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[dramatic music playing]
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[narrator] Previously on Mulligan...
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[Matty] No, I do that.
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Previously on Mulligan...
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[lasers zapping]
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Sir, we gotta get you out of here!
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- Oh, thank God.
- [loud thud]
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This way, President Chadman!
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[in alien language] 400 skorplons
for vent covers?
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Come on, Axatrax!
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[in English] My English isn't great,
but diarrhea throat explosion!
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I do solemnly swear
to kick ass as president
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till death do I stop.
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[crowd cheering]
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[clicks]
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[hisses]
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Drinkable tap water!
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[all] Yay!
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No more Dasani!
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- [Simon gasps]
- Meadowlark Lemon?
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[grunting] Guys,
we're not calling it "Chimptopia."
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[screeching] Point of order!
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[in English] Let me explain.
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President Brad Chadman may be alive
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in there.
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[all gasp]
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[theme music playing]
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Well, this here's
the secret alien-proof bunker
29
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that Jimmy Carter built
after watching Close Encounters
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with a couple of wines in him.
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Oh, LaMarr. What's up, buddy?
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Sorry, I didn't recognize you
outside the office.
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Bradford Chadman might be alive,
and you're just telling us now?
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I just learned about the bunker, Doctor,
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thanks to the president's book of secrets.
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- It's real?
- It's real!
37
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- I knew it!
- Come on!
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Last time I saw President Chadman,
he made no mention of a secret bunker.
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No mention at all.
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[humans screaming]
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Mr. President, we got about
as much time to waste here
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as a pill bug
what rolled under a rocking chair,
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so I will cut with my verbal saber
directly to the metaphorical quick.
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What, I say what is the plan?
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Oh yeah, the, uh... [clears throat]
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The cabinet and I
are all headed down to the Situation Room.
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We'll... We'll be safe there.
48
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It is gonna be crowded,
but I'll bring Old Lappy.
49
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Uh-huh. Great. Yeah, see you down there.
50
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- [rumbling]
- [Chadman coughs]
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I assumed that they'd been vapo-morized,
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but it turns out Chadman and his cabinet
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might be behind this rootin' tootin' door.
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So what are we waiting for?
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Oh, are you sure
you've thought this through, sir?
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I know I haven't.
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See, we already have a president,
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but if Chadman comes out of there...
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Then he'd be president,
and I'd be an ex-president. Ah!
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I don't wanna build a library! I won't!
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Seriously? Farrah, stand up to them.
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Wait, so the choice is between
Matty and Brad Chadman?
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Which is why I'm proposing
a system of handmaids
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to support our nation's hardworking wives.
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I mean, didn't we say we were only
gonna keep the good stuff?
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'Cause that guy is "the bad stuff."
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He called the Dalai Lama the N-word.
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And he was mean to people
who thought they were his friend.
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I would actually
rather have Matty as president.
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What do you mean "actually"?
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Chadman did lose the popular vote
by 160 million votes,
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but Matty was just elected
by people clapping.
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- And going "woo."
- [Dr. Braun] Mmm.
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Well, well, well,
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as I live, technically,
and breathe, sometimes,
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this is a conundrum.
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No, a whole bushel of conundra.
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Mr. President, what do you think?
Should you stay president?
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Well, we know how that plays out.
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But let the record show
I said maybe we shouldn't commit treason
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and leave our duly-elected president
to rot in a hole.
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[whooshing]
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Take one for the team, Mulligan.
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[mascot] Bunt, cocksucka!
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Where's the crapper?
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Letting him out is the right thing to do
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for the team.
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- [dramatic music playing]
- [lock screeches]
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[grunts]
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- Come on.
- I believe it's "pull."
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Obviously, I was stretching!
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[grunts]
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[suspenseful music playing]
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[dramatic music plays]
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You are now behind the paywall.
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Get it?
97
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No. But I do have water in my ear.
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Instead of you biking around
shouting the news,
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people will come to us
for exclusive content,
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like our Page 3 girl.
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First look's free!
102
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But if people are gonna give us
their hard-earned gizmos,
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thingamabobs, and dinglehoppers,
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we need more.
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So we've gotta jump
on King Jeremy's hot tip.
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[Grimes] That's what she said! I'm her!
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Go talk to the first couple,
and see what you can sniff out.
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Okay, bye.
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Why are you taking that?
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You know we can't develop pictures, man.
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Not with that attitude, we can't.
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[suspenseful music playing]
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Huh, I guess President Chadman
never even made it to the bunker.
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- [thuds]
- [panting]
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[dramatic sting]
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Sweet and sour Jesus!
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[wails]
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Holy crap, is that the president?
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He looks good with a beard.
Should I grow a beard? [yelps]
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Die, aliens!
121
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- No, no, no, we're humans!
- [Dr. Braun] Humans!
