1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,673 [Doug] You really gonna leave all this for business school? 2 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:07,921 I was thinkin' about it. 3 00:00:07,921 --> 00:00:09,242 Well, don't. 4 00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:11,111 The best is yet to come. 5 00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:12,579 [Lenny] Hey, honey, I'm home. 6 00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:14,594 You know, I was thinking about you and Bambi, 7 00:00:14,594 --> 00:00:16,049 seeing you two together like that... 8 00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:17,283 Like what? 9 00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:19,152 But she came to, um-- 10 00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:21,454 over to, uh, borrow this bra. 11 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:22,722 - [Bambi] Oh, yes. - Mm-hmm. 12 00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,671 I lost mine in a well. 13 00:00:24,671 --> 00:00:26,092 [Doug] Constance Papadopoulos. 14 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,293 - I love it. - [Doug] I pitched her 15 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:28,561 on investing in Bottom Dollar. 16 00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:30,663 No, look, she's-she's retired from shipping. 17 00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:32,499 She... no. She has zero publishing experience. 18 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,067 I just hear "deep pockets 19 00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:36,403 with no big ideas of what to do with a magazine." 20 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:37,804 Why didn't I think of that? 21 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,406 You don't have to. That's why you got me. 22 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:41,441 Maybe I have one good chapter left. 23 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,943 I cannot believe he was right. 24 00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:46,346 [Constance] Yes, he was. But do we need him? 25 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,717 [T. Rex's "Children of the Revolution" playing] 26 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,218 [camera shutters snapping] 27 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,255 ♪ ♪ 28 00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:57,690 [singer] ♪ Yeah ♪ 29 00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:01,995 [crowd cheering] 30 00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:05,331 [singer] ♪ Well, you can bump And grind... ♪ 31 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,033 [crowd chanting] 32 00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:09,969 ♪ It's good for your mind ♪ 33 00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:11,371 ♪ Well, you... ♪ 34 00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:13,506 Now this is what I call a comeback, huh? 35 00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:15,809 Yeah, baby. 36 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,944 [singer] ♪ No, you won't fool ♪ 37 00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:20,780 ♪ The children Of the revolution ♪ 38 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,015 ♪ No, no... ♪ 39 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:25,085 When I bought this company three weeks ago, 40 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,021 this is exactly the kind of cultural happening 41 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,656 that I hoped to become a part of. 42 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:33,026 And I have this man and his global vision 43 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,495 to thank for pulling me out of a premature retirement 44 00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:38,631 and hosting this historic event. 45 00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:41,835 You know, a lot of people counted us out. 46 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:46,272 But we are back, and we are better than ever 47 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:48,041 with the hottest new movie 48 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,810 to launch the hottest new company, BDP. 49 00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,645 Remember that name. 50 00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:55,048 We're becoming a major player in media. 51 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,850 And, sure, Minx is our flagship, 52 00:01:56,850 --> 00:02:00,453 but we're gonna be so much more than just one magazine. 53 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,455 I'm CFO, chief fun officer. 54 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,824 And I'm art director, which is an actual title. 55 00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:06,860 We're building a catalog of new magazines. 56 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,129 Hosting fancy parties like this one. 57 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,497 There might even be some merchandise 58 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:12,112 - coming your way. - [camera shutter snaps] 59 00:02:12,112 --> 00:02:13,833 You said you wanted splashy. 60 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,668 - Is this splashy enough? - Well, it's a beginning. 61 00:02:15,668 --> 00:02:17,670 Where's our star editor? Not here yet? 62 00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:18,972 Oh, Joyce? Uh, she's coming. 63 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,140 She loves red carpets. 64 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,508 She absolutely loves them. 65 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:25,979 [protesters shouting "Porn-no"] 66 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,847 [protesters] Faith not filth. Faith not filth. 67 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:30,683 Faith not filth. Faith not filth! 68 00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:33,186 [streaker] Whoo! Yeah. 69 00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,793 [camera shutters snapping] 70 00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,863 - Hello! - Where were you? 71 00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:46,032 [Joyce] Oh, sorry. The 101 was crazy. 72 00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,534 No, it wasn't. That's how we got here. 73 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:49,402 Okay, fine. I was writing my editor's letter. 74 00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:51,204 A fine thank-you for giving her the bigger office. 75 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:52,338 They're the same size. 76 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,773 The glass creates an optical illusion. 77 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,041 - They are not. - [Joyce] Look, it's 78 00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:56,276 the first issue with the new owner. 79 00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:58,077 I wanted to make the right statement, okay? 80 00:02:58,077 --> 00:03:02,415 And, um, speaking of, are we sure that Deep Throat 81 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,584 is really putting our best foot forward? 82 00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,219 Oh, I think so. It's a really feminist tale. 83 00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:07,820 It's about a woman searching for an orgasm. 84 00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,789 Yeah, which she finds via a clitoris 85 00:03:09,789 --> 00:03:12,392 conveniently located inside of her mouth? 86 00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:13,893 It's always in the last place you look. 87 00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:15,261 [both chuckle] 88 00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,696 This is our big launch, Joycey, 89 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,164 just smile and make us look good. 90 00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:19,532 - Have a little fun. - All right. 91 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,934 This is a big win for us. 92 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,235 - [Joyce] Yeah. - Oh, my gosh, 93 00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:23,603 there are so many fabulous people here. 94 00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:24,871 Any new names on the, uh, guest list? 95 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:28,274 Red Buttons, the Alans-- Alda and Arkin-- 96 00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,742 and, you're never gonna believe this, 97 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:31,311 Warren frickin' Beatty. 