- Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Fear the Mollusk!
[upbeat rock music]
* *
- * Cafeteria mush, cafeteria mush *
* You're a sticky mystery to me *
* That I love to eat *
* You're gooey and hard, spicy and bland *
* Why I'd want to eat you, I don't understand *
* Ooh, ooh *
- Aah!
- * Oooh *
[panting]
How'd I do, guys?
I did great, right?
- My brain hurts.
I dead.
[upbeat music]
- * Don't want to go to school today *
* The sun is red hot and I wanna play *
* But if I get caught they'll make me pay *
* Detention again *
- * Big Nate, Big Nate *
- * Math and social studies just ain't my thing *
- * Big Nate, Big Nate *
- * Rocking with my band is where I'm king *
* Stealing the teacher's teeth or bailing on a test *
- * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *
[loud clang]
[loud crash] Thank goodness that's over.
You know, there's something
about being a lead singer in rock band
that makes you feel invincible.
- Hey, man, watch where you're going.
- Maybe it's the access to all the hot clubs.
- Ooh, join our science club. [clang]
- Maybe it's the endless throng of groupies.
- I got a piece of Nate Wright's hair.
- Ayy. - Who's Nate Wright?
[screams]
- Or maybe it's the irrefutable fact
that the girl I've been crushing on
since the first grade
will finally have to notice me.
[sighs] Jenny.
- Oh, Jenny, my love.
- [groans] - Artur!
- Your eyes glisten like the oil
in Stylgravian Lake.
- [retches] I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Of course, it wouldn't nearly be as disgusting
if I was in Artur's shoes.
- [sighs] [lasers zapping]
Aw. [giggles]
Oh, Ultra-Nate, my hero.
- Gimme some sugar, baby.
I love you my little mall food court cinnamon bun.
- I love you too, bro.
Hey, but in a lip-lock sort of way.
And only my mom calls me "cinnamon bun."
[laughter] - What in the world?
- All right, laugh it up, knuckleheads.
All I know is Jenny's gonna go totally nuts for me
when she sees me singing in the band.
- If by nuts you mean driven to madness
by your bowel-clenching screeches.
- Wait, what? - Nothing.
- Hey, speaking of Fear the Mollusk,
I think we're ready to release our awesomeness on the world.
What do you say, guys?
- You mean, like, play in front of actual people
with opinions, and ears,
and the ability to throw things?
- No, in front of sock puppets.
Yes, actual people. Who else?
- I--I don't know...
- Uh-uh, uh-uh. - Shh, shh.
- If they can handle the awesomeness.
Great idea, Nate. - [chuckles] Thanks, Dee Dee.
All right, next stop, superstardom.
See you guys at practice!
- We have to come clean with Nate,
tell him his singing sucks.
- [yelling] [dog whimpering]
Aah!
- [whistling]
- [gasps] Are you Martin?
Of Peter, Paul, and Martin,
America's favorite adult contemporary folk trio?
I'm a huge fan!
* A man isn't a man *
* Until he's used a public bathroom *
That guitar solo you did at the Frier-Katz wedding was
off-the-chain mellow.
- Well, that's-- wow, I'm very touched.
- What brings you to P.S. 38?
- I'm here to pick up my son, Nate Wright.
You know him? - Know him?
He's only my most creative student.
But I guess it runs in his blood.
- Hopefully unemployment doesn't run in his blood too.
- Hey now, no frowny face.
We creative types have to stick together.
I work for this catering company on the side.
Teaching feeds my soul,
but catering feeds my family.
You should give them a call.
- Thanks! - Dad?
Dad, what are you--oh. You lost your job again.
- [chuckles] But I've got a new job.
You'll never guess what it is.
- Aw, come on, give me a hint.
- It starts with a "C."
- C...CEO! You're the big boss?
Dad, that's huge! I am so proud of you.
- I'm so proud of me too for being a CEO,
which is what I am. [panting]
- Hey. What are you guys doing here?
- We need to talk.
- You guys gotta be kidding me.
I mean, I'm Nate Wright, destined for awesomeness,
destined to be the lead singer of Fear the Mollusk.
- * Fear the Mollusk *
- We know your name.
We also know you're in total denial.
- Observe.
[rock music playing]
- Hey, wow, we sound great.
* Cafeteria mush *
What is that sound?
An owl choking on a chicken bone?
Bagpipes in a microwave?
A manatee getting hit by a boat propeller?
- It's you, Nate!
For the love of all things sacred,
it's you singing!
- It's awful! Turn it off.
Turn it off! - [grunting]
[electricity crackles]
Okay, fine. You guys win.
We'll hold lead singer auditions
tomorrow after school.
- Now you're talking sense. - Good man.
- But we'll only settle for the best.