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- [both grunt]
- [yells]
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Dude, we're here to rescue you.
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Oh.
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Oh, thank God.
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I thought the aliens
had come to finish me off.
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That's what she said.
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And LaMarr, you survived.
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Yes, sir, it's me.
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But where, may I ask, is your cabinet?
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[ethereal music playing]
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- [squelch]
- [yelps]
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A bug. They're in the bunker.
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You haven't slept in days, Mr. President.
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Maybe take a nap,
and let us hold the nuclear football.
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Why? So you can use
our own nukes against us?
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You're one of them.
138
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They stole your skin to trick me.
139
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No, no, no, no, there's no aliens here.
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You're safe. We've got food and water.
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[woman] Even Halloween costumes.
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Look, I'm A Bug's Life. [chuckles]
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- Jesus, Carol.
- [Chadman yells]
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[Chadman panting] No, no, no, no!
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- [man] No!
- [screams]
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They're dead.
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The aliens got them,
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but I got the aliens.
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What a tragedy.
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I'm smiling about a joke I heard earlier.
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So you don't have a vice president?
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Let's get you home, Mr. President.
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Has someone been working out?
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- [Matty scoffs]
- Wow, you actually opened the door.
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To quote me when I briefly taught
at a public high school...
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Yo, yo, yo, George Washington be all,
"Peace out, homies."
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What are you doing? Stay back!
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I know that wasn't easy,
but you did good back there.
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- That's what she said.
- Sure.
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- [dramatic music playing]
- [dogs barking]
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[scoffs] Ah, they must've seen a bunny.
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Banjo, Willie, Pipit, Myrna, heel!
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Bad limo.
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[dogs continue barking]
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So they made you president, huh?
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Cause I saved Earth.
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I'm good at throwing,
and there was a vent.
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Well, that makes sense.
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It sure seemed like we were just about
to win when I went in the bunker.
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Uh-huh. Huh. Okay.
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[Matty] Uh...
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Finally. I hope you got something good.
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00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:35,041
I've been stuck running
lame celebrity news.
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So that was the first time I tried sushi
175
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and last.
176
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Well, what's going on at the White House?
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An affair? Someone's gay?
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Everyone's gay?
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Nobody's gay?
180
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Which would be weird these days.
There's a spectrum.
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Oh, I know.
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And I went and talked to the first couple,
like you said.
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Oh, sorry, Matty's not here.
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Okay, bye!
185
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[Lucy] Bye!
186
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So there's no story, 'cause she said
the president and everybody is missing,
187
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and no one even knows where they are.
188
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Okay, bye!
189
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:04,666
[groans] You dum-dum, that's the story.
190
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:06,583
Where are you pointing? At that rock?
191
00:07:06,666 --> 00:07:07,958
Is that rock the story?
192
00:07:08,041 --> 00:07:10,291
Let's go, babe.
I'm not paying for this crap.
193
00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:13,375
But don't you wanna hear stories
about the making of the movie UHF?
194
00:07:13,458 --> 00:07:15,833
Fran Drescher was
a consummate professional.
195
00:07:15,916 --> 00:07:17,625
I want my old life back.
196
00:07:17,708 --> 00:07:19,958
I want a house
with way more bathrooms than bedrooms.
197
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:22,333
Like, way more.
Think of a number and double it.
198
00:07:22,416 --> 00:07:24,083
Four bathrooms?
199
00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:26,208
Go bring me something
people will pay for. [grunts]
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[dramatic music plays]
201
00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:31,958
Well, shoot, the place looks great.
202
00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:34,791
The White House,
the human faces and bodies, everything.
203
00:07:34,875 --> 00:07:36,583
I did my best to hold down the fort.
204
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,250
I put my knee square on its back,
205
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:41,750
and I said,
"You stay right where you are, fort."
206
00:07:41,833 --> 00:07:45,000
You know what I wish I'd done more
when I had the chance, Cartwright?
207
00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:46,875
Tugged on that face of yours.
208
00:07:46,958 --> 00:07:48,125
Well, be my guest, sir.
209
00:07:48,208 --> 00:07:49,916
I am here to serve,
210
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,250
and you are in need
of a vice president, so...
211
00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:54,958
Sure! It's all yours.
212
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,791
You took my axe,
so what choice do I have, right?
213
00:07:57,875 --> 00:08:00,333
[laughing hysterically]
214
00:08:00,416 --> 00:08:02,083
[laughs]
215
00:08:02,166 --> 00:08:04,791
Oh, that's funny. I... Well, I... [chuckles]
216
00:08:06,666 --> 00:08:10,041
Farrah, am I not First Lady anymore?
217
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:13,166
Yeah, but don't worry,
you still look like... that.
218
00:08:13,250 --> 00:08:14,125
You'll be fine.