98 00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,079 - [chuckles] - Connie's gonna love this. 99 00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:34,814 Porn has gone mainstream. We should have 100 00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:36,049 - an after-party, right? - Yes. 101 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,150 - [Joyce] No. No. - [Doug] Yes, let's do 102 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,384 - an after-party. - God no. 103 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,153 The second this is over, I'm at home in the bath. 104 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,688 Joan Didion has a new piece in the Paris Review. 105 00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,122 I've been saving it. 106 00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,592 - It's 7,000 words, no pictures. - It's a quick read. 107 00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,160 - [camera shutters snapping] - [screaming] 108 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,428 [Doug] Rich, go take some photos. 109 00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,629 Bambs, mingle. 110 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,297 When you see Warren Beatty, let me know. 111 00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,666 - I wanna meet him. - Definitely. 112 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:54,767 What about me? 113 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,236 You're management, baby. 114 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,804 You're not lifting a finger. You just enjoy your night. 115 00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:01,574 Well, we are certainly a long way from Seneca Falls. 116 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,809 [chuckles nervously] Yeah. 117 00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,043 [Constance] Come have a drink with me. 118 00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:05,511 - With pleasure. - You guys have fun. 119 00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:07,180 We will. Nice cane, by the way. 120 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,881 It's a walking stick. Churchill had one. 121 00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:10,183 So did Willy Wonka. 122 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,851 Oh, let him have his moment. 123 00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,853 Poor man already feels like an appendage. 124 00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:15,188 - [Timmy] Mr. Renetti... - What? 125 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,689 [Timmy] ...I'm Timmy, the projectionist. 126 00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:17,857 [Doug] Okay. 127 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:19,759 [Timmy] Sorry, sir, we have a problem. 128 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,160 Deep Throat is missing. 129 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,162 [camera shutters snapping] 130 00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:26,165 [Pretty's "Funhouse" playing] 131 00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:28,735 ♪ ♪ 132 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:31,871 [singer] ♪ Uhn, ahh ♪ 133 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:35,141 [Doug] Okay. [indistinct] 134 00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,676 Why are you freakin' me out, Timmy? 135 00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:39,612 - They're right here. - Yes, the canisters. 136 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,080 [Doug] Okay? 137 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,717 What am I lookin' at here? 138 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:46,352 That's Bedknobs and Broomsticks, 139 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:48,788 a five-time Academy Award nominated musical fantasy 140 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,423 set during World War II. 141 00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:52,058 Three adorable moppets are placed in the care 142 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,093 of an apprentice witch played by Angela Lansbury. 143 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,162 Apprentice? The woman's nearly 70 years old. 144 00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:57,497 - [sighs] - [Timmy] Miss Lansbury's 145 00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,198 in her early 40s. 146 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:00,533 She just has one of those faces. 147 00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,568 Well, unless somebody comes on that face 148 00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:03,770 in the second act, 149 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,738 this audience is gonna eat me alive. 150 00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:06,939 What can I say, Doug? 151 00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:08,641 My old lady made me hire her son. 152 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,177 He's a fuckin' moron. 153 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,212 Yeah, Dwight, I'm talkin' about you. 154 00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,248 Aw, you really fucked me on this one, you know that? 155 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,516 [Cliff] You think you got it bad? 156 00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,051 I'd hate to be at that birthday party 157 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,052 in Palos Verdes. 158 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,253 [person] I'm gonna slide 159 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,221 up and down the banister. 160 00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:24,257 I thought the bed was gonna fly. 161 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,159 I guess you could drive over there. 162 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,560 [Doug] It's a two-hour drive. 163 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,062 Jesus fucking Christ. 164 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,763 I have a theater full of people. 165 00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:32,065 My boss is here. 166 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,247 You are in luck. 167 00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:36,569 There's another copy of the film nearby. 168 00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,104 Bob Evans been sittin' on it. 169 00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,439 [Tina] Who the hell is Bob Evans? 170 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,540 [Doug] He's some Hollywood hotshot, 171 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:41,808 and I think he did The Godfather. 172 00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:42,942 Here, give me that. Give me that. Come here. 173 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:44,377 - [Joyce] Director? - [Doug] Uh, no. 174 00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,745 - [Joyce] Writer? - [Doug] I-I don't know. 175 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,647 All I know is, he's been spankin' it to this movie 176 00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,115 - for two weeks straight. - [Richie] Ali MacGraw 177 00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:51,084 left him for Steve McQueen. Cut the guy some slack. 178 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,485 [Tina] Doug, what the hell are we doin'? 179 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,687 It's 30 minutes there. It's 30 minutes back. 180 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,289 Please... I'll-I'll vamp for the crowd. 181 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:57,890 Just please do this for me. 182 00:05:58,257 --> 00:05:59,225 [Richie] Thomas Guide? 183 00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:00,626 [Doug] It's in the back seat. 184 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,795 And, please, easy on the brakes. 185 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:05,064 It's a very expensive car. 186 00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:06,466 Thank you, guys. I love you, I love you, 187 00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,000 I love you. 188 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,003 [protesters shouting "Porn-no"] 189 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,575 [exhales] 190 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:16,976 - Everything all right? - Oh, with me? 191 00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:18,945 Fantastic. Thank you for asking. 