Now this person must have rock star charisma,
killer dance moves, and most importantly,
mind-boggling singing chops.
- Or just be better than you.
- [scoffs] We'll see.
- It says here that you completed
half a semester of college?
- Well, I dropped out to tour with my band,
Peter, Paul, and Martin. You heard of us?
- Mr. Wright, exactly what position
did you have in mind here at Happy-to-Serve Catering?
- C...E...O? [whimpers]
- I'm the CEO.
- Understood, 10-4.
Not trying to steal your job,
but is there another CEO spot like Cutlery Expert Operator?
- We're hiring for a temporary catering position.
- I'll take it. - I haven't offered it
to you yet. - You won't be sorry.
[horn honks]
- I kind of already am.
- As your manager, Nate,
I'm really proud of you for putting your ego aside
for the sake of the band.
- Yeah, yeah. Let's just get this over with.
[horse neighs]
- * Home, home on the range * - No.
- * Rah, rah, ooh, rah, rah * - No.
- * The wheels on the bus go round and round *
- No. - [inhales deeply]
- No. - Aw.
- * There's a squirrel in the nut house *
- No. - * Tasty-taste *
- No. - [squeals]
- No, no, no. Niet, Nein.
No, no, no, no. maybe, wait for it--no!
- All right, new guy, let's start your training.
I need you to take that tray
and serve every dummy at that table their bubbly.
And by bubbly, I mean ginger ale.
- No problem.
[clears throat]
Ooh.
[grunting]
[crash]
- Aah!
[electricity crackles] [explosion]
- [grunts]
- [grimaces]
Oh, sorry, sir.
Here, let me give you my shirt.
Oh, what?
Hold on. [glasses clinking]
Easy, easy. Phew.
[glasses shatter] Oh my, what have I done?
* *
So how'd I do?
- How would you feel about working in the bathroom?
- I'll do it.
[bell rings]
- Ah, well, it was worth a shot.
Guess I'm still our best option, though.
- Hmm. Oh, what about Dee Dee?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
My voice is an instrument
to be used strictly for the theater.
- All right, well, then it's settled.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go drop a mollusk in a tide pool.
My charmingly stubborn plan to stay lead singer is working.
- * We Stylgravians are fearful people *
- Huh?
- * Unquestionably devoted to our Motherland *
- W-w-wait a minute. I only know one Stylgravian.
Oh, no, no, no!
- Is that someone singing? - What is that sweet sound?
- Ay, es perfecto. - No, no, no, no.
Uh, hey. [chuckles] Oh, whoops.
What's up, guys?
- Nate, was that you singing?
- Oh, uh, you could hear that?
Uh, y-yeah. Yeah, yeah.
That--that was me.
* We Stylgravians are a fearful people *
[all groaning]
- Friend Nate!
You know Stylgravian national anthem?
- Artur, I had to check my pulse
to make sure I didn't die... - [groans]
- Because you have the voice of an angel.
- Where'd you learn to sing like that?
- Always I have sing like that.
In my village in Stylgravia,
whenever the goats were getting nervous,
my singing would soothe them into peaceful slumber.
[goats bleat]
- Uh, why were the goats so nervous?
- They were about to be sacrificed.
[clang] [goats bleating]
- Emergency band huddle.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- That Artur smells like ham? - No!
That we should totally ask Artur
to be the lead singer of Fear the Mollusk.
- Totally. - 100% with you.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Aren't you guys forgetting something?
Artur's my nemesis, hello?
- Hello, Friend Nate.
- I like Artur. - He's really cool.
- He's also super annoying. And he's with Jenny!
- [gasps] So?
- So, I should be with Jenny!
- I think Jenny should be with whoever Jenny wants to be with.
- All of favor of asking Artur
to be our lead singer say "Aye."
all: Aye! - [groans]
Fine. I'll do what the band wants,
even though the band is making a ginormous mistake.
- Artur, how would you like to be the lead singer
in our band? - Really? You mean this?
In Artur country, crying is forbidden
because otherwise we would never stop.
both: Aw. - Hey, Artur,
you know, being the lead singer in a band
is a big responsibility.
So, you know, if you wanted to back out,
now would be the time.
- I will not let you down, Friend Nate.
And if I am not deliver,
I demand to receive
traditional Stylgravian punishment for failure,
public shaving followed by no hugs for a month.
[speaking native language]
- Well, that won't be necessary.
All you have to do is show up at practice.
We're meeting at Nate's house at 5:00.
- Okay, then I will be there.
Seeing you later, friends.
- Wow. Smart, handsome,
and a singer in a band?
No wonder Jenny's madly in love with him.
[banging]
- He'll be all right.
- [crunching]
- Marty's got himself a new job.
- New job?
I thought you just became a CEO.