219
00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:16,791
No, I mean, I was worried
people would be mad at me
220
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:18,875
if I wasn't, you know, America's Mommy.
221
00:08:18,958 --> 00:08:19,976
Is that what you think First...
222
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,583
But now it's not up to me.
I can't be First Lady.
223
00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:24,291
So I guess I can go be queen.
224
00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:26,666
Oh my God, so this worked out for you too.
225
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:29,083
You're like a hot, grown-up
Baby's Day Out.
226
00:08:29,166 --> 00:08:30,000
1994.
227
00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:32,250
I can't wait to see the dress
the mice and birds
228
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:33,958
make for your wedding to King J...
229
00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:37,583
♪ And we sing the loud song
'Cause it's loud singing time! ♪
230
00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:41,291
♪ It starts out loud
And it just gets louder! ♪
231
00:08:41,375 --> 00:08:47,416
- ♪ This is the singing loudly song! ♪
- ♪ This is the singing loudly song! ♪
232
00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:51,416
Hey, so do you guys think maybe something
is kind of off about this Chadman dude?
233
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,416
Your face is so realistic.
234
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,958
Why, thank you.
235
00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:58,166
Maybe we shouldn't, you know,
rush to make him president again.
236
00:08:58,250 --> 00:09:01,541
Hey, I don't like the guy.
I voted for the Green Party candidate.
237
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:02,916
- Mmm, brave.
- So brave.
238
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:07,083
But someone said letting him out
was the right thing to do.
239
00:09:07,166 --> 00:09:08,458
Yeah, let it go.
240
00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:11,500
I know you like all the perks,
having a roof and your own plane...
241
00:09:11,583 --> 00:09:13,125
Oh, I go to Air Force One to poop.
242
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:15,541
I call it Air Force Two. It's pretty full.
243
00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,416
But this is the best thing for everyone.
244
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:20,375
Is wittle Matty's footsies
getting coldsies?
245
00:09:20,458 --> 00:09:22,791
Did he lose his socksies
'cause he's a naughty kitty?
246
00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:25,000
I just think
that Chadman guy's being weird.
247
00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:27,666
You know,
like how that Yankovic guy used to be?
248
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:30,291
No, President Chadman is simply a new man.
249
00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:33,208
He appreciates what
we did for this country.
250
00:09:33,291 --> 00:09:36,666
So now it's time to put on our lederhosen,
stand on the stairs and salute,
251
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,291
'cause Daddy's home.
252
00:09:38,375 --> 00:09:40,208
Don't you mess this up, son.
253
00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:41,891
- [Matty groans]
- [dramatic music plays]
254
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,958
Mr. Barry, I'm so glad you're here.
255
00:09:47,041 --> 00:09:49,208
Enough small talk! Where is everybody?
256
00:09:49,291 --> 00:09:50,333
Including you!
257
00:09:50,416 --> 00:09:52,500
Oh, I'm right here. We all are.
258
00:09:52,583 --> 00:09:54,166
Oh, great! Okay, bye!
259
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:55,916
Oh, not so fast there, Vance.
260
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,291
Okay.
261
00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:02,166
I have an exclusive scoop for you.
262
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,291
President Chadman is alive.
263
00:10:05,375 --> 00:10:06,875
Holy moly!
264
00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:11,208
The important thing is that I
will be continuing on as vice president.
265
00:10:11,291 --> 00:10:13,351
Folks need to know
the real president is back in the saddle,
266
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:16,458
but that I'm right next to him
on my own horse
267
00:10:16,541 --> 00:10:19,791
named, um, oh, I don't know,
just off the top my head,
268
00:10:19,875 --> 00:10:21,000
Fire Dancer.
269
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:22,000
She sounds tall.
270
00:10:22,083 --> 00:10:24,250
But how do I know Chadman's really alive?
271
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,541
I am a constant victim of elder scams.
272
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,333
How'd you like a picture?
273
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,541
- Mr. President.
- [Chadman] Huh?
274
00:10:30,625 --> 00:10:31,916
Oh, well...
275
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:32,875
Cheese!
276
00:10:32,958 --> 00:10:33,875
[yelps] Oh dear!
277
00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:35,750
Oh, it was just a camera. [chuckles]
278
00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:36,875
Of course. [clears throat]
279
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:37,791
I'm from news!
280
00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:40,791
I know.
You've got the bike helmet and everything.
281
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:41,958
Very human.
282
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,166
Oh. [yawns] Excuse me.
283
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:46,291
Boy, I forgot how exhausting
these press scrums can be.
284
00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:47,875
I think I'll take a nap.
285
00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:52,041
And as you both know,
humans like to be alone for sleep.
286
00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:53,166
And how!
287
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,791
- [Vance chuckles]
- Oh, I beg to differ.
288
00:10:55,875 --> 00:10:59,333
I can't sleep a wink without Mama
staring at me from her rocking chair.