192 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,948 ♪ ♪ 193 00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,585 Who's that? Who's that? 194 00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,487 - Hmm? - Who was that? 195 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,255 - I don't know. Is he famous? - [Bambi] Hi! 196 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:30,289 - [Lenny] Hey. - I didn't think you guys 197 00:06:30,289 --> 00:06:31,491 were gonna show. 198 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:32,759 [Shelly] Yeah, me neither, 199 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,427 especially after I buried the first invitation 200 00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:36,496 at the bottom of the trash can. 201 00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:37,710 But then the second one showed up 202 00:06:37,710 --> 00:06:38,965 and this one got his hands on it, 203 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,266 so here we are. 204 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,001 This scene is wild. 205 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,436 - [Shelly clears throat] - You know what? I am. 206 00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:44,637 I'm gonna unbutton the second button. 207 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:45,838 - Yes, fun. - [Shelly] No, no, no. 208 00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,273 You have that eczema patch. 209 00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:48,641 Oh, just put the chain over it. It'll be foxy. 210 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,476 [Shelly] No, no, no. I got it. I got it. 211 00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:51,677 - I got it. It's okay. - [Bambi giggles] 212 00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:52,879 That's perfect. Thank you. 213 00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:54,347 You guys, drinkies. 214 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:55,748 I'm Chief Fun Offering my services. 215 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,817 Um, uh, two Jack and Cokes, 216 00:06:57,817 --> 00:06:59,185 unless you have anything stronger. 217 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,620 Um, I'll see what they have. 218 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,188 - Mm-hmm. - [Joyce] Oh, my God. 219 00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:03,456 Thank God you're here. 220 00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:04,857 You can keep me company at this bacchanal. 221 00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:07,627 - [sighs] - Is that... uh, is that... 222 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,328 is that--no, don't-- is it Telly Savalas? 223 00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:10,530 [Shelly] That could be any bald head. 224 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:11,764 [Lenny] No, no. Look at the gleam. 225 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,166 That's him. That's Telly Savalas. 226 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,834 - I know it. - [Joyce] God, the Lamberts 227 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,102 at Deep Throat. 228 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,537 What is the world coming to? 229 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,906 Well, this film is the talk of the dental community. 230 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,941 Yeah, if that smug Peter Strom wants to brag 231 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,577 about his porcelain veneers again, then I'm gonna say, 232 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,479 "Oh, really? Well, guess what I got to see. 233 00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:27,847 I got to see"-- Yul Brynner. 234 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,148 - Oh, is it? - [gasps] I knew 235 00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,483 - it was a celebrity skull. - I do like Yul. 236 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,351 [bell clanging] 237 00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:33,920 Now the movie's gonna start and I didn't say hi. 238 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,588 Uh, you can talk to him after. 239 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:36,656 - Shall we do this? - [Lenny] Maybe we're sitting 240 00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:37,924 - by him. - [Joyce] All right... 241 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,125 - Are we sitting by him? - [Shelly] No, we're 242 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,460 definitely not. We're not seated by him. 243 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,761 - How do you know? - Please don't. Please don't. 244 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,763 [Bambi] That's such a snazzy jacket, Lenny. 245 00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:45,111 - [Lenny] Thank you. - [Bambi giggles] 246 00:07:45,111 --> 00:07:47,033 I don't get to, uh, trot it out very often, 247 00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,114 - but... - [Shelly] You know what? 248 00:07:48,114 --> 00:07:49,368 Let's be close to the aisle. 249 00:07:49,368 --> 00:07:50,837 - [Doug] Okay. Ooh. - [Shelly] Yeah? 250 00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:52,038 - [Lenny] You want me to go-- - [Bambi] Oh, that's so cute. 251 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,206 Your bladder's the size of a pea. 252 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,507 - [Shelly] Uh, Joyce... - [Joyce] Yeah. 253 00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:55,908 [Shelly] You know what? You need to sit here. 254 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,743 - We have sister business. - [Bambi] Oh, okay. 255 00:07:57,743 --> 00:07:58,945 Prigger! Joyce! 256 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,693 Can I talk to you for a second? Now? 257 00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,249 - [Shelly sighs] - [Joyce] I'm so sorry, Bambi. 258 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,884 [Bambi] Okay. Yup. 259 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,519 Okay. Sorry. Excuse us. 260 00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,488 [Bambi giggles] Sorry. 261 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,389 - Just scootch that on over. - [Shelly] Oh. 262 00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:11,491 [Bambi] Okay, what do you think? 263 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,025 Popcorn, nachos, dog of corn? 264 00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:15,141 Oh, uh, nachos, please. 265 00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:17,263 I have seen popcorn hulls get jammed 266 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,598 right up into the gumline. 267 00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:20,766 - Yeah. - Your job is so interesting. 268 00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:22,235 Oh. 269 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,669 Do you judge people when they get cavities, 270 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,771 or is it nice to feel needed? 271 00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:27,607 Well, is it crazy if I say 272 00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:29,609 - it's a little bit of both? - [both chuckle] 273 00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,691 - [laughs] - [Bambi] No. 274 00:08:31,691 --> 00:08:33,012 No, well, that's what I was saying... 275 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,313 [Joyce] Oh, no. 276 00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:36,315 Something gone awry with your mob-distributed 277 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,950 - illegal film? - Okay, listen, Joyce, 278 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,752 I-I might have to get up there and vamp a little bit 279 00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:42,021 for the crowd, and-and-and I might pull you up, okay? 280 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,656 And I'm gonna need you, if you get up there, 281 00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:45,324 to talk about the-- kind of the lady Minx 282 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:46,626 perspective of the movie to keep people going. 283 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:48,094 All right, the Minx perspective is gonna 284 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,096 be quite happy in her seat, eating Nonpareils, okay? 285 00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:51,898 - Want one? - No, I don't want a Nonpareil. 286 00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:53,833 Those are disgusting. 287 00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:57,370 - Fuck. - [tires screech] 288 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,905 [car doors close] 289 00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,875 - [intercom buzzes] - [garbled voice] What? 290 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,477 [Tina] We're here for the reels. 291 00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,079 [garbled voice] 292 00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:08,614 [Tina] No. Not Lady Sings the Blues. 