and for the record, 562 00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:49,041 I wouldn't have minded being your brother. 563 00:21:49,108 --> 00:21:50,142 - Really? 564 00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:51,210 - No! 565 00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:53,446 [laughing] Sucker! 566 00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:55,448 See ya around, turdler. 567 00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:58,385 [kids screaming] 568 00:21:58,451 --> 00:22:00,653 - See ya around, Randy. 569 00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:06,292 - * I thought I loved a woman * 570 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,595 * I thought that she loved me * 571 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:12,499 * But I guess our love wasn't meant to be * 572 00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:15,535 * So Barbara you do you * 573 00:22:15,602 --> 00:22:18,304 * But I gotta do me * 574 00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:21,107 * I just realized all water * 575 00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:27,547 * Is gluten-free *