289
00:10:59,416 --> 00:11:01,708
Just staring and knittin' baby clothes.
290
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:04,250
[Vance] Now, what is that combination?
291
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:06,791
I know it had a zero or a six in it.
292
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,583
Something with curves.
293
00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:11,375
Those bugs messed
with the wrong president.
294
00:11:11,458 --> 00:11:12,458
This one!
295
00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:14,583
Oh, dear God.
296
00:11:14,666 --> 00:11:15,833
[TOD-209] Hmm?
297
00:11:15,916 --> 00:11:19,791
So this is what those monsters did
with all the real humans.
298
00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:21,916
Are there others like you?
299
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,416
[dramatic music playing]
300
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,291
[electronic whirring]
301
00:11:26,375 --> 00:11:27,625
[mechanical whirring]
302
00:11:29,625 --> 00:11:31,708
[TOD-209] There were others.
303
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:34,416
So why the hell
haven't they taken my brain?
304
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:35,375
What do they want?
305
00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:36,708
Mr. President, hi.
306
00:11:36,791 --> 00:11:39,000
Look, I know you were never
a big fan of science...
307
00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:41,583
No one's worried
about your global warming now.
308
00:11:41,666 --> 00:11:46,125
Right. But I couldn't help but notice
you still had the nuclear football.
309
00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:49,041
The cores of those missiles
could be a power source.
310
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,416
So that's your game, you space witch!
311
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,000
That's what those bunker bugs
wanted too. [grunts]
312
00:11:54,083 --> 00:11:55,666
- [Dr. Braun] Why?
- [Chadman grunts]
313
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,250
[TOD-209] Others.
314
00:11:57,708 --> 00:11:59,333
Oh, hello, Doctor.
315
00:11:59,416 --> 00:12:01,500
What are you doing down there?
316
00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:03,291
Aha!
317
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:06,250
Zero-zero-zero-one.
318
00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:07,625
I should have gone in order.
319
00:12:07,708 --> 00:12:09,416
It's scoop time, Johnny!
320
00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:12,333
I'm not just trying
to stay president, Simon.
321
00:12:12,416 --> 00:12:14,916
I am telling you,
he grabbed my face weird.
322
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:15,833
Oh, right.
323
00:12:15,916 --> 00:12:19,125
I forgot about the Eleventieth Amendment
barring facial gratification.
324
00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:20,541
This is pathetic, sir.
325
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:21,916
[LaMarr] Oh, by the by, sir,
326
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:26,166
it is customary for an outgoing president
to write the new president a letter.
327
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:30,625
What? Like one letter
or a bunch of letters forming words?
328
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,916
[dramatic music plays]
329
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,500
Mom, no!
330
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,208
Sorry, that's just my reaction
when I see a lady with a suitcase.
331
00:12:37,291 --> 00:12:38,166
What are you doing?
332
00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:40,750
Um, well, I mean,
we don't live here anymore, right?
333
00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,458
Oh, yeah, right.
334
00:12:42,541 --> 00:12:44,625
God, this is just like
that Hallmark movie,
335
00:12:44,708 --> 00:12:47,625
From President to Pauper
with Beau Bridges and Meghan Markle.
336
00:12:47,708 --> 00:12:49,958
Vancouver as D.C.? No, thank you.
337
00:12:50,041 --> 00:12:50,958
You can always tell.
338
00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:53,416
Anyhow, you probably ought to get packing
your own self...
339
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:57,333
- Suck death, you sons of bug-bitches!
- [guns clicking]
340
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,166
Wow, I'm now very glad
that guy shot the Buchanan chandelier,
341
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:03,416
- despite its histori... [grunts]
- [Chadman grunts]
342
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,916
[Chadman straining]
343
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,375
- [Matty yells]
- [Chadman grunts]
344
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:07,916
I'm not afraid of you!
345
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,708
I killed the aliens
who impersonated my cabinet,
346
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:13,125
and I will kill all of you! [grunts]
347
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:15,333
- Get off me!
- Great Little Caesar's tiny ghost!
348
00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:16,583
I told you he was crazy.
349
00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:20,000
You don't work at a RadioShack
for three summers and not know crazy.
350
00:13:20,083 --> 00:13:22,476
Okay, he's nuts. This was a mistake.
No one can know he's alive.
351
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,750
Oh, Vance Barry.
352
00:13:23,833 --> 00:13:25,541
Oh, excuse me, one Moesha.
353
00:13:25,625 --> 00:13:28,666
Look at the way he runs.
He's obviously an alien.
354
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:30,833
All the boys in my county run like this
355
00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:33,166
on account of
our gym teacher was a ostrich.
356
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:35,583
Mr. Sir, no one here is an alien.
357
00:13:35,666 --> 00:13:37,833
Hey-o! I used the last tea bag...