293 00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,651 - Deep Throat. - [voice speaking indistinctly] 294 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:14,086 Okay, thank you. You too. 295 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:17,490 - Kevin's coming down. - [Richie] If you say so. 296 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:20,493 [Doug] Welcome, everybody, to the biggest and baddest 297 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,596 social event of 1973. 298 00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:26,499 [cheers and applause] 299 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,968 This movie is too hot for New York City. 300 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,636 They couldn't handle it. 301 00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:33,105 - Chicago couldn't handle it. - [laughter] 302 00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,974 But this is LA, baby. 303 00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:39,445 - Can we handle it? - [Timmy mutters] 304 00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:41,180 Oh. 305 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:48,287 But first, I wanna introduce 306 00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:51,090 Minx's own Joyce Prigger. 307 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,559 Come on up, Joycey. 308 00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:55,828 You're gonna love her. I know I do. 309 00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,730 Get up, Joycey. 310 00:09:57,730 --> 00:10:00,499 [Bambi] Joyce! Joyce! Joyce! Joyce! Joyce! 311 00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:03,603 Joyce! Joyce! Whoo! 312 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,671 Whoo! 313 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,974 Surely we can work something out, guys. 314 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:10,376 Shutting this down seems to be an extreme reaction 315 00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:11,577 to this situation. 316 00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:13,279 You placed ads on billboards. 317 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,513 You got those drive time idiots 318 00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,082 to yammer about it on the radio. 319 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,284 Then you wave your klieg lights across the city 320 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,453 for a movie that's banned in half the country. 321 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,654 You tied the DA's hands. 322 00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:24,890 Friends, you're killin' me right now. 323 00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:26,292 [Joyce] As we're all aware, 324 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,595 Michelangelo was repulsed by the female form. 325 00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:31,998 - Um... uh... - [audience muttering] 326 00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:34,500 Uh, his greatest depictions... [chuckles weakly] 327 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:38,070 ...were of virginal, untouched Mary. 328 00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:39,905 [chuckles weakly] 329 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,677 - [feedback whines] - Uh... 330 00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,212 Have you guys seen the movie? 331 00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,247 It's more arthouse than it is porn. 332 00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:49,515 You know what it's about? It's about a woman 333 00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:51,217 - searching for pleasure-- - Mr. Renetti, 334 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,752 this is not a negotiation. 335 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,186 If a single frame of Deep Throat 336 00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:55,421 hits that screen, 337 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:59,025 we're gonna arrest you and everyone here. 338 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,460 [canisters clatter] 339 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,829 You guys really know how to rain 340 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:06,032 on someone's parade, you know that? 341 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,566 I just don't know what I'm gonna tell 342 00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:08,768 all those people in the theater. 343 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,336 I got no Deep Throat now 'cause of you. 344 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,871 Well, better you say it here 345 00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:13,406 than from the inside of a jail cell. 346 00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,276 [second cop] Good night, Mr. Renetti. 347 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:20,379 [Doug] I got egg all over my face, officers. 348 00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:22,248 You win again. 349 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:23,883 - I lose again. - [engine rumbles] 350 00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:25,718 Thanks for nothin', officers. 351 00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:28,454 [engine revs] 352 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,359 [Richie] Deep dish pizza, 353 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,928 a lake as big as an ocean, 354 00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,229 - the Cubbies-- - Is that a haiku? 355 00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:39,098 [Richie] No. 356 00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:40,599 I was just listing all the things 357 00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,134 that you missed out on by turning down 358 00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:45,004 - the University of Chicago. - [sighs] Don't start. 359 00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,706 Running Minx is my business school. 360 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,442 Tina, you're not running Minx. You're running errands. 361 00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:52,211 Doug can distract us with all the new titles he wants, 362 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,847 but we're still his gofers. 363 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,817 - [Kevin clears throat] - [Tina] Oh. 364 00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,185 There's supposed to be six. 365 00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,553 Yeah. [sighs] Bob wanted to give 366 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,088 the last three one more viewing. 367 00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:03,456 - He's had it for a week. - [Kevin] I don't know, man. 368 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,790 The engagement sequence cheers him up. 369 00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,125 All right, I'll drive back with the first set. 370 00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,493 You stay and take a cab with the rest. 371 00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:08,561 [Richie] Wha... 372 00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,964 Oh, Porn Schlepping 101. I love that MBA program. 373 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,501 - [exhales] - [Kevin] Is that grass? 374 00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:16,969 No. 375 00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,872 [The Screaming Gyspy Bandits' "Prematurely" playing] 376 00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:22,508 [brakes screech] 377 00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:24,276 - [Doug] Do you have 'em? - [Tina] Yes. 378 00:12:24,276 --> 00:12:25,511 Yes. 379 00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:29,281 Oh, Tina, hallelujah. 380 00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:30,616 [both chuckle] 381 00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:31,851 Tell me you weren't ridin' the brakes 382 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:32,885 like that the whole time. 383 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,120 [Tina] Would you quit worrying? 384 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,554 [Doug] You kill the brakes when you do that. 385 00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,890 Uh, very good guess, but no, that is the perineum. 386 00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:39,625 [audience chuckles] 387 00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:43,162 Warren, for the 12th time, I know you know, all right? 388 00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:46,799 We all know you now. Right? 