- Oh, uh--
Remember, Martin,
you already told him you were a CEO.
Keep up the ruse.
Give him something to believe in.
Uh, why, yes.
You are looking at a new CEO.
- That's great, Dad! When do you start?
- Uh... [phone rings]
Hold that thought. Hello?
Oh, hi. Tomorrow?
The Mayer-Saferson wedding?
Shoot, my band was supposed to play that wedding.
You don't care. Yes, of course I understand.
- Mm, CEO business?
- Sorry, son. I have to make a few calls.
This is Martin Wright. I'm really sorry,
but you're gonna have to find a new band for the wedding.
Yes, I--I know it's last minute.
- But not too late for me to become
an international rock sensation.
- Hey, Peter, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but--
[shouting over phone] [sighs]
I'm gonna draw a lukewarm bath. Papa needs pampering.
- [laughs] [phone beeping]
[clears throat] Yes, I heard
you're looking for a band to play
at your wedding tomorrow?
All right, Project: Nate Wright is a Rock God
is back on.
- * Fear the Mollusk * - Hello, Friend Nate.
- Just need to take care of Mr. Perfect over there.
- Oh, uh, hello, Artur.
Did you find my house okay? - Was super easy.
I just follow howls of despair from your faithful hound.
[barking]
- Look, I want you to know
that I don't in any way resent you
or scream into a pillow every night
wishing you weren't born for taking my rightful place
as lead singer in the band.
- That is most mature of you, Nate.
You are good friend.
- [chuckles] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And good friends like us should really know
each other's weaknesses.
Like, uh, my weakness is nothing.
Do you have any weaknesses I should know about,
Friend Artur?
- Well, to tell truth,
I only sing in private before. Or to goats.
In my village in Stylgravia,
it is believed that any time there is immodest singing...
- * Stylgravia *
- It attracts a legendary two-headed beast
called the Azdaya who eats our loved ones.
- [chuckles] Oh, yeah. I can definitely use this.
- [munching] - Whatcha doing buddy?
- Collecting nuts
before the squirrels get 'em all.
[squirrel squeaks]
- Yeah, good thinking.
So I need you to do me a little favor.
- Hey, Artur, what's up?
- Oh, nothing, just waiting.
We Stylgravians are known for our waiting.
- Okay, everyone, okay. Thank you for coming.
I have a very important announcement to make.
I got us a gig.
We're gonna be playing a very public wedding--
- [whimpers] - Very public.
Tomorrow! - Oh, this couldn't be
better timed.
I just got you all new outfits.
- Um, Dee Dee, what am I to sing?
- Oh right, sorry, Artur.
Mm, how's your sight-reading?
- Excellent. - [grumbles]
- Perfect. Here you go.
All right then, everyone. A one, two, three--
[upbeat rock music]
- * Cafeteria mush, cafeteria mush *
* You're a sticky mystery to me that I love to eat *
* You are gooey and hard, spicy and bland *
* Why I'd want-- * - Oh, no!
It's the Azdaya. Artur, run!
- [growling]
- Aah! [screams]
I promise I never sing again!
Just leave me alone, hateful creature!
- Well, that was surprisingly easy.
- What was that all about?
- Oh, Artur probably just got stage fright.
You see, Dee Dee, being lead singer takes
a certain kind of je ne sais quat.
- You know what, Nate? You're right.
We've been so focused on your totally awful singing,
we've overlooked your leadership.
- And trustworthiness.
- Yeah, and the way you'd never, ever trick anyone
into leaving the band, Nate.
- Okay, that last one was oddly specific.
- We'll support you,
even though your singing should only be used
as a deterrent during a national emergency.
- Because that's what band members do.
They support each other.
- Francis made a good point there, bro.
Hope you were listening.
- W-w-wait, hey! Shouldn't we keep practicing?
- [growls]
Was the growling too over the top?
- You did good, pal.
- [growls]
[glasses clink]
- Fear the Mollusk has arrived.
- * Fear the Mollusk *
- Would you like an hor d'oeuvre?
- Gee, thanks, Mr. Rosa.
all: Mr. Rosa? - Hi, kids.
Beautiful wedding, isn't it?
- You're the band?
- * Fear the Mollusk *
- At your service.
- But you said you played The Grammys.
- Well, technically that's true.
My Grammy loves it when I play the drums for her.
- Oh, I knew it sounded too good to be true.
Just don't eat any of the food, okay?
- [gags]
- Dad? - Nate? Nate.
What are you guys doing here?
- Oh, well, we're the new band.
- Well, this is great.
I get to hear my son's band play their first gig.
- [chuckles] And I get to see-e-o
my dad CEO--
this is not really a verb--ing.
Why do you have to be here anyway?
I thought you were the boss. - I am.