358
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:40,958
Oh, I'm sorry. I did not realize
you were having an orgy. Carry on.
359
00:13:41,041 --> 00:13:44,875
- [Chadman screams, straining]
- No, no, no, that alien is our prisoner.
360
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:46,916
Hey, you know what?
361
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,000
That makes sense. I believe you now.
362
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:51,583
You can let me go and give me my axe back.
363
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:55,000
[continues straining, grunting]
364
00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:56,791
You've gotta hear this story, Johnny.
365
00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:59,166
It's gonna be big.
366
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:02,208
Is what I'm gonna say to my friend
and business partner, Johnny Zhao.
367
00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:04,125
But not a word until then.
368
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:07,291
Come on, please.
Just whisper it into my butt.
369
00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:09,166
But your hands are your ears.
370
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,375
You're no fun.
371
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:13,583
[pants] Mr. Barry, there you are.
372
00:14:13,666 --> 00:14:16,541
The president wants to give you
an exclusive interview,
373
00:14:16,625 --> 00:14:19,791
so just wait here, and he'll be right in.
374
00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:20,875
Oh boy!
375
00:14:20,958 --> 00:14:22,000
[menacing music plays]
376
00:14:22,083 --> 00:14:24,458
[LaMarr grunts]
377
00:14:24,541 --> 00:14:27,333
- [groans]
- [continues grunting]
378
00:14:27,416 --> 00:14:28,416
[groans]
379
00:14:28,458 --> 00:14:30,291
[panting]
380
00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:31,458
[squelching]
381
00:14:31,541 --> 00:14:32,375
What are you doing?
382
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,166
Uh, I'm making sure he doesn't have
a paper clip under his tongue
383
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,375
he can spit out
and pick the lock with. Ow!
384
00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:38,875
You taste like bug.
385
00:14:38,958 --> 00:14:40,708
Look who knows what bugs taste like!
386
00:14:40,791 --> 00:14:44,375
President Chadman, I assure you,
we are all human beings here.
387
00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:45,750
Oh yeah? Prove it.
388
00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:48,625
- [scats]
- [Chadman] What?
389
00:14:48,708 --> 00:14:50,333
- Are you human?
- Fine, you dance.
390
00:14:50,416 --> 00:14:52,041
Nobody has to dance!
391
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,208
If you're human, then I am your president,
392
00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:57,333
and I'm ordering you
to let me go and give me an axe.
393
00:14:57,958 --> 00:14:59,517
- That is a catch-22.
- He's got us there.
394
00:14:59,541 --> 00:15:00,916
It's like a brainteaser!
395
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,250
Yeah, I saw
right through you space chodes.
396
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:06,666
That human suit
looks nothing like Hank Scarpaccio.
397
00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:08,333
He was an old Italian guy.
398
00:15:08,416 --> 00:15:10,333
This guy's crazy. Let's shoot him.
399
00:15:10,416 --> 00:15:13,125
- We are not assassinating anyone.
- [chuckles]
400
00:15:13,208 --> 00:15:14,041
- Ass-ass.
- Ass-ass.
401
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:16,458
I mean, sure, he's a little cuckoo,
402
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,166
but he's the president,
403
00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:19,875
and I packed already.
404
00:15:19,958 --> 00:15:21,875
[whimsical music plays]
405
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:27,666
I know you're talking about me
with your alien telepathy. Rude.
406
00:15:27,750 --> 00:15:30,250
President Chadman,
you've been through a terrible trauma.
407
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,958
And I know you're not Cartwright LaMarr.
408
00:15:33,041 --> 00:15:37,333
There's no way that billion-year-old
scarecrow with a fake heart survived.
409
00:15:37,416 --> 00:15:41,083
And even he wasn't stupid enough
to make that idiot president.
410
00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:42,208
Which idiot? Me idiot?
411
00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:43,916
[TOD-209] Sorry to interrupt.
412
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,208
Are we still doing cake
for Kirsten birthday?
413
00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:49,541
So go ahead and scoop out my brain too.
414
00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:52,500
America doesn't negotiate with terrorists,
415
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:55,833
unless you have oil,
or you want to, like, buy planes.
416
00:15:55,916 --> 00:15:59,375
[TOD-209] TOD's brain scooped out of what?
417
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,208
[Axatrax] Hello, fellow humans.
418
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:03,708
It is me, the human, Glen.
419
00:16:03,791 --> 00:16:07,083
I put that handsome prisoner
in his cell. Wink!
420
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,750
- Not cool, Axatrax.
- Come on, man.
421
00:16:08,833 --> 00:16:10,208
You better just kill me.
422
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:12,958
'Cause if I ever get out of here,
I'm gonna nuke this whole planet
423
00:16:13,041 --> 00:16:15,208
and piss in your glowing skulls.