389 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:50,302 Gentlemen, does any man in this room 390 00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:53,439 besides Warren Beatty over there, 391 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,108 know where the clitoris is on a female body? 392 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,043 [Shelly] Absolutely not. 393 00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,345 Yes, good sir. 394 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,947 The little nubbin under the beret. 395 00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,550 Ew. Jeez. 396 00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:06,952 - But yes. Yes, yes. - [applause] 397 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,654 It's the nubbin. 398 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:11,190 The nubbin, everybody. All right, now, let's-- 399 00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:15,961 hey-hey, ladies and gentlemen, you've had enough of me. 400 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,430 Are you ready for the absurdist 401 00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:21,333 cinematic spectacle of our time, 402 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,802 Deep Throat? 403 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,838 [cheers and applause] 404 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:31,710 [funky music playing] 405 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,548 [cheers and applause] 406 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:38,497 ♪ ♪ 407 00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:42,188 [crickets chirping] 408 00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:43,622 [Richie] So do all of Bob's assistants 409 00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:45,724 have to wait for him to jerk off? 410 00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,426 I'm actually a VP at Paramount. 411 00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:48,828 [Richie chuckles] 412 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,362 But I started as his assistant, 413 00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:52,431 and he can't stop thinkin' of me that way. 414 00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,934 [sighs] The things he makes me do. 415 00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:59,038 [chuckles] You know, if I ever have an assistant, 416 00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:02,308 I swear I'm gonna be so nice to him. 417 00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,310 - I do have an assistant. - [Richie] Mm. 418 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:05,678 [Kevin] Who do you think is standing 419 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,080 - outside Bob's door right now? - [Richie giggles] 420 00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:12,484 No. No. I'm getting loopier by the second, so... 421 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:15,654 And if I like you loopy? 422 00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,294 [Bob] Kevin, I'm done. I need 423 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:23,729 - a strawberry milkshake... - [Kevin sighs] 424 00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:24,930 [Bob] ...and a menthol cigarette. 425 00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,233 Also, I, uh, fired your assistant. 426 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,601 He won't stop crying. 427 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,336 - Duty calls. - Mm. 428 00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,939 Can you get me a cab? 429 00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:36,976 I have a better idea. 430 00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,311 [tires squeal] 431 00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:40,579 [doctor] Listen, having a clitoris 432 00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:42,081 deep down at the bottom of your throat 433 00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,916 is better than having no clitoris at all. 434 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:47,887 That's easy for you to say. [weeps] 435 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,489 Suppose your balls were in your ear. 436 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,693 Why, then I could hear myself coming. 437 00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:57,663 [laughter] 438 00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:00,599 Listen, we have the problem solved. 439 00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:02,601 All we have to do now is find a solution. 440 00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,803 - [both chuckle] - [Linda] Like what? 441 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,105 - [Lenny chuckles] - [Linda weeps] 442 00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:08,574 [doctor] Like-like deep throat. 443 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,742 [Shelly] Sorry, sorry, sorry. 444 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,976 - Oh, my God. - [Linda] Deep what? 445 00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:12,444 [doctor] Deep throat. 446 00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:14,280 [Linda] You make it sound so easy. 447 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,815 [doctor] Well, it is. 448 00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:19,451 Try it. You'll like it. 449 00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,954 [Linda] Well, what have I got to lose? 450 00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:23,122 - [doctor] Come dear. - [Doug] How much time 451 00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,423 we got left, Timmy? 452 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,458 Seven, maybe eight minutes. 453 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,394 [Doug] Well, it-it's better to give the audience 454 00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,663 some Deep Throat than no Deep Throat, right? 455 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,498 No. It's way worse. 456 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,099 - See this crack? - [Doug] Yeah. 457 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,502 [Timmy] Sound of Music, '66. We spooled out 458 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:37,970 right as the Nazis rushed in. 459 00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:39,471 [Doug] All right, so we are about to give blue balls 460 00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:40,706 to this entire theater. 461 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,007 Is that what you're telling me right now? 462 00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,809 Yes, sir. 463 00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:46,812 [Doug] Teens? Teens? Please. 464 00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:48,380 I need you. 465 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,316 I need you to go find Richie and figure out 466 00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:51,550 what the holdup is. 467 00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:52,751 By the time I get there and back, 468 00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:54,186 this reel'll be long done. It doesn't m-- 469 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:55,454 No, I have a plan for that. I have a plan for that. 470 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,488 I'm gonna have Joyce go up there 471 00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:57,723 and tap dance a little bit. 472 00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:59,158 - Please. Please. - Okay, but it... 473 00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:00,659 - it just doesn't make sense. - [Doug] I-I-I need you 474 00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:03,796 to go, please. 475 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,398 - I'm begging you. - Ooh, okay. Yep. 476 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,902 [sighs] Oh, God. 477 00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:14,974 It's a lot. Right? 478 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,542 I've mostly been watching the crowd 479 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,377 - instead of the screen. - What? Oh, no. 480 00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,412 I-I-I had a large cola. 481 00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:22,581 You know, after three kids, whoosh, goes right through ya. 482 00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:24,116 Well, Lenny seems to be having a good time. 483 00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:25,551 [Shelly] Oh, yeah. Mark my words, 484 00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,252 he's in there workshopping a Deep Throat joke 485 00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:28,787 he'll be telling for years. 