You there, keep doing what you're doing.
[glasses shatter]
And clean up that mess.
Well, I better go boss some more people around.
Knock 'em dead, son!
[dramatic music]
- "Cafeteria Mush" on three. A one, two, three.
- You look so beautiful right now.
- * Cafeteria mush, cafeteria mush *
* You're a sticky mystery to me that I love to eat *
* You're gooey and hard *
- Oh, I can't do this.
- The music or the marriage?
- Both! - Whoa!
- * Oooh *
[all screaming]
Oh, my gosh.
Guys, what did we do?
[alerts dinging]
Oh, geez, oh, no, no.
Oh, geez, what have I done?
- Trust me, a successful relationship
has nothing to do with love.
- Aah! [panting]
Dad? What are you doing in here?
- Me? Oh, I'm just washing my hands.
As one does in a bathroom.
- Thanks for the bro talk, dude.
You're really good at your job.
- Dad, why did that strange man just pay you
for a moist towelette and a peppermint?
- Well, um, because I, uh-- [groans]
I'm not a CEO.
I couldn't even hack it as an apprentice caterer.
I'm a-- - Towel boy.
- Actually, my title is Bathroom Attendant.
[sighs]
Anyway, I just wanted you to be proud of your old man.
I'm sorry I lied to you, Nate.
- No, no, it's--it's okay. Look, if we're being honest,
I'm not a perfect singer.
I--I mean, I'm good, duh. [chuckles]
But I'm more of an acquired taste.
You know? Ahead of my time.
- But you're a great drummer.
Sometimes we have to accept the things we're bad at...
- Never said I was bad.
- To see what we're really good at.
For me, that's handing people towels
and playing therapist to men in nice suits.
- Dad, there's something I gotta do.
- Go get 'em, tiger.
[epic music]
- Marty, we, uh, need you in the women's restroom.
It's the bride. - Say no more.
I'm on it. - Towel boy, yeah!
["In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel playing]
- [panting]
- * All my instincts, they return *
- Aah!
- Oh, Friend Nate, it is just you.
I thought it was the Azdaya again.
Face me, creature born of mud and sullied vegetation!
I right here!
- Artur, look, that wasn't the Azdaya.
It was just Chad. - [screams]
- I was jealous of you
and your bonkers, amazing singing voice,
and for dating Jenny.
Still not gonna let that last one go.
But for now, we need you, Artur.
We need you to sing.
- Okay, well... I think about it.
- No, Artur, you're not getting it.
We literally need you to sing right now.
- [weeping] - I can't tell you what to do.
I can only tell you
that the man out there loves you.
Not just the woman he met
at Bobby Weston's 26th birthday party,
but the woman you are today,
the woman you'll be in ten years, 30 years.
Heck, 50 years!
- You really think so?
- I know I think I think I know so.
- Thank you. - I'm just doing my job.
Ooh.
- Always the bridesmaid, never the bride!
Aah! [explosion]
- Here.
- Oh, thank goodness you're here.
Francis and Teddy have been cycling
through the same three songs
and the guests are going crazy.
- Then we can't do any of our regular songs.
- May I take liberty to sing private love song
I wrote for Jenny? - No, barf.
- Nate! - [groans] Fine.
- [screaming]
- Okay, then.
In the key of sheep. [sheep bleat]
[romantic melody]
* In my tiny village is Stylgravia *
* I dream about a girl like you *
* Eyes bright like the flaming goats *
* We sacrificed for good harvest of oats *
* Lips so soft, they call to me *
* Like friendly sheep dog devoid of fleas *
* Oh, American dream girl *
* You are to me the whole world *
* No, not just a new start *
* You are my petty, capitalist sweetheart *
* I can't contain myself much longer *
* Can't you hear my heart? *
* Girl, it beats so brazenly *
* 'Cause I love you immodestly *
* Whoa, can't you hear my heart *
* Girl, it beats so brazenly *
* 'Cause I love you immodestly *
- Aww. [giggles]
- Jenny? - Jenny, my love!
I did not know you were be here.
- The bride is my cousin's cousin thrice removed.
We're a tight-knit family.
Artur, that was amazing.
Why didn't you tell me you were in a band?
- I was ashamed of my singing.
- [laughs nervously]
- But my fellow bandmates show me
I have no reason to be afraid.
- Ugh. Okay, okay.
Maybe I deserve this. Or maybe--
[Azdaya growls] - Aah!
- [giggling]
- That's more like it.
- Aah!
[upbeat rock music]
- * Cafeteria mush, cafeteria mush *
* You're a sticky mystery to me *
* That I love to eat *
* You're gooey and hard, spicy and bland *
* Why I'd want to eat you, you don't understand *
* Ooh, ooh *
Whoo!