424
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:16,208
[Dr. Braun] Oh my God.
425
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:17,611
- [Matty] Whoa!
- [Axatrax] Yikes.
426
00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:20,500
Okay, I don't want to get nucleared.
427
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:21,416
It's nuculeared.
428
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,791
But I thought we were all gonna,
like, move on.
429
00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:26,750
I think we should kill Chadman.
No one else knows he is alive, right?
430
00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:29,041
Actually, it's a funny story.
431
00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:32,333
♪ We sing the loud song
'Cause it's loud singing time! ♪
432
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:35,333
♪ It starts out loud
And it just gets louder! ♪
433
00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:36,541
[all groan]
434
00:16:36,625 --> 00:16:39,375
I only told him
'cause he was getting frigid toesies.
435
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,541
He's probably gonna do some Matty thing
and ruin the whole deal.
436
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:44,541
I was. I was gonna start a fire.
437
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,750
Chadman liked me this time.
438
00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:48,750
He said I could be his vice president.
439
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:51,083
That's why you told. You weasel!
440
00:16:51,166 --> 00:16:53,291
An animal as cute as it is fearless.
441
00:16:53,375 --> 00:16:56,583
But I didn't know
he was loony as a Canadian dollar.
442
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:58,583
So let's kill Vance Barry too.
443
00:16:58,666 --> 00:17:01,000
I am fine with killing humans, FYI.
444
00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:02,333
We're not killing anyone!
445
00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:04,458
I'd say we should invoke
the 25th Amendment...
446
00:17:04,541 --> 00:17:08,250
And then whoever Chadman named
vice president would become president.
447
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:09,541
Let's do that one.
448
00:17:09,625 --> 00:17:12,500
But we can't because the cabinet,
that Chadman chopped into pieces,
449
00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:14,767
would have to deliver a physical letter
to the Speaker of the House,
450
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:15,666
who melted, and then...
451
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:17,625
Thousand-tentacled space Jesus!
452
00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:19,416
That is how your government works?
453
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:20,875
Dagnabbit!
454
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,291
Nab it straight to heck.
455
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,916
You should've just left him in that bunker
like we all told you to.
456
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,208
Wait, you let Chadman out?
457
00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:30,916
Yeah. You're always like,
"Do the right thing, Matty."
458
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,416
"You're so awesome."
459
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,458
"You should have been the first
one-man team on The Amazing Race."
460
00:17:35,541 --> 00:17:38,708
Even though I wasn't there to make you,
you did the right thing.
461
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:42,875
Look, we can't just let
President Cuckoo Bird in there nuke us.
462
00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:46,458
DARPA was working on
a Men In Black mind-eraser device,
463
00:17:46,541 --> 00:17:48,791
but it just made Will Smith, like, weird?
464
00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:49,750
Wait, why'd you test it on...
465
00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:54,583
I say we leave Mr. Chadman to die
like a Cartwright in a Situation Room.
466
00:17:54,666 --> 00:17:57,833
Let's put that no-account
back in the bunker where we found him,
467
00:17:57,916 --> 00:18:01,250
before our brave, wise,
true president let him out.
468
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,684
- Jesus, you are a piece of work.
- I like this guy. He's a straight shooter.
469
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,666
No, we can't just imprison him.
470
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:08,666
Not without a trial in the House,
followed by a two-thirds vote...
471
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:10,041
This country is so dumb.
472
00:18:11,666 --> 00:18:15,791
But what if going back in the bunker
was Chadman's idea?
473
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,583
Okay, I've got a plan,
474
00:18:18,666 --> 00:18:20,291
but we gotta shut Vance Barry up,
475
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:21,625
and we can't kill him.
476
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:23,208
'Cause of his helmet, yes.
477
00:18:23,291 --> 00:18:26,208
But I might know a way
to kill that story dead.
478
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:29,125
Farrah, do you still have
Axatrax's old exoskeletons?
479
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,916
- They're back at my lab. Why?
- Weirdo.
480
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,320
Your arms still grow back, right?
481
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:33,291
Yes, but why would...
482
00:18:33,375 --> 00:18:34,583
No time!
483
00:18:34,666 --> 00:18:36,500
[mechanical whirring]
484
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,833
[clapping]
485
00:18:40,291 --> 00:18:42,541
Congratulations.
486
00:18:42,625 --> 00:18:45,333
We underestimated your human brain.
487
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:49,666
As you surmised, we are all indeed aliens.
488
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,625
[Matty] Gack-gack-ook!
489
00:18:51,708 --> 00:18:52,958
[Lucy] Skree-googly-skree!
490
00:18:53,041 --> 00:18:54,375
That is offensive.
491
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:56,416
I'll die before I give up our nukes.
492
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,208
[laughs]
493
00:18:58,291 --> 00:19:02,041
- Yes, that's exactly what you'll do.