486 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,257 [mutters indistinctly] 487 00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:34,193 [Shelly] Huh? Ow! 488 00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:36,495 What's wrong with you? 489 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,731 [mutters indistinctly] 490 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,199 - Joan Didion? - Oh, my God. 491 00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:43,235 Is it the auth-- Joan Didion? Is she here? 492 00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:47,406 - [Joyce] Hi. Hi. - [Shelly] Oh, God. 493 00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:49,842 - I'm, uh--I'm Joyce-- - [Joan] Joyce Prigger, yeah. 494 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,410 I enjoyed your little performance. 495 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:54,613 Oh, God. Blech. [chuckles] 496 00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,048 What are you doing here? 497 00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:57,983 Forming an opinion. 498 00:16:57,983 --> 00:17:01,620 I wanted to see what all the... the fuss was about. 499 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,255 Well, people are here. [chuckles] 500 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:05,491 You know, and people are really laughing. 501 00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:06,805 But I-I think that's because 502 00:17:06,805 --> 00:17:08,827 of the collective anxiety 503 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,463 of watching something so unsettling on screen. 504 00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:15,200 The laughter's a nervous release, you know? 505 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,802 [chuckles] 506 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:18,303 I think they're laughing 'cause it's a comedy. 507 00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:19,905 Yes. I-I agree. 508 00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,740 Well, I don't think it was their intent, 509 00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:23,609 but, uh, regardless, 510 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,911 they seem to have stumbled onto something. 511 00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:27,413 And will you excuse me? 512 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,751 [mouthing words] 513 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:37,623 Hey, Joan? 514 00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:41,160 Um, fun idea just occurred to me. 515 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,461 - [Joan peeing] - What if you wrote 516 00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:44,196 about this for Minx? 517 00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:45,330 [Joan] Uh... 518 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,266 Just some small musings, really. 519 00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:48,380 Just you... just your thoughts 520 00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:50,436 on what it all means. 521 00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:53,505 [Joan] It is possible to continue this conversation 522 00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:55,574 at another time? 523 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,477 [Joyce] Well, uh, actually, 524 00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:02,748 um, we're having an after-party, 525 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,250 um, which you should come to. 526 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,453 Um, and we can... we can chat there 527 00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:09,488 if you like and talk about life 528 00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:12,825 and star signs and... [chuckles] 529 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,026 - Um... - [Joan] Oh. 530 00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:16,495 - There you go. - [Joan] Yeah. 531 00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,730 Is this in the valley? 532 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,134 - [projector whirring] - [bang on door] 533 00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:24,169 Help me push this against the door. 534 00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:26,004 - It might buy us some time. - [Doug] Stop it. 535 00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,410 [Joyce] Her-her-her eyes were smiling. 536 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:32,611 You know? Like-like-like, 537 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:35,981 - from ear to ear. Oh! - [canisters clatter] 538 00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:39,251 [Doug] Oh, God, no! [groans] 539 00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:40,686 - [Shelly] Oh! Oh, God. - [Doug grunts] 540 00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:41,987 [Shelly] Oh, that's terrible. 541 00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:43,322 [Doug] Find reel four. 542 00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:44,770 - [Joyce] All right. Jesus. - [Richie] Oh, okay. 543 00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:46,158 I haven't seen any of it. How am I supposed to know 544 00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:47,326 - what's in reel four? - [Doug] Shout it out. 545 00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:48,527 - I'll know. - [Richie] I've got, uh, 546 00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:49,962 pubic shaving. 547 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,530 Is this the nurse making whoopie? 548 00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,679 There's a straw coming out of her vagina. 549 00:18:53,679 --> 00:18:55,734 That's Coke dildo. [pants] 550 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:56,902 Coke dildo starts reel four. 551 00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,137 [Doug] All right, give me reel four. 552 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,105 It's reel four. Give it to me. 553 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:01,573 Thank you. Come on. 554 00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:03,575 [Joyce] Oh, my God. Give me that. 555 00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:04,977 - Come on. - [Doug] Fuck! 556 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,980 [upbeat music plays] 557 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,681 [singer] ♪ Something's wrong ♪ 558 00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:12,217 - [both yell] - [Joyce] Je--God, reel four. 559 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:14,253 ♪ ♪ 560 00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:17,055 [doctor] Case 358. Albert Finster. Age 25. 561 00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,657 Bachelor. 562 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,172 Has an obsession in finding out 563 00:19:20,172 --> 00:19:22,895 that things really do go better with Coke. 564 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,664 - Relax your muscles... - [projector whirs] 565 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,399 [projector beeps] 566 00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,468 [singer] ♪ I'd like to try ♪ 567 00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:31,870 [laughter] 568 00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:35,807 ♪ Please don't think Less of me ♪ 569 00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:38,544 ♪ I'd like to drink A little Coke ♪ 570 00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,212 [Joyce] All right. 571 00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:43,048 Oh. Thank you. [chuckles] You're very kind. 572 00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,716 Thank you. 573 00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,785 Hi, hello. 574 00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:48,520 Did you enjoy it? Love your boa. 575 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,322 'Kay, thank you. Great to meet you. 576 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,724 Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me. 577 00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:54,426 All right, you should put some ice on that, 578 00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:56,094 because we have an after-party to host. 579 00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:58,096 Thought you nixed that. Who was it, Joyce Carol Oates 580 00:19:58,096 --> 00:19:59,665 in the bathtub, reading a book or something? 581 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,234 No, it's Joan Didion, and she's coming to the party, okay? 582 00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,036 She might actually be writing about Deep Throat 583 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,238 for our magazine. 584 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:08,207 Oh, God, this really is a cultural phenomenon. 585 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,875 - Uh... it's not gonna happen. - [Joyce] Hi. 586 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,210 We don't have time to throw a party. 