- [dramatic music playing]
494
00:19:02,125 --> 00:19:04,458
Human robo-slave,
bring our prisoner to the Torture Room
495
00:19:04,541 --> 00:19:08,125
for the brain removaning procedure.
496
00:19:08,208 --> 00:19:10,250
[Matty] Grook-ook-snooky-snook.
497
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:13,166
[Dr. Braun] Ack-ack-skwa!
498
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:14,726
[Simon in alien language]
I am learning Cardibean.
499
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:16,125
Do my verb am correct?
500
00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:19,708
[dramatic music continues]
501
00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:21,831
- [TOD-209 in English] Die, alien.
- [Axatrax yells]
502
00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:24,083
Damn it! That's why he asked.
503
00:19:24,166 --> 00:19:25,166
[Chadman gasps]
504
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:29,708
[TOD-109] TOD instructed
to bring you to resistance.
505
00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:32,250
You mean there are other humans
like us out there?
506
00:19:32,333 --> 00:19:34,791
[TOD-209] Yes, humans like us.
507
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:37,166
I was human.
508
00:19:38,875 --> 00:19:40,208
[Axatrax groans]
509
00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:41,958
[chuckles] Look at his little arms.
510
00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:43,666
They're like baby arms.
511
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:46,708
Ow. Hey. Stop that! Ow! Don't!
512
00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:48,166
Then just move away from him.
513
00:19:49,208 --> 00:19:51,333
- [dramatic music plays]
- [gasps]
514
00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:55,250
Welcome to the human resistance,
Mr. President.
515
00:19:55,333 --> 00:19:57,125
You can call me Buzzsaw.
516
00:19:57,208 --> 00:19:58,458
This is Eight Ball,
517
00:19:58,541 --> 00:20:00,041
that's... Nine Ball,
518
00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:01,708
and this is... Ten Ball.
519
00:20:01,791 --> 00:20:04,041
Thank God, I'm among humans again.
520
00:20:04,125 --> 00:20:06,916
Those skin suits of theirs
were pretty convincing.
521
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,416
Well, if you're worried we're aliens,
cut him open and see.
522
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:13,208
Mmm, no, no, I don't need to do that.
523
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:14,958
But it means a lot that you offered.
524
00:20:15,041 --> 00:20:18,250
President, you are too important
to the cause.
525
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:21,708
We need to keep you safe until we defeat
526
00:20:21,791 --> 00:20:23,041
the aliens?
527
00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:26,125
Sir, do you know any place
that has food and electricity?
528
00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:29,041
Maybe the last place
the aliens would think to look
529
00:20:29,125 --> 00:20:31,916
because maybe
they already looked for you there?
530
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,541
Oh, stupid, aliens.
531
00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:35,666
I know the perfect place.
532
00:20:35,750 --> 00:20:37,333
- [heroic music playing]
- [Matty gasps]
533
00:20:37,416 --> 00:20:39,625
This was here the whole time
534
00:20:39,708 --> 00:20:41,875
in a dumb seed place?
535
00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:43,916
Wha... This?
536
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,875
Like, crazy, man.
537
00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:48,833
You okay, Ten Ball?
That's not how you usually talk.
538
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,875
I don't think that's accurate.
539
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:53,166
So you'll come get me
when you've defeated the aliens?
540
00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:55,125
- Sure thing, chief.
- Definitely! Bye!
541
00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:03,291
Boy, if I've learned anything from this,
542
00:21:03,375 --> 00:21:05,416
it's that TOD's got a bunch
of different arm things.
543
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:06,767
- Well, well, well.
- [Lucy gasps]
544
00:21:06,791 --> 00:21:08,151
- Another snake!
- Stop doing that!
545
00:21:08,791 --> 00:21:10,666
You'll be safe down here, sir.
546
00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:13,041
And the nuclear football?
547
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:17,250
[Dr. Braun] Ack-ack-skwa!
548
00:21:17,333 --> 00:21:20,916
[Dr. Braun] While TOD distracted Chadman,
we switched the football with Lucy's bag.
549
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,166
- [Matty] My plan! This is Matty!
- [music crescendos]
550
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:26,375
I don't understand why
I couldn't take my underwear out first.
551
00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:27,708
For the weight. Duh.
552
00:21:27,791 --> 00:21:30,750
Well then, all our loose ends are tied.
553
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,666
I killed the story,
thank you very much, you are welcome.
554
00:21:35,791 --> 00:21:36,875
[Zhao] Mm-hmm.
555
00:21:36,958 --> 00:21:39,041
This story's a doozy, folks!
556
00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:41,375
President Chadman is still alive!
557
00:21:41,458 --> 00:21:42,958
That's your big story?
558
00:21:43,041 --> 00:21:45,708
That's the same thing
the nut job out there's been yelling
559
00:21:45,791 --> 00:21:47,000
for the past half-hour!