587 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,011 What? No, it's fine. Constance is all over it. 588 00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:14,479 She's got a caterer on retainer. 589 00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:16,014 - Constance... - [Joyce] Yeah. 590 00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:18,283 ...is gonna stock the booze for one of our parties? 591 00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:19,585 - Yeah. - [Doug chuckling] No. 592 00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:20,919 - [Joyce] Why? - No, no, if we're gonna do it, 593 00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:22,221 it's gotta be Tina. I'll send Tina. 594 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,488 - She knows what good-- - Tina! Where is Tina? 595 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:25,657 I haven't seen her all evening. Thank you. 596 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,160 Hi! Oh, my God, hi. 597 00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,597 ["If It's Alright, It's Gonna Be All Night" playing] 598 00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,232 [Bambi chuckles] Enjoy! 599 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,568 ♪ ♪ 600 00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,071 - Great choice. - [singer] ♪ Oh, baby ♪ 601 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,006 ♪ If it's all right... ♪ 602 00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:42,407 [Lenny] No, no, I liked it. I liked it. 603 00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:44,810 Of course, I've had a lot of women patients, 604 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,078 but the only thing I've ever found 605 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,179 in the back of a woman's throat 606 00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,447 is esophageal cancer. 607 00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:49,948 - [chuckling] - So another... oh, yeah. 608 00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:51,316 Hey, you're driving. 609 00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,818 [Bambi] Oh, the green ones are for focus. 610 00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,020 Astronauts take them to survive reentry. 611 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:57,456 - You can have half. - [Bambi] Ooh. 612 00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:58,690 - Give it. - [Kevin] I love what you did 613 00:20:58,690 --> 00:20:59,691 with the lens flare. It makes you feel 614 00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:00,692 like someone's looking. 615 00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:01,893 [Richie] Most people get derailed 616 00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:03,795 - by the monster cock. - [chuckles] 617 00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:05,664 Oh. Funny and talented. 618 00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:07,332 Hope you're ready to hit the big time. 619 00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:08,967 - [Richie chuckles] Okay. - [glasses clink] 620 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:11,637 [Doug] Well, the difference is, cane's got a crook, 621 00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:14,172 whereas this baby right here... check that out. 622 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:17,576 Nepalese fire opal. 623 00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:20,045 - They say it's cursed. - [laughter] 624 00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:22,547 [chuckles] I say it's expensive. 625 00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:24,216 - [Bambi] Ahem. - [Doug] A great piece. 626 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:28,320 [singer] ♪ I know you're gonna Make it all right ♪ 627 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,356 [laughter] 628 00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:37,529 [person] Oh, yeah? When I was a kid, 629 00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:39,131 I thought a blow job was someone 630 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,799 literally blowing on your dick. 631 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:42,734 No, the first time I saw a penis, 632 00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:44,903 I thought it was a long belly button. 633 00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:48,106 What kind of wackos send these unsolicited? 634 00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:50,676 Aw, grandpa thinks he belongs in a magazine. 635 00:21:50,676 --> 00:21:52,110 [laughter] 636 00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:53,845 That's Wayne. He has a purple heart. 637 00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:55,681 [Joyce] Yeah. And a purple penis. 638 00:21:56,915 --> 00:21:59,718 Um... 639 00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:01,553 [person] Hey, can I get a refill? 640 00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:03,155 [laughter] 641 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,123 [singer] ♪ Now, I know That when I take you... ♪ 642 00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,928 [Constance] Ah, nothing more attractive 643 00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:12,364 than a man doing the dishes. 644 00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:14,366 You know, if you were 20 years younger, 645 00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:16,034 I might just lock you away in my tower. 646 00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:17,803 [Doug] Well, if you were ten years older, 647 00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,504 - I might let ya. - [Constance chuckles] 648 00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:20,872 I'm just sayin' my goodbyes. 649 00:22:20,872 --> 00:22:22,407 Not bad for our maiden voyage, huh? 650 00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:23,742 What do you think? You happy? 651 00:22:23,742 --> 00:22:25,610 I especially appreciate the way you handled 652 00:22:25,610 --> 00:22:27,546 the debacle with the missing reels 653 00:22:27,546 --> 00:22:29,281 and the police. 654 00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:30,916 - What police? - [Constance] Mm-hmm. 655 00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:32,184 I know that you're used to taking care 656 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:35,053 of all these things by yourself, but use me. 657 00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:38,056 I was the DA's third-largest donor, 658 00:22:38,056 --> 00:22:40,225 and that prickly son of a bitch owes me. 659 00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:41,593 Good to know. 660 00:22:41,593 --> 00:22:43,995 But I like what I saw tonight, Douglas. 661 00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:46,164 I'm very excited to roll up our sleeves 662 00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:48,033 and see where this is gonna go. 663 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,014 Me too. 664 00:22:49,014 --> 00:22:50,635 Oh, and by the way, 665 00:22:50,635 --> 00:22:54,606 awfully generous of you to give Joyce the larger office. 666 00:22:54,606 --> 00:22:56,274 You are a gentleman. 667 00:23:00,278 --> 00:23:01,513 [Doug sighs] 668 00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:05,484 Your car is on Mulholland 669 00:23:05,484 --> 00:23:06,718 somewhere between Coldwater 670 00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:08,086 and Laurel Canyon. 671 00:23:08,086 --> 00:23:09,955 That Rolls is a piece of shit, and so are you. 672 00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,189 I shouldn't have sent you, 673 00:23:11,189 --> 00:23:12,391 but there was no way I could have reached-- 674 00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:13,792 Laurel and Coldwater? 675 00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:15,394 That's a two-mile stretch, Teens. 676 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,728 [Tina] Tough shit. 677 00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:18,096 I just walked into a big-ass party 678 00:23:18,096 --> 00:23:19,564 that I wasn't invited to 679 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:22,067 for a movie I didn't get to see. 680 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,268 [Doug] Go back to the party, guys. 681 00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:25,303 Have fun. Tina, please, 682 00:23:25,303 --> 00:23:26,505 you think that was my intention? 683 00:23:26,505 --> 00:23:27,873 There was no way I could reach you. 684 00:23:27,873 --> 00:23:29,875 [Tina] Résumés for my replacement. 685 00:23:29,875 --> 00:23:32,511 I am the managing editor, Doug, not your secretary. 686 00:23:32,511 --> 00:23:34,646 If you need me, I'll be drinking 687 00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,982 your secret Scotch in Joyce's office. 688 00:23:36,982 --> 00:23:38,450 That's where the fun seems to be. 689 00:23:38,450 --> 00:23:42,220 - [laughter] - The-the-the only thing 690 00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:43,655 I've found at the back of a woman's throat 691 00:23:43,655 --> 00:23:46,458 - is a swollen uvula. - [all laugh] 692 00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:48,860 Okay, these pills are definitely making me funnier. 693 00:23:48,860 --> 00:23:50,796 - Can I have the other half now? - [Shelly] No. It's 2:00 a.m. 694 00:23:50,796 --> 00:23:52,564 The sitter probably thinks we're dead. 695 00:23:52,564 --> 00:23:54,433 Okay, so what's another hour? 696 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:55,967 You've had enough, okay? 697 00:23:55,967 --> 00:23:59,037 Y-you can tell all your friends tomorrow at the club 698 00:23:59,037 --> 00:24:02,541 about your big party with the porn stars. 699 00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:05,677 That's what you think this night is about? 700 00:24:05,677 --> 00:24:07,479 Shell... 701 00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:11,516 Something is going on with you, and I don't know what. 702 00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,385 And I-I don't quite know why, but I just figured 703 00:24:13,385 --> 00:24:14,386 it would be good for us to get away 704 00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:15,387 from the kids and the house 705 00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:16,455 and the responsibilities, 706 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:17,889 try to have a little fun together? 707 00:24:19,224 --> 00:24:20,692 I would like that, too, 708 00:24:20,692 --> 00:24:23,829 to have some fun with you. 709 00:24:24,262 --> 00:24:26,465 Look, I love you. 710 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:28,099 And-and whatever this is, 711 00:24:28,099 --> 00:24:29,868 I wanna figure it out with you. 712 00:24:29,868 --> 00:24:31,203 Do whatever it takes. 713 00:24:33,071 --> 00:24:35,273 I do still have that other half, so... 714 00:24:37,442 --> 00:24:38,743 [Lenny chuckles] 715 00:24:38,743 --> 00:24:40,779 [singer] ♪ ...to your lips, darlin' ♪ 716 00:24:42,013 --> 00:24:45,917 ♪ It's poison to some ♪ 717 00:24:45,917 --> 00:24:47,385 [Shelly sighs] Come with me. 718 00:24:47,385 --> 00:24:48,720 I know a place. 719 00:24:50,188 --> 00:24:52,090 [indistinct] kiss. 720 00:24:52,624 --> 00:24:54,493 - [both] Oh. - [Richie] Watch out, 721 00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,061 the cabinet on the left is a little wobbly. 722 00:24:56,061 --> 00:24:58,563 - [Shelly] Okay. - [Richie chuckles] 723 00:25:01,399 --> 00:25:03,168 [Joan] You're the belle of the ball. 724 00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,303 [Joyce] Joan! Hi. 725 00:25:05,303 --> 00:25:07,506 I didn't know you were here. Hi. 726 00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:09,007 [Joan] That's by design. 727 00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:10,108 [Joyce] Oh. 728 00:25:11,543 --> 00:25:13,378 Is that your notebook? 729 00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:15,714 Are you-are you considering writing the piece? 730 00:25:15,714 --> 00:25:19,150 [sighs] I don't think I have much to say about Deep Throat. 731 00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:22,554 Oh. Really? 732 00:25:22,554 --> 00:25:23,922 Mm. 733 00:25:23,922 --> 00:25:26,258 But doesn't it seem like people are longing 734 00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:30,061 for a way to be more open about sexuality 735 00:25:30,061 --> 00:25:34,199 and-and to ask questions without feeling shame? 736 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:36,401 And so they've turned this ridiculous movie 737 00:25:36,401 --> 00:25:37,569 into this spectacle 738 00:25:37,569 --> 00:25:40,438 to give themselves a way to do just that. 739 00:25:40,438 --> 00:25:42,374 And, do you know, I don't think it stops there. 740 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,309 I-I think... I don't know. 741 00:25:44,309 --> 00:25:46,444 This feels like the beginning of something. 742 00:25:46,444 --> 00:25:48,747 [singer] ♪ It's poison for some ♪ 743 00:25:48,747 --> 00:25:51,049 Sounds like you've already started writing it. 744 00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:53,251 [singer] ♪ So wait like a lady ♪ 745 00:25:53,251 --> 00:25:57,455 ♪ Lady, lady, lady Lady, lady, lady ♪ 746 00:25:57,455 --> 00:25:59,791 ♪ Wait like a lady Wait like a lady ♪ 747 00:25:59,791 --> 00:26:02,093 ♪ Lady, lady, lady... ♪ 748 00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:04,796 [Doug sighs] 749 00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:07,445 - [Bambi] Hey. - [Doug] Hey. 750 00:26:07,445 --> 00:26:09,601 Well, this is the biggest party we've ever thrown. 751 00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:11,169 [Doug] Oh, by far. 752 00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:14,105 Ernest Borgnine and Warren Beatty 753 00:26:14,105 --> 00:26:15,440 came to blows in the parking lot. 754 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,276 What? Why didn't anybody come tell me? 755 00:26:18,276 --> 00:26:20,579 It wasn't a fair fight. 756 00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,047 Ernie dropped with one punch. 757 00:26:22,047 --> 00:26:24,649 Ugh, I fucking missed everything. 758 00:26:27,752 --> 00:26:29,754 I think I like the old parties better. 759 00:26:29,754 --> 00:26:32,223 Yeah. Porn's gone mainstream. 760 00:26:34,326 --> 00:26:38,997 [typewriter clacking] 761 00:26:40,865 --> 00:26:42,734 [groans] 762 00:26:44,235 --> 00:26:45,670 [typewriter dings] 763 00:26:47,005 --> 00:26:50,008 ["Number One" playing] 764 00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:53,011 ♪ ♪ 765 00:26:54,245 --> 00:26:58,850 [singer] ♪ My daddy said ♪ 766 00:27:00,652 --> 00:27:06,024 ♪ Son, the time's done come ♪ 767 00:27:07,258 --> 00:27:10,495 ♪ I'm gonna turn you loose And let go your hand ♪ 768 00:27:10,495 --> 00:27:14,899 ♪ You got to go in the world And prove yourself a man ♪ 769 00:27:16,701 --> 00:27:18,970 ♪ 'Cause you been Put down here ♪ 770 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,639 ♪ To be number one ♪ 771 00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:22,641 ♪ You've got to rise In the morning ♪ 772 00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:24,342 ♪ And meet the sun ♪ 773 00:27:24,342 --> 00:27:27,545 ♪ You gotta sit at the table And break the bread ♪ 774 00:27:27,545 --> 00:27:29,314 ♪ And if the blood In your veins ♪ 775 00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:31,182 ♪ Is runnin' red ♪ 776 00:27:31,182 --> 00:27:32,984 ♪ Then you ought to be a man ♪ 777 00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:36,087 ♪ Or you might as well Be dead ♪ 778 00:27:36,087 --> 00:27:39,090 ♪ ♪ 779 00:27:41,693 --> 00:27:46,197 ♪ My daddy said ♪ 780 00:27:48,299 --> 00:27:52,637 ♪ Son, the time's done come ♪ 781 00:27:54,773 --> 00:27:58,476 ♪ You got to look all around Find a solid stone ♪ 782 00:27:58,476 --> 00:28:00,211 ♪ You got to make Things ready ♪ 783 00:28:00,211 --> 00:28:04,229 ♪ And build yourself a home ♪ 784 00:28:04,229 --> 00:28:06,618 ♪ 'Cause you been Put down here ♪ 785 00:28:06,618 --> 00:28:08,486 ♪ To be number one ♪ 786 00:28:08,486 --> 00:28:10,055 ♪ You got to rise In the morning ♪ 787 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:12,090 ♪ And meet the sun ♪ 788 00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:14,959 ♪ You got to sit at the table And break the bread ♪ 789 00:28:14,959 --> 00:28:17,195 ♪ And if the blood In your veins ♪ 790 00:28:17,195 --> 00:28:18,963 ♪ Is runnin' red ♪ 791 00:28:18,963 --> 00:28:20,365 ♪ Then you ought to be a man ♪ 792 00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:22,500 ♪ Or you might as well Be dead ♪ 793 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,436 [Doug] Eighteen. 794 00:28:26,638 --> 00:28:28,940 Motherfuck. 795 00:28:29,507 --> 00:28:33,278 [singer] ♪ My daddy said ♪ 796 00:28:36,247 --> 00:28:40,585 ♪ Son, the time's done come ♪ 797 00:28:42,454 --> 00:28:44,222 ♪ You got To find you a woman ♪ 798 00:28:44,222 --> 00:28:46,357 ♪ And treat her good ♪ 799 00:28:46,357 --> 00:28:49,394 ♪ Do your duty Like you know you should ♪ 800 00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:52,897 ♪ You'll never have to worry 'Bout bein' alone ♪ 801 00:28:52,897 --> 00:28:56,334 ♪ The woman's gonna make you A happy home ♪ 802 00:28:58,670 --> 00:29:00,819 ♪ 'Cause you been Put down here ♪ 803 00:29:00,819 --> 00:29:02,620 ♪ To be number one ♪ 804 00:29:02,620 --> 00:29:04,609 ♪ You got to rise In the morning ♪ 805 00:29:04,609 --> 00:29:06,277 ♪ And meet the sun ♪ 806 00:29:06,277 --> 00:29:09,360 ♪ You got to sit at the table And break the bread ♪ 807 00:29:09,447 --> 00:29:11,082 ♪ And if the blood In your veins ♪ 808 00:29:11,082 --> 00:29:12,851 ♪ Is runnin' red ♪ 809 00:29:12,851 --> 00:29:14,886 ♪ Then you ought to be a man ♪ 810 00:29:14,886 --> 00:29:19,637 ♪ Or you might as well Be dead ♪ 811 00:29:24,129 --> 00:29:27,065 ♪ Then you ought to be a man ♪ 812 00:29:27,065 --> 00:29:32,971 ♪ Or you might as well Be dead ♪ 813 00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:41,579 ♪ ♪