560
00:21:47,083 --> 00:21:49,791
Hey, President Chadman
is alive, everybody.
561
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,666
Vice President LaMarr told me himself.
562
00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:52,583
What?
563
00:21:52,666 --> 00:21:55,750
I don't know what LaMarr's game is,
but we got played, VB.
564
00:21:55,833 --> 00:21:57,791
I wish there were still managers.
565
00:21:57,875 --> 00:21:59,666
He ruined my paywall.
566
00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:01,666
Now I'm never gonna get my mansion
567
00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:03,333
or my human chess set
568
00:22:03,416 --> 00:22:04,750
or my human checker set,
569
00:22:04,833 --> 00:22:07,625
which is basically the same,
except they're all short and fat
570
00:22:07,708 --> 00:22:08,541
but good at jumping.
571
00:22:08,625 --> 00:22:11,250
But I can prove Chadman's alive, Johnny.
I got pictures!
572
00:22:11,333 --> 00:22:13,583
Why though? We can't develop them!
573
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,916
Whoa, wait. You got pictures?
574
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,333
[suspenseful music playing]
575
00:22:17,416 --> 00:22:18,666
- [LaMarr sighs]
- [Lucy sighs]
576
00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:21,416
Congratulations on sealing
your rightful leader
577
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:23,041
in an underground prison.
578
00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:24,375
Very Cardibean of you.
579
00:22:24,458 --> 00:22:26,375
Well, tricking Chadman isn't nearly as bad
580
00:22:26,458 --> 00:22:28,833
as the flat-out treason
this country was founded on.
581
00:22:28,916 --> 00:22:30,875
And he was way crazier than George III.
582
00:22:30,958 --> 00:22:32,375
George Foreman's granddaughter?
583
00:22:32,458 --> 00:22:34,875
I waited on her once. She was nice.
584
00:22:34,958 --> 00:22:38,041
But Chadman was definitely crazy
to say that stuff about you, Matty.
585
00:22:38,125 --> 00:22:41,041
- You're a way better president than him.
- I'll drink to that.
586
00:22:41,125 --> 00:22:43,833
I mean, I was already drinking,
and I would've continued drinking,
587
00:22:43,916 --> 00:22:45,041
but, hey!
588
00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:48,541
Hear, hear.
And now, let's never speak of this again.
589
00:22:48,625 --> 00:22:50,041
To our little secret.
590
00:22:50,125 --> 00:22:51,351
- Cheers.
- [Axatrax] Hear, hear.
591
00:22:51,375 --> 00:22:52,375
[Simon] Salud.
592
00:22:52,416 --> 00:22:55,125
[TOD-209] TOD drank too much?
593
00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:57,208
This is like
I Know What You Did Last Summer,
594
00:22:57,291 --> 00:22:59,791
but Lucy's Jennifer Love Hewitt
and Sarah Michelle Gellar,
595
00:22:59,875 --> 00:23:02,250
and I'm Freddie Prinze Jr.
and Ryan Phillippe.
596
00:23:02,333 --> 00:23:03,708
The rest of you are all Galecki.
597
00:23:03,791 --> 00:23:05,291
Axatrax, you're raincoat guy.
598
00:23:05,375 --> 00:23:06,833
[whimsical music plays]
599
00:23:06,916 --> 00:23:08,000
[suspenseful music playing]
600
00:23:08,583 --> 00:23:10,958
I've been developing
my own photos for years.
601
00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:15,333
The deep state at Walgreens would love
to get their hands on the stuff I've got.
602
00:23:16,916 --> 00:23:19,250
Thanks for helping me
use up the roll, guys.
603
00:23:19,333 --> 00:23:20,333
[Zhao grunts]
604
00:23:20,833 --> 00:23:23,041
How are you so bad at this?
605
00:23:23,125 --> 00:23:25,500
What's that? Benghazi at night?
606
00:23:25,583 --> 00:23:27,333
Well, it's supposed
to be President Chadman.
607
00:23:27,416 --> 00:23:29,958
That lens cap and me
do not get along. [chuckles]
608
00:23:30,041 --> 00:23:31,041
[Zhao grunts]
609
00:23:31,625 --> 00:23:32,625
Huh.
610
00:23:33,208 --> 00:23:34,875
Oh hell yeah, player.
611
00:23:34,958 --> 00:23:38,500
But that's from Easter, and the flower
I was taking a picture of is all blurry.
612
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,708
But the background isn't.
613
00:23:40,791 --> 00:23:41,791
[dramatic music playing]
614
00:23:41,875 --> 00:23:44,750
Now that's a story.
615
00:23:45,666 --> 00:23:47,583
[whimsical music playing]
616
00:24:41,541 --> 00:24:42,583
[music ends]